February 4, 2025 • 22 mins
Feeling overwhelmed with work? You’re not alone. Whether you're a busy professional, entrepreneur, or employee drowning in deadlines and expectations, workplace stress can take a serious toll on your well-being. In this episode of The Wellness Connection podcast, host Fiona Kane explores why we put so much pressure on ourselves and how to break free from unrealistic demands.
Learn how to set boundaries, challenge excessive workloads, and communicate effectively with your employer—so you can regain control and prevent burnout.
Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/
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Credit for the music used in this podcast:
The Beat of Nature
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fiona Kane (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I wanted to talk to you alittle bit about some things in
the workplace, and not just ingeneral in the workplace, but
how we put pressure on ourselveswhen we don't always need to.
It's important for us to sortof have an awareness around how
(00:25):
much pressure in our lives comesfrom us.
It could be workplace, it couldbe family, it could be lots of
things.
So it's not really justworkplace how much pressure is
coming from us and how muchpressure is coming from outside,
because sometimes we tellourselves stories about what we
have to do or we're supposed todo or we should do, or we take
(00:47):
on other people's sense ofurgency, without questioning
whether or not that sense ofurgency really is a thing.
So, in general, I suppose whatI'm talking about today is kind
of what we put on ourselves,whether or not we stop and think
about what we're putting onourselves, the sort of rules
(01:08):
about what we need to get doneand when we need to get it done,
by and having really clearboundaries so that when anyone
tries to load anything into yourbucket sort of thing, into your
cart of things to do, into yourin-tray or, however, whatever
language you want to use,whether, again, whether it be
workplace or wherever it is, youare allowed to question it.
(01:32):
You are allowed to considerwhether or not it really is
yours to do.
If it is yours to do is atimetable you've been given,
reasonable, all of that kind ofstuff.
So they're the general thingsI'm talking about today, and
it's been inspired by several ofmy clients, because a really
(01:52):
common discussion I have with myclients is about challenges
they have in their workplace,and it never ceases to amaze me
the amount of workplaces thateither have people doing things
that they're absolutely notqualified for and expecting them
to do it anyway, even thoughthey don't know what they're
doing, or they just have allthese kind of unreasonable.
(02:12):
They're kind of okay, we'regoing to do this project and
we'll have to get it all done inthe next week or whatever it is
, and then they will say that totheir staff but also say, oh,
and, by the way, you're stillgoing to get the rest of your
work done.
Oh, and it doesn't matter thatyou're not qualified to do the
project, and blah, blah, blah.
This is actually quite.
There's many variations, butit's a really common story I
(02:33):
hear.
So you know, I think it'sactually important.
It is okay for you to okay, soone.
Obviously, in a workplace, alot depends on what you've been
(03:06):
employed for, how much you'rebeing paid, what your work
contract is, what's included andpull there is, and how much
leeway there is, and how muchyou're expected just to do as
you're told and shut up, or howmuch you can argue back kind of
thing.
However, in many workplaces Ifind that a lot of the problem
comes from a lack ofcommunication, and it might be
poorly worded by your boss, orit might be the fact that people
higher up than you have made amess of something, have stuffed
(03:29):
something up, haven't gotsomething done, and then
suddenly it becomes your sort ofurgent thing to do.
So I just want to encourage youto start to just question it
whenever anyone's puttingsomething onto you, rather than
just because some peopleespecially look okay, this
happens to people who get a lotdone, so people who are
generally conscientious and hardworkers and get stuff done and
(03:55):
they're very busy.
It's like that whole story.
You know, if you want somethingdone, give it to a busy person,
because the busy person willinclude it as part of what they
do in their day, whereas aperson you know, if you're you
know like, imagine, just thinkabout if you're when you're on
holidays you know if you're onholidays and you know you're
kind of laying in a loungewatching Netflix or something
and you need to get one thingdone in that day and you
(04:17):
struggle to get it done and youoften don't get it done right,
whereas if you're in sort ofnormal work mode, you've got 20
things to do in a day.
That's just another thing toadd into the day.
So we just tend to get moredone because we're already in
motion, whereas when we're notin motion we don't get stuff
done right.
(04:39):
So generally, the person who isthe most conscientious at sort
of getting stuff done and thego-getter type person is the
person who's often what peoplepile things on for you.
So it could be family things,it could be a work thing or some
some some other thing, whetherit be the committee, a committee
that you're on where everyonegets you to do everything, or
whatever it is.
So my encouragement to you isjust, on a regular basis, kind
of just assess, okay, where am Ispending my energy and what and
(05:02):
what am I doing for thesedifferent, whether it's work
whatever, wherever it is and isthis what I want to be doing?
Is this what I should be doing,based on, say, like my contract
or whatever and like I'm notsaying there's anything wrong
with doing things outside ofyour scope as well like I think
it's useful in a workplace tokind of I've always been of the
mind that you know, uh, youdon't have to be completely
(05:24):
rigid and you can stretchyourself and learn different
things and all that.
So don't think I'm kind ofagainst people kind of just
trying different things or doingdifferent things.
All I'm saying is thatsometimes it's not appropriate
for you to be doing that thing,or it's not appropriate for you
to be doing that thing and yourjob as well.
Like you can't do both, and soit is okay to ask questions and
(05:46):
to clarify things and to pushback.
So you know you can say, well,all right.
Well, if you want me to do thatproject, that's fine.
When's it needed by?
Okay, why is it needed by thatday?
Okay, so, but all right, okay,so I will do that.
But then it means that theother project that you have
won't get done, or this otherwork won't get done or whatever
(06:08):
it is.
But it is okay for you toactually just be realistic and
say, like, be honest about whatyou can and can't do.
And in workplaces it seems likepeople feel like they're not
allowed to do that and it'sterrible if you're in a
situation where you feel likeyou can't do that, but it's
really, really important thatyou.
And what happens is becauseeveryone just sort of shuts up
(06:28):
and does as they're told andgets on with it, except for
sometimes there's that oneperson who doesn't, and they
just get away with it.
But everybody else does, andbecause everybody does, nobody
feels like they can say anything.
So sometimes, actually, whenyou actually do stand up for
yourself, you give other peoplepermission to do that as well.
So sometimes it's important tohave that one person who says,
(06:52):
no, this isn't, this is not okay.
And with things like deadlinesand stuff like I again, it is
okay.
Sometimes, when people ask youto do something, it's okay for
you to give them feedback thatit doesn't make sense or
whatever.
And sometimes that making senseor not making sense is above
your pay grade and doesn't makesense or whatever.
And sometimes that making senseor not making sense is above
your pay grade and it does makesense.
But for some reason you don'tknow, because we don't always
(07:14):
have all of the information.
So I'm not saying that yourboss is never right.
Sometimes they're absolutelyright that it needs to be done
by a certain date or whatever.
But it's just, it's okay tokind of push back, it's okay to
ask questions, it's okay toclarify well, okay, if I've got
to do this task, then what iswhat about all of my other work?
As you know, something's got togive, and so you have to
(07:37):
clarify to your boss well, ohright, so if I'm going to be
doing, you know x and y for you,zed's not going to happen, or
someone else is going to have todo Zed, or I can do Zed, but
it's going to be two months late, or whatever it is.
But you actually have to be ableto just honestly say this is
the reality, because whathappens is because we sit there
and shut up and don't sayanything and we're afraid of
(07:58):
losing our job and all that sortof stuff.
Our bosses get away with it,and then they just keep pushing
more and more on you becausethey know they can get away with
it, and they keep doing that toeverybody else Now, pushing
back and like I'm not tellingyou to argue or not do your work
or not do a good job oranything like that, absolutely
not.
Like I think it's good to beproud of your work and to you
(08:18):
know, there's nothing wrong withbeing proud of your work and
working hard and doing well andall that.
So this isn't about sort of notwanting to do well in the
workplace, it's actually justabout health.
It's about your physical andemotional health in a workplace
and being realistic.
And I just feel like a lot ofbusinesses and government
(08:39):
departments and whoever else, alot of businesses just don't
seem to be realistic about whata small team of people can do in
a certain amount of time orwhat a particular person can do
in a certain amount of time.
So it is okay to say, okay,realistically, this isn't going
to happen.
This is why, or, if that needsto happen, what's going to give?
(08:59):
And essentially get your bossto help you figure out the thing
that's going to give, becausesomething is.
And if you don't have theseconversations and if you don't
alter these things, what happensis what gives usually is your
physical and mental health.
That's what gives.
So if we keep going and goingand going and just taking all
(09:19):
this pressure and all thisstress, there's a big problem.
The other thing, too, is okay.
So even if let's just say,right, we've taken on the
project, the job, whatever it is, we've agreed to do it, we're
going to do it, fine, and that's, we're going ahead and getting
it done, because more often thannot, that's probably the thing
that needs to happen, right,Fine, okay.
But the next thing is to beaware of the pressure you put on
(09:42):
yourself for the outcome, orthe pressure you put on yourself
about how important the outcomeis.
Because, again, what happens iswe're in our mind, we're like,
oh my God, we've got to get thisthing done and it's going to be
perfect, it's going to be right.
And the truth is, in mostsituations, in most workplaces,
when someone asks you to do aproject, create something new or
(10:03):
create something, what you'recreating is a sloppy first draft
.
You know what you're creatingis just the beginning, it's just
an outline of something, right,or it's the first attempt, or
the, the first practice, or thefirst, uh, first, you know, like
it's it's kind of how youfeeling your way around in a job
(10:25):
about how something could bedone differently or a new thing
that you could do it's actuallykind of doing it for the first
time is just kind of figuringthat out, nutting it out, right.
So because what you're oftendoing in these situations, when
you're doing something new orsome special project or whatever
for your team, for your boss orwhatever it often is, that's
(10:47):
the nature of what you're doingand for most of us, what we're
doing is not brain surgery, it'snot emergency surgery.
We're not in, you know, we'renot doing triage in a, in a, in
an emergency hospital, you know,at a hospital, right?
So what we're doing isn't notsaying it's not important, but
there's important and there'simportant, right?
(11:07):
So we have to be realisticabout not putting a huge amount
of pressure on ourselves.
So if your boss has said I wantyou to do this project that you
weren't ready for and thatthere's no time and no resources
allotted and blah, blah, blah,and I want you to get it done in
a week, then in your mind, it'simportant that you in your mind
(11:32):
, have a very realistic idea ofwhat the outcome is going to be.
What is that going to look like, and also that you communicate
that to your boss.
Okay, well, I could probably doa draft of the thing, or I
could do a first run and testhow whatever the thing is, that
works.
So it depends on what kind ofjob you have, right?
(11:56):
But yeah, I could do a test runor I could do a first draft, or
I could start sort of soundingout how that would.
Whatever it is, but you've gotto be realistic about what the
outcome's going to be as well,because what happens is you have
someone come along and say thisis really important, we have to
get done by this date, althoughyou know, I don't know what's
going to happen, the head'sgoing to explode.
And then the next person comesalong and everyone kind of joins
in on the energy of oh my God,the world's going to end if we
don't get this thing done bythis date.
(12:17):
And then people what generallyhappens is then people start
doing overtime, they stoplooking after themselves, they
stop eating well, they're oftenlike just holding their breath
because they're so stressed andso they're just not even really
breathing properly, right, andthen people start getting snappy
with each other.
Or you're not sleeping wellbecause you're stressing about
it when you're at home, and thenyou're getting snappy with your
(12:37):
family, right, and so we havethis whole thing, the snowball,
and often it's like it's notthat important.
It might be important to yourteam and your workplace, but
it's not that important.
There's important and deadlinesand whatever.
And then there's like, oh myGod, something will really super
bad happen if that doesn'thappen and it's just good for us
(13:00):
to kind of review it back.
So I suppose what I'm trying tosay when someone tries to put
onto you their stressy energy,their stressy oh my God, it's
the end of the world type ofenergy over something that isn't
, that, that's not valid forwhich is most things don't take
on that energy, just kind of gookay, what is the project?
(13:21):
Let me talk about it, let'sfigure it out.
How's that going to work?
How's it going to look?
Here's reframe of the howrealistic it is and and I will
say to you as well that I wouldappreciate that like so, I've
been an employer throughout mylife at different times and I've
been an employee at differenttimes, but as an employer, I
actually I.
(13:44):
It's more frustrating ifsomeone says to you okay, I'll
do it, and that's just likethere's no way they can do it,
it's just not going to happenbut then it doesn't happen and
it all falls apart and you'vegot expectations or you've got
like another client or someonewaiting for this project.
That's more frustrating thanwhen someone says to you that's
(14:05):
not possible, but we can do thisor that's not possible.
We can do this or that's notpossible but we can start here.
Or you know so, if actuallysomeone says to you, unless you
get someone else to help me,unless you add other team
members, and that's blah, blah,whatever.
So what I'm trying to say is ifit's actually really useful for
employers, if you actually givethem accurate feedback.
(14:26):
Now I'm not saying there isn'tsome, you know, sort of
psychopathic and narcissisticand all sorts of other kind of
people in the workplace whodon't accept reality and who try
to put pressure on people andare very unrealistic about
setting goals and all that.
I get that all of that exists.
But just having awarenessaround, I suppose it's your
energy in the workplace what youbelieve from what people say
(14:48):
around you.
Suppose it's your energy in theworkplace, what you believe
from what people say around you.
If people try and infect youwith their stress, you don't
need to be infected withsomeone's stress.
You can do your job withoutbeing infected by the stress.
Being infected by the stressdoesn't help you, and so it's.
A helpful thing is to assesswhat the job is, figure out how
and if and whatever, give thefeedback, talk about the reality
(15:10):
and the reframe of what youreally are doing and how much it
matters, and then you can, inyour mind, reframe or scale up
or down the gravity of it andhow much it's worth stressing
over, right?
So I'm just encouraging you insituations because sometimes it
(15:31):
might be someone in your familysays, oh, we've got to get this
thing done.
So the other thing is familyprojects and stuff where all of
a sudden, some of the familiesas well we're going to get this
fixed or that fixed, or blah,blah, blah, or we're going to
build this thing and whatever,and they're doing it at an
unrealistic pace and blah, blah,blah.
So similar things happen infamily structures and other
situations.
Right, but you can choose toget infected with someone else's
(15:55):
stress and jump into theirtimeline and cause yourself a
whole lot of physical andemotional stress.
Or you can actually choose tonot get infected with somebody
else's stress and kind of justgo.
You choose, you choose yourbuy-in, you choose your level of
emotional buy-in to somethingand you choose your level of
reality about how much you canhelp and what you can or can't,
(16:16):
or will or won't do.
So my encouragement to you isjust always kind of like when
someone tries to infect you withthat kind of stress situation.
Just assess it, assess thesituation, assess the need for
how you, how you can and can'tdo it.
If you will or won't do it,whatever, have the conversations
, have the reframes and makesure that in your mind you know
(16:40):
the level of pressure to put onyourself around it, because the
number of people that kind ofjust accept someone else puts it
on you.
So, oh, I've got to do this,I've got to do this, I've got to
do this and everyone's before.
You know everyone's freakingout and you know people aren't
breathing.
You know this kind of thing,right.
So, uh, you know everyone'skind of just freaked out and
everyone's shallow breathing, uh, no one's looking after
(17:01):
themselves, no one's sleeping.
Well, uh and um.
And then suddenly you end up andif you're doing're doing this
in a workplace that you are partof, or running or whatever,
it's a really foolish thing todo, because what happens is you
end up with everyone on stressleave or everyone leaving the
job because they're just notcoping, and then that causes a
whole lot more stress for people, right?
(17:22):
So my advice is to just beaware of when someone's trying
to affect you with their stressand affect you with their stress
, or inflict you with theirstress, or inflict you with
their timelines, with theirunrealistic timelines, and
always be prepared to questionthem, to talk about them, to
(17:44):
reframe things.
And when we do that we don'tput too much pressure on myself,
on ourselves.
We're like okay, all right,realistically, what I can do for
you is that I will do that,which is like the crappy first
draft or the first run atfiguring something out, knowing
for sure that the wheels aregoing to fall off because you
haven't had time right.
(18:05):
So when you go into it, knowingthat it's not going to be great
but it's going to be a startand that's what you're tasked
with doing in your mind, you cando that.
But if you've tasked yourselfwith I've got to do this thing
and it's going to be perfect,and it's going to be perfect,
first go around and and it's allgoing to be done within five
(18:25):
minutes.
And if I don't, you knowsomething terrible is going to
happen.
The terrible thing is usuallyunlikely, or put it this way,
there's a ratings for whatterrible is right.
So anyway, that's just myencouragement to you Think about
that in your life in generaland in your workplaces, of how
you because we very especially,very competent, conscientious
(18:49):
people we can get infected andafflicted a lot by people's
deadlines and their stress, andwe often will take it all on
kind of without question andthen we end up in a mess.
And so what?
My encouragement to you, whatI'm inviting you to do, is to
(19:09):
just remember and learn how tokind of take a pause, ask some
questions, do some reviewing,reframing, realistic goals,
realistic expectations, all ofthose things, and then that will
help you not get overwhelmedand not get overly stressed
(19:30):
about things that you have nocontrol over, because often I
see in these situations as well,what happens is people
absolutely fall over themselvesto try and get this project done
.
They finish the project andthen the boss comes along and
says, oh, actually we're notdoing that anymore, we're going
to throw that out, or we'regoing to do it this way instead,
or actually we're going to doit, but we're not going to do it
(19:50):
completely different.
So just delete that, we'llstart again.
So you've put everything intoit and you haven't spent time
with your family and you've doneall this overtime, often unpaid
, and if you're really reallystressed and if you're really
really wrung out and they'relike, oh yeah, well, we're not
doing that now, that's reallyreally common.
It's more common than whatyou'd realize.
So, anyway, that's my invitationto you and I hope that you find
(20:14):
that sort of useful, as I knowit doesn't in not every
situation.
Everyone's situation isdifferent.
Everyone's work situation isdifferent the type of work you
do, the urgency and the sort ofkind of commitment that your job
needs.
But most of us, as I'm alwayssaying to my clients, most of us
are not emergency brainsurgeons.
So there's a little bit ofleeway there where you can
(20:37):
negotiate things to ensure thatyou stay physically and
emotionally well and youactually enjoy going to work and
doing your job and you have ahealthy workplace and just
within your sort of team, yourworkplace, your workspace or
whatever that it is overall kindof a healthy group of people,
(20:58):
rather than sort of what.
Often in these situations itjust becomes this toxic place
that people want to get awayfrom as fast as they can.
So anyway, I hope that you findthat useful.
Please like, subscribe, shareand all that.
And you know, at the WellnessConnection podcast it's.
You know, what I try and do ishave conversations, important
(21:20):
conversations about things thatmatter.
And this really does matterbecause the level of stress it
causes people and the level ofdivision in workplaces and in
relationships and that sort ofthing that happen over these
workplace things that can causepeople a lot of stress.
You think about how much timewe spend at work when we're in a
(21:41):
stressful environment and we'vegot a lot of stress being put
on us, a lot of unrealisticexpectations.
It really does affect ourstress.
So physical and emotionalhealth.
Anyway, I'll talk to you againnext week.
Thanks Bye.
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I wanted to talk to you alittle bit about some things in
the workplace, and not just ingeneral in the workplace, but
how we put pressure on ourselveswhen we don't always need to.
It's important for us to sortof have an awareness around how
(00:25):
much pressure in our lives comesfrom us.
It could be workplace, it couldbe family, it could be lots of
things.
So it's not really justworkplace how much pressure is
coming from us and how muchpressure is coming from outside,
because sometimes we tellourselves stories about what we
have to do or we're supposed todo or we should do, or we take
(00:47):
on other people's sense ofurgency, without questioning
whether or not that sense ofurgency really is a thing.
So, in general, I suppose whatI'm talking about today is kind
of what we put on ourselves,whether or not we stop and think
about what we're putting onourselves, the sort of rules
(01:08):
about what we need to get doneand when we need to get it done,
by and having really clearboundaries so that when anyone
tries to load anything into yourbucket sort of thing, into your
cart of things to do, into yourin-tray or, however, whatever
language you want to use,whether, again, whether it be
workplace or wherever it is, youare allowed to question it.
(01:32):
You are allowed to considerwhether or not it really is
yours to do.
If it is yours to do is atimetable you've been given,
reasonable, all of that kind ofstuff.
So they're the general thingsI'm talking about today, and
it's been inspired by several ofmy clients, because a really
(01:52):
common discussion I have with myclients is about challenges
they have in their workplace,and it never ceases to amaze me
the amount of workplaces thateither have people doing things
that they're absolutely notqualified for and expecting them
to do it anyway, even thoughthey don't know what they're
doing, or they just have allthese kind of unreasonable.
(02:12):
They're kind of okay, we'regoing to do this project and
we'll have to get it all done inthe next week or whatever it is
, and then they will say that totheir staff but also say, oh,
and, by the way, you're stillgoing to get the rest of your
work done.
Oh, and it doesn't matter thatyou're not qualified to do the
project, and blah, blah, blah.
This is actually quite.
There's many variations, butit's a really common story I
(02:33):
hear.
So you know, I think it'sactually important.
It is okay for you to okay, soone.
Obviously, in a workplace, alot depends on what you've been
(03:06):
employed for, how much you'rebeing paid, what your work
contract is, what's included andpull there is, and how much
leeway there is, and how muchyou're expected just to do as
you're told and shut up, or howmuch you can argue back kind of
thing.
However, in many workplaces Ifind that a lot of the problem
comes from a lack ofcommunication, and it might be
poorly worded by your boss, orit might be the fact that people
higher up than you have made amess of something, have stuffed
(03:29):
something up, haven't gotsomething done, and then
suddenly it becomes your sort ofurgent thing to do.
So I just want to encourage youto start to just question it
whenever anyone's puttingsomething onto you, rather than
just because some peopleespecially look okay, this
happens to people who get a lotdone, so people who are
generally conscientious and hardworkers and get stuff done and
(03:55):
they're very busy.
It's like that whole story.
You know, if you want somethingdone, give it to a busy person,
because the busy person willinclude it as part of what they
do in their day, whereas aperson you know, if you're you
know like, imagine, just thinkabout if you're when you're on
holidays you know if you're onholidays and you know you're
kind of laying in a loungewatching Netflix or something
and you need to get one thingdone in that day and you
(04:17):
struggle to get it done and youoften don't get it done right,
whereas if you're in sort ofnormal work mode, you've got 20
things to do in a day.
That's just another thing toadd into the day.
So we just tend to get moredone because we're already in
motion, whereas when we're notin motion we don't get stuff
done right.
(04:39):
So generally, the person who isthe most conscientious at sort
of getting stuff done and thego-getter type person is the
person who's often what peoplepile things on for you.
So it could be family things,it could be a work thing or some
some some other thing, whetherit be the committee, a committee
that you're on where everyonegets you to do everything, or
whatever it is.
So my encouragement to you isjust, on a regular basis, kind
of just assess, okay, where am Ispending my energy and what and
(05:02):
what am I doing for thesedifferent, whether it's work
whatever, wherever it is and isthis what I want to be doing?
Is this what I should be doing,based on, say, like my contract
or whatever and like I'm notsaying there's anything wrong
with doing things outside ofyour scope as well like I think
it's useful in a workplace tokind of I've always been of the
mind that you know, uh, youdon't have to be completely
(05:24):
rigid and you can stretchyourself and learn different
things and all that.
So don't think I'm kind ofagainst people kind of just
trying different things or doingdifferent things.
All I'm saying is thatsometimes it's not appropriate
for you to be doing that thing,or it's not appropriate for you
to be doing that thing and yourjob as well.
Like you can't do both, and soit is okay to ask questions and
(05:46):
to clarify things and to pushback.
So you know you can say, well,all right.
Well, if you want me to do thatproject, that's fine.
When's it needed by?
Okay, why is it needed by thatday?
Okay, so, but all right, okay,so I will do that.
But then it means that theother project that you have
won't get done, or this otherwork won't get done or whatever
(06:08):
it is.
But it is okay for you toactually just be realistic and
say, like, be honest about whatyou can and can't do.
And in workplaces it seems likepeople feel like they're not
allowed to do that and it'sterrible if you're in a
situation where you feel likeyou can't do that, but it's
really, really important thatyou.
And what happens is becauseeveryone just sort of shuts up
(06:28):
and does as they're told andgets on with it, except for
sometimes there's that oneperson who doesn't, and they
just get away with it.
But everybody else does, andbecause everybody does, nobody
feels like they can say anything.
So sometimes, actually, whenyou actually do stand up for
yourself, you give other peoplepermission to do that as well.
So sometimes it's important tohave that one person who says,
(06:52):
no, this isn't, this is not okay.
And with things like deadlinesand stuff like I again, it is
okay.
Sometimes, when people ask youto do something, it's okay for
you to give them feedback thatit doesn't make sense or
whatever.
And sometimes that making senseor not making sense is above
your pay grade and doesn't makesense or whatever.
And sometimes that making senseor not making sense is above
your pay grade and it does makesense.
But for some reason you don'tknow, because we don't always
(07:14):
have all of the information.
So I'm not saying that yourboss is never right.
Sometimes they're absolutelyright that it needs to be done
by a certain date or whatever.
But it's just, it's okay tokind of push back, it's okay to
ask questions, it's okay toclarify well, okay, if I've got
to do this task, then what iswhat about all of my other work?
As you know, something's got togive, and so you have to
(07:37):
clarify to your boss well, ohright, so if I'm going to be
doing, you know x and y for you,zed's not going to happen, or
someone else is going to have todo Zed, or I can do Zed, but
it's going to be two months late, or whatever it is.
But you actually have to be ableto just honestly say this is
the reality, because whathappens is because we sit there
and shut up and don't sayanything and we're afraid of
(07:58):
losing our job and all that sortof stuff.
Our bosses get away with it,and then they just keep pushing
more and more on you becausethey know they can get away with
it, and they keep doing that toeverybody else Now, pushing
back and like I'm not tellingyou to argue or not do your work
or not do a good job oranything like that, absolutely
not.
Like I think it's good to beproud of your work and to you
(08:18):
know, there's nothing wrong withbeing proud of your work and
working hard and doing well andall that.
So this isn't about sort of notwanting to do well in the
workplace, it's actually justabout health.
It's about your physical andemotional health in a workplace
and being realistic.
And I just feel like a lot ofbusinesses and government
(08:39):
departments and whoever else, alot of businesses just don't
seem to be realistic about whata small team of people can do in
a certain amount of time orwhat a particular person can do
in a certain amount of time.
So it is okay to say, okay,realistically, this isn't going
to happen.
This is why, or, if that needsto happen, what's going to give?
(08:59):
And essentially get your bossto help you figure out the thing
that's going to give, becausesomething is.
And if you don't have theseconversations and if you don't
alter these things, what happensis what gives usually is your
physical and mental health.
That's what gives.
So if we keep going and goingand going and just taking all
(09:19):
this pressure and all thisstress, there's a big problem.
The other thing, too, is okay.
So even if let's just say,right, we've taken on the
project, the job, whatever it is, we've agreed to do it, we're
going to do it, fine, and that's, we're going ahead and getting
it done, because more often thannot, that's probably the thing
that needs to happen, right,Fine, okay.
But the next thing is to beaware of the pressure you put on
(09:42):
yourself for the outcome, orthe pressure you put on yourself
about how important the outcomeis.
Because, again, what happens iswe're in our mind, we're like,
oh my God, we've got to get thisthing done and it's going to be
perfect, it's going to be right.
And the truth is, in mostsituations, in most workplaces,
when someone asks you to do aproject, create something new or
(10:03):
create something, what you'recreating is a sloppy first draft
.
You know what you're creatingis just the beginning, it's just
an outline of something, right,or it's the first attempt, or
the, the first practice, or thefirst, uh, first, you know, like
it's it's kind of how youfeeling your way around in a job
(10:25):
about how something could bedone differently or a new thing
that you could do it's actuallykind of doing it for the first
time is just kind of figuringthat out, nutting it out, right.
So because what you're oftendoing in these situations, when
you're doing something new orsome special project or whatever
for your team, for your boss orwhatever it often is, that's
(10:47):
the nature of what you're doingand for most of us, what we're
doing is not brain surgery, it'snot emergency surgery.
We're not in, you know, we'renot doing triage in a, in a, in
an emergency hospital, you know,at a hospital, right?
So what we're doing isn't notsaying it's not important, but
there's important and there'simportant, right?
(11:07):
So we have to be realisticabout not putting a huge amount
of pressure on ourselves.
So if your boss has said I wantyou to do this project that you
weren't ready for and thatthere's no time and no resources
allotted and blah, blah, blah,and I want you to get it done in
a week, then in your mind, it'simportant that you in your mind
(11:32):
, have a very realistic idea ofwhat the outcome is going to be.
What is that going to look like, and also that you communicate
that to your boss.
Okay, well, I could probably doa draft of the thing, or I
could do a first run and testhow whatever the thing is, that
works.
So it depends on what kind ofjob you have, right?
(11:56):
But yeah, I could do a test runor I could do a first draft, or
I could start sort of soundingout how that would.
Whatever it is, but you've gotto be realistic about what the
outcome's going to be as well,because what happens is you have
someone come along and say thisis really important, we have to
get done by this date, althoughyou know, I don't know what's
going to happen, the head'sgoing to explode.
And then the next person comesalong and everyone kind of joins
in on the energy of oh my God,the world's going to end if we
don't get this thing done bythis date.
(12:17):
And then people what generallyhappens is then people start
doing overtime, they stoplooking after themselves, they
stop eating well, they're oftenlike just holding their breath
because they're so stressed andso they're just not even really
breathing properly, right, andthen people start getting snappy
with each other.
Or you're not sleeping wellbecause you're stressing about
it when you're at home, and thenyou're getting snappy with your
(12:37):
family, right, and so we havethis whole thing, the snowball,
and often it's like it's notthat important.
It might be important to yourteam and your workplace, but
it's not that important.
There's important and deadlinesand whatever.
And then there's like, oh myGod, something will really super
bad happen if that doesn'thappen and it's just good for us
(13:00):
to kind of review it back.
So I suppose what I'm trying tosay when someone tries to put
onto you their stressy energy,their stressy oh my God, it's
the end of the world type ofenergy over something that isn't
, that, that's not valid forwhich is most things don't take
on that energy, just kind of gookay, what is the project?
(13:21):
Let me talk about it, let'sfigure it out.
How's that going to work?
How's it going to look?
Here's reframe of the howrealistic it is and and I will
say to you as well that I wouldappreciate that like so, I've
been an employer throughout mylife at different times and I've
been an employee at differenttimes, but as an employer, I
actually I.
(13:44):
It's more frustrating ifsomeone says to you okay, I'll
do it, and that's just likethere's no way they can do it,
it's just not going to happenbut then it doesn't happen and
it all falls apart and you'vegot expectations or you've got
like another client or someonewaiting for this project.
That's more frustrating thanwhen someone says to you that's
(14:05):
not possible, but we can do thisor that's not possible.
We can do this or that's notpossible but we can start here.
Or you know so, if actuallysomeone says to you, unless you
get someone else to help me,unless you add other team
members, and that's blah, blah,whatever.
So what I'm trying to say is ifit's actually really useful for
employers, if you actually givethem accurate feedback.
(14:26):
Now I'm not saying there isn'tsome, you know, sort of
psychopathic and narcissisticand all sorts of other kind of
people in the workplace whodon't accept reality and who try
to put pressure on people andare very unrealistic about
setting goals and all that.
I get that all of that exists.
But just having awarenessaround, I suppose it's your
energy in the workplace what youbelieve from what people say
(14:48):
around you.
Suppose it's your energy in theworkplace, what you believe
from what people say around you.
If people try and infect youwith their stress, you don't
need to be infected withsomeone's stress.
You can do your job withoutbeing infected by the stress.
Being infected by the stressdoesn't help you, and so it's.
A helpful thing is to assesswhat the job is, figure out how
and if and whatever, give thefeedback, talk about the reality
(15:10):
and the reframe of what youreally are doing and how much it
matters, and then you can, inyour mind, reframe or scale up
or down the gravity of it andhow much it's worth stressing
over, right?
So I'm just encouraging you insituations because sometimes it
(15:31):
might be someone in your familysays, oh, we've got to get this
thing done.
So the other thing is familyprojects and stuff where all of
a sudden, some of the familiesas well we're going to get this
fixed or that fixed, or blah,blah, blah, or we're going to
build this thing and whatever,and they're doing it at an
unrealistic pace and blah, blah,blah.
So similar things happen infamily structures and other
situations.
Right, but you can choose toget infected with someone else's
(15:55):
stress and jump into theirtimeline and cause yourself a
whole lot of physical andemotional stress.
Or you can actually choose tonot get infected with somebody
else's stress and kind of justgo.
You choose, you choose yourbuy-in, you choose your level of
emotional buy-in to somethingand you choose your level of
reality about how much you canhelp and what you can or can't,
(16:16):
or will or won't do.
So my encouragement to you isjust always kind of like when
someone tries to infect you withthat kind of stress situation.
Just assess it, assess thesituation, assess the need for
how you, how you can and can'tdo it.
If you will or won't do it,whatever, have the conversations
, have the reframes and makesure that in your mind you know
(16:40):
the level of pressure to put onyourself around it, because the
number of people that kind ofjust accept someone else puts it
on you.
So, oh, I've got to do this,I've got to do this, I've got to
do this and everyone's before.
You know everyone's freakingout and you know people aren't
breathing.
You know this kind of thing,right.
So, uh, you know everyone'skind of just freaked out and
everyone's shallow breathing, uh, no one's looking after
(17:01):
themselves, no one's sleeping.
Well, uh and um.
And then suddenly you end up andif you're doing're doing this
in a workplace that you are partof, or running or whatever,
it's a really foolish thing todo, because what happens is you
end up with everyone on stressleave or everyone leaving the
job because they're just notcoping, and then that causes a
whole lot more stress for people, right?
(17:22):
So my advice is to just beaware of when someone's trying
to affect you with their stressand affect you with their stress
, or inflict you with theirstress, or inflict you with
their timelines, with theirunrealistic timelines, and
always be prepared to questionthem, to talk about them, to
(17:44):
reframe things.
And when we do that we don'tput too much pressure on myself,
on ourselves.
We're like okay, all right,realistically, what I can do for
you is that I will do that,which is like the crappy first
draft or the first run atfiguring something out, knowing
for sure that the wheels aregoing to fall off because you
haven't had time right.
(18:05):
So when you go into it, knowingthat it's not going to be great
but it's going to be a startand that's what you're tasked
with doing in your mind, you cando that.
But if you've tasked yourselfwith I've got to do this thing
and it's going to be perfect,and it's going to be perfect,
first go around and and it's allgoing to be done within five
(18:25):
minutes.
And if I don't, you knowsomething terrible is going to
happen.
The terrible thing is usuallyunlikely, or put it this way,
there's a ratings for whatterrible is right.
So anyway, that's just myencouragement to you Think about
that in your life in generaland in your workplaces, of how
you because we very especially,very competent, conscientious
(18:49):
people we can get infected andafflicted a lot by people's
deadlines and their stress, andwe often will take it all on
kind of without question andthen we end up in a mess.
And so what?
My encouragement to you, whatI'm inviting you to do, is to
(19:09):
just remember and learn how tokind of take a pause, ask some
questions, do some reviewing,reframing, realistic goals,
realistic expectations, all ofthose things, and then that will
help you not get overwhelmedand not get overly stressed
(19:30):
about things that you have nocontrol over, because often I
see in these situations as well,what happens is people
absolutely fall over themselvesto try and get this project done
.
They finish the project andthen the boss comes along and
says, oh, actually we're notdoing that anymore, we're going
to throw that out, or we'regoing to do it this way instead,
or actually we're going to doit, but we're not going to do it
(19:50):
completely different.
So just delete that, we'llstart again.
So you've put everything intoit and you haven't spent time
with your family and you've doneall this overtime, often unpaid
, and if you're really reallystressed and if you're really
really wrung out and they'relike, oh yeah, well, we're not
doing that now, that's reallyreally common.
It's more common than whatyou'd realize.
So, anyway, that's my invitationto you and I hope that you find
(20:14):
that sort of useful, as I knowit doesn't in not every
situation.
Everyone's situation isdifferent.
Everyone's work situation isdifferent the type of work you
do, the urgency and the sort ofkind of commitment that your job
needs.
But most of us, as I'm alwayssaying to my clients, most of us
are not emergency brainsurgeons.
So there's a little bit ofleeway there where you can
(20:37):
negotiate things to ensure thatyou stay physically and
emotionally well and youactually enjoy going to work and
doing your job and you have ahealthy workplace and just
within your sort of team, yourworkplace, your workspace or
whatever that it is overall kindof a healthy group of people,
(20:58):
rather than sort of what.
Often in these situations itjust becomes this toxic place
that people want to get awayfrom as fast as they can.
So anyway, I hope that you findthat useful.
Please like, subscribe, shareand all that.
And you know, at the WellnessConnection podcast it's.
You know, what I try and do ishave conversations, important
(21:20):
conversations about things thatmatter.
And this really does matterbecause the level of stress it
causes people and the level ofdivision in workplaces and in
relationships and that sort ofthing that happen over these
workplace things that can causepeople a lot of stress.
You think about how much timewe spend at work when we're in a
(21:41):
stressful environment and we'vegot a lot of stress being put
on us, a lot of unrealisticexpectations.
It really does affect ourstress.
So physical and emotionalhealth.
Anyway, I'll talk to you againnext week.
Thanks Bye.
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