October 31, 2025 • 50 mins
In this spooky-fun Halloween episode of The Sober Butterfly, host Nadine Mulvina takes listeners on a chilling (and hilarious) journey through her dating graveyard: revisiting The Vampire, The Magician, and The Mummy 👻. Each “monster” represents an ex from her drinking days who drained her energy, disappeared behind illusions, or stayed emotionally wrapped up in his past.
Now, four years sober, Nadine reflects on what each toxic relationship taught her about self-worth, healing, and the importance of boundaries in sobriety.
✨ What You’ll Hear:
- 🧛‍♀️ The Vampire – The ex who drained her confidence and energy.
- 🎩 The Magician – The smooth talker who made her boundaries disappear.
- 🧻 The Mummy – The emotionally unavailable one who couldn’t unwrap his feelings.
- 💞 Nadine’s new sober crush from Chicago (and how she’s dating differently now).
- đź’« How sobriety gives you the ultimate spellbook for protecting your peace and energy.
Resources Mentioned:
🦋 Connect with Nadine
🎧 Follow the podcast on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen
 📸 Instagram: @the.soberbutterfly
📬 Contact: hello@thesoberbutterfly.com
đź’» Website: thesoberbutterfly.com
Sponsor:
Classpass
https://classpass.com/refer/MQ30HIPH11
exclusive free trial (with 20 bonus credits!)
✨ Share your “Trick or Treat: Love Edition” story using #SoberTrickOrTreat
Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services refereed to in this episode.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
the-sober-butterfly_5_10- (00:00):
Hello and welcome back to The Sober
Butterfly.
It's Nadine and it's spookyseason, the time of year when
the veil is thin.
And so were some of the excusesmy exes used to give me before I
got sober, my dating life couldhave been its own horror
anthology.
The love bombing, the ghosting,the emotional vampires, a few
(00:23):
mummies, you know, theemotionally unavailable ones are
just wrapped in layers andlayers that you're supposed to
peel back and one or two zombiesthat just wouldn't die off.
Now that I'm sober, I get torevisit those scary stories with
a new kind of clarity and maybeeven a little gratitude because
(00:44):
each of those.
Monsters, I'll call them, taughtme something about what I will
and definitely won't tolerate inlove.
So in the spirit of Halloween,we're gonna play a little game.
I like to call trick or treatlove edition, and I'll be
sharing some of my own datinghorror stories for my drinking
days and we will decidetogether.
(01:06):
Was he a trick?
Or a treat.
Spoiler alert here, most of themwere tricks.
So grab your favorite non ALKdrink.
Get comfy because we're about todig up some dating skeletons and
laugh our way through the ghostof boyfriend's past.
Let's get into it.
the-sober-butterfly_8_10- (01:26):
Okay, let me introduce you to the
Vampire Charming at First Bite,the kind of guy who could talk
his way out of anything.
This vampire I'm thinking of wastall, charismatic, to set the
scene back in 2019, this wassummertime, I was bored and if
(01:47):
you have been listening to theshow, you already know.
Very dangerous territory.
When Nadine is bored, Nadineputs herself into oftentimes
chaotic situations.
And so I think I had just gottenout of something and I was,
never content with being alonebefore I got sober.
Like I always felt like I had tobe dating.
this vampire and I dated.
(02:08):
It was short lived, it wassummer.
It was a fling, but it wastraumatic.
The vampire would drain meemotionally, mentally, and I'm
gonna get to this part.
Financially and then he wouldvanish until he needed a refill.
I was his emotional juice box.
(02:29):
And the worst part is I justkept letting him sip, sip my
blood.
the-sober-butterfly_9_10-29- (02:35):
So the vampire has to be charming.
Okay.
When he and I started to datethat summer, in the beginning,
everything seemed ideal., If youguys have seen the movie Sinners
with Michael B.
Jordan, you know that vampireshave to be invited inside, okay?
For them to suck you dry, theyhave to be invited.
(02:57):
And so I invited this man inbecause he presented so well.
I'm not gonna invite a vampirein who presents like a bum or
like the soulless creature thatthey ultimately end up becoming,
or showing you.
So in the beginning, everythingwas gravy.
He was very well connected onthe New York Club scene, which
(03:21):
at the time was super importantto me.
Okay.
That was a green flag to me atthe time that this mid 40
something year old man was wellconnected and knew every bouncer
and had a long history of beingon the party scene.
Like I'm talking, going to theclub three to four times a week.
(03:41):
And he presented as though hehad all of this money, which
also, I'll be honest, was a plusplus for me at the time, like I
was very much in my, my, I justwanna date Rich Men era and so
yeah, check, check nice cartakes me to.
All of the hottest clubs in NewYork.
(04:03):
And he was introducing me to allof these different people,
Another red flag that I now canclearly see, but at the time I
thought it was just amazing wasthat he was introducing me as
his quote, future wife.
Okay.
He was like, this is Nadine,this is my future wifey I was
just like, oh my God.
Like he sees wifey material inme.
(04:25):
That's amazing.
Even though we were just likedrinking in the car.
Cool.
I'm a wife.
the-sober-butterfly_10_10- (04:30):
When I think about the most toxic
relationship I've ever been in,the vampire is who I conjure in
my mind because it was the mosttoxic relationship I've ever
been in.
I love to sit up on my highhorse and say things like, oh my
gosh, I don't understand howpeople get themselves into toxic
relationships.
Or like, who has time toentertain toxicity?
(04:52):
But the truth of the matter is Iwas addicted to the toxic shit
that we would go through becauseit was so exhilarating.
It was enthralling, it was.
This constant adrenaline rush,like the chaos that I
experienced with him, the backand forth, the push and pull,
like the arguing because of thisman, I learned the term
(05:16):
stonewalling, and if you'reunfamiliar with stonewalling,
it's basically you getting intoa really heated argument or
disagreement, and instead ofthem.
Giving you the space to likearticulate yourself or talk it
out or like, you know, come to aplace where it's like, hey, like
let's just give each other spaceif that's what you need.
Like, I'm not ignoring you.
I just need to think andprocess.
(05:37):
Stonewalling is the opposite ofthat.
It's like, oh no, we have gotteninto like the worst heated
argument and now I'm going toignore you.
I'm going to block you.
I'm going to act like you arenon-existent and act like you
are not even a person.
And he would do that to me everyother day.
Every other day, like we wouldbe good.
(05:59):
We'd have high moments together.
We'd have great times and likeI'd be like, oh my God, this is
my husband.
I love this man.
And then I would do somethingand I'm gonna air quote, do
something.
'cause I wouldn't actually doanything, but I would do
something he didn't like andthen he would.
Emotionally manipulate me byblocking me, ignoring me.
(06:20):
Um, sometimes he wouldn't evenblock me because he liked to see
how many times I would call himback to back.
And I just know how this soundslike it's ridiculous to think
that, like I was calling thisman blowing up his phone like
15, 20 times a day, texting him,like, why won't you talk to me?
I would never do, I would neverdo that now.
But like then, I, I didn't, I, Ididn't like I knew better.
(06:42):
I was gonna say I didn't knowbetter.
I did know better, but like, Icould not help myself.
I was just like, how in the hellis this man going to ignore me?
Like this stonewalling veryeffective.
Do not do it.
I would not do that to my worstenemy.
If you don't wanna talk tosomeone.
Tell them, I don't wanna talk toyou.
But no, he loved to have mepursue him and chase him.
(07:04):
Something else to note about thevampire.
He was an Aries.
Okay.
He's the reason why I willnever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, everdate another Aries again, I'm an
Aries.
Two Aries.
Mm-hmm Mm.
We don't work.
He had massive temper, so hewould blow up on me and then I
(07:24):
would react to his blowup.
Equally fiery.
And then he would be like, fuckyou, fuck this and ignore me.
Stonewalling.
And that would just leave mefeeling so depleted.
Like imagine I've been worked upso much justify myself like, uh,
and for context, a lot of ourarguments were nonsensical.
(07:46):
Things like they weretheoretical arguments.
Have you ever gotten into atheoretical argument with
someone that's like a realargument?
What I mean by theoreticalargument is like you guys are
talking about theoreticals orhypotheticals that are not real.
These are just like things thatcould happen and then that
person runs with it and likethey actually get upset and then
(08:07):
ensues a real actual explosiveargument.
So he would get super jealous,even though he's the one
partying, he could out party me,which is saying a lot at this
time in my life.
It's summer 2019 once again toset the scene.
So I'm out and about.
This is pre COVID, definitelypre sobriety.
So I'm outside too, and he'sstill managing to go out more
(08:31):
than me.
I'm off as a teacher for thesummer.
So like, I don't know how hemanaged to do that, but he was
constantly getting upset aboutmen that I could potentially be
texting.
Like if a guy friend text me,he'd be like, oh, you're fucking
him.
You're a liar.
Like he, he was crazy.
He didn't have money.
(08:51):
Okay.
Even though he was always goingaround the different cars.
This man had four or fivedifferent expensive cars.
He had a beautiful house on LongIsland, but this was not his
money.
This was his parents' money.
This man came up for money.
the-sober-butterfly_11_10-29 (09:07):
He grew up on Long Island, very
rich.
His next door neighbor growingup was LL Cool J.
And I know LL Cool J is not coolanymore, but imagine he's
growing up in the eighties,nineties.
Like LL Cool J is that man andthat was his next door neighbor.
So like a lot of privilege here,a lot of access.
(09:28):
This man could have done so muchwith his life.
In fact, he's like one of five.
And all of his siblings are likedoing big shit with their life
and he's the baby.
I typically don't like to datethe baby of the family, like men
who are the youngest because Ijust feel like they are just so
whiny.
Spoiled and entitled and ugh.
(09:52):
And he was all of those things.
And yeah, his parents stillsupported him, so all of the
money he was flexing on thegram, like fanning out these a
hundred dollars bills.
Like he's some kind of mobsteror like, you know, he's about
that life.
Turns out it's.
Daddy and mommy's money.
His only job in life because heis never really had a real job,
(10:13):
was to collect rent from.
tenants of properties that hisparents owned around Long Island
they had a vast portfolio ofdifferent real estate that they
owned throughout Long Island.
And so his job was literally togo to some of the less of
affluent parts of Long Island tocollect the rent.
(10:36):
And he would collect rent incash.
I'd actually.
Accompanied him on some of thoseruns.
And so when he would collect thecash, you know, people were
paying, I don't know what thestandard rate was, but like, say
2K in cash and that's what he'sfan out, a hundred dollars bills
on his Instagram to attractwomen like, I guess me at the
(10:56):
time.
So yeah, that's what he did andthat's what kind of led me to
believe that he actually had hisown money, the house that he
lived in was owned by hisparents.
It was a beautiful four bedroom,two story house in Long Island.
Not his, the cars not his.
So yeah, this man lived a sham.
(11:18):
Even though it was mentioned, Iwas chasing at the time, like
status and looking for a manthat had money.
The irony here lies that Iactually started to financially
support him in thisrelationship.
I was the one reaching into mypurse to pay for him.
Like we'd go out to eat and he'dbe like, baby, you got this.
And I would like a dummy sayyes.
(11:42):
Yeah, I got it babe.
I got you babe.
This happened multiple times.
Like I don't mind.
Covering, you know, lunch,dinner here and there, coffee,
whatever.
I do believe in balance and youknow, I bring a lot to
relationships.
Ideally, I don't want to be thebreadwinner bringing the
financial gains to therelationship, but like, you
(12:02):
know, I recognize that like it'snice to look out when people are
looking out for you, but asidefrom the first date we went on,
every other interaction I hadwith this man included me paying
for him, paying his way,
the-sober-butterfly_12_ (12:17):
Another major red flag, or what should
have been a major red flag wasthe fact that he lied about his
age.
So when I met him, he told me hewas like 43 or 44, something
like that.
And I believed him because whywould I, why would you lie?
Who lies about their age?
I'm like, why?
Why are you lying about yourage?
So there was an instance asmentioned, he liked to party all
(12:38):
the time, and he would driveinto the city multiple times a
week to go to the club.
That I wasn't invited to, andthen he would usually end up
parking by my apartment and thenspending the night because he
was too fucked up to drive allthe way back to Long Island.
That was like his ritual.
I would play the role as likethe supportive girlfriend here,,
waking up at three o'clock inthe morning and opening the
(13:02):
door, letting this man into mybed after he's been doing God
knows what in the club.
And yeah,, that was our norm inthe summer.
He would usually not give menotice when he was pulling up
and the next day make jokesaround like, oh, I'm surprised
he didn't have anyone over herealready there was one really big
(13:24):
fight we got into because therewas a night where I slept
through his call He called me inthe wee hours of the morning.
I didn't even know he was goingout that night.
It was like a Tuesday, andbecause I didn't answer his
call, he assumed that I was withanother man and then proceeded
to not talk to me for like aweek.
(13:45):
Just to give you more context,so there was one particular day,
I will never forget this, and itwas daytime.
It was like maybe one o'clock inthe afternoon I was at home
tidying up, literally.
I remember I was like sweepingand someone buzzed at my door
and lo and behold, it's thevampire.
(14:07):
Now, I had not heard from thevampire.
Over 24 hours.
But this is not uncommon to ourdynamic.
I'm just like, here we go again.
Like, you know, calling himevery hour on the hour.
I hadn't heard from him.
Thinking like, what is it now?
Like, what did I do now?
Did I post something?
Like, whatever.
So anyway, I get this buzzdownstairs and it's the vampire,
(14:29):
and he comes up and he lookslike.
Death.
Okay.
He looks like ship.
He had a hospital band aroundhis arm.
And I'm like, oh my God.
Like where have you been?
Like, what's wrong?
And he proceeds to tell me thathe spent the last day in the
hospital because he went outwith a friend like he normally
(14:53):
does.
He went to the club andapparently had too much, and
somehow he like lost his phoneand then ended up in the
hospital.
The details are fuzzy.
They were fuzzy then.
He didn't really know whathappened to him, but all he knew
was that he didn't have hisphone, he had lost his wallet,
all of his money because heloves to flex in the club with
(15:14):
like.
All of his a hundred dollarsbills, fanning them out for
girls.
Like he was robbed, basically.
He was robbed, his phone wastaken, his wallet was taken.
He had like all of this money inthere.
That was his parents' rent moneybasically, that he was supposed
to, you know, have collected andput somewhere like in a safe.
So I'm like, oh my God, poorbaby.
You poor man.
(15:35):
I must take care of you.
I'm going to be your safe place.
And so literally he gets into mybed and he's sleeping it off.
One of my best friends wasactually in town visiting New
York and.
She wasn't staying with me, butI had plans with her later that
day to meet up at theWilliamsburg Hotel.
(15:56):
And so I was like, oh my gosh, Ihave to like meet my friend,
Like, you can stay in my bed.
Just sleep it off, babe.
I'll go get you something toeat.
And when I went and met up with.
My friend, Kay, she was with herbrother and another guy, and I'm
telling them this story.
I'm like, yeah, this, you know,guy I'm seeing is in my bed
right now.
(16:16):
And he tells me that like helost his phone and wallet and he
spent the evening in thehospital and, you know, I have
to, you know, get back and takecare of him.
And everyone's looking at melike I'm crazy because, I mean,
I sounded crazy.
They're like, what do you mean?
And so that should have been thered flag, so after I hung out
with him, I went back home andlike I mentioned, he's in my bed
and I'm like taking care of him,of course.
(16:39):
Gatorade, all the things.
And I remember he had thehospital bracelet on, you know,
he spent the evening in thehospital and I'm looking and I'm
like, 1970, blah, blah, blah.
Hmm.
The math, the math is not maththing.
You told me you were 43 and thissays you're 48.
(17:03):
Hmm.
What's up with that?
And then he laughed.
I remember he laughed at me.
He laughed at my face and he islike, oh, oh yeah, I'm 48.
I, I tell people I'm 43.
I'm just like, you tell peopleyou're 43, I am not people.
I'm your right or die.
(17:24):
Literally, like, you've almostkilled me several times.
Like, what are you talkingabout?
And so, yeah, clearly I shouldhave been done with that man
then, but that wasn't the end ofthe vampire.
the-sober-butterfly_25_12- (17:38):
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the-sober-butterfly_13_10- (19:14):
what actually got me to nail the
coffin was one evening, hecalled me, he was on his way
into the city not to see me, ofcourse, to go to the club.
He told me he was going to club.
50 which is Jay-Z's club inMidtown.
And he was like, yeah, I'm goingwith my buddy, blah, blah, blah.
(19:34):
Like I had met this buddybefore, didn't like him because
he was also a party animal andwomanizer.
But yeah, he tells me he's goingto this club.
I'm like, okay babe.
Have fun I was about to go getmy hair done and he was like,
oh, send me pictures babe.
I'm gonna see your hair.
I was like, cool.
So I go get my hair done.
Five hours later, I'm done withmy hair, it looks great.
(19:56):
I call him FaceTime him, noanswer.
So I'm like, okay, what thefuck?
I want him to see how good Ilook, so I get home.
Call him again, no response.
And my hair appointment waslate.
I'm not getting back to myapartment until midnight.
And I'm like thinking, okay, whyhave I not heard from the
vampire?
He could have at least texted meback or called me or whatever.
(20:18):
This is like one of the rareoccasions we were actually on
good terms.
And so I proceed to blow him upas I normally do, and no
response so I honestly startedto get worried because this is
following the situation thathappened with him being in the
hospital.
And just like the nurturer in mewas like so worried about this
vampire.
(20:38):
I'm like, he has a drinkingproblem.
And for me at the time to saysomeone else has a drinking
problem is saying a lot.
So I'm like, oh, like I'mconcerned.
Like what if he.
Is in another situation where ifhe got into an accident, like
I'm just like, my mind isrunning wild, like genuinely
racking my brain, trying tofigure out why I have not heard
(20:58):
from him.
So I decide naturally that I'mjust gonna go to Club 50 for.
I'm just gonna pull up to club50.
Why not?
Um, it's a Thursday.
I look cute.
I remember I hit up like acouple girlfriends that might've
been down and everyone was like,girl, I can't, it's too short
notice.
Like whatever.
So I was like, fuck it, I'm justgonna go to the club by myself.
(21:21):
So, you know, when you get yourhair done, you're kind of
filling yourself anyway.
So I was like, okay, here,check.
Just gonna put some makeup on,throw in a little dress, and I'm
pulling up to 1250.
I take an Uber, I get to club50, there's a line down the
street.
In fact, the bouncer I rememberwasn't even like outside, like
they weren't even taking peoplein.
So reality starts to set in andI'm like, this is crazy.
(21:43):
Like even for me, this is crazy.
Like I don't even know if thisman is still here.
Why am I at the club right now?
Anyway, bouncer comes.
It was one of those like momentswhere I really was feeling
myself because I skipped theline.
As soon as he came back outside,I was like, hi, I'm here.
I'm looking for my friend.
Like can I just come in?
And the bouncer looks me up anddown.
(22:05):
I was like, oh yeah, absolutely.
So I got to like skip the line.
It was like very fun.
Anyway, get to Club 50.
Surveying the area.
Like you go in, you go down somestairs.
I'm like surveying the area,looking for this man.
I can't see him.
I go so far as to pull up aphoto of him and I'm just
randomly going up to people inthe club like, have you seen
(22:26):
this man?
Have you seen this man?
Oh, so embarrassing.
Um, so anyway, looking for thisman everywhere.
Then I spot him.
It was a sight for sore eyes.
He looked a hot fucking mess,okay.
Pants sagging.
This man wanted to be from thestreets so badly.
That's not your story, babe.
(22:46):
Sorry.
But anyway, he looks a mess.
I remember his pants weresagging.
He actually had a hole in hisbriefs, which was like
disgusting.
I remember looking at him like,Ugh.
Um, and I'm like, oh my God,vampire, I found you.
Like, is everything okay?
You are not looking so good.
Like the lights are not on.
His eyes are dead.
I'm like, we gotta get out ofhere.
(23:07):
Where's your car?
And he's brushing me off.
Like, he's like, wait, what?
Why?
Like, why are you here?
Like, what?
Like can't even form sentences.
And he's like, basically, leaveme alone.
Like, that's basically what hesaid.
He didn't say leave me alone,but he literally like kind
shooed me away.
He's just like, wait, why areyou here?
Like, ugh, like, and I was justlike, oh.
Oh, okay.
(23:27):
Am I embarrassing you right now?
In all my glory, I look amazing.
So many dudes, in fact, ooh.
In fact, Busta Rhymes was therethat night.
He had a little section and hesent one of his goons to come
get me and pull me into hissection, and I was like, no, I'm
looking for my man.
I'm not interested in the BustaRhymes, but, side, sidebar,
(23:50):
Busta Rhymes and the Vampire goway back and they actually have
like, quote beef now, now that Iknow this man, now that I know
the vampire, I'm like, okay, didyou actually have beef with
Busta rhymes?
Or like, is this just youdigging up your ego, as if this
rapper is going to have beefwith you?
The rich kid from Long Island.
Okay.
(24:10):
But that's what he told me.
So another thing is like I'm soloyal.
I'm like, my allegiance is tothe vampire.
Like I'm definitely not gonna gointo Buster Rhymes, rhymes, um,
section.
So anyway, all of these thingshappen and one night, um.
He shuts me down.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm like, okay, well seriously,why am I here?
(24:31):
I ended up meeting another guy,actually, who I'm still friends
with on social, not in reallife, but we still follow each
other.
He invites me into his sectionand I'm heartbroken.
He comes up to me, he is like,oh, why are you by yourself?
Why so glum?
And I explained to him like,everything that's going on, and
he was just like, oh girl, don'teven worry about him.
Come into my section.
He was a really nice guy.
(24:51):
so in the interim of me gettingshooed away from the vampire and
like joining this other guy'ssection randomly, I lose sight
of the vampire.
Like he's nowhere to be found.
I have lost him.
And so now I am done with thisclub.
I have licked my wounds but I amlike, I'm gonna follow up with
the vampire because he is drunkand I don't know where he went.
(25:11):
And like, is he driving?
And so I call him a bunch oftimes and once again he doesn't
answer.
And the next day I heard fromhim and he's just like, you're
crazy.
Yeah.
He called me crazy.
He ended it with me.
He was like, the fact that youshowed up.
Out of the blue to the club thatI told you I was going to be at
is too much for me.
(25:33):
I'm too much for him.
I'm, I'm the, I'm the one in thewrong here.
And so, yeah, he ended it withme and I'm so grateful, thank
God, because I don't know, Ithink I, I could've stayed on
that ride for much longer had henot done that Now, because he is
a vampire and vampires neverdie.
(25:53):
He tried to resurrect himself inmy life.
He tried to come back into mylife, you know, over the course
of the next year or so, like hewould reach out.
But that sealed the deal for me.
Like summer's always likeintense and crazy and wild.
So once September hit and likefall was here, I was like really
done with him and I kept intouch with him because like I
(26:16):
said, he would reach out fromtime to time and.
I think I actually went out withhim one more time.
Can't remember if he paid or ifI paid, I probably paid shit.
Um, but like it was over, it wasover for me.
I found out in COVID becausewhen the world shut down, you
know, you reconnect with peoplejust to check in.
(26:37):
And he had told me that he hadgotten a DWI and his license was
suspended.
So yeah, I'm not surprised bythat at all because he was
reckless.
the-sober-butterfly_14_10-3 (26:51):
the verdict is in, and the vampire
is 100% a trick.
Okay?
But I'll give him this.
At least he forced me to startprotecting my energy.
Never again will I play humanRed Bull for a grown man.
the-sober-butterfly_17_10-3 (27:14):
All right, so up next we have the
magician.
He is a real illusionist this isthe guy who feels maybe like
magic up front, but it's stillkind of gimmicky.
It's a little cheesy.
You're not so sure you're intomagic tricks.
He's coming in hot he's a greatlove bomber.
(27:34):
And the thing about the magicianis it really is just smokey
mirrors Once you see behind thecurtain, I'll say you start
picking up that this guy is notserious.
So who I'm conjuring as themagician in today's tale is a
guy I dated also around the sametime as the vampire.
(27:59):
This is 2019 again.
Wow.
2019, what a year.
This guy was performative,right?
In fact, his career was in theperforming arts.
Okay.
He was a standup comic.
A lot of people know this dude.
He's very wealthy, he's verygenerous with his wealth, with
his money, which is a plus.
(28:20):
You know, it's not a negative.
That's not why the magician isno longer my life.
But there was something verylike, um, disgenuine about his
intentions, but I couldn't quiteput my finger on it.
But yeah, he was kind of cheesyand lame., He was a comic, but I
wanna be real and say I, Ididn't find him to be very
(28:41):
funny.
Like I used to go to his job allthe time and just like hang out
with the comics.
And it was just like, honestly,like one of the best times of my
life in New York, like thehighlight for me of like my
twenties and It felt like a veryspecial time to be in New York
pre COVID, and the network andthe connections I had from this
(29:04):
guy.
I'll admit and say I benefitedgreatly from knowing him.
the-sober-butterfly_18_1 (29:10):
Here's the thing about the magician
though.
Like it's a good show.
What can I say?
Like he puts on a good show.
While it can be cringe, verycringe at certain points in
time, it can also be enjoyableand.
I think the magician reallycares about presentation.
That's pretty much their trick,right?
That's their whole gimmickpresentation.
(29:31):
And so they're gonna present youwith amazing opportunities and a
good time He was very wealthy,as mentioned and like very
generous with that wealth andwould share with not just me,
like I wasn't even, you know,that special.
Like he would share it withpretty much everyone and anyone.
He was a, the type of guy thatliked to show everyone a good
(29:54):
time.
So he wanted you to be there atthe show and he wanted you to be
enjoying the show.
But the thing about a magician,I feel like.
Guy that's a magician, andforgive me.
Oh my gosh., I've had a magicianon the show.
Michael, I'm not talking aboutyou.
Okay.
If you're listening thank youfor coming on and actually I'll
say this, Michael, you're thefirst cool magician I think I've
(30:16):
ever met, but.
Thing about being a magician isI feel like you have to, like
the origin story of a magicianhas to come from like a place of
despair, which actually Michael,his house burned down.
Yeah.
Y'all could listen to theepisode.
I'll plug it in the show notes,or it's like you were just kind
of lame.
It could be a combo, I guess, ofboth, I feel as a magician, like
(30:39):
there's a lameness to you.
Like you, you weren't the coolkid.
And that's how you probablyfound magic.
And then like of course you canbecome a hot magician like Chris
Angel, I think is his name.
Like he was kind of hot.
Yeah, that's cool.
But like Chris Angel, I canguarantee was not cool in middle
(31:00):
school or high school or like inschool period.
And then I'm thinking like, oh,the magician probably has some
insecurities too, right?
You're trying to cover or hidesomething, and so here, sparkly,
look at this.
Poof, it's gone.
You know, there's a lot ofdistractions.
And for an a DH girl like me,it's oh, one minute you're
(31:21):
telling me this and, oh look,now look over here.
What's that like?
Now you're telling me somethingelse.
So yeah, I, I fell for it.
And this guy I, I know, had alot of insecurities and trauma
and despair and yeah, like hisstory was really powerful and
like we connected deeply.
At certain points in time.
(31:42):
And as mentioned, the magicianwants to show everyone a good
time.
So we had a great time togetherand he would really look out.
So I don't wanna undermine himas a person because there was
like really great parts to him,but a lot of it was
performative.
I feel.
I feel a lot of it wasperformative and I would
question him, and that's why Iwouldn't take him seriously for
(32:05):
so long.
Is this guy for real?
the-sober-butterfly_17_10-30 (32:07):
So during our courtship or his
pursuit of me, I wavered andwould actually be like, okay,
maybe I can take the magicianseriously.
Like, yeah, I know he's cheesy.
I know it's not cool to date amagician, but like whatever he
seems genuine and we did havesome like good, deep
(32:28):
conversations, but there wasinconsistency.
On both ends.
Like I wasn't ever reallyconsistent with him, but it just
felt like he.
He pursued me for so long that Ijust assumed that.
He would consistently pursue me.
And without getting into thespecifics here,'cause I'm
(32:49):
realizing as I'm telling thestory that I don't even feel
like reliving the trauma of whatended us.
It's Halloween guys.
It doesn't need to be that darkright now.
I don't wanna get into it, butjust know that like things did
not end on a positive note.
And.
(33:09):
He poofed and vanished.
Like this is someone that I hadknown for years and had seen
sometimes multiple times a weekand for him to just completely
disappear after the experiencewe shared together felt hurtful
at the time and.
(33:31):
I didn't handle it well, and I,if I could go back, I'll say
this, like it's not even aregret, but I do wish that I
would have communicated betterwith him.
So that's also on me.
But the magician showed me thatreal connection isn't about
(33:51):
grand gestures or like buyingthings or elaborate displays of
affection that are not rooted intrue, authentic connection.
It's not a performance.
It's about showing up when noone's watching.
(34:11):
It's about being your true,authentic self and being a true,
authentic partner or friend tosomeone.
So my verdict, I don't know,what do you guys think?
Is he a trick or is he a treat?
He reminded me of like a sourpatch.
Like first they're sweet, thentheir sour.
Like he would be really sweet inmoments.
(34:32):
And of course I'm telling thestory years later and like I'm
highlighting the negativeaspects of the relationship,
although he wasn't my boyfriend,but like this.
Guy, it wasn't all bad.
Like if he was all bad, Iwouldn't have, um, you know,
entertained him for as long as Idid.
But in saying that, you know,he's not, not a trick like.
(34:54):
That's the thing.
I think he knows that too.
Like there is a duality thatlike, I guess, coexist at the
same time.
Like you can be a trick and atreat.
So I'm gonna vote this one.
The verdict's in, he's a trickand a treat.
Okay
the-sober-butterfly_19_10-3 (35:09):
the mummy, this one was a slow burn,
the complete opposite of thevampire.
So there was no drama, there wasno chaos.
Just, um, quiet confusion.
Let me break down the archetypeof the mummy.
So mummy, think wraps lots andlots of wraps.
(35:31):
Okay, lots of layers.
This is the kind of guy whoseems stable and nice, maybe
even a little too nice or tooperfect, perfect for you, like
not perfect as a person.
There is no such thing, but likeperfect for you, right?
Also, probably no such thing asa perfect person for you.
Please don't take dating advicefrom me at this time.
(35:52):
So this is the like emotionallydetached guy, and every time you
try to get closer to him.
Through maybe expressingfeelings or defining the
relationship, he shuts down anddeflects or disappears into his
emotional tomb, and then thatforces you to try harder.
(36:15):
Right.
People pleasing, mode activated,but nothing actually changes.
And then eventually you realize,oh, he's not bad.
He's just unavailable.
And you can't fix that whetheryou're sober or not.
And in fact, plot twist, the guyI'm going to summon for today is
(36:37):
the guy that I dated last year.
So I was sober.
The plot Thickens guys, theMummy was nice.
And actually I am also gonnaplug another episode From The
Vault and recommend you listento my favorite episode of last
year, which was my 2024 datingwrapped episode.
(36:57):
I get into it and he is in caseyou wanna.
Piece together the twoarchetypes.
So the mummy in this story isalso the best ex of my life in
that 2024 dating wrappedepisode.
So go check it out.
Anyway, back to this.
The Mummy was.
(37:17):
A nice guy, like he made me feelsafe, actually, very safe.
And that's the scariest part.
But also he was so emotionallywrapped up that I could not get
through to him.
Even if I had like a, ajackhammer, like there was no
breaking that molding orwhatever the freaking mummy
wraps are called.
No surprise, by the archetype Igave him in that dating wrapped
(37:40):
episode.
You know, he was the best exo Iever had and also the last sex I
ever had, which is kind of,yeah, that's a different story.
Anyway, so I felt connected tohim, a connection I hadn't felt
in years.
And I would ask him, you know,where are we?
And he would give me pretty muchthe same.
(38:01):
Every time, which was anon-answer.
He was a wordsmith.
And so he was very talented withlike saying so much, but yet
nothing at all.
And yeah, that was ultimatelythe confusion, you know, the
quiet confusion that Ireferenced that was probably the
(38:24):
loudest and clearest answer Icould get.
Right.
Um, if it's confusing, there'syour answer his non-answer of
like, where are we in thisrelationship?
Or like what are we was not, um,ever defined.
So he was not my boyfriend, inthe past drinking states of my
life would have taken hisrejection or like non-answer
(38:48):
very personally.
I would've drank about it andspiraled and text him 1,001
times, like, did I do somethingwrong?
Like, am I the problem?
Is it me?
But now in sobriety, I can sayhis inability to commit to me
wasn't actually a rejection.
(39:10):
And e even if it was arejection, it's not a rejection
of me.
It was just information and thatinformation is a data point that
I do not need to crash out over.
Something that I can't change.
This sounds like the perfecttime to quote our scripture.
God, grant me the serenity toaccept the things I cannot
(39:32):
change The courage.
Hmm.
To change the things I can andthe wisdom to know the
difference.
Amen.
I just have to release thingsthat are nonsensical to me and
beyond my control, okay, so theverdict, what are you thinking?
Butterflies.
(39:54):
The mummy, I'm gonna say he wasa treat.
Feel free to disagree with me,but like, honestly, I had the
best sex I've ever had in mylife.
I already told you guys that.
Um, I have no regrets.
I think it served as informationas mentioned for me, I'm not
immune to.
Silly Bitch syndrome.
Silly Bitch Syndrome is what Ilike to refer to.
(40:16):
Um, me whenever I like findmyself stressing over a man.
That's not my man, basically.
Anyone can have silly bitchsyndrome actually.
So just, you know, check in onyour friends and loved ones.
But it was, yeah, it was atreat.
It was, um, great informationand now I know better and I do
(40:40):
better.
I'm doing better.
But back to this, okay, theverdict, he was a treat, he was
not evil, he just wasn't ready.
I don't think he'll ever beready in his mid forties as he
currently stands.
Uh, I think 46 years old.
But that's not my problem.
That's not my issue, and that'sokay.
You know, if he doesn't wanna beready for me or for anyone, I
(41:02):
wish him well from, you know,3000 miles away.
the-sober-butterfly_20_10 (41:08):
Those were some serious Halloween
horror stories from my datinggraveyard.
You're welcome, but don't worry.
Up next, I am bringing in thetreat from Chicago, so let me
catch you guys up to speed.
I haven't been dating a ton thisyear because of.
(41:29):
The mummy actually, um, tryingto like, heal from that and not
rush into the next thing.
And beyond that I've been sobusy this year has been insanely
busy and like, I don't wanna bebusy anymore.
But yeah, so high functioningdepression, busy and healing
from mummy.
I've gone on dates here andthere.
In fact, my friend reminded meto fill out my inventory that
(41:54):
she sent earlier this year.
So I'm gonna link that inventoryin the show notes because I am
also gonna do a 2025 datingwrapped episode.
And that inventory is like datathat you track from every date
you've gone on.
And I have not been billing minenow.
So that reminded me.
I have gone on dates here andthere, but like no one has
(42:15):
really been a standout and likeI haven't felt excited by anyone
until recently.
A guy from my past kind of spunthe block nothing bad happened,
like he was a pretty cool dude.
It was 2018.
Let's call him Chicago.
I have to come up with a realnickname for him, but I don't
have one right now.
So Chicago came into my life inNew York around the time that I
(42:39):
was just getting out of arelationship and I was not
looking to like enter anotherrelationship.
I had just left a long-term oneand I was back to like my old
party self because in thatrelationship, while I hadn't
slowed down with my drinking, Idefinitely slowed down with like
my partying.
So I was right back on thescene.
I was so excited to be likesingle.
(43:01):
Sexy, um, at like 27 ish,whatever age I was.
And yeah, I was having a timeand he came into my life around
that time.
So like, when we ended things,it wasn't like, because anything
happened, we just organicallygrew into different spaces and
whatever we kept in touchthroughout the years, but like
(43:23):
on some like friend stuff.
Never really saw him.
COVID happened.
He moved out of New York andultimately he's landed in
Chicago.
And so he came to New Yorkearlier this month.
And invited me out for a quickdrink.
So I grabbed a non beer with himand caught up.
And when I saw him, I was like,oh.
(43:44):
Oh, Chicago's sexy, like, oh,hang Chicago.
Like, because I hadn't seen himin so long, you know, it'd been
years and he was always likevery attractive.
But like, I hadn't seen himsince like end of 2019.
He doesn't post a lot on social,which is such a green flag for
me.
I'm like.
Not knowing what to expect.
(44:05):
So when I saw him, I waspleasantly surprised and kind of
hit it off.
Like I was like, oh, I wouldlike to like get to know him
better.
Like, even though I know him,like get to know him better.
Like, you know what I mean?
And so.
He invited me to come out toChicago and I did this past
weekend and it was a great time.
(44:27):
This was also like a good timeto plug my Chicago vlog that I
made.
It's now live on YouTube.
If you wanna see seven minutesof my weekend trip to Chicago,
it was so much fun.
It felt very easy with him andI.
Like that.
(44:49):
I like that.
I like how comfortable I feltbeing myself around him, and I
enjoy myself.
I will just say that like Idon't want to.
Look too far out because I'm inNew York and he's in Chicago and
(45:10):
I really don't want to do longdistance again.
Like I actually don't think Ican.
The Mummy lived in Californiaand that was just so much, it
was so complicated.
I just don't wanna do thatagain.
We have some barriers there, butlike, I feel.
A connection and I haven't felta connection with someone in a
(45:32):
long time.
And I feel excited by him.
I'm trying my best to be like,kind of cool about it because,
you know, I'm a public figure.
He could hear this.
I don't want him to get toohype.
Um, but yeah, I, I like, I likehim.
I like him guys.
I like this one.
Yeah, I'm gonna leave it on thatnote because who knows?
(45:53):
Next Friday I could be likeChicago, who, but for now I am
happy.
I'm happy with how I feel.
And in fact, when I hop offthis, I was gonna say this call,
when I wrap this episode, I'mliterally going to.
Therapy and I'm gonna talk to mytherapist about it and kind of
(46:16):
make sense of everything.
I did make a pros and cons liston the plane on the way home
from seeing him this weekendwhile everything was fresh
because you know, no one'sperfect, myself included.
And just a little like maybeactivity for you to try.
I'm not gonna say it's a tip,but like I made a pros and cons
list right now.
(46:36):
The pros are winning, so likethat's why I am still, you know.
Excited.
So yeah, I'm gonna share thatpros and cons list with my
therapist and see what shethinks.
I haven't been in therapy for acouple months and I'm so excited
to like get back to it.
(46:57):
Get back to it, girl.
I have the same therapist and Ilove her.
I missed her.
I think that's what I needed.
I think I just needed a littlebit of space to like really
appreciate having her in mylife.
So she's an amazing therapist..
She helped get me sober.
One of the best people that'sever come into my life.
But I wasn't sure if like we hadhit a plateau and it's more me,
(47:21):
not her, like me just likefeeling as though like, can I
dig deeper?
Like can I excavate these partsof my life?
Anyway, I'm gonna wrap here.
Just know that I'm gonna therapyand I'm excited.
the-sober-butterfly_21_10-3 (47:34):
All right, my witches.
That is all for today's hauntedlove confessional.
I hope that you laughed at someof my, um, truly tragic exes.
If there's one thing I hope thatyou take away from this episode,
the ghost of boyfriends past.
That's so hard for me to say.
(47:55):
As a girl, you with a lis.
Anyway, if there's one thing Iwant you to take away from my
ghost of boyfriend's past or anypast chaos, it's this.
Those guys, they only have asmuch power over you as you let
them.
Sobriety is.
Like having a spell book to setboundaries to protect your
(48:18):
energy, to choose treats overtricks.
I want you to think of sobrietylike the, what was that book
called In Charmed.
I love that show as a kid.
Is it The Book of Charms?
No, it was the Book of Shadows.
The Book of Shadows, okay.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
Like that's your magical spellbook sobriety.
(48:40):
It's like your super gift thathas all of the things that you
need, all of the charms andspells that you need to.
Vanish these toxic boys awayfrom you.
Okay?
Whether you're single like me,by the way, I.
I obsessed with the new trendI'm seeing on social where it's
uncool to have a boyfriend.
(49:00):
Like yes, like let's rewrite thenarrative it is so cool.
Being single sometimes guys,although I, I would like to
have.
Boyfriend, but the rightboyfriend, like only the right
boyfriend.
Anyway, so whether you're singledating or just enjoying your own
spooky company, remember tohonor your peace and trust your
intuition and maybe have alittle fun, maybe take some
(49:22):
inspir from me and like havesome fun with identifying who's
your freaking mummy?
Okay.
Who's the guy that isemotionally unavailable?
Who is your vampire?
Who's the guy who sucked youfucking dry?
And who is your, what's theother one?
I was about to say Werewolfgirl.
(49:42):
Where and who is your magicianthat just poofed and vanished?
It's like magician slash, Idon't know, ghost.
Yeah.
Break it down.
It's a fun exercise.
I had fun thinking through thetoday's episode, and I hope you
had fun tuning in.
Don't forget, guys, new episodesof the Sopa Butterfly premiere.
(50:03):
Every single Friday and you canalso look for this episode on
YouTube don't forget to leave areview.
Follow and if you feel likesharing, please DM me on Insta
at the period sober butterfly.
If you want to share some ofyour own sober trick or treat
(50:23):
tales, my dms are always open.
Love you guys.
Let's laugh, heal, and haunt ourexes.
Lovingly.
Of course.
I'll see you next week.
Bye.
Hello and welcome back to The Sober
Butterfly.
It's Nadine and it's spookyseason, the time of year when
the veil is thin.
And so were some of the excusesmy exes used to give me before I
got sober, my dating life couldhave been its own horror
anthology.
The love bombing, the ghosting,the emotional vampires, a few
(00:23):
mummies, you know, theemotionally unavailable ones are
just wrapped in layers andlayers that you're supposed to
peel back and one or two zombiesthat just wouldn't die off.
Now that I'm sober, I get torevisit those scary stories with
a new kind of clarity and maybeeven a little gratitude because
(00:44):
each of those.
Monsters, I'll call them, taughtme something about what I will
and definitely won't tolerate inlove.
So in the spirit of Halloween,we're gonna play a little game.
I like to call trick or treatlove edition, and I'll be
sharing some of my own datinghorror stories for my drinking
days and we will decidetogether.
(01:06):
Was he a trick?
Or a treat.
Spoiler alert here, most of themwere tricks.
So grab your favorite non ALKdrink.
Get comfy because we're about todig up some dating skeletons and
laugh our way through the ghostof boyfriend's past.
Let's get into it.
the-sober-butterfly_8_10- (01:26):
Okay, let me introduce you to the
Vampire Charming at First Bite,the kind of guy who could talk
his way out of anything.
This vampire I'm thinking of wastall, charismatic, to set the
scene back in 2019, this wassummertime, I was bored and if
(01:47):
you have been listening to theshow, you already know.
Very dangerous territory.
When Nadine is bored, Nadineputs herself into oftentimes
chaotic situations.
And so I think I had just gottenout of something and I was,
never content with being alonebefore I got sober.
Like I always felt like I had tobe dating.
this vampire and I dated.
(02:08):
It was short lived, it wassummer.
It was a fling, but it wastraumatic.
The vampire would drain meemotionally, mentally, and I'm
gonna get to this part.
Financially and then he wouldvanish until he needed a refill.
I was his emotional juice box.
(02:29):
And the worst part is I justkept letting him sip, sip my
blood.
the-sober-butterfly_9_10-29- (02:35):
So the vampire has to be charming.
Okay.
When he and I started to datethat summer, in the beginning,
everything seemed ideal., If youguys have seen the movie Sinners
with Michael B.
Jordan, you know that vampireshave to be invited inside, okay?
For them to suck you dry, theyhave to be invited.
(02:57):
And so I invited this man inbecause he presented so well.
I'm not gonna invite a vampirein who presents like a bum or
like the soulless creature thatthey ultimately end up becoming,
or showing you.
So in the beginning, everythingwas gravy.
He was very well connected onthe New York Club scene, which
(03:21):
at the time was super importantto me.
Okay.
That was a green flag to me atthe time that this mid 40
something year old man was wellconnected and knew every bouncer
and had a long history of beingon the party scene.
Like I'm talking, going to theclub three to four times a week.
(03:41):
And he presented as though hehad all of this money, which
also, I'll be honest, was a plusplus for me at the time, like I
was very much in my, my, I justwanna date Rich Men era and so
yeah, check, check nice cartakes me to.
All of the hottest clubs in NewYork.
(04:03):
And he was introducing me to allof these different people,
Another red flag that I now canclearly see, but at the time I
thought it was just amazing wasthat he was introducing me as
his quote, future wife.
Okay.
He was like, this is Nadine,this is my future wifey I was
just like, oh my God.
Like he sees wifey material inme.
(04:25):
That's amazing.
Even though we were just likedrinking in the car.
Cool.
I'm a wife.
the-sober-butterfly_10_10- (04:30):
When I think about the most toxic
relationship I've ever been in,the vampire is who I conjure in
my mind because it was the mosttoxic relationship I've ever
been in.
I love to sit up on my highhorse and say things like, oh my
gosh, I don't understand howpeople get themselves into toxic
relationships.
Or like, who has time toentertain toxicity?
(04:52):
But the truth of the matter is Iwas addicted to the toxic shit
that we would go through becauseit was so exhilarating.
It was enthralling, it was.
This constant adrenaline rush,like the chaos that I
experienced with him, the backand forth, the push and pull,
like the arguing because of thisman, I learned the term
(05:16):
stonewalling, and if you'reunfamiliar with stonewalling,
it's basically you getting intoa really heated argument or
disagreement, and instead ofthem.
Giving you the space to likearticulate yourself or talk it
out or like, you know, come to aplace where it's like, hey, like
let's just give each other spaceif that's what you need.
Like, I'm not ignoring you.
I just need to think andprocess.
(05:37):
Stonewalling is the opposite ofthat.
It's like, oh no, we have gotteninto like the worst heated
argument and now I'm going toignore you.
I'm going to block you.
I'm going to act like you arenon-existent and act like you
are not even a person.
And he would do that to me everyother day.
Every other day, like we wouldbe good.
(05:59):
We'd have high moments together.
We'd have great times and likeI'd be like, oh my God, this is
my husband.
I love this man.
And then I would do somethingand I'm gonna air quote, do
something.
'cause I wouldn't actually doanything, but I would do
something he didn't like andthen he would.
Emotionally manipulate me byblocking me, ignoring me.
(06:20):
Um, sometimes he wouldn't evenblock me because he liked to see
how many times I would call himback to back.
And I just know how this soundslike it's ridiculous to think
that, like I was calling thisman blowing up his phone like
15, 20 times a day, texting him,like, why won't you talk to me?
I would never do, I would neverdo that now.
But like then, I, I didn't, I, Ididn't like I knew better.
(06:42):
I was gonna say I didn't knowbetter.
I did know better, but like, Icould not help myself.
I was just like, how in the hellis this man going to ignore me?
Like this stonewalling veryeffective.
Do not do it.
I would not do that to my worstenemy.
If you don't wanna talk tosomeone.
Tell them, I don't wanna talk toyou.
But no, he loved to have mepursue him and chase him.
(07:04):
Something else to note about thevampire.
He was an Aries.
Okay.
He's the reason why I willnever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, everdate another Aries again, I'm an
Aries.
Two Aries.
Mm-hmm Mm.
We don't work.
He had massive temper, so hewould blow up on me and then I
(07:24):
would react to his blowup.
Equally fiery.
And then he would be like, fuckyou, fuck this and ignore me.
Stonewalling.
And that would just leave mefeeling so depleted.
Like imagine I've been worked upso much justify myself like, uh,
and for context, a lot of ourarguments were nonsensical.
(07:46):
Things like they weretheoretical arguments.
Have you ever gotten into atheoretical argument with
someone that's like a realargument?
What I mean by theoreticalargument is like you guys are
talking about theoreticals orhypotheticals that are not real.
These are just like things thatcould happen and then that
person runs with it and likethey actually get upset and then
(08:07):
ensues a real actual explosiveargument.
So he would get super jealous,even though he's the one
partying, he could out party me,which is saying a lot at this
time in my life.
It's summer 2019 once again toset the scene.
So I'm out and about.
This is pre COVID, definitelypre sobriety.
So I'm outside too, and he'sstill managing to go out more
(08:31):
than me.
I'm off as a teacher for thesummer.
So like, I don't know how hemanaged to do that, but he was
constantly getting upset aboutmen that I could potentially be
texting.
Like if a guy friend text me,he'd be like, oh, you're fucking
him.
You're a liar.
Like he, he was crazy.
He didn't have money.
(08:51):
Okay.
Even though he was always goingaround the different cars.
This man had four or fivedifferent expensive cars.
He had a beautiful house on LongIsland, but this was not his
money.
This was his parents' money.
This man came up for money.
the-sober-butterfly_11_10-29 (09:07):
He grew up on Long Island, very
rich.
His next door neighbor growingup was LL Cool J.
And I know LL Cool J is not coolanymore, but imagine he's
growing up in the eighties,nineties.
Like LL Cool J is that man andthat was his next door neighbor.
So like a lot of privilege here,a lot of access.
(09:28):
This man could have done so muchwith his life.
In fact, he's like one of five.
And all of his siblings are likedoing big shit with their life
and he's the baby.
I typically don't like to datethe baby of the family, like men
who are the youngest because Ijust feel like they are just so
whiny.
Spoiled and entitled and ugh.
(09:52):
And he was all of those things.
And yeah, his parents stillsupported him, so all of the
money he was flexing on thegram, like fanning out these a
hundred dollars bills.
Like he's some kind of mobsteror like, you know, he's about
that life.
Turns out it's.
Daddy and mommy's money.
His only job in life because heis never really had a real job,
(10:13):
was to collect rent from.
tenants of properties that hisparents owned around Long Island
they had a vast portfolio ofdifferent real estate that they
owned throughout Long Island.
And so his job was literally togo to some of the less of
affluent parts of Long Island tocollect the rent.
(10:36):
And he would collect rent incash.
I'd actually.
Accompanied him on some of thoseruns.
And so when he would collect thecash, you know, people were
paying, I don't know what thestandard rate was, but like, say
2K in cash and that's what he'sfan out, a hundred dollars bills
on his Instagram to attractwomen like, I guess me at the
(10:56):
time.
So yeah, that's what he did andthat's what kind of led me to
believe that he actually had hisown money, the house that he
lived in was owned by hisparents.
It was a beautiful four bedroom,two story house in Long Island.
Not his, the cars not his.
So yeah, this man lived a sham.
(11:18):
Even though it was mentioned, Iwas chasing at the time, like
status and looking for a manthat had money.
The irony here lies that Iactually started to financially
support him in thisrelationship.
I was the one reaching into mypurse to pay for him.
Like we'd go out to eat and he'dbe like, baby, you got this.
And I would like a dummy sayyes.
(11:42):
Yeah, I got it babe.
I got you babe.
This happened multiple times.
Like I don't mind.
Covering, you know, lunch,dinner here and there, coffee,
whatever.
I do believe in balance and youknow, I bring a lot to
relationships.
Ideally, I don't want to be thebreadwinner bringing the
financial gains to therelationship, but like, you
(12:02):
know, I recognize that like it'snice to look out when people are
looking out for you, but asidefrom the first date we went on,
every other interaction I hadwith this man included me paying
for him, paying his way,
the-sober-butterfly_12_ (12:17):
Another major red flag, or what should
have been a major red flag wasthe fact that he lied about his
age.
So when I met him, he told me hewas like 43 or 44, something
like that.
And I believed him because whywould I, why would you lie?
Who lies about their age?
I'm like, why?
Why are you lying about yourage?
So there was an instance asmentioned, he liked to party all
(12:38):
the time, and he would driveinto the city multiple times a
week to go to the club.
That I wasn't invited to, andthen he would usually end up
parking by my apartment and thenspending the night because he
was too fucked up to drive allthe way back to Long Island.
That was like his ritual.
I would play the role as likethe supportive girlfriend here,,
waking up at three o'clock inthe morning and opening the
(13:02):
door, letting this man into mybed after he's been doing God
knows what in the club.
And yeah,, that was our norm inthe summer.
He would usually not give menotice when he was pulling up
and the next day make jokesaround like, oh, I'm surprised
he didn't have anyone over herealready there was one really big
(13:24):
fight we got into because therewas a night where I slept
through his call He called me inthe wee hours of the morning.
I didn't even know he was goingout that night.
It was like a Tuesday, andbecause I didn't answer his
call, he assumed that I was withanother man and then proceeded
to not talk to me for like aweek.
(13:45):
Just to give you more context,so there was one particular day,
I will never forget this, and itwas daytime.
It was like maybe one o'clock inthe afternoon I was at home
tidying up, literally.
I remember I was like sweepingand someone buzzed at my door
and lo and behold, it's thevampire.
(14:07):
Now, I had not heard from thevampire.
Over 24 hours.
But this is not uncommon to ourdynamic.
I'm just like, here we go again.
Like, you know, calling himevery hour on the hour.
I hadn't heard from him.
Thinking like, what is it now?
Like, what did I do now?
Did I post something?
Like, whatever.
So anyway, I get this buzzdownstairs and it's the vampire,
(14:29):
and he comes up and he lookslike.
Death.
Okay.
He looks like ship.
He had a hospital band aroundhis arm.
And I'm like, oh my God.
Like where have you been?
Like, what's wrong?
And he proceeds to tell me thathe spent the last day in the
hospital because he went outwith a friend like he normally
(14:53):
does.
He went to the club andapparently had too much, and
somehow he like lost his phoneand then ended up in the
hospital.
The details are fuzzy.
They were fuzzy then.
He didn't really know whathappened to him, but all he knew
was that he didn't have hisphone, he had lost his wallet,
all of his money because heloves to flex in the club with
(15:14):
like.
All of his a hundred dollarsbills, fanning them out for
girls.
Like he was robbed, basically.
He was robbed, his phone wastaken, his wallet was taken.
He had like all of this money inthere.
That was his parents' rent moneybasically, that he was supposed
to, you know, have collected andput somewhere like in a safe.
So I'm like, oh my God, poorbaby.
You poor man.
(15:35):
I must take care of you.
I'm going to be your safe place.
And so literally he gets into mybed and he's sleeping it off.
One of my best friends wasactually in town visiting New
York and.
She wasn't staying with me, butI had plans with her later that
day to meet up at theWilliamsburg Hotel.
(15:56):
And so I was like, oh my gosh, Ihave to like meet my friend,
Like, you can stay in my bed.
Just sleep it off, babe.
I'll go get you something toeat.
And when I went and met up with.
My friend, Kay, she was with herbrother and another guy, and I'm
telling them this story.
I'm like, yeah, this, you know,guy I'm seeing is in my bed
right now.
(16:16):
And he tells me that like helost his phone and wallet and he
spent the evening in thehospital and, you know, I have
to, you know, get back and takecare of him.
And everyone's looking at melike I'm crazy because, I mean,
I sounded crazy.
They're like, what do you mean?
And so that should have been thered flag, so after I hung out
with him, I went back home andlike I mentioned, he's in my bed
and I'm like taking care of him,of course.
(16:39):
Gatorade, all the things.
And I remember he had thehospital bracelet on, you know,
he spent the evening in thehospital and I'm looking and I'm
like, 1970, blah, blah, blah.
Hmm.
The math, the math is not maththing.
You told me you were 43 and thissays you're 48.
(17:03):
Hmm.
What's up with that?
And then he laughed.
I remember he laughed at me.
He laughed at my face and he islike, oh, oh yeah, I'm 48.
I, I tell people I'm 43.
I'm just like, you tell peopleyou're 43, I am not people.
I'm your right or die.
(17:24):
Literally, like, you've almostkilled me several times.
Like, what are you talkingabout?
And so, yeah, clearly I shouldhave been done with that man
then, but that wasn't the end ofthe vampire.
the-sober-butterfly_25_12- (17:38):
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the-sober-butterfly_13_10- (19:14):
what actually got me to nail the
coffin was one evening, hecalled me, he was on his way
into the city not to see me, ofcourse, to go to the club.
He told me he was going to club.
50 which is Jay-Z's club inMidtown.
And he was like, yeah, I'm goingwith my buddy, blah, blah, blah.
(19:34):
Like I had met this buddybefore, didn't like him because
he was also a party animal andwomanizer.
But yeah, he tells me he's goingto this club.
I'm like, okay babe.
Have fun I was about to go getmy hair done and he was like,
oh, send me pictures babe.
I'm gonna see your hair.
I was like, cool.
So I go get my hair done.
Five hours later, I'm done withmy hair, it looks great.
(19:56):
I call him FaceTime him, noanswer.
So I'm like, okay, what thefuck?
I want him to see how good Ilook, so I get home.
Call him again, no response.
And my hair appointment waslate.
I'm not getting back to myapartment until midnight.
And I'm like thinking, okay, whyhave I not heard from the
vampire?
He could have at least texted meback or called me or whatever.
(20:18):
This is like one of the rareoccasions we were actually on
good terms.
And so I proceed to blow him upas I normally do, and no
response so I honestly startedto get worried because this is
following the situation thathappened with him being in the
hospital.
And just like the nurturer in mewas like so worried about this
vampire.
(20:38):
I'm like, he has a drinkingproblem.
And for me at the time to saysomeone else has a drinking
problem is saying a lot.
So I'm like, oh, like I'mconcerned.
Like what if he.
Is in another situation where ifhe got into an accident, like
I'm just like, my mind isrunning wild, like genuinely
racking my brain, trying tofigure out why I have not heard
(20:58):
from him.
So I decide naturally that I'mjust gonna go to Club 50 for.
I'm just gonna pull up to club50.
Why not?
Um, it's a Thursday.
I look cute.
I remember I hit up like acouple girlfriends that might've
been down and everyone was like,girl, I can't, it's too short
notice.
Like whatever.
So I was like, fuck it, I'm justgonna go to the club by myself.
(21:21):
So, you know, when you get yourhair done, you're kind of
filling yourself anyway.
So I was like, okay, here,check.
Just gonna put some makeup on,throw in a little dress, and I'm
pulling up to 1250.
I take an Uber, I get to club50, there's a line down the
street.
In fact, the bouncer I rememberwasn't even like outside, like
they weren't even taking peoplein.
So reality starts to set in andI'm like, this is crazy.
(21:43):
Like even for me, this is crazy.
Like I don't even know if thisman is still here.
Why am I at the club right now?
Anyway, bouncer comes.
It was one of those like momentswhere I really was feeling
myself because I skipped theline.
As soon as he came back outside,I was like, hi, I'm here.
I'm looking for my friend.
Like can I just come in?
And the bouncer looks me up anddown.
(22:05):
I was like, oh yeah, absolutely.
So I got to like skip the line.
It was like very fun.
Anyway, get to Club 50.
Surveying the area.
Like you go in, you go down somestairs.
I'm like surveying the area,looking for this man.
I can't see him.
I go so far as to pull up aphoto of him and I'm just
randomly going up to people inthe club like, have you seen
(22:26):
this man?
Have you seen this man?
Oh, so embarrassing.
Um, so anyway, looking for thisman everywhere.
Then I spot him.
It was a sight for sore eyes.
He looked a hot fucking mess,okay.
Pants sagging.
This man wanted to be from thestreets so badly.
That's not your story, babe.
(22:46):
Sorry.
But anyway, he looks a mess.
I remember his pants weresagging.
He actually had a hole in hisbriefs, which was like
disgusting.
I remember looking at him like,Ugh.
Um, and I'm like, oh my God,vampire, I found you.
Like, is everything okay?
You are not looking so good.
Like the lights are not on.
His eyes are dead.
I'm like, we gotta get out ofhere.
(23:07):
Where's your car?
And he's brushing me off.
Like, he's like, wait, what?
Why?
Like, why are you here?
Like, what?
Like can't even form sentences.
And he's like, basically, leaveme alone.
Like, that's basically what hesaid.
He didn't say leave me alone,but he literally like kind
shooed me away.
He's just like, wait, why areyou here?
Like, ugh, like, and I was justlike, oh.
Oh, okay.
(23:27):
Am I embarrassing you right now?
In all my glory, I look amazing.
So many dudes, in fact, ooh.
In fact, Busta Rhymes was therethat night.
He had a little section and hesent one of his goons to come
get me and pull me into hissection, and I was like, no, I'm
looking for my man.
I'm not interested in the BustaRhymes, but, side, sidebar,
(23:50):
Busta Rhymes and the Vampire goway back and they actually have
like, quote beef now, now that Iknow this man, now that I know
the vampire, I'm like, okay, didyou actually have beef with
Busta rhymes?
Or like, is this just youdigging up your ego, as if this
rapper is going to have beefwith you?
The rich kid from Long Island.
Okay.
(24:10):
But that's what he told me.
So another thing is like I'm soloyal.
I'm like, my allegiance is tothe vampire.
Like I'm definitely not gonna gointo Buster Rhymes, rhymes, um,
section.
So anyway, all of these thingshappen and one night, um.
He shuts me down.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm like, okay, well seriously,why am I here?
(24:31):
I ended up meeting another guy,actually, who I'm still friends
with on social, not in reallife, but we still follow each
other.
He invites me into his sectionand I'm heartbroken.
He comes up to me, he is like,oh, why are you by yourself?
Why so glum?
And I explained to him like,everything that's going on, and
he was just like, oh girl, don'teven worry about him.
Come into my section.
He was a really nice guy.
(24:51):
so in the interim of me gettingshooed away from the vampire and
like joining this other guy'ssection randomly, I lose sight
of the vampire.
Like he's nowhere to be found.
I have lost him.
And so now I am done with thisclub.
I have licked my wounds but I amlike, I'm gonna follow up with
the vampire because he is drunkand I don't know where he went.
(25:11):
And like, is he driving?
And so I call him a bunch oftimes and once again he doesn't
answer.
And the next day I heard fromhim and he's just like, you're
crazy.
Yeah.
He called me crazy.
He ended it with me.
He was like, the fact that youshowed up.
Out of the blue to the club thatI told you I was going to be at
is too much for me.
(25:33):
I'm too much for him.
I'm, I'm the, I'm the one in thewrong here.
And so, yeah, he ended it withme and I'm so grateful, thank
God, because I don't know, Ithink I, I could've stayed on
that ride for much longer had henot done that Now, because he is
a vampire and vampires neverdie.
(25:53):
He tried to resurrect himself inmy life.
He tried to come back into mylife, you know, over the course
of the next year or so, like hewould reach out.
But that sealed the deal for me.
Like summer's always likeintense and crazy and wild.
So once September hit and likefall was here, I was like really
done with him and I kept intouch with him because like I
(26:16):
said, he would reach out fromtime to time and.
I think I actually went out withhim one more time.
Can't remember if he paid or ifI paid, I probably paid shit.
Um, but like it was over, it wasover for me.
I found out in COVID becausewhen the world shut down, you
know, you reconnect with peoplejust to check in.
(26:37):
And he had told me that he hadgotten a DWI and his license was
suspended.
So yeah, I'm not surprised bythat at all because he was
reckless.
the-sober-butterfly_14_10-3 (26:51):
the verdict is in, and the vampire
is 100% a trick.
Okay?
But I'll give him this.
At least he forced me to startprotecting my energy.
Never again will I play humanRed Bull for a grown man.
the-sober-butterfly_17_10-3 (27:14):
All right, so up next we have the
magician.
He is a real illusionist this isthe guy who feels maybe like
magic up front, but it's stillkind of gimmicky.
It's a little cheesy.
You're not so sure you're intomagic tricks.
He's coming in hot he's a greatlove bomber.
(27:34):
And the thing about the magicianis it really is just smokey
mirrors Once you see behind thecurtain, I'll say you start
picking up that this guy is notserious.
So who I'm conjuring as themagician in today's tale is a
guy I dated also around the sametime as the vampire.
(27:59):
This is 2019 again.
Wow.
2019, what a year.
This guy was performative,right?
In fact, his career was in theperforming arts.
Okay.
He was a standup comic.
A lot of people know this dude.
He's very wealthy, he's verygenerous with his wealth, with
his money, which is a plus.
(28:20):
You know, it's not a negative.
That's not why the magician isno longer my life.
But there was something verylike, um, disgenuine about his
intentions, but I couldn't quiteput my finger on it.
But yeah, he was kind of cheesyand lame., He was a comic, but I
wanna be real and say I, Ididn't find him to be very
(28:41):
funny.
Like I used to go to his job allthe time and just like hang out
with the comics.
And it was just like, honestly,like one of the best times of my
life in New York, like thehighlight for me of like my
twenties and It felt like a veryspecial time to be in New York
pre COVID, and the network andthe connections I had from this
(29:04):
guy.
I'll admit and say I benefitedgreatly from knowing him.
the-sober-butterfly_18_1 (29:10):
Here's the thing about the magician
though.
Like it's a good show.
What can I say?
Like he puts on a good show.
While it can be cringe, verycringe at certain points in
time, it can also be enjoyableand.
I think the magician reallycares about presentation.
That's pretty much their trick,right?
That's their whole gimmickpresentation.
(29:31):
And so they're gonna present youwith amazing opportunities and a
good time He was very wealthy,as mentioned and like very
generous with that wealth andwould share with not just me,
like I wasn't even, you know,that special.
Like he would share it withpretty much everyone and anyone.
He was a, the type of guy thatliked to show everyone a good
(29:54):
time.
So he wanted you to be there atthe show and he wanted you to be
enjoying the show.
But the thing about a magician,I feel like.
Guy that's a magician, andforgive me.
Oh my gosh., I've had a magicianon the show.
Michael, I'm not talking aboutyou.
Okay.
If you're listening thank youfor coming on and actually I'll
say this, Michael, you're thefirst cool magician I think I've
(30:16):
ever met, but.
Thing about being a magician isI feel like you have to, like
the origin story of a magicianhas to come from like a place of
despair, which actually Michael,his house burned down.
Yeah.
Y'all could listen to theepisode.
I'll plug it in the show notes,or it's like you were just kind
of lame.
It could be a combo, I guess, ofboth, I feel as a magician, like
(30:39):
there's a lameness to you.
Like you, you weren't the coolkid.
And that's how you probablyfound magic.
And then like of course you canbecome a hot magician like Chris
Angel, I think is his name.
Like he was kind of hot.
Yeah, that's cool.
But like Chris Angel, I canguarantee was not cool in middle
(31:00):
school or high school or like inschool period.
And then I'm thinking like, oh,the magician probably has some
insecurities too, right?
You're trying to cover or hidesomething, and so here, sparkly,
look at this.
Poof, it's gone.
You know, there's a lot ofdistractions.
And for an a DH girl like me,it's oh, one minute you're
(31:21):
telling me this and, oh look,now look over here.
What's that like?
Now you're telling me somethingelse.
So yeah, I, I fell for it.
And this guy I, I know, had alot of insecurities and trauma
and despair and yeah, like hisstory was really powerful and
like we connected deeply.
At certain points in time.
(31:42):
And as mentioned, the magicianwants to show everyone a good
time.
So we had a great time togetherand he would really look out.
So I don't wanna undermine himas a person because there was
like really great parts to him,but a lot of it was
performative.
I feel.
I feel a lot of it wasperformative and I would
question him, and that's why Iwouldn't take him seriously for
(32:05):
so long.
Is this guy for real?
the-sober-butterfly_17_10-30 (32:07):
So during our courtship or his
pursuit of me, I wavered andwould actually be like, okay,
maybe I can take the magicianseriously.
Like, yeah, I know he's cheesy.
I know it's not cool to date amagician, but like whatever he
seems genuine and we did havesome like good, deep
(32:28):
conversations, but there wasinconsistency.
On both ends.
Like I wasn't ever reallyconsistent with him, but it just
felt like he.
He pursued me for so long that Ijust assumed that.
He would consistently pursue me.
And without getting into thespecifics here,'cause I'm
(32:49):
realizing as I'm telling thestory that I don't even feel
like reliving the trauma of whatended us.
It's Halloween guys.
It doesn't need to be that darkright now.
I don't wanna get into it, butjust know that like things did
not end on a positive note.
And.
(33:09):
He poofed and vanished.
Like this is someone that I hadknown for years and had seen
sometimes multiple times a weekand for him to just completely
disappear after the experiencewe shared together felt hurtful
at the time and.
(33:31):
I didn't handle it well, and I,if I could go back, I'll say
this, like it's not even aregret, but I do wish that I
would have communicated betterwith him.
So that's also on me.
But the magician showed me thatreal connection isn't about
(33:51):
grand gestures or like buyingthings or elaborate displays of
affection that are not rooted intrue, authentic connection.
It's not a performance.
It's about showing up when noone's watching.
(34:11):
It's about being your true,authentic self and being a true,
authentic partner or friend tosomeone.
So my verdict, I don't know,what do you guys think?
Is he a trick or is he a treat?
He reminded me of like a sourpatch.
Like first they're sweet, thentheir sour.
Like he would be really sweet inmoments.
(34:32):
And of course I'm telling thestory years later and like I'm
highlighting the negativeaspects of the relationship,
although he wasn't my boyfriend,but like this.
Guy, it wasn't all bad.
Like if he was all bad, Iwouldn't have, um, you know,
entertained him for as long as Idid.
But in saying that, you know,he's not, not a trick like.
(34:54):
That's the thing.
I think he knows that too.
Like there is a duality thatlike, I guess, coexist at the
same time.
Like you can be a trick and atreat.
So I'm gonna vote this one.
The verdict's in, he's a trickand a treat.
Okay
the-sober-butterfly_19_10-3 (35:09):
the mummy, this one was a slow burn,
the complete opposite of thevampire.
So there was no drama, there wasno chaos.
Just, um, quiet confusion.
Let me break down the archetypeof the mummy.
So mummy, think wraps lots andlots of wraps.
(35:31):
Okay, lots of layers.
This is the kind of guy whoseems stable and nice, maybe
even a little too nice or tooperfect, perfect for you, like
not perfect as a person.
There is no such thing, but likeperfect for you, right?
Also, probably no such thing asa perfect person for you.
Please don't take dating advicefrom me at this time.
(35:52):
So this is the like emotionallydetached guy, and every time you
try to get closer to him.
Through maybe expressingfeelings or defining the
relationship, he shuts down anddeflects or disappears into his
emotional tomb, and then thatforces you to try harder.
(36:15):
Right.
People pleasing, mode activated,but nothing actually changes.
And then eventually you realize,oh, he's not bad.
He's just unavailable.
And you can't fix that whetheryou're sober or not.
And in fact, plot twist, the guyI'm going to summon for today is
(36:37):
the guy that I dated last year.
So I was sober.
The plot Thickens guys, theMummy was nice.
And actually I am also gonnaplug another episode From The
Vault and recommend you listento my favorite episode of last
year, which was my 2024 datingwrapped episode.
(36:57):
I get into it and he is in caseyou wanna.
Piece together the twoarchetypes.
So the mummy in this story isalso the best ex of my life in
that 2024 dating wrappedepisode.
So go check it out.
Anyway, back to this.
The Mummy was.
(37:17):
A nice guy, like he made me feelsafe, actually, very safe.
And that's the scariest part.
But also he was so emotionallywrapped up that I could not get
through to him.
Even if I had like a, ajackhammer, like there was no
breaking that molding orwhatever the freaking mummy
wraps are called.
No surprise, by the archetype Igave him in that dating wrapped
(37:40):
episode.
You know, he was the best exo Iever had and also the last sex I
ever had, which is kind of,yeah, that's a different story.
Anyway, so I felt connected tohim, a connection I hadn't felt
in years.
And I would ask him, you know,where are we?
And he would give me pretty muchthe same.
(38:01):
Every time, which was anon-answer.
He was a wordsmith.
And so he was very talented withlike saying so much, but yet
nothing at all.
And yeah, that was ultimatelythe confusion, you know, the
quiet confusion that Ireferenced that was probably the
(38:24):
loudest and clearest answer Icould get.
Right.
Um, if it's confusing, there'syour answer his non-answer of
like, where are we in thisrelationship?
Or like what are we was not, um,ever defined.
So he was not my boyfriend, inthe past drinking states of my
life would have taken hisrejection or like non-answer
(38:48):
very personally.
I would've drank about it andspiraled and text him 1,001
times, like, did I do somethingwrong?
Like, am I the problem?
Is it me?
But now in sobriety, I can sayhis inability to commit to me
wasn't actually a rejection.
(39:10):
And e even if it was arejection, it's not a rejection
of me.
It was just information and thatinformation is a data point that
I do not need to crash out over.
Something that I can't change.
This sounds like the perfecttime to quote our scripture.
God, grant me the serenity toaccept the things I cannot
(39:32):
change The courage.
Hmm.
To change the things I can andthe wisdom to know the
difference.
Amen.
I just have to release thingsthat are nonsensical to me and
beyond my control, okay, so theverdict, what are you thinking?
Butterflies.
(39:54):
The mummy, I'm gonna say he wasa treat.
Feel free to disagree with me,but like, honestly, I had the
best sex I've ever had in mylife.
I already told you guys that.
Um, I have no regrets.
I think it served as informationas mentioned for me, I'm not
immune to.
Silly Bitch syndrome.
Silly Bitch Syndrome is what Ilike to refer to.
(40:16):
Um, me whenever I like findmyself stressing over a man.
That's not my man, basically.
Anyone can have silly bitchsyndrome actually.
So just, you know, check in onyour friends and loved ones.
But it was, yeah, it was atreat.
It was, um, great informationand now I know better and I do
(40:40):
better.
I'm doing better.
But back to this, okay, theverdict, he was a treat, he was
not evil, he just wasn't ready.
I don't think he'll ever beready in his mid forties as he
currently stands.
Uh, I think 46 years old.
But that's not my problem.
That's not my issue, and that'sokay.
You know, if he doesn't wanna beready for me or for anyone, I
(41:02):
wish him well from, you know,3000 miles away.
the-sober-butterfly_20_10 (41:08):
Those were some serious Halloween
horror stories from my datinggraveyard.
You're welcome, but don't worry.
Up next, I am bringing in thetreat from Chicago, so let me
catch you guys up to speed.
I haven't been dating a ton thisyear because of.
(41:29):
The mummy actually, um, tryingto like, heal from that and not
rush into the next thing.
And beyond that I've been sobusy this year has been insanely
busy and like, I don't wanna bebusy anymore.
But yeah, so high functioningdepression, busy and healing
from mummy.
I've gone on dates here andthere.
In fact, my friend reminded meto fill out my inventory that
(41:54):
she sent earlier this year.
So I'm gonna link that inventoryin the show notes because I am
also gonna do a 2025 datingwrapped episode.
And that inventory is like datathat you track from every date
you've gone on.
And I have not been billing minenow.
So that reminded me.
I have gone on dates here andthere, but like no one has
(42:15):
really been a standout and likeI haven't felt excited by anyone
until recently.
A guy from my past kind of spunthe block nothing bad happened,
like he was a pretty cool dude.
It was 2018.
Let's call him Chicago.
I have to come up with a realnickname for him, but I don't
have one right now.
So Chicago came into my life inNew York around the time that I
(42:39):
was just getting out of arelationship and I was not
looking to like enter anotherrelationship.
I had just left a long-term oneand I was back to like my old
party self because in thatrelationship, while I hadn't
slowed down with my drinking, Idefinitely slowed down with like
my partying.
So I was right back on thescene.
I was so excited to be likesingle.
(43:01):
Sexy, um, at like 27 ish,whatever age I was.
And yeah, I was having a timeand he came into my life around
that time.
So like, when we ended things,it wasn't like, because anything
happened, we just organicallygrew into different spaces and
whatever we kept in touchthroughout the years, but like
(43:23):
on some like friend stuff.
Never really saw him.
COVID happened.
He moved out of New York andultimately he's landed in
Chicago.
And so he came to New Yorkearlier this month.
And invited me out for a quickdrink.
So I grabbed a non beer with himand caught up.
And when I saw him, I was like,oh.
(43:44):
Oh, Chicago's sexy, like, oh,hang Chicago.
Like, because I hadn't seen himin so long, you know, it'd been
years and he was always likevery attractive.
But like, I hadn't seen himsince like end of 2019.
He doesn't post a lot on social,which is such a green flag for
me.
I'm like.
Not knowing what to expect.
(44:05):
So when I saw him, I waspleasantly surprised and kind of
hit it off.
Like I was like, oh, I wouldlike to like get to know him
better.
Like, even though I know him,like get to know him better.
Like, you know what I mean?
And so.
He invited me to come out toChicago and I did this past
weekend and it was a great time.
(44:27):
This was also like a good timeto plug my Chicago vlog that I
made.
It's now live on YouTube.
If you wanna see seven minutesof my weekend trip to Chicago,
it was so much fun.
It felt very easy with him andI.
Like that.
(44:49):
I like that.
I like how comfortable I feltbeing myself around him, and I
enjoy myself.
I will just say that like Idon't want to.
Look too far out because I'm inNew York and he's in Chicago and
(45:10):
I really don't want to do longdistance again.
Like I actually don't think Ican.
The Mummy lived in Californiaand that was just so much, it
was so complicated.
I just don't wanna do thatagain.
We have some barriers there, butlike, I feel.
A connection and I haven't felta connection with someone in a
(45:32):
long time.
And I feel excited by him.
I'm trying my best to be like,kind of cool about it because,
you know, I'm a public figure.
He could hear this.
I don't want him to get toohype.
Um, but yeah, I, I like, I likehim.
I like him guys.
I like this one.
Yeah, I'm gonna leave it on thatnote because who knows?
(45:53):
Next Friday I could be likeChicago, who, but for now I am
happy.
I'm happy with how I feel.
And in fact, when I hop offthis, I was gonna say this call,
when I wrap this episode, I'mliterally going to.
Therapy and I'm gonna talk to mytherapist about it and kind of
(46:16):
make sense of everything.
I did make a pros and cons liston the plane on the way home
from seeing him this weekendwhile everything was fresh
because you know, no one'sperfect, myself included.
And just a little like maybeactivity for you to try.
I'm not gonna say it's a tip,but like I made a pros and cons
list right now.
(46:36):
The pros are winning, so likethat's why I am still, you know.
Excited.
So yeah, I'm gonna share thatpros and cons list with my
therapist and see what shethinks.
I haven't been in therapy for acouple months and I'm so excited
to like get back to it.
(46:57):
Get back to it, girl.
I have the same therapist and Ilove her.
I missed her.
I think that's what I needed.
I think I just needed a littlebit of space to like really
appreciate having her in mylife.
So she's an amazing therapist..
She helped get me sober.
One of the best people that'sever come into my life.
But I wasn't sure if like we hadhit a plateau and it's more me,
(47:21):
not her, like me just likefeeling as though like, can I
dig deeper?
Like can I excavate these partsof my life?
Anyway, I'm gonna wrap here.
Just know that I'm gonna therapyand I'm excited.
the-sober-butterfly_21_10-3 (47:34):
All right, my witches.
That is all for today's hauntedlove confessional.
I hope that you laughed at someof my, um, truly tragic exes.
If there's one thing I hope thatyou take away from this episode,
the ghost of boyfriends past.
That's so hard for me to say.
(47:55):
As a girl, you with a lis.
Anyway, if there's one thing Iwant you to take away from my
ghost of boyfriend's past or anypast chaos, it's this.
Those guys, they only have asmuch power over you as you let
them.
Sobriety is.
Like having a spell book to setboundaries to protect your
(48:18):
energy, to choose treats overtricks.
I want you to think of sobrietylike the, what was that book
called In Charmed.
I love that show as a kid.
Is it The Book of Charms?
No, it was the Book of Shadows.
The Book of Shadows, okay.
Yeah.
That's what it is.
Like that's your magical spellbook sobriety.
(48:40):
It's like your super gift thathas all of the things that you
need, all of the charms andspells that you need to.
Vanish these toxic boys awayfrom you.
Okay?
Whether you're single like me,by the way, I.
I obsessed with the new trendI'm seeing on social where it's
uncool to have a boyfriend.
(49:00):
Like yes, like let's rewrite thenarrative it is so cool.
Being single sometimes guys,although I, I would like to
have.
Boyfriend, but the rightboyfriend, like only the right
boyfriend.
Anyway, so whether you're singledating or just enjoying your own
spooky company, remember tohonor your peace and trust your
intuition and maybe have alittle fun, maybe take some
(49:22):
inspir from me and like havesome fun with identifying who's
your freaking mummy?
Okay.
Who's the guy that isemotionally unavailable?
Who is your vampire?
Who's the guy who sucked youfucking dry?
And who is your, what's theother one?
I was about to say Werewolfgirl.
(49:42):
Where and who is your magicianthat just poofed and vanished?
It's like magician slash, Idon't know, ghost.
Yeah.
Break it down.
It's a fun exercise.
I had fun thinking through thetoday's episode, and I hope you
had fun tuning in.
Don't forget, guys, new episodesof the Sopa Butterfly premiere.
(50:03):
Every single Friday and you canalso look for this episode on
YouTube don't forget to leave areview.
Follow and if you feel likesharing, please DM me on Insta
at the period sober butterfly.
If you want to share some ofyour own sober trick or treat
(50:23):
tales, my dms are always open.
Love you guys.
Let's laugh, heal, and haunt ourexes.
Lovingly.
Of course.
I'll see you next week.
Bye.
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