September 1, 2025 • 24 mins
Prayer: The Missing Link in Your Marriage :: [Ep. 284]
Did you know prayer can transform your marital problems into opportunities for unity when approached as a genuine relationship rather than mere ritual? The same principles that govern a healthy marriage—connection, vulnerability, and consistent communication—also create a powerful prayer life.
In this week's podcast episode, we are talking about the following:
• Sacrificial prayer intervention rather than passive observation is a powerful thing
• When emotional connection is missing in marriage, others can fill that void
• Physical passion in marriage prevents fear and temptation from taking control
• Our relationship with God often mirrors our relationship with our spouse
• Marriage forms a triangle with husband and wife at the base and God at the apex
• Prayer should focus on God's will rather than our desires, similar to covenant marriage
• Practical steps to implement today: prioritize God first, pray for your spouse daily, pray together regularly
• Take turns leading prayer, worship together, attend church together, and share your testimony
We hope and pray you are encouraged and helped today!
For episode transcripts, click HERE.
For more marriage encouragement, visit: www.VowsToKeep.com | V2K Blog | Marriage Counseling | Insta | FB
Apple Podcast listener? Would you consider leaving us a review, as this helps more couple's to find our resources?! Leave your review HERE.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
Our mission is to help couplesdevelop biblically healthy
marriages through theapplication of God's Word and a
deeper relationship with Him.
We desire to help you and yourspouse grow closer to each other
and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
At the time I'm looking for the hardest answers
in life.
I'm either in full-onproblem-solving mode in my own
power or frustrated, as all mypast attempts have fallen short
and now my spouse is clearlyseeing my weaknesses.
So now what?
If only this factor wouldchange, if only that person
would stop making it worse.
(00:47):
Oh gosh, I better avoid thatfriend, I'm going to get an
earful.
So for long stretches of timewe burned down on stress as we
tried to manage problems we werenever designed to manage alone.
What if problems in marriagebrought us together rather than
apart?
Turns out they can and theyshould do just that.
(01:11):
So many of us feel incapable topray or, honestly, we don't even
understand what prayer is.
Prayer is this term we hear,but because I hear it from so
many people with clearlydifferent ideals, we realize
prayer is not the same.
We don't all equate it to thesame thing.
What does it mean?
Most Christians wish for prayerto be a part of their marriage,
(01:35):
a meaningful relationship withour creator, a prayer that makes
sense.
Well, join me today on Vows toKeep Radio, as we get real about
how the relationship of prayerrelates to our relationship in
marriage.
We're going to unpack how weshould view prayer as well as
why we need to treat it and ourmarriage differently.
(01:57):
To push us to have a passionate, heartfelt relationship with
our God and our spouse.
Regular, powerful prayer can bethe best part of your marriage.
Find out how in today's episodeof Vows to Keep Radio, the show
where you get sound biblicalcounsel you can apply
immediately to your marriage.
We're your hosts, david andTracy.
(02:17):
Sellers of Vows to Keep, tracyand I are biblical marriage
counselors authors, teachers,podcast hosts, radio hosts and
conference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing a passionate communicator
with God and your spouse, you'redefinitely in the right place.
Now you know what I think.
Some prayers are a ritual there.
I've said it.
(02:37):
I kind of feel bad pointingthis out, but it's true.
Prayer is not about blessingfood to my body three times a
day.
Prayer is about a relationship,and I mean a real relationship.
Much like your marriage is arelationship.
Now, relationship is justloosely defined as being in
connection with someone.
(02:58):
Imagine being like Abraham.
He was in connection to God,directly talking to God.
I want to give a bit of history.
Sodom is a city that isbasically a dumpster fire and
God thinks to himself okay, Ithink I need to do something
about this.
So listen as I read fromGenesis 18.
(03:19):
And in the interest of time I'mgoing to be paraphrasing some.
We'll be picking this story upin verse 16.
So here's Abraham and some otherguys.
They get up and they set offfor Sodom.
Then God arrives on the sceneand we hear the thoughts in his
head as he says Should I keep mythoughts from Abraham about
what I'm about to do?
Abraham's going to become alarge and strong nation.
(03:42):
That's good, but the cries ofthe victims in Sodom and
Gomorrah are deafening.
The sin of those cities soundlike they're off the charts.
I'm going to go check it outfor myself.
Let's see if it's as bad as itsounds.
Well, the men set off for Sodom,but Abraham stood still before
the Lord.
Abraham approaches God and saysGod, are you seriously planning
(04:04):
on nuking the good people withthe bad?
What if there were like 50 goodpeople left in the city?
Would you spare the city forthe sake of those 50 innocent
people?
I can't believe you'd do that.
You'd kill off the good and thebad alike, as if there was no
difference between them.
Doesn't the judge of all theearth judge with justice.
In verse 26, the Lord said well,okay, if I find Sodom has 50
(04:27):
righteous people in the city,I'll spare the whole place for
their sake.
And this is where Abrahamstarts phase two of the
negotiations.
What if the 50 fall short byfive?
Would you destroy the citybecause of those missing five?
God says okay, well, I won'tdestroy the city if there's 45.
And Abraham speaks up again butwhat about 40, god, no, I'll
(04:50):
leave the city for 40.
Well, amazingly, abraham saysoh, don't be irritated with me.
But what if you only found 30?
Okay, god says Well, I know I'mgoing to test your patience,
but what about 20?
Sure, abraham.
God says well, I know I'm goingto test your patience, but what
about 20?
Sure, abraham.
Now Abraham must have knownthis city was in really, really
bad shape, because he keeps ongoing.
(05:10):
And he says finally, don't getangry with me, god, this is like
the last time I'm going to begyou.
But what if you only come upwith 10?
For the sake of only 10,.
God says I won't destroy thecity.
Now, this is an interestingconversation because Abraham is
negotiating with God.
This isn't a conversation youhave with someone you don't know
(05:32):
.
Clearly, they know each other.
Clearly, abraham knows who Godis.
Too many of us treat God and howwe communicate with him in
prayer like a lottery ticket.
I bought a ticket, god.
I know the odds are low, butI'll wait and see.
Some people treat praying toGod like they're getting a pop
(05:53):
from a pop machine.
I paid my dues, I put in myrequest and now I'm expecting
the results to pop out thebottom, the results that please
me.
What an amazing account we seebetween a person just like you
and I and the God of theuniverse, the very same God that
you and I can know today.
It's not random, it's notmechanical.
(06:16):
Like Abraham, moses is known inscriptures as a man of great
faith.
Exodus 32 teaches powerfullyabout prayer.
Because of this prayer warrior,you see, moses goes up on Mount
Sinai with the Lord.
He's receiving the law,including the 10 commandments,
and this takes 40 days andnights, which is kind of a long
(06:37):
time not to see someone.
So the people of Israel, theybecome impatient.
They start making some reallyboneheaded moves.
People of Israel, they becomeimpatient, they start making
some really boneheaded moves.
In verse 1 of Exodus 32, we readthis when the people saw that
Moses was so long and, comingdown from the mountain, they
gathered around Aaron and saidCome, make us gods who will go
before us.
And as for this fellow Moseswho brought us up out of Egypt,
(07:01):
we don't even know what happenedto him.
Where it says they gatheredaround Aaron.
This is probably not like afriendly gathering.
Picture this as being afrustrated, angry mob.
They're complaining to Aaron.
Now.
Aaron should have done what hesaw Moses do back in Numbers,
chapter 16, verse 4.
Moses literally falls on hisface, praying to God for help.
(07:21):
Aaron does not do that.
Aaron does what so many of ushusbands do we fail in the role
of spiritual leader because hewas just arrogant enough to seek
a solution apart from God.
So Aaron answers them well,take off your gold earrings that
your wives and your sons andyour daughters are wearing and
bring them to me.
So all the people took offtheir earrings and they brought
(07:43):
them to Aaron, and he took whatthey handed him and they made it
into an idol, cast in the shapeof a calf, fashioning it with a
tool.
Then they said these are yourgods, israel, who brought you up
out of Egypt.
It was a flat out lie and Aaronknows it.
So the very next day, theseblockheads get up early and they
(08:03):
offer burnt offerings and peaceofferings to a golden cow made
the day before, as if it haspower.
What can this cow do?
No matter, the people partiedit up in verse 6.
Then the Lord says to Moses godown, because your people, whom
you brought out of Egypt,they've become corrupt.
(08:25):
They've been quick to turn awayfrom what I commanded them and
they made themselves an idol,cast in the shape of a calf.
They've bowed down to it,they've sacrificed to it and
they've said these are your gods, israel, who brought you up out
of Egypt.
I've seen these people, theLord said to Moses, and they are
a stiff-necked people.
Now leave me alone so that myanger may burn against them and
(08:50):
that I may destroy them.
Then I will make you into agreat nation.
Holy cow I mean literally holycow God's going to nuke the
people, but Moses, he says, it'snot you, it's them.
I'm going to get rid of the Bteam that I've given you and I'm
going to make a great nationwho follows you, both in what
(09:11):
God says and the way he says it.
Aaron and the Israelites' sinhad put these people in code red
danger.
But let's read on.
Moses sought the favor of theLord, his God.
The Lord, he said why shouldyour anger burn against your
people, whom you brought out ofEgypt with great power and a
mighty hand?
Why should the Egyptians say itwas with evil intent that he
(09:35):
brought them out?
To kill them in the mountains,to wipe them off the face of the
earth?
Turn your fierce anger, relent.
Don't bring disaster on yourpeople.
Remember your servants, abrahamIsaac and israel, to whom you
swore by your own self I willmake your descendants as
numerous as the stars in the sky.
I will give your descendantsall the land I promised them and
(09:58):
it will be their inheritanceforever.
And then the lord relented anddid not bring on his people the
disaster he had threatened.
You see, moses is showing thepower of prayer.
He's pleading with God towithhold judgment on a sinful
people and husbands.
I want to encourage you.
(10:18):
True spiritual leaders are ableto identify those in their
lowest points, not to be thefellow judge to God, but as
someone looking to serve thepeople that they lead.
This doesn't happen on our ownstrength.
God thankfully tells of hisjudgment in advance.
To afford these men anopportunity to repent and not
(10:41):
praying in bad times is afailure to see God as God.
In a family, in a marriage, wesee sin.
Often Through prayer andreading God's word I can
actually know God, which enablesus, which really empowers us,
to be part of the solution inthat other person's life.
Maybe it's even your own life.
(11:02):
Verse 30 says the next day,moses said to the people you've
committed a great sin, but now Iwill go to the Lord.
Perhaps I can make an atonementfor your sin.
So Moses goes back to the Lordand says whoa, what a great sin
these people have committed.
I get it.
They've made themselves gods ofgold, but now would you please
(11:25):
forgive their sin and if not,then blot me out of the book you
have written.
I want to introduce a reallychurchy term called intercessory
prayer.
This is basically someonepraying on behalf of someone
else.
It's like an intervention InMoses' case.
He was literally putting hisown life on the line for a
(11:46):
rebellious people case.
He was literally putting hisown life on the line for a
rebellious people.
He was willing to sacrificehimself and be separated from
the Lord for their sake.
And just when I think Moses wasa crazy old man, I realized
Christ voluntarily separatedhimself from the Father for my
sake.
He came to earth and lived asinless life.
So a guy like me who sins allthe time, so every person
(12:09):
hearing my voice, can be withthe Lord forever.
How many times in our marriagedo we say I can't even pray
about this anymore, it ishopeless.
Or I've prayed about it forweeks, for months.
God, you haven't changed them.
But what if God wanted you tonot just watch from the sideline
but be willing to be a tool inhis hands for the change, for
(12:34):
the repentance of those hearts?
This is a real-life example forhusbands and wives when their
spouse or their children rebeland lapse, maybe into adultery.
Right, we should pray forwayward members of our family,
not disown them.
This hits home for me too,because I don't like dealing
with the lifestyle, the lies,the sin.
You know what.
(12:54):
Separation sometimes is justeasier from those people that
have been in rebellion.
Prayer, however, is not justabout the simple things like
blessing food to my body.
Prayer is about a relationship,just like marriage is about a
relationship.
We've got to stop treating bothas if they were some sort of
(13:15):
ritual.
This is key, because the wordprayer doesn't actually mean the
same thing to all people If Isay the word monkey or clock,
you all have a similar picturepopping into your mind.
When I say God, well, it gets alittle more muddy.
And if you add praying to that,god boy, it's just divisive.
Let me give you an example.
(13:35):
One day I was getting sick atwork and a co-worker says to me
hey, you know what?
You should take the rest of theday off and rest.
And I said, yeah, I might dothat.
And he says well, you know what?
I'm going to keep you in mythoughts and prayers.
I knew this man did not believein God and so I asked him what
does that mean to you?
Well, I guess it means I'llkeep thinking about you, he said
(13:56):
.
I said, well, thank you, buthow does that help?
It's kind of like asking God tobless food to our bodies.
Our bodies were literally madeto eat food, to process it all
the way, to burn it, to turn itinto fuel.
So how does asking God for foodto go through our body show
that we have a relationship withthe creator of the world?
(14:17):
This is a perfect example ofsomething that maybe praying for
food isn't wrong, but it showsus that we're engaging in a
religious driven action and nota relationship-driven action.
Now I realize I might beruffling some feathers here.
I grew up praying over everymeal.
Was that wrong?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
No.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
But let me relate this back to marriage.
A relationship with God, I doacknowledge, is not the same as
a relationship with your spouse,but it's been my observation
through over 10 years ofmarriage counseling that the two
tightly run in parallel.
Let me explain that a littlebit.
If you're not close, it's easyto be ruled by fear.
(14:58):
This is true for God and it'strue for your relationship with
your spouse.
A while back a woman contactedus in a moment of panic as her
husband had left town on abusiness trip by himself.
She was asking for prayer.
The temptation of other womengripped her thoughts.
Would her husband be faithful?
She was sure the risk was high.
(15:22):
When we do marriage God's way,we live in a close emotional,
physical and spiritualrelationship with our spouse.
Think of this like athree-legged stool.
When we do marriage God's way,we live in a close emotional,
physical and spiritualrelationship with our spouse.
But when we don't do marriagehis way, by observation you're
(15:43):
going to see one or more ofthose three legs in marriage is
missing and it falls down.
So if we've not been inrelationship in our marriage and
we're emotionally disconnected,even when we have time together
you spend it on your phone ormentally focused on that big
situation at work.
This is what I'm talking about.
We actually see a lot ofcouples who are happier their
(16:06):
spouse has other passions thatdon't involve them, because this
gives them opportunity to bedisengaged, to plug into their
own passions.
That's not a relationship.
That's barely even beingroommates.
The point being is that if thisemotional relationship isn't
happening, it's easier forsomeone else to fill the gap, to
(16:28):
become the best friend.
If we've not been in arelationship and I mean a
physically passionate one it'seasier for someone to catch an
eye and I get it.
Passion can be a hard thing tomeasure, but I think you all
know what I mean when we seeit's missing.
Passion is what makes meexcited to see Tracy each
morning.
Passion is what I anticipateabout each kiss with her.
(16:50):
Passion is what causes the kindof physical relationship that
fulfills.
It doesn't leave a husband or awife hungry.
If we've not been in arelationship physically
passionate, the fear controlsone spouse while the temptation
risk grips the other.
Now, make no mistake.
I'm not giving license for thesin of lusting.
(17:11):
I'm also not giving license forthe sexless marriage.
Neither is okay biblically.
However, sadly, both are common.
I hope you're hearing how areal and right relationship
built on God's marital rulesproduces a marriage that's alive
.
Now, if we don't treat God asGod in a relationship, guess
(17:33):
what we're minimizing him.
John was with Jesus for thosecritical years of Jesus'
ministry.
John was a disciple.
He knew Jesus personally.
He knew Jesus' passion for hispeople, for people like you and
I, because he worked side byside with Jesus.
John is credited with writingJohn, 1 John, 2 John, 3 John and
(17:55):
Revelation in the Bible.
He had firsthand knowledge anda heart to share what he knew
with the generations who wouldfollow.
I want you to listen to 1 John 5, verse 13.
It says I write these things toyou who believe in the name of
the Son of God, so that you canhave eternal life.
So, as a believer, this messageis for you and I.
(18:15):
Verse 14 says this is theconfidence we have in
approaching God that if we askanything according to His will,
he hears us.
And if we know that he hears us, whatever we ask, we know that
we have what we asked of him.
God's word is directly askingus to pray, to ask for the will
of God and to be willing tofollow his will.
(18:36):
Let that sink in.
As a child of God, we can askfor anything that's in alignment
with his will.
When I married Tracy, we made acovenant.
Do you remember?
Yours Probably went somethinglike you know to have and to
hold from this day forward, forbetter, for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and inhealth, to love and to cherish
until death.
(18:57):
Do us part.
It wasn't to have and to holdtill I don't want you anymore
and then please just leave mealone.
It wasn't.
Let's just be roommates,that'll be fun.
It wasn't I'll give when I feellike want you anymore and then
please just leave me alone.
It wasn't.
Let's just be roommates,that'll be fun.
It wasn't I'll give when I feellike it.
No, it was.
This needs to be a relationshipfrom this day forward, through
the tough stuff, through theeasy stuff, to have to hold.
(19:17):
In other words, we can't dothis without being open, honest
and current with each other.
That is the difference betweena contract and a covenant.
God made a covenant with us aswell, and yet somehow we try to
maintain that relationship likepen pals who connect a few times
a year In marriage.
(19:37):
God is not our backup plan.
He's the first place we've gotto turn.
But, david, if I pray and all Iget is what God wants, why
should I be praying at all?
Well, I want to use marriage asan analogy to answer this very
good question.
This is like saying to yourspouse how I will treat you is
unchangeable.
Therefore, don't tell me yourneeds, don't share your fears,
(20:01):
don't ask for your hopes and,you know what, don't even ask me
about my heart's desires.
If these were the words said onour wedding day, we'd all walk
away disappointed.
But they weren't the words.
Instead, we started ourmarriage with this vision.
It was a vision of friendshipand romance and passion,
basically a picture in my headof what my spouse will do for me
(20:23):
.
Now the scary part is when ourspouse stops fulfilling my
dreams, when they lose focusingon me, we often see people turn
in the towel.
You know what this isn'tworking for me.
What's the point?
The reality is that thoseactions show that that marriage
is a contract, not a covenant.
It's give to get, it's 50-50.
(20:45):
And that's the world's way, notGod's.
God asks us to pray for andabout his will.
God says I'll give you anythingthat fits in those bounds.
Of course, the problem is thatwe don't always want to stay in
those bounds.
John had a brother named James,and James actually had a lot to
say about prayer as well.
(21:05):
Listen to James 4, verse 3.
You ask and you do not receive,because you ask wrongly to
spend it on your passions.
Do you hear how similar that isto the world's way of marriage?
You demand from your spouse,you demand from God, but you
don't receive because you'regoing to spend the outcome on
(21:27):
your passions.
You want a blessed, generous,covenant marriage.
Good, get on your knees inprayer.
God asks us married people to beabout our spouse.
God even makes his will aboutthis plainly clear all over the
pages of the Bible.
And no, it's not because ourspouse deserves it.
In fact, quite the opposite.
God compels us to lean in withlove at their worst moments, and
(21:53):
not because you get somethingfrom it although obviously in
lots of cases you do but becauseGod would be glorified.
That is a relationship.
Of course we hope our spouseturns to us in times of need.
Of course we want to knowwhat's on their heart.
Of course we hope to stayheart-to-heart current.
That's what a marriage lookslike.
(22:14):
Right, just like a passionatemarriage can't help but
demonstrate a biblically healthymarriage.
Passionate, frequent prayerdemonstrates a close walk with
God.
Your passion about God will bereflected in your prayer walk.
Your passion about yourmarriage is actually going to be
seen there too.
Again, the two run in parallel.
(22:35):
I see it all the time.
Our relationship with God oftenmirrors our relationship with
our spouse.
When one relationship ismechanical, so is the other.
When one relationship is on a50-50 contract model to keep
score, so is the other.
When one relationship is bitterand you're giving your spouse
the silent treatment, so is theother.
(22:59):
Well, now what I want to change,but I don't know how.
Well, let me encourage you toput the Lord first.
He needs to be your firstpriority, above all other, above
the kids, above your job, aboveyour friends or any other
activities.
Pray for your spouse daily, notthat God would fix them, but
that God would use you to be apart of their restoration.
(23:20):
Take time to talk about theburdens and the celebrations in
life and then sit down togetherand pray with each other.
Take turns leading, pray outloud, worship together, attend
church together, witness toothers together about what God
is doing.
Spend quality time togetherwith God.
Make God and each other apriority.
(23:41):
I want to end with a wordpicture of the relationship
between a husband and wife inmarriage.
The biblical marriage is arelationship between three
points the husband and the wife.
They form the two base pointsof a triangle and the word God
is the top of that triangle.
Each spouse's passionaterelationship with God through
(24:02):
prayer builds a tighter unityinside their marriage.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities but would
(24:43):
like to help support Vows toKeep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on thedonate link.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
.
Welcome to Vows to Keep Radio with David and Tracy
Sellers.
Our mission is to help couplesdevelop biblically healthy
marriages through theapplication of God's Word and a
deeper relationship with Him.
We desire to help you and yourspouse grow closer to each other
and closer to the heart ofGod's design for your marriage.
Now here's David and Tracy withtoday's broadcast.
Speaker 2 (00:26):
At the time I'm looking for the hardest answers
in life.
I'm either in full-onproblem-solving mode in my own
power or frustrated, as all mypast attempts have fallen short
and now my spouse is clearlyseeing my weaknesses.
So now what?
If only this factor wouldchange, if only that person
would stop making it worse.
(00:47):
Oh gosh, I better avoid thatfriend, I'm going to get an
earful.
So for long stretches of timewe burned down on stress as we
tried to manage problems we werenever designed to manage alone.
What if problems in marriagebrought us together rather than
apart?
Turns out they can and theyshould do just that.
(01:11):
So many of us feel incapable topray or, honestly, we don't even
understand what prayer is.
Prayer is this term we hear,but because I hear it from so
many people with clearlydifferent ideals, we realize
prayer is not the same.
We don't all equate it to thesame thing.
What does it mean?
Most Christians wish for prayerto be a part of their marriage,
(01:35):
a meaningful relationship withour creator, a prayer that makes
sense.
Well, join me today on Vows toKeep Radio, as we get real about
how the relationship of prayerrelates to our relationship in
marriage.
We're going to unpack how weshould view prayer as well as
why we need to treat it and ourmarriage differently.
(01:57):
To push us to have a passionate, heartfelt relationship with
our God and our spouse.
Regular, powerful prayer can bethe best part of your marriage.
Find out how in today's episodeof Vows to Keep Radio, the show
where you get sound biblicalcounsel you can apply
immediately to your marriage.
We're your hosts, david andTracy.
(02:17):
Sellers of Vows to Keep, tracyand I are biblical marriage
counselors authors, teachers,podcast hosts, radio hosts and
conference speakers.
If you want to get back tobeing a passionate communicator
with God and your spouse, you'redefinitely in the right place.
Now you know what I think.
Some prayers are a ritual there.
I've said it.
(02:37):
I kind of feel bad pointingthis out, but it's true.
Prayer is not about blessingfood to my body three times a
day.
Prayer is about a relationship,and I mean a real relationship.
Much like your marriage is arelationship.
Now, relationship is justloosely defined as being in
connection with someone.
(02:58):
Imagine being like Abraham.
He was in connection to God,directly talking to God.
I want to give a bit of history.
Sodom is a city that isbasically a dumpster fire and
God thinks to himself okay, Ithink I need to do something
about this.
So listen as I read fromGenesis 18.
(03:19):
And in the interest of time I'mgoing to be paraphrasing some.
We'll be picking this story upin verse 16.
So here's Abraham and some otherguys.
They get up and they set offfor Sodom.
Then God arrives on the sceneand we hear the thoughts in his
head as he says Should I keep mythoughts from Abraham about
what I'm about to do?
Abraham's going to become alarge and strong nation.
(03:42):
That's good, but the cries ofthe victims in Sodom and
Gomorrah are deafening.
The sin of those cities soundlike they're off the charts.
I'm going to go check it outfor myself.
Let's see if it's as bad as itsounds.
Well, the men set off for Sodom,but Abraham stood still before
the Lord.
Abraham approaches God and saysGod, are you seriously planning
(04:04):
on nuking the good people withthe bad?
What if there were like 50 goodpeople left in the city?
Would you spare the city forthe sake of those 50 innocent
people?
I can't believe you'd do that.
You'd kill off the good and thebad alike, as if there was no
difference between them.
Doesn't the judge of all theearth judge with justice.
In verse 26, the Lord said well,okay, if I find Sodom has 50
(04:27):
righteous people in the city,I'll spare the whole place for
their sake.
And this is where Abrahamstarts phase two of the
negotiations.
What if the 50 fall short byfive?
Would you destroy the citybecause of those missing five?
God says okay, well, I won'tdestroy the city if there's 45.
And Abraham speaks up again butwhat about 40, god, no, I'll
(04:50):
leave the city for 40.
Well, amazingly, abraham saysoh, don't be irritated with me.
But what if you only found 30?
Okay, god says Well, I know I'mgoing to test your patience,
but what about 20?
Sure, abraham.
God says well, I know I'm goingto test your patience, but what
about 20?
Sure, abraham.
Now Abraham must have knownthis city was in really, really
bad shape, because he keeps ongoing.
(05:10):
And he says finally, don't getangry with me, god, this is like
the last time I'm going to begyou.
But what if you only come upwith 10?
For the sake of only 10,.
God says I won't destroy thecity.
Now, this is an interestingconversation because Abraham is
negotiating with God.
This isn't a conversation youhave with someone you don't know
(05:32):
.
Clearly, they know each other.
Clearly, abraham knows who Godis.
Too many of us treat God and howwe communicate with him in
prayer like a lottery ticket.
I bought a ticket, god.
I know the odds are low, butI'll wait and see.
Some people treat praying toGod like they're getting a pop
(05:53):
from a pop machine.
I paid my dues, I put in myrequest and now I'm expecting
the results to pop out thebottom, the results that please
me.
What an amazing account we seebetween a person just like you
and I and the God of theuniverse, the very same God that
you and I can know today.
It's not random, it's notmechanical.
(06:16):
Like Abraham, moses is known inscriptures as a man of great
faith.
Exodus 32 teaches powerfullyabout prayer.
Because of this prayer warrior,you see, moses goes up on Mount
Sinai with the Lord.
He's receiving the law,including the 10 commandments,
and this takes 40 days andnights, which is kind of a long
(06:37):
time not to see someone.
So the people of Israel, theybecome impatient.
They start making some reallyboneheaded moves.
People of Israel, they becomeimpatient, they start making
some really boneheaded moves.
In verse 1 of Exodus 32, we readthis when the people saw that
Moses was so long and, comingdown from the mountain, they
gathered around Aaron and saidCome, make us gods who will go
before us.
And as for this fellow Moseswho brought us up out of Egypt,
(07:01):
we don't even know what happenedto him.
Where it says they gatheredaround Aaron.
This is probably not like afriendly gathering.
Picture this as being afrustrated, angry mob.
They're complaining to Aaron.
Now.
Aaron should have done what hesaw Moses do back in Numbers,
chapter 16, verse 4.
Moses literally falls on hisface, praying to God for help.
(07:21):
Aaron does not do that.
Aaron does what so many of ushusbands do we fail in the role
of spiritual leader because hewas just arrogant enough to seek
a solution apart from God.
So Aaron answers them well,take off your gold earrings that
your wives and your sons andyour daughters are wearing and
bring them to me.
So all the people took offtheir earrings and they brought
(07:43):
them to Aaron, and he took whatthey handed him and they made it
into an idol, cast in the shapeof a calf, fashioning it with a
tool.
Then they said these are yourgods, israel, who brought you up
out of Egypt.
It was a flat out lie and Aaronknows it.
So the very next day, theseblockheads get up early and they
(08:03):
offer burnt offerings and peaceofferings to a golden cow made
the day before, as if it haspower.
What can this cow do?
No matter, the people partiedit up in verse 6.
Then the Lord says to Moses godown, because your people, whom
you brought out of Egypt,they've become corrupt.
(08:25):
They've been quick to turn awayfrom what I commanded them and
they made themselves an idol,cast in the shape of a calf.
They've bowed down to it,they've sacrificed to it and
they've said these are your gods, israel, who brought you up out
of Egypt.
I've seen these people, theLord said to Moses, and they are
a stiff-necked people.
Now leave me alone so that myanger may burn against them and
(08:50):
that I may destroy them.
Then I will make you into agreat nation.
Holy cow I mean literally holycow God's going to nuke the
people, but Moses, he says, it'snot you, it's them.
I'm going to get rid of the Bteam that I've given you and I'm
going to make a great nationwho follows you, both in what
(09:11):
God says and the way he says it.
Aaron and the Israelites' sinhad put these people in code red
danger.
But let's read on.
Moses sought the favor of theLord, his God.
The Lord, he said why shouldyour anger burn against your
people, whom you brought out ofEgypt with great power and a
mighty hand?
Why should the Egyptians say itwas with evil intent that he
(09:35):
brought them out?
To kill them in the mountains,to wipe them off the face of the
earth?
Turn your fierce anger, relent.
Don't bring disaster on yourpeople.
Remember your servants, abrahamIsaac and israel, to whom you
swore by your own self I willmake your descendants as
numerous as the stars in the sky.
I will give your descendantsall the land I promised them and
(09:58):
it will be their inheritanceforever.
And then the lord relented anddid not bring on his people the
disaster he had threatened.
You see, moses is showing thepower of prayer.
He's pleading with God towithhold judgment on a sinful
people and husbands.
I want to encourage you.
(10:18):
True spiritual leaders are ableto identify those in their
lowest points, not to be thefellow judge to God, but as
someone looking to serve thepeople that they lead.
This doesn't happen on our ownstrength.
God thankfully tells of hisjudgment in advance.
To afford these men anopportunity to repent and not
(10:41):
praying in bad times is afailure to see God as God.
In a family, in a marriage, wesee sin.
Often Through prayer andreading God's word I can
actually know God, which enablesus, which really empowers us,
to be part of the solution inthat other person's life.
Maybe it's even your own life.
(11:02):
Verse 30 says the next day,moses said to the people you've
committed a great sin, but now Iwill go to the Lord.
Perhaps I can make an atonementfor your sin.
So Moses goes back to the Lordand says whoa, what a great sin
these people have committed.
I get it.
They've made themselves gods ofgold, but now would you please
(11:25):
forgive their sin and if not,then blot me out of the book you
have written.
I want to introduce a reallychurchy term called intercessory
prayer.
This is basically someonepraying on behalf of someone
else.
It's like an intervention InMoses' case.
He was literally putting hisown life on the line for a
(11:46):
rebellious people case.
He was literally putting hisown life on the line for a
rebellious people.
He was willing to sacrificehimself and be separated from
the Lord for their sake.
And just when I think Moses wasa crazy old man, I realized
Christ voluntarily separatedhimself from the Father for my
sake.
He came to earth and lived asinless life.
So a guy like me who sins allthe time, so every person
(12:09):
hearing my voice, can be withthe Lord forever.
How many times in our marriagedo we say I can't even pray
about this anymore, it ishopeless.
Or I've prayed about it forweeks, for months.
God, you haven't changed them.
But what if God wanted you tonot just watch from the sideline
but be willing to be a tool inhis hands for the change, for
(12:34):
the repentance of those hearts?
This is a real-life example forhusbands and wives when their
spouse or their children rebeland lapse, maybe into adultery.
Right, we should pray forwayward members of our family,
not disown them.
This hits home for me too,because I don't like dealing
with the lifestyle, the lies,the sin.
You know what.
(12:54):
Separation sometimes is justeasier from those people that
have been in rebellion.
Prayer, however, is not justabout the simple things like
blessing food to my body.
Prayer is about a relationship,just like marriage is about a
relationship.
We've got to stop treating bothas if they were some sort of
(13:15):
ritual.
This is key, because the wordprayer doesn't actually mean the
same thing to all people If Isay the word monkey or clock,
you all have a similar picturepopping into your mind.
When I say God, well, it gets alittle more muddy.
And if you add praying to that,god boy, it's just divisive.
Let me give you an example.
(13:35):
One day I was getting sick atwork and a co-worker says to me
hey, you know what?
You should take the rest of theday off and rest.
And I said, yeah, I might dothat.
And he says well, you know what?
I'm going to keep you in mythoughts and prayers.
I knew this man did not believein God and so I asked him what
does that mean to you?
Well, I guess it means I'llkeep thinking about you, he said
(13:56):
.
I said, well, thank you, buthow does that help?
It's kind of like asking God tobless food to our bodies.
Our bodies were literally madeto eat food, to process it all
the way, to burn it, to turn itinto fuel.
So how does asking God for foodto go through our body show
that we have a relationship withthe creator of the world?
(14:17):
This is a perfect example ofsomething that maybe praying for
food isn't wrong, but it showsus that we're engaging in a
religious driven action and nota relationship-driven action.
Now I realize I might beruffling some feathers here.
I grew up praying over everymeal.
Was that wrong?
Speaker 1 (14:35):
No.
Speaker 2 (14:36):
But let me relate this back to marriage.
A relationship with God, I doacknowledge, is not the same as
a relationship with your spouse,but it's been my observation
through over 10 years ofmarriage counseling that the two
tightly run in parallel.
Let me explain that a littlebit.
If you're not close, it's easyto be ruled by fear.
(14:58):
This is true for God and it'strue for your relationship with
your spouse.
A while back a woman contactedus in a moment of panic as her
husband had left town on abusiness trip by himself.
She was asking for prayer.
The temptation of other womengripped her thoughts.
Would her husband be faithful?
She was sure the risk was high.
(15:22):
When we do marriage God's way,we live in a close emotional,
physical and spiritualrelationship with our spouse.
Think of this like athree-legged stool.
When we do marriage God's way,we live in a close emotional,
physical and spiritualrelationship with our spouse.
But when we don't do marriagehis way, by observation you're
(15:43):
going to see one or more ofthose three legs in marriage is
missing and it falls down.
So if we've not been inrelationship in our marriage and
we're emotionally disconnected,even when we have time together
you spend it on your phone ormentally focused on that big
situation at work.
This is what I'm talking about.
We actually see a lot ofcouples who are happier their
(16:06):
spouse has other passions thatdon't involve them, because this
gives them opportunity to bedisengaged, to plug into their
own passions.
That's not a relationship.
That's barely even beingroommates.
The point being is that if thisemotional relationship isn't
happening, it's easier forsomeone else to fill the gap, to
(16:28):
become the best friend.
If we've not been in arelationship and I mean a
physically passionate one it'seasier for someone to catch an
eye and I get it.
Passion can be a hard thing tomeasure, but I think you all
know what I mean when we seeit's missing.
Passion is what makes meexcited to see Tracy each
morning.
Passion is what I anticipateabout each kiss with her.
(16:50):
Passion is what causes the kindof physical relationship that
fulfills.
It doesn't leave a husband or awife hungry.
If we've not been in arelationship physically
passionate, the fear controlsone spouse while the temptation
risk grips the other.
Now, make no mistake.
I'm not giving license for thesin of lusting.
(17:11):
I'm also not giving license forthe sexless marriage.
Neither is okay biblically.
However, sadly, both are common.
I hope you're hearing how areal and right relationship
built on God's marital rulesproduces a marriage that's alive
.
Now, if we don't treat God asGod in a relationship, guess
(17:33):
what we're minimizing him.
John was with Jesus for thosecritical years of Jesus'
ministry.
John was a disciple.
He knew Jesus personally.
He knew Jesus' passion for hispeople, for people like you and
I, because he worked side byside with Jesus.
John is credited with writingJohn, 1 John, 2 John, 3 John and
(17:55):
Revelation in the Bible.
He had firsthand knowledge anda heart to share what he knew
with the generations who wouldfollow.
I want you to listen to 1 John 5, verse 13.
It says I write these things toyou who believe in the name of
the Son of God, so that you canhave eternal life.
So, as a believer, this messageis for you and I.
(18:15):
Verse 14 says this is theconfidence we have in
approaching God that if we askanything according to His will,
he hears us.
And if we know that he hears us, whatever we ask, we know that
we have what we asked of him.
God's word is directly askingus to pray, to ask for the will
of God and to be willing tofollow his will.
(18:36):
Let that sink in.
As a child of God, we can askfor anything that's in alignment
with his will.
When I married Tracy, we made acovenant.
Do you remember?
Yours Probably went somethinglike you know to have and to
hold from this day forward, forbetter, for worse, for richer,
for poorer, in sickness and inhealth, to love and to cherish
until death.
(18:57):
Do us part.
It wasn't to have and to holdtill I don't want you anymore
and then please just leave mealone.
It wasn't.
Let's just be roommates,that'll be fun.
It wasn't I'll give when I feellike want you anymore and then
please just leave me alone.
It wasn't.
Let's just be roommates,that'll be fun.
It wasn't I'll give when I feellike it.
No, it was.
This needs to be a relationshipfrom this day forward, through
the tough stuff, through theeasy stuff, to have to hold.
(19:17):
In other words, we can't dothis without being open, honest
and current with each other.
That is the difference betweena contract and a covenant.
God made a covenant with us aswell, and yet somehow we try to
maintain that relationship likepen pals who connect a few times
a year In marriage.
(19:37):
God is not our backup plan.
He's the first place we've gotto turn.
But, david, if I pray and all Iget is what God wants, why
should I be praying at all?
Well, I want to use marriage asan analogy to answer this very
good question.
This is like saying to yourspouse how I will treat you is
unchangeable.
Therefore, don't tell me yourneeds, don't share your fears,
(20:01):
don't ask for your hopes and,you know what, don't even ask me
about my heart's desires.
If these were the words said onour wedding day, we'd all walk
away disappointed.
But they weren't the words.
Instead, we started ourmarriage with this vision.
It was a vision of friendshipand romance and passion,
basically a picture in my headof what my spouse will do for me
(20:23):
.
Now the scary part is when ourspouse stops fulfilling my
dreams, when they lose focusingon me, we often see people turn
in the towel.
You know what this isn'tworking for me.
What's the point?
The reality is that thoseactions show that that marriage
is a contract, not a covenant.
It's give to get, it's 50-50.
(20:45):
And that's the world's way, notGod's.
God asks us to pray for andabout his will.
God says I'll give you anythingthat fits in those bounds.
Of course, the problem is thatwe don't always want to stay in
those bounds.
John had a brother named James,and James actually had a lot to
say about prayer as well.
(21:05):
Listen to James 4, verse 3.
You ask and you do not receive,because you ask wrongly to
spend it on your passions.
Do you hear how similar that isto the world's way of marriage?
You demand from your spouse,you demand from God, but you
don't receive because you'regoing to spend the outcome on
(21:27):
your passions.
You want a blessed, generous,covenant marriage.
Good, get on your knees inprayer.
God asks us married people to beabout our spouse.
God even makes his will aboutthis plainly clear all over the
pages of the Bible.
And no, it's not because ourspouse deserves it.
In fact, quite the opposite.
God compels us to lean in withlove at their worst moments, and
(21:53):
not because you get somethingfrom it although obviously in
lots of cases you do but becauseGod would be glorified.
That is a relationship.
Of course we hope our spouseturns to us in times of need.
Of course we want to knowwhat's on their heart.
Of course we hope to stayheart-to-heart current.
That's what a marriage lookslike.
(22:14):
Right, just like a passionatemarriage can't help but
demonstrate a biblically healthymarriage.
Passionate, frequent prayerdemonstrates a close walk with
God.
Your passion about God will bereflected in your prayer walk.
Your passion about yourmarriage is actually going to be
seen there too.
Again, the two run in parallel.
(22:35):
I see it all the time.
Our relationship with God oftenmirrors our relationship with
our spouse.
When one relationship ismechanical, so is the other.
When one relationship is on a50-50 contract model to keep
score, so is the other.
When one relationship is bitterand you're giving your spouse
the silent treatment, so is theother.
(22:59):
Well, now what I want to change,but I don't know how.
Well, let me encourage you toput the Lord first.
He needs to be your firstpriority, above all other, above
the kids, above your job, aboveyour friends or any other
activities.
Pray for your spouse daily, notthat God would fix them, but
that God would use you to be apart of their restoration.
(23:20):
Take time to talk about theburdens and the celebrations in
life and then sit down togetherand pray with each other.
Take turns leading, pray outloud, worship together, attend
church together, witness toothers together about what God
is doing.
Spend quality time togetherwith God.
Make God and each other apriority.
(23:41):
I want to end with a wordpicture of the relationship
between a husband and wife inmarriage.
The biblical marriage is arelationship between three
points the husband and the wife.
They form the two base pointsof a triangle and the word God
is the top of that triangle.
Each spouse's passionaterelationship with God through
(24:02):
prayer builds a tighter unityinside their marriage.
Speaker 1 (24:22):
Vows to Keep is a not-for-profit marriage ministry
designed to bring God'sencouraging truth to the
marriages of our area.
As a not-for-profitorganization, our commitment to
Christlike marriages includesproviding much-needed services
regardless of a couple'sfinancial ability to offset the
cost of Vows to Keep operations.
If you are unable to donateyour time or abilities but would
(24:43):
like to help support Vows toKeep financially, visit
VowsToKeepcom and click on thedonate link.
This program is sponsored byVows to Keep of Zanesfield, ohio
.
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