July 4, 2023 • 20 mins
“My whole life looks pretty dang good. Why do I still feel like shit?”
Have you ever felt like that?
What if the answer was not about manifesting MORE in your life? Achieving "next". What if we are given our dreams, our desires and our wants so that we keep diving deeper and deeper and deeper and start to awaken? What if there’s that one thing in your life that you can’t quite manifest because you’re meant to go within and meet yourself?
On a spiritual path, it's not what you do in the outer world that changes you, that makes the real impact, it's what you do on the inside. When you go deep within and meet your ‘itty bitty shitty committee’ and your ‘should of, would of, could of, ought to’s’, your shadow pieces, you are actually becoming a remedy, an absolute antidote for the world. That is real impact.
When you do that work, you show up differently, your behavior is different, your choices are different, your thoughts are different - and the ripple effect is exponential. When you do that work, you are a soulful leader.
- 00:41 the carrot of ‘scale it up’
- 03:35 conversations you’re avoiding - external and internal
- 09:17 your conversation with life, becoming the antidote
- 13:20 manifestation as a spiritual tool, we have more than enough
- 15:58 living a different story, one size doesn’t fit all - your formula is completely unique
“Your thread may feel very insignificant, because you're just one thread out of millions. But if your one thread were missing, it would leave a hole in humanity.” ~ Stephanie
Please share your insights and questions in one of our Soulful Leaders groups:
Get all the latest episodes, news and updates directly to your inbox. Subscribe here. TheSoulfulLeaderPodcast.com
Watch the podcasts on our YouTube Channel: @Soulful Leaders
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Maren Oslac (00:04):
In a world where achievements and accolades
motivate us to do more and bemore, we're often left
wondering, is this really it?
Stephanie Allen (00:12):
deep inside, you know, there is more to life,
you're ready to leave behind theold push your way through, and
claim the deeper life that'scalling you. That's where we
excel. We're your hosts,Stephanie Allen,
Maren Oslac (00:25):
and Maren Oslac.
Stephanie Allen (00:26):
And this is the soulful leader podcast,
Maren Oslac (00:29):
sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've
uncovered to help you make shifthappen.
Stephanie Allen (00:41):
Hi, welcome to the soulful leader podcast. This
is Stephanie and I'm here withMaren. And there's been
something that's beenpercolating in our hearts, as
soulful leaders. There's beensuch a, and we've we've
mentioned this a few times, butthere's been such a striving,
pushing to reach the next leveland to measure ourselves as good
(01:03):
enough by what we do instead ofwho we are. And there's been an
interesting shift that I'venoticed, internally with myself,
but also with those around me,that all of a sudden, it's hit
like a ceiling and people areseeing, I'm missing that off
factor in my life. Like, I don'twant to work more or harder. But
(01:25):
I do want to make an impact. AndI have no idea how to measure
that. And I am looking andlonging for motivation and
reason for being to get out ofbed in the morning, can you help
us. And that's something that Ilove to do. And it's also
something that is percolating inmy own heart, too. And so I've
had an opportunity to take someworkshops and trainings with
(01:47):
people who are really goodsoulful leaders, and I'm
watching how some of the soulfulleaders are also getting caught
up in the old rationalizationof, you know, scale it up, do
more, have more, you know, andit's breaking my heart, frankly.
So I'm going to be really honestwith this of like, what if, What
(02:11):
if it isn't here that we're hereto do more? What if I even had
this insight within myself thateven the longing for me to do
more, I'm having this littleconversation inside myself
saying, maybe that's just thecarrot that actually is helping
me rotor route my internal, thatit's changing me inside? That
(02:33):
whether or not I ever get theouter, it's changing me and what
I mean by that it's making melook at what am I resisting in
my life? What do I need to letgo of? Where am I judging myself
harshly or another? And then I'masking all of that inner
inquiry. And as much as I startto keep working on that,
(02:57):
sometimes that my rational brainwill say, Well, yeah, but you're
still not getting the outermanifestation of what you want.
And I'm like, Well, maybe it'snot about manifestation,
manifesting anything. Maybe it'sabout uncovering who I am and
why I'm here. So I know you andI have talked about this lots
Maren, about who are you? Whyare you here? And that, it, we
can get caught up in the outer,What I look like, what I, you
(03:20):
know, what I do for a living.
And I wonder if you could speakto some of that for yourself, of
what it's been bringing up foryou?
Maren Oslac (03:27):
Well, what I was thinking about while you were
talking was I was just at ameeting recently, and a woman
asked a very interestingquestion. She said, What are the
conversations that you've beenavoiding? That you know, you
need to have? And there were,you know, 30 of us doing this
(03:48):
exercise, and we came back andwe talked about it, I realized
that my sheet looked reallydifferent from everybody else's.
Because my conversations wereinternal conversations. And most
people, and I did think of youknow, there, there was one of
mine was an externalconversation of like, I really
need to talk to somebody thatowes me some money that, you
(04:10):
know, like, find out what'sgoing on with them and where we
are with that. And, you know, sothere was an external
conversation and when you weretalking about those, those hard
internal conversations. Weoftentimes think that we make a
(04:31):
decision then there's the like,the inner dialogue is not, it's,
it's almost like it's, it's likenope, I got that I'm, I know the
reasons I'm doing it. And so I'mgonna go do it. And then
something blocks us from doingit. And we don't go back and
(04:52):
have the conversation of, well,what's stopping me?
Stephanie Allen (04:57):
Yeah, like to ask a deeper question,
Maren Oslac (04:59):
Right. What's resistance. What's the internal
resistance? Like, say forexample, if if I, you know,
wanted to get up and go work outin the mornings. And I keep
hitting the snooze button, Ikeep hitting the snooze button.
I keep hitting the snoozebutton. Yeah, I could ask my
(05:19):
husband to make sure that I getup. The other thing, that's a
nice external thing to do, theother thing that I could do is
look at why, what's, what's thechallenge? Well, on the
external, maybe I'm going to bedtoo late. What's the benefit
that I'm getting out of going tobed too late so that I don't
(05:41):
want to get up early so that Idon't do my workout? Like it's a
it's a cascading domino effectalmost. And really getting to
the crux, like you said, askinganother question and you peeling
those layers, so that I can getto, what's the nugget? What's
(06:02):
the gift that I'm being given?
In that entire situation? It'sreally, like you said, it's not
necessarily about the externalachievement of going and working
out.
Stephanie Allen (06:14):
So it's almost asking saying, you know, I'm
procrastinating about something,instead of trying to will
yourself over it, try to getyourself through it, to stop and
go, How is procrastinationhelping me? What is it maybe
preventing me from or serving mewith in those ways? And it's
like, how can that how canprocrastination be a good thing?
(06:39):
Like, I'm, it's interesting,because I, you know, I had
planned a really an amazingevent that I wanted to
participate in, and it got itgot forfeited twice. And after
the second time, I was kind oflike, huh, I hate the whole
(07:00):
thing. Well, if it's meant tobe, it's meant to be it'll
happen. You know, it's like,yeah, okay. And maybe there's
something that's supposed tohappen within me. Maybe there's
a deeper question that I'm notasking that the universe is
saying, Wait, slow down, stop,listen, there's something I
don't want you to miss. And it'sgoing to be important. It's kind
of like a combination lock,there's like a, there's a
(07:22):
number, like a combination thatyou need, in order to unlock
this. Otherwise, you're going tohave to break the lock open, and
it's going to be painful. Andyou know, what, why would you
put yourself through that? So Ilook at those kinds of things of
like, can we stop long enoughand go, Hmm, and not about
trying to figure it out? BecauseI think we try to figure things
out. Instead of just beingpresent to what is missing,
(07:45):
okay? There must be something,because this is what we say, if
it's meant to be it's meant tobe. But there's also that, well,
there must be something I'mbeing prepared for, or there's a
deeper question, or there'sanother way to enter it, and to
stay present with it withouttrying to figure it out, trying
to manipulate or control it. Butwe also are required, we got to
(08:07):
pay attention without theanxiety.
Maren Oslac (08:09):
And I think that that's the key. Because
sometimes, if it's meant to beit's meant to be is absolutely
accurate. And sometimes it'snot, sometimes we're actually
being asked to, you know, takeanother step, or do something
else. And so how do you know thedifference between those? and
(08:32):
that is the process of presencethat you mentioned, of really
listening. And it's not a it'snot a I should, should be able
to do this. Because this is justmy nature. No, it's a practice.
It's a practice that thathappens over time. And you learn
(08:52):
to be good in conversation withlife, essentially, just like,
you know, some people are moregifted in in conversation than
others. And there's a bazillionpeople. Yeah, all you have to do
is Google or ask, you know, it'slike, how can I become a better
conversationalist, and there's abazillion opportunities to do
(09:13):
that, right?
Stephanie Allen (09:15):
So much information out, there's so much
information.
Maren Oslac (09:18):
So it's not that, you know, you're either good at
it, or you're not. It's youdevelop it over time. And it is
the conversation with life.
Stephanie Allen (09:28):
And that's exactly what you just said, it's
the development, it's theprocess. I'm going to be very
transparent here. You know, oneof the things that I've sought
out all my life is arelationship. And from my
conditioned past, you know, Ithink, Oh, you have to have the
right relationship and then yourlife kind of works is like the
fairy fairy tale The happilyever after. But there's a lot of
(09:50):
work that has to go on in theinternal. And so from a high
rational achiever perspective,from that part that's, and what
I mean by that is that thepeople that are measuring who I
am by what I do and what I've,like manifested in my life. So
high rational
Maren Oslac (10:06):
are like achievement. And this is most of
society right now we'reachievement oriented. Right? So
you measure what matters, thebook, you know, I mean, like
everything is achievementoriented. That's what you mean
by the high rational. .
Stephanie Allen (10:18):
Exactly. And so I could be looked at that way
I think this is really, reallyimportant. And when when we're
saying, well, you're too busyStephanie, you can't have a
relationship, because you'realways on the go. And I was
doing that, I get that a lot.
I'm like, I'm too busy. Whatdoes that mean? What does that
mean? I'm like, to me, whenthere's something that I value
or of importance, you make timeand space for it. And we tend to
(10:39):
think about it in the outerworld, I'll make time and space
for the outer world. But it'slike I'm worth time and space.
So it's like that very thingthat I'm seeking. And from a
high rational achiever world,talking about high rational
achievers, it may seem likeI'm actually not getting it, or
the way I think I should begetting it, that's the way that
my rational achiever would seeit. But under the surface of
(11:00):
that, if I go deeper, there's awhole lot of shoulda woulda
coulda ought tos, the itty bittyshitty committee that I call
that is requiring me to reallyfind love, and compassion and
peace, where, and as long as Ido not go underneath that, if I
don't dive deep within that, itthere's a judgment there. And
there isn't because it's reallyjust keeps surfacing up in my
outer life. And this is thebenefit of diving deep in there.
(11:22):
And it's like, sometimes I thinkthe very goal or dream or ideal
that I have, it's not aboutreally manifesting it. Right,
this is the realization I hadthis weekend in my, in my
practice that like, maybe it'snot really about manifesting it
at all. Maybe it's about havingit so that I'll keep diving
deeper and deeper and deeper.
(11:43):
Because I know on a spiritualpath, it's not what you do in
important that we have somethingwe're going after an idea who so
the outer world that changes youor the rules. It's what you do
on the inside. And so as I rottoroute that itty bitty shitty
committee and that should havewould have could of ought tos,
all those things, what I'm doingis actually becoming a remedy,
like an absolute antidote.
Because I show up differently,my behavior is different, my
(12:05):
choices are different, mythoughts are different. And I
have seen such ripple effects inthe lives of those I love around
me, based on what I've gonethrough in the last two to three
years to the pandemic, andthat we can get to the point
where we achieve it. And then wethrough a breakup and through
different things. It's like,I've changed. And have they
changed, have the people aroundme change, maybe, maybe I'm
(12:26):
seeing them through differenteyes. But maybe they've also
changed and they're seeing methrough different eyes. I don't
know, does it matter? No, notreally. It matters to me of
like, at the end of my life, hasmy as my life meant something?
have I, and it's not about theaccolades. It's not about
accumulation of things. It'sachieve the next thing, and we
achieve the next thing and weabout have I changed my thought
(12:47):
process? Have I practice being amore loving kind person with
myself? Because that's the onlyone I have control over, is me.
You know, so yeah, it was a hugerealization that maybe it isn't
about manifesting anything.
Maybe it's about havingsomething I want to manifest,
but it's really about doing theinter internal work, that then
(13:09):
allows me to be detached on theouterworld on whether I get it
or not, but not from a place oflike, oh, well, if it's meant to
achieve the next thing tofinally realize that it's not
be, it's meant to be, not fromthat place
(13:41):
about achieving the outer thing.
Yeah, that achieving the otherthing still doesn't make me
happy. Dang it. Yeah, you know,my whole life looks pretty dang
(14:02):
good. And I why do I still feellike shit?
Maren Oslac (14:05):
I think there are a lot of there's a lot of that.
Yeah, I think there are a lot ofpeople, especially leaders,
because leaders tend to be thepeople who are not just the
rational achievers, like I willachieve that. But like the high
rational of like, I will, I waslike, We are the people, and I
include myself as well, as oneof those like, we know how to
(14:26):
harness our will. And that's ahuge lesson to learn and
something that's reallyimportant as we go transcending
that and getting to the pointwhere we go, okay, it's NOT
about the manifesting. It's notabout the bigger, better,
better, faster, more, we'regoing to automate the whole
(14:47):
thing and make more money. It'slike we have enough. I've got
Yeah,
Stephanie Allen (14:51):
we have more than enough. But what we've
neglected is that internalizedso you could read all the books
you want on confidence and SelfEsteem and Self Love you can,
I'm telling you there's oodlesof information out there. And so
why are you procrastinating ontaking that first step to get
out there to make a date?
Because it's the internal that'sbeen neglected. How have you
(15:13):
integrated inside yourself? Whatis standing in your way? What is
the belief system? What is thehabit? What is the behavior that
has to be unlearned? It's like Iwas talking to somebody about
business the other day, and, youknow, we can we can scale up a
business, we can do all kinds ofthings and take all kinds of
(15:35):
courses and get master'sdegrees. And I'll get coaches
and workshops and all thosethings. But if you don't have
inner confidence, if you don'thave a belief in the unknown,
but you know, no matter what,you've got that fortitude inside
of you, or you've got thewillingness to be able to accept
help, and I actually even askfor help and get it. Nothing's
(15:56):
gonna change in the outer world.
I don't care how much PhD youhave letters XYZ you have after
your name. To live, it is adifferent story. And that's to
integrate it and make it whole.
So how do you do that? How doesone do that? Yeah.
Maren Oslac (16:16):
And that that's exactly what we work with people
on. I mean, that's, it's not, Iwish that I wish I had a magic
wand. Or I could say, oh, it'sjust follow this formula, right?
Stephanie Allen (16:28):
was just gonna say, it's like, Okay, here's I
your three steps to havingbetter confidence. I'm so tired
of hearing that. And it's like,you know, for 30 years I've
worked with, I don't know,oodles of bodies on chronic pain
and health. And there isn't oneway home. Each person has their
own path. And there isn't a onesize fits all. And you know
(16:48):
what, I love that and especiallyin a world right now, where
we're trying to be inclusive andever, you know, the one size
fits all which fits no one, bythe way. It's like we need to
have that. I think what we'rereally longing for is
togetherness and connection andbelonging, so that we don't feel
so dang lonely. But you know,the old saying that misery loves
company. And it's like, I don'tbelieve that either. It's like,
(17:10):
I think there's a way to unfoldnaturally, your gifts and
strengths and passion, like yourunique blueprint, is you. And
yet yeah, there are exemplarsand other people that you can
look to. But your formula iscompletely unique, unique. And
yet there is a togetherness withus all. It's like a string or a
(17:34):
thread and a beautiful tapestry.
Your thread may feel veryinsignificant, because you're
just one thread out of millions.
But there, if your one threadwere, if it was missing, would
leave a hole in humanity. And Idon't think I don't and I don't
want to say that that's anoverburden over responsibility.
But it's, it's beautiful. Andit's unique. I think we we
(17:56):
don't, we don't recognize howbeautiful and how awestruck we
actually are.
Maren Oslac (18:01):
We don't and I think that is a shame in our
culture. And like, we are taughtthat we're replaceable. I look
at AI right now. And how manypeople are feeling like they're
being replaced by robots? And noone can replace you. You're
completely unique. And part ofthe challenge is, is really
(18:24):
diving into the internal andhonoring that and and getting to
know what is my unique bent, myunique gift, what do I bring to
this conversation that we calllife?
Stephanie Allen (18:39):
Yeah. Those deeper questions,
Maren Oslac (18:42):
Those are the deeper questions. And I
encourage you all as you'relistening, to stop for a minute
and really breathe into that.
And we do, one of the thingsthat I fail to mention on a
regular basis is on our website,we do have a free download. So
if you're interested in lookingat a couple of the things that
could help you to go a littlebit deeper, go ahead to our
(19:04):
website, and you can downloadit, load it there, you will need
to sign up for our email list.
If you don't want an email fromus, then just unsubscribe.
Right, get the download andunsubscribe or get our emails
which is basically for the mostpart, notifications that our
podcast is dropped. So you'llget the first notification that
(19:28):
our podcast is dropped. You canalso find us on social media, on
LinkedIn and on Facebook, andnow on YouTube. So we'll look
forward to maybe you'll bejoining us on our email list and
otherwise we'll see you onFacebook social media, or we'll
see you next week here on theSoulful Leader podcast.
Stephanie Allen (19:57):
And that wraps up another episode of the
soulful leader Podcast with yourhosts, Stephanie Allen
Maren Oslac (20:03):
and Maren Oslac.
Thank you for listening. Ifyou'd like to dive deeper, head
over to our website at thesoulful leader podcast.com.
Stephanie Allen (20:14):
Until next time
In a world where achievements and accolades
motivate us to do more and bemore, we're often left
wondering, is this really it?
Stephanie Allen (00:12):
deep inside, you know, there is more to life,
you're ready to leave behind theold push your way through, and
claim the deeper life that'scalling you. That's where we
excel. We're your hosts,Stephanie Allen,
Maren Oslac (00:25):
and Maren Oslac.
Stephanie Allen (00:26):
And this is the soulful leader podcast,
Maren Oslac (00:29):
sit back and relax as we share the shortcuts we've
uncovered to help you make shifthappen.
Stephanie Allen (00:41):
Hi, welcome to the soulful leader podcast. This
is Stephanie and I'm here withMaren. And there's been
something that's beenpercolating in our hearts, as
soulful leaders. There's beensuch a, and we've we've
mentioned this a few times, butthere's been such a striving,
pushing to reach the next leveland to measure ourselves as good
(01:03):
enough by what we do instead ofwho we are. And there's been an
interesting shift that I'venoticed, internally with myself,
but also with those around me,that all of a sudden, it's hit
like a ceiling and people areseeing, I'm missing that off
factor in my life. Like, I don'twant to work more or harder. But
(01:25):
I do want to make an impact. AndI have no idea how to measure
that. And I am looking andlonging for motivation and
reason for being to get out ofbed in the morning, can you help
us. And that's something that Ilove to do. And it's also
something that is percolating inmy own heart, too. And so I've
had an opportunity to take someworkshops and trainings with
(01:47):
people who are really goodsoulful leaders, and I'm
watching how some of the soulfulleaders are also getting caught
up in the old rationalizationof, you know, scale it up, do
more, have more, you know, andit's breaking my heart, frankly.
So I'm going to be really honestwith this of like, what if, What
(02:11):
if it isn't here that we're hereto do more? What if I even had
this insight within myself thateven the longing for me to do
more, I'm having this littleconversation inside myself
saying, maybe that's just thecarrot that actually is helping
me rotor route my internal, thatit's changing me inside? That
(02:33):
whether or not I ever get theouter, it's changing me and what
I mean by that it's making melook at what am I resisting in
my life? What do I need to letgo of? Where am I judging myself
harshly or another? And then I'masking all of that inner
inquiry. And as much as I startto keep working on that,
(02:57):
sometimes that my rational brainwill say, Well, yeah, but you're
still not getting the outermanifestation of what you want.
And I'm like, Well, maybe it'snot about manifestation,
manifesting anything. Maybe it'sabout uncovering who I am and
why I'm here. So I know you andI have talked about this lots
Maren, about who are you? Whyare you here? And that, it, we
can get caught up in the outer,What I look like, what I, you
(03:20):
know, what I do for a living.
And I wonder if you could speakto some of that for yourself, of
what it's been bringing up foryou?
Maren Oslac (03:27):
Well, what I was thinking about while you were
talking was I was just at ameeting recently, and a woman
asked a very interestingquestion. She said, What are the
conversations that you've beenavoiding? That you know, you
need to have? And there were,you know, 30 of us doing this
(03:48):
exercise, and we came back andwe talked about it, I realized
that my sheet looked reallydifferent from everybody else's.
Because my conversations wereinternal conversations. And most
people, and I did think of youknow, there, there was one of
mine was an externalconversation of like, I really
need to talk to somebody thatowes me some money that, you
(04:10):
know, like, find out what'sgoing on with them and where we
are with that. And, you know, sothere was an external
conversation and when you weretalking about those, those hard
internal conversations. Weoftentimes think that we make a
(04:31):
decision then there's the like,the inner dialogue is not, it's,
it's almost like it's, it's likenope, I got that I'm, I know the
reasons I'm doing it. And so I'mgonna go do it. And then
something blocks us from doingit. And we don't go back and
(04:52):
have the conversation of, well,what's stopping me?
Stephanie Allen (04:57):
Yeah, like to ask a deeper question,
Maren Oslac (04:59):
Right. What's resistance. What's the internal
resistance? Like, say forexample, if if I, you know,
wanted to get up and go work outin the mornings. And I keep
hitting the snooze button, Ikeep hitting the snooze button.
I keep hitting the snoozebutton. Yeah, I could ask my
(05:19):
husband to make sure that I getup. The other thing, that's a
nice external thing to do, theother thing that I could do is
look at why, what's, what's thechallenge? Well, on the
external, maybe I'm going to bedtoo late. What's the benefit
that I'm getting out of going tobed too late so that I don't
(05:41):
want to get up early so that Idon't do my workout? Like it's a
it's a cascading domino effectalmost. And really getting to
the crux, like you said, askinganother question and you peeling
those layers, so that I can getto, what's the nugget? What's
(06:02):
the gift that I'm being given?
In that entire situation? It'sreally, like you said, it's not
necessarily about the externalachievement of going and working
out.
Stephanie Allen (06:14):
So it's almost asking saying, you know, I'm
procrastinating about something,instead of trying to will
yourself over it, try to getyourself through it, to stop and
go, How is procrastinationhelping me? What is it maybe
preventing me from or serving mewith in those ways? And it's
like, how can that how canprocrastination be a good thing?
(06:39):
Like, I'm, it's interesting,because I, you know, I had
planned a really an amazingevent that I wanted to
participate in, and it got itgot forfeited twice. And after
the second time, I was kind oflike, huh, I hate the whole
(07:00):
thing. Well, if it's meant tobe, it's meant to be it'll
happen. You know, it's like,yeah, okay. And maybe there's
something that's supposed tohappen within me. Maybe there's
a deeper question that I'm notasking that the universe is
saying, Wait, slow down, stop,listen, there's something I
don't want you to miss. And it'sgoing to be important. It's kind
of like a combination lock,there's like a, there's a
(07:22):
number, like a combination thatyou need, in order to unlock
this. Otherwise, you're going tohave to break the lock open, and
it's going to be painful. Andyou know, what, why would you
put yourself through that? So Ilook at those kinds of things of
like, can we stop long enoughand go, Hmm, and not about
trying to figure it out? BecauseI think we try to figure things
out. Instead of just beingpresent to what is missing,
(07:45):
okay? There must be something,because this is what we say, if
it's meant to be it's meant tobe. But there's also that, well,
there must be something I'mbeing prepared for, or there's a
deeper question, or there'sanother way to enter it, and to
stay present with it withouttrying to figure it out, trying
to manipulate or control it. Butwe also are required, we got to
(08:07):
pay attention without theanxiety.
Maren Oslac (08:09):
And I think that that's the key. Because
sometimes, if it's meant to beit's meant to be is absolutely
accurate. And sometimes it'snot, sometimes we're actually
being asked to, you know, takeanother step, or do something
else. And so how do you know thedifference between those? and
(08:32):
that is the process of presencethat you mentioned, of really
listening. And it's not a it'snot a I should, should be able
to do this. Because this is justmy nature. No, it's a practice.
It's a practice that thathappens over time. And you learn
(08:52):
to be good in conversation withlife, essentially, just like,
you know, some people are moregifted in in conversation than
others. And there's a bazillionpeople. Yeah, all you have to do
is Google or ask, you know, it'slike, how can I become a better
conversationalist, and there's abazillion opportunities to do
(09:13):
that, right?
Stephanie Allen (09:15):
So much information out, there's so much
information.
Maren Oslac (09:18):
So it's not that, you know, you're either good at
it, or you're not. It's youdevelop it over time. And it is
the conversation with life.
Stephanie Allen (09:28):
And that's exactly what you just said, it's
the development, it's theprocess. I'm going to be very
transparent here. You know, oneof the things that I've sought
out all my life is arelationship. And from my
conditioned past, you know, Ithink, Oh, you have to have the
right relationship and then yourlife kind of works is like the
fairy fairy tale The happilyever after. But there's a lot of
(09:50):
work that has to go on in theinternal. And so from a high
rational achiever perspective,from that part that's, and what
I mean by that is that thepeople that are measuring who I
am by what I do and what I've,like manifested in my life. So
high rational
Maren Oslac (10:06):
are like achievement. And this is most of
society right now we'reachievement oriented. Right? So
you measure what matters, thebook, you know, I mean, like
everything is achievementoriented. That's what you mean
by the high rational. .
Stephanie Allen (10:18):
Exactly. And so I could be looked at that way
I think this is really, reallyimportant. And when when we're
saying, well, you're too busyStephanie, you can't have a
relationship, because you'realways on the go. And I was
doing that, I get that a lot.
I'm like, I'm too busy. Whatdoes that mean? What does that
mean? I'm like, to me, whenthere's something that I value
or of importance, you make timeand space for it. And we tend to
(10:39):
think about it in the outerworld, I'll make time and space
for the outer world. But it'slike I'm worth time and space.
So it's like that very thingthat I'm seeking. And from a
high rational achiever world,talking about high rational
achievers, it may seem likeI'm actually not getting it, or
the way I think I should begetting it, that's the way that
my rational achiever would seeit. But under the surface of
(11:00):
that, if I go deeper, there's awhole lot of shoulda woulda
coulda ought tos, the itty bittyshitty committee that I call
that is requiring me to reallyfind love, and compassion and
peace, where, and as long as Ido not go underneath that, if I
don't dive deep within that, itthere's a judgment there. And
there isn't because it's reallyjust keeps surfacing up in my
outer life. And this is thebenefit of diving deep in there.
(11:22):
And it's like, sometimes I thinkthe very goal or dream or ideal
that I have, it's not aboutreally manifesting it. Right,
this is the realization I hadthis weekend in my, in my
practice that like, maybe it'snot really about manifesting it
at all. Maybe it's about havingit so that I'll keep diving
deeper and deeper and deeper.
(11:43):
Because I know on a spiritualpath, it's not what you do in
important that we have somethingwe're going after an idea who so
the outer world that changes youor the rules. It's what you do
on the inside. And so as I rottoroute that itty bitty shitty
committee and that should havewould have could of ought tos,
all those things, what I'm doingis actually becoming a remedy,
like an absolute antidote.
Because I show up differently,my behavior is different, my
(12:05):
choices are different, mythoughts are different. And I
have seen such ripple effects inthe lives of those I love around
me, based on what I've gonethrough in the last two to three
years to the pandemic, andthat we can get to the point
where we achieve it. And then wethrough a breakup and through
different things. It's like,I've changed. And have they
changed, have the people aroundme change, maybe, maybe I'm
(12:26):
seeing them through differenteyes. But maybe they've also
changed and they're seeing methrough different eyes. I don't
know, does it matter? No, notreally. It matters to me of
like, at the end of my life, hasmy as my life meant something?
have I, and it's not about theaccolades. It's not about
accumulation of things. It'sachieve the next thing, and we
achieve the next thing and weabout have I changed my thought
(12:47):
process? Have I practice being amore loving kind person with
myself? Because that's the onlyone I have control over, is me.
You know, so yeah, it was a hugerealization that maybe it isn't
about manifesting anything.
Maybe it's about havingsomething I want to manifest,
but it's really about doing theinter internal work, that then
(13:09):
allows me to be detached on theouterworld on whether I get it
or not, but not from a place oflike, oh, well, if it's meant to
achieve the next thing tofinally realize that it's not
be, it's meant to be, not fromthat place
(13:41):
about achieving the outer thing.
Yeah, that achieving the otherthing still doesn't make me
happy. Dang it. Yeah, you know,my whole life looks pretty dang
(14:02):
good. And I why do I still feellike shit?
Maren Oslac (14:05):
I think there are a lot of there's a lot of that.
Yeah, I think there are a lot ofpeople, especially leaders,
because leaders tend to be thepeople who are not just the
rational achievers, like I willachieve that. But like the high
rational of like, I will, I waslike, We are the people, and I
include myself as well, as oneof those like, we know how to
(14:26):
harness our will. And that's ahuge lesson to learn and
something that's reallyimportant as we go transcending
that and getting to the pointwhere we go, okay, it's NOT
about the manifesting. It's notabout the bigger, better,
better, faster, more, we'regoing to automate the whole
(14:47):
thing and make more money. It'slike we have enough. I've got
Yeah,
Stephanie Allen (14:51):
we have more than enough. But what we've
neglected is that internalizedso you could read all the books
you want on confidence and SelfEsteem and Self Love you can,
I'm telling you there's oodlesof information out there. And so
why are you procrastinating ontaking that first step to get
out there to make a date?
Because it's the internal that'sbeen neglected. How have you
(15:13):
integrated inside yourself? Whatis standing in your way? What is
the belief system? What is thehabit? What is the behavior that
has to be unlearned? It's like Iwas talking to somebody about
business the other day, and, youknow, we can we can scale up a
business, we can do all kinds ofthings and take all kinds of
(15:35):
courses and get master'sdegrees. And I'll get coaches
and workshops and all thosethings. But if you don't have
inner confidence, if you don'thave a belief in the unknown,
but you know, no matter what,you've got that fortitude inside
of you, or you've got thewillingness to be able to accept
help, and I actually even askfor help and get it. Nothing's
(15:56):
gonna change in the outer world.
I don't care how much PhD youhave letters XYZ you have after
your name. To live, it is adifferent story. And that's to
integrate it and make it whole.
So how do you do that? How doesone do that? Yeah.
Maren Oslac (16:16):
And that that's exactly what we work with people
on. I mean, that's, it's not, Iwish that I wish I had a magic
wand. Or I could say, oh, it'sjust follow this formula, right?
Stephanie Allen (16:28):
was just gonna say, it's like, Okay, here's I
your three steps to havingbetter confidence. I'm so tired
of hearing that. And it's like,you know, for 30 years I've
worked with, I don't know,oodles of bodies on chronic pain
and health. And there isn't oneway home. Each person has their
own path. And there isn't a onesize fits all. And you know
(16:48):
what, I love that and especiallyin a world right now, where
we're trying to be inclusive andever, you know, the one size
fits all which fits no one, bythe way. It's like we need to
have that. I think what we'rereally longing for is
togetherness and connection andbelonging, so that we don't feel
so dang lonely. But you know,the old saying that misery loves
company. And it's like, I don'tbelieve that either. It's like,
(17:10):
I think there's a way to unfoldnaturally, your gifts and
strengths and passion, like yourunique blueprint, is you. And
yet yeah, there are exemplarsand other people that you can
look to. But your formula iscompletely unique, unique. And
yet there is a togetherness withus all. It's like a string or a
(17:34):
thread and a beautiful tapestry.
Your thread may feel veryinsignificant, because you're
just one thread out of millions.
But there, if your one threadwere, if it was missing, would
leave a hole in humanity. And Idon't think I don't and I don't
want to say that that's anoverburden over responsibility.
But it's, it's beautiful. Andit's unique. I think we we
(17:56):
don't, we don't recognize howbeautiful and how awestruck we
actually are.
Maren Oslac (18:01):
We don't and I think that is a shame in our
culture. And like, we are taughtthat we're replaceable. I look
at AI right now. And how manypeople are feeling like they're
being replaced by robots? And noone can replace you. You're
completely unique. And part ofthe challenge is, is really
(18:24):
diving into the internal andhonoring that and and getting to
know what is my unique bent, myunique gift, what do I bring to
this conversation that we calllife?
Stephanie Allen (18:39):
Yeah. Those deeper questions,
Maren Oslac (18:42):
Those are the deeper questions. And I
encourage you all as you'relistening, to stop for a minute
and really breathe into that.
And we do, one of the thingsthat I fail to mention on a
regular basis is on our website,we do have a free download. So
if you're interested in lookingat a couple of the things that
could help you to go a littlebit deeper, go ahead to our
(19:04):
website, and you can downloadit, load it there, you will need
to sign up for our email list.
If you don't want an email fromus, then just unsubscribe.
Right, get the download andunsubscribe or get our emails
which is basically for the mostpart, notifications that our
podcast is dropped. So you'llget the first notification that
(19:28):
our podcast is dropped. You canalso find us on social media, on
LinkedIn and on Facebook, andnow on YouTube. So we'll look
forward to maybe you'll bejoining us on our email list and
otherwise we'll see you onFacebook social media, or we'll
see you next week here on theSoulful Leader podcast.
Stephanie Allen (19:57):
And that wraps up another episode of the
soulful leader Podcast with yourhosts, Stephanie Allen
Maren Oslac (20:03):
and Maren Oslac.
Thank you for listening. Ifyou'd like to dive deeper, head
over to our website at thesoulful leader podcast.com.
Stephanie Allen (20:14):
Until next time
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.