January 1, 2025 • 38 mins
In this episode of The Authentic Life, we’re setting the stage by getting clear on what living authentically is not. So often, we hear the word “authentic” thrown around, but let’s be honest—many of us have misconceptions about what it really means.
Join Keisha as she breaks down the myths of authenticity, including the trap of perfectionism, people-pleasing, and living for approval. She shares a personal story of how striving to be “perfect” for everyone in her life left her drained and disconnected from her true self.
We’ll also dive into some thought-provoking questions to reflect on how often we hide parts of ourselves to fit in—and what it could feel like to finally let all of that go. This episode is all about laying a foundation, so we’re starting with the hard truth: sometimes, understanding what something is not is the first step to understanding what it is.
Grab your coffee and get ready to unpack the first step toward living The Authentic Life.
This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, coaching, or therapy. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health or coaching professional for your specific needs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Hey, hey, hey, it's your girl, keisha, and this is
the Authentic Life.
This isn't your typical podcast.
It's your go-to space for realtalk, bold moves and
unapologetic living.
Together.
We'll laugh, we'll reflect andwe will uncover what it really
means to embrace your truth.
So grab your favorite drink,get comfy and let's dive into
(00:25):
all the magic that is waitingfor you.
On the Authentic Life Hello,hello, hello.
Welcome to the Authentic Life,the space where we explore what
it really means to live fully,to live freely and, most
importantly, to liveunapologetically as our truest
self.
If you're new here, I'm Keisha,I'm your host, I'm your guide
(00:47):
and maybe by the end of this, Imight just be your
accountability partner on thisjourney.
So, whether you're tuning infrom your car, your office or
your favorite cozy corner athome, I'm just so glad that you
decided to join your girl.
And today we're making it extraspecial because, yes, we made
it to our official launch day,december 31st.
(01:09):
Let's take a moment tocelebrate that thing, because it
took so much to get here.
I do not know if you realizehow much time patience it takes
to create a podcast.
It is absolutely not for theweek, but I am so proud of
myself for getting to this placeand getting to this point, not
just for starting the podcast,but actually putting the goal of
(01:34):
starting the podcast intoaction.
And we are here, it is actuallyhappening, and what a better
time to begin this journey thanright now, at the start of a new
year.
The Authentic Life is yourinvitation to step into 2025
with clarity, with confidenceand the courage to live as your
(01:56):
truest self.
Remember, this isn't justanother self-help podcast.
For me, the Authentic Life isabout getting real.
Another self-help podcast forme, the authentic life is about
getting real.
It's about pulling back thoselayers facing the parts of
ourselves that we hide fromourselves and others, and
learning how to embrace all ofit the good, the bad, the ugly,
the beautiful and, yes, thepowerful.
(02:19):
You know, when I started myjourney to living authentically,
I didn't even realize how muchof myself I was putting behind.
And, believe me, my journey isnot a final destination.
It's just that a journey, and Iam still on it.
I thought I was doingeverything right, I was showing
up, I was being reliable, I waschecking all the boxes but, deep
down, to keep it a buck, Ireally felt stuck.
(02:41):
I felt like I was putting on.
I felt like I was performing,like I was playing a role,
instead of living my truth andnot living the truth of those
around me.
So today, as we kick things off,we're diving into three
transformative topics.
We're talking about what itreally means to live
authentically, by reaching intowhat authenticity is not.
(03:04):
How to begin your journey ofself-discovery, really doing
that self-reflection work, beingself-aware, knowing who we are
and how we show up in our spacesand being okay with that.
And then, lastly, mostimportantly, how to embrace
ourselves fully andunapologetically.
So, whether you drink coffee,you drink tea or you drink wine,
(03:26):
grab you some and maybe even ajournal, and let's dive into
this thing, because today itisn't just the launch of the
authentic life, it's the launchof something that might just
change your life.
Let's step into this new yeartogether, ready to live
authentically andunapologetically.
Live authentically andunapologetically.
(03:51):
Okay, let's start this thingright.
So, for those that are new andfor tuning in for the first time
, I think it's important for meto tell you a little bit about
me, if you missed thepre-release episode.
So I'm a leader in highereducation.
I'm a coach and a speakerthat's passionate about
inspiring change, fosteringinclusion and empowering people
to live authentically.
Right, I speak on a variety oftopics, from leadership to
(04:12):
emotional intelligence, todiversity, equity, inclusion and
belonging, but no matter whatI'm speaking on, I always think
it's important to lay a solidfoundation to make sure that
we're all starting on the samepage.
That means that we're comingfrom the same lens, we're
understanding the context and,most importantly, we're getting
clear on what something is notbefore we're actually diving
(04:33):
into what something is, and sothat's kind of where we're going
to start this podcast today.
So let's be honest aboutsomething there are a lot of
misconceptions about what itmeans to live authentically, so
let me start by clearing that upfor you.
Living authentically is notabout being perfect, and I know
(04:54):
we hear that phrase thrownaround a lot.
You got people talking aboutauthenticity, hashtags, all the
things but let me say it louderfor the people in the back that
might have missed it it's notabout being perfect, it's not
about having all the things, butlet me say it louder for the
people in the back that might'vemissed it it's not about being
perfect, it's not about havingall the answers, it's not about
being the smartest person in theroom and, most importantly, it
is not about meeting everyone'sexpectations of you, and it's
(05:17):
also not about shaping your lifeto fit into someone else's idea
of success.
Now, for me, for a long time Ithought being authentic meant
showing up as the perfectversion of myself for everybody
around me.
I felt like I had to be areally good daughter.
I felt like I had to be areally good mom because I got
(05:39):
pregnant in college and had myson at 20.
So I felt like, hey, kishacan't be a stereotype.
So I got to be a really goodmom.
I got to do all the things.
I had to be a reliable friend.
In my romantic relationships, Ihad to be the good girlfriend
and the one that didn't likeruffle feathers and, at work,
you know, the dependablecolleague, the one that's always
(06:01):
there, the one that's alwayswilling to volunteer, the one
that's always willing to do thethings.
Basically, I felt like I had tobe the person who always had it
together.
And while all of the roles inmy life are extremely meaningful
, I realized that in my attemptto be perfect for others, I was
kind of losing myself in theprocess.
So here's a quick little storyfor me to try to explain what I
(06:24):
mean so many years ago I wasleading a major project at work
and if you know me in aprofessional setting, your girl
is in all the things I do theabsolute most Like.
If you were in your dictionaryand you saw absolute most,
you're going to see a picture ofKeisha Jones right there beside
the absolute most.
(06:44):
Because I do the absolute most.
I am in everything.
I got 15 jobs.
I'm always volunteering forstuff, always doing the absolute
most.
But that's also a space that Ithrive in.
That's probably something Ineed to talk to my therapist
about, but nonetheless it's aspace that I thrive in.
But back to the story.
So on the surface, everythinglooked great.
(07:06):
So if you saw me doing thisproject, you know I was hitting
all my marks, I was meeting thedeadlines, I was checking the
boxes, I was doing the thing.
You know.
I was keeping everybody happy,everybody getting what they want
.
I probably was still addingstuff to my plate, but deep down
I was drained, I was tired, Iwas exhausted and at some points
(07:27):
I was saying yes to things thatdidn't really align with my
values or my goals.
But I think a little bit of thathad to do with I was trying to
prove that I deserved to bewhere I was at.
You know, when I started earlyin my career, I was young, and
not only young, but I'm a blackfemale and being a black female
in professional spaces can behard sometimes, right and so,
(07:49):
going back to that definition ofsuccess, right and, and fitting
into someone else's definitionof success, I always felt like I
had to do extra, I had to sayyes to more, um, because in many
instances I'm trying to proveto you that you made the right
decision by hiring me, eventhough I knew I could probably
(08:10):
run circles around you and thefive other people that you had
doing the same job, butnonetheless I felt like I had to
do extra, that I had to goabove and beyond, and maybe
beyond the above and beyond, tovalidate that you may or not
(08:31):
validate for me, but validatefor you that you made the right
decision in hiring me and allowme to take on this project, or
allow me to do the thing right,because a lot of times and it
could have been subconsciously,but a lot of times I wasn't
seeking validation for self.
It was really me trying toreassure you that you made the
(08:52):
right decision.
Now, you may have never saidanything to make me feel like
you felt that you made the wrongdecision, but it's that fitting
into someone else's standardsand fitting into someone else's
definition of what success lookslike for us Right, and that's
not what living authentically is.
And fitting into someone else'sdefinition of what success looks
like for us right, and that'snot what living authentically is
.
That's what living for approvallooks like, and that's
exhausting, like in my coachingsessions that I do with folks,
(09:18):
you know, one of the things thatwe talk about very early on is,
as you move through this thingcalled life, may it be
personally or professionally,how do you define success for
yourself?
What is your own personalstandard for success?
Because a lot of times we'reshrinking ourselves and we're
trying to fit into somebodyelse's definition.
May it be the communities thatwe operate in and our
(09:41):
professional settings, whatsociety says we should be able
to do or not do all of thethings right, and we're trying
to combat all of that.
But it's important for us toreally sit down and say, hey,
this is what's important to me,this is what success looks like
for me, this is the goals andthe standards that I am trying
(10:06):
to achieve, based off of thedefinition of success or the
standard of success that I haveidentified for myself, right,
not for someone else.
And I think that's where thatself-discovery that we're going
to talk about in a little bitcomes from.
That's where thatself-reflection comes from, like
now I'm able to sit here andI'm able to talk about my
(10:26):
journey and things that Ithought, and sometimes it's not
to say that I don't revert backto that thinking because I think
, once a perfectionist, it'shard to kind of move out of that
space, but it's work.
But nonetheless, sharing thatjourney gets you to a place of
the self-reflection, because themore that we can acknowledge,
(10:47):
the more we can change, right?
So let me ask you this have youever felt like you had to hide
parts of yourself to fit in?
Now, this could be at work, itcould be in a friendship, it
could be in a romanticrelationship, it could even be
within your own family.
Think about that Now.
(11:07):
I want you to think about howdoes that make you feel,
thinking that people aren'tgetting all of you.
They're getting the pieces ofyou that you think they will
accept.
How does that feel?
That's heavy, right, that's alot.
That's a lot of mental capacityand bandwidth that you have to
(11:28):
hold on to and maintain to existin somebody else's space.
It's emotional exhaustion insome cases.
Now I want you to imagine whatit will feel like just to let
all of that go and to show upfully as you not the polished
you, not the performativeversion, but the actual, real
(11:52):
you.
Now letting go and showing upfully as you is very easy for me
to sit on this microphone andsay out loud, and to actually
implement and put it into actiontakes time.
So you're going to have to giveyourself grace, as I'm on this
journey with you when I thinkabout the authentic life.
(12:26):
The authentic life is a journey, not a final destination.
You're going to hear me saythat a couple of times
throughout the podcast, butthat's kicking us off.
That's getting us to the placeof really thinking about what it
means to live the authenticlife and what the authentic life
is not.
Now we're going to jump intothat journey of self-discovery
(12:46):
and self-awareness.
And what does that look likefor us?
Ok, so now we know what livingauthentically is not.
Now it's time for us to talkabout how do we begin this
journey.
So living authentically startswith self-awareness.
You've probably heard thesaying you can't change what you
(13:08):
don't acknowledge, right?
You heard me say that a fewminutes ago.
Well, that's where the journeybegins.
It begins with being honestwith yourself, taking a moment
and thinking.
Are there areas in your lifewhere you feel out of alignment?
Are you saying yes when youmean no?
Are you holding back youropinions because you fear the
conflict that may come with howyou respond to something?
(13:31):
Or perhaps you're so busyshowing up for everybody else
that you've forgotten to evenshow up for yourself?
So for me, it took a while torecognize this right.
Early in my career, I felt likeI had to put on a mask to fit
into my professional spaces.
I started really young, at 24,which is kind of young in a
(13:51):
higher education setting,because I work in a higher
education setting and the arenain which I started was a male
dominated arena.
And so being young, being ablack female, you know is that
idea of having to prove that youmade the right decision and I'm
not going to do the things thatyou think I'm going to do
(14:13):
because I am young and I am ablack female, right, especially
working in a male dominatedarena.
And so I really felt like I hadto create this persona where,
because I'm dealing with youngmen that are about my age in the
(14:33):
higher education setting, I'mnot that far removed from them
when you think about the agedifference yeah, I felt like I
was kind of cute at 24.
At 44, I still think I'm kindof cute, but nonetheless I did
have some of my students at thattime try to holler, flirt, do
the things, because for them,hey, it's a young woman, she's
(14:53):
not that close, she's not thatfar off in age, and so I felt
like I had to create this.
What I'm going to say is apersona that, yeah, this is not
a line that you get ready tocross.
I don't even want you to feellike this is a line that you can
even cross.
So it created this level ofprofessionalism that has really
(15:14):
carried with me through my 20years in this space of having a
certain level of professionalism, being direct, and you know and
you know I've shifted over timeand embraced and made
significant changes over time.
But I remember vividly that atthat point I was not showing up
(15:36):
fully as me, right, I was tryingto make sure that, hey, I had
this persona that for the peoplethat hire me.
You made the right choice thatI can do this job, no matter how
young I am, no matter what myage is, I can do this job.
You can have confidence in that.
(15:56):
So that's one side of that coin.
The other side of the coin isworking with the students.
Hey, I know I look good.
I know you might holler at meif I was on the street, but I'm
not and we not, so you can't.
And so I created this personaof this professionalism.
But as I progressed in my careerand really began to like, think
(16:17):
about the bandwidth and themental capacity that I was
putting into, trying to fit intoagain somebody else's
definition of success orstandards for me, that I
remember that I'm not giving youthe best version of me, right?
So when I decided to let peopleexperience the full version of
(16:37):
me, right?
So when I decided to let peopleexperience the full version of
me, something shifted becauseeventually I got to the place of
not really caring.
I cared, but I didn't care asmuch because I knew what I
brought to the table.
I knew what my abilities were.
I was confident in what myabilities were.
I knew what I was capable ofdoing and in the moments in
which I did fully show up,people got like all the energy,
(17:00):
all the creativity.
You know, you got the bestpieces of me, you got the best
version of me.
You didn't get the watered downversion.
And so that's when I realizedwhen people get the authentic
version of you, they get thebest version of you.
They don't get some watereddown pieces of you that we think
that you want or we thinkyou're not capable of handling.
(17:23):
And so, therefore, we fear whatyou may not be able to handle
and shield those things.
One, we shouldn't be makingthat decision for you.
Two, we are potentially makingan assumption about what you are
able to deal with or handle notunless you didn't show us that
you can't.
And three, if you can't, do Ireally wanna be in that space?
(17:46):
Do I really wanna be workinghere?
Do I really wanna be in thatrelationship?
Do I really wanna be dealingwith you?
Those are questions that youshould definitely be asking
yourself, right.
And so, as we think about thisjourney and as we think about
the self-reflection and we thinkabout self-awareness and really
beginning to embrace who we areand being okay with who we are
(18:06):
and how we show up in spaceswith the understanding that we
all got work to do, that thereare always areas of improvement,
there are always things that wecan shift, there are always
things that we can change, butthe bottom line of the things is
, if I am shrinking the bestpieces of me to make you feel
comfortable or to validate mebeing in this space with you, I
really need to do some moreself-reflection.
(18:27):
And I really need to not justdo self-reflection but take
stock of my relationships andthe dynamics in which I have.
So I mentioned earlier that Ido things.
I do work in the emotionalintelligence space.
So in my emotional intelligenceworkshops, I always start with
this foundational principleright, and that self-awareness
(18:48):
is key.
And for those who aren'tfamiliar with emotional
intelligence, the quick anddirty answer of it is is how to
make your emotions work for youand not against you.
And self-awareness for me isthe first step in that process.
So one of my go-to exercises isthis I ask people to reflect on
(19:08):
four things Think about yourstrengths.
What are your five strengths?
What are those things that yourock at, that people call you
about that you know that you canknock out of the park.
You can knock out of the box,no matter what.
These are things that I amamazing in and I have, without a
shadow of a doubt, that I cando those things.
Now, what are your five areasof improvement?
(19:30):
What are those things?
That's like I might need towork on that, or sometimes I
think we get confused withweaknesses areas of improvement,
however you want to term thatthat just because it's a
weakness or a place where we mayneed to improve, that that's
actually something that we needto fix Sometimes.
It's not always about fixingsomething, it's about
acknowledging something.
(19:51):
Remember, I said you can'tchange what you don't
acknowledge, right?
So it's important to firstacknowledge what are your areas
of improvement.
So what are those spaces where,hey, you might need to do a
little bit of work, or at leastyou need to be self-aware enough
to know that you're lacking inthat space?
May not be anything that youcan do about it right now or
anything that you want to doabout it, but you know, hey, I'm
(20:11):
lacking in that space.
I might need to do something, Imight need to make some shifts
and changes.
Then I want you to think aboutwhat are five things that you
value, both in your workplaceand your personal life, and I
challenge you to do five forboth.
So, when you think about theworkplace, what are things that
have to show up in the workplace, things that you value, that
have to?
You have to see them in orderfor you to thrive in that space
(20:34):
or that environment?
And then think about yourpersonal life.
When you're thinking about yourrelationships, your friendships
, your family, your romanticrelationships what are those
things that have to show up inthose relationships for you to
thrive and for people to get thebest version of you?
And then, lastly, is what areyour five triggers?
I think that's something thatwe don't talk a lot about, right
(20:58):
?
So let's talk about triggers fora moment, because they often
have the biggest impact on ourability to live authentically.
These are the things that stirup an immediate emotional
reaction for us.
Maybe it's a frustration, afear, that fight or flight that
comes in, that anxiety thatcomes in, or even some anger.
And here's the kicker we don'talways take the time to one
(21:21):
acknowledge what our triggersare and identify them, let alone
create a plan to manage themwhen they show up, right.
So here's a phrase that I oftenshare Trauma produces triggers
that impact how we trust and howwe show up in our spaces
produces triggers that impacthow we trust and how we show up
in our spaces.
So think about this for a second.
(21:41):
Our experiences shape us inways we may not fully understand
until we pause and take time toreflect.
Right, the beauty of thisprocess is that once we name
those triggers, we can learn tomanage them instead of letting
them control us.
So we don't ever take time toidentify the who, because
sometimes it's a who or whattriggers us, and even why that
(22:04):
even became a trigger.
That's even more reason, whenthose triggers show up, for you
to shrink yourself and to putyourself in a box and not feel
like you can be authentic and beyourself in your spaces.
So I really challenge you tothink about those four things
and really take some time toreflect on them, especially your
(22:25):
triggers, and I would even,when you're thinking about your
five triggers, think about thepotential trauma that produced
those triggers or the potentialthings that happened in your
life that produced those things.
So another personal story.
So for years I think I felt likeI had to tone down my
(22:46):
personality, especially inprofessional settings and
sometimes in other settings.
It's not that I thought what ifthey don't like the real me?
It was more about if I give allof me, are they going to be
able to receive it?
So that might be the same as ifthey like the real me, but it
(23:09):
was really.
You know, if I come in herewith my blonde hair, is it going
to be a problem?
Does that mean that I'm notprofessional?
Because we know there areprofessional norms out here and
people tell you what you shouldand shouldn't look like, how you
should dress, what you shouldwear, what you shouldn't wear,
all of those things.
So if I embrace that I likebraids and faux locs and having
my hair different from time totime, is that going to mean that
(23:30):
I'm not professional?
And is that going to make youfeel like you didn't make a good
choice in your hiring processwhen it came to me, if I'm a
curvy girl and so if I wear thisdress or I wear that, is it too
tight or is it too this?
You know, those are things thatearly in my career I battled,
like getting up and gettingdressed for work in the morning
(23:53):
was a challenge.
I mean too much of a challenge.
I mean too much of a challenge.
I should not have thought somuch about how I presented
myself early in my career as Idid.
And again, inside, I knew thatI was qualified.
For every job I have had, Ihave never not thought I was
(24:16):
qualified.
I have never not thought that Ideserve to be in that space.
I deserve to be in every spacethat I was in.
I feel like my steps weredivinely ordered, that every
space that I have existed in upinto this point.
God put me there for a reasonand for a season.
But with all of that, I stillhad moments where I felt like I
(24:38):
had to prove to people that.
But you did, you made the rightdecision, and so sometimes that
wasn't in my work ethic,sometimes that was just purely
just education and into theregular realm of it where I'm
(25:08):
experiencing all students.
But at the end of the day, itstill put me in a position to
really feel like I needed toshield myself and to wear a mask
.
But here's what I discoveredAgain when I showed up as my
(25:29):
full self, people got my energy,people got my passion, could
see my passion, my creativityflow naturally and it actually
brought out the best in peoplethat were around me.
Right, so a good, I guess,scenario or a time that made me,
(25:49):
that validated me in Keisha.
You just need to be you.
As I mentioned, I'm a speaker, Ispeak a lot and in a lot of my
presentations, people you knowyou do your speaking, you do
your thing or whatever, andafterwards you may have people
that come up and talk to youabout what you talked about and
sometimes people talk to meabout the topic, but what I
(26:13):
found was a consistent theme orconsistent message that I got at
probably 90% of my speakingengagements and I speak.
In a good month I could speakfive to six times in a month.
In a good month, I could speakfive to six times in a month,
and 90% of my speakingengagements, when people come up
and talk to me, especiallywomen and especially women of
(26:37):
color, is the appreciation of mebeing me, that when they see me
up there, they see or they feelthat I am being my most
authentic self and that I amshowing them, I'm being a
representative to them, thatthey can also be themselves,
(27:02):
that you come in here and you'restill professional, like you
give.
You still give professional,but it also it also is showing
that you give a piece of you, um, that you give a piece of who
you are, where you're from, howyou've grown up.
Your, your cultural lens comesinto play as well, and I began
to embrace my blonde hair, my,my red lip and now in my
(27:25):
speaking engagement, a lot oftimes, my J's, because I got out
of being worried about whateverybody else had to say.
I got out of being worriedabout the professional norms
within the arena in which I work, and embraced Again.
When you get the full versionof me, you get the best version
(27:46):
of me.
Yes, I could go on and on and onabout how showing up as my
authentic self, especially in myprofessional setting, has
really, I think, helped meprogress the way that I have.
It's made me more comfortablein the skin that I am in.
It's made me more comfortablewith who I am.
So when I do go out and I do dothings, I'm able to bring that
(28:08):
level of confidence because I'mnot worried about all the noise
or all the things of trying tobe perfect in that space.
But nonetheless, we got more totalk about.
So now that we've laid thatgroundwork and really talked
about how to begin the journey,I think the most important part
(28:28):
of this journey is what we'regoing to talk about next, and
that's embracing yourself, andembracing yourself fully and
unapologetically.
So, as you think aboutbeginning your journey to living
authentically, I challenge youto start with that.
Reflect on those four areasthat we talked about.
Write them down, sit with them,acknowledge what's working and
what's not working.
(28:48):
Right, and remember this livingauthentically isn't, again,
it's not about being perfect.
It's just about being honest,being honest with yourself and
being honest with the peoplearound you.
It's about showing up fully,unapologetically and knowing
that when you do, you're givingthe world the best version of
you all.
(29:11):
Right now, we've laid thegroundwork.
We've talked aboutself-awareness and reflection
and all the things that couldpotentially be holding us back.
I gave you some personalstories, things like that.
Now we're about to dive intothe most important part of this
journey and we're going to closethis thing out embracing
yourself fully andunapologetically.
Now let me tell you somethingEmbracing yourself fully and
(29:32):
unapologetically is not easy.
It isn't about just saying, yeah, this is who I am and leaving
it at that.
It's really about owning everypart of who you are.
Like I said, the good, the bad,the ugly, the messy, the
beautiful, the powerful, all ofit, then showing up with
confidence and letting the worldknow that this is me and I am
(29:54):
okay with me.
I am good with me.
Matter of fact, I am great withme.
But let's be real, most of usaren't comfortable doing that.
Most of us aren't comfortablefrom operating in that space.
Some of us come from a placewhere we were taught to fit in,
or we were taught to follow therules, or we were taught that we
(30:16):
can't color outside the lines,we can't make no noise, we can't
make no waves.
We got to be the good woman,the good girl, whatever the case
may be, and that mindset, orthe good man because also, this
is for men too, this isn't justfor women, let me be clear but
that mindset can keep us small.
(30:37):
I talked a lot about how I usedto spend so much energy worrying
about how I showed up,especially that piece of.
Am I too much right?
Am I too much for you?
Am I too much for the peopleand the places in which I'm
trying to occupy?
I worried about my hair.
I worried about my clothes.
I worried about my level ofprofessionalism.
(30:57):
I worried about too many things, right?
I was so caught up in fittinginto these invisible
professional boxes, that I wasdimming my own light so that
your light can shine, and that'sabsolutely not what I want to
do.
It is not making sense.
The math is not mapping on thatone right.
(31:19):
But one day I decided you knowwhat, I can't do that anymore.
I don't have the mentalcapacity or the bandwidth to
worry about it.
One, two, those few times whereI did show up fully as myself, I
rocked that thing and peopletold me I rocked that thing.
And so I got closer to being OKwith my blonde hair, my red
(31:45):
lips and my J's, being okay withmy blonde hair, my red lips and
my J's at a keynote with 200people, because you still got
what you paid for.
And guess what?
Not only did the world not fallapart, but I realized something
when I showed up as me, fullyand unapologetically, people
responded better, they connectedwith me more because they could
see my passion, they could seemy energy, they could see my
(32:08):
creativity, because I wasn'tworried about all the other
stuff.
And that's the thing when youlet people experience the full
version of you, they get thebest version of you, not the
watered down, masked up versionwe think they want.
But you got to overcome thosewhat ifs and so I get it.
Embracing yourself isn't alwayseasy.
(32:29):
That little voice of doubtloves to creep in right, it
whispers.
What if they don't like thereal me?
What if I'm too much?
Well, let me tell you thisright now, you are not too much.
You are exactly enough as youare right now.
And if someone can't handle youor doesn't appreciate what you
(32:51):
bring to the table, that's notyour problem, that's a them
problem.
And honestly, do you even wantto be in spaces or relationships
that can't handle your fullness?
Probably not.
So let's talk about how toactually do this.
How do you start embracingyourself fully and
unapologetically?
The first thing is acknowledgeyour worth.
(33:13):
Sit down with yourself and getreal about what makes you you,
your strengths, your skills,your quirks.
Write it all down, becausesometimes we forget just how
amazing we are until we see itstaring back at us on a piece of
paper.
Two, my favorite thing to tellpeople stop apologizing for
(33:34):
being you.
I have a newsletter and it willalso be an episode called the
Apology Life.
This is a big one for me.
If you've been saying I'm sorryfor setting boundaries for
having an opinion or shoot, justexisting.
Please stop it.
Like today, you don't need toexplain or justify your presence
(33:56):
to anyone, right?
Lastly, show up fully.
So the next time you feel theurge to hold back or shrink
yourself, pause.
The next time you feel the urgeto hold back or shrink yourself
, pause, remind yourself thatyou deserve to be in every space
that you occupy, and then showup fully, because when you do,
you're giving them permission todo the same thing.
(34:18):
So here's what I've learned whenyou show up as yourself,
unapologetically, you createspace for other people to do the
same thing.
People are drawn to that energy.
It's powerful, but beingunapologetic does not mean that
you're going to be reckless ordismissive.
It's about being confident inwho you are, while still being
open to growth.
(34:38):
It's saying this is me, flawsand all.
I'm proud of who I am and I'mworking on who I am becoming.
That is where the magic happens.
So, as we wrap this up, I wantyou to remember this Embracing
yourself fully isn't about beingperfect.
It isn't about being perfect.
Must I say it again?
It's about being real.
(34:59):
It's about choosing everysingle day to show up as your
authentic self, no matter howscary it feels, because when you
do, you're not just living,you're thriving.
And we're just getting started.
Right, we're going to dive intoso much more as it relates to
living the authentic life.
Well, that's all, folks.
(35:23):
We are at the end.
I have said a lot, I havedropped a lot of nuggets that I
hope that you have picked up,and, as we wrap up this first
episode, let me remind you ofthis Living authentically is a
journey and it is not a finaldestination.
It is not about getting itright all the time.
It's really about showing upevery day in the best way that
you can.
So here's another quick littlestory before we go.
(35:53):
Last year, I started carving outtime every morning just to sit
with myself.
No emails, no phone, no socialmedia, no, nothing, Just me, my
thoughts and, most of the time,my journal.
At first it felt a littleawkward, like what am I supposed
to do with this silence, butover time it really has become a
favorite part of my week or afavorite part of my day.
That quiet space has reallyhelped me reconnect with myself
and get clear on whatauthenticity looks like for me
(36:17):
in that moment, and not just todo that, but also to kind of
process, like what my day isgoing to look like.
What has my week looked like?
What did my night look likebefore?
What am I dealing with now?
What do I need to process andget out my head so that I have a
wonderful day?
So, with that, I'm going toleave you with some homework.
Yeah, we do homework aroundhere, but it's easy.
It's all going to be aroundthat self-discovery and really
(36:38):
beginning to embrace you, right?
So I want you to take fiveminutes a day to sit with
yourself no distractions, nopeople, no social media, no
phone, just you and ask yourselfthis what does living
authentically look like for me?
And if you don't know yet whatthat is, that's okay, it's all
right, because we're startingwith the intention of finding
(36:58):
out.
So that's your homework.
That's what I want you to workon Now, thinking about the next
podcast and the next thing thatwe're going to be talking about.
We're going to be diving intoboundaries, why they're hard to
set, how to protect your peaceand how they're actually a
radical form of self-love.
So, trust me, you don't want tomiss that piece.
You don't want to miss thatconversation.
(37:19):
With that, I want to thank youagain for joining me for the
first episode, the first fullepisode and the first step of
the journey of living theauthentic life.
So, if this episode resonatedwith you, please don't forget to
hit subscribe, leave a reviewand, most importantly, share it
with the world.
Share it with someone who needsto hear this.
Remember, the world needs yourauthentic self, so don't be
(37:41):
afraid to show up With that.
This has been the Authentic Life.
I'm Keisha, I'm your host, I'myour guide and maybe even your
accountability partner.
So until next time, peace, loveand blessings and live the
authentic life every day.
Have a great one.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
(38:02):
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing it's justlike an instant invite to more
fun, to more inspiration and tomore authentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration, but
whatever you do, let's spreadthe joy of the authentic life.
(38:22):
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life, peace, love andblessings from your girl Keisha.
Hey, hey, hey, it's your girl, keisha, and this is
the Authentic Life.
This isn't your typical podcast.
It's your go-to space for realtalk, bold moves and
unapologetic living.
Together.
We'll laugh, we'll reflect andwe will uncover what it really
means to embrace your truth.
So grab your favorite drink,get comfy and let's dive into
(00:25):
all the magic that is waitingfor you.
On the Authentic Life Hello,hello, hello.
Welcome to the Authentic Life,the space where we explore what
it really means to live fully,to live freely and, most
importantly, to liveunapologetically as our truest
self.
If you're new here, I'm Keisha,I'm your host, I'm your guide
(00:47):
and maybe by the end of this, Imight just be your
accountability partner on thisjourney.
So, whether you're tuning infrom your car, your office or
your favorite cozy corner athome, I'm just so glad that you
decided to join your girl.
And today we're making it extraspecial because, yes, we made
it to our official launch day,december 31st.
(01:09):
Let's take a moment tocelebrate that thing, because it
took so much to get here.
I do not know if you realizehow much time patience it takes
to create a podcast.
It is absolutely not for theweek, but I am so proud of
myself for getting to this placeand getting to this point, not
just for starting the podcast,but actually putting the goal of
(01:34):
starting the podcast intoaction.
And we are here, it is actuallyhappening, and what a better
time to begin this journey thanright now, at the start of a new
year.
The Authentic Life is yourinvitation to step into 2025
with clarity, with confidenceand the courage to live as your
(01:56):
truest self.
Remember, this isn't justanother self-help podcast.
For me, the Authentic Life isabout getting real.
Another self-help podcast forme, the authentic life is about
getting real.
It's about pulling back thoselayers facing the parts of
ourselves that we hide fromourselves and others, and
learning how to embrace all ofit the good, the bad, the ugly,
the beautiful and, yes, thepowerful.
(02:19):
You know, when I started myjourney to living authentically,
I didn't even realize how muchof myself I was putting behind.
And, believe me, my journey isnot a final destination.
It's just that a journey, and Iam still on it.
I thought I was doingeverything right, I was showing
up, I was being reliable, I waschecking all the boxes but, deep
down, to keep it a buck, Ireally felt stuck.
(02:41):
I felt like I was putting on.
I felt like I was performing,like I was playing a role,
instead of living my truth andnot living the truth of those
around me.
So today, as we kick things off,we're diving into three
transformative topics.
We're talking about what itreally means to live
authentically, by reaching intowhat authenticity is not.
(03:04):
How to begin your journey ofself-discovery, really doing
that self-reflection work, beingself-aware, knowing who we are
and how we show up in our spacesand being okay with that.
And then, lastly, mostimportantly, how to embrace
ourselves fully andunapologetically.
So, whether you drink coffee,you drink tea or you drink wine,
(03:26):
grab you some and maybe even ajournal, and let's dive into
this thing, because today itisn't just the launch of the
authentic life, it's the launchof something that might just
change your life.
Let's step into this new yeartogether, ready to live
authentically andunapologetically.
Live authentically andunapologetically.
(03:51):
Okay, let's start this thingright.
So, for those that are new andfor tuning in for the first time
, I think it's important for meto tell you a little bit about
me, if you missed thepre-release episode.
So I'm a leader in highereducation.
I'm a coach and a speakerthat's passionate about
inspiring change, fosteringinclusion and empowering people
to live authentically.
Right, I speak on a variety oftopics, from leadership to
(04:12):
emotional intelligence, todiversity, equity, inclusion and
belonging, but no matter whatI'm speaking on, I always think
it's important to lay a solidfoundation to make sure that
we're all starting on the samepage.
That means that we're comingfrom the same lens, we're
understanding the context and,most importantly, we're getting
clear on what something is notbefore we're actually diving
(04:33):
into what something is, and sothat's kind of where we're going
to start this podcast today.
So let's be honest aboutsomething there are a lot of
misconceptions about what itmeans to live authentically, so
let me start by clearing that upfor you.
Living authentically is notabout being perfect, and I know
(04:54):
we hear that phrase thrownaround a lot.
You got people talking aboutauthenticity, hashtags, all the
things but let me say it louderfor the people in the back that
might have missed it it's notabout being perfect, it's not
about having all the things, butlet me say it louder for the
people in the back that might'vemissed it it's not about being
perfect, it's not about havingall the answers, it's not about
being the smartest person in theroom and, most importantly, it
is not about meeting everyone'sexpectations of you, and it's
(05:17):
also not about shaping your lifeto fit into someone else's idea
of success.
Now, for me, for a long time Ithought being authentic meant
showing up as the perfectversion of myself for everybody
around me.
I felt like I had to be areally good daughter.
I felt like I had to be areally good mom because I got
(05:39):
pregnant in college and had myson at 20.
So I felt like, hey, kishacan't be a stereotype.
So I got to be a really goodmom.
I got to do all the things.
I had to be a reliable friend.
In my romantic relationships, Ihad to be the good girlfriend
and the one that didn't likeruffle feathers and, at work,
you know, the dependablecolleague, the one that's always
(06:01):
there, the one that's alwayswilling to volunteer, the one
that's always willing to do thethings.
Basically, I felt like I had tobe the person who always had it
together.
And while all of the roles inmy life are extremely meaningful
, I realized that in my attemptto be perfect for others, I was
kind of losing myself in theprocess.
So here's a quick little storyfor me to try to explain what I
(06:24):
mean so many years ago I wasleading a major project at work
and if you know me in aprofessional setting, your girl
is in all the things I do theabsolute most Like.
If you were in your dictionaryand you saw absolute most,
you're going to see a picture ofKeisha Jones right there beside
the absolute most.
(06:44):
Because I do the absolute most.
I am in everything.
I got 15 jobs.
I'm always volunteering forstuff, always doing the absolute
most.
But that's also a space that Ithrive in.
That's probably something Ineed to talk to my therapist
about, but nonetheless it's aspace that I thrive in.
But back to the story.
So on the surface, everythinglooked great.
(07:06):
So if you saw me doing thisproject, you know I was hitting
all my marks, I was meeting thedeadlines, I was checking the
boxes, I was doing the thing.
You know.
I was keeping everybody happy,everybody getting what they want
.
I probably was still addingstuff to my plate, but deep down
I was drained, I was tired, Iwas exhausted and at some points
(07:27):
I was saying yes to things thatdidn't really align with my
values or my goals.
But I think a little bit of thathad to do with I was trying to
prove that I deserved to bewhere I was at.
You know, when I started earlyin my career, I was young, and
not only young, but I'm a blackfemale and being a black female
in professional spaces can behard sometimes, right and so,
(07:49):
going back to that definition ofsuccess, right and, and fitting
into someone else's definitionof success, I always felt like I
had to do extra, I had to sayyes to more, um, because in many
instances I'm trying to proveto you that you made the right
decision by hiring me, eventhough I knew I could probably
(08:10):
run circles around you and thefive other people that you had
doing the same job, butnonetheless I felt like I had to
do extra, that I had to goabove and beyond, and maybe
beyond the above and beyond, tovalidate that you may or not
(08:31):
validate for me, but validatefor you that you made the right
decision in hiring me and allowme to take on this project, or
allow me to do the thing right,because a lot of times and it
could have been subconsciously,but a lot of times I wasn't
seeking validation for self.
It was really me trying toreassure you that you made the
(08:52):
right decision.
Now, you may have never saidanything to make me feel like
you felt that you made the wrongdecision, but it's that fitting
into someone else's standardsand fitting into someone else's
definition of what success lookslike for us Right, and that's
not what living authentically is.
And fitting into someone else'sdefinition of what success looks
like for us right, and that'snot what living authentically is
.
That's what living for approvallooks like, and that's
exhausting, like in my coachingsessions that I do with folks,
(09:18):
you know, one of the things thatwe talk about very early on is,
as you move through this thingcalled life, may it be
personally or professionally,how do you define success for
yourself?
What is your own personalstandard for success?
Because a lot of times we'reshrinking ourselves and we're
trying to fit into somebodyelse's definition.
May it be the communities thatwe operate in and our
(09:41):
professional settings, whatsociety says we should be able
to do or not do all of thethings right, and we're trying
to combat all of that.
But it's important for us toreally sit down and say, hey,
this is what's important to me,this is what success looks like
for me, this is the goals andthe standards that I am trying
(10:06):
to achieve, based off of thedefinition of success or the
standard of success that I haveidentified for myself, right,
not for someone else.
And I think that's where thatself-discovery that we're going
to talk about in a little bitcomes from.
That's where thatself-reflection comes from, like
now I'm able to sit here andI'm able to talk about my
(10:26):
journey and things that Ithought, and sometimes it's not
to say that I don't revert backto that thinking because I think
, once a perfectionist, it'shard to kind of move out of that
space, but it's work.
But nonetheless, sharing thatjourney gets you to a place of
the self-reflection, because themore that we can acknowledge,
(10:47):
the more we can change, right?
So let me ask you this have youever felt like you had to hide
parts of yourself to fit in?
Now, this could be at work, itcould be in a friendship, it
could be in a romanticrelationship, it could even be
within your own family.
Think about that Now.
(11:07):
I want you to think about howdoes that make you feel,
thinking that people aren'tgetting all of you.
They're getting the pieces ofyou that you think they will
accept.
How does that feel?
That's heavy, right, that's alot.
That's a lot of mental capacityand bandwidth that you have to
(11:28):
hold on to and maintain to existin somebody else's space.
It's emotional exhaustion insome cases.
Now I want you to imagine whatit will feel like just to let
all of that go and to show upfully as you not the polished
you, not the performativeversion, but the actual, real
(11:52):
you.
Now letting go and showing upfully as you is very easy for me
to sit on this microphone andsay out loud, and to actually
implement and put it into actiontakes time.
So you're going to have to giveyourself grace, as I'm on this
journey with you when I thinkabout the authentic life.
(12:26):
The authentic life is a journey, not a final destination.
You're going to hear me saythat a couple of times
throughout the podcast, butthat's kicking us off.
That's getting us to the placeof really thinking about what it
means to live the authenticlife and what the authentic life
is not.
Now we're going to jump intothat journey of self-discovery
(12:46):
and self-awareness.
And what does that look likefor us?
Ok, so now we know what livingauthentically is not.
Now it's time for us to talkabout how do we begin this
journey.
So living authentically startswith self-awareness.
You've probably heard thesaying you can't change what you
(13:08):
don't acknowledge, right?
You heard me say that a fewminutes ago.
Well, that's where the journeybegins.
It begins with being honestwith yourself, taking a moment
and thinking.
Are there areas in your lifewhere you feel out of alignment?
Are you saying yes when youmean no?
Are you holding back youropinions because you fear the
conflict that may come with howyou respond to something?
(13:31):
Or perhaps you're so busyshowing up for everybody else
that you've forgotten to evenshow up for yourself?
So for me, it took a while torecognize this right.
Early in my career, I felt likeI had to put on a mask to fit
into my professional spaces.
I started really young, at 24,which is kind of young in a
(13:51):
higher education setting,because I work in a higher
education setting and the arenain which I started was a male
dominated arena.
And so being young, being ablack female, you know is that
idea of having to prove that youmade the right decision and I'm
not going to do the things thatyou think I'm going to do
(14:13):
because I am young and I am ablack female, right, especially
working in a male dominatedarena.
And so I really felt like I hadto create this persona where,
because I'm dealing with youngmen that are about my age in the
(14:33):
higher education setting, I'mnot that far removed from them
when you think about the agedifference yeah, I felt like I
was kind of cute at 24.
At 44, I still think I'm kindof cute, but nonetheless I did
have some of my students at thattime try to holler, flirt, do
the things, because for them,hey, it's a young woman, she's
(14:53):
not that close, she's not thatfar off in age, and so I felt
like I had to create this.
What I'm going to say is apersona that, yeah, this is not
a line that you get ready tocross.
I don't even want you to feellike this is a line that you can
even cross.
So it created this level ofprofessionalism that has really
(15:14):
carried with me through my 20years in this space of having a
certain level of professionalism, being direct, and you know and
you know I've shifted over timeand embraced and made
significant changes over time.
But I remember vividly that atthat point I was not showing up
(15:36):
fully as me, right, I was tryingto make sure that, hey, I had
this persona that for the peoplethat hire me.
You made the right choice thatI can do this job, no matter how
young I am, no matter what myage is, I can do this job.
You can have confidence in that.
(15:56):
So that's one side of that coin.
The other side of the coin isworking with the students.
Hey, I know I look good.
I know you might holler at meif I was on the street, but I'm
not and we not, so you can't.
And so I created this personaof this professionalism.
But as I progressed in my careerand really began to like, think
(16:17):
about the bandwidth and themental capacity that I was
putting into, trying to fit intoagain somebody else's
definition of success orstandards for me, that I
remember that I'm not giving youthe best version of me, right?
So when I decided to let peopleexperience the full version of
(16:37):
me, right?
So when I decided to let peopleexperience the full version of
me, something shifted becauseeventually I got to the place of
not really caring.
I cared, but I didn't care asmuch because I knew what I
brought to the table.
I knew what my abilities were.
I was confident in what myabilities were.
I knew what I was capable ofdoing and in the moments in
which I did fully show up,people got like all the energy,
(17:00):
all the creativity.
You know, you got the bestpieces of me, you got the best
version of me.
You didn't get the watered downversion.
And so that's when I realizedwhen people get the authentic
version of you, they get thebest version of you.
They don't get some watereddown pieces of you that we think
that you want or we thinkyou're not capable of handling.
(17:23):
And so, therefore, we fear whatyou may not be able to handle
and shield those things.
One, we shouldn't be makingthat decision for you.
Two, we are potentially makingan assumption about what you are
able to deal with or handle notunless you didn't show us that
you can't.
And three, if you can't, do Ireally wanna be in that space?
(17:46):
Do I really wanna be workinghere?
Do I really wanna be in thatrelationship?
Do I really wanna be dealingwith you?
Those are questions that youshould definitely be asking
yourself, right.
And so, as we think about thisjourney and as we think about
the self-reflection and we thinkabout self-awareness and really
beginning to embrace who we areand being okay with who we are
(18:06):
and how we show up in spaceswith the understanding that we
all got work to do, that thereare always areas of improvement,
there are always things that wecan shift, there are always
things that we can change, butthe bottom line of the things is
, if I am shrinking the bestpieces of me to make you feel
comfortable or to validate mebeing in this space with you, I
really need to do some moreself-reflection.
(18:27):
And I really need to not justdo self-reflection but take
stock of my relationships andthe dynamics in which I have.
So I mentioned earlier that Ido things.
I do work in the emotionalintelligence space.
So in my emotional intelligenceworkshops, I always start with
this foundational principleright, and that self-awareness
(18:48):
is key.
And for those who aren'tfamiliar with emotional
intelligence, the quick anddirty answer of it is is how to
make your emotions work for youand not against you.
And self-awareness for me isthe first step in that process.
So one of my go-to exercises isthis I ask people to reflect on
(19:08):
four things Think about yourstrengths.
What are your five strengths?
What are those things that yourock at, that people call you
about that you know that you canknock out of the park.
You can knock out of the box,no matter what.
These are things that I amamazing in and I have, without a
shadow of a doubt, that I cando those things.
Now, what are your five areasof improvement?
(19:30):
What are those things?
That's like I might need towork on that, or sometimes I
think we get confused withweaknesses areas of improvement,
however you want to term thatthat just because it's a
weakness or a place where we mayneed to improve, that that's
actually something that we needto fix Sometimes.
It's not always about fixingsomething, it's about
acknowledging something.
(19:51):
Remember, I said you can'tchange what you don't
acknowledge, right?
So it's important to firstacknowledge what are your areas
of improvement.
So what are those spaces where,hey, you might need to do a
little bit of work, or at leastyou need to be self-aware enough
to know that you're lacking inthat space?
May not be anything that youcan do about it right now or
anything that you want to doabout it, but you know, hey, I'm
(20:11):
lacking in that space.
I might need to do something, Imight need to make some shifts
and changes.
Then I want you to think aboutwhat are five things that you
value, both in your workplaceand your personal life, and I
challenge you to do five forboth.
So, when you think about theworkplace, what are things that
have to show up in the workplace, things that you value, that
have to?
You have to see them in orderfor you to thrive in that space
(20:34):
or that environment?
And then think about yourpersonal life.
When you're thinking about yourrelationships, your friendships
, your family, your romanticrelationships what are those
things that have to show up inthose relationships for you to
thrive and for people to get thebest version of you?
And then, lastly, is what areyour five triggers?
I think that's something thatwe don't talk a lot about, right
(20:58):
?
So let's talk about triggers fora moment, because they often
have the biggest impact on ourability to live authentically.
These are the things that stirup an immediate emotional
reaction for us.
Maybe it's a frustration, afear, that fight or flight that
comes in, that anxiety thatcomes in, or even some anger.
And here's the kicker we don'talways take the time to one
(21:21):
acknowledge what our triggersare and identify them, let alone
create a plan to manage themwhen they show up, right.
So here's a phrase that I oftenshare Trauma produces triggers
that impact how we trust and howwe show up in our spaces
produces triggers that impacthow we trust and how we show up
in our spaces.
So think about this for a second.
(21:41):
Our experiences shape us inways we may not fully understand
until we pause and take time toreflect.
Right, the beauty of thisprocess is that once we name
those triggers, we can learn tomanage them instead of letting
them control us.
So we don't ever take time toidentify the who, because
sometimes it's a who or whattriggers us, and even why that
(22:04):
even became a trigger.
That's even more reason, whenthose triggers show up, for you
to shrink yourself and to putyourself in a box and not feel
like you can be authentic and beyourself in your spaces.
So I really challenge you tothink about those four things
and really take some time toreflect on them, especially your
(22:25):
triggers, and I would even,when you're thinking about your
five triggers, think about thepotential trauma that produced
those triggers or the potentialthings that happened in your
life that produced those things.
So another personal story.
So for years I think I felt likeI had to tone down my
(22:46):
personality, especially inprofessional settings and
sometimes in other settings.
It's not that I thought what ifthey don't like the real me?
It was more about if I give allof me, are they going to be
able to receive it?
So that might be the same as ifthey like the real me, but it
(23:09):
was really.
You know, if I come in herewith my blonde hair, is it going
to be a problem?
Does that mean that I'm notprofessional?
Because we know there areprofessional norms out here and
people tell you what you shouldand shouldn't look like, how you
should dress, what you shouldwear, what you shouldn't wear,
all of those things.
So if I embrace that I likebraids and faux locs and having
my hair different from time totime, is that going to mean that
(23:30):
I'm not professional?
And is that going to make youfeel like you didn't make a good
choice in your hiring processwhen it came to me, if I'm a
curvy girl and so if I wear thisdress or I wear that, is it too
tight or is it too this?
You know, those are things thatearly in my career I battled,
like getting up and gettingdressed for work in the morning
(23:53):
was a challenge.
I mean too much of a challenge.
I mean too much of a challenge.
I should not have thought somuch about how I presented
myself early in my career as Idid.
And again, inside, I knew thatI was qualified.
For every job I have had, Ihave never not thought I was
(24:16):
qualified.
I have never not thought that Ideserve to be in that space.
I deserve to be in every spacethat I was in.
I feel like my steps weredivinely ordered, that every
space that I have existed in upinto this point.
God put me there for a reasonand for a season.
But with all of that, I stillhad moments where I felt like I
(24:38):
had to prove to people that.
But you did, you made the rightdecision, and so sometimes that
wasn't in my work ethic,sometimes that was just purely
just education and into theregular realm of it where I'm
(25:08):
experiencing all students.
But at the end of the day, itstill put me in a position to
really feel like I needed toshield myself and to wear a mask
.
But here's what I discoveredAgain when I showed up as my
(25:29):
full self, people got my energy,people got my passion, could
see my passion, my creativityflow naturally and it actually
brought out the best in peoplethat were around me.
Right, so a good, I guess,scenario or a time that made me,
(25:49):
that validated me in Keisha.
You just need to be you.
As I mentioned, I'm a speaker, Ispeak a lot and in a lot of my
presentations, people you knowyou do your speaking, you do
your thing or whatever, andafterwards you may have people
that come up and talk to youabout what you talked about and
sometimes people talk to meabout the topic, but what I
(26:13):
found was a consistent theme orconsistent message that I got at
probably 90% of my speakingengagements and I speak.
In a good month I could speakfive to six times in a month.
In a good month, I could speakfive to six times in a month,
and 90% of my speakingengagements, when people come up
and talk to me, especiallywomen and especially women of
(26:37):
color, is the appreciation of mebeing me, that when they see me
up there, they see or they feelthat I am being my most
authentic self and that I amshowing them, I'm being a
representative to them, thatthey can also be themselves,
(27:02):
that you come in here and you'restill professional, like you
give.
You still give professional,but it also it also is showing
that you give a piece of you, um, that you give a piece of who
you are, where you're from, howyou've grown up.
Your, your cultural lens comesinto play as well, and I began
to embrace my blonde hair, my,my red lip and now in my
(27:25):
speaking engagement, a lot oftimes, my J's, because I got out
of being worried about whateverybody else had to say.
I got out of being worriedabout the professional norms
within the arena in which I work, and embraced Again.
When you get the full versionof me, you get the best version
(27:46):
of me.
Yes, I could go on and on and onabout how showing up as my
authentic self, especially in myprofessional setting, has
really, I think, helped meprogress the way that I have.
It's made me more comfortablein the skin that I am in.
It's made me more comfortablewith who I am.
So when I do go out and I do dothings, I'm able to bring that
(28:08):
level of confidence because I'mnot worried about all the noise
or all the things of trying tobe perfect in that space.
But nonetheless, we got more totalk about.
So now that we've laid thatgroundwork and really talked
about how to begin the journey,I think the most important part
(28:28):
of this journey is what we'regoing to talk about next, and
that's embracing yourself, andembracing yourself fully and
unapologetically.
So, as you think aboutbeginning your journey to living
authentically, I challenge youto start with that.
Reflect on those four areasthat we talked about.
Write them down, sit with them,acknowledge what's working and
what's not working.
(28:48):
Right, and remember this livingauthentically isn't, again,
it's not about being perfect.
It's just about being honest,being honest with yourself and
being honest with the peoplearound you.
It's about showing up fully,unapologetically and knowing
that when you do, you're givingthe world the best version of
you all.
(29:11):
Right now, we've laid thegroundwork.
We've talked aboutself-awareness and reflection
and all the things that couldpotentially be holding us back.
I gave you some personalstories, things like that.
Now we're about to dive intothe most important part of this
journey and we're going to closethis thing out embracing
yourself fully andunapologetically.
Now let me tell you somethingEmbracing yourself fully and
(29:32):
unapologetically is not easy.
It isn't about just saying, yeah, this is who I am and leaving
it at that.
It's really about owning everypart of who you are.
Like I said, the good, the bad,the ugly, the messy, the
beautiful, the powerful, all ofit, then showing up with
confidence and letting the worldknow that this is me and I am
(29:54):
okay with me.
I am good with me.
Matter of fact, I am great withme.
But let's be real, most of usaren't comfortable doing that.
Most of us aren't comfortablefrom operating in that space.
Some of us come from a placewhere we were taught to fit in,
or we were taught to follow therules, or we were taught that we
(30:16):
can't color outside the lines,we can't make no noise, we can't
make no waves.
We got to be the good woman,the good girl, whatever the case
may be, and that mindset, orthe good man because also, this
is for men too, this isn't justfor women, let me be clear but
that mindset can keep us small.
(30:37):
I talked a lot about how I usedto spend so much energy worrying
about how I showed up,especially that piece of.
Am I too much right?
Am I too much for you?
Am I too much for the peopleand the places in which I'm
trying to occupy?
I worried about my hair.
I worried about my clothes.
I worried about my level ofprofessionalism.
(30:57):
I worried about too many things, right?
I was so caught up in fittinginto these invisible
professional boxes, that I wasdimming my own light so that
your light can shine, and that'sabsolutely not what I want to
do.
It is not making sense.
The math is not mapping on thatone right.
(31:19):
But one day I decided you knowwhat, I can't do that anymore.
I don't have the mentalcapacity or the bandwidth to
worry about it.
One, two, those few times whereI did show up fully as myself, I
rocked that thing and peopletold me I rocked that thing.
And so I got closer to being OKwith my blonde hair, my red
(31:45):
lips and my J's, being okay withmy blonde hair, my red lips and
my J's at a keynote with 200people, because you still got
what you paid for.
And guess what?
Not only did the world not fallapart, but I realized something
when I showed up as me, fullyand unapologetically, people
responded better, they connectedwith me more because they could
see my passion, they could seemy energy, they could see my
(32:08):
creativity, because I wasn'tworried about all the other
stuff.
And that's the thing when youlet people experience the full
version of you, they get thebest version of you, not the
watered down, masked up versionwe think they want.
But you got to overcome thosewhat ifs and so I get it.
Embracing yourself isn't alwayseasy.
(32:29):
That little voice of doubtloves to creep in right, it
whispers.
What if they don't like thereal me?
What if I'm too much?
Well, let me tell you thisright now, you are not too much.
You are exactly enough as youare right now.
And if someone can't handle youor doesn't appreciate what you
(32:51):
bring to the table, that's notyour problem, that's a them
problem.
And honestly, do you even wantto be in spaces or relationships
that can't handle your fullness?
Probably not.
So let's talk about how toactually do this.
How do you start embracingyourself fully and
unapologetically?
The first thing is acknowledgeyour worth.
(33:13):
Sit down with yourself and getreal about what makes you you,
your strengths, your skills,your quirks.
Write it all down, becausesometimes we forget just how
amazing we are until we see itstaring back at us on a piece of
paper.
Two, my favorite thing to tellpeople stop apologizing for
(33:34):
being you.
I have a newsletter and it willalso be an episode called the
Apology Life.
This is a big one for me.
If you've been saying I'm sorryfor setting boundaries for
having an opinion or shoot, justexisting.
Please stop it.
Like today, you don't need toexplain or justify your presence
(33:56):
to anyone, right?
Lastly, show up fully.
So the next time you feel theurge to hold back or shrink
yourself, pause.
The next time you feel the urgeto hold back or shrink yourself
, pause, remind yourself thatyou deserve to be in every space
that you occupy, and then showup fully, because when you do,
you're giving them permission todo the same thing.
(34:18):
So here's what I've learned whenyou show up as yourself,
unapologetically, you createspace for other people to do the
same thing.
People are drawn to that energy.
It's powerful, but beingunapologetic does not mean that
you're going to be reckless ordismissive.
It's about being confident inwho you are, while still being
open to growth.
(34:38):
It's saying this is me, flawsand all.
I'm proud of who I am and I'mworking on who I am becoming.
That is where the magic happens.
So, as we wrap this up, I wantyou to remember this Embracing
yourself fully isn't about beingperfect.
It isn't about being perfect.
Must I say it again?
It's about being real.
(34:59):
It's about choosing everysingle day to show up as your
authentic self, no matter howscary it feels, because when you
do, you're not just living,you're thriving.
And we're just getting started.
Right, we're going to dive intoso much more as it relates to
living the authentic life.
Well, that's all, folks.
(35:23):
We are at the end.
I have said a lot, I havedropped a lot of nuggets that I
hope that you have picked up,and, as we wrap up this first
episode, let me remind you ofthis Living authentically is a
journey and it is not a finaldestination.
It is not about getting itright all the time.
It's really about showing upevery day in the best way that
you can.
So here's another quick littlestory before we go.
(35:53):
Last year, I started carving outtime every morning just to sit
with myself.
No emails, no phone, no socialmedia, no, nothing, Just me, my
thoughts and, most of the time,my journal.
At first it felt a littleawkward, like what am I supposed
to do with this silence, butover time it really has become a
favorite part of my week or afavorite part of my day.
That quiet space has reallyhelped me reconnect with myself
and get clear on whatauthenticity looks like for me
(36:17):
in that moment, and not just todo that, but also to kind of
process, like what my day isgoing to look like.
What has my week looked like?
What did my night look likebefore?
What am I dealing with now?
What do I need to process andget out my head so that I have a
wonderful day?
So, with that, I'm going toleave you with some homework.
Yeah, we do homework aroundhere, but it's easy.
It's all going to be aroundthat self-discovery and really
(36:38):
beginning to embrace you, right?
So I want you to take fiveminutes a day to sit with
yourself no distractions, nopeople, no social media, no
phone, just you and ask yourselfthis what does living
authentically look like for me?
And if you don't know yet whatthat is, that's okay, it's all
right, because we're startingwith the intention of finding
(36:58):
out.
So that's your homework.
That's what I want you to workon Now, thinking about the next
podcast and the next thing thatwe're going to be talking about.
We're going to be diving intoboundaries, why they're hard to
set, how to protect your peaceand how they're actually a
radical form of self-love.
So, trust me, you don't want tomiss that piece.
You don't want to miss thatconversation.
(37:19):
With that, I want to thank youagain for joining me for the
first episode, the first fullepisode and the first step of
the journey of living theauthentic life.
So, if this episode resonatedwith you, please don't forget to
hit subscribe, leave a reviewand, most importantly, share it
with the world.
Share it with someone who needsto hear this.
Remember, the world needs yourauthentic self, so don't be
(37:41):
afraid to show up With that.
This has been the Authentic Life.
I'm Keisha, I'm your host, I'myour guide and maybe even your
accountability partner.
So until next time, peace, loveand blessings and live the
authentic life every day.
Have a great one.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
(38:02):
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing it's justlike an instant invite to more
fun, to more inspiration and tomore authentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration, but
whatever you do, let's spreadthe joy of the authentic life.
(38:22):
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life, peace, love andblessings from your girl Keisha.
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