March 28, 2023 • 31 mins
In season 3 episode 3 Taylor reveals the origins of Tailored Healing Collective. She walks us through a life changing phrase that brought her into her current work of advocacy of plant and fungi allies for women , mothers , and people everywhere
Interested in sharing your own transformation story?Submit all inquiries to tailoredhealingcollective@gmail.comFollow us on social media !@tailoredhealingcollectiveAre you finding it difficult to meditate?Check out our EP by The SoundBowl MomCosmic Roots Healing Sounds & AffirmationsApple Music- https://music.apple.com/us/album/cosmic-roots-healing-sounds-affirmations-ep/1553202735Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/album/0JP05gifcbbNLZ4NfC1GpA?si=H08h8S3XRGatTi8PBrd4uQAmazon Music -https://music.amazon.com/albums/B08WH9QSBW?marketplaceId=ATVPDKIKX0DER&musicTerritory=US&ref=dm_sh_w1vjVxUQ6E58f3KaL8WmSInnrDon't forget to leave us a review on why you love The Tailored Healing Collective Podcast
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Peace, and welcome to the Taylor Healing Collective Podcast.
(00:04):
This is a space where we discuss everything sacred medicine, motherhood, healing practices
across the globe, and transformation above all.
It is my hope you take each story shared here and find empowerment in your own life, for
it is here that we educate the mind to liberate the soul.
I'm your host Taylor.
(00:47):
Taylor, do you think that smoking weed is what successful people do?
This question that my stepdad asked me years and years ago has stuck with me up to this
day and I think it's really odd the way things end up playing out.
So I want to talk today about how I created Taylor Healing Collective and it's this growing
(01:11):
platform that I'm still building as we speak.
When I found the name THC, it was really supposed to be a play on words.
I had written an article for Medium and I wanted to speak about how it's very often called
a gateway drug.
And while I do believe that there are both beneficial and harmful ways to use it, I wanted
(01:33):
to speak about how the gateway was into awakening yourself into other realities, into different
parts of yourself, into everything you could be or would be.
I never knew back then that when he found this almanac that I had that was teaching me about
the different strains of cannabis and how healing it could be and my bowl that I bought
(01:55):
from Sunshine Day Dream that I would come to enjoy a career speaking to other women
and mothers about how it's helped elevate my consciousness, helped me on my journey
through motherhood and overall teach other people about transformation within their
own lives.
When I came up with Taylor Healing Collective, I was just selling t-shirts.
(02:17):
I'll show an example.
I had these shirts that said spiritual AF and it had sage burning on them and I didn't
really know what it was.
But at the beginning of my spiritual journey, a couple years before that, I had a meditation
where I could see this place and this place was somewhere where healing could happen very
(02:37):
much like a church but I wanted to teach things that were normally hidden from other
people and when I decided, okay, this is what I'm going to do, I only started off the best
way I knew how which was selling something.
I came to see very soon that for me, it could never be about selling a t-shirt or selling
(02:59):
merchandise, what I was sent here in this time to do was much bigger than getting money
really quickly.
And that was really hard for me seeing as how I was taught that money was my worth.
That was all that I had in this life and if I didn't apply myself and work hard and figure
out, okay, this is what I'm going to do to support myself, then I would never be anything.
(03:22):
And then when he posed the question to me about being successful and smoking weed, well,
I mean, that just came to be a joke years later, not between me and him, but between
me and the world because I would soon see celebrities like Rihanna or even Snoop Dogg
and I would live a very sheltered life by the way.
So I know some of these people that I might mention have been smoking much longer than
(03:43):
you know, I've mentioned but it took for me to sing celebrities doing to say, well, they're
doing it and they look pretty successful.
Why wouldn't they?
My first interactions with cannabis, I couldn't even tell you some of its foggy, but I felt
this freedom in a very growing up in a very small town.
(04:06):
I did not feel the freedom that I feel like is created once you leave the confines of
your hometown or being around your parents.
And when I started to feel that something told me to go travel to go explore to see
other cultures.
I never knew.
I mean, how could you know that more years down the line motherhood would become a part
(04:31):
of my journey and how I would use these experiences that I had in my teenage and my young adult
years to help bring understanding and education and freedom to others.
That same summer that my stepdad found all my things hidden in the basement, I also had
my first encounter with LSD and that alone was another experience that changed my life.
(04:57):
So it's really funny to see that the world all of a sudden is awakening to the power
of, you know, all these substances.
I was blessed with the gift of sight and sometimes things happen and I know they're going to
happen but I never see them coming and if I were to tell someone they were going to
happen, they'll look at me like I'm crazy.
I'm sure many people with this gift know this and I had these very impactful experiences
(05:23):
with this medicine because I would come to understand that I was the key to my own healing.
So in creating tailored healing collective, I started off, I just moved in with my who's
now my husband and I was looking for a way to make some money.
I didn't have a job at the time and I wanted to start making t-shirts drop shipping.
(05:43):
I think t-shirts was a thing at the time, it still is but it was fairly new on the internet
scene and I started making shirts that said spiritual AF, they would say heal where you
grow and I just wanted to start spreading positive messages for people.
I didn't think back then that I would be doing what I'm doing now which is speaking, which
(06:06):
is being a mother to two kids.
I didn't realize what I had when it came to the power of speaking because I spent a lot
of my younger adult life, or not younger adult life, my childhood lying and it wouldn't be
about anything huge.
It would be little small white lies but when I came to understand my own consciousness,
I saw that we tell lies often because we feel like we have to hide our identity in some
(06:30):
way.
Like we won't be accepted if we tell the truth and this would get me in trouble at home very
often.
I would lie about grades, I would lie about my MySpacePass word.
Again, nothing big.
I was a pre-sheltered kid but as I got older, I realized that I had this gift, this power
of the voice to shake things up.
(06:51):
I wrote something the other day in a journal entry because I was thinking about all the
times that I felt silenced in my life and working with plant and fungi medicines kind
of help awaken this in me.
I was so used to silencing myself because I was afraid of what other people would think
of me that I wouldn't be accepted and be enough and so I saw myself as a volcano.
(07:15):
People fear volcanoes.
They're huge and enormous and they emit lava that's hot and could very well take you out
and kill you but there's also this beautiful thing about volcanoes when you sit and look
at them and you marvel at how big and grand it is.
People come from all over the world to see volcanoes, to watch it erupt.
(07:37):
You accept it for its beauty and even for the heat that it emits because heat makes
people uncomfortable but it also emits the truth.
I hope that kind of made sense.
It made sense in my head when I wrote it but I feel like, I've grown up feeling like a
volcano that whenever I speak the truth about things, it tends to scare people.
(07:59):
Being a black woman, a mother who is openly talking about these substances on the internet
for the whole world to see not knowing what's out there, not knowing who's watching me.
For most people it would be pretty scary.
I think we're coming to a time now where people are getting more comfortable talking about
it but I think there's still that fine line because we're mothers and we're very protective
(08:20):
of our children.
But what most people will or will not know about me is I love my family fiercely and
I do this and I speak about this because of them.
So how could I have known that hiding interest in cannabis from my stepfather would grow
into me selling t-shirts to me selling affirmation cards and ringing sound bowls to now aspiring
(08:46):
and being, I'm not aspiring, I am speaking publicly about how using these substances,
I don't even like calling them substances, they're medicine, how it's helped me and it's
helped me so much that it's literally pushed me out of the nest at this point.
I do not smoke like I used to, I don't consume because I don't feel the need to.
(09:07):
When I have really challenging times I used to tend to turn to these medicines to help
give me wisdom and guidance and I think it's the same when it comes to motherhood.
When we have problems we go to our moms, you know, they're that emotional support and that
guidance that helps us get to the next phase in our life when we feel that we don't know
(09:28):
the answers, we turn to that feminine, intuitive energy and using and having these experiences
with these medicines was like turning to the mother.
Well, I don't know if it was when I had my babies but the mother kicked me out of the
nest and said it's your time to go out into the world and to normalize these things.
And there would be so many things that have gotten in my path where I've been confused
(09:51):
as to how to move forward where I would see other women gathering groups and talk about
it and I would see, you know, people creating their own platforms and because mine was not
yet sustaining the abundance, the success that my stepfather always reminded me about
when I was younger I thought, well, maybe I'm not supposed to be doing this.
Maybe this isn't for me, maybe I just need to find a more reasonable career.
(10:14):
At 30 years old when there's so many things going on, whether it be inflation or censorship,
there's so much, I'm not even going to go into that today but I chose a career path,
not just a career path, I chose a service project that goes well beyond me.
(10:35):
You know, after what seems like a lifetime of the war on drugs of people who look like
me who are afraid to speak out and talk about things that were natural to us that were within
our communities before colonization happened, that's terrifying.
As a mother in me speaking, I would think that if I was someone else, I would be terrified
(10:56):
to talk about these things because I would be afraid that my children would be taken
away, I would be afraid that I would be arrested but, you know, I'm a very logical person so
it kicks in like, well, I'm not doing anything on camera, it's actually legalized where I
am, it doesn't impact my ability to be a mother.
In fact, at times it makes me a better mother, it makes me more self-aware of the patterns
(11:18):
and the things that I do and it doesn't make me want to be perfect, it just makes me want
to look at myself and say, hey, you're human, you go through these things.
So I consider it a blessing at this point that what Taylor Healyan Collective has grown
into is me just speaking truth because I never realized that that was the hardest thing for
(11:39):
people to see was what was right in front of them.
So much they say is hidden from us and sometimes when I see it, I'm like, well, it's right
there, what are you talking about?
I've heard women, especially black women too, you know, they say, well, what if they don't
allow black people to do this or what if you accept black women?
I don't care because I know that I'm more than that.
(12:02):
I think that I was put in this particular body in this time, in this reality to live
out the full potential of what others did not get to do so I can help awaken them to
their own power.
And that's what Taylor Healyan Collective, I believe, is about.
I still don't know what it is yet, honestly.
Right now it seems like it's just me making TikToks and videos and YouTube to vent to talk.
(12:29):
But I never want to make it about myself.
I read in the seven habits of highly effective people that whatever you do cannot just be
about money, it has to be about service.
And even though I have had a lot of times where my ego has gotten the best of me and
said, yeah, you need to charge them this, you need to do this, this is about service
for me.
(12:49):
Mothers struggle so much with their identity when they're shifted from being a single or
married woman into someone who's caring for a whole other human.
And I'm so happy that I've had that experience in two different ways.
One where I had a lot of anxiety and I didn't know what was going to happen and I had to
have a C-section with my son.
(13:11):
And then one where I still had a lot of anxiety.
I didn't have a home birth, but I had a natural birth with my daughter.
And knowing that two humans came out of you and then you have to be responsible for them
when you're already unpacking so much about your own life is pretty scary.
I wake up every day and like, I got to do this again.
I have to figure out what life is.
(13:33):
I have to show them.
But the thing is, and what I've learned from both them and journeying with medicine is that
they're teaching me.
We come into this life as children with this open vision about the world.
And I see it a lot in my son.
He's getting older now and he is testing his limits and exploring.
(13:54):
And I really shouldn't be surprised because I'm his mom and I think that's what all children
do.
Inherently, they don't know limitations.
They want to try to see, feel everything.
And when we try to stop them from doing that, it's out of safety and protection.
And that's what most of our parents try to do.
Hence why when we say, I want to go out into the world and do this and they're like, well,
(14:14):
that's not very practical.
You can't always be practical.
You have to step out into the unknown at times and journeying with both psilocybin, with cannabis,
with LSD.
It helps me see that there is a world that exists outside of our own, but that is parallel.
And most times we can't see that world actually all the time.
(14:35):
Most people, unless you're tuned in, is because there are so many barriers and constructs that
keep us from realizing how free we actually are.
And I know I've seen a lot of people talk about this on a more logical concept with
lots of facts and terms about Saturn's cube.
And I'm going to give it to you as someone who identifies with feminine energy.
(14:57):
We're made up of both and both masculine and feminine.
When we come into this world, before we're even here, when we're in our mother's womb,
we are attached to an eternal life source that we never feel as though we'll be separated
from.
And the minute you're born, especially depending on how you're born, everything will challenge
(15:18):
that if you're born via C-section, you might have some sort of shock because you were immediately
separated from your life source.
If you were never separated, you might think that you're pretty much entitled to a lot
of things until they're taken away from you.
And I see that in both my children, my daughter, she will not let me put her down ever.
She does not like being alone.
In fact, I was trying to get ready to do this video and she was crying because I wasn't
(15:43):
in there.
And she's a baby that's to be understood, but she's much more attached to me than my
son was at the beginning.
He's very independent.
Both of them are very loving.
They love hugs and cuddles, but as he grows older and she gets older, I see the differences
in how life can impact you.
So when we're talking about being open to experiences, most of us as we get older, we
(16:08):
become closed off.
We hide.
We hide behind the shadows because we're afraid what someone will think.
But you know, this is 2023.
This is the internet.
Anything goes at this point.
If you're afraid to speak out, you're probably going to be afraid forever.
I think that working with this medicine allows you to be released from traumas and ideas
that you've held on to and beliefs through bloodlines for generations.
(16:32):
And I get really happy when I hear people say that, oh, this helped me do this.
Now I'm at this point now where not that I've learned all the lessons necessarily, but it's
kind of time for me to step into the role of being a teacher.
And being a teacher means you can't look around and say, well, what's his lesson plan look
like or what's her lesson plan look like?
This is my life.
(16:52):
This is my role.
And as a mother, I pay attention to every single thing that I do because I know that
one day I will have grown children who will look back and see this.
It's weird because that time already exists, you know, where they're grown adults and they're
seeing these videos that I'm putting out right now.
And so I make these videos for confirmation for myself that I wasn't crazy all along.
(17:15):
I knew that there would be a time where things like cannabis and ayahuasca and peyote and
all of these very indigenous and special and sacred medicines will try to be commercialized.
And you know, people would try to get their hands on them and some people use it for good.
(17:36):
Some people use it for bad.
It really just depends on who you are.
And I think that it's a beautiful time because so many people are being awakened to their
own power that I can now freely talk about this without fear of oh, somebody going to
come and get me.
I can't afford to do that.
I can't afford to worry all the time.
And that's something I think I've also learned through manifestation.
(17:56):
If I spent all my time worrying about what someone else thought about me, I would never
get anything done.
I would never be fearless enough to take the plunge.
And I have gotten questioned over my entire life.
I think sometimes even when I tell my mom about what I talk about, she's like, okay,
I love you.
Sounds good.
But I know that inherently probably scares her.
She might never tell me that.
(18:18):
Maybe it's because she doesn't understand it.
And also because I grew up with a father, not my stepfather, but my biological father
who wasn't at it.
And I think that's why I have this special understanding of why even though these medicines
are here to help us, we don't need to lean on them all the time.
It's good to find other practices because how addiction works is your brain thinks that
(18:44):
it needs this supplement to maintain this level of either awareness or happiness all
of the time in the minute that it's without when you give it to it regularly is like searching
for water.
Like, okay, I need some more.
I'm going to be dehydrated if I don't have it.
This year I started a micro dosing practice and I liked it for some time.
(19:07):
I felt like it was changing me.
It was awakening me to things.
But then I saw there, there's such a thing as too much of a good thing.
And at some point you have to be ready to leave the classroom and go out into the world
and apply what you've learned.
And for me, a lot of those lessons have been patience.
It's been lessons of learning to be gentle with myself, kind to myself, kind to other
(19:31):
people.
Also, understanding that not everybody has my best interest at heart all of the time.
It's given me this ability to step outside of myself and look at the world from the eyes
of someone else, which I think with a lot of masculine energy that has run industries
and communities like this, it has this need for power and control all of the time.
(19:55):
And I've been guilty of having that because we grasp on the power when we feel like ours
has been taken away.
We grasp on the things like money and success because we feel like, well, if I don't have
this, then who am I?
Lucky for me, I learned that at a really early age when my stepdad used to plant those ideas
in me and my siblings head of, you know, you need to do this, this, and this.
(20:19):
It allowed me to see the grasses and always greener on the other side.
Even if you had a room full of money, what do you do if you're alone?
You know, if you don't know how to treat people, if you don't come down to their level or meet
them, you know, eye to eye and say, Hey, I understand you.
Understand why you're going through this.
You know, I've had the paranoia myself where I feel like, and this is obviously all in
(20:42):
my head because nobody tells me this directly.
So I can admit that.
But I'll think that people will not understand my message when I say, Hey, you don't need
to smoke all the time.
You don't need to journey all the time.
You might want to stop for a little while and see how you feel.
And that's not even necessarily for me to say that's just a suggestion of someone asked,
but it's because we can tend to make it our identity when we were children ones who did
(21:06):
not have to journey with medicine, who did not have to, you know, sit with cannabis in
order to be creative or feel good about ourself society, fix that for us.
It closed down all those centers through food, through education, through music, through
community and slowly, but surely we became a numb society.
And now people are discovering this and they're waking up again.
(21:28):
And for mothers, I think this is so important because we get so caught up in our roles.
I mean, I do it every day.
I wake up, I do the dishes, I give the kids a bath, we go out and on a walk or we play.
I think about my own stuff for a while.
I clean some more.
I do the stuff for our family business.
The kids are crying.
They're like, we get so caught up and I got to do this for the family.
(21:49):
Got to do this.
We also forget who we are.
So creating this collective for women, for mothers, and if you're just feminine identifying,
that's fine too.
I want this just to be a place where it is understood that we are made up of both because
(22:12):
I know that even in this time, the lessons that I learned as a child still impact me
as adulthood because now that I have this understanding, hey, this is how plant medicine
works.
This is how fun guy works.
And I mean like on a biological level, I can also compare it to life.
Okay, well, if you want something to grow, you have to let it take time.
There is nothing that you can't do.
(22:33):
Anything can grow anywhere, but you cultivate your environment.
You choose what your collective or your conscious thoughts are, what's going in and out of your
head, your beliefs, what comes to you and what is for you will always find you.
So my, I don't even say my hope and my desire anymore because I know it will happen.
(22:55):
It's just really weird to sit at the timing of things sometimes and wonder like, what
is going to become of this?
What's going to become of me?
But what happened in that room with my stepdad years ago, I didn't know it was going to
lead to this.
How could I?
I was just a kid who thought I was getting in trouble for having a dangerous and illicit
drug in the basement or wanting to learn about it for that because I didn't even have any
(23:17):
at the time.
Like I think I just had a book and him waving that book like, I think this is what successful
people do.
Look at me now.
And it's not even about the money for me.
It's because I am fearless.
Having those lessons, having someone tell me what I could and couldn't do out of life
made me absolutely fearless.
I had to be.
(23:38):
You know, my parents, my stepdad in particular put me out of the house at a really early
age, 16.
I was sent to go live with my grandfather and I tried to come back home a couple of
times and it would be the same thing.
I would want something for my life and he would box me in and say, this is what I had
to be and I had to do things this way.
(23:58):
Now granted, he gave me a lot of good lessons about business and life that I am now carrying
with me as an adult.
But never let anybody box you and don't let anybody tell you, oh, this is bad for you
because, you know, it'll make you see things and you, some of us need to see, some of us
need to step out of our boxes and find a window, become creative, love ourselves, connect
(24:22):
with that childhood.
My children are the best lesson with that.
Even when I find myself getting frustrated, I look at the world from their eyes.
They just want love.
They're not worried about these bills and I'm not saying I'm not worried about my bills,
but they're worried about love and exploration and creativity and freedom and expression.
(24:46):
And that's what I think we learned from many of these.
We learned that we're safe.
We, a lot of us, especially I think as mothers, you know, we always worry about the safety
of our children and are they going to be okay if they do this?
I've also learned you have to let kids fall like really early.
I've learned this because my son has busted his face like twice a week, every week.
(25:08):
I'm like, man, they're, they're resilient because sometimes we fall and like, I'm never
going to get up again.
He bust his face two days ago and walks around happy as a clam with scabs all over his face
and nose and it just makes me think, wow, these are the wonders that this medicine is
doing for people.
(25:30):
So it is up to me and hopefully other women and other people to say, I'm a mother and
I'm able to use these medicines and become more in tune with myself, become more in tune
with my children.
I'm able to understand why they feel things without feeling the need to box or cage them
(25:51):
because I don't understand or I don't remember.
So many of us have forgotten what it's like to be a child.
We have forgotten one of my first singles was inner child because of this.
We forgotten what it is like to have laughter from the soul.
We forgotten what it's like to just want to go outside and go travel just because, you
(26:11):
know, obviously kids need some limitations.
They can't just go run out into traffic.
We have to show them, Hey, there's certain boundaries, things you need to look out for
in life, but it's a part of the journey because I was in grain with these ideas of success
very often.
I question, okay, but like, what about the abundance?
(26:32):
Is that coming?
And I think abundance comes when you're doing what you're passionate about and what you
love.
What's that quote?
If you do what you love, you've never worked a day in your life and I haven't worked for
at least three or four years, at least not in the traditional sense.
Now, being a mother, a co-business owner is a full time job and I'm not even talking about
(26:54):
my business.
I'm not even talking about our family, my husband's business, but that takes away a lot
of time for myself.
Um, emotionally, it doesn't mess with me a lot at times.
And there are times where I want to kind of lean on cannabis, which, you know, I don't
mind every now and again anymore.
(27:15):
But sometimes I feel like when I was younger, I would just get high just to fly.
And I've dropped out of a plane before.
So I know what that feeling is, a flying feeling, weightless, like nothing can touch you.
But then you're grounded back into reality and you have to figure, well, it's not just
about me feeling free all the time.
(27:38):
I have to understand that when I come back down to earth, I'm still just as free as I
was in the sky.
But how do I make it work here?
Like there, how do I get my brain and my heart to link and understand that I'm not separate
from these experiences?
All of it is me.
Taylor Healing Collective is a painful work of art for me.
(28:01):
It is something that has brought me so much joy and equally just as much confusion, but
it has helped me awaken to myself as I hope that it helps many others in the future.
So this has been the Taylor Healing Collective show.
If you are enjoying the show, please subscribe to my channel.
(28:22):
Have plenty of links to music that I've created over the years, affirmations, and let's connect.
If you love to learn more, I'd love to teach because this is what I've set out to do for
the rest of my life.
So until next time, let lovely the way.
Peace.
(29:09):
I detach from the old, I have a crown of success.
I am sure of what is coming and let the universe do the rest.
(29:33):
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
(29:58):
Time is a dimension that we enter when we choose to align with self that's divine.
It first exists inside of our minds.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
I visualize my desires, I create with intention, a new dimension where reality is in my hands.
(30:24):
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
Peace, and welcome to the Taylor Healing Collective Podcast.
(00:04):
This is a space where we discuss everything sacred medicine, motherhood, healing practices
across the globe, and transformation above all.
It is my hope you take each story shared here and find empowerment in your own life, for
it is here that we educate the mind to liberate the soul.
I'm your host Taylor.
(00:47):
Taylor, do you think that smoking weed is what successful people do?
This question that my stepdad asked me years and years ago has stuck with me up to this
day and I think it's really odd the way things end up playing out.
So I want to talk today about how I created Taylor Healing Collective and it's this growing
(01:11):
platform that I'm still building as we speak.
When I found the name THC, it was really supposed to be a play on words.
I had written an article for Medium and I wanted to speak about how it's very often called
a gateway drug.
And while I do believe that there are both beneficial and harmful ways to use it, I wanted
(01:33):
to speak about how the gateway was into awakening yourself into other realities, into different
parts of yourself, into everything you could be or would be.
I never knew back then that when he found this almanac that I had that was teaching me about
the different strains of cannabis and how healing it could be and my bowl that I bought
(01:55):
from Sunshine Day Dream that I would come to enjoy a career speaking to other women
and mothers about how it's helped elevate my consciousness, helped me on my journey
through motherhood and overall teach other people about transformation within their
own lives.
When I came up with Taylor Healing Collective, I was just selling t-shirts.
(02:17):
I'll show an example.
I had these shirts that said spiritual AF and it had sage burning on them and I didn't
really know what it was.
But at the beginning of my spiritual journey, a couple years before that, I had a meditation
where I could see this place and this place was somewhere where healing could happen very
(02:37):
much like a church but I wanted to teach things that were normally hidden from other
people and when I decided, okay, this is what I'm going to do, I only started off the best
way I knew how which was selling something.
I came to see very soon that for me, it could never be about selling a t-shirt or selling
(02:59):
merchandise, what I was sent here in this time to do was much bigger than getting money
really quickly.
And that was really hard for me seeing as how I was taught that money was my worth.
That was all that I had in this life and if I didn't apply myself and work hard and figure
out, okay, this is what I'm going to do to support myself, then I would never be anything.
(03:22):
And then when he posed the question to me about being successful and smoking weed, well,
I mean, that just came to be a joke years later, not between me and him, but between
me and the world because I would soon see celebrities like Rihanna or even Snoop Dogg
and I would live a very sheltered life by the way.
So I know some of these people that I might mention have been smoking much longer than
(03:43):
you know, I've mentioned but it took for me to sing celebrities doing to say, well, they're
doing it and they look pretty successful.
Why wouldn't they?
My first interactions with cannabis, I couldn't even tell you some of its foggy, but I felt
this freedom in a very growing up in a very small town.
(04:06):
I did not feel the freedom that I feel like is created once you leave the confines of
your hometown or being around your parents.
And when I started to feel that something told me to go travel to go explore to see
other cultures.
I never knew.
I mean, how could you know that more years down the line motherhood would become a part
(04:31):
of my journey and how I would use these experiences that I had in my teenage and my young adult
years to help bring understanding and education and freedom to others.
That same summer that my stepdad found all my things hidden in the basement, I also had
my first encounter with LSD and that alone was another experience that changed my life.
(04:57):
So it's really funny to see that the world all of a sudden is awakening to the power
of, you know, all these substances.
I was blessed with the gift of sight and sometimes things happen and I know they're going to
happen but I never see them coming and if I were to tell someone they were going to
happen, they'll look at me like I'm crazy.
I'm sure many people with this gift know this and I had these very impactful experiences
(05:23):
with this medicine because I would come to understand that I was the key to my own healing.
So in creating tailored healing collective, I started off, I just moved in with my who's
now my husband and I was looking for a way to make some money.
I didn't have a job at the time and I wanted to start making t-shirts drop shipping.
(05:43):
I think t-shirts was a thing at the time, it still is but it was fairly new on the internet
scene and I started making shirts that said spiritual AF, they would say heal where you
grow and I just wanted to start spreading positive messages for people.
I didn't think back then that I would be doing what I'm doing now which is speaking, which
(06:06):
is being a mother to two kids.
I didn't realize what I had when it came to the power of speaking because I spent a lot
of my younger adult life, or not younger adult life, my childhood lying and it wouldn't be
about anything huge.
It would be little small white lies but when I came to understand my own consciousness,
I saw that we tell lies often because we feel like we have to hide our identity in some
(06:30):
way.
Like we won't be accepted if we tell the truth and this would get me in trouble at home very
often.
I would lie about grades, I would lie about my MySpacePass word.
Again, nothing big.
I was a pre-sheltered kid but as I got older, I realized that I had this gift, this power
of the voice to shake things up.
(06:51):
I wrote something the other day in a journal entry because I was thinking about all the
times that I felt silenced in my life and working with plant and fungi medicines kind
of help awaken this in me.
I was so used to silencing myself because I was afraid of what other people would think
of me that I wouldn't be accepted and be enough and so I saw myself as a volcano.
(07:15):
People fear volcanoes.
They're huge and enormous and they emit lava that's hot and could very well take you out
and kill you but there's also this beautiful thing about volcanoes when you sit and look
at them and you marvel at how big and grand it is.
People come from all over the world to see volcanoes, to watch it erupt.
(07:37):
You accept it for its beauty and even for the heat that it emits because heat makes
people uncomfortable but it also emits the truth.
I hope that kind of made sense.
It made sense in my head when I wrote it but I feel like, I've grown up feeling like a
volcano that whenever I speak the truth about things, it tends to scare people.
(07:59):
Being a black woman, a mother who is openly talking about these substances on the internet
for the whole world to see not knowing what's out there, not knowing who's watching me.
For most people it would be pretty scary.
I think we're coming to a time now where people are getting more comfortable talking about
it but I think there's still that fine line because we're mothers and we're very protective
(08:20):
of our children.
But what most people will or will not know about me is I love my family fiercely and
I do this and I speak about this because of them.
So how could I have known that hiding interest in cannabis from my stepfather would grow
into me selling t-shirts to me selling affirmation cards and ringing sound bowls to now aspiring
(08:46):
and being, I'm not aspiring, I am speaking publicly about how using these substances,
I don't even like calling them substances, they're medicine, how it's helped me and it's
helped me so much that it's literally pushed me out of the nest at this point.
I do not smoke like I used to, I don't consume because I don't feel the need to.
(09:07):
When I have really challenging times I used to tend to turn to these medicines to help
give me wisdom and guidance and I think it's the same when it comes to motherhood.
When we have problems we go to our moms, you know, they're that emotional support and that
guidance that helps us get to the next phase in our life when we feel that we don't know
(09:28):
the answers, we turn to that feminine, intuitive energy and using and having these experiences
with these medicines was like turning to the mother.
Well, I don't know if it was when I had my babies but the mother kicked me out of the
nest and said it's your time to go out into the world and to normalize these things.
And there would be so many things that have gotten in my path where I've been confused
(09:51):
as to how to move forward where I would see other women gathering groups and talk about
it and I would see, you know, people creating their own platforms and because mine was not
yet sustaining the abundance, the success that my stepfather always reminded me about
when I was younger I thought, well, maybe I'm not supposed to be doing this.
Maybe this isn't for me, maybe I just need to find a more reasonable career.
(10:14):
At 30 years old when there's so many things going on, whether it be inflation or censorship,
there's so much, I'm not even going to go into that today but I chose a career path,
not just a career path, I chose a service project that goes well beyond me.
(10:35):
You know, after what seems like a lifetime of the war on drugs of people who look like
me who are afraid to speak out and talk about things that were natural to us that were within
our communities before colonization happened, that's terrifying.
As a mother in me speaking, I would think that if I was someone else, I would be terrified
(10:56):
to talk about these things because I would be afraid that my children would be taken
away, I would be afraid that I would be arrested but, you know, I'm a very logical person so
it kicks in like, well, I'm not doing anything on camera, it's actually legalized where I
am, it doesn't impact my ability to be a mother.
In fact, at times it makes me a better mother, it makes me more self-aware of the patterns
(11:18):
and the things that I do and it doesn't make me want to be perfect, it just makes me want
to look at myself and say, hey, you're human, you go through these things.
So I consider it a blessing at this point that what Taylor Healyan Collective has grown
into is me just speaking truth because I never realized that that was the hardest thing for
(11:39):
people to see was what was right in front of them.
So much they say is hidden from us and sometimes when I see it, I'm like, well, it's right
there, what are you talking about?
I've heard women, especially black women too, you know, they say, well, what if they don't
allow black people to do this or what if you accept black women?
I don't care because I know that I'm more than that.
(12:02):
I think that I was put in this particular body in this time, in this reality to live
out the full potential of what others did not get to do so I can help awaken them to
their own power.
And that's what Taylor Healyan Collective, I believe, is about.
I still don't know what it is yet, honestly.
Right now it seems like it's just me making TikToks and videos and YouTube to vent to talk.
(12:29):
But I never want to make it about myself.
I read in the seven habits of highly effective people that whatever you do cannot just be
about money, it has to be about service.
And even though I have had a lot of times where my ego has gotten the best of me and
said, yeah, you need to charge them this, you need to do this, this is about service
for me.
(12:49):
Mothers struggle so much with their identity when they're shifted from being a single or
married woman into someone who's caring for a whole other human.
And I'm so happy that I've had that experience in two different ways.
One where I had a lot of anxiety and I didn't know what was going to happen and I had to
have a C-section with my son.
(13:11):
And then one where I still had a lot of anxiety.
I didn't have a home birth, but I had a natural birth with my daughter.
And knowing that two humans came out of you and then you have to be responsible for them
when you're already unpacking so much about your own life is pretty scary.
I wake up every day and like, I got to do this again.
I have to figure out what life is.
(13:33):
I have to show them.
But the thing is, and what I've learned from both them and journeying with medicine is that
they're teaching me.
We come into this life as children with this open vision about the world.
And I see it a lot in my son.
He's getting older now and he is testing his limits and exploring.
(13:54):
And I really shouldn't be surprised because I'm his mom and I think that's what all children
do.
Inherently, they don't know limitations.
They want to try to see, feel everything.
And when we try to stop them from doing that, it's out of safety and protection.
And that's what most of our parents try to do.
Hence why when we say, I want to go out into the world and do this and they're like, well,
(14:14):
that's not very practical.
You can't always be practical.
You have to step out into the unknown at times and journeying with both psilocybin, with cannabis,
with LSD.
It helps me see that there is a world that exists outside of our own, but that is parallel.
And most times we can't see that world actually all the time.
(14:35):
Most people, unless you're tuned in, is because there are so many barriers and constructs that
keep us from realizing how free we actually are.
And I know I've seen a lot of people talk about this on a more logical concept with
lots of facts and terms about Saturn's cube.
And I'm going to give it to you as someone who identifies with feminine energy.
(14:57):
We're made up of both and both masculine and feminine.
When we come into this world, before we're even here, when we're in our mother's womb,
we are attached to an eternal life source that we never feel as though we'll be separated
from.
And the minute you're born, especially depending on how you're born, everything will challenge
(15:18):
that if you're born via C-section, you might have some sort of shock because you were immediately
separated from your life source.
If you were never separated, you might think that you're pretty much entitled to a lot
of things until they're taken away from you.
And I see that in both my children, my daughter, she will not let me put her down ever.
She does not like being alone.
In fact, I was trying to get ready to do this video and she was crying because I wasn't
(15:43):
in there.
And she's a baby that's to be understood, but she's much more attached to me than my
son was at the beginning.
He's very independent.
Both of them are very loving.
They love hugs and cuddles, but as he grows older and she gets older, I see the differences
in how life can impact you.
So when we're talking about being open to experiences, most of us as we get older, we
(16:08):
become closed off.
We hide.
We hide behind the shadows because we're afraid what someone will think.
But you know, this is 2023.
This is the internet.
Anything goes at this point.
If you're afraid to speak out, you're probably going to be afraid forever.
I think that working with this medicine allows you to be released from traumas and ideas
that you've held on to and beliefs through bloodlines for generations.
(16:32):
And I get really happy when I hear people say that, oh, this helped me do this.
Now I'm at this point now where not that I've learned all the lessons necessarily, but it's
kind of time for me to step into the role of being a teacher.
And being a teacher means you can't look around and say, well, what's his lesson plan look
like or what's her lesson plan look like?
This is my life.
(16:52):
This is my role.
And as a mother, I pay attention to every single thing that I do because I know that
one day I will have grown children who will look back and see this.
It's weird because that time already exists, you know, where they're grown adults and they're
seeing these videos that I'm putting out right now.
And so I make these videos for confirmation for myself that I wasn't crazy all along.
(17:15):
I knew that there would be a time where things like cannabis and ayahuasca and peyote and
all of these very indigenous and special and sacred medicines will try to be commercialized.
And you know, people would try to get their hands on them and some people use it for good.
(17:36):
Some people use it for bad.
It really just depends on who you are.
And I think that it's a beautiful time because so many people are being awakened to their
own power that I can now freely talk about this without fear of oh, somebody going to
come and get me.
I can't afford to do that.
I can't afford to worry all the time.
And that's something I think I've also learned through manifestation.
(17:56):
If I spent all my time worrying about what someone else thought about me, I would never
get anything done.
I would never be fearless enough to take the plunge.
And I have gotten questioned over my entire life.
I think sometimes even when I tell my mom about what I talk about, she's like, okay,
I love you.
Sounds good.
But I know that inherently probably scares her.
She might never tell me that.
(18:18):
Maybe it's because she doesn't understand it.
And also because I grew up with a father, not my stepfather, but my biological father
who wasn't at it.
And I think that's why I have this special understanding of why even though these medicines
are here to help us, we don't need to lean on them all the time.
It's good to find other practices because how addiction works is your brain thinks that
(18:44):
it needs this supplement to maintain this level of either awareness or happiness all
of the time in the minute that it's without when you give it to it regularly is like searching
for water.
Like, okay, I need some more.
I'm going to be dehydrated if I don't have it.
This year I started a micro dosing practice and I liked it for some time.
(19:07):
I felt like it was changing me.
It was awakening me to things.
But then I saw there, there's such a thing as too much of a good thing.
And at some point you have to be ready to leave the classroom and go out into the world
and apply what you've learned.
And for me, a lot of those lessons have been patience.
It's been lessons of learning to be gentle with myself, kind to myself, kind to other
(19:31):
people.
Also, understanding that not everybody has my best interest at heart all of the time.
It's given me this ability to step outside of myself and look at the world from the eyes
of someone else, which I think with a lot of masculine energy that has run industries
and communities like this, it has this need for power and control all of the time.
(19:55):
And I've been guilty of having that because we grasp on the power when we feel like ours
has been taken away.
We grasp on the things like money and success because we feel like, well, if I don't have
this, then who am I?
Lucky for me, I learned that at a really early age when my stepdad used to plant those ideas
in me and my siblings head of, you know, you need to do this, this, and this.
(20:19):
It allowed me to see the grasses and always greener on the other side.
Even if you had a room full of money, what do you do if you're alone?
You know, if you don't know how to treat people, if you don't come down to their level or meet
them, you know, eye to eye and say, Hey, I understand you.
Understand why you're going through this.
You know, I've had the paranoia myself where I feel like, and this is obviously all in
(20:42):
my head because nobody tells me this directly.
So I can admit that.
But I'll think that people will not understand my message when I say, Hey, you don't need
to smoke all the time.
You don't need to journey all the time.
You might want to stop for a little while and see how you feel.
And that's not even necessarily for me to say that's just a suggestion of someone asked,
but it's because we can tend to make it our identity when we were children ones who did
(21:06):
not have to journey with medicine, who did not have to, you know, sit with cannabis in
order to be creative or feel good about ourself society, fix that for us.
It closed down all those centers through food, through education, through music, through
community and slowly, but surely we became a numb society.
And now people are discovering this and they're waking up again.
(21:28):
And for mothers, I think this is so important because we get so caught up in our roles.
I mean, I do it every day.
I wake up, I do the dishes, I give the kids a bath, we go out and on a walk or we play.
I think about my own stuff for a while.
I clean some more.
I do the stuff for our family business.
The kids are crying.
They're like, we get so caught up and I got to do this for the family.
(21:49):
Got to do this.
We also forget who we are.
So creating this collective for women, for mothers, and if you're just feminine identifying,
that's fine too.
I want this just to be a place where it is understood that we are made up of both because
(22:12):
I know that even in this time, the lessons that I learned as a child still impact me
as adulthood because now that I have this understanding, hey, this is how plant medicine
works.
This is how fun guy works.
And I mean like on a biological level, I can also compare it to life.
Okay, well, if you want something to grow, you have to let it take time.
There is nothing that you can't do.
(22:33):
Anything can grow anywhere, but you cultivate your environment.
You choose what your collective or your conscious thoughts are, what's going in and out of your
head, your beliefs, what comes to you and what is for you will always find you.
So my, I don't even say my hope and my desire anymore because I know it will happen.
(22:55):
It's just really weird to sit at the timing of things sometimes and wonder like, what
is going to become of this?
What's going to become of me?
But what happened in that room with my stepdad years ago, I didn't know it was going to
lead to this.
How could I?
I was just a kid who thought I was getting in trouble for having a dangerous and illicit
drug in the basement or wanting to learn about it for that because I didn't even have any
(23:17):
at the time.
Like I think I just had a book and him waving that book like, I think this is what successful
people do.
Look at me now.
And it's not even about the money for me.
It's because I am fearless.
Having those lessons, having someone tell me what I could and couldn't do out of life
made me absolutely fearless.
I had to be.
(23:38):
You know, my parents, my stepdad in particular put me out of the house at a really early
age, 16.
I was sent to go live with my grandfather and I tried to come back home a couple of
times and it would be the same thing.
I would want something for my life and he would box me in and say, this is what I had
to be and I had to do things this way.
(23:58):
Now granted, he gave me a lot of good lessons about business and life that I am now carrying
with me as an adult.
But never let anybody box you and don't let anybody tell you, oh, this is bad for you
because, you know, it'll make you see things and you, some of us need to see, some of us
need to step out of our boxes and find a window, become creative, love ourselves, connect
(24:22):
with that childhood.
My children are the best lesson with that.
Even when I find myself getting frustrated, I look at the world from their eyes.
They just want love.
They're not worried about these bills and I'm not saying I'm not worried about my bills,
but they're worried about love and exploration and creativity and freedom and expression.
(24:46):
And that's what I think we learned from many of these.
We learned that we're safe.
We, a lot of us, especially I think as mothers, you know, we always worry about the safety
of our children and are they going to be okay if they do this?
I've also learned you have to let kids fall like really early.
I've learned this because my son has busted his face like twice a week, every week.
(25:08):
I'm like, man, they're, they're resilient because sometimes we fall and like, I'm never
going to get up again.
He bust his face two days ago and walks around happy as a clam with scabs all over his face
and nose and it just makes me think, wow, these are the wonders that this medicine is
doing for people.
(25:30):
So it is up to me and hopefully other women and other people to say, I'm a mother and
I'm able to use these medicines and become more in tune with myself, become more in tune
with my children.
I'm able to understand why they feel things without feeling the need to box or cage them
(25:51):
because I don't understand or I don't remember.
So many of us have forgotten what it's like to be a child.
We have forgotten one of my first singles was inner child because of this.
We forgotten what it is like to have laughter from the soul.
We forgotten what it's like to just want to go outside and go travel just because, you
(26:11):
know, obviously kids need some limitations.
They can't just go run out into traffic.
We have to show them, Hey, there's certain boundaries, things you need to look out for
in life, but it's a part of the journey because I was in grain with these ideas of success
very often.
I question, okay, but like, what about the abundance?
(26:32):
Is that coming?
And I think abundance comes when you're doing what you're passionate about and what you
love.
What's that quote?
If you do what you love, you've never worked a day in your life and I haven't worked for
at least three or four years, at least not in the traditional sense.
Now, being a mother, a co-business owner is a full time job and I'm not even talking about
(26:54):
my business.
I'm not even talking about our family, my husband's business, but that takes away a lot
of time for myself.
Um, emotionally, it doesn't mess with me a lot at times.
And there are times where I want to kind of lean on cannabis, which, you know, I don't
mind every now and again anymore.
(27:15):
But sometimes I feel like when I was younger, I would just get high just to fly.
And I've dropped out of a plane before.
So I know what that feeling is, a flying feeling, weightless, like nothing can touch you.
But then you're grounded back into reality and you have to figure, well, it's not just
about me feeling free all the time.
(27:38):
I have to understand that when I come back down to earth, I'm still just as free as I
was in the sky.
But how do I make it work here?
Like there, how do I get my brain and my heart to link and understand that I'm not separate
from these experiences?
All of it is me.
Taylor Healing Collective is a painful work of art for me.
(28:01):
It is something that has brought me so much joy and equally just as much confusion, but
it has helped me awaken to myself as I hope that it helps many others in the future.
So this has been the Taylor Healing Collective show.
If you are enjoying the show, please subscribe to my channel.
(28:22):
Have plenty of links to music that I've created over the years, affirmations, and let's connect.
If you love to learn more, I'd love to teach because this is what I've set out to do for
the rest of my life.
So until next time, let lovely the way.
Peace.
(29:09):
I detach from the old, I have a crown of success.
I am sure of what is coming and let the universe do the rest.
(29:33):
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
(29:58):
Time is a dimension that we enter when we choose to align with self that's divine.
It first exists inside of our minds.
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
I visualize my desires, I create with intention, a new dimension where reality is in my hands.
(30:24):
I don't know how, I don't know when, but I manifest what I want again and again.
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