June 17, 2025 • 56 mins
Parenting without losing yourself is something many mums silently struggle with. In this heartfelt episode of The Wellness Connection Podcast, Fiona Kane talks with life coach and mum of three, Sara Garrett, about the emotional journey of motherhood - beyond the highlight reels of social media.
Sara opens up about losing her sense of self after having kids and how she eventually reconnected with her identity. From battling guilt and burnout to finding purpose again through self-care, mindset shifts, and support networks - this is a powerful reminder that it’s okay to take up space as you, not just as a parent.
Whether you're a new mum or years into motherhood, this episode will speak to your heart.
✨ What You’ll Hear:
How motherhood can make you feel lost - and how to find yourself again
Tips for protecting your mental and emotional well-being
Real talk about guilt, pressure, and the myth of doing it all
Practical self-care that actually fits your day
Language shifts that help you feel more empowered
Why boundaries matter for your peace
🔔 Don’t forget to like, share, and subscribe for more honest conversations that support your well-being - as a parent and as a person.
Contact Sara Garrett:
Facebook: https://facebook.com/passion4purpose
Facebook group: https://facebook.com/groups/findingmeinmum
Instagram: https://instagram.com/passion4purpose
Website: www.passionforpurpose.com.au
Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/
Sign up to receive our newsletter by clicking here.
Instagram
Facebook
LinkedIn
Credit for the music used in this podcast:
The Beat of Nature
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fiona Kane (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I have another guest.
Her name is Sara Garrett andwe're going to be talking about
finding me in motherhood.
Hi, Sara.
Sara Garrett (00:14):
Good morning.
Fiona Kane (00:17):
So for those who don't know you, because you're a
friend of mine from a long timeago, that we've remained
friends for many years.
Sara Garrett (00:24):
But for those who don't know.
Fiona Kane (00:25):
You tell us a little bit about you.
Sara Garrett (00:28):
I am a married mum of three.
I have three kids 10, 7 and 3.
I have done a lot of differentjobs over the years, but we used
to work together in health food.
Fiona Kane (00:43):
Yes, sarah was my boss.
Sara Garrett (00:46):
I used to manage a little healthy life store back
in the day, um, which was a lotof fun, and I learned lots of
things, um, and I had theprivilege of meeting you, which
was wonderful of course, allthat you know, it's the most
important thing me um, and overthe years, I've done lots of
different um, lots of differentjobs, like I said, but, um, I am
(01:11):
currently a life coach and anNLP practitioner and I'm living
my dream job.
I love my career.
Um, this is something I've doneover the last few years and it
came about because of how I wasfeeling in motherhood.
So, yeah, that's a little bitabout me.
Fiona Kane (01:30):
Yeah, yeah.
So you and I have had thesediscussions and actually it's a
common discussion I have with,whether it be with my clients or
whether it be with my friendswho are mums, and most of the
people who listen and watch justknow that I'm not a mother, so
I always talk about.
It's the hardest job and youknow, and even when I'm making
comments about we should do thisor we should do that, whatever,
I always kind of say, hey look,yeah easy, it's really easy for
(01:54):
me to say because I'm not doingit, you know, actually, that
makes me the perfect mother,because you can only be the
perfect mother in your mind.
Yeah, once you actually do it inreality.
You can't be perfect anymore.
So I'm a perfect mother in mymind because I don't have to do
it, so I don't have to provethat I'm flawed just like
everybody else.
And it's hard and all the restof it.
But you know, look it really is, I don't know being I think
(02:17):
even being a woman in this age,let alone being a mother.
There's lots of challengesaround it.
Lots of things have changedover the last, you know, even
since our parents and onwards,absolutely, but a lot's changed.
And so you know, maybe I hearthe challenge.
The challenge I hear all aboutis mothers talking about that
they lose their identity whenthey have children.
Sara Garrett (02:40):
A hundred percent yes.
Fiona Kane (02:42):
And there's lots of mother guilt about how much time
you do or don't spend with yourchildren and if you go back to
work and when do you go, all ofthose kinds of things.
So maybe start telling me aboutsome of those things.
Sara Garrett (02:53):
Yeah.
So for me, I had always wantedto be a mum.
I was really excited to becomea mother and then, when my first
son arrived, I felt out of mydepth, which is normal when you
have a newborn.
It's a real adjustment.
(03:14):
But that feeling of being unsureand lost and stuck sort of
continued on for me.
Even after my third child.
I felt that way and I felt soguilty because all I ever wanted
to do was be a mum.
And you know, I had these threebeautiful kids.
(03:35):
I should be grateful and Iabsolutely am grateful, but at
the same time I really, like yousaid, I lost a sense of
identity.
I didn't know who I was anymore, apart from being a mother and
a caregiver.
And for me, um, I changed youknow jobs a lot because I
thought, you know, I would findsome passion or some excitement
(03:58):
with that and I would get thatsense of identity back.
And I never did, until I cameacross coaching, life coaching.
But yeah, like you said, a lotof mums feel lost and stuck and
they lose that sense of identitywhen they become mothers.
But it's important for them toknow that they're not alone and
(04:20):
this is a very common occurrencenot alone and this is a very
common occurrence.
So I've just I think I've lostyou Fi.
Oh no, there you are, you'reback.
Sorry, my screen paused for asecond.
Fiona Kane (04:36):
I apologise.
That's the thing aboutrecording online.
Yeah, this happens.
It's all good.
Sara Garrett (04:48):
But back in 2022, something that really resonated
with me.
I came across an an essay Ifound on, uh like a motherhood
website.
It's called motherly um.
If you don't mind, I'd love toshare it with the viewers and
with you, um, and this essaysort of really resonated with me
and and I feel like it wouldmake a difference to a lot of
other mums as well.
So it's written by the editorof this website and she's an
(05:11):
author as well.
Her name's Mariah Maddox andshe writes a lot of essays and
poems, and also I think she hasa couple of books out about
motherhood, but I won't read thewhole thing, but this is a few
paragraphs here.
But I won't read the wholething, but this is a few
paragraphs here.
So it's called I Love my Baby,but I Miss Myself.
Nothing has brought me greaterjoy than motherhood, but nothing
(05:34):
has brought me greater griefthan becoming a foreigner in my
own skin.
Most times, I don't know who Iam beyond a body that has
stretched to form a child andnow spends endless moments
catering to their wellbeing.
I love watching this tiny humanbecome their own person.
I love knowing that I'm neededand that this precious baby
(05:54):
depends on me, but sometimes Ijust wish that I could know
myself in the process, and Iwish others were more patient
with me as I try to learn thisnew version of myself as well.
It seems like I'm alone mostdays with a child tugging for my
attention.
Friends and family that don'tcheck in as often as they used
to because, let's face it, I'mslow in replying these days and
(06:18):
sometimes others just don'tunderstand that I'm struggling,
that I'm in the middle of anidentity crisis, that I'm faced
with an ongoing battle ofemotions that feels like they're
drowning me.
I know that I'm not alone.
I know that there are manyother mothers out there feeling
the weight of these exactemotions, wondering if they're
(06:38):
all alone as well.
Well, I'm here to tell you thatyou're not alone, that the
reality is universal and motherseverywhere share this pain.
So that's just a little excerptof that um essay, and I was
like my goodness, that justrings so true.
Yes, and I think for mums, wejust don't.
We get so caught up in beingthe caregiver and the family
(07:04):
manager and everything else thatcomes with being a wife and a
mum that we forget aboutourselves and we put ourselves
last, and it's the worst thingwe can do for our family and our
kids is to lose ourself becausewe don't um, we're unable to be
(07:25):
present, we carry resentment.
We don't model the bestbehaviours for our kids when
we're not feeling great aboutourselves.
Fiona Kane (07:34):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (07:34):
And so therein lies the issue.
Fiona Kane (07:39):
Yeah, and to a certain degree too, I think, for
the survival of the species.
Think biology, biology mothersare made that way and it's for a
really good reason, yes, so soinitially, you know what I think
it's like?
Uh, up to for the first ninemonths, or whatever, uh, the um
babies really really do.
I mean, obviously, children,all children need their mom, but
(08:00):
they very, very much do needtheir mother, and that they're I
think jordan peterson talksabout this how you know,
essentially it's got to beunquestioning.
Unquestioningly how do you saythat word?
Unquestioningly?
the child whatever the word isthat I can't say.
It's like when you start doinga podcast, that's when you
realize you don't know how topronounce words that you read.
(08:22):
It's like you're going to saythat, oh, I realize I don't know
how to say it that, look, achild, a baby's always right.
Yeah, okay, um, that first yearof its life, it's always right.
Whatever it needs, it is right,it is it's.
These are the most importantthing.
It's always right and it needsto be attended to right.
So, for the survival of thespecies, that does require a
(08:42):
certain amount of uh, you know,giving of yourself and not
really thinking about yourselftoo much.
If at all, because you actuallydo need to tend to this being
that requires this fullattention and to be kept, you
know, alive.
So it's a very good reason thatwe are made that way.
Sara Garrett (09:02):
We're programmed that way.
Yes, yeah, so I don't thinkit's like a wrong.
Fiona Kane (09:04):
So it's not wrong that we're like it, but it's not
that you are made that way,programmed that way.
Yes, yeah, so I don't thinkit's like a wrong.
So it's not wrong that we'relike it, but it's not that you
were saying that, but it's moreokay.
So we know we're programmedthat way, so it's really natural
to feel that way and, I suppose, for this to happen.
But then how do you transitionto a place where there's a
little bit more balance there,because your family will always
need you and and, of course, youknow being a mother is really
(09:26):
important and you know you wantto be there for your children.
However, you do want to.
You know, if that for you isn'tlike, and look, some people will
stay at home with threechildren, do that full time, and
that's their identity and theyabsolutely love it and that's
what they want to do and that'sperfect for them and they're
really happy.
But many women are somewhere inbetween.
(09:48):
They're all they, they, theymaybe want a career or a little
bit of both, whatever they want,and it's not quite, it doesn't
quite work that way for them.
So it's like we're happy andeven if you, even if you do
actually, the truth is, even ifyou still are, if you're a
full-time stay-at-home mom.
That's all you want to do.
That's, and you're able to dothat.
You know financially as well soyou're able to do that.
(10:11):
But even then, self-care comesinto play.
So, whether the self-care islooking after yourself within
the home, or whether theself-care is having a career, or
whether it's you know, lookingafter your health, whatever it
is.
So, regardless of what type ofmum or what type of role you
want or can or do play in yourfamily's life, there needs to be
(10:33):
a level of self-care.
So at some point that has tokick back in.
Sara Garrett (10:37):
Yes, yeah, absolutely, and that's what I
share a lot with my clients andin my Facebook group for mums,
which is Finding Me inMotherhood as well.
We talk a lot about self-careand my ongoing phrase is I say
this all the time self-care isnot selfish, it's
(10:57):
self-preservation no-transcript.
(11:27):
Like I said, whether it's fiveminutes or an hour or a weekend
away, whatever you can manageand maintain, you absolutely
need to prioritize that.
It's essential.
Fiona Kane (11:37):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
You have to have those momentsfor you so that you can just.
Actually, there was a friend ofmine years ago who said that
the way that she survivedmotherhood was that she actually
gets up super early in themorning and kids get up pretty
early anyway, but she gets upeven earlier than that, right,
and so she says that she hasthis like 40 minutes half an
(11:58):
hour in the morning.
That was her time.
Sara Garrett (11:59):
And she was up before everyone.
Fiona Kane (12:02):
So she just had time to have that cuppa and just
kind of get her head, just be inher quiet space or do her thing
, whatever she needed to dobefore everyone else's needs.
Now, of course, you'd have togo to bed earlier to do that and
you know, obviously people havedifferent situations, different
jobs, whatever, but that reallyworked for her.
So it really is kind of justfinding what it is that works
(12:23):
for you.
Sara Garrett (12:29):
Correct, worked for her.
So it really is kind of justfinding what, what it is that
works for you, correct?
Yeah, every mum's different,every family is different.
Um, but work, yeah, working outwhat works best for you and
sticking to it, um, yeah, andand it's not just the other
thing with you know, if you'refaced with feeling that loss of
identity and you're feeling abit stuck and lost in motherhood
, self-care should be at the topof your list.
But then you also want to belooking at things like trying to
(12:52):
reconnect with old intereststhat you may have had before you
became a mum, or finding outwhat interests you now, whether
that's like personal developmentor just working out what your
strengths are, or finding a newhobby, whatever it is.
That should be a priority aswell.
Getting that passion andpurpose back is really important
(13:15):
as well to get you through that.
Fiona Kane (13:19):
Yeah, so have you got some strategies, some things
that you have done or thatyou've just found personally
that have worked for you?
Sara Garrett (13:26):
For me personally, it was definitely coaching, and
that's the reason I've become alife coach myself, because I
saw how much it helped me and Ithought I would love to do this
for other mums and support othermums.
So I worked a lot on personaldevelopment for myself, found
out, went on a bit of aself-discovery journey, I
suppose, and found out where mystrengths lie, what I'm good at,
(13:49):
really thought long and hardabout what I wanted to do with
my life, what brought me joy,because I was tired of being,
you know, cranky and resentfuland sad and I just wasn't being
the type of mother I think mykids deserved and my husband so,
(14:14):
or the kind of wife my husbanddeserved.
I should say not mother, I'mnot his mother.
So, yeah, a lot ofself-discovery.
Definitely self-care, whichwe've talked about, um, I made
sure I did a bit of a um, uh,what's the word?
I really looked long and hardabout the kind of people and the
(14:38):
community I was surroundingmyself with, so making sure I
had the right support network,because mums can't do it on
their own.
It takes a village, that's areal thing.
So, you know, having a look atwho I was surrounding myself
with, were they positiveinfluences on me.
Could I rely on them if Ineeded to, if I needed help with
(15:00):
the kids to be able to pursuesomething for myself?
Yes, and I highly encourage allmums to do that.
If they don't have the rightsupport network around them,
branch out and start trying tobuild that.
Whether that's and I say thisto my clients who don't have a
lot of family around them anddon't have help with their kids.
(15:22):
Look at things like if yourchild's playing sport, if
they're playing soccer orfootball or something like that
are you making friends withother parents there?
Are there other parents thatmight be able to help you out
when you can't get your childthere?
So you can do something foryourself or whatever it is and
do that for them.
It works both ways, you know.
Do you have parents at schoolthat you can make friends with?
(15:46):
Um, you know, schoolcommunities are great places
where you can find the rightsupport network.
Um, yeah, neighbors.
Um, you know, there's so manydifferent opportunities to build
a good support network aroundyou and your family, because it
takes a village and you needthat if you're going to be able
(16:06):
to pursue things outside ofmotherhood for yourself as well.
Fiona Kane (16:10):
Yes, yeah, and really, like you were saying
there, it's about reaching out.
Sara Garrett (16:14):
Yes.
Fiona Kane (16:16):
And I think we also have to be prepared and this is
just generally in life when youreach out, not everyone's going
to respond.
Well, Not everyone might wantto be your friend or might you
know whatever.
Everyone's got their own thinggoing on.
So it's actually just keepgoing until you find the right
people.
So as simple as that, becausesometimes I think people might
(16:37):
reach out once and if they feelsomehow they've been rejected,
they don't keep looking, and Ithink we need to sort of just be
okay with other people havedifferent things going on.
It might not be the rightperson, but you know, and it's
usually not about you, even ifit feels like it's about you.
Sara Garrett (16:55):
Yeah, stop taking everything personally.
Yeah, yeah, everybody's gottheir own stuff going on.
Fiona Kane (17:00):
We can feel like that Anyone who's been isolated
in any way.
What happens is we do get andand I think being a mum in some
ways, from what the way peopledescribe it to me can- feel
isolated.
Sara Garrett (17:13):
Yes, absolutely yeah, so I think, it's 80 up to
80, so 80 of new mums inparticular feel completely
isolated and alone duringmotherhood.
Fiona Kane (17:23):
Yeah, so you know, you know, guy Winch, in his TED
Talk, which is really great, hedid a couple, but he did one,
and I can't remember what was it.
I can't remember the title ofit, but it was the first one and
he talks about how, when wefeel alone or when we feel
isolated, we do start to tellourselves stories.
(17:43):
And we tell ourselves storiesthat aren't helpful, and we tell
ourselves stories about peopledon't care or they don't want to
be our friend or whatever it is.
Yeah, all that negativeself-talk, yeah, yeah and so the
problem with that is then weassume you know, we go somewhere
and someone kind of you know,we think that someone gave us a
filthy look or they looked at usfunny or whatever, but they
(18:03):
didn't you know.
Or we, we ask someone and wedidn't realize that she just
didn't hear us, or or maybe theyjust who knows what happened,
maybe the you know their motherdied that morning.
You don't know what's happenedto that person.
They're just like you know, andand we kind of go, oh, everyone
hates me, or whatever.
So we, what we do know, is thatas human beings, we are very
(18:24):
good at making up stories aboutpeople don't want to help you,
or they don't care, or theydon't like you or whatever.
And if you are feeling isolated, that might be even more so,
because we do can and do do thatwhen we're isolated.
So it's like not just kind of,uh, everything that you said is
great, but just like hang inthere as well, like it's not
always the first person you askor the first situation that
(18:45):
works, but you will findsomething that works if you
actually just hang in there andkeep going with it correct.
Sara Garrett (18:50):
Yeah, and it's also about reciprocation too, so
it's not just about you alwaysasking for the help and support.
Offer it when you've got thetime.
Offer that to you know tosomebody else, because when we
do that it creates the balance.
You're more likely going to getsomeone to say yes to you.
Fiona Kane (19:07):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I'm just going to pause for a
moment, just a moment, sorryeveryone.
We had a technical issue so Ijust stopped for a moment, so
back into it, but yeah.
So, look, what we were justtalking about then is just keep
going and find support, but,like you said, offer to help as
well, because if you offer tohelp, that makes a big
(19:28):
difference.
Like it's not friendships arenot one-way things, correct.
Yeah so, if you offer support,maybe that's also a way that you
can find your right place, yourright people, your right tribe.
Sara Garrett (19:40):
Yes, yeah, and it's worth it.
When you find your tribe, awhole new world opens up to you.
So, um, definitely key in infinding yourself in motherhood
is having the right peoplearound you.
Fiona Kane (19:53):
Yeah, the other thing too that I I know that uh,
that Beck, who uh used to workfor me a nutritionist who used
to work for me she's got twolittle ones, and what she said
is that when she first had herbabies, she had to go off
Instagram.
Now you can I've got an episodecoming up about this but you
(20:15):
can kind of program Instagram ina way that you see the things
that you want to see.
So there are ways to kind ofplay around with the algorithm
and choose what you do and don'tsee.
But she had to do that becauseshe was seeing all of these you
know, there's so much kind ofthe perfect mother kind of insta
type thing and she was seeingso much of that stuff that she,
(20:39):
you know, because you're sittingthere on the lounge and you
know you're covered in likevomit and poo- and breast milk
and you've got like mastitis andyou're in pain you can't settle
your baby and, yeah, your houselooks like a tornado went
through it, and you know and youhaven't had a shower in three
days or whatever uh you gothrough instagram and you see,
(21:03):
like the perfect mother typethings, all of that crap that
people put on instagram, and soshe actually found herself, um,
and it was.
It was the perfect mother thing, but it was also the advice
thing.
Sara Garrett (21:14):
That's what she everybody's got advice for you.
Fiona Kane (21:17):
What she found is that she kind of felt like she
had like an intuition kick in inmotherhood, which I think is a
thing um that I see in manymothers, so if not all of them,
but the many, many mothers andthe problem is that you've got
your intuition kick in, but thenyou have everybody else's say
so and it's hard enough, evenjust.
I mean, everyone's going to haveit in their family and real
(21:39):
friends or whatever.
But then you got instagram aswell, telling you that you're a
bad mother or that you're wrong,or you know how come you don't
like this.
Sara Garrett (21:45):
You're not fit enough.
You don't go to the gym enough.
Why are you in a?
Fiona Kane (21:49):
bikini.
How come, just because you'vehad five children, how come you
don't have a six-pack?
Whatever it is, you know thatsort of carry-on.
So sometimes we need to protectourselves in other ways, as
well.
Have you kind of, is thatsomething that you've?
Noticed other mothers about.
Sara Garrett (22:04):
Part of what I talk about a lot again with
clients and in the Facebookgroup is really working on your
self-talk and understanding thatyou can't control all that
stuff that goes on around you onInstagram or other social media
platforms or even in real life.
You can't control anybody else.
You can only control yourselfand your thoughts and how you
(22:25):
feel.
Um, so, working on um, positiveself-talk and self-worth um, I
cannot speak highly enough aboutdoing stuff like that, um,
because you know if you don'thave that, you are susceptible
to listening into all that noiseand feeling terrible about
(22:48):
yourself as a woman and a mother.
And you know, if you've got theright, uh, self-worth and
self-image and and you've gotmore positive self-talk
happening, it empowers you yeahand you can block out all that
stuff yeah so, um, that's what Iencourage other moms to do is
(23:10):
it's to be able to um work onthemselves, and because that's
the only thing you can controlis who you are as a person and
what you allow to what you allowin, yeah, yeah, which is one of
the things that I talk aboutwith my clients is when I refer
to your diet.
Fiona Kane (23:29):
You were kind of hinting at this earlier as well,
but your diet's not just whatyou eat.
Yeah, your diet is all thethings you consume.
Yes, and if you're consumingthe Instagram like instagram can
be great if you use it you knowif you're using it the right
way and you've got the rightalgorithm, but so it's not about
instagram itself, but it's justessentially it's like well,
(23:51):
what's what's nourishing you,what's not?
yes, and if it's not nourishingyou, can you change it, get rid
of it, put it on pause, likewhat does that look like?
But essentially it's kind ofjust doing it on pause, like
what does that look like?
But essentially it's kind ofjust doing this audit of you
know your life, because you weresort of talking.
Really, what you're talkingabout before is even just the
connections and stuff.
It was doing a bit of an auditand saying who are the people in
(24:11):
my life, who are the supportsin my life?
Sara Garrett (24:13):
that's the word I was looking for yeah, yeah, yeah
, exactly.
Fiona Kane (24:18):
So, you know, really , it's kind of a life audit, so
it's also like, if you arereally struggling, well then the
question is what are youconsuming?
Yes, and it could be about dietand I could talk about that all
day, but we're not here to talkabout that necessarily today.
But, although that is part ofself-care, but it's actually,
what are you what, what or whoare you listening to?
(24:39):
What are you who?
Who are you listening to?
Who are you watching?
And if you spend, you know,five minutes on Instagram, does
that actually sort of like?
Are you kind of like?
You know, I always joke andtell everyone, because at the
moment, my brother and my sisterand I, we talk about capybaras,
so we're sending each othercapybaras.
So I think I've become acapybara expert.
I assume that when I go onInstagram, it's all capybaras
(25:03):
and so it's very.
It's not problematic for me,it's just kind of cute capybaras
.
It's just kind of a bit of ohit's cute, oh that's lovely.
But you know, is that yourexperience of Instagram?
If it is, and it makes you kindof laugh and it makes you smile
and you know, great.
But if you go on Instagram andyou feel bad about yourself.
You feel more empty, more lost.
(25:23):
Whatever it is, then you know,insert from Instagram.
It could be something it couldbe.
Whatever it is, it could be themother's group you go to, you
might be in the wrong mother'sgroup right.
Yes, so you know and I've heardthose stories before as well
where people go to mother'sgroups and they feel terrible
about themselves because of thetype of people that are in there
or maybe that one person, uh,and so you know, it's what, what
(25:47):
are you consuming, and sothat's all part of it, isn't it?
Sara Garrett (25:50):
yes, 100%.
Yeah, and give yourselfpermission as a mum um, I
suppose, well, this is goingwe're backtracking a bit with
this but give yourselfpermission, as a mum, to be a
little bit selfish sometimes.
Like you said, we'rebiologically we're programmed to
to be there 100% for our kids,and we should they, our kids
(26:13):
should come first, but not tothe detriment of our own mental
health and well-being, and so weneed to create the balance.
But sorry, going back to whatyou were saying, if, um, you
know, if, if being on socialmedia is triggering you or
making you feel bad aboutyourself, then shut it off.
(26:34):
Do something that makes you feelgood about yourself.
Find joy in something else,whatever that is, yeah, and
that's a little bit about youknow what I was saying with
finding, find your passion andpurpose, find a new hobby, find
an interest that that, yeah,makes you feel good.
Um, so, yeah, I agree with youon that whole Instagram thing.
(26:57):
It's funny what your algorithmwill pick up.
I get a lot of bookrecommendations because I'm
constantly looking at stuff likethat, all that romantic stuff,
but anyway, Whatever you werelooking up or talking about five
minutes ago as well.
Yes, I've got a podcast.
Fiona Kane (27:13):
I've got a podcast and my phone's just here and
then I'll be seeing ads forwhatever I talked about in that
podcast.
Sara Garrett (27:18):
So true.
Fiona Kane (27:18):
Seriously listening to it?
Well, it is listening to you,it definitely is.
And or you know, I'll look up,I'll be with a client and
they'll tell me about somesupplement they're taking or
something they're doing.
So I'll look it up while I'mwith them and then I'll get ads,
and then you get ads for all ofthat yeah.
For whatever it is.
So you know we get a mixture ofstuff, but yeah, look, I think
that just knowing what you'reconsuming matters and knowing
(27:40):
how much it can affect you.
So, whether that be your food,whether that be Insta, whether
it be your mother's group,whatever it is, do your audit
and be prepared to.
It's okay.
Just as much as it's okay tosay yes to a group or yes to a
friendship, whatever.
It's also okay to say no to it.
Sara Garrett (27:55):
Yes, yeah, set boundaries.
This is another big thing Italk about with clients and
other mums.
We are so, we want to please,we're constantly trying to
please others and people pleasesand we don't take a step back
(28:18):
and set boundaries for ourselveshealthy boundaries.
It's okay to say no If yourkids want to do an
extracurricular activity andthey're already doing three
different things.
You know it's okay for you tosay no to your kids.
You know you can do that nextyear when we stop playing soccer
, or when you don't do pianoanymore or whatever.
We can implement something new,but at this stage we're we're
(28:40):
tapped out, um.
So I I give examples of um, uh,ways you can say no without
actually saying no, and they'recalled um agreement frames, I
think.
I think I can't remember thespecific name for it, but we
talk a little bit about that aswell.
Um, because, yeah, a lot ofwomen, a lot of mothers, we find
(29:02):
it really difficult to setboundaries and if you don't,
you're just going to get walkedall over, and that's not just
from your kids or your husbandor your partner, that's just in
life in general yes um and Ithink we talked about this
recently when we're having aconversation about brene brown
and how she says choosediscomfort over resentment.
Fiona Kane (29:24):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (29:27):
And that sort of ties into being able to say no
as well.
Have that uncomfortableconversation where you want to
say no to bringing in cakes orwhatever to school that day for
something or other some bakingstall or whatever it is.
Have that uncomfortableconversation where you say, no,
I can't do that.
I've got other responsibilitiesthat need to come first,
(29:49):
because otherwise you're filledwith resentment.
Fiona Kane (29:53):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (29:55):
And I think I don't know whether we had this
conversation recently too, but Iwas talking about with some of
my clients as well, and othermums, about Dr Gabor Marti's
recent presentation that was inSydney that I went to see and he
was saying which was juststaggering to me 80% of chronic
(30:16):
illness sufferers are women andmothers, and he says it's in
direct relation or correlationwith the suppression of emotion
and also constantly beingresponsible for others and not
(30:37):
for yourself.
Fiona Kane (30:38):
Yeah.
Sara Garrett (30:39):
And so this is why it's so important, as mothers,
that we work on ourselves and,you know, we prioritise our
emotional and mental wellbeing,because not only obviously can
we suffer and end up with thingslike, you know, a chronic
illness or depression or youknow those sorts of things, but
(31:00):
we're also affecting our kids.
Yes, we're not modelling goodbehaviours.
We're less present.
Kids are more likely to go onand have social and emotional
and cognitive issues if they'vegot a mum in the home that has
mental health issues yes, issuesif they've got a mum in the
(31:21):
home that has mental healthissues.
So super important that we dohave a balance and we prioritise
ourselves as well.
Fiona Kane (31:28):
So yeah, and, like you said, the word you said
there was perfect, because yousaid model yes, and I think that
we forget that.
I think that people think thatyour kids learn what you tell
them and they sort of do andthey sort of don't.
But what they do learn is whatyou show them, what you model to
(31:49):
them.
Yes, and my experience withthis is that children who have
mothers who don't look afterthemselves at all I don't
practice any kind of that, Ihave no boundaries, practice no
self-care, whatever they well,the girls go on to do the same
thing, because they think thatmothers and women don't have
(32:10):
needs or shouldn't have them,and they should feel bad if they
feel like they have thembecause they shouldn't have them
, yes, and the boys go on tothink that their wives and
partners don't have needs aswell.
Sara Garrett (32:22):
So I think that you hit the nail on the head.
Fiona Kane (32:24):
What we model is very powerful and so notice that
they're noticing you and yourself-care.
So if they see you practicingself-care, if they see you
exhibiting healthy boundaries,that's what they learn.
If they see you having noboundaries, that's what they
learn.
Sara Garrett (32:41):
If they see you having no boundaries, that's
what they learn yes, yep, sotrue, um, it's a real, yeah, it
can be a real issue.
So I think, um, especially ifyou've got, if you're a mom and
you've got a daughter,especially with I I mean,
obviously the same can be saidabout having sons as well, yes,
(33:07):
but yeah, I think it's reallyimportant that you're, and you
also are showing emotionalmaturity and you're able to
stabilise your own emotions.
Sometimes you know, like, asmums, no one's perfect.
No mother is perfect, and weneed to get that out out of our
heads.
yeah, except for me rememberexcept for you, because I don't
(33:27):
have.
Fiona Kane (33:27):
You're doing wonderful so, in my mind, the
most perfect mother ever, yousee but yeah, like I think um on
all those instagram.
They're all perfect, of course.
Sara Garrett (33:40):
Oh, yes, yes, Everything you see on the
internet is true.
Fiona Kane (33:42):
It's absolutely true .
Sara Garrett (33:43):
yes, but yeah, like you notice that sometimes
even you know I notice if I'memotional, you know if I'm not
sort of reining myself in athome.
You know I'm not perfect.
I get upset, I get angry, I getfrustrated.
And I notice if I start raisingmy voice and it might not have
(34:04):
anything to do with my children,you know I might be upset about
something that I don't knowhappened during the day when
they were at school.
But then I pick them up fromschool and I'm a little bit, you
know, irritated or agitated,and I raise my voice.
And then later that afternoonI'll be hearing my daughter
raise her voice, or my, you know, irritated or agitated, and I
raise my voice, and then laterthat afternoon I'll be hearing
my daughter raise her voice, ormy, you know, one of my boys
raise their voice, and I think,calm down, what are you doing?
Fiona Kane (34:27):
but then I realize I've just modeled that on the
way home yeah, there's somefunny youtube videos with
children like acting out thingsthat their parents do.
Yes, wow, what has that childbeen seeing?
And their phone calls and theyknow the exact way their mum
says it and the exact words thatmum uses and blah, blah, blah
(34:49):
and you can see them say, wow,you know all the body language,
everything, everything.
Wow, okay, but it's true, theysee it all.
They see it all and you know Ihad Steph Pinto on here.
She's an emotional intelligencesort of parenting expert in
regards to emotionalintelligence, and that's what
this stuff is, because if youknow how to regulate your own
(35:13):
emotions and set boundaries andpractice emotional intelligence,
that is what your children willsee and learn, yes, but if you
don't know how to do that, wellthen that is what your children
will see and learn, correct?
Sara Garrett (35:28):
And then it's a cycle and they'll be teaching
their kids that.
Fiona Kane (35:32):
Yeah, exactly.
So part of this is actuallythat the self-care is important
for lots of different levels,lots of different reasons.
So one it's important, ofcourse, that you look after your
health and that you fill yourcup so that you've got something
to pour, you know, to pour,like, if you've got nothing left
in your cup, you can't helpanybody.
And we're looking afterourselves so that we don't feel
resentful and so we don't feellost or whatever the emotions
(35:58):
are that we're experiencing.
So we're also doing these thingsbecause we're modelling and
we're actually teaching childrenhow to be a grown-up, because
the goal of the children is thatthey become functional adults,
correct and so the way we dothat is by modelling it, and so
the way we do that is by havingboundaries and by knowing when
to say no and knowing when tosay yes, and by practising
(36:19):
emotional intelligence.
And one say no and knowing whento say yes by practicing
emotional intelligence.
And one of the things I talk tomy clients about I'm sure you
do this as well, being in thecoaching industry is looking at
what your values are.
Yes, and not just yourself, butmaybe what your family values
(36:40):
are.
I think it's useful for familiesto have a set of family values.
Yes, these are what our valuesare.
Yes, and teach your childrenthis is what our family values
are.
Whatever they are for you.
It's different things fordifferent people.
It's going to be sort of healthor education or work, or God or
this or that, or people haveall that.
Whatever you do you, however,once you know what your family
(37:00):
values are and your kids knowwhat they are, then also you
make decisions around that.
Sara Garrett (37:04):
so and you can protect those values.
Yeah, yeah, putting boundaries.
Fiona Kane (37:09):
Exactly your decisions are about protecting
those values right so will Itake on this new job or not?
Yeah, will dad take on this newjob or not?
Or will we move your kids to adifferent school.
Whatever the thing is, it goesback to your values and if you
have a very clear set of valuesand you're protecting those
values because that's what,that's essentially what I think
that's what sometimes people getmistaken with what boundaries
(37:32):
are.
So boundaries are sort ofprotecting what's within so it's
like okay, so within my family,we've got this set of values
and we've got, you know, myfamily are my gold, they're the
special thing and I look afterthem, right, yeah, so having
boundaries is actually aboutprotecting that.
It's not about putting walls upand pushing people away or
(37:55):
being mean or any of that.
It's actually about protectingwhat's within.
It's protecting the sacred.
Sara Garrett (38:01):
Yes.
Fiona Kane (38:02):
And so whatever's within your kind of sacred.
So if you have what you classas being sacred and that could
be, you know, your children,your family, your God, whatever,
like, whatever it is for youand some people get upset when I
say the word God, insertwhatever it is for you, right?
So a magical, unicorn, fairy,universe, god, angels, whatever
(38:25):
works for you.
So it's just naming the kindsof things for people that would
be values, just naming the kindsof things that for people, that
would be values.
If you've got that the center,that's really if you have a real
definite idea of what that is,then every decision you make
after that is around protectingthat yeah and I think that that
that makes a lot more sense thankind of like feeling like
(38:47):
you're punishing people orfeeling like you're being rude
or whatever it's like no, no,I'm not being rude, I'm actually
just protecting, yeah, thereally special value most.
Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah.
And so I think that sometimeswith these things, it's actually
it's if you start with thebasis, things like start with
the values, work, work back fromthere we understand what we're
(39:08):
protecting yeah and we and weunderstand what is valuable and
what is worth protecting andlike why we're doing it.
Yes, I think it makes a lot moresense.
Sara Garrett (39:20):
Absolutely.
That's something I work on alot with clients as well.
In my program, we talk aboutvalues and not only about
setting boundaries around thoseand protecting those values.
But what can we do thatenhances those values within our
life as well?
What activities or behavioursor actions can we do that
(39:40):
enhance those values?
It's so important.
Once you know that, like yousaid, you can work backwards
from there.
Yes, but it's such a beautifulplace to start.
Fiona Kane (39:52):
Yes, yeah, definitely.
And you know, I don't know, Idon't know if you saw it.
I should bring this up withouttelling you.
But have you seen Adolescence?
Sara Garrett (40:02):
I haven't, but I have seen some of your posts
about it and it's made me wantto go and watch it, because I
don't watch a lot of TV, I readmore books.
But then I see stuff like thatpop up on social media and I
think, oh, I've got to watchthat.
You know I've got to see it.
So I have seen some of yourpoints on it, but I've not
actually seen it.
Fiona Kane (40:22):
I think it's worth watching and you know, and, of
course, what you just displayedthere, too, was an example of
how you're nourishing yourself,what you nourish yourself with
right and you've only got acertain amount of time and
energy while you're nourishingyourself.
Well, the books nourish you.
The TV doesn't.
So well done.
That's a really good thing anda really good boundary and a
(40:44):
really good understanding ofwhat your values are and what
nourishes you.
On adolescence, I'll just saylook and I've talked about this
in more detail in anotherepisode that by the time this
comes out, that episode will beout as well.
And you know there's good andbad things about it, but
essentially one thing that itdoes show.
It shows probably a few mainthings, but one of those is the
parents looking at where theymight have gone wrong with their
(41:08):
child who won't give thingslike if you don't want to hear
about it, turn off, whatever.
But it's pretty much straight up.
Everyone knows that essentiallyhis boy murders a girl, his
13-year-old boy murders a girlfrom his school, and so it kind
of starts with that.
So it's not like a whodunit ordid he do it, it's like starts
with that and then it kind ofworks backwards with well, what
(41:29):
led to this right?
And part of it was his parentslooking at, well, where did we
go wrong?
And you know, and they werenice people, they were lovely,
and you couldn't really.
It wasn't like you couldobviously see their horrible,
demonistic parents that didn'tlove their kids, nothing like
that.
They were just lovely parentsAverage parents.
(41:50):
Yeah, what you could see was,and what the family kind of did,
it was our fault, it's not ourfault and it was kind of.
Sometimes two things can betrue at the same time.
You can take responsibility foryour part but also say, but I
can't be to blame, sort of thing.
But anyway, it was interestingthe way it dealt with that and
(42:13):
the way the parents dealt withthat.
But the parents were.
There was probably two thingsthat they that they did you know
inverted commas that wereprobably wrong.
One of those is that theydidn't really know what the boy
was doing in his bedroom on hiscomputer.
So they didn't know what he waslooking at and talking about.
The other is that they they,the father had issues with anger
.
The father had issues withanger.
The father had been brought upwith a violent father and he
(42:35):
wasn't violent in any way, buthe got very, very angry and
would kind of go and smashthings up or that kind of thing.
And so what we were justtalking about before Limited
emotional intelligence.
Yes, yeah right, he didn't knowhow to regulate his emotions and
so he didn't teach his son howto do that.
Because he didn't know how toregulate his emotions and so he
didn't teach his son how to dothat, because he didn't know how
to do that, and so when the songot sort of really angry about
(42:57):
certain things that he wasn'table to regulate, and then this
happened.
So it's not like it's theparents' fault, full stop, it's
not.
But you can kind of see some ofthe things that contributed to
what happened.
But that's why it's reallypowerful, this sort of whole
modeling thing.
It's, it's modeling what youmodel to your children is
(43:19):
extremely powerful and I thinkthat um, and it's sort of
getting the balance right aswell because there are some.
I.
I find some of the some kind ofmodern women who were
influencers.
I find some of them a bit toofar the other way, whether it's
all about them and they're like,oh, you have to have, you've
(43:41):
lived your life and you can'tlet your children hold you back.
Hold on a second.
You're a parent.
Yeah, you're a parent, andparenting is always going to be
really important.
Yes, looking parent andparenting is always going to be
really important, and lookingafter your children is always
going to be really important.
So it's not an either or no.
It's actually we can look afterour children, but we can look
after ourselves as well, correct, yeah, it's about the balance.
Sara Garrett (44:04):
It's about the balance.
Fiona Kane (44:06):
And it's never going to be perfect either.
Balance, because you knowsometimes it's going to be
perfect, Correct?
Sara Garrett (44:10):
Correct, because you know stuff happens Sometimes
.
It's going to be a little, yeah, and that's normal as well.
Yeah, that's normal as well.
I just think, you know, forwomen, if we can be sort of the
best version of ourselves thatwe can, then we become the best
mothers in turn.
Fiona Kane (44:26):
Yes, so yeah, exactly.
And like what we were justsaying there, it won't always be
perfect.
You know life happens and youknow we have storms hit us.
Everyone's heard me talk aboutmy ship reference before.
Basically, you know, in betweenthe storms, that's when you
shore up the ship and make sureit's fixed and it's ready to go,
(44:50):
and then you have storms and ofcourse, when you have those
storms in life, there won't bebalance.
There won't be balance at all,because you're in the storm and
when you're in the storm, eventhink of it.
Yeah.
So the other thing is, too tonot, because sometimes when
people do self-help or they'reon this journey of like being a
better person or a better mother, or whatever it is that they're
trying to do, they get caughtup in that they didn't do it
(45:12):
perfectly.
I even see it with nutrition.
Right, it's like, oh, youdidn't eat perfectly this week.
Oh, my god, how dare you?
You know.
It's just like it's not goingto happen.
So the truth is, it's a wholejourney.
It's a journey and there's nolike there.
You don't get there it's just.
Sara Garrett (45:27):
It's just continuing the human journey.
Fiona Kane (45:31):
You don't get there.
What you do is you, you developa new um and you what you were
talking about before you createyour community, yeah, your
family community, your backups,you support, you look after
yourself.
When the ship's at shore, as Iwas explaining before, that's
when you do all the self-careand all the things that you need
to do to ensure that you'reokay, and then you've got a five
(45:54):
happens and things will not bein balance and you know, and you
won't be doing it very wellbecause you're dealing with
whatever you're dealing with andthen, things settle back down
again and then you can.
So it's also just understandingthat you'll never be there
you'll never be perfect and,like you were saying before and
(46:14):
you know that balance is reallya doing word, it's not a place
to get to Correct.
Yeah, because we see it as likea doing word so it's not a
place where we get to.
It's a thing that we practice,yes, and we practice that.
We'll be practicing it foreverand it will swing wild, wildly,
one direction to the other atdifferent times in life and
(46:36):
other times there'll be morebalance.
That's just realistic.
But I think, if we understandthat when we get started because
I think what I see happen a lotwith people is as soon as they
feel like they've, you know,fallen off, you know messed up
or whatever they're really downon themselves about oh well, I
failed.
Yeah, you didn't fail.
Life happened.
That's okay.
(46:57):
I just keep going and actuallythat's something you said to me
earlier before we startedrecording.
But you know, um, you know, youkind of were talking about
within motherhood how it's goingto get back.
Keep going, you know, like nomatter what happens at the end
of the day, yeah, all you can dois like you're gonna have to
get out the next day and get thekids ready for school or
whatever it is, and and keepgoing like no matter what's
(47:18):
going on.
You just do the best you canand show yourself some
self-compassion.
Sara Garrett (47:23):
This is what I say to mums all the time just give
yourself a break, show yourselfsome self-compassion.
It's not always going to beperfect.
Not everything's always goingto run smoothly.
Yeah, um, and that's okay.
That's life yes um, and whenyou're feeling better, you get
back on.
You get back on the trajectoryyeah, yeah, exactly, and you
know.
Fiona Kane (47:43):
Sometimes you know and this is another thing I've
talked to my clients a lot aboutbut what self-care actually is.
Sometimes self-care isremembering to breathe.
Yeah, sometimes self-care isjust forgiving yourself for not
having it all figured out yessometimes self-care is just
remember to eat some protein anddrink some water.
Sometimes let's go for a walksometimes.
(48:04):
Sometimes get some sunshine youknow, sometimes it's like, have
your cup of tea while it's stillhot, right, whatever it is, but
you know, don't get caught upin, because, again, we can get
caught up in.
Self-care means that I read allthe self-help books and I go
and have my massage and I, youknow, go to yoga and I go to the
gym and I'm wearing my lululemons and I look perfect in
(48:24):
them, and, you know, self-carecan be whatever it needs to be
on the day, you know.
So that's the other thing toassess what does self-care look
like for me today?
yeah, and it will be differentfor everyone might be just
remembering to breathe and getthrough it and might mean go to
the gym, might mean alldifferent things, but just kind
(48:45):
of when we assess it on aday-to-day basis, rather than
kind of have this set thing inour head about because people
get.
It's funny because, like, whenpeople start doing the self-care
thing, sometimes they use thatas another way to punish
themselves.
Yeah, another thing that'ssupposed to be perfect.
So if you're kind of going toself-care with the idea that
it's just another way to punishyourself and prove that you
(49:05):
can't do it and you've letyourself down, perfect.
So you're going to go into itknowing that you're not perfect
and that's okay yeah, absolutelyso is there anything else that
you would like to?
I mean, obviously this is a bigtopic, we could go on forever,
but you know, is there anythingwith me.
Sara Garrett (49:22):
So anything that you would like to end with uh,
that you know you think would bereally beneficial um, look, I
just want to remind mums outthere that if they are feeling
lost and they are feeling stuckthat there's so much support out
there, um and uh, if you'retired of the old mother's groups
that you have on on facebook, Ihave a great group called
(49:44):
finding me in motherhood okay inmotherhood finding me
motherhood.
You can find it at facebookcom,forward slash groups forward
slash findingmeinmum, and thisgroup is for mums that you know
are looking for more personaldevelopment and personal growth,
who are looking for supportfrom other like-minded mums that
(50:06):
you know love being mumsthemselves, but are looking for
something a little bit outsideof the box.
So we're not there recommendingpaediatricians or playgroups
where they're talking about waysto calm your nervous system and
you know things on mindset oryou know what your special
(50:27):
strengths are.
You know all that sort of stuff.
So I do live streams everymonth there, yes, and share a
lot of free content, andobviously, if they're looking
for a bit more, they're alwayswelcome to reach out to me.
I've got my coaching businesswebsite, which is
(50:47):
wwwpassionforpurposecomau, andthey can reach out to me
directly there or even onFacebook.
On my personal Facebook page Ioften post things personal
development related and they canaccess me through my Facebook
as well.
Okay, but they're not alone.
I just want mums to know thatthey're not alone you're not
alone.
Fiona Kane (51:07):
You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to have
it all figured out and it'sokay to it.
You're not doesn't mean youthat you're not grateful for you
know you're not alone.
You don't have to be perfect,you don't have to have it all
figured out and it's okay to it.
You're not doesn't mean youthat you're not grateful for you
know your family.
Just because you feel how youfeel, because I think that
sometimes people feel like theycan't, you know I can't say that
I feel bad, because at least Ihave children, you know, or?
Sara Garrett (51:26):
my children are alive and whatever.
Fiona Kane (51:28):
And so I wonder, I mean, obviously there's
different levels of grief andthings that people experience,
and people experience all sortsof awful things, but your
feelings are your feelings andthey're valid.
And you can, and two things canbe true at the same thing sorry
at the same time that you aregrateful and that you love your
family and you love being a mum,but you're also struggling,
(51:48):
Correct?
Yeah, Both of those things canbe true and that's okay, Mm-hmm
yeah.
We get this zero-sum game thingwhere it's like well, that must
mean that you're not gratefuland you're a horrible person,
and I was like no, it just meansI'm a human and I'm having
human emotions and that's okay.
Sara Garrett (52:03):
It's okay to want something for yourself.
Fiona Kane (52:05):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (52:06):
And still be a wonderful mum still be a
wonderful mum.
Fiona Kane (52:12):
Yes, yeah, exactly.
Well, thank you for your timetoday, sarah.
Sara Garrett (52:14):
I really enjoyed that chat.
I always love speaking to you,Faye.
This has been a real joy Ofcourse you do, because I'm the
best.
Fiona Kane (52:21):
I love to chat to you as well.
It's really been great havingyou as my friend all these years
.
I hope it's a friendship thatlasts forever.
I feel like it will be thatfriendship.
Me too it will always be.
Even if we don't see each otherfor a while, we can always have
it.
Sara Garrett (52:36):
The friendship still remains, even though it
could be months or years, evenwhen we see each other.
But when we do, we catch uplike it's yesterday, yeah, and
that's also actually to pointout before we finish.
Fiona Kane (52:47):
That's the truth of relationships also,
relationships between people whodon't have children and people
who do.
Your relationship changes whenyour friends have kids.
It's, it's just, it is what itis.
That's the reality.
Right, they've got differentpriorities now and so you don't
have to necessarily dump yourfriendships, but it's kind of
just knowing that you know for awhile it's going to be working
(53:09):
around that, yes, or if not,forever.
Really Things change, no, butthings do change and that's okay
.
And in the first few years theywon't be able to be.
You know, even when my sisterhad her child, you know suddenly
that person for the firstlittle while.
They're so consumed with thatbaby, which is what they should
be, it's okay, that's normal.
But they can so consumed withthat baby, which is what they
(53:30):
should be, it's okay, that'snormal.
But they can't deal with you ordeal with you to the level that
they used to or whatever, andthat's okay as well.
Friendships adjust and changebased on what's going on in
people's lives, and that's theother thing that it just shows
being normal.
It's normal that things changea bit and that people are a bit
less available than moreavailable, and that just changes
over life for a whole lot ofdifferent reasons.
It's the same for me as well,with even though I don't have
(53:52):
children, but caring for parents, right, so, uh, so we both have
the same issues, but justdifferent age that we're dealing
with.
But that's, that's fine.
So it's just not, that's justlike, hey, that that's normal
right it's normal and it's okayand we just sort of you know and
being able to sort of go backinto life of a friend and not
(54:14):
kind of have to feel guilt forwhat you did or didn't do and
not feeling like oh, that personhasn't contacted me, maybe they
hate me or maybe they're notlike well stories that we tell
ourselves again yes, like heymaybe that person's just got
life happening.
Sara Garrett (54:27):
Yeah, that's right .
Fiona Kane (54:29):
So anyway, it has been great having you on, and I
really like to have realconversations about things that
matter here, and I feel likethat was definitely one of those
.
So thanks again.
Sara Garrett (54:38):
Sarah, thank you, it was a real privilege.
I'm really grateful to be here,so thank you for having me.
Fiona Kane (54:49):
And for anyone who's watching or listening, can you
please like, subscribe, share?
I've worked out that 80% of youwho are watching and listening
to this podcast are notsubscribing.
Why not Please subscribe?
Hit all the bells on all thedifferent sort of subscribe
buttons, wherever you are, andif you can write a review, that
would be really helpful as well.
Or comment on Facebook orRumble.
But really, the more activitythat happens in regards to this
(55:12):
podcast, the more people findout about it and hear about it,
and I feel like there's value inthat.
So I appreciate everybody'ssupport.
So I will see you all againnext week.
Thanks again and bye, bye.
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I have another guest.
Her name is Sara Garrett andwe're going to be talking about
finding me in motherhood.
Hi, Sara.
Sara Garrett (00:14):
Good morning.
Fiona Kane (00:17):
So for those who don't know you, because you're a
friend of mine from a long timeago, that we've remained
friends for many years.
Sara Garrett (00:24):
But for those who don't know.
Fiona Kane (00:25):
You tell us a little bit about you.
Sara Garrett (00:28):
I am a married mum of three.
I have three kids 10, 7 and 3.
I have done a lot of differentjobs over the years, but we used
to work together in health food.
Fiona Kane (00:43):
Yes, sarah was my boss.
Sara Garrett (00:46):
I used to manage a little healthy life store back
in the day, um, which was a lotof fun, and I learned lots of
things, um, and I had theprivilege of meeting you, which
was wonderful of course, allthat you know, it's the most
important thing me um, and overthe years, I've done lots of
different um, lots of differentjobs, like I said, but, um, I am
(01:11):
currently a life coach and anNLP practitioner and I'm living
my dream job.
I love my career.
Um, this is something I've doneover the last few years and it
came about because of how I wasfeeling in motherhood.
So, yeah, that's a little bitabout me.
Fiona Kane (01:30):
Yeah, yeah.
So you and I have had thesediscussions and actually it's a
common discussion I have with,whether it be with my clients or
whether it be with my friendswho are mums, and most of the
people who listen and watch justknow that I'm not a mother, so
I always talk about.
It's the hardest job and youknow, and even when I'm making
comments about we should do thisor we should do that, whatever,
I always kind of say, hey look,yeah easy, it's really easy for
(01:54):
me to say because I'm not doingit, you know, actually, that
makes me the perfect mother,because you can only be the
perfect mother in your mind.
Yeah, once you actually do it inreality.
You can't be perfect anymore.
So I'm a perfect mother in mymind because I don't have to do
it, so I don't have to provethat I'm flawed just like
everybody else.
And it's hard and all the restof it.
But you know, look it really is, I don't know being I think
(02:17):
even being a woman in this age,let alone being a mother.
There's lots of challengesaround it.
Lots of things have changedover the last, you know, even
since our parents and onwards,absolutely, but a lot's changed.
And so you know, maybe I hearthe challenge.
The challenge I hear all aboutis mothers talking about that
they lose their identity whenthey have children.
Sara Garrett (02:40):
A hundred percent yes.
Fiona Kane (02:42):
And there's lots of mother guilt about how much time
you do or don't spend with yourchildren and if you go back to
work and when do you go, all ofthose kinds of things.
So maybe start telling me aboutsome of those things.
Sara Garrett (02:53):
Yeah.
So for me, I had always wantedto be a mum.
I was really excited to becomea mother and then, when my first
son arrived, I felt out of mydepth, which is normal when you
have a newborn.
It's a real adjustment.
(03:14):
But that feeling of being unsureand lost and stuck sort of
continued on for me.
Even after my third child.
I felt that way and I felt soguilty because all I ever wanted
to do was be a mum.
And you know, I had these threebeautiful kids.
(03:35):
I should be grateful and Iabsolutely am grateful, but at
the same time I really, like yousaid, I lost a sense of
identity.
I didn't know who I was anymore, apart from being a mother and
a caregiver.
And for me, um, I changed youknow jobs a lot because I
thought, you know, I would findsome passion or some excitement
(03:58):
with that and I would get thatsense of identity back.
And I never did, until I cameacross coaching, life coaching.
But yeah, like you said, a lotof mums feel lost and stuck and
they lose that sense of identitywhen they become mothers.
But it's important for them toknow that they're not alone and
(04:20):
this is a very common occurrencenot alone and this is a very
common occurrence.
So I've just I think I've lostyou Fi.
Oh no, there you are, you'reback.
Sorry, my screen paused for asecond.
Fiona Kane (04:36):
I apologise.
That's the thing aboutrecording online.
Yeah, this happens.
It's all good.
Sara Garrett (04:48):
But back in 2022, something that really resonated
with me.
I came across an an essay Ifound on, uh like a motherhood
website.
It's called motherly um.
If you don't mind, I'd love toshare it with the viewers and
with you, um, and this essaysort of really resonated with me
and and I feel like it wouldmake a difference to a lot of
other mums as well.
So it's written by the editorof this website and she's an
(05:11):
author as well.
Her name's Mariah Maddox andshe writes a lot of essays and
poems, and also I think she hasa couple of books out about
motherhood, but I won't read thewhole thing, but this is a few
paragraphs here.
But I won't read the wholething, but this is a few
paragraphs here.
So it's called I Love my Baby,but I Miss Myself.
Nothing has brought me greaterjoy than motherhood, but nothing
(05:34):
has brought me greater griefthan becoming a foreigner in my
own skin.
Most times, I don't know who Iam beyond a body that has
stretched to form a child andnow spends endless moments
catering to their wellbeing.
I love watching this tiny humanbecome their own person.
I love knowing that I'm neededand that this precious baby
(05:54):
depends on me, but sometimes Ijust wish that I could know
myself in the process, and Iwish others were more patient
with me as I try to learn thisnew version of myself as well.
It seems like I'm alone mostdays with a child tugging for my
attention.
Friends and family that don'tcheck in as often as they used
to because, let's face it, I'mslow in replying these days and
(06:18):
sometimes others just don'tunderstand that I'm struggling,
that I'm in the middle of anidentity crisis, that I'm faced
with an ongoing battle ofemotions that feels like they're
drowning me.
I know that I'm not alone.
I know that there are manyother mothers out there feeling
the weight of these exactemotions, wondering if they're
(06:38):
all alone as well.
Well, I'm here to tell you thatyou're not alone, that the
reality is universal and motherseverywhere share this pain.
So that's just a little excerptof that um essay, and I was
like my goodness, that justrings so true.
Yes, and I think for mums, wejust don't.
We get so caught up in beingthe caregiver and the family
(07:04):
manager and everything else thatcomes with being a wife and a
mum that we forget aboutourselves and we put ourselves
last, and it's the worst thingwe can do for our family and our
kids is to lose ourself becausewe don't um, we're unable to be
(07:25):
present, we carry resentment.
We don't model the bestbehaviours for our kids when
we're not feeling great aboutourselves.
Fiona Kane (07:34):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (07:34):
And so therein lies the issue.
Fiona Kane (07:39):
Yeah, and to a certain degree too, I think, for
the survival of the species.
Think biology, biology mothersare made that way and it's for a
really good reason, yes, so soinitially, you know what I think
it's like?
Uh, up to for the first ninemonths, or whatever, uh, the um
babies really really do.
I mean, obviously, children,all children need their mom, but
(08:00):
they very, very much do needtheir mother, and that they're I
think jordan peterson talksabout this how you know,
essentially it's got to beunquestioning.
Unquestioningly how do you saythat word?
Unquestioningly?
the child whatever the word isthat I can't say.
It's like when you start doinga podcast, that's when you
realize you don't know how topronounce words that you read.
(08:22):
It's like you're going to saythat, oh, I realize I don't know
how to say it that, look, achild, a baby's always right.
Yeah, okay, um, that first yearof its life, it's always right.
Whatever it needs, it is right,it is it's.
These are the most importantthing.
It's always right and it needsto be attended to right.
So, for the survival of thespecies, that does require a
(08:42):
certain amount of uh, you know,giving of yourself and not
really thinking about yourselftoo much.
If at all, because you actuallydo need to tend to this being
that requires this fullattention and to be kept, you
know, alive.
So it's a very good reason thatwe are made that way.
Sara Garrett (09:02):
We're programmed that way.
Yes, yeah, so I don't thinkit's like a wrong.
Fiona Kane (09:04):
So it's not wrong that we're like it, but it's not
that you are made that way,programmed that way.
Yes, yeah, so I don't thinkit's like a wrong.
So it's not wrong that we'relike it, but it's not that you
were saying that, but it's moreokay.
So we know we're programmedthat way, so it's really natural
to feel that way and, I suppose, for this to happen.
But then how do you transitionto a place where there's a
little bit more balance there,because your family will always
need you and and, of course, youknow being a mother is really
(09:26):
important and you know you wantto be there for your children.
However, you do want to.
You know, if that for you isn'tlike, and look, some people will
stay at home with threechildren, do that full time, and
that's their identity and theyabsolutely love it and that's
what they want to do and that'sperfect for them and they're
really happy.
But many women are somewhere inbetween.
(09:48):
They're all they, they, theymaybe want a career or a little
bit of both, whatever they want,and it's not quite, it doesn't
quite work that way for them.
So it's like we're happy andeven if you, even if you do
actually, the truth is, even ifyou still are, if you're a
full-time stay-at-home mom.
That's all you want to do.
That's, and you're able to dothat.
You know financially as well soyou're able to do that.
(10:11):
But even then, self-care comesinto play.
So, whether the self-care islooking after yourself within
the home, or whether theself-care is having a career, or
whether it's you know, lookingafter your health, whatever it
is.
So, regardless of what type ofmum or what type of role you
want or can or do play in yourfamily's life, there needs to be
(10:33):
a level of self-care.
So at some point that has tokick back in.
Sara Garrett (10:37):
Yes, yeah, absolutely, and that's what I
share a lot with my clients andin my Facebook group for mums,
which is Finding Me inMotherhood as well.
We talk a lot about self-careand my ongoing phrase is I say
this all the time self-care isnot selfish, it's
(10:57):
self-preservation no-transcript.
(11:27):
Like I said, whether it's fiveminutes or an hour or a weekend
away, whatever you can manageand maintain, you absolutely
need to prioritize that.
It's essential.
Fiona Kane (11:37):
Yes, yeah, yeah.
You have to have those momentsfor you so that you can just.
Actually, there was a friend ofmine years ago who said that
the way that she survivedmotherhood was that she actually
gets up super early in themorning and kids get up pretty
early anyway, but she gets upeven earlier than that, right,
and so she says that she hasthis like 40 minutes half an
(11:58):
hour in the morning.
That was her time.
Sara Garrett (11:59):
And she was up before everyone.
Fiona Kane (12:02):
So she just had time to have that cuppa and just
kind of get her head, just be inher quiet space or do her thing
, whatever she needed to dobefore everyone else's needs.
Now, of course, you'd have togo to bed earlier to do that and
you know, obviously people havedifferent situations, different
jobs, whatever, but that reallyworked for her.
So it really is kind of justfinding what it is that works
(12:23):
for you.
Sara Garrett (12:29):
Correct, worked for her.
So it really is kind of justfinding what, what it is that
works for you, correct?
Yeah, every mum's different,every family is different.
Um, but work, yeah, working outwhat works best for you and
sticking to it, um, yeah, andand it's not just the other
thing with you know, if you'refaced with feeling that loss of
identity and you're feeling abit stuck and lost in motherhood
, self-care should be at the topof your list.
But then you also want to belooking at things like trying to
(12:52):
reconnect with old intereststhat you may have had before you
became a mum, or finding outwhat interests you now, whether
that's like personal developmentor just working out what your
strengths are, or finding a newhobby, whatever it is.
That should be a priority aswell.
Getting that passion andpurpose back is really important
(13:15):
as well to get you through that.
Fiona Kane (13:19):
Yeah, so have you got some strategies, some things
that you have done or thatyou've just found personally
that have worked for you?
Sara Garrett (13:26):
For me personally, it was definitely coaching, and
that's the reason I've become alife coach myself, because I
saw how much it helped me and Ithought I would love to do this
for other mums and support othermums.
So I worked a lot on personaldevelopment for myself, found
out, went on a bit of aself-discovery journey, I
suppose, and found out where mystrengths lie, what I'm good at,
(13:49):
really thought long and hardabout what I wanted to do with
my life, what brought me joy,because I was tired of being,
you know, cranky and resentfuland sad and I just wasn't being
the type of mother I think mykids deserved and my husband so,
(14:14):
or the kind of wife my husbanddeserved.
I should say not mother, I'mnot his mother.
So, yeah, a lot ofself-discovery.
Definitely self-care, whichwe've talked about, um, I made
sure I did a bit of a um, uh,what's the word?
I really looked long and hardabout the kind of people and the
(14:38):
community I was surroundingmyself with, so making sure I
had the right support network,because mums can't do it on
their own.
It takes a village, that's areal thing.
So, you know, having a look atwho I was surrounding myself
with, were they positiveinfluences on me.
Could I rely on them if Ineeded to, if I needed help with
(15:00):
the kids to be able to pursuesomething for myself?
Yes, and I highly encourage allmums to do that.
If they don't have the rightsupport network around them,
branch out and start trying tobuild that.
Whether that's and I say thisto my clients who don't have a
lot of family around them anddon't have help with their kids.
(15:22):
Look at things like if yourchild's playing sport, if
they're playing soccer orfootball or something like that
are you making friends withother parents there?
Are there other parents thatmight be able to help you out
when you can't get your childthere?
So you can do something foryourself or whatever it is and
do that for them.
It works both ways, you know.
Do you have parents at schoolthat you can make friends with?
(15:46):
Um, you know, schoolcommunities are great places
where you can find the rightsupport network.
Um, yeah, neighbors.
Um, you know, there's so manydifferent opportunities to build
a good support network aroundyou and your family, because it
takes a village and you needthat if you're going to be able
(16:06):
to pursue things outside ofmotherhood for yourself as well.
Fiona Kane (16:10):
Yes, yeah, and really, like you were saying
there, it's about reaching out.
Sara Garrett (16:14):
Yes.
Fiona Kane (16:16):
And I think we also have to be prepared and this is
just generally in life when youreach out, not everyone's going
to respond.
Well, Not everyone might wantto be your friend or might you
know whatever.
Everyone's got their own thinggoing on.
So it's actually just keepgoing until you find the right
people.
So as simple as that, becausesometimes I think people might
(16:37):
reach out once and if they feelsomehow they've been rejected,
they don't keep looking, and Ithink we need to sort of just be
okay with other people havedifferent things going on.
It might not be the rightperson, but you know, and it's
usually not about you, even ifit feels like it's about you.
Sara Garrett (16:55):
Yeah, stop taking everything personally.
Yeah, yeah, everybody's gottheir own stuff going on.
Fiona Kane (17:00):
We can feel like that Anyone who's been isolated
in any way.
What happens is we do get andand I think being a mum in some
ways, from what the way peopledescribe it to me can- feel
isolated.
Sara Garrett (17:13):
Yes, absolutely yeah, so I think, it's 80 up to
80, so 80 of new mums inparticular feel completely
isolated and alone duringmotherhood.
Fiona Kane (17:23):
Yeah, so you know, you know, guy Winch, in his TED
Talk, which is really great, hedid a couple, but he did one,
and I can't remember what was it.
I can't remember the title ofit, but it was the first one and
he talks about how, when wefeel alone or when we feel
isolated, we do start to tellourselves stories.
(17:43):
And we tell ourselves storiesthat aren't helpful, and we tell
ourselves stories about peopledon't care or they don't want to
be our friend or whatever it is.
Yeah, all that negativeself-talk, yeah, yeah and so the
problem with that is then weassume you know, we go somewhere
and someone kind of you know,we think that someone gave us a
filthy look or they looked at usfunny or whatever, but they
(18:03):
didn't you know.
Or we, we ask someone and wedidn't realize that she just
didn't hear us, or or maybe theyjust who knows what happened,
maybe the you know their motherdied that morning.
You don't know what's happenedto that person.
They're just like you know, andand we kind of go, oh, everyone
hates me, or whatever.
So we, what we do know, is thatas human beings, we are very
(18:24):
good at making up stories aboutpeople don't want to help you,
or they don't care, or theydon't like you or whatever.
And if you are feeling isolated, that might be even more so,
because we do can and do do thatwhen we're isolated.
So it's like not just kind of,uh, everything that you said is
great, but just like hang inthere as well, like it's not
always the first person you askor the first situation that
(18:45):
works, but you will findsomething that works if you
actually just hang in there andkeep going with it correct.
Sara Garrett (18:50):
Yeah, and it's also about reciprocation too, so
it's not just about you alwaysasking for the help and support.
Offer it when you've got thetime.
Offer that to you know tosomebody else, because when we
do that it creates the balance.
You're more likely going to getsomeone to say yes to you.
Fiona Kane (19:07):
Yes, yeah, yeah, I'm just going to pause for a
moment, just a moment, sorryeveryone.
We had a technical issue so Ijust stopped for a moment, so
back into it, but yeah.
So, look, what we were justtalking about then is just keep
going and find support, but,like you said, offer to help as
well, because if you offer tohelp, that makes a big
(19:28):
difference.
Like it's not friendships arenot one-way things, correct.
Yeah so, if you offer support,maybe that's also a way that you
can find your right place, yourright people, your right tribe.
Sara Garrett (19:40):
Yes, yeah, and it's worth it.
When you find your tribe, awhole new world opens up to you.
So, um, definitely key in infinding yourself in motherhood
is having the right peoplearound you.
Fiona Kane (19:53):
Yeah, the other thing too that I I know that uh,
that Beck, who uh used to workfor me a nutritionist who used
to work for me she's got twolittle ones, and what she said
is that when she first had herbabies, she had to go off
Instagram.
Now you can I've got an episodecoming up about this but you
(20:15):
can kind of program Instagram ina way that you see the things
that you want to see.
So there are ways to kind ofplay around with the algorithm
and choose what you do and don'tsee.
But she had to do that becauseshe was seeing all of these you
know, there's so much kind ofthe perfect mother kind of insta
type thing and she was seeingso much of that stuff that she,
(20:39):
you know, because you're sittingthere on the lounge and you
know you're covered in likevomit and poo- and breast milk
and you've got like mastitis andyou're in pain you can't settle
your baby and, yeah, your houselooks like a tornado went
through it, and you know and youhaven't had a shower in three
days or whatever uh you gothrough instagram and you see,
(21:03):
like the perfect mother typethings, all of that crap that
people put on instagram, and soshe actually found herself, um,
and it was.
It was the perfect mother thing, but it was also the advice
thing.
Sara Garrett (21:14):
That's what she everybody's got advice for you.
Fiona Kane (21:17):
What she found is that she kind of felt like she
had like an intuition kick in inmotherhood, which I think is a
thing um that I see in manymothers, so if not all of them,
but the many, many mothers andthe problem is that you've got
your intuition kick in, but thenyou have everybody else's say
so and it's hard enough, evenjust.
I mean, everyone's going to haveit in their family and real
(21:39):
friends or whatever.
But then you got instagram aswell, telling you that you're a
bad mother or that you're wrong,or you know how come you don't
like this.
Sara Garrett (21:45):
You're not fit enough.
You don't go to the gym enough.
Why are you in a?
Fiona Kane (21:49):
bikini.
How come, just because you'vehad five children, how come you
don't have a six-pack?
Whatever it is, you know thatsort of carry-on.
So sometimes we need to protectourselves in other ways, as
well.
Have you kind of, is thatsomething that you've?
Noticed other mothers about.
Sara Garrett (22:04):
Part of what I talk about a lot again with
clients and in the Facebookgroup is really working on your
self-talk and understanding thatyou can't control all that
stuff that goes on around you onInstagram or other social media
platforms or even in real life.
You can't control anybody else.
You can only control yourselfand your thoughts and how you
(22:25):
feel.
Um, so, working on um, positiveself-talk and self-worth um, I
cannot speak highly enough aboutdoing stuff like that, um,
because you know if you don'thave that, you are susceptible
to listening into all that noiseand feeling terrible about
(22:48):
yourself as a woman and a mother.
And you know, if you've got theright, uh, self-worth and
self-image and and you've gotmore positive self-talk
happening, it empowers you yeahand you can block out all that
stuff yeah so, um, that's what Iencourage other moms to do is
(23:10):
it's to be able to um work onthemselves, and because that's
the only thing you can controlis who you are as a person and
what you allow to what you allowin, yeah, yeah, which is one of
the things that I talk aboutwith my clients is when I refer
to your diet.
Fiona Kane (23:29):
You were kind of hinting at this earlier as well,
but your diet's not just whatyou eat.
Yeah, your diet is all thethings you consume.
Yes, and if you're consumingthe Instagram like instagram can
be great if you use it you knowif you're using it the right
way and you've got the rightalgorithm, but so it's not about
instagram itself, but it's justessentially it's like well,
(23:51):
what's what's nourishing you,what's not?
yes, and if it's not nourishingyou, can you change it, get rid
of it, put it on pause, likewhat does that look like?
But essentially it's kind ofjust doing it on pause, like
what does that look like?
But essentially it's kind ofjust doing this audit of you
know your life, because you weresort of talking.
Really, what you're talkingabout before is even just the
connections and stuff.
It was doing a bit of an auditand saying who are the people in
(24:11):
my life, who are the supportsin my life?
Sara Garrett (24:13):
that's the word I was looking for yeah, yeah, yeah
, exactly.
Fiona Kane (24:18):
So, you know, really , it's kind of a life audit, so
it's also like, if you arereally struggling, well then the
question is what are youconsuming?
Yes, and it could be about dietand I could talk about that all
day, but we're not here to talkabout that necessarily today.
But, although that is part ofself-care, but it's actually,
what are you what, what or whoare you listening to?
(24:39):
What are you who?
Who are you listening to?
Who are you watching?
And if you spend, you know,five minutes on Instagram, does
that actually sort of like?
Are you kind of like?
You know, I always joke andtell everyone, because at the
moment, my brother and my sisterand I, we talk about capybaras,
so we're sending each othercapybaras.
So I think I've become acapybara expert.
I assume that when I go onInstagram, it's all capybaras
(25:03):
and so it's very.
It's not problematic for me,it's just kind of cute capybaras
.
It's just kind of a bit of ohit's cute, oh that's lovely.
But you know, is that yourexperience of Instagram?
If it is, and it makes you kindof laugh and it makes you smile
and you know, great.
But if you go on Instagram andyou feel bad about yourself.
You feel more empty, more lost.
(25:23):
Whatever it is, then you know,insert from Instagram.
It could be something it couldbe.
Whatever it is, it could be themother's group you go to, you
might be in the wrong mother'sgroup right.
Yes, so you know and I've heardthose stories before as well
where people go to mother'sgroups and they feel terrible
about themselves because of thetype of people that are in there
or maybe that one person, uh,and so you know, it's what, what
(25:47):
are you consuming, and sothat's all part of it, isn't it?
Sara Garrett (25:50):
yes, 100%.
Yeah, and give yourselfpermission as a mum um, I
suppose, well, this is goingwe're backtracking a bit with
this but give yourselfpermission, as a mum, to be a
little bit selfish sometimes.
Like you said, we'rebiologically we're programmed to
to be there 100% for our kids,and we should they, our kids
(26:13):
should come first, but not tothe detriment of our own mental
health and well-being, and so weneed to create the balance.
But sorry, going back to whatyou were saying, if, um, you
know, if, if being on socialmedia is triggering you or
making you feel bad aboutyourself, then shut it off.
(26:34):
Do something that makes you feelgood about yourself.
Find joy in something else,whatever that is, yeah, and
that's a little bit about youknow what I was saying with
finding, find your passion andpurpose, find a new hobby, find
an interest that that, yeah,makes you feel good.
Um, so, yeah, I agree with youon that whole Instagram thing.
(26:57):
It's funny what your algorithmwill pick up.
I get a lot of bookrecommendations because I'm
constantly looking at stuff likethat, all that romantic stuff,
but anyway, Whatever you werelooking up or talking about five
minutes ago as well.
Yes, I've got a podcast.
Fiona Kane (27:13):
I've got a podcast and my phone's just here and
then I'll be seeing ads forwhatever I talked about in that
podcast.
Sara Garrett (27:18):
So true.
Fiona Kane (27:18):
Seriously listening to it?
Well, it is listening to you,it definitely is.
And or you know, I'll look up,I'll be with a client and
they'll tell me about somesupplement they're taking or
something they're doing.
So I'll look it up while I'mwith them and then I'll get ads,
and then you get ads for all ofthat yeah.
For whatever it is.
So you know we get a mixture ofstuff, but yeah, look, I think
that just knowing what you'reconsuming matters and knowing
(27:40):
how much it can affect you.
So, whether that be your food,whether that be Insta, whether
it be your mother's group,whatever it is, do your audit
and be prepared to.
It's okay.
Just as much as it's okay tosay yes to a group or yes to a
friendship, whatever.
It's also okay to say no to it.
Sara Garrett (27:55):
Yes, yeah, set boundaries.
This is another big thing Italk about with clients and
other mums.
We are so, we want to please,we're constantly trying to
please others and people pleasesand we don't take a step back
(28:18):
and set boundaries for ourselveshealthy boundaries.
It's okay to say no If yourkids want to do an
extracurricular activity andthey're already doing three
different things.
You know it's okay for you tosay no to your kids.
You know you can do that nextyear when we stop playing soccer
, or when you don't do pianoanymore or whatever.
We can implement something new,but at this stage we're we're
(28:40):
tapped out, um.
So I I give examples of um, uh,ways you can say no without
actually saying no, and they'recalled um agreement frames, I
think.
I think I can't remember thespecific name for it, but we
talk a little bit about that aswell.
Um, because, yeah, a lot ofwomen, a lot of mothers, we find
(29:02):
it really difficult to setboundaries and if you don't,
you're just going to get walkedall over, and that's not just
from your kids or your husbandor your partner, that's just in
life in general yes um and Ithink we talked about this
recently when we're having aconversation about brene brown
and how she says choosediscomfort over resentment.
Fiona Kane (29:24):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (29:27):
And that sort of ties into being able to say no
as well.
Have that uncomfortableconversation where you want to
say no to bringing in cakes orwhatever to school that day for
something or other some bakingstall or whatever it is.
Have that uncomfortableconversation where you say, no,
I can't do that.
I've got other responsibilitiesthat need to come first,
(29:49):
because otherwise you're filledwith resentment.
Fiona Kane (29:53):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (29:55):
And I think I don't know whether we had this
conversation recently too, but Iwas talking about with some of
my clients as well, and othermums, about Dr Gabor Marti's
recent presentation that was inSydney that I went to see and he
was saying which was juststaggering to me 80% of chronic
(30:16):
illness sufferers are women andmothers, and he says it's in
direct relation or correlationwith the suppression of emotion
and also constantly beingresponsible for others and not
(30:37):
for yourself.
Fiona Kane (30:38):
Yeah.
Sara Garrett (30:39):
And so this is why it's so important, as mothers,
that we work on ourselves and,you know, we prioritise our
emotional and mental wellbeing,because not only obviously can
we suffer and end up with thingslike, you know, a chronic
illness or depression or youknow those sorts of things, but
(31:00):
we're also affecting our kids.
Yes, we're not modelling goodbehaviours.
We're less present.
Kids are more likely to go onand have social and emotional
and cognitive issues if they'vegot a mum in the home that has
mental health issues yes, issuesif they've got a mum in the
(31:21):
home that has mental healthissues.
So super important that we dohave a balance and we prioritise
ourselves as well.
Fiona Kane (31:28):
So yeah, and, like you said, the word you said
there was perfect, because yousaid model yes, and I think that
we forget that.
I think that people think thatyour kids learn what you tell
them and they sort of do andthey sort of don't.
But what they do learn is whatyou show them, what you model to
(31:49):
them.
Yes, and my experience withthis is that children who have
mothers who don't look afterthemselves at all I don't
practice any kind of that, Ihave no boundaries, practice no
self-care, whatever they well,the girls go on to do the same
thing, because they think thatmothers and women don't have
(32:10):
needs or shouldn't have them,and they should feel bad if they
feel like they have thembecause they shouldn't have them
, yes, and the boys go on tothink that their wives and
partners don't have needs aswell.
Sara Garrett (32:22):
So I think that you hit the nail on the head.
Fiona Kane (32:24):
What we model is very powerful and so notice that
they're noticing you and yourself-care.
So if they see you practicingself-care, if they see you
exhibiting healthy boundaries,that's what they learn.
If they see you having noboundaries, that's what they
learn.
Sara Garrett (32:41):
If they see you having no boundaries, that's
what they learn yes, yep, sotrue, um, it's a real, yeah, it
can be a real issue.
So I think, um, especially ifyou've got, if you're a mom and
you've got a daughter,especially with I I mean,
obviously the same can be saidabout having sons as well, yes,
(33:07):
but yeah, I think it's reallyimportant that you're, and you
also are showing emotionalmaturity and you're able to
stabilise your own emotions.
Sometimes you know, like, asmums, no one's perfect.
No mother is perfect, and weneed to get that out out of our
heads.
yeah, except for me rememberexcept for you, because I don't
(33:27):
have.
Fiona Kane (33:27):
You're doing wonderful so, in my mind, the
most perfect mother ever, yousee but yeah, like I think um on
all those instagram.
They're all perfect, of course.
Sara Garrett (33:40):
Oh, yes, yes, Everything you see on the
internet is true.
Fiona Kane (33:42):
It's absolutely true .
Sara Garrett (33:43):
yes, but yeah, like you notice that sometimes
even you know I notice if I'memotional, you know if I'm not
sort of reining myself in athome.
You know I'm not perfect.
I get upset, I get angry, I getfrustrated.
And I notice if I start raisingmy voice and it might not have
(34:04):
anything to do with my children,you know I might be upset about
something that I don't knowhappened during the day when
they were at school.
But then I pick them up fromschool and I'm a little bit, you
know, irritated or agitated,and I raise my voice.
And then later that afternoonI'll be hearing my daughter
raise her voice, or my, you know, irritated or agitated, and I
raise my voice, and then laterthat afternoon I'll be hearing
my daughter raise her voice, ormy, you know, one of my boys
raise their voice, and I think,calm down, what are you doing?
Fiona Kane (34:27):
but then I realize I've just modeled that on the
way home yeah, there's somefunny youtube videos with
children like acting out thingsthat their parents do.
Yes, wow, what has that childbeen seeing?
And their phone calls and theyknow the exact way their mum
says it and the exact words thatmum uses and blah, blah, blah
(34:49):
and you can see them say, wow,you know all the body language,
everything, everything.
Wow, okay, but it's true, theysee it all.
They see it all and you know Ihad Steph Pinto on here.
She's an emotional intelligencesort of parenting expert in
regards to emotionalintelligence, and that's what
this stuff is, because if youknow how to regulate your own
(35:13):
emotions and set boundaries andpractice emotional intelligence,
that is what your children willsee and learn, yes, but if you
don't know how to do that, wellthen that is what your children
will see and learn, correct?
Sara Garrett (35:28):
And then it's a cycle and they'll be teaching
their kids that.
Fiona Kane (35:32):
Yeah, exactly.
So part of this is actuallythat the self-care is important
for lots of different levels,lots of different reasons.
So one it's important, ofcourse, that you look after your
health and that you fill yourcup so that you've got something
to pour, you know, to pour,like, if you've got nothing left
in your cup, you can't helpanybody.
And we're looking afterourselves so that we don't feel
resentful and so we don't feellost or whatever the emotions
(35:58):
are that we're experiencing.
So we're also doing these thingsbecause we're modelling and
we're actually teaching childrenhow to be a grown-up, because
the goal of the children is thatthey become functional adults,
correct and so the way we dothat is by modelling it, and so
the way we do that is by havingboundaries and by knowing when
to say no and knowing when tosay yes, and by practising
(36:19):
emotional intelligence.
And one say no and knowing whento say yes by practicing
emotional intelligence.
And one of the things I talk tomy clients about I'm sure you
do this as well, being in thecoaching industry is looking at
what your values are.
Yes, and not just yourself, butmaybe what your family values
(36:40):
are.
I think it's useful for familiesto have a set of family values.
Yes, these are what our valuesare.
Yes, and teach your childrenthis is what our family values
are.
Whatever they are for you.
It's different things fordifferent people.
It's going to be sort of healthor education or work, or God or
this or that, or people haveall that.
Whatever you do you, however,once you know what your family
(37:00):
values are and your kids knowwhat they are, then also you
make decisions around that.
Sara Garrett (37:04):
so and you can protect those values.
Yeah, yeah, putting boundaries.
Fiona Kane (37:09):
Exactly your decisions are about protecting
those values right so will Itake on this new job or not?
Yeah, will dad take on this newjob or not?
Or will we move your kids to adifferent school.
Whatever the thing is, it goesback to your values and if you
have a very clear set of valuesand you're protecting those
values because that's what,that's essentially what I think
that's what sometimes people getmistaken with what boundaries
(37:32):
are.
So boundaries are sort ofprotecting what's within so it's
like okay, so within my family,we've got this set of values
and we've got, you know, myfamily are my gold, they're the
special thing and I look afterthem, right, yeah, so having
boundaries is actually aboutprotecting that.
It's not about putting walls upand pushing people away or
(37:55):
being mean or any of that.
It's actually about protectingwhat's within.
It's protecting the sacred.
Sara Garrett (38:01):
Yes.
Fiona Kane (38:02):
And so whatever's within your kind of sacred.
So if you have what you classas being sacred and that could
be, you know, your children,your family, your God, whatever,
like, whatever it is for youand some people get upset when I
say the word God, insertwhatever it is for you, right?
So a magical, unicorn, fairy,universe, god, angels, whatever
(38:25):
works for you.
So it's just naming the kindsof things for people that would
be values, just naming the kindsof things that for people, that
would be values.
If you've got that the center,that's really if you have a real
definite idea of what that is,then every decision you make
after that is around protectingthat yeah and I think that that
that makes a lot more sense thankind of like feeling like
(38:47):
you're punishing people orfeeling like you're being rude
or whatever it's like no, no,I'm not being rude, I'm actually
just protecting, yeah, thereally special value most.
Yeah, yeah, exactly yeah.
And so I think that sometimeswith these things, it's actually
it's if you start with thebasis, things like start with
the values, work, work back fromthere we understand what we're
(39:08):
protecting yeah and we and weunderstand what is valuable and
what is worth protecting andlike why we're doing it.
Yes, I think it makes a lot moresense.
Sara Garrett (39:20):
Absolutely.
That's something I work on alot with clients as well.
In my program, we talk aboutvalues and not only about
setting boundaries around thoseand protecting those values.
But what can we do thatenhances those values within our
life as well?
What activities or behavioursor actions can we do that
(39:40):
enhance those values?
It's so important.
Once you know that, like yousaid, you can work backwards
from there.
Yes, but it's such a beautifulplace to start.
Fiona Kane (39:52):
Yes, yeah, definitely.
And you know, I don't know, Idon't know if you saw it.
I should bring this up withouttelling you.
But have you seen Adolescence?
Sara Garrett (40:02):
I haven't, but I have seen some of your posts
about it and it's made me wantto go and watch it, because I
don't watch a lot of TV, I readmore books.
But then I see stuff like thatpop up on social media and I
think, oh, I've got to watchthat.
You know I've got to see it.
So I have seen some of yourpoints on it, but I've not
actually seen it.
Fiona Kane (40:22):
I think it's worth watching and you know, and, of
course, what you just displayedthere, too, was an example of
how you're nourishing yourself,what you nourish yourself with
right and you've only got acertain amount of time and
energy while you're nourishingyourself.
Well, the books nourish you.
The TV doesn't.
So well done.
That's a really good thing anda really good boundary and a
(40:44):
really good understanding ofwhat your values are and what
nourishes you.
On adolescence, I'll just saylook and I've talked about this
in more detail in anotherepisode that by the time this
comes out, that episode will beout as well.
And you know there's good andbad things about it, but
essentially one thing that itdoes show.
It shows probably a few mainthings, but one of those is the
parents looking at where theymight have gone wrong with their
(41:08):
child who won't give thingslike if you don't want to hear
about it, turn off, whatever.
But it's pretty much straight up.
Everyone knows that essentiallyhis boy murders a girl, his
13-year-old boy murders a girlfrom his school, and so it kind
of starts with that.
So it's not like a whodunit ordid he do it, it's like starts
with that and then it kind ofworks backwards with well, what
(41:29):
led to this right?
And part of it was his parentslooking at, well, where did we
go wrong?
And you know, and they werenice people, they were lovely,
and you couldn't really.
It wasn't like you couldobviously see their horrible,
demonistic parents that didn'tlove their kids, nothing like
that.
They were just lovely parentsAverage parents.
(41:50):
Yeah, what you could see was,and what the family kind of did,
it was our fault, it's not ourfault and it was kind of.
Sometimes two things can betrue at the same time.
You can take responsibility foryour part but also say, but I
can't be to blame, sort of thing.
But anyway, it was interestingthe way it dealt with that and
(42:13):
the way the parents dealt withthat.
But the parents were.
There was probably two thingsthat they that they did you know
inverted commas that wereprobably wrong.
One of those is that theydidn't really know what the boy
was doing in his bedroom on hiscomputer.
So they didn't know what he waslooking at and talking about.
The other is that they they,the father had issues with anger
.
The father had issues withanger.
The father had been brought upwith a violent father and he
(42:35):
wasn't violent in any way, buthe got very, very angry and
would kind of go and smashthings up or that kind of thing.
And so what we were justtalking about before Limited
emotional intelligence.
Yes, yeah right, he didn't knowhow to regulate his emotions and
so he didn't teach his son howto do that.
Because he didn't know how toregulate his emotions and so he
didn't teach his son how to dothat, because he didn't know how
to do that, and so when the songot sort of really angry about
(42:57):
certain things that he wasn'table to regulate, and then this
happened.
So it's not like it's theparents' fault, full stop, it's
not.
But you can kind of see some ofthe things that contributed to
what happened.
But that's why it's reallypowerful, this sort of whole
modeling thing.
It's, it's modeling what youmodel to your children is
(43:19):
extremely powerful and I thinkthat um, and it's sort of
getting the balance right aswell because there are some.
I.
I find some of the some kind ofmodern women who were
influencers.
I find some of them a bit toofar the other way, whether it's
all about them and they're like,oh, you have to have, you've
(43:41):
lived your life and you can'tlet your children hold you back.
Hold on a second.
You're a parent.
Yeah, you're a parent, andparenting is always going to be
really important.
Yes, looking parent andparenting is always going to be
really important, and lookingafter your children is always
going to be really important.
So it's not an either or no.
It's actually we can look afterour children, but we can look
after ourselves as well, correct, yeah, it's about the balance.
Sara Garrett (44:04):
It's about the balance.
Fiona Kane (44:06):
And it's never going to be perfect either.
Balance, because you knowsometimes it's going to be
perfect, Correct?
Sara Garrett (44:10):
Correct, because you know stuff happens Sometimes
.
It's going to be a little, yeah, and that's normal as well.
Yeah, that's normal as well.
I just think, you know, forwomen, if we can be sort of the
best version of ourselves thatwe can, then we become the best
mothers in turn.
Fiona Kane (44:26):
Yes, so yeah, exactly.
And like what we were justsaying there, it won't always be
perfect.
You know life happens and youknow we have storms hit us.
Everyone's heard me talk aboutmy ship reference before.
Basically, you know, in betweenthe storms, that's when you
shore up the ship and make sureit's fixed and it's ready to go,
(44:50):
and then you have storms and ofcourse, when you have those
storms in life, there won't bebalance.
There won't be balance at all,because you're in the storm and
when you're in the storm, eventhink of it.
Yeah.
So the other thing is, too tonot, because sometimes when
people do self-help or they'reon this journey of like being a
better person or a better mother, or whatever it is that they're
trying to do, they get caughtup in that they didn't do it
(45:12):
perfectly.
I even see it with nutrition.
Right, it's like, oh, youdidn't eat perfectly this week.
Oh, my god, how dare you?
You know.
It's just like it's not goingto happen.
So the truth is, it's a wholejourney.
It's a journey and there's nolike there.
You don't get there it's just.
Sara Garrett (45:27):
It's just continuing the human journey.
Fiona Kane (45:31):
You don't get there.
What you do is you, you developa new um and you what you were
talking about before you createyour community, yeah, your
family community, your backups,you support, you look after
yourself.
When the ship's at shore, as Iwas explaining before, that's
when you do all the self-careand all the things that you need
to do to ensure that you'reokay, and then you've got a five
(45:54):
happens and things will not bein balance and you know, and you
won't be doing it very wellbecause you're dealing with
whatever you're dealing with andthen, things settle back down
again and then you can.
So it's also just understandingthat you'll never be there
you'll never be perfect and,like you were saying before and
(46:14):
you know that balance is reallya doing word, it's not a place
to get to Correct.
Yeah, because we see it as likea doing word so it's not a
place where we get to.
It's a thing that we practice,yes, and we practice that.
We'll be practicing it foreverand it will swing wild, wildly,
one direction to the other atdifferent times in life and
(46:36):
other times there'll be morebalance.
That's just realistic.
But I think, if we understandthat when we get started because
I think what I see happen a lotwith people is as soon as they
feel like they've, you know,fallen off, you know messed up
or whatever they're really downon themselves about oh well, I
failed.
Yeah, you didn't fail.
Life happened.
That's okay.
(46:57):
I just keep going and actuallythat's something you said to me
earlier before we startedrecording.
But you know, um, you know, youkind of were talking about
within motherhood how it's goingto get back.
Keep going, you know, like nomatter what happens at the end
of the day, yeah, all you can dois like you're gonna have to
get out the next day and get thekids ready for school or
whatever it is, and and keepgoing like no matter what's
(47:18):
going on.
You just do the best you canand show yourself some
self-compassion.
Sara Garrett (47:23):
This is what I say to mums all the time just give
yourself a break, show yourselfsome self-compassion.
It's not always going to beperfect.
Not everything's always goingto run smoothly.
Yeah, um, and that's okay.
That's life yes um, and whenyou're feeling better, you get
back on.
You get back on the trajectoryyeah, yeah, exactly, and you
know.
Fiona Kane (47:43):
Sometimes you know and this is another thing I've
talked to my clients a lot aboutbut what self-care actually is.
Sometimes self-care isremembering to breathe.
Yeah, sometimes self-care isjust forgiving yourself for not
having it all figured out yessometimes self-care is just
remember to eat some protein anddrink some water.
Sometimes let's go for a walksometimes.
(48:04):
Sometimes get some sunshine youknow, sometimes it's like, have
your cup of tea while it's stillhot, right, whatever it is, but
you know, don't get caught upin, because, again, we can get
caught up in.
Self-care means that I read allthe self-help books and I go
and have my massage and I, youknow, go to yoga and I go to the
gym and I'm wearing my lululemons and I look perfect in
(48:24):
them, and, you know, self-carecan be whatever it needs to be
on the day, you know.
So that's the other thing toassess what does self-care look
like for me today?
yeah, and it will be differentfor everyone might be just
remembering to breathe and getthrough it and might mean go to
the gym, might mean alldifferent things, but just kind
(48:45):
of when we assess it on aday-to-day basis, rather than
kind of have this set thing inour head about because people
get.
It's funny because, like, whenpeople start doing the self-care
thing, sometimes they use thatas another way to punish
themselves.
Yeah, another thing that'ssupposed to be perfect.
So if you're kind of going toself-care with the idea that
it's just another way to punishyourself and prove that you
(49:05):
can't do it and you've letyourself down, perfect.
So you're going to go into itknowing that you're not perfect
and that's okay yeah, absolutelyso is there anything else that
you would like to?
I mean, obviously this is a bigtopic, we could go on forever,
but you know, is there anythingwith me.
Sara Garrett (49:22):
So anything that you would like to end with uh,
that you know you think would bereally beneficial um, look, I
just want to remind mums outthere that if they are feeling
lost and they are feeling stuckthat there's so much support out
there, um and uh, if you'retired of the old mother's groups
that you have on on facebook, Ihave a great group called
(49:44):
finding me in motherhood okay inmotherhood finding me
motherhood.
You can find it at facebookcom,forward slash groups forward
slash findingmeinmum, and thisgroup is for mums that you know
are looking for more personaldevelopment and personal growth,
who are looking for supportfrom other like-minded mums that
(50:06):
you know love being mumsthemselves, but are looking for
something a little bit outsideof the box.
So we're not there recommendingpaediatricians or playgroups
where they're talking about waysto calm your nervous system and
you know things on mindset oryou know what your special
(50:27):
strengths are.
You know all that sort of stuff.
So I do live streams everymonth there, yes, and share a
lot of free content, andobviously, if they're looking
for a bit more, they're alwayswelcome to reach out to me.
I've got my coaching businesswebsite, which is
(50:47):
wwwpassionforpurposecomau, andthey can reach out to me
directly there or even onFacebook.
On my personal Facebook page Ioften post things personal
development related and they canaccess me through my Facebook
as well.
Okay, but they're not alone.
I just want mums to know thatthey're not alone you're not
alone.
Fiona Kane (51:07):
You don't have to be perfect, you don't have to have
it all figured out and it'sokay to it.
You're not doesn't mean youthat you're not grateful for you
know you're not alone.
You don't have to be perfect,you don't have to have it all
figured out and it's okay to it.
You're not doesn't mean youthat you're not grateful for you
know your family.
Just because you feel how youfeel, because I think that
sometimes people feel like theycan't, you know I can't say that
I feel bad, because at least Ihave children, you know, or?
Sara Garrett (51:26):
my children are alive and whatever.
Fiona Kane (51:28):
And so I wonder, I mean, obviously there's
different levels of grief andthings that people experience,
and people experience all sortsof awful things, but your
feelings are your feelings andthey're valid.
And you can, and two things canbe true at the same thing sorry
at the same time that you aregrateful and that you love your
family and you love being a mum,but you're also struggling,
(51:48):
Correct?
Yeah, Both of those things canbe true and that's okay, Mm-hmm
yeah.
We get this zero-sum game thingwhere it's like well, that must
mean that you're not gratefuland you're a horrible person,
and I was like no, it just meansI'm a human and I'm having
human emotions and that's okay.
Sara Garrett (52:03):
It's okay to want something for yourself.
Fiona Kane (52:05):
Yes.
Sara Garrett (52:06):
And still be a wonderful mum still be a
wonderful mum.
Fiona Kane (52:12):
Yes, yeah, exactly.
Well, thank you for your timetoday, sarah.
Sara Garrett (52:14):
I really enjoyed that chat.
I always love speaking to you,Faye.
This has been a real joy Ofcourse you do, because I'm the
best.
Fiona Kane (52:21):
I love to chat to you as well.
It's really been great havingyou as my friend all these years
.
I hope it's a friendship thatlasts forever.
I feel like it will be thatfriendship.
Me too it will always be.
Even if we don't see each otherfor a while, we can always have
it.
Sara Garrett (52:36):
The friendship still remains, even though it
could be months or years, evenwhen we see each other.
But when we do, we catch uplike it's yesterday, yeah, and
that's also actually to pointout before we finish.
Fiona Kane (52:47):
That's the truth of relationships also,
relationships between people whodon't have children and people
who do.
Your relationship changes whenyour friends have kids.
It's, it's just, it is what itis.
That's the reality.
Right, they've got differentpriorities now and so you don't
have to necessarily dump yourfriendships, but it's kind of
just knowing that you know for awhile it's going to be working
(53:09):
around that, yes, or if not,forever.
Really Things change, no, butthings do change and that's okay
.
And in the first few years theywon't be able to be.
You know, even when my sisterhad her child, you know suddenly
that person for the firstlittle while.
They're so consumed with thatbaby, which is what they should
be, it's okay, that's normal.
But they can so consumed withthat baby, which is what they
(53:30):
should be, it's okay, that'snormal.
But they can't deal with you ordeal with you to the level that
they used to or whatever, andthat's okay as well.
Friendships adjust and changebased on what's going on in
people's lives, and that's theother thing that it just shows
being normal.
It's normal that things changea bit and that people are a bit
less available than moreavailable, and that just changes
over life for a whole lot ofdifferent reasons.
It's the same for me as well,with even though I don't have
(53:52):
children, but caring for parents, right, so, uh, so we both have
the same issues, but justdifferent age that we're dealing
with.
But that's, that's fine.
So it's just not, that's justlike, hey, that that's normal
right it's normal and it's okayand we just sort of you know and
being able to sort of go backinto life of a friend and not
(54:14):
kind of have to feel guilt forwhat you did or didn't do and
not feeling like oh, that personhasn't contacted me, maybe they
hate me or maybe they're notlike well stories that we tell
ourselves again yes, like heymaybe that person's just got
life happening.
Sara Garrett (54:27):
Yeah, that's right .
Fiona Kane (54:29):
So anyway, it has been great having you on, and I
really like to have realconversations about things that
matter here, and I feel likethat was definitely one of those
.
So thanks again.
Sara Garrett (54:38):
Sarah, thank you, it was a real privilege.
I'm really grateful to be here,so thank you for having me.
Fiona Kane (54:49):
And for anyone who's watching or listening, can you
please like, subscribe, share?
I've worked out that 80% of youwho are watching and listening
to this podcast are notsubscribing.
Why not Please subscribe?
Hit all the bells on all thedifferent sort of subscribe
buttons, wherever you are, andif you can write a review, that
would be really helpful as well.
Or comment on Facebook orRumble.
But really, the more activitythat happens in regards to this
(55:12):
podcast, the more people findout about it and hear about it,
and I feel like there's value inthat.
So I appreciate everybody'ssupport.
So I will see you all againnext week.
Thanks again and bye, bye.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy, Jess Hilarious, And Charlamagne Tha God!