May 16, 2025 • 20 mins
In this honest solo episode, host Nadine Mulvina shares an exciting update—The Sober Butterfly is evolving. After nearly four years of documenting her alcohol-free journey, Nadine opens up about feeling pulled toward a new chapter, one that still honors her sobriety but expands into the full richness of her identity.
She reflects on the inspiration behind The Sober Butterfly (metamorphosis and transformation), what sobriety has given her, and why it's time to shed her old skin. From feeling constrained by the label 'sober' to expressing a desire to expand the scope of her content to include topics beyond just sobriety, such as travel, creativity, spirituality, personal growth, and dreaming about new creative directions (hello, Silent Summer 👀), Nadine invites listeners behind the scenes of her rebrand process.
This episode explores the tension between outgrowing an identity and honoring the journey that got you here. If you’ve ever felt the desire to evolve but were afraid to let go of who you once were, this one’s for you.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
the-sober-butterfly_8_05-1 (00:00):
What happens when your whole identity
(00:02):
becomes the thing you leftbehind.
Everything I do feels like it issober, blank.
Sober travel, sober sex, soberbrunch.
Sober joy, sober pleasure.
And it just feels like it has tobe prefaced by the word sober.
I am sober.
Like that is implied.
So just to make this abundantlyclear, my why for rebranding is
(00:24):
this desire, this strong pullfor full expression because I
want to talk about travelwithout the asterisk, and I
wanna talk about sex withoutneeding it to be a PSA.
And I wanna be creative and talkabout spirituality and all the
things, right?
The textures of who I am.
And still, sobriety is a part ofme still.
(00:45):
I owe so much of this life.
To my sobriety, it will alwaysbe that way, but it is not all
of me.
the-sober-butterfly_5_05 (00:55):
hello, hello, and welcome back to The
Sober Butterfly, or maybe soonto be former sober Butterfly.
Okay, let me back up.
I'm not saying I'm changing thename just yet, but today's
episode is probably gonna be oneof the most honest conversations
I've had with you because I'mtalking all about evolution,
identity, sobriety, branding,and what it means to grow in
(01:18):
public and to be real.
I've been feeling.
This deep pull lately, I meanthis whole year Q1, we're in Q2
of 2025.
I have just felt this tugtowards something bigger, more
layered, more nuanced, basicallymore me, and I felt that for the
greater part of 2025.
(01:39):
And I think even going back tothe 34 lessons learned by 34, my
birthday episode I did this yearback in March, feeling that like
birthday, blues, or depression,quite frankly, I'm realizing
now.
A couple months later that a lotof that was connected to just me
feeling disconnected withmyself.
And so I want to bring you withme on this journey because if
(02:01):
you've been listening to thisshow, you already know that I
can't and will not sugarcoat myexperience.
This episode is going to be veryraw and real and I'm gonna yap.
That's what I do best.
And I am not gonna have afilter.
I'm not gonna hold back.
So just keep that in mind as youlisten today.
(02:22):
I have like a clear outline ofeverything I wanna share with
you guys because I have to withmy A DHD brain.
However, I am gonna be jumpingall over the place because today
I am talking about identity andmy identity is very
multilayered, as I'm sure yoursis, so I'm gonna be jumping from
different points, but I promiseit all will make sense.
This is just something that'sbeen sitting in me that I need
(02:43):
to share.
So thank you so much for beinghere, and let's get into today's
topic.
the-sober-butterfly_6_05-14-2 (02:51):
I wanna start by saying sobriety
not only changed my life, itsaved my life.
I cannot emphasize that enough.
When I got sober coming up tofour years ago.
I was unraveling.
I had no choice.
I truly believe now I had nochoice but to pour every ounce
(03:11):
of myself into my healingjourney, getting sober and then
staying sober discovering who Iwas, my identity without alcohol
like that.
Consumed me.
It was all consuming for a good,for a good cause, basically like
to save my life.
And I did that.
I built that version of myselfand, you know, then created the
(03:35):
So Butterfly Instagram page.
And then a year later I.
I created the Sober ButterflyPodcast after my one year sober
anniversary.
I created community, you know,I've hosted events.
I healed out loud on this veryplatform, and in connecting with
other guests and hearing theirsober journeys and stories, I
(03:55):
gave voice to struggles andtriumphs, and I'm now realizing
that sobriety doesn't have to bethe only way or the only lens
that I used to tell my story.
the-sober-butterfly_7_05-14 (04:09):
You know, the thing is, I did not
name this podcast or create theInstagram, the Sober Butterfly
by accident.
Okay.
The whole premise has alwaysbeen, I.
Around transformation.
I started the sober butterflybecause I felt, you know,
similar to how I'm feeling now,like this deep internal pull,
quite literally, I cannotemphasize this enough, like it
(04:32):
felt like my soul was screamingfor a change and I had spent so
much of my life, so basicallylate teens throughout my
twenties, so 10 plus years Ispent.
In my extreme wild party girlera, I'll say it was more than
an era.
It was an identity, quitefrankly.
Always chasing the next drink orthe next chaotic moment night,
(04:55):
the next blurry escape.
And then I hit a wall, you know,four years ago.
I felt lost.
I felt like really, really lost.
Like where am I?
What planet is this?
How am I going to continueliving like this?
And I knew I couldn't.
So I made that change.
And that change was pouringeverything into my sobriety,
right?
Like my energy, my creativity,my healing.
(05:18):
Into getting and sustainingsobriety.
And that season of my liferequired absolute total focus,
and I needed to shed everythingthat wasn't aligned to that to
survive, which I did.
And I built this life, thisbeautiful life that I love in
sobriety.
(05:38):
Once again, that's how I createdthe show.
How I created community, how Ireinvented myself, and I've
always been the queen ofreinventions.
Like even back to like middleschool days, every year we're
showing up to school with newschool supplies and a new
attitude and new outfits.
Like I am the queen ofreinvention.
I even shared, I think, was itlast week when I was chatting?
(05:59):
No, it wasn't with Nick.
It was the week before.
I don't know.
I was talking recently with oneof my guests on the show around
like how I even changed my namein college, first semester to
London.
That is a true story.
Like I have always lovedreinvention.
And here's the thing,butterflies like this is what
I'm reminding myself like.
It is about evolution.
I have to keep evolving.
(06:21):
Like I didn't just become thesober butterfly and that's it.
Period.
I've hit this pinnacle ofself-actualization at the top of
Maslow's pyramid.
No, I need to keep growing.
I am just gonna circle back tonow I'm feeling like I've
plateaued.
You know, not drinking amazing.
(06:41):
I don't want to drink.
I, God willing, will never drinkagain because I'm making the
conscious choice and I'maligning my lifestyle and I've
done so much work around whyalcohol will never suit my
lifestyle.
But I also feel like I.
(07:05):
I'm not giving myself theopportunity to stretch and to
evolve into an even greaterversion of myself beyond the
sober butterfly.
I want to share my life beyondjust sobriety and not because
sobriety isn't important to meor important in general.
(07:25):
In fact, it's the foundation,but it's no longer like the only
thing.
And so I want to use thisplatform and the various
platforms I have talking about.
Things that matter to me and Ifeel are more aligned, which is
talking about creativity, love,travel, spirituality, failure,
(07:46):
rage, softness, ambition, all ofthe things.
I want to also invite guests.
On this show that, you know,don't just talk about their
sober stories, but also theirwhole stories because sobriety
gives us access to this richnessof life.
Sobriety is the foundation.
But it should not feel like alimitation, and it has felt like
(08:09):
a bit of a limitation if I'mbeing real.
Everything I do is prefaced bysober, right?
So it's the sober butterfly.
So everything I share is likesober travel, sober sex, sober
adventures, sober things to do,and I want people to know when
they see me, like I don't haveto say sober sex.
I can just say sex, like I don'twanna have to always announce
(08:33):
that I am the sober girl in theroom and therefore everything I
share is going to be aboutsobriety.
No, I want to exude like this.
Woman who is on a journey andnot afraid to share her past
fuckups, right?
A big part of this is like notfeeling like I'm ashamed of
anything I've done in lifebecause I'm not, more recently I
(08:55):
just put together my sex list.
I told you I'd be yapping I youguys this weekend.
Okay, this is off topic, so staywith me here this weekend.
I went to Florida to visit mymom and my family for Mother's
Day weekend, and I had the worstexperience trying to get to
Florida because of the airtraffic control situation at
(09:18):
Newark.
So I was supposed to fly out ofNewark, 6:00 AM flight direct to
Orlando where my family lives,right?
And I literally had to change myflight because of the air
traffic walkout strike.
Um, and so I then flew out ofLaGuardia and then had a layover
(09:38):
in Dallas, and then there waslike the storm in Orlando, so
all the planes were grounded.
So I didn't get to Florida untillike 1:00 AM is the point I'm
trying to make here.
Usually my family picks me upfrom the airport, but because it
was late.
I was like, I'll just get anUber.
Right.
So I Uber and my family live inthe boonies.
Okay.
They live in the country and Ilove that for them.
(09:58):
I don't know how they do it, butthey do.
So it's like an hour away fromthe airport and I had some time,
you know, so I'm in this Uberand I start for some reason
thinking about all of the peopleI've had sex with.
Don't ask me why, and I'm notashamed, by the way, this is how
this even got started.
(10:18):
This is why I'm talking aboutthis.
Like I'm not ashamed of mynumber and I wanna do a full
episode about my sexist.
Um, but yeah, I put that onpaper or really in my phone app
on my notes.
Um, and I was like, I wanna doan episode about this, but how
can I connect this to sobriety?
Because so much of this wasdrunk sex,, like the majority of
(10:40):
my sexual partners happenedbefore I got sober.
And I've already shared on thispodcast, I've never really had
sex with anyone for the firsttime without being on a
substance.
Before quitting alcohol.
So I was like, how can I tiethis in?
And so once again, it's just anexample of me feeling like I
have to like.
(11:01):
Distort not to even distorttruths because I'm always gonna
keep it real with you guys.
But I have to like presentthings in this neatly packaged
like, Hey guys, like here's mysober sex list.
And oh, I'm gonna make acomparison to like the before
times, here's the drunk peoplethat I slept with and like I
kind of just wanna like talk,like, I kind of just wanna like
share things because.
It will either help someone elseor make you laugh or whatever It
(11:24):
may be like I want to still showall of the sides of me the silly
and the serious, but like notnecessarily have to work so hard
to like fit it into the brand.
So I feel limited is why I wassharing that sex list with you
guys and I want to experiment.
I've always been an experimentalgal.
My mom would say I amhardheaded, but like I have to
(11:48):
sometimes like learn the hardway.
I have to experience things, andso I am not interested in being
a perfect person or being a rolemodel for you guys.
I'm 34.
I'm just a baby.
Please don't hold me to thisridiculously high standard.
Like, oh, she's the sober queen.
I'm still a mess.
I'm a, I'm a better mess, butI'm still a human.
(12:11):
I'm perfectly flawed.
That's one of my favorite thingsin recovery spaces.
Yes, I am perfectly flawed and Idon't want to be held to the
standard.
That's impossible for me to bemy authentic self and deliver
the quality that I want to.
Quality messages around.
Just being human, just beingmyself.
I believe alcohol is the worst.
(12:31):
I believe that.
So long as I don't lose sight ofmy why and my purpose and like
my growth, I will never drinkagain.
I really wanna say I will neverdrink again, period.
But I also don't wanna deludemyself into believing that like
my addict brain can't spiral andI can't convince myself one day
that maybe I can have a drink,Focus Nadine.
Focus Nadine.
But for the purpose of thisepisode, I will never drink
(12:53):
again.
Period.
That has not changed.
I'm not promoting people doingdrugs or being caly sober or
suggesting anything for anyone,but I've also learned in my
sober time and you know, andhaving conversations with people
outside of the show and quiteliterally on the show, friends
of the show, like Sophia whocame on a few episodes ago and
(13:14):
talked about things likeAyahuasca.
You know, I'm interested inthose things.
Like I felt like even in thatepisode, I had to hold back.
When I was editing, I was like,I.
I wanted to say this.
I wish I could have said that,but like also I feel like I have
to like balance my guests and Idon't want people who are
listening to feel like I ampromoting Ayahuasca.
(13:37):
And I don't even know if I amever really going to do
ayahuasca, but the fact that Ididn't feel like I could say
that on air makes me questionwhy I even have the show to
begin with.
By the way, I'm not saying I'mdoing ayahuasca or I'm doing it
tomorrow.
I'm just saying I want a spaceto talk about it.
Maybe this can be like thecatchphrase for this podcast
(13:59):
because I'm always changing it,but sobriety looks different for
all of us, and that's okay.
That's more than okay.
I wanna celebrate and lead intohow my sobriety can evolve with
time as well.
the-sober-butterfly_10_05 (14:15):
Which leads me to something new.
I am still workshopping in mymind, but I'm going to announce
it here for accountability.
So I have created somethingcalled silent.
Summer this summer.
I'm proposing, and I am going tofigure out all the logistics
because I want this to be like areal challenge that people
(14:38):
really do, and it involvesbasically taking intentional
breaks from social.
I feel like I need torecalibrate.
I cannot be the only one thatneeds to reconnect with myself
to really listen and not justconsume blindly.
I, I feel like I spend asickening amount on social and I
(14:59):
can kind of blame it on, oh,work, like this is me doing
market research or me, you know,creating content because.
That's a part of my brand and Ineed to do that to X, Y, Z.
But a lot of it is just me likedoom scrolling, to be honest
with you guys.
And it feels less inspirationalis the point I'm making.
Like I would tell myself, I'mlooking for inspiration to
(15:21):
create content, but the realityis I think I need to disconnect
to really learn who I am andwhat my brand entails so that I
can create things that will helpother people and may become
rival because it's original.
Is there such thing as anoriginal idea?
I don't know, but I think youget where I'm going.
So silent summer is aboutpulling back from all the noise
(15:44):
so we can hear what is next.
Not from the algorithms, butfrom our intuition.
And if you've been feeling thatpull too, maybe this is
something you can join me in.
Maybe you can unplug for aweekend or for a week or for the
whole summer.
I plan on podcasting all summerlong.
I have so much going on youguys.
(16:06):
I have not even touched thesurface of all of the things I'm
working on and will continue towork on, but there's a lot of
amazing things coming your way,so I need to focus on that is
another reason why I wanna dolike a silent summer.
And I know myself, I'm not gonnalike fully be off social for the
entire summer, but I wanna beintentional, I wanna post less.
(16:27):
I wanna live more.
I want to consume less content,be more conscious,, and I'm
giving myself permission tounplug a bit this summer.
Not fully disappear, butreflect.
I have been on social deliveringcontent since.
I started, so like four years.
I never miss a beat.
I have posted something.
(16:48):
I should have pulled up my statsbefore this, but I know I've
posted at least three times aweek for four years almost.
Like, that's crazy.
I have not taken any breaks andI just feel like my voice is
lost a bit and I want to find itand hear it and be present.
All of the joys of sobrietybasically that I lament on.
(17:10):
I want to actually practice moreof and feel that in this next
season without trying to likeperform it for other people
online, if that makes sense.
So, like I said, if you've beenfeeling burned out or if you've
been feeling overstimulated Iinvite you to join me.
Your version of a silent summermight look different, I, first
of all need to like lay out whatmine will look like, but I will
(17:32):
share that with you guys.
And it's okay basically to giveourself a pause, right?
A reset.
the-sober-butterfly_11_05 (17:42):
Okay, so winding down today, here is
what I know.
I know I don't have all theanswers right now, and that's
okay.
I'm figuring it all out realtime, on air, and I know that I
want to build whatever comesnext with you.
I wanna co-create this nextchapter, this Metamorphosis of
(18:05):
the Sober Butterfly Podcasttogether, and i'm also working
on asking for help,collaboration.
So if you've made it this farinto the episode, thank you for
listening.
Thank you for being a part ofthis journey and please help me.
I need to figure out what topicsyou guys want to hear more of.
You know, what parts of the showhave meant the most to you?
(18:28):
What version of me do you wantto know deeper?
These questions will serve as aguide for me to figure out some
of the dimensions I wanna tapmore into.
Because as much as I lovecreating this show, I'm doing it
for you.
I wanna help people.
I could just journal or yap withmy girlfriends if I wanted to
talk about my life and what Iwanna talk about all the time.
(18:51):
So I definitely want toco-create this next season.
So let me know.
Email me, DM me, tell me whatyou want to see.
What conversations do you wantto have?
Butterflies.
Let's build this together.
the-sober-butterfly_12_05 (19:12):
Okay.
Final thoughts for you before Ilet you go?
Until next week, I'm notabandoning sobriety.
I wanna make that clear.
I'm not abandoning you, I'm juststepping into a bigger version
of myself and that might meanchanging the name maybe.
It might mean changing the vibe,the format, or maybe not, but
(19:33):
I'll just be honest with you inevery step of the way.
Honesty and transparency iswhat's helped me.
I.
Get sober and stay sober.
And so the sober butterfly isjust growing new wings.
And wherever we fly next, I'mbringing you with me on this
beautiful journey.
Thank you butterflies forgrowing with me.
I'll see you in the nextevolution, AKA.
(19:54):
I'll see you next week, but Ilove you so much and stay tuned
for more updates.
Bye.
What happens when your whole identity
(00:02):
becomes the thing you leftbehind.
Everything I do feels like it issober, blank.
Sober travel, sober sex, soberbrunch.
Sober joy, sober pleasure.
And it just feels like it has tobe prefaced by the word sober.
I am sober.
Like that is implied.
So just to make this abundantlyclear, my why for rebranding is
(00:24):
this desire, this strong pullfor full expression because I
want to talk about travelwithout the asterisk, and I
wanna talk about sex withoutneeding it to be a PSA.
And I wanna be creative and talkabout spirituality and all the
things, right?
The textures of who I am.
And still, sobriety is a part ofme still.
(00:45):
I owe so much of this life.
To my sobriety, it will alwaysbe that way, but it is not all
of me.
the-sober-butterfly_5_05 (00:55):
hello, hello, and welcome back to The
Sober Butterfly, or maybe soonto be former sober Butterfly.
Okay, let me back up.
I'm not saying I'm changing thename just yet, but today's
episode is probably gonna be oneof the most honest conversations
I've had with you because I'mtalking all about evolution,
identity, sobriety, branding,and what it means to grow in
(01:18):
public and to be real.
I've been feeling.
This deep pull lately, I meanthis whole year Q1, we're in Q2
of 2025.
I have just felt this tugtowards something bigger, more
layered, more nuanced, basicallymore me, and I felt that for the
greater part of 2025.
(01:39):
And I think even going back tothe 34 lessons learned by 34, my
birthday episode I did this yearback in March, feeling that like
birthday, blues, or depression,quite frankly, I'm realizing
now.
A couple months later that a lotof that was connected to just me
feeling disconnected withmyself.
And so I want to bring you withme on this journey because if
(02:01):
you've been listening to thisshow, you already know that I
can't and will not sugarcoat myexperience.
This episode is going to be veryraw and real and I'm gonna yap.
That's what I do best.
And I am not gonna have afilter.
I'm not gonna hold back.
So just keep that in mind as youlisten today.
(02:22):
I have like a clear outline ofeverything I wanna share with
you guys because I have to withmy A DHD brain.
However, I am gonna be jumpingall over the place because today
I am talking about identity andmy identity is very
multilayered, as I'm sure yoursis, so I'm gonna be jumping from
different points, but I promiseit all will make sense.
This is just something that'sbeen sitting in me that I need
(02:43):
to share.
So thank you so much for beinghere, and let's get into today's
topic.
the-sober-butterfly_6_05-14-2 (02:51):
I wanna start by saying sobriety
not only changed my life, itsaved my life.
I cannot emphasize that enough.
When I got sober coming up tofour years ago.
I was unraveling.
I had no choice.
I truly believe now I had nochoice but to pour every ounce
(03:11):
of myself into my healingjourney, getting sober and then
staying sober discovering who Iwas, my identity without alcohol
like that.
Consumed me.
It was all consuming for a good,for a good cause, basically like
to save my life.
And I did that.
I built that version of myselfand, you know, then created the
(03:35):
So Butterfly Instagram page.
And then a year later I.
I created the Sober ButterflyPodcast after my one year sober
anniversary.
I created community, you know,I've hosted events.
I healed out loud on this veryplatform, and in connecting with
other guests and hearing theirsober journeys and stories, I
(03:55):
gave voice to struggles andtriumphs, and I'm now realizing
that sobriety doesn't have to bethe only way or the only lens
that I used to tell my story.
the-sober-butterfly_7_05-14 (04:09):
You know, the thing is, I did not
name this podcast or create theInstagram, the Sober Butterfly
by accident.
Okay.
The whole premise has alwaysbeen, I.
Around transformation.
I started the sober butterflybecause I felt, you know,
similar to how I'm feeling now,like this deep internal pull,
quite literally, I cannotemphasize this enough, like it
(04:32):
felt like my soul was screamingfor a change and I had spent so
much of my life, so basicallylate teens throughout my
twenties, so 10 plus years Ispent.
In my extreme wild party girlera, I'll say it was more than
an era.
It was an identity, quitefrankly.
Always chasing the next drink orthe next chaotic moment night,
(04:55):
the next blurry escape.
And then I hit a wall, you know,four years ago.
I felt lost.
I felt like really, really lost.
Like where am I?
What planet is this?
How am I going to continueliving like this?
And I knew I couldn't.
So I made that change.
And that change was pouringeverything into my sobriety,
right?
Like my energy, my creativity,my healing.
(05:18):
Into getting and sustainingsobriety.
And that season of my liferequired absolute total focus,
and I needed to shed everythingthat wasn't aligned to that to
survive, which I did.
And I built this life, thisbeautiful life that I love in
sobriety.
(05:38):
Once again, that's how I createdthe show.
How I created community, how Ireinvented myself, and I've
always been the queen ofreinventions.
Like even back to like middleschool days, every year we're
showing up to school with newschool supplies and a new
attitude and new outfits.
Like I am the queen ofreinvention.
I even shared, I think, was itlast week when I was chatting?
(05:59):
No, it wasn't with Nick.
It was the week before.
I don't know.
I was talking recently with oneof my guests on the show around
like how I even changed my namein college, first semester to
London.
That is a true story.
Like I have always lovedreinvention.
And here's the thing,butterflies like this is what
I'm reminding myself like.
It is about evolution.
I have to keep evolving.
(06:21):
Like I didn't just become thesober butterfly and that's it.
Period.
I've hit this pinnacle ofself-actualization at the top of
Maslow's pyramid.
No, I need to keep growing.
I am just gonna circle back tonow I'm feeling like I've
plateaued.
You know, not drinking amazing.
(06:41):
I don't want to drink.
I, God willing, will never drinkagain because I'm making the
conscious choice and I'maligning my lifestyle and I've
done so much work around whyalcohol will never suit my
lifestyle.
But I also feel like I.
(07:05):
I'm not giving myself theopportunity to stretch and to
evolve into an even greaterversion of myself beyond the
sober butterfly.
I want to share my life beyondjust sobriety and not because
sobriety isn't important to meor important in general.
(07:25):
In fact, it's the foundation,but it's no longer like the only
thing.
And so I want to use thisplatform and the various
platforms I have talking about.
Things that matter to me and Ifeel are more aligned, which is
talking about creativity, love,travel, spirituality, failure,
(07:46):
rage, softness, ambition, all ofthe things.
I want to also invite guests.
On this show that, you know,don't just talk about their
sober stories, but also theirwhole stories because sobriety
gives us access to this richnessof life.
Sobriety is the foundation.
But it should not feel like alimitation, and it has felt like
(08:09):
a bit of a limitation if I'mbeing real.
Everything I do is prefaced bysober, right?
So it's the sober butterfly.
So everything I share is likesober travel, sober sex, sober
adventures, sober things to do,and I want people to know when
they see me, like I don't haveto say sober sex.
I can just say sex, like I don'twanna have to always announce
(08:33):
that I am the sober girl in theroom and therefore everything I
share is going to be aboutsobriety.
No, I want to exude like this.
Woman who is on a journey andnot afraid to share her past
fuckups, right?
A big part of this is like notfeeling like I'm ashamed of
anything I've done in lifebecause I'm not, more recently I
(08:55):
just put together my sex list.
I told you I'd be yapping I youguys this weekend.
Okay, this is off topic, so staywith me here this weekend.
I went to Florida to visit mymom and my family for Mother's
Day weekend, and I had the worstexperience trying to get to
Florida because of the airtraffic control situation at
(09:18):
Newark.
So I was supposed to fly out ofNewark, 6:00 AM flight direct to
Orlando where my family lives,right?
And I literally had to change myflight because of the air
traffic walkout strike.
Um, and so I then flew out ofLaGuardia and then had a layover
(09:38):
in Dallas, and then there waslike the storm in Orlando, so
all the planes were grounded.
So I didn't get to Florida untillike 1:00 AM is the point I'm
trying to make here.
Usually my family picks me upfrom the airport, but because it
was late.
I was like, I'll just get anUber.
Right.
So I Uber and my family live inthe boonies.
Okay.
They live in the country and Ilove that for them.
(09:58):
I don't know how they do it, butthey do.
So it's like an hour away fromthe airport and I had some time,
you know, so I'm in this Uberand I start for some reason
thinking about all of the peopleI've had sex with.
Don't ask me why, and I'm notashamed, by the way, this is how
this even got started.
(10:18):
This is why I'm talking aboutthis.
Like I'm not ashamed of mynumber and I wanna do a full
episode about my sexist.
Um, but yeah, I put that onpaper or really in my phone app
on my notes.
Um, and I was like, I wanna doan episode about this, but how
can I connect this to sobriety?
Because so much of this wasdrunk sex,, like the majority of
(10:40):
my sexual partners happenedbefore I got sober.
And I've already shared on thispodcast, I've never really had
sex with anyone for the firsttime without being on a
substance.
Before quitting alcohol.
So I was like, how can I tiethis in?
And so once again, it's just anexample of me feeling like I
have to like.
(11:01):
Distort not to even distorttruths because I'm always gonna
keep it real with you guys.
But I have to like presentthings in this neatly packaged
like, Hey guys, like here's mysober sex list.
And oh, I'm gonna make acomparison to like the before
times, here's the drunk peoplethat I slept with and like I
kind of just wanna like talk,like, I kind of just wanna like
share things because.
It will either help someone elseor make you laugh or whatever It
(11:24):
may be like I want to still showall of the sides of me the silly
and the serious, but like notnecessarily have to work so hard
to like fit it into the brand.
So I feel limited is why I wassharing that sex list with you
guys and I want to experiment.
I've always been an experimentalgal.
My mom would say I amhardheaded, but like I have to
(11:48):
sometimes like learn the hardway.
I have to experience things, andso I am not interested in being
a perfect person or being a rolemodel for you guys.
I'm 34.
I'm just a baby.
Please don't hold me to thisridiculously high standard.
Like, oh, she's the sober queen.
I'm still a mess.
I'm a, I'm a better mess, butI'm still a human.
(12:11):
I'm perfectly flawed.
That's one of my favorite thingsin recovery spaces.
Yes, I am perfectly flawed and Idon't want to be held to the
standard.
That's impossible for me to bemy authentic self and deliver
the quality that I want to.
Quality messages around.
Just being human, just beingmyself.
I believe alcohol is the worst.
(12:31):
I believe that.
So long as I don't lose sight ofmy why and my purpose and like
my growth, I will never drinkagain.
I really wanna say I will neverdrink again, period.
But I also don't wanna deludemyself into believing that like
my addict brain can't spiral andI can't convince myself one day
that maybe I can have a drink,Focus Nadine.
Focus Nadine.
But for the purpose of thisepisode, I will never drink
(12:53):
again.
Period.
That has not changed.
I'm not promoting people doingdrugs or being caly sober or
suggesting anything for anyone,but I've also learned in my
sober time and you know, andhaving conversations with people
outside of the show and quiteliterally on the show, friends
of the show, like Sophia whocame on a few episodes ago and
(13:14):
talked about things likeAyahuasca.
You know, I'm interested inthose things.
Like I felt like even in thatepisode, I had to hold back.
When I was editing, I was like,I.
I wanted to say this.
I wish I could have said that,but like also I feel like I have
to like balance my guests and Idon't want people who are
listening to feel like I ampromoting Ayahuasca.
(13:37):
And I don't even know if I amever really going to do
ayahuasca, but the fact that Ididn't feel like I could say
that on air makes me questionwhy I even have the show to
begin with.
By the way, I'm not saying I'mdoing ayahuasca or I'm doing it
tomorrow.
I'm just saying I want a spaceto talk about it.
Maybe this can be like thecatchphrase for this podcast
(13:59):
because I'm always changing it,but sobriety looks different for
all of us, and that's okay.
That's more than okay.
I wanna celebrate and lead intohow my sobriety can evolve with
time as well.
the-sober-butterfly_10_05 (14:15):
Which leads me to something new.
I am still workshopping in mymind, but I'm going to announce
it here for accountability.
So I have created somethingcalled silent.
Summer this summer.
I'm proposing, and I am going tofigure out all the logistics
because I want this to be like areal challenge that people
(14:38):
really do, and it involvesbasically taking intentional
breaks from social.
I feel like I need torecalibrate.
I cannot be the only one thatneeds to reconnect with myself
to really listen and not justconsume blindly.
I, I feel like I spend asickening amount on social and I
(14:59):
can kind of blame it on, oh,work, like this is me doing
market research or me, you know,creating content because.
That's a part of my brand and Ineed to do that to X, Y, Z.
But a lot of it is just me likedoom scrolling, to be honest
with you guys.
And it feels less inspirationalis the point I'm making.
Like I would tell myself, I'mlooking for inspiration to
(15:21):
create content, but the realityis I think I need to disconnect
to really learn who I am andwhat my brand entails so that I
can create things that will helpother people and may become
rival because it's original.
Is there such thing as anoriginal idea?
I don't know, but I think youget where I'm going.
So silent summer is aboutpulling back from all the noise
(15:44):
so we can hear what is next.
Not from the algorithms, butfrom our intuition.
And if you've been feeling thatpull too, maybe this is
something you can join me in.
Maybe you can unplug for aweekend or for a week or for the
whole summer.
I plan on podcasting all summerlong.
I have so much going on youguys.
(16:06):
I have not even touched thesurface of all of the things I'm
working on and will continue towork on, but there's a lot of
amazing things coming your way,so I need to focus on that is
another reason why I wanna dolike a silent summer.
And I know myself, I'm not gonnalike fully be off social for the
entire summer, but I wanna beintentional, I wanna post less.
(16:27):
I wanna live more.
I want to consume less content,be more conscious,, and I'm
giving myself permission tounplug a bit this summer.
Not fully disappear, butreflect.
I have been on social deliveringcontent since.
I started, so like four years.
I never miss a beat.
I have posted something.
(16:48):
I should have pulled up my statsbefore this, but I know I've
posted at least three times aweek for four years almost.
Like, that's crazy.
I have not taken any breaks andI just feel like my voice is
lost a bit and I want to find itand hear it and be present.
All of the joys of sobrietybasically that I lament on.
(17:10):
I want to actually practice moreof and feel that in this next
season without trying to likeperform it for other people
online, if that makes sense.
So, like I said, if you've beenfeeling burned out or if you've
been feeling overstimulated Iinvite you to join me.
Your version of a silent summermight look different, I, first
of all need to like lay out whatmine will look like, but I will
(17:32):
share that with you guys.
And it's okay basically to giveourself a pause, right?
A reset.
the-sober-butterfly_11_05 (17:42):
Okay, so winding down today, here is
what I know.
I know I don't have all theanswers right now, and that's
okay.
I'm figuring it all out realtime, on air, and I know that I
want to build whatever comesnext with you.
I wanna co-create this nextchapter, this Metamorphosis of
(18:05):
the Sober Butterfly Podcasttogether, and i'm also working
on asking for help,collaboration.
So if you've made it this farinto the episode, thank you for
listening.
Thank you for being a part ofthis journey and please help me.
I need to figure out what topicsyou guys want to hear more of.
You know, what parts of the showhave meant the most to you?
(18:28):
What version of me do you wantto know deeper?
These questions will serve as aguide for me to figure out some
of the dimensions I wanna tapmore into.
Because as much as I lovecreating this show, I'm doing it
for you.
I wanna help people.
I could just journal or yap withmy girlfriends if I wanted to
talk about my life and what Iwanna talk about all the time.
(18:51):
So I definitely want toco-create this next season.
So let me know.
Email me, DM me, tell me whatyou want to see.
What conversations do you wantto have?
Butterflies.
Let's build this together.
the-sober-butterfly_12_05 (19:12):
Okay.
Final thoughts for you before Ilet you go?
Until next week, I'm notabandoning sobriety.
I wanna make that clear.
I'm not abandoning you, I'm juststepping into a bigger version
of myself and that might meanchanging the name maybe.
It might mean changing the vibe,the format, or maybe not, but
(19:33):
I'll just be honest with you inevery step of the way.
Honesty and transparency iswhat's helped me.
I.
Get sober and stay sober.
And so the sober butterfly isjust growing new wings.
And wherever we fly next, I'mbringing you with me on this
beautiful journey.
Thank you butterflies forgrowing with me.
I'll see you in the nextevolution, AKA.
(19:54):
I'll see you next week, but Ilove you so much and stay tuned
for more updates.
Bye.
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