September 24, 2024 • 27 mins
What if understanding your attachment style could transform your relationships? Join Craig, Greg, and Josh on "The Solution" as we promise to unravel the mysteries of relationships and addictions, guiding you towards becoming the man every woman dreams of being with. Through candid reflections on our personal journeys, we shed light on the profound impact upbringing has on behavior and the challenges of applying learned knowledge to real-life situations. Together, we'll explore the significance of secure attachment, the triggers of anxious or avoidant behaviors, and the importance of choosing partners who are open to self-improvement and self-awareness.
Dive deep into the realm of emotional maturity and security, discovering how a secure attachment can be a rock during turbulent times. We'll share insights on maintaining mystery and interest in romantic relationships, especially if you tend to over-communicate. Learn to balance conversations and recognize the value of meeting potential partners in conducive environments. The episode also highlights the perils of superficial and emotionally immature relationships, guiding you towards healthier, more fulfilling connections. Join us for an enriching discussion packed with practical advice and wisdom for fostering strong and authentic relationships.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Champion Bachelors Craig and Greg present a myriad
of topics centering onrelationships and addictions in
the positive lights ofexperience, strength and hope.
Both have struggled with thestrongholds of addiction and
with relationships that wentawry, and both have emerged on
the other side stronger, wiserand better prepared to become
what they once set out to be.
(00:42):
You're listening to theSolution.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Welcome to the Solution.
I'm your host, craig Dolan.
Tonight we're going to betalking about becoming the guy,
becoming the man that she wantsto be with, becoming the guy,
becoming the man that she wantsto be with.
You know, when she was little,she had her dad.
She had her father to look upto and she loved that.
She loved the haircut of himand that's deep within her.
(01:18):
If she was lucky enough to havea father, that is deep inside
of her and if she could pullthat rabbit's eye out of the hat
and have that for the rest ofthe life, she would probably
want that kind of love.
So we're going to set you on acourse tonight to becoming that
kind of guy that she dreams ofbeing with.
(01:39):
And uh, so, guys, hey, welcome,greg.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Hey welcome cra, welcome Craig.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Welcome, Josh.
Thank you, How's it going Good,Doing great.
You know we've been doing thisshow for what?
About three years, Really?
Speaker 3 (01:51):
A little over three years, I think A little over.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Give or take.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I have learned nothing.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That was going to be my next question.
It's almost going to be a showtonight of what we've learned.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Learning is one thing , but doing it yes, my gosh,
that has been so hard Becomingthe guy that she wants Right,
tell a little bit about that.
Well, if I may, yeah, you know,the show has always been timely
and all the things that we'velearned on here, you know, or
rather the subjects that we havecovered and researched to do
the shows, have been real.
(02:24):
I'd say real eye openers andgame pagers, wouldn't you guys?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
but yes, no, I agree.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I agree.
The thing is, I find myself, ifI'm honest, especially in
retrospect when I look back onmy behavior cause sometimes you
know, when you're just goingthrough your life you're
autopilot at least I amdepending on, especially how
tired I sometimes am.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
But looking back on it's like knowing is one thing
and walking the walk issomething else entirely we've
been, we've been programmed ourwhole life to kind of be, a
certain way, based on, well, howwe were raised, our upbringing,
you know, and so what you'retrying to say, probably, is just
that it can be very hard tochange ways that are inside of
(03:06):
us for so many years and thatweren't working, and we're
learning new things.
Is that what you're talking?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
about.
I think so.
I mean a lot of the things thatlike the law of attraction,
knowing that you shouldn't overpursue.
But then you get caught up andyou find somebody you like, and
you find that's exactly whatyou're doing, and you see the
person fleeing from you, and yetyou find that you're unable to
stop pursuing, and so it justyou're describing one of the
hardest things to to combat isanxious attachment.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, I mean when you're, when you all sudden meet
somebody and you're like, ohman, she's the cat's meow and
you're thinking about her,thinking about her, thinking
about her pretty soon beforemeow, and you're thinking about
her, thinking about her,thinking about her Pretty soon.
Before you know it you'reacting the anxious attachment
all the way right.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Yes, but I think that that gets triggered Because I
think that everybody has achance to be in their secure
attachment style and I thinkthat certain cues, subconscious
or overt, from the other personwill make you enter your
attachment style and whateverthat might be, because, because
I think to have an, you don'treally want to have an
(04:10):
attachment style, you want to,you just want to be secure.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
You want to be, but can?
Can a person be secure?
Do they have that ability to besecure?
If no matter what I mean, doyou think they all have?
Do you think we all have thatability and we show it at
certain times?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
yes, I think it's about choosing the right person
okay, so if it went, and that'sthat's.
Another thing entirely is ifyou keep choosing the same types
of people and you.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You'd think you aren't, but but if you have a
secure.
Here's the deal, though.
But if you have a secureattachment style, you will never
be an anxious attachment.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
That's I don't think that's true.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
No, okay.
Well, that's where you differ.
I like that.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yeah, or an avoidant attachment.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
You won't be that.
You'll be a secure across theboard.
If you can't be a secure acrossthe board, you're not secure.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Well, in my experience, I start out secure,
and then someone's avoidantbehavior will then make me turn
into an anxious attachment, orsomeone's anxious behavior will
make me turn into an avoidantattachment.
So I think that it's reallyabout finding someone compatible
, and if you're able to tellthem look, I think we're just
(05:13):
triggering each other here.
We're going to our attachmentstyles and they might be able to
change if they're open to that,if they're into
self-improvement and they'reself-aware.
But if they aren't, though,that's not the right person,
because you're not going to beable to make a lifetime
avoidance, you're not going tofix them.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Right.
But I'm just saying, like, witha secure they're secure across
the board.
They can be hit anyway and itjust kind of water off the
duck's back, but that'll be agood one to look up.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, ideally, yeah, if they're with the right person
, they're going to be secure.
No, but yeah, no, you're alwaysmoving through the attachment
styles if you're with the wrongkind of person.
So you could be secure for 20years of marriage, but then if
you find out your wife's havingan affair, how secure are you
going to be?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
In how he reacts to that situation.
He doesn't have to fly off thehandle.
I mean, you can have somethingcrazy happen.
It's like emotional maturity.
Your emotional maturity ismarked by basically how you
handle bad situations.
It's how you handle badsituations.
It's how you come to.
(06:26):
You know basically an emotionalmature person.
You're not going to really knowthat they're having a wild,
rough week or whatever, becausethey are emotionally mature.
Now, if they're going through asituation in life where they're
having a lot of things come atthem, if they're not emotionally
(06:47):
mature, they're going to meltin certain ways.
They're going to melt down.
Snap, yeah, they'll snap,they'll snap at you, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Honey, you squeezed the toothpaste in the middle of
the tube.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Why, you know little things like that Indirected
anger.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
You're not saying that you need to repress your
emotions completely, to be no,because that would also be
immature.
No, because you understandwhat's going on.
That's why I say, like a personthat's in a situation, in a
relationship, they're a secureattachment.
You know they're going to havea rocky road with that
relationship at times, butthey're.
They are the person that'sgoing to be able to keep the
ship going smooth, can ride thewaves of all those and they're
going to remain secure.
That's just.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Yeah, and I think too , the secure.
Let's say if the man has thesecure attachment in the
relationship, if the lady, youcould say vice versa.
In this case we'll say the manis the secure attachment.
So the lady's kind of going offthe deep end a little bit,
based on life, has served hersome bad things.
What's going to end uphappening?
(07:47):
She's going to subconsciouslyuse the man as the guideline to
get back to even keel again.
See what I mean?
His calmness, yeah right Hisemotional security.
She's going to realize that, oh,okay, okay, it's not a big
thing and yeah, that would be agood way to.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
No, that was beautiful right there.
Yeah, because what does shecall?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
him when she describes him Daddy.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Oh, you mean he's my rock?
Yeah, the rock he's my.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Dwayne.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Johnson Perfect, he's my rock.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Can you smell what Rock?
I mean?
What is the best compliment awoman could pay a man in that
situation?
It would be to say he's my rock.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, you know.
And to be a rock, to be a manwho's going to be a rock for his
woman, that's what she wants inlife, right?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah woman.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
That's what she wants in life, right, yeah, when she
grew up to, you know if she hada dad, hopefully we, you know
that's.
If you have a dad and you grewup with a dad, what a beautiful
thing.
And if you meet a guy thatreminds you of her dad, if she
meets a fella that reminds herof her dad and she had a loving
relationship with him, she,she's going to look at that guy
with googly eyes.
(09:06):
You know for the most part, butto be somebody's rock, we'll
get back to the premise of thisshow.
What does the guy want to do?
Where do we want to take thatguy and tell that guy to be what
he needs to be to attract her?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah, that would be to be that rock.
That quote from another showwhere it's like you don't want
to become, you don't want to.
How does that go exactly?
You don't want to attract acertain kind of person, you want
to.
If you want to attract acertain kind of person, you
(09:46):
don't try to change them.
You just have to become thekind of person that you would
want to spend the rest of yourlife with, and then you'll
attract those kind of people.
So you're changing yourself inorder to attract the right kind
of person.
I don't know if that has to dowith what you just said.
I certainly hope so.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
No, it does.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
It does Because you work on yourself, the attraction
from your potential partners.
They become attracted, theywant to become a part of you If
you're doing somethingintentionally to attract them.
I'm going to change this.
I'm going to do this.
Instead of trying to work onyourself, you're trying to do
little things, which are provento be superficial, to attract a
(10:27):
particular woman.
In the end, you're turned awaybecause you didn't bring your
real self to the table in thefirst place yeah, if you're, if
you're pretending that you don'twant to call her.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
If you're not calling her on purpose to try to game
the situation, they're gonna.
They're gonna sense thatinauthenticity, I think.
But if you're sincerely on yourpurpose, then that's going to
generate a kind of energy that'sgoing to be irresistible.
But at least that's the idea,yeah, and you're genuinely not
worried about what she's doing.
When she's here.
She's not with you becauseyou're just too busy.
(10:58):
You're doing your life.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
An example I'd like to do real quick would be this.
Let's say a gentleman is savingup a down payment.
He's already been approved fora loan to buy a house.
He's $1,000 away from his downpayment.
The bank's already gave him apromissory note saying once you
add $10,000 down, we'll give youthe loan for this house.
So all of a sudden, the girlhe's dating just is begging to
(11:21):
want to go on this Caribbeanvacation.
Well, to do that, we'll delayhis time to accrue the money to
get this down payment.
He set this agreement withhimself, a written goal, saying
hey, I'll have this amount ofmoney saved by this time If I go
on this Caribbean vacation.
(11:41):
It's going to delay my savingfor another three months.
So if he's true to himself,he'll say we'll take the
Caribbeancation another time.
I got to stick to my guns righthere.
Oh yeah, that'd be an exampleof that being true to yourself.
Being mature, yeah, yeah, notgiving in.
Being himself, setting yourgoals the alpha male sets the
(12:03):
goals, lives to it.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You stayed with us this far, and that shows
commitment, proving you possessthe trait required to obtain the
solution.
Now let's rejoin the showalready in progress.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
So often I look at my past, how I would do things to
accommodate the woman, to gether acceptance.
Do you see what I mean?
And I wasn't being true tomyself in situations like that.
Nowadays I'm like, hey, savethat down payment, we'll do the
vacation later, you have to sayno, sometimes don't you.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
Speaker 2 (12:40):
No is one of the most important words to master as a
guy.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I hate saying no, I hate hearing no, because I think
I want to please.
It's hard to say no to a womanthat you're attracted to and you
want to make happy and impress.
But the thing is, if you alwayscave into what she, what her
ideas are and like you sort ofbegin to lose yourself, no
respect yeah, that's right, pushover, you're going to lose.
(13:06):
Yeah, exactly, she's going toknow that.
She's going to sense that.
Well, he keeps.
Every time I want something, hejust bends and changes what
seemed to be a strong opinion.
He's just.
You know, he's a pushover.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
He's just starting to cave to me, and they know that
that's why they'll test youright.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Yeah, and so I guess that becomes unattractive
because she can't feel yourstrength and then she starts to
think well, in a really toughchallenge in life, I can't trust
this guy because he's going tobend with the wind, so he's not
reliable Right and that puts herand she'll be thinking, that
puts me in the lead position.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
She wants to marry a guy who wants to take the lead.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Yeah and be responsible.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
That relationship be responsible?
I think so, and saying the wordno, that's a responsible word.
He's saying no, this isn't theright time, honey.
We can't do that.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I can't recall how many a lot of men who I sponsor
actively sponsor in that supportgroup that I'm involved in it's
so funny, you know sponsor andthat support group that I'm
involved in, it's so funny.
I can't remember how many menat times have have told me God,
I just wanted to to please mygirlfriend, so I, I spent my
bill money once again to makethem happy to take them to that
nice dinner, to take them onthat weekend trip.
(14:25):
Right, they see that the ladysees that season has been a
pushoverhover and and so I tellthe guys once the money's out,
they're going on to the next guy.
Yeah, they're going on to thenext guy, yeah yeah, I think
that's another thing into itselftoo.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Is not giving not giving money to, don't give
money to women really?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
and well, it's your wife.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
That's different, but right, get no.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
But I mean like trips and stuff spending money on it,
right?
You know, like I'm sure all ofus have dated with God, I'd
really want to check out thisrestaurant.
Or I really would like to go toGalena for the weekend, or
Milwaukee for the weekend, orDenver for the weekend, right,
totally unexpected.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Oh, that'd be so nice .
You should be just going toMount.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Pleasant yeah, yeah, Old Threshers or something like
that Well, I mean, you know or.
Des Moines, go to Des Moinesand back.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
You don't need to ride that high.
No, you don't Just ride low fora while and do it with her, and
you know, conversation canhappen anywhere.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
And you know you can snuggle up to your lady anywhere
.
She can snuggle up to youanywhere.
It doesn't have to be all showy.
She wants to marry Ladies.
We're not speaking for you, butyou want to marry a guy who
wants to be a mature man who'slooking out for you.
(15:45):
He's looking out for the wholesituation.
He's not just looking out forhimself at all, he's looking out
for the whole situation.
That's what you want Somebodywho sticks to their values.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Sticks to their values and beliefs?
Yeah, even when she thinksthey're in opposition.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
That's a great point, josh.
That's a beautiful point,because who do you want to marry
in life?
Somebody that has the samevalues and beliefs.
Really, I mean, really thatgoes a, a long way.
So when you're in that marriageor in that relationship and you
stick to your values, thenshe's already in that that value
set right.
So isn't that a beautiful wayto maintain those values?
(16:25):
Yeah, when you have somebodyleading you or you know, I think
you might not have any hope.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Otherwise, if you don't have the same values, it
turns out Right.
Yeah, I just don't see howthat's going to.
I don't know.
I hadn't really thought howthat would play out.
Specifically on the differentvalues, no, you're right,
especially morality, the moralcompass.
Well, of course, the last threewomen I've been with have all
(16:50):
been toxic personalities withnarcissistic tendencies of men.
But I realized the commondenominator is me.
I'm the person attracting thesepeople.
So, for whatever reason, myempathetic codependency or
whatever it is, makes me a juicymeal for these people that
(17:13):
think I'm going to take hisresources, I'm going to
vampirize him and I'm going totake him down a peg on the way
out Right.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
They meet you and they're emotionally salivating
and you don't want to be sometasty little morsel.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
You want to be a big beefy, steak up there on the
right vibration level.
Right, I think so.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
But I know I don't want this anymore.
Right, I think I think so, butI know I don't want.
I don't want this anymore.
I'm really done with this.
I've had enough and I and Iwant to move on.
Um, so I unfortunately, I thinkit's led me to the conclusion
that I need to stop, just stopthinking about women altogether
and just get on my purpose,cause I know I'm not doing it
and every time I say I am, somewoman comes along and is
(17:54):
interested in me.
It's like you know that's thedevil.
No, but it's like as soon as Itry to get on my purpose, some
interesting, some lovely pair ofeyes will be blinking at me and
blinking or winking, blinking,and you get the idea.
I mean, it's just like Totallyso I find myself at an
interesting turning point, Isuppose.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
So what things do you feel you have to work on?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Stop talking.
Okay, I want to take a vow ofsilence.
That'd be creepy.
It's kind of a joke, but Ialmost want to put.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
So you talk too much.
When you initially meet them ona date or something, I talk all
the time I never stop talking.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
I realize, and there's no mystery in that, and
these girls get sick of me,they're mine to lose.
And then I talk and talk andthen you just see them just
fading away because themystery's gone.
You talked about everything.
I'm not interesting.
I realize that I think I am,but the more I talk, the less
mystery there is.
So I have to shut the heck up.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, a person comes.
The more, the more interestingyou become, the less you've said
you know, I just ask himquestions.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
The next girl that gives you.
Those eyes just make it a pointto ask questions about herself,
and I'll say can't you read thesign?
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It says no smelly girls.
Now get out of here.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
It can be easy to do, josh.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
And I totally smelly girls now get out of here.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
It can be easy to do, josh, and I totally understand
what you're saying.
I do, because we've all beenthere.
I guess you don't talk too muchthough.
No, well, I guess, naturally Ilike to listen more.
I just I do, I like to listen,and somebody wants to talk, you
know.
But I think you can get itthough, you know, because it's
just, it's just a matter of, andyou know those things have been
programmed into you too.
You know we talk.
I think you can get it, though,you know, because it's just a
matter of, and you know thosethings have been programmed into
(19:34):
you too.
You know we talk about okay,you got to do this and that to
find her.
Well, it's not necessarilysomething you don't, it's
usually.
It's not something you have todo, it's something you don't
that you should quit doing.
Yeah, yeah, you know, to findher, it's not something you have
to go out and do.
Just look at what you're doingand then probably simmer it down
(19:54):
, because it's like aswitchboard here, okay, and
we've all got our mics amped upand everything.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
If one of our mics is amped way up, you know we're
like talking super duper loud,yeah, but we want all those amps
, all those.
You know where.
You see them, where they'reshooting up into the red.
They're too high.
They just all need to be inthat middle area.
Okay, you know.
So it's just about balance.
Life's about balance.
That's a good metaphor, yeah,and life is about balance.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
So you stop talking and stop texting.
And I would look at this too,josh, just see where you're
meeting these girls at Like.
I have a feeling this wouldn'thappen to you much.
I'm just using examples.
If you met him in the chessclub, the astronomy, some
astronomy club, some hikinggroup right now these are what I
mean fishing group you know,these are all girls I met
through drugs.
I'll be honest and even though,there you go, that's it right
(20:46):
there.
If I'm a betty man, that's itright there.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
That's what it is, and as long as one of us me or
she is doing drugs, that's inour lives, it's not going to
work out.
There you go it is not going towork out.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
This is my opinion based on my experience.
I've talked to Craig about thisbefore, away from the show,
away from Aaron, I believe, withyou a few times too.
We talk about all thesecharacteristics of a healthy
relationship, what they shouldbe, yeah, and what to find in
somebody.
You really don't find those.
In somebody who uses heavilyyou really don't.
(21:22):
If you see and observe them.
A lot of times it's a front,it's a bait of the hook, yeah,
just a real somebody in there'salways damage, oh yeah, latent
damage at least, and it's readyto yeah, it's all about me,
because I you know for me whatis the bait and what is the hook
?
explain those real quick okay,okay, here's the thing.
The hook would be the bait andhook, hook line and sinker,
(21:43):
basically bullshit.
You know I mean, because it'slike that eagle song every girl
knows how to open up a door withjust a smile.
You see what I mean.
So, when it comes to peoplethat are practicing addicts,
practicing alcoholics, they'resuperficial, they're emotionally
immature, they're self-centered.
So what you're seeing is notreal, it's not genuine.
(22:05):
They don't even know who theyare.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
They don't even know who they are.
You know, right, are okay, theydon't even know who they are,
you know right, yeah, I mean, Imean, well, yeah, if you're, if
you're, we're all you know, ifthe thing is, we all attract
what we're comfortable with, yes, you know, and the thing is,
fellas, what we're saying is.
What we're saying is you got tothink about it, because if
you're attracting the sameperson, the same type of gal,
(22:31):
same type of lady, you got tochange it up, you got to, I
probably, if that person getsyou in trouble, if you end up in
a situation that, yes, justisn't working because it's toxic
yeah and when you know, and youknow the difference, we all
know the difference betweentoxic and non-toxic.
You know if it's toxic, it's,it's not good, right?
And if you need to findsomebody and everybody, come
(22:53):
home from that date or comebeing with them for a month or
two months and go.
Man, I just don't enjoy this.
She gets all excited and yellsat me for this blah, blah, blah.
If things are, then what it'ssaying to you is start thinking
about if your childhood waschaotic and crazy.
That's what.
That's what comes into yourlife, right, you're comfortable
(23:15):
with chaos.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
You're comfortable with chaos?
Oh yeah, then somebody decentthat comes along.
They're boring, they're boringvery boring.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
They're the one for you.
Yeah, so it is.
It's a little tricky at first.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
It's hard to act against your instincts yes, it
is when you realize, when youget sick of everything.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
You keep doing the same, leading you to the same
unsatisfying conclusions, thenit's time to, and so if we take
this show right here, if youbottom line it, if we bottom
line this show right here, thisis I want to know what you guys
think.
This is what I think the bottomline is is deciding if you are
a person of chaos.
Is that what you're used to?
Or are you used to a room of oflove, to see the folks of love?
(23:54):
Things were great.
When you're a kid, you know.
If you can decide between thatand decide how your childhood
went, because that's what we endup being.
You know we are who we were yesand there's certain things that
we can't wish away, and so it's,there's certain just a couple
questions ask, you know, and isit chaos or is it love?
And then you want to, um,elevate yourself to where you
(24:19):
need to be.
What do you guys think?
I want that?
I want to listen to.
No one understand.
We're saying too right, becausewhat was that?
Was that uh, easilyunderstandable what I said, kind
of.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, you said a lot there too, but you said a few
different things, but one I gotwas that we accept the love that
we feel we deserve.
So if we have a low self-valueor low self-worth, we're not
going to see, we're notreceptive to love that is of a
higher quality.
And you mentioned it might evenseem boring, perfect, um, yeah,
(24:58):
although I think more recentlyI I must be some kind of drama
king, because that seems to bewhat you think.
You're addicted to chaos andchaotic women.
But then when some inequalitycomes along, actually, not only
was she not boring, but I thinkit was so amazing that I I
started to you know like wow,and then they started to run
towards it, and then I'm doingall the bad mistakes again.
So I'm saying, hey, wait aminute, you're amazing, we
(25:19):
should be together.
And she's like wait a minute.
I told you I didn't want arelationship.
And I was like oh, I know, butyou're so amazing though, and
right, well, just because youhave an agreement doesn't mean
she feels the same way, or justbecause you feel something for
someone doesn't mean that that'sgoing to happen.
But my point was supposed to beyou meet someone of quality.
(25:40):
I think you might know actually.
Yeah, it's going to be soobvious that it's going to be
hard to control, I know.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yes, yes, and she's going to be the type of gal
there's going to be some hintsto know.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
She's not going to be easily won over.
She's not going to tell you how, she's not going to bombard you
with these feelings right away.
Oh wow, this is awesome.
You are awesome.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
And if they're saying they love you, but not sleep
with you right away, but shestill wants to see you.
Yeah, I think that's a greatgirl.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
That's a great lady.
That's a great thing happening.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Yeah, because I can't get to a woman's heart by the
bed.
Being in the bed.
I think I mentioned this inanother podcast.
A woman needs to have her hearttouched first before I touch
her skin.
I touch your skin.
I'm sleeping with a woman.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I'm using the gift from god first, right, yeah,
using that, first speaking, apart of the mystery being gone
right.
Well, sex, I mean big rig sex,is the most powerful thing yeah
that we have going for us, andit's so.
When something is so powerfuland has such a big motor, where
it can affect people so mucheither great, in a great way or
in a bad way then that'ssomething to respect.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
We're going to do another show, a continuation of
this, and it's going to be agood one.
Yes, I know, sir.
For myself, josh and Greg, Isay goodnight from the Solution.
Appreciate you guys tuning inAbsolutely.
And goodnight.
Have a good night y'all.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Thanks for listening, bye.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Thanks for joining us and be sure to check out our
next episode.
Send your questions andcomments to Craig2042 at
gmailcom.
That's Craig with a C.
Be sure to subscribe to theSolution so you can be notified
the moment the next excitingepisode is ready for you to
listen to.
And please leave a review onApple Podcasts or on your
(27:36):
favorite podcast player.
Champion Bachelors Craig and Greg present a myriad
of topics centering onrelationships and addictions in
the positive lights ofexperience, strength and hope.
Both have struggled with thestrongholds of addiction and
with relationships that wentawry, and both have emerged on
the other side stronger, wiserand better prepared to become
what they once set out to be.
(00:42):
You're listening to theSolution.
Speaker 2 (00:54):
Welcome to the Solution.
I'm your host, craig Dolan.
Tonight we're going to betalking about becoming the guy,
becoming the man that she wantsto be with, becoming the guy,
becoming the man that she wantsto be with.
You know, when she was little,she had her dad.
She had her father to look upto and she loved that.
She loved the haircut of himand that's deep within her.
(01:18):
If she was lucky enough to havea father, that is deep inside
of her and if she could pullthat rabbit's eye out of the hat
and have that for the rest ofthe life, she would probably
want that kind of love.
So we're going to set you on acourse tonight to becoming that
kind of guy that she dreams ofbeing with.
(01:39):
And uh, so, guys, hey, welcome,greg.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
Hey welcome cra, welcome Craig.
Speaker 2 (01:43):
Welcome, Josh.
Thank you, How's it going Good,Doing great.
You know we've been doing thisshow for what?
About three years, Really?
Speaker 3 (01:51):
A little over three years, I think A little over.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Right yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Give or take.
Speaker 1 (01:55):
I have learned nothing.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
That was going to be my next question.
It's almost going to be a showtonight of what we've learned.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
Learning is one thing , but doing it yes, my gosh,
that has been so hard Becomingthe guy that she wants Right,
tell a little bit about that.
Well, if I may, yeah, you know,the show has always been timely
and all the things that we'velearned on here, you know, or
rather the subjects that we havecovered and researched to do
the shows, have been real.
(02:24):
I'd say real eye openers andgame pagers, wouldn't you guys?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
but yes, no, I agree.
Speaker 1 (02:31):
I agree.
The thing is, I find myself, ifI'm honest, especially in
retrospect when I look back onmy behavior cause sometimes you
know, when you're just goingthrough your life you're
autopilot at least I amdepending on, especially how
tired I sometimes am.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
But looking back on it's like knowing is one thing
and walking the walk issomething else entirely we've
been, we've been programmed ourwhole life to kind of be, a
certain way, based on, well, howwe were raised, our upbringing,
you know, and so what you'retrying to say, probably, is just
that it can be very hard tochange ways that are inside of
(03:06):
us for so many years and thatweren't working, and we're
learning new things.
Is that what you're talking?
Speaker 1 (03:11):
about.
I think so.
I mean a lot of the things thatlike the law of attraction,
knowing that you shouldn't overpursue.
But then you get caught up andyou find somebody you like, and
you find that's exactly whatyou're doing, and you see the
person fleeing from you, and yetyou find that you're unable to
stop pursuing, and so it justyou're describing one of the
hardest things to to combat isanxious attachment.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Yeah, I mean when you're, when you all sudden meet
somebody and you're like, ohman, she's the cat's meow and
you're thinking about her,thinking about her, thinking
about her pretty soon beforemeow, and you're thinking about
her, thinking about her,thinking about her Pretty soon.
Before you know it you'reacting the anxious attachment
all the way right.
Speaker 1 (03:50):
Yes, but I think that that gets triggered Because I
think that everybody has achance to be in their secure
attachment style and I thinkthat certain cues, subconscious
or overt, from the other personwill make you enter your
attachment style and whateverthat might be, because, because
I think to have an, you don'treally want to have an
(04:10):
attachment style, you want to,you just want to be secure.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
You want to be, but can?
Can a person be secure?
Do they have that ability to besecure?
If no matter what I mean, doyou think they all have?
Do you think we all have thatability and we show it at
certain times?
Speaker 1 (04:26):
yes, I think it's about choosing the right person
okay, so if it went, and that'sthat's.
Another thing entirely is ifyou keep choosing the same types
of people and you.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
You'd think you aren't, but but if you have a
secure.
Here's the deal, though.
But if you have a secureattachment style, you will never
be an anxious attachment.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
That's I don't think that's true.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
No, okay.
Well, that's where you differ.
I like that.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
Yeah, or an avoidant attachment.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
You won't be that.
You'll be a secure across theboard.
If you can't be a secure acrossthe board, you're not secure.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
Well, in my experience, I start out secure,
and then someone's avoidantbehavior will then make me turn
into an anxious attachment, orsomeone's anxious behavior will
make me turn into an avoidantattachment.
So I think that it's reallyabout finding someone compatible
, and if you're able to tellthem look, I think we're just
(05:13):
triggering each other here.
We're going to our attachmentstyles and they might be able to
change if they're open to that,if they're into
self-improvement and they'reself-aware.
But if they aren't, though,that's not the right person,
because you're not going to beable to make a lifetime
avoidance, you're not going tofix them.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Right.
But I'm just saying, like, witha secure they're secure across
the board.
They can be hit anyway and itjust kind of water off the
duck's back, but that'll be agood one to look up.
Speaker 1 (05:45):
Well, ideally, yeah, if they're with the right person
, they're going to be secure.
No, but yeah, no, you're alwaysmoving through the attachment
styles if you're with the wrongkind of person.
So you could be secure for 20years of marriage, but then if
you find out your wife's havingan affair, how secure are you
going to be?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
In how he reacts to that situation.
He doesn't have to fly off thehandle.
I mean, you can have somethingcrazy happen.
It's like emotional maturity.
Your emotional maturity ismarked by basically how you
handle bad situations.
It's how you handle badsituations.
It's how you come to.
(06:26):
You know basically an emotionalmature person.
You're not going to really knowthat they're having a wild,
rough week or whatever, becausethey are emotionally mature.
Now, if they're going through asituation in life where they're
having a lot of things come atthem, if they're not emotionally
(06:47):
mature, they're going to meltin certain ways.
They're going to melt down.
Snap, yeah, they'll snap,they'll snap at you, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Honey, you squeezed the toothpaste in the middle of
the tube.
Speaker 1 (06:58):
Why, you know little things like that Indirected
anger.
Speaker 2 (07:09):
You're not saying that you need to repress your
emotions completely, to be no,because that would also be
immature.
No, because you understandwhat's going on.
That's why I say, like a personthat's in a situation, in a
relationship, they're a secureattachment.
You know they're going to havea rocky road with that
relationship at times, butthey're.
They are the person that'sgoing to be able to keep the
ship going smooth, can ride thewaves of all those and they're
going to remain secure.
That's just.
Speaker 3 (07:27):
Yeah, and I think too , the secure.
Let's say if the man has thesecure attachment in the
relationship, if the lady, youcould say vice versa.
In this case we'll say the manis the secure attachment.
So the lady's kind of going offthe deep end a little bit,
based on life, has served hersome bad things.
What's going to end uphappening?
(07:47):
She's going to subconsciouslyuse the man as the guideline to
get back to even keel again.
See what I mean?
His calmness, yeah right Hisemotional security.
She's going to realize that, oh,okay, okay, it's not a big
thing and yeah, that would be agood way to.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
No, that was beautiful right there.
Yeah, because what does shecall?
Speaker 1 (08:11):
him when she describes him Daddy.
Speaker 3 (08:14):
Oh, you mean he's my rock?
Yeah, the rock he's my.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
Dwayne.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Johnson Perfect, he's my rock.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Can you smell what Rock?
I mean?
What is the best compliment awoman could pay a man in that
situation?
It would be to say he's my rock.
Speaker 1 (08:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, you know.
And to be a rock, to be a manwho's going to be a rock for his
woman, that's what she wants inlife, right?
Speaker 3 (08:42):
Yeah woman.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
That's what she wants in life, right, yeah, when she
grew up to, you know if she hada dad, hopefully we, you know
that's.
If you have a dad and you grewup with a dad, what a beautiful
thing.
And if you meet a guy thatreminds you of her dad, if she
meets a fella that reminds herof her dad and she had a loving
relationship with him, she,she's going to look at that guy
with googly eyes.
(09:06):
You know for the most part, butto be somebody's rock, we'll
get back to the premise of thisshow.
What does the guy want to do?
Where do we want to take thatguy and tell that guy to be what
he needs to be to attract her?
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Yeah, that would be to be that rock.
That quote from another showwhere it's like you don't want
to become, you don't want to.
How does that go exactly?
You don't want to attract acertain kind of person, you want
to.
If you want to attract acertain kind of person, you
(09:46):
don't try to change them.
You just have to become thekind of person that you would
want to spend the rest of yourlife with, and then you'll
attract those kind of people.
So you're changing yourself inorder to attract the right kind
of person.
I don't know if that has to dowith what you just said.
I certainly hope so.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
No, it does.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
It does Because you work on yourself, the attraction
from your potential partners.
They become attracted, theywant to become a part of you If
you're doing somethingintentionally to attract them.
I'm going to change this.
I'm going to do this.
Instead of trying to work onyourself, you're trying to do
little things, which are provento be superficial, to attract a
(10:27):
particular woman.
In the end, you're turned awaybecause you didn't bring your
real self to the table in thefirst place yeah, if you're, if
you're pretending that you don'twant to call her.
Speaker 1 (10:36):
If you're not calling her on purpose to try to game
the situation, they're gonna.
They're gonna sense thatinauthenticity, I think.
But if you're sincerely on yourpurpose, then that's going to
generate a kind of energy that'sgoing to be irresistible.
But at least that's the idea,yeah, and you're genuinely not
worried about what she's doing.
When she's here.
She's not with you becauseyou're just too busy.
(10:58):
You're doing your life.
Speaker 3 (11:00):
An example I'd like to do real quick would be this.
Let's say a gentleman is savingup a down payment.
He's already been approved fora loan to buy a house.
He's $1,000 away from his downpayment.
The bank's already gave him apromissory note saying once you
add $10,000 down, we'll give youthe loan for this house.
So all of a sudden, the girlhe's dating just is begging to
(11:21):
want to go on this Caribbeanvacation.
Well, to do that, we'll delayhis time to accrue the money to
get this down payment.
He set this agreement withhimself, a written goal, saying
hey, I'll have this amount ofmoney saved by this time If I go
on this Caribbean vacation.
(11:41):
It's going to delay my savingfor another three months.
So if he's true to himself,he'll say we'll take the
Caribbeancation another time.
I got to stick to my guns righthere.
Oh yeah, that'd be an exampleof that being true to yourself.
Being mature, yeah, yeah, notgiving in.
Being himself, setting yourgoals the alpha male sets the
(12:03):
goals, lives to it.
Speaker 1 (12:08):
You stayed with us this far, and that shows
commitment, proving you possessthe trait required to obtain the
solution.
Now let's rejoin the showalready in progress.
Speaker 3 (12:21):
So often I look at my past, how I would do things to
accommodate the woman, to gether acceptance.
Do you see what I mean?
And I wasn't being true tomyself in situations like that.
Nowadays I'm like, hey, savethat down payment, we'll do the
vacation later, you have to sayno, sometimes don't you.
Speaker 1 (12:38):
Yeah, absolutely yeah .
Speaker 2 (12:40):
No is one of the most important words to master as a
guy.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
I hate saying no, I hate hearing no, because I think
I want to please.
It's hard to say no to a womanthat you're attracted to and you
want to make happy and impress.
But the thing is, if you alwayscave into what she, what her
ideas are and like you sort ofbegin to lose yourself, no
respect yeah, that's right, pushover, you're going to lose.
(13:06):
Yeah, exactly, she's going toknow that.
She's going to sense that.
Well, he keeps.
Every time I want something, hejust bends and changes what
seemed to be a strong opinion.
He's just.
You know, he's a pushover.
Speaker 2 (13:20):
He's just starting to cave to me, and they know that
that's why they'll test youright.
Speaker 1 (13:24):
Yeah, and so I guess that becomes unattractive
because she can't feel yourstrength and then she starts to
think well, in a really toughchallenge in life, I can't trust
this guy because he's going tobend with the wind, so he's not
reliable Right and that puts herand she'll be thinking, that
puts me in the lead position.
Speaker 2 (13:45):
She wants to marry a guy who wants to take the lead.
Speaker 3 (13:50):
Yeah and be responsible.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
That relationship be responsible?
I think so, and saying the wordno, that's a responsible word.
He's saying no, this isn't theright time, honey.
We can't do that.
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I can't recall how many a lot of men who I sponsor
actively sponsor in that supportgroup that I'm involved in it's
so funny, you know sponsor andthat support group that I'm
involved in, it's so funny.
I can't remember how many menat times have have told me God,
I just wanted to to please mygirlfriend, so I, I spent my
bill money once again to makethem happy to take them to that
nice dinner, to take them onthat weekend trip.
(14:25):
Right, they see that the ladysees that season has been a
pushoverhover and and so I tellthe guys once the money's out,
they're going on to the next guy.
Yeah, they're going on to thenext guy, yeah yeah, I think
that's another thing into itselftoo.
Speaker 1 (14:39):
Is not giving not giving money to, don't give
money to women really?
Speaker 3 (14:44):
and well, it's your wife.
Speaker 1 (14:45):
That's different, but right, get no.
Speaker 3 (14:47):
But I mean like trips and stuff spending money on it,
right?
You know, like I'm sure all ofus have dated with God, I'd
really want to check out thisrestaurant.
Or I really would like to go toGalena for the weekend, or
Milwaukee for the weekend, orDenver for the weekend, right,
totally unexpected.
Speaker 2 (15:04):
Oh, that'd be so nice .
You should be just going toMount.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Pleasant yeah, yeah, Old Threshers or something like
that Well, I mean, you know or.
Des Moines, go to Des Moinesand back.
Speaker 2 (15:11):
You don't need to ride that high.
No, you don't Just ride low fora while and do it with her, and
you know, conversation canhappen anywhere.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
And you know you can snuggle up to your lady anywhere
.
She can snuggle up to youanywhere.
It doesn't have to be all showy.
She wants to marry Ladies.
We're not speaking for you, butyou want to marry a guy who
wants to be a mature man who'slooking out for you.
(15:45):
He's looking out for the wholesituation.
He's not just looking out forhimself at all, he's looking out
for the whole situation.
That's what you want Somebodywho sticks to their values.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Sticks to their values and beliefs?
Yeah, even when she thinksthey're in opposition.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
That's a great point, josh.
That's a beautiful point,because who do you want to marry
in life?
Somebody that has the samevalues and beliefs.
Really, I mean, really thatgoes a, a long way.
So when you're in that marriageor in that relationship and you
stick to your values, thenshe's already in that that value
set right.
So isn't that a beautiful wayto maintain those values?
(16:25):
Yeah, when you have somebodyleading you or you know, I think
you might not have any hope.
Speaker 1 (16:29):
Otherwise, if you don't have the same values, it
turns out Right.
Yeah, I just don't see howthat's going to.
I don't know.
I hadn't really thought howthat would play out.
Specifically on the differentvalues, no, you're right,
especially morality, the moralcompass.
Well, of course, the last threewomen I've been with have all
(16:50):
been toxic personalities withnarcissistic tendencies of men.
But I realized the commondenominator is me.
I'm the person attracting thesepeople.
So, for whatever reason, myempathetic codependency or
whatever it is, makes me a juicymeal for these people that
(17:13):
think I'm going to take hisresources, I'm going to
vampirize him and I'm going totake him down a peg on the way
out Right.
Speaker 3 (17:18):
They meet you and they're emotionally salivating
and you don't want to be sometasty little morsel.
Speaker 2 (17:22):
You want to be a big beefy, steak up there on the
right vibration level.
Right, I think so.
Speaker 1 (17:29):
But I know I don't want this anymore.
Right, I think I think so, butI know I don't want.
I don't want this anymore.
I'm really done with this.
I've had enough and I and Iwant to move on.
Um, so I unfortunately, I thinkit's led me to the conclusion
that I need to stop, just stopthinking about women altogether
and just get on my purpose,cause I know I'm not doing it
and every time I say I am, somewoman comes along and is
(17:54):
interested in me.
It's like you know that's thedevil.
No, but it's like as soon as Itry to get on my purpose, some
interesting, some lovely pair ofeyes will be blinking at me and
blinking or winking, blinking,and you get the idea.
I mean, it's just like Totallyso I find myself at an
interesting turning point, Isuppose.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
So what things do you feel you have to work on?
Speaker 1 (18:17):
Stop talking.
Okay, I want to take a vow ofsilence.
That'd be creepy.
It's kind of a joke, but Ialmost want to put.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
So you talk too much.
When you initially meet them ona date or something, I talk all
the time I never stop talking.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
I realize, and there's no mystery in that, and
these girls get sick of me,they're mine to lose.
And then I talk and talk andthen you just see them just
fading away because themystery's gone.
You talked about everything.
I'm not interesting.
I realize that I think I am,but the more I talk, the less
mystery there is.
So I have to shut the heck up.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah, a person comes.
The more, the more interestingyou become, the less you've said
you know, I just ask himquestions.
Speaker 3 (18:59):
The next girl that gives you.
Those eyes just make it a pointto ask questions about herself,
and I'll say can't you read thesign?
Speaker 1 (19:06):
It says no smelly girls.
Now get out of here.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
It can be easy to do, josh.
Speaker 3 (19:12):
And I totally smelly girls now get out of here.
Speaker 2 (19:13):
It can be easy to do, josh, and I totally understand
what you're saying.
I do, because we've all beenthere.
I guess you don't talk too muchthough.
No, well, I guess, naturally Ilike to listen more.
I just I do, I like to listen,and somebody wants to talk, you
know.
But I think you can get itthough, you know, because it's
just, it's just a matter of, andyou know those things have been
programmed into you too.
You know we talk.
I think you can get it, though,you know, because it's just a
matter of, and you know thosethings have been programmed into
(19:34):
you too.
You know we talk about okay,you got to do this and that to
find her.
Well, it's not necessarilysomething you don't, it's
usually.
It's not something you have todo, it's something you don't
that you should quit doing.
Yeah, yeah, you know, to findher, it's not something you have
to go out and do.
Just look at what you're doingand then probably simmer it down
(19:54):
, because it's like aswitchboard here, okay, and
we've all got our mics amped upand everything.
Speaker 1 (20:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:02):
If one of our mics is amped way up, you know we're
like talking super duper loud,yeah, but we want all those amps
, all those.
You know where.
You see them, where they'reshooting up into the red.
They're too high.
They just all need to be inthat middle area.
Okay, you know.
So it's just about balance.
Life's about balance.
That's a good metaphor, yeah,and life is about balance.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
So you stop talking and stop texting.
And I would look at this too,josh, just see where you're
meeting these girls at Like.
I have a feeling this wouldn'thappen to you much.
I'm just using examples.
If you met him in the chessclub, the astronomy, some
astronomy club, some hikinggroup right now these are what I
mean fishing group you know,these are all girls I met
through drugs.
I'll be honest and even though,there you go, that's it right
(20:46):
there.
If I'm a betty man, that's itright there.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
That's what it is, and as long as one of us me or
she is doing drugs, that's inour lives, it's not going to
work out.
There you go it is not going towork out.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
This is my opinion based on my experience.
I've talked to Craig about thisbefore, away from the show,
away from Aaron, I believe, withyou a few times too.
We talk about all thesecharacteristics of a healthy
relationship, what they shouldbe, yeah, and what to find in
somebody.
You really don't find those.
In somebody who uses heavilyyou really don't.
(21:22):
If you see and observe them.
A lot of times it's a front,it's a bait of the hook, yeah,
just a real somebody in there'salways damage, oh yeah, latent
damage at least, and it's readyto yeah, it's all about me,
because I you know for me whatis the bait and what is the hook
?
explain those real quick okay,okay, here's the thing.
The hook would be the bait andhook, hook line and sinker,
(21:43):
basically bullshit.
You know I mean, because it'slike that eagle song every girl
knows how to open up a door withjust a smile.
You see what I mean.
So, when it comes to peoplethat are practicing addicts,
practicing alcoholics, they'resuperficial, they're emotionally
immature, they're self-centered.
So what you're seeing is notreal, it's not genuine.
(22:05):
They don't even know who theyare.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
They don't even know who they are.
You know, right, are okay, theydon't even know who they are,
you know right, yeah, I mean, Imean, well, yeah, if you're, if
you're, we're all you know, ifthe thing is, we all attract
what we're comfortable with, yes, you know, and the thing is,
fellas, what we're saying is.
What we're saying is you got tothink about it, because if
you're attracting the sameperson, the same type of gal,
(22:31):
same type of lady, you got tochange it up, you got to, I
probably, if that person getsyou in trouble, if you end up in
a situation that, yes, justisn't working because it's toxic
yeah and when you know, and youknow the difference, we all
know the difference betweentoxic and non-toxic.
You know if it's toxic, it's,it's not good, right?
And if you need to findsomebody and everybody, come
(22:53):
home from that date or comebeing with them for a month or
two months and go.
Man, I just don't enjoy this.
She gets all excited and yellsat me for this blah, blah, blah.
If things are, then what it'ssaying to you is start thinking
about if your childhood waschaotic and crazy.
That's what.
That's what comes into yourlife, right, you're comfortable
(23:15):
with chaos.
Speaker 3 (23:15):
You're comfortable with chaos?
Oh yeah, then somebody decentthat comes along.
They're boring, they're boringvery boring.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
They're the one for you.
Yeah, so it is.
It's a little tricky at first.
Speaker 1 (23:24):
It's hard to act against your instincts yes, it
is when you realize, when youget sick of everything.
Speaker 2 (23:29):
You keep doing the same, leading you to the same
unsatisfying conclusions, thenit's time to, and so if we take
this show right here, if youbottom line it, if we bottom
line this show right here, thisis I want to know what you guys
think.
This is what I think the bottomline is is deciding if you are
a person of chaos.
Is that what you're used to?
Or are you used to a room of oflove, to see the folks of love?
(23:54):
Things were great.
When you're a kid, you know.
If you can decide between thatand decide how your childhood
went, because that's what we endup being.
You know we are who we were yesand there's certain things that
we can't wish away, and so it's,there's certain just a couple
questions ask, you know, and isit chaos or is it love?
And then you want to, um,elevate yourself to where you
(24:19):
need to be.
What do you guys think?
I want that?
I want to listen to.
No one understand.
We're saying too right, becausewhat was that?
Was that uh, easilyunderstandable what I said, kind
of.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Yeah, you said a lot there too, but you said a few
different things, but one I gotwas that we accept the love that
we feel we deserve.
So if we have a low self-valueor low self-worth, we're not
going to see, we're notreceptive to love that is of a
higher quality.
And you mentioned it might evenseem boring, perfect, um, yeah,
(24:58):
although I think more recentlyI I must be some kind of drama
king, because that seems to bewhat you think.
You're addicted to chaos andchaotic women.
But then when some inequalitycomes along, actually, not only
was she not boring, but I thinkit was so amazing that I I
started to you know like wow,and then they started to run
towards it, and then I'm doingall the bad mistakes again.
So I'm saying, hey, wait aminute, you're amazing, we
(25:19):
should be together.
And she's like wait a minute.
I told you I didn't want arelationship.
And I was like oh, I know, butyou're so amazing though, and
right, well, just because youhave an agreement doesn't mean
she feels the same way, or justbecause you feel something for
someone doesn't mean that that'sgoing to happen.
But my point was supposed to beyou meet someone of quality.
(25:40):
I think you might know actually.
Yeah, it's going to be soobvious that it's going to be
hard to control, I know.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yes, yes, and she's going to be the type of gal
there's going to be some hintsto know.
Speaker 1 (25:52):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:53):
She's not going to be easily won over.
She's not going to tell you how, she's not going to bombard you
with these feelings right away.
Oh wow, this is awesome.
You are awesome.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:09):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (26:10):
And if they're saying they love you, but not sleep
with you right away, but shestill wants to see you.
Yeah, I think that's a greatgirl.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
That's a great lady.
That's a great thing happening.
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Yeah, because I can't get to a woman's heart by the
bed.
Being in the bed.
I think I mentioned this inanother podcast.
A woman needs to have her hearttouched first before I touch
her skin.
I touch your skin.
I'm sleeping with a woman.
Speaker 2 (26:34):
I'm using the gift from god first, right, yeah,
using that, first speaking, apart of the mystery being gone
right.
Well, sex, I mean big rig sex,is the most powerful thing yeah
that we have going for us, andit's so.
When something is so powerfuland has such a big motor, where
it can affect people so mucheither great, in a great way or
in a bad way then that'ssomething to respect.
Speaker 3 (26:54):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
We're going to do another show, a continuation of
this, and it's going to be agood one.
Yes, I know, sir.
For myself, josh and Greg, Isay goodnight from the Solution.
Appreciate you guys tuning inAbsolutely.
And goodnight.
Have a good night y'all.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
Thanks for listening, bye.
Speaker 1 (27:16):
Thanks for joining us and be sure to check out our
next episode.
Send your questions andcomments to Craig2042 at
gmailcom.
That's Craig with a C.
Be sure to subscribe to theSolution so you can be notified
the moment the next excitingepisode is ready for you to
listen to.
And please leave a review onApple Podcasts or on your
(27:36):
favorite podcast player.
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