August 16, 2024 • 23 mins
How do you truly distinguish between fleeting physical attraction and genuine compatibility? Join Craig Dahlen and Greg Carter on The Solution as we uncover the crucial elements of self-awareness and shared values in the often-complicated world of dating. In this enlightening episode, we emphasize the importance of understanding your own beliefs and values as a guiding compass during the dating period, a time designed for discovering whether a potential partner aligns with you. We also address the hidden dangers of toxic relationships, discussing the severe impact chronic stress and drama can have on your physical health, and highlight strategies to avoid mistaking mere excitement for meaningful connection.
In the second half, we dive into the foundational aspects of building lasting romantic relationships, focusing on respect and trust. Craig and Greg explore how nurturing friendship and vulnerability before introducing physical intimacy can prevent relationships from derailing and foster a stronger bond. This episode is packed with practical advice and insights that could revolutionize your approach to relationships, helping you create healthier and more meaningful connections.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
Thank you, strength and hope.
Both have struggled with thestrongholds of addiction and
with relationships that wentawry, and both have emerged on
the other side stronger, wiserand better prepared to become
what they once set out to be.
You're listening to theSolution.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hey, welcome to the Solution.
I'm your host, craig Dallin,sitting here with my partner,
greg Carter.
Greg, how you doing?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Hey, awesome how you doing tonight, Craig.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Good, I want to start this show off by saying hey, in
relationships, in dating,dating is a time of discovery.
That's it.
It's a time of discovery.
You date that person and youboth come to conclusions.
In a certain amount of time,you take in the information, you
decide is this person for me ornot?
(01:14):
Of course your feelings aregoing to tell you that, her
feelings are going to tell herthat.
And if they say, continue onyou do, you continue on, you
really get to know them.
They say continue on, you doyou continue on you really get
to know them.
But you know, in dating you cometo a point where you're like
you know what?
I think you're a fantasticperson, but I think we should
move on.
That can happen too, andthere's nothing wrong with that.
(01:36):
It's meant to be where you moveon.
When dating is done correctly,you either stay with them or you
, in a mature way and honestconversation, you move on, and
there's nothing wrong with itNot at all.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Not at all.
I 100% agree with that.
If you give it a fair chance,it might be a Some people people
though, they I think it's funnyto hear some people, I don't
feel anything, they've only beenon one date and I, in my
opinion, I disagree with that.
(02:15):
I think it could take a whileto to build up that.
You know commonality, I reallydo.
Yes, it could take a littlewhile.
If people say they don't feelnothing, I think they're talking
about lust or whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
But yeah, yeah, and you know, I think it's important
to know some things before youstart dating, know about
yourself before you can interactwith another person, like, what
are your values, what are yourbeliefs?
Because that person that you'redating, that you're bored with,
you know you might tellyourself, oh, I'm bored.
That person just might be theperfect person for you.
(02:53):
Yes, because he or she has thesame values and the same beliefs
.
Because a lot of times we'll goon that date and we'll come
home that night and like, oh man, that was so exciting, that was
perfect date.
Well, that doesn't mean thatthat's going to be a good person
for you.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
No, you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So quite often.
That's why I think it takes Idon't think I know it takes a
long time to really get to knowsomebody, and I think you do it
by your as a starting point.
Values and beliefs are a greatplace to start, and I know
you're looking over there with a.
You've got a good list to startout with.
(03:35):
I do, too, go ahead and readsome things off that what you're
looking at.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yeah, what I'm looking at here is the toxicity
part in relationships, harmfulrelationships.
You know that.
What can happen to the actualbody?
Okay, yeah, like stress, it canlead to chronic stress
headaches, nausea, high bloodpressure, chest pain and sleep
(04:04):
problems.
Also, too, it can affect yourimmune system.
You can have immunity issues,slower disease recovery, extreme
fatigue and othercardiovascular problems.
I've had people tell me beforethey've actually had heart
palpitations they've been sostressed, and these are people
that work out a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
They just get so stressed that's if you're dating
somebody who you know, ifyou're out there.
It's like if you're datingsomebody who's not good for you
exactly and you may not be goodfor them.
It causes things within thebody If there's a toxic thing
(04:45):
throughout that relationship andyou don't feel quite right, but
there's something holding youtwo together, and what can that
be?
Sex.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Sex.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And drama, drama.
Sometimes people are addictedto crises.
They're addicted to just adrama, because drama, in my
opinion, is a negative stimuli,but nonetheless it is a stimuli.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
And it keeps things live just in a bad way.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh, it does for sure.
And when you say two sex,that's the oxytocin Boom that's
released within the body, that'sthe bonding hormone and that
can really pull people together.
And all of a sudden, they gotthat cocktail of that going on
with the dopamine, which isanother hormone.
(05:40):
You get those things withinyour body.
You think you're in love andit's a false deal going on, Very
false, If there's a recipe outthere.
If there's a recipe out therethat says this is how to do it
right, so you can have the bestchance of getting the person
(06:02):
that you need to get what's thatrecipe look like I would have
to say from my past experience,what seems to work would be to
definitely hold off on the sexpart.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Okay, definitely hold off on that for a while.
I, yep, read something theother day that you should touch
somebody's heart before youtouch their skin.
What's that 90 day deal, right?
(06:37):
She's talking about waterholding off you know, on any
contact we're talking kiss,holding hands for 90 days yeah
as, and she said that peoplewill weed themselves out because
it's a time to get to knowsomebody yeah from the inside
out, and I think that reallysounds spot on it does, it does.
(06:59):
And it weeds it outautomatically.
The people will weed themselvesout because if somebody's out
just looking to, you know, for apiece of tail, so to speak, or
the sex they're going to be,gone down the road, you know, or
they might act like they'regoing along with it, but they're
sleeping with somebody on theside.
(07:20):
So sort of the listener outthere out there, I would say,
hey, just make sure the otherperson isn't having sex on the
side while you're going throughthis 90 day deal, see what I
mean, which, well, right, yeah,totally get to know somebody.
There's plenty of time for thesex to come into the picture.
Plenty of time yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
well, the thing is it's not easy to do.
We've all no blown that test,so why?
But if when you're withsomebody on a date first
whatever, getting to know themand you really like them, you
don't even.
You're fine if the most you dois hold hands, yeah, I mean
really because you're getting toknow somebody and you got to
(07:58):
think of what you're doing toowhen you, when you're getting to
know somebody and you got tothink of what you're doing too
when you're not having sex.
I mean, we're just saying thesimple, not the simple formula
this is the formula for reallyfinding somebody is to not have
sex.
I mean, hold off, yes, hold offas long as you can, because
it's an act that God made.
(08:20):
That it's an incredible,incredible event.
Sex is when you fall in lovewith somebody.
But to really get to that pointwhen you have sex with somebody
, you are immediately throwingdown a bunch of roadblocks.
Whether you know it or not,you're throwing down roadblocks
for the future, for thatrelationship.
It's not going the naturalcourse that it's meant to go.
(08:43):
Because you look at the divorcerate, what is it?
53%.
I think a lot of people gettogether and they think, wow,
this is incredible.
I want to marry this person.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, hold the phone here right, because when you do
something wrong, when you builda house, if you don't build that
, put the block in nice and putit nice and straight and build a
nice foundation, because you'rebuilding a foundation at that
point, because it's the start ofthat house, right?
Yeah, yes it is, you know lastnight.
(09:16):
You don't build the attic, youdon't build, you start at the
foundation of it.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
And that is the start of the foundation of the
relationship, and it needs to bebuilt in the correct way.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, to me, friendship is the foundation of
the relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Well, where is respect gained?
Where does that come tofruition?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
where's respect gained?
Where did where does that cometo fruition?
I think it comes from fruitionright at during the friendship
phase of it.
You're getting to know eachother, you're getting to you
know, developing that trust.
Learn about each other exactly,allowing yourself to be
vulnerable.
That's how you develop trusttoo yes, yes, oh, vulnerability,
yes.
I know some friends of mine andmyself will joke and say go easy
(10:04):
, I'm sensitive and vulnerable.
We say it as a joke, butthere's actually a lot of truth
to that.
It's good to be vulnerable,it's good to have some
sensitivity.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Oh it is.
It's huge, yes, beingvulnerable with somebody, and
that takes a little bit of timeto have that work out.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
And you're right, it's done through trust, and a
trust takes risk.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yep, you know when you and plus what you're doing
too, when you're holding off onsex, you're respecting each
other.
I mean there's a big respectfor each other.
Yeah, like I mean, that's whatwe're saying, that's where it
happens.
But but the act of is is you'relearning how to as a couple,
(10:47):
you're learning how to care forthem while they care for you.
Because at the, at thebeginning phase, if sex is
introduced too quick, that shortcircuits that learning process
of learning about for them asthey learn for you, because that
deep love is starting there tooand we got to start somewhere
(11:09):
right?
Yes, you know you can't, you'renot going to tell them you love
them on the fifth date.
You're going to wait a while.
You're going to let thatprocess go through its time and
grow the right way.
So if love is growing the rightway and it's short-circuited
with sex, then all of a suddenyou're seeing love it's built
(11:29):
differently then.
It's built through the sex.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
All of a sudden, there's a foundation of sex, and
that's the same as buildingyour foundation on sand.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
You've stayed with us this far, and that shows
commitment, proving you possessthe trait required to obtain the
solution.
Now let's rejoin the showalready in progress.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Trials and tribulations will come along in
life.
The structure is built on aweak foundation and it'll give
away.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yes you know, there's different uh different people
that write different ways,different metaphors and such on
on love, I always like the onethat it's you know where as a
house is built.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And they include in there one or 2%.
There's different rates of thatof passion.
It's not much Right, andpassion is what Sex.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Yeah, you know it's you know, but I'm just saying
Very small minute Minute.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Minute minute, you know, and when you say, when you
think of a hundred percent,we're talking about it's a
minute percent of it.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
And so that tells you right there you start throwing
it.
If you start having sex, you'regoing to be having sex all the
time.
You know a couple of rabbits.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And you're gonna be throwing it in there like I
don't know what the percentageis gonna be, and it's gonna blow
that thing apart because theother parts are not gonna be
growing and developing tells youright there yeah, like it shuts
the growth off, it shuts thedevelopment off it does, it
shuts it down.
you know, if you have you,there's too much of one thing.
Yes, it's great, you think it,you think it's great.
Well, actually, what you'redoing is you're causing the
relationship to have it'll startto die.
(13:30):
At that point, it's death, yes.
You can have that relationshipstart out.
It's going to be either on theroad to death or that
relationship is going to be onthe road to life, right Right.
And if it's done wrong at thebeginning, it's on the road to
death.
And I hate to say that people,but it is true.
(13:51):
It is true, it's true.
Anybody that listens to thispodcast.
I don't care what you say, youknow it's true, you know it's
true, you know it's true.
So it's a formula and it's notthat hard, it's not that tricky.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Yeah, otherwise you'll end up being the way I
used to be just having a lifefull of meaningless flings.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Oh, you and me both.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yeah, flings, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Intersects into the picture right away flings, yeah,
you know flings, flings, youknow flings.
I mean just little littleflying flings in the air yeah,
next thing you know you'reflinging them away.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah, bringing sex to the picture?
Well, yeah, and then you're not.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You're developing this thing where it's.
Just then all you do is youwant that one thing and it's
just wrong.
No-transcript.
The sex is a huge, huge part ofmarriage.
That's why it needs to bedeveloped so in the right way.
(15:01):
When you talk about theseven-year itch too, um, after
seven years, well, that's for adifferent show almost.
But but because it's a, it's abig deal, you know, but that's
when people what happens there,well, that's another thing.
But that's called masculine andfeminine.
Yeah, because when you, whenyou know it takes about that
many years in a marriage, youget tired of that person.
(15:23):
Okay, that's a whole differentshow.
We can talk about that anothertime.
Right, there's a reason forthat.
But when you're dating somebody, generally she will be in her
feminine and he will be in hismasculine and you're gonna love
it.
You're gonna have in hismasculine and you're going to
love it, you're going to have agreat time, you're both going to
be so just kind of drawn toeach other.
But that's that's.
That's where people need toknow and understand what's going
(15:45):
on.
Right, and mom and dad, grabyour kids and tell them they
talk about the birds and thebees and all that stuff I wish
the parents.
You know, maybe we need to do aworkshop.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So much emphasis anymore is put on sex from the
advertisements, right yeah, fromthe advertisements to.
And it's almost like these adsare designed to create lust.
Okay, they are.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
And we're told that a lot of people have this
attitude.
Now, I'd rather be satisfiedthan sanctified, right, right,
okay, explain that a little bit.
Okay, satisfied would be justto be satisfied, like maybe a
particular drink or particularfood.
Just, you know, satisfy thathunger, satisfy that thirst,
(16:35):
thirst, satisfy that craving forsex, yeah, just go all out.
Satisfy that urge, yep, withoutthinking anything else.
So when people are going outthat are, you know, oh, I got an
itch, it needs to be scratched,so to speak.
Right, they're fulfilling theirsexual needs.
Well, I'm going to find thegirl, to find my sex.
You know, fulfill my sexualdesires.
(16:57):
And it happens most of the time, like you said, before they
even get to know somebody.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah, yeah, they've shot that relationship right in
the foot Right.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
And then there's people too that say, well, I
have friends with benefits, youknow.
I guess they could say that'sfine, and Danny, cause they're
just, they're talking about itahead of time.
But if two people that agreeupon a friends with benefits
situation, most of the time I'msaying most of the time one
(17:26):
person wants more, and they'llend up getting really hurt
because they go oh man, I wantmore, I want to develop
something here.
Once again, it's easier for theother person to walk away
because it was a foundation,even though they were friends.
Right, they could say oh, wehad a foundation based on
friendship, but sex got drawninto the picture, without any
(17:46):
commitment other than just theirregular friendship, and that's
why one's able to get reallyhurt and the other one can just
walk away.
Well, I'm not feeling guilty.
I let him or her know ahead oftime what's going on.
Yeah, yeah, once again, it'slike it's like society doesn't
teach us to work for anything.
And the most beautiful thing?
I mean?
(18:06):
I hear many people of all walksof life, from rock stars to
ministers, to actors andactresses to CEOs.
A lot of them will tell you themost ultimate thing there is in
life is to have that onespecial person in your life that
you love and cherish.
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah, that's the ultimate thing in life.
Yeah, it is One that you canbond with, mesh with.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yes, exactly.
And love and yeah, and theylove you back, right without any
back, right Without anyexpectations.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yes, and those things .
I believe that couple developedthat right away by doing things
the right way.
Yes, they did.
Yes, you know, guys, if you goout there and you treat your
girlfriend, you treat her rightand you respect her and you do
(19:02):
it the right way, you hold offon that sex.
You do it the right way.
You know what you're going tohave and what you're going to
get.
You're going to get agirlfriend, a wife, you know
somebody engaged to that thatrespects you and she trusts you
and she trusts you.
Wow, what a big deal.
Right, that is a big deal.
(19:22):
That's a big deal to have tohave that respect and that trust
.
And you got honesty, yet why?
You know that that's huge.
That is huge, yes, and peopleneed to remember that.
Um, with all these ads on, likeyou said a little bit ago, yeah
.
They push that at us and it'snot right.
(19:43):
There's too much of that stuffon there.
But you know, it's almost likesociety doesn't want to see
people succeed in relationshipsand in marriage, see people
succeed in relationships and inmarriage.
People need to know that andunderstand that, because when
they're pumping all that otherstuff at us, what does it do?
(20:04):
It?
Just you know it, it takes youaway from it, takes you away
from doing things in the rightway.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah, Distractions major distractions, major
distractions.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I do want to add that there are many, many, many
relationships out there, solidones that let's just say they
didn't wait to have sex too long.
You know that happens too.
And that is awesome when thosethings can stay together.
But on an average, you're muchbetter off by waiting as long as
(20:37):
you can to have sex.
And the reason I say that isbecause the relationship needs
time for those things to growearly on the trust, you know,
the honesty, those things, therespect to get that to grow
first.
And that's, you know, to payhuge attention to that, because
that's what gives therelationship the foundation and
(20:59):
the longevity.
So without those things, you'reshooting it in the foot.
Love her, cherish her, and shewill respect you and you will
feel the love.
Guys, yeah, if you do it right,that's right.
If you choose not to do itright, well, you're going to get
what you get and you'll keepgetting that.
Yeah, and you'll keep gettingit.
(21:19):
People need to remember thatdating is a time of discovery.
After you discover what youneed to discover, know and
understand that it's not goingto change.
That's who they are and you arewho you are.
It doesn't make it bad, it justmeans that maybe you're meant
to be with somebody else.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
So get out of that discovery what you need to, and
then you move on.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Not at all.
We can't change anybody.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
No, and that's how you discover it.
That's right it should be thatsimple.
That's why sex needs to stayout of it, so people can come
and go as they need to, becauseit's important to have the
ability to leave thatrelationship and go find your
who you need to find.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Right, right, greg, absolutely yeah.
Sometimes I've heard storiesbefore where actually I dated
this girl and we didn't have thechemistry there and she
introduced me to another girl todate, which I thought was
pretty cool on her part.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
That's way cool.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Yes, so that's doing something right.
Communication.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yes, and she thought you were a great guy Absolutely,
and so that's why she did that.
And you thought she was a greatgal Absolutely.
But guess what?
You maybe weren't that greattogether, right?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Well, guess what you maybe weren't that?
Great together, right, greatestfriends.
It wasn't going to go anyfurther than that, but that was
cool that we could sit down andtalk about it as adults.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
As adults.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Very cool and the cool part was we gave it a fair
chance.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
That's right, that's where it's at.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Give it a chance, people.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yep, everything in life.
Give that thing a chance.
Yes, give thing a chance.
Yes, give it a chance.
I like that, yes, I like thatsaying.
That could be our mantra oh,give it a chance.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Very well could be, give it a chance by giving the
relationship a chance you'regiving yourself a chance too.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Exactly, you're giving the whole thing a chance,
because if you do it wrong,you're not even giving it a
chance.
Yes, good one.
Oh, thank you.
Good one, my friend.
Thank you, my friend.
All right, greg, josh, thankyou.
It's been a great show.
We've enjoyed it.
It's been a great show, allright, brother.
Hey Lister, thank you very,very much for being here.
Take care, we'll see you nexttime on the Solution.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
This concludes this episode of the Solution.
Thanks for joining us and besure to check out our next
episode.
Send your questions andcomments to craig2042 at
gmailcom.
That's Craig with a C.
Be sure to subscribe to theSolution so you can be notified
the moment the next excitingepisode is ready for you to
listen to.
And please leave a review onApple Podcasts or on your
(23:53):
favorite podcast player.
Thank you, strength and hope.
Both have struggled with thestrongholds of addiction and
with relationships that wentawry, and both have emerged on
the other side stronger, wiserand better prepared to become
what they once set out to be.
You're listening to theSolution.
Speaker 2 (00:43):
Hey, welcome to the Solution.
I'm your host, craig Dallin,sitting here with my partner,
greg Carter.
Greg, how you doing?
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Hey, awesome how you doing tonight, Craig.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Good, I want to start this show off by saying hey, in
relationships, in dating,dating is a time of discovery.
That's it.
It's a time of discovery.
You date that person and youboth come to conclusions.
In a certain amount of time,you take in the information, you
decide is this person for me ornot?
(01:14):
Of course your feelings aregoing to tell you that, her
feelings are going to tell herthat.
And if they say, continue onyou do, you continue on, you
really get to know them.
They say continue on, you doyou continue on you really get
to know them.
But you know, in dating you cometo a point where you're like
you know what?
I think you're a fantasticperson, but I think we should
move on.
That can happen too, andthere's nothing wrong with that.
(01:36):
It's meant to be where you moveon.
When dating is done correctly,you either stay with them or you
, in a mature way and honestconversation, you move on, and
there's nothing wrong with itNot at all.
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Not at all.
I 100% agree with that.
If you give it a fair chance,it might be a Some people people
though, they I think it's funnyto hear some people, I don't
feel anything, they've only beenon one date and I, in my
opinion, I disagree with that.
(02:15):
I think it could take a whileto to build up that.
You know commonality, I reallydo.
Yes, it could take a littlewhile.
If people say they don't feelnothing, I think they're talking
about lust or whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
But yeah, yeah, and you know, I think it's important
to know some things before youstart dating, know about
yourself before you can interactwith another person, like, what
are your values, what are yourbeliefs?
Because that person that you'redating, that you're bored with,
you know you might tellyourself, oh, I'm bored.
That person just might be theperfect person for you.
(02:53):
Yes, because he or she has thesame values and the same beliefs
.
Because a lot of times we'll goon that date and we'll come
home that night and like, oh man, that was so exciting, that was
perfect date.
Well, that doesn't mean thatthat's going to be a good person
for you.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
No, you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:15):
So quite often.
That's why I think it takes Idon't think I know it takes a
long time to really get to knowsomebody, and I think you do it
by your as a starting point.
Values and beliefs are a greatplace to start, and I know
you're looking over there with a.
You've got a good list to startout with.
(03:35):
I do, too, go ahead and readsome things off that what you're
looking at.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Yeah, what I'm looking at here is the toxicity
part in relationships, harmfulrelationships.
You know that.
What can happen to the actualbody?
Okay, yeah, like stress, it canlead to chronic stress
headaches, nausea, high bloodpressure, chest pain and sleep
(04:04):
problems.
Also, too, it can affect yourimmune system.
You can have immunity issues,slower disease recovery, extreme
fatigue and othercardiovascular problems.
I've had people tell me beforethey've actually had heart
palpitations they've been sostressed, and these are people
that work out a lot.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
They just get so stressed that's if you're dating
somebody who you know, ifyou're out there.
It's like if you're datingsomebody who's not good for you
exactly and you may not be goodfor them.
It causes things within thebody If there's a toxic thing
(04:45):
throughout that relationship andyou don't feel quite right, but
there's something holding youtwo together, and what can that
be?
Sex.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
Sex.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
And drama, drama.
Sometimes people are addictedto crises.
They're addicted to just adrama, because drama, in my
opinion, is a negative stimuli,but nonetheless it is a stimuli.
Speaker 1 (05:15):
Mm-hmm.
Speaker 3 (05:16):
And it keeps things live just in a bad way.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh, it does for sure.
And when you say two sex,that's the oxytocin Boom that's
released within the body, that'sthe bonding hormone and that
can really pull people together.
And all of a sudden, they gotthat cocktail of that going on
with the dopamine, which isanother hormone.
(05:40):
You get those things withinyour body.
You think you're in love andit's a false deal going on, Very
false, If there's a recipe outthere.
If there's a recipe out therethat says this is how to do it
right, so you can have the bestchance of getting the person
(06:02):
that you need to get what's thatrecipe look like I would have
to say from my past experience,what seems to work would be to
definitely hold off on the sexpart.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Okay, definitely hold off on that for a while.
I, yep, read something theother day that you should touch
somebody's heart before youtouch their skin.
What's that 90 day deal, right?
(06:37):
She's talking about waterholding off you know, on any
contact we're talking kiss,holding hands for 90 days yeah
as, and she said that peoplewill weed themselves out because
it's a time to get to knowsomebody yeah from the inside
out, and I think that reallysounds spot on it does, it does.
(06:59):
And it weeds it outautomatically.
The people will weed themselvesout because if somebody's out
just looking to, you know, for apiece of tail, so to speak, or
the sex they're going to be,gone down the road, you know, or
they might act like they'regoing along with it, but they're
sleeping with somebody on theside.
(07:20):
So sort of the listener outthere out there, I would say,
hey, just make sure the otherperson isn't having sex on the
side while you're going throughthis 90 day deal, see what I
mean, which, well, right, yeah,totally get to know somebody.
There's plenty of time for thesex to come into the picture.
Plenty of time yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:36):
well, the thing is it's not easy to do.
We've all no blown that test,so why?
But if when you're withsomebody on a date first
whatever, getting to know themand you really like them, you
don't even.
You're fine if the most you dois hold hands, yeah, I mean
really because you're getting toknow somebody and you got to
(07:58):
think of what you're doing toowhen you, when you're getting to
know somebody and you got tothink of what you're doing too
when you're not having sex.
I mean, we're just saying thesimple, not the simple formula
this is the formula for reallyfinding somebody is to not have
sex.
I mean, hold off, yes, hold offas long as you can, because
it's an act that God made.
(08:20):
That it's an incredible,incredible event.
Sex is when you fall in lovewith somebody.
But to really get to that pointwhen you have sex with somebody
, you are immediately throwingdown a bunch of roadblocks.
Whether you know it or not,you're throwing down roadblocks
for the future, for thatrelationship.
It's not going the naturalcourse that it's meant to go.
(08:43):
Because you look at the divorcerate, what is it?
53%.
I think a lot of people gettogether and they think, wow,
this is incredible.
I want to marry this person.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, hold the phone here right, because when you do
something wrong, when you builda house, if you don't build that
, put the block in nice and putit nice and straight and build a
nice foundation, because you'rebuilding a foundation at that
point, because it's the start ofthat house, right?
Yeah, yes it is, you know lastnight.
(09:16):
You don't build the attic, youdon't build, you start at the
foundation of it.
Speaker 3 (09:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
And that is the start of the foundation of the
relationship, and it needs to bebuilt in the correct way.
Speaker 3 (09:28):
Yeah, to me, friendship is the foundation of
the relationship.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
Well, where is respect gained?
Where does that come tofruition?
Speaker 3 (09:43):
where's respect gained?
Where did where does that cometo fruition?
I think it comes from fruitionright at during the friendship
phase of it.
You're getting to know eachother, you're getting to you
know, developing that trust.
Learn about each other exactly,allowing yourself to be
vulnerable.
That's how you develop trusttoo yes, yes, oh, vulnerability,
yes.
I know some friends of mine andmyself will joke and say go easy
(10:04):
, I'm sensitive and vulnerable.
We say it as a joke, butthere's actually a lot of truth
to that.
It's good to be vulnerable,it's good to have some
sensitivity.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
Oh it is.
It's huge, yes, beingvulnerable with somebody, and
that takes a little bit of timeto have that work out.
Speaker 3 (10:21):
And you're right, it's done through trust, and a
trust takes risk.
Speaker 2 (10:26):
Yep, you know when you and plus what you're doing
too, when you're holding off onsex, you're respecting each
other.
I mean there's a big respectfor each other.
Yeah, like I mean, that's whatwe're saying, that's where it
happens.
But but the act of is is you'relearning how to as a couple,
(10:47):
you're learning how to care forthem while they care for you.
Because at the, at thebeginning phase, if sex is
introduced too quick, that shortcircuits that learning process
of learning about for them asthey learn for you, because that
deep love is starting there tooand we got to start somewhere
(11:09):
right?
Yes, you know you can't, you'renot going to tell them you love
them on the fifth date.
You're going to wait a while.
You're going to let thatprocess go through its time and
grow the right way.
So if love is growing the rightway and it's short-circuited
with sex, then all of a suddenyou're seeing love it's built
(11:29):
differently then.
It's built through the sex.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
All of a sudden, there's a foundation of sex, and
that's the same as buildingyour foundation on sand.
Speaker 1 (11:42):
You've stayed with us this far, and that shows
commitment, proving you possessthe trait required to obtain the
solution.
Now let's rejoin the showalready in progress.
Speaker 3 (11:57):
Trials and tribulations will come along in
life.
The structure is built on aweak foundation and it'll give
away.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yes you know, there's different uh different people
that write different ways,different metaphors and such on
on love, I always like the onethat it's you know where as a
house is built.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
And they include in there one or 2%.
There's different rates of thatof passion.
It's not much Right, andpassion is what Sex.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
Yeah, you know it's you know, but I'm just saying
Very small minute Minute.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
Minute minute, you know, and when you say, when you
think of a hundred percent,we're talking about it's a
minute percent of it.
Speaker 3 (12:49):
Yes, it is.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
And so that tells you right there you start throwing
it.
If you start having sex, you'regoing to be having sex all the
time.
You know a couple of rabbits.
Speaker 3 (12:58):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
And you're gonna be throwing it in there like I
don't know what the percentageis gonna be, and it's gonna blow
that thing apart because theother parts are not gonna be
growing and developing tells youright there yeah, like it shuts
the growth off, it shuts thedevelopment off it does, it
shuts it down.
you know, if you have you,there's too much of one thing.
Yes, it's great, you think it,you think it's great.
Well, actually, what you'redoing is you're causing the
relationship to have it'll startto die.
(13:30):
At that point, it's death, yes.
You can have that relationshipstart out.
It's going to be either on theroad to death or that
relationship is going to be onthe road to life, right Right.
And if it's done wrong at thebeginning, it's on the road to
death.
And I hate to say that people,but it is true.
(13:51):
It is true, it's true.
Anybody that listens to thispodcast.
I don't care what you say, youknow it's true, you know it's
true, you know it's true.
So it's a formula and it's notthat hard, it's not that tricky.
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Yeah, otherwise you'll end up being the way I
used to be just having a lifefull of meaningless flings.
Speaker 2 (14:19):
Oh, you and me both.
Speaker 3 (14:20):
Yeah, flings, yeah yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
Intersects into the picture right away flings, yeah,
you know flings, flings, youknow flings.
I mean just little littleflying flings in the air yeah,
next thing you know you'reflinging them away.
Speaker 3 (14:35):
Yeah, bringing sex to the picture?
Well, yeah, and then you're not.
Speaker 2 (14:38):
You're developing this thing where it's.
Just then all you do is youwant that one thing and it's
just wrong.
No-transcript.
The sex is a huge, huge part ofmarriage.
That's why it needs to bedeveloped so in the right way.
(15:01):
When you talk about theseven-year itch too, um, after
seven years, well, that's for adifferent show almost.
But but because it's a, it's abig deal, you know, but that's
when people what happens there,well, that's another thing.
But that's called masculine andfeminine.
Yeah, because when you, whenyou know it takes about that
many years in a marriage, youget tired of that person.
(15:23):
Okay, that's a whole differentshow.
We can talk about that anothertime.
Right, there's a reason forthat.
But when you're dating somebody, generally she will be in her
feminine and he will be in hismasculine and you're gonna love
it.
You're gonna have in hismasculine and you're going to
love it, you're going to have agreat time, you're both going to
be so just kind of drawn toeach other.
But that's that's.
That's where people need toknow and understand what's going
(15:45):
on.
Right, and mom and dad, grabyour kids and tell them they
talk about the birds and thebees and all that stuff I wish
the parents.
You know, maybe we need to do aworkshop.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So much emphasis anymore is put on sex from the
advertisements, right yeah, fromthe advertisements to.
And it's almost like these adsare designed to create lust.
Okay, they are.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
Yep.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
And we're told that a lot of people have this
attitude.
Now, I'd rather be satisfiedthan sanctified, right, right,
okay, explain that a little bit.
Okay, satisfied would be justto be satisfied, like maybe a
particular drink or particularfood.
Just, you know, satisfy thathunger, satisfy that thirst,
(16:35):
thirst, satisfy that craving forsex, yeah, just go all out.
Satisfy that urge, yep, withoutthinking anything else.
So when people are going outthat are, you know, oh, I got an
itch, it needs to be scratched,so to speak.
Right, they're fulfilling theirsexual needs.
Well, I'm going to find thegirl, to find my sex.
You know, fulfill my sexualdesires.
(16:57):
And it happens most of the time, like you said, before they
even get to know somebody.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
Yeah, yeah, they've shot that relationship right in
the foot Right.
Speaker 3 (17:05):
And then there's people too that say, well, I
have friends with benefits, youknow.
I guess they could say that'sfine, and Danny, cause they're
just, they're talking about itahead of time.
But if two people that agreeupon a friends with benefits
situation, most of the time I'msaying most of the time one
(17:26):
person wants more, and they'llend up getting really hurt
because they go oh man, I wantmore, I want to develop
something here.
Once again, it's easier for theother person to walk away
because it was a foundation,even though they were friends.
Right, they could say oh, wehad a foundation based on
friendship, but sex got drawninto the picture, without any
(17:46):
commitment other than just theirregular friendship, and that's
why one's able to get reallyhurt and the other one can just
walk away.
Well, I'm not feeling guilty.
I let him or her know ahead oftime what's going on.
Yeah, yeah, once again, it'slike it's like society doesn't
teach us to work for anything.
And the most beautiful thing?
I mean?
(18:06):
I hear many people of all walksof life, from rock stars to
ministers, to actors andactresses to CEOs.
A lot of them will tell you themost ultimate thing there is in
life is to have that onespecial person in your life that
you love and cherish.
Oh, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
Yeah, that's the ultimate thing in life.
Yeah, it is One that you canbond with, mesh with.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Yes, exactly.
And love and yeah, and theylove you back, right without any
back, right Without anyexpectations.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yes, and those things .
I believe that couple developedthat right away by doing things
the right way.
Yes, they did.
Yes, you know, guys, if you goout there and you treat your
girlfriend, you treat her rightand you respect her and you do
(19:02):
it the right way, you hold offon that sex.
You do it the right way.
You know what you're going tohave and what you're going to
get.
You're going to get agirlfriend, a wife, you know
somebody engaged to that thatrespects you and she trusts you
and she trusts you.
Wow, what a big deal.
Right, that is a big deal.
(19:22):
That's a big deal to have tohave that respect and that trust
.
And you got honesty, yet why?
You know that that's huge.
That is huge, yes, and peopleneed to remember that.
Um, with all these ads on, likeyou said a little bit ago, yeah
.
They push that at us and it'snot right.
(19:43):
There's too much of that stuffon there.
But you know, it's almost likesociety doesn't want to see
people succeed in relationshipsand in marriage, see people
succeed in relationships and inmarriage.
People need to know that andunderstand that, because when
they're pumping all that otherstuff at us, what does it do?
(20:04):
It?
Just you know it, it takes youaway from it, takes you away
from doing things in the rightway.
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah, Distractions major distractions, major
distractions.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I do want to add that there are many, many, many
relationships out there, solidones that let's just say they
didn't wait to have sex too long.
You know that happens too.
And that is awesome when thosethings can stay together.
But on an average, you're muchbetter off by waiting as long as
(20:37):
you can to have sex.
And the reason I say that isbecause the relationship needs
time for those things to growearly on the trust, you know,
the honesty, those things, therespect to get that to grow
first.
And that's, you know, to payhuge attention to that, because
that's what gives therelationship the foundation and
(20:59):
the longevity.
So without those things, you'reshooting it in the foot.
Love her, cherish her, and shewill respect you and you will
feel the love.
Guys, yeah, if you do it right,that's right.
If you choose not to do itright, well, you're going to get
what you get and you'll keepgetting that.
Yeah, and you'll keep gettingit.
(21:19):
People need to remember thatdating is a time of discovery.
After you discover what youneed to discover, know and
understand that it's not goingto change.
That's who they are and you arewho you are.
It doesn't make it bad, it justmeans that maybe you're meant
to be with somebody else.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Right.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
So get out of that discovery what you need to, and
then you move on.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 3 (21:46):
Not at all.
We can't change anybody.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
No, and that's how you discover it.
That's right it should be thatsimple.
That's why sex needs to stayout of it, so people can come
and go as they need to, becauseit's important to have the
ability to leave thatrelationship and go find your
who you need to find.
Speaker 3 (22:07):
Right, right, greg, absolutely yeah.
Sometimes I've heard storiesbefore where actually I dated
this girl and we didn't have thechemistry there and she
introduced me to another girl todate, which I thought was
pretty cool on her part.
Speaker 2 (22:20):
That's way cool.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
Yes, so that's doing something right.
Communication.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
Yes, and she thought you were a great guy Absolutely,
and so that's why she did that.
And you thought she was a greatgal Absolutely.
But guess what?
You maybe weren't that greattogether, right?
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Well, guess what you maybe weren't that?
Great together, right, greatestfriends.
It wasn't going to go anyfurther than that, but that was
cool that we could sit down andtalk about it as adults.
Speaker 2 (22:44):
As adults.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
Very cool and the cool part was we gave it a fair
chance.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
That's right, that's where it's at.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
Give it a chance, people.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
Yep, everything in life.
Give that thing a chance.
Yes, give thing a chance.
Yes, give it a chance.
I like that, yes, I like thatsaying.
That could be our mantra oh,give it a chance.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Very well could be, give it a chance by giving the
relationship a chance you'regiving yourself a chance too.
Speaker 2 (23:08):
Exactly, you're giving the whole thing a chance,
because if you do it wrong,you're not even giving it a
chance.
Yes, good one.
Oh, thank you.
Good one, my friend.
Thank you, my friend.
All right, greg, josh, thankyou.
It's been a great show.
We've enjoyed it.
It's been a great show, allright, brother.
Hey Lister, thank you very,very much for being here.
Take care, we'll see you nexttime on the Solution.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
This concludes this episode of the Solution.
Thanks for joining us and besure to check out our next
episode.
Send your questions andcomments to craig2042 at
gmailcom.
That's Craig with a C.
Be sure to subscribe to theSolution so you can be notified
the moment the next excitingepisode is ready for you to
listen to.
And please leave a review onApple Podcasts or on your
(23:53):
favorite podcast player.
Popular Podcasts
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com