Tony exposes something that will forever change how you hear conversations - including your own. That moment when someone says, 'I feel like you don't care' might not actually be about feelings at all..."
Have you ever said "I feel like this isn't working," when what you really meant was, "I think this isn't working - and I'm scared"? In this eye-opening episode, Tony delves into the subtle but powerful difference between thoughts and feelings, revealing how this common confusion shapes our relationships in unexpected ways.
Through engaging stories from his therapy practice, Tony shows how something as simple as saying "I feel like" when we mean "I think" can accidentally put others on the defensive and hide our true emotions. You'll discover why that matters more than you might think - especially in your closest relationships.
Drawing from both clinical experience and relatable examples (including a story about forgotten tacos at a dinner party), Tony explores:
- Why we often mask our true feelings behind thoughts
- How childhood experiences shape our comfort with emotional expression
- The surprising reason self-compassion feels threatening to many people
- Practical ways to build a richer emotional vocabulary
Once you understand this pattern, you'll start noticing it everywhere - in your conversations, in others' speech, and maybe even in your own internal dialogue. Visit Tony's new website https://tonyoverbay.com for additional resources on emotional intelligence and join his Patreon community at https://patreon.com/virtualcouch for exclusive content and Q&A sessions where you can dive deeper into these insights.
This isn't just another episode about communication - it's about understanding why we hide our true feelings and how to finally express what we really mean.
Find more from Tony Overbay:
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft/
Apple Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-virtual-couch/id1275153998
Website: https://www.tonyoverbay.com/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/virtualcouch
00:00 Welcome to The Virtual Couch
00:52 Understanding Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
01:20 Exciting Announcements and Facial Hair
03:07 Unseen Patterns and Hidden Meanings
05:49 The Power of Confirmation Bias
08:58 Thoughts vs. Feelings: A Therapy Insight
17:33 Emotional Vocabulary and Childhood Influences
23:20 Separating Observations from Judgments
24:03 Witness vs. Lawyer: A Car Accident Case
24:44 Applying the Concept to Relationships
25:39 Curiosity Over Judgment
27:15 Workplace Communication
29:37 The Taco Story: A Lesson in Self-Compassion
34:56 The Impact of Self-Criticism
39:13 Embracing Psychological Flexibility
40:57 Conclusion and Final Thoughts