In this episode of The Sober Butterfly Podcast, host Nadine is joined by Danielle, the founder of That Sober Glow and No Booze Crew, an inspiring virtual women's sober community. Danielle opens up about her journey with sobriety, beginning with her first drink at the age of 14 and the challenges that came with navigating New York City drinking culture.
Danielle shares how multiple “day ones” have shaped her path to recovery, showing that it's okay to restart, regroup, and refocus on your sobriety as many times as it takes. She talks about the importance of healing, mental health, and finding a community of support along the way. Together, Nadine and Danielle dive deep into how sobriety is not just about quitting alcohol, but about building a life of strength, joy, and connection—especially within the vibrant NYC scene.
✨ Highlights ✨
- Danielle’s journey from her first drink at 14 to navigating addiction in New York City.
- The impact of trauma and anxiety on drinking habits and how recovery begins with self-compassion.
- The challenges of city drinking culture and the importance of community support in sobriety.
- Founding the No Booze Crew, a virtual space for women to connect, share, and support each other.
- A fun rapid-fire segment on favorite sober drinks, NYC memories, and travel dreams.
If you’ve ever had a “day one” or are currently navigating your own sobriety journey, this episode is for you! Tune in for an honest and uplifting conversation that’ll remind you that every step counts.
Don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review The Sober Butterfly Podcast—your feedback means the world!
Also, join the No Booze Crew community and follow Danielle on Instagram @ThatSoberGlow for more inspiring content. We’re all in this together!
Partners
🌿 Sakara –Use Code TSBHEALTHSAKARA for a 20% off your first order Check it out
🍹 Drink Moment – Get 18% off your order with code TSB23 at checkout. Shop now
📚 Try Audible FREE for 30 days + get a free book
Connect with Nadine and TSB 🦋
- Instagram: @the.soberbutterfly @soberbutterflypodcast
- Sign up for the newsletter 💌
- YouTube:@thesoberbutterfly
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services refereed to in
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (00:00):
Hello, hello, and welcome to The Sober
Butterfly.
I'm Nadine Mulvina, and today weare joined with a very special
guest.
We have Danielle with us fromthat Sober Glow and no Booze
Crew, which is a free soberwomen's community providing peer
support.
Danielle, welcome to the show.
I'm so excited to get into itwith you today.
(00:22):
How are you?
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114146 (00:23):
Hi I'm so happy to be here and talk
to you today.
I'm doing great.
It's like a beautiful springSaturday.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (00:29):
Thank you for joining me today and I
feel like we have so much incommon.
So we've been Instagram friendsfor quite a while and I've been
following all of your inspiringposts and I love what you share
just around how you can liveyour best life without alcohol.
And I also try to do that withthe sober butterfly, so we have
that in common.
But also your early drinkingdays and having your first drink
(00:53):
at 14 and then moving to NewYork in your twenties.
My story as well, like I had myfirst sip of alcohol around 13,
14 and moved to New York in mytwenties, and I found that city
life really fueled my drinkingbefore getting sober.
So I would love to jump in withyour story.
How did alcohol become a part ofyour life?
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (01:13):
Yeah, so I had my first drink at 14
from the moment I found thatdrink, it was like a breath of
fresh air for me because at thetime I was super shy, a little
bit introverted.
I was, you know, straight astudent, did all of the right
things.
So it was a little bit of apivot for me to find alcohol.
But once I found it, it feltlike a game changer for me in
(01:36):
terms of my social anxiety andthings like that.
I would say I drank prettynormally because around that
age, you know, everybody's bingedrinking, everybody's playing,
drinking games, acting silly.
Then I went to college and kindof same thing, but I always in
the back of my head, knew therewas this little voice being
like.
(01:56):
we need more or, I was alwayslike, at last call, I was always
closing down the bars.
So there was always somethingthat was kind of telling me my
drinking was a bit different.
But I was able to, for all ofthat time, like my teens and
early twenties, rationalize itas like, oh, this is a phase.
I'm sure I'll grow out of itonce I, you know, find a
(02:16):
boyfriend, get.
Serious, settle down.
So I was able to kind of play itoff for a really long time.
And then, like you said, aftercollege, I moved to the city a
couple years later and it wasjust like game over.
Like every single night youcould find something to do,
someone to go out with a happyhour.
(02:36):
Tons of things to do in thecity, and I just found that to
be really exciting, honestly, atthe time.
But also very detrimentalbecause I was, you know,
drinking and showing up to workreally hung over, or maybe not
showing up at all or showing uplate.
So, you know, it was a littlebit tricky for me.
But I also got sober in thecity, so I know there's a ton of
(02:59):
great sobriety there.
But yeah, the drinking culturein New York City is like really
tough, especially if you'resomeone who likes to drink and
is trying to rationalize yourdrinking.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29-2 (03:09):
I am
danielle_2_03-29-2025_11414 (03:10):
So,
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (03:10):
Rick.
Over here.
I'm like, yes, yes.
Check, check.
Yeah.
It's so fascinating when youmove to NYC, especially coming
out of college, as youmentioned, being in spaces or
ecosystems where it's verynormal to binge drink.
I think to
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (03:26):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-2 (03:27):
like I also, when I moved to New York
in my twenties, I thought like,this is a rite of passage
almost.
this is normal.
This is what you're supposed tobe doing, living in a big city
and one day.
I will get it together, I willstop.
But that day, you know, I didn'toutgrow it is the point I'm
making.
Like I wasn't able to just, youknow, stop or moderate or be a
(03:49):
normal quote drinker.
And there's something specificthat I think about being.
A place like, like New York interms of the nightlife and just
all of the things that you cando.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (03:59):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29- (03:59):
it is fun.
Like I definitely had a lot offun.
If it weren't fun, I probablywouldn't have done it for so
long.
But then it came to a head
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (04:06):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (04:06):
right, where I was just obviously like,
this is not sustainable.
And so I would love to hear fromyou, what was it specifically, I
guess, about New York City?
Was it just this idea that youwere young and in the city?
Or were there parts of.
That really fueled yourdrinking.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (04:25):
Yeah, I think you said it perfectly.
It's sort of like when I was inNew York, yes, there were fun
parts, but it was also likeimmersed in everything.
Like you go to a yoga class andthey're like, here's champagne.
You go shopping.
And they're like, oh, would youlike a glass of champagne while
you look, while you browse?
And that was something I wasn'treally used to.
Just when you're, you know, whenyou're young, people don't.
(04:48):
Offer you that.
So as a young adult, I was like,this is amazing.
And it was just everywhere.
I mean, even in my office, wehad alcohol and beer in the
fridge and sometimes we wouldpour wine right at five o'clock
in the office, which was likesuper foreign to me.
And just there were noguardrails for me at that time,
(05:09):
and I just didn't realize that Ineeded those.
So I think.
Being someone who loved todrink, it was like, amazing.
Let's do this.
Where, when I was, I wasactually in Pennsylvania for a
few years prior to moving to NewYork, so I had a little bit of a
taste of like normal suburbanlife and that would be unheard
(05:30):
of.
There was no way alcohol was notpermitted on the premises.
We had happy hours like once.
Every six months it feels like.
So it was just a totallydifferent world in the city and
just very appealing for someonein their twenties who's like
ready to party.
And yeah, I felt like I wasliving the best life, but
(05:51):
honestly it was like so, sodark.
After the partying ended and Iwas hung over or I was like
dealing with the aftermath andthe consequences.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29- (06:00):
I, I agree with that.
And I think specific to movingfrom a suburban area, like I
moved from Florida to New York
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (06:09):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29 (06:09):
you know, I did party a lot in
Florida, but it felt like I hada lot more protection being in
the city.
I felt like there were verydangerous.
Parts because I was in a newplace, first and foremost.
Like if you move somewhere new,like you're not totally familiar
with the landscape.
But beyond that, like there weremoments Danielle, where I like
(06:30):
fell asleep on the MTA on thesubway, you know, after going
out for the night.
Like things like that.
Like literally IWI put myselfin, beyond compromising
situations to where anythingcould have happened to me.
So I'm so glad that.
worst things didn't happen tome.
But yeah, it's just this ideathat like you're in a place
(06:50):
where so much can happen andlike you really don't
necessarily know the full extentof the danger that you're in
when you're in it and whenyou're living that life.
So I'd love to learn from you,Danielle.
Did you experience quote like arock bottom or was there like a
turning point for you to whereyou were like, yeah, I, I need
to do something different, likea change needs to be done.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (07:14):
Yeah.
So I mean, I think for me, I hadunfortunately a few rock
bottoms.
Like there were definitelymoments where I think somebody
else might have stopped drinkingand said, okay, that's enough.
And I just, I kept thinkinglike, this will be different.
Something is gonna change.
And you know, it's like thatinsanity where you're doing the
(07:35):
same thing and thinking like,oh, well something's just gonna
magically change.
But there's something, you know,I'm not proud of it obviously,
but there was I was always like,oh, well I don't drink in the
mornings.
I don't do this until I did.
And there were times when I wokeup so hungover, I just couldn't
deal with the shame and thefeelings that I was having.
(07:57):
Like it just felt too big andtoo overwhelming that I did end
up drinking in the morning.
And I.
You know, that was really likethe breaking point.
Like I was kind of like, what isgoing on with me?
Like, I have a great job.
I have, you know, this greatlife in New York City.
Like, and I realized like it wasunmanageable.
I was not in control anymore,like the drinking was in
(08:19):
control.
And to your point about like thedangerous things, like I also
had times like that where Iwould.
See pictures on my phone ofcomplete strangers on the subway
and me like smiling with them oryou know, unfortunately one time
I fell asleep on a heating polein my apartment and had like
almost permanent burns on myarm.
And so I do think in the city,especially being a bit young and
(08:43):
maybe not realizing, likelooking back as a 30 5-year-old,
I cringe and I'm like, thank GodI'm safe and I'm okay.
And thank God worse thingsdidn't happen.
But yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (08:54):
Thank you for sharing that.
Yeah.
It's remarkable to think aboutall of the crazy things that I
did that I thought, I think evenat the time I knew it was
problematic, but it's so easy todelude yourself in those
moments.
And I also can resonate withdrinking like that threshold.
That line is being pushedfurther and further back.
(09:17):
The more you try to rationalizethat this is okay, and like I
would.
Not consistently, but there aremoments in my time, this is why
I believe, like obviouslythere's a spectrum when it comes
to alcohol use disorder, but
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (09:29):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29- (09:30):
in my life where, yeah, I was
drinking in the morning too.
I would call it like hair of the
danielle_2_03-29-2025_1141 (09:34):
Hmm.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (09:34):
right?
Like, oh, I'm so, so hungover,like I'm just gonna have a drink
because yeah, I can't function.
So yeah, it's just.
Now insane to think how that wasmy everyday life.
And to your point, my life wasunmanageable as well.
So what helped you, or whatpoint did you realize like I'm
(09:55):
going to either stop drinking ortake a break from drinking or
reframe my relationship withalcohol?
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (10:02):
Yeah, I mean, I think there was a lot
at the end.
I mean, I think to your point,you can always kind of
rationalize, like there weretimes when I woke up in the
hospital and even the people atthe hospital would be like, I
think you just had a bad night.
And I'm like, oh, it's actuallyso much more than that, but
appreciate you trying to makeme, you know, feel better.
But at the end I was sort of outof options.
(10:24):
Unfortunately for me, I knew ithad gotten bad and I knew it was
out of control.
And so I was like, still in the,for some reason, some crazy
reason.
I was still in the mindset thatI could figure it out on my own.
I was like, oh, I'll just besober.
I'll just not drink for a week.
I'm sure it's fine.
And I couldn't really do that.
And so finally I had some familyand close friends, a roommate
(10:46):
kind of intervene on me.
So they scheduled anintervention and.
Through that intervention, I wassort of told, you need to figure
out a way to get help.
And I was like, okay, fine,I'll, I'll go to counseling.
I get it.
Like I was very like half in atthat point I was like, okay,
like I'll do counseling.
That sounds reasonable.
And I was just not being honestwith myself.
(11:08):
I.
And they were basically like,you need something a little bit
more intense than that, becauseat that time I just was not
functioning.
And that, that idea sounded soterrifying to me.
They wanted me to go away to amental health facility and,
detox and also go through rehab,and that sounded so scary to me.
And so.
(11:29):
Unrealistic that I actuallydrank that night just not
wanting to be here anymore.
and sorry to kind of make itdark, but that's, I literally
was like life without alcohol orlike admitting I need rehab and
professional help is.
Just not where I thought I'dseen my life going, and I, I
just was like, this is, I, Ican't do this.
(11:50):
And so unfortunately for me,there wasn't really a choice at
the very, very end.
I ended up drinking so much thatnight that I was hospitalized.
And then from the hospital, theybasically told me, we can't
really release you to, go home,you're a liability to yourself.
It's unsafe.
So from there, I did go to a 28day rehab, and honestly, it was
(12:14):
the best thing that everhappened to me.
Like I really, really neededthat.
Even though it was like Ithought I was going to prison, I
was like, this is terrifying.
They're taking my phone.
I'm gonna be sleeping next to astranger who's an alcoholic.
Mind you, like, I'm also analcoholic, but.
Yeah, it was the best thing thatever happened to me, so.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-2 (12:35):
hear that.
That's beautiful.
But you have perspective now andyou recognize that that was the
best thing, but as you're livingthat it feels like you're being
confronted with the worstpossible outcome.
I'm curious to also understand alittle bit more nuance.
So obviously you recognize.
at that time that your life wasunmanageable, how did you feel
(12:56):
when you were being confrontedby friends and family and your
roommate in that moment whenthey're saying to you, Danielle,
like, we're concerned and wethink you need help beyond just
counseling.
Like what was it specifically,that was happening in terms of
like how you felt, but also likewhat was happening in terms of
what your life looked like, thatmanageability piece, and I'm
(13:17):
asking truly because.
I thought I was doing such agood job of like holding it,
quote air coding, holding ittogether and giving off
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (13:26):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-2 (13:26):
aura of being a girl that just liked
to have a good time internally.
I was dying.
But I'm just wondering
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (13:35):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (13:35):
like, were there glaring red flags or
what were the glaring red flagsthat led people to say like,
okay, no, Danielle, like, weneed to get together and
congregate as a, as a supportfor her to see that she needs
help.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114146 (13:48):
I like, love to think back because
it just reminds me like why I amsober.
But at that time there were liketwo Danielles.
There was like.
The fake Danielle, where I wassuper bubbly.
I presented like thriving sociallife on social media.
I had a good job in the city.
I was able to like, you know,have my own apartment with some
roommates.
(14:08):
But then what was really goingon was I was doing, so terribly
in terms of like the loneliness.
Like I didn't wanna let anyonein.
So I was really just at thattime drinking a lot by myself
and not really telling anyone.
Of course people knew, likepeople that were actually
around.
You know, my roommate, my momcould tell just by how I was
(14:29):
behaving and just how lost andhow.
Like hopeless I seemed but I wastrying really hard to hide it
and I was just such a disaster.
Like mentally, I was spirituallybroken.
I was, you know, not showing upfor commitments, like not
financially stable.
I was just in such a bad place.
(14:50):
But then to answer your earlierquestion about how I received
the information and theintervention, I was.
Still in complete denial.
Like even though all of thesigns were there, like I'm so
sure I was about to get fired atwork, even though I had always
been someone who was amazing onperformance reviews.
Not to brag, but I always wantedto check all of the boxes, and I
(15:13):
always liked to be kind of likethe.
A student, if you will, and Iwas seriously so close to
getting fired.
All my credit cards were maxedout.
I had no friends because I, Imean, I had friends, but I
wouldn't open up to them.
So I had like, I.
You know, surface level partyfriends, and I was just so empty
and alone.
(15:34):
But I didn't believe it too.
I was like, no, no, no.
I can probably still fix this.
I'm good.
And that's why I say thattreatment was the best thing for
me because I really needed to beremoved from my environment so I
could see what was really goingon.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (15:47):
That's beautiful.
Nadine Mulvina (15:48):
And now a quick word from our partners.
the-sober-butterfly_25_12 (15:50):
Okay, butterflies, let me let you in
on a little secret.
Self care is so much more thanjust bubble baths, it's about
finding what makes you feel yourvery best, inside and out.
And that's why I've beenobsessed with ClassPass for
years.
Whether I'm crushing a Pilatesclass, getting a fresh blowout,
(16:12):
or treating myself to a relaxingfacial, ClassPass lets me
explore all kinds of fitness andwellness options.
With just one membership, I canbook workouts, beauty
treatments, and so much more allin one app.
I've been a member since 2016,and I've booked over 500
(16:33):
reservations.
ClassPass makes it easy and funto prioritize my health and
happiness all the while stayingon budget.
And because I want you to feeljust as amazing as I do, I've
got an exclusive offer for mylisteners.
Sign up with my special link andyou'll get a free trial And 20
bonus credits to use toward anyclasses or services you want to
(16:55):
try.
So what are you waiting for?
Take that first step towardfeeling your best.
Head to ClassPass to get startedtoday.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (17:06):
Thank you for sharing that, Danielle.
That's really powerful andbeautiful.
Just to connect to parts of yourstory there, like think the two
versions that you had, like thatsplit, you
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (17:18):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29-2 (17:18):
I also felt like I was very much a
perfectionist and wanted toportray version of self, like
Nadine has it all together.
Look at her.
She's living with this best lifein New York and blah, blah,
blah.
All the things, but.
Like I mentioned before, like Iwas really suffering and I, I
find that so many people'sdrinking what fuels it is
(17:39):
something deep beneath thesurface.
And personally for me, I thinka, a big part of it was
grieving.
Like unfortunately I lost my dadin college and I never really
processed that death.
That of my life really is whereI saw a shift in my drinking
from.
crazy binge drinking collegewild times to like now
(18:02):
destructive.
Like I am breaking down, I'mbreaking windows.
I am literally crying andfighting and doing all the
things.
that's when I started to turn toalcohol as a source of comfort
and escapism.
So I'm wondering from you, didyou get to the root cause of
what was driving your drinking?
Were there any other things thatof entered that?
I guess motivation to drink orwhat were you turning to alcohol
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (18:25):
Yeah.
Well first of all, I'm so, I'mso sorry to hear about your dad.
That must have been reallytough.
And to answer your,
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (18:31):
you.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1159 (18:31):
your question about, you know, I
think drinking is just like thesurface.
It's just covering, it's thesymptom of the problem for me.
Like I had, you know, I had sometrauma in my early twenties with
sexual assault and so I thinkthat was something I was
covering up.
I also was.
Extremely shy and insecure andthat made me anxious.
(18:54):
And I, to this day, I'm stillanxious getting sober, didn't
fix the anxiety, but I havebetter coping skills where I'm
not just like trying to drink toget through it or not really
feeling the feelings, if thatmakes sense.
But I,
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (19:07):
yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115940 (19:08):
I am like incredibly anxious.
Like even now, if I'm like doinga presentation, I get like a
little bit sweaty, like I'mnervous.
I'm just a, a little bit of anervous Nelly, honestly.
So it was a combination ofthings for sure.
But I think had I had a littlebit more confidence and
self-worth maybe earlier on inlife, I would've been able to.
(19:29):
You know, deal with it a littlebit better rather than relying
on alcohol.
I mean, I think we're probablyabout the same age, but I think
mental health is just becomingsomething that people talk about
where I'm like, you know, if Iwent to therapy in my teens,
maybe I could have solved someof these issues instead of
thinking that alcohol was thesolution and then taking, you
(19:50):
know, 10 years to realize thatit was actually ruining my life.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (19:54):
Yeah, a root cause of what was driving
a lot of negative
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (19:58):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (19:59):
in your life.
the, the thing that you turnedto is also the thing that
betrays you in
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (20:04):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (20:04):
Yeah, I can resonate with all of that
as well.
So talk to us a little bit aboutwhat the treatment process was
like for you so I can relate toneeding to get out of your
environment.
To be able to take that exhale,really like take the time to
really do the work and processwhat's happening.
(20:25):
So what was that experience likefor you in treatment and what
were the big takeaways for you?
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11 (20:30):
That's such a great question.
So treatment, it was for me,like I just needed everything
removed.
Like I went to a pretty rigoroustreatment where no cell phones
We had a shared phone on thewall.
I'm forgetting what it's called.
Not a rotary, but like the
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (20:48):
The one with the
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (20:48):
yeah.
We could get like 15 minutes atnight to call someone.
I had no tv, nail polish was offlimits, like very serious.
And you know, I think I, I thinkI really needed that.
Just being able to really Focuson one thing.
They also asked me, I don'tknow, this is so memorable to
me, but when you go to the, theintake, they call it, they ask
(21:12):
you questions.
They give you like pajamas, theytake away your phone, they take
away everything.
And they asked me what I like todo and I really did not know,
which is so insane to me.
They're like, what do you spendmost of your time doing?
And at the time, like, I lovedmy job, so I was always
answering emails and working,and then I love to drink.
(21:32):
And I was like, I, I don't evenknow.
And like, I know we have this incommon, we both love to travel.
Like when I was in the city andI was drinking, I don't think I
left the city for like twoyears.
Like I was just there and I justwas like in a bubble.
the-sober-butterfly_3_0 (21:48):
Bubble.
It's insulating like there's, itreminds me, unfortunately, I
have so many references to Sexin the City.
I shouldn't say unfortunately,but it just reminds me of an
episode where one of the girlscan't remember if it was Carrie
Miranda Charlotte, or Samantha,but they date a quintessential
New York City guy who has neverleft New York in like 20 years
and.
when you bring that up, I'mlike, yeah, like the majority of
(22:10):
my twenties when I was livinghere, like I barely traveled.
Like I was so content with justbeing like, this is my identity.
I'm a New Yorker.
And also like these are thethings that New Yorkers do,
which is drink and party and allof the things.
So yeah.
Thank you for sharing that.
Like I just realized that aboutmyself as well, because hobbies,
what?
Hobbies I like to drink.
(22:30):
Like
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (22:30):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (22:31):
my hobby.
Yeah, it's a hobby.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (22:35):
But but yeah, so treatment, I always
think of that story.
And then I think community wassomething like, I went in, like
I was saying earlier, I thoughtI was literally going to prison.
Like I was like, who am I gonnabe rooming with?
What is happening?
And when I got there, I was sosurprised to find out that it
was all normal people, allpeople just like me and.
(22:57):
I mean, it's so obvious to menow, but at the time I was so
shocked because I just didn'thave any sober people in my life
or sober reference.
But the community aspect wasjust huge.
And also, I'm someone that I.
I still, to this day, I thinkI'm a pretty good listener, but
I at the time would leteverybody tell me how they were
(23:17):
doing and I would just kind ofabsorb it and not really share
anything.
And so that was really broughtto my attention that in groups
at the time, I would have to belike, called on.
'cause I, I wasn't, I.
Being vulnerable.
I wasn't opening up.
And that was something I really,really needed to do and work on
for like a couple of yearsbefore I got comfortable.
I mean, I'm doing it right now.
(23:39):
But I had to actually share andget things out instead of
bottling them up and then likeletting them boil over.
Because the boiling over for meis like, when I drink, I'm like,
burnt out.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm not talking.
So I think those were my biggesttakeaways, like community,
hobbies, and then just like.
Healthy ways to deal with stuffinstead of bottling it up.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (24:00):
I'm a talker actually.
Like love to yap.
But I realized too, like a lotof the conversations lacked up.
Like
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (24:08):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (24:08):
just be me talking about very surface
level things and I didn't wannabe vulnerable.
It was a way for me to.
Control the conversation, right?
Like if I'm just gonna talkabout these things, I'm not
giving myself an opportunity toreally get to the root of what,
what is going on in my life, oropening up and connecting with
people on that and that this iswhy having this platform and
(24:30):
having these conversations, Ifeel like is.
A duty for others, but reallyfor myself, if I'm being honest,
Danielle, like I need to keeptalking about my story because
it helps remind me and ground meand just default mode.
I'm not good about feeling oremotions and opening up and
sharing with other people.
I think partly I don't wanna bea burden, but also I don't want
(24:53):
people to see me in a certainlight
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (24:55):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (24:55):
and so, so much of that can keep
someone stuck.
So I, I try to actively.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (25:00):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (25:01):
Work on that.
'cause it's just not something,to be honest, that comes natural
to me.
So thank you for sharing that.
'cause it helps me also sharejust in my experiences as well.
So the 28
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1 (25:13):
Mm-hmm.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (25:14):
what was life like?
You know, returning to yourevery day,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (25:18):
Yeah, so.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (25:19):
you go back to.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115940 (25:20):
I did, I did, I think when I left.
It's been so long now, but Ithink that they you know, a lot
of people leave treatment andthey go to new cities, and I did
go back to my old life and it,you know.
I, I'm, I love familiarity.
So I did like that.
At the time I was on leave, so Iwas able to really absorb all of
(25:41):
the sobriety tools that New YorkCity offers.
So, I had to start in anoutpatient facility in New York
City, which to this day, like I,I still have such a soft spot
for that organization.
I also was going to a ton ofmeetings a lot of 12 step
meetings, so.
What's great about New York Cityis they're literally around the
(26:02):
clock.
Like I think even around bigholidays they have like Hons and
things like there's so muchsupport.
So I was really just trying themout and kinda seeing like which
ones I was vibing with, if thatmakes sense.
And just, I.
You know, trying to findlike-minded people so that I
wasn't resorting to drinking.
(26:23):
And I will say, I think thefirst, the first year for me was
really tough.
Like, I think I did go back tosome old coping mechanisms like
we were talking about earlier.
I, I would go to meetings andlisten, but I wasn't really
ready to share.
And unfortunately that did leadme back to another treatment.
But.
You know, I learned so much inthat first year and I, I just
(26:43):
feel like for me, it takes whatit takes and it took kind of
that next learning, you know,whatever issue if you will.
And then I finally got sober andstayed, stayed a little bit
closer to my sobriety once I wasout of that treatment, if that
makes sense.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (27:02):
Got it.
makes a lot of sense and I thinkit's a good data point.
Like so often people feel likethey slip up or if they have
quote, like a relapse, thatthat's it.
Like that's the end of it.
But I think it's a testament toyour willpower and to your
commitment to yourself and yourgoals.
If you decide to follow up andgo to, for example, another
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (27:25):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_ (27:26):
facility or if you continue on that
journey, I think that is wherethe beauty really comes through.
And you've learned, from havingany amount of sobriety under
your belt, like you've learnedsome of these things.
So I personally think it'seasier to, I.
Navigate a second or third go atit because you already know what
(27:46):
you're capable of.
You start to see maybe some ofyour blind spots clearer.
And say that because I think sooften people think that if they
mess up, like that's
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (27:57):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (27:57):
And it doesn't have to be.
It's all about where you decideto go from
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (28:02):
Yeah, I think for me that, I mean,
that's one of the hardest partsand I think you know, when I
messed up, I, I was getting tothe point where I was like, wow,
I feel so embarrassing.
Everybody else is getting thisexcept for me, like there must
be something wrong with me.
But like everything else withsobriety, now that I'm where I
am today, which is over threeyears sober, even though the
(28:22):
first, I would say like one ortwo years were really a
struggle, like I would.
Progressively build.
Like I couldn't do more than aweek for a while.
Then it was like 10 days then itwas, you know, so it was a very
slow build for me, and if Ididn't stick with it, I wouldn't
be where I am today.
But it's really hard when you'rein the thick of it.
Like, I just feel for peoplelike to go into a meeting and
(28:43):
say like, Hey, I have one dayagain.
It's.
It's really hard to do, but toyour point, it's like you've
been here before.
You know what to do.
You can do it again.
So I think it's so important tokeep coming back because it will
eventually stick.
I just think everyone's processis different.
I.
the-sober-butterfly_ (29:00):
Everyone's process.
That part is different, and Ithink we sometimes can be in our
own way because we'reobsessively thinking.
Oh, people are going to judgeme, right?
Like, oh, here she goes again.
Like she said that she was gonnado it this time.
We'll see, and I actually don'tthink that, I mean, that could
be a reality, but I think moreoften than not, we are
(29:23):
overthinking how we are beingperceived instead of like being
kind to ourselves andunderstanding that this is a
journey.
It's not a race.
And you know, if you need tobuild sobriety in your reservoir
until you're finally sober, ifthat's the goal, then take what
you need and follow the process.
(29:44):
But like, I think we put a lotof pressure on ourselves
sometimes to be perfect
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (29:47):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (29:48):
and that can actually be more
limiting and dangerous anddetrimental to the overall
outcome than we believe,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11 (29:55):
Hello.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (29:55):
we may assume so, yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (29:57):
And I don't know if you know this
expression in the program, butit's like I came from my
drinking, but I stayed for mythinking.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (30:04):
Yeah, I have heard that one.
That's a great one.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1159 (30:06):
That idea that like, and I still,
this is something I stillstruggle with sometimes.
Like the idea that people arethinking about me constantly and
my actions, like if I dosomething and I make a mistake,
I hold onto that and I will notlet go.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, likeNadine's judging me and she's
thinking about this.
And it's like, you're literallylike not spending a second
(30:28):
thought on it.
So
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (30:29):
Yeah,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1 (30:30):
people.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (30:30):
I've moved on.
I still have those moments.
I think back to like literallymiddle school one, one time in
eighth grade I leaned over andI'd just gotten my very first
thong.
My pink thong showed and I waslike, I literally, the other day
I was thinking about that and Iwas like, cringe.
is thinking.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115940 (30:48):
I love that.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (30:50):
Yeah, but we, we, you know, it's main
character energy.
Everyone should be the maincharacter of their life.
But sometimes I think we over,you know, overvalue how much
people are thinking about us,whether it's good or bad.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (31:03):
And they're the main character in
their life, so they're thinkingabout themselves.
So it's so funny, but
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (31:09):
it's a very human experience and I
love that.
I wanna touch on community for a
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (31:15):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_0 (31:15):
Because I too didn't know anyone sober.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (31:18):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (31:19):
My life.
I always joke, but it's thetruth.
Like I knew one sober girl shewas my roommate for the first
two years I lived in New Yorkand she was sober because both
of her parents were alcoholicsand she grew up in AA meetings
or going to meetingsessentially.
And so she just never drank.
So I don't know if that's thatis sober, but like it's a very
different experience than that.
(31:39):
I
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (31:39):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03 (31:40):
people who have never had a sip of
alcohol.
I was joking with a friend ofthe show and she was.
Saying that that she feels leastconnected to is the person
that's like, oh, I just don'tlike alcohol.
I just never had a taste for it.
Isn't that hilarious?
It's like, yeah, like I getthat.
I'm like, that's not relatablefor me.
(32:01):
That's not my story.
Anyway, so that was sort of thesober.
a point to what I had.
And also this roommate, youknow, I think she had good
intentions.
But she tried to have anintervention with me and I was
just like, I don't need you totell me what you think about my
drinking as someone who hasnever had a drink kind of thing.
(32:23):
So it was very much like.
Big flop on her end.
And I know she had good
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (32:28):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (32:28):
but I was not trying to hear it from
her.
So anyway, I say all that to saythat I think representation
matters in terms of community,even like community seeking and
building.
And when you mentioned going toyour 28 day program, you were so
concerned about oh my God, whois going to be rooming with me?
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (32:45):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_0 (32:46):
people?
And I felt the same way.
You know, in a city like NewYork, thankfully there are many
different.
Recovery meetings, but Iremember one of my first
meetings, I was in a room withpeople that I just didn't feel
like.
Honestly, if I'm being real,like reflected who I was as a
person, and so that wasoff-putting.
I was just like, I don't seemyself in these people.
(33:08):
There's no way I'm an alcoholic,even though I know now that I'm
an alcoholic.
So I do think it's important tomake connections with people
that you feel like, to yourpoint earlier.
May have similar values or belike-minded or even be, you
know, of the same gender, right?
Like I was looking for women inmy age group, relatively so, and
that's where I ended up buildingthe most community, which was
(33:30):
through a women's meeting.
That was remote and based inMiami, but all of these women
were beautiful and fabulous.
And I hate to sound superficial,but like I wanted to see that,
oh my God, like these are girlsthat I would actually be friends
with and they don't drink.
So I would love to hear abouthow you sought community or how
you found community in thoseearly days.
(33:51):
And then I would love to hear alittle bit about no boos crew,
because I know that it's allabout community.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (33:57):
Yeah, so I think I was the same, the
same way.
So when I went away fortreatment, obviously, you know,
you're rooming, it's the samegender.
So I was with all women, whichwas a lovely start for me.
And then when I got out again,like, I mean, I would just look,
there's some amazing apps whereI would just try to find you
know, I would look for women'smeetings.
(34:18):
I would also talk to people andthey would say there's a great
young person meeting.
Like they actually have so manyoptions that those are things
that are types of meetings.
And there were so many people.
I mean, New York City, I feelvery lucky.
And then after Covid though, Imoved to where I am now, which
is a super remote part of LongIsland.
(34:38):
And there was no community.
So I had one meeting in themorning that I could go to at
7:00 AM and if that time didn'twork like that was, that was it
for me.
So that's actually when Istarted going to sober Instagram
and really relying on that as atool.
And at the time,'cause it wascovid, a lot of people were
using sober Instagram to findcommunity and stay sober and get
(34:59):
sober.
And then No Boost Crew reallycame about in October of 2022.
I had found like such a greatgroup of sober women and we
wanted to give back.
And I'll say that maybe in myfirst couple years I wasn't
really in a place.
Where I could give back, like Isort of needed to like put my
oxygen mask on first.
I could barely like, take careof myself.
(35:20):
So no.
Boost crew was really founded onthe premise of, like, right now
it's a virtual community oflike-minded women.
I mean, we're all over theUnited States and Canada.
And it's basically just thatidea.
Like I think a lot of us havethis idea that alcoholics or
people that don't drink areweird or they're, you know,
potentially bad people or don'thave a moral compass.
(35:42):
And so it's just the idea tobring people in and let them
know like, Hey, we're all normaland we're just trying to deal
with life without drinking.
So that's kind of the ideabehind it.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29-2 (35:53):
I absolutely love that, and as
mentioned.
I went to remote meetings
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (35:58):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (35:58):
and I needed to feel connected to
other women who I felt likereflected or their lives at
least reflected some semblanceof my own life.
And in hearing their stories,like listening and then also
going back to what we sharedabout being vulnerable and
sharing said meetings, I wasable to do a lot of healing.
Like there was just something sopowerful from.
(36:21):
Being able to connect to otherpeople's story because it makes
you feel less alone, right?
Like, oh my God, like I wasn'tthe only one.
That is just a game changer.
And so I commend you on that forstarting this, first of all,
like that's incredible.
But then also just being able toshare this resource with other
people around the world isincredible.
Danielle.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (36:40):
Thank you so much.
And I will say like that idea oflike.
I've had things that I've beenso ashamed to say out loud.
And then when I do, people arelike, oh yeah, me too.
And I'm like, oh my God, I feelso much better.
But just I want people to know,like you and I, I think both
went through this where like, Ithought sober people I thought
were weird.
I thought life was gonna beover.
(37:02):
And I just want people to knowthere's so many things out
there, there's so manyresources, there's mocktails.
I think we both love Gia if I'mnot wrong.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (37:10):
Yes.
Love
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (37:11):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_ (37:11):
Absolutely obsessed.
Yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11 (37:13):
Funny.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (37:14):
With you starting No Boo Crew, and it
sounds like you did go to AAmeetings or are you able to talk
a little bit about that?
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (37:21):
Yeah, so I did, I did in the beginning
and I would, I actually would goback, honestly.
I mean, when I'm in the citysometimes I go, I got so much
out of them.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (37:31):
Yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (37:31):
But where I am, there's just not a
lot of options and I, I alsothink different things work for
different people.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (37:36):
Yeah, I referenced the AA too because
I think the thing that I lovedand connected the most with is
meeting people, like thatconnection piece, right?
Having a space to share and hearother shares was like my
favorite part of meetings.
But I feel like sometimes.
I don't have any issue with
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (37:54):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3 (37:54):
sometimes still go to meetings, but I
think for me, the part that felta little bit isolating, if I'm
being honest, I know they saytake what you need and leave the
rest, but I did feel like somepeople who were like really into
AA made me feel like if I don'tdo things in accordance to their
steps I would hear this morethan once, like, you're gonna
(38:15):
drink
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (38:15):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (38:16):
And that for me felt very like, I
don't know, I'm like, oh, if Idon't do this thing,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (38:21):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (38:22):
I'm gonna drink again.
I don't like that framing.
And so what I love the mostabout the meetings I bring that
up, is just simply the fact thatI was meeting amazing women.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (38:29):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03 (38:30):
That's why I think no boo crew is so
needed because people justsometimes need a space to listen
and be heard
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (38:36):
I'm wondering who is welcome to come
to no booze crew.
Do you have to be fully sober orin recovery?
Can you be sober?
Curious?
Can you
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (38:45):
Yeah.
Nadine Mulvina (38:46):
And now a quick word from our partners.
It really feels like you'rehaving a moment, pun intended,
when you're sipping on thelovely and refreshing moment.
Now what I love about moment isthat not only does it taste
delicious, I have my favoriteflavors.
I love the blood orange, I lovethe spicy mango, but it's also
(39:07):
good for you, which is exactlywhat I need in my life right now
as I'm in my early 20s.
30s.
It's infused with L theanine,which is great for mental
clarity.
It also is packed withashwagandha, which is great for
helping to fight stress.
It's made with all of thesenatural botanicals, which really
enhances your vitality.
It does not contain any addedsugar.
(39:28):
It's caffeine and of coursealcohol free and you can
purchase it in still orsparkling.
I love a good sparkle moment sothat's typically the route I
take.
In the morning it's great for aboost to start the day versus in
the afternoon if you want tobeat that afternoon slump and
enhance your mental clarity orif you just need like a simple
pick me up like for me I love tohave a moment after the gym
(39:51):
versus going into the gymbecause it just really helps.
Reenergize me.
And then in the evening, if youwant to wind down after a long
busy day and enjoy a deliciousmocktail without the hangover,
then Moment is great for thattoo.
One of the best parts for mewith Moment is I feel like it's
a really conscientious brand.
They donate 1 percent of alltheir sales to mental health non
(40:13):
profits, so you can feel goodabout supporting greater causes
as well.
Head over to drinkmoment.
com and use my code TSB23 toreceive 12 percent off your very
first order.
Let's be moment bunnies.
We can both have momentstogether.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122453 (40:31):
So no boost crew.
First and foremost it's anInstagram page.
So we share inspiration, weshare tips and then we do have
biweekly women's meetings.
So anyone that's interested inassessing their relationship
with alcohol is welcome to join.
We wanna welcome everybody.
So we're just happy that peopleare showing up and that they're
there no matter if they'requestioning their drinking, if
(40:52):
they've been sober for 10 years,if they're on a week sober.
And then the way that we run themeeting, so I.
Depending on the night, it'stypically a, a small group, and
we'll go around and it's aprocess group, which means we
just process kind of what'sgoing on for the group or what
comes up naturally.
So we'll usually do an intro andthat contains like, how is your
(41:13):
week?
What's your highlight?
What's your sober win?
Are you struggling with anythingright now?
And then it's really up to thegroup.
Like we really have a very openformat, so it's not just like
the group leader or the Nobucrew host that's interacting.
It's like everybody is welcometo give support or feedback to
each other.
I.
Yeah, and that's really it.
(41:34):
I mean, it's pretty casual.
We get people going through alldifferent things.
I think last week we weretalking a little bit about
people struggling with Kratam.
We talk about drinking.
Obviously we get people who are,trying to cut back.
So, yeah, I think it's a verysupportive community and we try
to welcome really anyone whowants to be there and wants to
(41:55):
listen and get support.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (41:57):
I love that so much and I'm gonna
come to one if I'm okay, ifthat's okay.
I would love to, because I asmentioned, I sometimes still go
to The women's group that's apart of aa, but sometimes I just
feel like because I'm notworking the steps right now.
And like all of the things, likeI just, it's going back to what
we talked about, like maybe it'sjust in my head and I'm
(42:17):
overthinking how other peopleperceive me, but I do feel
sometimes like, oh, I'm notdoing things in fidelity to the
program tenants and as aperfectionist, that makes me
feel a little bad.
Like, oh, I should be doing
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (42:30):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_ (42:31):
Probably a me thing, but still it's nice
to have.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (42:34):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (42:35):
Right?
It's nice to have differentavenues.
Nadine Mulvina (42:38):
And now a quick word from our partners.
Have you ever wished you coulddive into a great story while on
the go?
Maybe that's during your dailycommute or even while working
out.
Well, now you can, thanks toAudible.
Audible is the leading providerof spoken word entertainment in
audiobooks, and with Audible,you can turn any moment into a
(43:01):
storytime adventure.
Imagine having access to anunmatched selection of
audiobooks, right now.
Audible is not just a library.
It's a whole Experience with avast collection of genres from
mystery to romance to self helpand business Audible has
something for everyone andhere's the best part Your first
(43:23):
month is on me check the shownotes below and visit audible.
com slash tsb24 to start yourfree trial today.
Whether you're a seasoned booklover or just getting started,
Audible is the perfect companionfor your reading journey.
So why wait?
Head over to audible.
(43:43):
com slash tsb24.
Audible.
Because the best stories aremeant to be heard.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (43:51):
So down a little bit here,
Danielle, I would love to play alittle getting to know you game.
Is that okay?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (43:59):
let's do it.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (44:01):
Okay, cool.
These are just like rapid firequestions, so don't overthink
it.
Like,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (44:04):
Okay.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (44:04):
comes to mind, let me know.
Okay.
So, my first question for youwhat is your go-to sober drink
of choice?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (44:15):
Ooh.
I mean, I, I have to say I dolove Gia that I mentioned
earlier, but also just a seltzergirl, like if I need a sparkling
water, there's so many goodflavors.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (44:25):
I am the same way.
I love Gia.
I like the aperitif, like I
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (44:29):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (44:29):
it's not too sweet.
I'm not big on like super sweetdrinks and I think Gia has that
nice little kick.
So I'm with you there.
I'm also huge into sparklingwater right now.
I go through phases, but rightnow liquid death is my jam.
Like just the plain one, like noflavor.
What is your go-to?
Because like as a super person,like we can get into it.
What is your favorite seltzer?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (44:51):
Well, to be honest, what's top of mind
is day trip.
I mean, all of their flavors arereally good, but they just came
out with some new ones and so Ikeep finding myself like craving
one of those.
So I'll probably have,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (45:02):
had day trip yet.
Okay.
Day trip.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (45:04):
yeah, you have to.
I can go get day trip.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (45:08):
You're like, what?
Okay.
Is it available online or I'massuming just online, or is it
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (45:13):
It's online, but I actually
discovered it I think in a.
In a sober a, a no boost shop inthe city.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (45:21):
I am gonna add that to my list.
I'm super like snooty when itcomes to seltzer.
carbonation ratio, like I needall the things anyway.
All right, so my next questionfor you is, what is one New York
City memory drunk or sober thatstill makes you laugh?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (45:38):
Oh, that's such a good question.
ah, I wish I had a better oneprepared, but I will say like
when I was drinking, like Ijust, you know, I was so worried
about being like fun and funny.
Like I would just get sohammered and I had discovered
Snapchat and for whatever reasonin my.
Did you ever have things thatyou just associated in your
drunk mind that made no sense?
(46:00):
Like when I picked up mySnapchat, I thought I was a news
anchor.
Like I would get drunk and Ikept being like, Hey, we're
reporting live from blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And I like, it was just sobizarre and I just like, I
couldn't shake that.
Like I just thought I was a newsanchor when I was drunk and like
(46:21):
it was so weird.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (46:23):
I actually think that's hilarious
because Snapchat too, like itdisappears.
It's not really, at least Ihaven't been on Snapchat in
years, but when I was on there,like, it's not going out to the
masses.
It's just going out to thepeople who
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:33):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (46:34):
Right.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:34):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (46:35):
So, yeah.
That's absolute hilarious.
You're like yeah, guys reportinglive from, I don't know, the
bathroom, like, here we go.
No, I, I, I definitely, Iactually like that Snapchat
deletes because
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:47):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (46:47):
that more social media accounts did
that when I was drinking
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:51):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (46:51):
would get on lives and embarrassed
myself in many ways.
But anyway.
That's a good one.
That's a very good one.
I'm assuming you don't haveSnapchat, because you still have
that connection, that
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (47:01):
No, no, no.
I don't use Snapchat at all.
I feel like I had like a verybrief stint when I was drinking
and then that Was that forSnapchat?
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (47:09):
I use Snapchat to send nudes.
I'm gonna just put that on therecord.
That's what I, I don't have itanymore, but that's what I would
use
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (47:14):
Yeah I think that's what it was made
for.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (47:17):
the case.
Yeah, I think that's what thiswas me for too.
Okay.
Not just me.
See, I'm not alum.
So my next question for you is,oh, because you like to travel.
What has been your favoritetravel destination?
Sober.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122453 (47:32):
Oh my gosh, so many.
But I will say I went to the AlMafi coast About a year ago.
And so I'm Italian.
I mean, you can maybe tell by myname, but I'd never been to
Italy and just like, I'mactually gonna go back to Italy
in a couple weeks.
And Italy is beautiful and Ifeel so lucky to be able to do
it sober and remember everythingand like eat all the food and
(47:53):
all the pastries and stuff.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (47:55):
Italy is one of my favorite countries.
I went to Amalfi, like we didthe coast.
We did Positano, Capri,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (48:01):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (48:01):
but before I got sober I've been
back to Italy since gettingsober, but I have not been back
to the Amalfi Coast, and it wasone of my.
places on earth.
I mean, it's breathtaking,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (48:12):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (48:12):
was drunk the whole time And I am
going to, I'm gonna speak itinto existence.
I will go back to be mouth, besober because it is truly one of
the most magical places
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (48:21):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (48:21):
I love that.
So my final question for yougetting to know Danielle, what
is the best and worst piece ofadvice you've ever heard about
sobriety?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (48:31):
Ooh, that's a great question.
I think the best I mean, it's sosimple, but just like keep
coming back, I mean.
That to me, that's the firstthing that popped into my head.
Like, just keep trying.
'cause I was someone who wasliterally like really, really
struggling and had all theseambitions for like one year.
(48:51):
You know, I was the person thata week sober.
I was planning my one year andthen I was, it was like I was
drinking like the next week, butjust keep coming back and stick
with.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (49:01):
Going back.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (49:02):
with the people like you.
The worst advice, I mean, what'ssticking in my head right now is
kind of what you shared earlieris like the judgemental, the
judgmental people who say like,telling you you can't do
something.
Even now if I have friends whereI'm like, oh, I hope they're
doing okay, like people have toget there on their own.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (49:24):
Yeah.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (49:25):
And even to this day, I'm just not
someone that likes to be really,my husband can attest.
I don't like to be really toldwhat to do.
I think a lot of us are likethat.
And so, I mean, I think therewere people saying like, I
couldn't have my mental healthmedication, people saying I
shouldn't have kombucha.
And I just totally disagree withthe sentiment that, you know,
(49:45):
someone can tell you how to doyour sobriety.
So I think that's the worstadvice.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (49:50):
Yeah, I resonate with both of what you
shared.
Like the best being, you know,keep coming back.
I think it's like dot, dot, dot,It only works if you work it
like that
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (49:59):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (49:59):
too.
It's like you have to kind of dothe work
danielle_4_03-29-2025_ (50:01):
totally.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (50:02):
I, I realize that as well.
Like, I'm like, okay, like I cankeep showing up, but if I'm not,
you
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (50:08):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (50:08):
doing work on myself, then
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (50:10):
It's not happening.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (50:12):
yeah, it's, it's, and, and not to say
that you will drink again, butlike, I just think in general,
like we have to take action andwe have to like work on
ourselves and keep optimizingbecause sobriety is like, for
me.
the most important fundamentalstep to take, but it's not, you
know, fixed every area of mylife.
I still have to work in otherways, right?
(50:33):
I still have to act and improvein other ways.
So like I resonate a lot withthat and yeah, the scare
tactics.
I don't like when people To tellme what to do either.
Assuming best intentions, Ithink people are like, oh, like
I wanna help you, so I'm gonnatell you if you don't do this,
then there's a chance thatyou're relapse.
But my story is not necessarilyyour story or your lived
experience, so please stoplimiting me.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (50:56):
Yeah, and I think if people are trying
to tell you what to do, like Itry personally to keep it in
like this worked for me becausethat I think is more helpful and
they can take what they wantfrom that.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (51:06):
I also think that in general, the
way that we are hardwired ashumans, like I.
We respond better to personaltestimonials, right?
Like personal stories andexperiences.
If I were to have this podcastand always just be reading off
the long laundry list of stats,like statistics as to why
(51:27):
alcohol can and will ruin yourlife, like no one's gonna listen
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (51:31):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (51:31):
right?
Like it doesn't work.
We immediately like, or at leastmy brain, like.
Tunes off when I'm likeoverwhelmed with daunting
information around like how I'mgonna die if I keep drinking.
That's not gonna help me quitdrinking.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (51:44):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (51:44):
It's like, yeah, to your point, it's
like, this is what I did, thisis what worked for me.
And if people resonate withthat, then great.
And if they don't, then they'llfind out on their own
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (51:53):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (51:54):
for them.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_ (51:54):
totally.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (51:55):
Thank you so much for sharing that,
Danielle.
and so I have one final questionfor you.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (52:02):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (52:02):
If anyone listening who's sober,
curious, or thinking about theirrelationship with alcohol, what
advice could you offer to themor what would you want them to
know about sobriety or just yourjourney in general?
I.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (52:18):
Yeah, I love that question.
I would say that sobriety, likethere's this corny expression
about sobriety and like a lifebeyond your wildest dreams, but
I think it rings true in termsof like, you're not living up to
your full potential if you'redrinking or you're spending your
time hung over.
So I think don't be afraid totry.
(52:39):
Don't be afraid to like slideinto people's dms.
Like reach out.
There's so many opportunitieswith sobriety.
Like I think my whole last five,six years wouldn't have been
possible without sobriety.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (52:53):
Yeah.
I love that so much.
Yeah, you can't optimize yourlife, in my opinion,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122453 (52:58):
So
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (52:59):
if you're still tethered to
alcohol.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (53:02):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (53:03):
I think for me too, it's like if
you're questioning, don'toverthink it, but if you're
questioning your relationshipwith alcohol, then would argue
that.
There's something there,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (53:14):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (53:14):
like intuitively we know before we're
ready to acknowledge sometimes,but that inner knowing like do
not silence that voice or thatthought.
So thank you for sharing all ofthat today, Danielle.
I have felt very connected tohearing parts of your story and
I would love to open theplatform for you to share, like
if people want to connect withyou.
(53:35):
You mentioned sliding in thedms, like how can people find
you and how can they connectwith no booze crew?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (53:42):
Thank you and thank you so much for
having me.
It's been so nice to chat.
So you can find me on Instagramat that sober glow I get a lot
of dms.
Feel free to reach out if youneed support or wanna chat about
anything.
And then you can also reach outto No Boost Crew on Instagram.
There's a group of six of us whowill connect with you and are
here to help and support.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (54:04):
I love that so much and I am so
excited to see you.
When you go back to I Italy
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (54:10):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (54:10):
couple weeks, I'm gonna be so jealous,
but love that jealous in thebest way possible.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (54:15):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (54:15):
love Italy, so please.
Keep showing us how amazing lifecan look without alcohol,
because that's another thing Ido think you do amazingly.
When you take your trips, youare showing us the vantage
points, the views, the food,like just showing all the beauty
that can exist sober travel.
(54:36):
That's so needed as well.
Like people need to see itsometimes to believe it.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (54:39):
And we need to trade.
'cause you do the same,'causeyou have the best travel racks.
So.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (54:44):
Thank you.
the-sober-butterfly_5_04-24 (54:47):
One of the most powerful reminders I
learned from hearing Daniel'sstory is all around healing and
the fact that healing isn'talways linear, but it is always
possible, especially when you'resurrounded by a community that
gets it.
I hope today's episode gave yousomething to think about and
something to also smile about.
(55:08):
You can connect with Danielle onInstagram at that sober glow and
also check out her virtualcommunity at no booze crew.
Everything will be linked belowin the show notes.
They are doing such importantand uplifting work for sober
women everywhere.
If this episode resonated,please share it with a friend.
(55:28):
Post it on your stories, or justshoot me a dm.
I love hearing your feedback andwhat's truly landing with you
guys.
And remember butterflies, youare allowed to choose a
different path.
You're allowed to glow withoutthe booze.
So until next time, keep glowingand keep staying true to you.
I love you so much, butterflies.
(55:49):
See you next Friday.
Bye.
Hello, hello, and welcome to The Sober
Butterfly.
I'm Nadine Mulvina, and today weare joined with a very special
guest.
We have Danielle with us fromthat Sober Glow and no Booze
Crew, which is a free soberwomen's community providing peer
support.
Danielle, welcome to the show.
I'm so excited to get into itwith you today.
(00:22):
How are you?
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114146 (00:23):
Hi I'm so happy to be here and talk
to you today.
I'm doing great.
It's like a beautiful springSaturday.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (00:29):
Thank you for joining me today and I
feel like we have so much incommon.
So we've been Instagram friendsfor quite a while and I've been
following all of your inspiringposts and I love what you share
just around how you can liveyour best life without alcohol.
And I also try to do that withthe sober butterfly, so we have
that in common.
But also your early drinkingdays and having your first drink
(00:53):
at 14 and then moving to NewYork in your twenties.
My story as well, like I had myfirst sip of alcohol around 13,
14 and moved to New York in mytwenties, and I found that city
life really fueled my drinkingbefore getting sober.
So I would love to jump in withyour story.
How did alcohol become a part ofyour life?
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (01:13):
Yeah, so I had my first drink at 14
from the moment I found thatdrink, it was like a breath of
fresh air for me because at thetime I was super shy, a little
bit introverted.
I was, you know, straight astudent, did all of the right
things.
So it was a little bit of apivot for me to find alcohol.
But once I found it, it feltlike a game changer for me in
(01:36):
terms of my social anxiety andthings like that.
I would say I drank prettynormally because around that
age, you know, everybody's bingedrinking, everybody's playing,
drinking games, acting silly.
Then I went to college and kindof same thing, but I always in
the back of my head, knew therewas this little voice being
like.
(01:56):
we need more or, I was alwayslike, at last call, I was always
closing down the bars.
So there was always somethingthat was kind of telling me my
drinking was a bit different.
But I was able to, for all ofthat time, like my teens and
early twenties, rationalize itas like, oh, this is a phase.
I'm sure I'll grow out of itonce I, you know, find a
(02:16):
boyfriend, get.
Serious, settle down.
So I was able to kind of play itoff for a really long time.
And then, like you said, aftercollege, I moved to the city a
couple years later and it wasjust like game over.
Like every single night youcould find something to do,
someone to go out with a happyhour.
(02:36):
Tons of things to do in thecity, and I just found that to
be really exciting, honestly, atthe time.
But also very detrimentalbecause I was, you know,
drinking and showing up to workreally hung over, or maybe not
showing up at all or showing uplate.
So, you know, it was a littlebit tricky for me.
But I also got sober in thecity, so I know there's a ton of
(02:59):
great sobriety there.
But yeah, the drinking culturein New York City is like really
tough, especially if you'resomeone who likes to drink and
is trying to rationalize yourdrinking.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29-2 (03:09):
I am
danielle_2_03-29-2025_11414 (03:10):
So,
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (03:10):
Rick.
Over here.
I'm like, yes, yes.
Check, check.
Yeah.
It's so fascinating when youmove to NYC, especially coming
out of college, as youmentioned, being in spaces or
ecosystems where it's verynormal to binge drink.
I think to
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (03:26):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-2 (03:27):
like I also, when I moved to New York
in my twenties, I thought like,this is a rite of passage
almost.
this is normal.
This is what you're supposed tobe doing, living in a big city
and one day.
I will get it together, I willstop.
But that day, you know, I didn'toutgrow it is the point I'm
making.
Like I wasn't able to just, youknow, stop or moderate or be a
(03:49):
normal quote drinker.
And there's something specificthat I think about being.
A place like, like New York interms of the nightlife and just
all of the things that you cando.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (03:59):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29- (03:59):
it is fun.
Like I definitely had a lot offun.
If it weren't fun, I probablywouldn't have done it for so
long.
But then it came to a head
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (04:06):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (04:06):
right, where I was just obviously like,
this is not sustainable.
And so I would love to hear fromyou, what was it specifically, I
guess, about New York City?
Was it just this idea that youwere young and in the city?
Or were there parts of.
That really fueled yourdrinking.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (04:25):
Yeah, I think you said it perfectly.
It's sort of like when I was inNew York, yes, there were fun
parts, but it was also likeimmersed in everything.
Like you go to a yoga class andthey're like, here's champagne.
You go shopping.
And they're like, oh, would youlike a glass of champagne while
you look, while you browse?
And that was something I wasn'treally used to.
Just when you're, you know, whenyou're young, people don't.
(04:48):
Offer you that.
So as a young adult, I was like,this is amazing.
And it was just everywhere.
I mean, even in my office, wehad alcohol and beer in the
fridge and sometimes we wouldpour wine right at five o'clock
in the office, which was likesuper foreign to me.
And just there were noguardrails for me at that time,
(05:09):
and I just didn't realize that Ineeded those.
So I think.
Being someone who loved todrink, it was like, amazing.
Let's do this.
Where, when I was, I wasactually in Pennsylvania for a
few years prior to moving to NewYork, so I had a little bit of a
taste of like normal suburbanlife and that would be unheard
(05:30):
of.
There was no way alcohol was notpermitted on the premises.
We had happy hours like once.
Every six months it feels like.
So it was just a totallydifferent world in the city and
just very appealing for someonein their twenties who's like
ready to party.
And yeah, I felt like I wasliving the best life, but
(05:51):
honestly it was like so, sodark.
After the partying ended and Iwas hung over or I was like
dealing with the aftermath andthe consequences.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29- (06:00):
I, I agree with that.
And I think specific to movingfrom a suburban area, like I
moved from Florida to New York
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (06:09):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29 (06:09):
you know, I did party a lot in
Florida, but it felt like I hada lot more protection being in
the city.
I felt like there were verydangerous.
Parts because I was in a newplace, first and foremost.
Like if you move somewhere new,like you're not totally familiar
with the landscape.
But beyond that, like there weremoments Danielle, where I like
(06:30):
fell asleep on the MTA on thesubway, you know, after going
out for the night.
Like things like that.
Like literally IWI put myselfin, beyond compromising
situations to where anythingcould have happened to me.
So I'm so glad that.
worst things didn't happen tome.
But yeah, it's just this ideathat like you're in a place
(06:50):
where so much can happen andlike you really don't
necessarily know the full extentof the danger that you're in
when you're in it and whenyou're living that life.
So I'd love to learn from you,Danielle.
Did you experience quote like arock bottom or was there like a
turning point for you to whereyou were like, yeah, I, I need
to do something different, likea change needs to be done.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (07:14):
Yeah.
So I mean, I think for me, I hadunfortunately a few rock
bottoms.
Like there were definitelymoments where I think somebody
else might have stopped drinkingand said, okay, that's enough.
And I just, I kept thinkinglike, this will be different.
Something is gonna change.
And you know, it's like thatinsanity where you're doing the
(07:35):
same thing and thinking like,oh, well something's just gonna
magically change.
But there's something, you know,I'm not proud of it obviously,
but there was I was always like,oh, well I don't drink in the
mornings.
I don't do this until I did.
And there were times when I wokeup so hungover, I just couldn't
deal with the shame and thefeelings that I was having.
(07:57):
Like it just felt too big andtoo overwhelming that I did end
up drinking in the morning.
And I.
You know, that was really likethe breaking point.
Like I was kind of like, what isgoing on with me?
Like, I have a great job.
I have, you know, this greatlife in New York City.
Like, and I realized like it wasunmanageable.
I was not in control anymore,like the drinking was in
(08:19):
control.
And to your point about like thedangerous things, like I also
had times like that where Iwould.
See pictures on my phone ofcomplete strangers on the subway
and me like smiling with them oryou know, unfortunately one time
I fell asleep on a heating polein my apartment and had like
almost permanent burns on myarm.
And so I do think in the city,especially being a bit young and
(08:43):
maybe not realizing, likelooking back as a 30 5-year-old,
I cringe and I'm like, thank GodI'm safe and I'm okay.
And thank God worse thingsdidn't happen.
But yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (08:54):
Thank you for sharing that.
Yeah.
It's remarkable to think aboutall of the crazy things that I
did that I thought, I think evenat the time I knew it was
problematic, but it's so easy todelude yourself in those
moments.
And I also can resonate withdrinking like that threshold.
That line is being pushedfurther and further back.
(09:17):
The more you try to rationalizethat this is okay, and like I
would.
Not consistently, but there aremoments in my time, this is why
I believe, like obviouslythere's a spectrum when it comes
to alcohol use disorder, but
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (09:29):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-29- (09:30):
in my life where, yeah, I was
drinking in the morning too.
I would call it like hair of the
danielle_2_03-29-2025_1141 (09:34):
Hmm.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (09:34):
right?
Like, oh, I'm so, so hungover,like I'm just gonna have a drink
because yeah, I can't function.
So yeah, it's just.
Now insane to think how that wasmy everyday life.
And to your point, my life wasunmanageable as well.
So what helped you, or whatpoint did you realize like I'm
(09:55):
going to either stop drinking ortake a break from drinking or
reframe my relationship withalcohol?
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (10:02):
Yeah, I mean, I think there was a lot
at the end.
I mean, I think to your point,you can always kind of
rationalize, like there weretimes when I woke up in the
hospital and even the people atthe hospital would be like, I
think you just had a bad night.
And I'm like, oh, it's actuallyso much more than that, but
appreciate you trying to makeme, you know, feel better.
But at the end I was sort of outof options.
(10:24):
Unfortunately for me, I knew ithad gotten bad and I knew it was
out of control.
And so I was like, still in the,for some reason, some crazy
reason.
I was still in the mindset thatI could figure it out on my own.
I was like, oh, I'll just besober.
I'll just not drink for a week.
I'm sure it's fine.
And I couldn't really do that.
And so finally I had some familyand close friends, a roommate
(10:46):
kind of intervene on me.
So they scheduled anintervention and.
Through that intervention, I wassort of told, you need to figure
out a way to get help.
And I was like, okay, fine,I'll, I'll go to counseling.
I get it.
Like I was very like half in atthat point I was like, okay,
like I'll do counseling.
That sounds reasonable.
And I was just not being honestwith myself.
(11:08):
I.
And they were basically like,you need something a little bit
more intense than that, becauseat that time I just was not
functioning.
And that, that idea sounded soterrifying to me.
They wanted me to go away to amental health facility and,
detox and also go through rehab,and that sounded so scary to me.
And so.
(11:29):
Unrealistic that I actuallydrank that night just not
wanting to be here anymore.
and sorry to kind of make itdark, but that's, I literally
was like life without alcohol orlike admitting I need rehab and
professional help is.
Just not where I thought I'dseen my life going, and I, I
just was like, this is, I, Ican't do this.
(11:50):
And so unfortunately for me,there wasn't really a choice at
the very, very end.
I ended up drinking so much thatnight that I was hospitalized.
And then from the hospital, theybasically told me, we can't
really release you to, go home,you're a liability to yourself.
It's unsafe.
So from there, I did go to a 28day rehab, and honestly, it was
(12:14):
the best thing that everhappened to me.
Like I really, really neededthat.
Even though it was like Ithought I was going to prison, I
was like, this is terrifying.
They're taking my phone.
I'm gonna be sleeping next to astranger who's an alcoholic.
Mind you, like, I'm also analcoholic, but.
Yeah, it was the best thing thatever happened to me, so.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-2 (12:35):
hear that.
That's beautiful.
But you have perspective now andyou recognize that that was the
best thing, but as you're livingthat it feels like you're being
confronted with the worstpossible outcome.
I'm curious to also understand alittle bit more nuance.
So obviously you recognize.
at that time that your life wasunmanageable, how did you feel
(12:56):
when you were being confrontedby friends and family and your
roommate in that moment whenthey're saying to you, Danielle,
like, we're concerned and wethink you need help beyond just
counseling.
Like what was it specifically,that was happening in terms of
like how you felt, but also likewhat was happening in terms of
what your life looked like, thatmanageability piece, and I'm
(13:17):
asking truly because.
I thought I was doing such agood job of like holding it,
quote air coding, holding ittogether and giving off
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (13:26):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03-2 (13:26):
aura of being a girl that just liked
to have a good time internally.
I was dying.
But I'm just wondering
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114 (13:35):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03- (13:35):
like, were there glaring red flags or
what were the glaring red flagsthat led people to say like,
okay, no, Danielle, like, weneed to get together and
congregate as a, as a supportfor her to see that she needs
help.
danielle_2_03-29-2025_114146 (13:48):
I like, love to think back because
it just reminds me like why I amsober.
But at that time there were liketwo Danielles.
There was like.
The fake Danielle, where I wassuper bubbly.
I presented like thriving sociallife on social media.
I had a good job in the city.
I was able to like, you know,have my own apartment with some
roommates.
(14:08):
But then what was really goingon was I was doing, so terribly
in terms of like the loneliness.
Like I didn't wanna let anyonein.
So I was really just at thattime drinking a lot by myself
and not really telling anyone.
Of course people knew, likepeople that were actually
around.
You know, my roommate, my momcould tell just by how I was
(14:29):
behaving and just how lost andhow.
Like hopeless I seemed but I wastrying really hard to hide it
and I was just such a disaster.
Like mentally, I was spirituallybroken.
I was, you know, not showing upfor commitments, like not
financially stable.
I was just in such a bad place.
(14:50):
But then to answer your earlierquestion about how I received
the information and theintervention, I was.
Still in complete denial.
Like even though all of thesigns were there, like I'm so
sure I was about to get fired atwork, even though I had always
been someone who was amazing onperformance reviews.
Not to brag, but I always wantedto check all of the boxes, and I
(15:13):
always liked to be kind of likethe.
A student, if you will, and Iwas seriously so close to
getting fired.
All my credit cards were maxedout.
I had no friends because I, Imean, I had friends, but I
wouldn't open up to them.
So I had like, I.
You know, surface level partyfriends, and I was just so empty
and alone.
(15:34):
But I didn't believe it too.
I was like, no, no, no.
I can probably still fix this.
I'm good.
And that's why I say thattreatment was the best thing for
me because I really needed to beremoved from my environment so I
could see what was really goingon.
the-sober-butterfly_2_03 (15:47):
That's beautiful.
Nadine Mulvina (15:48):
And now a quick word from our partners.
the-sober-butterfly_25_12 (15:50):
Okay, butterflies, let me let you in
on a little secret.
Self care is so much more thanjust bubble baths, it's about
finding what makes you feel yourvery best, inside and out.
And that's why I've beenobsessed with ClassPass for
years.
Whether I'm crushing a Pilatesclass, getting a fresh blowout,
(16:12):
or treating myself to a relaxingfacial, ClassPass lets me
explore all kinds of fitness andwellness options.
With just one membership, I canbook workouts, beauty
treatments, and so much more allin one app.
I've been a member since 2016,and I've booked over 500
(16:33):
reservations.
ClassPass makes it easy and funto prioritize my health and
happiness all the while stayingon budget.
And because I want you to feeljust as amazing as I do, I've
got an exclusive offer for mylisteners.
Sign up with my special link andyou'll get a free trial And 20
bonus credits to use toward anyclasses or services you want to
(16:55):
try.
So what are you waiting for?
Take that first step towardfeeling your best.
Head to ClassPass to get startedtoday.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (17:06):
Thank you for sharing that, Danielle.
That's really powerful andbeautiful.
Just to connect to parts of yourstory there, like think the two
versions that you had, like thatsplit, you
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (17:18):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29-2 (17:18):
I also felt like I was very much a
perfectionist and wanted toportray version of self, like
Nadine has it all together.
Look at her.
She's living with this best lifein New York and blah, blah,
blah.
All the things, but.
Like I mentioned before, like Iwas really suffering and I, I
find that so many people'sdrinking what fuels it is
(17:39):
something deep beneath thesurface.
And personally for me, I thinka, a big part of it was
grieving.
Like unfortunately I lost my dadin college and I never really
processed that death.
That of my life really is whereI saw a shift in my drinking
from.
crazy binge drinking collegewild times to like now
(18:02):
destructive.
Like I am breaking down, I'mbreaking windows.
I am literally crying andfighting and doing all the
things.
that's when I started to turn toalcohol as a source of comfort
and escapism.
So I'm wondering from you, didyou get to the root cause of
what was driving your drinking?
Were there any other things thatof entered that?
I guess motivation to drink orwhat were you turning to alcohol
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (18:25):
Yeah.
Well first of all, I'm so, I'mso sorry to hear about your dad.
That must have been reallytough.
And to answer your,
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (18:31):
you.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1159 (18:31):
your question about, you know, I
think drinking is just like thesurface.
It's just covering, it's thesymptom of the problem for me.
Like I had, you know, I had sometrauma in my early twenties with
sexual assault and so I thinkthat was something I was
covering up.
I also was.
Extremely shy and insecure andthat made me anxious.
(18:54):
And I, to this day, I'm stillanxious getting sober, didn't
fix the anxiety, but I havebetter coping skills where I'm
not just like trying to drink toget through it or not really
feeling the feelings, if thatmakes sense.
But I,
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (19:07):
yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115940 (19:08):
I am like incredibly anxious.
Like even now, if I'm like doinga presentation, I get like a
little bit sweaty, like I'mnervous.
I'm just a, a little bit of anervous Nelly, honestly.
So it was a combination ofthings for sure.
But I think had I had a littlebit more confidence and
self-worth maybe earlier on inlife, I would've been able to.
(19:29):
You know, deal with it a littlebit better rather than relying
on alcohol.
I mean, I think we're probablyabout the same age, but I think
mental health is just becomingsomething that people talk about
where I'm like, you know, if Iwent to therapy in my teens,
maybe I could have solved someof these issues instead of
thinking that alcohol was thesolution and then taking, you
(19:50):
know, 10 years to realize thatit was actually ruining my life.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (19:54):
Yeah, a root cause of what was driving
a lot of negative
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (19:58):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (19:59):
in your life.
the, the thing that you turnedto is also the thing that
betrays you in
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (20:04):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (20:04):
Yeah, I can resonate with all of that
as well.
So talk to us a little bit aboutwhat the treatment process was
like for you so I can relate toneeding to get out of your
environment.
To be able to take that exhale,really like take the time to
really do the work and processwhat's happening.
(20:25):
So what was that experience likefor you in treatment and what
were the big takeaways for you?
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11 (20:30):
That's such a great question.
So treatment, it was for me,like I just needed everything
removed.
Like I went to a pretty rigoroustreatment where no cell phones
We had a shared phone on thewall.
I'm forgetting what it's called.
Not a rotary, but like the
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (20:48):
The one with the
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (20:48):
yeah.
We could get like 15 minutes atnight to call someone.
I had no tv, nail polish was offlimits, like very serious.
And you know, I think I, I thinkI really needed that.
Just being able to really Focuson one thing.
They also asked me, I don'tknow, this is so memorable to
me, but when you go to the, theintake, they call it, they ask
(21:12):
you questions.
They give you like pajamas, theytake away your phone, they take
away everything.
And they asked me what I like todo and I really did not know,
which is so insane to me.
They're like, what do you spendmost of your time doing?
And at the time, like, I lovedmy job, so I was always
answering emails and working,and then I love to drink.
(21:32):
And I was like, I, I don't evenknow.
And like, I know we have this incommon, we both love to travel.
Like when I was in the city andI was drinking, I don't think I
left the city for like twoyears.
Like I was just there and I justwas like in a bubble.
the-sober-butterfly_3_0 (21:48):
Bubble.
It's insulating like there's, itreminds me, unfortunately, I
have so many references to Sexin the City.
I shouldn't say unfortunately,but it just reminds me of an
episode where one of the girlscan't remember if it was Carrie
Miranda Charlotte, or Samantha,but they date a quintessential
New York City guy who has neverleft New York in like 20 years
and.
when you bring that up, I'mlike, yeah, like the majority of
(22:10):
my twenties when I was livinghere, like I barely traveled.
Like I was so content with justbeing like, this is my identity.
I'm a New Yorker.
And also like these are thethings that New Yorkers do,
which is drink and party and allof the things.
So yeah.
Thank you for sharing that.
Like I just realized that aboutmyself as well, because hobbies,
what?
Hobbies I like to drink.
(22:30):
Like
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (22:30):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (22:31):
my hobby.
Yeah, it's a hobby.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (22:35):
But but yeah, so treatment, I always
think of that story.
And then I think community wassomething like, I went in, like
I was saying earlier, I thoughtI was literally going to prison.
Like I was like, who am I gonnabe rooming with?
What is happening?
And when I got there, I was sosurprised to find out that it
was all normal people, allpeople just like me and.
(22:57):
I mean, it's so obvious to menow, but at the time I was so
shocked because I just didn'thave any sober people in my life
or sober reference.
But the community aspect wasjust huge.
And also, I'm someone that I.
I still, to this day, I thinkI'm a pretty good listener, but
I at the time would leteverybody tell me how they were
(23:17):
doing and I would just kind ofabsorb it and not really share
anything.
And so that was really broughtto my attention that in groups
at the time, I would have to belike, called on.
'cause I, I wasn't, I.
Being vulnerable.
I wasn't opening up.
And that was something I really,really needed to do and work on
for like a couple of yearsbefore I got comfortable.
I mean, I'm doing it right now.
(23:39):
But I had to actually share andget things out instead of
bottling them up and then likeletting them boil over.
Because the boiling over for meis like, when I drink, I'm like,
burnt out.
I'm overwhelmed.
I'm not talking.
So I think those were my biggesttakeaways, like community,
hobbies, and then just like.
Healthy ways to deal with stuffinstead of bottling it up.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (24:00):
I'm a talker actually.
Like love to yap.
But I realized too, like a lotof the conversations lacked up.
Like
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (24:08):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (24:08):
just be me talking about very surface
level things and I didn't wannabe vulnerable.
It was a way for me to.
Control the conversation, right?
Like if I'm just gonna talkabout these things, I'm not
giving myself an opportunity toreally get to the root of what,
what is going on in my life, oropening up and connecting with
people on that and that this iswhy having this platform and
(24:30):
having these conversations, Ifeel like is.
A duty for others, but reallyfor myself, if I'm being honest,
Danielle, like I need to keeptalking about my story because
it helps remind me and ground meand just default mode.
I'm not good about feeling oremotions and opening up and
sharing with other people.
I think partly I don't wanna bea burden, but also I don't want
(24:53):
people to see me in a certainlight
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (24:55):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (24:55):
and so, so much of that can keep
someone stuck.
So I, I try to actively.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (25:00):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (25:01):
Work on that.
'cause it's just not something,to be honest, that comes natural
to me.
So thank you for sharing that.
'cause it helps me also sharejust in my experiences as well.
So the 28
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1 (25:13):
Mm-hmm.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (25:14):
what was life like?
You know, returning to yourevery day,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (25:18):
Yeah, so.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (25:19):
you go back to.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115940 (25:20):
I did, I did, I think when I left.
It's been so long now, but Ithink that they you know, a lot
of people leave treatment andthey go to new cities, and I did
go back to my old life and it,you know.
I, I'm, I love familiarity.
So I did like that.
At the time I was on leave, so Iwas able to really absorb all of
(25:41):
the sobriety tools that New YorkCity offers.
So, I had to start in anoutpatient facility in New York
City, which to this day, like I,I still have such a soft spot
for that organization.
I also was going to a ton ofmeetings a lot of 12 step
meetings, so.
What's great about New York Cityis they're literally around the
(26:02):
clock.
Like I think even around bigholidays they have like Hons and
things like there's so muchsupport.
So I was really just trying themout and kinda seeing like which
ones I was vibing with, if thatmakes sense.
And just, I.
You know, trying to findlike-minded people so that I
wasn't resorting to drinking.
(26:23):
And I will say, I think thefirst, the first year for me was
really tough.
Like, I think I did go back tosome old coping mechanisms like
we were talking about earlier.
I, I would go to meetings andlisten, but I wasn't really
ready to share.
And unfortunately that did leadme back to another treatment.
But.
You know, I learned so much inthat first year and I, I just
(26:43):
feel like for me, it takes whatit takes and it took kind of
that next learning, you know,whatever issue if you will.
And then I finally got sober andstayed, stayed a little bit
closer to my sobriety once I wasout of that treatment, if that
makes sense.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (27:02):
Got it.
makes a lot of sense and I thinkit's a good data point.
Like so often people feel likethey slip up or if they have
quote, like a relapse, thatthat's it.
Like that's the end of it.
But I think it's a testament toyour willpower and to your
commitment to yourself and yourgoals.
If you decide to follow up andgo to, for example, another
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (27:25):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_ (27:26):
facility or if you continue on that
journey, I think that is wherethe beauty really comes through.
And you've learned, from havingany amount of sobriety under
your belt, like you've learnedsome of these things.
So I personally think it'seasier to, I.
Navigate a second or third go atit because you already know what
(27:46):
you're capable of.
You start to see maybe some ofyour blind spots clearer.
And say that because I think sooften people think that if they
mess up, like that's
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (27:57):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (27:57):
And it doesn't have to be.
It's all about where you decideto go from
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (28:02):
Yeah, I think for me that, I mean,
that's one of the hardest partsand I think you know, when I
messed up, I, I was getting tothe point where I was like, wow,
I feel so embarrassing.
Everybody else is getting thisexcept for me, like there must
be something wrong with me.
But like everything else withsobriety, now that I'm where I
am today, which is over threeyears sober, even though the
(28:22):
first, I would say like one ortwo years were really a
struggle, like I would.
Progressively build.
Like I couldn't do more than aweek for a while.
Then it was like 10 days then itwas, you know, so it was a very
slow build for me, and if Ididn't stick with it, I wouldn't
be where I am today.
But it's really hard when you'rein the thick of it.
Like, I just feel for peoplelike to go into a meeting and
(28:43):
say like, Hey, I have one dayagain.
It's.
It's really hard to do, but toyour point, it's like you've
been here before.
You know what to do.
You can do it again.
So I think it's so important tokeep coming back because it will
eventually stick.
I just think everyone's processis different.
I.
the-sober-butterfly_ (29:00):
Everyone's process.
That part is different, and Ithink we sometimes can be in our
own way because we'reobsessively thinking.
Oh, people are going to judgeme, right?
Like, oh, here she goes again.
Like she said that she was gonnado it this time.
We'll see, and I actually don'tthink that, I mean, that could
be a reality, but I think moreoften than not, we are
(29:23):
overthinking how we are beingperceived instead of like being
kind to ourselves andunderstanding that this is a
journey.
It's not a race.
And you know, if you need tobuild sobriety in your reservoir
until you're finally sober, ifthat's the goal, then take what
you need and follow the process.
(29:44):
But like, I think we put a lotof pressure on ourselves
sometimes to be perfect
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (29:47):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (29:48):
and that can actually be more
limiting and dangerous anddetrimental to the overall
outcome than we believe,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11 (29:55):
Hello.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (29:55):
we may assume so, yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (29:57):
And I don't know if you know this
expression in the program, butit's like I came from my
drinking, but I stayed for mythinking.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (30:04):
Yeah, I have heard that one.
That's a great one.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1159 (30:06):
That idea that like, and I still,
this is something I stillstruggle with sometimes.
Like the idea that people arethinking about me constantly and
my actions, like if I dosomething and I make a mistake,
I hold onto that and I will notlet go.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, likeNadine's judging me and she's
thinking about this.
And it's like, you're literallylike not spending a second
(30:28):
thought on it.
So
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (30:29):
Yeah,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_1 (30:30):
people.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (30:30):
I've moved on.
I still have those moments.
I think back to like literallymiddle school one, one time in
eighth grade I leaned over andI'd just gotten my very first
thong.
My pink thong showed and I waslike, I literally, the other day
I was thinking about that and Iwas like, cringe.
is thinking.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115940 (30:48):
I love that.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (30:50):
Yeah, but we, we, you know, it's main
character energy.
Everyone should be the maincharacter of their life.
But sometimes I think we over,you know, overvalue how much
people are thinking about us,whether it's good or bad.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (31:03):
And they're the main character in
their life, so they're thinkingabout themselves.
So it's so funny, but
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (31:09):
it's a very human experience and I
love that.
I wanna touch on community for a
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (31:15):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_0 (31:15):
Because I too didn't know anyone sober.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (31:18):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29- (31:19):
My life.
I always joke, but it's thetruth.
Like I knew one sober girl shewas my roommate for the first
two years I lived in New Yorkand she was sober because both
of her parents were alcoholicsand she grew up in AA meetings
or going to meetingsessentially.
And so she just never drank.
So I don't know if that's thatis sober, but like it's a very
different experience than that.
(31:39):
I
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (31:39):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03 (31:40):
people who have never had a sip of
alcohol.
I was joking with a friend ofthe show and she was.
Saying that that she feels leastconnected to is the person
that's like, oh, I just don'tlike alcohol.
I just never had a taste for it.
Isn't that hilarious?
It's like, yeah, like I getthat.
I'm like, that's not relatablefor me.
(32:01):
That's not my story.
Anyway, so that was sort of thesober.
a point to what I had.
And also this roommate, youknow, I think she had good
intentions.
But she tried to have anintervention with me and I was
just like, I don't need you totell me what you think about my
drinking as someone who hasnever had a drink kind of thing.
(32:23):
So it was very much like.
Big flop on her end.
And I know she had good
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (32:28):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (32:28):
but I was not trying to hear it from
her.
So anyway, I say all that to saythat I think representation
matters in terms of community,even like community seeking and
building.
And when you mentioned going toyour 28 day program, you were so
concerned about oh my God, whois going to be rooming with me?
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (32:45):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_0 (32:46):
people?
And I felt the same way.
You know, in a city like NewYork, thankfully there are many
different.
Recovery meetings, but Iremember one of my first
meetings, I was in a room withpeople that I just didn't feel
like.
Honestly, if I'm being real,like reflected who I was as a
person, and so that wasoff-putting.
I was just like, I don't seemyself in these people.
(33:08):
There's no way I'm an alcoholic,even though I know now that I'm
an alcoholic.
So I do think it's important tomake connections with people
that you feel like, to yourpoint earlier.
May have similar values or belike-minded or even be, you
know, of the same gender, right?
Like I was looking for women inmy age group, relatively so, and
that's where I ended up buildingthe most community, which was
(33:30):
through a women's meeting.
That was remote and based inMiami, but all of these women
were beautiful and fabulous.
And I hate to sound superficial,but like I wanted to see that,
oh my God, like these are girlsthat I would actually be friends
with and they don't drink.
So I would love to hear abouthow you sought community or how
you found community in thoseearly days.
(33:51):
And then I would love to hear alittle bit about no boos crew,
because I know that it's allabout community.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (33:57):
Yeah, so I think I was the same, the
same way.
So when I went away fortreatment, obviously, you know,
you're rooming, it's the samegender.
So I was with all women, whichwas a lovely start for me.
And then when I got out again,like, I mean, I would just look,
there's some amazing apps whereI would just try to find you
know, I would look for women'smeetings.
(34:18):
I would also talk to people andthey would say there's a great
young person meeting.
Like they actually have so manyoptions that those are things
that are types of meetings.
And there were so many people.
I mean, New York City, I feelvery lucky.
And then after Covid though, Imoved to where I am now, which
is a super remote part of LongIsland.
(34:38):
And there was no community.
So I had one meeting in themorning that I could go to at
7:00 AM and if that time didn'twork like that was, that was it
for me.
So that's actually when Istarted going to sober Instagram
and really relying on that as atool.
And at the time,'cause it wascovid, a lot of people were
using sober Instagram to findcommunity and stay sober and get
(34:59):
sober.
And then No Boost Crew reallycame about in October of 2022.
I had found like such a greatgroup of sober women and we
wanted to give back.
And I'll say that maybe in myfirst couple years I wasn't
really in a place.
Where I could give back, like Isort of needed to like put my
oxygen mask on first.
I could barely like, take careof myself.
(35:20):
So no.
Boost crew was really founded onthe premise of, like, right now
it's a virtual community oflike-minded women.
I mean, we're all over theUnited States and Canada.
And it's basically just thatidea.
Like I think a lot of us havethis idea that alcoholics or
people that don't drink areweird or they're, you know,
potentially bad people or don'thave a moral compass.
(35:42):
And so it's just the idea tobring people in and let them
know like, Hey, we're all normaland we're just trying to deal
with life without drinking.
So that's kind of the ideabehind it.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29-2 (35:53):
I absolutely love that, and as
mentioned.
I went to remote meetings
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (35:58):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (35:58):
and I needed to feel connected to
other women who I felt likereflected or their lives at
least reflected some semblanceof my own life.
And in hearing their stories,like listening and then also
going back to what we sharedabout being vulnerable and
sharing said meetings, I wasable to do a lot of healing.
Like there was just something sopowerful from.
(36:21):
Being able to connect to otherpeople's story because it makes
you feel less alone, right?
Like, oh my God, like I wasn'tthe only one.
That is just a game changer.
And so I commend you on that forstarting this, first of all,
like that's incredible.
But then also just being able toshare this resource with other
people around the world isincredible.
Danielle.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (36:40):
Thank you so much.
And I will say like that idea oflike.
I've had things that I've beenso ashamed to say out loud.
And then when I do, people arelike, oh yeah, me too.
And I'm like, oh my God, I feelso much better.
But just I want people to know,like you and I, I think both
went through this where like, Ithought sober people I thought
were weird.
I thought life was gonna beover.
(37:02):
And I just want people to knowthere's so many things out
there, there's so manyresources, there's mocktails.
I think we both love Gia if I'mnot wrong.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (37:10):
Yes.
Love
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (37:11):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_ (37:11):
Absolutely obsessed.
Yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11 (37:13):
Funny.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-2 (37:14):
With you starting No Boo Crew, and it
sounds like you did go to AAmeetings or are you able to talk
a little bit about that?
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (37:21):
Yeah, so I did, I did in the beginning
and I would, I actually would goback, honestly.
I mean, when I'm in the citysometimes I go, I got so much
out of them.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (37:31):
Yeah.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_11594 (37:31):
But where I am, there's just not a
lot of options and I, I alsothink different things work for
different people.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03- (37:36):
Yeah, I referenced the AA too because
I think the thing that I lovedand connected the most with is
meeting people, like thatconnection piece, right?
Having a space to share and hearother shares was like my
favorite part of meetings.
But I feel like sometimes.
I don't have any issue with
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (37:54):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3 (37:54):
sometimes still go to meetings, but I
think for me, the part that felta little bit isolating, if I'm
being honest, I know they saytake what you need and leave the
rest, but I did feel like somepeople who were like really into
AA made me feel like if I don'tdo things in accordance to their
steps I would hear this morethan once, like, you're gonna
(38:15):
drink
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (38:15):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (38:16):
And that for me felt very like, I
don't know, I'm like, oh, if Idon't do this thing,
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (38:21):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03-29 (38:22):
I'm gonna drink again.
I don't like that framing.
And so what I love the mostabout the meetings I bring that
up, is just simply the fact thatI was meeting amazing women.
danielle_3_03-29-2025_115 (38:29):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_3_03 (38:30):
That's why I think no boo crew is so
needed because people justsometimes need a space to listen
and be heard
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (38:36):
I'm wondering who is welcome to come
to no booze crew.
Do you have to be fully sober orin recovery?
Can you be sober?
Curious?
Can you
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (38:45):
Yeah.
Nadine Mulvina (38:46):
And now a quick word from our partners.
It really feels like you'rehaving a moment, pun intended,
when you're sipping on thelovely and refreshing moment.
Now what I love about moment isthat not only does it taste
delicious, I have my favoriteflavors.
I love the blood orange, I lovethe spicy mango, but it's also
(39:07):
good for you, which is exactlywhat I need in my life right now
as I'm in my early 20s.
30s.
It's infused with L theanine,which is great for mental
clarity.
It also is packed withashwagandha, which is great for
helping to fight stress.
It's made with all of thesenatural botanicals, which really
enhances your vitality.
It does not contain any addedsugar.
(39:28):
It's caffeine and of coursealcohol free and you can
purchase it in still orsparkling.
I love a good sparkle moment sothat's typically the route I
take.
In the morning it's great for aboost to start the day versus in
the afternoon if you want tobeat that afternoon slump and
enhance your mental clarity orif you just need like a simple
pick me up like for me I love tohave a moment after the gym
(39:51):
versus going into the gymbecause it just really helps.
Reenergize me.
And then in the evening, if youwant to wind down after a long
busy day and enjoy a deliciousmocktail without the hangover,
then Moment is great for thattoo.
One of the best parts for mewith Moment is I feel like it's
a really conscientious brand.
They donate 1 percent of alltheir sales to mental health non
(40:13):
profits, so you can feel goodabout supporting greater causes
as well.
Head over to drinkmoment.
com and use my code TSB23 toreceive 12 percent off your very
first order.
Let's be moment bunnies.
We can both have momentstogether.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122453 (40:31):
So no boost crew.
First and foremost it's anInstagram page.
So we share inspiration, weshare tips and then we do have
biweekly women's meetings.
So anyone that's interested inassessing their relationship
with alcohol is welcome to join.
We wanna welcome everybody.
So we're just happy that peopleare showing up and that they're
there no matter if they'requestioning their drinking, if
(40:52):
they've been sober for 10 years,if they're on a week sober.
And then the way that we run themeeting, so I.
Depending on the night, it'stypically a, a small group, and
we'll go around and it's aprocess group, which means we
just process kind of what'sgoing on for the group or what
comes up naturally.
So we'll usually do an intro andthat contains like, how is your
(41:13):
week?
What's your highlight?
What's your sober win?
Are you struggling with anythingright now?
And then it's really up to thegroup.
Like we really have a very openformat, so it's not just like
the group leader or the Nobucrew host that's interacting.
It's like everybody is welcometo give support or feedback to
each other.
I.
Yeah, and that's really it.
(41:34):
I mean, it's pretty casual.
We get people going through alldifferent things.
I think last week we weretalking a little bit about
people struggling with Kratam.
We talk about drinking.
Obviously we get people who are,trying to cut back.
So, yeah, I think it's a verysupportive community and we try
to welcome really anyone whowants to be there and wants to
(41:55):
listen and get support.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (41:57):
I love that so much and I'm gonna
come to one if I'm okay, ifthat's okay.
I would love to, because I asmentioned, I sometimes still go
to The women's group that's apart of aa, but sometimes I just
feel like because I'm notworking the steps right now.
And like all of the things, likeI just, it's going back to what
we talked about, like maybe it'sjust in my head and I'm
(42:17):
overthinking how other peopleperceive me, but I do feel
sometimes like, oh, I'm notdoing things in fidelity to the
program tenants and as aperfectionist, that makes me
feel a little bad.
Like, oh, I should be doing
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (42:30):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_ (42:31):
Probably a me thing, but still it's nice
to have.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (42:34):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (42:35):
Right?
It's nice to have differentavenues.
Nadine Mulvina (42:38):
And now a quick word from our partners.
Have you ever wished you coulddive into a great story while on
the go?
Maybe that's during your dailycommute or even while working
out.
Well, now you can, thanks toAudible.
Audible is the leading providerof spoken word entertainment in
audiobooks, and with Audible,you can turn any moment into a
(43:01):
storytime adventure.
Imagine having access to anunmatched selection of
audiobooks, right now.
Audible is not just a library.
It's a whole Experience with avast collection of genres from
mystery to romance to self helpand business Audible has
something for everyone andhere's the best part Your first
(43:23):
month is on me check the shownotes below and visit audible.
com slash tsb24 to start yourfree trial today.
Whether you're a seasoned booklover or just getting started,
Audible is the perfect companionfor your reading journey.
So why wait?
Head over to audible.
(43:43):
com slash tsb24.
Audible.
Because the best stories aremeant to be heard.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (43:51):
So down a little bit here,
Danielle, I would love to play alittle getting to know you game.
Is that okay?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (43:59):
let's do it.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (44:01):
Okay, cool.
These are just like rapid firequestions, so don't overthink
it.
Like,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (44:04):
Okay.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (44:04):
comes to mind, let me know.
Okay.
So, my first question for youwhat is your go-to sober drink
of choice?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (44:15):
Ooh.
I mean, I, I have to say I dolove Gia that I mentioned
earlier, but also just a seltzergirl, like if I need a sparkling
water, there's so many goodflavors.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (44:25):
I am the same way.
I love Gia.
I like the aperitif, like I
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (44:29):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (44:29):
it's not too sweet.
I'm not big on like super sweetdrinks and I think Gia has that
nice little kick.
So I'm with you there.
I'm also huge into sparklingwater right now.
I go through phases, but rightnow liquid death is my jam.
Like just the plain one, like noflavor.
What is your go-to?
Because like as a super person,like we can get into it.
What is your favorite seltzer?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (44:51):
Well, to be honest, what's top of mind
is day trip.
I mean, all of their flavors arereally good, but they just came
out with some new ones and so Ikeep finding myself like craving
one of those.
So I'll probably have,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (45:02):
had day trip yet.
Okay.
Day trip.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (45:04):
yeah, you have to.
I can go get day trip.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (45:08):
You're like, what?
Okay.
Is it available online or I'massuming just online, or is it
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (45:13):
It's online, but I actually
discovered it I think in a.
In a sober a, a no boost shop inthe city.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (45:21):
I am gonna add that to my list.
I'm super like snooty when itcomes to seltzer.
carbonation ratio, like I needall the things anyway.
All right, so my next questionfor you is, what is one New York
City memory drunk or sober thatstill makes you laugh?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (45:38):
Oh, that's such a good question.
ah, I wish I had a better oneprepared, but I will say like
when I was drinking, like Ijust, you know, I was so worried
about being like fun and funny.
Like I would just get sohammered and I had discovered
Snapchat and for whatever reasonin my.
Did you ever have things thatyou just associated in your
drunk mind that made no sense?
(46:00):
Like when I picked up mySnapchat, I thought I was a news
anchor.
Like I would get drunk and Ikept being like, Hey, we're
reporting live from blah, blah,blah, blah, blah.
And I like, it was just sobizarre and I just like, I
couldn't shake that.
Like I just thought I was a newsanchor when I was drunk and like
(46:21):
it was so weird.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (46:23):
I actually think that's hilarious
because Snapchat too, like itdisappears.
It's not really, at least Ihaven't been on Snapchat in
years, but when I was on there,like, it's not going out to the
masses.
It's just going out to thepeople who
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:33):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (46:34):
Right.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:34):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (46:35):
So, yeah.
That's absolute hilarious.
You're like yeah, guys reportinglive from, I don't know, the
bathroom, like, here we go.
No, I, I, I definitely, Iactually like that Snapchat
deletes because
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:47):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (46:47):
that more social media accounts did
that when I was drinking
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (46:51):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (46:51):
would get on lives and embarrassed
myself in many ways.
But anyway.
That's a good one.
That's a very good one.
I'm assuming you don't haveSnapchat, because you still have
that connection, that
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (47:01):
No, no, no.
I don't use Snapchat at all.
I feel like I had like a verybrief stint when I was drinking
and then that Was that forSnapchat?
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (47:09):
I use Snapchat to send nudes.
I'm gonna just put that on therecord.
That's what I, I don't have itanymore, but that's what I would
use
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (47:14):
Yeah I think that's what it was made
for.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (47:17):
the case.
Yeah, I think that's what thiswas me for too.
Okay.
Not just me.
See, I'm not alum.
So my next question for you is,oh, because you like to travel.
What has been your favoritetravel destination?
Sober.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122453 (47:32):
Oh my gosh, so many.
But I will say I went to the AlMafi coast About a year ago.
And so I'm Italian.
I mean, you can maybe tell by myname, but I'd never been to
Italy and just like, I'mactually gonna go back to Italy
in a couple weeks.
And Italy is beautiful and Ifeel so lucky to be able to do
it sober and remember everythingand like eat all the food and
(47:53):
all the pastries and stuff.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (47:55):
Italy is one of my favorite countries.
I went to Amalfi, like we didthe coast.
We did Positano, Capri,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (48:01):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (48:01):
but before I got sober I've been
back to Italy since gettingsober, but I have not been back
to the Amalfi Coast, and it wasone of my.
places on earth.
I mean, it's breathtaking,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (48:12):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (48:12):
was drunk the whole time And I am
going to, I'm gonna speak itinto existence.
I will go back to be mouth, besober because it is truly one of
the most magical places
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (48:21):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (48:21):
I love that.
So my final question for yougetting to know Danielle, what
is the best and worst piece ofadvice you've ever heard about
sobriety?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (48:31):
Ooh, that's a great question.
I think the best I mean, it's sosimple, but just like keep
coming back, I mean.
That to me, that's the firstthing that popped into my head.
Like, just keep trying.
'cause I was someone who wasliterally like really, really
struggling and had all theseambitions for like one year.
(48:51):
You know, I was the person thata week sober.
I was planning my one year andthen I was, it was like I was
drinking like the next week, butjust keep coming back and stick
with.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (49:01):
Going back.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (49:02):
with the people like you.
The worst advice, I mean, what'ssticking in my head right now is
kind of what you shared earlieris like the judgemental, the
judgmental people who say like,telling you you can't do
something.
Even now if I have friends whereI'm like, oh, I hope they're
doing okay, like people have toget there on their own.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (49:24):
Yeah.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (49:25):
And even to this day, I'm just not
someone that likes to be really,my husband can attest.
I don't like to be really toldwhat to do.
I think a lot of us are likethat.
And so, I mean, I think therewere people saying like, I
couldn't have my mental healthmedication, people saying I
shouldn't have kombucha.
And I just totally disagree withthe sentiment that, you know,
(49:45):
someone can tell you how to doyour sobriety.
So I think that's the worstadvice.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (49:50):
Yeah, I resonate with both of what you
shared.
Like the best being, you know,keep coming back.
I think it's like dot, dot, dot,It only works if you work it
like that
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (49:59):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (49:59):
too.
It's like you have to kind of dothe work
danielle_4_03-29-2025_ (50:01):
totally.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (50:02):
I, I realize that as well.
Like, I'm like, okay, like I cankeep showing up, but if I'm not,
you
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (50:08):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (50:08):
doing work on myself, then
danielle_4_03-29-2025_1224 (50:10):
It's not happening.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (50:12):
yeah, it's, it's, and, and not to say
that you will drink again, butlike, I just think in general,
like we have to take action andwe have to like work on
ourselves and keep optimizingbecause sobriety is like, for
me.
the most important fundamentalstep to take, but it's not, you
know, fixed every area of mylife.
I still have to work in otherways, right?
(50:33):
I still have to act and improvein other ways.
So like I resonate a lot withthat and yeah, the scare
tactics.
I don't like when people To tellme what to do either.
Assuming best intentions, Ithink people are like, oh, like
I wanna help you, so I'm gonnatell you if you don't do this,
then there's a chance thatyou're relapse.
But my story is not necessarilyyour story or your lived
experience, so please stoplimiting me.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (50:56):
Yeah, and I think if people are trying
to tell you what to do, like Itry personally to keep it in
like this worked for me becausethat I think is more helpful and
they can take what they wantfrom that.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (51:06):
I also think that in general, the
way that we are hardwired ashumans, like I.
We respond better to personaltestimonials, right?
Like personal stories andexperiences.
If I were to have this podcastand always just be reading off
the long laundry list of stats,like statistics as to why
(51:27):
alcohol can and will ruin yourlife, like no one's gonna listen
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (51:31):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (51:31):
right?
Like it doesn't work.
We immediately like, or at leastmy brain, like.
Tunes off when I'm likeoverwhelmed with daunting
information around like how I'mgonna die if I keep drinking.
That's not gonna help me quitdrinking.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (51:44):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (51:44):
It's like, yeah, to your point, it's
like, this is what I did, thisis what worked for me.
And if people resonate withthat, then great.
And if they don't, then they'llfind out on their own
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (51:53):
Yeah,
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29 (51:54):
for them.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_ (51:54):
totally.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (51:55):
Thank you so much for sharing that,
Danielle.
and so I have one final questionfor you.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (52:02):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (52:02):
If anyone listening who's sober,
curious, or thinking about theirrelationship with alcohol, what
advice could you offer to themor what would you want them to
know about sobriety or just yourjourney in general?
I.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (52:18):
Yeah, I love that question.
I would say that sobriety, likethere's this corny expression
about sobriety and like a lifebeyond your wildest dreams, but
I think it rings true in termsof like, you're not living up to
your full potential if you'redrinking or you're spending your
time hung over.
So I think don't be afraid totry.
(52:39):
Don't be afraid to like slideinto people's dms.
Like reach out.
There's so many opportunitieswith sobriety.
Like I think my whole last five,six years wouldn't have been
possible without sobriety.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (52:53):
Yeah.
I love that so much.
Yeah, you can't optimize yourlife, in my opinion,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122453 (52:58):
So
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29- (52:59):
if you're still tethered to
alcohol.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (53:02):
yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (53:03):
I think for me too, it's like if
you're questioning, don'toverthink it, but if you're
questioning your relationshipwith alcohol, then would argue
that.
There's something there,
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (53:14):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (53:14):
like intuitively we know before we're
ready to acknowledge sometimes,but that inner knowing like do
not silence that voice or thatthought.
So thank you for sharing all ofthat today, Danielle.
I have felt very connected tohearing parts of your story and
I would love to open theplatform for you to share, like
if people want to connect withyou.
(53:35):
You mentioned sliding in thedms, like how can people find
you and how can they connectwith no booze crew?
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (53:42):
Thank you and thank you so much for
having me.
It's been so nice to chat.
So you can find me on Instagramat that sober glow I get a lot
of dms.
Feel free to reach out if youneed support or wanna chat about
anything.
And then you can also reach outto No Boost Crew on Instagram.
There's a group of six of us whowill connect with you and are
here to help and support.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-29-2 (54:04):
I love that so much and I am so
excited to see you.
When you go back to I Italy
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (54:10):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03 (54:10):
couple weeks, I'm gonna be so jealous,
but love that jealous in thebest way possible.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_122 (54:15):
Yeah.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03-2 (54:15):
love Italy, so please.
Keep showing us how amazing lifecan look without alcohol,
because that's another thing Ido think you do amazingly.
When you take your trips, youare showing us the vantage
points, the views, the food,like just showing all the beauty
that can exist sober travel.
(54:36):
That's so needed as well.
Like people need to see itsometimes to believe it.
danielle_4_03-29-2025_12245 (54:39):
And we need to trade.
'cause you do the same,'causeyou have the best travel racks.
So.
the-sober-butterfly_4_03- (54:44):
Thank you.
the-sober-butterfly_5_04-24 (54:47):
One of the most powerful reminders I
learned from hearing Daniel'sstory is all around healing and
the fact that healing isn'talways linear, but it is always
possible, especially when you'resurrounded by a community that
gets it.
I hope today's episode gave yousomething to think about and
something to also smile about.
(55:08):
You can connect with Danielle onInstagram at that sober glow and
also check out her virtualcommunity at no booze crew.
Everything will be linked belowin the show notes.
They are doing such importantand uplifting work for sober
women everywhere.
If this episode resonated,please share it with a friend.
(55:28):
Post it on your stories, or justshoot me a dm.
I love hearing your feedback andwhat's truly landing with you
guys.
And remember butterflies, youare allowed to choose a
different path.
You're allowed to glow withoutthe booze.
So until next time, keep glowingand keep staying true to you.
I love you so much, butterflies.
(55:49):
See you next Friday.
Bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.