October 17, 2024 • 58 mins
Join me for a candid conversation about personal freedom, authenticity, and transformation.
In this episode, I dive into the journey of embracing one’s sexual identity and how platforms like OnlyFans can empower creators with Jonathan Jackson.
He addresses common misconceptions, particularly around male sexuality, and explains how creators on these platforms maintain control over their content and boundaries, promoting both autonomy and self-expression.
We also explore the process of self-discovery and healing, especially in environments where being true to oneself can be difficult. We’ll talk about how suppressing your identity can affect your mental and physical health, and share personal stories of overcoming these obstacles. You’ll discover the deep connection between self-identity and sexual energy, and how experiencing genuine love and pleasure can lead to a more fulfilling life.
Finally, we discuss the stigmas surrounding the sex industry, shedding light on the liberating aspects of platforms like OnlyFans. We discuss the entrepreneurial skills needed to succeed, the importance of maintaining personal boundaries, and how to prioritize mental well-being.
This episode offers a compassionate and insightful perspective on intimacy, sex, and the power of self-acceptance.
If ever you'd like to connect, please don't hesitate to connect via my website www.jamiewhite.com.
I am always open to feedback, reflections, guest / subject recommendations and anything else that might come up.
Thank you for listening, Jamie x
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
So I'm going to ask you the real cliche question are
you ready?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
How do you tell aunts , uncles, conservative family
and friends what you do?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
You don't?
No, I'm just kidding.
Well, mainly for now it's beenI'm so proud of what I do, I'm
so happy that I've chose it.
I haven't expressed fully tofamily members not all family
members about what it is thatI'm doing.
(00:30):
Um, not that there's any shamein it, it's just that I almost
want to.
It obviously comes with its ownkind of identity and I just
want to be patient with it.
Um, in terms of, like you know,my cousins or close friends,
I've kind of had to be like,okay, to sit down, I am doing
(00:52):
OnlyFans and you know it's notwhat you think it is, but it
isn't.
At the same time, but it'smainly been a place where I've
been able to finally feel reallyempowered about my sexuality.
I feel free, I feel it's beenreally self self-healing, it's
(01:14):
been really amazing for me it'ssuch a.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
It's such a, I'd say, a confronting or contrasting
thought for you to be saying,hey look, my journey into
OnlyFans has been reallyself-healing, yeah, and
confidence building, but mostpeople be like wait a second now
.
Is this not like?
Are you not traumatizingyourself for life and cutting
yourself off from all theopportunities life has to
present to you?
Yeah, and you would say no Iwould.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I would say no, yeah, and I think what I'm learning
right, I've just, I've justFans.
I'm not even a year in, I'm onthere and I'm quite bold about
everything that I do.
And you know, even before Istarted, I was like I want to
make sure that I know what I'mdoing, and I've always been that
(02:00):
way.
I'm like I want to know thatthe decision I'm making is the
right one and it's the right onefor me.
You know, and it's like I'verun it over in my mind, I've
gone over it and I thought aboutit, thought about it, pondered
on it, and I'm like I know thatthis is, this is meant for me,
this is actually what I'm meantto be doing, which sounds really
wild, I know no, but as youshare that, there's almost like
(02:20):
a radiant energy, yeah, likes ofwhich, like we, we so associate
, like you're passionate aboutwhat you do.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Yeah, it feels good, it's aligning and it's actually
helping.
Whatever is inside blossom outyeah so when you, when you were
talking to like cousins andstuff, and you were like it's
not what you think, yeah likewhen you're, if you were to
describe hey look, this is whatmost people think it is yeah
actually.
Here's what it really is.
What would that look like foryou?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I guess it's more along the lines of just being
like you're.
It's up to you to show how muchyou want to show, it's up to
you to do as much as you want todo.
Right, so technically, you'reyour own business on there and
um, you're selling your ownpackages or your own deals,
whatever the case is, and welove the product yeah, right, so
(03:11):
I'm not, I'm not my own packagedeal, um, and but again, you
get to call those shots, you getto push it to whatever extent
you're you are comfortable with.
It's all about your owncomfortability within your space
that you're making Right, um,and so what it looks like is I'm
just expressing myself sexually, by the way, which I've never,
(03:38):
I've never, really ever beenable to do, which now I feel
like that.
That radiance that you'retalking about is that part of me
that's coming out, which now Ifeel like that, that radiance
that you're talking about isthat part of me that's coming
out sorry, I would say.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Few men are ever able to express themselves sexually
that is it's.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
It's so understood.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yes, absolutely and so when you're sharing that,
like, what is it to expressyourself sexually?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
oh, my god.
I mean, obviously there's somuch that we're taught to be
like, ashamed of that.
We're taught to be like.
You know me as a gay man andalso growing up in the south,
those are two.
Those are things that don'treally, they don't go along
right, and so I've just alwaysbeen taught to be ashamed of so
(04:20):
much of my own sexual identity,which I never really got to
explore.
You know how much of a sexualbeing I am.
It wasn't until my mid to late20s that that started to unravel
, and that was when I, you know,I had I'd moved here, where we,
where we live, and I starteddoing healing within myself and
(04:42):
through that it was like thisawakening of all this sexual
energy that was coming throughmy body that I literally never
knew existed.
I didn't know it was there, andthroughout the years, you know,
like in relationships and thenjust on my own, I started
exploring it more and thenrealizing like I I'm starting to
(05:05):
heal, even with my ownencounters with other partners
you know, even when I'm justexploring my own body within
myself, giving myself thepermission to do that let me
rewind there, because
Speaker 1 (05:15):
there's so much that you're sharing.
So one.
What I'm hearing is that likeokay, yeah, we as men, we grow
up and there's a lot of shame,like whether it's covering up in
the showers and covering upyour body, whether there's a
huge amount of comparing andcontrasting we always hear about
, like how there's so much fatshaming and stuff from female
world but, that all goes on as aman.
(05:36):
A man too and you become very,very complicated with regards to
your body, with regards to yourhead, also, what's attractive,
what's not.
And what I'm hearing from youis that, like when you came to
bali, you had time to actuallyjust sit with yourself a little
bit and figure yourself out alittle bit and you said, okay,
as a gay man, in terms of yoursexuality, would that have come?
(05:58):
Was that still, let's say, upfor grabs?
Yeah, pre coming to bali, yousaid like mid to late 20s, or
had you been like no, no, no,I'm definitely gay.
When does that come into theequation?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I had always known I was gay.
I had always known I was gayand then I really put the label
on it, you know, after highschool.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
So that was, that was like 2010 okay, so for whatever
, and I, I don't want to put acouple words on there, but that
was actually.
That's a known journey initself.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
It definitely is the journey within that was like in
the South trying to figure outwhat being gay meant.
Right, you know, in the Southit's just pushed down when you
say the South, what does thatmean?
So the South like in NorthCarolina, so like North Carolina
, South Carolina, Louisiana.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
No, no, no, it's like man from the philippines
meeting you in bali.
When you say the south, I'mlike, where could this be?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I'm in your.
Yeah, I'm so sorry.
That is like my american mindbeing like the south, the only
south in the world, um, yeah, sothe south of america, yeah, um,
where our hair was bigger.
But that was its own journey ofme finding out how to explore
my sexuality.
So I feel like me since thenpushing that down right,
(07:15):
anything sexual in that way Ihad kind of suppressed.
And what I mean by me coming toBali and literally working with
people mean by me coming tobali and literally working with
people through like healingtechniques, you know, through
blockages within your body, andhealing like mentally and
physical attributes withinyourself I feel bold, I'm
rewinding you again yeah, butwhen you say, okay, suppressed.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
What was it that would be suppressed?
Um my that, it was my identityand yeah ah, okay, so you as
like your personality, your howyou show up in the world, how
you dress in the world, how youtalk, everything that like
really, and when you say kind ofsuppressed, it's almost locked
up in anxiety or locked up incomplicated thinking that
(07:59):
renders you just staying inrather than being out.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, okay, and so that was my identity and I was
suppressing it.
But what I didn't realize was,because it never got to blossom
during that time when itprobably should have a
fundamental time, in yourteenage years to your adult
years, I didn't realize theconnection between myself,
(08:23):
myself and, like, my sexualenergy.
That didn't come out till mylate 20s, until recently sorry.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So so what I'm recognizing, one is that that,
like suppressed, sense of selfis universal right, oh,
absolutely but what I'm hearingfrom you and I've kind of never
put these together, but it itmakes so much sense is that when
you're suppressing who you areas a person and that's, yeah,
your personality traits, yourexpression in terms of how you
(08:54):
show up- how you presentyourself and as well like your
sexual preferences, desires.
If all of that is beingsuppressed, when you're talking
about sexual energy, what I'mfeeling is like orgasmic energy.
I'm feeling like a buzz ofexcitement and pleasure.
Well, if all of, if all of thatbeforehand is suppressed,
you're gonna be having quitenumb sexual experiences, but
(09:16):
little by little, as you startletting yourself out and your
energy flow, you're gonna feel ahell of a lot more.
And that's what you're speakingto originally that is, you
literally had it.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I mean, you got it perfectly right.
My so like, so much so that Ithink I had my first taste of
what love may have been when Iwas 28, 29, and because I had
nothing to compare it to ever inmy life before I didn't know
(09:45):
what it was Like, I was goingaround to my friends being like
I can't stop thinking about thisguy.
It's like really painfulactually, and I'm getting really
upset, like I feel like I'malmost becoming obsessed or
fixated and I can't sleep.
He's in my dreams and this andthat, and they're like Jay, I
think that's love and it'sbecause I had no way of ever
experiencing before Cause I'venever, I've never had it and,
(10:09):
like you said, having numb sex.
I thought the sex I was havingwas normal, you know, and I'd
listen to people tell me abouttheir sexual experiences, or you
know like, oh, their lastFriday night they went home with
this guy or this girl and itwas like completely, you know
they like black.
Friday night they went homewith this guy or this girl and
it was like completely, you know, they like black, like they
went away to another dimension.
The sex was so good.
I was like I.
(10:29):
I do not know what you mean.
I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I don't understand that um, I don't think most
people would understand that butreally yeah, and I, I like I,
because I think, I, I think mostof us are bottled up.
But yeah, and that's actuallywhy I wanted to break it down,
because I wanted to break itdown for myself to properly
understand it, like when wetalked about locked up, like
(10:52):
it's locked up in our thoughtsyeah, it's locked up in our
ideas of what's okay and what'snot, and we cripple ourselves
with kind of like almost like ananxiety that knocks our
confidence and knocks everythingelse yeah and then creates this
numbness and this awkwardnesswhere, for perhaps, for whatever
you get up to, you don'tactually get to feel, you don't
get to enjoy, because there'sjust so many layers of
(11:13):
complication and stress wrappedaround everything
Speaker 2 (11:17):
yeah, I, I would say that's quite, quite normal which
is sad and that, and that's thething is now that I'm starting
to realize and I'm able to nowthat I'm kind of on the other
side, I guess, to say I can likelook back and I do have a
sadness for me when I wasyounger, but like a strong,
(11:39):
strong appreciation, because Ilove myself so much and it took
me so long to get to where I amand even the comfortability I
didn't even think I'd ever getto a place like this, but that
I'm like you know what, if we'reall meant to do something with
all these gifts that we have,right, and from such an early
age you don't know how to usethese fucking tools because no
(12:01):
one's teaching anyone, right, noone.
No one's like you had them,they're innate, but no one's
teaching you correctly how tobring it all out.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, in actual fact, what we're kind of talking to
is this society is almostimpressing itself upon us, and
suffering is it suffocating us?
In that regard, I'm getting.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I'm literally I'm getting.
I'm getting chills because I'mI'm so passionate about this
because I know everyone has.
There's something withineveryone right, and even for me
it's something that's like sexcan be looked at as, or even
your sexual energy or sexwhatever.
In regards to however you wantto look at it, it can be looked
(12:38):
at as such a dark thingsometimes, I think, with the way
that people, you know theycompare it to whatever you're in
comparison to it with.
But I, just now, I'm seeing itin such a different light.
I'm seeing it with so muchbeauty and it's like this world
has completely attached how itsees sex and how it's portraying
(12:58):
sex out into the world with somuch dark energy and I'm like I
think I'm one of those peoplethat have realized I have this
strong, healing sexual energywithin myself and I think it's
always just been there and it itjust felt like, you know, it
kind of just radiated, like yousaid, out of me so can I ask you
(13:19):
then, the practices essentiallythat you you did to work with
yourself to actually helpblossom out, and I'd be really
curious like, what do they looklike?
so I, when I had first come toBali, I actually I worked with a
healer and this was a hard ideato kind of wrap my mind around,
(13:40):
because I think a lot of peopleand anyone who's listening,
who's like from the westernworld, might have a hard time
understanding.
But that energy can be trapped,as you know, can be trapped and
stored in in our bodies duringtraumatic events.
So basically, when we suppressthings that aren't meant to be
suppressed, you know, or if atraumatic event happens, this
(14:01):
energy can be trapped in yourbody and it causes blockages.
And so when I arrived to Bali,I had worked with a guy who,
just with his hands and closinghis eyes, had kind of fine tuned
.
He kind of went around myentire body and was able to
pinpoint where all my blockageswere, at which you know they all
(14:24):
coincide.
He knew you know they allcoincide.
He knew, you know it's like, oh, did you have this at this age?
Oh, did something happen to youhere at this at this age?
You know, in that way, it's soconfronting.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
I remember my first time meeting a healer here and
he looked at me.
He was like ah, you're blockedhere.
You haven't been having anhonest conversation with your
partner, no, no, no wait, yourmum.
You need to talk to her, notabout something in the present,
but something years ago,something around the age of 10,
12.
That shook me, and I've hadthese kind of meetings and
(14:59):
engagements where I sit down andthey tune into either wherever
I'm at in real time or perhapsunaddressed stuff from my past,
and it's so frightening it is.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
It is frightening.
I have a feeling you and Ipotentially be could be talking
about a similar, because I hadgone to another guy and he had
blown my mind, because I went tomany healers and this guy was
he was accurate, but his wordswere so beautiful and like
powerful and he's like an olderguy.
(15:29):
His name is Jim.
Oh yeah, yeah, I had a feelingwith the way that you were
expressing him.
I was like that's Jim, yeah,amazing, and he's amazing so he
was this.
The one I was talking aboutpreviously was a different guy.
That guy was Balinese.
He was amazing.
He was the guy who first got meonto.
There's something that is inyou that's not entirely you and
(15:52):
we're going to unblock it.
When he pushed those blockagesout of me, it was painful
mentally and physically.
I could feel it needed to leavemy body, but I could feel it
kind of it needed to leave mybody, but I could feel it there
right.
So that was the beginningstages of me being like I think
it was my libido starting towake up after that experience
yeah, this is fascinating, sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
So what I'm hearing is that, like you, did real
energy work where somebody couldread your energy, see what was
blocked and help you move.
That which any experience I'vehad about it's like some of it
is almost it feels like wavinghands around, but other times
it's very deep body work oh veryin the moment it's very painful
very painful quite emotional aswell.
(16:35):
I kind of feel out of sorts fora couple of days afterwards and
then I feel lighter than I everhave.
And then jim doyle, the, theAustralian man who, jim Doyle,
is amazing yeah, he is like amind-body medicine
extraordinaire who I'm justamazed he can recognize your
blocks in a heartbeat and helpyou rewrite the internal scripts
(16:57):
.
So it's kind of a mix oftherapy and at the same time,
body work.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
He, that man, I and you were again.
God, you're so good with yourwords, because you're so right,
he was able.
I walked into the door and,just like you, he like put his
hand up.
He was like at first.
He was like are you living withany pain?
And I said I'm not living withany.
And he was like I havesomething to tell you.
Every time, someone that I knowwalks in that door and says
(17:29):
they're not living with any pain, they're living with the most.
And then he was like I canalready tell that you're walking
with them.
I'm walking with a slant, yeah.
And I was like what does thatmean?
He was like, oh, one side goesdown more than the other.
And he was like that has to dowith, like you know, the
feminine and masculine.
But he knew right away.
He was like, without me evensaying anything, he was like I'm
so sorry and I was like forwhat?
He was like for you losing yourmom.
(17:50):
And I was like, because it wasafter my mom died, I moved to la
and it was like maybe 11 monthsafter I moved to bali.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And he knew right from the get-go why he could see
that in you, with the way inwhich your physical body was
shaped correct.
So this is yeah it's real, it'svery real stuff happening deep
diving into this world for thelast few years and it just it's.
It blows my mind how and wekind of know it, to be honest
like we know, when we'restressed and upset and depressed
(18:23):
our heads dip and our posturekind of curls in.
We also know when we're happyand proud, our chest comes up
and our head comes up and ourposture frames quite beautifully
.
So we know it in its simplicity.
But what's amazed me is justactually the detail in which
this goes and the way in whichyou can read.
There's a man I'm working withat the moment Centerpoint
(18:46):
Meditations and he can readsomeone in terms of where
they're at and what they'reworrying about and what are the
issues, by the way in which yourbody leans.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
No way, it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
So, guys, you went to all these different healers and
, little by little, essentially,they helped perhaps move the
stress that accumulated in yourbody.
And what you've described isit's like hey look, my libido
woke up, my confidence woke upand before I knew it, I wasn't
overthinking certain things, Iwas stepping into myself more
confidently and I went less kindof distracted.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, it was exactly that.
I think he, jim, was able toaround my groin area and he was
like which I know, like there'salways been blockages there, and
he was able to be like man.
There's a lot, there's a lothere, you know, and really doing
body work, like you said, likeyou know, it's really painful
(19:48):
and, again, it was pretty crazybecause you can feel the release
happen and then you're almostlike a little high and then
you're extremely tired and itisn't until, like a day or two
later, things start to lift andlike shifts start happening.
And so for me, of course,course, and just as all these
healers have done, they kind ofgive you like a little bit of a,
(20:09):
a guide on what to doafterwards so you can't do all
this stuff.
Which kind of this is whatpisses me off.
People expect to just get allthis healing work done and
they're going to feel amazingwithout doing the mental work as
well.
You know which.
Again, everyone in their owntime.
But it's like you have to beready.
If you're putting your bodythrough these changes and you're
(20:30):
ready to make that shiftphysically, you need to do so as
well mentally.
And so I would, you know,combining those two, it was like
that libido waking up.
I mean it was pretty drastic inmy case.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
So let me explore into that.
Pretty drastic.
So if you were to be like Jamie, whereas before I would have
done this, now I was comfortablydoing that, Before I was
thinking this, now it wasn'teven what comes up for you in
that kind of frame.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
So it was in terms of being, in terms of physical
like, I guess, just like everyguy you know kind of struggles
either like with, I guess, ifit's like keeping it up, or like
how long, or like what gets yougoing, or like you know,
whatever the case may be, minestarted coming back to me after
years of not having any drive,sexual drive and like being able
(21:23):
to keep strong, I guess, inlack of better terms, um, which
I found that interesting becauseI was like that's huh yeah, you
know um, and so so it was.
It was those physical attributeswhere I was like, oh, it's also
my body, I guess, healing right.
So mentally I feel like once Iwas kind of getting out of this
(21:46):
dip where I was like doing somework, allowing myself to be like
I'm not all those things thathave happened before and I'm
working through that.
I think once you kind of shedthis almost like ick or tar in
your body and just letting morelight come through, you kind of
start to push all that darknessout and comes all those like
(22:10):
flowing thoughts, the moreorganic, you know beautiful side
of the thing.
So it's like that's when Ifound myself physically starting
to wake up and mentallystarting to get excited about
sex again and and and andpartners and just people.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
This is so interesting for me as I'm
hearing you speak.
I remember back when I wasaround.
Interesting for me as I'mhearing you speak.
I remember back when I wasaround, when I was around 14 or
15, with somebody.
I um was with a girl and Iprematurely ejaculated, yeah,
and I was so embarrassed, soashamed yeah and um.
In another kind of occasion alittle while later, the same
(22:46):
happened again.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, and at a time where I should have been, let's
say, been having so much fun, Iretreated and I the idea of like
engaging, engagement, becauseit put me so off, it brought up
so much stress, it brought up somuch like, oh my god, if they
start talking about the shame, Iwould feel, oh, yeah, and, and
so I get that like I, I justtied up so much yeah, which
(23:11):
unfortunately, is like so muchbaggage, so much unnecessary
crap well, yeah put on ourselvescompletely, I mean, and again,
we all have to remember this isso normal, right, and I think,
again, when we're led astray,when we're led wrong, we're not
(23:32):
allowing our minds and brains,you know, like we're not
allowing ourselves to consumewhat we need to consume properly
, and so, for instance, you'reconsuming things that really
maybe aren't meant for you ormaybe are in, they're
detrimental to your sexualwell-being, or, you know, it's
like this is how you, it'sactually so layered, right, it's
(23:55):
like maybe you're watching thistype of porn because this is
the stuff that you think is foryou and what's healing, and
really it's actually detrimentalto you.
And again, it's so normal, weall go through it and that's
just the society that we live in.
But it's like we all have tojust do the work within
ourselves to be like me as myown man and my own masculinity,
(24:16):
regardless of being gay,straight, right, because you
know, some people, I think, seethat as different.
But I feel like you just haveto find out, like, what works
for you.
Who are you really like what?
What awakens you?
Like, you know, are you someonewho, like, has that power to
kind of have this beautiful,healing sex, you know, or do you
(24:39):
hold it somewhere else, do weall have it?
And that's kind of where I was,what I was facing, what I was
coming to terms with.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Wow, yeah, I completely appreciate that we
burden ourselves so much by ourthoughts around certain things,
by our ideas around certainthings we can lock ourselves up
so much and it's interesting howmuch time and effort it takes
(25:11):
to unlock all that, how temptingperhaps a tablet might be, or
how oh god, yeah, but it's, it's.
It's lovely to hear that like,yeah, you got time in your late
20s to to sit, and in thesupport of other men as well
interesting usage of yourhealers, both of which were men.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
It's like wow it was so healing because that that
they were men and it was reallythat was a big part of it.
Actually, jim, as you know,actually has this almost like
father figure feeling to him andagain he hit on that too.
He was like I see there's a lotof, you know, trauma here with
(25:49):
like, almost like your father.
He's like, we don't have totalk about it, but he was and he
basically just told me he waslike but I'll tell you this, and
his words are so beautiful Iactually cried um, almost like I
might do now.
But he was like you are one ofthe like few real gentlemen I've
ever met.
Just with your energy and whoyou are.
(26:09):
He was like there's not a lotout there like you, and he also
has a son who is, he's, mixedAsian as well, and he was like,
if my son grows up to beanything like you, I would just
be so proud and I fucking lostit.
But to hear those words fromsomeone like him, I was just
(26:33):
like you know, kind of you know,if you've never told that from
you know, let's say, someonelike your dad, you're like,
suddenly like ah, it's kind ofit's for me.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
this is really interesting.
I see you on the other side ofthe room and I see a man who's
like really thought about hisfashion, really thought about
his look, very confident inhimself, very like you know,
there's a, let's say, a clarityor charisma in your voice.
It's like, oh, this person'senjoying himself.
And you're like I was like whatdo you do?
(27:04):
And you're like, oh, I'm onOnlyFans.
Like sometimes I don't know ifI talk to people and they're on
OnlyFans, like sometimes I don'tknow if I talk to people and
they're on OnlyFans Like oh, I'ma digital creator.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Are this for you?
Oh right.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
So confident, so like so at one, and then obviously
we connect.
I'm following you on Instagramand then I'm so used to seeing
girls show themselves off,whether they're in the gym or
whether they're on social media,but then, bang, you're still
sharing content of yourself in,let's say, like a sexually
(27:34):
outspoken way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's it'squite confronting actually yeah
, because there's so muchthought in mind of like, oh, men
shouldn't do that we shouldn'tdo that but why not?
exactly and this is a bit of thework as well that you came to,
where you were suppressing partsof yourself and it's like, why
not, if I want to put myself outthere like that, what's wrong
with that?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
oh, completely, and I feel like the word would be for
me just so, so fuckingliberating.
And you know, I think with that, like you were saying, you were
just so outspoken about it andso actually proud about it and I
absolutely am, I think, out ofall those years looking back, of
(28:12):
all that suppression of like mejust kind of not working
through a lot, I also just I'vetold myself I'm like I'm not
going to do anything in my lifeunless I know.
I'm absolutely a hundredpercent sure about it and I want
to be proud about everythingthat I do, regardless of what
that is.
I just want to be proud aboutit all and you and I want to be
proud about everything that I do, regardless of what that is.
I just want to be proud aboutit all and I want to put that
(28:32):
energy forward for everything.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
So what do you say to ?
Like obviously, the amount ofnegative connotations that
people have with regards toanyone in the sex workspace,
anyone that's on OnlyFans.
Like people have so muchjudgment and for me, when you
said what you did, I was like Ican't wait to have a chat with
you because I'm so curious, I'mso because, I'm so used to
(28:55):
hearing so many that aren't inthis space yeah, talk down of
this space yeah and, as I said,so refreshing for you to be like
.
I'm so proud.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
This is so liberating yeah, well, I think you know,
first and foremost, I've put myown feelings and my own um, my
own thoughts and desires firstfor the first time ever, and
that was when I did OnlyFans andit was absolutely amazing, I
would say, anyone who's comingfrom a strong judgmental place.
(29:24):
I think it always actuallyshows because I've gotten that I
think it always shows areflection more about who they
are than about the person you'retalking about, and that can be
applied to literally everything.
But I think particularly thisspace of OnlyFans or sex workers
or adult entertainment actors,whatever you want to call them
(29:49):
it really triggers a lot ofpeople and suddenly so many
people have so much to say aboutit and they're so opinionated
and it's like that's sointeresting, you know, it's like
where did that come from?
And even within myself before Ihad thought about when I
considered only fans, I usuallywill have an idea and if I'm
(30:10):
really sure about it, I'll justsit on it for a few weeks to a
few months, right, and I in alot of people actually don't do
that, and I thought that's howwe all worked.
I'll sit on that idea and I'lleven act like I'm kind of
already in that world to see howit feels, and and that was, you
know, I remember just stillbeing just as excited about it,
(30:32):
but again I realized thatthere'd be a lot of
confrontation with it.
Um, but there was a lot ofconfrontation within myself.
Actually, I think when I firstcame up with the idea, suddenly
I was, um, I was always, likeyou know, my, my connotations of
(30:53):
, oh, like what happened to thisperson to make them do that, or
like, oh, like they must havegone through some, you know, and
in reality that was actuallyjust coming from my own biased
opinions, from like old, backwhen I was religious as in doing
that kind of work would be likea last resort.
Exactly, exactly, okay exactlythat and I was like, oh, because
(31:16):
usually I'm like what drivespeople to do that?
And that was my thoughts before, whereas now that I've stepped
into it before I'm like, oh,it's actually just a smart one
business move because you canmake a lot of money.
You can make however much moneyyou want to make, depending on
how you push it, how much yousell it for and how long you're
in and for how long you're in itfor um so would you call
(31:39):
yourself an entrepreneur oh,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
First and foremost really you're, yeah, you're
running a whole organization,you're doing you are you're
doing your marketing.
You're doing it, you're doingyeah, you're budgeting yeah,
you're also working with yourown nerves and your confidence
throughout the process because Iwork as like essentially a
holistic business coach to somany, and what I noticed is that
, with every business decisionthere's a there's a personal
(32:04):
journey somebody needs to gothrough and work through certain
blocks yeah when you talk about, like I sat with it for a few
months just to see how it feltyeah
what I'm here.
What I kind of felt in that was, uh, you had to work through
whatever blocks might be there,whatever anxieties might be
there, but also, yeah, whateverperhaps judgment first and
foremost you had on it but toexternal parties might share
(32:24):
with you on it yeah, exactly itwas exactly that, and so, and so
the reason I bring that up wasbecause I think anyone who has a
strong opinion about what theythink they know or they're
passing judgment.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
I think you should look at yourself right before
you pass your judgment.
And because I had to do theexact same thing and then I
realized I was like that's justmy fucking ego.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
I think that judgment space is so interesting.
I started, let's say, workingwith psilocybe magic mushrooms
in mid-20s and I remember one ofmy friends it was after a night
out, he was kind of well anyway.
Basically he snorted a line ofcocaine in front of me and he
(33:08):
was like now, jay, I really wantto talk to you about this
mushroom thing.
I'm really concerned about youand that took me a lot into the
head.
I love that so much.
It's such a good scene that issuch a good scene, and I've
always been fascinated withjudgment, and I think what you
shared is actually the mostinteresting one for me, in that
(33:30):
those that judge the most areoftentimes going through the
biggest struggles withinthemselves, and the judgment
comes up almost as a bit of adeflection because, when they
witness somebody expressingthemselves in a certain light,
it triggers up all that which is, let's say, kept within, up all
(33:55):
that which is, let's say, keptwithin yeah, and I rarely meet,
let's say I rarely yeah, Irarely meet um balanced judgment
, yeah fair, let's sayuntortured judgment yeah um and
I, I I find that those that I'veexperienced the most in life
judge the least.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
And often meet with the most curiosity.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
That is perfectly said.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Which has given me a hell of a lot of peace.
To just kind of distance myselffrom judgment, I'm like, oh,
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Oh God, yeah, I'm different from that world, and
that's fine.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I'll just sit over here.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
And it's brought me enormous freedom.
Yeah.
That recognition yeah oh same,and that's why I said there's,
you know, and I and I don't knowif the rest of the world talks
about this as much as bali does,but you'd know, everyone talks
about ego, but there is so muchego and being judgmental and,
(34:46):
like you said, it's always thepeople who are going through the
most who have the most to say.
There's always that correlation, you know, like with the people
who mean the most to me.
They're an extremely free groupof people, like we're all we're
.
We're pretty much a family, um,you know, like all my friends
here who are married and havekids, and you know, like they're
, we are all a family.
(35:08):
I've known them for like 13years, some 10 years, and
they're so open-minded about it.
They're like God that is, thatwe're so happy you're doing this
.
You're like so happy, you're sofree.
We've never seen you like this.
But no judgment, I know.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
So the effect of actually dipping into the
OnlyFans has had a blossomingeffect on you, your personality.
That others around you can belike this is really working for
you.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy for you.
Yeah, it's just so catering towhat I would think.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, it was like when you said when you're like,
you know, when you kind ofbrighten up when you speak about
it, right, and it's like thank,thank God, thank God, like
thank God, I'm so grateful thatthat is the space that I can
hold myself in where I'm thisproud and happy to express
whatever I'm doing this much.
You know what I mean, becausethere's some people out there
that are just so fucking unhappyand they're so judgmental and
(36:05):
it's like what is it in you thatmakes you so judgmental?
It's like you really have tolook within yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
So what's been really positive for you?
Yeah, the general thought forsome is that like, yeah, it
would be very negative forothers, but that could be the
same with any career like youcould get.
You could be in banking, youcould be in law, whatever.
And if let's say, for example,like you don't have your
boundaries, yeah you could findyourself working all hours of
the day yeah completely knockingout of balance, getting
(36:32):
stressed out, getting burnt out,compromising your morals and
all that kind of thing that canhappen in the finer careers.
Let's say oh yeah and there'sthose same things that I think a
lot of people, when they turnto, let's say, adult
entertainment, are only fans.
That might be this thought oflike oh god, but it's very gross
it can be a very downwardsviral yeah that's.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
I think that's true with any career, but we focus it
in on yours and I think, um,you know, there, there's
definitely that, that dark sideto this world, and I am, I'm not
blind to it, and that wasanother thing going in, and
again, all of my friends onlyadvice was you know, this world
(37:14):
can be so dark.
Just make sure that you'rekeeping level, you're staying
level-headed and you're andyou're bringing that own, your
own shine, your own brightnessto it so that.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
So that's where this gets really counter-nerd for me
and really interesting of like.
Okay, so in a dark, potentiallydark and vulnerable space you
are sharing your light.
What does that light look like?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
so, again, after doing all that you know work
through my body and everything,it wasn't until last year that I
started having the most sex inmy life and, yeah, and it was
amazing, I was like I'm justhaving so much fun.
It's like I'm creating thisspace and I'm having some of the
(37:58):
most beautiful sex and thepeople I'm having sex with
afterwards they're like thatwe're just both filled with so
much light and love.
It's been pretty wild andamazing.
Um, and so last year I was likeI think there's more to this
than just the sex, and so when Istarted only fans I was
(38:21):
thinking what if I could kind ofmesh the two together?
What if I'm having thisawakening?
Right, because, classic me, I'malways trying to find meaning
and purpose to something andwhatever I do, you know,
regardless of whatever it is,I'm always trying to bring
something, an important message,you know, to shine through.
(38:41):
So it's like what if I canbring this like awakening this
light to an industry thatactually has a lot of darkness
to it, this light to an industrythat actually has a lot of
darkness to it, and all thatactually just means is me having
a beautiful moment with anotherperson in the safest space and
we're kind of just like fuckingand transcending time together
(39:05):
uh, okay, so you're not tryingto, let's say, be apologies if
I'm coming across as naive here,but what I'm kind of hearing
from that is that there's somelike there's some scenes in porn
and stuff that are like jesussomeone's half getting beaten up
and you'd look at it and belike what the hell is actually
even going on yeah whereas inlove yeah there's some beautiful
(39:25):
moments of just pure bliss, ofpure connection, and so, rather
than going into, let's say hardfucking goes, you're going
into the more the sweet, thesoft, the loving, the gentle so
that's actually my kind of likebrand and image which all my
work has been it's, it'sactually excuse me, I'm not
doing the pre-research well, youknow what, here we are and I'm
(39:45):
telling you now, okay,entrepreneur, um, and that was
that was the message that waskind of coming through to me,
that it was like you're going toexcel in this world and you can
, and just like anything,there's a light and a darkness
to it, but you can bring a lotof light into it.
And I initially was just onlydoing it for myself and I was
(40:05):
like I actually think I have thecapacity to do it and help
others and whoever I'mcollaborating with, right.
So it's like when I'mcollaborating with someone, I'm
kind of looking a little bitmore into them.
I'm asking everyone out therelike, how's this person, what's
their energy like?
And I've met some phenomenalpeople.
Actually, like some of thepeople I'm collaborating with,
they're just, they're amazing,just so amazing it's.
(40:29):
It's been, um, you know, a lotof people would think it's
eyeopening, um and yeah, so thatwas my thing.
It's like just bringing thatlight in that way, and I don't
want to show, like I said before, what we thought it's right to
consume, what we think we'remeant to be consuming, to get us
hard, to get us going to, orhow we should be fucking or
(40:57):
having sex or how we should be,you know, making love.
People are not consuming theright knowledge or info about it
and it's like I think it's justmeant to be love.
So the porn and stuff that'sout there, which of course, it's
just saturated with so much ofthat darkness where it's like
almost violence and sex puttogether, yeah, I don't want to
do that and it's like I don't.
(41:19):
There's enough of that outthere.
It's time to kind of just maybepush a little bit of that out
and kind of bring in this isreally interesting.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
You speak because what I'm very conscious of is
that when I'm not aware ofcertain areas, I kind of put
everything in one pool and Ithink that kind of content that
you've just spoken to tarnishesa whole industry and that can
take people on a kind of quitelet's say almost a cycle of
thinking oh, is that normal?
Well, I'll do that, yeah, and,and people say relationships
(41:50):
might move from a place of loveto a place of, well, god knows
what, whereas what you're sayingis like Jamie, look, there's
actually a lot more in thisindustry.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
There is.
You know, yeah, there is somedark shit, but there's actually
a real light.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
There's, you know, like there's a lot of
inspiration that you can sharewith people.
There's a lot of permissionthat you can share with people.
There's a lot of permissionthat you can share with people.
If people are getting to, let'ssay, see beautiful moments of
connection, sacred moments ofchemistry, of real love, perhaps
that in itself gives permissionfor them to have it in their
(42:25):
lives, perhaps inspiration forthem to bring it into their
lives.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Would that be fair.
That's absolutely fair.
And that's bring it into theirlives, that'd be fair, that's
absolutely fair, and that's whatit's, and that's what it's.
It's felt like, you know, Ithink I say like even the
subscribers that have subscribedto me, which I love dearly,
love you guys, um, and also theguys I'm collaborating with it's
always been like oh, that's notwhat I expected, but that
that's not what I expected.
But I mean, I've really enjoyedmyself and we've winded up being
(42:50):
friends and then we've talkedabout it and been like that was,
it was actually prettyexceptional, and it's like I'm
not saying that that stuff, thedarker side of porn and
everything that we're talkingabout, of course that's going to
get so many people off.
I'm not saying that it won't.
But there's also this side ofporn that I naturally gravitate
(43:12):
towards, which is just me beingmyself and it's just real, it's
passionate and there's a realconnection.
There's no performance, becauseit's already hard enough to do,
as is Just completely unlockyour bodies and just explore
each other's bodies and it kindof it translates on camera and
it translates with the otherperson, and if it's translating
(43:34):
with me and it's translatingwith the other person, it's
translating to the people on theother side that are eating it.
You know they're being they'rebeing fed this knowledge and
it's like, oh wait, this is alsofucking hot and this is also
beautiful and it's not dark yeah, which is what?
Speaker 1 (43:50):
just so, again within whole industry, dark.
Yeah, I actually love thatyou've opened up my eyes in this
regard.
Can I?
I?
I kind of have a thought.
I'd love, I, I had this moment.
I remember I, um, I fancied aphotographer and I was like
could you take some photos of me?
yeah, it's kind of like my wayof let's hang and let's hang out
(44:12):
anyway, she ended up takingthese photos of me and it was
like me in the water or me withthe wet top on, and I remember
when she sent them to me Ididn't know what to think.
I got so overwhelmed, I like.
I looked at them in me and,let's say, provocatively or in a
sexy way, I was like, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
I froze up.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
One of my friends grabbed my phone.
He was like Jay, what's this?
Oh, wow, you look great inthese photos.
I was like, are you sure?
I feel a little bit nervousseeing myself like that.
And he was like no, you lookamazing.
You should, you should totallyshare those photos.
Yeah, which it did.
And I remember this was kind of, let's say, a journey of, of
integrating a level of sexinessabsolutely, absolutely.
It's all the same, it's all thesame so can I ask if, like, if
(44:52):
you got to speak to your youngerself oh, yeah, right, and you
were like jonathan.
Here's a couple of tips and I'mthinking your younger self, but
I'm also thinking millions ofother people who are somewhat
similarly locked up in theirsexuality what would be your
kind of like go-to advice oryour support to help just
somebody open up that a littlebit more?
Speaker 2 (45:12):
God, that is such, that's deep and I love it and
it's good.
Think I'd.
I would look at myself and Iwould tell myself you know
there's so much, there's so muchwithin you that you don't know
yet and there's so much that'smisunderstood.
(45:33):
And just maybe, before youstart giving pieces of yourself
because you think that's rightand normal out to the world and
to other individuals who aren'tdeserving of it, maybe just
explore your body, talk toyourself, figure it out.
You know what it is that makesyou who you are, what it is that
(45:54):
is empowering for you, that issexual for you, and in the
lightest way possible.
And then just be, I guess justbe a little bit smarter on who
you share that with and how youshare that, because there's a
real power there and you can'tjust give it to everyone.
And by sharing that out intothe world, it's like a domino
(46:17):
effect.
You're sharing this beautifullight to another person, you're
exchanging those beautifullights with each other and that
causes this ripple effect whereyou're kind of sending that out
into the world.
But again, just give yourselfpatience, but don't push
yourself to give anything outthat you don't think is right
yet.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Wow, okay.
So I kind of hear two things inwhat you've just shared there,
right?
One is that, for however youshow up sexually, that's sacred.
Treat it sacredly.
Be conscious of who it is thatyou engage with.
Oh god, yeah and and andnurture that, because the right,
right environments in terms ofrelationships will see you
(46:53):
blossom, but the wrong will seeyou implode yeah, okay, I took
that in that that feels really,really good.
The second, though, is what Ikind of understood is that, for
however you present yourself,let's say amongst your social
settlement friends, there is alevel of judgment, and you need
to have a certain energy to holdyourself amongst them.
(47:15):
Build that energy up, first andforemost yeah as you then say,
share that out on social media.
There is some that are going tolike you and there's others
that are going to hate you, andif there's too many that hate
you and you don't know how toprocess that energy you can find
yourself imploding.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Oh, my God, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
And as you progress in life and move on to bigger
audiences and wider spaces andstuff like that, unless you've
done that internal work, thatdomino effect that you said can
lead in two ways One in acompliment and helping you build
strength and character andbelief in terms of who you are
and resilience and the other.
It can knock you back and itcan see you implode.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
And that there is.
That's the exact world that welive in exactly right now, where
everyone is you know.
You don't even know what's realand what's not on the internet
anymore.
But it's like people justtearing themselves apart because
they don't look a certain wayor because they're not ideally
(48:12):
sexy, or whatever that means.
It's like you just have to beso thick-skinned, and I think
the self-exploration into yourown sexual energy is so powerful
, because that's just going togive you that, that that sturdy
ground to stand on which a lotof us guys I mean men and women
(48:32):
already don't have.
But that's why it's soimportant to dive into it, to be
like what does that look like?
sorry for you oh my god it.
And again, yeah, didn't starttill till recently where I'm
like, where I had to find outthrough myself what is not mine
(48:56):
and what is mine, what issexually mine that I know is
invigorating for me in a goodway, and what has maybe been
potentially planted here by whatI've seen from social media or
somebody else that I've had asexual encounter with that is
negative and not mine, and it'slike filtering out those and
(49:17):
figuring out what is for you sowhen I hear that what I think of
is perhaps watching porn inyounger years, yeah and seeing
somebody really get off onsomething and be like oh wow
yeah and there being a thoughtthat that would work for me, but
finding myself in thatexperience and actually really
not enjoying it exactly, andthat was a thought, an external
(49:39):
thing planted in me by thatexperience now you're, now
you're on it.
Yeah, exactly that.
So when I say these plantsright, so I've, I think, a way
that people can decipher, right,if you're listening, a way that
you can decipher what it isthat's been planted in me that
is not mine and and compared towhat is mine, is like what is
(50:01):
something sexually that gets youoff but you would never do with
your partner.
And I think that's a way for methat I kind of started to like
realize I was like this gets meoff when I watch porn, but I
don't think I'd ever actually dothis with my partner or someone
that I want to marry, someonethat I love, and so that can
(50:21):
maybe give you a little bit of atunnel, you know, vision on
where to maybe guide and lookfrom.
And then again, you know itgoes so much deeper than that,
because you know that's why Italk about.
You know, everyone in thiswhole, everyone in this life,
has got trauma.
Trauma works in a way that itcan install things within you.
(50:42):
You know, let's say, ifsomething happened to you, it
can install that within you.
You know, let's say, ifsomething happened to you, it
can install that into youcertain beliefs, certain
feelings, certain reactions,reactions your body will
remember it and becausesometimes the mind doesn't
actually know what to do and howto process it, or sometimes,
because you suppress it, itmight work in getting you off.
(51:03):
You know, later on down theyear.
So you actually startfantasizing about something that
traumatized you, and that's how, that's just how the mind works
.
So it's up to us, because noone's going to do it for us,
that we have to look and be likeokay, I think it's time that I
worked through this and I kindof weed this out.
You know, I saw, I saw thisreally beautiful um, was it an
(51:25):
analogy or a metaphor?
You're, you're giving birds,you might know, but it was like
a is a tea in in a cup and itwas like they're pouring clear
water into the cup and it wasoverfilling until it weeded out
the brown and darkness and itliterally looks just like that.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yeah when I'm hearing you speak.
What I'm recognizing is thatoftentimes it's like you know
you hear this.
Would people just do the workphrase?
Yeah, and I remember for ages Iwas like what do people mean by
do the work?
I mean, it's actually this.
It's take time to figureyourself out take time to figure
out what works for you and whatdoesn't what ideas have almost
(52:04):
been planted into you but aren'tactually yours and aren't true
to you, and what I feel is thatwith every ailment that we
suffer or every challenge thatwe go through, it's oftentimes
another layer of communicationtrying to help us figure out
what's more true to us andwhat's more right and what's not
.
And I find that oftentimes,when I'm, let's say, getting
(52:26):
bumped around my life quite abit, when I'm, when I'm
unconsciously living in anuntrue state to myself, oh my
god, yes, yep, yeah and then theworld seems to just rearrange
itself and almost open up this.
Yeah, merry big road for me whenI'm being more honest with
(52:46):
myself.
Yeah, and it uh, yeah, and sothat's I loved, like I loved
hearing your journey, whereyou're like you know, I started
doing this work on my sexualityand I felt like I was blossoming
.
I felt like you didn't say it,but I kind of felt like years of
age just come off your shoulder, yeah, and I.
I think we have a bit of a anodd understanding when it comes
(53:08):
to disease and aging yeah andand also like mental issues,
like depression, anxiety.
Most of these are self-inducedyeah and what the lovely thing
about that.
Like some people don't want totake responsibility,
self-induced what you meanself-induced?
Oh right, if you just recognize, if they're self-induced, you
can also turn things around,you're in the driving seat of
(53:28):
this and I really feel it'sincredible the level of impact
we can serve upon ourselves are.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
You know, and I said this in the last podcast, um,
because actually I don't thinkanyone knew I used to be, I used
to party hard like party, partyhard, hard.
But last October, so actuallyalmost a year ago, I decided to
go.
I am completely clean.
So I quit smoking, I quitdrinking, I quit drugs, I quit,
you know, I even quit sugar, Iquit dairy, I quit eggs, I quit
(53:58):
just absolutely everything.
And I was just really seriousabout figuring out who I am and
and how strong I can be, youknow, and and how healthy I can
be.
And when I got that, you know, II became suddenly, I became
really clear and it was like mymind was clarified, you know,
(54:20):
and I was able to kind of likesee for the first time, kind of
without these lenses, andactually like feel my body again
after months, without drinkingor on a comedown or whatever,
how I really felt.
You know, it's like you can,you can so get in touch with you
(54:40):
know your own energy, your ownsexual drive, your own I own, I
guess libido.
You can, you can get in touchwith it.
You can like talk to, you canfeel it out, you can figure it
out like it's within you.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
It's not that far if you just take the distractions
out of the equation, if you takethe distractions out of the
equation that are alreadykilling you.
Speaker 2 (54:59):
To begin with, they're already causing chronic
illness within you.
You know it's like, if you takeit out, it's like the mind and
the body are extremely powerful.
It's it wants to heal itself,it wants to do good yeah, I, I,
I think it's comical.
Speaker 1 (55:13):
I was chatting with um, a holistic doctor, on this
podcast recently and we werechatting after, and one thing I
recognize is that most of thework we do is compensating for
us being in the wrongenvironments, are living untrue
to ourselves, and it's amazingwhen we start twofold one,
putting ourselves in anenvironment that complements us
(55:33):
better two doing all these, thatall these dietary shifts that
are oftentimes used compensatoryto compensate for the issues of
the environment and stuff, butwe actually do them in a
complementary fashion.
So we change the environment, wedo all the diet stuff, we start
having the tough conversations.
I think we reach a status,let's say, of human, of almost
like superhuman ability yeahwhen we're not putting up with
(55:57):
all the shit that we put on topof ourselves.
When we set ourselves free,it's like, oh my god, I can feel
, immediately speaking, whatworks for me, what doesn't.
I get clarity in terms ofdecisions that work for me
versus not, and ideas of what Ishould be doing immediately.
Speaker 2 (56:11):
It's it's.
You know how.
You're talking about that roadopening up.
Yeah, I think ever since Iactually had done that, my my
life looked like that.
Everything suddenly kind ofmoved out of my way.
It's like you're driving downthe highway and all the lights
are turning green a secondbefore you get there and you're
like fuck, this is what life isand this is what it could be,
(56:34):
and I wish I could.
You know, I don't want to, youcan.
You can lead a horse to thewater.
You can't make it drink it, butit's like I wish more people
knew about how, how strong andpowerful we actually are.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
It only sounds, yeah and in the most interesting ways
yeah, essentially it's at thevery heart of what you're doing.
You're hoping to inspire peopleto a clear path what exactly
it's like.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
I literally cut out everything you know and it's
went on this sober track andthen started doing porn, which
is you know you'd think it'd bethe other way around, but it's
brilliant, it's brilliant Ithink, I think it's very
important now that we get andthese, let's say, contrasting
stories because, we're so welike putting things into a
bottle.
Speaker 1 (57:18):
Yeah, we like, uh, seeing things in a simple black
and white fashion yeah, no no,no, no.
Actually, for some this can bereally complimenting this can be
really beneficial.
Speaker 2 (57:28):
It's not for everybody, but for some it could
be very much the medicine thatthey'd be looking for and in my
case, it was the exact medicinethat I needed to heal, and it
was actually one of the lastthings I was like there.
There's just something in meI'm I'm not my full self,
something, you know and thatstarted with the
self-exploration into my ownsexual drive and my empowerment,
(57:52):
and then that led to meultimately feeling the best I'd
ever felt and being happy withinmy own body and my own mind,
and then that led to me doingOnlyFans and being like I want
to do this for myself, but alsoI want to.
I want to share this.
Speaker 1 (58:07):
that's lovely yeah, thank you for sharing on this.
Yeah, thank you.
Um is there.
If someone wants to follow you,if someone wants to get in on
this content, what's the bestway?
Speaker 2 (58:17):
ah, you mean the plug .
So yes, guys, if you guys wantto follow me, my username is the
johnny lee.
Speaker 1 (58:25):
That's the j-o-n-n-y l-e-e perfect, you say guys, but
surely girls would want towatch too surprisingly a lot,
yeah, okay needed to touch onthat one.
Speaker 2 (58:35):
Yeah thank you so much, thank you so much.
So I'm going to ask you the real cliche question are
you ready?
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
How do you tell aunts , uncles, conservative family
and friends what you do?
Speaker 2 (00:10):
You don't?
No, I'm just kidding.
Well, mainly for now it's beenI'm so proud of what I do, I'm
so happy that I've chose it.
I haven't expressed fully tofamily members not all family
members about what it is thatI'm doing.
(00:30):
Um, not that there's any shamein it, it's just that I almost
want to.
It obviously comes with its ownkind of identity and I just
want to be patient with it.
Um, in terms of, like you know,my cousins or close friends,
I've kind of had to be like,okay, to sit down, I am doing
(00:52):
OnlyFans and you know it's notwhat you think it is, but it
isn't.
At the same time, but it'smainly been a place where I've
been able to finally feel reallyempowered about my sexuality.
I feel free, I feel it's beenreally self self-healing, it's
(01:14):
been really amazing for me it'ssuch a.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
It's such a, I'd say, a confronting or contrasting
thought for you to be saying,hey look, my journey into
OnlyFans has been reallyself-healing, yeah, and
confidence building, but mostpeople be like wait a second now
.
Is this not like?
Are you not traumatizingyourself for life and cutting
yourself off from all theopportunities life has to
present to you?
Yeah, and you would say no Iwould.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
I would say no, yeah, and I think what I'm learning
right, I've just, I've justFans.
I'm not even a year in, I'm onthere and I'm quite bold about
everything that I do.
And you know, even before Istarted, I was like I want to
make sure that I know what I'mdoing, and I've always been that
(02:00):
way.
I'm like I want to know thatthe decision I'm making is the
right one and it's the right onefor me.
You know, and it's like I'verun it over in my mind, I've
gone over it and I thought aboutit, thought about it, pondered
on it, and I'm like I know thatthis is, this is meant for me,
this is actually what I'm meantto be doing, which sounds really
wild, I know no, but as youshare that, there's almost like
(02:20):
a radiant energy, yeah, likes ofwhich, like we, we so associate
, like you're passionate aboutwhat you do.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Yeah, it feels good, it's aligning and it's actually
helping.
Whatever is inside blossom outyeah so when you, when you were
talking to like cousins andstuff, and you were like it's
not what you think, yeah likewhen you're, if you were to
describe hey look, this is whatmost people think it is yeah
actually.
Here's what it really is.
What would that look like foryou?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
I guess it's more along the lines of just being
like you're.
It's up to you to show how muchyou want to show, it's up to
you to do as much as you want todo.
Right, so technically, you'reyour own business on there and
um, you're selling your ownpackages or your own deals,
whatever the case is, and welove the product yeah, right, so
(03:11):
I'm not, I'm not my own packagedeal, um, and but again, you
get to call those shots, you getto push it to whatever extent
you're you are comfortable with.
It's all about your owncomfortability within your space
that you're making Right, um,and so what it looks like is I'm
just expressing myself sexually, by the way, which I've never,
(03:38):
I've never, really ever beenable to do, which now I feel
like that.
That radiance that you'retalking about is that part of me
that's coming out, which now Ifeel like that, that radiance
that you're talking about isthat part of me that's coming
out sorry, I would say.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
Few men are ever able to express themselves sexually
that is it's.
Speaker 2 (03:53):
It's so understood.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
Yes, absolutely and so when you're sharing that,
like, what is it to expressyourself sexually?
Speaker 2 (03:59):
oh, my god.
I mean, obviously there's somuch that we're taught to be
like, ashamed of that.
We're taught to be like.
You know me as a gay man andalso growing up in the south,
those are two.
Those are things that don'treally, they don't go along
right, and so I've just alwaysbeen taught to be ashamed of so
(04:20):
much of my own sexual identity,which I never really got to
explore.
You know how much of a sexualbeing I am.
It wasn't until my mid to late20s that that started to unravel
, and that was when I, you know,I had I'd moved here, where we,
where we live, and I starteddoing healing within myself and
(04:42):
through that it was like thisawakening of all this sexual
energy that was coming throughmy body that I literally never
knew existed.
I didn't know it was there, andthroughout the years, you know,
like in relationships and thenjust on my own, I started
exploring it more and thenrealizing like I I'm starting to
(05:05):
heal, even with my ownencounters with other partners
you know, even when I'm justexploring my own body within
myself, giving myself thepermission to do that let me
rewind there, because
Speaker 1 (05:15):
there's so much that you're sharing.
So one.
What I'm hearing is that likeokay, yeah, we as men, we grow
up and there's a lot of shame,like whether it's covering up in
the showers and covering upyour body, whether there's a
huge amount of comparing andcontrasting we always hear about
, like how there's so much fatshaming and stuff from female
world but, that all goes on as aman.
(05:36):
A man too and you become very,very complicated with regards to
your body, with regards to yourhead, also, what's attractive,
what's not.
And what I'm hearing from youis that, like when you came to
bali, you had time to actuallyjust sit with yourself a little
bit and figure yourself out alittle bit and you said, okay,
as a gay man, in terms of yoursexuality, would that have come?
(05:58):
Was that still, let's say, upfor grabs?
Yeah, pre coming to bali, yousaid like mid to late 20s, or
had you been like no, no, no,I'm definitely gay.
When does that come into theequation?
Speaker 2 (06:09):
I had always known I was gay.
I had always known I was gayand then I really put the label
on it, you know, after highschool.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
So that was, that was like 2010 okay, so for whatever
, and I, I don't want to put acouple words on there, but that
was actually.
That's a known journey initself.
Speaker 2 (06:26):
It definitely is the journey within that was like in
the South trying to figure outwhat being gay meant.
Right, you know, in the Southit's just pushed down when you
say the South, what does thatmean?
So the South like in NorthCarolina, so like North Carolina
, South Carolina, Louisiana.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
No, no, no, it's like man from the philippines
meeting you in bali.
When you say the south, I'mlike, where could this be?
Speaker 2 (06:51):
I'm in your.
Yeah, I'm so sorry.
That is like my american mindbeing like the south, the only
south in the world, um, yeah, sothe south of america, yeah, um,
where our hair was bigger.
But that was its own journey ofme finding out how to explore
my sexuality.
So I feel like me since thenpushing that down right,
(07:15):
anything sexual in that way Ihad kind of suppressed.
And what I mean by me coming toBali and literally working with
people mean by me coming tobali and literally working with
people through like healingtechniques, you know, through
blockages within your body, andhealing like mentally and
physical attributes withinyourself I feel bold, I'm
rewinding you again yeah, butwhen you say, okay, suppressed.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
What was it that would be suppressed?
Um my that, it was my identityand yeah ah, okay, so you as
like your personality, your howyou show up in the world, how
you dress in the world, how youtalk, everything that like
really, and when you say kind ofsuppressed, it's almost locked
up in anxiety or locked up incomplicated thinking that
(07:59):
renders you just staying inrather than being out.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, okay, and so that was my identity and I was
suppressing it.
But what I didn't realize was,because it never got to blossom
during that time when itprobably should have a
fundamental time, in yourteenage years to your adult
years, I didn't realize theconnection between myself,
(08:23):
myself and, like, my sexualenergy.
That didn't come out till mylate 20s, until recently sorry.
Speaker 1 (08:31):
So so what I'm recognizing, one is that that,
like suppressed, sense of selfis universal right, oh,
absolutely but what I'm hearingfrom you and I've kind of never
put these together, but it itmakes so much sense is that when
you're suppressing who you areas a person and that's, yeah,
your personality traits, yourexpression in terms of how you
(08:54):
show up- how you presentyourself and as well like your
sexual preferences, desires.
If all of that is beingsuppressed, when you're talking
about sexual energy, what I'mfeeling is like orgasmic energy.
I'm feeling like a buzz ofexcitement and pleasure.
Well, if all of, if all of thatbeforehand is suppressed,
you're gonna be having quitenumb sexual experiences, but
(09:16):
little by little, as you startletting yourself out and your
energy flow, you're gonna feel ahell of a lot more.
And that's what you're speakingto originally that is, you
literally had it.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
I mean, you got it perfectly right.
My so like, so much so that Ithink I had my first taste of
what love may have been when Iwas 28, 29, and because I had
nothing to compare it to ever inmy life before I didn't know
(09:45):
what it was Like, I was goingaround to my friends being like
I can't stop thinking about thisguy.
It's like really painfulactually, and I'm getting really
upset, like I feel like I'malmost becoming obsessed or
fixated and I can't sleep.
He's in my dreams and this andthat, and they're like Jay, I
think that's love and it'sbecause I had no way of ever
experiencing before Cause I'venever, I've never had it and,
(10:09):
like you said, having numb sex.
I thought the sex I was havingwas normal, you know, and I'd
listen to people tell me abouttheir sexual experiences, or you
know like, oh, their lastFriday night they went home with
this guy or this girl and itwas like completely, you know
they like black.
Friday night they went homewith this guy or this girl and
it was like completely, you know, they like black, like they
went away to another dimension.
The sex was so good.
I was like I.
(10:29):
I do not know what you mean.
I don't.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
I don't understand that um, I don't think most
people would understand that butreally yeah, and I, I like I,
because I think, I, I think mostof us are bottled up.
But yeah, and that's actuallywhy I wanted to break it down,
because I wanted to break itdown for myself to properly
understand it, like when wetalked about locked up, like
(10:52):
it's locked up in our thoughtsyeah, it's locked up in our
ideas of what's okay and what'snot, and we cripple ourselves
with kind of like almost like ananxiety that knocks our
confidence and knocks everythingelse yeah and then creates this
numbness and this awkwardnesswhere, for perhaps, for whatever
you get up to, you don'tactually get to feel, you don't
get to enjoy, because there'sjust so many layers of
(11:13):
complication and stress wrappedaround everything
Speaker 2 (11:17):
yeah, I, I would say that's quite, quite normal which
is sad and that, and that's thething is now that I'm starting
to realize and I'm able to nowthat I'm kind of on the other
side, I guess, to say I can likelook back and I do have a
sadness for me when I wasyounger, but like a strong,
(11:39):
strong appreciation, because Ilove myself so much and it took
me so long to get to where I amand even the comfortability I
didn't even think I'd ever getto a place like this, but that
I'm like you know what, if we'reall meant to do something with
all these gifts that we have,right, and from such an early
age you don't know how to usethese fucking tools because no
(12:01):
one's teaching anyone, right, noone.
No one's like you had them,they're innate, but no one's
teaching you correctly how tobring it all out.
Speaker 1 (12:09):
Yeah, in actual fact, what we're kind of talking to
is this society is almostimpressing itself upon us, and
suffering is it suffocating us?
In that regard, I'm getting.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
I'm literally I'm getting.
I'm getting chills because I'mI'm so passionate about this
because I know everyone has.
There's something withineveryone right, and even for me
it's something that's like sexcan be looked at as, or even
your sexual energy or sexwhatever.
In regards to however you wantto look at it, it can be looked
(12:38):
at as such a dark thingsometimes, I think, with the way
that people, you know theycompare it to whatever you're in
comparison to it with.
But I, just now, I'm seeing itin such a different light.
I'm seeing it with so muchbeauty and it's like this world
has completely attached how itsees sex and how it's portraying
(12:58):
sex out into the world with somuch dark energy and I'm like I
think I'm one of those peoplethat have realized I have this
strong, healing sexual energywithin myself and I think it's
always just been there and it itjust felt like, you know, it
kind of just radiated, like yousaid, out of me so can I ask you
(13:19):
then, the practices essentiallythat you you did to work with
yourself to actually helpblossom out, and I'd be really
curious like, what do they looklike?
so I, when I had first come toBali, I actually I worked with a
healer and this was a hard ideato kind of wrap my mind around,
(13:40):
because I think a lot of peopleand anyone who's listening,
who's like from the westernworld, might have a hard time
understanding.
But that energy can be trapped,as you know, can be trapped and
stored in in our bodies duringtraumatic events.
So basically, when we suppressthings that aren't meant to be
suppressed, you know, or if atraumatic event happens, this
(14:01):
energy can be trapped in yourbody and it causes blockages.
And so when I arrived to Bali,I had worked with a guy who,
just with his hands and closinghis eyes, had kind of fine tuned
.
He kind of went around myentire body and was able to
pinpoint where all my blockageswere, at which you know they all
(14:24):
coincide.
He knew you know they allcoincide.
He knew, you know it's like, oh, did you have this at this age?
Oh, did something happen to youhere at this at this age?
You know, in that way, it's soconfronting.
Speaker 1 (14:35):
I remember my first time meeting a healer here and
he looked at me.
He was like ah, you're blockedhere.
You haven't been having anhonest conversation with your
partner, no, no, no wait, yourmum.
You need to talk to her, notabout something in the present,
but something years ago,something around the age of 10,
12.
That shook me, and I've hadthese kind of meetings and
(14:59):
engagements where I sit down andthey tune into either wherever
I'm at in real time or perhapsunaddressed stuff from my past,
and it's so frightening it is.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
It is frightening.
I have a feeling you and Ipotentially be could be talking
about a similar, because I hadgone to another guy and he had
blown my mind, because I went tomany healers and this guy was
he was accurate, but his wordswere so beautiful and like
powerful and he's like an olderguy.
(15:29):
His name is Jim.
Oh yeah, yeah, I had a feelingwith the way that you were
expressing him.
I was like that's Jim, yeah,amazing, and he's amazing so he
was this.
The one I was talking aboutpreviously was a different guy.
That guy was Balinese.
He was amazing.
He was the guy who first got meonto.
There's something that is inyou that's not entirely you and
(15:52):
we're going to unblock it.
When he pushed those blockagesout of me, it was painful
mentally and physically.
I could feel it needed to leavemy body, but I could feel it
kind of it needed to leave mybody, but I could feel it there
right.
So that was the beginningstages of me being like I think
it was my libido starting towake up after that experience
yeah, this is fascinating, sorry.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
So what I'm hearing is that, like you, did real
energy work where somebody couldread your energy, see what was
blocked and help you move.
That which any experience I'vehad about it's like some of it
is almost it feels like wavinghands around, but other times
it's very deep body work oh veryin the moment it's very painful
very painful quite emotional aswell.
(16:35):
I kind of feel out of sorts fora couple of days afterwards and
then I feel lighter than I everhave.
And then jim doyle, the, theAustralian man who, jim Doyle,
is amazing yeah, he is like amind-body medicine
extraordinaire who I'm justamazed he can recognize your
blocks in a heartbeat and helpyou rewrite the internal scripts
(16:57):
.
So it's kind of a mix oftherapy and at the same time,
body work.
Speaker 2 (17:01):
He, that man, I and you were again.
God, you're so good with yourwords, because you're so right,
he was able.
I walked into the door and,just like you, he like put his
hand up.
He was like at first.
He was like are you living withany pain?
And I said I'm not living withany.
And he was like I havesomething to tell you.
Every time, someone that I knowwalks in that door and says
(17:29):
they're not living with any pain, they're living with the most.
And then he was like I canalready tell that you're walking
with them.
I'm walking with a slant, yeah.
And I was like what does thatmean?
He was like, oh, one side goesdown more than the other.
And he was like that has to dowith, like you know, the
feminine and masculine.
But he knew right away.
He was like, without me evensaying anything, he was like I'm
so sorry and I was like forwhat?
He was like for you losing yourmom.
(17:50):
And I was like, because it wasafter my mom died, I moved to la
and it was like maybe 11 monthsafter I moved to bali.
Speaker 1 (18:01):
And he knew right from the get-go why he could see
that in you, with the way inwhich your physical body was
shaped correct.
So this is yeah it's real, it'svery real stuff happening deep
diving into this world for thelast few years and it just it's.
It blows my mind how and wekind of know it, to be honest
like we know, when we'restressed and upset and depressed
(18:23):
our heads dip and our posturekind of curls in.
We also know when we're happyand proud, our chest comes up
and our head comes up and ourposture frames quite beautifully
.
So we know it in its simplicity.
But what's amazed me is justactually the detail in which
this goes and the way in whichyou can read.
There's a man I'm working withat the moment Centerpoint
(18:46):
Meditations and he can readsomeone in terms of where
they're at and what they'reworrying about and what are the
issues, by the way in which yourbody leans.
Speaker 2 (18:57):
No way, it's crazy.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
So, guys, you went to all these different healers and
, little by little, essentially,they helped perhaps move the
stress that accumulated in yourbody.
And what you've described isit's like hey look, my libido
woke up, my confidence woke upand before I knew it, I wasn't
overthinking certain things, Iwas stepping into myself more
confidently and I went less kindof distracted.
Speaker 2 (19:24):
Yeah, it was exactly that.
I think he, jim, was able toaround my groin area and he was
like which I know, like there'salways been blockages there, and
he was able to be like man.
There's a lot, there's a lothere, you know, and really doing
body work, like you said, likeyou know, it's really painful
(19:48):
and, again, it was pretty crazybecause you can feel the release
happen and then you're almostlike a little high and then
you're extremely tired and itisn't until, like a day or two
later, things start to lift andlike shifts start happening.
And so for me, of course,course, and just as all these
healers have done, they kind ofgive you like a little bit of a,
(20:09):
a guide on what to doafterwards so you can't do all
this stuff.
Which kind of this is whatpisses me off.
People expect to just get allthis healing work done and
they're going to feel amazingwithout doing the mental work as
well.
You know which.
Again, everyone in their owntime.
But it's like you have to beready.
If you're putting your bodythrough these changes and you're
(20:30):
ready to make that shiftphysically, you need to do so as
well mentally.
And so I would, you know,combining those two, it was like
that libido waking up.
I mean it was pretty drastic inmy case.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
So let me explore into that.
Pretty drastic.
So if you were to be like Jamie, whereas before I would have
done this, now I was comfortablydoing that, Before I was
thinking this, now it wasn'teven what comes up for you in
that kind of frame.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
So it was in terms of being, in terms of physical
like, I guess, just like everyguy you know kind of struggles
either like with, I guess, ifit's like keeping it up, or like
how long, or like what gets yougoing, or like you know,
whatever the case may be, minestarted coming back to me after
years of not having any drive,sexual drive and like being able
(21:23):
to keep strong, I guess, inlack of better terms, um, which
I found that interesting becauseI was like that's huh yeah, you
know um, and so so it was.
It was those physical attributeswhere I was like, oh, it's also
my body, I guess, healing right.
So mentally I feel like once Iwas kind of getting out of this
(21:46):
dip where I was like doing somework, allowing myself to be like
I'm not all those things thathave happened before and I'm
working through that.
I think once you kind of shedthis almost like ick or tar in
your body and just letting morelight come through, you kind of
start to push all that darknessout and comes all those like
(22:10):
flowing thoughts, the moreorganic, you know beautiful side
of the thing.
So it's like that's when Ifound myself physically starting
to wake up and mentallystarting to get excited about
sex again and and and andpartners and just people.
Speaker 1 (22:24):
This is so interesting for me as I'm
hearing you speak.
I remember back when I wasaround.
Interesting for me as I'mhearing you speak.
I remember back when I wasaround, when I was around 14 or
15, with somebody.
I um was with a girl and Iprematurely ejaculated, yeah,
and I was so embarrassed, soashamed yeah and um.
In another kind of occasion alittle while later, the same
(22:46):
happened again.
Speaker 2 (22:47):
Yeah, and at a time where I should have been, let's
say, been having so much fun, Iretreated and I the idea of like
engaging, engagement, becauseit put me so off, it brought up
so much stress, it brought up somuch like, oh my god, if they
start talking about the shame, Iwould feel, oh, yeah, and, and
so I get that like I, I justtied up so much yeah, which
(23:11):
unfortunately, is like so muchbaggage, so much unnecessary
crap well, yeah put on ourselvescompletely, I mean, and again,
we all have to remember this isso normal, right, and I think,
again, when we're led astray,when we're led wrong, we're not
(23:32):
allowing our minds and brains,you know, like we're not
allowing ourselves to consumewhat we need to consume properly
, and so, for instance, you'reconsuming things that really
maybe aren't meant for you ormaybe are in, they're
detrimental to your sexualwell-being, or, you know, it's
like this is how you, it'sactually so layered, right, it's
(23:55):
like maybe you're watching thistype of porn because this is
the stuff that you think is foryou and what's healing, and
really it's actually detrimentalto you.
And again, it's so normal, weall go through it and that's
just the society that we live in.
But it's like we all have tojust do the work within
ourselves to be like me as myown man and my own masculinity,
(24:16):
regardless of being gay,straight, right, because you
know, some people, I think, seethat as different.
But I feel like you just haveto find out, like, what works
for you.
Who are you really like what?
What awakens you?
Like, you know, are you someonewho, like, has that power to
kind of have this beautiful,healing sex, you know, or do you
(24:39):
hold it somewhere else, do weall have it?
And that's kind of where I was,what I was facing, what I was
coming to terms with.
Speaker 1 (24:47):
Wow, yeah, I completely appreciate that we
burden ourselves so much by ourthoughts around certain things,
by our ideas around certainthings we can lock ourselves up
so much and it's interesting howmuch time and effort it takes
(25:11):
to unlock all that, how temptingperhaps a tablet might be, or
how oh god, yeah, but it's, it's.
It's lovely to hear that like,yeah, you got time in your late
20s to to sit, and in thesupport of other men as well
interesting usage of yourhealers, both of which were men.
Speaker 2 (25:27):
It's like wow it was so healing because that that
they were men and it was reallythat was a big part of it.
Actually, jim, as you know,actually has this almost like
father figure feeling to him andagain he hit on that too.
He was like I see there's a lotof, you know, trauma here with
(25:49):
like, almost like your father.
He's like, we don't have totalk about it, but he was and he
basically just told me he waslike but I'll tell you this, and
his words are so beautiful Iactually cried um, almost like I
might do now.
But he was like you are one ofthe like few real gentlemen I've
ever met.
Just with your energy and whoyou are.
(26:09):
He was like there's not a lotout there like you, and he also
has a son who is, he's, mixedAsian as well, and he was like,
if my son grows up to beanything like you, I would just
be so proud and I fucking lostit.
But to hear those words fromsomeone like him, I was just
(26:33):
like you know, kind of you know,if you've never told that from
you know, let's say, someonelike your dad, you're like,
suddenly like ah, it's kind ofit's for me.
Speaker 1 (26:44):
this is really interesting.
I see you on the other side ofthe room and I see a man who's
like really thought about hisfashion, really thought about
his look, very confident inhimself, very like you know,
there's a, let's say, a clarityor charisma in your voice.
It's like, oh, this person'senjoying himself.
And you're like I was like whatdo you do?
(27:04):
And you're like, oh, I'm onOnlyFans.
Like sometimes I don't know ifI talk to people and they're on
OnlyFans, like sometimes I don'tknow if I talk to people and
they're on OnlyFans Like oh, I'ma digital creator.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Are this for you?
Oh right.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
So confident, so like so at one, and then obviously
we connect.
I'm following you on Instagramand then I'm so used to seeing
girls show themselves off,whether they're in the gym or
whether they're on social media,but then, bang, you're still
sharing content of yourself in,let's say, like a sexually
(27:34):
outspoken way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's it'squite confronting actually yeah
, because there's so muchthought in mind of like, oh, men
shouldn't do that we shouldn'tdo that but why not?
exactly and this is a bit of thework as well that you came to,
where you were suppressing partsof yourself and it's like, why
not, if I want to put myself outthere like that, what's wrong
with that?
Speaker 2 (27:52):
oh, completely, and I feel like the word would be for
me just so, so fuckingliberating.
And you know, I think with that, like you were saying, you were
just so outspoken about it andso actually proud about it and I
absolutely am, I think, out ofall those years looking back, of
(28:12):
all that suppression of like mejust kind of not working
through a lot, I also just I'vetold myself I'm like I'm not
going to do anything in my lifeunless I know.
I'm absolutely a hundredpercent sure about it and I want
to be proud about everythingthat I do, regardless of what
that is.
I just want to be proud aboutit all and you and I want to be
proud about everything that I do, regardless of what that is.
I just want to be proud aboutit all and I want to put that
(28:32):
energy forward for everything.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
So what do you say to ?
Like obviously, the amount ofnegative connotations that
people have with regards toanyone in the sex workspace,
anyone that's on OnlyFans.
Like people have so muchjudgment and for me, when you
said what you did, I was like Ican't wait to have a chat with
you because I'm so curious, I'mso because, I'm so used to
(28:55):
hearing so many that aren't inthis space yeah, talk down of
this space yeah and, as I said,so refreshing for you to be like
.
I'm so proud.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
This is so liberating yeah, well, I think you know,
first and foremost, I've put myown feelings and my own um, my
own thoughts and desires firstfor the first time ever, and
that was when I did OnlyFans andit was absolutely amazing, I
would say, anyone who's comingfrom a strong judgmental place.
(29:24):
I think it always actuallyshows because I've gotten that I
think it always shows areflection more about who they
are than about the person you'retalking about, and that can be
applied to literally everything.
But I think particularly thisspace of OnlyFans or sex workers
or adult entertainment actors,whatever you want to call them
(29:49):
it really triggers a lot ofpeople and suddenly so many
people have so much to say aboutit and they're so opinionated
and it's like that's sointeresting, you know, it's like
where did that come from?
And even within myself before Ihad thought about when I
considered only fans, I usuallywill have an idea and if I'm
(30:10):
really sure about it, I'll justsit on it for a few weeks to a
few months, right, and I in alot of people actually don't do
that, and I thought that's howwe all worked.
I'll sit on that idea and I'lleven act like I'm kind of
already in that world to see howit feels, and and that was, you
know, I remember just stillbeing just as excited about it,
(30:32):
but again I realized thatthere'd be a lot of
confrontation with it.
Um, but there was a lot ofconfrontation within myself.
Actually, I think when I firstcame up with the idea, suddenly
I was, um, I was always, likeyou know, my, my connotations of
(30:53):
, oh, like what happened to thisperson to make them do that, or
like, oh, like they must havegone through some, you know, and
in reality that was actuallyjust coming from my own biased
opinions, from like old, backwhen I was religious as in doing
that kind of work would be likea last resort.
Exactly, exactly, okay exactlythat and I was like, oh, because
(31:16):
usually I'm like what drivespeople to do that?
And that was my thoughts before, whereas now that I've stepped
into it before I'm like, oh,it's actually just a smart one
business move because you canmake a lot of money.
You can make however much moneyyou want to make, depending on
how you push it, how much yousell it for and how long you're
in and for how long you're in itfor um so would you call
(31:39):
yourself an entrepreneur oh,absolutely.
Speaker 1 (31:41):
First and foremost really you're, yeah, you're
running a whole organization,you're doing you are you're
doing your marketing.
You're doing it, you're doingyeah, you're budgeting yeah,
you're also working with yourown nerves and your confidence
throughout the process because Iwork as like essentially a
holistic business coach to somany, and what I noticed is that
, with every business decisionthere's a there's a personal
(32:04):
journey somebody needs to gothrough and work through certain
blocks yeah when you talk about, like I sat with it for a few
months just to see how it feltyeah
what I'm here.
What I kind of felt in that was, uh, you had to work through
whatever blocks might be there,whatever anxieties might be
there, but also, yeah, whateverperhaps judgment first and
foremost you had on it but toexternal parties might share
(32:24):
with you on it yeah, exactly itwas exactly that, and so, and so
the reason I bring that up wasbecause I think anyone who has a
strong opinion about what theythink they know or they're
passing judgment.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
I think you should look at yourself right before
you pass your judgment.
And because I had to do theexact same thing and then I
realized I was like that's justmy fucking ego.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
I think that judgment space is so interesting.
I started, let's say, workingwith psilocybe magic mushrooms
in mid-20s and I remember one ofmy friends it was after a night
out, he was kind of well anyway.
Basically he snorted a line ofcocaine in front of me and he
(33:08):
was like now, jay, I really wantto talk to you about this
mushroom thing.
I'm really concerned about youand that took me a lot into the
head.
I love that so much.
It's such a good scene that issuch a good scene, and I've
always been fascinated withjudgment, and I think what you
shared is actually the mostinteresting one for me, in that
(33:30):
those that judge the most areoftentimes going through the
biggest struggles withinthemselves, and the judgment
comes up almost as a bit of adeflection because, when they
witness somebody expressingthemselves in a certain light,
it triggers up all that which is, let's say, kept within, up all
(33:55):
that which is, let's say, keptwithin yeah, and I rarely meet,
let's say I rarely yeah, Irarely meet um balanced judgment
, yeah fair, let's sayuntortured judgment yeah um and
I, I I find that those that I'veexperienced the most in life
judge the least.
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
And often meet with the most curiosity.
Speaker 2 (34:14):
That is perfectly said.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Which has given me a hell of a lot of peace.
To just kind of distance myselffrom judgment, I'm like, oh,
that's okay.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
Oh God, yeah, I'm different from that world, and
that's fine.
Speaker 1 (34:23):
I'll just sit over here.
Speaker 2 (34:25):
And it's brought me enormous freedom.
Yeah.
That recognition yeah oh same,and that's why I said there's,
you know, and I and I don't knowif the rest of the world talks
about this as much as bali does,but you'd know, everyone talks
about ego, but there is so muchego and being judgmental and,
(34:46):
like you said, it's always thepeople who are going through the
most who have the most to say.
There's always that correlation, you know, like with the people
who mean the most to me.
They're an extremely free groupof people, like we're all we're
.
We're pretty much a family, um,you know, like all my friends
here who are married and havekids, and you know, like they're
, we are all a family.
(35:08):
I've known them for like 13years, some 10 years, and
they're so open-minded about it.
They're like God that is, thatwe're so happy you're doing this
.
You're like so happy, you're sofree.
We've never seen you like this.
But no judgment, I know.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
So the effect of actually dipping into the
OnlyFans has had a blossomingeffect on you, your personality.
That others around you can belike this is really working for
you.
I'm so happy.
I'm so happy for you.
Yeah, it's just so catering towhat I would think.
Speaker 2 (35:38):
Yeah, it was like when you said when you're like,
you know, when you kind ofbrighten up when you speak about
it, right, and it's like thank,thank God, thank God, like
thank God, I'm so grateful thatthat is the space that I can
hold myself in where I'm thisproud and happy to express
whatever I'm doing this much.
You know what I mean, becausethere's some people out there
that are just so fucking unhappyand they're so judgmental and
(36:05):
it's like what is it in you thatmakes you so judgmental?
It's like you really have tolook within yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
So what's been really positive for you?
Yeah, the general thought forsome is that like, yeah, it
would be very negative forothers, but that could be the
same with any career like youcould get.
You could be in banking, youcould be in law, whatever.
And if let's say, for example,like you don't have your
boundaries, yeah you could findyourself working all hours of
the day yeah completely knockingout of balance, getting
(36:32):
stressed out, getting burnt out,compromising your morals and
all that kind of thing that canhappen in the finer careers.
Let's say oh yeah and there'sthose same things that I think a
lot of people, when they turnto, let's say, adult
entertainment, are only fans.
That might be this thought oflike oh god, but it's very gross
it can be a very downwardsviral yeah that's.
Speaker 2 (36:52):
I think that's true with any career, but we focus it
in on yours and I think, um,you know, there, there's
definitely that, that dark sideto this world, and I am, I'm not
blind to it, and that wasanother thing going in, and
again, all of my friends onlyadvice was you know, this world
(37:14):
can be so dark.
Just make sure that you'rekeeping level, you're staying
level-headed and you're andyou're bringing that own, your
own shine, your own brightnessto it so that.
Speaker 1 (37:24):
So that's where this gets really counter-nerd for me
and really interesting of like.
Okay, so in a dark, potentiallydark and vulnerable space you
are sharing your light.
What does that light look like?
Speaker 2 (37:35):
so, again, after doing all that you know work
through my body and everything,it wasn't until last year that I
started having the most sex inmy life and, yeah, and it was
amazing, I was like I'm justhaving so much fun.
It's like I'm creating thisspace and I'm having some of the
(37:58):
most beautiful sex and thepeople I'm having sex with
afterwards they're like thatwe're just both filled with so
much light and love.
It's been pretty wild andamazing.
Um, and so last year I was likeI think there's more to this
than just the sex, and so when Istarted only fans I was
(38:21):
thinking what if I could kind ofmesh the two together?
What if I'm having thisawakening?
Right, because, classic me, I'malways trying to find meaning
and purpose to something andwhatever I do, you know,
regardless of whatever it is,I'm always trying to bring
something, an important message,you know, to shine through.
(38:41):
So it's like what if I canbring this like awakening this
light to an industry thatactually has a lot of darkness
to it, this light to an industrythat actually has a lot of
darkness to it, and all thatactually just means is me having
a beautiful moment with anotherperson in the safest space and
we're kind of just like fuckingand transcending time together
(39:05):
uh, okay, so you're not tryingto, let's say, be apologies if
I'm coming across as naive here,but what I'm kind of hearing
from that is that there's somelike there's some scenes in porn
and stuff that are like jesussomeone's half getting beaten up
and you'd look at it and belike what the hell is actually
even going on yeah whereas inlove yeah there's some beautiful
(39:25):
moments of just pure bliss, ofpure connection, and so, rather
than going into, let's say hardfucking goes, you're going
into the more the sweet, thesoft, the loving, the gentle so
that's actually my kind of likebrand and image which all my
work has been it's, it'sactually excuse me, I'm not
doing the pre-research well, youknow what, here we are and I'm
(39:45):
telling you now, okay,entrepreneur, um, and that was
that was the message that waskind of coming through to me,
that it was like you're going toexcel in this world and you can
, and just like anything,there's a light and a darkness
to it, but you can bring a lotof light into it.
And I initially was just onlydoing it for myself and I was
(40:05):
like I actually think I have thecapacity to do it and help
others and whoever I'mcollaborating with, right.
So it's like when I'mcollaborating with someone, I'm
kind of looking a little bitmore into them.
I'm asking everyone out therelike, how's this person, what's
their energy like?
And I've met some phenomenalpeople.
Actually, like some of thepeople I'm collaborating with,
they're just, they're amazing,just so amazing it's.
(40:29):
It's been, um, you know, a lotof people would think it's
eyeopening, um and yeah, so thatwas my thing.
It's like just bringing thatlight in that way, and I don't
want to show, like I said before, what we thought it's right to
consume, what we think we'remeant to be consuming, to get us
hard, to get us going to, orhow we should be fucking or
(40:57):
having sex or how we should be,you know, making love.
People are not consuming theright knowledge or info about it
and it's like I think it's justmeant to be love.
So the porn and stuff that'sout there, which of course, it's
just saturated with so much ofthat darkness where it's like
almost violence and sex puttogether, yeah, I don't want to
do that and it's like I don't.
(41:19):
There's enough of that outthere.
It's time to kind of just maybepush a little bit of that out
and kind of bring in this isreally interesting.
Speaker 1 (41:27):
You speak because what I'm very conscious of is
that when I'm not aware ofcertain areas, I kind of put
everything in one pool and Ithink that kind of content that
you've just spoken to tarnishesa whole industry and that can
take people on a kind of quitelet's say almost a cycle of
thinking oh, is that normal?
Well, I'll do that, yeah, and,and people say relationships
(41:50):
might move from a place of loveto a place of, well, god knows
what, whereas what you're sayingis like Jamie, look, there's
actually a lot more in thisindustry.
Speaker 2 (42:00):
There is.
You know, yeah, there is somedark shit, but there's actually
a real light.
Speaker 1 (42:04):
There's, you know, like there's a lot of
inspiration that you can sharewith people.
There's a lot of permissionthat you can share with people.
There's a lot of permissionthat you can share with people.
If people are getting to, let'ssay, see beautiful moments of
connection, sacred moments ofchemistry, of real love, perhaps
that in itself gives permissionfor them to have it in their
(42:25):
lives, perhaps inspiration forthem to bring it into their
lives.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
Would that be fair.
That's absolutely fair.
And that's bring it into theirlives, that'd be fair, that's
absolutely fair, and that's whatit's, and that's what it's.
It's felt like, you know, Ithink I say like even the
subscribers that have subscribedto me, which I love dearly,
love you guys, um, and also theguys I'm collaborating with it's
always been like oh, that's notwhat I expected, but that
that's not what I expected.
But I mean, I've really enjoyedmyself and we've winded up being
(42:50):
friends and then we've talkedabout it and been like that was,
it was actually prettyexceptional, and it's like I'm
not saying that that stuff, thedarker side of porn and
everything that we're talkingabout, of course that's going to
get so many people off.
I'm not saying that it won't.
But there's also this side ofporn that I naturally gravitate
(43:12):
towards, which is just me beingmyself and it's just real, it's
passionate and there's a realconnection.
There's no performance, becauseit's already hard enough to do,
as is Just completely unlockyour bodies and just explore
each other's bodies and it kindof it translates on camera and
it translates with the otherperson, and if it's translating
(43:34):
with me and it's translatingwith the other person, it's
translating to the people on theother side that are eating it.
You know they're being they'rebeing fed this knowledge and
it's like, oh wait, this is alsofucking hot and this is also
beautiful and it's not dark yeah, which is what?
Speaker 1 (43:50):
just so, again within whole industry, dark.
Yeah, I actually love thatyou've opened up my eyes in this
regard.
Can I?
I?
I kind of have a thought.
I'd love, I, I had this moment.
I remember I, um, I fancied aphotographer and I was like
could you take some photos of me?
yeah, it's kind of like my wayof let's hang and let's hang out
(44:12):
anyway, she ended up takingthese photos of me and it was
like me in the water or me withthe wet top on, and I remember
when she sent them to me Ididn't know what to think.
I got so overwhelmed, I like.
I looked at them in me and,let's say, provocatively or in a
sexy way, I was like, oh my God.
Speaker 2 (44:27):
I froze up.
Speaker 1 (44:28):
One of my friends grabbed my phone.
He was like Jay, what's this?
Oh, wow, you look great inthese photos.
I was like, are you sure?
I feel a little bit nervousseeing myself like that.
And he was like no, you lookamazing.
You should, you should totallyshare those photos.
Yeah, which it did.
And I remember this was kind of, let's say, a journey of, of
integrating a level of sexinessabsolutely, absolutely.
It's all the same, it's all thesame so can I ask if, like, if
(44:52):
you got to speak to your youngerself oh, yeah, right, and you
were like jonathan.
Here's a couple of tips and I'mthinking your younger self, but
I'm also thinking millions ofother people who are somewhat
similarly locked up in theirsexuality what would be your
kind of like go-to advice oryour support to help just
somebody open up that a littlebit more?
Speaker 2 (45:12):
God, that is such, that's deep and I love it and
it's good.
Think I'd.
I would look at myself and Iwould tell myself you know
there's so much, there's so muchwithin you that you don't know
yet and there's so much that'smisunderstood.
(45:33):
And just maybe, before youstart giving pieces of yourself
because you think that's rightand normal out to the world and
to other individuals who aren'tdeserving of it, maybe just
explore your body, talk toyourself, figure it out.
You know what it is that makesyou who you are, what it is that
(45:54):
is empowering for you, that issexual for you, and in the
lightest way possible.
And then just be, I guess justbe a little bit smarter on who
you share that with and how youshare that, because there's a
real power there and you can'tjust give it to everyone.
And by sharing that out intothe world, it's like a domino
(46:17):
effect.
You're sharing this beautifullight to another person, you're
exchanging those beautifullights with each other and that
causes this ripple effect whereyou're kind of sending that out
into the world.
But again, just give yourselfpatience, but don't push
yourself to give anything outthat you don't think is right
yet.
Speaker 1 (46:32):
Wow, okay.
So I kind of hear two things inwhat you've just shared there,
right?
One is that, for however youshow up sexually, that's sacred.
Treat it sacredly.
Be conscious of who it is thatyou engage with.
Oh god, yeah and and andnurture that, because the right,
right environments in terms ofrelationships will see you
(46:53):
blossom, but the wrong will seeyou implode yeah, okay, I took
that in that that feels really,really good.
The second, though, is what Ikind of understood is that, for
however you present yourself,let's say amongst your social
settlement friends, there is alevel of judgment, and you need
to have a certain energy to holdyourself amongst them.
(47:15):
Build that energy up, first andforemost yeah as you then say,
share that out on social media.
There is some that are going tolike you and there's others
that are going to hate you, andif there's too many that hate
you and you don't know how toprocess that energy you can find
yourself imploding.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
Oh, my God, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (47:31):
And as you progress in life and move on to bigger
audiences and wider spaces andstuff like that, unless you've
done that internal work, thatdomino effect that you said can
lead in two ways One in acompliment and helping you build
strength and character andbelief in terms of who you are
and resilience and the other.
It can knock you back and itcan see you implode.
Speaker 2 (47:51):
And that there is.
That's the exact world that welive in exactly right now, where
everyone is you know.
You don't even know what's realand what's not on the internet
anymore.
But it's like people justtearing themselves apart because
they don't look a certain wayor because they're not ideally
(48:12):
sexy, or whatever that means.
It's like you just have to beso thick-skinned, and I think
the self-exploration into yourown sexual energy is so powerful
, because that's just going togive you that, that that sturdy
ground to stand on which a lotof us guys I mean men and women
(48:32):
already don't have.
But that's why it's soimportant to dive into it, to be
like what does that look like?
sorry for you oh my god it.
And again, yeah, didn't starttill till recently where I'm
like, where I had to find outthrough myself what is not mine
(48:56):
and what is mine, what issexually mine that I know is
invigorating for me in a goodway, and what has maybe been
potentially planted here by whatI've seen from social media or
somebody else that I've had asexual encounter with that is
negative and not mine, and it'slike filtering out those and
(49:17):
figuring out what is for you sowhen I hear that what I think of
is perhaps watching porn inyounger years, yeah and seeing
somebody really get off onsomething and be like oh wow
yeah and there being a thoughtthat that would work for me, but
finding myself in thatexperience and actually really
not enjoying it exactly, andthat was a thought, an external
(49:39):
thing planted in me by thatexperience now you're, now
you're on it.
Yeah, exactly that.
So when I say these plantsright, so I've, I think, a way
that people can decipher, right,if you're listening, a way that
you can decipher what it isthat's been planted in me that
is not mine and and compared towhat is mine, is like what is
(50:01):
something sexually that gets youoff but you would never do with
your partner.
And I think that's a way for methat I kind of started to like
realize I was like this gets meoff when I watch porn, but I
don't think I'd ever actually dothis with my partner or someone
that I want to marry, someonethat I love, and so that can
(50:21):
maybe give you a little bit of atunnel, you know, vision on
where to maybe guide and lookfrom.
And then again, you know itgoes so much deeper than that,
because you know that's why Italk about.
You know, everyone in thiswhole, everyone in this life,
has got trauma.
Trauma works in a way that itcan install things within you.
(50:42):
You know, let's say, ifsomething happened to you, it
can install that within you.
You know, let's say, ifsomething happened to you, it
can install that into youcertain beliefs, certain
feelings, certain reactions,reactions your body will
remember it and becausesometimes the mind doesn't
actually know what to do and howto process it, or sometimes,
because you suppress it, itmight work in getting you off.
(51:03):
You know, later on down theyear.
So you actually startfantasizing about something that
traumatized you, and that's how, that's just how the mind works
.
So it's up to us, because noone's going to do it for us,
that we have to look and be likeokay, I think it's time that I
worked through this and I kindof weed this out.
You know, I saw, I saw thisreally beautiful um, was it an
(51:25):
analogy or a metaphor?
You're, you're giving birds,you might know, but it was like
a is a tea in in a cup and itwas like they're pouring clear
water into the cup and it wasoverfilling until it weeded out
the brown and darkness and itliterally looks just like that.
Speaker 1 (51:42):
Yeah when I'm hearing you speak.
What I'm recognizing is thatoftentimes it's like you know
you hear this.
Would people just do the workphrase?
Yeah, and I remember for ages Iwas like what do people mean by
do the work?
I mean, it's actually this.
It's take time to figureyourself out take time to figure
out what works for you and whatdoesn't what ideas have almost
(52:04):
been planted into you but aren'tactually yours and aren't true
to you, and what I feel is thatwith every ailment that we
suffer or every challenge thatwe go through, it's oftentimes
another layer of communicationtrying to help us figure out
what's more true to us andwhat's more right and what's not
.
And I find that oftentimes,when I'm, let's say, getting
(52:26):
bumped around my life quite abit, when I'm, when I'm
unconsciously living in anuntrue state to myself, oh my
god, yes, yep, yeah and then theworld seems to just rearrange
itself and almost open up this.
Yeah, merry big road for me whenI'm being more honest with
(52:46):
myself.
Yeah, and it uh, yeah, and sothat's I loved, like I loved
hearing your journey, whereyou're like you know, I started
doing this work on my sexualityand I felt like I was blossoming
.
I felt like you didn't say it,but I kind of felt like years of
age just come off your shoulder, yeah, and I.
I think we have a bit of a anodd understanding when it comes
(53:08):
to disease and aging yeah andand also like mental issues,
like depression, anxiety.
Most of these are self-inducedyeah and what the lovely thing
about that.
Like some people don't want totake responsibility,
self-induced what you meanself-induced?
Oh right, if you just recognize, if they're self-induced, you
can also turn things around,you're in the driving seat of
(53:28):
this and I really feel it'sincredible the level of impact
we can serve upon ourselves are.
Speaker 2 (53:36):
You know, and I said this in the last podcast, um,
because actually I don't thinkanyone knew I used to be, I used
to party hard like party, partyhard, hard.
But last October, so actuallyalmost a year ago, I decided to
go.
I am completely clean.
So I quit smoking, I quitdrinking, I quit drugs, I quit,
you know, I even quit sugar, Iquit dairy, I quit eggs, I quit
(53:58):
just absolutely everything.
And I was just really seriousabout figuring out who I am and
and how strong I can be, youknow, and and how healthy I can
be.
And when I got that, you know, II became suddenly, I became
really clear and it was like mymind was clarified, you know,
(54:20):
and I was able to kind of likesee for the first time, kind of
without these lenses, andactually like feel my body again
after months, without drinkingor on a comedown or whatever,
how I really felt.
You know, it's like you can,you can so get in touch with you
(54:40):
know your own energy, your ownsexual drive, your own I own, I
guess libido.
You can, you can get in touchwith it.
You can like talk to, you canfeel it out, you can figure it
out like it's within you.
Speaker 1 (54:52):
It's not that far if you just take the distractions
out of the equation, if you takethe distractions out of the
equation that are alreadykilling you.
Speaker 2 (54:59):
To begin with, they're already causing chronic
illness within you.
You know it's like, if you takeit out, it's like the mind and
the body are extremely powerful.
It's it wants to heal itself,it wants to do good yeah, I, I,
I think it's comical.
Speaker 1 (55:13):
I was chatting with um, a holistic doctor, on this
podcast recently and we werechatting after, and one thing I
recognize is that most of thework we do is compensating for
us being in the wrongenvironments, are living untrue
to ourselves, and it's amazingwhen we start twofold one,
putting ourselves in anenvironment that complements us
(55:33):
better two doing all these, thatall these dietary shifts that
are oftentimes used compensatoryto compensate for the issues of
the environment and stuff, butwe actually do them in a
complementary fashion.
So we change the environment, wedo all the diet stuff, we start
having the tough conversations.
I think we reach a status,let's say, of human, of almost
like superhuman ability yeahwhen we're not putting up with
(55:57):
all the shit that we put on topof ourselves.
When we set ourselves free,it's like, oh my god, I can feel
, immediately speaking, whatworks for me, what doesn't.
I get clarity in terms ofdecisions that work for me
versus not, and ideas of what Ishould be doing immediately.
Speaker 2 (56:11):
It's it's.
You know how.
You're talking about that roadopening up.
Yeah, I think ever since Iactually had done that, my my
life looked like that.
Everything suddenly kind ofmoved out of my way.
It's like you're driving downthe highway and all the lights
are turning green a secondbefore you get there and you're
like fuck, this is what life isand this is what it could be,
(56:34):
and I wish I could.
You know, I don't want to, youcan.
You can lead a horse to thewater.
You can't make it drink it, butit's like I wish more people
knew about how, how strong andpowerful we actually are.
Speaker 1 (56:47):
It only sounds, yeah and in the most interesting ways
yeah, essentially it's at thevery heart of what you're doing.
You're hoping to inspire peopleto a clear path what exactly
it's like.
Speaker 2 (56:58):
I literally cut out everything you know and it's
went on this sober track andthen started doing porn, which
is you know you'd think it'd bethe other way around, but it's
brilliant, it's brilliant Ithink, I think it's very
important now that we get andthese, let's say, contrasting
stories because, we're so welike putting things into a
bottle.
Speaker 1 (57:18):
Yeah, we like, uh, seeing things in a simple black
and white fashion yeah, no no,no, no.
Actually, for some this can bereally complimenting this can be
really beneficial.
Speaker 2 (57:28):
It's not for everybody, but for some it could
be very much the medicine thatthey'd be looking for and in my
case, it was the exact medicinethat I needed to heal, and it
was actually one of the lastthings I was like there.
There's just something in meI'm I'm not my full self,
something, you know and thatstarted with the
self-exploration into my ownsexual drive and my empowerment,
(57:52):
and then that led to meultimately feeling the best I'd
ever felt and being happy withinmy own body and my own mind,
and then that led to me doingOnlyFans and being like I want
to do this for myself, but alsoI want to.
I want to share this.
Speaker 1 (58:07):
that's lovely yeah, thank you for sharing on this.
Yeah, thank you.
Um is there.
If someone wants to follow you,if someone wants to get in on
this content, what's the bestway?
Speaker 2 (58:17):
ah, you mean the plug .
So yes, guys, if you guys wantto follow me, my username is the
johnny lee.
Speaker 1 (58:25):
That's the j-o-n-n-y l-e-e perfect, you say guys, but
surely girls would want towatch too surprisingly a lot,
yeah, okay needed to touch onthat one.
Speaker 2 (58:35):
Yeah thank you so much, thank you so much.
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