November 10, 2025 • 24 mins
For episode transcripts, click HERE.
For more marriage encouragement, visit: www.VowsToKeep.com | V2K Blog | Marriage Counseling | Insta | FB
Apple Podcast listener? Would you consider leaving us a review, as this helps more couple's to find our resources?! Leave your review HERE.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
Our mission is to help couplesdevelop biblically healthy
marriages through theapplication of God's Word and a
deeper relationship with Him.
We desire to help you and yourspouse grow closer to each other
and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
No one signs up for marriage looking for our passion
to wane.
We mean our vows when we saythem.
We have every intention ofgiving our all to this marriage
and we can't wait to see whereit takes us.
So many of us find that rightsmack dab in the middle of the
journey, our love goggles falloff and we can't see our way to
the end of this marriage roadanymore.
We lack the energy to strive tofinish the race.
(00:47):
Yet somewhere in the back ofour minds, somewhere in the
bottom of our hearts, we stillwant this marriage to succeed.
Today, on Vows to Keep Radio,we're going to share two
essential secrets to go thedistance.
These two elements are soimportant.
We believe that no marriage canbe successful without them.
That's why you're here today.
You're looking for the secretingredient.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
What are they Find out?
On today's episode of Vows toKeep Radio, the show where you
get sound biblical counsel youcan apply immediately to your
marriage.
We're your hosts, david andTracy Sellers of Vows to Keep.
We're biblical marriagecounselors, authors, teachers,
podcast hosts, radio hosts andconference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing on fire for your spouse
(01:31):
and for God, you're definitelyin the right place.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
If I squeeze my eyes tight and plug my ears to shut
out the world, I can barelyremember something encouraging
that someone has said to me,even though people encourage me
all the time.
I have to be really intentionalto think through the good
things that have happened overthe last week, let alone the
last year.
More often than not I forgetwhat I prayed for and how God
has answered that prayer.
(01:54):
But at any given moment of theday, no matter what else is
going on, I can easily recallsomething negative that someone
said to me or about me, even ifit's from a long time ago.
I can instantly bring to mymind hurts and hurt feelings,
something that didn't go well,or a prayer that God hasn't
answered yet.
Is that how it goes for you whenyou think about your marriage?
(02:16):
Easy to remember the hardthings, hard to remember the
successes, maybe even hard toremember the goals we had at the
beginning of our relationship?
I'll have to say this has beenone of the toughest years of our
marriage.
David's job is more like TomCruise in the Firm if you've
ever seen that movie than aregular 9-7 job Demanding more
hours and energy from him thanhe has to give and honestly,
(02:38):
there's not much left of him foranything else.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yeah, it's been tough .
Health issues have aboundedthis year for both of us, but
thankfully we've come out on theother side.
We've had two kids move out ofthe house and go to college,
stresses in ministry, challengeswith family members these
things have all tested ourrelationship.
Some of them have revealedfractures, things that need
attention.
(03:01):
Maybe, like us, you've had atough year.
A parent moved in, you'veexperienced a job loss or
bankruptcy, a miscarriage,promises that have been broken,
expectations unmet, commitmentsthat have been impossible to
keep.
When you look back at the last12 months of your marriage, is
it the good or the bad thatcomes to your mind?
(03:24):
When your history as a coupleleans more toward the negative
than the positive, it can reallyshake your faith.
Have you felt the foundation ofyour faith shifting beneath
your feet?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
We begin to question God, question our spouses and
even ourselves.
Most of the time we don't sayany of it out loud, but our
heart whispers, a prayer thatseems to bounce off the ceiling,
like God, where are you?
We try to communicate with ourhusband, with our eyes or our
nonverbals saying why don't youcome through for me?
And we ask ourselves in themiddle of the night, when we've
(03:59):
already been let down so manytimes, will you be able to hang
on to hope?
I heard a song recently thattalked about how God is still
working, still moving, that he'sup to something.
And in my finite faith I don'talways believe that because I
can't see it.
But then I look at scriptureand I see that it's true.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
In John 5, jesus sees someone in need it's a man
paralyzed from birth.
Sees someone in need it's a manparalyzed from birth.
He heals him.
But there's these naysayersthat see the whole thing and
they say, jesus, you've donesomething wrong.
And what was that thing he didwrong?
He healed on the Sabbath.
Now Jesus responds hey, myfather is always at work to this
(04:40):
very day, and I am working too.
And then there's us in thedaily monotony of our marriage,
and I'm challenged to believe Idon't know if I can see that
truth that God actually sees mymarriage.
He recognizes that yourmarriage and mine they need
healing, that he is the God whoreaches out to touch our
(05:00):
brokenness.
He hasn't left me, he hasn'tleft my spouse, he has not left
our marriage and he has not leftthis world alone just watching
it fall apart.
That is not who he is.
Psalm 121 tells me that God isat work in the details.
(05:20):
He who watches over me doesn'tslumber or sleep, but he's
always at my right hand,protecting, guiding.
Philippians 2.13 tells me thatGod is at work inside of us.
It says God is working in you,giving you the desire and the
power to do what pleases him.
Referring to God.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I guess, if I'm honest, sometimes I don't
believe that God is up tosomething.
But if I could pull back thelens and look at my life, I see
my face shakes in the exactmoment where I begin to assess
and fixate on the negativewhat's happened that didn't feel
good, what's happened thatdidn't line up with my
expectations or dreams, whathasn't happened and where I feel
God hasn't come through.
(05:59):
Sometimes it feels like nothingis going right and I have to
almost force my foot to take thenext step of faith.
I bet you've been there, ormaybe that's where your marriage
is at today.
I read verses all overscripture where God is asking,
actually telling me to keep myeyes on him, to press forward in
faith, to not wallow in thethings that have happened in the
(06:19):
past or live in constant regret, but instead to look at what
he's doing now and what he'spromised to do in the future.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
How do we do that?
What are the two secrets to gothe distance in marriage?
It's simple.
It's remembering and forgetting.
Now these sound contradictory,but both have their place and
this is a way more profoundthing that I think we give it
credit for.
God has given specificdirection for us in his word for
(06:53):
both of these two things, andthey will be what builds our
faith to go the distance in ourmarriage.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
One day, when I was about 20, I was talking with a
trusted confidant and I toldthem I felt God was calling me
to go to Bible school to getequipped to go into full-time
ministry.
One day, when I was about 20, Iwas talking with a trusted
confidant and I told them I feltGod was calling me to go to
Bible school to get equipped togo into full-time ministry.
You're not that special.
The person said back to me Giveup the dream and just stop
pretending.
God has some great call on yourlife.
I can remember exactly where Iwas standing when I heard those
(07:20):
words.
They sliced pretty deep.
I believed them.
I made decisions based on themthat had some far-reaching
effects on the rest of my life,where I went to school, what
occupation I chose, what I wouldchoose to do with my time.
People who say they love usoften do and say things that
hurt us.
Your husband will, your wifewill.
(07:40):
I've recalled that conversationin my mind at least a hundred
times in the last 20 years.
I see what could have been andthat's what hurts the most.
God was calling me intofull-time ministry.
God had prepared good works inadvance for me to do.
That conversation took placeabout a year or two before I met
David.
And even though I listened topeople rather than God, you know
(08:02):
what I didn't stop God dead inhis tracks.
His plan for my life and forusing me as his tool didn't come
to a halt.
God used that interim time inmy life to grow me in him so
that when I met David I wasfull-on ready to begin ministry
with him.
People's words and actions can'tstop what God intends.
The history of you or yourspouse's sin does not define
(08:25):
your future.
God does.
It may not look like youthought it would, but God's not
surprised.
He's not thrown off base.
It took me a long time to getto that place in my heart where
I believe those things.
The first step for me wasforgiveness.
Would I forgive this person forwhat they said and the effects
it had on my future?
Forgiveness puts our past asfar as the East is from the West
(08:49):
.
History no longer defines mebecause Jesus has redefined me
and now I can go forward infaith.
Forgiveness made it possiblefor me to trust that, even
though my life seemed to stallout because I didn't listen to
God, I could trust him to redeemmy time.
The challenge for each of uswill be to shift where our eyes
are focusing With a trust in Godand a forgiveness for a spouse
(09:13):
who's hurt us.
Will we look ahead to what Godhas for our marriage?
Will we believe that he can domiracles?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Miracles?
What are the situations that,when you look back, you see
beyond a shadow of a doubt thatit was only by God's hand that
you were delivered?
Can I encourage you to writethose things down?
Make a list right now of whereyou've seen God's hand in your
life.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
For me.
I could write down somethingphysical, like the time where
David fell through some rafters10 feet onto concrete and even
though he has sustained injuriesto this day, he somehow didn't
land on the pile of shrapnelthat was directly under where he
fell that shrapnel that surelywould have caused him more harm.
It could be something emotional, like God sustaining me to take
(10:05):
care of David during hisfour-month recovery from his
fall.
That was well past my humanabilities to do so.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
It could be something spiritual, like the time our
oldest daughter led our youngestdaughter to faith in Jesus
Christ right there in theirbedroom before they went to
sleep.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
It could be something mental, like when the Holy
Spirit brings just the rightverse to me, the truth that I
need in that moment to fight thebattle in my mind against the
lies of the enemy.
These, my friends, are miracles.
This is evidence of God on themove, supernatural circumstances
that when I think about them,when I remember them, they build
(10:46):
my faith and they remind methat God is not only there
beside me, he's in control and Ican trust him.
He's working in your life too,even if you can't see it at the
moment.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
We're not two perfect people.
We've struggled in our marriage, and I know you have too Well.
I want to tell you aboutsomeone else in the Bible who
did as well, and that's theIsraelites.
They didn't have the easiestpath.
We read about them in the OldTestament, and you're going to
hear how they had some enemies.
You're also going to hear howtheir sins kept them in chains,
(11:19):
and they, like us, long forthings that they didn't have.
They wandered in the wildernessbecause of their lack of faith.
Their story is so much areflection of our own lives.
I'm certain that's actually whyGod gave us their story in
print, so that we could learn.
They, like us, had forgottenthat God not only had done
(11:40):
miracles for them, like rescuingthem from the hand of Pharaoh
by parting the Red Sea, but thatGod was currently doing
miracles for them.
For 40 years after escapingEgypt, they were provided for.
They had more than enough tosustain their lives.
Undoubtedly, though, the mostimportant miracle was that God,
(12:01):
even after all they had done, hegave his presence to them.
God himself went with them.
Now, because they forgot thesethings, they didn't trust God to
continue to do miracles.
God asked us to forget, butthey forgot the wrong things.
They forgot to remindthemselves of what God had done
(12:23):
and was doing, so their faithfaltered the moment a new need
arose.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
We are called to forget, but not in the way that
Israelites did.
God asks us to forget, in thesame way that he removes our
sins from us as far as the eastis from the west.
When we forgive, we won't keepcalling those things to mind.
It's not that it didn't happenor that what happened doesn't
have repercussions andconsequences because, honestly,
sin always does.
But God asks us not to holdgrudges and offenses.
(12:54):
That's because we can't moveforward, we can't go the
distance, if we're lettingregret hold us in the past.
That's why the second secret togoing the distance in your
marriage is just as important asthe first remembering.
Both forgetting and rememberingare so powerful.
I don't know if I could chooseone over the other.
They're two sides of the samecoin.
You can't have one without theother.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
It's in Joshua 3 and 4 that we find God's people at
the end of this wander throughthe wilderness for 40 years, and
the leadership is passing fromMoses to Joshua.
Joshua is going to be the guyto take him into the promised
land, into Canaan.
So what you're about to hear ishow God's faithfulness far
exceeds these fickle people whoare so like us.
(13:39):
It was time to cross the JordanRiver into Canaan, and God
gives a special word to Joshua.
The Ark of the Covenant, whichbasically represents God's
presence going with his people,is to be carried by 12 priests
ahead of the people.
God wanted them and all oftheir enemies to know that he,
(14:05):
god, was with them.
Priests who carry the ark of thelord set foot in the jordan.
Its waters flowing downstreamwill be cut off and stand up in
a heap.
Verse 15 says the jordan is inflood stage, so it's flowing
hard.
Yet as soon as these priestswho carry the ark touch the
(14:26):
water's edge, the water doesexactly what God says All the
water from upstream stopsflowing.
They stood in the middle of theJordan with the ark while the
Israelites went on dry ground tothe promised land.
It's amazing how God works.
They didn't walk in the mud toprove his point.
(14:50):
God knew the Israelites wouldfalter again in their faith, and
dry ground proved the miraclethat God was doing before their
very eyes.
I love that he knows us so well.
God knew them too, but he alsoknew that they would forget.
So God asked something veryunique.
He tells Joshua to grab a manfrom each of these 12 tribes and
(15:13):
have them carry a large stoneon their shoulder from the
middle of the dry riverbed tothe opposite shore.
Then Joshua sets up these 12stones.
Why?
Joshua answers that in chapter4, verse 21.
It says in the future, whenyour descendants ask their
(15:34):
parents what do these stonesmean?
Tell them israel crossed thejordan on dry ground.
The lord, your god, did to thejordan what he has done to the
red Sea.
He did this so that all thepeople of the world might know
that the hand of the Lord ispowerful.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I wonder if I've ever thought about what I'm telling
my kids about what God has donethat's increasing their faith,
that's helped them choose toserve God for themselves.
There's something reallypowerful about telling someone
about what God has done.
Over and over in the Bible wesee how we're to tell the next
generation how God has moved,and I think it's for three
reasons.
Number one, so that as thewords leave our mouths, we hear
(16:20):
with our own ears that God stillworks miracles.
This is going to increase ourfaith for the next miracle that
we need.
Number two, so that everyone wetell, wherever they're at in
their own faith, they're goingto be built up, they're going to
be reminded of God'sfaithfulness and power, which I
think is going to spur them onto love and good works.
And number three, so we willremember not to forget.
(16:41):
Psalm 78 says I will teach youhidden lessons from our past
stories.
We have heard and known storiesour ancestors handed down to us
.
We won't hide these truths fromour children.
We're going to tell the nextgeneration about the glorious
deeds of the Lord.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
So what questions will your kids and your
grandkids ask you?
What's going to make them stopand ask why is it like this,
grandpa?
What are you doing that for,grandpa?
If you haven't made a habit toshare what God has done, let me
give you some quick tips onwhere to begin.
First, get in the habit ofpraying with your wife and your
(17:18):
children every night, no matterhow old they are.
Take prayer requests, but alsouse this time to ask how should
we be praising God?
Take time to share what God hasdone and be specific about it.
People will see and understandwhat God's done in their life as
you lead, sharing your ownexamples.
Make this an opportunity totell about the glorious deeds of
(17:41):
a heavenly God.
Make it a time to praise and topray with confidence in who
your God is.
Now, I know this could soundintimidating, but trust me, do
this for two weeks and it won'tbe awkward, just fruitful.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
So let's go back to the Israelites for just a second
.
They were across the Jordan now.
Their shoes weren't even muddy.
They were probably feelingpretty good.
That was the perfect time forthem to set these stones up.
Why?
Because we're pretty quick toprayer.
Prayer, god moves in amiraculous way and not 10
minutes later we forget we evenprayed it and I'm already on to
the next thing.
(18:19):
So what's something you coulddo, along with praying, where
you could be more proactive, toremember what God has done, so
that when you're having a hardtime remembering because those
times are going to come when youneed to remember the most
you're going to have it at theready Now.
It may seem overly literal, butfor many years as a family, we
had our own version of thisstory from Joshua 3 and 4, these
(18:42):
stones of remembrance.
We have a clear glass bowlfilled with smooth rocks in our
house and we took a fine Sharpiemarker and when a prayer was
answered or somethingsignificant came that was
clearly at the hands of God, wewould just write it down and put
the date next to it.
How wonderful and how faithbuilding it has been to sift
through those stones and remindourselves of what God has done.
(19:04):
It's interesting, though, whenI look back at those stones.
Many of those miracles that Goddid on our behalf required some
outward expression of our faith,a step of obedience, just like
the priests of Israel Remember,those waters of the Jordan were
in flood stage, but here theywere asked to follow what God
said and put their foot in.
(19:24):
Would they do it?
Maybe they felt foolish.
Maybe only half of them reallythought it was going to work.
Maybe a couple of them doubtedthat Joshua had really even
heard from God.
They might've been rememberingtheir 40 years of wandering, or
they might've been rememberinghow God had provided everything
they needed during those years,and that gave them what they
needed to believe God would comethrough again.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
What is God asking you to forget in order to move
forward, to cross your JordanRiver into the promised land
that he's promised you?
Your first step into the wateris likely to be one of
forgiveness.
We can't expect God to part thewaters and make a way if we
aren't willing to obey thatsimple request he has of us,
(20:13):
request he has of us.
Will you forgive the peoplethat have sinned against you,
just like your heavenly fatherhas forgiven you?
Can you see that yourforgiveness, your obedience to
be like Jesus can make animpassable wedge in your
marriage actually turn into atestimony of God's grace for
future generations to see?
You see, when I forgive, I'mactually focusing on what God
(20:35):
has done, not what someone elsehas done against me, but my eyes
are fixated on his faithfulness, his consistency, his
miracle-working power in mymarriage.
What is God asking you toremember?
To hold on to, to bolster yourfaith, to take that first step.
(21:00):
If nothing comes to mind orit's just a few things, go to
James with me as we wrap up.
James, chapter 1, starting inverse 16, says Don't be deceived
, my dear brothers and sisters.
Every good and perfect gift isfrom above, coming down from the
Father of the heavenly lightswho does not change like
shifting shadows.
Lord, I pray that we don'tshift in our faith because we
(21:23):
don't recognize that everysingle thing that is good is
from you.
Give us thankful hearts so thatwe don't stand at the water's
edge wondering if you'll show up.
Help us to remember what you'vedone.
Help us to document it, to makeit so that we don't forget, so
that others in the future willbe reminded that you are
(21:46):
powerful, that you are present,that you are enough powerful
that you are present, that youare enough.
Hebrews 11.1 says Now, faith isthe assurance of things hoped
for, the conviction of thingsnot seen.
Choosing to forget, to not letterrible things of our past roll
(22:07):
over and over in our mindsagain and again, is faith in
action.
Every time we let unmetexpectations and wrongdoings of
other people be given to theLord, it's faith in action.
Choosing to remember thegoodness of God, how he's
brought us through the toughtimes again and again.
(22:27):
Is faith building in action?
It's believing that God is notsurprised at how things have
turned out, but insteadremembering he's in control,
he's reigning, sovereign over mylife and my marriage right now.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Will you choose to live out the two secrets that
will help you and your spouse gothe distance in your marriage
Forgetting by forgiving andremembering to build your faith.
To live out the two secretsthat will help you and your
spouse go the distance in yourmarriage Forgetting by forgiving
and remembering to build yourfaith?
We believe you won't see thefinish line without these two
essential ingredients.
And finally, will you help yourspouse know these two secrets?
They might not know how to moveforward right now.
(23:05):
They might be having adifficult time hearing God's
voice, maybe even knowing whatthe next step is.
Hebrews 3, 12 and 13 has acalling for you and your
marriage today.
It says See to it, brothers andsisters, that none of you has a
sinful, unbelieving heart thatturns away from the living God,
the cure.
Encourage one another every daywhile it's still called today,
(23:27):
so that none of you may behardened by the deceitfulness of
sin.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Tonight with your spouse.
Can I ask you to talk aboutthat, to talk about what God has
done, to have some of thoseremember when conversations and
then be the one to document itand to initiate a prayer of
praise to a God who is worthy.
God is powerful enough.
He's faithful enough to entrustwith your past.
(23:52):
If you've asked forgiveness,it's been granted.
Can I ask you to forget thepast, to no longer be defined by
Satan's condemnation.
Forget what you need to andremember what you're called to.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
(24:31):
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities, but
would like to help support Vowsto Keep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on theDonate link.
No-transcript.
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
Our mission is to help couplesdevelop biblically healthy
marriages through theapplication of God's Word and a
deeper relationship with Him.
We desire to help you and yourspouse grow closer to each other
and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
No one signs up for marriage looking for our passion
to wane.
We mean our vows when we saythem.
We have every intention ofgiving our all to this marriage
and we can't wait to see whereit takes us.
So many of us find that rightsmack dab in the middle of the
journey, our love goggles falloff and we can't see our way to
the end of this marriage roadanymore.
We lack the energy to strive tofinish the race.
(00:47):
Yet somewhere in the back ofour minds, somewhere in the
bottom of our hearts, we stillwant this marriage to succeed.
Today, on Vows to Keep Radio,we're going to share two
essential secrets to go thedistance.
These two elements are soimportant.
We believe that no marriage canbe successful without them.
That's why you're here today.
You're looking for the secretingredient.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
What are they Find out?
On today's episode of Vows toKeep Radio, the show where you
get sound biblical counsel youcan apply immediately to your
marriage.
We're your hosts, david andTracy Sellers of Vows to Keep.
We're biblical marriagecounselors, authors, teachers,
podcast hosts, radio hosts andconference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing on fire for your spouse
(01:31):
and for God, you're definitelyin the right place.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
If I squeeze my eyes tight and plug my ears to shut
out the world, I can barelyremember something encouraging
that someone has said to me,even though people encourage me
all the time.
I have to be really intentionalto think through the good
things that have happened overthe last week, let alone the
last year.
More often than not I forgetwhat I prayed for and how God
has answered that prayer.
(01:54):
But at any given moment of theday, no matter what else is
going on, I can easily recallsomething negative that someone
said to me or about me, even ifit's from a long time ago.
I can instantly bring to mymind hurts and hurt feelings,
something that didn't go well,or a prayer that God hasn't
answered yet.
Is that how it goes for you whenyou think about your marriage?
(02:16):
Easy to remember the hardthings, hard to remember the
successes, maybe even hard toremember the goals we had at the
beginning of our relationship?
I'll have to say this has beenone of the toughest years of our
marriage.
David's job is more like TomCruise in the Firm if you've
ever seen that movie than aregular 9-7 job Demanding more
hours and energy from him thanhe has to give and honestly,
(02:38):
there's not much left of him foranything else.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
Yeah, it's been tough .
Health issues have aboundedthis year for both of us, but
thankfully we've come out on theother side.
We've had two kids move out ofthe house and go to college,
stresses in ministry, challengeswith family members these
things have all tested ourrelationship.
Some of them have revealedfractures, things that need
attention.
(03:01):
Maybe, like us, you've had atough year.
A parent moved in, you'veexperienced a job loss or
bankruptcy, a miscarriage,promises that have been broken,
expectations unmet, commitmentsthat have been impossible to
keep.
When you look back at the last12 months of your marriage, is
it the good or the bad thatcomes to your mind?
(03:24):
When your history as a coupleleans more toward the negative
than the positive, it can reallyshake your faith.
Have you felt the foundation ofyour faith shifting beneath
your feet?
Speaker 2 (03:37):
We begin to question God, question our spouses and
even ourselves.
Most of the time we don't sayany of it out loud, but our
heart whispers, a prayer thatseems to bounce off the ceiling,
like God, where are you?
We try to communicate with ourhusband, with our eyes or our
nonverbals saying why don't youcome through for me?
And we ask ourselves in themiddle of the night, when we've
(03:59):
already been let down so manytimes, will you be able to hang
on to hope?
I heard a song recently thattalked about how God is still
working, still moving, that he'sup to something.
And in my finite faith I don'talways believe that because I
can't see it.
But then I look at scriptureand I see that it's true.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
In John 5, jesus sees someone in need it's a man
paralyzed from birth.
Sees someone in need it's a manparalyzed from birth.
He heals him.
But there's these naysayersthat see the whole thing and
they say, jesus, you've donesomething wrong.
And what was that thing he didwrong?
He healed on the Sabbath.
Now Jesus responds hey, myfather is always at work to this
(04:40):
very day, and I am working too.
And then there's us in thedaily monotony of our marriage,
and I'm challenged to believe Idon't know if I can see that
truth that God actually sees mymarriage.
He recognizes that yourmarriage and mine they need
healing, that he is the God whoreaches out to touch our
(05:00):
brokenness.
He hasn't left me, he hasn'tleft my spouse, he has not left
our marriage and he has not leftthis world alone just watching
it fall apart.
That is not who he is.
Psalm 121 tells me that God isat work in the details.
(05:20):
He who watches over me doesn'tslumber or sleep, but he's
always at my right hand,protecting, guiding.
Philippians 2.13 tells me thatGod is at work inside of us.
It says God is working in you,giving you the desire and the
power to do what pleases him.
Referring to God.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
I guess, if I'm honest, sometimes I don't
believe that God is up tosomething.
But if I could pull back thelens and look at my life, I see
my face shakes in the exactmoment where I begin to assess
and fixate on the negativewhat's happened that didn't feel
good, what's happened thatdidn't line up with my
expectations or dreams, whathasn't happened and where I feel
God hasn't come through.
(05:59):
Sometimes it feels like nothingis going right and I have to
almost force my foot to take thenext step of faith.
I bet you've been there, ormaybe that's where your marriage
is at today.
I read verses all overscripture where God is asking,
actually telling me to keep myeyes on him, to press forward in
faith, to not wallow in thethings that have happened in the
(06:19):
past or live in constant regret, but instead to look at what
he's doing now and what he'spromised to do in the future.
Speaker 3 (06:30):
How do we do that?
What are the two secrets to gothe distance in marriage?
It's simple.
It's remembering and forgetting.
Now these sound contradictory,but both have their place and
this is a way more profoundthing that I think we give it
credit for.
God has given specificdirection for us in his word for
(06:53):
both of these two things, andthey will be what builds our
faith to go the distance in ourmarriage.
Speaker 2 (06:58):
One day, when I was about 20, I was talking with a
trusted confidant and I toldthem I felt God was calling me
to go to Bible school to getequipped to go into full-time
ministry.
One day, when I was about 20, Iwas talking with a trusted
confidant and I told them I feltGod was calling me to go to
Bible school to get equipped togo into full-time ministry.
You're not that special.
The person said back to me Giveup the dream and just stop
pretending.
God has some great call on yourlife.
I can remember exactly where Iwas standing when I heard those
(07:20):
words.
They sliced pretty deep.
I believed them.
I made decisions based on themthat had some far-reaching
effects on the rest of my life,where I went to school, what
occupation I chose, what I wouldchoose to do with my time.
People who say they love usoften do and say things that
hurt us.
Your husband will, your wifewill.
(07:40):
I've recalled that conversationin my mind at least a hundred
times in the last 20 years.
I see what could have been andthat's what hurts the most.
God was calling me intofull-time ministry.
God had prepared good works inadvance for me to do.
That conversation took placeabout a year or two before I met
David.
And even though I listened topeople rather than God, you know
(08:02):
what I didn't stop God dead inhis tracks.
His plan for my life and forusing me as his tool didn't come
to a halt.
God used that interim time inmy life to grow me in him so
that when I met David I wasfull-on ready to begin ministry
with him.
People's words and actions can'tstop what God intends.
The history of you or yourspouse's sin does not define
(08:25):
your future.
God does.
It may not look like youthought it would, but God's not
surprised.
He's not thrown off base.
It took me a long time to getto that place in my heart where
I believe those things.
The first step for me wasforgiveness.
Would I forgive this person forwhat they said and the effects
it had on my future?
Forgiveness puts our past asfar as the East is from the West
(08:49):
.
History no longer defines mebecause Jesus has redefined me
and now I can go forward infaith.
Forgiveness made it possiblefor me to trust that, even
though my life seemed to stallout because I didn't listen to
God, I could trust him to redeemmy time.
The challenge for each of uswill be to shift where our eyes
are focusing With a trust in Godand a forgiveness for a spouse
(09:13):
who's hurt us.
Will we look ahead to what Godhas for our marriage?
Will we believe that he can domiracles?
Speaker 3 (09:22):
Miracles?
What are the situations that,when you look back, you see
beyond a shadow of a doubt thatit was only by God's hand that
you were delivered?
Can I encourage you to writethose things down?
Make a list right now of whereyou've seen God's hand in your
life.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
For me.
I could write down somethingphysical, like the time where
David fell through some rafters10 feet onto concrete and even
though he has sustained injuriesto this day, he somehow didn't
land on the pile of shrapnelthat was directly under where he
fell that shrapnel that surelywould have caused him more harm.
It could be something emotional, like God sustaining me to take
(10:05):
care of David during hisfour-month recovery from his
fall.
That was well past my humanabilities to do so.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
It could be something spiritual, like the time our
oldest daughter led our youngestdaughter to faith in Jesus
Christ right there in theirbedroom before they went to
sleep.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
It could be something mental, like when the Holy
Spirit brings just the rightverse to me, the truth that I
need in that moment to fight thebattle in my mind against the
lies of the enemy.
These, my friends, are miracles.
This is evidence of God on themove, supernatural circumstances
that when I think about them,when I remember them, they build
(10:46):
my faith and they remind methat God is not only there
beside me, he's in control and Ican trust him.
He's working in your life too,even if you can't see it at the
moment.
Speaker 3 (10:58):
We're not two perfect people.
We've struggled in our marriage, and I know you have too Well.
I want to tell you aboutsomeone else in the Bible who
did as well, and that's theIsraelites.
They didn't have the easiestpath.
We read about them in the OldTestament, and you're going to
hear how they had some enemies.
You're also going to hear howtheir sins kept them in chains,
(11:19):
and they, like us, long forthings that they didn't have.
They wandered in the wildernessbecause of their lack of faith.
Their story is so much areflection of our own lives.
I'm certain that's actually whyGod gave us their story in
print, so that we could learn.
They, like us, had forgottenthat God not only had done
(11:40):
miracles for them, like rescuingthem from the hand of Pharaoh
by parting the Red Sea, but thatGod was currently doing
miracles for them.
For 40 years after escapingEgypt, they were provided for.
They had more than enough tosustain their lives.
Undoubtedly, though, the mostimportant miracle was that God,
(12:01):
even after all they had done, hegave his presence to them.
God himself went with them.
Now, because they forgot thesethings, they didn't trust God to
continue to do miracles.
God asked us to forget, butthey forgot the wrong things.
They forgot to remindthemselves of what God had done
(12:23):
and was doing, so their faithfaltered the moment a new need
arose.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
We are called to forget, but not in the way that
Israelites did.
God asks us to forget, in thesame way that he removes our
sins from us as far as the eastis from the west.
When we forgive, we won't keepcalling those things to mind.
It's not that it didn't happenor that what happened doesn't
have repercussions andconsequences because, honestly,
sin always does.
But God asks us not to holdgrudges and offenses.
(12:54):
That's because we can't moveforward, we can't go the
distance, if we're lettingregret hold us in the past.
That's why the second secret togoing the distance in your
marriage is just as important asthe first remembering.
Both forgetting and rememberingare so powerful.
I don't know if I could chooseone over the other.
They're two sides of the samecoin.
You can't have one without theother.
Speaker 3 (13:15):
It's in Joshua 3 and 4 that we find God's people at
the end of this wander throughthe wilderness for 40 years, and
the leadership is passing fromMoses to Joshua.
Joshua is going to be the guyto take him into the promised
land, into Canaan.
So what you're about to hear ishow God's faithfulness far
exceeds these fickle people whoare so like us.
(13:39):
It was time to cross the JordanRiver into Canaan, and God
gives a special word to Joshua.
The Ark of the Covenant, whichbasically represents God's
presence going with his people,is to be carried by 12 priests
ahead of the people.
God wanted them and all oftheir enemies to know that he,
(14:05):
god, was with them.
Priests who carry the ark of thelord set foot in the jordan.
Its waters flowing downstreamwill be cut off and stand up in
a heap.
Verse 15 says the jordan is inflood stage, so it's flowing
hard.
Yet as soon as these priestswho carry the ark touch the
(14:26):
water's edge, the water doesexactly what God says All the
water from upstream stopsflowing.
They stood in the middle of theJordan with the ark while the
Israelites went on dry ground tothe promised land.
It's amazing how God works.
They didn't walk in the mud toprove his point.
(14:50):
God knew the Israelites wouldfalter again in their faith, and
dry ground proved the miraclethat God was doing before their
very eyes.
I love that he knows us so well.
God knew them too, but he alsoknew that they would forget.
So God asked something veryunique.
He tells Joshua to grab a manfrom each of these 12 tribes and
(15:13):
have them carry a large stoneon their shoulder from the
middle of the dry riverbed tothe opposite shore.
Then Joshua sets up these 12stones.
Why?
Joshua answers that in chapter4, verse 21.
It says in the future, whenyour descendants ask their
(15:34):
parents what do these stonesmean?
Tell them israel crossed thejordan on dry ground.
The lord, your god, did to thejordan what he has done to the
red Sea.
He did this so that all thepeople of the world might know
that the hand of the Lord ispowerful.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
I wonder if I've ever thought about what I'm telling
my kids about what God has donethat's increasing their faith,
that's helped them choose toserve God for themselves.
There's something reallypowerful about telling someone
about what God has done.
Over and over in the Bible wesee how we're to tell the next
generation how God has moved,and I think it's for three
reasons.
Number one, so that as thewords leave our mouths, we hear
(16:20):
with our own ears that God stillworks miracles.
This is going to increase ourfaith for the next miracle that
we need.
Number two, so that everyone wetell, wherever they're at in
their own faith, they're goingto be built up, they're going to
be reminded of God'sfaithfulness and power, which I
think is going to spur them onto love and good works.
And number three, so we willremember not to forget.
(16:41):
Psalm 78 says I will teach youhidden lessons from our past
stories.
We have heard and known storiesour ancestors handed down to us
.
We won't hide these truths fromour children.
We're going to tell the nextgeneration about the glorious
deeds of the Lord.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
So what questions will your kids and your
grandkids ask you?
What's going to make them stopand ask why is it like this,
grandpa?
What are you doing that for,grandpa?
If you haven't made a habit toshare what God has done, let me
give you some quick tips onwhere to begin.
First, get in the habit ofpraying with your wife and your
(17:18):
children every night, no matterhow old they are.
Take prayer requests, but alsouse this time to ask how should
we be praising God?
Take time to share what God hasdone and be specific about it.
People will see and understandwhat God's done in their life as
you lead, sharing your ownexamples.
Make this an opportunity totell about the glorious deeds of
(17:41):
a heavenly God.
Make it a time to praise and topray with confidence in who
your God is.
Now, I know this could soundintimidating, but trust me, do
this for two weeks and it won'tbe awkward, just fruitful.
Speaker 2 (17:59):
So let's go back to the Israelites for just a second
.
They were across the Jordan now.
Their shoes weren't even muddy.
They were probably feelingpretty good.
That was the perfect time forthem to set these stones up.
Why?
Because we're pretty quick toprayer.
Prayer, god moves in amiraculous way and not 10
minutes later we forget we evenprayed it and I'm already on to
the next thing.
(18:19):
So what's something you coulddo, along with praying, where
you could be more proactive, toremember what God has done, so
that when you're having a hardtime remembering because those
times are going to come when youneed to remember the most
you're going to have it at theready Now.
It may seem overly literal, butfor many years as a family, we
had our own version of thisstory from Joshua 3 and 4, these
(18:42):
stones of remembrance.
We have a clear glass bowlfilled with smooth rocks in our
house and we took a fine Sharpiemarker and when a prayer was
answered or somethingsignificant came that was
clearly at the hands of God, wewould just write it down and put
the date next to it.
How wonderful and how faithbuilding it has been to sift
through those stones and remindourselves of what God has done.
(19:04):
It's interesting, though, whenI look back at those stones.
Many of those miracles that Goddid on our behalf required some
outward expression of our faith,a step of obedience, just like
the priests of Israel Remember,those waters of the Jordan were
in flood stage, but here theywere asked to follow what God
said and put their foot in.
(19:24):
Would they do it?
Maybe they felt foolish.
Maybe only half of them reallythought it was going to work.
Maybe a couple of them doubtedthat Joshua had really even
heard from God.
They might've been rememberingtheir 40 years of wandering, or
they might've been rememberinghow God had provided everything
they needed during those years,and that gave them what they
needed to believe God would comethrough again.
Speaker 3 (19:47):
What is God asking you to forget in order to move
forward, to cross your JordanRiver into the promised land
that he's promised you?
Your first step into the wateris likely to be one of
forgiveness.
We can't expect God to part thewaters and make a way if we
aren't willing to obey thatsimple request he has of us,
(20:13):
request he has of us.
Will you forgive the peoplethat have sinned against you,
just like your heavenly fatherhas forgiven you?
Can you see that yourforgiveness, your obedience to
be like Jesus can make animpassable wedge in your
marriage actually turn into atestimony of God's grace for
future generations to see?
You see, when I forgive, I'mactually focusing on what God
(20:35):
has done, not what someone elsehas done against me, but my eyes
are fixated on his faithfulness, his consistency, his
miracle-working power in mymarriage.
What is God asking you toremember?
To hold on to, to bolster yourfaith, to take that first step.
(21:00):
If nothing comes to mind orit's just a few things, go to
James with me as we wrap up.
James, chapter 1, starting inverse 16, says Don't be deceived
, my dear brothers and sisters.
Every good and perfect gift isfrom above, coming down from the
Father of the heavenly lightswho does not change like
shifting shadows.
Lord, I pray that we don'tshift in our faith because we
(21:23):
don't recognize that everysingle thing that is good is
from you.
Give us thankful hearts so thatwe don't stand at the water's
edge wondering if you'll show up.
Help us to remember what you'vedone.
Help us to document it, to makeit so that we don't forget, so
that others in the future willbe reminded that you are
(21:46):
powerful, that you are present,that you are enough powerful
that you are present, that youare enough.
Hebrews 11.1 says Now, faith isthe assurance of things hoped
for, the conviction of thingsnot seen.
Choosing to forget, to not letterrible things of our past roll
(22:07):
over and over in our mindsagain and again, is faith in
action.
Every time we let unmetexpectations and wrongdoings of
other people be given to theLord, it's faith in action.
Choosing to remember thegoodness of God, how he's
brought us through the toughtimes again and again.
(22:27):
Is faith building in action?
It's believing that God is notsurprised at how things have
turned out, but insteadremembering he's in control,
he's reigning, sovereign over mylife and my marriage right now.
Speaker 2 (22:45):
Will you choose to live out the two secrets that
will help you and your spouse gothe distance in your marriage
Forgetting by forgiving andremembering to build your faith.
To live out the two secretsthat will help you and your
spouse go the distance in yourmarriage Forgetting by forgiving
and remembering to build yourfaith?
We believe you won't see thefinish line without these two
essential ingredients.
And finally, will you help yourspouse know these two secrets?
They might not know how to moveforward right now.
(23:05):
They might be having adifficult time hearing God's
voice, maybe even knowing whatthe next step is.
Hebrews 3, 12 and 13 has acalling for you and your
marriage today.
It says See to it, brothers andsisters, that none of you has a
sinful, unbelieving heart thatturns away from the living God,
the cure.
Encourage one another every daywhile it's still called today,
(23:27):
so that none of you may behardened by the deceitfulness of
sin.
Speaker 3 (23:31):
Tonight with your spouse.
Can I ask you to talk aboutthat, to talk about what God has
done, to have some of thoseremember when conversations and
then be the one to document itand to initiate a prayer of
praise to a God who is worthy.
God is powerful enough.
He's faithful enough to entrustwith your past.
(23:52):
If you've asked forgiveness,it's been granted.
Can I ask you to forget thepast, to no longer be defined by
Satan's condemnation.
Forget what you need to andremember what you're called to.
Speaker 1 (24:07):
Vows to Keep is supported by a team which
includes biblical coaches,writers and pastoral advisors.
If you have a desire to servemarriages in your community, we
would love to hear from you.
Vows to Keep is anot-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services,
(24:31):
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities, but
would like to help support Vowsto Keep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on theDonate link.
No-transcript.
Popular Podcasts
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Ruthie's Table 4
For more than 30 years The River Cafe in London, has been the home-from-home of artists, architects, designers, actors, collectors, writers, activists, and politicians. Michael Caine, Glenn Close, JJ Abrams, Steve McQueen, Victoria and David Beckham, and Lily Allen, are just some of the people who love to call The River Cafe home. On River Cafe Table 4, Rogers sits down with her customers—who have become friends—to talk about food memories. Table 4 explores how food impacts every aspect of our lives. “Foods is politics, food is cultural, food is how you express love, food is about your heritage, it defines who you and who you want to be,” says Rogers. Each week, Rogers invites her guest to reminisce about family suppers and first dates, what they cook, how they eat when performing, the restaurants they choose, and what food they seek when they need comfort. And to punctuate each episode of Table 4, guests such as Ralph Fiennes, Emily Blunt, and Alfonso Cuarón, read their favourite recipe from one of the best-selling River Cafe cookbooks. Table 4 itself, is situated near The River Cafe’s open kitchen, close to the bright pink wood-fired oven and next to the glossy yellow pass, where Ruthie oversees the restaurant. You are invited to take a seat at this intimate table and join the conversation. For more information, recipes, and ingredients, go to https://shoptherivercafe.co.uk/ Web: https://rivercafe.co.uk/ Instagram: www.instagram.com/therivercafelondon/ Facebook: https://en-gb.facebook.com/therivercafelondon/ For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iheartradio app, apple podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.