Wild Ride to Sobriety: Ian Fee's Transformation from Drunken Oblivion to Profound Clarity

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
the-sober-butterfly_2_05 (00:01):
Hello.
Hello, beautiful butterflies andwelcome back to the Sober
Butterfly Podcast, your go-tofor real, talk about alcohol
free living transformation andthe glow up that happens when
you choose you.
I'm your host, Nadine Mulvina,and today, buck buckle up
because we are going on a wildride.
Quite literally.

(00:22):
In this week's episode, I'msitting down with Ian fee, the
author of Wild Ride to Sobriety,a transformation from Drunken
Oblivion to profound clarity.
His story is raw.
It's powerful.
It's emotional.
And butterflies.
It starts with his first tasteof alcohol at 1-year-old.
Yes.
One, in this episode we talkabout everything from Ian's

(00:44):
formative years, seeing hisparents growing up.
You know, throw these reallyelaborate, I'm thinking Great
Gatsby style parties toadulthood where alcohol really
became a part of his identityand his business To his eventual
rock bottom, and then hisradical journey back to himself.

(01:04):
His story also includes a 10 dayalcohol aversion rehab that I
have to tell you more about anda few because it is next level.
But what I love most about thisepisode is Ian's message of
transformation.
He talks openly about shame,self-forgiveness parenthood, and
how sobriety gave him back hishealth clarity and connection to

(01:27):
the people.
He loves most.
Okay, let's get into it.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober Bu (01:33):
I would love to start with a
little bit of your backstory.
you share what life looked likebefore sobriety, or I would even
say, because your book hasincredible photos and you've
shared some of those images withme.
When was the first time you everhad your first taste or sip of
alcohol?

Ian Fee (01:53):
Oh man.
I'm glad you asked that.
'cause that is the beginning ofmy upbringing.
I was about one years old when Ihad my first sip of beer, and
from there it, it moved intoteenage years.
At the age of 13, I was abartender for my parents'
parties.
I was a pretty establishedathlete in high school.
And then the drinking began.

(02:14):
Shortly after that and I grew mybusinesses thinking booze was my
avenue to do that.
Sold one of my businesses forlots of money eight years ago
and been sober seven yearssince.
And it has been a wild ride andit's been way better being
sober.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sob (02:33):
That's incredible.
That's incredible.
So.
Your first sip of alcohol.
Just to be clear, you were oneyears old.

Ian Fee (02:41):
I was one years old sitting in one of those little
circular bouncy things as a kidand my dad, you know, back in
the days in the seventies, therewas so much social
acceptability, right?
You'd be in cars with no carseats and windows rolled up and
your parents are smoking in thecar.
And for me it was like, itwasn't a problem to, you know,
put some whiskey on a binky andlike, Hey, it's gonna help the

(03:03):
baby sleep.
So it might even have.
It might even have been beforeone.
I just got a picture that choseme at about one.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober B (03:10):
Do you think it was partly just a,
a byproduct of the times, thesocial conditioning of the
times, or do you think also yourparents were trying to expose
you to alcohol?
So it wasn't this like bigmystery or this big intrigue
because for example, my family'sBritish, and so my family, the
rationale was like, oh.
So she doesn't chase thesubstance.
I'm just going to let her tryit.

(03:31):
So there's no allure there.
Is that making sense to you,Ian?
Like do you think your parentswere thinking that far or was it
just sort of like are.

Ian Fee (03:38):
Yeah, I think it was, I think it was just more the times
than Hey, let's introduce it tohim.
I'm not, I think one would beprobably a little young.
So I just think it was just aproduct at the times that it was
acceptable that I got, one ofthe stories in the book is I was
at.
I don't think I was nine or 10years old at a Shay's pizza.
And you know, those big frostyice cold mugs that everybody

(03:59):
loves with the, with the foam onthe top of the beer.
So I'd go sip the foam off thetop of the beer, which I got
warned once, twice.
I did it a third time maybe.
'cause I love the taste of beer.
And I got my entire familykicked outta Shay's Pizza in
Bellingham, Washington at theage of 10.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sober (04:16):
Wow.
Wow.
Yeah, I mean, that's, that'sreally profound.
I feel like most kids, when theyfirst try alcohol, especially
beer, it has such like a, Idon't know, like a very distinct
taste that it's usually

Ian Fee (04:30):
You'd normally don't like it.

Like they, well, it's an aversion.
It's like, oh, ew, I'm nevergonna try that again.
But for you, you felt like itwas actually a preference.
It seemed.
It was like you had a taste forit.
So kind of walk us through,because I know you mentioned
that you've been sober for sevenyears.
Congratulations, by the way.
I think that's such.

Ian Fee (04:50):
Thank you.
Thank you.

but walk us through, like you
mentioned this oblivion.
So what did life look like?
Do you believe in rock bottoms?
Did you experience anything likethat?
Where was your life and state inregards to your drinking and
like when did you realize enoughwas enough?

Ian Fee (05:08):
I think everybody has their own version of a rock
bottom.
I.
Because everybody's story is sounique and the more stories I
hear of people being aroundsobriety, everybody's story is
so unique and it intrigues me ofjust, you know, where
everybody's definition of a rockbottom.
So when I was building mybusinesses coming out of
college, I attracted, you know,business kind of grew on me and

(05:31):
network and, and relationshipsand.
Taking clients out to martinilunches that would roll into
nice steak dinners with a couplebottles of wine.
And then it'd be like, Hey, whydon't you just come back to my
house?
We'll have some more bottles ofwine.
And that was rinse and repeat.
And I thought, you know, myentertaining booing my clients

(05:52):
was growing my business, whichin essence, in my mind it was,
but I was relating that to.
Boy, if I get'em out drinking,they'll do business with me.
And my business has actuallydone a lot better now that I
don't booze and I do the samething.
You know, and I think in anybusiness that you're in, people
do business with who they like.
They didn't, you know, booze wasjust the byproduct, but man, I

(06:15):
had a burned into my brain.
That booze was booze, was makingmy business grow.
And I guess my rock bottom, I'mnot even sure it would be.
A definition of a rock bottom.
In 2017 lots of drinking, lotsof client entertainment on a
second marriage was not verypresent with my kids.

(06:36):
Definitely wasn't present in mymarriage'cause I was so focused
on growing my business.
And I'm the provider and you getall these cool luxury items and
cars and homes.
And I neglected my family and mymarriage and all the red flags
were there, right?
I had my business partners, Ihad clients be like, Hey, you
might wanna pump the brakes andslow down a little bit.

(06:57):
Went into a pretty intenserehab.

the-sober-butterfly_3_05- (07:02):
Sorry to interrupt the episode, but I
need to give you some context sowhen Ian says he went to.
Intense rehab.
He is not exaggeratingbutterflies.
He did a 10 day alcohol aversionprogram, which is basically
psychological reconditioningthrough induced vomiting.
Every other day for 10 days, Iandrank two liters of blue

(07:26):
Gatorade.
To stay hydrated and to balancehis electrolytes.
And then he was given a quart ofipecac, which is a substance
that helps to induce vomiting,Followed by 16 ounces of warm
salt water to speed up theeffects.
I mean, that's wild.
Right?
And I actually wanna read you apassage directly from Ian's book

(07:46):
so you can really feel theintensity.

the-sober-butterfly_4_05 (07:49):
First, they gave me about a quart of
ipecac, which is normally usedto induce vomiting after
ingesting certain types ofpoison.
After that, I drank 16 ounces ofwarm salt water To make the
ipecac work faster.
Then the real fun.
Began one of the nurses, we callthem bartenders for fun, gave me
a shot of alcohol, which I hadto swish around in my mouth for
30 seconds before spitting itout into a silver bowl.

(08:10):
Then I did it again with anotherspirit.
Again, by the third shot, I waspuking violently into the bucket
and wiping vomit off my facewith the rag, only 15 more shots
to go.
It took about 45 minutes tocomplete all 18 shots followed
by several hours of constantpuking.
By the end of it, I was wrecked,but they made me take some IAC

(08:33):
again just to make sureeverything was out of my system.

the-sober-butterfly_5_05- (08:37):
Okay, let's get back to the episode.

Ian Fee (08:42):
Wasn't aa style was more a version therapy, so it
was 10 days.
I really didn't want anybody toknow I was gone.
And I got served papers when Igot out.
Rightfully so, just'cause Iwasn't present.
I have nothing negative to sayabout that whole experience, but
it was like, boy, that opened myeyes.
I got outta rehab.
I kind of went into rehab thefirst three days of like, Hey,

(09:04):
I'm going in there to save mymarriage.
I'm gonna be a better dad and bemore present.
And on that third day, which Iwould probably say was my rock
bottom something just hit me.
And we, we kinda go through thisbook, the four agreements in
this rehab for 10 days.

I

Ian Fee (09:19):
that

the four agreements.
Sorry to cut you off, Ian.

Ian Fee (09:22):
it's my favorite book.

It is my Bible.

Ian Fee (09:24):
Yep.
Yep.

Nadine Mulvina - The Sobe (09:25):
okay.
I'm, finish.
Go.

Ian Fee (09:28):
No, I love it.
I love, and I think everybodyshould read that book.
And I read it once a year, likemy new year begins with that.
If I was in my office, you wouldsee it'd be behind me.
The four agreements are there.

Nadine Mulvina - The So (09:37):
quickly get mine?
I, it's

Ian Fee (09:39):
Go get it, get it.

I,

Ian Fee (09:40):
Go get it.
Go get it.

go get it.
I'm gonna go get it.
Look how fast that

Ian Fee (09:44):
Ah.
Oh my gosh.
Look at that.
I love it.

bag.
Like I was

Ian Fee (09:48):
I believe you.

Okay.
I'm

Ian Fee (09:50):
It's, if everybody could read that book and
practice it, our world would bea way better place.
I live and breathe by that.
It's one of my number onerecommended books.
If somebody says, Hey, what?
What do you recommend toanybody?
I got it for all my kids.
I use it as Christmas gifts,birthday gifts.
I mean, like.
If you read that book, and it'san easy read and I've never been
a reader until I got sober.

(10:12):
Highly recommend it.
So our whole, our whole rehabwas really based around that.
And on my third day, somethinghit me of like, man, if I'm not
right, there ain't anything evergonna be right in my life.
And that kind hit me'cause Iwent into rehab like, oh man,
I'm gonna save my marriage andI'm gonna, I'm gonna prove to
her that I can turn this cornerand, and be the man and be the

(10:32):
dad.
I, I needed to be.
But obviously it was clearly waytoo late.
And she probably held on toolong.
And that third day was epiphany,man.
I looked in the mirror and belike, man, I need to do this for
me.
'cause unless I'm right, therewill never ever be anything
right around me.
So I kind of took that approachcoming out of there.
Health and fitness has beensuper important.
So that was kinda my rock bottomfor sure.

(10:53):
Was my third day in rehab and Igot served papers when I got
out.
I was still trying to save mymarriage, but I did too much
damage to repair it.
Unfortunately, I.

I am sorry to hear that, but I'm
also not sorry to hear itbecause, and I mean that because
I truly believe that things aremeant to unfold in life the way
that they are meant to unfold.
And I don't know if you'd be theIan sitting in front of me today
if that didn't happen to you.
What specifically happened onday three?
Because you mentioned the paperswere served after you got out of

(11:24):
rehab.
So did something specific happenon day three while you were in
that 10 day stint that made youfeel the shift or made you
recognize that you had tochange?
Was it the book specificallythat you're referencing?

Ian Fee (11:38):
I think the book had a big piece of it.
I think the good Lord touched meon the shoulder and says, Hey
look, look in the mirror.
You need to get this rightbefore anything else is right.
And the book, man, it just spoketo me in a unique, different
way.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (11:52):
you know, it was kinda like when you, you know, I
relate it to when.
You see people on your deathbedin these movies and they just
like have all these instantflashbacks, right?
Of like these pictures,pictures, pictures.
And that was kind of like whatit was for me of like, all those
times I wasn't present all thosetimes.
I wasn't a good husband.
All those rude comments orthinking I'm funny at the life

(12:14):
of the party.
Like I just had this flashbackof like, oh my man, I got a lot
of forgiveness to do to myselftoo.
So, unless I fix this, nothingwill be right.
I won't be able to be good foranybody if I'm not good.

Yeah, I, I love that.
And for anyone who is unfamiliarwith.
Agreements.
It's by Don Miguel and out ofthe four agreements, which just
to like, I know you know them,but for anyone listening, one,
the first agreement is beimpeccable with your word.
The second agreement is don't.

(12:47):
Or not take anything personally.
The third one is to not makeassumptions, and then lastly,
always do your best.
Out of those four, Ian, one outto you more than the other?
Is there something that youdeeply connect with more than
the other?
I know that they work in tandem,but is there something that
resonates with you more or most?

Ian Fee (13:08):
Man, they're also powerful.
Like the power of your tongue isamazing.
What you say is, and there'scertain things you can say that
you'll never get back that canbe burned into your brain.

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee (13:24):
even as a childhood, if your parents said something to
you like, Hey, you'll beworthless, and like, that sticks
with you, that'll, you'll,you'll never forget that.
So your word is so.
Powerful.
And we do, you know, we allassume things, right?
We, you know, with these goofycell phone things, you can get a
text and you put your own, youput your own tone into that text

(13:48):
where that text may be somebodytrying to say something cute to
you, but you think it's rude

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee (13:54):
because maybe you're having a bad day.
So being impeccable with yourword is so powerful and just be
kind.
And, you know, I.
I always say, look for the bestin people.
If you look for the bad, you'regonna find it.
But if you look for the best,you're gonna find that too.
So I always look at, you know,the last one, do your best.
And I talk to a lot of peoplethat are super sober, curious,

(14:15):
or, you know, I've done a lot ofhealth and fitness things that
have, have changed my lifedrastically and.
You know, just do your best.
Right?
It's like people have theseginormous goals of, Hey, I'm
gonna lose 30 pounds this, thisyear.
Well, why don't you start withone?

Yeah.

Ian Fee (14:31):
Right?
And my other favorite book isAtomic Habits.

Oh yeah.

Ian Fee (14:34):
You know,

Also a

Ian Fee (14:35):
I, I love it'cause you just like, Hey, I wanna lose 30
pounds.
Well lose one and stack that oneinto two.
And to like have, give yourselfthose baby wins every day and
just do your best every day.
Not every day is gonna be yourbest, but.
You can wake up the next day andbe better every day.
I, I preach be better every day.

I absolutely love that and agree
with.
you shared.
What's interesting, this is thefirst time I'm thinking about
the four agreements from a soberperspective.
I read this book actually beforeI got sober for the first time.
I've read it more than one time,but I've never really made the
connection with my sobriety.
And when you mentioned, youknow, be impeccable with your
word you were mentioning like bekind like you can deliver truth

(15:19):
with kindness, he goes intothat.
But something that makes meactually chuckle internally is I
think back to.
Drunken words or sober thoughts?
I would say some harsh, harsh,harsh things when I was drunk
that, you know, I would questionin a sober state, did I really
mean that or not?
But it just brings it outbecause like, it doesn't matter

(15:39):
if I meant it or not.
Now I'm in apology mode the nextday telling everyone, oh no, I
didn't mean it.
Or if I did mean it, I'm sosorry.
Like I meant to say it likethis, but it's like that impact
because you reference like ifyour parents say something to
you like, you know, it hurts.
It cuts you.
You believe that.
And I think that's the same likeI used to say to myself, well, I
didn't mean it or dismiss it,like.

(16:01):
If I did mean it, I was drunk.
So like why'd you take it sopersonally?
Like you should know how I amwhen I'm drunk.
But it's that impact, whetheryou meant it or not.
In that way, the impact stayswith someone.
So I never really thought aboutit like that because now I'm
like having an aha moment andyeah, I'm not making assumptions
right, and just always doingyour best and try not to take

(16:22):
things personally in that samebreath.
Like everybody needs to readthis book.
And I wanna get back to yourbook, Ian, because you have
written a phenomenal book.
as well.
So, my next question for you,'cause I know you touched on
some of the transformations,like you've mentioned, fitness
and health.
So Yeah.
What has been one of the mostprolific transformations that
you've made in your sobriety?

(16:43):
Like how has your life changedfor the better?

Ian Fee (16:46):
Well, a a,

good, bad, ugly.

Ian Fee (16:49):
I gotta tell you, there was nothing good that came outta
drinking for me.
Nothing, everything has been anabsolute upside for me not
drinking my relationships myrelationships with my kids have
never been better.
Which you'll see in the book.
I actually had all my kids writewhat it was like living with an
alcoholic dad, or, Hey, what,what kind of mood's he gonna be

(17:10):
in?
What's, is he the happy dad?
Is he the drunk dad?
Is he the mean dad?
What's he gonna be?
So it's pretty interesting.
Those letters will, will tug atparents' hearts when they, when
they read'em, for sure.
My son you know, dad was alwaysthe life of the party.
All the high school, collegekids were at the house.
We'd be barbecuing in hot tub inand whatever excuse was on tv,

(17:31):
we'd, we'd be there.
And then my daughter, two yearsyounger, upstairs texting like,
dad, can you turn the musicdown?
I'm trying to study same kids.
Same household, two differentexperiences.
14-year-old really didn't see awhole lot of, of my drinking but
there's stories in there of justbeing present, so I'm so much

(17:53):
more present.
Great relationship with myex-wife.
Just everything's been, beenbetter.
Not drinking.
I mean there, I, I, I wish Icould say like, well, this
hasn't been that great.
Everything's been better.
For my health and fitness man, Ilost about 75 pounds.

That's

Ian Fee (18:10):
which is like, life changing for sure.
Right.
And I, I, you know, I used to beon high blood pressure and
cholesterol.
I was just, you know, you, youdrink till 11.
Midnight, whatever, and thenyou're like, oh my gosh, you
know what?
Why don't we all go pile up andget some cheeseburgers and have
3000 wasted calories at In-N-OutBurger or D'S Burgers or, or

(18:31):
White Castle or wherever,whatever town we were in, it was
like, that's not healthy.

Right.

Ian Fee (18:38):
And then wake up foggy and be like, Hmm, you know what?
Hey, why don't we go have aBuddy Mary breakfast before we
go go to work or see clients.
Like it was just not a healthylifestyle.
So losing a ton of weight.
Fitness has kind of been my, mydopamine hit to feel better.
I work out, you know, sometimesseven days a week and try to
stay super fit.

(18:58):
So that's been a, that's my newvice really is working out and
eating healthy and longevity isa big, big buzzword for, for me
these days.
So yeah, massive transformationon the health and fitness side.
And then my, my mindset I got alife coach.
And I highly recommend everybodyget a, a life coach.
I know everybody thinks it'staboo to have a, a counselor or

(19:22):
a therapist but I also look atit too as like, you look at all
these athletes they all havemindset coaches.
They have physical coaches, theyhave swing coaches, they have
coaches for.
Food and nutrition.
So it's like, man, a coach or atherapist, like the stigma
therapist in the nineties ishigh school was like, oh my God,
what's wrong with you?
Why are you going to atherapist?

(19:44):
And today it's like my gal,Angie, like keeps me on track in
all aspects of my life, fromrelationship to kids, to
business, to health, to fitness.
It's really just anaccountability coach and I think
everybody should have one ofthose for sure.

I agree.
I have a therapist.
I need her.
She helped me

Ian Fee (20:01):
Yeah.

Nadine Mulvina - The S (20:01):
Actually we talked about that backstage.
I don't know.
I.
If the stigma is still prevalentin today's society, but I, I
actually still do think,especially when it comes to
men's mental health, that thereis work that can be done around
this idea of support.
But it's like we are socialcreatures, Whether you pay
someone to do it or not, you'reseeking counsel, you might as

(20:25):
well seek, I think aprofessional if, if you have
that within your means to do

Ian Fee (20:29):
For sure.

Like, because otherwise it's like
sometimes we seek the wrongcounsel from the wrong people.
So it's nice to have someone inyour corner that can hold you
accountable to your point andbounce ideas off of and help
you.
Optimize your lifestyle inwhatever ways you're looking to
do.
So, so I think that'sphenomenal.
In

Ian Fee (20:49):
Yeah, and I think you need to, you need to search that
outside your circle and like I'msure you got some really close
circle and I got a really.
Close circle of four or fivepeople.
But you also need those, thatperson, that it's outside, that
you know, Hey, remember back,remember our drinking days of
like going through our phone ortext me like, oh my God, who do
I have to apologize?
Did I say that?

(21:10):
I really didn't mean to.
I'm sorry.
All these like, I gottaapologize to this person.
Oh, yep.
That was an inappropriate text.
I should probably apologize tothem too.
And, when you do apologize to afriend, they're like, oh, it's
okay.
That was just drunk you.
But really no.
You need that outside person togo, Hey, you can't be a dick
anymore.
Like that is rude anddisrespectful and you shouldn't

(21:31):
do that.
Right?
So you kinda need to hear thatfrom your therapist to like
really jar you a little bit togo, oh yeah, you know what?
You're absolutely right.
And sometimes we don't, we don'tget that with our closest circle
'cause they are close and theygenerally be like, eh, no big
deal.
You were just a drunk idiotagain.
But those do.
Scar, those relationships forsure.

They absolutely do.
I have too many accounts.

Ian Fee (21:55):
What we, we got lots of them.

Too many to.

Ian Fee (21:59):
It's a whole new episode.

A whole new episode.
So I, I mean, I love hearingabout your transformation.
I like to offer not so muchlike.
Advice per se, but I like tooffer practical tools or
strategies.
And so I'm just wondering whatworked for you, Ian, like aside
from doing that 10 day programhow have you sustained your

(22:21):
sobriety for seven years?
Like are you still implementingdifferent tools or aside from
your life coach, are there otherthings that are helping you with
your sobriety at this time?
And if so, like what can youshare with folks at home?

Ian Fee (22:35):
I think the biggest thing, and sobriety's obviously
a big piece, but your circle,your core four, like, I'm gonna
write another book here probablyin a couple years and it's gonna
be so focused on when I wasdrinking, my circle was so big.
I could get 26, 30 people at myhouse in a text and, you know,
drive my wife at the time crazy,be like, Hey, we got 30 people

(22:57):
coming over.
Go grab a piece of wine and I'llgrab some steaks on the way
home.
And I could have all these, youknow, those, those weren't core
relationships.
My core four to five people nowis like, they have helped me and
they helped me today.
Stay on track.
No matter what your battles arein life, like you really need to

(23:17):
evaluate, like, you know, manypeople have said, I don't know,
ed Millet and Tony Robbins.
Like, show me your, show me yourfive friends and I'll show you
your future.
Right?
That, that is so true.
Like your circle dictates yourfuture.
Are they there supporting you,pushing you, helping you achieve
your goals?
Are they the ones that are like,really, do you need to quit

(23:37):
drinking?
Like, you know, why do you needto work so hard?
Or, you know, that goal'sunattainable.
That person probably shouldn'tbe in your circle

Mm.

Ian Fee (23:46):
of influence.
So my, my core has gotten sosmall and those relationships
are so intimate now that we cantalk about anything and
everybody encourages everybody'sgoals.
Everybody knows what their 2025plan is, and we're all there to
help and support and encourageit.
Your circle dictates, you know,it dictates my sobriety.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (24:07):
go, you know, I can go sit in a bar and I don't have a
problem with that.
I know some people do.
That's their jam.
I don't have a problem with it.
Somebody wants to buy a drink orI still buy people drinks.
I don't have to drink.
I drink soda water which lookslike I'm drinking.
A lot of times I was sitting, Iwas just sitting in a bar.
Crazy story.
And I'm sure this happens to youtoo, in New York.
I was sitting at a bar havinglunch, had a soda water sitting

(24:30):
next to a guy's, and he washaving a martini.
Heard I ordered a soda water.
He is like, what's wrong?
What do you mean what's wrong?
Because I'm not drinking.
I used to, Hey buddy, I used topound six of those.
You're on one, so you wanna let,let's go toe to toe.
Right?
It's like there's this stigmawith alcohol of like, well, what
happened?

Yeah.

Ian Fee (24:50):
Well if you got a couple hours, it'll tell you my
story of, where it went and lostmarriages and failed
relationships.
And I got, I got a lot.
I.
But it's always like, there's aproblem, like the, we haven't
socially accepted, like notdrinking's.
Okay.
Even though I, I think thatpendulum shift is happening.
'cause more and more, I was justat a restaurant yesterday in

(25:12):
Scottsdale and their mocktailmenu was phenomenal.

Love to see it.
Love to

Ian Fee (25:17):
Oh my.
And I think, I think that shiftis, is is happening across the
country because more and morepeople I run into health and
fitness is a priority Longevity.
A priority.
Eating healthier is a priorityand not drinking as much has
become a priority in oursociety.
So it's, it's fun to see, Iguess we're ahead of the curve.
We're lucky.

We

Ian Fee (25:38):
Hmm.

are, we are the lucky ones.
Truly.
But also like from a businessperspective, you're, I mean,
you're a businessman.
Like why would you not want tohave that inclusivity?
Why would you not want to profitfrom having a well curated
mocktail menu that doesn't justconsist of like soft drinks,
like soda, like, you know, like

Ian Fee (25:54):
Right.

you can charge, you can overcharge
us sober people for like a$15mocktail.
That's how much they cost herein

Ian Fee (26:01):
Yeah, that it was 14.
It was$14.
I couldn't believe it, but youknow what it was, I used to pay
that and have$1,500 bar tab, soa$14 mocktail.
That's good for me and, and Ifeel great.
I have no problem.

as a girl who, you know,
thankfully, not thankfully Ishould say, but like maybe
luckily I could go out and notpay for drinks.
I was paying for it though.
Here's the thing, Ian, I wasstill paying for it.
I was paying for it the next dayand the day after, and you know,
like it was never really free.
There is no such

Ian Fee (26:29):
It was never free.

There is no such thing as a free
alcoholic drink in my mind.
And you, you said a lot that Ifound interesting.
I wanna quickly go back to thecore four because I, I think the
key, and we've heard this insober circles, the opposite of
addiction is connection.
But I think so many sober peopleor sober curious people, when
you're embarking on thatjourney.

(26:51):
are afraid of losing friends.
You think that your, your circlewill become small.
Like we see it as like a deficitor like we're limiting
ourselves.
But the reality is like,sometimes you do have to release
things to really, like, usher inwhat's meant for you, I guess
like, I think my question foryou, Ian, is how can you

(27:11):
discern.
your core for is, and if youdon't have a core for how can
you find your circle, your innercircle, that will help elevate
you and support you and yourgoals.

Ian Fee (27:25):
Yeah, I think it's, it's quality over quantity.
Right.
The quality I have isphenomenal, and it's funny you
bring that up.
When I did a, a book launchabout a month ago in Seattle one
of, there was an open questiondeal, and I had one of my son's
friends who I know well who wasvery sober curious.

(27:46):
He's like, what is the one thingyou could advise me to do?
Well, his circle are potsmokers.
Drinkers no life plans.
Some don't even have jobs.
Some still live at home.
I said, you need to change yourcircle and it's gonna be really
tough.
And I said, you need to getsuper uncomfortable to get

(28:11):
comfortable.
It's gonna be very uncomfortablechanging that circle.
You need to get in circles ofyou're the sober curious guy.
Get into that sober curiouscircle.
That will change your life.
'cause you're so influenced byyour circle now you're afraid to
get outta that community.
And that community is so toxicand unhealthy for you and he was

(28:32):
begging like, help me find thatcircle.

Mm.

Ian Fee (28:35):
Right.
And I've talked to him a fewtimes since then.
My son and daughter do reallygood at encouraging him to get
outta that circle that he's in.
But people get so comfortableand you gotta get uncomfortable.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (28:48):
For a change to happen, which is tough for people.

And when you say get out of that
circle, I think that'simportant.
Like remove yourself from that,quite literally that ecosystem,
right?
That's

Ian Fee (28:59):
Mm-hmm.

Nadine Mulvina - The (28:59):
supporting the version of self that you're
ultimately trying to become.
But when you say look for yourcircle, or like I'm saying, how
do you look for your circle?
I guess like, because if you'resober curious, like, I wanna be
clear, like you're notnecessarily saying.
Pull up to AA meetings.
Although you can do that.
But I guess my question is like,how can people who are sober
curious start identifying thosekey players?

Ian Fee (29:23):
You have to find a new hobby.

Right.
I think that's what,

Ian Fee (29:26):
What?

thought.
I wanted to make sure we were onthe same page.
Yeah.

Ian Fee (29:29):
Yep.
I, whatever your hobby is.
Whatever your hobby could be.
Knitting.

was drinking.
Sorry to cut you off, Ian.
My hobby,

Ian Fee (29:35):
Yeah.
No.

So healthy emphasis on the healthy,
healthy part.

Ian Fee (29:39):
We were so good at drinking, it wasn't even funny.
Right.

I was a pro for sure

Ian Fee (29:43):
yeah, yeah, absolutely.
We were in the process.
We were in the, we were in theHall of Fame of drinking.

I've retired.

Ian Fee (29:50):
Good for you.
I'm proud of you too.
That's a, it's a event to tosustain that.
But your circle and, you know,you have to find something.
For me it was fitness, you know,I, I thought I worked out, but
I'm very disciplined on, youknow, I'm a cold plunger now.
I, and one of the other thingwas yeah, I know, and you know,
I don't know why I do it, but Ifeel great when I do.

(30:12):
I don't know what the healthbenefits it does for your
temple, but I tell you what,when I get out, I am wide awake
and ready to go.

quite literally, like.

Ian Fee (30:20):
I'm alive.
I'm gonna challenge you.
Have a cold shower tomorrow andbe like, okay, I did it.
I didn't like it.
Which is fine.

am not doing that.
I'm not gonna lie.

Ian Fee (30:28):
I

I will not sit here and lie to
you.
I've done cold punches though,like, because I'm the girl
that's like, I'm gonna doanything once so I can do them,
but like, I'm not voluntarilygoing,

Ian Fee (30:39):
You did it.
Yep.
Mike Al's the same way.
She tried it and she's like, ohno, I'll take warm all day long.
You wanna do a sauna?
Let's go.
Cold plunge.
You have all day.

record holder for the sauna.
Truly.

Ian Fee (30:51):
The other thing I and I kinda got from my life coach is
I journal every morning.

Nadine Mulvina - The (30:56):
beautiful.
Me too.

Ian Fee (30:57):
It kinda sets the tone for me.
And it's not a lot.
It could be four sentences, itcould be a half a page of a, of
a little book right here.
I, I travel with it.
And it's just part of myroutine.
And, you know, we talked earlierabout Atomic Habits, that book
and.
People were like, how do yousustain in seven years?
And oh my gosh, you cold plungenow and you eat well.
And it's kinda like, whatever.

(31:18):
It took years of stacking thosehabits.
I did a cold shower.
10 seconds was like, oh my God,this is ridiculous.
What are we doing here?
Well, 10 seconds turned into 15and it took a year to get up to
like a couple minutes and mostpeople quit.
So it's just keep stackingthose.
Do your best every day.

(31:40):
Right.
Do.
If you did 10 seconds, do 11.
Right.
Just be better every day.
You don't have to go in thereand be, you know, the hall of
Famer drinkers like we were andgo in there for two minutes and
be a superstar.
Cold plunger.

Yeah,

Ian Fee (31:54):
it took us a while to be superstar drinkers.
It just didn't happen.
We had to.

it was

Ian Fee (32:00):
We had to.

Nadine Mulvina - Th (32:00):
progression That's.

Ian Fee (32:02):
Right.
It takes a little bit of time tobecome a pro.

Yeah,

Ian Fee (32:05):
And it's no different in whatever you do, whether it's
journaling, whether it'sfitness, whether it's not eating
so many cookies.
Just start and do baby, babysteps.
Just keep stacking those littlebaby wins and you'll look back
in a couple years and go, wow, Igot quite a routine.
And look how I feel and look atmy relationships.
I have

that's beautiful.

Ian Fee (32:26):
whatever your advice is, whatever your, your new,
your new identity is gonna be.

Yeah, because it is, I think, a bit
jarring once you put down.
Those old habits, those hobbiesthat we just identified that are
probably holding you back ortoxic in some way or form.
It's, it's an identity shift andit can be really, really
jarring.
But I, I mean, we both talkedabout it already, like it's

(32:56):
clearly worthwhile.
I'm not big into labels, but Ithink something you and I may
have in common is like, maybe wehave a bit of an addictive
personality.
At least that's how I felt whenI was drinking.
And I am similar to you to whereI've completely optimized my
health and I work out almostevery day, if not every day.
I have to remind myself rest areimportant.

(33:17):
That's a part of the wholeprocess as

Ian Fee (33:19):
For sure.

I, I, I think I.
I think I do recognize sometimessome addictive traits and maybe
like an addiction transference.
So I guess that's my question toyou.
Do you believe that experiencedmaybe a bit of a transferal in
terms of your obsessions?
Like did it go from drinking tonow I'm this health guy, like

(33:43):
this is my new identity?

Ian Fee (33:46):
Well, I, I like where you're going with addiction.
Because after not drinking, man,I could hammer some desserts
now, right?
And sweetss, you gimme somechocolate chip cookies.
The cookie monster, there ain'tgonna be any when you wake up in
the morning.

don't buy them.
I can't, I literally can't buyOreos because

Ian Fee (34:06):
Yeah,

the whole,

Ian Fee (34:08):
I'll lead'em all.
If they're there, they're gone.

yeah.

Ian Fee (34:11):
Right.
So it's like, I kind of knowthat now.
And here's a fun fact.
I, I just learned this and maybeI'm old and I should have known
this is sugar is the number oneaddictive substance.
Alcohol is like two cocaine's,like number three.
I was like, sugar.

I

Ian Fee (34:26):
Wow.

it.
Well, yeah, I, I, I believe itbecause it's everywhere.
The little white devil, likeclearly it's like.

Ian Fee (34:32):
It is a little white devil,

Not the Coke, sugar

Ian Fee (34:36):
Yeah.

it.
It is quite literally ineverything.
And I only know that becauseI've done like as a health
girly, like I've tried differentfitness or health challenges
where it's like no sugar andI've gone through withdrawals
like you wanna talk aboutwithdrawal?
That is the worst withdrawalI've ever had in my life.
Headaches.
Headaches for days,

Ian Fee (34:55):
Yeah.

like, I need to lay down and go to bed
because life sucks withoutsugar.
So I believe that.

Ian Fee (35:02):
Yeah, so sugar was a big turn to me.
I was never a dessert guy.
When I was drinking, I'd belike, Hey, I'd rather have a
Bailey's and coffee and let'skeep going or give me whatever.
I don't want, I don't want anapple pie at 10 o'clock today.
It'd be like, that sounds prettydarn good.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (35:17):
So I think it's just managing.
Your, and for me it was volume,right?
Like I could, some people wouldorder vodka sodas and I'd have
like three to their one.
I'd be like, who's got theproblem here?
Like, speed up.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (35:30):
I'm like, this is a race, isn't it?
Right?
And I'm gonna win every time.
So same thing goes for cookies.
Cookies are around, like ifthere was a rack of cookies at
your house and we came to visitand tour in New York and I saw
cookies on your counter andyou're going to grab your scarf,
those cookies might be gone.
By the time you get back fromyour scarf.

be my fault for leaving the sugar
around the

Ian Fee (35:51):
Yeah,

like.

Ian Fee (35:52):
yeah.
What were you thinking aboutthat?
Yeah, so sugar's been a a, atough one for me to wean off of.
So now it's getting into thenatural sugars of, you know,
fruits for sure.

Thank you for mentioning the sugar.
I sometimes, I'm only threeyears in but I forget sometimes
what that first year or thosewee hours of sobriety looked
like.
for me, sugar was my everythingthe point where I gained.
Close to maybe 15 pounds inearly sobriety.
And that almost sent me intorelapse.

(36:28):
I'm not gonna lie, because I'vealways been very conscious about
weight and how I lookobsessively actually.
And so it was a big shift forme, but I had to recognize,
okay, what's the worst, like.
here.
And I recognize thankfully thatokay, I would rather be 15

(36:49):
pounds up because I can work onthat with time than default to
my baseline, which is basicallyalcoholism.
Not basically definitelyalcoholism for me.
So it was, it was an adjustmentperiod, but I'm glad that I was
able to, to your point.
It's a balance, right?
Like I, I

Ian Fee (37:07):
Mm-hmm.

volume and self-control it's still
something I'm working through,but like what I mentioned
before, I just know now I don'tplay myself.
Like I know I can't handlebuying cookies at the grocery
store, so I don't buy them, youknow, I'll go to the farmer's
market on Wednesday and buy onecookie because I know that I
can't go, you know, get more.

(37:29):
So like, that's, that's what I'mtrying, and it's been working.

Ian Fee (37:33):
Were your parents, big drinkers?

Oh, great question.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My mom's been on the podcastactually.
And she's sober.
She got sober a few months afterme, and it was a godsend.
Truly, it transformed ourrelationship.
mother's drinking, growing up,ebbed and flowed, but basically
my dad died and.

(37:56):
That's when her drinkingescalated she doesn't like to
talk about it.
I think she's still processingit, but I noticed a huge shift
then.
And the funny thing is, youknow, my parents have been
divorced since I was a baby, butit's a bit convoluted.
Anyway, so it, it was really,really.
challenge to see someone thatyou love suffer in that way, but

(38:18):
also you are suffering in thesame way.
But also I was deluding myselfinto thinking I didn't have a
problem because my drinkingdidn't reflect hers.
I was like, oh, I'm young.
You know, you just, all thecommon excuses like, I'm young.
I, I'm the life of the party.
not doing it in the same way asmy mom.
But truly, I think I was verymuch on that same track.

(38:42):
So.
Yeah.

Ian Fee (38:44):
I don't think people realize how much their
domestication, right.
Your upbringing really

Nadine Mulvina - T (38:50):
Contributes.
Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee (38:52):
your future, right?
If you're if your parents werecyclists, you would probably be
into cycling, right?
My parents were taboo booze.

yeah.

Ian Fee (39:02):
parents were da booze.
That was like.
Eh, let's follow the familytree.
And for those younger parentsout there, you know, it's the,
you, you become that, you becomewhat your kids see, right?
I, I always like to use theanalogy we catch more than we're
taught,

Yeah.

Ian Fee (39:23):
right?
I mean, if you just a, a youngkid, boy, girl, I don't care.
You're, you're constantlywatching what's going on, right?
You learn from that more thanbeing, hey, don't, don't drink.
Well I just watched you for thelast 10 years as a kid, you
drink.
So that's what I know.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (39:44):
So be careful what, your kids are catching.
'cause they're a mirror image ofyou.
Right.
Super important.
People really don't understandtheir domestication and you
know, and there is no playbookfor parenting, right?
Every parent that becomes aparent is a new parent.
You know, you, you don't, youdon't come, you don't open the,
you don't open the glove box andgo, here's the owner's manual.

You don't.
And I also think it humanizeslike I have so much more, I
don't know, grace from myparents because I also recognize
that is their first time goingthrough life as well.
This is their first, I'm theonly child especially.
So like this was their first goat it.
And I think obviously goodintentions, right?
And going back to the fouragreements, assume the best.

(40:27):
Like they definitely have thebest intentions, but it's one of
those things where, to yourpoint, it's.
It's hypocrisy.
If you're telling me not to dosomething, you're trying to
instill, instill these

Ian Fee (40:37):
So.

but yet your actions are, you know,
leading you in a very different,on a very different course.
And I'm supposed to just listento you.
And then there are culturalthings as well, like my family
is British, Jamaican, so lotslots of drinking in the Jamaican

Ian Fee (40:52):
Mm-hmm.

of like literally we would drink
for baby showers, weddings,funerals.
Like any excuse, we'd have thesehuge.
parties and everyone would besipping on the rum punch.
So I just saw that too growingup, and I thought it was the
coolest thing ever.
And you know, it makes me think,you know, I don't have any
children, but one day I may andI'm like, thank God I'm sober.

(41:14):
But I'm, I'm also just curiousto learn from you, em, as a
father, you know, you're sobernow, you weren't then.
For anyone listening at home,how do you feel like alcohol
impacts your relationship withyour kids?
And do you think that there'sever a healthy amount of
exposure to alcohol as an adultfigure in the home that you

(41:37):
could showcase to your, yourchildren?
Or do you feel like it's justbetter to be completely sober?

Ian Fee (41:44):
I think every family, every person is so unique in
their own way.
For me growing up with, youknow, I, I would call my parents
social alcoholics, right?
They always drank.
Did they always get hammered?
No.
But was it very consistent everyday?
Absolutely for, you know, my dadpassed away at 94 a couple years

(42:08):
ago.
My mom passed away in October at85.
Cute little Irish lady.
Heavy accent.
Life of the party, alwaystelling dirty jokes with this
cute little Irish accent.

Does

Ian Fee (42:19):
but booze was,

to drink both of your parents
throughout their

Ian Fee (42:23):
yep,

Yeah.

Ian Fee (42:24):
yep, yep.
You know, even with some healthscares, they would stop for a
little bit and be like, youknow, I'll never forget the
story.
My mom had open heart surgery inPalm Springs.
My brother and I go down andcheck on her and like a month
later, her heart doctor bringsher a half gallon of vodka and
be like, drinking, probablysaved your life because your

(42:45):
blood was so thin.
I was like.
Well, that's a doctor.
I guess we drink alcohol to thinour blood so we don't have to
take blood thinners.
If we have problems, we'll justtake vodka.

Wow.

Ian Fee (42:57):
I was, yeah, it was, it's actually a amazing story
when she would tell it and verycute.
And he was a very sweet doctor,but it was like drinking,
probably save your life.
So that made them keep drinking.

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee (43:10):
So for me growing up my kids, the biggest thing now that
I.
Preach is, you know, I was thedad that had the RV and if son
or daughter had double headers,the RV was, it was a mobile bar
for me and everybody else.
I wanted to make sure everybodyhad red solo cups in the stands
in between games with barbecue,let's do some fireball shots and

(43:33):
like I had 30 parents that lovedme with cooler folds out there
of whatever you want.
I'm here for you.
And I'd be in the stands at myson or daughter's.
You know, baseball or softballgame.
But I wasn't present.

Got it.

Ian Fee (43:49):
I was, I was there, but I was not present.

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee (43:54):
Par parties at the house, let's have 26 people
over.
Let's order some pizzas.
Kids go upstairs.
We're on a movie.
It's great.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (44:01):
I'm there, but I'm not present.
And there is such a drasticdifference between that and I
wasn't present for my kids.
Today.
We have a phenomenal presenceand a great relationship.
It's all about them, right?
It's like we get these goofyphones in our hands too.

(44:22):
Are you really being presentwhen you're talking to your
friend?

Mm.

Ian Fee (44:25):
If you're constantly looking at your phone and
there's a value to people'stime, just be present.
Your phone will be there andrespect that person's time,
right?
And respect vice versa.
So for me, being present is.
Is the biggest difference evenwhen, you know, alcohol's around
and do I think people can have,you know, acceptable amounts of

(44:49):
alcohol?
Absolutely.
Does it become a problem late, aco Hey, I have a couple glasses
of wine at night.
I know a lot of those people.
Or I'll have a beer or two.
And they manage through it fine.
Could it be a problem in thefuture?
I don't know.
I think everybody's so unique intheir own story and that I, I
know lots of people that have acouple glasses of wine at night,

(45:10):
and they're, they're great.
I, I know a couple people nowthat they're like, Ooh, all
these research and whatever, belike two glasses of wine is not
healthy for you.
It's kind of toxic.
And it's loaded with sugar.
And they're like, Hmm, I don'twanna do that anymore.
So I know a couple of thosepeople that I don't think they
ever had a problem maybe intheir younger days, like in

(45:31):
college or whatever, partyingtoo much to drink.
Sure.
I think we all have thosestories, but can I know a lot of
people that peruse throughsociety that can have a few
drinks and every day and life'sgreat, but me was like, let's
go.

Let's go.
Yeah.

Ian Fee (45:49):
go to have, like,

Yeah.

Ian Fee (45:51):
me it was like, why do I wanna have two or three vodka
sodas?
Like, we're just gettingstarted.

right?

Ian Fee (45:56):
Let's go.
Are we going to the club?
Are we gonna go to dinner?
Are like, where are we going?
Let's go have more drinks.

Yeah.

Ian Fee (46:03):
So I, I think there's a lot of people that can do a lot
better than what I did with themass consumption of it.

That's fair.
And I mean, I was asking thatquestion just because we were
talking about our relationshipswith our parents, and I'm
assuming because you had yourkids write letters to you that
you featured in the book, whichI think is so beautiful.
But also it must have beenpainful to read that back as the
parent or maybe to

Ian Fee (46:29):
Oh, it's,

Right.

Ian Fee (46:31):
I can't read it today without crying for sure.
It's very tearful, veryemotional for sure.

Do they see your story as a
cautionary tale?
Are they able to recognize,okay, dad was like this, maybe I
need to be mindful of my owndrinking kind of thing?

Ian Fee (46:48):
Yeah, for sure.
There's two stories.
All three are so proud of thetransformation.
Like overwhelming love andsupport.
And they, they were a big partof it for sure.
So my son who's older stilldrinks today.
We can go sit in a bar, go golf,has a couple beers, whatever.
My daughter who's in lawenforcement does not drink

Wow.

Ian Fee (47:09):
today.
I think a big portion of that isme.
We had a family party at.
My sister-in-law's house and Iwas driving home.
My daughter had too much todrink, threw up outside the car.
That was the last time shedrank.

Wow.
Wow.
Wish that was all it took for mejust one time.
Throwing up.

Ian Fee (47:31):
and so I, I think that might've been just like, I don't
wanna feel like that again.
But definitely seeing,'cause shewants to have kids and be like,
I don't want to be like how mydad was, which There was a lot
of forgiveness.
I talk about that a lot in mybook that I, I had to forgive my
younger self,

Mm.

Ian Fee (47:52):
And believe in my current self and create my
future self.
So I remind myself of thosewords often.
I had to do a lot of looking inthe mirror and forgiven myself
and let go.
Of a lot of stuff.
And my gala, Angie has helped mewith that.
My therapist, my closest circlehas helped a tremendous amount

(48:14):
of that.
And it is so refreshing.

It is.

Ian Fee (48:18):
Like you can't carry that with you.
You learn from it.
You can look in the mirror andgo, man, I've made a
transformation of my life justlike you have.

Mm-hmm.

Ian Fee (48:27):
you're know, you're not gonna go back and, you know, you
don't have to go.
Through your phone or be like,oh my God, I'm so sorry for
that.
Oh, I'm sorry I did that.
Or you have all these regretsthat we used to have in our
drinking days.
It is so refreshing not to havethose regrets.

It's,

Ian Fee (48:43):
I mean, it is night and day.
You can wake up tomorrow andyou're gonna be like, I feel
great, and I have no regrets andI don't have to apologize to
anybody for any of my stupidshenanigans that I did.

I mean, we're perfectly flawed
too.
I think that's the the thing,like, we're human, so we're
gonna make mistakes.
We've made mistakes, we willmake more mistakes.
But I think to your point, it'sthis idea that like, am so much
more clear about what I do, whatI say and the impact that it
has.
And I really wanna just echosomething that you said because
it's really important and it's astep that I think so many people

(49:18):
skip when getting sober is.
The self forgiveness piece, liketruly having grace for who you
were in that moment, whether youwere sick, using, drinking,
whatever the case may be,because otherwise you'll be
riddled with guilt.
You'll be consumed by shame andthat's not gonna serve you or

(49:39):
serve anyone.
In the future.
So I think that's the key piecebecause I think, you know,
traditional programs like aa,like you take inventory and you,
you know, make amends and youapologize to all these other
people for your wrongdoings andso on and so forth.
And I'm not critiquing theprogram at all.
I'm sure you apologize to manypeople in your circle.
But the most, I think, importantapology is really the one that

(49:59):
we need to give ourselvesbecause it's hard to move.
Forward if you're constantlydwelling on the past or what
you've done, and doesn't excuse,it doesn't like completely
excuse it or not even excuse it,it doesn't, you know, or remove
the stain completely, but liketo absolve yourself from that,
that guilt, I think is just sucha big piece and it's so integral

(50:23):
to becoming a new version orbetter version of self.

Ian Fee (50:27):
Yeah, and like what you're doing with your podcast
and speaking about it and

gosh.

Ian Fee (50:32):
you're, you're taking all your lessons.
And you're making an impact onpeople, right?
Which is absolutely amazing whatyou're doing.
And to go make an impact onsomebody like I go, make an
impact on somebody every day.
Whether you hold the door,whether you pay it forward and
buy'em coffee, go spread somekindness.

(50:53):
Go put a smile on somebody'sface.
If somebody cut you off, let'emin, let it go.
It's okay.

It infuriates people when you

Ian Fee (51:01):
Okay.

to them after they've done like a
really jerky thing to you, likean asshole thing.
It's, I encourage everyone justto like smile or like say, God
bless you, or something like,really fucking obnoxious.
Use my

Ian Fee (51:13):
people.

and like they will like, they

Ian Fee (51:16):
Oh yeah.

to respond.
They won't know how to react.
It is the

Ian Fee (51:18):
Yeah.
I was in the hotel business fora long time and many years, and
a lot of upset customers, man.
And I killed them with kindnessand they got

angrier.

Ian Fee (51:27):
irritated.
Yeah.
And it'd be like.
I can, I can't apologize enough.
Is there anything else I coulddo for you?
And they just get angrier,angrier and angrier and angrier
of like the more kind and nice Iwas.
It was, yeah.
So kill'em with kindness forsure.

And also, I mean, you're doing the
exact same thing with your bookand you strike me as the person
that'cause you mentioned thatbeing in the bar and just having
a conversation with a guy who'sasking you what's wrong, what's
the problem?
Because you're drinking seltzerand they're drinking a dirty
martini.
But have you found just inhaving conversations with
everyday people, how much.

(52:03):
Your sobriety or like just thestory of alcohol, right?
This idea of how prevalentalcohol is in society.
How many people can connect toeither being the problem, or
just sobriety being the answer.
Because I, I just have dailyconversations with people and
somehow it organically comes upand the amount of people that

(52:23):
are touched by.
Addiction or touched by thisidea that like, okay, alcohol,
to your point earlier, there's ashift, there's a pendulum shift.
The US surgeon General talkedabout putting labels on bottles.
I'm like, yes, let's do it.
Let's inform the people.
So, yeah.
Do you find that just in likeregular life, how many people
are affected by of the, thedamage, whether it be visible or

(52:47):
invisible?
The alcohol possesses?

Ian Fee (52:50):
Everybody has a story.
Everybody, everybody has somesort of trauma in their life,
whether it was childhood oraddiction.
There's some chain in theirfamily that has experienced that
for sure.
And there's, you know, for youand I and all, you know, a lot

(53:14):
of people that are trying to geta good positive message out
there about.
Sobriety and the impact it'smade.
So many people have reached outto me, and I'm sure they have
with you on your social media.
Like, oh my God, you made myday, or that comment resonated
with me.
I have had hundreds and hundredsof people reach out to me that
read the book, and it just allhit'em.
And like ICI can't go.

(53:36):
I was having this conversationwith my kids.
There's not one thing.
Like, I can't go.
There's one story that everybodykinda resonates with.
They're all forgiveness.
My most recent one was, oh myGod, I didn't realize I, and
they don't have a drinkingissue.
And they messaged me.
It was like, I read your book.
Great book.
Thank you.

(53:57):
What really resonated was yourletting go of your resentment.
Like, I, I had some, I talkedabout my parents in there and I.
My brothers and I have kind offunded our folks for life.
And there was this resentment inme of that and I talked about,
and I just had to let that go.

(54:17):
And that story resonated withthis one lady and she's like,
man, I, that hit me.
And I pretty much forgave myresentment that I had towards my
parents that I was carrying for40 some odd years.
So it.
It, it's unique and toucheseverybody in so many different
ways.
Like, you know, the stories thatyou tell, it just resonates with

(54:38):
different people and they'llping you and be like, oh my God,
you made a great impact on mylife.
Or, Hey, I'm kinda sober,curious.
Can I have some ideas?
Or, you know, and for me, thatmakes me feel great like that.
I believe that is my why in thislife is to go make an impact on
people.
And go share my story.
So somebody could be a betterfather, better mother, better
business owner, better son,better daughter, just a better

(55:01):
human being.
It, it takes sometimes thosetragedies to happen to or hit
rock bottom to go, I'm gonna gomake a difference.
Not only in me, but I'm not, I'mgonna try to help other people
not go down this path ofdebauchery.

Nadine Mulvina - Th (55:16):
repurposing the pain and

Ian Fee (55:18):
I like it.
I like that.

A great job, and I wanna thank you
so much, Ian, as we wind downthere are so many gems and I am
going to encourage everyone toread Ian's book.
I'm gonna plug everything in theshow notes.
You can find Ian's bookavailable on Amazon.
Where else?
Plug it, plug your book for us,Ian.
Let us

Ian Fee (55:39):
Amazon.
Amazon.
Amazon.
Amazon.
Amazon.
And.

the to.

Ian Fee (55:44):
Amazon's a place to go, and you can follow me on all my
social medias.
There's always good, free, funnycontent that I put out there.
And yeah, I can't thank youenough for having me.
So proud of your journey aswell,

You.

Ian Fee (55:57):
that How old are you?

I'm in my

Ian Fee (55:59):
You can't say, oh my goodness.
Oh, I'm, oh,

a.

Ian Fee (56:04):
just a, just a baby.
Well, good for you.
At 34, let's like a pivotalpoint of, you know.
Especially sitting in New Yorkand all those cool fancy bars
and martini bars and like, yeah,kudos to you.
And that's quite a journey thatyou have.
I was listening to a couple ofyour podcasts, man, and they
are, they're awesome.
So keep, keep your journeygoing.

you, Ian.
I mean, we both had wild ridesand you know, a testament to
your book, wild Ride toSobriety, A transformation from
drunken oblivion to profoundclarity.
So relatable, and I wanna keepsharing my truth and sharing my
lessons.
And I thank you so much forsharing yours once again, Ian,
we'll plug everything.

(56:45):
You're a friend of the show, socome back anytime and thank you
for being here.

Ian Fee (56:51):
I would love it.
Thank you so much for having me.

the-sober-butterfly_6_05-22-2 (56:55):
I told you this was going to be a
ride Ian Fee's.
Story is such a powerfulreminder that no one is too far
gone.
There's always a way back toyourself, back to clarity and to
the kind of life that feels goodto wake up to.
If today's episode resonatedwith you, or if you just love
the little sober corner of theinternet, go ahead and leave us

(57:16):
a review on Apple Podcast orSpotify.
Seriously butterflies, it helpsmore people find us, and it lets
me know what's landing for you.
But I wanna be real.
Like, if you don't like today'sepisode, if you don't like my
show, please just email me.
Do not leave me a review.
Go ahead and slide in the dmsand tell me all the things I'm
doing wrong.

(57:36):
But if you like today if youlove TSB, tell me everything you
love about it and put it inwriting so I know it's real.
Of course, don't forget tofollow me in the show at the
Period Sober Butterfly for moresober inspo travel wrecks and
podcast updates.
Ian's book, wild Ride toSobriety is linked below in the
show notes, so make sure you gograb your copy.

(57:59):
It's an amazing read, okay.
Until next time, butterflies,stay soft, stay strong and stay
sober.
Love you.
Bye.

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