Imagine a world where the threads of community and connection are woven stronger than ever in the aftermath of a global pandemic. Join us as we sit down with Joshua Reish, a licensed marriage and family therapist and the visionary behind Psychotherapy Associates of Arizona. We uncover Joshua's personal journey and motivations in the realm of therapy, shedding light on how curiosity and empathy can transform relationships. Joshua offers a fresh perspective as a male therapist in a predominantly female field, explaining how these diverse viewpoints enrich the therapeutic experience. Together, we'll explore how addressing the shadows of isolation can lead to more fulfilling relationships, hobbies, and careers.
Technology's rapid evolution has reshaped mental health care, and we dive into its impact with Joshua. We explore the role of telehealth in bridging the gap of accessibility, making mental health resources more reachable than ever. Listen as we dissect societal disconnection experienced through family dynamics, social media, and the political climate, and gain valuable strategies from Joshua on fortifying your connections through active listening, humor, and shared activities. This conversation is a timely reminder of the importance of nurturing our connections and building a supportive community to stand resilient against the challenges of modern life.
We are happy and honored to be part of your life changing health and wellness journey:
https://telewellnesshub.com/explore-wellness-experts/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome back listeners to another episode of
the tele wellness hub podcast.
I'm Marta Hamilton, your host,and today's guest is Joshua
Reich.
He's a licensed marriage andfamily therapist and also the
founder of psychotherapyassociates of Arizona.
Psychotherapy associates ofArizona Inc is a group of
licensed therapists with over 12years of experience helping
(00:26):
individuals, couples andfamilies overcome challenges and
improve their mental health.
They specialize in working withclients living in the entire
state of Arizona who arestruggling with anxiety,
depression and relationshipissues, and they enjoy the
reward of seeing clients makeconnections and learn to take
better care of themselves asthey create deeper satisfaction
in their relationships, hobbiesand work.
(00:47):
And because of that, todaywe're going to talk a little bit
more about community connection, isolation and just how to
strengthen relationships.
So thank you so much, joshua,for joining us today.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, thanks, margaret for having me on.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I'm excited to dive into these topics because I
think it's been coming up a lotin social media, in the news and
just in general, anunderstanding that maybe since
COVID there's just been a lot ofisolation, a lack of connection
, and people are feeling moreisolated than ever, are feeling
(01:24):
more isolated than ever.
So I'm really grateful thatyou're coming on to talk to us,
especially with your backgroundand expertise in this area of
connection and relationships.
But before we dive into that,can you share a little bit about
why you do the wellness workthat you do?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Yeah, well, I think that it kind of just came all
the way from childhood for me,like I was just always, I guess,
more sensitive, nurturing, or Iwould seek to understand
people's motives and theirfeelings, their thoughts.
I was just curious about that.
I was more supportive thancombative.
(02:03):
I remember there was a time inmy childhood I tried to to match
the other boys and likefighting and stuff like that,
and I just didn't.
It just I just never, never fitwith me.
I was always more like justrelaxed and tried to get to know
people.
Um, and the peer pressure triedto make me like a tough guy,
but I couldn't pull it off.
(02:27):
So yeah, since I was a kid Iwanted to help people.
That's taken various forms overthe years.
Like I wanted to be someonethat would you know, be skiing
down the mountain and like dofirst aid or bring people to the
medic.
You know, I was into skiing alot when I was young.
I wanted to be a doctor at onepoint.
I was into skiing a lot when Iwas young.
I wanted to be a doctor at onepoint.
(02:48):
I almost got into that.
But I've had some positivetherapy experiences and I
thought, well, actually this isa really legit field.
This really does help people intheir mental health, but also
their physical health, so I gotinspired from learning about
that field and been doing itsince 2011.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Oh wow, that's really cool, just kind of born a
natural connector and helper.
I love when you mentioned thecuriosity.
I think so many helpers orhealers or people in this space
have a curiosity about peopleand connections and whether it's
on a physical realm likebiological or wiring or brain,
(03:34):
but also that intangible rightLike emotions and personality.
I think you see curiosity kindof come up in people's answers.
I love that question to justkind of learn more about it and
it's just felt like this hasbeen part of your path for a
long time and that's cool.
Hearing too about the ski patrolperson, because I have
(03:57):
experience needing to be helpedby ski patrol and my daughters
too.
So yeah, just interesting, likea different perspective of like
just always looking at how tohelp, that's really that's
really cool and inspiring I.
I think especially you broughtup something about like boys
fighting and matching.
Our field in the mental healthfield is predominantly women.
(04:21):
So I guess, before we dive intojust more of the areas of your
expertise, I'm curious aboutyour experience as a male, as a
man, in graduate school, inclinical work and just kind of
if you could talk about that alittle bit.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, it's been good.
I've always felt respected as aman.
Like even early into mymaster's program for emergent
albatherapy, it was saidrepeatedly to me that there's
very few men in the field.
So it's very special thatyou're here and also very needed
(05:00):
, because some clients, forexample, people that maybe have
experienced their dad not beingaround very much or something
like that, or having a lot ofmale relatives, and sometimes
that matters, you know, that canmake a difference in the
therapeutic relationship whichis central to the change process
(05:21):
.
So, but, yeah, I've always feltreally um, empowered, um and
respected and I think like, yeah, I just had a very positive
experience, as in you know, like, like, I think the male biology
and the male brain can bringsomething.
Um, you know different and um,but being around a lot of women,
(05:41):
it's also made me learn to bemore sensitive too.
Um, there's a lot of a lot oftherapists that I've come to
know are, you know, naturally,kind of nurturing or, you know,
sensitive and they think funthings like synthesize me to
just listening better.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
So, um, yeah, it's just been great learning
experience, say yeah, yeah, Iwas curious well before we hit
record and just in ourconversations, when I remember
mentioning oh my gosh I havewhen I was in the Southwest, you
know, in harder to find.
So I'm so glad that you didn'tfeel, I guess, disempowered by
(06:15):
being a minority in a graduateprogram in the mental health
(06:36):
field and that you took theopportunity to grow in your own
clinical skills.
It sounds like of just beinglistening more in a different
way and nurturing and all thosethings and also just the value
you bring.
So I appreciate you coming onhere and sharing your
perspective, Diving into thatkind of connection piece, the
(07:01):
isolation piece.
This is something I'm reallycurious about because so often
I've worked with parents whomaybe worked with, who had
teenagers, or maybe spouses orpartners, who said you know, I
just feel like something's offwith my loved one, Like they're,
they're just like in their room.
(07:21):
They don't really want to hangout there, don't want to really
connect.
So what are some signs thatfriends, family or community
members should be aware of thatmight indicate that maybe
someone is experiencingloneliness or struggling with
their mental health?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Um, I think it's.
There's.
There's a ton of things thatsomeone could be looking for in,
like their loved one or theirfriends.
Um, yeah, like, if they'reisolating more than the normal,
if they're tending to eat more,gaining weight or eating less,
(07:58):
uh, we, you know, like changingtheir sleep habits, um, tending
to use alcohol or drugs in thefirst place or more than they
usually do.
Um, maybe they're skippingschool.
They could be getting sick moreoften, like physically or
mentally.
They could.
Just, you know, maybe they walkwith their head down or they
(08:24):
feel nervous, maybe they don'twant to go to the store or
anything like that.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, there's a lot of things, just changes in
behavior that are going to bemore negative or more isolative
and, uh, you know, maybe shortanswers, more shy than usual and
kind of everything, will skewto my normal ways what are some
(08:49):
suggestions you would have forthe family members, like maybe
they're noticing that they'resleeping, you mentioned the
sleeping might be off, they'reisolated and they're sleeping a
lot and, like you mentioned,they don't want to kind of
participate in activitiesoutside the home with them or go
to the store or differentthings like that.
Any kind of recommendationsthat you would have or
suggestions in terms of how toapproach them, how to have a
(09:10):
conversation about that?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
my approach is always like how I do with clients or
how I do with family membersthat are struggling, or is I
tend to just go straight forward, like I just tell them hey, I
see something's different.
I observe, you know, feelinglike you're not going out with
your friends anymore, or Inoticed that you're not really
(09:32):
answering my calls or you'rewhatever.
Like I noticed this behaviorand I'm kind of concerned and
I'd like to to know if there'sany way I can help or if there's
, um, you know something goingon for you that you want to talk
about and um, just and thentake it from there.
Um, you might run intoresistance, like maybe they're
(09:52):
mad at you, for example, orthey're upset with something
else in their life, and then,whether they're mad at me or
they're mad at someone else, orthey're struggling with
something unrelated, then I justbegin by using a lot of active
listening, like reflectivelistening, mirroring statements,
(10:16):
and I just try to be there withthem, you know, more than
trying to fix it or, you know,kind of give them an
inspirational speech or anythinglike that.
Not that those things don'thave any place, but I think if
you notice that someone's indistress, then it's really
important just to one of thethings they taught us in
(10:39):
graduate school, like align yournervous system with theirs, so
let yourself be moved by whatthey're doing.
You're going to ask questions.
Be curious.
Don't give your own input for atime, like you know.
Suspend that until you can seethat they're open to you.
You know, like they're sort ofum, maybe they start to ask you
a question, or maybe they startto play a little bit, or they
(11:00):
get curious, they move outsideof their own problem, and that's
when you know that you can gointo a different phase, such as
problem solving.
But, um, you know one of thethings that I think, because I
put my clients, and most of them, people have they, which I know
it's a biased sampling of thepopulation but like people say
that that, oh, I have my talk to, and blah, blah, blah and, but
(11:35):
I can't talk to them about this,and so that's why I'm looking
for a therapist, and so you knowour job as therapists, right,
is to like get us out of the job.
And so from day one, I'mthinking like, okay, how can I
plant seeds to where this personis going to begin to, um, ask
(11:55):
for what they need, right, or,or um, or be supported by people
Like, first of all, they mightneed to discover what they need,
and and so my place, in justbeing a careful listener that
doesn't give a whole lot ofinput, is to, um, let them
unfold, let them discover whatthey even feel are neat, if
that's the case, and then fromthere you can normalize what's
(12:17):
going on for them, maybe givingsome me-too statements.
And yeah, that's kind of myapproach to just listening to
clients and family and friends,because life is hard and I think
sometimes just a conversationwhere someone's listening well
(12:40):
to you, it can turn thingsaround.
You know, sometimes it feelslike it's the end of the world
and no one cares, and maybepeople even have suicidal
thoughts because they feel likeyou know, who can I go to?
And so I feel like justlistening to can I go to?
And so I feel like justlistening to one another.
Especially in the politicalenvironment there's so much
divide, like, you know,government politics, but also
like social politics and thingslike that.
(13:02):
So, um, I think that thosethings don't have to be.
We can have disagreements, butwe don't have to be um, so
disconnected.
Like we can, we can learn frompeople that disagree with us and
sometimes we're more alike thanwe thought because we took the
time to listen.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I think something you brought up is so important to
emphasize.
You mentioned the power of atherapist that you know is there
to listen and of course I'mbiased as a therapist that you
know is there to listen and youand, uh, of course I'm biased
right as a therapist myself.
But I mean the research showsand we know that there's power
in in having a non-judgmentalperson who is trained to be
(13:44):
there to listen and whoabsolutely thinks that you
matter so much not to say thatother loved ones don't think
that you matter but to reallyemphasize to their client like
you matter, your life matters,um, I think I think there's a
lot of power in that and I Ilove that you brought up
curiosity as really a suggestionfor the family members.
It's just tying it to yournatural curiosity and other
(14:07):
people and different things, um,without having a and being
really direct and saying I seethis, you know I'm curious about
you, know what's been going on,how you're feeling, and not
going into problem solving rightaway or motivational speech,
like you said, but just havingan opportunity to listen to what
they're saying and to give theman opportunity to discover
(14:29):
themselves, like also justdiscover, and I think that's
awesome that you do that in yourapproach with clients is
helping them discover howthey're feeling and what they
need to be able to be anadvocate for themselves also and
their needs.
And I love what you said islike our goal is to work
ourselves out of a job, becauseI often talk about that as well.
(14:52):
Just in clinical work, it'sjust wonderful to see people
grow and thrive and feelempowered and knowing that
you're still there if they needto come back for therapy.
But to see them be able to dothat it's really just an honor
to be a therapist.
I often tell people it seemslike you have that same passion
(15:13):
and feeling you mentioned aboutsociety being disconnected,
without doing too much of a deepdive, because I'm sure we can
talk about this a lot, butthere's so many avenues to take
it down.
But what do you think?
What are some things thatyou're seeing that in terms of
your therapy practice or withyour clients?
(15:35):
Like how does disconnectionshow up?
Is it like society stuff?
It's family stuff?
All of those things Like whatare you seeing when it comes to
being disconnected?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, I honestly don't think I've gotten close to
the bottom of it.
I try to, you know, readresearch, read research, and you
know I'm learning from myclients constantly um, just just
kind of keep my eye on my handon the pulse of society.
Like what's, like what'strending, like what like what's?
(16:07):
How are people dealing withthings?
Like, how are people feeling?
How are people making community?
Um, I don't know, I just knowthere's a lot of different
things going on that are notgood for human connection.
I know sometimes people justblame social media.
I don't know, I think that candefinitely be a problem If
(16:30):
people just don't have anythingelse besides that.
That can have some some issueslike like echo chamber or, um,
maybe it could be like onlinebullying, um, and you know, what
is echo chamber?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
that's oh, that's sort of like an idea that how do
you say it?
Like people would just listento the kind of news or be in the
kind of circles.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Oh, okay, I hadn't heard that.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah, yes, okay, yeah , I could see how that and some
of it is like the algorithmsright when you're talking about
social media, where they onlywill portray a certain type of
perspective to you.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Yeah, and so I know there's things that you probably
know about too, like so manyfamilies that are broken apart,
like single-parent homes.
Not judging that just to noticethat that can be stressful, for
kids, for instance, but alsofor the parents too, um, because
(17:40):
they're like the solebreadwinner and you know they
look they're like parenting oneon their own oftentimes and um,
you know that's the thing peoplehaving kids later on lives and
um, people have fewer kids nowthan previous decades.
I think that's part of.
I'm not saying that's all bad,but I think one positive thing
(18:04):
that that leaves out is thesocialization that you have from
siblings.
That could be a buffer If youhave a rough childhood, at least
you have your sister or yourbrother to go to.
I don't know.
There's just a lot of differentthings going on, like I um, I
feel like politics is moresomething that that that is a
(18:24):
touchy subject for for a lot ofpeople um than than before.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
yeah, because it even creates divide in families
where before there might not beconflict, right, or I?
Or I've seen that come up andjust really in previous client
work right, like people notbeing able to gather for
Thanksgiving because of someoneelse's perspective and political
, and so there's even lessconnection, physical or
(18:52):
communication.
You know, like being able tophysically be disconnected,
emotionally maybe having lesscommunication as well.
Yeah, it's interesting.
You say you haven't gone to thebottom of it and I feel the
same way.
It's interesting.
I know there's some research andstuff, but it's hard.
So I you know in your line ofwork you create a lot of support
(19:15):
and you want to be there tocreate, you know, mutual support
for your clients and support inthe community, and you're great
at like rapport building andreally affirming people Like
what can you share with us alittle bit about?
Like how you do that and incase it could help inspire
listeners and and saying youknow I want to be able to
(19:36):
support more and I want toconnect more with community and
and or my loved ones, you know,be able to reach out and and
fill that gap of disconnect yeah, yeah, so basically how to
connect better with their lovedones.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Like when you say that, I kind of get overwhelmed
by like, like so many differentthoughts, but I'll try to keep
it simple.
And yeah, uh, I think you knowthe things I mentioned earlier,
like the um, the record buildingexercises, like how to listen
actively, is huge as afoundation.
I'd say, um, and then, um, Ithink, like play is very
(20:11):
important and um, yeah, you knowthis like finding a way to like
make light of things, likestart with poking fun at
yourself and then see how theperson responds, see if you can
get away with doing that to them, you know, in small ways, see
how they do with little tinydose of that and then see if
they reciprocate it.
And, yeah, I found that peoplethat can have a sense of humor
(20:34):
about their issues, um, you know, in therapy, but also my
personal experience and of myfamily relationships and friends
, like it allows some of thetension to dissipate and then
you can kind of like be moreself-accepting because you're
not trying to be taken soseriously or maintain a facade
(20:56):
of togetherness or whatever.
You know, um, so like just, Ithink you know just practically
do things together, go on longdrives or walks uh, sometimes
that's where good conversationshappen.
Or maybe you haven't even beenhaving a conversation and all of
a sudden your son or yoursignificant other starts talking
(21:18):
to you, or usually like talking.
You know the blood flow getsgoing.
This, the change of scenery, umand uh, you know, there's just,
you know, I think, I think,having community to go to
regularly, whether it's like abook club or, you know,
volunteering somewhere, safecommunity like a meetup group,
(21:43):
even play some sports, yeah, themore, the more like contact you
can get with people that arelike minded and that are in a
like positive.
There's a positive framework,shared goal, shared values, and
it's going to allow you toconnect and feel affirmed and
(22:03):
you get to do that for othersand that's really going to be,
it's very easy to say, hard todo.
I know for a lot of peoplethere's some fear factors.
Sometimes, especially withCOVID, I feel like people, so
many people have told me like,oh, since covid happened, we've
been so isolated like I kind offorgot how to talk to people or
(22:24):
I don't want, I don't feel likeanybody anymore.
So it kind of seems almost likewhether it's a fear thing or
just people not being accustomedto it.
I think we got to get.
We have to kind of just putourselves out there and you know
, you know, make yourself gothrough the normal checkout lane
at the store, you know, forexample, you know, just take
baby steps.
(22:45):
And that's that's part of what Ido with therapy is how do we
make it small enough for you toapproach the thing that you're
scared of or daunted by?
And, you know, go ahead and dothat, and how can I support you
in that?
And you know, when you comeback and you've done it, then
we'll take it one step further.
And I think that's one way thatwe can support each other, to
(23:08):
hold each other accountable.
Realize that a lot of peopleare struggling too.
So you're not alone.
We're listening, but not all ofit.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Um, it's, we need each other and it's there's a
lot of, there's a lot ofcommonality and yeah, and you
know you bring up a reallyinteresting topic that I had
seen and thought about too.
You know, covid was a sharedexperience.
(23:39):
It's one of those experienceswhere it shifted things for so
many, um, and even therapists.
So so if, if you're listening,like you said, you're not alone,
and not only are you not alone,if you're feeling disconnected
and you're feeling isolated,maybe there was a shift,
especially after COVID, Iguarantee you a lot of
therapists even felt like theyexperienced the same, the same
(24:01):
shifts and changes themselves.
So you know, you brought up,like actually going to the
grocery store.
I, you know, I still, I have tosometimes remind myself like, oh
, I have to go inside, ratherthan like the pickup that I
scheduled, like, scheduled, likethere are little things in
which life has changed for a lotof us.
So I love that you bring thatup Curiosity, listening,
(24:24):
community and just kind ofnormalizing, that you're not
alone.
And not only are you not alone,but there are therapists that
are genuinely there, training,have done training experience to
support you and maybe even canrelate to, to some of those,
those experiences of, of, ofchallenges, especially after
(24:47):
COVID and the, and thedisconnect, yeah, yeah, how can
people connect with you, joshua?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
They can visit my profile on tele wellnessness Hub
or Psychic Association ofArizona.
We're in the process of gettingour website joined, so you
could find it on this air,possibly under that name.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I'm not going possibly under that name.
Yeah, okay, yeah, going um.
They can also feel free toemail me at um joshua
j-o-s-h-u-a, at joshuar-e-i-s-h-l-m-f-t.
Dot hushcom, and I willpersonally answer their emails
yeah, thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, because I do know that on your telewellness
hub profile we're gonna uploadthis year, but I know that you
have a way to contact and emaildirectly from there.
So, yeah, josh is one of ouramazing providers that is listed
on Telewellness Hub and you canconnect with him and the group
(25:52):
practice there to be able topsychotherapy.
Associates of Arizona.
For that's the beauty of, Iwill say, we talked about COVID
and the disconnect.
Telehealth really became moreof a norm, which is one of the.
I think there are so many prosthat came out of increased
technology and I think increasedaccess to a therapist is one of
(26:13):
them.
So, joshua, thanks so much foryour time and your wisdom and
your insight, and thank you somuch for being a part of our
wellness journey today.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Sure Thanks for having me on.
Welcome back listeners to another episode of
the tele wellness hub podcast.
I'm Marta Hamilton, your host,and today's guest is Joshua
Reich.
He's a licensed marriage andfamily therapist and also the
founder of psychotherapyassociates of Arizona.
Psychotherapy associates ofArizona Inc is a group of
licensed therapists with over 12years of experience helping
(00:26):
individuals, couples andfamilies overcome challenges and
improve their mental health.
They specialize in working withclients living in the entire
state of Arizona who arestruggling with anxiety,
depression and relationshipissues, and they enjoy the
reward of seeing clients makeconnections and learn to take
better care of themselves asthey create deeper satisfaction
in their relationships, hobbiesand work.
(00:47):
And because of that, todaywe're going to talk a little bit
more about community connection, isolation and just how to
strengthen relationships.
So thank you so much, joshua,for joining us today.
Speaker 2 (01:00):
Yeah, thanks, margaret for having me on.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
I'm excited to dive into these topics because I
think it's been coming up a lotin social media, in the news and
just in general, anunderstanding that maybe since
COVID there's just been a lot ofisolation, a lack of connection
, and people are feeling moreisolated than ever, are feeling
(01:24):
more isolated than ever.
So I'm really grateful thatyou're coming on to talk to us,
especially with your backgroundand expertise in this area of
connection and relationships.
But before we dive into that,can you share a little bit about
why you do the wellness workthat you do?
Speaker 2 (01:41):
Yeah, well, I think that it kind of just came all
the way from childhood for me,like I was just always, I guess,
more sensitive, nurturing, or Iwould seek to understand
people's motives and theirfeelings, their thoughts.
I was just curious about that.
I was more supportive thancombative.
(02:03):
I remember there was a time inmy childhood I tried to to match
the other boys and likefighting and stuff like that,
and I just didn't.
It just I just never, never fitwith me.
I was always more like justrelaxed and tried to get to know
people.
Um, and the peer pressure triedto make me like a tough guy,
but I couldn't pull it off.
(02:27):
So yeah, since I was a kid Iwanted to help people.
That's taken various forms overthe years.
Like I wanted to be someonethat would you know, be skiing
down the mountain and like dofirst aid or bring people to the
medic.
You know, I was into skiing alot when I was young.
I wanted to be a doctor at onepoint.
I was into skiing a lot when Iwas young.
I wanted to be a doctor at onepoint.
(02:48):
I almost got into that.
But I've had some positivetherapy experiences and I
thought, well, actually this isa really legit field.
This really does help people intheir mental health, but also
their physical health, so I gotinspired from learning about
that field and been doing itsince 2011.
Speaker 1 (03:11):
Oh wow, that's really cool, just kind of born a
natural connector and helper.
I love when you mentioned thecuriosity.
I think so many helpers orhealers or people in this space
have a curiosity about peopleand connections and whether it's
on a physical realm likebiological or wiring or brain,
(03:34):
but also that intangible rightLike emotions and personality.
I think you see curiosity kindof come up in people's answers.
I love that question to justkind of learn more about it and
it's just felt like this hasbeen part of your path for a
long time and that's cool.
Hearing too about the ski patrolperson, because I have
(03:57):
experience needing to be helpedby ski patrol and my daughters
too.
So yeah, just interesting, likea different perspective of like
just always looking at how tohelp, that's really that's
really cool and inspiring I.
I think especially you broughtup something about like boys
fighting and matching.
Our field in the mental healthfield is predominantly women.
(04:21):
So I guess, before we dive intojust more of the areas of your
expertise, I'm curious aboutyour experience as a male, as a
man, in graduate school, inclinical work and just kind of
if you could talk about that alittle bit.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Yeah, it's been good.
I've always felt respected as aman.
Like even early into mymaster's program for emergent
albatherapy, it was saidrepeatedly to me that there's
very few men in the field.
So it's very special thatyou're here and also very needed
(05:00):
, because some clients, forexample, people that maybe have
experienced their dad not beingaround very much or something
like that, or having a lot ofmale relatives, and sometimes
that matters, you know, that canmake a difference in the
therapeutic relationship whichis central to the change process
(05:21):
.
So, but, yeah, I've always feltreally um, empowered, um and
respected and I think like, yeah, I just had a very positive
experience, as in you know, like, like, I think the male biology
and the male brain can bringsomething.
Um, you know different and um,but being around a lot of women,
(05:41):
it's also made me learn to bemore sensitive too.
Um, there's a lot of a lot oftherapists that I've come to
know are, you know, naturally,kind of nurturing or, you know,
sensitive and they think funthings like synthesize me to
just listening better.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
So, um, yeah, it's just been great learning
experience, say yeah, yeah, Iwas curious well before we hit
record and just in ourconversations, when I remember
mentioning oh my gosh I havewhen I was in the Southwest, you
know, in harder to find.
So I'm so glad that you didn'tfeel, I guess, disempowered by
(06:15):
being a minority in a graduateprogram in the mental health
(06:36):
field and that you took theopportunity to grow in your own
clinical skills.
It sounds like of just beinglistening more in a different
way and nurturing and all thosethings and also just the value
you bring.
So I appreciate you coming onhere and sharing your
perspective, Diving into thatkind of connection piece, the
(07:01):
isolation piece.
This is something I'm reallycurious about because so often
I've worked with parents whomaybe worked with, who had
teenagers, or maybe spouses orpartners, who said you know, I
just feel like something's offwith my loved one, Like they're,
they're just like in their room.
(07:21):
They don't really want to hangout there, don't want to really
connect.
So what are some signs thatfriends, family or community
members should be aware of thatmight indicate that maybe
someone is experiencingloneliness or struggling with
their mental health?
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Yeah, that's a good question.
Um, I think it's.
There's.
There's a ton of things thatsomeone could be looking for in,
like their loved one or theirfriends.
Um, yeah, like, if they'reisolating more than the normal,
if they're tending to eat more,gaining weight or eating less,
(07:58):
uh, we, you know, like changingtheir sleep habits, um, tending
to use alcohol or drugs in thefirst place or more than they
usually do.
Um, maybe they're skippingschool.
They could be getting sick moreoften, like physically or
mentally.
They could.
Just, you know, maybe they walkwith their head down or they
(08:24):
feel nervous, maybe they don'twant to go to the store or
anything like that.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Yeah, there's a lot of things, just changes in
behavior that are going to bemore negative or more isolative
and, uh, you know, maybe shortanswers, more shy than usual and
kind of everything, will skewto my normal ways what are some
(08:49):
suggestions you would have forthe family members, like maybe
they're noticing that they'resleeping, you mentioned the
sleeping might be off, they'reisolated and they're sleeping a
lot and, like you mentioned,they don't want to kind of
participate in activitiesoutside the home with them or go
to the store or differentthings like that.
Any kind of recommendationsthat you would have or
suggestions in terms of how toapproach them, how to have a
(09:10):
conversation about that?
Speaker 2 (09:11):
my approach is always like how I do with clients or
how I do with family membersthat are struggling, or is I
tend to just go straight forward, like I just tell them hey, I
see something's different.
I observe, you know, feelinglike you're not going out with
your friends anymore, or Inoticed that you're not really
(09:32):
answering my calls or you'rewhatever.
Like I noticed this behaviorand I'm kind of concerned and
I'd like to to know if there'sany way I can help or if there's
, um, you know something goingon for you that you want to talk
about and um, just and thentake it from there.
Um, you might run intoresistance, like maybe they're
(09:52):
mad at you, for example, orthey're upset with something
else in their life, and then,whether they're mad at me or
they're mad at someone else, orthey're struggling with
something unrelated, then I justbegin by using a lot of active
listening, like reflectivelistening, mirroring statements,
(10:16):
and I just try to be there withthem, you know, more than
trying to fix it or, you know,kind of give them an
inspirational speech or anythinglike that.
Not that those things don'thave any place, but I think if
you notice that someone's indistress, then it's really
important just to one of thethings they taught us in
(10:39):
graduate school, like align yournervous system with theirs, so
let yourself be moved by whatthey're doing.
You're going to ask questions.
Be curious.
Don't give your own input for atime, like you know.
Suspend that until you can seethat they're open to you.
You know, like they're sort ofum, maybe they start to ask you
a question, or maybe they startto play a little bit, or they
(11:00):
get curious, they move outsideof their own problem, and that's
when you know that you can gointo a different phase, such as
problem solving.
But, um, you know one of thethings that I think, because I
put my clients, and most of them, people have they, which I know
it's a biased sampling of thepopulation but like people say
that that, oh, I have my talk to, and blah, blah, blah and, but
(11:35):
I can't talk to them about this,and so that's why I'm looking
for a therapist, and so you knowour job as therapists, right,
is to like get us out of the job.
And so from day one, I'mthinking like, okay, how can I
plant seeds to where this personis going to begin to, um, ask
(11:55):
for what they need, right, or,or um, or be supported by people
Like, first of all, they mightneed to discover what they need,
and and so my place, in justbeing a careful listener that
doesn't give a whole lot ofinput, is to, um, let them
unfold, let them discover whatthey even feel are neat, if
that's the case, and then fromthere you can normalize what's
(12:17):
going on for them, maybe givingsome me-too statements.
And yeah, that's kind of myapproach to just listening to
clients and family and friends,because life is hard and I think
sometimes just a conversationwhere someone's listening well
(12:40):
to you, it can turn thingsaround.
You know, sometimes it feelslike it's the end of the world
and no one cares, and maybepeople even have suicidal
thoughts because they feel likeyou know, who can I go to?
And so I feel like justlistening to can I go to?
And so I feel like justlistening to one another.
Especially in the politicalenvironment there's so much
divide, like, you know,government politics, but also
like social politics and thingslike that.
(13:02):
So, um, I think that thosethings don't have to be.
We can have disagreements, butwe don't have to be um, so
disconnected.
Like we can, we can learn frompeople that disagree with us and
sometimes we're more alike thanwe thought because we took the
time to listen.
Speaker 1 (13:21):
I think something you brought up is so important to
emphasize.
You mentioned the power of atherapist that you know is there
to listen and of course I'mbiased as a therapist that you
know is there to listen and youand, uh, of course I'm biased
right as a therapist myself.
But I mean the research showsand we know that there's power
in in having a non-judgmentalperson who is trained to be
(13:44):
there to listen and whoabsolutely thinks that you
matter so much not to say thatother loved ones don't think
that you matter but to reallyemphasize to their client like
you matter, your life matters,um, I think I think there's a
lot of power in that and I Ilove that you brought up
curiosity as really a suggestionfor the family members.
It's just tying it to yournatural curiosity and other
(14:07):
people and different things, um,without having a and being
really direct and saying I seethis, you know I'm curious about
you, know what's been going on,how you're feeling, and not
going into problem solving rightaway or motivational speech,
like you said, but just havingan opportunity to listen to what
they're saying and to give theman opportunity to discover
(14:29):
themselves, like also justdiscover, and I think that's
awesome that you do that in yourapproach with clients is
helping them discover howthey're feeling and what they
need to be able to be anadvocate for themselves also and
their needs.
And I love what you said islike our goal is to work
ourselves out of a job, becauseI often talk about that as well.
(14:52):
Just in clinical work, it'sjust wonderful to see people
grow and thrive and feelempowered and knowing that
you're still there if they needto come back for therapy.
But to see them be able to dothat it's really just an honor
to be a therapist.
I often tell people it seemslike you have that same passion
(15:13):
and feeling you mentioned aboutsociety being disconnected,
without doing too much of a deepdive, because I'm sure we can
talk about this a lot, butthere's so many avenues to take
it down.
But what do you think?
What are some things thatyou're seeing that in terms of
your therapy practice or withyour clients?
(15:35):
Like how does disconnectionshow up?
Is it like society stuff?
It's family stuff?
All of those things Like whatare you seeing when it comes to
being disconnected?
Speaker 2 (15:46):
Yeah, I honestly don't think I've gotten close to
the bottom of it.
I try to, you know, readresearch, read research, and you
know I'm learning from myclients constantly um, just just
kind of keep my eye on my handon the pulse of society.
Like what's, like what'strending, like what like what's?
(16:07):
How are people dealing withthings?
Like, how are people feeling?
How are people making community?
Um, I don't know, I just knowthere's a lot of different
things going on that are notgood for human connection.
I know sometimes people justblame social media.
I don't know, I think that candefinitely be a problem If
(16:30):
people just don't have anythingelse besides that.
That can have some some issueslike like echo chamber or, um,
maybe it could be like onlinebullying, um, and you know, what
is echo chamber?
Speaker 1 (16:48):
I'm so sorry to interrupt.
What is that?
Speaker 2 (16:50):
that's oh, that's sort of like an idea that how do
you say it?
Like people would just listento the kind of news or be in the
kind of circles.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Oh, okay, I hadn't heard that.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (17:06):
Yeah, yes, okay, yeah , I could see how that and some
of it is like the algorithmsright when you're talking about
social media, where they onlywill portray a certain type of
perspective to you.
Speaker 2 (17:18):
Yeah, and so I know there's things that you probably
know about too, like so manyfamilies that are broken apart,
like single-parent homes.
Not judging that just to noticethat that can be stressful, for
kids, for instance, but alsofor the parents too, um, because
(17:40):
they're like the solebreadwinner and you know they
look they're like parenting oneon their own oftentimes and um,
you know that's the thing peoplehaving kids later on lives and
um, people have fewer kids nowthan previous decades.
I think that's part of.
I'm not saying that's all bad,but I think one positive thing
(18:04):
that that leaves out is thesocialization that you have from
siblings.
That could be a buffer If youhave a rough childhood, at least
you have your sister or yourbrother to go to.
I don't know.
There's just a lot of differentthings going on, like I um, I
feel like politics is moresomething that that that is a
(18:24):
touchy subject for for a lot ofpeople um than than before.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
yeah, because it even creates divide in families
where before there might not beconflict, right, or I?
Or I've seen that come up andjust really in previous client
work right, like people notbeing able to gather for
Thanksgiving because of someoneelse's perspective and political
, and so there's even lessconnection, physical or
(18:52):
communication.
You know, like being able tophysically be disconnected,
emotionally maybe having lesscommunication as well.
Yeah, it's interesting.
You say you haven't gone to thebottom of it and I feel the
same way.
It's interesting.
I know there's some research andstuff, but it's hard.
So I you know in your line ofwork you create a lot of support
(19:15):
and you want to be there tocreate, you know, mutual support
for your clients and support inthe community, and you're great
at like rapport building andreally affirming people Like
what can you share with us alittle bit about?
Like how you do that and incase it could help inspire
listeners and and saying youknow I want to be able to
(19:36):
support more and I want toconnect more with community and
and or my loved ones, you know,be able to reach out and and
fill that gap of disconnect yeah, yeah, so basically how to
connect better with their lovedones.
Speaker 2 (19:49):
Like when you say that, I kind of get overwhelmed
by like, like so many differentthoughts, but I'll try to keep
it simple.
And yeah, uh, I think you knowthe things I mentioned earlier,
like the um, the record buildingexercises, like how to listen
actively, is huge as afoundation.
I'd say, um, and then, um, Ithink, like play is very
(20:11):
important and um, yeah, you knowthis like finding a way to like
make light of things, likestart with poking fun at
yourself and then see how theperson responds, see if you can
get away with doing that to them, you know, in small ways, see
how they do with little tinydose of that and then see if
they reciprocate it.
And, yeah, I found that peoplethat can have a sense of humor
(20:34):
about their issues, um, you know, in therapy, but also my
personal experience and of myfamily relationships and friends
, like it allows some of thetension to dissipate and then
you can kind of like be moreself-accepting because you're
not trying to be taken soseriously or maintain a facade
(20:56):
of togetherness or whatever.
You know, um, so like just, Ithink you know just practically
do things together, go on longdrives or walks uh, sometimes
that's where good conversationshappen.
Or maybe you haven't even beenhaving a conversation and all of
a sudden your son or yoursignificant other starts talking
(21:18):
to you, or usually like talking.
You know the blood flow getsgoing.
This, the change of scenery, umand uh, you know, there's just,
you know, I think, I think,having community to go to
regularly, whether it's like abook club or, you know,
volunteering somewhere, safecommunity like a meetup group,
(21:43):
even play some sports, yeah, themore, the more like contact you
can get with people that arelike minded and that are in a
like positive.
There's a positive framework,shared goal, shared values, and
it's going to allow you toconnect and feel affirmed and
(22:03):
you get to do that for othersand that's really going to be,
it's very easy to say, hard todo.
I know for a lot of peoplethere's some fear factors.
Sometimes, especially withCOVID, I feel like people, so
many people have told me like,oh, since covid happened, we've
been so isolated like I kind offorgot how to talk to people or
(22:24):
I don't want, I don't feel likeanybody anymore.
So it kind of seems almost likewhether it's a fear thing or
just people not being accustomedto it.
I think we got to get.
We have to kind of just putourselves out there and you know
, you know, make yourself gothrough the normal checkout lane
at the store, you know, forexample, you know, just take
baby steps.
(22:45):
And that's that's part of what Ido with therapy is how do we
make it small enough for you toapproach the thing that you're
scared of or daunted by?
And, you know, go ahead and dothat, and how can I support you
in that?
And you know, when you comeback and you've done it, then
we'll take it one step further.
And I think that's one way thatwe can support each other, to
(23:08):
hold each other accountable.
Realize that a lot of peopleare struggling too.
So you're not alone.
We're listening, but not all ofit.
Speaker 1 (23:19):
Um, it's, we need each other and it's there's a
lot of, there's a lot ofcommonality and yeah, and you
know you bring up a reallyinteresting topic that I had
seen and thought about too.
You know, covid was a sharedexperience.
(23:39):
It's one of those experienceswhere it shifted things for so
many, um, and even therapists.
So so if, if you're listening,like you said, you're not alone,
and not only are you not alone,if you're feeling disconnected
and you're feeling isolated,maybe there was a shift,
especially after COVID, Iguarantee you a lot of
therapists even felt like theyexperienced the same, the same
(24:01):
shifts and changes themselves.
So you know, you brought up,like actually going to the
grocery store.
I, you know, I still, I have tosometimes remind myself like, oh
, I have to go inside, ratherthan like the pickup that I
scheduled, like, scheduled, likethere are little things in
which life has changed for a lotof us.
So I love that you bring thatup Curiosity, listening,
(24:24):
community and just kind ofnormalizing, that you're not
alone.
And not only are you not alone,but there are therapists that
are genuinely there, training,have done training experience to
support you and maybe even canrelate to, to some of those,
those experiences of, of, ofchallenges, especially after
(24:47):
COVID and the, and thedisconnect, yeah, yeah, how can
people connect with you, joshua?
Speaker 2 (24:56):
They can visit my profile on tele wellnessness Hub
or Psychic Association ofArizona.
We're in the process of gettingour website joined, so you
could find it on this air,possibly under that name.
Speaker 1 (25:13):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (25:14):
I'm not going possibly under that name.
Yeah, okay, yeah, going um.
They can also feel free toemail me at um joshua
j-o-s-h-u-a, at joshuar-e-i-s-h-l-m-f-t.
Dot hushcom, and I willpersonally answer their emails
yeah, thanks so much.
Speaker 1 (25:32):
Yeah, because I do know that on your telewellness
hub profile we're gonna uploadthis year, but I know that you
have a way to contact and emaildirectly from there.
So, yeah, josh is one of ouramazing providers that is listed
on Telewellness Hub and you canconnect with him and the group
(25:52):
practice there to be able topsychotherapy.
Associates of Arizona.
For that's the beauty of, Iwill say, we talked about COVID
and the disconnect.
Telehealth really became moreof a norm, which is one of the.
I think there are so many prosthat came out of increased
technology and I think increasedaccess to a therapist is one of
(26:13):
them.
So, joshua, thanks so much foryour time and your wisdom and
your insight, and thank you somuch for being a part of our
wellness journey today.
Speaker 2 (26:23):
Sure Thanks for having me on.
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