May 9, 2024 • 27 mins
Embark on an exploration of the heart's complexities and mind's musings, where joy, love, and the snares of addiction intertwine in the quest for happiness. Craig Dahlen, Greg Carter, and Josh Goding join us to unravel the tapestry of emotions, digging into the hormonal dance of dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin and their sway over our moods and connections. As we delve into the ebb and flow of romantic relationships, we ponder the fine line between desire and dependence, and the significance of preserving individuality for a fulfilling existence. This candid conversation is an invitation to reflect on your own happiness blueprint, as we dissect the shadows cast by addiction and the illuminating power of understanding and maintaining personal space within our relationships.
With the audacity of positive thinking as our beacon, this episode transcends the superficial 'fake it till you make it' paradigm, challenging listeners to harness their inner narratives to foster resilience and overcome life's adversities. We investigate the role of positive affirmations in the realm of addiction recovery and the transformative potential of reprogramming our subconscious to dispel negativity. Our dialogue ventures into the realm of failure—redefining it not as a label, but as a mere occurrence on the journey to contentment—as we champion the art of detachment from outcomes for a more joyous life. Join us for a heart-to-heart, where vulnerability and wisdom coalesce to guide you through the intricacies of positivity, love, and the pursuit of a happiness that is uniquely your own.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Champion Bachelors Craig and Greg present a myriad
of topics centering onrelationships and addictions in
the positive lights ofexperience, strength and hope.
Both have struggled with thestrongholds of addiction and
with relationships that wentawry, and both have emerged on
the other side stronger, wiserand better prepared to become
what they once set out to be.
(00:42):
You're listening to theSolution.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hey, welcome to the Solution.
I'm your host, craig Dallin,sitting in here with my other
hosts, greg Carter and JoshGoeding, and we're going to be
talking about happiness tonight,guys, ooh, happy.
And we're going to be talkingabout happiness tonight, guys,
Woo, happy.
And it's a desperately neededto be talked about subject.
Oh yeah, you know, we're goingto be talking about it in terms
(01:14):
of in the relationships and inaddictions.
Right, happiness is a key wordbecause I don't know if you guys
have noticed, but in the lastyears or so, I don't see as many
smiles and pure laughter.
(01:36):
You know, you don't see it asmuch.
Maybe it's coming back, I don'tknow.
That's awful, but it's sad, do?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
you mean in the circles that you run in.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, I guess you don't run in circles.
You see a lot more.
Oh, and maybe it started offwith the politics.
I don't know, maybe it was theCOVID, maybe it was just
different things over the years,but there's a lot of.
We like to see happy people,absolutely I feel you on that.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I have to agree, unfortunately.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
It's more of a feeling.
I don't know if it's a lack ofsmiles, but since you put it
that way, I'll have to watch,look out for that.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah.
I'll have to make sure I'm notfrowning myself.
It is something to look out for.
You know, women they feelhappiness through, they use more
emotion, they think throughmore emotion and because they're
equipped to do it too, they'repart of their brain is much more
(02:37):
ready to just deal with emotion.
And whereas men, we are morelogic and reason, of course we
all deal with emotion.
And whereas men, we are morelogic and reason, of course we
all deal with emotion too, butyou're not saying women are
happier, though, are you?
no, I'm not saying women arehappier, but boy, are they
miserable.
No, I mean when they're, whenthey're down, they're really
down yeah, sure, sure.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I mean the women.
I know they can, they canreally get down, but boy, they,
they're happy and fun to bearound.
When I drop my headphones yeah,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But like we're going to be talking about happiness,
but to really have the properperspective, to know if we're
happy, we have to know what theexact opposite of happiness is
I'd say sadness, just being verysad sadness, how about?
How about madness, the tears ofa mad mad yeah, mad sadness mad
sad or Madness Mad sad?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
What about just no, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Or some kind of numb, dull sort of depression thing
where you no feelings sort of.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I don't know, yeah, yeah, and that could be from
different things.
It could be a chemical thingtoo inside the person.
It could be a chemical thingtoo inside the person.
But when we're really at ourhappiest, we have a good mix of
hormones that are gettingdropped down in us the dopamine,
(03:56):
yes, serotonin.
If you're having sex?
The oxytocin.
I forgot what that one is.
What is that one I forgot?
Is that the bonding?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yeah, oxytocin for what is that one I forgot Is
that the bonding yeah, oxytocinfor sex.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's a bonding, it bonds you, I see, and it's a
good one.
Oh, very good, yeah, and sothat's big and the thing is too
we're going to be talking aboutthrough addictions and through
relationships, and those two, ifyou think about it, those two
have the exact opposite so muchof the time.
(04:30):
Because think about arelationship.
How many times are you like,maybe really really, really mad
at that person or you're reallyreally happy?
Okay, that exhibits itself morethan any place right, there is
in relationships, yeah, thepolar opposite of happiness or
in addictions.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Having a significant other.
There's no quicker way to getoff balance, I think.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Yep, it's a roller coaster, yeah, I mean you can
feel at the top of the top oryou can be at the low of the low
, depending on how therelationship goes, depending on
how the communication is going.
Usually that's where you canusually find the victim.
You can usually find the deadsoldier hanging out in
(05:16):
communication.
Yes, I see, you know what Imean.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Or a compromise of a person's identity altogether.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Well, what usually is the biggest attack on your
happiness in a relationship, doyou think?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Well, right now I'm thinking of narcissistic
entanglements, and that's not agood answer because it's not
balanced.
But you know I'm thinking of orjust toxic, toxic, yeah, toxic
things where they're actuallytrying the person might be
trying to make you unhappy, andso that's a crazy-making time.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yep and if they're trying to do that.
Hopefully you can recognize itand get the heck out of that
relationship.
Yes, close the door on that Ifyou notice somebody's trying to
throw some toxicity your way andthey happen to be your
boyfriend or girlfriend.
I would make that the last daythat they're your boyfriend or
girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
They're trying to take you down a peg, and every
time you're interested insomething they're like eh,
that's not too cool really.
You know like hey, I learnedhow to play harmonica.
On this song You're likeharmonica, what is that?
That old thing that people usedto do?
Like old people, wow.
Oh, okay, that's fine you know,like harmonica, that's called
lack of support.
So I deafened her basically Iblew it in her ear.
(06:30):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Well, you know, and yeah, it's Campaigning against
one's happiness it's all aboutwho you're with.
Yeah, if you're, you knowyou're in a relationship and
this goes for the people here inrelationships and this goes for
the people here inrelationships If you're dating
somebody, that's if they'recompatible and you guys work
together good, please recognizewhat you got going, because it
(06:53):
is so much different.
You're in a situation that'spretty darn good, because it's
pretty easy to get in situationsthat aren't good, right.
But if a relationship is goodand you're, you're growing as a
person and they're helping youto grow and you can help them to
grow, yeah, hang out stay in it.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
When you're in a toxic thing, it's so easy to
forget.
It's so easy to forget what itshould be like.
You try to lift that person upbecause you like them.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
They're your friend, and why is that that we forget?
Why do you think?
Why?
Why is that that we forget?
Why?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
is that that we forget?
Well, the trauma bonding, Ithink it's like, or the
normalizing of the abuse,because the addiction to the
cycle of Well how about lack ofperspective?
Yeah, that's what it is, Craig.
I become a pathetic wretchunder their thumb and I forget
that I don't have to be that.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Hey, I'm with you, man.
It's so easy to forget, isn'tit?
I mean, that brings up such agood point Because you can be in
a relationship that isn't goinggood.
It sucks every day, but you'refighting for it, but you don't
realize what it's doing to you.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Table scraps, so they'll toss out a few little
morsels of praise and umpositivity and affection, but
it's so little and far between,and you're so busy trying to
pick those up and scarf themdown that you don't notice the
kick that's coming for your ribs.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
You don't notice it either, because that's when
you're a kid.
You may have been in that typeof relationship, you may have
been handled that way.
Oh, that's so true, and so youcan see that as being normal.
When actually it's a toxicsucker, you know, it's like a
noose around your neck, it'schoking you out, tap out.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
It's got to tap out.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, you got to tap out.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
It's a big MMA competition.
Well, I know that she was doingthis person that I recently
broke up with she was because Iheard her phone conversation
with her mom and she learned allthese, all the things she was
using on me, these horribletactics of undermining it and
like a compliment sandwich whereyou have criticism, like a bad
dig sandwich between two sort ofneutral-ish like mediocre
(09:07):
compliments, and then right inthe middle, but she was
basically doing everything hermom was teaching her and taught
her.
She was a perfect abuser.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Well, yeah, her mom, you pick up things from your
folks.
Yeah, you know, you usuallybecome, quite often you'll
become what they were, whatthey're going to show you.
They're going to show you howto live.
You know they might not realizeit, but you're watching every
move.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
They make Right, Greg yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And there's a lot of beautiful things come from that
too.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I think a lot of this too.
Whenever I've been with certainwomen like what you were
talking about too, josh a lot ofthese particular type of women.
They hold me responsible fortheir happiness.
Looking back on it, and thebiggest lie we're told is that
be with someone who makes youhappy.
(09:56):
The truth is that happinesscomes from the inside.
We're responsible for our ownhappiness.
Nobody else's People can createhappy moments in my life, but
the true happiness that liesinside, that's on us.
That's for us to do forourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Well, let's go a step further with that, with
addictions.
I'll just preface that bysaying when I got sober back in
2011, I remember reaching a highwhere I couldn't believe how
happy I was and there wassomething inside of me that was
ticking that for years hadn'tticked and it was just
(10:33):
incredible.
So, when you can get rid ofsome things that are holding you
down, right, like keeping yourthere's tethered to the ground,
tied to the ground, yeah, youknow.
Like a balloon, you know, whenit's tied to the ground and
can't move, yeah, Chains thatbind us.
Chains that bind.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, we bind it.
What the sad part is is that weput the chains on ourselves
Right.
We choose that wrong woman inthe relationship.
We done that, we helped play apart in that.
So a lot of times I'd point thefinger at the girl.
It was me, yeah, it was me.
Just as much me of her, in fact, if not more me.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
And the trick is too yeah, it's hard to recognize
because we don't have thatperspective.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You want to throw good money after bad because
you've already come this far andyou forget how bad it is.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Or we don't realize it because for years I was
getting in bad relationships.
I'm not saying it was theirfault just as much mine, but I
was used to that growing up.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Yeah, and sex clouds the judgment.
We talked about that in one ofthe podcasts.
You bring sex into the equation.
It clouds your judgment, itclouds how you feel about it,
especially if you're an addictand alcoholic, because we forget
this a lot of times Addict andalcohol, alcoholism and
(11:53):
addiction it's also a disease ofperception.
Not only is it a spiritual andmental and physical disease, but
in the mind it's a disease ofperception.
We see and experience and feelthings the way they really not
as a result of being in a stateof euphoria.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Right, plus those, those same same hormones, those
same chemicals that are beingdownloaded into our brain.
Yes, they're the very same ones.
There's a crossover there, foryou know what I mean for the
serotonin, the dopamines, theoxytocin those are.
You know that's the, the sexone, but I mean those.
Those have been, you've beengetting filled with those
(12:27):
through doing some bad things,and I mean they're addictive
things.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Yes, they are.
Yeah, Like that.
One philosopher said that, hey,if you do or experience
something that makes you feelgood or great, you're going to
want to experience it as oftenas you can.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Especially if you've been leading a life, living a
life where you didn't feel thatnormal, exactly Okay, you know
what I mean, josh.
It's like if you're a kid andyou maybe didn't have you felt
you didn't have the greatesthome life.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
A lonely kid or something, yeah, and so you
weren't used to getting thosefeel-good chemicals so much.
And then when you did get them,you're like wow.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, I can say it's easy to become addicted to the
companionship, very easy.
The sex and the intimacy.
Yeah, relationships can reallybecome an addiction, absolutely
For me.
And then you start acting likean addict.
You get grouchy when you don'tget.
You don't get some and blameher.
And there's also what they calla hedonistic reduction.
So the same things that pleasedyou in the relationship earlier
(13:32):
on you kind of become a littlemore what's the word not immune,
but you become, you develop atolerance, so like the sex gets
stale almost, and then you'rewanting more and more.
I mean it doesn't happen soeasily and so often.
It's not exactly like beingaddicted to a chemical, but kind
(13:52):
of though it can be.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well it is.
Yeah, I know You're totallyright, because those things are
getting dropped down during theintercourse.
You know you're getting thefeel good Intercourse.
You become addicted to thempretty quick.
A person can if they hadn't hada lot of those feelings in the
past.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah.
You know, and the fear oflosing that I think right.
And the fear of losing that Ithink right.
Sometimes I felt a lot of fearin relationships.
Almost immediately you start tofall for someone and then
there's this fear of loss, fearof losing them?
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yep, and that also can affect the communication too
.
If you're dwelling on the fearof losing them, that can affect
your communication too.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Big time, big time.
Because, the one person isthinking wow, this person is
needy.
Yeah, oh yeah, they're chasingme all over the place.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
They're going nuts like come on, stop, stop your
eyes.
You're just perking upeverything.
Their phone rings or they get amessage beeps and you just kind
of the one person is on highalert for it to come in.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah, because they have to have that.
That dopamine hit.
The other person is going wow,wow, johnny's acting weird
towards me.
He's chasing me a lot.
Yeah, oh, trying to.
Yeah, he's trying to do weirdthings to me.
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
mean You've stayed with us this far, and that shows
commitment, proving you possessthe trait required to obtain
the solution.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Now let's rejoin the show already in progress.
So I mean, it's really it's avery interesting thing, and I
wish we're living in an agewhere, right now, where there is
a lot of addiction going around, big, big yes, and you said
(15:44):
unhappiness to an epidemic ofunhappiness.
unhappiness, you know, and wewant people to be happy and, of
course, we all want to be happy,but right now we're living in a
situation that gives extreme umperspective.
Yes, because right nowhappiness is at a premium, it
feels like there's a lot to beunhappy about.
Yes, there is.
And who creates thatunhappiness?
Speaker 3 (16:05):
We do.
In my opinion we do.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
But there's some real drivers out there that love to
sell fear that's in the media,news and things that use
negativity for sensationalismand then sensationalism sells
advertising.
And then some people we have towatch If you watch the news
still, because I gave up onwatching TV news some five years
(16:30):
ago or more but it's like ahorror show a lot of times.
I don't know if COVID was likewatching a full horror movie, to
the point where I was havingnightmares after watching the
news about COVID escaping thelab and running into this other
strain of COVID and the two ofthem merged together and became
a super COVID and it was like anamoeba flowing down the
hallways and I woke up in a coldsweat of like this is bad, this
(16:51):
is going to be bad, right, andthen the reality was not it and
the reality was not it wasn'tthat, it was not that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Not that at all and they came out and admitted it.
You know, I think a big thingthat people can lack and can get
in the way of their happinessis confidence.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
When a person isn't confident and all you have to do
is just call it and say what itis.
I'm going to be confident.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Why not?
I'm going to accept whateverhappens, and I'm gonna be cut
yeah fake it, fake it till youmake it fake it till you make it
and you start saying I'm gonnabe confident.
Before you know it, you'reconfident and then, before you
know it, you've done greatthings absolutely like in the
treatment center.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
I have the clients do this.
I tell them sobriety is forpeople who want it, not need it,
right?
So I have them look in themirror and say I want want to
stay sober today.
I said if you do that severaltimes, you will want to stay
sober, you'll believe it andrecovery will become easier for
you.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Of course, then as you incorporate the steps into
it, meetings and all that, andyeah, it's just like I'll get in
the shower sometimes in themorning and I just think, man,
today is going to not be a goodday.
I don't feel that good and I'min the shower immediately.
I'll turn that around and I'llsay today is going to be the
very best day I've had in a long, long time.
Exactly.
And every time I say that it is.
(18:03):
That's right, even if it'scloudy outside or the sun's not
shining, I'll be the sunshine insomebody's life.
Then You're proclaiming it.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Exactly so.
You're getting into negativeself-talk and positive self-talk
, self-talk and positiveself-talk.
So maybe when you're having,when you're not happy, there may
be some some subjective sorry,subconscious or um subtle, um,
you know, driving oneself, oh,there's away from happiness.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, I mean, we accidentally well, let's, let's
remember that 95 of our brain issubconscious and the other five
is just, is our working brain,that we understand, you know,
and we're loaded with files, Ithink it's 2080, but files and
files, and so if we're having abad day, we got a lot of stuff
in our brain that's telling usto have a bad day.
(18:47):
We don't even know it right sowe.
So the best thing to do isretrain your subconscious, and
when you're feeling down alittle bit, you got to say,
uh-uh, I'm taking control ofthis thing yeah, this is gonna
be a great day and do somethingpositive, do something positive
do something positive, helpsomebody out, just do something
kind, do a positive activity geta hold of your transactional
(19:09):
face, your fears.
That's right, yeah face yourfears and look, look right
through them and face them down,because that right there will
free you of a lot of crap.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
I'm looking at you fear.
Yes, I am yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Because that right there wants to stay in the way
of our happiness.
You face your fears, kick thepiss out of them.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I like it too that.
Oh sorry, but go ahead.
No, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You know that old phrase fear came knocking on my
door and I sent my faith to goanswer it.
Yeah, yeah, oh, I like that, Ilike that one.
Yeah, yeah, I sent my faith togo answer.
Hey, faith, go get the door, goget the door.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Faith, man Greg's not here right now, but can I take
a message?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Burn.
My name is faith Right, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
No, I like that one In in terms of being happy and
remember that failure is a hugepart of success.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yes, yeah, so many times.
People fail and what happens isthey think they're a failure as
a person.
I learned this a long time agofailure is not a person, it's
just simply an event it's partof what yeah, just an event.
That's all it is.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yeah, yeah what were you gonna say, josh?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
or I'm just gonna riff on what he said too.
There's some quote it.
It's a good one.
Of course I'm going to misquoteit, but something like success
is fall down seven times, get upeight times.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Is that right yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
that was good.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
That is good, because you're just saying keep getting
up when you get knocked downbecause that's a part of life,
that's right.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
The most famous and useful people and all the big
scientists and brains.
Like they all failed so manydozens or hundreds of times,
it's we remember them for theirlap, for the time they didn't
fail and and they and theyfigured it out yeah, um,
whatever it might be, but I wasgonna say too um, happiness, um,
we can suffer when we becomeattached to things and to ideas
(21:00):
and to outcomes that we arehoping for, and then, when those
things are taken from us orwhen they don't occur, we can
suffer quite a bit.
So to be truly happy, I thinkyou need your goals and your
hopes and your dreams, let's say, but you can't be too attached
To anything really.
You need to live lightly, likea leaf floating on the water.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
I would call that expectations or premeditated
resentment.
Sometimes I've had those in thepast where I've had such a
strong expectation on a person,place or thing.
I expected it to work out thisway and when it didn't, oh my
God, the world came collapsingdown on me.
I was resentful, and sometimeswith everybody around me I'm
like, no, that's not a place tobe resentful.
And sometimes that everybodyaround me, I'm like no, that's
(21:46):
not a place to be.
Just yeah, just uh, yeah, trynot to for myself, I try not to
have too strong expectations.
It's like any more of my fears,like when dating somebody
aren't there the way they usedto be.
It's like, oh my God, what if?
What if it doesn't work outWell, that's going to affect the
communication.
So I I kind of live by this Ifa door of happiness closes,
another opens.
But often we look so long atthe closed door that we do not
(22:06):
see the door of happiness, thenew door of happiness that has
opened up for us see what I meanyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or if we lose something.
We're so focused on what welose instead of what we really
gain.
Yep, or about to gain?
Speaker 2 (22:18):
yeah focus and perspective.
That's right.
Perspective is huge it is, itis that's why it's always good
to understand and to feel andjust to watch the world around
you I mean, there's so many,it's so easy to tell what
happiness is, because you cansee what unhappiness is.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, Having gratitude, you know to bring
that idea back.
So unhappiness, I think, isliving your life always looking
for what's missing.
I know something's missing.
Why am I?
I could be happier.
I could be happier.
What is it that I don't have?
But instead of doing that, youcount your blessings and think
about all the unlikely thingsthat have happened that you have
(22:57):
and that you know, the friendsand the people you know and the
situation.
That are your blessings, andfeeling gratitude.
That, I think, gets youproperly centered for happiness.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Well, gratitude is so good for just keeping that list
of gratitude.
It gives you the rightperspective, right?
Right Is that?
Speaker 1 (23:16):
what you were saying.
I think so, and that makes youhappy, I think.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
It does.
It does, yes, it does.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Even the simple things it does.
We're alive, we're alive,that's cool, right yeah.
Yeah, and then also too, likeCraig and I talked about before
you arrived at the studio, josh,we mentioned something.
Like you know, when you likethis girl at the beginning, it's
like, wow, I do have some hopefor this.
Yeah, I feel so, and evenRelationship hasn't blossomed.
If I have hope, the byproductof hope for me is happiness,
(23:43):
because I still feel happy aslong as there's that hope.
Yeah, see what I mean.
But I have to remember too,like hey, if it doesn't work out
, guess what you know?
On to the next one, on to thenext one Don't let it.
Don't allow it to eat my lunch.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
And if you could feel that way about life, to feel
that giddy sort of nervous buthopeful and blissful
anticipation of somethingwonderful is going to happen.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yeah, and you don't need it.
Believe positive, positivethinking, the power of positive
thinking.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, and just that it doesn't need to be a lover.
It's really wonderful when itis, but also if you could
somehow hold that for all oflife.
It's amazing.
People become blasé about, likeyou said, just being on the
earth or being in a physicalbody.
How unlikely is that that we'rein this mysterious universe?
How can you ever be?
I understand how you can beunhappy, but really, when you're
(24:36):
fully awake and immersed in it,it's like this is amazing.
Oh it is.
We have got to, you know, butagain, how?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
do they get there?
What term is that?
It's perspective yes, you'vegot to have that, and if you
don't have it, you can get it.
Everything you need we gotEverything we need.
We really have it inside of us,oh amen.
And if there's anything badgoing on, we just need to know
the kryptonite.
Yes, know what rock to pick up.
(25:03):
Did you still call me Superman?
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Yeah, you know what I mean we're going through
something.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
There's a kryptonite to everything bad we're going
through.
It's just a matter of pickingyourself up and finding what
that is and finding out what youhave to do.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, if we're going through something bad in a
relationship, or the beginningof it, or maybe during it, we're
going to look at, allow theother things that they might be
doing to really bother us.
It might be like God.
She's not communicating with me.
Well, come to think about it,she's on her cell phone now all
the time, just when thecommunication started going out
the door.
She's on her cell phone andwhen I talked to her about it,
(25:36):
she's getting upset.
Oh no, I'm just playing somevideo games right now, whereas
before you were enthralled witheach other, had each other's
attention, the phone wasn't out,right, right, the phone wasn't
out, you know.
And then the smiling.
We talked about that this, uh,I take a walk like every other
day, sometimes at the by thewater treatment plant.
They have this really nice pathand I see couples walking it
(25:59):
and not too many couples smilewhile they're talking.
In fact, I saw four couplestoday when I was walking and
there was only one couple thatwas smiling with each other, and
I don't smile while they'retalking.
In fact, I saw four couplestoday when I was walking and
there was only one couple thatwas smiling with each other and
I don't know if they were even acouple.
They were two, a guy and a girl, college students.
It was obvious.
They were college age, but therest were middle age.
No, smile on their face.
They were smiling, they weren'teven talking.
They weren't even talking.
(26:19):
You know, it was really weird.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Communication is the backbone of everything.
Right it's going to be thebackbone of the relationship.
It always needs to come through.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Right, just like their body language, like two
strangers walking side by side.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, yeah, just like okay, well, happiness can also
be.
You don't have to be in arelationship all the time.
No, it's okay to.
Happiness can be found throughjust on one's own.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
No, you can.
Oh, exactly, exactly, in factreally it might be easier.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
But it's so.
It's so easy, though, to fallinto that trap of when you're
not getting along with somebodya girlfriend or whatever you
fall into that trap of thinkingit's just not going to work.
It's just not going to work.
It's just not going to work,but it is once you start talking
to them and once they starttalking to you, and then if a
smile comes, and then ifwhatever comes, it's just about
the communication.
Yes, because there's somethingin us that wants to pull us away
(27:14):
from the relationship for good.
So nonjudgmental, and it doesn'thave to be that way.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Communication too.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
yeah, Communicate when all else, when you have
doubts, ask a question aboutthem ask a question get them to
talk about themselves make sureyou haven't left your own life
and your own purpose behind too,because you might be doing the
relationship too actively, youmight be thinking about the
relationship too much, whenreally if you just do your life
and try to be excellent, thenthose things can relationship
(27:41):
can fall into place more easily.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
It just goes better when you yeah, be yourself doing
you yourself, yeah, and thenshe'll stay true to your goals
she misses you and she's, youknow, yeah she's, she's stepping
up because you, she noticed,those are very good points.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
It's just be and do what you have to do for yourself
, because all that's going to dois be attractive to that other
person.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Alpha.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah, I mean, you're not going to go wrong with that,
right yeah, you know, and thenthat's a beautiful thing, right,
yeah?
Yes, thank you very, very muchfor joining us and hope you
picked up a few things onhappiness Guys, you have
anything else quick before we go.
Happy, happy trails.
Up to you, up to you, all right, all right, good night Leslie,
(28:24):
good night y'all, take care.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
This concludes this episode of the Solution.
Thanks for joining us and besure to check out our next
episode.
Send your questions andcomments to Craig2042 at
gmailcom.
That's Craig with a C.
Until next time.
Good luck and goodbye.
Champion Bachelors Craig and Greg present a myriad
of topics centering onrelationships and addictions in
the positive lights ofexperience, strength and hope.
Both have struggled with thestrongholds of addiction and
with relationships that wentawry, and both have emerged on
the other side stronger, wiserand better prepared to become
what they once set out to be.
(00:42):
You're listening to theSolution.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Hey, welcome to the Solution.
I'm your host, craig Dallin,sitting in here with my other
hosts, greg Carter and JoshGoeding, and we're going to be
talking about happiness tonight,guys, ooh, happy.
And we're going to be talkingabout happiness tonight, guys,
Woo, happy.
And it's a desperately neededto be talked about subject.
Oh yeah, you know, we're goingto be talking about it in terms
(01:14):
of in the relationships and inaddictions.
Right, happiness is a key wordbecause I don't know if you guys
have noticed, but in the lastyears or so, I don't see as many
smiles and pure laughter.
(01:36):
You know, you don't see it asmuch.
Maybe it's coming back, I don'tknow.
That's awful, but it's sad, do?
Speaker 1 (01:43):
you mean in the circles that you run in.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, I guess you don't run in circles.
You see a lot more.
Oh, and maybe it started offwith the politics.
I don't know, maybe it was theCOVID, maybe it was just
different things over the years,but there's a lot of.
We like to see happy people,absolutely I feel you on that.
Speaker 1 (02:06):
I have to agree, unfortunately.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (02:09):
It's more of a feeling.
I don't know if it's a lack ofsmiles, but since you put it
that way, I'll have to watch,look out for that.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Yeah.
I'll have to make sure I'm notfrowning myself.
It is something to look out for.
You know, women they feelhappiness through, they use more
emotion, they think throughmore emotion and because they're
equipped to do it too, they'repart of their brain is much more
(02:37):
ready to just deal with emotion.
And whereas men, we are morelogic and reason, of course we
all deal with emotion.
And whereas men, we are morelogic and reason, of course we
all deal with emotion too, butyou're not saying women are
happier, though, are you?
no, I'm not saying women arehappier, but boy, are they
miserable.
No, I mean when they're, whenthey're down, they're really
down yeah, sure, sure.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I mean the women.
I know they can, they canreally get down, but boy, they,
they're happy and fun to bearound.
When I drop my headphones yeah,absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
But like we're going to be talking about happiness,
but to really have the properperspective, to know if we're
happy, we have to know what theexact opposite of happiness is
I'd say sadness, just being verysad sadness, how about?
How about madness, the tears ofa mad mad yeah, mad sadness mad
sad or Madness Mad sad?
Speaker 3 (03:26):
Yes, definitely.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
What about just no, you're right, you're right.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Or some kind of numb, dull sort of depression thing
where you no feelings sort of.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
I don't know, yeah, yeah, and that could be from
different things.
It could be a chemical thingtoo inside the person.
It could be a chemical thingtoo inside the person.
But when we're really at ourhappiest, we have a good mix of
hormones that are gettingdropped down in us the dopamine,
(03:56):
yes, serotonin.
If you're having sex?
The oxytocin.
I forgot what that one is.
What is that one I forgot?
Is that the bonding?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
Yeah, oxytocin for what is that one I forgot Is
that the bonding yeah, oxytocinfor sex.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
It's a bonding, it bonds you, I see, and it's a
good one.
Oh, very good, yeah, and sothat's big and the thing is too
we're going to be talking aboutthrough addictions and through
relationships, and those two, ifyou think about it, those two
have the exact opposite so muchof the time.
(04:30):
Because think about arelationship.
How many times are you like,maybe really really, really mad
at that person or you're reallyreally happy?
Okay, that exhibits itself morethan any place right, there is
in relationships, yeah, thepolar opposite of happiness or
in addictions.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Having a significant other.
There's no quicker way to getoff balance, I think.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Yep, it's a roller coaster, yeah, I mean you can
feel at the top of the top oryou can be at the low of the low
, depending on how therelationship goes, depending on
how the communication is going.
Usually that's where you canusually find the victim.
You can usually find the deadsoldier hanging out in
(05:16):
communication.
Yes, I see, you know what Imean.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Or a compromise of a person's identity altogether.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
Well, what usually is the biggest attack on your
happiness in a relationship, doyou think?
Speaker 1 (05:33):
Well, right now I'm thinking of narcissistic
entanglements, and that's not agood answer because it's not
balanced.
But you know I'm thinking of orjust toxic, toxic, yeah, toxic
things where they're actuallytrying the person might be
trying to make you unhappy, andso that's a crazy-making time.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
Yep and if they're trying to do that.
Hopefully you can recognize itand get the heck out of that
relationship.
Yes, close the door on that Ifyou notice somebody's trying to
throw some toxicity your way andthey happen to be your
boyfriend or girlfriend.
I would make that the last daythat they're your boyfriend or
girlfriend.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
They're trying to take you down a peg, and every
time you're interested insomething they're like eh,
that's not too cool really.
You know like hey, I learnedhow to play harmonica.
On this song You're likeharmonica, what is that?
That old thing that people usedto do?
Like old people, wow.
Oh, okay, that's fine you know,like harmonica, that's called
lack of support.
So I deafened her basically Iblew it in her ear.
(06:30):
Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Well, you know, and yeah, it's Campaigning against
one's happiness it's all aboutwho you're with.
Yeah, if you're, you knowyou're in a relationship and
this goes for the people here inrelationships and this goes for
the people here inrelationships If you're dating
somebody, that's if they'recompatible and you guys work
together good, please recognizewhat you got going, because it
(06:53):
is so much different.
You're in a situation that'spretty darn good, because it's
pretty easy to get in situationsthat aren't good, right.
But if a relationship is goodand you're, you're growing as a
person and they're helping youto grow and you can help them to
grow, yeah, hang out stay in it.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
When you're in a toxic thing, it's so easy to
forget.
It's so easy to forget what itshould be like.
You try to lift that person upbecause you like them.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
They're your friend, and why is that that we forget?
Why do you think?
Why?
Why is that that we forget?
Why?
Speaker 1 (07:25):
is that that we forget?
Well, the trauma bonding, Ithink it's like, or the
normalizing of the abuse,because the addiction to the
cycle of Well how about lack ofperspective?
Yeah, that's what it is, Craig.
I become a pathetic wretchunder their thumb and I forget
that I don't have to be that.
Speaker 2 (07:48):
Hey, I'm with you, man.
It's so easy to forget, isn'tit?
I mean, that brings up such agood point Because you can be in
a relationship that isn't goinggood.
It sucks every day, but you'refighting for it, but you don't
realize what it's doing to you.
Speaker 1 (08:03):
Table scraps, so they'll toss out a few little
morsels of praise and umpositivity and affection, but
it's so little and far between,and you're so busy trying to
pick those up and scarf themdown that you don't notice the
kick that's coming for your ribs.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
You don't notice it either, because that's when
you're a kid.
You may have been in that typeof relationship, you may have
been handled that way.
Oh, that's so true, and so youcan see that as being normal.
When actually it's a toxicsucker, you know, it's like a
noose around your neck, it'schoking you out, tap out.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
It's got to tap out.
Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yeah, you got to tap out.
Speaker 1 (08:44):
It's a big MMA competition.
Well, I know that she was doingthis person that I recently
broke up with she was because Iheard her phone conversation
with her mom and she learned allthese, all the things she was
using on me, these horribletactics of undermining it and
like a compliment sandwich whereyou have criticism, like a bad
dig sandwich between two sort ofneutral-ish like mediocre
(09:07):
compliments, and then right inthe middle, but she was
basically doing everything hermom was teaching her and taught
her.
She was a perfect abuser.
Speaker 2 (09:14):
Well, yeah, her mom, you pick up things from your
folks.
Yeah, you know, you usuallybecome, quite often you'll
become what they were, whatthey're going to show you.
They're going to show you howto live.
You know they might not realizeit, but you're watching every
move.
Speaker 3 (09:29):
They make Right, Greg yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
And there's a lot of beautiful things come from that
too.
Speaker 3 (09:36):
Yeah, I think a lot of this too.
Whenever I've been with certainwomen like what you were
talking about too, josh a lot ofthese particular type of women.
They hold me responsible fortheir happiness.
Looking back on it, and thebiggest lie we're told is that
be with someone who makes youhappy.
(09:56):
The truth is that happinesscomes from the inside.
We're responsible for our ownhappiness.
Nobody else's People can createhappy moments in my life, but
the true happiness that liesinside, that's on us.
That's for us to do forourselves.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Well, let's go a step further with that, with
addictions.
I'll just preface that bysaying when I got sober back in
2011, I remember reaching a highwhere I couldn't believe how
happy I was and there wassomething inside of me that was
ticking that for years hadn'tticked and it was just
(10:33):
incredible.
So, when you can get rid ofsome things that are holding you
down, right, like keeping yourthere's tethered to the ground,
tied to the ground, yeah, youknow.
Like a balloon, you know, whenit's tied to the ground and
can't move, yeah, Chains thatbind us.
Chains that bind.
Speaker 3 (10:53):
Yeah, we bind it.
What the sad part is is that weput the chains on ourselves
Right.
We choose that wrong woman inthe relationship.
We done that, we helped play apart in that.
So a lot of times I'd point thefinger at the girl.
It was me, yeah, it was me.
Just as much me of her, in fact, if not more me.
Speaker 2 (11:09):
And the trick is too yeah, it's hard to recognize
because we don't have thatperspective.
Speaker 1 (11:15):
You want to throw good money after bad because
you've already come this far andyou forget how bad it is.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
Or we don't realize it because for years I was
getting in bad relationships.
I'm not saying it was theirfault just as much mine, but I
was used to that growing up.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
Yeah, and sex clouds the judgment.
We talked about that in one ofthe podcasts.
You bring sex into the equation.
It clouds your judgment, itclouds how you feel about it,
especially if you're an addictand alcoholic, because we forget
this a lot of times Addict andalcohol, alcoholism and
(11:53):
addiction it's also a disease ofperception.
Not only is it a spiritual andmental and physical disease, but
in the mind it's a disease ofperception.
We see and experience and feelthings the way they really not
as a result of being in a stateof euphoria.
Speaker 2 (12:03):
Right, plus those, those same same hormones, those
same chemicals that are beingdownloaded into our brain.
Yes, they're the very same ones.
There's a crossover there, foryou know what I mean for the
serotonin, the dopamines, theoxytocin those are.
You know that's the, the sexone, but I mean those.
Those have been, you've beengetting filled with those
(12:27):
through doing some bad things,and I mean they're addictive
things.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
Yes, they are.
Yeah, Like that.
One philosopher said that, hey,if you do or experience
something that makes you feelgood or great, you're going to
want to experience it as oftenas you can.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Especially if you've been leading a life, living a
life where you didn't feel thatnormal, exactly Okay, you know
what I mean, josh.
It's like if you're a kid andyou maybe didn't have you felt
you didn't have the greatesthome life.
Speaker 1 (12:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
A lonely kid or something, yeah, and so you
weren't used to getting thosefeel-good chemicals so much.
And then when you did get them,you're like wow.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
Yeah, I can say it's easy to become addicted to the
companionship, very easy.
The sex and the intimacy.
Yeah, relationships can reallybecome an addiction, absolutely
For me.
And then you start acting likean addict.
You get grouchy when you don'tget.
You don't get some and blameher.
And there's also what they calla hedonistic reduction.
So the same things that pleasedyou in the relationship earlier
(13:32):
on you kind of become a littlemore what's the word not immune,
but you become, you develop atolerance, so like the sex gets
stale almost, and then you'rewanting more and more.
I mean it doesn't happen soeasily and so often.
It's not exactly like beingaddicted to a chemical, but kind
(13:52):
of though it can be.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
Well it is.
Yeah, I know You're totallyright, because those things are
getting dropped down during theintercourse.
You know you're getting thefeel good Intercourse.
You become addicted to thempretty quick.
A person can if they hadn't hada lot of those feelings in the
past.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
Yeah.
You know, and the fear oflosing that I think right.
And the fear of losing that Ithink right.
Sometimes I felt a lot of fearin relationships.
Almost immediately you start tofall for someone and then
there's this fear of loss, fearof losing them?
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Yep, and that also can affect the communication too
.
If you're dwelling on the fearof losing them, that can affect
your communication too.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
Big time, big time.
Because, the one person isthinking wow, this person is
needy.
Yeah, oh yeah, they're chasingme all over the place.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
They're going nuts like come on, stop, stop your
eyes.
You're just perking upeverything.
Their phone rings or they get amessage beeps and you just kind
of the one person is on highalert for it to come in.
Speaker 2 (14:52):
Yeah, because they have to have that.
That dopamine hit.
The other person is going wow,wow, johnny's acting weird
towards me.
He's chasing me a lot.
Yeah, oh, trying to.
Yeah, he's trying to do weirdthings to me.
You know what I?
Speaker 1 (15:08):
mean You've stayed with us this far, and that shows
commitment, proving you possessthe trait required to obtain
the solution.
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Now let's rejoin the show already in progress.
So I mean, it's really it's avery interesting thing, and I
wish we're living in an agewhere, right now, where there is
a lot of addiction going around, big, big yes, and you said
(15:44):
unhappiness to an epidemic ofunhappiness.
unhappiness, you know, and wewant people to be happy and, of
course, we all want to be happy,but right now we're living in a
situation that gives extreme umperspective.
Yes, because right nowhappiness is at a premium, it
feels like there's a lot to beunhappy about.
Yes, there is.
And who creates thatunhappiness?
Speaker 3 (16:05):
We do.
In my opinion we do.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
But there's some real drivers out there that love to
sell fear that's in the media,news and things that use
negativity for sensationalismand then sensationalism sells
advertising.
And then some people we have towatch If you watch the news
still, because I gave up onwatching TV news some five years
(16:30):
ago or more but it's like ahorror show a lot of times.
I don't know if COVID was likewatching a full horror movie, to
the point where I was havingnightmares after watching the
news about COVID escaping thelab and running into this other
strain of COVID and the two ofthem merged together and became
a super COVID and it was like anamoeba flowing down the
hallways and I woke up in a coldsweat of like this is bad, this
(16:51):
is going to be bad, right, andthen the reality was not it and
the reality was not it wasn'tthat, it was not that.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
Not that at all and they came out and admitted it.
You know, I think a big thingthat people can lack and can get
in the way of their happinessis confidence.
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
When a person isn't confident and all you have to do
is just call it and say what itis.
I'm going to be confident.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (17:15):
Why not?
I'm going to accept whateverhappens, and I'm gonna be cut
yeah fake it, fake it till youmake it fake it till you make it
and you start saying I'm gonnabe confident.
Before you know it, you'reconfident and then, before you
know it, you've done greatthings absolutely like in the
treatment center.
Speaker 3 (17:29):
I have the clients do this.
I tell them sobriety is forpeople who want it, not need it,
right?
So I have them look in themirror and say I want want to
stay sober today.
I said if you do that severaltimes, you will want to stay
sober, you'll believe it andrecovery will become easier for
you.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Of course, then as you incorporate the steps into
it, meetings and all that, andyeah, it's just like I'll get in
the shower sometimes in themorning and I just think, man,
today is going to not be a goodday.
I don't feel that good and I'min the shower immediately.
I'll turn that around and I'llsay today is going to be the
very best day I've had in a long, long time.
Exactly.
And every time I say that it is.
(18:03):
That's right, even if it'scloudy outside or the sun's not
shining, I'll be the sunshine insomebody's life.
Then You're proclaiming it.
Speaker 1 (18:11):
Exactly so.
You're getting into negativeself-talk and positive self-talk
, self-talk and positiveself-talk.
So maybe when you're having,when you're not happy, there may
be some some subjective sorry,subconscious or um subtle, um,
you know, driving oneself, oh,there's away from happiness.
Speaker 2 (18:26):
Yeah, I mean, we accidentally well, let's, let's
remember that 95 of our brain issubconscious and the other five
is just, is our working brain,that we understand, you know,
and we're loaded with files, Ithink it's 2080, but files and
files, and so if we're having abad day, we got a lot of stuff
in our brain that's telling usto have a bad day.
(18:47):
We don't even know it right sowe.
So the best thing to do isretrain your subconscious, and
when you're feeling down alittle bit, you got to say,
uh-uh, I'm taking control ofthis thing yeah, this is gonna
be a great day and do somethingpositive, do something positive
do something positive, helpsomebody out, just do something
kind, do a positive activity geta hold of your transactional
(19:09):
face, your fears.
That's right, yeah face yourfears and look, look right
through them and face them down,because that right there will
free you of a lot of crap.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
I'm looking at you fear.
Yes, I am yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:21):
Because that right there wants to stay in the way
of our happiness.
You face your fears, kick thepiss out of them.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
I like it too that.
Oh sorry, but go ahead.
No, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You know that old phrase fear came knocking on my
door and I sent my faith to goanswer it.
Yeah, yeah, oh, I like that, Ilike that one.
Yeah, yeah, I sent my faith togo answer.
Hey, faith, go get the door, goget the door.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Faith, man Greg's not here right now, but can I take
a message?
Speaker 2 (19:46):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (19:47):
Burn.
My name is faith Right, yeah,yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
No, I like that one In in terms of being happy and
remember that failure is a hugepart of success.
Speaker 3 (20:01):
Yes, yeah, so many times.
People fail and what happens isthey think they're a failure as
a person.
I learned this a long time agofailure is not a person, it's
just simply an event it's partof what yeah, just an event.
That's all it is.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
Yeah, yeah what were you gonna say, josh?
Speaker 1 (20:14):
or I'm just gonna riff on what he said too.
There's some quote it.
It's a good one.
Of course I'm going to misquoteit, but something like success
is fall down seven times, get upeight times.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
Is that right yeah?
Speaker 2 (20:27):
that was good.
Speaker 1 (20:29):
I don't know.
Speaker 2 (20:31):
That is good, because you're just saying keep getting
up when you get knocked downbecause that's a part of life,
that's right.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
The most famous and useful people and all the big
scientists and brains.
Like they all failed so manydozens or hundreds of times,
it's we remember them for theirlap, for the time they didn't
fail and and they and theyfigured it out yeah, um,
whatever it might be, but I wasgonna say too um, happiness, um,
we can suffer when we becomeattached to things and to ideas
(21:00):
and to outcomes that we arehoping for, and then, when those
things are taken from us orwhen they don't occur, we can
suffer quite a bit.
So to be truly happy, I thinkyou need your goals and your
hopes and your dreams, let's say, but you can't be too attached
To anything really.
You need to live lightly, likea leaf floating on the water.
Speaker 3 (21:24):
I would call that expectations or premeditated
resentment.
Sometimes I've had those in thepast where I've had such a
strong expectation on a person,place or thing.
I expected it to work out thisway and when it didn't, oh my
God, the world came collapsingdown on me.
I was resentful, and sometimeswith everybody around me I'm
like, no, that's not a place tobe resentful.
And sometimes that everybodyaround me, I'm like no, that's
(21:46):
not a place to be.
Just yeah, just uh, yeah, trynot to for myself, I try not to
have too strong expectations.
It's like any more of my fears,like when dating somebody
aren't there the way they usedto be.
It's like, oh my God, what if?
What if it doesn't work outWell, that's going to affect the
communication.
So I I kind of live by this Ifa door of happiness closes,
another opens.
But often we look so long atthe closed door that we do not
(22:06):
see the door of happiness, thenew door of happiness that has
opened up for us see what I meanyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or if we lose something.
We're so focused on what welose instead of what we really
gain.
Yep, or about to gain?
Speaker 2 (22:18):
yeah focus and perspective.
That's right.
Perspective is huge it is, itis that's why it's always good
to understand and to feel andjust to watch the world around
you I mean, there's so many,it's so easy to tell what
happiness is, because you cansee what unhappiness is.
Speaker 1 (22:36):
Yeah, Having gratitude, you know to bring
that idea back.
So unhappiness, I think, isliving your life always looking
for what's missing.
I know something's missing.
Why am I?
I could be happier.
I could be happier.
What is it that I don't have?
But instead of doing that, youcount your blessings and think
about all the unlikely thingsthat have happened that you have
(22:57):
and that you know, the friendsand the people you know and the
situation.
That are your blessings, andfeeling gratitude.
That, I think, gets youproperly centered for happiness.
Speaker 2 (23:06):
Well, gratitude is so good for just keeping that list
of gratitude.
It gives you the rightperspective, right?
Right Is that?
Speaker 1 (23:16):
what you were saying.
I think so, and that makes youhappy, I think.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
It does.
It does, yes, it does.
Speaker 3 (23:20):
Even the simple things it does.
We're alive, we're alive,that's cool, right yeah.
Yeah, and then also too, likeCraig and I talked about before
you arrived at the studio, josh,we mentioned something.
Like you know, when you likethis girl at the beginning, it's
like, wow, I do have some hopefor this.
Yeah, I feel so, and evenRelationship hasn't blossomed.
If I have hope, the byproductof hope for me is happiness,
(23:43):
because I still feel happy aslong as there's that hope.
Yeah, see what I mean.
But I have to remember too,like hey, if it doesn't work out
, guess what you know?
On to the next one, on to thenext one Don't let it.
Don't allow it to eat my lunch.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
And if you could feel that way about life, to feel
that giddy sort of nervous buthopeful and blissful
anticipation of somethingwonderful is going to happen.
Speaker 3 (24:09):
Yeah, and you don't need it.
Believe positive, positivethinking, the power of positive
thinking.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, and just that it doesn't need to be a lover.
It's really wonderful when itis, but also if you could
somehow hold that for all oflife.
It's amazing.
People become blasé about, likeyou said, just being on the
earth or being in a physicalbody.
How unlikely is that that we'rein this mysterious universe?
How can you ever be?
I understand how you can beunhappy, but really, when you're
(24:36):
fully awake and immersed in it,it's like this is amazing.
Oh it is.
We have got to, you know, butagain, how?
Speaker 2 (24:43):
do they get there?
What term is that?
It's perspective yes, you'vegot to have that, and if you
don't have it, you can get it.
Everything you need we gotEverything we need.
We really have it inside of us,oh amen.
And if there's anything badgoing on, we just need to know
the kryptonite.
Yes, know what rock to pick up.
(25:03):
Did you still call me Superman?
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Yeah, you know what I mean we're going through
something.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
There's a kryptonite to everything bad we're going
through.
It's just a matter of pickingyourself up and finding what
that is and finding out what youhave to do.
Speaker 3 (25:15):
Yeah, if we're going through something bad in a
relationship, or the beginningof it, or maybe during it, we're
going to look at, allow theother things that they might be
doing to really bother us.
It might be like God.
She's not communicating with me.
Well, come to think about it,she's on her cell phone now all
the time, just when thecommunication started going out
the door.
She's on her cell phone andwhen I talked to her about it,
(25:36):
she's getting upset.
Oh no, I'm just playing somevideo games right now, whereas
before you were enthralled witheach other, had each other's
attention, the phone wasn't out,right, right, the phone wasn't
out, you know.
And then the smiling.
We talked about that this, uh,I take a walk like every other
day, sometimes at the by thewater treatment plant.
They have this really nice pathand I see couples walking it
(25:59):
and not too many couples smilewhile they're talking.
In fact, I saw four couplestoday when I was walking and
there was only one couple thatwas smiling with each other, and
I don't smile while they'retalking.
In fact, I saw four couplestoday when I was walking and
there was only one couple thatwas smiling with each other and
I don't know if they were even acouple.
They were two, a guy and a girl, college students.
It was obvious.
They were college age, but therest were middle age.
No, smile on their face.
They were smiling, they weren'teven talking.
They weren't even talking.
(26:19):
You know, it was really weird.
Speaker 2 (26:21):
Communication is the backbone of everything.
Right it's going to be thebackbone of the relationship.
It always needs to come through.
Speaker 3 (26:28):
Right, just like their body language, like two
strangers walking side by side.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
Yeah, yeah, just like okay, well, happiness can also
be.
You don't have to be in arelationship all the time.
No, it's okay to.
Happiness can be found throughjust on one's own.
Speaker 3 (26:44):
No, you can.
Oh, exactly, exactly, in factreally it might be easier.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
But it's so.
It's so easy, though, to fallinto that trap of when you're
not getting along with somebodya girlfriend or whatever you
fall into that trap of thinkingit's just not going to work.
It's just not going to work.
It's just not going to work,but it is once you start talking
to them and once they starttalking to you, and then if a
smile comes, and then ifwhatever comes, it's just about
the communication.
Yes, because there's somethingin us that wants to pull us away
(27:14):
from the relationship for good.
So nonjudgmental, and it doesn'thave to be that way.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Communication too.
Speaker 1 (27:21):
yeah, Communicate when all else, when you have
doubts, ask a question aboutthem ask a question get them to
talk about themselves make sureyou haven't left your own life
and your own purpose behind too,because you might be doing the
relationship too actively, youmight be thinking about the
relationship too much, whenreally if you just do your life
and try to be excellent, thenthose things can relationship
(27:41):
can fall into place more easily.
Speaker 3 (27:44):
It just goes better when you yeah, be yourself doing
you yourself, yeah, and thenshe'll stay true to your goals
she misses you and she's, youknow, yeah she's, she's stepping
up because you, she noticed,those are very good points.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
It's just be and do what you have to do for yourself
, because all that's going to dois be attractive to that other
person.
Speaker 3 (28:04):
Alpha.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah, I mean, you're not going to go wrong with that,
right yeah, you know, and thenthat's a beautiful thing, right,
yeah?
Yes, thank you very, very muchfor joining us and hope you
picked up a few things onhappiness Guys, you have
anything else quick before we go.
Happy, happy trails.
Up to you, up to you, all right, all right, good night Leslie,
(28:24):
good night y'all, take care.
Speaker 1 (28:29):
This concludes this episode of the Solution.
Thanks for joining us and besure to check out our next
episode.
Send your questions andcomments to Craig2042 at
gmailcom.
That's Craig with a C.
Until next time.
Good luck and goodbye.
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