Welcome, back Uncommon Leaders!
I am excited to welcome Jay Twining to our podcast today. Jay is a highly sought-after Personal Brand Strategist, empowering coaches, consultants, founders, and speakers to gain clarity on their goals and audience. As the host of the Feel Good Fatherhood Show, Jay brings a unique perspective to our conversation, which took off from the moment we hit 'record.'
Our discussion was so engaging that I decided to split it into two parts so that you can fully absorb the depth of our exchange. In part one, Jay and I delve deep into the challenges of being a father, leader, and coach in today's high-pressure world. He shares valuable insights on the importance of focusing on the process of achieving our goals, including consistent effort, clarity of thought, and unwavering commitment. I am confident that you will find this episode both informative and enjoyable. So, without further ado, let's get started!"
Jay Twining on LinkedIn: CLICK HERE
Jay’s personal website: CLICK HERE
Feel Good Fatherhood Show on Youtube
Did you know that many of the things that I discussed on the Uncommon Leader Podcast are subjects that I coach and consult on with other leaders and organizations? If you would be interested in having me discuss one-on-one or group coaching with you, or know someone who is looking to move from underperforming to uncommon in their business or life, I would love to chat with you.
Click this link to set up a free call to discuss how coaching might benefit you and your team.
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Did you know that many of the things that I discuss on the Uncommon Leader Podcast are subjects that I coach other leaders and organizations ? If you would be interested in having me discuss 1:1 or group coaching with you, or know someone who is looking to move from Underperforming to Uncommon in their business or life, I would love to chat with you. Click this link to set up a FREE CALL to discuss how coaching might benefit you and your team)
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome back, uncommon Leaders.
This is The Uncommon LeaderPodcast, and I'm your host, John
Gallagher.
I'm excited to welcome JayTwining to our podcast.
Today, Jay's a highly soughtafter personal brand strategist,
empowering coaches, consultants,founders, and speakers to gain
clarity on their goals andaudience.
As the host of the FeelgoodFatherhood Show, Jay brings a
(00:20):
unique perspective to ourconversation today, which took
off from the moment we hitrecord.
Our discussion was so engaging.
I've decided to split it intotwo parts so that you can fully
absorb the depth of ourexchange.
In part one, Jay and I dive deepinto the challenges of being a
father leader and coach intoday's high pressure world.
He shares valuable insights onthe importance of focusing on
(00:44):
the process of achieving ourgoals, including consistent
effort, clarity of thought, andunwavering commitment.
I'm confident that you'll findthis episode both informative
and enjoyable.
So let's get started.
so I, I started following this,this new this new influencer,
(01:04):
right?
And so he's it's kind of a, it'sa little bit different.
So he's more of a slower pacegrowth, more of a stoicism
release, relieved the pressure,that kind of jazz.
And so for me, in my ownpersonal journey, I was getting
so, so much pressure on myselfto increase my views and
increase my subscription and allthese things were kind of going
(01:26):
on.
And, um, and then I have acolleague who's also a YouTuber.
She's a content creator, and shereally shows up for me really
big.
And what ended up happening wasshe was like, she had a really
rough year, like, income kind ofwent down.
She had a, a tough pregnancy,tough delivery, delivery, the
(01:48):
whole thing.
And just kinda like these upsand downs.
She was like, I had all thispressure.
because, and her whole thing isabout not that mm-hmm.
her whole thing is about theminimalism and the stoicism and,
and the philosophy behind thesuccess and showing up big and
stuff like that.
And so she turned me onto thisguy and he was like, you're
probably lost in the success andyou're, and you're all this
(02:12):
kinda stuff.
And when it's, when you're inthat space, you're focused on,
on you, you're focused on, andI'm pointing at my chest like,
you're focused on, it's selfish.
You're not in service.
And um, and so then what endedup happening was I kind of
followed him and I got on hisemail list and I was like, all
right, so he's gonna do a, aweekly email, see what he has to
(02:35):
say.
And the first email is literallydownload this, add-on, and we're
gonna turn off the views and theanalytics of your YouTube studio
channel.
So when you go in to upload yourvideos and take a look at stuff,
you can see the title and likeall the things you need to do,
but all of the views, all thesubs, all that kind of stuff is
(02:55):
just gone.
And I said, wow.
Like what a, what a smartrelief.
What a way to just say, I'm inthis for the long haul.
I'm in here not to make surethat every single day I can go
up five pounds when I'm liftingmy weights on YouTube.
Mm-hmm.
I'm in here because I know it's,it's a slow growth.
(03:19):
It's sustainable.
I'm not here for a hack.
I'm, I'm here to create thisconversation.
I'm here to lead from the front.
There's a, there's a product anda conversation in a service that
I don't see in the world.
I'm creating that right now.
And rather than get, than getstuck in this in this wheel of,
(03:40):
I'm not good enough.
I'm not hitting the numbers Ineed, uh, all this pressure.
Cuz we ended up so, so a littlebit more backstory is that I had
one that went really well.
Mm-hmm.
So brand new episode.
I know these numbers aren't thatgreat, but I had one that was at
least 500% more than every othervideo.
So, like, day one, lots of hypearound it.
(04:01):
You know, average, you about 50couple weeks go by not quite
hitting the 50 mark.
This one goes out like 190views.
So it's like, it's huge.
It's like comparatively, it'shuge.
It's like triple the best dayone, five times, five times the
normal view count so far.
(04:21):
And so, and I kept seeing that.
I kept like, oh, comparing, I'mlike, all right.
I'm like, am I doing that thing?
Am I doing this, this, you know,going back and forth, figuring
out what's going on.
And I got like, all the stuff inmy head.
But really what it's about isjust am I serving people?
Am I, am I focused on, am Ifocused on the right metric?
(04:43):
And that metric is like themetric for me right now when it
comes to, to pushing out mypodcast.
It is literally am I, show meshowing up amazing every single
episode.
So am I one percenting myself?
Am I focused on my growth?
Am I showing up bigger?
Am I asking better questions?
Are the are, am I getting morevalue out of the guest to give
(05:07):
to my audience?
That's metric one.
And that manifests itself incertain ways.
Metric two is, am I getting itout consistently every single
week?
That's it.
Tho those are my metrics.
there's, there's nothing else.
There's no, there's no othernumbers to look at.
And they're, and they're verylow.
But I'm also starting somethingnew, right?
(05:30):
I'm starting something new.
So, you know, if, if you'reopening a new business and
you've got the base product,like the question is, how many
outgoing sales calls are youmaking?
How many, how many appointmentsare you setting?
How many presentations are yougiving?
Mm-hmm.
but all that is like, everysingle day are you letting
(05:50):
people know about what you'redoing.
And so when I apply that tomyself and I apply that to, to
my efforts and, and thispressure, it's like, oh, okay.
What I want to do is I want tolead this discussion and I have
this vision for, for the show,this vision for what I want to
create.
Is it being executed onconsistently?
Yes.
(06:10):
Great.
I'm winning right now.
Dude.
I'm so glad I recorded that.
That's gonna end up in the show.
Just by the way, it's kinda likethe end video when we recorded.
Awesome.
On your please.
Still good fatherhood as will,right?
Yeah.
In terms of going in, becauseit's, it's just pure
conversational and saying, youknow, from your heart, I mean,
we know that we together as youknow, you being a strategist for
(06:34):
Brand Builders Group, me being aclient of Brand Builders Group,
you know your boss, she says,you don't need.
Millions of followers to makemillions of dollars.
And then they had, you know, theultimate YouTube guy, Evan
Carmichael, if he's one of theones that you follow as well.
I said, look, wouldn't you loveif you had a room of like 14
people to talk to and they werejust listening to you?
(06:57):
I said, that's 14 more peoplethan are normally in that room
with you.
That room being a YouTube videowatch, uh, or that room being a
podcast that you, that you putout, you know, you know what I
love about what you just told mewas that, and I, this is an
unlock that just happened.
I've got about 50 subscribers,which there are people that have
(07:18):
been doing the YouTube game alot longer than me that don't
have that number So there's thatpiece.
Mm-hmm.
but I had the 50 subscribers andI have a 50% retention.
So one of the hard things for meis that I'm a, I'm, I'm a
product guy, an old productmanager.
I was a lead product manager.
I had a whole team.
So like numbers and metrics andmeasuring and like, that's like,
(07:39):
and I'm digital marketing.
So everything in that world islike, yeah, you can be creative,
you can create visuals, you canwrite the copy that you want,
but honestly it's numbers.
Like marketing is numbers,right?
Product management is numbers.
Are we increasing that number?
Mm-hmm.
and my retention rate for mychannel is 50%.
What that literally means isthat of the people that come to
(08:00):
my channel, one half of themcome back.
I think there, there are plentyof people that would kill for a
retention number like that.
Absolutely.
And so there is somethingsticky.
I know there's something there.
I absolutely love it.
And you're ab and you're, andyou're 100% correct.
You know, the other piece thatEvan Carmichael brings back that
I think is super critical whenhe talks about it to the brand
(08:22):
builders and he talks about itto us, His number one thing is
get clarity of thought.
That's so huge.
So many of us, uh, uh, I don'tknow who made this statement,
but they said the vast majorityof majority of us spend zero
(08:42):
time thinking.
And so we're asked for anopinion on a thing and we make
up something on the spot.
I love this because I think it'snumber one, I think it's a
hundred percent true because Idon't think a lot of us are very
comfortable saying, you know, Idon't know.
I, I just don't know.
And what, and I know for mepersonally, like you mentioned
(09:04):
as a strategist, so as a brandbuilders, group strategist, I
have a lot of clients buildingtheir brand, doing their thing.
Um, leaders, founders, CEOs, youknow, whoever they are.
And every once in a whilethey're kinda like, well, I need
to understand this thing.
Right.
And every once in a while, Ihave to say, you know what?
I don't really know.
I don't know the answer to this.
(09:26):
I can't give you your, thesilver bullet.
I can't give you, I can't giveyou the, um, what is it?
What is, what's the god, thegods look, sir.
Is it ambrosia?
I can't give you your, your,your piece of ambrosia right
now.
Like, I can't do that for you.
I can go look it up.
I can go ask, I can go see.
But usually I'm saying, usuallyI'm saying, well, my gut is
saying that this isn't a soliddirection.
(09:49):
My gut is that you have 200 datapoints in front of you.
You're focused on one.
I don't know if this is the mostimportant thing.
Let's stick with everythingwe've been talking about, this
conversation consistency.
You also brought up what Ithought was super critical.
That aligns not only with what Ido with the brand strategy, but
(10:10):
also with feelgood fatherhood.
And that's, I don't need, soI've got, I have a 10 year old
turning 11, so fifth grade.
and I have a brand new fourmonth old.
And for them it's not about ahuge unlock, it's not about
leaps and bounds.
It's not about these crazy, hugegrowth moments or wonderful
(10:34):
raises or like winning the newdeal.
It's like, all right, are wesitting down and watching
episode 24 of 50 of this showthat you like?
Great.
All right.
Are we doing that againtomorrow?
Great.
Mm-hmm.
did you do your homework againtoday?
Yes.
Are you eating every morning?
Yes.
Wonderful.
And so this great analogy offatherhood with business
(10:55):
building fatherhood with brandbuilding, they're really
aligned.
And what I mean by that is it'sabout co.
Regular steps forward and it'splotting and it's hard and it's
lifting weights and you don't gofrom benching nothing to
benching 300 in one day.
It just, it takes time andconsistent effort and you have
to build muscles and expertise.
(11:17):
And I think that, you know, whenI think of, when I think of
leadership, cuz really at theend of the day, what we're
really talking about, I thinkhere in this particular moment
is leadership.
Fatherhood is leader, brandstrategist is leader, brand
builder as leader, influencer isleader.
(11:37):
We're made.
We don't, we're not born.
It's, it's nothing like that.
We're made.
And I think about the Navy andthe Navy says leaders aren't
born, they're made.
Mm-hmm you, you develop thatedge, you develop the clarity of
thought, you develop thebusiness, you develop your kids,
you grow as a father.
(11:58):
you clarify your message, youget out there, you get bigger
opportunities by putting forththe effort every single day.
And so when I go back and I lookat like the pressure I was
putting myself on, results,results, results, results.
Could you imagine that?
Could you imagine being afather?
Imagine this.
You're a father and you're kindof like, well, you know what, I
don't have to cuz it, this is,this is real.
(12:19):
You have to get a's, you have toget into the school, you have to
have the job.
We have to like, ah, oh, That'sright.
Oh my goodness.
All that pressure when it's justlike, now pressure's good.
We need to be, sometimes we needto be pushed.
But I think there's a really bigdifference between being pushed
and being forced.
And I think that that latterexample I was saying was just
(12:42):
like, you gotta get the A, yougotta make the team, you gotta
go to the college, you gotta theah, like all that kind of stuff.
That's force.
You're forcing yourself onsomebody else.
You're forcing your ideas on, onyour kid.
You're forcing your ideas on themarket.
You're forcing these thingsrather than just like, the push,
let's push this out here.
Mm-hmm.
(13:02):
I think that just hit, just hitthe record button, right?
Yeah, that's right.
Just hit record.
Just hit record.
I mean, you think about thatfrom the standpoint of when you
talked about some of those,those force items, they're,
those outcome measures anyway,and really the activity that
we're looking for, and youtouched on this, was the
(13:22):
discipline and what are thethings I need to do over and
over and over again so that theresult is what I'm looking for.
That you know, a lot of people,you know, you, here's some of
the folks and even, even some ofthe, the big pod podcasters,
talk about embracing the processor loving the process as you go
(13:44):
forward with it.
And look, I don't care whatanybody said, I just, I just
posted something yesterday abouthating the exercise that I was
given, but I love having done iton the other end when I'm done
with it.
So there are things that we haveto do.
that we may not like doing aswell.
And that feels a little bit likepush, but we know that, uh, it's
gonna make us better.
(14:06):
And the resulting of, you know,a podcast like yours and feel
good fatherhood and the focus onthe outcome, which is hits
people, you know, staying andwatching for a certain amount of
time.
The number of subscribers we getso hung up in that world of Joe
Rogan, who has a three hour showthat he does every day, and he's
(14:28):
got so many millions offollowers and it's got all these
ads that he runs.
And if we can keep an abundancemindset, say, no, no, no, I,
I've got my piece of thatactivity and I know the
influence that I'm having and Ineed to have in the space that
I'm in.
Right.
Nicheing down as they weretalking about in the brand
builders to say, this is who Ireally want to influence.
(14:50):
Yeah, that's so, I mean, there'sso many different commentaries
on these different pieces,right?
And I'm thinking about on mepersonally, I'm thinking about
when I played football in highschool, the kids that got the
play were the kids that put thework in.
(15:11):
During the week.
You skipped a couple ofpractices, you're on the bench,
like you skipped too manypractices.
You're in a suit, you know, likeyou're in the stands, you're in
a suit, you're representing theteam, but you didn't put the
time in.
When I played hockey, you know,a lot of times captain or
assistant captain of the team,it was like I knew, like the
kids that I wanted to play with,they were the ones that were
(15:32):
skating hard.
You know, I used to do suicides,so I used to do suicides.
At the end of every practice, Iused to do extra laps and
suicide just to condition thelegs.
You're trying to get it fasterand faster and faster every
time.
And you just kind of, you justkind of go into, like, I never
went to ied, but I go until,like, I would just fall.
It's just collapse.
Just like, just pushing the bodyas hard as I can.
But those were the elements,right?
(15:53):
That's how you build thestrength when you're tired.
Like you don't build yourstrength in reps one through
nine.
You build your strength in reps.
10.
Mm-hmm.
if you're pushing yourself, likethat's the, that's the it's
called, uh, I think inweightlifting, amrap as many
reps as possible.
Right.
You go to failure.
Just a failure, right?
Yeah.
Just a failure.
One short of failure.
Yeah.
Yep.
And that's not necessarilystrength or endurance, it's,
(16:14):
it's both, right?
Like, um, on it's mindset.
Mm-hmm.
It's also mindset as well,right?
I mean, even inside of thatspace, is there one more rep in
you?
Cuz usually there is, and wecould say, we wanna do 10 reps
and that's the exercise, but No,no, no.
There's, there's likely one morethat gets you closer to failure
where that growth occurs.
(16:36):
I think so much about the hardtimes as a father, like the hard
times, like cuz hard times inbusiness.
If you're not in business, it's,it's a bit tough to understand
that, right?
Like generally, if you're a W2and you're down the line and the
company closes, it's like you'rea W2 down the line, the company
closes.
There's not much you can do.
But I love the analogy of like,you're, as a father, you're
(16:59):
tired, you're trying to get thekids back.
Like you're trying to get themin bed, you're at your wit's end
and you're just like, okay,look, I'm gonna keep my calm,
keep my peace, keep the love.
This is the last rep.
Like, this is it.
I got one more rep in me.
And I, I, I forget.
I was talking with anothercolleague recently and I said,
you know, I love the fact thatas I'm getting older and as I'm
(17:21):
becoming wiser and as I'mreflecting more on my values and
how I wanna lead my family, thatI'm getting stronger and I'm,
and the things that used to bugme, they're kinda like, yeah,
okay.
You know, the second kid.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah.
She's gonna cry.
Yep.
You know, like the, at this timeright now at, at on air time of
recording, I'm pretty much aweek and a half, very little
(17:43):
sleep.
So, uh, uh, baby is, has beensick.
So there's been coughing andstaying up and snot and all the,
all the ugly stuff.
But it's like, I got it in mecuz I know, I know I can do it.
And I think that's the, so whenwe're talking about the amrap,
when we're talking about goingto failure, we're talking about
growing and, and putting thattime in.
(18:06):
We're talking about, the waythat I think about it is I know
my boundaries and I know I usedto teach rope courses and I used
to take kids as young as middleschool, high school in college
through as, as a facilitator anda and as through these rope
courses like Trus follows,jumps.
(18:28):
Mm-hmm.
you know, vs all these kind ofdifferent pieces.
And useless to say, it's kindalike most people don't know how
far they can go.
Cuz most people never even getto the door and the rope course.
Like puts, not only does it putyou in the frame of the door,
but the doors open and you gottastep through.
Mm-hmm.
like when you're at the top andyou're 30 feet in the air and
(18:51):
like these people down here areholding your belay line and
they're saying, jump, we got youlike You know, not everybody
goes through that.
Uh, that's not easy, that is notan easy activity.
But it shows you, I think theboundary of, is there fear?
(19:11):
Is there, are there, are theretrust issues?
Are there mistrust?
Are you gonna break down?
But the, the moment it's so,it's so awesome cuz the moment
the that happens, it's that lastrep and then everything changes
into physiology.
So when they're breaking down,when even with kids, you've got
kids when they're breaking down,like there's this rolling of the
(19:34):
shoulders forward, there's abowing of the head.
There's a mumbling, a mumbling,a crying, a a coming in in
themselves.
And what I noticed, both withthe kids and with the kids that
were doing the ropes course, wasjust before, just before they
would jump, bam, shoulders back,chest out, head up, go like the
(19:55):
decision was made.
They're acting on the decision.
They're following through withthe commitment The last rep
happened, like, oh, so powerful,dude.
It's crazy stuff.
You got me going back in time aswell to my first ropes course as
well and understanding thatfeeling.
I mean, cuz it's the, I hatedoing it, love having done it.
(20:16):
And you're like, whoa.
One, it's rarely as bad as wemade it up to be.
We're really good as humanbeings as of putting fear in
ourselves of the worst that canpossibly happen.
And it's rarely if, if evergoing to happen.
It's a, it's an unbelievablefeeling once you do have that
accomplishment again, you canhave folks that are on those
(20:38):
ropes for the first time at 40,50, 60 years old who have never
experienced that success, thattype of success.
What can be really powerful, andyou mentioned kids by both my
son and I have 26 and 23, andthey're just different.
While they may not be sniffingat night and keeping us up,
there are things that we, youknow, always wonder.
(21:00):
We're so hopeful that what theylearned while they were here is
something that they're carryingon and the different isms that,
that come out of them that theyremember when they were home.
So I think about, and I'd loveto hear your take on this, I
think about the owning ofresults, like the owning of
other people's results.
(21:21):
So as a brand strategist, likewhat are the things that I own,
like when I'm working with aclient, I owe, I own the
process.
I own the coaching.
I own the uplifting them.
I own the, showing them I own,encouraging them to show up.
Don't own the results, right?
I own, Hey, you execute in thisprocess.
You keep putting in the time in,you show up, you believe in
(21:43):
yourself.
We get super clear on themessaging.
You put it out there.
That's like, as far as I own asa father.
It's like, within these halls,do my kids know that I love
them?
Does my wife know that I loveher?
You know, do the people in myfamily, do they know that I love
them?
Am I showing up?
(22:04):
I don't own any of theirresults.
And, and so I'm, I'm curious,like with your elder kids, it's
like, how do you navigate this?
I mean, how, how do you navigatethat?
Well, it's, it's not easy.
Again, part of that is whenthey're at the age that they are
for you, you can.
Wrap your arms around them andchange it.
(22:26):
Not from an outcome standpointnecessarily, but from a control
standpoint.
So you know, you're out therelosing control, but even as I
relate, whether it's parentingto leading a team, to coaching
an individual from one point toanother, there is a time where
you say, I'm responsible to you,but I'm not responsible for you.
(22:50):
And that if I can, as the coach,as the father, as the leader,
own that I've been truthful withyou in terms of what I see, then
yes, you absolutely own theoutcome.
That's the part that I have toown as the coach or the father
or the leader, is that I, am Icoming from a position of, of
love with the feedback that Igive and not holding anything
(23:13):
back in terms of what I observe,behaviors that I observe, values
that are.
Violated, whatever thosecomponents are.
Did I as a leader, as a coach,as a father, which I see many of
those things as one and thesame.
Did I speak the truth in lovewhen I saw it or did I walk
(23:35):
around that problem, that treethat fell in the way, I think I
was really reflecting on as youwere talking, like Ted Lasso.
Have you, have you, do you watchTed Lasso?
So I, I'm too cheap to go outand buy.
Everybody tells me I need to goget Apple Plus just for a month,
apple TV plus for a month andwatch all the Ted lasso episodes
and then get rid of it again.
But I, uh, I follow thisinspirational Ted Lasso meme
(23:57):
account on Instagram, which isinteresting.
So I, I personally think thatyou would love it.
I think that there are so fewtimes where I can watch a show
where I cry and laugh at thesame time.
And so from the same show, it isso funny.
But what was really interesting.
(24:18):
and from the context of thisconversation, right?
So like, what is Ted?
Right?
So Ted is like a consistency.
And I what I, here's what Ilove.
This is what I love.
Cause I, I've heard this ahandful of different times, is
that he says, all right, for thenext five minutes when they lose
a game, now the team kind ofsucks.
So they lose a lot So he's like,for the next five minutes, y'all
(24:41):
can be as negative as you want,as self-defeating as you want,
as self-loathing as you want.
Whatever you want.
You have five minutes.
Go ahead and do that.
And what, what he, what heteaches them is he's just like,
he's never criticizing, I thinkhe's never criticizing the
emotional response to what'shappening.
(25:03):
He says, no, no, let, let theresponse happen.
But what I take, when he comesback at the end, he says, okay,
great.
Now what are we gonna do?
Now?
What's the next step?
He just comes back and I thinkabout my kids.
It's kind of like, I don't wantthem, I don't want.
I don't want my daughters to behanging out in the negativity
and self-loathing and that kindof stuff.
Like after a simple defeat, I'mkinda like, oh, oh.
(25:25):
Like okay, that happened.
Like let's now let's learn fromit and get the heck back on the
field.
Let's get back to playing,figuring it out.
Uh, so uncommon leadershiplisteners, if you have not,
don't do what John does.
go ahead and get Apple Go getyourself and go watch head
(25:45):
lasso.
It's so good.
I'm gonna do it cuz you're aboutthe fifth person that's told me
to do it.
So it's not that I, I have beena follower.
I've seen two of the episodes onAmerican Airlines and they keep
showing the same two episodesover and over again and they
keep teasing you to get Apple TVPlus.
So I don't watch'em anymore.
I've only watched'em once, butI'll go out and get it back to
the results conversation cuzthat's, cuz what I was thinking
(26:07):
about was if there's onecharacter, I'm not gonna, I
don't wanna spoil anything cuz,cuz you're new.
But there's one character that.
Um, he is really focused onresults and he's focused on
self.
And so at a certain point he, hedoes his own thing.
I'm trying to be as, and so allof you that have watched it, you
(26:28):
know the character that I'mtalking about, he does his own
thing.
He gets really self-centeredreally, really in here.
And he, and he given the commonparlance of our world, he goes
to the dark side And so in theshow, he goes to the dark side.
And it was really interestingbecause it was a moment where I
(26:49):
think the double led sword oftrying to control the results
Hmm.
Is that it's a selfish pursuit.
It's something that you can'tcontrol.
And especially from thefatherhood of the coach
perspective as the leader,there's almost nothing I can do
in the game time.
(27:10):
to help my daughter get reallygood grades on the test.
Mm-hmm.
there's nothing I can do whenshe goes to roller skating to
have her perform at her best.
If she's testing for her belt inTaeKwonDo, there's nothing I can
do to, I, I can't be on the matwith her and I can't kick for
her to show our teacher, ourmaster, that she's learned the
(27:32):
forms and is doing itappropriately.
There's absolutely nothing I cando, and I can't imagine the, I,
it feels like it's a reallystrong word, but it feels like
a, a really unique kind oftyranny to say, I own your
results.
And I think, like, if I think inthe professional context, right?
We've all had a boss or somebodythat does that, it feels crappy
(27:53):
if you're there on the receivingend of it.
So if you're the person who's,oh, you did this, but I don't
want your results.
I very recently had a it wasreally funny that CEO and myself
have a very differentperspective on leadership.
everything good in thecorporation was his.
Everything bad was somebodyelse's fault.
And my whole time, like the, thewhole time I was there, I was
(28:16):
just trying to build my team up,So I was just trying to impart
on them, like, look, this iswhat's in front of you.
This is what I want you to workon over the next three months.
Here's a soft, and I would saylike, this is the soft skill I
want you to work on.
Here's the hard skill I want youto work on.
This is what we're doing.
This is what I wanna see in thenext, in the next week.
And so like, just kind ofkeeping it in front of them not
(28:37):
dissimilar to what I do in brandstrategy, right.
Um, but it was just like, even,even in my time in video games,
which I love, it's like if Ineeded an animation, like I
could control the quality of theanimation that I got back, the
best I could do is describe thevisual of what I wanted to
accomplish.
And it would be, you know, andthen even then, it's like the
(28:59):
art director down to theanimation lead down to the
animator like, you know, it'slike, they own the visual
experience.
And I'm just saying like, Hey, Ineed an animation.
Sure.
And so there's like somecollaboration stuff like that.
But like I don't own any ofthat.
And so it's just, it's thisreally interesting perspective
and I think a really greatunlock for any leader, for any
father, for any w2, for anybody,for any person, just to say
(29:21):
like, look like you gotta be100% committed, but you have to
have zero expectation ofresults.
Well, that's all for today'sepisode of The Uncommon Leader
Podcast.
Thanks for listening in.
Please take just a minute toshare this podcast without
someone you know that youthought of when you heard this
(29:42):
episode.
One of the most valuable thingsyou can do is to rate the
podcast and leave a review.
You can do that on ApplePodcast, or you can rate the
podcast on Spotify or any otherplatform You listen.
Did you know that many of thethings that I discussed on the
Uncommon Leader Podcast aresubjects that I coach other
leaders and organizations on?
If you would be interested inhaving me discuss one-on-one or
(30:04):
group coaching with you, or knowsomeone who is looking to move
from underperforming to uncommonin their business or life, I
would love to chat with you.
Click the link in the show knowsto set up a free call to discuss
how coaching might benefit youand your team.
Until next time, go and growChampions.
Welcome back, uncommon Leaders.
This is The Uncommon LeaderPodcast, and I'm your host, John
Gallagher.
I'm excited to welcome JayTwining to our podcast.
Today, Jay's a highly soughtafter personal brand strategist,
empowering coaches, consultants,founders, and speakers to gain
clarity on their goals andaudience.
As the host of the FeelgoodFatherhood Show, Jay brings a
(00:20):
unique perspective to ourconversation today, which took
off from the moment we hitrecord.
Our discussion was so engaging.
I've decided to split it intotwo parts so that you can fully
absorb the depth of ourexchange.
In part one, Jay and I dive deepinto the challenges of being a
father leader and coach intoday's high pressure world.
He shares valuable insights onthe importance of focusing on
(00:44):
the process of achieving ourgoals, including consistent
effort, clarity of thought, andunwavering commitment.
I'm confident that you'll findthis episode both informative
and enjoyable.
So let's get started.
so I, I started following this,this new this new influencer,
(01:04):
right?
And so he's it's kind of a, it'sa little bit different.
So he's more of a slower pacegrowth, more of a stoicism
release, relieved the pressure,that kind of jazz.
And so for me, in my ownpersonal journey, I was getting
so, so much pressure on myselfto increase my views and
increase my subscription and allthese things were kind of going
(01:26):
on.
And, um, and then I have acolleague who's also a YouTuber.
She's a content creator, and shereally shows up for me really
big.
And what ended up happening wasshe was like, she had a really
rough year, like, income kind ofwent down.
She had a, a tough pregnancy,tough delivery, delivery, the
(01:48):
whole thing.
And just kinda like these upsand downs.
She was like, I had all thispressure.
because, and her whole thing isabout not that mm-hmm.
her whole thing is about theminimalism and the stoicism and,
and the philosophy behind thesuccess and showing up big and
stuff like that.
And so she turned me onto thisguy and he was like, you're
probably lost in the success andyou're, and you're all this
(02:12):
kinda stuff.
And when it's, when you're inthat space, you're focused on,
on you, you're focused on, andI'm pointing at my chest like,
you're focused on, it's selfish.
You're not in service.
And um, and so then what endedup happening was I kind of
followed him and I got on hisemail list and I was like, all
right, so he's gonna do a, aweekly email, see what he has to
(02:35):
say.
And the first email is literallydownload this, add-on, and we're
gonna turn off the views and theanalytics of your YouTube studio
channel.
So when you go in to upload yourvideos and take a look at stuff,
you can see the title and likeall the things you need to do,
but all of the views, all thesubs, all that kind of stuff is
(02:55):
just gone.
And I said, wow.
Like what a, what a smartrelief.
What a way to just say, I'm inthis for the long haul.
I'm in here not to make surethat every single day I can go
up five pounds when I'm liftingmy weights on YouTube.
Mm-hmm.
I'm in here because I know it's,it's a slow growth.
(03:19):
It's sustainable.
I'm not here for a hack.
I'm, I'm here to create thisconversation.
I'm here to lead from the front.
There's a, there's a product anda conversation in a service that
I don't see in the world.
I'm creating that right now.
And rather than get, than getstuck in this in this wheel of,
(03:40):
I'm not good enough.
I'm not hitting the numbers Ineed, uh, all this pressure.
Cuz we ended up so, so a littlebit more backstory is that I had
one that went really well.
Mm-hmm.
So brand new episode.
I know these numbers aren't thatgreat, but I had one that was at
least 500% more than every othervideo.
So, like, day one, lots of hypearound it.
(04:01):
You know, average, you about 50couple weeks go by not quite
hitting the 50 mark.
This one goes out like 190views.
So it's like, it's huge.
It's like comparatively, it'shuge.
It's like triple the best dayone, five times, five times the
normal view count so far.
(04:21):
And so, and I kept seeing that.
I kept like, oh, comparing, I'mlike, all right.
I'm like, am I doing that thing?
Am I doing this, this, you know,going back and forth, figuring
out what's going on.
And I got like, all the stuff inmy head.
But really what it's about isjust am I serving people?
Am I, am I focused on, am Ifocused on the right metric?
(04:43):
And that metric is like themetric for me right now when it
comes to, to pushing out mypodcast.
It is literally am I, show meshowing up amazing every single
episode.
So am I one percenting myself?
Am I focused on my growth?
Am I showing up bigger?
Am I asking better questions?
Are the are, am I getting morevalue out of the guest to give
(05:07):
to my audience?
That's metric one.
And that manifests itself incertain ways.
Metric two is, am I getting itout consistently every single
week?
That's it.
Tho those are my metrics.
there's, there's nothing else.
There's no, there's no othernumbers to look at.
And they're, and they're verylow.
But I'm also starting somethingnew, right?
(05:30):
I'm starting something new.
So, you know, if, if you'reopening a new business and
you've got the base product,like the question is, how many
outgoing sales calls are youmaking?
How many, how many appointmentsare you setting?
How many presentations are yougiving?
Mm-hmm.
but all that is like, everysingle day are you letting
(05:50):
people know about what you'redoing.
And so when I apply that tomyself and I apply that to, to
my efforts and, and thispressure, it's like, oh, okay.
What I want to do is I want tolead this discussion and I have
this vision for, for the show,this vision for what I want to
create.
Is it being executed onconsistently?
Yes.
(06:10):
Great.
I'm winning right now.
Dude.
I'm so glad I recorded that.
That's gonna end up in the show.
Just by the way, it's kinda likethe end video when we recorded.
Awesome.
On your please.
Still good fatherhood as will,right?
Yeah.
In terms of going in, becauseit's, it's just pure
conversational and saying, youknow, from your heart, I mean,
we know that we together as youknow, you being a strategist for
(06:34):
Brand Builders Group, me being aclient of Brand Builders Group,
you know your boss, she says,you don't need.
Millions of followers to makemillions of dollars.
And then they had, you know, theultimate YouTube guy, Evan
Carmichael, if he's one of theones that you follow as well.
I said, look, wouldn't you loveif you had a room of like 14
people to talk to and they werejust listening to you?
(06:57):
I said, that's 14 more peoplethan are normally in that room
with you.
That room being a YouTube videowatch, uh, or that room being a
podcast that you, that you putout, you know, you know what I
love about what you just told mewas that, and I, this is an
unlock that just happened.
I've got about 50 subscribers,which there are people that have
(07:18):
been doing the YouTube game alot longer than me that don't
have that number So there's thatpiece.
Mm-hmm.
but I had the 50 subscribers andI have a 50% retention.
So one of the hard things for meis that I'm a, I'm, I'm a
product guy, an old productmanager.
I was a lead product manager.
I had a whole team.
So like numbers and metrics andmeasuring and like, that's like,
(07:39):
and I'm digital marketing.
So everything in that world islike, yeah, you can be creative,
you can create visuals, you canwrite the copy that you want,
but honestly it's numbers.
Like marketing is numbers,right?
Product management is numbers.
Are we increasing that number?
Mm-hmm.
and my retention rate for mychannel is 50%.
What that literally means isthat of the people that come to
(08:00):
my channel, one half of themcome back.
I think there, there are plentyof people that would kill for a
retention number like that.
Absolutely.
And so there is somethingsticky.
I know there's something there.
I absolutely love it.
And you're ab and you're, andyou're 100% correct.
You know, the other piece thatEvan Carmichael brings back that
I think is super critical whenhe talks about it to the brand
(08:22):
builders and he talks about itto us, His number one thing is
get clarity of thought.
That's so huge.
So many of us, uh, uh, I don'tknow who made this statement,
but they said the vast majorityof majority of us spend zero
(08:42):
time thinking.
And so we're asked for anopinion on a thing and we make
up something on the spot.
I love this because I think it'snumber one, I think it's a
hundred percent true because Idon't think a lot of us are very
comfortable saying, you know, Idon't know.
I, I just don't know.
And what, and I know for mepersonally, like you mentioned
(09:04):
as a strategist, so as a brandbuilders, group strategist, I
have a lot of clients buildingtheir brand, doing their thing.
Um, leaders, founders, CEOs, youknow, whoever they are.
And every once in a whilethey're kinda like, well, I need
to understand this thing.
Right.
And every once in a while, Ihave to say, you know what?
I don't really know.
I don't know the answer to this.
(09:26):
I can't give you your, thesilver bullet.
I can't give you, I can't giveyou the, um, what is it?
What is, what's the god, thegods look, sir.
Is it ambrosia?
I can't give you your, your,your piece of ambrosia right
now.
Like, I can't do that for you.
I can go look it up.
I can go ask, I can go see.
But usually I'm saying, usuallyI'm saying, well, my gut is
saying that this isn't a soliddirection.
(09:49):
My gut is that you have 200 datapoints in front of you.
You're focused on one.
I don't know if this is the mostimportant thing.
Let's stick with everythingwe've been talking about, this
conversation consistency.
You also brought up what Ithought was super critical.
That aligns not only with what Ido with the brand strategy, but
(10:10):
also with feelgood fatherhood.
And that's, I don't need, soI've got, I have a 10 year old
turning 11, so fifth grade.
and I have a brand new fourmonth old.
And for them it's not about ahuge unlock, it's not about
leaps and bounds.
It's not about these crazy, hugegrowth moments or wonderful
(10:34):
raises or like winning the newdeal.
It's like, all right, are wesitting down and watching
episode 24 of 50 of this showthat you like?
Great.
All right.
Are we doing that againtomorrow?
Great.
Mm-hmm.
did you do your homework againtoday?
Yes.
Are you eating every morning?
Yes.
Wonderful.
And so this great analogy offatherhood with business
(10:55):
building fatherhood with brandbuilding, they're really
aligned.
And what I mean by that is it'sabout co.
Regular steps forward and it'splotting and it's hard and it's
lifting weights and you don't gofrom benching nothing to
benching 300 in one day.
It just, it takes time andconsistent effort and you have
to build muscles and expertise.
(11:17):
And I think that, you know, whenI think of, when I think of
leadership, cuz really at theend of the day, what we're
really talking about, I thinkhere in this particular moment
is leadership.
Fatherhood is leader, brandstrategist is leader, brand
builder as leader, influencer isleader.
(11:37):
We're made.
We don't, we're not born.
It's, it's nothing like that.
We're made.
And I think about the Navy andthe Navy says leaders aren't
born, they're made.
Mm-hmm you, you develop thatedge, you develop the clarity of
thought, you develop thebusiness, you develop your kids,
you grow as a father.
(11:58):
you clarify your message, youget out there, you get bigger
opportunities by putting forththe effort every single day.
And so when I go back and I lookat like the pressure I was
putting myself on, results,results, results, results.
Could you imagine that?
Could you imagine being afather?
Imagine this.
You're a father and you're kindof like, well, you know what, I
don't have to cuz it, this is,this is real.
(12:19):
You have to get a's, you have toget into the school, you have to
have the job.
We have to like, ah, oh, That'sright.
Oh my goodness.
All that pressure when it's justlike, now pressure's good.
We need to be, sometimes we needto be pushed.
But I think there's a really bigdifference between being pushed
and being forced.
And I think that that latterexample I was saying was just
(12:42):
like, you gotta get the A, yougotta make the team, you gotta
go to the college, you gotta theah, like all that kind of stuff.
That's force.
You're forcing yourself onsomebody else.
You're forcing your ideas on, onyour kid.
You're forcing your ideas on themarket.
You're forcing these thingsrather than just like, the push,
let's push this out here.
Mm-hmm.
(13:02):
I think that just hit, just hitthe record button, right?
Yeah, that's right.
Just hit record.
Just hit record.
I mean, you think about thatfrom the standpoint of when you
talked about some of those,those force items, they're,
those outcome measures anyway,and really the activity that
we're looking for, and youtouched on this, was the
(13:22):
discipline and what are thethings I need to do over and
over and over again so that theresult is what I'm looking for.
That you know, a lot of people,you know, you, here's some of
the folks and even, even some ofthe, the big pod podcasters,
talk about embracing the processor loving the process as you go
(13:44):
forward with it.
And look, I don't care whatanybody said, I just, I just
posted something yesterday abouthating the exercise that I was
given, but I love having done iton the other end when I'm done
with it.
So there are things that we haveto do.
that we may not like doing aswell.
And that feels a little bit likepush, but we know that, uh, it's
gonna make us better.
(14:06):
And the resulting of, you know,a podcast like yours and feel
good fatherhood and the focus onthe outcome, which is hits
people, you know, staying andwatching for a certain amount of
time.
The number of subscribers we getso hung up in that world of Joe
Rogan, who has a three hour showthat he does every day, and he's
(14:28):
got so many millions offollowers and it's got all these
ads that he runs.
And if we can keep an abundancemindset, say, no, no, no, I,
I've got my piece of thatactivity and I know the
influence that I'm having and Ineed to have in the space that
I'm in.
Right.
Nicheing down as they weretalking about in the brand
builders to say, this is who Ireally want to influence.
(14:50):
Yeah, that's so, I mean, there'sso many different commentaries
on these different pieces,right?
And I'm thinking about on mepersonally, I'm thinking about
when I played football in highschool, the kids that got the
play were the kids that put thework in.
(15:11):
During the week.
You skipped a couple ofpractices, you're on the bench,
like you skipped too manypractices.
You're in a suit, you know, likeyou're in the stands, you're in
a suit, you're representing theteam, but you didn't put the
time in.
When I played hockey, you know,a lot of times captain or
assistant captain of the team,it was like I knew, like the
kids that I wanted to play with,they were the ones that were
(15:32):
skating hard.
You know, I used to do suicides,so I used to do suicides.
At the end of every practice, Iused to do extra laps and
suicide just to condition thelegs.
You're trying to get it fasterand faster and faster every
time.
And you just kind of, you justkind of go into, like, I never
went to ied, but I go until,like, I would just fall.
It's just collapse.
Just like, just pushing the bodyas hard as I can.
But those were the elements,right?
(15:53):
That's how you build thestrength when you're tired.
Like you don't build yourstrength in reps one through
nine.
You build your strength in reps.
10.
Mm-hmm.
if you're pushing yourself, likethat's the, that's the it's
called, uh, I think inweightlifting, amrap as many
reps as possible.
Right.
You go to failure.
Just a failure, right?
Yeah.
Just a failure.
One short of failure.
Yeah.
Yep.
And that's not necessarilystrength or endurance, it's,
(16:14):
it's both, right?
Like, um, on it's mindset.
Mm-hmm.
It's also mindset as well,right?
I mean, even inside of thatspace, is there one more rep in
you?
Cuz usually there is, and wecould say, we wanna do 10 reps
and that's the exercise, but No,no, no.
There's, there's likely one morethat gets you closer to failure
where that growth occurs.
(16:36):
I think so much about the hardtimes as a father, like the hard
times, like cuz hard times inbusiness.
If you're not in business, it's,it's a bit tough to understand
that, right?
Like generally, if you're a W2and you're down the line and the
company closes, it's like you'rea W2 down the line, the company
closes.
There's not much you can do.
But I love the analogy of like,you're, as a father, you're
(16:59):
tired, you're trying to get thekids back.
Like you're trying to get themin bed, you're at your wit's end
and you're just like, okay,look, I'm gonna keep my calm,
keep my peace, keep the love.
This is the last rep.
Like, this is it.
I got one more rep in me.
And I, I, I forget.
I was talking with anothercolleague recently and I said,
you know, I love the fact thatas I'm getting older and as I'm
(17:21):
becoming wiser and as I'mreflecting more on my values and
how I wanna lead my family, thatI'm getting stronger and I'm,
and the things that used to bugme, they're kinda like, yeah,
okay.
You know, the second kid.
Yeah, that's fine.
Yeah.
She's gonna cry.
Yep.
You know, like the, at this timeright now at, at on air time of
recording, I'm pretty much aweek and a half, very little
(17:43):
sleep.
So, uh, uh, baby is, has beensick.
So there's been coughing andstaying up and snot and all the,
all the ugly stuff.
But it's like, I got it in mecuz I know, I know I can do it.
And I think that's the, so whenwe're talking about the amrap,
when we're talking about goingto failure, we're talking about
growing and, and putting thattime in.
(18:06):
We're talking about, the waythat I think about it is I know
my boundaries and I know I usedto teach rope courses and I used
to take kids as young as middleschool, high school in college
through as, as a facilitator anda and as through these rope
courses like Trus follows,jumps.
(18:28):
Mm-hmm.
you know, vs all these kind ofdifferent pieces.
And useless to say, it's kindalike most people don't know how
far they can go.
Cuz most people never even getto the door and the rope course.
Like puts, not only does it putyou in the frame of the door,
but the doors open and you gottastep through.
Mm-hmm.
like when you're at the top andyou're 30 feet in the air and
(18:51):
like these people down here areholding your belay line and
they're saying, jump, we got youlike You know, not everybody
goes through that.
Uh, that's not easy, that is notan easy activity.
But it shows you, I think theboundary of, is there fear?
(19:11):
Is there, are there, are theretrust issues?
Are there mistrust?
Are you gonna break down?
But the, the moment it's so,it's so awesome cuz the moment
the that happens, it's that lastrep and then everything changes
into physiology.
So when they're breaking down,when even with kids, you've got
kids when they're breaking down,like there's this rolling of the
(19:34):
shoulders forward, there's abowing of the head.
There's a mumbling, a mumbling,a crying, a a coming in in
themselves.
And what I noticed, both withthe kids and with the kids that
were doing the ropes course, wasjust before, just before they
would jump, bam, shoulders back,chest out, head up, go like the
(19:55):
decision was made.
They're acting on the decision.
They're following through withthe commitment The last rep
happened, like, oh, so powerful,dude.
It's crazy stuff.
You got me going back in time aswell to my first ropes course as
well and understanding thatfeeling.
I mean, cuz it's the, I hatedoing it, love having done it.
(20:16):
And you're like, whoa.
One, it's rarely as bad as wemade it up to be.
We're really good as humanbeings as of putting fear in
ourselves of the worst that canpossibly happen.
And it's rarely if, if evergoing to happen.
It's a, it's an unbelievablefeeling once you do have that
accomplishment again, you canhave folks that are on those
(20:38):
ropes for the first time at 40,50, 60 years old who have never
experienced that success, thattype of success.
What can be really powerful, andyou mentioned kids by both my
son and I have 26 and 23, andthey're just different.
While they may not be sniffingat night and keeping us up,
there are things that we, youknow, always wonder.
(21:00):
We're so hopeful that what theylearned while they were here is
something that they're carryingon and the different isms that,
that come out of them that theyremember when they were home.
So I think about, and I'd loveto hear your take on this, I
think about the owning ofresults, like the owning of
other people's results.
(21:21):
So as a brand strategist, likewhat are the things that I own,
like when I'm working with aclient, I owe, I own the
process.
I own the coaching.
I own the uplifting them.
I own the, showing them I own,encouraging them to show up.
Don't own the results, right?
I own, Hey, you execute in thisprocess.
You keep putting in the time in,you show up, you believe in
(21:43):
yourself.
We get super clear on themessaging.
You put it out there.
That's like, as far as I own asa father.
It's like, within these halls,do my kids know that I love
them?
Does my wife know that I loveher?
You know, do the people in myfamily, do they know that I love
them?
Am I showing up?
(22:04):
I don't own any of theirresults.
And, and so I'm, I'm curious,like with your elder kids, it's
like, how do you navigate this?
I mean, how, how do you navigatethat?
Well, it's, it's not easy.
Again, part of that is whenthey're at the age that they are
for you, you can.
Wrap your arms around them andchange it.
(22:26):
Not from an outcome standpointnecessarily, but from a control
standpoint.
So you know, you're out therelosing control, but even as I
relate, whether it's parentingto leading a team, to coaching
an individual from one point toanother, there is a time where
you say, I'm responsible to you,but I'm not responsible for you.
(22:50):
And that if I can, as the coach,as the father, as the leader,
own that I've been truthful withyou in terms of what I see, then
yes, you absolutely own theoutcome.
That's the part that I have toown as the coach or the father
or the leader, is that I, am Icoming from a position of, of
love with the feedback that Igive and not holding anything
(23:13):
back in terms of what I observe,behaviors that I observe, values
that are.
Violated, whatever thosecomponents are.
Did I as a leader, as a coach,as a father, which I see many of
those things as one and thesame.
Did I speak the truth in lovewhen I saw it or did I walk
(23:35):
around that problem, that treethat fell in the way, I think I
was really reflecting on as youwere talking, like Ted Lasso.
Have you, have you, do you watchTed Lasso?
So I, I'm too cheap to go outand buy.
Everybody tells me I need to goget Apple Plus just for a month,
apple TV plus for a month andwatch all the Ted lasso episodes
and then get rid of it again.
But I, uh, I follow thisinspirational Ted Lasso meme
(23:57):
account on Instagram, which isinteresting.
So I, I personally think thatyou would love it.
I think that there are so fewtimes where I can watch a show
where I cry and laugh at thesame time.
And so from the same show, it isso funny.
But what was really interesting.
(24:18):
and from the context of thisconversation, right?
So like, what is Ted?
Right?
So Ted is like a consistency.
And I what I, here's what Ilove.
This is what I love.
Cause I, I've heard this ahandful of different times, is
that he says, all right, for thenext five minutes when they lose
a game, now the team kind ofsucks.
So they lose a lot So he's like,for the next five minutes, y'all
(24:41):
can be as negative as you want,as self-defeating as you want,
as self-loathing as you want.
Whatever you want.
You have five minutes.
Go ahead and do that.
And what, what he, what heteaches them is he's just like,
he's never criticizing, I thinkhe's never criticizing the
emotional response to what'shappening.
(25:03):
He says, no, no, let, let theresponse happen.
But what I take, when he comesback at the end, he says, okay,
great.
Now what are we gonna do?
Now?
What's the next step?
He just comes back and I thinkabout my kids.
It's kind of like, I don't wantthem, I don't want.
I don't want my daughters to behanging out in the negativity
and self-loathing and that kindof stuff.
Like after a simple defeat, I'mkinda like, oh, oh.
(25:25):
Like okay, that happened.
Like let's now let's learn fromit and get the heck back on the
field.
Let's get back to playing,figuring it out.
Uh, so uncommon leadershiplisteners, if you have not,
don't do what John does.
go ahead and get Apple Go getyourself and go watch head
(25:45):
lasso.
It's so good.
I'm gonna do it cuz you're aboutthe fifth person that's told me
to do it.
So it's not that I, I have beena follower.
I've seen two of the episodes onAmerican Airlines and they keep
showing the same two episodesover and over again and they
keep teasing you to get Apple TVPlus.
So I don't watch'em anymore.
I've only watched'em once, butI'll go out and get it back to
the results conversation cuzthat's, cuz what I was thinking
(26:07):
about was if there's onecharacter, I'm not gonna, I
don't wanna spoil anything cuz,cuz you're new.
But there's one character that.
Um, he is really focused onresults and he's focused on
self.
And so at a certain point he, hedoes his own thing.
I'm trying to be as, and so allof you that have watched it, you
(26:28):
know the character that I'mtalking about, he does his own
thing.
He gets really self-centeredreally, really in here.
And he, and he given the commonparlance of our world, he goes
to the dark side And so in theshow, he goes to the dark side.
And it was really interestingbecause it was a moment where I
(26:49):
think the double led sword oftrying to control the results
Hmm.
Is that it's a selfish pursuit.
It's something that you can'tcontrol.
And especially from thefatherhood of the coach
perspective as the leader,there's almost nothing I can do
in the game time.
(27:10):
to help my daughter get reallygood grades on the test.
Mm-hmm.
there's nothing I can do whenshe goes to roller skating to
have her perform at her best.
If she's testing for her belt inTaeKwonDo, there's nothing I can
do to, I, I can't be on the matwith her and I can't kick for
her to show our teacher, ourmaster, that she's learned the
(27:32):
forms and is doing itappropriately.
There's absolutely nothing I cando, and I can't imagine the, I,
it feels like it's a reallystrong word, but it feels like
a, a really unique kind oftyranny to say, I own your
results.
And I think, like, if I think inthe professional context, right?
We've all had a boss or somebodythat does that, it feels crappy
(27:53):
if you're there on the receivingend of it.
So if you're the person who's,oh, you did this, but I don't
want your results.
I very recently had a it wasreally funny that CEO and myself
have a very differentperspective on leadership.
everything good in thecorporation was his.
Everything bad was somebodyelse's fault.
And my whole time, like the, thewhole time I was there, I was
(28:16):
just trying to build my team up,So I was just trying to impart
on them, like, look, this iswhat's in front of you.
This is what I want you to workon over the next three months.
Here's a soft, and I would saylike, this is the soft skill I
want you to work on.
Here's the hard skill I want youto work on.
This is what we're doing.
This is what I wanna see in thenext, in the next week.
And so like, just kind ofkeeping it in front of them not
(28:37):
dissimilar to what I do in brandstrategy, right.
Um, but it was just like, even,even in my time in video games,
which I love, it's like if Ineeded an animation, like I
could control the quality of theanimation that I got back, the
best I could do is describe thevisual of what I wanted to
accomplish.
And it would be, you know, andthen even then, it's like the
(28:59):
art director down to theanimation lead down to the
animator like, you know, it'slike, they own the visual
experience.
And I'm just saying like, Hey, Ineed an animation.
Sure.
And so there's like somecollaboration stuff like that.
But like I don't own any ofthat.
And so it's just, it's thisreally interesting perspective
and I think a really greatunlock for any leader, for any
father, for any w2, for anybody,for any person, just to say
(29:21):
like, look like you gotta be100% committed, but you have to
have zero expectation ofresults.
Well, that's all for today'sepisode of The Uncommon Leader
Podcast.
Thanks for listening in.
Please take just a minute toshare this podcast without
someone you know that youthought of when you heard this
(29:42):
episode.
One of the most valuable thingsyou can do is to rate the
podcast and leave a review.
You can do that on ApplePodcast, or you can rate the
podcast on Spotify or any otherplatform You listen.
Did you know that many of thethings that I discussed on the
Uncommon Leader Podcast aresubjects that I coach other
leaders and organizations on?
If you would be interested inhaving me discuss one-on-one or
(30:04):
group coaching with you, or knowsomeone who is looking to move
from underperforming to uncommonin their business or life, I
would love to chat with you.
Click the link in the show knowsto set up a free call to discuss
how coaching might benefit youand your team.
Until next time, go and growChampions.
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