Redefining Co-Living with Jennifer Esteban: Fostering Connection, Community and Personal Growth at FriendsMates

Episode Transcript
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Victoria Petrovsky (00:00):
Welcome to the Startup of Human Potential.
We're your co-hosts.

Clifton Smith (00:04):
I'm Clifton.

And I'm Victoria, and together we're
Faces of the Future.

Faces of the Future is a startup studio with
a personal development platformfocused on consciousness,
innovation, connection andwell-being, and today we have
the pleasure of hosting one ofour very own quantum preneurs in
residence, Jennifer Esteban.

Yeah, jen, we're so excited to have you on
the show.
Thanks so much for having me.
Yeah, so a little bit ofbackground about Jen.
We met back in 2020 or 2021.
Yeah, at a Chamber of Commerceevent in Topanga where she was

(00:50):
talking about her new app thatshe launched called FriendsMates
, a platform for consciousco-living and finding the right
roommate.
Matches and Clifton and I hadbeen using the app.
We had a conscious co-workingco-living space in Topanga and
it was cool to meet Jen inperson and since then we've
become great friends.

(01:10):
And a little bit of backgroundabout Jen.
She worked at MySpace.
She was in charge of the apps,creating a safe and private
atmosphere of security, and thenled her own team and started
managing the groups and forumsdepartment of MySpace, as well
as a background of 18 years ofphotography, very well versed

(01:31):
and especially focused oninteriors and architectures.
And she's been featured on thecover of Architectural Digests
it was a beautiful cover shot.
Saw that one Love it.
And she's been running aconscious community house called
Panda House that houses sevenentrepreneurs for the past six
years and throughout this timeperiod, about 100 or so people

(01:54):
have flowed into and out of thehouse.
So, jen, welcome, thank you,thank you.

Nice.
So catch us up.
I know you're really at theprecipice here with FriendsMates
as a combination of yourcumulative experience and
passions for photography, decorcommunity and creating a family
environment.
But catch us up to this point.
What led you to createFriendsMates?

Jennifer Esteban (02:26):
So what happened was I had been pretty
much an entrepreneur my wholelife.
It's the one thing that hasalways called to me, and my
specific lifestyle, I would say,is whatever an entrepreneur
needs.
And I had been living withroommates through college and

(02:49):
through my whole life, and Irealized that until I created
this house, I was never in theright environment.
I was never around otherentrepreneurs, I think, because
I worked throughout the day.
What I would do is have mysocial life, be at home and then
work outside of the houseduring the day, and so I used to
live more with party people.

(03:11):
But what happened was I was kindof known as the serious one, or
like the Debbie Downer whenpeople are trying to party and
I'm like hey guys, it's five inthe morning, I have this thing
due tomorrow, and people arelike oh God, jen, why do you
have to work so hard?
And I realized that I reallyneeded to bring a balance to the
entire thing and I was like Ilove you guys.

(03:33):
I definitely always want tohang out when it's fun times
with you guys, but I needed tobe in a space where I could be
at home whenever I wanted to andhave the space that I can
always depend on, instead oflooking for outside office areas
or something like that, where Ialso wanted to be inspired by
the people that I was around,instead of distracted by them or

(03:55):
feeling like I just didn'treally fit in with them.
And so, a little over six yearsactually about seven years ago I
started thinking about wantingto create a place like this, a
house that I could say this iswhat it is, I'm sure there's
going to be other people for it,and so I spent about a year
looking around this area andtalking to my friends about it,

(04:16):
and then about a year later Iactually happened to stumble
upon somebody who had a houseand when I told him what I
wanted to do, he was like thisis awesome, you should do it
here.
And I ended up taking over thehouse and just creating exactly
what I wanted.
So through building that houseand going through the trials and

(04:37):
errors and all that kind ofstuff, I learned what it took to
actually create and maintain ahouse like this, where people
felt really good, where therewas compatibility and, most
importantly, where there wasconnection and family type
dealings in it.
Because if I was to live withthe people before that I used to
hang out with, I wanted to keepthat part, the social part, at

(04:59):
home, while also being inspiredto continue working on the
things that I wanted to work on.
And then from there I wasalways trying to figure out how
to get back to tech.
I had done photography and thatwas this thing that had kind of
accidentally made a career outof, without really meaning to.

(05:21):
It was just the thing that justcame very easily to me and that
I just was inspired to keepworking on.
But I really wanted to get backto tech.
That was, for me, the most funplace, and so I jotted down
different ideas and then I waslike what am I really inspired
by?
And I was like I'm reallyinspired by my lifestyle here.
And I was like this has been so, so great for me.

(05:43):
It changed everything.
It took my, my old businessesand allowed me to really thrive
and focus more and have peace ofmind and feel like I was
actually enjoying my life.
And I was like, wow, what ifeveryone could have this?
I know I didn't have it beforecoming here, before making this,
and I know that there's so manypeople that don't have this.
And I just imagined a like aworld where if the for all the

(06:07):
people who do live withroommates, if we could have
something that was reallycompatible to us, that flowed
and worked really well and had alot of connection and was
fulfilling, and where he had,like, social needs met and
support and things like that,how much better would the world
be?
And then I just I was like thisis amazing, like I pictured it,
and I was like there's nobodydoing this, there's nobody

(06:28):
focusing on this, and I was likethat's what I now.
That's what I want to do.
So I drew it out and I was likeI want to create this resource
for people I want to create, andthen it just I kind of got
carried away with the idea andthen I was like we're making
something huge now.
So that's how I started it.
I came up with the idea in 2019and then it wasn't until about

(06:51):
2020, the beginning of 2020,that when everything happened,
that I was like this is the timethat it needs to happen too.

Yeah, wow, thank you for sharing.
Yeah, at the time of 2020, whathappened?
We all got locked down andsocial distance and couldn't
really go out and see ourfriends.
So you cultivated anenvironment where you get to
live with the people that youlove and that you want to
connect with, and, from whatyou're sharing, it sounded like
prior to you intentionallycreating your own space, those

(07:22):
other places weren't cutting itfor you.
It was kind of like you endedup there through one
circumstance or another, but itwasn't your ethos or the things
you valued that were permeatingthrough the culture of those
co-living spaces.

Yeah, it wasn't really, I would say,
intentionally designed.
Yeah.
It was more like hey, I knowyou guys, I like this area, okay
.

But, yeah, it's been to that panda house that
you've been cultivating and youcan feel it.
It's palpable that the familyfeel we've been to a few
gatherings together yeah.
And you can really feel thatthere's a community behind it
rather than just convenience.
Yeah, definitely.

Yeah, I think we think of these ourselves as
family.
So even when we're talking toeach other say in a group, read
hey, panda, fam, we really thinkof each other as just like very
close people.
We talk about things, we runideas past each other.
If somebody is having a reallybad day and needs somebody to
talk to, we'll just figure outwhich person we want to do that

(08:24):
with and we'll just go getadvice or whatever.
We make time for each other andthen we never abused each
other's time or anything likethat.
So it's never like a burden,it's more like yeah, happy to be
here for you and I love thesupport system.
Not just the support system,but also like the other, like a

(08:45):
couple of weeks ago I went to aparty that was themed in a theme
that I would never own clothesin and it was bright neon colors
.

Jen's wearing black.
Yeah, I was like I'm wearingcolors.

And so I was like Ariel, I need pop clothes
like think neon, think bright.
And she was like, yeah, that'sall I have coming to my closet.
And she dressed in everybodysaid I was the best dressed, and
so that's part of it.
I get to borrow stuff and shareresources and stuff like that
which is so invaluable.

Yeah, and I love.
Cliff and I were just over thisweek and I love how welcome and
inclusive you make thehousemates feel when friends are
coming over.
It's like, oh, these are myfriends, we're using a common
space and they can choose ifthey want to stay, if they want
to hang out or if they want toopt out and go do their own
thing.
But everyone's welcome andinvited.

Mm-hmm.
Yep, definitely.

Yeah, so talk us through sort of that experience
of a hundred people that you'vehelped through the house.
What are some of those lessonsand how do you embody that and
scale it in this platform you'rebuilding?

Well, so yeah, because it's seven bedrooms.
There's been a lot of differentpeople.
I think some of them were heretwo weeks where I needed to fill
a gap between an actual, morepermanent person coming in.
So, that's how those little onesjust kind of add up, and I
guess some of the things thatI've learned are there's all

(10:17):
these different personalitytypes and I think, one learning
about myself, I think going like, oh wow, that personality type
really just causes me so muchanxiety, or that personality
type, you know, doesn't believein boundaries, and then that
personality type is a little bitmore anti-social.
Okay, how do I deal with that?
How am I in the space of that?

(10:38):
What are other people like inthe spaces with this?

Because every time a new person comes in.

You know, at one point we all kind of
brainstorm about the experiencetogether.
Oh, what was that like?
Oh, they didn't talk to me, butthey talked to you.
So I've learned a lot aboutdifferent personality types and
what meshes with you and likeyou know who I maybe thought
would get along didn't get along, or you know who I didn't think
would get along became superclose and like that's awesome.

(11:06):
So, I think it gave me a lot ofinsight, a lot of experience
into a lot of different people,their lifestyles, how they live,
what they want out of a space,how long they stay around for
different careers and stuff thatpeople have and like the nomad
part moving around and thingslike that.
All the experiences have prettymuch been amazing and they

(11:28):
really also catalyzed me to showup in different ways and be
very flexible with so manydifferent kinds of people.
At the end of the day, I wouldalways tell people I'm like
everybody that came in here.
I made sure I definitely getalong with you know and so.
but I feel like I'm kind of easyto get along with, like I'll

(11:48):
have a relationship with everysingle person that's ever lived
here and some of the others theymight be like I don't know how
to talk to them.
So I think by me trainingmyself to find a common ground,
I've also just expanded myselfas a person you know, take all
that info and like how I've doneit or what I've seen, and then

(12:08):
I go.
how can I make this part offriends, mates, part of the
education, part of what I know?
How can we bring this to helpother people?

Wow.
So when you say personalitytypes, do you mean like actual,
like they take a test,myers-briggs or is it an
intuitive gen Esteban assessmentthrough the years of your track
record of experience?
How do you gauge what someone'spersonality type is?

Yeah, I think I just do it all in my brain, so
I'll assess whether somebody ismore assertive or like doesn't
want to be as involved, or ifyou know what is really
important to a person and whatis really not.
Whether they takeresponsibility for stuff or they
try to be like I don't know whodid it.
There's so many different types.

(12:56):
I can go so long just talkingabout all these different
situations, like people whoborrow things with that asking
and how they justify it.

I mean just so many, so many things, yeah,
and all these differentpersonality types have tested
the bounds of you and createdopportunities and challenges for
your own expansion.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, that's something Clifsonand I have talked a lot about,
because we also co-lived withour housemates and it's like why

(13:27):
do we keep love attracting thistype of personality?
What is it showing us?
Why does this keep coming up?
Is there something we haveunresolved?
So I remember a little whileback, you were recording some
videos on Instagram about howliving with roommates prepares
you for marriage, or what wasthat Marriage?
How so?

So I see marriage as not just two people
committing to each other, butalso to that lifestyle of being
together and living together.
Yeah, if you go in and you'relike I'm in love and we're going
to have just, and then you goin and you're like, wow, they
don't know how to clean theirroom, they leave their laundry
all over the place, they're amess in the kitchen, they're

(14:11):
going to have all thesedifferent little fights and
whatever.
They're going to give up orsacrifice a clean house or
things like that, and I thinkultimately they end up having to
train each other on how to livewith others.
Whereas if you do that trainingand live with other people I've
noticed, definitely from beingin this house so many years you

(14:32):
shape each other.
You know somebody doesn'tcommunicate very well about
something, somebody sayssomething, and you get a little
bit better at that, and thenlike, oh, you didn't realize
that, you thought like thatbecause this situation never
came up until now, and now youreacted like that and somebody
just shaped you a little bitlike that and so it kind of like
sculpts you a little bit oftime to where you're able to

(14:53):
communicate what you need.
Not only that, but like whatcan understand what works for
you.
You can't live with justanybody.
But you also don't know whatyou need unless you know what
you need.
So if you don't know your ownneeds and what works for you
first, how do you knowsomebody's compatible?
And if you don't know thatbefore getting into a marriage

(15:15):
or even any relationship, thenyou're going to try until you
start figuring out your needs.
So, it's a really great practicefor that.

Versus like living alone in your own place,
right.

Yeah, who's going to tell you that you're
very messy or dirty, or that youdon't actually fully clean the
dishes and there's always oilall over, unless somebody comes
over and tells you like bro, Ican't eat off to this plate.

Yeah, it sounds like there's a bit of
re-parenting in this kind oflifestyle, but there's also
leadership development training,right, that can translate over
into their entrepreneurialskills and building teams, you
know could you talk a bit abouthow you've seen that overlap and
how you've applied theinterpersonal learnings of your
lifestyle into your business.

Yeah, definitely, I think for me as a
house leader, I really took onthe role of understanding
leadership, and it wasn't justfor this house.
I was like, well, as anentrepreneur, I should really
own this.
And then this was anopportunity and I was like why I
think I need to do it now?
And so I think it's importantfor anybody who's going to be
leading a house to be a goodleader, so that you don't have

(16:24):
somebody who doesn't know how tomake decisions and stuff being
in charge of the lease, thepeople decision making, all that
kind of stuff.
So I think that part of what Ithink people need more is actual
training or help or resourcesto become good house leaders if
they want to have a house wherethey lead how it works.

Awesome.
And then also some stats outthere say that startups fail 40%
of the time because ofinterpersonal or team issues,
and we like to say 100% ofstarters fail because of the
person that's some way along thechain.
But what we've observed livingwith other people is this can
actually help us become leadersin our own careers, in our own

(17:11):
professions, because you'redealing with unique
personalities, you're dealingwith unique preferences and
lifestyle.

And those are going to come up in the
workspace too.
It's whatever the issue is insomeone's personal reality, they
encounter wherever theyencounter it.
If they don't live with asignificant other, they
encounter with roommates.
If they don't live withroommates, then they encounter
it in business with theirbusiness partners.
So it's a fast track to, as yousaid, finding out what your

(17:40):
needs are, understanding how tocommunicate with different types
of personality types,understanding what's negotiable,
non-negotiable, and how to findthat win-win solution that
works for everybody involved,right?

Yeah, definitely.
I would say you learn a lotabout communication, what to
provide, making sure things aretaken care of, not waiting for
somebody else to take care of it.
There is definitely a lot thatyou can learn and grow from by
being a leader of a house, or atleast even being in a house
that has a good leader.

Absolutely so.
We talked a bit about thepersonality side of co-living.
We talked about the lifestyleside, the personal development
side.
What have you seen translate interms of economic prosperity
diving into the financialperspective of co-living?
Why and how is it such a greatopportunity for people this day

(18:41):
and age?

I would say that we're in Los Angeles.
Los Angeles saw a huge increasein rent.
It saw a lot of instabilitybetween 2020 and 2020.
Really, until still right now,there's a lot of instability
around housing.
A lot of people who rent, say,a studio, are paying quite a bit

(19:05):
of money.
If you're in a popular area,they might have an area where
the rooftop maybe it's a sharedrooftop and they maybe have a
couch but nobody wants to use it.
There's not a lot of privacy.
You feel like you're with abunch of random people because
you don't know them, but maybeyou don't have a jacuzzi, you

(19:26):
don't have speakers outside.
There's a lot of things thatyou might not have.
Those places with rooftopsthose are really expensive.
Imagine having the same qualityof life that you have for less
money, or you could have ahigher quality more than what
you currently have forsimilar-ish, if not just maybe a

(19:47):
little bit more money.
When you're in a houseespecially not that everybody's
in a house.
A lot of the people in ourcommunity they're in apartments,
condos and things like that butwhen you pull your resources
together, you're just able tohave more.
You can pull them together andthen buy that water filter that
you want to get good water, oryou can have a recurring

(20:10):
subscription of something thateverybody wants.
You get to share in theutilities and save money.
That way, something breaks.
You have multiple people twoplus people replacing it.
You don't have to get a couchper person and a coffee table
per person.
It ends up, I think, saving alot of money.

(20:30):
Also, I think things justbecome a little bit more
convenient.
In case you need to move, youcan leave your stuff Somebody
will take it a sublet that youcan come back to your space,
maybe, if that's the deal.
I think it's just a really goodway of people to have this
option, especially during thesemore uncertain and unstable

(20:50):
times, but also for us to thrivein, because of the community.
because of the social part, Ithink it's especially good if
people have budgets of some kindand just want more out of their
living experience.

Yeah, exactly, you actually read my
mind of where I was going to go.
Next, what you're describingsounds like thriving.
A lot of people want to getroommates to survive, to split
the cost of a couch, to splitthe cost of utilities, to split
the cost of internet.
This is like you're talkingabout jacuzzi and speakers and
water filtration system.

(21:26):
That's like next level.
Those are not your root baseneeds.
That's kind of like.
These are some of my needs foractualization and
self-fulfillment.
I really want to have a coldplunge or a jacuzzi or a I don't
know sauna.
What do some people's houseshave right?

Yeah, exactly.
So when you live alone you kindof have just your basic needs,
but when you're able to pull theresources together, you're able
to have those extra things thatmake you really enjoy your life
a lot more.
That was one, I think, bigdifference, especially with our
houses Having a view, forexample.
I can't afford to view bymyself right now, you know.

Yeah, it's a beautiful view.
You're at the top of StudioCity and like our key estate
right Like just to give ourlisteners some perspective.

Aided community with views of the
mountains and sunsets and thewhole city.

Yeah, it's really amazing.

So you know Elkinies on every floor.

Yeah, three stories and yeah, I think that's
a key.
What's the word for notdifferentiator?
But a key distinction is that,instead of choosing roommates to
just survive, I think the ideais reframing what roommates can
do for you, so that you actuallyfeel like this is a deliberate

(22:44):
choice in a lifestyle choice forsomething that you want more of
.
So maybe you want more beauty,or more luxury, or more
amenities or more space.
You can either have like astudio apartment, which is
pretty expensive these days, oryou can have a room in a large

(23:05):
house where you can have threedifferent options for where you
want to sit down and work onyour laptop for the day.

Yeah, clifton and I had that at our
previous spot where I don't know, it was like a two-acre
property or acre and a half.
We had a platform overlookingTopanga.
We had five differentworkspaces and outdoor spaces,
balconies, terraces,permaculture, hillside garden.
All of that Not just bedroom,living room, kitchen, dining
room.
They are essentials.

(23:32):
It was a lot of space, a lot ofspace to go like, cultivate
other skills and things we wereinterested in.
Yeah.

Cool.
So we talked a bit about thecommunity layer, we talked about
the personal development layer,we've talked a bit more of the
materialistic luxury layer.
I wanted to switch for a second.
How, jen, have you gotten tothis point where?
You're able to put all of theselayers and really stack all of

(24:02):
these benefits into a particularoffering.
Were you always in luxuriousco-living spaces?
Were you always in Studio City?
What brought you to that point?

To make what we have now.

Yeah, I guess what I'm also wondering to
what Clifton is saying is whoare you growing up, what kind of
environment were you raised in,what kind of family culture for
you to shape those kinds ofvalues, of connection, of
community, of supporting oneanother to your growth and
expansion, of prioritizingself-development?

(24:36):
Yeah, could you share a littlebit more about that please?

Yeah, I can break it up to maybe some kind
of key events.
When I was in Argentina, welived in the middle of really
far away from any actual city, Iwould say just in the middle of
the country, and it was a veryunderdeveloped area, so concrete
roads we just didn't have, itwas only dirt I think we're just

(25:03):
kind of like dirt, but on adifferent level and it was the
only commerce that really was inthat area was between the
people who lived there, and sowhile we had our family in our
house and we actually had mygrandparents, they lived on a
guest house on our property?

(25:26):
What up ADUs?
Yeah, pretty much.
And then all the neighborsprovided something different.
So, like my family, my dadwould fix bikes and we bred the
chickens.
Wow, and then everybody grewtheir own vegetables.
And somebody else made icecream, Somebody else was the
baker, Somebody else everybodyjust contributed kind of

(25:48):
something else that we allwanted.
And then for the things that wecouldn't provide, there was a
grocery store like an hour awaythat you could walk to.
Yeah, and then we could gothere.

And how old were you?
This was you were born andraised there up until 6.
I was 6, yeah, Wow.

So that's kind of what it was like there and
then.
So, since we knew all of ourneighbors, when we came to the
US we noticed that the culturewas very different, so we were
all operating the same way wewould, which is like, oh wow,
you live there, I should knowyou, I should know you, I should
know you.
And then people like closingdoors and I'm like what?

are you doing?
Why is nobody bringing me eggs?

I'm like I see a dog in there, why are?

you hiding?
Why are you?
We're neighbors.
What happened to?

the neighbor league Right.
Where did?

that go.

And I think because we had some kids like me
and my two sisters we wereyoung, I think, especially me
and my little sister I thinkpeople were just kind of like,
oh, we have these kids in thebuilding now and they would open
up their doors and we just likewalk right in, like it's our
house, we don't know any better,we just that's what it was
before, we just like we belongto the whole neighborhood.
And then after and that wasawesome, but I think after

(27:04):
moving a few times, I realizedthat that was very normal and
that the neighbor is just youcould live on a block and know
like two people and I thoughtthat was so weird and I at that
point nobody really depended oneach other, except for I guess
that everybody depended on mebecause I was the dog sitter, I

(27:24):
was the one who mowed your lawns, I would go to church with you,
take care of your kids.
I was just like in everybody'shouse, wow.
And so I think that kind ofshaped me a bit was not not
being one of those people thatdidn't know their neighbors,
yeah, and really having arelationship with the people
that were around me.

(27:44):
Knowing that I was like I'm notgoing to feel weird about
knocking on your door.
You live right here, yeah.

I see a lot of parallels between what you're
sharing about your childhoodand what you do now.
So Jen fosters cats and haslike four or five cats I lose
track collects donations for catand pet shelters right, and you
grow some of your own food atthat panda house.

Yeah.
Yeah, we grow and food here.
We do our own compost.
We use our compost for ourgarden.
I, yeah, I volunteer for acouple of catch rescues I hold
they're just animals, but Imostly help with the cat stuff
and then, yeah, we have fivecats and then I'm also best
friends with our neighbors nextdoor, so that's awesome.
So we're in each other's houseall the time.

(28:33):
Her kids, like they just walkinto the house and we'll be like
hey, we brought you guys stuff.
No, just walk in the kitchenand just like leave it.
Wow.
This is very and she's also from.
She's from Lebanon, so I thinkher family was also kind of like
that, and so we were like ohGod, we're so, we just became,

(28:54):
we just did what we were used to.

Yeah, and that's so powerful in today's modern
world, where loneliness andmental health are at all time
crises, right, and this kind oflifestyle that you were raised
in and you're bringing throughyour platform of friends, mates,
can actually be a an angle tosupport that, that challenge of
loneliness and mental health.

(29:18):
Because you feel community, youfeel support.

Belonging yeah.

Yeah, I think that there's roommates and
there's people who live in yourhouse, and that's one style.
And then there's also therelationship between, say,
somebody living in a main houseand then a guest house.
Right there's your neighbors,people who live, maybe don't
share the same utilities oranything, but they live right
next to you.
It's very similar.
And then there's eco villagesand I just think that there's so

(29:47):
much community in all of that.
For me they're all the same.
Whether you have extra wallsand space between the building
or not, this is your homecommunity.

Wow.
So how do you find time for allthis?
Did you just wake up one dayand be like, oh, I now have
capacity to do all of this, orhow did that happen?

Uh, I think I've just always been effective
with my time If I can do a lotof things in a short period of
time.

Yeah, definitely.

People that live with me or used to live
with me.
They would say like they wouldbe like oh, what'd you do today?
And I'm like I did this, this,this, this and this.
And they're like I took onephone call and I'm like, yeah,
it's noon and I just finishedall my stuff today.
I'm going to work on tomorrownow.

Were you always like that growing up in
school?
Yeah, and did you think thatthat was common, normal?
Yeah, we call that a highperformer, right?

So did you always know that you were a high
performer?
Was that normalized for you?

I don't think I thought about anything that
much.
I think it was more like.
In fact, I think the the, thefeedback that I was getting was
that I was like a lot to handle,or like, oh, jen's bored again,
okay, now we got to figure outwhat else to do to keep her busy
, yeah.

(31:16):
So I think I was more like kindof.
I think, instead of being like,oh, this is a great thing, I
think it was like, oh, you'resuch a pain in the butt, so I
just don't think I thought of itas like a good thing.
But I also couldn't slow down oranything.
So I was like look, can I justbe me, I'm going to get this

(31:37):
done.
If I'm done early and you'redistracted because I have
nothing to do, like I'm going tojust find something else, is
that okay?
But, like to my teachers, Iwould always be like, okay, I'm
done.
And they're like you could havefinished, and like then they
check it and they're like well,you still have to stay here and
I'm like that's okay, I havehomework to do from the class

(31:58):
before this and just sit hereand do my homework.
And they're like yeah, but sitin the back.
I don't want you to disruptanybody or distract them,
because they're all stillworking on this.
Yeah, I just feel likemulti-tasking and just doing a
bunch of stuff.

And those are the types of people that
usually don't prefer to tradetheir time for money, because
they will get the things donesuper quickly.
And then, for those of you onthe audio, jen's rolling her
eyes and shaking her head.

I know being an employee was so hard because
it was so easy, and so forpeople that would hire me I
would just someone fired mebecause I was going above them,
like at one point one of thecompanies that I worked at, the
vice president came to me andwas like what are you doing in
that position?
And then my manager and all thepeople between me and that

(32:54):
person were like she's going totake my job.
And I was like I'm just sobored, I already finished
everything.
Then I sent out this email andwanted this thing read and
wanted some you know thoughts onit, and so I just did that.
I responded.

People are like nobody's especially to
respond to that.
Is that why they created awhole department for you.
I created that department.
Okay, I knew that tied insomehow.
Yeah, yeah.

Because, yeah, in my space I had a job and I
did the job and then half theday was I still had it, and at
one point there was only so muchon my desk before I send it
back out, and then I wait forsomething else to come back to
me.
And so I would go on on on thesystems that we had and be like
oh, where else is like, whereelse is there trouble that I can
fix?

(33:43):
And that's when I stumbled uponthe groups and forums section at
MySpace where there was just somany tools posting all this
crazy code that would like takeover your computer, put it down,
make it like super slow andstill bugs on it.
And I was like, wow, somethingto take my attention.
What are they doing?
Like, let me get rid of them.

(34:06):
And so I had to make a wholething and presentation around
how many there were in the groupsection.
And they're like well, what doyou want to do about it?
And I was like I want to do it.
And they're like well, youcan't do it by yourself.
And I was like, well, can I getlike a person or two or three?
And then they're like well,what about your work?
And I was like you guys, Ifinished early.
So I basically had to talk theminto letting me create a

(34:27):
department and taking some ofother people's times from
different departments to comeand work on this this one with
me.
So everybody else had somethingto do and this was like their
second department.
So I thought that was reallyfunny and I was like that goes
in line with everything, becauseI negotiate every single part
of my life and just kind of likeask until I kind of get it

(34:48):
Reach okay, or reach the boundsof what's possible.
Yeah, I mean, if it's such agood idea and somebody's trying
to do more work, how are yougoing to be like no?

you'd be surprised.

Yeah, certain systems aren't set up that way,
right, they're not incentivizedfor that.

I had to ask, pretty pleased to let me do that
, so that I was just hadsomething else to do.
Yeah.

So clearly the more mature companies and the
corporate life is not for you.
Yeah.
So you left the corporate lifeand started up your own.
What was the next step?
How did you step away from thecorporate life and embrace fully
being an entrepreneur?

So I had some more jobs after that one and
then I went back to schoolbecause people said that should
and I was kind of anti schoolbut I went to school I was
studying.
Well, originally I was going in,I was really into psychology
and I had a whole long storywith psychiatric drugs and I
just was kind of a little bitrebellious towards the whole

(35:51):
industry, yeah.
But I wanted to go in and studythem so that we could find
better things.
And then at one point Irealized that this was a huge
machine that I would be upagainst and I would not.
And so I changed it and I waslike all right, I just want to
get out of school now.
So it was biopsych,biopsychology.
But then I moved it and I waslike all right, just get me out
of here.
And I was like I'm good at art,let's do art.

(36:12):
And then I was like, well, Iactually have a natural thing
for history for some reason,like histories, like what are my
favorite things is memorizingstories and putting them on
timelines of like what happenedwhere and just creating this
huge web of the past.
And so I studied art history.

At the end and then I talked more about that
aspect because that might be aunique ability there.
So you just naturally puttimelines in your head, or what
did you just say?
You just kind of skipped over,but that's the exact kind of
unique gifts and abilities thatentrepreneurs realize are very

(36:52):
unique and special and can beand they're just a natural
byproduct of their beingness, orJen's beingness.

She doesn't think she has to explain more
than that, but everyone elsemight be like say more.
What can you do?

Oh, I guess.
Yeah, probably historians wouldreally understand this, because
we're all memorizing the sameideas and things.
But when I look at education, Ithink of it as like a very
complicated spider web.
You learn one little bit ofinformation somewhere and you
have nothing to relate to it.

(37:28):
You just know a simple fact.
But as soon as you start findingthings that connect to it, you
start building those littleparts of the web that I think's
together, and I think it's onlyafter you've gotten several of
those that you create a webwhere now, everything that you
put into one area you canimmediately tie to five
different areas and you haveenough knowledge and your web

(37:51):
gets so filled out that it'sjust so easy to be like, oh,
that happened at this time.
Oh, that's probably how itaffected this situation and, wow
, was that right?
Was it the same time as thatwar?
Yes, it was Okay, and thepresident was trying to do this,
oh, I see.
And so you're sure, kind ofwebbing in all these different
things, and then you just getthis very big cloud of like a

(38:14):
whole story of what happened inthe past.
And what's cool about that isthat it's not just memorizing
facts, but it's understandinghow people work and how we
develop the psychology yeah,trajectories that we've gone on
and psychologies that were withus or for us or trained us or
human behavior.
Yeah, yeah.
And so now when I hear thingsthat are completely out in

(38:36):
random places, I'm like I'mmaking up my own stuff.
And then I go, oh wow, now thatthere must be some kind of line
that wasn't drawn here and thenI know what line to research
more about.
And then it just becomes thislike I need to know more about
all this stuff, Like I need todraw this web.

Wow, it sounds a bit like neural pathways that
you're just that's exactly whatit is.
But then my point is like howare you so fascinated about that
?
Like if I was given some datesof things in the history I'd
push this news button or itwouldn't.
I wouldn't care to know it,especially and I'm a little
personifying other people but Ihave a phone.

(39:15):
I could look it up if I reallywanted to.
I got Google.
What is it about you that, likeyou, just love putting that
information in your web?

I don't really know.
I don't know.
I just really like knowing allthese different things and
what's like.
It's just, it's almost like theultimate thing, it's almost
like the ultimate movie.

Yeah, and something like from knowing you,
Jen you stand for truth.

Right, yeah, for sure, for sure.
And it's funny because any,anybody who criticizes history
will be like, well, they juststudied this stuff out of a book
and like that's not really true.
And it's not about reading justthe stories that were told.
It's actually about thoughts,referencing every single thing
that you learn.
Yeah, and with each other andagainst each other, to see where

(40:10):
the truth really stands.
And sometimes you might thinkyou knew something and then all
of a sudden on your little webit becomes a question mark, like
an area where that can nowchange.
Yeah, and so this is aconstantly like shifting idea
that we have about history.
Like I'm totally down to throwit all away and be like it was
all I, okay.

So being your own detective and
researcher and seeing whatresonates and feels true for you
right, because if things don'tadd up, there's that moment of
cognitive dissonance is like doI throw this out?
This doesn't fit in the theoryof what we're talking about or
do I hold on to this?
How do I reconcile thisinternally?

Yeah, definitely.
And I would say, whileeverybody maybe has their own
cognitive dissonance and theirabilities in it, I like to think
that I've got an idea, I've gota well enough awareness that
I'm maybe a little bit fartherthan a lot of people.
So I don't go like, oh no, I'mdone for thinking that I'm like,
wow, people don't know this.

(41:13):
Most people still believe that.
Oh my God, did I just stumbleonto something?
That's even more ahead.
So, again, we're excited ifsomething tests me and some part
of what I learned was wrong.
I'm like you guys, look what Ijust learned.

Yeah, and the thing is, I've been in that
place and I'd go to that placesometimes too, and a lot of
times people don't have thatconscious awareness because
they're not in that state to beable to perceive other outcomes
or other perspectives, ifthey're living in that fear
mindset, that anger mindset ofwhat's in the media and Clifton

(41:49):
and I use the metaphor a lot ofbeing in a kind of like the
penthouse view, of like from ahigh story building.
So you have like the birds eye360 view, you have the web, you
have all the dots connected andthings like that.
Things are syncing, linking andintegrating in your perspective
, but somebody who's living onthe second floor of conscious

(42:09):
awareness and what we can callthat, their vibration or their
frequency, right, they don'thave the same perspective that
we may have or that someone mayhave who is up there from that
penthouse birds eye view.
And that's why mental health isso key, because it's about
helping people elevate theirfrequency to see those other
perspectives, to see otherpossibilities and to get out of

(42:31):
that like survival, reactivemind state.

And also those echo chambers of the same
information.
Yeah.
Right.
So the web that you talkedabout, jen, we liken it to high
performers, kind of outperformthe systems they're in, and then
they are ready for what we callan awakening moment, which is
sort of that transcendentrealization that there's more
out, there's more than whatmeets the eye or there's more

(42:56):
than what's been told, and youkind of talked about how that in
your upbringing in school youwere always kind of like wanting
more.
In business, you're alwayswanting more.
Can you talk to us about maybesome of the ones you feel
comfortable with, theseawakening moments where all of a
sudden you receive newinformation outside of the echo

(43:17):
chamber.
That kind of opened you up,because I think, especially with
the advent of AI and socialmedia, one of the challenges is
how do we get beyond the echochamber of the same information
confirming the same things thatwe think and believe?

I think one thing that woke me up was when I
don't want to go super publicwith it yet, but it's not that,
it's not public info.
But there was a point where Iwas working at MySpace and I
thought of it as a social mediaapp.
I thought it was for the people,a place where we could hang out

(43:58):
and talk to each other andself-express digitally, where
other people could tap in andsee our personality because our
profiles were admisable andstuff like that, and I was like
this is so cool and I thoughtthey were like almost doing it
to improve our ability to dothat.
What I then found out was thatthat was just their way to get

(44:23):
us hooked on an app so they cankeep showing us apps.
And when I realized that theywere planning and figuring out
how to train us and get ushooked and changing our hormones
to react to certain things,making it addictive to us, I
realized that there was a wholedifferent layer of companies and

(44:44):
corporations that I didn't knowabout, and I think that really
woke me up to starting to viewsome of these big companies and
being like what else do they getout of this?
What else are they using thisfor how are they using things
that I already know to createthis?
Even like a lot of AI uses alot of data, that data was taken

(45:04):
from somewhere.
How are they using that data?
Are they selling that data?
Who's buying that data and howcan it be used against us to
either get us hooked, mindcontrol, all these kind of
things.
I think that woke me up a lot.

And how do you?
It definitely sounds like youhave a very firm stance on
perhaps a different way of beingor a different way of using
information, whereas some peoplemight just conclude that that's
the consequence we're allheaded to as a society.
How do you create, maybe, acounter narrative?
Where you get that knowledgeand implement sort of a solution

(45:46):
into friends, mates and whatyou're doing.

Yeah, and that's the boring belief side of
things, yeah.

Yeah.
So I think that all these tools, just like everything else,
it's not about the tool itself,it's about the intention and how
people are using it.
So, like they say, it's not thegun who kills people, it's the
person who shot it.
That's the real problem.
The gun didn't actually doanything, it just is an object.
I think AI and technology andall these things are tools and
they can go both ways and itreally depends on who's using it

(46:15):
, for what reason.
And I think, friends, mates,obviously I have a very moral
compass when it comes to what wecreate for people because,
again, I actually kind of wishwe had that social media
platform that I thought we had.
That wasn't really and Ithought that was really cool.
And I think that a lot ofpeople, when they're building

(46:36):
these companies, they're seeingthe opportunity in something
that's already worked.
That's been like that.
And I think if we were tocompare it with like Star Wars,
which say, oh, they went to thedark sun, but could you also be
really effective by using thelight and using it for the
purpose of good and then stillhaving the same amount of like
financial windfall or whateveris important to you, fulfilling

(46:58):
whatever it is that whoever'sleading wants to get.
So I think that, with friends,mates, what's important to me is
not rejecting the technologyitself, but really saying you
know, we maybe we don't sell thedata, or maybe we only use the
data in these ways, this is thekind of data that we access, etc
.
Etc.
And then just making sure that,wherever the steps are, that

(47:20):
it's something that I would feelproud and moving forward with,
that I can say I can hold upnext to my face and be like this
is how I solve this using this.
And here's an example of howother people can also make
decisions like this.

Yeah, and this is one of the reasons why
Jen is such a key player in theecosystem Clifton and I are
co-creating with Faces of theFuture is because it's not just
about the technology or theplatform but the level of
consciousness of the founder,what they value and how they
want to use those tools and howthey want to steward humanity
with that level of power andaccess.
And we only work with companiesthat want to create that

(48:00):
narrative of a joyful, peacefulreality, absolutely.

I mean, we go into AI, we start talking about
consciousness.
We talk about consciousnesstransfer and things of that
nature that gets very sci-fi,very real.
Talking to these quantumpreneurs, and my question then
for you, jen, is how do you stayin the light, or how do you
tune your vehicle, or yourconsciousness, what?

are some of the tools.
What's?

been your journey of personal development.
I know that friends, mates andcommunity co-living has been a
huge accelerant for that andyou're sharing that to the world
.
But what are some other sort ofdefining moments or routines
that you use to stay reallysharp?

To stay sharp or to stay making certain kind
of decisions.

Oh yeah, I just want to explore Jen as the
individual making choices, asthe leader, as stepping into a
space that you've alreadyobserved can tend to lean
towards one way, and you're nowmaking a conscious effort to
lean towards the other.

I think that since I was young, I kind of had
this idea.
Well, my dad told me the worldisn't fair.
I was so mad, I was like whatdo you mean?
And I think I was like five orsix years old and that one thing
really sat with me and Istarted seeing all the ways that
the world wasn't fair and Istarted seeing how it was

(49:30):
happening, where the hiccup camein and the spoke in the wheel.
How did that happen?
Somebody gets into a scarcementality and then starts
getting I need to hold on tosomething which locks somebody
else out of having their fairopportunity for something, or
somebody makes a specific backdeal because they're trying to
have something and that affectssomebody else.

(49:51):
And so I was looking at all thedifferent breakdowns,
everything from financialsystems, opportunities, our own
personal attitudes and how thatshoots us in the foot.
This is such a complex thingthat actually, I think, creates
why the world isn't fair, butnot just why the world isn't
fair.
It's why the people are notcreating the fair world.
That we all had?

(50:11):
Yeah, absolutely yeah.
And I think like goingthroughout and just growing up
and just watching all thesethings and watching how my
parents kept getting the shortend of every stick handed to
them, watch them struggle,watching people take advantage
of them in, watching them staylike just calm and they had to
accept a lot of losses.

(50:31):
I just watched them accept thisunfair world and I think it
made me go.
I'm stopping that.
I'm not going to create thisunfair world.
I have anything that I can do.
I'm not going to get into thatfear mentality where all of a
sudden I start taking advantageof people or something like that
.
Like I just won't do that.

(50:53):
And if there's a way that I canalmost like block, like almost
like a wave trying to comebehind me of other people and
situations I'm involved in, ifthere's a way that I can block
that and like transform it intosomething different that is more
fair and that keeps people inmind, that's more where I want
to be and I think that, stayingto the idea of being in service,

(51:14):
and how can?
I help people?
Yeah, and how can I be morehelpful to animals or to
creating systems?
I think my mind goes straightinto because I've been watching
all these different systems.
It goes how can I create asystem?
How can I affect that system?
How can one little domino herechange that one part of the
system and have this dominoeffect that actually makes that

(51:35):
part of the world more fair forpeople?
And so I'm just constantlyplaying this really complicated
like puzzle piece that I'm justlooking for like the one little
thing that will just startshifting things back into place.

Yeah, clifton, and I call what you're
describing alchemyzing certainsystems or, in many cases, like
building the new arc right,which is what you're doing with
friends, mates.

And I felt like that.

Yeah, yeah, exactly your projector and human
design, so you see kind of theblueprint of a lot of different
spaces and different systems.
We tend to have that bird's eyeperspective.
That's very keen.
Clifton and I are alsoprojectors, which maybe we've
mentioned on the show before ornot.
So totally makes sense, yeah sogo for it.

Victoria.

Well, I was going to say and like how some
of the tools that you haveencounter on your personal
development journey, whetherthat's through our work with you
or through, you know, dr JoeDispenza I know you're following
his work for a while for likealchemyzing, because we
alchemyze internally firstbefore we can alchemyze anything
we see out there.
The outer is the reflection ofwhat we're already thinking,

(52:51):
feeling and believing internally.

Yeah, absolutely, and I think that you
got to do your own work first,and it doesn't mean you have to
finish doing all of your workbefore you can go be nervous, I
think it's that you just keepbettering yourself, you're able
to show up with more, and I justkeep doing work.
I just keep looking, findinglittle things, or maybe new

(53:15):
things pop up, and I got to dosome reflection on different
ways of my being, my attitudetowards things, looking at you
know places I didn't know I hadjudgment in, or new things
happened in the world and all ofa sudden I really have a
judgment against like somethingthat didn't even exist before,
and stuff like that.
I think that you can't.
If they say you can't give froman empty cup, it doesn't have

(53:39):
to be full, but you just you gotto have something.
If you don't take care of yourhealth, your mental state, you
know your own vehicle first,then you don't really have all
that much.
And it doesn't mean havingmoney or having things.
Even Mother Teresa, she didn'thave anything because she was
still equal to give a lot ofvalue to people, just walking

(53:59):
around and and hugging peopleand being there for them.
And I just think of you know,I'm not really attached to this
specific body and what it needsor anything like that.
I'll just kind of give myselfif somebody needs something from
me.
I think just kind of keepingthat that going a bit.

Nice, and what are some thought leaders or
books that you're currentlyreally diving into or that has
really shaped where you are inthis current moment?

Yeah, definitely so.
The Joe Dispenza work I reallyliked, because I think as an
entrepreneur it's so hardsometimes to you know, you go
through a lot of up and downs.
Somebody said recently thatbeing an entrepreneur is
actually one of the hardestthings you will ever attempt and
if you can actually succeed,you have accomplished a huge, a

(54:54):
huge thing.
And so with that, for peoplethat don't know what it's like,
it's very for me at least, it'svery emotional.
There's a lot of self doubt,there's a lot of criticism on
myself, there's a lot of fearsaround like, oh my God, am I too
late?
Am I not enough?
Are you know?
Oh gosh, I don't know enoughabout this topic.
They're going to see rightthere.

(55:14):
There's just so many differentthings that come up and if you
don't really know how to getyourself back up when you've
gone into those low ones, youcan get stuck.
And those stuckness areasthey're kind of like writer's
blocks or artist's blocks, whereyou just don't even know why.

(55:34):
You can't create anymore.
And an entrepreneur that's whatit is.
An entrepreneur creates.
They're creators of something.
It's not maybe visual, butthey're creating something.
And so that's what needs to beopen.
And when I got into Joe Dispenza, I realized that I had been
stuck at a certain frequency.
I was like, wow, I totallyrelate to this.

(55:56):
I could see where I would spikeup and come back down.
And I was also looking at I hadlooked at visualization
meditations and I noticed that Ijust really would feel so much
better after doing those, justso much more hopeful, and also
there was a lot of claritybecause of the way that it like
has you ask yourself and go overdifferent questions.

(56:18):
It would actually help me clearmy own mind and my own
confusion about things and itwould help me get on stock.
And then, when I realized thatJoe Dispenza was doing those
kind of meditations, but alsowith a different awareness about
your frequencies, I was likethis is a game changer Cause now
, anytime I can go.

(56:39):
okay, if I'm at this level, ifI'm in the like fear state, then
immediately, like you guyshelped me point out, if you get
to anger, it's below.
You're still below, but it'sthe catalyst to get into action.
The courage.

yeah, the low action or below anger.

You're in, you're, you're frozen, you don't
even know what to do.
Yeah, and so I was like, okay,I re-frame my connection and my
relationship with anger.
I actually now see it as astepping stone to get out of
something for me to feel likehad enough and I'm in action now
, and then you get into it andthen you can use the different
meditations to be like, okay,I'm in action, but I'm happy

(57:20):
about it.
I'm longer in that state.
So I'm going to use this angerand I'm excited you can just
almost get out of anger bylooking forward to the next
thing that you're going tocreate.
And so now I use it, I think,all the time, to just at least
know where I'm at.
And if I say I don't want to bein that that one frequency,
that one state, I now have sometools to get myself out of it

(57:43):
faster, and I think that's soinvaluable.
Whether you're an entrepreneuror you're a mother, or you've
got anxiety or trauma orwhatever.
I just think that those toolsare just so good for everyone.
Yeah.

Wonderful, it's awesome.
Yeah, we call that joyaffecting and you're joy
affecting your relationship tothe emotion of anger.
Right, because some people areapprehensive towards embracing
their anger, but you'veunderstood that and recognized
that that is actually a reallypowerful emotion to get you to

(58:18):
the place where you want to go.

Yeah, and you also said that one of the
hardest things to do is to be anentrepreneur, because of all
the trials, tribulations,uncertainty, fear, doubt,
self-criticism, et cetera.
And what you described afterthat with using those toolkits,
is what makes people a quantumpreneur because you understand
that having access to tools totune your mindset, your

(58:42):
energetics, your vehicle canhelp you get to the next level
of expansion and of your humanpotential.
And we know that when we're infear and in anger, solutions
don't come to us.
They come to us when we're notgood, solutions right.
We have access to thosepossibilities when we're in

(59:02):
those higher states ofconsciousness.
So that's why we use that wordquantum withpreneur, because
it's not about creating acompany from anger or fear or an
unmet need.
It's about creating a companyfrom a place of wholeness, from
a place of centered presence,and because that's your highest
joy to give to the world, whichis what you talked about
bringing value to people,however you can.

(59:24):
Yeah yeah.

I'm trying to think of other people that I
really liked.
Tony Robbins I super believe inall the work that he's done and
he really helped.
He jumped started not jumpstarted, but really like push me
forward much faster with UPWthat he does and then awaken the
giant within.
And actually it was his bookthat started getting me to think

(59:50):
about the purpose of emotions.
Yeah, because he has a list ofhalfway through very thick, like
500 page books like in themiddle, I think and it lists all
the different emotions and whatthey're here for you to
understand.
If you feel this way, it'sbecause you've been making
decisions that aren't for youand you're feeling resentment
because this and that.

(01:00:11):
Here's now what it's trying toteach you and here's what you
can do out of it.
Here's what anger does, sadness, you know, disappointment what
do these all say about you?
And then, what is the action totake from this place to really
use it as a tool, understandingyour emotions as a tool to help
guide you?
Yeah.
I was really big from TonyRobbins thing and then also he

(01:00:33):
showed me a lot of like thebreath work techniques, the
priming technique that he has,which I love because it's only
like five minutes and it's notlike 20 minutes and it's so
effective.
Now I use that if I need totake a call or if I'm like
concerned about a call, I justgo outside and joke for a minute
and just, and then I'm like allright, like I got energy.

Victoria Petrovsky (01:00:53):
Yeah, I do breath of fire in the morning to
get that going like the.
Yeah, that's what he does.

Jennifer Esteban (01:01:01):
That's what he does, but also with a
visualization, meditation, andit's only five minutes, but he
does it like with the arms.
Yep, yeah.

You got to get your whole body involved to
get your state up, yep.

That was the first time I had learned about
different ways to do that, so Ithink Tony Robbins was my also
one of my favorite people withall this kind of learning.

Nice, so tying together this like
personal development topic thatwe're on now with the
FriendsMates platform.
I know if there's something inyour vision for FriendsMates
that you'd like to share aboutthat piece.

Yeah, so our goal, we say, is to
revolutionize the roommateculture.
Yeah, so the culture currentlyis that people have a certain
way of thinking about roommatesand then when they get into
those situations, they haveanother way of thinking about
that situation and it's notreally from choice and it's not

(01:02:04):
really deliberate and it's notintentional, and they see it as
a step down, like, oh, I'mfailing and that's why I need to
live with roommates, andthey're like, once I'm not
failing anymore and once I getthis promotion and I make a
little more money, oh, I don'thave to do that anymore.
And these, I think, are whatare they called Limiting beliefs
that we have that shake theexperience that we end up having

(01:02:26):
as roommates because we startexpecting that.
And that's what we accept.
We accept the things that wethink that we're going to get
and I think a lot of assumptionwhen you manifest the results of
what you're thinking.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
But if you don't know anydifferent or you don't have any
expectation of something else atwhat it could be, you wouldn't
think to say no to thisopportunity because you don't

(01:02:47):
know that that other opportunityis out there for you.
And if that other opportunitywas there for you, you wouldn't
even recognize it.
And you probably would just walkright past it and so to change
an entire culture.
There's so many parts that youneed to change.
There's your mindset, there isthe way that people behave.
There's actions.
There's the belief systems.
There's one of the big onesthat I see with people is

(01:03:12):
there's a lot of people who feellike they're completely alone,
like they have nobody who'sgoing to get their back.
They don't think that anybodywill show up for them if they
need something, and so theydon't show up for people.
It becomes kind of one, each manfor themselves in their world,
and they go, oh that thing thatthey start projecting what they

(01:03:36):
think things are going to belike onto other peoples and they
start questioning theirintentions.
And what happens is, once thosepeople with these kind of
traumas and belief systems comesin with somebody who's trying
to do good, a lot of times it'sit's like a, like a feral cat
trying to be home what?
Into a safe home.
They're just kind of like Idon't feel safe.

(01:03:56):
There's something I don't trustthis.

Like, like projection, you mean it is a
projection.

But also they go I hand by myself, everything
I do is by myself what do youwant out of this?
And so they start creating thatthat thing for themselves.
And so I think that for us totruly have a difference in the
culture, there's so many partsof us that are going to need to
be elevated and changed andhealed so that we can live in

(01:04:22):
community with each other, sothat we can actually feel like
somebody in our community willhave our back, like we're
lovable, where people whodeserve to be handed a mercy
card when something happens youknow, or somebody you can say
I'm in complete need of helpright now, and the idea that
you're not alone and you can askfor it.
And then also, if you createthat culture in that community,

(01:04:44):
somebody else knows to offersomething back to you, and I
think it's going to.
It's a long, it's a big, Iwould say, aspiration for us to
want to actually make ameasurable impact on the culture
, but I think that if we're ableto separate it into ways of
healing, self development, work,retraining, learning how to

(01:05:05):
communicate better, asking ourneeds, knowing ourselves and
what we need, and we startpulling these together, I think
ultimately it will have thatimpact.
And if it needs to be forced.
It will just be, I think, verygraceful, graceful thing for a
lot of people's lives, and thenthose people will be able to
have that effect.
How do you say too many peoplearound them at once like a

(01:05:27):
ripple effect?
As a ripple effect, yeah.

And so you're saying it's easier to
live with other people whenyou're doing your own personal
development work or creatingpathways for one another to
stick to the personaldevelopment that they're already
doing.

I mean, even if they don't call it personal
development, I think thatthere's I have people that live
here that I don't think wouldconsider themselves working on
personal development.
So I think that it's not aboutso long as you're able to get to
a certain base level whereyou're secure and that you feel
like you have, you're going tobe okay and that you feel like

(01:06:05):
other people will help you andthat you can call on help and
things like that, and then youdon't always feel alone.
I think, so long for able toheal those people, those people
will be able to work welltogether.
But I think if you take twovery for lack of better word
toxic people who don't havethese things worked out, who are
constantly like fight or flightagainst each other, and you put
them together, they're eitherprobably going to create new

(01:06:28):
traumas together, they'reprobably going to trauma bond
about something, probably createnew little traumas together and
then eventually be exactly theway they would be against each
other if something happens.

Speaker 4 (01:06:37):
Yeah, and though you have a cool thing.
So what I'm hearing?

Clifton Smith (01:06:41):
is with friends, mates and with co-living.
You're creating an environmentthat's safe for people to feel
that they can heal these aspectsof themselves and have that
ripple into society and makethat shift and be that sort of
domino that you're talking aboutin terms of shifting the

(01:07:04):
systems that, on the macro scale, create these imbalances Is
that.
Am I hearing that correctly?

Yes, yeah pretty correct?

And how can other house managers cultivate a
similar environment in theirspaces, people who are already
on your platform or people whoare house managers and not on
your platform?
You have, like, your house,ethos and values and things you
stand for, and that kind of setsthe tone for how things operate
right.
So how about in other spaces?

So I think that one people learn through
just sheer influence, by seeingwhat other people are doing, and
if they care to improve it atall, then they'll go oh wow,
that's a cool system that theyput in, or oh, that's an
interesting thing way thatthey've responded to that
situation.
So I think just them seeingother people do it or seeing how
we have it done on our platformis one way, and then the other

(01:07:56):
way is I do plan on creatingsome kind of training for house
managers, if that's what.
I want to do and then they cancome and they work with me.
I haven't figured exactly outhow it would go and also how
intensive it is, but it ispretty intensive and it's
probably an ongoing thing.
So I want to create one, a longterm resource, so that all
these people can just come inand, as new things come up, we

(01:08:19):
can all help each other, answerthese questions and then see how
everybody else is doing it andthen learn from the, decide
which version or whichrecommendation is the best and
then kind of just keep elevating.
And then the other one isactually doing some kind of
basic training, not just basic,actually like pretty thorough
with me because I have all thisessential training.
Yeah, like essential training,yeah, and then be like okay,

(01:08:41):
cool, and like let's put youinto the group and then, as
questions come up, let's go overthat.
And then for them it'severything from mindsets around
what does it mean to lead ahouse?
Like even that simple one, Ijust think is so overlooked.
Like a lot of people who lead ahouse, they don't think about it
that they're leading thecreation of an environment for

(01:09:02):
other people.
Yeah, they might think of it asthemselves or as a transaction
and like this room for this muchand stuff like that, but
they'll let people in that maybedon't fit into the overall
group or they'll take a riskbecause of some.
You know they got a timelinefor when they got to get it
booked or something.
But they have to be reallyaware that if you're thinking
not just for yourself but ofother people's experience,

(01:09:23):
you're responsible as a leaderto cultivate an experience that
is safe, because they havetrusted you to make that
decision Right and so likethat's one of the mind things
around leading a house thatpeople need to really take on
first.

Yeah, and that's something that you've
been so instrumental helpingClifton and I with in our
previous place, with setting thetone and sticking to like what
the values are of the space andalso the things that come up
through like out of the blue.
It's easier to connect withsomeone who's been there before
or with others that have beenthere before.
It's like, oh, it was a roomthat was rented out to a solo

(01:10:00):
and now there are significantothers moving in.
How do you handle that?
How do you handle, like, theutility costs for that, any rent
increase, et cetera, et cetera.
Yeah.

Yeah, and so, speaking to our listeners, how
can they get a hold of you, orwhat would you say to them if
they're considering co-living?

They can join our website right now.
It's friendsmatescom, so it'sfriends mates and they can join
the community.
They can list their space, theycan look who else is around and
if somebody is looking for somehelp and they don't need to
find somebody right now I wouldstill join and then reach out to
us.
You can reach out to MiaJennifer at friendsmatescom with
different questions.

(01:10:41):
At this point I somehow stillhave time to get back to emails
and respond to people and givepeople some help.
At the same time, it also helpsme train what kind of questions
and stuff.
So I keep making the long listso that I can use it for future
training.
Come and ask me questions,everything from I'm having a
roommate issue or I got tofigure out what to say to them,

(01:11:02):
or how do you do this.
Just feel free to reach out.

Awesome.
And then what about thoselisteners who are like wow,
friendsmate sounds amazing.
I want this to be a thing.
I want this to grow.

I want this in my city yeah.

How can they support the growth of
friendsmates?

Yeah, so that's amazing.
So right now we are in LosAngeles, we're doing a big event
, a whole launch in Austin andwe're doing one in Miami, and so
if you're a part of thesegroups, I'd love to get in touch
with you ASAP, because we're,you know, the more hands on
those cities, the better.
If you're looking to create adifferent city in those, the

(01:11:40):
best way is to create anorganized effort around it.
And if you tell me that, if youjoin and you tell me which city
you're in because there's aplace where you say where you're
at I'll be able to see how manypeople are signing up in an
area or you can also tell meyeah, I'd like it for it to be
more here.
I can look at it and see whatkind of efforts I can make to
make that my next city and toreally activate those areas.

(01:12:01):
So I would reach out and if youwant to be part of the force
that's helping create thesecities, I'm offering a lot of
incentives, both in differentbenefits of the app, different
kinds of abilities on the appitself, and that make it worth
your effort.
So I would reach out and let meknow just if you're interested

(01:12:23):
in growing one of these cities.
Awesome.

And what about with friends, mates?
What does the next stage looklike with where the company
growth is yeah, so right?

now we've got a solid site that's up and
working and we're ready to kindof take it to the next level,
hire a few new people and reallybuild out new features.
So we're about to launch a seedequity crowd funding campaign.
So we're going to be raisingour seed and seeing if anybody
in the community wants to beable to get involved in little

(01:12:55):
or large amounts and then thatway people can be part of the
success and also really make itsuch a community effort, because
this is a project that's forthe community and I think it is
built by the community, and soif anybody's interested in that,
we'll share links.
If you're on the site and youhave an account, we'll send you
an email, follow us on Instagramand we'll be posting about it

(01:13:17):
everywhere For friends matesit's friends matesig.
And then, if you want to followme, I'm Jennifer Vision.

Awesome.
I got a chill when you sharedthe piece about the building by
the community.
Because it's for the community,it feels really aligned.
Well, awesome, jen.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
It was such a pleasure havingthis conversation with you.
We didn't know exactly where itwas going to go and we enjoyed
just following the flow andbeing present with you.

Thank you, Awesome.
Well, thanks so much for havingme giving me this opportunity
to share this and also forsparking up some questions I
hadn't thought about before.

That's what we love doing, so thank you so much
for joining.
I'm Clifton.

And I'm Victoria.

And together we're Faces of the Future.

And thank you for listening.
Yes,

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