July 15, 2025 • 21 mins
Regulating your nervous system naturally can start with something as simple as noticing a breeze on your skin or a favorite song on the radio. In this episode of The Wellness Connection, Fiona Kane introduces the concept of glimmers - small, positive moments that help calm your nervous system and support emotional resilience.
While society often focuses on avoiding triggers, Fiona explains why it's just as important to recognize glimmers and intentionally seek them out. She shares personal stories, mental health insights, and practical ways to build emotional strength without overprotecting yourself from life’s discomforts. This is a powerful reminder that healing isn't just about what you avoid - it’s also about what you notice, embrace, and allow in.
Learn more about booking a nutrition consultation with Fiona: https://informedhealth.com.au/
Learn more about Fiona's speaking and media services: https://fionakane.com.au/
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Credit for the music used in this podcast:
The Beat of Nature
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Fiona Kane (00:00):
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I want to introduce youto the idea of glimmers.
So most of us have heard oftriggers and people talk about
triggers a lot in our society inregards to their mental health.
However, you don't hear theterm glimmer, and I think
glimmer is just as important, ifnot more, and so I think it's
(00:24):
worth exploring that a littlebit today.
Now, in a previous episode, Ithink glimmer is just as
important, if not more, and so Ithink it's worth exploring that
a little bit today.
Now, in a previous episode Ithink it might have been last
week's episode actually I wastalking about capacity building
for mental health, so I willtouch on that a little bit more
today as well, because that'skind of along the lines of this
topic.
So in regards to glimmersversus triggers, so just a quick
(00:45):
definition of what they are foryou excuse me if I am going to
read for a moment, but just togive you the breakdown of what
they are.
So triggers are sensoryreminders that can trigger a
negative emotional response.
So it might trigger fear oranxiety or sadness or something
like that, and it's due to somepast experience you've had may
(01:07):
or may not be a traumaticexperience, but some past
experience that has a negativefeeling for you.
And it could be smell of aperfume, it could be lots of
things.
So that's what a trigger is,and they activate the
sympathetic nervous system,which is a fight or flight
response in our body.
So glimmers what a glimmer isis kind of almost the opposite
(01:31):
of that, but what it is, it'ssmall positive moments that can
help regulate your nervoussystem.
So essentially, these glimmerscue feelings of safety and
connection and that activate theventral vagal pathway,
promoting relaxation andconnectedness, right.
So a short-form way of sayingthat is essentially they relax
(01:54):
you and make you feel calm andmake you feel good, and so they
would put you into yourparasympathetic nervous system,
which is the rest and digestsystem, which is where you need
to be most of the time.
So you know, glimmers arereally important and I think
that the problem is in oursociety.
What I see a lot of is peoplejust all about the triggers I'm
(02:17):
triggered by this, I'm triggeredby that and just going around
trying to completely avoidtriggers and completely avoid
pain, that sort of thing andfirst of all, that's not a good
idea to completely avoid anykind of pain or discomfort, how
capacity building actually comesfrom.
Experiencing pain anddiscomfort.
I don't mean go out anddeliberately do horrible things
(02:39):
or go out and deliberately harmyourself, but just the
challenging things of life, likegoing for job interviews and
getting a job and going on datesand managing your relationships
and just being part of theworld, looking after your health
, all the things in life thatlife is learning to drive, all
(03:02):
those things.
That's what life is made of,and so it's really really good
to capacity build and make surethat you can do those things and
ongoingly, you can do thosethings.
And so when, even if you aretriggered right Now, there might
be situations where maybe youhave a really severe mental
health issue or severe PTSD, inwhich case obviously you can
(03:27):
take what I'm saying, but thengo and talk to your therapist or
someone about it.
Do what's right for you, okay,because we've always got to
manage ourselves, but hang onfor a moment.
Sorry about that.
So, yeah, obviously, wheneveryou listen to any of my podcasts
, you take what's right for you.
Don't do what's not right foryou.
If you feel like you need moresupport, get more support,
(03:50):
whether or not it's with me orwhether or not it's another
practitioner.
If you've got really severemental health issues, you really
should be working with atherapist.
I'm not a therapist, so workwith a therapist or someone
who's an appropriate person foryou.
Also, actually, hypnotherapyworks quite well for people who
have triggers and when they'vegot PTSD, those sorts of issues.
(04:11):
So, anyway, work with anappropriate therapist for you in
regards to that.
But just in general in life, Imean just the triggers of just
life, right.
So there's triggers of war orhorrible, really horrific things
and there's triggers of oh.
That takes me back to when thathorrible thing happened to me
that I feel bad about or that Ifeel sad about or I feel ashamed
(04:33):
about.
That most people experience,because we all have life
experience, right, and thosetriggers.
I don't think you should go outof your way to completely avoid
all of those triggers, becauseit is useful to get used to
feeling uncomfortable.
Sometimes.
It's okay to feel uncomfortableand know that you can actually
survive it, know that you'll beokay.
(04:54):
And that's getting back to whatI was talking about before
capacity building.
So the point of capacitybuilding whether this is for you
or for your children, capacitybuilding is ensuring that we can
survive this thing called lifeuntil we don't because we're
only one way out, right but sothat we can survive and thrive
and have a good life untilwhenever, until time comes that
(05:17):
we're not supposed to be hereanymore.
And to do that we have toactually capacity build.
You know so right from birth.
When babies you know, I'vetalked about it before babies
learning to crawl, talk, all ofthose things, you know, if you
just spoke for them forever andnever let them talk, they're not
going to capacity build right,and if you just carry them
(05:37):
everywhere for their whole life,they're not going to capacity
build.
They're going to learn how towalk right.
So it's the same thing that weneed to do throughout our lives
capacity build.
But also what we need to do iswe need to keep doing things.
So there might be something thatyou know.
You might have put yourself outof your comfort zone a lot, say
, when you were younger, andthen, as you get older, you get
(06:00):
more into a comfort zone anddon't stretch outside of your
comfort zone, and then yourcomfort zone gets a bit smaller
and smaller and suddenly youdon't like to drive as far, or
you know you don't like to go asfar or whatever it is.
So I would suggest to you thatyou would put yourself out of
your comfort zone all throughoutyour life at different times,
just sort of regularly.
Just do it doesn't have to be ahuge thing, but some sort of
(06:21):
small thing that kind of pushesyou out of your comfort zone, so
that you're just continuallyaffirming to yourself that you
are quite capable of managingsomething that's a bit stressful
, a bit challenging, whatever,and that you know you're keeping
that capacity.
Because so not only do we needto build capacity, but we need
to maintain it.
And you know life happens to us.
So sometimes sort of you knowit goes backwards a bit because
(06:44):
you, you go through a grief, yougo through a trauma, you go
through an illness or somethinghappens in life, and sometimes
you know you have reducedcapacity.
When that happens, and that'sokay while you're rebuilding and
whatever it is.
But essentially life takes itstoll on you and if every time it
takes its toll on you, you justtake a step backwards, a step
(07:04):
backwards, a step backwards, andthen smaller, smaller, smaller,
obviously your capacity shrinksand shrinks and shrinks and
your life shrinks and shrinksand shrinks.
So we do need to kind of youknow, at a certain point just
put ourselves back out there andbuild that capacity again.
Same as like a muscle, right.
If you go to the gym all thetime, you build up the muscles.
If you stop going, the musclesyou won't have as much muscle
(07:25):
and the muscles will atrophy,they'll get smaller.
And so if you want to have thestrength, which I recommend that
you do want to have because youwant to have a healthy life and
be well as you get older andI've had episodes where I've
talked about this and howimportant that is well then
you'll go back out and you'll dosomething to sort of build the
muscle again, sort of capacitybuilding, right.
(07:47):
So it is important that we doexpose ourselves to things that
trigger us and then, in anappropriate way, if you've got
severe mental health issues,obviously get support around
that.
But if it's in generalsituation, general life for
general people, with our normal,normal kind of anxieties and
stresses and things like that,you can just regularly challenge
(08:08):
yourself and regularly putyourself in a bit of an
uncomfortable situation.
So it might even be becausesometimes my clients say to me
oh, I wouldn't go and sit in acafe on my own or a restaurant
on my own.
Well, go and do that.
It's a really simple thing todo.
Go and experience what it'slike to go and have dinner on
your own in a restaurant, orhave coffee on your own in a
cafe or whatever it is.
(08:29):
Or the cinema I go to thecinema all the time on my own,
and concerts, and things likethat.
So it might be things like that, whatever it is for you.
But capacity build, or it mightbe look, I don't really like
driving outside of this range,but maybe just challenge
yourself a little bit furtherand so say, okay, I'm going to
(08:50):
go to do this thing, that's, youknow, I'm going to go and do my
shopping in the next suburb,over whatever it is.
But capacity build, and you dothat by putting yourself outside
your comfort zone a bit andbecause of continuing, like,
building that muscle, buildingthat muscle right.
So, getting back to glimmers soI want to talk to you a little
bit more about glimmers.
So, uh, so essentially, gettingback to what glimmers are these
(09:13):
positive sensory moments thatactivate the parasympathetic
nervous system, and so that'sthat sort of rest and digest
system and, you know, promotesfeelings of safety, connection
and well-being and um.
So.
So this is something that it'sa really good idea to have
plenty of these in your life aswell.
And that's the thing too.
It's about getting the balance,because what we do is we only
(09:36):
focus on triggers and we don'talways notice or pay attention
to glimmers.
So it's just like if you payattention to the glimmers,
they'll kind of help counteractthings and help keep your body
in that parasympathetic rest anddigest mode more more often
than not, right?
So you know, here it givesexamples of what a glimmer is.
So it's like, uh, uh, patting adog or a pet, right, just
(09:58):
patting animals, uh and um,smelling a favorite fragrance,
uh, so it could be, as you know,like I actually, you know, when
I smell french panties, itreminds me of my mom and my
grandmother, and even thoughit's of sad, it also is kind of
beautiful as well, because itreminds me of beautiful moments
when they were alive.
Or seeing a beautiful landscape, eating your favorite food,
(10:21):
looking at a photograph fromsomeone you love, feelings of
warmth in the sun or the breezeon your skin, those kinds of
things the sun or the breeze onyour skin, those kinds of things
and so they help regulate yournervous system, which is really,
really important, and they also, you know, they reduce stress,
they build resilience, all ofthose things.
(10:41):
And it comes back to you knowthis kind of goes hand in hand
with having, say, like agratitude diary or have a
gratitude practice.
It's the same sort of thing asin what you're doing is you're
actively looking for beauty,you're actively looking for joy.
So it might be just in thatmoment in the car and a favorite
(11:02):
song comes on and you'resinging along to your favorite
song and then, just in thatmoment, you just experience this
joy of listening to or singingalong to this song.
Or it could be having a laughwith someone and you just kind
of, all of a sudden, you justlike you observe yourself in the
moment having a laugh with yourhubby or your best friend or
whoever it is.
Or sometimes I'll be sittingand I'll drink a cup of tea.
You know, when you get to yourcup of tea at the right moment,
(11:26):
you usually get to it and it'stoo cold, or I'm trying it and
it's too hot, you know.
But when you get to it and it'sat that perfect moment and you
know, you sort of sip that cupof tea and it's like, oh yes,
just the perfect temperature,just the perfect taste or
whatever.
It's those kinds of thingsright.
And it's important that we slowdown enough or kind of just be
(11:48):
observant enough to look forthose.
And especially when we arefeeling down or we are
struggling with our mentalhealth, because the problem is,
the more we're feeling down orthe more anxious we are, the
more we've got that sort ofstuff going on in our lives, the
more we kind of just zone in onlooking for triggers and bad
things and scary things.
And we're kind of like, youknow, looking constantly, just
(12:10):
like looking for the danger,danger, danger, danger, right.
So we stay in that kind offight or flight and not only
that, but not only we're lookingfor danger, but we often only
see when we're in that kind ofnegative mind frame, we only see
confirmations that the world'sbad.
So we look around and kind ofsay, oh, that person doesn't
like me and that person'signoring me and this is, and a
(12:31):
lot of that is kind of juststories.
Um, yeah, some of it might betrue, because not everyone likes
you, whatever, but a lot of itis kind of stories that we make
up, though we kind of theperson's just busy or they
didn't actually see you.
Like, I don't, I wear glassesand if I happen to be walking
along without my glasses on anddon't see you, it's not personal
.
If I'm not wearing my glasses,you know, I probably didn't see
you right and also I've got ablind spot, so quite a big blind
(12:55):
spot.
So it's a good chance that Ididn't see you.
Not that I'm trying to ignoreyou, you know.
But there's things like thatwhere we can kind of go oh, that
person had a funny look ontheir face.
They don't like me.
Well, I've been told that Ihave kind of resting bitch face,
right.
So you might think that I'mangry at you or whatever, and
I'm just kind of just sittingthere and I didn't even see you,
or you know, like.
(13:16):
So what I'm trying to say isthat what we do is we make up
stories in our mind about what'shappening with the other person
, what's going on.
You know, someone hasn'treplied to your text and you
sort of think, oh, they hate meor they're not talking to me or
whatever.
And sometimes it's situationswhere it's friendships falling
apart or whatever, but oftenthey're just really busy and it
(13:36):
happens to me all the time.
So if you're a friend of mineand I haven't replied to your
text, text me again.
I'm really sorry.
Honestly, what will happen isI'll kind of go oh, I've just
got to get these things done,and then by the end of the day,
by the end of the week, whatever, I've had so many other
messages that I just forgot anddidn't get back to it, right.
But what we do in our head is wekind of make up a story oh,
(13:57):
fiona doesn't talk to me anymore.
Fiona doesn't like you know,it's that kind of thing.
So the problem is that when weare in that negative mode, what
we do is we look around forconfirmation of what we believe,
and what we believe is thatwe're unlovable or that
everyone's out to get us oreveryone hates us, or the
world's inherently bad.
Whatever the story is.
We're telling ourselves, andthat's why something like you
(14:18):
know, actively looking forglimmers, is really really
important part of kind ofbalancing things out, and it is
something that I did I havetalked about this quite a few
times before, but it's justworth mentioning again when my
mum was at the end of her lifeand she was in palliative care.
I made a real effort in regardsto this, because everything felt
(14:39):
bad, right, and it was reallyjust incredibly hard time.
And everyone eventually goesthrough it, or most people go
through this experience, and youknow it is really tough, right.
So it is what it is.
I'm not kind of making it outto be anything more or less than
anyone else experiences, right,but it was really tough.
(14:59):
It was a really tough time.
It's obviously really sad andreally stressful and all those
things right, and you put yourlife on hold and you're running
around and you're doing lots oftravel and all the rest of it.
And what I did in that time isand you know, lots of medical
stuff, right, so lots of medicalstuff.
That's confronting andchallenging and you know.
So what I did is I looked forglimmers, so I would go out for
(15:20):
my walk, and I'd go out and walkwhile mum was sleeping and I'd
go and walk around near GosfordHospital and I would look for
birds.
I'd look for butterflies, Iwould listen for bird sounds.
I would, you know, I'd payattention to, like, look what
the trees look like, look at theflowers oh, look, there's a
French, japani, whatever it is,but I would pay attention.
But I also paid attention whenI was with mum, because there
(15:41):
were moments that we just hadjoy, like I'd put a song on and
we'd sing along to a song for alittle while, right when she was
still able to do that, and youknow.
So I'd kind of like just liketuck away those little moments
in my mind that you know, it'snot all bad, there's good things
happening here as well, andit's often the truth, actually,
that beauty and beautifulmoments happen within what you'd
(16:02):
otherwise consider to be reallyhorrible moments, or they
happen around it, as in youmight have a really horrible
moment or horrible experience,but then someone will come in
and care for you and help you orbe kind, you know.
So sometimes they happen withinthe challenging time and
sometimes that happens sort ofon, you know, afterwards or in a
(16:22):
different way.
But essentially, if we are awareof glimmers, if we're aware of
those, as we are of triggers, wewill actively look for them.
And it's a really good idea todo that because it's balancing
the scales.
It's not all about triggers,it's about glimmers as well.
It's actually activelyencouraging yourself to look for
something that's positive, andthat is exactly why a gratitude
(16:45):
practice works, because agratitude practice works in
exactly the same way, because agratitude practice forces you to
sort of look around in yourlife and go, oh okay, whatever
your practice might be, but justsay like five positive things
that happened today, or fivethings that I've got going on
for me in my life that are good,you know, or five things I can
see here, whatever that arebeneficial and helpful and good
(17:10):
in my life.
And when we do look for you knowwhat we have we start to notice
what we have because, you know,I live in Australia and I've
got hot water, I've gotelectricity, I've got the
internet, I've got a husband wholoves me and we've been
together for 35 years.
You know I've got all of thesethings in my life.
(17:31):
I've got great sisters andgreat family.
You know I've got all of thesegreat things.
So I could say, well, I don'thave this and I don't have that,
and my mom's gone, and blah,blah, blah and negative,
negative, negative.
And while there's a lot ofthings, we could all list a
whole bunch of things that we'velost or a whole bunch of things
that we don't have, or all thechallenges in our life.
(17:53):
But it's also important toacknowledge all the good things
and you know, if you have yourown bed, your own home or
somewhere to sleep tonight,someone who loves you and some
hot water, you're doing allright and you're doing better
than most of most of the peoplein the world actually.
So you know, the point ofglimmers is to kind of
counteract that trigger thingand know that.
(18:15):
You know, know it's reallyimportant that we actively look
for those things.
So you know that, like I said,that little bit of breeze on
your face and that you know,when I open the window at night
and get into bed, I listen forthe frogs, because we have frogs
here.
So you know, I always sort ofmy husband and I will say, oh,
there's the frogs, right, and Ilove listening to them at night
(18:36):
as the songs are not super loud,but you know things like that.
So it's just noticing the thingsthat you have, noticing the
things that are beautiful andnoticing the things that are
positive.
So there's this negative personthat I work with, that I don't
like and I'm struggling withthis person.
But hey, there's this reallynice person that I work with, or
that's a neighbor, or that's afriend, you know, and so, um.
So I would encourage you to beaware, just as aware of glimmers
(18:59):
as you are of triggers be okaywith being triggered sometimes
as well, and learning that you,you, you can cope with that a
lot better than maybe what youthink you can.
So it is important to makeourselves uncomfortable
sometimes, put ourselves outsideof our comfort zone a bit and
really just sort of keep thatcapacity by kind of constantly
(19:20):
just, you know, making sure thatwe're doing enough, that we
keep our capacity, maintain ourcapacity, build our capacity, as
you know, for our mental andphysical health, but, yeah, also
just any kind of gratitudepractice and looking for
glimmers so we can manage ournervous system and counteract,
(19:41):
you know, the triggers or thenegative things in life, because
life has both.
Life has good and it has bad andit has, you know, opportunities
and it has challenges and ithas, you know, happiness and it
has sadness and all the thingsright.
And a full life is one whereyou will experience all of those
things, most of those thingsright.
And a full life is one whereyou will experience all of those
things, most of those thingsright.
And what we sometimes do is wesometimes, because it can be
(20:06):
painful and because it can bedifficult, what we sometimes do,
is we kind of opt out or we trynot to experience life, or we
overprotect ourselves too much,and there might be times where
that's appropriate, like whenyour capacity is a bit lower and
maybe you've just had achallenge in life, yeah, okay,
fine, be a bit more protectiveof yourself, but not all of the
time.
Anyway, I hope that that wasuseful to you.
(20:29):
Please like, subscribe andshare and rate and review, and I
will see you all again nextweek where we have real
conversations about things thatmatter.
Thank you.
Hello and welcome to the Wellness Connection Podcast
.
I'm your host, Fiona Kane.
Today I want to introduce youto the idea of glimmers.
So most of us have heard oftriggers and people talk about
triggers a lot in our society inregards to their mental health.
However, you don't hear theterm glimmer, and I think
glimmer is just as important, ifnot more, and so I think it's
(00:24):
worth exploring that a littlebit today.
Now, in a previous episode, Ithink glimmer is just as
important, if not more, and so Ithink it's worth exploring that
a little bit today.
Now, in a previous episode Ithink it might have been last
week's episode actually I wastalking about capacity building
for mental health, so I willtouch on that a little bit more
today as well, because that'skind of along the lines of this
topic.
So in regards to glimmersversus triggers, so just a quick
(00:45):
definition of what they are foryou excuse me if I am going to
read for a moment, but just togive you the breakdown of what
they are.
So triggers are sensoryreminders that can trigger a
negative emotional response.
So it might trigger fear oranxiety or sadness or something
like that, and it's due to somepast experience you've had may
(01:07):
or may not be a traumaticexperience, but some past
experience that has a negativefeeling for you.
And it could be smell of aperfume, it could be lots of
things.
So that's what a trigger is,and they activate the
sympathetic nervous system,which is a fight or flight
response in our body.
So glimmers what a glimmer isis kind of almost the opposite
(01:31):
of that, but what it is, it'ssmall positive moments that can
help regulate your nervoussystem.
So essentially, these glimmerscue feelings of safety and
connection and that activate theventral vagal pathway,
promoting relaxation andconnectedness, right.
So a short-form way of sayingthat is essentially they relax
(01:54):
you and make you feel calm andmake you feel good, and so they
would put you into yourparasympathetic nervous system,
which is the rest and digestsystem, which is where you need
to be most of the time.
So you know, glimmers arereally important and I think
that the problem is in oursociety.
What I see a lot of is peoplejust all about the triggers I'm
(02:17):
triggered by this, I'm triggeredby that and just going around
trying to completely avoidtriggers and completely avoid
pain, that sort of thing andfirst of all, that's not a good
idea to completely avoid anykind of pain or discomfort, how
capacity building actually comesfrom.
Experiencing pain anddiscomfort.
I don't mean go out anddeliberately do horrible things
(02:39):
or go out and deliberately harmyourself, but just the
challenging things of life, likegoing for job interviews and
getting a job and going on datesand managing your relationships
and just being part of theworld, looking after your health
, all the things in life thatlife is learning to drive, all
(03:02):
those things.
That's what life is made of,and so it's really really good
to capacity build and make surethat you can do those things and
ongoingly, you can do thosethings.
And so when, even if you aretriggered right Now, there might
be situations where maybe youhave a really severe mental
health issue or severe PTSD, inwhich case obviously you can
(03:27):
take what I'm saying, but thengo and talk to your therapist or
someone about it.
Do what's right for you, okay,because we've always got to
manage ourselves, but hang onfor a moment.
Sorry about that.
So, yeah, obviously, wheneveryou listen to any of my podcasts
, you take what's right for you.
Don't do what's not right foryou.
If you feel like you need moresupport, get more support,
(03:50):
whether or not it's with me orwhether or not it's another
practitioner.
If you've got really severemental health issues, you really
should be working with atherapist.
I'm not a therapist, so workwith a therapist or someone
who's an appropriate person foryou.
Also, actually, hypnotherapyworks quite well for people who
have triggers and when they'vegot PTSD, those sorts of issues.
(04:11):
So, anyway, work with anappropriate therapist for you in
regards to that.
But just in general in life, Imean just the triggers of just
life, right.
So there's triggers of war orhorrible, really horrific things
and there's triggers of oh.
That takes me back to when thathorrible thing happened to me
that I feel bad about or that Ifeel sad about or I feel ashamed
(04:33):
about.
That most people experience,because we all have life
experience, right, and thosetriggers.
I don't think you should go outof your way to completely avoid
all of those triggers, becauseit is useful to get used to
feeling uncomfortable.
Sometimes.
It's okay to feel uncomfortableand know that you can actually
survive it, know that you'll beokay.
(04:54):
And that's getting back to whatI was talking about before
capacity building.
So the point of capacitybuilding whether this is for you
or for your children, capacitybuilding is ensuring that we can
survive this thing called lifeuntil we don't because we're
only one way out, right but sothat we can survive and thrive
and have a good life untilwhenever, until time comes that
(05:17):
we're not supposed to be hereanymore.
And to do that we have toactually capacity build.
You know so right from birth.
When babies you know, I'vetalked about it before babies
learning to crawl, talk, all ofthose things, you know, if you
just spoke for them forever andnever let them talk, they're not
going to capacity build right,and if you just carry them
(05:37):
everywhere for their whole life,they're not going to capacity
build.
They're going to learn how towalk right.
So it's the same thing that weneed to do throughout our lives
capacity build.
But also what we need to do iswe need to keep doing things.
So there might be something thatyou know.
You might have put yourself outof your comfort zone a lot, say
, when you were younger, andthen, as you get older, you get
(06:00):
more into a comfort zone anddon't stretch outside of your
comfort zone, and then yourcomfort zone gets a bit smaller
and smaller and suddenly youdon't like to drive as far, or
you know you don't like to go asfar or whatever it is.
So I would suggest to you thatyou would put yourself out of
your comfort zone all throughoutyour life at different times,
just sort of regularly.
Just do it doesn't have to be ahuge thing, but some sort of
(06:21):
small thing that kind of pushesyou out of your comfort zone, so
that you're just continuallyaffirming to yourself that you
are quite capable of managingsomething that's a bit stressful
, a bit challenging, whatever,and that you know you're keeping
that capacity.
Because so not only do we needto build capacity, but we need
to maintain it.
And you know life happens to us.
So sometimes sort of you knowit goes backwards a bit because
(06:44):
you, you go through a grief, yougo through a trauma, you go
through an illness or somethinghappens in life, and sometimes
you know you have reducedcapacity.
When that happens, and that'sokay while you're rebuilding and
whatever it is.
But essentially life takes itstoll on you and if every time it
takes its toll on you, you justtake a step backwards, a step
(07:04):
backwards, a step backwards, andthen smaller, smaller, smaller,
obviously your capacity shrinksand shrinks and shrinks and
your life shrinks and shrinksand shrinks.
So we do need to kind of youknow, at a certain point just
put ourselves back out there andbuild that capacity again.
Same as like a muscle, right.
If you go to the gym all thetime, you build up the muscles.
If you stop going, the musclesyou won't have as much muscle
(07:25):
and the muscles will atrophy,they'll get smaller.
And so if you want to have thestrength, which I recommend that
you do want to have because youwant to have a healthy life and
be well as you get older andI've had episodes where I've
talked about this and howimportant that is well then
you'll go back out and you'll dosomething to sort of build the
muscle again, sort of capacitybuilding, right.
(07:47):
So it is important that we doexpose ourselves to things that
trigger us and then, in anappropriate way, if you've got
severe mental health issues,obviously get support around
that.
But if it's in generalsituation, general life for
general people, with our normal,normal kind of anxieties and
stresses and things like that,you can just regularly challenge
(08:08):
yourself and regularly putyourself in a bit of an
uncomfortable situation.
So it might even be becausesometimes my clients say to me
oh, I wouldn't go and sit in acafe on my own or a restaurant
on my own.
Well, go and do that.
It's a really simple thing todo.
Go and experience what it'slike to go and have dinner on
your own in a restaurant, orhave coffee on your own in a
cafe or whatever it is.
(08:29):
Or the cinema I go to thecinema all the time on my own,
and concerts, and things likethat.
So it might be things like that, whatever it is for you.
But capacity build, or it mightbe look, I don't really like
driving outside of this range,but maybe just challenge
yourself a little bit furtherand so say, okay, I'm going to
(08:50):
go to do this thing, that's, youknow, I'm going to go and do my
shopping in the next suburb,over whatever it is.
But capacity build, and you dothat by putting yourself outside
your comfort zone a bit andbecause of continuing, like,
building that muscle, buildingthat muscle right.
So, getting back to glimmers soI want to talk to you a little
bit more about glimmers.
So, uh, so essentially, gettingback to what glimmers are these
(09:13):
positive sensory moments thatactivate the parasympathetic
nervous system, and so that'sthat sort of rest and digest
system and, you know, promotesfeelings of safety, connection
and well-being and um.
So.
So this is something that it'sa really good idea to have
plenty of these in your life aswell.
And that's the thing too.
It's about getting the balance,because what we do is we only
(09:36):
focus on triggers and we don'talways notice or pay attention
to glimmers.
So it's just like if you payattention to the glimmers,
they'll kind of help counteractthings and help keep your body
in that parasympathetic rest anddigest mode more more often
than not, right?
So you know, here it givesexamples of what a glimmer is.
So it's like, uh, uh, patting adog or a pet, right, just
(09:58):
patting animals, uh and um,smelling a favorite fragrance,
uh, so it could be, as you know,like I actually, you know, when
I smell french panties, itreminds me of my mom and my
grandmother, and even thoughit's of sad, it also is kind of
beautiful as well, because itreminds me of beautiful moments
when they were alive.
Or seeing a beautiful landscape, eating your favorite food,
(10:21):
looking at a photograph fromsomeone you love, feelings of
warmth in the sun or the breezeon your skin, those kinds of
things the sun or the breeze onyour skin, those kinds of things
and so they help regulate yournervous system, which is really,
really important, and they also, you know, they reduce stress,
they build resilience, all ofthose things.
(10:41):
And it comes back to you knowthis kind of goes hand in hand
with having, say, like agratitude diary or have a
gratitude practice.
It's the same sort of thing asin what you're doing is you're
actively looking for beauty,you're actively looking for joy.
So it might be just in thatmoment in the car and a favorite
(11:02):
song comes on and you'resinging along to your favorite
song and then, just in thatmoment, you just experience this
joy of listening to or singingalong to this song.
Or it could be having a laughwith someone and you just kind
of, all of a sudden, you justlike you observe yourself in the
moment having a laugh with yourhubby or your best friend or
whoever it is.
Or sometimes I'll be sittingand I'll drink a cup of tea.
You know, when you get to yourcup of tea at the right moment,
(11:26):
you usually get to it and it'stoo cold, or I'm trying it and
it's too hot, you know.
But when you get to it and it'sat that perfect moment and you
know, you sort of sip that cupof tea and it's like, oh yes,
just the perfect temperature,just the perfect taste or
whatever.
It's those kinds of thingsright.
And it's important that we slowdown enough or kind of just be
(11:48):
observant enough to look forthose.
And especially when we arefeeling down or we are
struggling with our mentalhealth, because the problem is,
the more we're feeling down orthe more anxious we are, the
more we've got that sort ofstuff going on in our lives, the
more we kind of just zone in onlooking for triggers and bad
things and scary things.
And we're kind of like, youknow, looking constantly, just
(12:10):
like looking for the danger,danger, danger, danger, right.
So we stay in that kind offight or flight and not only
that, but not only we're lookingfor danger, but we often only
see when we're in that kind ofnegative mind frame, we only see
confirmations that the world'sbad.
So we look around and kind ofsay, oh, that person doesn't
like me and that person'signoring me and this is, and a
(12:31):
lot of that is kind of juststories.
Um, yeah, some of it might betrue, because not everyone likes
you, whatever, but a lot of itis kind of stories that we make
up, though we kind of theperson's just busy or they
didn't actually see you.
Like, I don't, I wear glassesand if I happen to be walking
along without my glasses on anddon't see you, it's not personal
.
If I'm not wearing my glasses,you know, I probably didn't see
you right and also I've got ablind spot, so quite a big blind
(12:55):
spot.
So it's a good chance that Ididn't see you.
Not that I'm trying to ignoreyou, you know.
But there's things like thatwhere we can kind of go oh, that
person had a funny look ontheir face.
They don't like me.
Well, I've been told that Ihave kind of resting bitch face,
right.
So you might think that I'mangry at you or whatever, and
I'm just kind of just sittingthere and I didn't even see you,
or you know, like.
(13:16):
So what I'm trying to say isthat what we do is we make up
stories in our mind about what'shappening with the other person
, what's going on.
You know, someone hasn'treplied to your text and you
sort of think, oh, they hate meor they're not talking to me or
whatever.
And sometimes it's situationswhere it's friendships falling
apart or whatever, but oftenthey're just really busy and it
(13:36):
happens to me all the time.
So if you're a friend of mineand I haven't replied to your
text, text me again.
I'm really sorry.
Honestly, what will happen isI'll kind of go oh, I've just
got to get these things done,and then by the end of the day,
by the end of the week, whatever, I've had so many other
messages that I just forgot anddidn't get back to it, right.
But what we do in our head is wekind of make up a story oh,
(13:57):
fiona doesn't talk to me anymore.
Fiona doesn't like you know,it's that kind of thing.
So the problem is that when weare in that negative mode, what
we do is we look around forconfirmation of what we believe,
and what we believe is thatwe're unlovable or that
everyone's out to get us oreveryone hates us, or the
world's inherently bad.
Whatever the story is.
We're telling ourselves, andthat's why something like you
(14:18):
know, actively looking forglimmers, is really really
important part of kind ofbalancing things out, and it is
something that I did I havetalked about this quite a few
times before, but it's justworth mentioning again when my
mum was at the end of her lifeand she was in palliative care.
I made a real effort in regardsto this, because everything felt
(14:39):
bad, right, and it was reallyjust incredibly hard time.
And everyone eventually goesthrough it, or most people go
through this experience, and youknow it is really tough, right.
So it is what it is.
I'm not kind of making it outto be anything more or less than
anyone else experiences, right,but it was really tough.
(14:59):
It was a really tough time.
It's obviously really sad andreally stressful and all those
things right, and you put yourlife on hold and you're running
around and you're doing lots oftravel and all the rest of it.
And what I did in that time isand you know, lots of medical
stuff, right, so lots of medicalstuff.
That's confronting andchallenging and you know.
So what I did is I looked forglimmers, so I would go out for
(15:20):
my walk, and I'd go out and walkwhile mum was sleeping and I'd
go and walk around near GosfordHospital and I would look for
birds.
I'd look for butterflies, Iwould listen for bird sounds.
I would, you know, I'd payattention to, like, look what
the trees look like, look at theflowers oh, look, there's a
French, japani, whatever it is,but I would pay attention.
But I also paid attention whenI was with mum, because there
(15:41):
were moments that we just hadjoy, like I'd put a song on and
we'd sing along to a song for alittle while, right when she was
still able to do that, and youknow.
So I'd kind of like just liketuck away those little moments
in my mind that you know, it'snot all bad, there's good things
happening here as well, andit's often the truth, actually,
that beauty and beautifulmoments happen within what you'd
(16:02):
otherwise consider to be reallyhorrible moments, or they
happen around it, as in youmight have a really horrible
moment or horrible experience,but then someone will come in
and care for you and help you orbe kind, you know.
So sometimes they happen withinthe challenging time and
sometimes that happens sort ofon, you know, afterwards or in a
(16:22):
different way.
But essentially, if we are awareof glimmers, if we're aware of
those, as we are of triggers, wewill actively look for them.
And it's a really good idea todo that because it's balancing
the scales.
It's not all about triggers,it's about glimmers as well.
It's actually activelyencouraging yourself to look for
something that's positive, andthat is exactly why a gratitude
(16:45):
practice works, because agratitude practice works in
exactly the same way, because agratitude practice forces you to
sort of look around in yourlife and go, oh okay, whatever
your practice might be, but justsay like five positive things
that happened today, or fivethings that I've got going on
for me in my life that are good,you know, or five things I can
see here, whatever that arebeneficial and helpful and good
(17:10):
in my life.
And when we do look for you knowwhat we have we start to notice
what we have because, you know,I live in Australia and I've
got hot water, I've gotelectricity, I've got the
internet, I've got a husband wholoves me and we've been
together for 35 years.
You know I've got all of thesethings in my life.
(17:31):
I've got great sisters andgreat family.
You know I've got all of thesegreat things.
So I could say, well, I don'thave this and I don't have that,
and my mom's gone, and blah,blah, blah and negative,
negative, negative.
And while there's a lot ofthings, we could all list a
whole bunch of things that we'velost or a whole bunch of things
that we don't have, or all thechallenges in our life.
(17:53):
But it's also important toacknowledge all the good things
and you know, if you have yourown bed, your own home or
somewhere to sleep tonight,someone who loves you and some
hot water, you're doing allright and you're doing better
than most of most of the peoplein the world actually.
So you know, the point ofglimmers is to kind of
counteract that trigger thingand know that.
(18:15):
You know, know it's reallyimportant that we actively look
for those things.
So you know that, like I said,that little bit of breeze on
your face and that you know,when I open the window at night
and get into bed, I listen forthe frogs, because we have frogs
here.
So you know, I always sort ofmy husband and I will say, oh,
there's the frogs, right, and Ilove listening to them at night
(18:36):
as the songs are not super loud,but you know things like that.
So it's just noticing the thingsthat you have, noticing the
things that are beautiful andnoticing the things that are
positive.
So there's this negative personthat I work with, that I don't
like and I'm struggling withthis person.
But hey, there's this reallynice person that I work with, or
that's a neighbor, or that's afriend, you know, and so, um.
So I would encourage you to beaware, just as aware of glimmers
(18:59):
as you are of triggers be okaywith being triggered sometimes
as well, and learning that you,you, you can cope with that a
lot better than maybe what youthink you can.
So it is important to makeourselves uncomfortable
sometimes, put ourselves outsideof our comfort zone a bit and
really just sort of keep thatcapacity by kind of constantly
(19:20):
just, you know, making sure thatwe're doing enough, that we
keep our capacity, maintain ourcapacity, build our capacity, as
you know, for our mental andphysical health, but, yeah, also
just any kind of gratitudepractice and looking for
glimmers so we can manage ournervous system and counteract,
(19:41):
you know, the triggers or thenegative things in life, because
life has both.
Life has good and it has bad andit has, you know, opportunities
and it has challenges and ithas, you know, happiness and it
has sadness and all the thingsright.
And a full life is one whereyou will experience all of those
things, most of those thingsright.
And a full life is one whereyou will experience all of those
things, most of those thingsright.
And what we sometimes do is wesometimes, because it can be
(20:06):
painful and because it can bedifficult, what we sometimes do,
is we kind of opt out or we trynot to experience life, or we
overprotect ourselves too much,and there might be times where
that's appropriate, like whenyour capacity is a bit lower and
maybe you've just had achallenge in life, yeah, okay,
fine, be a bit more protectiveof yourself, but not all of the
time.
Anyway, I hope that that wasuseful to you.
(20:29):
Please like, subscribe andshare and rate and review, and I
will see you all again nextweek where we have real
conversations about things thatmatter.
Thank you.
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