Ep. 25 When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

Rosanne Barrs?

Absolutely not.

America behind bars?

Absolutely.

Does being rich negate blackness?Absolutely not.

Do certain folk still tap dance for a dollar?

Absolutely.

Is being vulnerable a weakness?

Absolutely not.

Is vulnerability the truest form of self acceptance?

Absolutely.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello everybody, my name is Atticus.

(00:02):
And my name is Hope.
And you are now watching...
The White Refrigerator. Welcome back y'all.
The White Refrigerator

(00:27):
Welcome back everybody where we are keeping you fresh in the world of myths.
And helping us feel better together.
Thank God, because Lord knows we need that.
After... after Monday. I was still waiting. I was...
I was wishing on a hope and a prayer.
I hear your name.

(00:49):
Listen, that's all that was playing in my head the whole... all of Monday until it happened and I was like, shit.
It is. You know what? Again, it...
It is what it is at this point. Whatever happens, happens.
Um... yeah.
America, you made your decision.
Now you thought it was bad.

(01:11):
Just wait. It's gonna get really interesting.
The decision has been made.
I'm not gonna say I'm checking out. I'm not checking out completely. I'm checking out enough to where I can exist.
I still just want to know like what's going on so I know what to do.
But other than that, checked out.

(01:31):
I'm checked out from like the...
How do I want to word it? Like...
Some of the political stuff is just like I'm a very political person.
And that's not gonna stop me in the case. I just... I have accepted that. But...
At the same time, I really gotta protect my mental health and I just know...

(01:54):
And you know, I don't know what I know yet. Who knows?
But I just know it's... We've seen the past. So...
God knows what's coming and at this point, just try to stay as mentally well as you can.
Which is what we're gonna try to help you do here.
We're gonna laugh. We're gonna have fun. We're gonna learn some things together.

(02:15):
Just... It's okay to pull back some time and then when you gotta put your foot down and get back into it, you know?
Get back into it. But for the meantime, in between time,
we're gonna be black, have fun or be white or be whatever, whoever you are listening to.
We're here for everybody.
We're here for everybody.
Everybody, you know? But yeah.

(02:36):
We just want... We want things to be a good time because you know what? Life doesn't suck.
And it doesn't have to suck.
It does not suck.
Before we get into that a little bit.
Fran, how's your week been?
So my week this week has been pretty chill.

(02:58):
It snowed here in Houston. The fellow Houstonians listening.
No, it was beautiful. We got a good bit of snow too. It wasn't like a little chunk of snow.
We got a good little bit of snow.
So that was fun. That was really pretty. The grid didn't crash. Hallelujah.
Thank God.
Because last time was a disaster.

(03:19):
So yeah, it's just been a late winter wonderland, if you will.
Work is still the same. You know, getting more custom, more adjusted to things.
My supervisor is a really cool guy. So it makes things easier.
Our personality styles are a little different, but not in like a bad way.

(03:43):
It's cool. It's cool.
Family is good. Like things are good.
I'm just kind of like easing into the new year and just kind of navigating things and saying,
okay, let's see. Let's see how it goes.
We're going to just try to feel as good as we possibly can. That's the goal.
So I'm just in the words of Mariah Carey.

(04:06):
I'm doing what I can with what I got.
Just like that. Just like that. Heavy on that.
Do the face right. She said, what I got.
My good sis was tore the hell up.
For music. So TV. I've been watching Unrivaled.

(04:29):
Unrivaled has been hella fun to watch.
And again, that's the off league from the WNBA players created by Nafisa Kali and Brianna Stewart.
So that's again, that's been fun to watch.
I started Severance. I didn't finish it. I think I got like called up on something.
So I need to catch up because I think we're already on like episode two.

(04:51):
So I'm like, OK, I need to get in there.
I forgot. Yeah. Yeah.
Pennsylvania. I forgot all about Severance.
But music. So shout out to TikTok.
I went back through a lot of my favorites and downloaded some like songs that I just had forgotten about,
like songs I favorited and like independent artists.

(05:14):
They hadn't dropped it yet or whatever the case may be.
And I went back and found them. And TikTok had this really cool feature.
I say had because I don't I'm not on TikTok anymore.
I still have a page, but I deleted the app. So it is what it is.
But they have this really cool feature where you can like download music straight to Spotify.
If it's like on like actual platforms.

(05:36):
So a couple that I want to shout out that I have really, really enjoyed is I'm confident that I'm insecure by Lawrence.
And I remember seeing a video on TikTok and then like, I guess maybe it's a group.
I don't know. I still have to dig further into them.
But the song when we talk about singer singing, the singers were singing with their whole face and throat.

(06:01):
That sounds great. Yeah, I'm talking about good singing.
I'm talking about like all them singing.
Full Crate now, Full Crate is popped up. I don't know if I've mentioned him before.
I feel like I might have mentioned him last season because he did a remix with.
Oh, gosh. Oh, gosh. What's the name of the group?

(06:22):
They did the really popular song Jungle back to 74.
He did a remix with like a reggaeton type thing and it is.
But he has one with a Shea Universe that I had forgot about.
And that's about and then another one.
And actually, this is an independent artist and she doesn't have a lot of place.

(06:47):
So whatever whoever's listening to y'all, y'all run her numbers up.
Because she got one of the best, nastiest songs that I heard in a long time.
And it's something about Neosoul nasty that I really like something about it that does it does things for me.
But her name is Rihanna J. Rayana J. R-A-Y-A-N-A and then J.J. Y.

(07:09):
And the song is called Guard and she wants you to moisturize her guard.
Oh, it's a it's the things it gives me. Do you need to be moisturized?
What? So, yeah, that's that's pretty much been a lineup for me this week.

(07:29):
Just good music, slow, just chilling again, like I mentioned earlier,
like a knucklehead download or deleted my own.
You put my phone on.
Uh, the leader, Tick Tock, so I don't have to talk anymore, but I feel like it's not the worst thing.
I do miss it and I've certainly had withdrawals.

(07:51):
But, um, you know, I want to preface and say this because I've seen this a lot.
And I know I have spoken somewhat of this and I want to give clarification.
I am not one of those people that believes that.
Take it, especially Tick Tock. I want to specify Tick Tock,

(08:13):
especially because this is a little different for other platforms.
But I don't believe like Tick Tock was a brain ride.
Tick Tock has taught me so much great stuff, super great information
made me want to research amazing things I found, like as I've talked about this before,

(08:35):
I'm a science girlie, so I saw all kind of stuff just right up my alley.
People inventing things and then like solar systems.
So this is like right up my alley of things.
Um, like all these super cool engineering stuff.
So like in the music, I'm big, big on independent artists.
So like I found some of my favorite artists through Tick Tock.

(08:57):
Um, and to the creators, like so many people make an actual living off of Tick Tock
and they put out great content.
So I say all that to say I don't think Tick Tock is a bad platform.
I do think, however, our brains have kind of been warped for a while now.
This was far before Tick Tock was even a thing.

(09:21):
Like we can we can go way back into the social media basket.
And I think that now things are just like I I find myself and I can't speak for the younger generation.
Maybe they've mastered it because it's something that they've had their entire lives.
But as a millennial and older millennial at that, like, well, I say older millennial, there are millennials much older, but

(09:46):
Elderly millennials.
I'm in that middle millennial, I guess.
I am we grew up without that.
So like it didn't really become prevalent in our lives, at least until we were teenagers.
And maybe even older teenagers at that, like it wasn't like I mean, we had AOL chats and stuff like that.

(10:07):
What's your ASL age, sex and location?
We was 12 years old chatting.
30 danger zone danger.
We were all in danger.
While you in danger, girl, all of us in danger.
Just maybe the pedophile.
That's why the pedophiles were so bad back in the day.
That's why people was like, we can't touch children anymore.

(10:29):
No, it was never a great thing.
You mean we can't groom them in chat rooms?
She showed up in the chat room.
I'm sorry, Doja.
I'm sorry.
I love you, Doja Cat, but still.

(10:52):
We know what you're doing anyways.
I say all that rambling, short story long.
I do miss it.
And to the people who still get to benefit from it, continue to create your art, create your things.
And yeah, who knows what will happen?

(11:17):
We'll see what happens in the future.
But as of right now, for me personally, I don't think this is the worst thing.
There's so many other things that I know that I need to focus on.
And I know last week we were talking about procrastination and distractions, which I want to kind of revisit a little bit more in this episode, because I feel like we had so much top shelf that we didn't give it as just due.
But yeah, sometimes it's just good to enjoy the outside again.

(11:44):
But there's nothing wrong with TikTok inside because it brings a lot of people joy and it's brought a lot of people community.
So do what makes you happy, because that's what happened at the end of the day.
Yes, God, I'm definitely one of those that it brought enjoyment to all the time.
What about you, friend? How was your week?

(12:04):
My week has been great, actually.
I want to dare I say better since TikTok has been like gone.
So I have two phones right now.
So I deleted it off my phone, especially after TikTok came up with that message talking about President Trump is doing his best to make the app come back.

(12:28):
I got pissed off and deleted it off my phone.
Friend, that's what got me. I was like, let me let me get this stuff out of here.
Yep. But since I like just switched to the iPhone, it was still on my Android.
So when it came back, I was still on there.
And then they had another fucked up message said, thanks to President Trump.
I'm going to bleep that name out because I said it twice and I made a promise to myself not to say that name ever again.

(12:52):
Thanks. Thanks to the specimen.
We're back for another however many days to redact it.
Yes, we're back.
They out there with them goddamn ATVs.
I heard them that time too. They was loud.
They out there with the motherfucking ATVs again.
Where the fuck have you all been all day while the sun was shining?
My God, today.

(13:13):
Okay. Color is recording.
And one of the pictures I sent you last night, did you see them?
They were in a couple of them, actually.
I didn't see. I was just enjoying.
Y'all got hella snow.
Yeah, it was the first time I almost busted my ass at the end of that driveway because it sloped down.

(13:33):
I was like, thank you, Jesus, because I would have been sick had I failed and dropped that damn camera.
I would have been sick. You hear me?
But it was good.
So since TikTok, I do want to say I was trying to work on my routine.

(13:56):
I didn't realize how much a part of that social media was.
TikTok especially, because that's one of the first things I was just kind of looking at.
And I picked up my phone and I'm like, shit, I ain't got nothing to look at.
I might as well get my ass up out of the bed, except for today.
Today, I will sleep all goddamn day.

(14:17):
I know I'm rambling a little bit.
If y'all need a sleep aid, Ashwagandha will put your ass to sleep.
Now, I recommend taking a shit in the daytime, like in the morning, and you'll sleep great that night.
My dumb ass took it at like 830 last night.
And I was just, I woke up for a little bit and then I went my ass back to sleep.

(14:39):
And I've been sleeping all goddamn day and it's 8 o'clock now.
This week has actually been, it's just kind of been chill.
When it comes to TV, I talked to y'all a little bit about Castlevania last week,
because I am super obsessed with that show and I've watched it two more times since.
But also, why ain't nobody tell me there was a new Sailor Moon movie on Netflix?

(15:00):
So I knew, first of all, I was obsessed with Sailor Moon as a child.
I knew that there was a Sailor Moon Crystal, which was the reboot of the original,
and everything was just like the original.
They sped it up a little bit, but it was still great.
Then I get on there and saw this Sailor Moon Cosmos movie on there.

(15:23):
What a whole bunch of other Sailor Scouts that I didn't even know existed ever.
Not only that, half them bitches was evil.
And it was three new Sailor Scouts.
What was their name?
They were like Star Scouts or something.
It was like Sailor Star this, Sailor Star that.
It was three of them.

(15:44):
You already know when they transform, they take forever to fucking transform.
And it's all like this beautiful bad bitch scenery when they're transforming.
Tell me why when these bitches transformed, they was tap dancing.
I ain't never seen that shit like that before.
They were like Sailor Star.

(16:06):
Bray, you sent me that almost like, is these bitches river dancing?
What is going on?
They took me out of here.
It was great.
That was the best.
That was the best.
I don't know how long that movie been on Netflix, but I'm just upset.

(16:28):
Ain't nobody tell me it was there.
When it comes to music, I've kind of just been letting Spotify play a little bit for
me.
So I ran into a couple of new people.
One of them, I don't know how new this man is because I was looking at his Spotify and
some of his songs were like, they were up there in listen count.

(16:52):
His name is JMSN.
Yeah, so I didn't know how long he'd been around on them.
Bray, I had mentioned him a few weeks back.
Did you?
Yes.
I thought you mentioned him in Kate.
So he was the one.
Well, he pronounces it JMSN.
JMSN.
He's the one that made that song that was popular on TikTok.

(17:13):
That was, oh God, it was like a remake of like a 90 songs.
Yes, one of JD's old songs.
Yep.
Yep.
And a lot of his music is super good though.
Yes, it is.
So I saw that one that you're talking about.

(17:35):
Listen, kept listening.
Wonderful.
There's another lady called Precious Peppala.
She has a song called Sunday Morning.
She doesn't have a whole lot of music, but her music is pretty good too.
I think you might actually like her.
I wouldn't necessarily say Neal Soul-ish, but she's a singer.

(17:58):
And then there is a group.
I don't think I mentioned them all here at all.
They're actually a part of the whole quality control label or management situation.
Their name is the Boykins and they're country artists.
The first time I seen them was a music video for Fell in Love with a Cowboy.

(18:22):
Absolutely love that song.
Absolutely love it.
It's not a traditional, it's country hip hop song.
Love it.
Love it.
What's Shibuzy be doing?
Kind of like what Shibuzy be doing.
Okay.
Yes.
And I don't think the country thing is like a stick or gimmick for them.

(18:44):
Almost like Shibuzy, I feel like that's just their, they enjoy country music.
That's their thing.
And I like that a lot.
But as far as music, that's kind of where I've been.
I've just been letting it play.
Anything else happen this week?
Oh, also there's another song I want y'all to check out.

(19:08):
It has tickled me so bad and I go back and play it just to laugh at it.
So first of all, shout out to Shante Moore.
Shante Moore is the OG petty chick.
Now I'm speaking to my older millennials for the new kids.
I need y'all to get into this too.
Shante had a song called Shante's Got a Man at Home and He's So Good to Me.

(19:33):
The entire song she's dragging all her friends.
She's dragging the shit.
In the video she's, I'm sorry that your man ain't home.
It's so petty, but she's also got another song called Bitter.
Y'all, please.

(19:55):
Friend, were those songs on the same album?
No, I think.
I was about to say that's crazy.
Because you just read those.
I think that was an album before.
She said, I hate your dog.

(20:18):
I've never heard anybody sing the word nigga so pretty in my life.
I hate your smile, nigga.
Every word of it.
Every single, listen y'all, please get into that.
That song had tickled me real bad.
Shout out to Shante Moore.
Still also being fine at her good old age.

(20:41):
She's somewhere in her 50s, I think, I'm pretty sure.
Damn, we getting old.
Yeah, yeah.
Bitch, did you know Sinbad was in a wheelchair?
I did not know that.
That's sad.
We getting old for real.
Listen, you know what?
I'm okay.
We getting older.

(21:02):
I am okay.
We getting older.
I welcome it.
I welcome it.
I'm in my, what do they call it?
The TTH?
I'm an auntie.
I'm okay with that.
I'm okay with that.
Me too.
I'm going to do a very, very light top shelf because I'm tickled and I'm going to stay

(21:24):
on the theme of music.
What you at?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Before you do that, I got one more song by Dave Blunt.
It's called The Cup.
I don't know if y'all had heard of that.

(21:45):
The song and video brought me so much joy and not in a, oh my God, this song is so beautiful.
I love this song type of way.
I do love the song, but only because it's hilarious.
The video is also fucking hilarious.
It is great.
Like as a-
I'm not.

(22:06):
I'm not.
No, because I'm not even making fun of him.
His whole existence has brought me so much joy and that's all I'm going to say.
It's obvious he's not taking himself super seriously.

(22:28):
I think he does.
I think he does.
No.
Well, even if he does, I think he's doing a great job at what he's doing.
I'm definitely not going to be a hater.
It's funny as fuck though.

(22:49):
I'm going to be a hater.
I'm so tired of this new rap.
I'm so tired of y'all niggas.
The beat be over here and y'all be over here.
That is true.
I don't know where that came from.
I don't either.
It makes me crazy.
Or how that didn't make y'all dizzy when y'all started it.
Because that shit, you listen to it and it's like you get vertigo or some shit.

(23:12):
You're like, what's happening?
The beat is over here.
Yes.
But yeah, I just wanted to make a quick mention of that.
He's being messy y'all, but you know what?
Let's mosey on over the top shelf speaking of fucking music and musicians.

(23:44):
Very quickly, very quickly.
I don't even know where to start.
So 2025 came out like a crackhead.
2025 literally came out like Wanda.
Specifically the part where she was like, bless her.

(24:05):
That's how this year's come out.
To Roseanne Barmanage, you could not have told me 20 years ago, 25 years ago, whenever

(24:35):
that hell it was longer than that.
Cause that show came out in the eighties.
I knew Roseanne was a racist.
We've seen that over the last several years, probably the last decade.
Didn't she get on Ambien and start saying the N word or some shit?
She started doing all kinds of crazy shit for like, I'm not even joking.

(24:57):
She baked some cookies.
She was just fighting her sleep.
And now she's rapping.
She got box braids.
She already got two strands of hair.
I hope no motherfuckers pull all of her hair out.

(25:19):
She's sitting there with this song and it's just like, what dimension did we lift off?
Where did we go?
Cause somewhere something happened and I want to know what happened cause I don't feel like
I'm in the same thing that I once was in.
And it's just like, when like it's given, like she is no like, Onika, you know, she's

(25:45):
been extremely problematic.
She's no longer the most problematic female rapper.
Now it's Roseanne Bar.
And she said, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick, Nick,
Nick.
And then-
And then that started off as satire, like none of this even seems real.
It's just-
It feels like I'm in a-
This is a movie.

(26:06):
Yeah.
And then Snoop Dogg and Nelly, in the words of they Susan Mero back when they used to
have their show, we need to have a, what are they used to call it?
An emergency black meeting.
We, hey, specifically Snoop, because Snoop showed his ass so bad about these other niggas

(26:29):
said, they was cooning and stuff when they was doing shit for Trump.
Hey, what, what, what are you doing?
Which to be fair-
Hey, what's going on?
What's going on?
It's Snoop has been problematic before.
And it's like, now I don't know what to say.
This nigga is really sitting here, rapping for the opps, rapping for the opps, trying

(26:52):
to get at you.
Like what is, what is happening?
And Nelly.
Yeah.
That was, that one actually took me.
Well, that was, I was so surprised.
I was shocked.
I was like, what?
Love comes and I, me comes, Nelly I, love comes.

(27:14):
Out of everybody that it was, it was, it was Nelly, Snoop Dogg and Soulja Boy and Rick
Ross.
Right?
Yep.
Yep.
And Nelly and Rick Ross were probably the ones I was most surprised by doing that.
Yeah.
And the only thing I want from this, to be honest, I want them to get treated the same

(27:35):
way Chrisette Michelle got treated.
Cause when I see Hansel, Chrisette Michelle got, baby, have we heard anything from her?
She popped up on the Terrell show and talked about that.
And that was really sad to hear.
And I still, I still, I said that before.
I was like, y'all didn't have all that same smoke for Steve Harvey when he took his ass
up there the first time he wasn't performing, but he wanted to have a meeting with Trump

(27:57):
on behalf of the blacks.
And they ain't nobody asked you to speak on behalf of us.
Like what?
Of all people you, you wanted to be the spokesperson.
Okay.
I, I, yeah, I just need that same treatment that she got.
Cause she got obliterated.
I need that same treatment that she got for everybody else that, that did what they did.

(28:22):
It's just golly peaks is and a crazy thing is seeing what happened to her.
Why would you do that?
And why?
Cause there was no nothing.
So what happened to her?
Nothing would have made me go.
I would have hung up that phone so fast.
We know men get different treatment, so we do.

(28:47):
And this is, this is, I mean, niggas is clowning them.
I mean, as they should, this is, this is absolutely insane and ridiculous, but you know what?
If anything, if anything, it just, I think people forget that at the end of the day,
these people are still rich before they're anything else.
They will oftentimes forget their blackness over their richness, even though they are
absolutely black over their richness, but at the end of the day, it's about that bag.

(29:11):
And what did Maya Angelou say?
When someone showed you who they are, when someone showed you who they are, believe.
Think about it.

(29:38):
Mmm-hmm.
Cute.
She said she was a building uppercut.
That, that's right!
And yeah, I gap out.

(29:58):
Oh god, I'm crying!
Oh god, I'm crying.
Oh my stomach!
Oh

(30:19):
Oh
Oh
Oh
Stomach oh god, oh god

(31:03):
Oh
Oh
Shit boy that took me out of here. Oh, I feel like I've been doing crunches

(31:28):
Oh god, okay, I'm so sorry y'all
Oh
Oh shit, that was a good ass laugh
So, yeah, um
It's not being uh, it's not uh so hard being snoop d-o-double-g anymore. It's so hard

(31:52):
It's not you know what? So make your money sell sell your soul
So whatever well, you know, whatever it is that you want to you know do it at this point
It's whatever it it's what it's whatever I I
I genuinely am at a place of like

(32:13):
Roseanne bark and keep that stinking ass musty ass rap whatever that was
Because it was terrible. It was terrible
Um, I just saw the clips of it. The clips that I seen was terrible. Like it was
Yeah, I don't know what type of punk rap that I don't know what that was. Um, that's a crap

(32:34):
I guess so
That's another bleep that got happening
Ask for them them other four niggas. You know what do what you want to do? Fuck it. Um, just the way everybody remembers
Keep that same energy you had for chrisette. Yep
Because her her life was her career was ruined
It literally was like they ended that bitch. So like yes

(33:00):
Yeah, but that's it for top shelf y'all
Now that we done with top shelf let's get into the the question of the week
The question of the week from last week
All right, still crying over there. I'm sorry this

(33:27):
Just in real life when I get tickled
It it it wants something done flipped inside and I just can't make it stop I keep trying but it keeps replaying

(33:48):
All right, whoo whoo side
You know back who saw
All right
So the question was how much of my life has been shaped by the expectation of others
versus my own authentic desires
And
I'll go i'll go first with this one. So when it comes to this specific question

(34:13):
I feel like ever since I was little there was some type of like people pleasing mechanism
I feel I feel like I want to call it like the good kid syndrome almost
There was this people pleasing mechanism that was instilled. So not only that
I wanted to make most everybody around me happy or comfortable
Yeah, but I could also see like we weren't rich growing up so I could see that like my parents didn't have no one no like money

(34:41):
Like they did they got me things they got me what they could I actually feel like I had a great childhood
but there were all also points in time where I realized like they're
They can't afford this they're working all the time
This thing that i'm asking for is unaffordable and it would be unfair for me to like
Burden them or try to make them feel bad for not being able to get me

(35:04):
something, you know
So there would even be certain times like I won't ask for this specific thing
I won't ask to go to this place
I kind of fell into a uh, I fell into a place of making life easier for those
around me
So when it comes to this question specifically
I feel like almost my entire existence up to a certain point was shaped

(35:29):
by the desires of others
And not necessarily saying they didn't want anything for me, but I also
I felt like I would try to place their needs
Above what it was that I wanted
Like if I don't get this thing is you know, it's cool
Everybody doing what they got to do. You know, everybody got a part to play. I'm not gonna make no big

(35:50):
No big deal about it
So in this particular instance, I honestly want to say
I didn't get to
Really experience my authentic self until
My like later 20s or 30s
This is like where the coming out of a closet thing

(36:11):
Started like took shape in itself and I became more of
What what I believe Atticus is
And I only believe in like the past two or three years
It's gotten really bad to a point where like the boundaries have come into place
And you already know I'm a little bit a little bit crazy

(36:32):
With the boundaries and I might be going overboard sometimes we got to be able to
Work that out
But I think it's so severe
That if I even feel like you're infringing upon me
And what I am like bitch, you can get the fuck you can get up out of here. I don't want nothing. I don't I don't have to

(36:53):
Experience you
We ain't got to be in each other's face. I ain't got to hate you
But I don't want nothing to do with you because you you're not finna take away
From me who I am and already know like how
Easy it is for me to shrink into the background in certain situations. So I'm not gonna put myself in the situation to

(37:14):
To come outside of Atticus for you or anybody else if that makes any sense at all, I'd be rambling y'all. I'm sorry
My thoughts may not have been cohesive, but
You know what the fuck I'm talking about?
No, that makes that makes perfect sense to me and in
That makes just perfect sense in general. I think a lot of people
suffer from that where it's like, you know

(37:37):
I'm so used to like
not
Shaking the table or troubling the waters that
Like once I I find myself. I don't really know
I don't know
Like I don't know when too much is too much or when too little is too less so it's like okay that that fine line

(38:01):
Um, but I love that friend. I love that friend. Thank you for sharing that that's
That's
About what this episode is about vulnerability. So thank you for being vulnerable and opening up about that
I would say quite a bit of my life for the same reasons as yours

(38:21):
Sorry, y'all I didn't laugh myself into a damn
frog in my throat, but um
I would say, you know, I
I think we talked about this maybe the first episode of season two. Um about how
You know, I I when I did my diss test now
I found out I was more empathetic and steady and I kind of am in a routine. I'm not

(38:45):
I'm a creature of habit if you will I think it there's like this conditioning. That's a place
Where it's like, you know, especially the oldest girl child syndrome if
To the to the oldest girl child women in here. You understand what I'm saying?
like it's the
If nobody else pulls through then I have to do it

(39:06):
um
And that's hard because you kind of just you take on that second motherly role and it's like, okay
I'm going to fix it. I'm going to to make it better. I'm going to do this and
It gets a bit overwhelming. You find yourself
Like in in my case, you know, we talked about this before, you know that resentment where it's like

(39:27):
I didn't put myself first in this situation or
um
You know, I did something and it didn't benefit me the way I I wanted it to
And now there's been negative effects and i'm upset with myself because I knew ultimately the decision was mine to make
You know and you try to be empathetic and understanding but my therapist told me something
I think I shared this before but i'll share it again because it was such a like a

(39:55):
Moment, but she was like, you know, you can't allow your
your
Empathy to be greater than your boundaries
and
I don't know that kind of just it sticks with me because it's like, you know, there there is
No, it's a complete sentence
And you have to not be afraid of of no's sometimes

(40:18):
And it's just like I I look at all the things that you know
I I do take on and that I have taken on that maybe wasn't my full responsibility or maybe wasn't my responsibility at all
and you know
That woulda coulda shoulda doesn't mean anything
um
So I would say it shaped a good bit of my life
I'm in the process of working myself out of that now to just really stand in my own light because i've had plenty of selfish moments

(40:45):
Now i'm not gonna sit here in line and say that I have not I have had plenty of self selfish moments where i'm like
You know what? Fuck all y'all i'm finna do me
but I think
What particularly made those moments not truly authentic was because the the actual motive was like fuck all y'all
I'ma do me it wasn't it wasn't an authentic moment

(41:05):
I'ma do me it wasn't it wasn't in a place of like kindness or
Just to myself, you know what i'm saying? It was just like
Or being just to myself, you know having justice of self rather like it was
it was
Retaliate what is it retaliatory? I think that's a word. Yeah, um
And it's like I

(41:26):
I don't suck up
Yeah, it's like, you know, i'ma just pull back and i'ma do me and it's like, you know, if you're gonna do you
Make sure it's for the right reasons. There's development. There's growth
There's rest because sometimes you don't always have to do you and there be productivity in that sometimes you can just rest and do you
So, I mean, I feel like i'm kind of half and half on that. I'm getting better with it. Um

(41:50):
And just trusting myself and my decisions more so
I would say
I would say i've settled but I
Also have done a lot of good in that settling so I wouldn't take it back like there's there's no point in taking it back again
I'm not a woulda coulda shoulda bitch anymore that resentment been tearing my ass up
The main cause of my depression and I I just can't it's done

(42:13):
It's done. So now it's like how do I shape what what is to go forward? Like how do I shape my life going forward?
um
So, yeah, i've settled in bottled
up a lot more times than I would like to admit that I have but
I've been selfish a lot more times than I'd like to admit that I have so now i'm in this middle ground of seeking

(42:37):
This this this uh balance if you will true balance of self
That's beautiful for you
That is beautiful lord knows I feel
I feel that fuck y'all part because
been
Been real heavy on that lately be on that luke james

(42:58):
Fuck you
That's somebody else who's song it that's so pretty and they were just singing crazy shit
What you say?
And you can leave with any what he said you can leave with everything you came with fuck you
As the ad lib in the background
I forgot what he said in the second verse, but that shit had tickled me so bad. I was like, oh this nigga hates you, bitch

(43:22):
He hates you
Let's move on into the into the main topic for today vulnerability
Why you do the sponge body
Rainbow hands um, so I think this topic is an interesting one because

(43:46):
Vulnerability is truly like the achilles heel
Humanity, I don't know why this is a thing like it's such a big thing to be vulnerable, which the older I get the more vulnerable
I think it's like
Um, I don't want to be hard all the time. I don't want to not be open. I want to experience new things

(44:07):
I want to feel new things and I feel like that literally comes from being vulnerable being open
not being afraid and taking chances and
Also, there's this other side of vulnerability
That's the other side of vulnerability
You close off and people can't be who they truly are. Um, you know, it's it's so many different ways to look at

(44:33):
how
Not being vulnerable can not only affect your life
But deter you from a lot of the things that you're trying to achieve because some part of you is closed off or you you're trying to
You're trying to get away from your life
But deter you from a lot of the things that you're trying to achieve because some part of you is closed off where you you shut down

(44:54):
Or I don't want to do this or I die. One of my favorite scenarios is um
There was like this running gag that like black men could take over gymnastics if they didn't consider it gay
and
I think about that all the time. It's like as soon as the nigga put on some tights
Anything he can't drink fruity drinks. He can't put on tights. He can't do this. He can't enjoy life. They can't yeah

(45:17):
it's like it's gay and
Atticus and I were having a conversation about uh, uh
Something he saw where a question was posed, you know, should boys
um
Get pink things. What was what was like the whole thing? Like pink toys? Yeah pink toys and it's like
Okay. So what if the kid is an artist like first of all, I just want to stop and say this

(45:39):
Because y'all forget this quite often
And I I shouldn't even have to say this because it's dumb but this okay, hear me out
You know what makes you gay?
Fucking other dude
That's what makes you gay I don't I don't understand how like

(46:00):
Oh, he he dresses sassy. He might just have style
That could be a thing take pink for it. I don't know what pink was
But pink even going back to like who was that? Rick James?
Their style was very um
Flamboyant very flamboyant. It was very different from from what the norm was

(46:22):
Every last one of y'all granddaddy was in question. Yeah, every last one of your granddaddies had
long jerry curl perm
They had
At the pinky they had heels on their motherfuckers wasn't platforms. They had on yeah pure
Six inch heels with they moose knuckle abound just all you seeing was big

(46:45):
Balls like nobody business
Balled up ass tight leather pants
Doing shit like that and they'll still stab you and take your bitch like
I I just
I just

(47:05):
God
Cut your like it's
It's so
It's it's so I don't even have the words for it. Like it's so
exhausting and
I feel like vulnerability is probably at least in my humble opinion
When I think of like the things that truly allow growth i'm gonna put vulnerability

(47:29):
Not just in the top five but in the top three
I feel like that is like in the top of things that allow you to actually grow and enjoy
Life in a very authentic to self manner the way it should be like you shouldn't try to be anyone else
You shouldn't try to
I'm gonna say this and then i'm gonna pass it over to addy

(47:51):
Kev on stage shout out to kev on stage. I enjoy all his stuff
He said something that I saw. I don't know if it was tiktok or instagram
It was something recent recently he posted on but he was like
Stop focusing on your weakness so much and enhance your strengths
And I was like
Okay, let's see where he's going with this because you know you you want to focus on your weaknesses to make yourself better

(48:16):
But what he essentially was saying
Was that we get so caught up?
In trying to be this all-around thing
Versus being the very best thing at what we are
And he was like you can't be authentic to self and give the world true
self
If you're like all over you know what i'm saying like you're you're not you're not gathered

(48:41):
Yeah, you're not actually focusing on that thing that makes you great
and I
Think it's just because we have this constant need to feel things and when I say feel not
Feel if irl to feel things like we need to
Put something here. We need to put something there and then we got to do this and we got to do that and then

(49:03):
And it's just like how about you be great at what you're great at now. You can be multifaceted
That's not always as fun as it seems though because as I said
multifaceted individual with adhd
scatterbrain bitch i be
scatterbrained
So it's good to like hone in on the things that make you great and understand that everybody ain't gonna like it

(49:29):
Not gonna be everybody's fave
But the vulnerability to just put yourself out there and continue to do because you love it is what matters
And that goes for everything in life
Okay, so what if the nigga is gay or what if the woman is gay or what if like y'all be worried about the wrong shit
let people live so

(49:50):
Honestly, so we can all have a better quality of life because the thing is when you oppress
any certain group
There's always going to be this tug and that's what I feel like a lot of people are realizing this or
Not realizing rather is that it's this thing to where we're like, you know republicans for instance like
I don't understand why they're always upset about this and we don't want they're just pushing this on us

(50:12):
We wouldn't have to fight so hard to push anything on us
If you would just give us the bare necessities and leave us the fuck alone
and the other thing with that
That specific thing is
Nothing is being pushed on you. It exists
Like the existence of it to you is is irritating you for some reason
Like you're starting to see things on tv

(50:34):
Not that those things haven't always existed
You just haven't seen them on you haven't seen those stories being told on tv or being told in music
Not not for the masses to see anyway. So now that it is okay and you see those things
Now it's something being pushed on you. Nothing. Nothing is being pushed on you. You don't have to watch
And the fact that you don't acknowledge that people exist doesn't mean that they don't exist. They're there

(50:59):
They're likely there in your circle of people
You just don't know
Why because they can't be vulnerable with you. Hello, they can't tell you
They can't tell you because they know how you
are so
As a gay man all
Of my fellow gay men know

(51:20):
Our theme song should be
If your girl only knew that should be our thing that should be the theme song not not even just for gay men for gay men
in general because as a gay man, there's so
much
Of some of the stuff that we had to deal with comes from

(51:41):
Straight people or people that are just not out of the closet people who can't be authentic to themselves people who can't be authentic
They can't be vulnerable in that way
so
A lot of us have been involved with those people who are your friends
Who you would never think that were this way, but they are and it's okay

(52:01):
And you can like try to tell them that it's okay to be that way
But they're not going to listen to you because because they've been shut down
They've been shut down either by someone in their life very early on in life
And it didn't even have to be a direct shutdown. This could have been some shit that happened
That they just witnessed
Happened to somebody else that deterred them

(52:23):
From from being who they could be
So now they have to live with this turmoil. I'm sorry. I went on a ranch
I'm always talking. I need you to talk
When it when it comes to vulnerability for me, I feel like vulnerability is based more off of

(52:43):
Trust and somewhat safety
If that makes sense like you have people who are just not out of the closet
If that makes sense like you have people who are
Who are just innately very bold?
Don't give a fuck what nobody think
I feel like it's a lot easier for this type this personality type to be more vulnerable and be open and just be who they are

(53:06):
Altogether and not care what anybody has to say about it because that's just who they are in their core
right, then you have people who are not quite as
People who are more more timid if the environment isn't made safe and this is coming from
Like my own personal experience
If the environment doesn't seem to be a safe environment and again

(53:27):
It doesn't have to be anything that directly is said or done to you. This can be shit that you've heard
Said or done around you
About a situation that may be similar. So this would deter you from being from being vulnerable
With some of the people you should probably be vulnerable with I feel like

(53:48):
Even as a kid if you were to tell an adult something and they like betrayed your trust
What do you think happens from that point on or even as an adult?
You tell somebody something and they betray your trust. What happens you shut down?
You can't be vulnerable
With them anymore and I also believe this breeds kind of like that cold standoffish

(54:10):
Thing that happens within relationships sometimes like I can't communicate with you
effectively so I kind of just
Don't really communicate much at all
Sorry
Okay
Like I just don't trust you enough to communicate with you would love to it just doesn't work that way
I want to challenge you on that

(54:32):
personally
One of my favorite things is the biggest risk you can take is to not take a risk at all
That's true
I think they're so we're that fine line meets
Fine line meets is
Because I love that you mentioned safety because that's oops. Sorry. I hit my mic y'all
Safety is a

(54:53):
A big especially when you are more conscious and aware and you move and navigate differently
Safety is a very big thing for you
I'll tell anybody a part of coming out is choosing your happiness over your safety
Because
You know, we we we know the battle that that takes place between the two

(55:17):
but there's a fine line of like
Being safe and being too safe and not taking that risk and it's like
It's it's it's
It's like
I don't want to be hurt right because that safety is just protection

(55:38):
Like I don't want to be hurt
I don't want to have to go through this because I don't want to have to deal with the healing process
Um, like we understand cause of cause and effect, especially as you get older like it's like, okay
If I go through this this is going to lead to this which is going to lead to this which is going to lead to this
But at the same time it's like am I too safe?
What am I preventing?

(55:59):
myself from gaining
Because i'm so reserved that the ship left without me
So I just want to try that was a word. Um, that was a little bit more open. Um
I'm trying i'm in I would say that i'm at least in the space to
To try to be open to being open

(56:20):
If that makes sense
Like um, there there are certain parts of me that i'm just kind of ready to to deal with face wrestle with
And just get them over so I can move
Yeah, move forward
Forward
So there's definitely
There's definitely that happening which is also a dangerous game to play too because when you shut

(56:45):
I'm gonna say something and some of y'all not gonna like what i'm about to say
I'm not gonna fully like what i'm about to say you cannot shut down when there are other people involved
Hear hear me out. This is where like true emotional intelligent has to kick in
Because when you're now i'm not saying a dress shit right away because adikas and I have talked about this before
Sometimes it's good to hold your peace until you know that you are in your right mind before you start talking

(57:10):
Because ain't nobody we're not doing this yelling and da da da da
Um, we're not doing no back and forth unless we can talk like adults
um
But when you're dealing with another person
In any type of relationship platonic romantic, whatever
Shutting down and just completely

(57:30):
Now and there's caveats of this
Here's caveats of this
shutting down
and
just like
Not looking for a solution. So just like there i'm done. I have mixed emotions on that
I feel like it's not fair to both parties because you
A lot of the times things could be talked through

(57:52):
um
but caveats
depends on the person
Depends on the situation because i'm not one for repeating myself at this good old age anymore
I'm not going to keep telling you something bothers me or something upsets me or this is a problem
I'm not going to keep we're going and going and why are we doing this over and over and over again? I'm not doing this

(58:14):
Over and over again, i'm not doing this

(58:37):
I'm sorry y'all that's that's that's just hella fun for me. But um
Um, yeah, we're not we're not going to keep going in circles. We're not gonna i'm not going to keep explaining myself
I'm not gonna more importantly, i'm not going to allow you to keep playing in my face and hurting my feelings
So that's why I say there's caveats because sometimes it's absolutely okay to shut

(58:57):
And it's not shutting down because if you and here's the thing if you've explained
And you've had this conversation
I guess what i'm saying is this there needs to be the allowance of a conversation at least once
And if you want to go twice depending on who it is, cool because you know, sometimes we give
More leeway to like loved ones family members spouses stuff like that
but at third time this is where I think

(59:20):
Atticus situation comes in because now I don't want to be vulnerable with you anymore. I don't want to be open with you anymore
Because we've done this and you're intentionally hurting me even after i've told you otherwise
and
Now for me, it's like, okay?
We're done. It's the we're closing curtains. It's that that's it. It's a wrap finito. I don't

(59:46):
I'm no, no, we're not we're not doing this and i'm not going to let you play in my face anymore
No, because you you said a thing
You can't uh, you can't shut down when other people are involved and I will definitely say
I've been selfish in that fact like bitch
Fuck out my face like
I will I will shut down in the heartbeat. This is

(01:00:08):
Definitely a character flaw that I can recognize within myself
and
Even like I wouldn't say just character flaw. I would say
It's uh, it's like a built-to-end safety mechanism. Yeah at that point just to kind of shut to shut down and shut the door
There was one

(01:00:30):
there was one one person at one point in time
told me
I was mad at him
For something. I can't even remember why I was bad at him, but he was like see that's that's your problem
You don't never
You don't allow nobody
To come in and like to help you and help calm you down and do all he wasn't lying

(01:00:57):
I ain't want to hear that shit right then
He wasn't he wasn't lying
Like once the once once it's gotten there and that's another thing. That's my fault is letting it get
Get there
Yes, because i'm a firm believer now that you you teach people how to treat you
So if you put up with something one too many times and you just kind of

(01:01:18):
You know, let it let it go. They're just gonna keep going with whatever that thing is
So once i hadn't done reached this point, it's like bitch. Fuck you
You know, no, you can't I don't want to hear nothing else because at this point i'm i'm at my end
I didn't tell you even though it was my fault that i'm here in the beginning. Yeah
so
So yeah, you was you you was right you right on about that one

(01:01:40):
I'm gonna have to write that down on my list of shit to talk about
It's um
It's it's it's it's not it's not easy. It's just it's a consideration factor, right? Like taking other people's feeling into consideration
Even and the hardest part is even if they don't take yours into consideration, right?
Because if you as long as you do your due diligence as long as you do your part

(01:02:01):
Then you have peace with it. I did my part
Mm-hmm. You wanted to be a clown. So fuck you join the circus. I don't care. I did my part. I tried
um
And then that I think that's where you know, we have to make it. Okay now it's time to separate. I'm not
I'm not doing that. Um
So, yeah, I I think

(01:02:23):
I think
I think the thing about vulnerability because I want to go back to something that you talked about
I think it was last week where you were saying like
Doubting yourself and like feeling, you know inadequate, you know, like oh I
I'm just Atticus, you know, like I think that's what my ability issue too because it's like

(01:02:44):
Why not put yourself out there?
Who else is gonna put you out there if you don't put yourself out there?
just because and going back to what you said there, so
Atticus knows this about me. I'm not a believer of like whooping my child
and
So he was talking about me being a soft parent now. Don't give me don't get twisted. I raise hell

(01:03:09):
I have other methods of discipline, but
I thought of
about something when it comes to what you just said about you know, children trusting you and so on and so forth
If anybody need to catch hands, it's adults
Think about this children are
Learning this is the time that they need to be vulnerable to discover who they are so they can be

(01:03:32):
The their best selves in their adulthood, right?
Being molded
Right when you discipline your children
Right when you discipline your children over crazy shit stupid shit
um
we were talking about this when the whole peak thing and like
Atticus mentioned influence and how that affects certain things and like I said, there's good influence and negative influence

(01:03:59):
like
all it takes especially from a parent is for a child to hear one thing or be
Disciplined in it while they're learning children are learning now. I'm not saying some kids ain't bad because some kids is bad as hell
Hell yeah
Other methods to disciplining those children. I at least I personally believe um

(01:04:20):
but when it comes to like
I don't know it's something about the whole
Not allowing kids to be themselves
that bothers me because it's like
Y'all really be caught up on the wrong shit and it's like we don't we don't allow people to just be

(01:04:44):
Um
And this includes kids because they're in
that developmental stage so while they're in that developmental stage like the
the whole part of them being vulnerable
Is it's literally this is like a very
Major part of their existence at the current moment because they're figuring shit out
You got to think about this. They don't know anything yet as adults

(01:05:07):
We know a lot more than what we did as kids obviously
We've experienced more we've lived more life that development robbing them of that development robbing them of that vulnerability
Like I said boys can't be in gymnastics or they can't do ballet because it's gay or
Girls can't play basketball because it's gay
It's some bad bitches right now in the w i'm talking about fine is hell and reese prime example

(01:05:32):
She's as straight as aero like she just loves basketball. It's like imagine if her mom had told her that shit
You know what i'm saying?
Imagine
We have to stop
allowing people to not be themselves because
We weren't vulnerable or our parents weren't whatever it is

(01:05:54):
And and that's conditioning because addicts and I talk about conditioning conditioning is the damn devil
Because we get in our mind that something is a certain way and i'm not saying that applies to everything but to most things
And it doesn't really allow us to expand
And i'm i'm rambling now, but i'm gonna wrap it up and say no, that's so true. So talking about expansion. I feel like

(01:06:19):
One of the greatest things that I ever allowed myself was to not be just vulnerable in learning
But vulnerable in unlearning
That is a process within itself, right because
There is a different type of vulnerability in unlearning something that you've been taught
Is the way things are supposed to be your entire life

(01:06:41):
And that's hard
It is very hard because and then a lot of times you realize
Damn, what did i'm again going back to what I was saying earlier? What did I miss out on that same thing goes?
With learning and unlearning like what did I miss out on because I pretty much robbed myself
of
of
change and

(01:07:03):
The vulnerability that comes with that because everybody's not gonna like it
But everybody is in you and they don't get to live this life that you live
We don't know what happens after death. We have thoughts we have ideas
Heaven hell reincarnation all this stuff. You ain't dead yet. So you don't know
Who knows after this the the energy could just disperse back in the air and and that's it all black curtains closed
We don't know

(01:07:24):
So what are you doing actively to avoid?
Not being present
in real time
And in order to be present in real time, you have to be open and vulnerable in order to really be able to
Be open and vulnerable in order to really truly be your best

(01:07:45):
Free self whatever that looks like
What life is a year as long as you're alive, you're learning you're growing you're experiencing. That's okay
Again, what did I say earlier the biggest risk you could take us to not take a risk at all
If you fail, fuck it fail forward keep going if you fail, that's okay. We get so caught up in our head about

(01:08:05):
Failure and that goes back to the discipline and procrastination conversation that we were having last week
a lot of the times
Again, because we we feel a certain way and we want to do things a certain way
We just want to do things the way we want to do things
It's just like I don't want to have to deal
With the emotions that comes with that
And one of the biggest emotions that comes with that is vulnerability putting yourself out there putting yourself in the forefront

(01:08:30):
And and we just shut down and it's like, okay
well
If I fail then I fail and then we procrastinate and then we just don't ever do it and then because tomorrow is tomorrow
And then the next day and the next day and the next day and then again that cycle
There's always a cycle going on until you break it once you break it
Then you can actually live the life that we were destined to live

(01:08:54):
I feel that's that's another reason. I don't want to say this is a black person thing. I really don't
but
You you have probably been like the biggest advocate for therapy for me
And looking at us start therapy next month
so
There's a lot of there's a lot of stuff there

(01:09:15):
I just want to unpack just just to deal with it look at it and just to move forward
Freer because i'm also
in the mindset that
Our mind mind body soul is one whole thing
So if something is stuck
Even in your mind or in your emotional state it affects your physical well-being it affects everything else in in your life

(01:09:37):
So that's another thing. I just want to
I'm open to being vulnerable enough to work through
things
and
Get past everything
And I don't want to say start life anew, but just start
Just start life
Yeah, you know what i'm saying? Yeah, just live

(01:09:57):
Just but at the end of the day, I think without vulnerability all we really do have
Is like a shell
of a life almost like these
Robotic movements of protecting ourselves as we live throughout our day to day
but no actual
No actual real connections that mean anything

(01:10:21):
Nothing just
Yeah, just
Just living to live until we don't live anymore
And I wouldn't that might have sounded a little dark, but i'm sorry
Well, I mean, I don't think it sounded morbid at all. Actually. I think that sounded
More fulfilling to what life is because it's vulnerability
That allows you to get the best things in life

(01:10:44):
You and I would not be friends right now if I didn't have a job where I had to have been vulnerable
I was this knuckleheaded what?
23-24 year old at the time
uh
selling door-to-door cable like
like just
Talking to random people like that is a job that takes vulnerability because you've got to kind of you know

(01:11:07):
Put yourself out there and hope for the best. So it's just like
Look at how organic that happened and it was just something that
Works so random
It was so random a random whatever day that was we met on in
In
2012-13
Somewhere around there such a random day. Yep, the best one of the best days of my life

(01:11:32):
Same
Everybody the discord is live for you to join us. So at the bottom of the episode
I don't know how it appears on every platform
but there are links to join the discord in
In all of our episodes starting last week
And I want to maybe I can even go back and add them to the ones before that. I'm not sure
but

(01:11:53):
The discord is open and it's also in the like in the bio section. I believe too now. So
Yes, join the discord discord and have a conversation with us
I promise we ramble like this all the time and somebody else to to to laugh and have a good time with

(01:12:17):
But I'm not even fencing a try again
I'm just gonna leave that where it is because obviously whatever it is don't want to be said come out
It's trapped in the closet
We not doing that shit don't right it's not doing that anymore
At all, but yeah, I'm just going whatever it is. If I remember I'm just gonna write the shit down and say it next week

(01:12:44):
I don't know. I
think this is a
This is a byproduct of tik-tok
the fact that shit just comes and goes that quick because it lasted about the
Length of time my average tik-tok last
30 seconds it was there and then it was gone again. Maybe I'll scroll past it again here in my mind soon, but

(01:13:07):
On the brain I'm doing is on the brain that is all I got for this episode
but I do have another question for next week and
It is what is the greatest truth?
I know but rarely speak aloud and what holds me back from expressing it fully

(01:13:28):
And one more time
What is the greatest truth? I know but rarely speak aloud and what holds me back from expressing it fully
Brian drop that in the discord. I
definitely will
definitely will alright guys I
Appreciate you for coming to spend time with us again
And we will see you guys you wonderful people next week until later

(01:13:51):
Goodbye!

(01:14:13):
You