Bouncing Back: Humor, Resilience, and Overcoming Life's Challenges

John Knopick introduces the episode with an exploration of trauma, sharing personal experiences and addressing common misconceptions. He recounts anecdotes of workplace humiliation and resilience, discussing trauma triggers, coping mechanisms, and the role of humor in overcoming challenges. The conversation delves into resilience, post-traumatic growth, and stories of career resilience. John examines breaking cycles in relationships and personal development, highlighting the use of humor in coping with grief and stress. Practical tools for building resilience, mindfulness, and self-compassion are discussed, along with listener stories on overcoming trauma. The episode concludes with final thoughts and a teaser for next week's discussion.

Episode Transcript

(00:03):
Hey, everyone.
Welcome back to the Smorgasbord with JohnKanopik.
I am, of course, your host, John Kanopik.
And today Mhmm.
We're gonna be diving into something a littleheavier.
Don't worry.
We'll still you'll laugh about along the way.
You know, life has this funny way of serving upthese massive curveballs when you least expect

(00:24):
them.
Now one minute, you're cruising along thinkingyou've got, you know, everything figured out,
like as we always do.
And then the next, bam, you're absolutely a %flat on your back wondering what in the hell
has just happened.
That's trauma for you folks.
It doesn't knock politely.

(00:44):
It kicks down the door and makes itself athome.
As a person who's been through it a lot in hislife and seen it with people around me as well,
I can testify to that and agree completely thatit is more than accurate of a description on
how to how to, categorize trauma.

(01:06):
But, here's the thing that about trauma thatnobody tells you.
Sometimes the most resilient people, yeah,they're the ones who can still find something
to laugh about even when everything is fallingapart.
You know?
And that's what we're gonna explore today onthis episode of the smorgasbord.
Trauma, resilience, and finding your laugh whenlife gets messy.

(01:29):
As I said on the first episode a few back, thiswas gonna be something that I was gonna be
hitting pretty hard because it speaks to megreatly with everything that I've I've dealt
with throughout my years.
It's a it's a topic that needs to be discussed.
And as I said, you know, on this show, we'regonna be diving into a bunch of other things,

(01:49):
conspiracy theories, more wrestling stuff, morecurrent events stuff, politics, things like
that.
But for today's episode, we are going to bediving into the wonderful, beautiful, amazing
world of drama.
So let's grab a plate, shall we?
Let's pull up a chair, and let's dig intotoday's special episode, a heaping helping of

(02:10):
real talk about bouncing back when life knocksyou down with a side of inappropriate humor
because, let's face it, sometimes it's the onlyway to get through the day.
And if you know me and you've known me longenough, you would know that that is 100% a
case.
Things are hitting a rough patch or there's aserious moment or something like that, I always

(02:35):
try to lighten the mood as best I can becauseit's easier to try to navigate through thick,
horrific brush like that if you've got ahumorous light to help guide your way.
So that's what I try to do as best I can.
And as always, guys, as I say every time, Iwanna hear from you guys.
Hit me up on all social media platforms atsmorgasbord j k, or shoot me an email at

(03:02):
John@Knopick,kn0pick,Ventures.com.
Share your stories with me of, your times ofresilience, times that you've had to dig down
deep and battle things that you really wish youdidn't have to battle or, you know, overcome
unexpected life altering punches.

(03:24):
I wanna know all about it.
I wanna hear your stories.
I wanna I wanna get that feedback from youguys.
I wanna help you try to navigate if you'restill struggling with them.
Also, share with me, like I said, your darkestmoments that somehow became funny in
retrospect.
Let me know how you progressed, how you gotyour how you navigated through with humor, if

(03:45):
you did, or if you had someone there that washelping you get through it with their sense of
humor and whatnot.
Or you, you know, just shoot me an email.
Say hi.
You know, say, hey.
Loving what you're putting up so far.
Can't wait for the next episode.
You know, give me give me some topics you'dlike me to discuss on future episodes, and I'd
be more than happy to throw those up for youguys as well.
Because as I said before, you know, this showis absolutely 100% as much your show as it is

(04:10):
mine.
But for now, we're gonna take a little break.
We'll be back here in just a moment and startour first segment of the smorgasbord, what is
promo?
We'll be right back here on the smorgasbordwith John Kanopic.
Stick around.
Having a relaxing bath, so you better be You'relistening to the smorgasbord with John Kanopic.
Thanks for bringing up a plate and servingyourself a heaping helping.

(04:33):
You can catch me on all social medias atsmorgasbord j k or by email,
[e-mail].
Grab your fork and knife.
It's time to dive back in.
Alright, guys.
Welcome back to the Smorgasbord.
I am John Kanowicz.
Thank you so much for grabbing a plate anddigging in with me today.

(04:54):
Alright.
Let's start about talking what talking aboutwhat trauma actually is because, you know,
there is, unfortunately, nowadays, a lot ofmisconceptions out there in regards to trauma.
You know, when most people hear the wordtrauma, they think of those massive, as I said,
life altering events, natural disasters,combat, serious accidents, and absolutely by

(05:19):
far and away, you know, those things aredefinitely traumatic, and and fit the bill.
But trauma does come in all shapes and sizes.
It's not just black and white No.
Or anything like that.
You know, sometimes it's the sudden loss ofsomeone you love.
Like, when my mom passed away less than twelvehours before she was supposed to meet my son

(05:44):
and hold him for the very first time.
Man, that still gets me.
It just it's been five years now, and just itstill has gotten easier, and I don't think it
ever will.
Or, you know, it could be growing up with aparent who never quite knew how to show love.

(06:06):
Like my dad who, bless his heart, just neverknew how to raise a son due to no fault of his
own.
That was just his upbringing, or lack thereof,and he didn't know how to break the cycle.
You know?
So, unfortunately, I became the brunt of thatnegligence and neglect.

(06:32):
But, yeah, I mean, trauma can also be thosesmaller, repeated experiences that that chip
away at you over time.
You know, you've got this big suit of armor,and so over time, blink, blink, and it starts
chipping away at him.
You know?
Like, your boss who constantly undermines you.

(06:52):
You know?
The friend the friend that always makes youfeel like you're not enough or your friend that
says that you're they're your friend, but whenthey get into another group, when they're
around another another group of theircolleagues or or buddies, you become persona
non grata or you don't exist.
You know, things like that.

(07:13):
Things those are different types of And, youknow, the even, like, some trauma such as,
like, financial stress that keeps you up atnight, month after month, year after year,
decade after decade for those of us who've beenstuck with financial issues for a very, very,

(07:34):
very long time.
Now I remember this one time back when I wasworking at WVTM down in Birmingham, Alabama.
You know, the one where they had a target on myback from day one if you tuned into a previous
episode.
I was sitting in this meeting, and as I said,you know, we I just come back from a business

(07:58):
trip to another station over in North Carolinato learn about how they ran their their tech
side of things to try to implement them in ourstation.
And then that's when my boss decided to call meout in front of my the station manager as well
as the HR woman about my expense report and thefact that for some reason, they weren't happy

(08:18):
about the fact that I didn't itemize myreceipts, which, you know, that's going to
happen.
You know?
You know, we're not all meticulous.
Stuff happens.
And came right out bluntly as as all get outand just said, why did you spend so much at
Chick fil A?
Like, literally, my jaw hit the floor.

(08:40):
And he was asking it in such a way that it feltlike I committed some cardinal sin by eating
too many chicken sandwiches or buying too manychicken nuggets or goodness gracious, that
waffle fry container was just way too large.
I mean yeah.
Needless to say, it was a massive taking abackmoment where I was just like, are we really

(09:04):
doing this?
Are you serious right now?
You know?
And then and in that moment, I just felt thisweird mix of humiliation mixed with rage, mixed
with if you're gonna come at me like that,you're gonna get what you get from me in return
because I'm not just gonna sit idly by and letyou, dress me down in front of not only my boss

(09:28):
of the entire station, but HR as well.
I also did, though, with the weirdest part wasI also had this bubble of laughter because of
the level of absurdity in that accusation, inthat in that statement that came out of his
mouth.
You know, here I am sitting there, you know, agrown a grown man, 40 years old, being

(09:50):
interrogated about my lunch choices in frontof, you know, colleagues and and superiors.
You know, to me, that is an example of a smalltrauma.
But to this day, it still sticks in my crawbecause it's continued to fester and caused,

(10:12):
you know, me to be eventually lose my lose myposition there.
In hindsight, you know, I don't even know ifthere would have been something I would've
wanted to stick with just because of the factthat I never really gelled with them from
square one because of the fact that they wantedthat they wanted their their station to be run
a certain way, and I was tasked by firstmanagement, not the station management, but the

(10:34):
first management to get them to, you know, toto shape up shape up and fly right.
So so, yeah, it it definitely stuck in my crawfor a while.
But, again, in hindsight, I ended up with amuch, much, much, much, much better career path

(10:56):
that I'm on now.
So, you know, blessing in disguise, I guess.
Thing about thing about trauma is that it it'snot just what happens to you.
Not at all.
It's about how your brain and your body processwhat happens.
Because it will take an emotional toll.
It'll take a physical toll.

(11:17):
It'll take a mental toll, and then it all justdepends on how your body and your mind reacts
to those traumatic events.
You know?
And, you know, there's been more than one caseand examples where people can walk away from a
car crash, be completely fine, while othersdevelop anxiety and PTSD just from a near miss

(11:39):
in traffic.
It's one of the beauties of being human beingsis that we're we're we're all the same in
certain aspects, but we're all completelydifferent in other aspects.
So it's a nice little, like, nice little mix ifyou were.
You know, I mean, it's there there is no traumacompetition, folks, or anything like that.

(12:02):
It's like, my trauma is worse than yours.
I'm the gold medal winner.
You know?
There's no competition here.
Your experience is a % valid, whether it's bigtrauma or or little trauma.
All of it is under the trauma umbrella.
So it's all valid regardless of the size orregardless of what happened.
The other thing about trauma that nobody tendsto tell you is how that it how it lives inside

(12:28):
your body.
It's it's not just memories, guys.
It's physical.
Believe me.
As a person who struggled with binge eatingafter traumatic events and watching his weight
balloon to health health related concernlevels, I can absolutely tell you that trauma

(12:53):
does take a physical toll.
Some people hit the alcohol.
Some people hit hard level drugs.
Some people, like me, stress eat and eatbecause, you know, you're trying to push your
feelings down by shoving a bunch of food downyour gullet.

(13:15):
You know, it's your your as I said, you know,your heart races when you go through traumatic
events.
Your palms sweat, your stomach tying itselfinto 75,000,000 different knots.
You know, I I've got this thing.
I don't really share this, but I've got thisthing where whenever I hear a certain ringtone,
like the one my phone was using when I got thecall or I should say, the one that, yeah, the

(13:39):
one that my phone was using when I got the callby my uncle, but he passed unexpectedly.
Because rather than my sisters at the time whenthis was, like, 2010, '20 '12, whenever it was.
Rather than them like, with my wife's family,if someone has a medical issue or someone

(13:59):
passes away, they reach out on all social mediaplatforms, Messenger.
They're like, all family.
Get ahold of family, and everybody'sfrantically calling each other to making sure
that they're being told in real time what hadjust happened.
Back when it happened with my uncle, I got lefta voice mail.
My sisters did not wait and to try to get aholdof me live to let to break the news to me.

(14:20):
They left me a voice mail.
So that was fun.
So, yeah, as I said, whenever I heard heardthis particular ringtone, the one my phone was
using when I got the voice mail alert about mymy uncle, my whole body just froze its time.
And, also, it triggered, like, when we were inDenver.

(14:41):
And whenever I heard the song, every teardropis a waterfall by Coldplay at the time.
It was right after he passed, and I heard it.
It made me bawl.
Just laying in bed in the hotel room, it'sbawling my eyes out.
And for a while there, every time I heard thatsong, instant trigger.
Luckily, now as time has gone on, I've beenable to to grow past that, and now it doesn't

(15:04):
affect me as much.
But it definitely did back then, to say theleast.
You know, it's been as I said, it's been fiveyears, and there are still triggers.
Like, there's another song.
Songs tend to trigger me, especially if they'retied to dramatic or upsetting moments.

(15:27):
There was a song called fix you, also byColdplay, ironically.
And every time I heard it, I thought of my mom,and instant tears.
Just in that it wasn't even going through theentire song.
It was just the moment he started singing thelyrics.
I knew what the song was, and just everythingbubbled up, and I just lost it.

(15:50):
And, you know, I've got again, I've struggledmightily, but I've been able for the most part
to be able to listen to that and be strongenough to make it through.
But there were still times where back then, Icouldn't hear it I couldn't hear that song or
even the beginning bars of it without feelinglike I was right back in that moment standing

(16:11):
or sit or sitting on my my sister's couch inJohnston with her coming waking me up at four
in the morning to let me know mom was gone.
Yeah.
It was just those are those are nightmares forme at times.
But but here's here's the funny part.
And, yes, believe it or not, there actually isa funny part to this.

(16:34):
A few months ago, I was standing in line atTarget, and somebody's phone actually goes off
with Whole Place Fix You, the the chorus of it.
I immediately started having a little bit of abattle internally with my emotions.
And my son, who's now five and has zero filter,bless his heart, looks at me and goes, Dada,

(17:01):
why are you making your poop face?
As I said, no filter.
Love my little guy.
Loud enough for the entire checkout area.
It's here.
Yeah.
Just like that, this moment would normally sendme spiraling because something I'm laughing
about with a bunch of strangers.

(17:23):
And just like that, I should say, the thatmoment that would normally send me spiraling
and, like, make me upset, he would saysomething that loud in front of everybody
became something that, you know, I was justended up laughing about with him and a bunch of
strangers in the middle of Target.
And and, again, guys, you know, that's theweird thing about trauma.

(17:43):
Sometimes the only appropriate response isinappropriate laughter.
But now we've dug in a little bit on the traumaside.
Now let's get into the resilience side, shallwe?
Next segment, Smorgasbord with John Kanopikcoming up here right after this quick ad break.
Stick around.
Thank you guys for tuning in, and we'll be backwith that next segment here in just one moment.

(18:08):
Stick around.
You're listening to the smorgasbord with JohnKanopic.
Thanks for bringing up a plate and servingyourself a heaping helping.
You can catch me on all social medias atsmorgasbord j k or by email,
[e-mail].
Grab your fork and knife.

(18:29):
It's time to dive back in.
Alright, guys.
Welcome back to the smorgasbord with JohnCanopic.
Thank you guys so much for grabbing a heapinghelping of what we're serving out to you guys
this week.
Now let's talk about resilience, shall we?
It's just basically your brain's way of saying,nice try, trauma, but I'm not going down that

(18:53):
easy.
Now resilience is not something that you'reborn with or without.
It is a skill that you build over time, like amuscle.
And just like muscles, it's gonna grow strongerwhen it's tested.
Now that doesn't mean that you should golooking for traumatic experiences to build
character.
Trust me.

(19:14):
Life will throw you plenty of opportunitieswithout you having to seek them out yourself.
There's actually some fascinating sciencebehind resilience.
Researchers have found that resilient people,they tend to share certain traits.
They maintain strong social connections.
They find meaning in their struggles.

(19:34):
They're flexible in their thinking.
And this is the big one.
They don't take themselves too seriously.
Back to humor, guys.
This last one is very crucial, folks.
Being able to laugh at yourself, especially inyour darkest moments, is like having a
superpower.
It's like being one of the X Men or, you know,being part of the Marvel Universe.

(19:57):
It doesn't make the pain go away necessarily,but it does give you that momentary escape, a
chance to catch your breath as it were beforediving right back into it.
Now little little story for you guys.
I remember when we were moving from Alabama upto Jackson, Tennessee, you know, little little

(20:17):
Memphis, Little Gunshot Alley, as I soaffectionately call it.
We were driving this massive U Haul down thesenarrow country roads, and I missed my turn.
It happens.
You know, you don't have a lot of good cellphone service in that area, and the
navigation's flaking in and out, and you thinkyou're going the right way.
And the next thing you know, you missed theturn because the navigation hadn't caught up

(20:41):
because the fact the reception whipped out fora second.
So I tried to turn this behemoth 26 footeraround on this tiny road.
And guess what happens?
We get stuck in a ditch.
Of course, we do.
It's the only way to go.

(21:01):
Now at this point, we're absolutely exhausted.
It's been a long day.
We're almost to our destination.
Finally, it started you know, rain's on the wayas well.
I mean, there's just a a sports board of thingsall coming together at the same time.
You know, our our little dude, he's he's nothappy right now in his his car seat.

(21:23):
We're in the middle of nowhere.
Again, as I said, spotty cell phone service.
I'm the one driving the big truck because mywife and son were driving our our vehicle
because, unfortunately, for some reason, U Hauland other moving companies felt it in their
infinite wisdom to not make the cabs big enoughto facilitate, car seats.

(21:44):
Boggles my mind why that is, but that's ratherno here or there.
Now that everything coming together like that,especially with with the truck in the ditch,
that could have been the breaking point.
Right?
The moment where we just absolutely lost it,everything went to crap at that point and just
there was no point of no return.
But instead, my wife, because we're talking onthe phone as best we can because we have the

(22:09):
vehicles behind each other, he she startslaughing into the phone, and she's like, well,
guess we live here now.
We're we're ditch people, and we both just busta gut laughing.
So much so that my little dude in the back, hehears it, and he starts doing his little
hysterical laughter as well.
Like, not just a chuckle, like tears streamingdown your face, can't catch breath.

(22:33):
Sorry.
Kinda laughing.
And our son in our back in his in the back isis just eating it up with a spoon.
And he makes and it makes it seem like we'velost our minds.
He makes it a reaction like, you guys are justabsolutely insane.
That makes us laugh even harder.
And then out of nowhere, thankfully, Tennesseelove, these people from a nearby house show up

(22:56):
with their pickup truck and a winch, and theypull us out.
And they could have been like, hell, yeah.
Now, you know, you gotta give us money or, youknow, da da da da da.
They they asked for nothing.
It was just neighbors helping neighbors eventhough we weren't technically living next to
them.
And, you know, they even sent us on our waywith directions, and and the guy's wife

(23:18):
actually even came out and gave my son a few ofher homemade cookies.
You know, that's that's Tennessee.
That's Tennessee love right there.
And that's why I said, you know, this has beenthe best place, I think, that we've ever lived.
I still am partial to California.
But, you know, here's the thing, you know,about what we dealt with there.

(23:38):
Had we not have found that moment of laughter,if we'd let that stress, you know, consume us,
you know, we might have actually missed thathelp that was right literally right around the
corner.
That's called resilience excuse me.
That's called resilience in action.
Now another key aspect of resilience is whatpsychologists, because, you know, I was trying

(24:00):
to get into psychology before I went to techroute, call post traumatic growth.
It's this idea that after experiencing trauma,some people just don't recover.
They actually grow in ways that they wouldn'thave otherwise.
They develop deeper relationships, discover newstrengths, gain wisdom, or sometimes they even

(24:23):
find completely new meaning in life.
You know, I've I've actually seen this inaction in my own life.
After my mom passed, I went through this periodof massive, crippling, intense grief.
But on the other side of that grief, I foundthis new appreciation for the small moments

(24:49):
with my son and with my wife, and I cherishthose moments like you would not believe every
single day even though we all get stressed outto no end.
We all have our moments.
We all, you know, we all have those issues thatwe battle.
It's just those moments when you can just sitback, watch him grow, and you just you're just

(25:09):
in awe.
And, like, I made this.
I made that incredible little human rightthere.
And he's thriving because of the way him and mywife were raising him.
You know?
And in in that moment as well, I became, as Isaid, even more present, where I was just at
the first part right after she passed, I wasvery closed off.

(25:32):
People could hardly talk to me.
I didn't respond much.
Again, I dubbed all this food down my gullet,and my weight ballooned to levels I never wanna
see ever again.
But after a while, you know, I became morepresent in the moment, more grateful for every
single moment that we have had and still havetogether.

(25:53):
You know, that that doesn't mean in any certainsense of the word.
It does not mean that I'm glad my mom is gone.
I would give anything, almost anything to haveher back, to be able to watch have her watch
him grow up and just be in awe of him the waywe all are.
But, you know, it does mean that even in thatdevastating loss, there was growth.

(26:20):
Sometimes that growth absolutely comes inunexpected forms, like developing a really dark
sense of humor.
Something I'm not proud of, but something Ikind of felt as needed as a coping mechanism
and something that grew and was cultivated inthe bubble that was the traumatic situation.

(26:47):
Now my wife and I, to this day, we still havethese inside jokes about death and loss that
would absolutely probably horrify most people.
Not gonna share them with you guys because Idon't wanna lose what viewers I'm starting to
try to amass here.
Thank you for tuning in.
But for us, it's a it's a way of processing.

(27:08):
You know, a way of taking back some controlthat, at the time to us felt very, very much
out of our control.
And to me, that's the paradox of resilience.
It doesn't mean that you don't feel the pain.
It doesn't mean that the pain is invisible,that it's gone, that it doesn't exist anymore.

(27:32):
Put me further from the truth.
It just means that, you know, you find ways tocarry it with you while still moving forward.
And, you know, sometimes that just meanslaughing when you feel like crying.
So now we've dug into trauma, and we've duginto resilience.

(27:55):
So for the next part of the smorgasbord, we'regoing to be headlong or diving headfirst into
personal stories of bouncing back and examplesof of bouncing back from traumatic experiences
and situations.
That's the next segment coming up here on theSmorgasbord with John We'll be back after this

(28:15):
quick ad break.
Stick around, guys.
Thank you so much for tuning in.
We'll be right back.
You're listening to the Smorgasbord with JohnKanopik.
Thanks for bringing up a plate and servingyourself a heaping helping.
You can catch me on all social medias atsmorgasbord j k or by email,
[e-mail].

(28:39):
Grab your fork and knife.
It's time to dive back in.
Alright, guys.
Welcome back to the Smorgasbord.
I am John Canopic.
Thank you so, so much for tuning in.
Now for you guys here, I want to pull back thecurtain a little bit for you and share some
personal stories about bouncing back fromtrauma.

(29:01):
And, again, as I said previously and all thetime, I wanna know your stories as well.
So shoot me an a message on all social media,smorgasbordjk@smorgasbordjk, or email
[e-mail].
Because, you know, I think there is absolutepower in hearing about how other people have

(29:22):
navigated their darkest times.
I think it's it's actually therapeutic to hearthem, hear the stories, and know that, Hey, you
know, I'm not alone.
Other people have gone through what I've gonethrough.
So to me that's a very big thing.
Now I talked about before, again, as Imentioned, about losing my mom right before she

(29:45):
was supposed to meet my son.
And again, that was to my personal experienceas of this day.
Got punched like no other.
You know, here we were driving back to Iowathinking about we were gonna be starting this
brand new chapter and that we were gonna be,you know, trying to mend the fences from a
family standpoint and get everything back ontrack there.

(30:09):
You know, with my mom getting to meet a grandmato her little guy and watching him grow up and
thrive and everything like that.
And then just like that, it's done.
Just like that.
The first few weeks after her passing to thisday are still kind of a blur to me.

(30:36):
I mean, I have we took photo we tried to takephotos and videos every day of our little dude
growing up.
So I do have, you know, photos and videos,clips of those days after she passed, but
they're still a blur in my mind.
Like, I'd see the fragments there, but theydon't paint the picture for me.
Like, it's still the trauma there still made itnot a clear picture.

(31:03):
I remember my whole I remember holding him, mylittle dude, and just sobbing, thinking about
all the moments my mother would never get toexperience with him.
Then it hurt.
Man, massive.
Massively hurt.
Still does.
I remembered feeling this intense anger at theuniverse.

(31:26):
Still have that to an extent, at God, atwhatever higher power you may believe in.
In my upbringing, because my family wasCatholic and whatnot, it was God, Jesus, things
like that.
Because, you know, what what kind of a crueljoke is that?
You know?
You take someone away hours before a momentthey've been waiting their entire lives for.

(31:50):
What what entity out there that preaches all, Ilove all, and I take care of all, and I have
everyone's best interest and da da da and trustme and believe in me and da da da.
But who who would do that?
Why would they do that if they preach all thislove and support?
Why would they do such a cruel thing like that?

(32:12):
But here's here's where resilience kicked in.
You know, even though I didn't, at the time,did not recognize it, but that's what it was.
My aunt Irene, Reenie, as we called heraffectionately, rest in peace.
Love you, Reenie.
I still got the duck that you gave my son onour nightstand, and I every time I hear it, I
think to him.

(32:35):
This is where she stepped up and became thegrandmother figure that my son needed.
My wife's family, another big part of my mygrowth and getting through the traumatic times
then.
The Sopranos, again, as I said, I lovinglycalled them, rallied around us with food, way

(32:57):
too much food, support, love, because they hadall they got through their own grief, so we got
to drive down there.
And the funny part was, my son was born January3, and the funniest part was is that both my
wife's my wife has two younger sisters, and mywife's older of the two younger sisters just

(33:20):
happened to be pregnant at the exact same timethat she was.
And then her cousin was also pregnant at thesame time that she was.
So we've got three of them.
My my my wife's cousin had her little boy atthe December 2019.
We had Logan, our little dude, 01/03/2020, andher younger her oldest younger sister had her

(33:48):
daughter 02/02/2020.
So, yeah, we were all, like, six weeks apart.
So the day after my mom passed, we went up tomy mom's my parents' house, and I still wanted
my dad to meet him.
I still wanted my dad to hold my son, his grandlast grandson for the very first time.

(34:15):
He wouldn't do it.
He refused.
Straight up refused.
And his excuse was that he, my son, reminded mydad too much of my mom.
And granted, I understand it was just twentyfour hours since he lost her.
But I'll tell you a story later on down theroad about just how much she meant to him with

(34:41):
what he did shortly after she passed.
But yeah.
So we ended up leaving there unfulfilled anddrove down forty five minutes to my wife's
family's compound, as they call it, theSopranos Compound in Kyoto.
And all three of the babies got to be togetherand got to be held by their respective
grandparents.

(35:02):
My son and my my niece got to be held by mywife's mom, his grandma, and my cousin my
wife's cousin's kid got to be held by hergrandma.
His grandma, I should say.
And, you know, slowly, day by day, we startedto find our new normal up there.

(35:28):
Unfortunately, again, I said, it involved a lotof eating.
Stress eating, depression eating, made thingsreally bad from a health standpoint.
Even though that was going on, we still startedto create new traditions, new memories.
We tried to make the best of a bad situation asit were.
We found ways to keep my mom's memory alive forour son, telling him stories about her, showing

(35:51):
him pictures.
We even had some, like, old school videofootage.
Plus, right after she passed, and he was still,you know, just barely even a couple months old.
And he kept, like, whenever my wife and or Iwas holding him, he kept looking over our
shoulder, and people were like, yeah.
That's your mom.
Your mom's there.

(36:12):
She can't see her, but she's there watching andjust enjoying from wherever she may be.
I remember, you know, many a time just saying,don't leave us.
Stay as long as you want because he's enjoyingit and we need you.

(36:34):
And then there was this one day about sixmonths after my mom passed when my son did me
some did something that reminded me so much ofmy mom, he did this little head tilt and smile.
And the smile that he gave me cure cure my mom,like, spot on.

(37:00):
And I just I started laughing and crying at thesame time because this it was this weird
emotional cocktail that probably made me looklike a lunatic, and I was well into that,
looking that way after what I'd been through.
But in that moment, I felt, again, like she wasstill with us in some way, as weird as it

(37:20):
sounded.
And, you know, that's that's the thing aboutresilience.
It doesn't mean you get over the trauma.
It means you learn to integrate it into yourlife, you know, in a way that allows you to
continue to progress and move forward and heal.
Now another story that I wanna share with youguys is about my career roller coaster, the one

(37:42):
that I've mentioned on previous episodes.
Again, as I've said before, I've been laid offmore times than I care to count.
Game Show Network, Fox Sports, Alabama.
Each time felt like the rug was being pulledout from underneath me.
And the Alabama situation in particular wasvery rough because it felt deeply personal.

(38:03):
Again, if you go back to that Chick fil Astory, you now understand why that felt that
way to me.
They were looking for any reason to get rid ofme, and they found it in an expense report of
all things.
Now when I got that call on a Sunday nightstanding in a Publix parking lot, we just went
grocery shopping for the following week,telling me not to come back.
I was devastated.

(38:25):
My wife was frantic.
Didn't know what was gonna happen, how we weregonna survive, how we were gonna feed
ourselves, what what path we were gonna godown.
We didn't know what was gonna happen next.
You know, I moved my family a long way fromIowa to Alabama for this opportunity, and now,
just like Iowa, in the blink of an eye, it wasgone.

(38:47):
And I remember sitting on our front porch thatnight, just staring into space, wondering what
the hell I was gonna do.
Because obviously my wife and son were countingon me.
They still do, thankfully.
I'm glad I still have a need.
I'm still needed.
My wife was inside putting our son to bed,getting ready to come in to read stories with

(39:09):
her and him.
And I didn't want her to see me fall apart.
She told me that I can be vulnerable with her,and even, you know, twenty plus years in, I was
or almost twenty years in at the time, I stillwas very skittish about doing that.
You know?
Because how how was I gonna be the one to tellher to her face that I'd failed again, that I

(39:30):
failed them, that I let them down due to nofault of my own, but still I felt like a a
massive failure.
But then something kind of amazing happened,believe it or not, in Alabama.
Our neighbor's cat, this fat orange tabby thathad been eyeing me suspiciously from across the
street since we moved in, came over, jumped upon the porch, and just plopped down in my lap.

(39:57):
Just out of the blue.
And this cat had no had showed me nothing,nothing but disdain the entire time we lived
there before this very moment.
I started petting him, and he didn't hiss.
He actually started purring.
And I found myself talking to this cat, notGarfield, but similar, like his doppelganger,

(40:19):
about my job situation.
What am I gonna do, cat?
Because I didn't know his name.
We just got here, and now I'm unemployed again.
And this cat just looks up at me with thesebored eyes like, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's that's a that's a rough one, buddy.
Not not not just keep petting me.
And I started laughing at that moment, justsnorting.

(40:40):
Because here I am having an existential crisis,and this cat couldn't care less.
Couldn't care less.
All he wanted was some attention.
Well, all he wanted was some attention.
Now it definitely puts things in perspectivesomehow.
Now next day comes, and I hit it hit it hard,start throwing in job application after job
application after job application.

(41:03):
And, you know, a short time after that, I hadan interview with Universal Music Group.
And a month later, I was employed again workingremotely with better pay, thank god, better
hours, thank god, and the best benefits I'veever had in my entire forty five year living on
this rock.

(41:24):
That job has not only been a lifeline for us inmore ways than we can count, allowing us to
move to a safer, more hospitable area,providing stability through challenging times,
but from physical aspect, it has saved my life,and it saved my wife's life as well because of
surgeries we've had to have to to fix thingsand barely having to pay anything out of pocket

(41:49):
compared to the actual cost.
Now looking back, getting fired from WVTM andHearst Television, to me, was one of the best
things that could have happened, believe it ornot.
But, you know, at the time, and I'm sure youguys can agree with this, I wasn't able to see
that when I was in the middle of it.

(42:11):
I wasn't able to see the benefit that it wasactually gonna provide while I was dealing with
it.
All I could see was the failure, which hadhappened way more times than I wanted it to,
the setback, and the trauma of having my careerderailed again.
You know, I I just again and again and again.

(42:34):
You know?
But that's that's another key aspect ofresilience, guys.
Sometimes you can only recognize it inretrospect, in the rearview.
In the moment, you're just trying to survive.
You're in you're in fight or flight mode, andyou're doing everything you can to not crumble
and let your entire life and everybody's who isin your spheres lives go to crap.

(42:58):
It's only later afterwards that you can lookback and see how you grew, how you adapted, and
how you bounced back.
Now I've got one more story that I wanna sharewith you guys, and it's about my relationship
with my father.
You know, the quintessential American dreamUh-huh.

(43:19):
Growing up with a father.
Yeah.
As I mentioned many times before, we never hadthe best relationship.
He grew up in boys' homes, never really had amodel for how to be a father, didn't have the
blueprints, and I suffered as a result.
It's you know, as I got older, our relationshiptoo deteriorated to the point where we barely

(43:45):
spoke.
And to this day, that hasn't gotten any better,unfortunately.
Now when my son was born in 2020, I wasterrified.
Terrified.
Even even before, like, when we knew we werepregnant and it actually was was sticking and
it was not another unfortunate miscarriageloss, I was terrified of repeating that

(44:08):
pattern.
I said to myself over and over through my adultyears, when I have a family, I'm not going to
raise my child the way I was raised.
That song, father of mine, if you've everlistened to it by Everclear, speaks to me
immensely.
I'm never gonna be the man or the man that hewas to me, to my my my child.

(44:35):
And, yeah, I swore up and down even though Iwas terrified.
I was gonna break the cycle.
I was not gonna let it continue.
I was not gonna allow my son to be neglectedbecause of the way I was neglected.
Yeah.
I found myself getting frustrated when my sonwould cry.
Unfortunately, at times, it does still affectme now even five years later, but obviously,

(44:59):
it's gotten way less than it was when he wasfirst born.
I felt that's at the time, I felt that sameimpatience my dad had shown me where, hey.
Why are you crying?
You shouldn't be crying.
Stop crying.
I was shutting it down as quick as possible.
And at the time, it scared me a lot.

(45:19):
The idea that I might be slowly becoming thefather that I had resented, the father I swore
was never going to be.
And there was this moment about my son wasaround six months old, I wanna say.
He was crying inconsolably, and nothing I didseemed to help.
I felt this rage building inside of me, thisfrustration that felt way too familiar.

(45:45):
And I had to put him down in his crib, and Ihad to walk away for a minute.
I went into the bathroom, looked at myself inthe mirror, and I said out loud, you are not
your father.
You are not that man.
I repeated it like a mantra.
You are not your father.

(46:07):
You are not your father.
And when I went back to my son, I picked him upwith that new patience, a newfound sense of
focus.
I held him close, rocked him, sang to him offkey because I can't sing a tune, carry a tune
to save my life.
My wife is the beautiful singer that loves tosing in Frosty the Snowman, ABCs, Twinkle

(46:29):
Twinkle, It helps him pass out every singlenight.
And eventually, back then, he calmed down.
And thankfully, luckily, we both did.
That was a massive turning point for me at thetime.
I realized, you know, that why I couldn'tchange my past or my relationship with my dad,

(46:51):
no matter what, I could and would change thefuture.
I could be the father my son needed.
You know?
I could even even if it meant unlearning somedeeply, deeply integrated patterns inside my
genes.

(47:11):
And you know what's funny?
My son is now at an age where he thinks I'm thecoolest person on the planet.
We hear all the time, I love you, Dada.
I love you, Mama.
You guys are the you're the best Dada.
You're the best Mama.
We hear it all the time, and we give it rightback to him.
We we reciprocate it because our our home ourour little bubble is filled with love, support,

(47:34):
and motivation.
He said he wants to be just like me.
Like, I've gotten him into wrestling, watchingwrestling.
And we watch PLEs, which in the old schoolterm, it's called pay per views.
Now they're premium live events.
We watched WrestleMania, and he was whoopingand hollering.
I got him his own title belt, matches mine.

(47:56):
We were talking about what which ones were goodpeople, which ones were bad people.
We're talking about moves.
And the fact that he wants to be like me, thathe emulates me, it's flattering, but it's also
terrifying.
But it's also in a weird way, it's also healingin a way that I never ever ever expected.
Through through his eyes, I'm getting toexperience the kind of father son relationship

(48:22):
I always wanted to have.
So he's providing me that that opportunity thatI never thought I would have.
And that's also another example of resiliencebecause it takes the broken patterns from your
past, and it reshapes them into somethingbetter for the future.
So, so far this episode, we've covered trauma,we've covered resilience, and we've covered

(48:48):
bouncing back and stories of bouncing back.
Next segment we're gonna be diving into heremomentarily after the quick little ad break
coming up is going to be humor as a copingmechanism.
Humor is something that I love.
Humor is something that I excel at, and humoris something that is also sometimes a detriment
to me.
So we're gonna dive into that with humor beinga coping mechanism in just a moment here after

(49:12):
a quick ad break.
Again, you're listening to the Smorgasbord withJohn Kanopik.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in, and we'llbe right back.
You're listening to the smorgasbord with JohnKanopik.
Thanks for bringing up a plate and servingyourself a heaping helping.
You can catch me on all social medias atsmorgasbord j k or by email,

(49:34):
[e-mail].
Grab your fork and knife.
It's time to dive back in.
Alright, guys.
Welcome back to the Smorgasbord.
I am John Canopic again.
Thank you guys so so much for grabbing aheaping helping and diving in with me.
Now, we are talking this week about trauma,resilience, and finding your laugh when life

(50:00):
gets messy.
So let's dive into one of my all time favoritecoping mechanisms, something that I'm very well
versed in, something that I excel in, humor.
Now, I'm not talking about toxic positivityhere, You know, that good vibes only nonsense

(50:21):
that makes you feel like, you know, you can'texpress negative emotions.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
I'm talking about finding the absurdity indifficult situations and using laughter as a
release valve.
Now, believe it or not, there's actuallyscientific evidence, I do my research, that,

(50:42):
humor helps us cope with stress and trauma.
When we laugh, our bodies release what's calledendorphins, those feel good chemicals that act
as natural painkillers.
Laughter also, reduces the level of stresshormones in our bodies and increases the immune
cells, improving our resistance to disease.

(51:05):
Basically, builds up the the foundation and thearmor to protect us from disease and other
other things trying to attack us.
But beyond the physical benefits, humor alsogives us psychological again, psychology, tying
it in, guys.
A water bottle made noise.
Sorry about that.
Humor gives us psychological distance from ourproblems.

(51:29):
It helps us to see our situations fromdifferent perspectives, which can make them,
thankfully, feel more manageable.
Because if you're seeing it, seeing differentviewpoints and things, it can it can break
things down and make it easier to handle.
And I, myself, I've always used humor as ashield.

(51:54):
Again, as I said, I try to even when there'sthe darkest situations going on, I'm always
trying to find ways to lighten the mood and toget people focused on things other than the
negative stuff going on.
I used it as a shield.
I always have Yeah.
A way to, you know, kinda deflect things, theysaid, when things get way too heavy.

(52:16):
It's it's not always healthy, though, guys.
Sometimes you just are forced and have to sitwith those difficult emotions rather than just
joke them away.
And I've had to I've had to unfortunately dealwith deal with it in that kind of a way on more
than one occasion.
But there is a difference between using humorto avoid your feelings and using it to process

(52:42):
them.
For example, gonna dive right back into 2020again because this this provides a treasure
trove of ammunition and and ingredients forthis particular episode.
2020, right after my mom passed, my sisterswere cleaning out their house.

(53:02):
And this was another thing that we kind of itkind of created a rift in the family because
when my my wife's grandparents both passedaway, their house essentially, all of the items
in it, they had all of the family members cometogether and basically go through all the

(53:26):
memories and treasures and things and be like,who wants this?
Who wants that?
Not the way my family handled it.
When my mom passed and then my father quicklymoved on to another person and moved out of the
house that he said he was going to die in, thathe would this is the last house I'm ever gonna
live in.

(53:46):
And no.
My sisters didn't do that.
They decided to go through all of the stuffthemselves, and I got the scraps.
I got here's what's left.
What would you like?
Again, so you kinda see how we absolutelystruggled from family dynamic.

(54:13):
And the funny part was was that when I wasgoing through the scraps, I found this drawer
full of these random single socks.
Like, they were orphaned socks.
They didn't have a a a match to speak of.
Dozens of them.
And I started making up these elaborate storiesabout what happened to their partners.

(54:37):
I'm good at improv.
I got it right off the top of my head.
This one ran off with a pantyhose from the nextdrawer over, or this one joined a suck cult
that's living in a commune in Oregon.
You know, I just was riffing.
We were I mean, it got me laughing so hard thatI had tears coming down my face.
Or maybe it was the fact that I was crying sohard because of what I was having to go through

(54:59):
that I started laughing was one of the two.
Either way, you know, it was it was this momentof connection and release in the middle of
grief.
It was a way to step away from what theunderlying meaning of having to be there and
just allowed us to allowed me to just berelaxed.

(55:23):
Now I wasn't avoiding the pain.
I was just finding a way through it together,you know, with with my wife and son who were
there with me.
Another example that I have, going back toAlabama once again, When I got fired, I'm not

(55:48):
gonna say laid off, fired.
No uncertain terms of what it was.
I came home and and, you know well, I shouldsay, once I got fired over the phone, you know,
the first thing that came out of my mouth whenmy wife was had this, like, massive freak out
and she was start starting to hyperventilate inin the public's parking lot, I didn't wanna

(56:10):
have to call EMS.
I looked at her straight in the face, and Isaid, good news.
I don't have to worry about the commute anymoreup to Birmingham every day.
She became stone faced.
I thought she was gonna bludgeon me to deathwith the salami she had in her hand, but then
she just started laughing.

(56:31):
Like, dead on her laps when she really getsinto a laughing fit, she gets silent, but you
could still hear the laughing coming out.
And that's exactly the level it went to.
It was gallows humor, %, for sure.
But it helped us both, all of us, because myson was there too, of course, face that
situation without completely falling apart andjust breaking down and letting everything

(57:00):
crumble.
And believe it or not, dark humor can beespecially powerful, especially during those
most traumatic of times.
There's a reason that emergency room doctorsand nurses often have the darkest sense of
humor.
They're dealing with life and death situationsevery single day.

(57:20):
That is their job.
That is what they signed up for.
And humor of that nature just helps themprocess and continue functioning.
And, of course, everybody's gonna say it, and Iagree with you guys.
There is a time and a place for that kind ofhumor.
I get it.
It works when you're joking about your owntrauma or when you're with the people who share

(57:44):
your experiences and and understand the contextof those jokes.
It doesn't work, however, when you're makinglight of someone else's pain or using humor to
minimize their their experience.
You never wanna do that.
Never minimize someone else's pain and battlesthat they're dealing with.
Not a not a good look and would not end well.

(58:07):
I found that some of my closest friendshipsthrough my years have been forged through
shared dark humor, like my colleague Jerry atDoc Magic.
There's something incredibly weirdly bondingabout being able to laugh with someone about
the things that have hurt you the most.

(58:29):
It creates this sense of we're all in thistogether, if you know high school musical,
That's that really ends up being quitepowerful.
My wife and I, we have this running joke aboutthe how the universe seems to time major life
events to maximize trauma.

(58:51):
Like, it's it knows time to do it, to tomaximize the damage.
Like, how my mom passed right before meetingour son.
Our grandfather died the day before weannounced we were expecting.
We'll say things like, well, who's gonna diewhen we buy a house?
We don't like putting things like that out inthe universe.
So we had to kind of rewind the clock on thatone and and and rewind.

(59:14):
Be like, yeah.
It does sound horrible, believe it or not, outof context, but for us, it's our way of
acknowledging the pattern of loss that we haveexperienced without letting it crush us.
And you know what, guys?
Sometimes the only appropriate response tolife's absurdity is inappropriate laughter,

(59:37):
believe it or not.
Because when you're standing in the middle ofthe wreckage of what's left of your plans,
sometimes all you can do is throw your headback and laugh at the insane cosmic joke of it
all.
If so if you're going through somethingdifficult right now, I'm giving you permission,

(59:58):
and you need to give yourself permission tofind that humor in it when you can.
It doesn't mean that you're not taking thesituation seriously.
Okay?
It means you're finding moments of relief inthe midst of your particular struggle or
situation.
And those moments of relief right there, thosemoments might be what gets you guys through to

(01:00:24):
the other side.
Now we've gone through all of the resilienceand coping mechanisms and trauma and things
like that.
Next segment on the smorgasbords menu is gonnabe some practical tools on how to actually
build that resilience.
We're gonna take another quick little ad break.

(01:00:44):
We will be right back here on the smorgasbordwith John Kanopik.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in whereveryou might be, and we'll be back here in just a
moment.
Stick around.
Having a relaxing bath, so you better be You'relistening to the Smorgasbord with John Kanopic.
Thanks for bringing up a plate and servingyourself a heaping helping.
You can catch me on all social medias atsmorgasbord j k or by email,

(01:01:10):
[e-mail].
Grab your fork and knife.
It's time to dive back in.
Alright, guys.
Welcome back to the smorgasbord with JohnCanopic.
Thank you guys so much again for tuning in.
Whether you're checking this out via video onYouTube or any of your podcast feeds, I greatly

(01:01:30):
appreciate it.
Again, you can reach out to me on all socialmedia platforms at smorgasbord j k or by email,
[e-mail].
Now next segment here inside the Smorgasbord,let's talk about some practical tools as it
were for building the resilience that we werejust discussing.

(01:01:54):
Because while some people seem naturally justmore resilient than others, the good news is is
that resilience is still a skill that you candevelop with practice.
So anybody can develop it.
First up is going to be building andmaintaining those very strong necessary social

(01:02:14):
connections.
Gotta have those.
Probably, I'm going to say the most importantfactor in resilience.
Humans, as we know, are social creatures.
And as social media continues to grow, webecome even bigger ones.
And we're not meant to go through difficulttimes alone.
We're just not built that way.

(01:02:36):
When my wife and I moved up here to Columbia,we were coming from a place where we felt
isolated and unsafe.
One of the first things we did was connect withother parents at the park.
As I said, my wife and son made very fastfriends with people that they now call their
crew and continue to grow that out as time goesalong.
We also met people at the library, Spring HillLibrary.

(01:03:03):
Essentially anywhere our son was makingfriends.
And, of course, especially for my wife, it feltvery, very awkward at first.
Making friends as an adult is like to to some,I'm I'm not like this because I'm not a
drinker, but I've been told making friends asan adult is like dating without the alcohol.

(01:03:26):
Again, I can't speak to it because I'm not analcoholic drinker, but, you know, those
connections we forged with those people at thepark and the library and stuff, they have
become a very strong lifeline, especially to mywife and son.
And having people you can call when you'restruggling, people who will show up for you

(01:03:48):
without judgment, it is invaluable.
No other ways to to explain it.
It's just invaluable.
And, absolutely, it's a two way street.
It goes both ways.
Being there for others when they're goingthrough tough times only helps to strengthen
those bonds.
And in addition to that, it gives you a hugesense of purpose, which is a massive benefit.

(01:04:15):
Now the next tool for you guys is practicingmindfulness and self compassion.
These are also very critical things.
Mindfulness is about staying staying presentand positive in the moment rather than getting
caught up in regrets about the past or worriesabout the future.
It's about observing your thoughts and feelingswithout judgment.

(01:04:37):
And, again, I'm not I'm not gonna pretend thatI'm some meditation guru or anything like that.
Sitting still for more than five minutes is thechallenge for me.
As you know, if you listen to my previousepisodes, I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid
growing up, and I can't stay stagnant for anextended period of time without my legs moving,
my hands moving.

(01:04:57):
I have to be doing something.
But even, you know, I found that even smallmoments of mindfulness within your comfort
zones can make a big, big difference.
Taking a few deep breaths when I feeloverwhelmed or when I feel myself ramping up
when my son's acting out or something's goingon that's triggering my anxiety.

(01:05:18):
Paying attention to the feeling of my feet onthe ground when that anxiety starts to spiral.
I feel myself capping my feet more or wringingmy hand or, you know, doing like I do like this
thing where I put my finger I rub the back ofmy finger up against my lips.
My wife says I do that also when I'm reallydeep in thought too.
It's a subconscious thing.
I don't know where it started.

(01:05:39):
But these simple practices, they help bring meback to the present moment and recalibrate
myself to the current situation.
And again, as I said, equally as important asmindfulness and practicing mindfulness is self
compassion.
It's about treating yourself with that samekindness and that same understanding that you

(01:06:03):
would offer to a good friend.
And we're often our own harshest critics,especially when we're going through difficult
and traumatic times and experiences.
I remember on more than one occasion beatingmyself up after being fired or having my my job

(01:06:25):
be eliminated or, you know, anything like thatfrom a career perspective.
You know?
My brain was just going into this this mode ofof bashing me going, you should have seen it
coming.
You should have been more careful.
You failed your family again.
The negative self talk ate me up to no end.

(01:06:50):
But then when it was getting really out ofcontrol, I tried to imagine what I would say to
a friend who is going through the samesituation that I was.
Would I berate them for being fired or laidoff?
Of course not.
I'd remind them of their strengths, their pastsuccesses, their ability to overcome

(01:07:10):
challenges.
I tell them that this setback does not definethem, and it could end up being a blessing in
disguise as time goes on as long as theymaintain that focus and used it as fuel to
drive them further and and and bounce back.
Learning to talk for to yourself with that samecompassion, I've come to find is an absolute

(01:07:34):
game changer.
It doesn't mean that you're not takingresponsibility for your actions or or, you
know, or that you're not learning from yourmistakes.
It means that you do so with kindness ratherthan with cruelty.
You find positive motivation and feedbackrather than self criticism and and and hate

(01:07:57):
speech as a worry as another word to say.
You know, another key tool in addition to allof the ones I've mentioned is finding meaning
in adversity.
You've gotta find that.
It doesn't mean that you have to be gratefulfor those traumatic experiences or believe

(01:08:18):
that, as my sister likes to say, for somereason, everything happens for a reason.
He's got plans for all of us.
It means looking for ways to grow from yourexperiences, to use them, as I said, as
catalysts and motivation and fuel for apositive change.

(01:08:39):
After my mom passed, I became much more, muchmore intentional about creating those memories
with my son.
We take pictures every day.
We take video clips every day.
We tell more stories.
We try to you know, we look back at memories ofphotos and videos we've already taken over the
years from each other and things like that.
I don't wanna miss a moment, neither does mywife, because I know and we know how precious

(01:09:04):
and fleeting time can truly be.
That's the meaning that I've created from myloss.
And, similarly, my experiences with that jobinstability and all those failures have led me
to develop multiple skills and income streams,like what I'm trying to build here with this
podcast.
My wife's publishing in book dreams, amongstother things.

(01:09:26):
I'm more adaptable now, more resourceful, andmore prepared for whatever comes next.
It doesn't mean that I'm glad I got laid offmultiple times.
Anybody who says that they're glad that thathappened is for cocoa puffs and might need to
see someone.
But it does mean that I've found value in thoseexperiences.

(01:09:46):
And the in in in that same vein, another toolthat for your arsenal, your quiver, whatever
you wanna utilize as your terminology, ismaintaining perspective and a sense of hope.
Always look on the bright side of life.
Monty Python, holy grail.
Love that love that movie, especially whenthey're all being ready to be hang or

(01:10:08):
crucified.
But they're all on the cross going always lookon the bright side of life, and they're
whistling along.
Comedy at its finest, especially back in thosedays.
Resilient people, they're able to see beyondtheir current circumstances.
They believe that things will get better, notcould get better, they will get better, that
their actions will make that difference, andthat there is always going to be light at the

(01:10:32):
end of the tunnel.
This can be unfortunately and especiallychallenging, though, when you're in the thick
of trauma.
It's hard to see past the pain when you'reconsumed by it, but even small glimmers of hope
can sustain you through the darkest times.
When, you know, when we were living over inGunshot Alley, Little Memphis, and feeling
unsafe, what actually kept us going was thehope of finding a better place for our family,

(01:10:57):
you know, getting to move over here to thisarea of of Tennessee, Spring Hill, Columbia,
Murfreesboro.
We researched safer neighborhoods over here,saved money for a move, and kept our eyes on
that goal.
The eyes were always on the prize.
No matter what was going on around us, whateverwas coming at us, we were always we had that

(01:11:18):
golden path that we were focused on.
And eventually, as you can see, we made ithappen.
That hope gave us the strength to endure adifficult situation while we worked to change
it.
And finally, this brings us back to where westarted with this segment, Maintaining a sense

(01:11:41):
of humor.
Finding moments of levity even in the darktimes.
Laughing at the absurdity that is life.
Not taking yourself too seriously.
And as I say at the end of my show every week,ladies and gentlemen, take my advice.
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
That's exactly what it means.

(01:12:01):
Laugh at the absurdity of life.
Don't take yourself too seriously.
Enjoy.
Embrace the humor and the chaos.
Humor reminds us that no matter how bad thingsget, there's still joy to be found.
There's still connection.
There's still humility humanity and humility.
And sometimes a good laugh is exactly whatyou're gonna need, exactly what the doctor

(01:12:23):
ordered to keep you going.
So those are your practical tools for buildingresilience.
Making strong social connections, mindfulnessand self compassion, finding meaning in
adversity, maintaining perspective and hope,and keeping your sense of humor.
None of these will make trauma disappear.
They can help you navigate it with more graceand strength.

(01:12:48):
We've got one more heaping helping in a segmenthere in this week's smorgasbord, and that's
gonna be our listener stories and some closingclosing thoughts from yours truly.
So one more little ad break here.
Stick around.
Thank you guys so much again for tuning inhere.
This is the Smorgasbord.
I'm John Kanopik.
Thank you guys for tuning in wherever you mightbe, and we'll be back in just a moment.

(01:13:12):
Stick around.
You're listening to the smorgasbord with JohnKanopic.
Thanks for bringing up a plate and servingyourself a heaping helping.
You can catch me on all social medias atsmorgasbord j k or by email,
[e-mail].
Grab your fork and knife.

(01:13:33):
It's time to dive back in.
Alright.
Thank you guys so much for tuning in to thesmorgasbord.
I am John Canopic, and appreciate you guys.
Again, as I said, whether you're tuning in viaYouTube, watching this video, or you're tuning
in on wherever you get your podcast streams, wegreatly appreciate it.
You can find me on all social media atSmorgasbord j k or email

(01:13:56):
[e-mail].
And now it's time for the final segment and myfavorite part of every single episode, sharing
your stories.
Again, I reached out to social media you foryou guys, asking for your experiences with
trauma and resilience.
And, thankfully, you guys delivered some very,very powerful stuff.

(01:14:19):
First up, we have a message from Lisa over inPortland, Oregon.
She writes, John, I lost my house in a wildfirethree years ago.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I I lived in California.
I was close to some wildfires.
But, yeah, I understand exactly what you'regoing.
Sorry about that.
Guys had a little fickle difficulty therereally quick.

(01:14:42):
But Lisa, Portland, Oregon, writing that shelost her house in a wildfire three years ago.
And, Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear that.
Again, as I said, I lived in California, and Iwas very close to wildfires.
We didn't have anything that actually happenedto us, but we actually had, like, so close we
had ash falling on our car.
So, again, I can't begin to completely I can'tbegin to completely, you know, speak to what

(01:15:11):
you're going through, but I understand thatyou're seeing everything that's happened.
She says everything is was gone.
It's gone.
Photos, heirlooms, my kid's baby books.
I thought I'd never recover, but the strangestthing happened.
She says as we were sifting through the ashes,my eight year old found the charred remains of
this ugly ceramic frog I'd always hated, a giftfrom my mother-in-law.

(01:15:34):
Somehow it survived when everything elseburned.
My kid holds it up and says, look, mom.
Even fire doesn't want this thing.
Oh, kid.
You got the humor down nicely done.
He laughed until we cried.
That frog now sits on our mantle in our newhouse as a reminder that even in our darkest
moments, there's something to laugh about.
And, yes, my mother-in-law thinks we display itbecause we love it so much.

(01:15:58):
Nice touch.
Lisa, that is absolutely perfect.
You've hit the nail on the head.
That ugly ceramic frog is the perfect symbol ofresilience, not because it survived, but
because you found a way to transform it fromsomething you hated into something meaningful.
And the fact that it was humor that bridgedthat gap gap, Jeff's kiss.

(01:16:24):
Thank you for thank you for the the storythere, Lisa.
Greatly appreciate it.
Next up, we have a message from Marcus inChicago, One of my favorite towns of all time.
Marcus says, after my divorce, I fell into adeep depression.
Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, could barely getout of bed.
My brother, who was worried about me, signed meup for an improv comedy class.

(01:16:46):
Nice brother.
Without telling me, oh, well, there you go.
Nice little gift that keeps on giving.
Good job.
Just showed up at my apartment and said, we'regoing out.
I was furious.
Last thing I wanted to do was pretend to be atree or whatever in front of strangers, but
something happened during that class.
I laughed for the first time in months.
Oh, I remember the first time I laughed aftermy mom passed.

(01:17:07):
It felt so good, like a weight was being liftedoff my shoulders, so I get you there.
I went back the next week and the next.
Three years later, I'm performing regularlywith an improv troupe.
Nice.
And met some of my best friends through comedy.
That best way to make a crew right there isthrough something so incredibly giving as as

(01:17:28):
comedy.
I'm not saying improv cured by depression.
I also got therapy and medication.
Sometimes you have to go that route.
It's the nature of the beast.
But it gave me a lifeline when I was drowning.
Marcus, thank you so much for sharing that,dude.
What a powerful that is a very powerfulreminder to everyone of how important it is to
have people who will drag you out of yourdarkness even when you're fighting them every

(01:17:51):
step of the way and how finding your laugh canbe a path back to yourself.
And last but not least, we have a message fromTanya just down the road from us actually here
in Nashville.
Tanya writes, I grew up in a household withaddiction and abuse.
My wife actually grew up in a household withthat, so she can speak to this.

(01:18:11):
By all accounts, I should be a statistic, but Ihad this teacher in fifth grade who saw
something in me.
He gave me the books, stayed after school tohelp me with homework, even came to my band
concerts when my parents couldn't be bothered.
He taught me that I wasn't defined by whathappened to me, but by how I responded.
Makes sense.
Nice teacher.
I'm now a teacher myself trying to be thatperson for other kids who need someone in their

(01:18:34):
corner.
Nice.
Way to pay it forward.
That's exceptional.
The cycle stops with me.
I've said that to myself so many times when itcame to raising my son, so I feel you there.
Kanye, that story definitely got me right inthe gut.
It is a very beautiful, powerful reminder ofhow one person can change the trajectory of

(01:18:54):
someone's life like I'm doing with my son, andhow resilience isn't just about bouncing back.
It's about using your experiences to createpositive change for others.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you for breaking that cycle and being apositive light for the next generation.
Now these three stories here, they allillustrate something important about

(01:19:16):
resilience.
It often depends on the connection, Whetherit's finding that humor with your family in the
aftermath of disaster, being dragged to animprov class by a brother who won't give up on
you, or having a teacher who believes in youand no one else does, we heal in our
relationships, by way of our relationships withothers.
Now as we wrap up today's episode, I wannaleave you guys with one parting thought, little

(01:19:39):
little food for thought here on the Smorgasbordas it were.
Trauma is part of the human experience.
None of us get through life unscathed.
We don't.
But resilience is also part of the humanexperience.
We have an incredible capacity to endure, toadapt, to grow, and, yes, to laugh even in our

(01:20:04):
darkest moments.
Whether you're going through whether you'regoing through something right now, know that
you're not alone.
No matter what it is, you're not alone.
You've always got someone there.
And always remember that it won't always feelas heavy as it might feel right now.
And also know that there are tools andresources and people who can help you find your

(01:20:29):
way through.
And remember, sometimes the most resilientthing that you can do is laugh when you feel
like crying, reach out when you wanna isolate,and keep moving forward even when you have when
you can only take the smallest of steps.
Thank you guys so, so much for joining me onthis heaping helping of the smorgasbord with

(01:20:51):
John Kanopik.
If you like what you heard, please subscribe.
Give me a follow on all social media platforms,on all your podcast feeds.
Leave me a review.
Give me some feedback, and share the show withsomeone who might need it, someone who might
benefit from this little, little session thatI've given you guys.
Again, you can find me on all social mediaplatforms at Smorgasbord j k or shoot me an

(01:21:14):
email at [e-mail].
Next week, guys, topic you've all been waitingto hear from or hear about, I should say, and
we're gonna be diving head first into it.
We're diving into the wild world of conspiracytheories from the ones that turned out to be
true, more and more nowadays seems to be thecase, to the ones that make you wonder what in

(01:21:38):
the world are people smoking.
It's gonna be a fun one.
Don't miss it.
It'll be again out every single Friday on allyour podcast and YouTube feeds.
This, of course, has been the smorgasbord withJon Knoepak.
I am Jon Knoepak.
And as always, like we love to close out ourshow every single time, ladies and gentlemen,

(01:22:02):
take my advice.
Pull down your pants and slide on the ice.
I hope you guys have a great week.
Find humor in the chaos.
Stay safe.
Much love to you all, and we'll see you guysnext Friday for another helping of the
smorgasbord.
See you.