August 29, 2023 • 30 mins
Hey Uncommon Leaders Welcome Back!
Ever wonder how trust, both personal and professional, can make or break your business relationships? We sat down with Barb Betts, the CEO of a thriving real estate brokerage and a respected keynote speaker, who enlightened us on the art of relationship management. Barb's passion for teaching, which began in her childhood, has translated into her ability to build authentic connections that pave the way for success in leadership.
Barb opened up about her journey, from being a professional people pleaser to setting boundaries and standing up for herself. Drawing from her experiences in real estate, she emphasized the importance of honesty in interactions and the courage to let go of relationships or organizations that no longer serve you. This chat with Barb is sure to inspire you to take stock of your own relationships, both personal and professional.
We also dove deep into Barb's strategies for relationship management in business, focusing on the power of asking for introductions over referrals. She gave us some practical examples of how to phrase your requests without sounding salesy. In addition, Barb shared her secret weapon - a relationship management system that helped her rank her contacts and maintain consistent communication. Tune in for a wealth of insights from Barb Betts on building and managing authentic relationships.
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Did you know that many of the things that I discuss on the Uncommon Leader Podcast are subjects that I coach other leaders and organizations ? If you would be interested in having me discuss 1:1 or group coaching with you, or know someone who is looking to move from Underperforming to Uncommon in their business or life, I would love to chat with you. Click this link to set up a FREE CALL to discuss how coaching might benefit you and your team)
Until next time, Go and Grow Champions!!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey, uncommon Leaders , welcome back.
This is the Uncommon Leaderpodcast and I'm your host, john
Gallagher.
In today's episode, I had thepleasure of speaking with Barb
Betz, a sought-after keynotespeaker and the CEO of a
thriving boutique real estatebrokerage in Southern California
.
Barb's superpower lies inrelationship management and
authentic networking, and todayshe unveils her secrets to
(00:21):
building meaningful connectionsthat lead to better
relationships and leadershipsuccess.
Barb's high level of energy issure to inspire you, and she
will equip you with practicaltools for navigating the often
overlooked world of relationshipmarketing.
Let's get started, barb Betz.
(00:42):
Welcome to the Uncommon Leaderpodcast.
It's great to have you on theshow.
How are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I am so good, john.
Thank you so much for having meHappy to be here, excited to
have an incredibly inspiringconversation.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
I think we're going to.
It's actually a little bit asmuch energy as I can put
together in the conversationbecause I'm going to have to
match your energy.
I've listened to you before onanother podcast.
I've met you before, so I'mgoing to do what I can to match
that.
As I go through Barb, everytime I bring a first-time guest
on, I always ask them the samequestion getting started out,
that's to tell me a story fromyour childhood that still
impacts who you are as a leadertoday.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, so that one's really easy.
I was the little girl who didnot want to go to the toy store.
When she was little.
I wanted to go to the teachersupply store.
I have wanted to teach andtrain and help others since as
long as I can remember.
When kids were playing house oroutside, playing Barbies or
dolls or whatever they wereplaying, I was in my room
(01:38):
playing school.
I had a chalkboard in my roomand I would set up my bedroom
and I would have a grade bookand a seating chart.
I used all my friends at schoolas my students.
Then, of course, the ones Ididn't like that were mean to me
.
They always got bad grades andthey always had to be in the
time out list and all the things.
Teaching has always been in myblood.
(01:59):
Teaching and sharing andeducating and training has
always been what I wanted to domy entire life.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I love that story.
That is really cool.
So instead of going to the toystore, you went to the teacher
store.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I did, I did.
That was my favorite place togo.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So how did you end up then, moving into the space
that you're in now?
You're a motivational speaker,you are in the real estate
business, but much more thanthat in terms of what you do.
What is it about, barb?
That is different now.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, it does start in real estate.
I have a 21-year real estatecareer.
I'm a real estate broker inSouthern California.
I still own an operatorboutique real estate brokerage
with my amazing husband andbusiness partner.
We still sell real estate everyday.
In that space I got into againmy passion of teaching and
training.
I would be asked in officemeetings to teach and present on
a topic and then people wouldcome up to me after I'd be like,
(02:46):
oh my God, you need to be doingthis all the time.
I would get that feedback allthe time.
So I started listening to thata little bit more, doing it a
little bit more, ended up at avery high-level keynote speaking
in the real estate space.
Fast forward now I've taken mymessages and my methodologies
and my systems that I have beenteaching real estate agents
forever about and transitionedit into understanding that
(03:07):
business owners need to hearthis message too.
Now fast forward.
My passion is to teach, trainand educate business owners on
how to grow referrals andrevenue by leveraging authentic
relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I love that.
I think you've said that acouple of times.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, it's my jam, it's my jam.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
So leveraging authentic relationships.
What, then, is a definition ofauthentic relationship for you?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
You know that's an interesting so many people.
Authenticity is kind of abuzzword these days and I do
recognize that.
And I think authenticity isit's being real, it's being you,
it's being transparent, it'sbeing vulnerable, it's a lot of
things.
It's not one definition, butleveraging authentic
relationships to me means thatyou have built an authentic
relationship, that you areleveraging the relationships
(03:53):
that you have in your life, inyour, with your colleagues, your
neighbors, your acquaintances,your friends, your family, and
you're really deepening thoseand having real relationships
that then you build at such adeep level that you can develop
trust.
And we all know that people willnot do business with you unless
they know you, like you andtrust you.
And knowing like I feel like issomething that hopefully a lot
(04:17):
of people have in their life.
They have people that know themand like them.
But it's the gap there betweentrust that I think business
owners miss.
They think because someoneknows you and likes you, they'll
automatically trust you, andyou and I can probably both
agree that that's not true.
I know and like a lot of people.
I do not trust them all.
So it's about how do we, how dowe leverage those authentic
(04:37):
relationships to get to thattrust, because trust is where
business happens.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
So the gap in terms of what you're talking about
there and filling that in, andactually some of the barriers
that leaders, individuals,business owners face in terms of
one being aware of that gap andthe need to do it, but in your
coaching and your teaching andwhat you've done, what are some
of those things that hold themback?
What are the gaps that theyhave that can't get them there?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
with regards to trust , yeah, that's a great point and
there's.
This is where we need to firstbreak down trust into two
different categories.
I've done a lot of research onthis.
I've done a lot of thinking onthis, because they had someone
once tell me well, trust isyou're honest and you're ethical
and you show up and do what yousay you're going to do.
And it dawned on me yes, that ispart of trust, but in what
(05:21):
we're talking about, the contextwe're talking about it, trust
is broken down into personalintegrity, which is being a good
, human, ethical, honest showingup.
But just because I trust you topick me up from the airport and
that you're going to be on timeand you're going to show up
doesn't mean I trust you with mybusiness.
And that's the other part oftrust, which is the professional
(05:43):
competence.
And the thing I see businessowners lacking the most is
understanding that you can be asnice as you want to somebody,
you can be a trustworthy, honest, fun person.
But if you have not connectedthe dots in the professional
competence and given someone, asI like to say, a reason to
trust you, they're not going tonaturally trust you to do
(06:05):
business with you or, moreimportantly, trust you enough to
send their friends and familyyour way.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
You know, it sounds like I think the equation is
pretty easy Trust is equal topersonal integrity Plus.
You've got to have that plus inthere.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Professional competence.
It's not one of those one orthe other, although personal
integrity, uh, as a must haveinside of that, you'll have more
if you have the competence.
That goes as long as with that.
Now, personal integrity andtrust as you go forward.
I did some homework and kind oflistening to some of the other
presentations that you've donebefore, and you are a
self-proclaimed professionalpeople pleaser, and so those who
(06:43):
are trying to build trustthere's no doubt about it.
They're trying to please people.
So what does that mean to youas a professional people pleaser
?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Well, I used to be a professional people pleaser.
I always say being aprofessional people pleaser is
not what you want to do inbusiness.
It's what I used to do, meaningI would never tell people the
not, not the truth.
I would never lie.
I am a very honest person.
But there's a differencebetween being honest and then
saying what you really need tosay, and or having difficult
(07:12):
conversations or being able totell a client listen, you hired
me, I have 20 years ofexperience, you need to trust me
and you need to listen to methat this is how we're going to
proceed or this is the bestoption for you.
And so earlier in my career asa professional people please, I
would not be honest with people.
(07:33):
I would not have the difficultAgain.
I would always be honest, but Iwould not be saying my real
truth and I would not be sayingthe words that they didn't want
to hear or having thosedifficult conversations.
So learning to not be aprofessional people pleaser has
been a huge step in my businessand, frankly, my life.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
It's something that I had a guest on recently.
We talked about the differencein being kind and being nice,
that if you're nice, you're nottelling them everything they
need to hear.
You're still not telling themany lies, but you're trying to
make sure that they're not upsetwith you when you're done.
So you had to learn to be kind,though some truth in there,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I tell people that people because I realized this
was something I've really had torealize, like when did it shift
for me?
And I realized it was when Ibecame a real estate broker, and
a real estate broker from theperspective of the
responsibility of other agents,because now the state of
California identifies me as aresponsible broker, which means
I am responsible for all of myagents and whatever they do
(08:31):
wrong is ultimately myresponsibility.
So, as I have to correctbehavior or tell them we're not
going to do it, we're not goingto do it that way here at our
company.
I can't sugarcoat it anymore, Ican't hide behind my words
because my license is on theline.
So I've learned how to do itwith candor and care and
conviction that I'm the if youwill not expert, but I'm the
(08:54):
higher level than you and thisis what we're going to do.
Differently and frankly, if youdon't like it or respect it,
there's another company for youto be in.
And that's where I think it isspilt over into all the other
areas of life, with my friends,with my family, with my children
.
It has really, it's really beena game changer.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So let's talk about that a little bit as well.
So one is the gap yourecognized, that you may became
aware that you were the people,pleaser that you needed to have
candor in your conversation withindividuals.
What are some of thedisciplines or habits you had to
implement to overcome that,that feeling?
What was specific and how doyou teach others to do it?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
You know, I teach others to do it, and it all
starts with an authenticrelationship with yourself.
Right, it all starts with.
You know, relationships areyour superpowers kind of my
mantra, and it's three prongit's relationships with yourself
, it's relationships with othersand it's relationships in
business, and I truly believeyou cannot have a good
relationship with others unlessyou have a good relationship
(09:51):
with yourself.
And my authenticity story andjourney is really what helped me
uncover all of this is that Ididn't, prior to a couple of
years ago, have a greatrelationship with myself.
I wasn't even telling myselfwhat I needed to hear, right, I
was people pleasing myself, andso I think it all for me, begins
with really knowing who you are, what your values are, what
(10:12):
you're going to allow in yourlife and what you're not, and
learning that people are goingto treat you how.
You train them, and I wastraining people to step on me.
I was training people to use meas a doormat.
I was training people to takeadvantage of me and learning to
(10:33):
stop that and sometimes move onfrom friendships and
relationships as a result andtell people in my real estate
company we're no longer a goodfit, we're not going to do
business together anymore or aclient.
You know, for many years Iwould never fire a client Now,
not that I fire clients rarely,but if I need to, I have the
(10:54):
strength and courage to do it.
So I really think it beginswith knowing who you are, the
values and morals you stand for,and what you're going to allow
and tolerate in your life andwhat you're not.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Barbara, I like that.
I mean the word that came to mymind when you're talking about
pruning.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Some of those things in your life that really don't
need to be there, so that youcan go even further.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And I would also say I've learned it also goes to
your association's,organizations, networks, right,
there was some groups and thingsI was a part of that were no
longer serving me.
But I didn't have the courageto say I don't want to be here
anymore, because there were somepeople I really liked in the
organization or somerelationships that I had in
there and it's like, how do Iseparate?
This isn't serving me anymore,but I still like you and you
(11:35):
know, John, you're in this groupand I still.
We're going to still pivot andkeep this relationship.
But I don't need to be a part ofthis bigger group anymore
because the morals and valuesdon't serve me or I'm spending
time in areas that I don't needto be spending time in because
I'm so worried about the peopleand the judgment and all of
those things.
So I think it really is takinga full audit of your life.
(11:57):
It's the people that are inyour life, it's the where you're
spending time on your calendar.
Do those things really serveyou?
And then having the courage tosay it's just not for me anymore
and it's okay to grow out ofthings and relationships.
Even though I'm all aboutrelationships, I am the
relationship girl.
It's okay to grow from thosetwo.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
In that awareness, in that development barb of that
skill set, because I think it isa discipline, I think it is a
muscle that you have to be awareof.
I mean, whether it's positivemindset in terms of loving self
or developing a relationship,authentic relationship, with
self.
What was something thatsurprised you about yourself,
then, in terms of how you camethrough that?
(12:37):
Did you know that many of thethings that I discuss on the
Uncommon Leader podcast aresubjects that I coach other
leaders and organizations on?
If you would be interested inhaving me discuss one-on-one or
group coaching with you or knowsomeone who is looking to move
from underperforming to uncommonin their business or life, I
(12:57):
would love to chat with you.
Click the link in the shownotes to set up a free call to
discuss how coaching mightbenefit you and your team.
Now back to the show.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
That this is my mantra of when you show up, the
more authentic you are, the morerelatable you are.
My mindset shifted because Iunderstand now the humans want
to do business with real people.
When you show up authenticallyand relatable and people value
that they know they're alwaysgetting the real you.
(13:33):
They know they're getting anhonest internal response.
They know that you're notholding back, they end up
opening their arms wider to you.
They end up doing more businesswith you.
They end up leaning on you formore important things and
opportunities.
That's really what's happenedin my life.
I have friends all the timethat tell me that Barb 2.0 is so
(13:55):
much cooler than Barb 1.0.
I have a whole hair lossjourney story that go over to my
Instagram.
You'll see plenty of it.
My friends that know both thebefore me and the now me they
really will tell me we like thisversion so much better.
It's like well, what didn't youlike about the first?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
version.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
What they'll say to me is you're so much more real
now.
Not that you weren't fun before, you were fun, but it was fun
with a guard up.
I am okay saying sorry, guys,coming back from.
I go to a lot of conferencesand events and we'll go out to
dinner.
Come back to the hotel.
Everyone wants to go to the barfor that other drink.
I'm like bye, I'm out.
(14:37):
I never would have done thatbefore.
I would have gone to the bar,stopped at a bump on a log
because I'm really tired anddon't want to be there.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
It's showing you my energy.
The people pleaser, you didn'twant anybody to be there.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I was afraid to let people down.
Now I'm like bye, escape to theelevator, irish, goodbye, see
you later.
People like that because theyjust know they're getting me.
There's no other hiddenversions anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I think that in those boundaries that you said in
place, we could talk about thosefor a long time.
I think it absolutely requiresyou to be intentional then to do
that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Again back to those disciplines.
When I studied up a little bitabout some of the things that
you do, you talked about arelationship management system.
That sounds very mechanical andtactical for relationships.
What is a relationshipmanagement system and how do you
manage that?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Relationship management system is that in
business, you have to have asystematic way to approach your
relationships because if youdon't, you're not going to move
the needle forward like you wantto.
In your business, it's aboutshowing up authentically, having
these authentic relationshipswith others.
But then when you look atopportunities in our business
(15:53):
and you look at working byrelationship which is what I
teach and how to do relationshipmarketing properly you have to
have a way to manage thoserelationships.
I mean manage thoserelationships in a way that you
are utilizing some piece ofsoftware we like to call it a
client or customer relationshipmanagement system.
Crm is what most people referto it as where you have your, if
(16:14):
you will, database ofrelationships.
Now, I'm not talking a mailinglist, and I'm not talking just
because you got an email 20years ago and you're still
dripping on them and theyhaven't bought anything from you
.
It's just that you have to havea lot of people that you would
recognize in the grocery store,that you would recognize in the
airport, that you actually knowhey, that's John.
That information has to bestored somewhere In your
(16:34):
relationship management system.
It's everything about thatperson that you know.
It's not just contactinformation, but it's what are
their children's names?
What's our favorite sports team?
What's our favorite coffee?
So if you want to give them agift or think them for something
, you notice in them wine orbeer or no alcohol at all,
because they don't drink, arethey Jewish?
You need to recognize Hanukkah,all these different things
(16:55):
about people.
So you need to place the store,all that information.
And then in my world I teachthat you need to rank those
people and yeah, I rank myrelationships.
I'm like an airplane.
I've got first class people,I've got people sitting back
there in comfort plus a few flyDelta and I've got people at the
back of the plane that I don'thave the same level relationship
with.
And then it's taking thoselevels of relationship and then
(17:17):
applying a system to stay inconsistent contact with those
people, and that's what arelationship management system
helps you do it.
Make sure that you don't forgetto connect with John, because if
you don't touch base with Johnevery so often, john and you's
relationship is going to change,and if that relationship
changes, the business willchange, because maybe John was a
(17:40):
great client, maybe Johnreferred you a ton of business.
Well, if you stop connectingwith John and there's actually a
lie.
Talk about that proves thisfact.
If you stop staying in contactwith John, john is going to
forget who you are and what youdo and what your relationship
ever was.
So that's what a relationshipmanagement system helps you do.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Love that and I actually I appreciate the
creating the levels.
It does feel a lack ofsensitivity when you first hear
it, but the fact of the matteris we all have different levels
of friends that we hang out with.
We have different levels ofbusiness partners that we hang
out with customers.
However you end up wordingthose things, I know there's a
(18:20):
country song out there thattalks about you get your bar
friends and get your churchfriends, it's true, right,
friends and all those things,and you just approach each one
of those differently.
You do and you better managethat system properly you do
Leaders, listen into this,because I think you need to hear
this.
I've heard you talk about alittle bit.
How do you then get all thatinformation?
How do you I mean, how do?
It's one thing like to have theconversation right.
(18:41):
You're like hold on a second, Igot to write down the name of
your dog and things like that.
But what is the skill that youhave that you're able to get all
that and maintain at all?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah.
So one thing I do want to pointout.
Back to the rankings, these areyour rankings and your level of
relationship.
One thing I make sure allbusiness owners know is you do
not run around telling peoplewhat level they are in your
world.
This is not like a John did youknow You're only a three star
in my world, but if you did this, you might move up to a four
star.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is your database, it'syour.
(19:11):
This is just so that yousystematically know to stay in
contact with your raving fans,more often than people that
maybe aren't as much of a fan,right, okay?
So let's clarify that.
I always make sure people knowyou don't like you know, sit
down and have dinner and be likecongratulations, you moved up
to four star.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Like you're almost there.
I would imagine, as you get onthese podcasts and you do the
presentations, you probably haveto answer that question once in
a while.
You're still where am I?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Well, you know what's funny is people are like you
rank a relationship.
I'm like you don't think theairline hasn't ranked you.
You're crazy, anyways.
So how do I capture all thisinformation?
So a really great question.
I listen, I listen, I note andI recognize and I use this magic
(19:56):
little thing that we all havein the palm of our hand and it's
called a phone or my notebook.
So we were at a brand eldersgroup event together, right?
So as we are sitting at tables,as we are conversing, I am
taking notes constantly aboutpeople and things and I'm
listening for cues.
For instance, sherrell Jacksonis a great example.
(20:18):
Okay, sherrell is a greatfriend of ours at BBG.
Sherrell has Celiac disease.
She has told me that numeroustimes.
I've written that down and atthe end of the event I've come
home and I've taken that pieceof information and put it into
my client relationshipmanagement system.
Why?
Well, because Sherrell cannoteat, obviously, any gluten.
(20:42):
So if I'm going to ever, one ofmy favorite things even though
I don't eat gluten either, butone of my favorite ways to
reward people is when I do getan introduction or a connection
I immediately will typicallysend crumble cookies, because
crumble cookies come hot, theycome warm, they come fast and
there's pretty much a crumblecookies near anybody who lives
in major cities.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
But send a mile from us.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Okay.
So imagine if now, today,sherrell gives me a referral and
I send her crumble cookies.
She can't eat them.
So I have taken thatinformation, noted it in my
client relationship managementsystem so that I will never
embarrass myself and sendSherrell something that she
can't actually enjoy.
And that is a whole littlesecret sauce.
(21:25):
One little secret sauce to mywhole system is how you can
surprise and delight people byshowing you paid attention.
It could be someone at a mixeryou notice or said to you when
you said would you like a drink?
Oh, I don't drink.
Little mental note.
Put it in my notes go home,john doesn't drink.
That way I'm never going tosend John wine because that's
embarrassing, right.
(21:45):
So it's just listening, payingattention, and I always use this
example I am definitelyallergic to chocolate.
Fun fact, real fact, Iactually-.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I don't know if I could live with that allergy.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I never get contamination and I actually did
yesterday and proved to myselfI'm still allergic to it.
But anyways, do you know?
That's the number one way Iknow if someone really knows me
or they don't is the people thatsend me chocolate.
The people that send mechocolate do not know me and
have not listened to me, becauseI talk about it all the time.
Now my husband loves it, sosend all the chocolate because
he loves it when peopleaccidentally send me chocolate,
(22:18):
because he gets it.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
But these are just examples of how you can Not as
white chocolate, because Ilisten to-.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
No, I can absolutely have white chocolate.
I cannot have regular chocolate, but so, yeah.
So these are how you notice thethings you got to listen.
It's not, this is not easystuff.
Okay, this takes time, work andeffort, but I promise you, if
you start listening for cues andyou listen for special things
that people talk about that theyget really excited and
passionate about, you simplynote it down, go home and put it
(22:43):
in some kind of system, or openup your phone right there and
put it in your system you willbe amazed at the results you're
gonna get when you start showingup in their life with those
things.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Barb, I love that and I sense it.
It's like the.
It's not the reverse of thegolden rule, but it's the golden
rule, the next level.
People talk about treat peoplethe way you wanna be treated and
what you're saying is to treatpeople the way they want to be
or need to be treated withregards to those relationships.
So absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You mentioned the word to referral and I had
written this down, that I'dheard you, or I read this in one
of your articles.
You said never ask for referral.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Business leaders hold on a second listen into this
cause.
This is important because we'realways taught, whether it's in
real estate or whether it's in,you know, the sales business of
manufacturing, we're alwayslooking for something to give us
a referral.
What do you mean?
Never ask for a referral?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Yes.
So let me clarify always yes.
My mantra is if you want morereferrals, stop asking for them.
Now, what I mean by this is youare still Asking for a referral
.
The whole mindset is changingthe words you use.
Every business owner shouldwant more referrals.
(23:51):
That's all I teach is how toget more referrals via
relationships.
But the problem with the wordreferral when you tell someone
would you refer me to, do youhave any referrals for me, can
you do me a favor?
When you come across someone,will you refer them to me?
The problem with all of thosewords is typically the word
referral comes with aconnotation of what are you
(24:14):
gonna do for me?
Because you've heard ofreferral programs my dentist, if
I refer them, I get $100 off mycleaning, all the things right.
The second issue with it iswhat is a referral?
When do I know they're ready?
Are they ready to buy right now?
Are they ready to transactright now?
No, I don't wanna bother, john.
Yet they're not ready.
(24:35):
So you put it in the person'smindset of how do I know when
they're ready?
Because a referral is veryformal, right, it's like
someone's ready to do businesswith you.
What I teach instead is stopasking for referrals and start
asking for introductions andconnections instead.
Can you do me a favor, john?
(24:55):
When you come across someoneinsert what you do needs legal
advice, wants their insurancepolicy reviewed, can you
introduce me to neighbor, friend, colleague, acquaintance,
friend, family member or connectus?
So I teach a lot of times I'llsay to people can you just
(25:15):
connect us in a group textmessage and I'll take it from
there.
I'm telling you, introducingand connecting someone is
absolutely a referral.
They need you in some capacity.
But it comes with a completelydifferent connotation than a
referral.
And the other thing I've foundwith this is business owners
(25:37):
number one problem with askingfor business is they don't ask
for business because they don'tlike the way they're saying it.
And when you feel like a slimysalesperson you're not gonna ask
and then you don't get anything.
But I don't know about you whenI change those words.
Can you just introduce me?
That's easy for people to doand it doesn't sound like a
(26:00):
slimy salesperson.
It doesn't sound like I want atransaction out of this.
I'm looking for anotherrelationship and then it's my
job to take them through mysales final process, whatever it
is.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Absolutely and just said that keyword again as I
listened to the introductionthat makes that other person
feel important and it's arelationship that they have.
They don't want to makeintroductions necessarily if
they don't have a relationshipwith you or that person as well.
So I think that is verypowerful and something that I'll
keep in mind and I hope thatthe listeners do as well to take
a look back at it.
(26:34):
Well, barb, I know thatrelationships are your life.
There's no doubt about it,regardless of what industry
you're in or what you do.
I'd like to shift, as our timecomes toward the end, into
something maybe a little morefun, cause again, I think, as I
follow you on Instagram I thinkfolks I'll put the link to your
Instagram in there should followyou on Instagram and just see
how much fun you do have withher, who you are.
(26:56):
I just thought I'd ask you acouple fun questions, maybe a
little speed round, just tofigure it out.
I'm gonna guess you have akaraoke song.
What's your karaoke song thatyou sing?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
You know I don't have a karaoke song.
I have a dancing song and it's.
My friends make fun of me allthe time it's September.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Okay, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
If that song comes on , I am dancing, and I am
obnoxiously dancing.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
So we can't put a microphone in front of you to
get you to sing it there.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
I mean, I probably could try.
I mean, I sing it while I'mdancing, fair enough, fair
enough, okay, just like.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Are you a Mac person or a Windows person?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh, mac, all day long .
Speaker 1 (27:31):
That's what I've heard, that I mean, I've really
heard that I got a phone here.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
I got a phone here.
I have a Mac desktop, I have aMacBook, I have an iPad, two
iPads sitting next to me.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
All right, we're the host of a podcast as well.
We'll put a link to that.
You can tell us about that herein a minute.
Are you a list on Apple podcastor Spotify or something?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Everything Apple and Spotify.
It's everywhere, yep.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Okay, what about music?
Spotify, apple Music, which one?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Both Spotify and Apple Music.
Yeah, we use them both.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Shoot, I mean getting a like Amazon Prime.
Alexa will play all kinds ofmusic for me when I talk to you.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah Well fun fact is , what most people don't know is
Apple Music.
If you're driving in your carand you play Apple Music versus
Spotify, listen to the audiodifference.
You'll be blown away.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Big difference, huh.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Big difference, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
I might check that out, because I do have the
ability for both of those aswell.
Okay, just coming toward thehome stretch.
Barb, I know you've talkedabout a couple of mantras, but I
want to ask you more kind ofthe personal side within those
relationships.
I'm going to give you abillboard.
You can put it anywhere youwant, to Southern California,
which is going to be a lot offolks who are going to see it.
What are you going to put onthat billboard?
(28:37):
I get just one, get one shot atit, and why do you put that
message on there?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I'm going to put.
Great relationships aren'tbuilt in a day.
Great relationships are builtdaily.
See, ooh, that might be a lotof words to read.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
I'm in a day, but daily not.
Oh, I can't write that fastright.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
It's the mindset of you know, people think that they
meet someone one time andthat's it.
They took my bestest card.
They're going to send me people.
No, they're not.
No, they're not this is a dailyactivity.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
That's a very intentional relationship.
Yeah, love that, and I'm surethat's how you move them from
one to two.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
That is absolutely how I move you through, for sure
.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Very cool.
Barb, thank you for your timetoday.
How can folks stay in touchwith you, because I know they're
going to want to hear more from?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
you?
Yeah, thank you for that.
Well, I love Instagram morethan anything, so I'm very
active over on Instagram.
Although I'm active on all thesocial platforms, I'm Barb Beths
almost everywhere, super easyto find.
I do have a website you can goto for information on speaking
and training and everything else.
And then I have a great podcast, relationships Are your
Superpower, where we talk allthings relationships with
yourself, with others and inbusiness.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Excellent, Barb.
Thanks again for investing sometime with the listeners of the
Uncommon Leader Podcast.
I wish you the best, okay.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Thank you, John.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Well, that's all for today's episode of the Uncommon
Leader Podcast.
Thanks for listening in.
Please take just a minute toshare this podcast with that
someone you know that youthought of when you heard this
episode.
One of the most valuable thingsyou can do is to rate the
podcast and leave a review.
You can do that on ApplePodcasts or you can rate the
podcast on Spotify or any otherplatform you listen.
Click the link in the shownotes to set up a free call to
(30:27):
discuss how coaching mightbenefit you and your team.
Until next time, go and growchamps.
Hey, uncommon Leaders , welcome back.
This is the Uncommon Leaderpodcast and I'm your host, john
Gallagher.
In today's episode, I had thepleasure of speaking with Barb
Betz, a sought-after keynotespeaker and the CEO of a
thriving boutique real estatebrokerage in Southern California
.
Barb's superpower lies inrelationship management and
authentic networking, and todayshe unveils her secrets to
(00:21):
building meaningful connectionsthat lead to better
relationships and leadershipsuccess.
Barb's high level of energy issure to inspire you, and she
will equip you with practicaltools for navigating the often
overlooked world of relationshipmarketing.
Let's get started, barb Betz.
(00:42):
Welcome to the Uncommon Leaderpodcast.
It's great to have you on theshow.
How are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:47):
I am so good, john.
Thank you so much for having meHappy to be here, excited to
have an incredibly inspiringconversation.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
I think we're going to.
It's actually a little bit asmuch energy as I can put
together in the conversationbecause I'm going to have to
match your energy.
I've listened to you before onanother podcast.
I've met you before, so I'mgoing to do what I can to match
that.
As I go through Barb, everytime I bring a first-time guest
on, I always ask them the samequestion getting started out,
that's to tell me a story fromyour childhood that still
impacts who you are as a leadertoday.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Yeah, so that one's really easy.
I was the little girl who didnot want to go to the toy store.
When she was little.
I wanted to go to the teachersupply store.
I have wanted to teach andtrain and help others since as
long as I can remember.
When kids were playing house oroutside, playing Barbies or
dolls or whatever they wereplaying, I was in my room
(01:38):
playing school.
I had a chalkboard in my roomand I would set up my bedroom
and I would have a grade bookand a seating chart.
I used all my friends at schoolas my students.
Then, of course, the ones Ididn't like that were mean to me
.
They always got bad grades andthey always had to be in the
time out list and all the things.
Teaching has always been in myblood.
(01:59):
Teaching and sharing andeducating and training has
always been what I wanted to domy entire life.
Speaker 1 (02:03):
I love that story.
That is really cool.
So instead of going to the toystore, you went to the teacher
store.
Speaker 2 (02:09):
I did, I did.
That was my favorite place togo.
Speaker 1 (02:12):
So how did you end up then, moving into the space
that you're in now?
You're a motivational speaker,you are in the real estate
business, but much more thanthat in terms of what you do.
What is it about, barb?
That is different now.
Speaker 2 (02:25):
Well, it does start in real estate.
I have a 21-year real estatecareer.
I'm a real estate broker inSouthern California.
I still own an operatorboutique real estate brokerage
with my amazing husband andbusiness partner.
We still sell real estate everyday.
In that space I got into againmy passion of teaching and
training.
I would be asked in officemeetings to teach and present on
a topic and then people wouldcome up to me after I'd be like,
(02:46):
oh my God, you need to be doingthis all the time.
I would get that feedback allthe time.
So I started listening to thata little bit more, doing it a
little bit more, ended up at avery high-level keynote speaking
in the real estate space.
Fast forward now I've taken mymessages and my methodologies
and my systems that I have beenteaching real estate agents
forever about and transitionedit into understanding that
(03:07):
business owners need to hearthis message too.
Now fast forward.
My passion is to teach, trainand educate business owners on
how to grow referrals andrevenue by leveraging authentic
relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:20):
I love that.
I think you've said that acouple of times.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, it's my jam, it's my jam.
Speaker 1 (03:26):
So leveraging authentic relationships.
What, then, is a definition ofauthentic relationship for you?
Speaker 2 (03:33):
You know that's an interesting so many people.
Authenticity is kind of abuzzword these days and I do
recognize that.
And I think authenticity isit's being real, it's being you,
it's being transparent, it'sbeing vulnerable, it's a lot of
things.
It's not one definition, butleveraging authentic
relationships to me means thatyou have built an authentic
relationship, that you areleveraging the relationships
(03:53):
that you have in your life, inyour, with your colleagues, your
neighbors, your acquaintances,your friends, your family, and
you're really deepening thoseand having real relationships
that then you build at such adeep level that you can develop
trust.
And we all know that people willnot do business with you unless
they know you, like you andtrust you.
And knowing like I feel like issomething that hopefully a lot
(04:17):
of people have in their life.
They have people that know themand like them.
But it's the gap there betweentrust that I think business
owners miss.
They think because someoneknows you and likes you, they'll
automatically trust you, andyou and I can probably both
agree that that's not true.
I know and like a lot of people.
I do not trust them all.
So it's about how do we, how dowe leverage those authentic
(04:37):
relationships to get to thattrust, because trust is where
business happens.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
So the gap in terms of what you're talking about
there and filling that in, andactually some of the barriers
that leaders, individuals,business owners face in terms of
one being aware of that gap andthe need to do it, but in your
coaching and your teaching andwhat you've done, what are some
of those things that hold themback?
What are the gaps that theyhave that can't get them there?
Speaker 2 (05:00):
with regards to trust , yeah, that's a great point and
there's.
This is where we need to firstbreak down trust into two
different categories.
I've done a lot of research onthis.
I've done a lot of thinking onthis, because they had someone
once tell me well, trust isyou're honest and you're ethical
and you show up and do what yousay you're going to do.
And it dawned on me yes, that ispart of trust, but in what
(05:21):
we're talking about, the contextwe're talking about it, trust
is broken down into personalintegrity, which is being a good
, human, ethical, honest showingup.
But just because I trust you topick me up from the airport and
that you're going to be on timeand you're going to show up
doesn't mean I trust you with mybusiness.
And that's the other part oftrust, which is the professional
(05:43):
competence.
And the thing I see businessowners lacking the most is
understanding that you can be asnice as you want to somebody,
you can be a trustworthy, honest, fun person.
But if you have not connectedthe dots in the professional
competence and given someone, asI like to say, a reason to
trust you, they're not going tonaturally trust you to do
(06:05):
business with you or, moreimportantly, trust you enough to
send their friends and familyyour way.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
You know, it sounds like I think the equation is
pretty easy Trust is equal topersonal integrity Plus.
You've got to have that plus inthere.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Professional competence.
It's not one of those one orthe other, although personal
integrity, uh, as a must haveinside of that, you'll have more
if you have the competence.
That goes as long as with that.
Now, personal integrity andtrust as you go forward.
I did some homework and kind oflistening to some of the other
presentations that you've donebefore, and you are a
self-proclaimed professionalpeople pleaser, and so those who
(06:43):
are trying to build trustthere's no doubt about it.
They're trying to please people.
So what does that mean to youas a professional people pleaser
?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
Well, I used to be a professional people pleaser.
I always say being aprofessional people pleaser is
not what you want to do inbusiness.
It's what I used to do, meaningI would never tell people the
not, not the truth.
I would never lie.
I am a very honest person.
But there's a differencebetween being honest and then
saying what you really need tosay, and or having difficult
(07:12):
conversations or being able totell a client listen, you hired
me, I have 20 years ofexperience, you need to trust me
and you need to listen to methat this is how we're going to
proceed or this is the bestoption for you.
And so earlier in my career asa professional people please, I
would not be honest with people.
(07:33):
I would not have the difficultAgain.
I would always be honest, but Iwould not be saying my real
truth and I would not be sayingthe words that they didn't want
to hear or having thosedifficult conversations.
So learning to not be aprofessional people pleaser has
been a huge step in my businessand, frankly, my life.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
It's something that I had a guest on recently.
We talked about the differencein being kind and being nice,
that if you're nice, you're nottelling them everything they
need to hear.
You're still not telling themany lies, but you're trying to
make sure that they're not upsetwith you when you're done.
So you had to learn to be kind,though some truth in there,
yeah.
Speaker 2 (08:09):
I tell people that people because I realized this
was something I've really had torealize, like when did it shift
for me?
And I realized it was when Ibecame a real estate broker, and
a real estate broker from theperspective of the
responsibility of other agents,because now the state of
California identifies me as aresponsible broker, which means
I am responsible for all of myagents and whatever they do
(08:31):
wrong is ultimately myresponsibility.
So, as I have to correctbehavior or tell them we're not
going to do it, we're not goingto do it that way here at our
company.
I can't sugarcoat it anymore, Ican't hide behind my words
because my license is on theline.
So I've learned how to do itwith candor and care and
conviction that I'm the if youwill not expert, but I'm the
(08:54):
higher level than you and thisis what we're going to do.
Differently and frankly, if youdon't like it or respect it,
there's another company for youto be in.
And that's where I think it isspilt over into all the other
areas of life, with my friends,with my family, with my children
.
It has really, it's really beena game changer.
Speaker 1 (09:11):
So let's talk about that a little bit as well.
So one is the gap yourecognized, that you may became
aware that you were the people,pleaser that you needed to have
candor in your conversation withindividuals.
What are some of thedisciplines or habits you had to
implement to overcome that,that feeling?
What was specific and how doyou teach others to do it?
Speaker 2 (09:31):
You know, I teach others to do it, and it all
starts with an authenticrelationship with yourself.
Right, it all starts with.
You know, relationships areyour superpowers kind of my
mantra, and it's three prongit's relationships with yourself
, it's relationships with othersand it's relationships in
business, and I truly believeyou cannot have a good
relationship with others unlessyou have a good relationship
(09:51):
with yourself.
And my authenticity story andjourney is really what helped me
uncover all of this is that Ididn't, prior to a couple of
years ago, have a greatrelationship with myself.
I wasn't even telling myselfwhat I needed to hear, right, I
was people pleasing myself, andso I think it all for me, begins
with really knowing who you are, what your values are, what
(10:12):
you're going to allow in yourlife and what you're not, and
learning that people are goingto treat you how.
You train them, and I wastraining people to step on me.
I was training people to use meas a doormat.
I was training people to takeadvantage of me and learning to
(10:33):
stop that and sometimes move onfrom friendships and
relationships as a result andtell people in my real estate
company we're no longer a goodfit, we're not going to do
business together anymore or aclient.
You know, for many years Iwould never fire a client Now,
not that I fire clients rarely,but if I need to, I have the
(10:54):
strength and courage to do it.
So I really think it beginswith knowing who you are, the
values and morals you stand for,and what you're going to allow
and tolerate in your life andwhat you're not.
Speaker 1 (11:03):
Barbara, I like that.
I mean the word that came to mymind when you're talking about
pruning.
Speaker 2 (11:08):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (11:09):
Some of those things in your life that really don't
need to be there, so that youcan go even further.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And I would also say I've learned it also goes to
your association's,organizations, networks, right,
there was some groups and thingsI was a part of that were no
longer serving me.
But I didn't have the courageto say I don't want to be here
anymore, because there were somepeople I really liked in the
organization or somerelationships that I had in
there and it's like, how do Iseparate?
This isn't serving me anymore,but I still like you and you
(11:35):
know, John, you're in this groupand I still.
We're going to still pivot andkeep this relationship.
But I don't need to be a part ofthis bigger group anymore
because the morals and valuesdon't serve me or I'm spending
time in areas that I don't needto be spending time in because
I'm so worried about the peopleand the judgment and all of
those things.
So I think it really is takinga full audit of your life.
(11:57):
It's the people that are inyour life, it's the where you're
spending time on your calendar.
Do those things really serveyou?
And then having the courage tosay it's just not for me anymore
and it's okay to grow out ofthings and relationships.
Even though I'm all aboutrelationships, I am the
relationship girl.
It's okay to grow from thosetwo.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
In that awareness, in that development barb of that
skill set, because I think it isa discipline, I think it is a
muscle that you have to be awareof.
I mean, whether it's positivemindset in terms of loving self
or developing a relationship,authentic relationship, with
self.
What was something thatsurprised you about yourself,
then, in terms of how you camethrough that?
(12:37):
Did you know that many of thethings that I discuss on the
Uncommon Leader podcast aresubjects that I coach other
leaders and organizations on?
If you would be interested inhaving me discuss one-on-one or
group coaching with you or knowsomeone who is looking to move
from underperforming to uncommonin their business or life, I
(12:57):
would love to chat with you.
Click the link in the shownotes to set up a free call to
discuss how coaching mightbenefit you and your team.
Now back to the show.
Speaker 2 (13:11):
That this is my mantra of when you show up, the
more authentic you are, the morerelatable you are.
My mindset shifted because Iunderstand now the humans want
to do business with real people.
When you show up authenticallyand relatable and people value
that they know they're alwaysgetting the real you.
(13:33):
They know they're getting anhonest internal response.
They know that you're notholding back, they end up
opening their arms wider to you.
They end up doing more businesswith you.
They end up leaning on you formore important things and
opportunities.
That's really what's happenedin my life.
I have friends all the timethat tell me that Barb 2.0 is so
(13:55):
much cooler than Barb 1.0.
I have a whole hair lossjourney story that go over to my
Instagram.
You'll see plenty of it.
My friends that know both thebefore me and the now me they
really will tell me we like thisversion so much better.
It's like well, what didn't youlike about the first?
Speaker 1 (14:15):
version.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
What they'll say to me is you're so much more real
now.
Not that you weren't fun before, you were fun, but it was fun
with a guard up.
I am okay saying sorry, guys,coming back from.
I go to a lot of conferencesand events and we'll go out to
dinner.
Come back to the hotel.
Everyone wants to go to the barfor that other drink.
I'm like bye, I'm out.
(14:37):
I never would have done thatbefore.
I would have gone to the bar,stopped at a bump on a log
because I'm really tired anddon't want to be there.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
It's showing you my energy.
The people pleaser, you didn'twant anybody to be there.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
I was afraid to let people down.
Now I'm like bye, escape to theelevator, irish, goodbye, see
you later.
People like that because theyjust know they're getting me.
There's no other hiddenversions anymore.
Speaker 1 (14:59):
I think that in those boundaries that you said in
place, we could talk about thosefor a long time.
I think it absolutely requiresyou to be intentional then to do
that.
Speaker 2 (15:10):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (15:11):
Again back to those disciplines.
When I studied up a little bitabout some of the things that
you do, you talked about arelationship management system.
That sounds very mechanical andtactical for relationships.
What is a relationshipmanagement system and how do you
manage that?
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Relationship management system is that in
business, you have to have asystematic way to approach your
relationships because if youdon't, you're not going to move
the needle forward like you wantto.
In your business, it's aboutshowing up authentically, having
these authentic relationshipswith others.
But then when you look atopportunities in our business
(15:53):
and you look at working byrelationship which is what I
teach and how to do relationshipmarketing properly you have to
have a way to manage thoserelationships.
I mean manage thoserelationships in a way that you
are utilizing some piece ofsoftware we like to call it a
client or customer relationshipmanagement system.
Crm is what most people referto it as where you have your, if
(16:14):
you will, database ofrelationships.
Now, I'm not talking a mailinglist, and I'm not talking just
because you got an email 20years ago and you're still
dripping on them and theyhaven't bought anything from you
.
It's just that you have to havea lot of people that you would
recognize in the grocery store,that you would recognize in the
airport, that you actually knowhey, that's John.
That information has to bestored somewhere In your
(16:34):
relationship management system.
It's everything about thatperson that you know.
It's not just contactinformation, but it's what are
their children's names?
What's our favorite sports team?
What's our favorite coffee?
So if you want to give them agift or think them for something
, you notice in them wine orbeer or no alcohol at all,
because they don't drink, arethey Jewish?
You need to recognize Hanukkah,all these different things
(16:55):
about people.
So you need to place the store,all that information.
And then in my world I teachthat you need to rank those
people and yeah, I rank myrelationships.
I'm like an airplane.
I've got first class people,I've got people sitting back
there in comfort plus a few flyDelta and I've got people at the
back of the plane that I don'thave the same level relationship
with.
And then it's taking thoselevels of relationship and then
(17:17):
applying a system to stay inconsistent contact with those
people, and that's what arelationship management system
helps you do it.
Make sure that you don't forgetto connect with John, because if
you don't touch base with Johnevery so often, john and you's
relationship is going to change,and if that relationship
changes, the business willchange, because maybe John was a
(17:40):
great client, maybe Johnreferred you a ton of business.
Well, if you stop connectingwith John and there's actually a
lie.
Talk about that proves thisfact.
If you stop staying in contactwith John, john is going to
forget who you are and what youdo and what your relationship
ever was.
So that's what a relationshipmanagement system helps you do.
Speaker 1 (17:59):
Love that and I actually I appreciate the
creating the levels.
It does feel a lack ofsensitivity when you first hear
it, but the fact of the matteris we all have different levels
of friends that we hang out with.
We have different levels ofbusiness partners that we hang
out with customers.
However you end up wordingthose things, I know there's a
(18:20):
country song out there thattalks about you get your bar
friends and get your churchfriends, it's true, right,
friends and all those things,and you just approach each one
of those differently.
You do and you better managethat system properly you do
Leaders, listen into this,because I think you need to hear
this.
I've heard you talk about alittle bit.
How do you then get all thatinformation?
How do you I mean, how do?
It's one thing like to have theconversation right.
(18:41):
You're like hold on a second, Igot to write down the name of
your dog and things like that.
But what is the skill that youhave that you're able to get all
that and maintain at all?
Speaker 2 (18:50):
Yeah.
So one thing I do want to pointout.
Back to the rankings, these areyour rankings and your level of
relationship.
One thing I make sure allbusiness owners know is you do
not run around telling peoplewhat level they are in your
world.
This is not like a John did youknow You're only a three star
in my world, but if you did this, you might move up to a four
star.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is your database, it'syour.
(19:11):
This is just so that yousystematically know to stay in
contact with your raving fans,more often than people that
maybe aren't as much of a fan,right, okay?
So let's clarify that.
I always make sure people knowyou don't like you know, sit
down and have dinner and be likecongratulations, you moved up
to four star.
Speaker 1 (19:28):
Like you're almost there.
I would imagine, as you get onthese podcasts and you do the
presentations, you probably haveto answer that question once in
a while.
You're still where am I?
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Well, you know what's funny is people are like you
rank a relationship.
I'm like you don't think theairline hasn't ranked you.
You're crazy, anyways.
So how do I capture all thisinformation?
So a really great question.
I listen, I listen, I note andI recognize and I use this magic
(19:56):
little thing that we all havein the palm of our hand and it's
called a phone or my notebook.
So we were at a brand eldersgroup event together, right?
So as we are sitting at tables,as we are conversing, I am
taking notes constantly aboutpeople and things and I'm
listening for cues.
For instance, sherrell Jacksonis a great example.
(20:18):
Okay, sherrell is a greatfriend of ours at BBG.
Sherrell has Celiac disease.
She has told me that numeroustimes.
I've written that down and atthe end of the event I've come
home and I've taken that pieceof information and put it into
my client relationshipmanagement system.
Why?
Well, because Sherrell cannoteat, obviously, any gluten.
(20:42):
So if I'm going to ever, one ofmy favorite things even though
I don't eat gluten either, butone of my favorite ways to
reward people is when I do getan introduction or a connection
I immediately will typicallysend crumble cookies, because
crumble cookies come hot, theycome warm, they come fast and
there's pretty much a crumblecookies near anybody who lives
in major cities.
Speaker 1 (21:01):
But send a mile from us.
Speaker 2 (21:03):
Okay.
So imagine if now, today,sherrell gives me a referral and
I send her crumble cookies.
She can't eat them.
So I have taken thatinformation, noted it in my
client relationship managementsystem so that I will never
embarrass myself and sendSherrell something that she
can't actually enjoy.
And that is a whole littlesecret sauce.
(21:25):
One little secret sauce to mywhole system is how you can
surprise and delight people byshowing you paid attention.
It could be someone at a mixeryou notice or said to you when
you said would you like a drink?
Oh, I don't drink.
Little mental note.
Put it in my notes go home,john doesn't drink.
That way I'm never going tosend John wine because that's
embarrassing, right.
(21:45):
So it's just listening, payingattention, and I always use this
example I am definitelyallergic to chocolate.
Fun fact, real fact, Iactually-.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
I don't know if I could live with that allergy.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I never get contamination and I actually did
yesterday and proved to myselfI'm still allergic to it.
But anyways, do you know?
That's the number one way Iknow if someone really knows me
or they don't is the people thatsend me chocolate.
The people that send mechocolate do not know me and
have not listened to me, becauseI talk about it all the time.
Now my husband loves it, sosend all the chocolate because
he loves it when peopleaccidentally send me chocolate,
(22:18):
because he gets it.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
But these are just examples of how you can Not as
white chocolate, because Ilisten to-.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
No, I can absolutely have white chocolate.
I cannot have regular chocolate, but so, yeah.
So these are how you notice thethings you got to listen.
It's not, this is not easystuff.
Okay, this takes time, work andeffort, but I promise you, if
you start listening for cues andyou listen for special things
that people talk about that theyget really excited and
passionate about, you simplynote it down, go home and put it
(22:43):
in some kind of system, or openup your phone right there and
put it in your system you willbe amazed at the results you're
gonna get when you start showingup in their life with those
things.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
Barb, I love that and I sense it.
It's like the.
It's not the reverse of thegolden rule, but it's the golden
rule, the next level.
People talk about treat peoplethe way you wanna be treated and
what you're saying is to treatpeople the way they want to be
or need to be treated withregards to those relationships.
So absolutely.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:09):
You mentioned the word to referral and I had
written this down, that I'dheard you, or I read this in one
of your articles.
You said never ask for referral.
Speaker 2 (23:16):
Yep.
Speaker 1 (23:17):
Business leaders hold on a second listen into this
cause.
This is important because we'realways taught, whether it's in
real estate or whether it's in,you know, the sales business of
manufacturing, we're alwayslooking for something to give us
a referral.
What do you mean?
Never ask for a referral?
Speaker 2 (23:30):
Yes.
So let me clarify always yes.
My mantra is if you want morereferrals, stop asking for them.
Now, what I mean by this is youare still Asking for a referral
.
The whole mindset is changingthe words you use.
Every business owner shouldwant more referrals.
(23:51):
That's all I teach is how toget more referrals via
relationships.
But the problem with the wordreferral when you tell someone
would you refer me to, do youhave any referrals for me, can
you do me a favor?
When you come across someone,will you refer them to me?
The problem with all of thosewords is typically the word
referral comes with aconnotation of what are you
(24:14):
gonna do for me?
Because you've heard ofreferral programs my dentist, if
I refer them, I get $100 off mycleaning, all the things right.
The second issue with it iswhat is a referral?
When do I know they're ready?
Are they ready to buy right now?
Are they ready to transactright now?
No, I don't wanna bother, john.
Yet they're not ready.
(24:35):
So you put it in the person'smindset of how do I know when
they're ready?
Because a referral is veryformal, right, it's like
someone's ready to do businesswith you.
What I teach instead is stopasking for referrals and start
asking for introductions andconnections instead.
Can you do me a favor, john?
(24:55):
When you come across someoneinsert what you do needs legal
advice, wants their insurancepolicy reviewed, can you
introduce me to neighbor, friend, colleague, acquaintance,
friend, family member or connectus?
So I teach a lot of times I'llsay to people can you just
(25:15):
connect us in a group textmessage and I'll take it from
there.
I'm telling you, introducingand connecting someone is
absolutely a referral.
They need you in some capacity.
But it comes with a completelydifferent connotation than a
referral.
And the other thing I've foundwith this is business owners
(25:37):
number one problem with askingfor business is they don't ask
for business because they don'tlike the way they're saying it.
And when you feel like a slimysalesperson you're not gonna ask
and then you don't get anything.
But I don't know about you whenI change those words.
Can you just introduce me?
That's easy for people to doand it doesn't sound like a
(26:00):
slimy salesperson.
It doesn't sound like I want atransaction out of this.
I'm looking for anotherrelationship and then it's my
job to take them through mysales final process, whatever it
is.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
Absolutely and just said that keyword again as I
listened to the introductionthat makes that other person
feel important and it's arelationship that they have.
They don't want to makeintroductions necessarily if
they don't have a relationshipwith you or that person as well.
So I think that is verypowerful and something that I'll
keep in mind and I hope thatthe listeners do as well to take
a look back at it.
(26:34):
Well, barb, I know thatrelationships are your life.
There's no doubt about it,regardless of what industry
you're in or what you do.
I'd like to shift, as our timecomes toward the end, into
something maybe a little morefun, cause again, I think, as I
follow you on Instagram I thinkfolks I'll put the link to your
Instagram in there should followyou on Instagram and just see
how much fun you do have withher, who you are.
(26:56):
I just thought I'd ask you acouple fun questions, maybe a
little speed round, just tofigure it out.
I'm gonna guess you have akaraoke song.
What's your karaoke song thatyou sing?
Speaker 2 (27:05):
You know I don't have a karaoke song.
I have a dancing song and it's.
My friends make fun of me allthe time it's September.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
Okay, I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
If that song comes on , I am dancing, and I am
obnoxiously dancing.
Speaker 1 (27:18):
So we can't put a microphone in front of you to
get you to sing it there.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
I mean, I probably could try.
I mean, I sing it while I'mdancing, fair enough, fair
enough, okay, just like.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
Are you a Mac person or a Windows person?
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Oh, mac, all day long .
Speaker 1 (27:31):
That's what I've heard, that I mean, I've really
heard that I got a phone here.
Speaker 2 (27:35):
I got a phone here.
I have a Mac desktop, I have aMacBook, I have an iPad, two
iPads sitting next to me.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
All right, we're the host of a podcast as well.
We'll put a link to that.
You can tell us about that herein a minute.
Are you a list on Apple podcastor Spotify or something?
Speaker 2 (27:47):
Everything Apple and Spotify.
It's everywhere, yep.
Speaker 1 (27:50):
Okay, what about music?
Spotify, apple Music, which one?
Speaker 2 (27:55):
Both Spotify and Apple Music.
Yeah, we use them both.
Speaker 1 (28:00):
Shoot, I mean getting a like Amazon Prime.
Alexa will play all kinds ofmusic for me when I talk to you.
Speaker 2 (28:04):
Yeah Well fun fact is , what most people don't know is
Apple Music.
If you're driving in your carand you play Apple Music versus
Spotify, listen to the audiodifference.
You'll be blown away.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
Big difference, huh.
Speaker 2 (28:14):
Big difference, yeah.
Speaker 1 (28:15):
I might check that out, because I do have the
ability for both of those aswell.
Okay, just coming toward thehome stretch.
Barb, I know you've talkedabout a couple of mantras, but I
want to ask you more kind ofthe personal side within those
relationships.
I'm going to give you abillboard.
You can put it anywhere youwant, to Southern California,
which is going to be a lot offolks who are going to see it.
What are you going to put onthat billboard?
(28:37):
I get just one, get one shot atit, and why do you put that
message on there?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
I'm going to put.
Great relationships aren'tbuilt in a day.
Great relationships are builtdaily.
See, ooh, that might be a lotof words to read.
Speaker 1 (28:53):
I'm in a day, but daily not.
Oh, I can't write that fastright.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
It's the mindset of you know, people think that they
meet someone one time andthat's it.
They took my bestest card.
They're going to send me people.
No, they're not.
No, they're not this is a dailyactivity.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
That's a very intentional relationship.
Yeah, love that, and I'm surethat's how you move them from
one to two.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
That is absolutely how I move you through, for sure
.
Speaker 1 (29:20):
Very cool.
Barb, thank you for your timetoday.
How can folks stay in touchwith you, because I know they're
going to want to hear more from?
Speaker 2 (29:26):
you?
Yeah, thank you for that.
Well, I love Instagram morethan anything, so I'm very
active over on Instagram.
Although I'm active on all thesocial platforms, I'm Barb Beths
almost everywhere, super easyto find.
I do have a website you can goto for information on speaking
and training and everything else.
And then I have a great podcast, relationships Are your
Superpower, where we talk allthings relationships with
yourself, with others and inbusiness.
Speaker 1 (29:47):
Excellent, Barb.
Thanks again for investing sometime with the listeners of the
Uncommon Leader Podcast.
I wish you the best, okay.
Speaker 2 (29:52):
Thank you, John.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Well, that's all for today's episode of the Uncommon
Leader Podcast.
Thanks for listening in.
Please take just a minute toshare this podcast with that
someone you know that youthought of when you heard this
episode.
One of the most valuable thingsyou can do is to rate the
podcast and leave a review.
You can do that on ApplePodcasts or you can rate the
podcast on Spotify or any otherplatform you listen.
Click the link in the shownotes to set up a free call to
(30:27):
discuss how coaching mightbenefit you and your team.
Until next time, go and growchamps.
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