September 18, 2021 • 27 mins
It's been a while, but we are back with a new episode talking about some new tips and how to get better at reading body language.
Big thank you to Tap Daddy who's music is on the show now 'All Falls in Line'
Be sure to check out his YouTube channel for more great tunage:
TapDaddyBeats
I always appreciate any support ; D
https://www.patreon.com/TSSLpodcast
paypal.me/TSSLpodcast
Thank you!! Thank you! - Nathan. : D
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Unknown (00:31):
Yo, yo, what's going on? This is Nate with the social
skills lab podcast, a podcastwhere we talk about social
skills. real shocker. That's anew track. New Music from tap
(00:58):
daddy. That's called all fallsin line. Pretty cool track. send
him a message. Send me a messageon Reddit asking if I can use
his tracks. I really liked it.
So yeah, go ahead. Sometimes youjust got to ask. Yeah, I love
that track is great. Alright, soit has been a while. Last time I
(01:21):
did episode was back in April.
But I've been really, reallybusy. had a pretty crazy couple
months. I think I've mentionedbefore that I've done a lot of
job hopping. Like a lot of jobhopping. Let me see. I had the
(01:42):
same one. I don't know. I've hadover like five jobs probably in
the last two years, but found anew job that I really liked. I
always say that. By the end,usually I end up I don't like
them after a while. But this oneis actually pretty cool. And
it's in the Bay Area ofCalifornia. So it kind of worked
out because I had to moveanyways. And so I found a I
(02:06):
found a new place in Pacifica,California, which is like, right
on the ocean. And yeah, so Ihave a small studio apartment in
Pacifica that I can barelyafford. But it's totally worth
it. Because, like no joke, I'mlooking at my window. And I
(02:27):
could see the ocean. Like Icould see the ocean from my
backyard and stuff. Which isinsane. Because I never I never
really thought that it'd bepossible to have a place in
California where you could lookat the ocean. That wasn't like a
millionaire's place. So yeah, Idon't know, I just managed to
pull it off. super happy aboutit. So my commute is a lot
(02:50):
shorter. My job is pretty laidback. My boss is cool. And I
live in a super awesome place.
So yeah, that's what that's whyI've been really busy. I've been
moving, doing much interviewsand stuff and and I knew that
was gonna get back to doing anepisode. So here we are. It took
a few months, but we're back.
(03:11):
Alright, so we're back. Andthere's I don't know, it's kind
of weird, because like thepandemic is kind of like, we
keep going into lockdown. Andthen it's opened up again. And
we're locked down again. But Iguess let me just start off by
saying, Yeah, get vaccinated,please. Because I am so sick of
having to been locked downs.
Seems like the only way out ofit. If you think the pandemics
fake vaccines fake. I don't knowwhat to tell you. I think it's
(03:34):
real. I feel fine. 99% of thepeople dying. 99% of the people
dying are people that have notbeen vaccinated. I don't know if
you believe that or not. Hey,that's pretty much all I got to
say cuz. But I was I did manageto get out to the city a few
times had some friends come into visit. And we went to a
couple music events. Andsometimes you go in and it's
(04:01):
like all masks. And sometimesyou go in, it's like no one's
wearing a mask. But everyone'slike had put out a vaccination
or prove that they gotvaccinated or show a recent
negative test. So it's veryinteresting times we're in so
but I've been having an awesometime, despite everything. And
last week, I think it was lastweek. Some friends came into
(04:26):
town. We went out to SanFrancisco had a good time. So
San Francisco is probably about25 minutes, 20 minutes from
where I live, which is reallycool because I could basically
just take a Uber there and backand not have to worry about
drinking or you know drinkingtoo much or whatever. So that's
really cool. I had some peopleover back to my place, little
(04:48):
after party. And I got to sayit's been a while since I've had
an after party at my place. Butit was a lot of fun. met some
new people It was pretty small,but very fun people. And this is
the part that blew my mind. Sothe next morning, you know, I
got to sleep for a couple hours,everyone kind of crashed Africa
(05:08):
bars. When I woke up, theycleaned up my entire place like
they did the dishes, clean upall the bottles, and took out
the trash like that is nextlevel friendship.
I mean, if you're the kind ofperson that like will clean up
after a party, you're, you get agold star. You're fucking
(05:29):
awesome. So yeah, I reallyappreciate my friends are super
cool. very respectful. And yeah,yeah, that's great. That's cool,
too. Because when I went out, abunch of people from segments
would come out to that I knewsome people, actually, a lot of
them I didn't know. But I knewthat they were from Sacramento.
So it was pretty easy.
Basically, you just tap them onthe shoulder, like, Hey, what's
(05:50):
up man? Like, Hey, are you fromSacramento to like, Oh, yeah,
and then we just, you know, weknow people, same people. And
it's really easy to startconversation that way. And, and
I mean, you find any in. Andthat's an easy one, you find any
end, you could pretty much starta conversation, you know, people
are in a good mood, they'rehaving they're out out being in
a social setting. And they liketo socialize, so I do too. So
(06:14):
it's always, it's always a goodtime. So I want to talk about
something, there's a bunch ofstuff that I kind of wrote down.
So I might be kind of all overthe place today. Not super
organized. But I you know, Ijust wanted to get an episode
out because it's been so long, Ihad some ideas. One of the
things that I was thinking aboutwas, when I was watching, I
(06:35):
can't remember what movie itwas, but I was watching this
movie. And in the scene, someoneis telling a lie, I noticed that
the person believed, but whenI'm watching it, I'm like, it's
so obvious that they're lying.
And it made me realize that in alot of movies, and a lot of TV
(06:55):
shows people will exaggeratetheir, their facial expressions,
they'll exaggerate their bodylanguage, just to make it clear
what is going on. And a lot oftimes, if you're, you know,
because you pretty much suspendyour belief when you're watching
a show or, or movie. So you leta lot of that stuff slide. A lot
(07:18):
of times you don't even noticeit. But I you know, when I'm
paying very close attention, tome, it's obvious that they're
lying, or whatever, they'retrying to hold something back.
And for the sake of the show, itworks. But it made me think that
like, you know, if you didn'treally know, or had a lot of
experience, looking into bodylanguage, like I read a couple
(07:40):
books about it, they're reallygood. And you know, you start
paying attention. I already lostmy train of thought, what was I
saying? If you're watching theshow, and or if you didn't know
what to really look for you, youmight actually think that that's
how people really act in reallife. But it really isn't,
(08:01):
people are much more subdued intheir body language. So that's
why you really have to learn alot about it and study it that
way. You can read it very easilyand very quickly, if you're
trying to like look at TV shows,to get a good gauge on what body
language is, is. To understandbody language. It can be very
(08:21):
tricky, because it's not reallyhow it is in real life. Like
Pete, like I said, actors willexaggerate their expressions
just to convey just so the showis, you know, it's easily
understood by everyone. But likeI said, it's not. It doesn't
portray real life very well. ButI did notice when I was watching
(08:44):
The X Files, like Mulder andScully, they're FBI agents.
They're all they're very likemilquetoast subdued. FBI agents
real rigid. And I was thinking,wow, this is actually how people
will portray their facialexpressions. Not always, but
(09:07):
most of the time, it's verysimilar to real life. For me, I
love the show. I've watched alot, haven't seen every episode
that and definitely like it alot. So if you want to get a
really good idea of what realworld facial expressions are,
just watch The X Files. I thinkit's much more realistic than
say like some, you know, sitcomor whatever. And, and to be
(09:30):
honest, if you do watch like areally good movie, like Oscar
winning movie, it is actuallynot a bad way to get a good idea
ofa lot of facial expressions and
body language because that istheir craft. They know it, they
know how to do it. And they evenknow how to exaggerate it a
little bit when it calls for itin a certain type of shows. So,
(09:50):
but like I said, she wanted toget a really, really good idea
of what real world body languageis like. I noticed that the X
Files was really good for that.
Another thing I noticed that,when I go out, is, I really make
it a point, to make sure I'm noton my phone a lot, I definitely
(10:12):
noticed that a lot of people insocial situations will bust out
their phone. You know, I've doneit to like an ally, but I've
really made it a point to do itmuch less. It's just, to me,
it's kind of like a nervouscrutch. You know, it's like, oh,
I'm on in social situation bytalking to anyone, let me pull
(10:32):
up my phone, just I havesomething to do. Awkward. So I
don't look like I'm standinghere, like a bump on the log or
whatever. Try to not use yourphone so much. When you're out
in public. Like, even if I'm inthe grocery store. in line for
the checker, a lot of times, Iwill pull out my phone. But
there's a lot of times too, I'mlike, you know what, I'm just
(10:52):
gonna keep my phone in mypocket, I don't have to pull it
out, it's only going to takelike five minutes. Give me a
good time to like, you know,people watch, or, I don't know,
just be curious about the worldas opposed to looking at my
phone. And like I said, if youdo it a lot, your neck pointing
down. In a, it's like an awkwardposition. It's not good for your
(11:12):
neck. I mean, seriously, 10years, 20 years, what's your
neck gonna look like, if you'vebeen on your phone for five
hours a day. There's alsothere's also a lesson that I've
had to learn. It's like that allthe people, you know, let's say,
let's say, you know, like 100people, or, you know, 10 people.
(11:33):
And let's say, most of them areacquaintances. Like if you see
him out, you run into him,you're like, Oh, hey, what's up,
and then I don't know, you mightchat for like, five seconds or
whatever. Those are likeacquaintances, but then you'll
have people that are like,friends and very, very close
friends, like, really like someof my closest friends, I talk to
you pretty regularly. And thenthere's friends that, you know,
(11:55):
you run into them. And you'lljust like, you know, you might
be talking to him for like ahalf hour or something like
that. But you don't, you don'treally talk to him on the phone
or hit him up in between justrandom running into them. So
it's kind of like, real easy toput a label on these types of
relationships. I think it'sbetter to not like sometimes, I
(12:15):
mean, I've had people that wereacquaintances for like five
years. And then next thing youknow, they're like one of my
best friends, like, for somereason, we just really click at
some point. Like, we're on thesame wavelength or whatever. So
I think it's good to make sureto try to not put a label on
these things. Like, let's sayyou meet someone and you really
click with them. It's reallyeasy to idealize what that
(12:40):
relationships gonna be justlike, oh, and we were really, we
really hit it off, we'reprobably going to hang out and
go camping. I don't know. ButI've noticed that. It's really
good to not assume anything. Iheard this Zen saying that I
really like it was somethingabout like, describing the
(13:02):
master. And I've, I apologize ifI said this before, I've noticed
actually, when I go back tolisten episodes, I repeat myself
a lot. But I might have actuallysaid this too, already. So if if
you're this? Yeah, I do repeatmyself a lot. Hopefully, it's
good information that's worthrepeating. So, but I heard the
thing, it was describing themaster as like, he said, the
(13:25):
master never expects anythingfrom anyone. And because he
never expects anything, he isnever disappointed. And because
he is never disappointed. Hisheart never grows old. And I
thought that was awesome. Like,wow, that's tough, because I
expect a lot of expect a lot ofshit from a lot of people. But
it made me realize like, Well,many, you know, that's not a
(13:45):
good thing necessarily. I don't,if I if I don't expect anything
from anyone, I'll never bedisappointed. And that's kind of
hard in modern society to, youknow, wrap your head around,
like let's say you have acoworker, and you expect them to
do this. And this. Yeah, I couldsee why it'd be a real pain in
the ass if they didn't live upto that. But you know, I'm just
(14:06):
talking about that general senseof just people. Maybe more in
terms of like friends oracquaintances. Don't expect
anything from them. Like it.
Let's say you do this for them.
I've seen this so many timespeople post stuff online, like,
you know, I did this for themthis and that. And they never do
anything for me. Well, youknow what, now that person's
disappointed. They get jaded.
And they their heart is growingold. Hey, well, there's a way
(14:30):
around that just don't expectanything from anyone. And I've
noticed this too, like, the lessI expect things from people the
it seems like the more they arewilling to do for you like,
like, I didn't expect anyone toclean my apartment after after
an after party. You know, andit's just like, I think if you
just have this attitude of, youknow, you just like hey, except
(14:54):
you accept people for who theyare and you love them for who
they are. They really theysurprise you quite a bit. So I
thought that was a very coolexpression I wanted to share
with you something else too. Imentioned, I've mentioned a few
tips and tricks, like one ofthem was the, the eye flash.
(15:16):
Like when I say hi to someone,I'll kind of like opened my eyes
up. It's kind of like, the way Iread it was, it is similar to a
baby having large eyes, like Idon't know, it's just like kind
of endearing. I actually sawthis one guy too, like when, if
I talk to him, he would like dothis, like slow blink. Or I was
really weird, but it was veryunusual and very stood out. And
(15:42):
it stood out to me because itwasn't during. So it's like he
would say hi. And as you said,Hi, he would smile and like do
like this blink. I don't know ifit's similar. But basically. So
it's I've noticed, I've beendoing this a lot with the
opening the eyes, especiallybecause you know you're wearing
a mask, there's not much way toexpress yourself. So I do an
(16:04):
eyebrow flash quite a bit. And Inever, I didn't actually do this
a lot that I remember. But Iremember when I read it, I'm
like, Oh, that's cool. I'll trythis out. So you do try out a
lot of new things when you'relearning social skills when
you're learning new tips andtricks or whatnot. And I
noticed, I think that I'venoticed that people feel
(16:25):
uncomfortable doing new thingsbecause they feel like it's
phony or it's fake. And, youknow, I guess you could put that
label on it if, if it feels thatway. But I've noticed that if
you do something that's a goodtip or trick, and you notice
that it works, you're like, oh,that worked really well. And you
do it more and more. After awhile. It isn't fake or phony or
(16:48):
whatever. It actually becomeswho you are. So a lot of these
stuff that I've recommend, likeI don't know, the eyebrow flash
or Oh, giving compliments I givea lot of compliments to people.
Like at first that wasn't verynatural to me. But I've like the
(17:10):
way I actually specificallystated it was hardy with your
approbation and praise, orwhatever it was from the Dale
Carnegie thing. But I definitelygive a lot more compliments.
Like, let me think I did onerecently, what was it, it was,
oh, I was at a restaurant and Ihad some food. And I made it a
point to tell them like, Oh,this is like the best I've ever
had of whatever it was. I'll dothat a lot. And at first, it
(17:34):
wasn't natural, but now it'sactually become part of my
personality. I just like doingit. And I mean, if it feels like
it's deserved to if it'ssomething, something dead or
something somebody has made,that's exceptional, definitely
pointed out. So if you ever feellike, Oh, it's fake, or it's
kind of like fake it till youmake it that was kind of faking
it. But it actually becomes partof who I actually was on
(17:57):
something else. I saw someoneposted online, something like
something to the effect, like,how are you supposed to love
yourself, like in the context ofyou know, you can't love anyone
else until you actually loveyourself. And I was thinking
about this for a minute. And Iwas like, Well, you know, like,
let's say you're to have, let'ssay you're to adopt a baby? And
(18:20):
how would you love that baby?
Well, you would, you know, you'dfeed it, hold it, you know,
clothe it, to shelter it. So youbasically spend time and
resources on that baby. Sobasically, it was like, you
know, in the context of how doyou love yourself, you love
yourself by doing everythingthat you you know, probably
should do, like you know, dosome exercise, eat healthy brush
(18:43):
your teeth floss, that'sactually a good way to describe
how you love yourself. And thatway, once you have all that
stuff, you know, taken care ofand you're ready to regularly
loving yourself. It's mucheasier to genuinely care and
love other people.
So if you're curious about that.
Another thing too, that Ithought would be important to
(19:08):
bring up is something I read ina book called people skills by
Robert Bolton. He was given alot of tips. I think I'll read
all the tips because he was likeon one page. I'll do it next
time maybe if I remember. But hesaid to one of the things he
said would Well, he said it inthe context of you know, a lot
of people talk to each othertheir main point in talking to
(19:31):
people is to have a connection,or, you know, build a rapport
with someone. And he said hementioned a bunch of things that
were actually the exactopposite. They build a they put
barriers between each other andone of the things he said was to
stop giving advice. And irony isright now I'm giving you advice,
(19:57):
but you're looking for So that'swhy that's why it actually makes
sense in this context. But whathe was saying was that people, a
lot of times, like, let's sayyou haven't seen your mom in a
while you go visit her. Andnext, you know, she's giving you
all these lectures, is thatreally building a bond between
you two, it actually builds abarrier. So he was saying, a lot
of times people are givingunsolicited advice. And it's
(20:20):
doing the exact opposite of whatthey are hoping to achieve,
which is to build a connectionor build a bond. It really just
puts up barriers. And I'venoticed this a lot. with certain
people that I talked to, theyjust automatically start giving
advice. And it's extremelyannoying, because I don't really
want advice. If I want advice. Imight specifically say hey, can
(20:43):
you help me out with this? Or,Hey, I got a situation. I need a
little soundboard. Can you helpme out with this, but I noticed
some people will justautomatically they, that's their
whole personality, their wholepersonality is given advice. And
that's like, that's a shittypersonality. Like, nobody really
wants that much advice. Theymight want a little here and
there. And I've had to learnthis hard way, the hard way.
(21:04):
With my, one of my relatives, Inoticed that I kept giving
unsolicited advice. And thenwhen I read this in the book,
I'm like, oh, okay, I need tostop doing that right now. So I
did, I basically was like, youknow, I'm not giving this person
advice anymore. And I've noticeda significant change in a
(21:26):
relationship. So either No, Ireally, really want to give
advice. And, and I'm not gonnalie, I still do maybe like once
every couple months, as opposedto once every day does make a
difference. And I thinkactually, when I give that
advice, it actually makes moreof an impact because I rarely do
it. Right. I try not to do it somuch. So I thought that was an
(21:47):
awesome discovery that this guymade about how giving advice is
not really good for building orestablishing really good
communication. Another thingI've noticed, too, is people
will often repeat themselves alot. And I find it super
(22:11):
annoying. I think I actually wasdoing this a long time ago to,
especially when I was trainingthis one guy, he basically just
told me, he's like, Look, youreally don't need to tell me all
this stuff already. Not. And Ithink I was like, I kind of
appreciated him telling me thatI'm like, Okay, my bad and
didn't want to talk to you'reoff about that. But I've
(22:33):
noticed, you know, and you mightnotice this too, when you have a
conversation with someone andthey start, they loop back on to
the topic back and forth. Andyou're like CISA ease, I've
actually made it a point to tellpeople like, Oh, yeah, you
mentioned that before, or Yeah,he told me that already. I don't
even play around anymore. Ifsomeone keeps repeating
(22:53):
themselves, I just stopped them.
And I just tell them, they'rerepeating themselves. It's kind
of a dick move. But I mean, Idon't got time for that. I mean,
if it's like a funny story thatI really like, and I wanted to
hear it again, yeah, sure. Butusually not. It's usually
something boring and lame. Thisis a random thing. But I saw
this guy post on Reddit, he saidsomething, he was like trying to
(23:17):
give a tip. And I've never runinto this situation ever. And I
might not ever run into it. ButI thought it was a good general
tip. So here's, he was talkingabout, he said something like,
if someone gives you a nicebottle of whiskey for a gift, it
is the polite thing to do toopen the bottle of whiskey and
poor to glasses. That way theycan have a sip of the nice
(23:41):
whiskey too. And I was thinkingI'm like, he said, it was like
the classy thing to do. And I'mlike, actually, that's kind of
baller. I like that. That's agood one.
I mean, cuz like, I've givensomeone a real nice bottle of
wine. But I didn't expect themto open it or anything. Because,
you know, it's kind of like forspecial occasions where it's
like you once you open it, youonly have a couple days to drink
it a bottle of whiskey, though,if you open it, it's good. You
(24:04):
know, it's good for a while. SoI thought that was kind of cool.
So I thought I'd share that one.
I also want to talk again, aboutassigning value, because there
was that thing I mentioned thatI ran into a while back, it said
something like, it knows it wasthe I don't remember I can't
remember the name of it rightnow. But it was like, oh,
(24:26):
radical honesty. It was radicalhonesty, it says something about
anytime you assign value, it'sbullshit. So just want to repeat
that because I have been betterat catching myself assigning
value to things like oh, this isgood, this is bad. Oh, they're
an asshole or, you know, thesituation fucked up or whatever.
That's assigning value. Andanytime you assign value, it's
(24:48):
bullshit. So I've been trying todo it a lot less and I think it
actually is improved my moodbecause usually when I assign
value, it's something negative.
So Oh, I don't know, I thought Imentioned that again. I think
we're pretty much gonna wrap itup for today. One last thing I
want to mention is I came acrossthis number A while back it
(25:10):
said, the average lifespan for ahuman being is about 28,000
days. So I'm about halfwaythrough there. Hopefully not.
Hopefully, yes, I don't knowhope I don't die next week. But
you got about 28,000 days toenjoy your life. So I really
encourage you to get out thereand enjoy your life. work on
(25:31):
yourself and work on your socialskills and make a real big
difference. And I hope you guyshave an awesome week. Awesome,
awesome year. But I will try totalk to you a lot sooner than
that. I'll talk to you soon.
Yo, yo, what's going on? This is Nate with the social
skills lab podcast, a podcastwhere we talk about social
skills. real shocker. That's anew track. New Music from tap
(00:58):
daddy. That's called all fallsin line. Pretty cool track. send
him a message. Send me a messageon Reddit asking if I can use
his tracks. I really liked it.
So yeah, go ahead. Sometimes youjust got to ask. Yeah, I love
that track is great. Alright, soit has been a while. Last time I
(01:21):
did episode was back in April.
But I've been really, reallybusy. had a pretty crazy couple
months. I think I've mentionedbefore that I've done a lot of
job hopping. Like a lot of jobhopping. Let me see. I had the
(01:42):
same one. I don't know. I've hadover like five jobs probably in
the last two years, but found anew job that I really liked. I
always say that. By the end,usually I end up I don't like
them after a while. But this oneis actually pretty cool. And
it's in the Bay Area ofCalifornia. So it kind of worked
out because I had to moveanyways. And so I found a I
(02:06):
found a new place in Pacifica,California, which is like, right
on the ocean. And yeah, so Ihave a small studio apartment in
Pacifica that I can barelyafford. But it's totally worth
it. Because, like no joke, I'mlooking at my window. And I
(02:27):
could see the ocean. Like Icould see the ocean from my
backyard and stuff. Which isinsane. Because I never I never
really thought that it'd bepossible to have a place in
California where you could lookat the ocean. That wasn't like a
millionaire's place. So yeah, Idon't know, I just managed to
pull it off. super happy aboutit. So my commute is a lot
(02:50):
shorter. My job is pretty laidback. My boss is cool. And I
live in a super awesome place.
So yeah, that's what that's whyI've been really busy. I've been
moving, doing much interviewsand stuff and and I knew that
was gonna get back to doing anepisode. So here we are. It took
a few months, but we're back.
(03:11):
Alright, so we're back. Andthere's I don't know, it's kind
of weird, because like thepandemic is kind of like, we
keep going into lockdown. Andthen it's opened up again. And
we're locked down again. But Iguess let me just start off by
saying, Yeah, get vaccinated,please. Because I am so sick of
having to been locked downs.
Seems like the only way out ofit. If you think the pandemics
fake vaccines fake. I don't knowwhat to tell you. I think it's
(03:34):
real. I feel fine. 99% of thepeople dying. 99% of the people
dying are people that have notbeen vaccinated. I don't know if
you believe that or not. Hey,that's pretty much all I got to
say cuz. But I was I did manageto get out to the city a few
times had some friends come into visit. And we went to a
couple music events. Andsometimes you go in and it's
(04:01):
like all masks. And sometimesyou go in, it's like no one's
wearing a mask. But everyone'slike had put out a vaccination
or prove that they gotvaccinated or show a recent
negative test. So it's veryinteresting times we're in so
but I've been having an awesometime, despite everything. And
last week, I think it was lastweek. Some friends came into
(04:26):
town. We went out to SanFrancisco had a good time. So
San Francisco is probably about25 minutes, 20 minutes from
where I live, which is reallycool because I could basically
just take a Uber there and backand not have to worry about
drinking or you know drinkingtoo much or whatever. So that's
really cool. I had some peopleover back to my place, little
(04:48):
after party. And I got to sayit's been a while since I've had
an after party at my place. Butit was a lot of fun. met some
new people It was pretty small,but very fun people. And this is
the part that blew my mind. Sothe next morning, you know, I
got to sleep for a couple hours,everyone kind of crashed Africa
(05:08):
bars. When I woke up, theycleaned up my entire place like
they did the dishes, clean upall the bottles, and took out
the trash like that is nextlevel friendship.
I mean, if you're the kind ofperson that like will clean up
after a party, you're, you get agold star. You're fucking
(05:29):
awesome. So yeah, I reallyappreciate my friends are super
cool. very respectful. And yeah,yeah, that's great. That's cool,
too. Because when I went out, abunch of people from segments
would come out to that I knewsome people, actually, a lot of
them I didn't know. But I knewthat they were from Sacramento.
So it was pretty easy.
Basically, you just tap them onthe shoulder, like, Hey, what's
(05:50):
up man? Like, Hey, are you fromSacramento to like, Oh, yeah,
and then we just, you know, weknow people, same people. And
it's really easy to startconversation that way. And, and
I mean, you find any in. Andthat's an easy one, you find any
end, you could pretty much starta conversation, you know, people
are in a good mood, they'rehaving they're out out being in
a social setting. And they liketo socialize, so I do too. So
(06:14):
it's always, it's always a goodtime. So I want to talk about
something, there's a bunch ofstuff that I kind of wrote down.
So I might be kind of all overthe place today. Not super
organized. But I you know, Ijust wanted to get an episode
out because it's been so long, Ihad some ideas. One of the
things that I was thinking aboutwas, when I was watching, I
(06:35):
can't remember what movie itwas, but I was watching this
movie. And in the scene, someoneis telling a lie, I noticed that
the person believed, but whenI'm watching it, I'm like, it's
so obvious that they're lying.
And it made me realize that in alot of movies, and a lot of TV
(06:55):
shows people will exaggeratetheir, their facial expressions,
they'll exaggerate their bodylanguage, just to make it clear
what is going on. And a lot oftimes, if you're, you know,
because you pretty much suspendyour belief when you're watching
a show or, or movie. So you leta lot of that stuff slide. A lot
(07:18):
of times you don't even noticeit. But I you know, when I'm
paying very close attention, tome, it's obvious that they're
lying, or whatever, they'retrying to hold something back.
And for the sake of the show, itworks. But it made me think that
like, you know, if you didn'treally know, or had a lot of
experience, looking into bodylanguage, like I read a couple
(07:40):
books about it, they're reallygood. And you know, you start
paying attention. I already lostmy train of thought, what was I
saying? If you're watching theshow, and or if you didn't know
what to really look for you, youmight actually think that that's
how people really act in reallife. But it really isn't,
(08:01):
people are much more subdued intheir body language. So that's
why you really have to learn alot about it and study it that
way. You can read it very easilyand very quickly, if you're
trying to like look at TV shows,to get a good gauge on what body
language is, is. To understandbody language. It can be very
(08:21):
tricky, because it's not reallyhow it is in real life. Like
Pete, like I said, actors willexaggerate their expressions
just to convey just so the showis, you know, it's easily
understood by everyone. But likeI said, it's not. It doesn't
portray real life very well. ButI did notice when I was watching
(08:44):
The X Files, like Mulder andScully, they're FBI agents.
They're all they're very likemilquetoast subdued. FBI agents
real rigid. And I was thinking,wow, this is actually how people
will portray their facialexpressions. Not always, but
(09:07):
most of the time, it's verysimilar to real life. For me, I
love the show. I've watched alot, haven't seen every episode
that and definitely like it alot. So if you want to get a
really good idea of what realworld facial expressions are,
just watch The X Files. I thinkit's much more realistic than
say like some, you know, sitcomor whatever. And, and to be
(09:30):
honest, if you do watch like areally good movie, like Oscar
winning movie, it is actuallynot a bad way to get a good idea
ofa lot of facial expressions and
body language because that istheir craft. They know it, they
know how to do it. And they evenknow how to exaggerate it a
little bit when it calls for itin a certain type of shows. So,
(09:50):
but like I said, she wanted toget a really, really good idea
of what real world body languageis like. I noticed that the X
Files was really good for that.
Another thing I noticed that,when I go out, is, I really make
it a point, to make sure I'm noton my phone a lot, I definitely
(10:12):
noticed that a lot of people insocial situations will bust out
their phone. You know, I've doneit to like an ally, but I've
really made it a point to do itmuch less. It's just, to me,
it's kind of like a nervouscrutch. You know, it's like, oh,
I'm on in social situation bytalking to anyone, let me pull
(10:32):
up my phone, just I havesomething to do. Awkward. So I
don't look like I'm standinghere, like a bump on the log or
whatever. Try to not use yourphone so much. When you're out
in public. Like, even if I'm inthe grocery store. in line for
the checker, a lot of times, Iwill pull out my phone. But
there's a lot of times too, I'mlike, you know what, I'm just
(10:52):
gonna keep my phone in mypocket, I don't have to pull it
out, it's only going to takelike five minutes. Give me a
good time to like, you know,people watch, or, I don't know,
just be curious about the worldas opposed to looking at my
phone. And like I said, if youdo it a lot, your neck pointing
down. In a, it's like an awkwardposition. It's not good for your
(11:12):
neck. I mean, seriously, 10years, 20 years, what's your
neck gonna look like, if you'vebeen on your phone for five
hours a day. There's alsothere's also a lesson that I've
had to learn. It's like that allthe people, you know, let's say,
let's say, you know, like 100people, or, you know, 10 people.
(11:33):
And let's say, most of them areacquaintances. Like if you see
him out, you run into him,you're like, Oh, hey, what's up,
and then I don't know, you mightchat for like, five seconds or
whatever. Those are likeacquaintances, but then you'll
have people that are like,friends and very, very close
friends, like, really like someof my closest friends, I talk to
you pretty regularly. And thenthere's friends that, you know,
(11:55):
you run into them. And you'lljust like, you know, you might
be talking to him for like ahalf hour or something like
that. But you don't, you don'treally talk to him on the phone
or hit him up in between justrandom running into them. So
it's kind of like, real easy toput a label on these types of
relationships. I think it'sbetter to not like sometimes, I
(12:15):
mean, I've had people that wereacquaintances for like five
years. And then next thing youknow, they're like one of my
best friends, like, for somereason, we just really click at
some point. Like, we're on thesame wavelength or whatever. So
I think it's good to make sureto try to not put a label on
these things. Like, let's sayyou meet someone and you really
click with them. It's reallyeasy to idealize what that
(12:40):
relationships gonna be justlike, oh, and we were really, we
really hit it off, we'reprobably going to hang out and
go camping. I don't know. ButI've noticed that. It's really
good to not assume anything. Iheard this Zen saying that I
really like it was somethingabout like, describing the
(13:02):
master. And I've, I apologize ifI said this before, I've noticed
actually, when I go back tolisten episodes, I repeat myself
a lot. But I might have actuallysaid this too, already. So if if
you're this? Yeah, I do repeatmyself a lot. Hopefully, it's
good information that's worthrepeating. So, but I heard the
thing, it was describing themaster as like, he said, the
(13:25):
master never expects anythingfrom anyone. And because he
never expects anything, he isnever disappointed. And because
he is never disappointed. Hisheart never grows old. And I
thought that was awesome. Like,wow, that's tough, because I
expect a lot of expect a lot ofshit from a lot of people. But
it made me realize like, Well,many, you know, that's not a
(13:45):
good thing necessarily. I don't,if I if I don't expect anything
from anyone, I'll never bedisappointed. And that's kind of
hard in modern society to, youknow, wrap your head around,
like let's say you have acoworker, and you expect them to
do this. And this. Yeah, I couldsee why it'd be a real pain in
the ass if they didn't live upto that. But you know, I'm just
(14:06):
talking about that general senseof just people. Maybe more in
terms of like friends oracquaintances. Don't expect
anything from them. Like it.
Let's say you do this for them.
I've seen this so many timespeople post stuff online, like,
you know, I did this for themthis and that. And they never do
anything for me. Well, youknow what, now that person's
disappointed. They get jaded.
And they their heart is growingold. Hey, well, there's a way
(14:30):
around that just don't expectanything from anyone. And I've
noticed this too, like, the lessI expect things from people the
it seems like the more they arewilling to do for you like,
like, I didn't expect anyone toclean my apartment after after
an after party. You know, andit's just like, I think if you
just have this attitude of, youknow, you just like hey, except
(14:54):
you accept people for who theyare and you love them for who
they are. They really theysurprise you quite a bit. So I
thought that was a very coolexpression I wanted to share
with you something else too. Imentioned, I've mentioned a few
tips and tricks, like one ofthem was the, the eye flash.
(15:16):
Like when I say hi to someone,I'll kind of like opened my eyes
up. It's kind of like, the way Iread it was, it is similar to a
baby having large eyes, like Idon't know, it's just like kind
of endearing. I actually sawthis one guy too, like when, if
I talk to him, he would like dothis, like slow blink. Or I was
really weird, but it was veryunusual and very stood out. And
(15:42):
it stood out to me because itwasn't during. So it's like he
would say hi. And as you said,Hi, he would smile and like do
like this blink. I don't know ifit's similar. But basically. So
it's I've noticed, I've beendoing this a lot with the
opening the eyes, especiallybecause you know you're wearing
a mask, there's not much way toexpress yourself. So I do an
(16:04):
eyebrow flash quite a bit. And Inever, I didn't actually do this
a lot that I remember. But Iremember when I read it, I'm
like, Oh, that's cool. I'll trythis out. So you do try out a
lot of new things when you'relearning social skills when
you're learning new tips andtricks or whatnot. And I
noticed, I think that I'venoticed that people feel
(16:25):
uncomfortable doing new thingsbecause they feel like it's
phony or it's fake. And, youknow, I guess you could put that
label on it if, if it feels thatway. But I've noticed that if
you do something that's a goodtip or trick, and you notice
that it works, you're like, oh,that worked really well. And you
do it more and more. After awhile. It isn't fake or phony or
(16:48):
whatever. It actually becomeswho you are. So a lot of these
stuff that I've recommend, likeI don't know, the eyebrow flash
or Oh, giving compliments I givea lot of compliments to people.
Like at first that wasn't verynatural to me. But I've like the
(17:10):
way I actually specificallystated it was hardy with your
approbation and praise, orwhatever it was from the Dale
Carnegie thing. But I definitelygive a lot more compliments.
Like, let me think I did onerecently, what was it, it was,
oh, I was at a restaurant and Ihad some food. And I made it a
point to tell them like, Oh,this is like the best I've ever
had of whatever it was. I'll dothat a lot. And at first, it
(17:34):
wasn't natural, but now it'sactually become part of my
personality. I just like doingit. And I mean, if it feels like
it's deserved to if it'ssomething, something dead or
something somebody has made,that's exceptional, definitely
pointed out. So if you ever feellike, Oh, it's fake, or it's
kind of like fake it till youmake it that was kind of faking
it. But it actually becomes partof who I actually was on
(17:57):
something else. I saw someoneposted online, something like
something to the effect, like,how are you supposed to love
yourself, like in the context ofyou know, you can't love anyone
else until you actually loveyourself. And I was thinking
about this for a minute. And Iwas like, Well, you know, like,
let's say you're to have, let'ssay you're to adopt a baby? And
(18:20):
how would you love that baby?
Well, you would, you know, you'dfeed it, hold it, you know,
clothe it, to shelter it. So youbasically spend time and
resources on that baby. Sobasically, it was like, you
know, in the context of how doyou love yourself, you love
yourself by doing everythingthat you you know, probably
should do, like you know, dosome exercise, eat healthy brush
(18:43):
your teeth floss, that'sactually a good way to describe
how you love yourself. And thatway, once you have all that
stuff, you know, taken care ofand you're ready to regularly
loving yourself. It's mucheasier to genuinely care and
love other people.
So if you're curious about that.
Another thing too, that Ithought would be important to
(19:08):
bring up is something I read ina book called people skills by
Robert Bolton. He was given alot of tips. I think I'll read
all the tips because he was likeon one page. I'll do it next
time maybe if I remember. But hesaid to one of the things he
said would Well, he said it inthe context of you know, a lot
of people talk to each othertheir main point in talking to
(19:31):
people is to have a connection,or, you know, build a rapport
with someone. And he said hementioned a bunch of things that
were actually the exactopposite. They build a they put
barriers between each other andone of the things he said was to
stop giving advice. And irony isright now I'm giving you advice,
(19:57):
but you're looking for So that'swhy that's why it actually makes
sense in this context. But whathe was saying was that people, a
lot of times, like, let's sayyou haven't seen your mom in a
while you go visit her. Andnext, you know, she's giving you
all these lectures, is thatreally building a bond between
you two, it actually builds abarrier. So he was saying, a lot
of times people are givingunsolicited advice. And it's
(20:20):
doing the exact opposite of whatthey are hoping to achieve,
which is to build a connectionor build a bond. It really just
puts up barriers. And I'venoticed this a lot. with certain
people that I talked to, theyjust automatically start giving
advice. And it's extremelyannoying, because I don't really
want advice. If I want advice. Imight specifically say hey, can
(20:43):
you help me out with this? Or,Hey, I got a situation. I need a
little soundboard. Can you helpme out with this, but I noticed
some people will justautomatically they, that's their
whole personality, their wholepersonality is given advice. And
that's like, that's a shittypersonality. Like, nobody really
wants that much advice. Theymight want a little here and
there. And I've had to learnthis hard way, the hard way.
(21:04):
With my, one of my relatives, Inoticed that I kept giving
unsolicited advice. And thenwhen I read this in the book,
I'm like, oh, okay, I need tostop doing that right now. So I
did, I basically was like, youknow, I'm not giving this person
advice anymore. And I've noticeda significant change in a
(21:26):
relationship. So either No, Ireally, really want to give
advice. And, and I'm not gonnalie, I still do maybe like once
every couple months, as opposedto once every day does make a
difference. And I thinkactually, when I give that
advice, it actually makes moreof an impact because I rarely do
it. Right. I try not to do it somuch. So I thought that was an
(21:47):
awesome discovery that this guymade about how giving advice is
not really good for building orestablishing really good
communication. Another thingI've noticed, too, is people
will often repeat themselves alot. And I find it super
(22:11):
annoying. I think I actually wasdoing this a long time ago to,
especially when I was trainingthis one guy, he basically just
told me, he's like, Look, youreally don't need to tell me all
this stuff already. Not. And Ithink I was like, I kind of
appreciated him telling me thatI'm like, Okay, my bad and
didn't want to talk to you'reoff about that. But I've
(22:33):
noticed, you know, and you mightnotice this too, when you have a
conversation with someone andthey start, they loop back on to
the topic back and forth. Andyou're like CISA ease, I've
actually made it a point to tellpeople like, Oh, yeah, you
mentioned that before, or Yeah,he told me that already. I don't
even play around anymore. Ifsomeone keeps repeating
(22:53):
themselves, I just stopped them.
And I just tell them, they'rerepeating themselves. It's kind
of a dick move. But I mean, Idon't got time for that. I mean,
if it's like a funny story thatI really like, and I wanted to
hear it again, yeah, sure. Butusually not. It's usually
something boring and lame. Thisis a random thing. But I saw
this guy post on Reddit, he saidsomething, he was like trying to
(23:17):
give a tip. And I've never runinto this situation ever. And I
might not ever run into it. ButI thought it was a good general
tip. So here's, he was talkingabout, he said something like,
if someone gives you a nicebottle of whiskey for a gift, it
is the polite thing to do toopen the bottle of whiskey and
poor to glasses. That way theycan have a sip of the nice
(23:41):
whiskey too. And I was thinkingI'm like, he said, it was like
the classy thing to do. And I'mlike, actually, that's kind of
baller. I like that. That's agood one.
I mean, cuz like, I've givensomeone a real nice bottle of
wine. But I didn't expect themto open it or anything. Because,
you know, it's kind of like forspecial occasions where it's
like you once you open it, youonly have a couple days to drink
it a bottle of whiskey, though,if you open it, it's good. You
(24:04):
know, it's good for a while. SoI thought that was kind of cool.
So I thought I'd share that one.
I also want to talk again, aboutassigning value, because there
was that thing I mentioned thatI ran into a while back, it said
something like, it knows it wasthe I don't remember I can't
remember the name of it rightnow. But it was like, oh,
(24:26):
radical honesty. It was radicalhonesty, it says something about
anytime you assign value, it'sbullshit. So just want to repeat
that because I have been betterat catching myself assigning
value to things like oh, this isgood, this is bad. Oh, they're
an asshole or, you know, thesituation fucked up or whatever.
That's assigning value. Andanytime you assign value, it's
(24:48):
bullshit. So I've been trying todo it a lot less and I think it
actually is improved my moodbecause usually when I assign
value, it's something negative.
So Oh, I don't know, I thought Imentioned that again. I think
we're pretty much gonna wrap itup for today. One last thing I
want to mention is I came acrossthis number A while back it
(25:10):
said, the average lifespan for ahuman being is about 28,000
days. So I'm about halfwaythrough there. Hopefully not.
Hopefully, yes, I don't knowhope I don't die next week. But
you got about 28,000 days toenjoy your life. So I really
encourage you to get out thereand enjoy your life. work on
(25:31):
yourself and work on your socialskills and make a real big
difference. And I hope you guyshave an awesome week. Awesome,
awesome year. But I will try totalk to you a lot sooner than
that. I'll talk to you soon.
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