April 25, 2025 • 41 mins
In this episode of The Authentic Life, we dive into #IAmAGoodPersonLife — exploring how our need to be seen as good can sometimes block true growth and accountability.
Being a good person isn’t about perfection; it’s about being teachable, humble, and open to feedback. Join Keisha for a real, reflective conversation on identity, impact, and what it truly means to live authentically beyond the labels we cling to.
#TheAuthenticLife #IAmAGoodPersonLife #SelfAwareness #GrowthJourney
This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, coaching, or therapy. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health or coaching professional for your specific needs.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together, we'll dive into realstories, practical insights and
steps you can take to embraceyour truth and show up as your
most authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me, let's get started.
Glad that you are here with me,let's get started.
(00:30):
Hello, hello, hello and welcometo Hashtag, the Authentic Life,
a space where we explore whatit really means to live fully,
freely and unapologetically asyour true self.
It's your girl, keisha, and ifyou're new here, I'm your host,
I'm your guide and I might justbe your accountability partner
by the end of this journey.
So, whether you're tuning infrom your car, your office or
(00:52):
your favorite cozy corner athome, I'm just so glad that you
decided to be here with me today.
But, as usual, before we divein, I just want to take a moment
to thank all of you who haveembraced hashtag the authentic
life journey with me, whetheryou downloaded the podcast,
shared it with your friends orjust tuned in to listen.
(01:12):
You've been incredible, and aspecial shout out to those of
you who have taken this thing astep further by either
purchasing hashtag the authenticlife merch, which we still have
, merch there's going to be somesummer merch and some other
merchandise coming.
So if you've purchasedsomething, thank you so much.
If you have not hit your girlup, and to those people that
(01:33):
took it an extra step and becamea subscriber, I so appreciate
you.
Hopefully you are getting yoursubscriber only specials that
are coming out every other week.
So, for those of you that areout there wearing the merch,
sharing the message of livingauthentically that fills me with
so much gratitude and so muchjoy, you're not just listening,
(01:55):
you're actually living it.
So thank you for showing up foryourself and for this community
.
Remember, this wasn't just thelaunch of hashtag the authentic
life.
It was the launch of somethingthat just might actually change
your life.
All right, let's dive in intowhat we're talking about today.
The topic we're talking abouttoday is something that I've
(02:16):
been having a lot ofconversation about.
If you've been walking thisjourney with me, then you know
we've been peeling back layers,right.
We've talked about right.
We've talked about the boundarylife.
We've talked about theself-worth, self-love, all of
those things Hashtag, learn,grow, go all of that stuff.
Each of those episodes invitedus to look at how we show up for
(02:37):
ourselves, how we set ourstandards and how we find the
courage to move forward whensomething or someone no longer
fits.
And today we're looking at aphrase so many of us live by,
but rarely example I'm a goodperson.
And now I know what you'rethinking, keisha being a good
(02:58):
person isn't a bad thing, andyou are absolutely right.
But what happens when you wrapyour identity in that goodness
so tightly that you can't seewhen you're doing harm, or,
worse, when you use yourgoodness as a defense to avoid
your growth?
Well, guess what?
Welcome to hashtag the goodperson life or hashtag I am a
(03:24):
good person life, whichever oneyou want to use the episode
where we hold space for thetruth that being a good person
doesn't mean you're beyondaccountability.
So you ready to jump into this?
Get your notebook, get yourglass of wine, whatever you
decide that you need, as youlisten to me, talk about hashtag
the good person life.
You need, as you listen to me,talk about hashtag the good
(03:48):
person life and let's go Okay.
So let's kick this thing offright.
So we're going to start withsomething I like to call the
good person resume.
Now, you may not havephysically typed this thing out,
but I guarantee you you got one.
It's the list of qualities yousilently run through whenever
someone questions you,especially when the feedback
(04:10):
feels uncomfortable.
It sounds a little bit likethis I'm kind, I treat people
how I want to be treated.
I don't start no drama.
I don't start no drama, I'mrespectful, I'm supportive,
especially to my friends.
I show up, I mean well, I prayfor folks, even the ones who
(04:33):
hurt me.
I'm not perfect, but I've got agood heart and listen, none of
that is wrong.
That may be very well who youare.
In fact, those qualities, thoseare some beautiful qualities.
That list is built from yourlived experiences, your values,
(04:59):
your upbringing and how yousurvive the world.
So I'm not here to discreditthat.
But here's what I want to askwhat happens when that resume
becomes the reason we can't takefeedback?
So let me bring life to thisstory real quick.
So many years ago I was workingwith somebody and I made a quick
comment Nothing that I thoughttwice about, to be honest.
(05:21):
But later that day the personreached out and was like hey,
keisha, about to be honest.
But later that day the personreached out and was like hey,
keisha, when you said that youknow people, that thing about
people not pulling their weight,I felt like you were talking
about me.
Now, in my mind I wasn't.
I was speaking generally, butthe moment she said that, my
(05:43):
mental resume came out.
I'm not passive aggressive.
If you know me, I'm direct, Idon't.
I don't do no fluff, no is acomplete sentence.
Yes, it's a complete sentence.
So you know I don't do passiveaggressive.
I can be very direct.
So if I had an issue right youknow, I would have said it to
the person.
I would never call someone outlike that in front of other
people.
I have more respect for peopleI work with and people that I'm
(06:04):
around, and this particularperson knows that I'm all about
support and not shame.
And what I realized later after, like processing that and maybe
the adrenaline wore off andthat ego life that we have
sometimes calmed down was that Iwasn't really hearing her or
(06:27):
hearing that person.
I was defending my goodnessinstead of sitting in their
experience.
That moment changed how Iunderstood the phrase I am a
good person, because being agood person doesn't mean you
never cause harm.
It means that when you do,you're willing to own it, even
if it wasn't intentional.
(06:47):
Let me say that again being agood person doesn't mean you're
incapable of hurting people.
It means you're committed tomaking things right when you do.
And here's when it gets realwhen you become so attached to
that good person resume that youlose the ability to reflect, to
(07:09):
listen and to receive.
We begin to confuse being goodwith being above accountability.
So let me ask you something, andI want you to really think
about this when was the lasttime you received feedback and
your first instinct was to listall of the reasons why that
thing couldn't be true about you?
Maybe it was your partnersaying you weren't listening.
(07:32):
Maybe it was your coworker whosaid your tone felt sharp.
Maybe it was your friend whosaid you hadn't shown up the way
they needed.
What did you do?
I want you to lean into thatmoment.
Or did you lean into thatresume of yours, right?
So here's a little reflectionfor you.
This is where self-work beginswhen we shift from.
(07:55):
That's not who I am to tell memore about how that felt to you.
That's the move from image tointegrity.
So when you're thinking aboutstrategy, I want you to turn
your resume into a mirror.
So I'm going to make thispractical for you.
Write your good resume out forreal, like nodding your head.
Write it out for real.
(08:15):
List the qualities you believethat define your goodness.
Then ask do I still show uplike this when I feel challenged
, when I feel triggered or whenI feel misunderstood?
When do people experience me?
Oh, I'm sorry, how do peopleexperience me when I'm under
pressure?
Does my resume reflect who I amor who I want to be?
(08:40):
Then take it one step further.
Ask a trusted person.
When I get feedback, how do Iusually respond?
And then here's the hard partJust listen, don't explain,
don't defend, just receive.
So this week I want you to stopreciting your goodness and start
(09:03):
reflecting it, especially inhard moments, because your
resume might tell the world whoyou are, but your behavior tells
people what it's like to be inrelationship with you.
Okay, so now we're going totalk about when good becomes a
shield and that shield blocksthe growth.
Okay, so we just spent timenaming our good person resume,
(09:26):
those internal checklists wepull out when someone challenges
us or when we feel like ourintentions are being questioned.
Now we're about to go a littledeeper.
Let's talk about how that samegoodness can become a shield.
Because for many of us, being agood person doesn't just live
in our values, it lives in ouridentity.
And when our identity is rootedin always being good, always
(09:50):
being kind, always being thebigger person, we start using
that identity as protection fromreflection.
Let me explain so.
Several years ago if you know me, I do coaching Haven't really
done a lot of individualcoaching in a while.
I'm shifting back into doing alittle bit of that.
I've had some people reach outand want some one-on-one
(10:11):
coaching, so I've kind of pickedthat up, but not as much.
But several years ago I had aclient we are going to call her
April because it is April and Iwas born in April, april 3rd,
but anyway who came to mefeeling stuck.
She said Keisha, you know whatI don't get it.
I always show up for people.
I'm never the one to startstuff and somehow I'm always the
(10:33):
one person who has everybodygot a problem with.
So we started unpacking herrecent conflict and every time I
asked a question about theother person's experience she
would say things like theymisunderstood me.
I was only trying to help.
I didn't say it with anattitude they must have been
projecting.
And listen.
I'm not saying she didn't havegood intentions.
(10:55):
I fully believe she did.
But what she didn't realize wasthat she was using her goodness
as a deflection tool.
Using her goodness as adeflection tool Every time we
got close to reflection she'dshield herself with.
But that's not who I am andthat right there.
That's the moment growth getsblocked.
Here's a little reflection.
You see, here's the thing whenyour identity is wrapped in
(11:19):
being a good person, it becomesreally hard to admit when you
get it wrong, because getting itwrong feels like being wrong
and being wrong feels like youridentity is under attack.
So what do we do?
We shield ourselves.
We say things like they're justbeing sensitive.
I'm always the one who getsblamed.
(11:40):
No one ever sees how hard I try.
You focus only on the badthings, not the good things.
Right, what we're really doingis prioritizing perception over
connection, and I will tell you,someone's perception is their
reality.
So we'd rather protect ourimage than do the work to repair
(12:02):
the relationship.
But that shield doesn't keeppeople from being hurt.
It just keeps you from beingaccountable.
So if your need to be a goodperson makes you emotionally
unavailable when someone tellsyou.
They're hurting.
That's not goodness.
That's not goodness, baby,that's ego in a glass box.
(12:30):
Trust me, we're gonna have anepisode called hashtag the ego
life, and it's gonna be a goodone.
You're so busy trying not tocrack that you don't even
realize you stop letting peoplein.
So y'all had a strategy in thefirst part.
Strategy two replace protectionwith presence.
So how do we shift?
The next time someone gives youfeedback, resist the urge to
(12:52):
protect your identity Instead ofsaying that's not who I am.
Try saying that wasn't myintention, but I hear you and I
want to understand more.
Notice that shift.
You're not abandoning yourcharacter.
You're expanding your awareness.
Create a pause, practice whenyou feel the urge to defend your
goodness.
(13:12):
Use that as a cue to breatheand get curious instead of
guarded.
Ask yourself what part of thisam I uncomfortable hearing?
Is this a moment to be right oris this a moment to be real?
Can I be present with thisperson, even if I don't agree
with everything they're saying?
Because that's the shift fromgoodness as identity to goodness
(13:37):
as emotional maturity.
And let's be real, good peopleget it wrong too.
The difference isn't whetheryou mess up.
It's whether you're willing torepair without turning the
moment into a courtroom whereyou're trying to prove your
innocence.
You don't need to protect yourcharacter like it's on trial.
You need to practice presence,like your integrity depends on
(14:00):
it Because it does.
Okay, so Now we're going totalk about when ego wears the
mask of goodness, and I told youI'm going to have a whole
episode called hashtag the egolife.
Me and my therapist talk aboutego all the time.
Okay, so so far we've talkedabout how being a good person
(14:22):
can turn into a shield, but nowwe're about to go a little bit
deeper, into something a littlesneakier.
What happens when that shieldis really just ego disguised as
goodness?
And listen, I'm not talkingabout the loud, the arrogant.
I know everything ego.
I'm talking about theemotionally intelligent ego, the
polished one, the well-spokenone, the socially aware one, the
(14:46):
one that knows that all theright things to say leads with
inclusion and affirmations, thatencourages others, uplifts the
room, but still quietly refusesto be seen as wrong.
This ego doesn't yell, itactually performs.
It blends in with our characterand hides behind.
(15:08):
I meant well, it's the part ofus that says I'm a good person,
so this feedback must be amisunderstanding.
Now, a few years ago I wasmentoring someone early in their
leadership journey.
We had a one-on-oneconversation and I gave some
feedback.
I genuinely thought I was beingthoughtful, encouraging and
(15:32):
supportive, pointing out whereshe was doing really, really
well, but also talking aboutwhere she needed to grow and
potentials where she could shine.
About a week later shecontacted me and she was like
Keisha, I really appreciate yourtime and your mentorship, but
the last time we met I walkedaway from our conversation not
(15:53):
feeling the best.
I left questioning whether Ieven really belong in this space
, and let me tell you that hitme hard.
I mean real hard.
Now here's where the ego steppedin, because in my mind I had
been gentled.
I had poured into her the verything that I feel like I was put
on this earth to do.
I even gave her resources and Ifollowed up.
(16:16):
So I immediately startedscrolling through my mental good
person resume like.
But I supported her, I believedin her.
I would never try to tearsomeone down.
And then I realized this wasn'tabout what I did in my mind.
It was about how sheexperienced me in real time.
What hurt her didn't cancel myintentions, but my ego wanted to
(16:39):
use my intentions to cancel herexperience.
And that was the moment I knewI need to work on some things
and talk about that ego.
So that's why, for years withmy therapist, I talk about the
ego Hashtag, the ego life.
I can't wait to do the episode.
But anyway, you see, the ego istricky.
It doesn't always show up loud.
(16:59):
Sometimes that thing come inreal smooth and real calm.
Sometimes it says all the rightthings but it does everything
it can to avoid feeling wrong.
This is the ego that doesn'tthrow tantrums, it just throws
credentials.
It says I couldn't have donethat.
I'm the person who uplifts allwomen.
(17:20):
I don't need to be corrected, Ido this work.
But here's the truth.
Ego tells you to protect yourimage.
Growth tells you to lean intothe moment and really listen,
and that conversation with her,that was a mirror.
Not because I'm a bad person,but because even good people
need to grow.
So if someone shares theirexperience and your first
(17:44):
instinct is to say let me remindyou who I am instead of let me
understand how that landed foryou, then it's probably not your
goodness talking, it's your ego.
And ego is loud, but growthwhispers.
You don't have to be perfect,you just have to be present.
So strategy three let ego be asignal, not a driver.
(18:06):
Check your internal response.
When you feel the need toexplain or defend, ask yourself
am I protecting my identity oram I prioritizing this
relationship?
Is this thing about being rightor is it about being real and
practice reflective humility?
Instead of saying that's notwho I am, try saying I didn't
(18:28):
realize that.
Thank you for sharing it withme.
I'm gonna sit with that for aminute.
I didn't realize that.
Thank you for sharing it withme.
I'm gonna sit with that for aminute and then make your ego a
checkpoint, not a destination.
Let it alert you that somethingfeels hard to hear, but don't
let it be the voice that decideshow you respond.
Here's what I'm learning youdon't have to prove your
(18:50):
goodness to protect it, and whenyour ego leaves the moment,
your integrity actually takes aback seat.
So the next time you'retriggered, before you defend
your resume, pause and askyourself what am I trying to
protect right now?
My heart or my image?
Because the realist version ofyou, she's not afraid of
(19:11):
feedback.
She just, she just focused ongrowing and changing.
Okay Now, intent doesn't eraseimpact.
(19:31):
All right, let's breathetogether for a moment In breathe
out, because this next partit's a little tender.
It's the part that catches somany good-hearted people off
guard, the part where the phrasethat wasn't my intention
becomes both a comfort blanketand a barrier.
Let's get into it.
Your intentions do not eraseyour impact.
(19:52):
Let me say it louder for thefolks in the back and for my own
spirit your intentions do noterase your impact.
They help explain it, they givecontext, but they do not cancel
out the hurt that may have beencaused by what you said.
So story time In one of myworkshops, a woman stood up
(20:15):
after a session and said I justfeel like I shouldn't have to
apologize if I didn't mean tohurt someone.
I'm a good person, my heart isnever in the wrong place.
And you could feel the roomshift a little bit, not because
people didn't understand whereshe was coming from, but because
so many of us have been there.
We all have had those momentswhere we think why are they
upset?
I didn't mean it like that,that's not what I said, that's
(20:38):
not what I was trying to do.
But here's the truth.
Impact lives in the experienceof the other person, not your
explanation of it.
Think of it this way If I stepon your foot, even by accident,
it still hurts, and if my firstresponse is but I didn't mean to
, instead of are you okay, I'vecentered my innocence over your
(21:01):
pain and in that moment, eventhough I didn't mean harm, my
reaction keeps the harm going.
So we have to stop acting likenot meaning to do something is
the same as not doing it,because for the person on the
receiving end, the pain is stillreal.
And here's the kicker whensomeone brings something to your
attention, especially when theydo it gently or courageously,
(21:25):
your response is the reflectionof your emotional intelligence,
not your resume.
Do you get defensive and startlisting all your good intentions
, or do you get curious and askhow did that feel for you?
I'll give you another example.
This is an example I'll usewith my boo.
All the time we talk aboutintent and impact.
Hey, bae, if you push me down,we walking, we walking side by
(21:46):
side and we walking down thesteps.
You bump into me and I falldown the steps.
Now when you get thatop, bloop,bloop, bloop I fall down the
steps.
Now when you get that, when yourun down to the steps, you're
like hey, hey, are you going tofocus on?
You ain't mean to do that.
Are you going to focus on thefact that I done fell down these
steps, I done broke a foot, aleg.
I'm all messed up.
What we going to focus?
Focus on the fact that I felldown these steps and I'm hurting
(22:09):
right now Not that you didn'tmean to do that thing, because
I'm pretty sure you didn't meanto knock me down the stairs.
Right now, I'm down the stairsand I'm hurting.
Can we focus on that thing andnot the fact that that ain't
what you meant to do?
That's that intent and impact.
That's how you got to break itdown, when you're always trying
to defend, right?
I want you to think about amoment where someone was hurt by
something you said or did andyour first instinct was to say
(22:31):
but that wasn't my intention.
Now ask yourself did I ever askthem how they felt?
Did I make space for theirexperience or just did I try to
clear my name?
Did I listen for understandingor wait for my turn to defend
myself?
Because let me tell yousomething I had to learn you can
mean well and still do harm.
You can love someone and stillneed to apologize.
(22:54):
You can be kind hearted andstill be responsible for your
words.
So strategy number four is leadwith repair, not reputation.
When someone says that they'rehurt, your first move should not
be to explain.
It should be to hold space.
So try saying I hear you, Ididn't realize that.
Thank you for trusting meenough to share it.
(23:14):
Don't rush to justify, sit withthat discomfort.
We don't like to beuncomfortable.
Sometimes the most powerfulthing you can do is stay present
in the tension without tryingto fix it immediately.
Like we don't like to beuncomfortable.
So our first thing is hey, howcan I solve this thing?
How can we shut this down?
I don't want to talk about this.
It's making me uncomfortable.
Then you ask for clarity.
(23:35):
Say would you be open tohelping me understand more about
what brought what that broughtup for you?
And let the conversation beabout the connection, not the
correction.
And when it's time to apologize, make it simple, not I'm sorry
that you feel that way.
Say I'm sorry I hurt you, I'lldo better and then do better.
(23:55):
Let's normalize this thing,y'all.
Accountability is not an attack.
You have to be accountable foryourself and what you do.
It's an invitation to be thekind of person you say you are,
remember you, a good person,right?
So the next time you're temptedto leave with that wasn't my
intention pause and ask is myneed to be understood getting in
(24:16):
the way of truly understandingthis person?
Because that's the differencebetween being right and being in
relationship.
All right, now we get thisthing rolling.
So now we're about to go intoredefining good as teachable,
not perfect.
So now that we've looked at egomy favorite thing to talk about
(24:37):
at intention versus impact andhow being a good person can get
in the way of real reflection,let's go one step further.
Let's talk about redefiningwhat good really means.
Because if you're anything likeme, you probably were raised to
believe that good meant beingpolite, being helpful, staying
out of trouble, getting goodgrades, being the strong one,
(24:59):
not talking back, saying theright thing even when your truth
stayed silent.
You were taught that good meantbeing agreeable, quiet, kind,
but not necessarily whole, nothonest, not human.
Somewhere along the way, manyof us absorb this belief that
being a good person means nevermaking mistakes, never
(25:20):
disappointing anyone and neverbeing perceived as anything less
than admirable.
But what I want to shift inthat belief is because being a
good person is not about beingperfect.
It's about being teachable.
It's about being someone whocan be held accountable without
falling apart.
It's about someone who can hearthe hard thing and choose to
(25:42):
grow from it instead of fightingit.
I had someone say to me not longago Keisha, I always feel like
I have to come correct aroundyou, like I can't say the wrong
thing, and I was like huh,thinking in my head.
That was never my intention,but it made me think Was my
presence polished or was itpressuring?
(26:04):
Was my confidence creatingconnection or something else?
I had to ask myself am Icreating space for people to be
real or just be careful?
And that's one of the reasonswhy I do this hashtag the
authentic life.
That's why y'all are gettingKeisha Jones, y'all not getting
Vice President Jones, y'all notgetting none of that like super
(26:25):
professional, polished Keishathat many people know me to be,
especially in my professionalsetting.
Y'all are getting the full me,the real me, because I don't
want people to feel like theycan't be themselves, because
people do look at me as someoneis super confident, well,
polished, and you know thatspace.
(26:47):
So I really have tried to thinkabout that and really be
conscious of what that lookslike.
So I really have tried to thinkabout that and really be
conscious of what that lookslike.
So that conversation reminded methat even when we lead with
love, even when we hold highstandards, we still need to
leave room for people, includingourselves, to be unfinished.
And y'all see the unfinishedversion of me in hashtag the
(27:07):
authentic life.
Y'all hear about all my stuffand all my problems.
A lot of stuff I talk to mytherapist about.
The authentic life.
Y'all hear about all my stuffand all my problems, hats a lot
of stuff I talk to my therapistabout.
But because the truth is, I'vespent years learning how to show
up well, but sometimes thatwell becomes tight.
It becomes rigid and if youknow me, I don't like to be
tight and I don't like to berigid.
I want anybody feel like theycan come to me and they can talk
to me, and when you're that way, there's no growth in the room
(27:31):
where you can't breathe Ifyou're always tight and rigid.
You know people.
If you know me, know me, youknow I can't stand for no
uptight person.
Right, loosen up, come on now.
Everything all right.
So here's the new definition Iwant you to try on being a good
person means being safe to growaround.
That includes how othersexperience you and how you
(27:54):
experience yourself.
So ask yourself do people feelsafe giving me feedback?
Do I leave room for nuance ordo I need things to be?
Either I'm right or they'rewrong?
Do I treat growth like aprocess or like a test?
I can fail, because growthdoesn't live in people pleasing.
It lives in being present withthe process of becoming.
(28:17):
You don't have to be thekindest, most polished, most
morally correct version ofyourself every single moment of
every single day.
You just need to be somebodywho's willing to stop, reflect
and shift, to say dang.
I didn't even realize that, butI do now.
And then do something with thatknowing.
(28:37):
Strategy number five let growthbe your definition of good.
Start your day with thisintention Today.
I want to leave people feelingheard, safe and respected, even
when I don't get it right thefirst time.
Here's a journal prompt you canuse at the end of the day Did
my presence today reflect thekind of good I want to be known
for?
Was I committed to beingpolished or to being present?
(28:59):
And then build your new goodresume version 2.0.
One that includes, I admit.
When I miss it, I know how toapologize well.
I ask for feedback withoutfalling apart.
I listen to understand, not tojust respond or defend.
I prioritize impact overintention.
I grow out loud.
(29:20):
That's the kind of good thatheals people, that builds trust,
that creates legacy.
So let's be real beingteachable will take you further
than being right ever could.
So, instead of clinging to theneed to be good, choose to
practice good every day, inevery space, with every breath,
(29:40):
because good character isn'tabout being untouchable.
It's about being someone whotouches lives and lets others
touch your heart too.
Okay, so before we close out,I'm going to Start adding a
challenge.
So this week's challenge foryou, as you go into your weekend
and begin the next week and upuntil the next episode on, I
(30:03):
want you to start putting inthis hashtag I'm a good person,
life audit, right?
So everybody, take a deepbreath with me, breathe in,
breathe out.
This episode has been a lot,but a good kind of a lot, but a
lot nonetheless.
We've unpacked what it reallymeans to be a good person.
(30:23):
We've gotten honest about ourego, impact, feedback and how
identity can actually block ourgrowth.
Now let's take all of that andmove it from your ears to your
everyday living and youreveryday life, because hashtag
the authentic life isn't justabout listening, it's about
living.
This week, I'm inviting youinto your hashtag I'm a good
(30:46):
person life audit.
This isn't about judgment, it'sabout gentle self-examination,
it's about truth, it's aboutgrowth and it's about showing up
in ways that reflect who youreally want to be.
Now, first step in thischallenge is to write out your
real good person resume.
You've heard me say it allthrough the episodes your good
person resume is that mentallist of reasons you believe
(31:08):
you're a kind, caring, moral orthoughtful human being.
Right, and you probably are.
Nobody's saying you aren't, butI want you to write it down.
Take your journal, your notesapp, a piece of scrap paper,
whatever works for you and writeI'm a good person because.
And then let it flow, list outthe traits, the habits, the
experiences and the beliefs thatform your self-perception.
(31:30):
After you make that list, Iwant you to ask yourself now, do
I show up this way when I feelchallenged, uncomfortable,
called out or called in?
Because your real goodnessisn't just who you are when it's
easy, it's who you choose to bewhen it's hard.
Now, number two for thechallenge is to reflect on a
moment you got defensive.
(31:51):
Now I want you to go back inyour mind to a moment when
someone gave you feedback oreven just says something that
didn't sit right with you, andyou got defensive.
Maybe you said that's not whatI meant, maybe you shut down,
maybe you spiraled inside, maybeyou crashed out.
Maybe you told that personyou're just being sensitive,
whatever it was.
(32:12):
I want you to go back and Iwant you to sit in that thing
for a minute.
Then I want you to ask yourselfwas I listening or was I
preparing my defense when thatthing was going on?
When I was having thatconversation, did I give them
space to express what theyneeded or did I center how I
felt every time they saidsomething?
(32:32):
So what I mean by that?
Just for clarity's sake, forthose that may be a little
confused somebody telling youhow you made them feel, and then
you, you trying to centeryourself in that and how that
wasn't your intent.
You ain't mean to do that.
All of those, it becomes.
It becomes about you and notabout how they felt.
So now, how they, based off ofwhat you saying, now you
(32:55):
basically telling them how theyfeel is wrong, cause that's not
what you meant.
How many of how many of youhave done that?
How many of you haveexperienced that?
I have experienced that.
I may have done that, I can'trecall, but I definitely have
recalled talking to somebody,telling them how I feel, and
then, by the time I finishedwith that con, that conversation
, I'm like, damn, I feel bad forfeeling how I feel.
(33:19):
Maybe I should feel like this,maybe I shouldn't feel like this
.
Then I'm over here justself-reflecting and checking
myself.
Then I'm like girl bye,absolutely not.
Yeah, I want you to think haveyou ever done that to somebody?
Yeah, that was a good example.
Did I lead with empathy or didI lead with my ego?
Did you let your ego in thedriver's seat?
(33:39):
Again, it became about you andnot them.
Write about it, talk about itwith somebody or just reflect on
it honestly, because those arethe moments that stretch us.
Be transparent and honest withyourself.
If you can't be transparent andhonest with anybody else, you
have to be transparent andhonest about yourself.
And that's why I wanted to dothis episode, because we make
(34:02):
being a good person so much ofour identity and who we are that
we cannot stretch ourselves.
We cannot believe you feel likethat because I'm a good person.
Okay, you are a good person.
You just made me feel like shit, though.
All right, number three make arepair if you're ready.
Now, this one is an optional oneand it got to be spirit led.
(34:25):
So if you feel it in the spiritto do this, you go and do this,
keisha, not telling you to gotalk to nobody, have no
conversations with nobody,because I don't need nobody
crashing out on you.
I don't need you crashing outon them and then coming back and
saying it's my fault that outon them and then coming back and
saying it's my fault, that'snot what I'm saying.
This is optional, so this isspirit led.
If you feel like this issomething that will be a
positive thing and will work out, you go forth and you do great
work.
If you don't think so, don't dothis.
(34:48):
If there's someone in your lifethat you may have hurt, even
unintentionally, and now you seehow your goodness got in the
way of accountability or empathy, and you feel safe enough to
reach out, do it and saysomething like this.
I've been reflecting.
I listened to Keisha's hashtagthe Authentic Life, last episode
(35:08):
about being a good person, andit really put me in a reflection
mode and I realized I may havemissed something in our last
conversation and I really wantto apologize and I'm actually
open to hearing how that feltfor you.
If you're open to sharing thatand then have the conversation.
It don't have to be deep anddramatic.
We like to get all dramatic andmake everything so deep.
(35:30):
It don't need to be all of that, it just needs to be real.
And sometimes what peoplereally need isn't an apology,
it's to know that you werelistening, even after the moment
passed.
So even if that moment youmessed up, and then you take
that time to do some reflectionand then you circle back to that
person and then you, like youknow what, I realized I wasn't
(35:52):
really listening and I probablymade you feel bad in that
situation.
I really want to talk to youabout that.
You know that may rectify thatrelationship right, because it's
taking accountability thatthing we don't like to do.
I need to do an episode calledhashtag the accountability life,
lord knows I knew.
Number four ask for feedback.
That grows you.
(36:12):
This is the big one.
I want you to invite feedbackthis week.
We don't like feedback becausewe think we good people and we
walk around and we need theselittle perfect people and we
don't do nothing wrong and so wedon't want to ask nobody.
Nothing right.
Go to someone who knows you welland say hey, what's something
about the way I show up that Imight not see but can grow from?
(36:32):
Is there a moment where youdidn't feel seen or heard by me,
but you never said anything?
And then just listen, be quiet,say less, okay, you're not.
This is not for you to give anyexplanations, no clarifications
, no justifications.
You just need to be present andlisten, to hear and understand
(36:58):
what they're saying, becausethat is what authentic,
emotionally mature goodnesssounds like.
Ok, at the end of the day,you're a good person.
Nobody is saying that you'renot a good person.
But again, like I said, thereason why I did this episode is
because so many people getwrapped up in that they're a
(37:19):
good person that they can't.
They feel like they don't do nowrong, right, but you can't let
that stop you from growing.
Let it be the reason you grow.
Let this week be less aboutbeing right and more about being
real, less about being seen asa kind person and more about
doing the hard work of showingup in kindness, even when your
(37:44):
ego wants to tap out.
Okay, think about that.
Think about what you uncoverthis week.
What surprises you, whatchanges?
Because your reflection doesn'tjust free you.
It creates space for the restof us to grow too, when we
interact and engage with you.
Okay, if you're still with me,take a breath.
(38:07):
You just done some real hardwork, sitting with the truth
that being a good person doesn'tmean you're above
accountability.
It doesn't mean you're beyondmaking mistakes and it
definitely doesn't mean you getto opt out of growth.
It doesn't mean you're beyondmaking mistakes and it
definitely doesn't mean you getto opt out of growth.
It means you're a human being,it means you're becoming, and
that's where the power is.
(38:28):
And as we continue to live,hashtag the authentic life,
we're going to keep peeling backthose layers.
Okay, we got to, because upnext, we're diving into
something just as personal, justas reflective and, honestly,
just as transformational.
Right, the next episode dropsMay 9th and it's called hashtag
(38:48):
the love versus like life, andI'm going to ask you a question
that might catch you off guardDo you truly love the people in
your life or do you just likethe comfort they bring?
Because some of us are out herecalling things love that are
really just habit.
We've confused consistency withintimacy and we've convinced
(39:08):
ourselves that closeness equalsconnection, even when the
relationship no longer reflectswho we are or where we're going.
So in that episode, we're goingto unpack what real, rooted,
soul, stretching love looks andfeels like.
How to identify when you'restanding in a relationship out
of fear, comfort or familiar,how somebody can love you but
(39:30):
not like you, and how to loveothers without losing yourself.
So, whether it's romantic,platonic or even family, we're
putting some things on the table.
So if you ever ask is thisrelationship feeding me or just
filling time?
Do I feel deeply loved or justdeeply needed?
Am I growing or just staying?
Then hashtag the love versuslike.
(39:54):
Life is going to speak to yoursoul, but it's time for me to
say goodbye.
So here's what I want to leaveyou with today.
You are a good person, butthat's not the finish line.
It's the starting point,because your goodness isn't
about how well you perform.
It's about how willing you areto pause, reflect and repair the
(40:15):
real flex, owning your impact,letting go of your image,
choosing growth over being right.
If this episode stretched you,sit with it, journal through it,
talk about it with your circleand, if you're ready, share your
takeaway with me.
Send me a message on LinkedIn.
On Instagram, you can gopodcasting with Keisha and use
(40:39):
hashtag I'm a good person, life,so I can walk through this
journey with you.
And hey, if no one's told youtoday, I see you, I'm proud of
you and I'm so glad you're doingthe work, not for likes, not
for approval, but for the peacethat comes with living honestly.
So, until next time, keepreflecting, keep growing and
keep living the life that's full, free and unapologetically
(41:02):
yours Peace, love and blessingsfrom your girl, keisha.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you love today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing is just likean instant invite to more fun,
to more inspiration and to moreauthentic vibes.
(41:23):
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration, but
whatever you do, let's spreadthe joy of the authentic life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
(41:44):
authentic life Peace, love andblessings from your girl, keisha
.
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together, we'll dive into realstories, practical insights and
steps you can take to embraceyour truth and show up as your
most authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me, let's get started.
Glad that you are here with me,let's get started.
(00:30):
Hello, hello, hello and welcometo Hashtag, the Authentic Life,
a space where we explore whatit really means to live fully,
freely and unapologetically asyour true self.
It's your girl, keisha, and ifyou're new here, I'm your host,
I'm your guide and I might justbe your accountability partner
by the end of this journey.
So, whether you're tuning infrom your car, your office or
(00:52):
your favorite cozy corner athome, I'm just so glad that you
decided to be here with me today.
But, as usual, before we divein, I just want to take a moment
to thank all of you who haveembraced hashtag the authentic
life journey with me, whetheryou downloaded the podcast,
shared it with your friends orjust tuned in to listen.
(01:12):
You've been incredible, and aspecial shout out to those of
you who have taken this thing astep further by either
purchasing hashtag the authenticlife merch, which we still have
, merch there's going to be somesummer merch and some other
merchandise coming.
So if you've purchasedsomething, thank you so much.
If you have not hit your girlup, and to those people that
(01:33):
took it an extra step and becamea subscriber, I so appreciate
you.
Hopefully you are getting yoursubscriber only specials that
are coming out every other week.
So, for those of you that areout there wearing the merch,
sharing the message of livingauthentically that fills me with
so much gratitude and so muchjoy, you're not just listening,
(01:55):
you're actually living it.
So thank you for showing up foryourself and for this community
.
Remember, this wasn't just thelaunch of hashtag the authentic
life.
It was the launch of somethingthat just might actually change
your life.
All right, let's dive in intowhat we're talking about today.
The topic we're talking abouttoday is something that I've
(02:16):
been having a lot ofconversation about.
If you've been walking thisjourney with me, then you know
we've been peeling back layers,right.
We've talked about right.
We've talked about the boundarylife.
We've talked about theself-worth, self-love, all of
those things Hashtag, learn,grow, go all of that stuff.
Each of those episodes invitedus to look at how we show up for
(02:37):
ourselves, how we set ourstandards and how we find the
courage to move forward whensomething or someone no longer
fits.
And today we're looking at aphrase so many of us live by,
but rarely example I'm a goodperson.
And now I know what you'rethinking, keisha being a good
(02:58):
person isn't a bad thing, andyou are absolutely right.
But what happens when you wrapyour identity in that goodness
so tightly that you can't seewhen you're doing harm, or,
worse, when you use yourgoodness as a defense to avoid
your growth?
Well, guess what?
Welcome to hashtag the goodperson life or hashtag I am a
(03:24):
good person life, whichever oneyou want to use the episode
where we hold space for thetruth that being a good person
doesn't mean you're beyondaccountability.
So you ready to jump into this?
Get your notebook, get yourglass of wine, whatever you
decide that you need, as youlisten to me, talk about hashtag
the good person life.
You need, as you listen to me,talk about hashtag the good
(03:48):
person life and let's go Okay.
So let's kick this thing offright.
So we're going to start withsomething I like to call the
good person resume.
Now, you may not havephysically typed this thing out,
but I guarantee you you got one.
It's the list of qualities yousilently run through whenever
someone questions you,especially when the feedback
(04:10):
feels uncomfortable.
It sounds a little bit likethis I'm kind, I treat people
how I want to be treated.
I don't start no drama.
I don't start no drama, I'mrespectful, I'm supportive,
especially to my friends.
I show up, I mean well, I prayfor folks, even the ones who
(04:33):
hurt me.
I'm not perfect, but I've got agood heart and listen, none of
that is wrong.
That may be very well who youare.
In fact, those qualities, thoseare some beautiful qualities.
That list is built from yourlived experiences, your values,
(04:59):
your upbringing and how yousurvive the world.
So I'm not here to discreditthat.
But here's what I want to askwhat happens when that resume
becomes the reason we can't takefeedback?
So let me bring life to thisstory real quick.
So many years ago I was workingwith somebody and I made a quick
comment Nothing that I thoughttwice about, to be honest.
(05:21):
But later that day the personreached out and was like hey,
keisha, about to be honest.
But later that day the personreached out and was like hey,
keisha, when you said that youknow people, that thing about
people not pulling their weight,I felt like you were talking
about me.
Now, in my mind I wasn't.
I was speaking generally, butthe moment she said that, my
(05:43):
mental resume came out.
I'm not passive aggressive.
If you know me, I'm direct, Idon't.
I don't do no fluff, no is acomplete sentence.
Yes, it's a complete sentence.
So you know I don't do passiveaggressive.
I can be very direct.
So if I had an issue right youknow, I would have said it to
the person.
I would never call someone outlike that in front of other
people.
I have more respect for peopleI work with and people that I'm
(06:04):
around, and this particularperson knows that I'm all about
support and not shame.
And what I realized later after, like processing that and maybe
the adrenaline wore off andthat ego life that we have
sometimes calmed down was that Iwasn't really hearing her or
(06:27):
hearing that person.
I was defending my goodnessinstead of sitting in their
experience.
That moment changed how Iunderstood the phrase I am a
good person, because being agood person doesn't mean you
never cause harm.
It means that when you do,you're willing to own it, even
if it wasn't intentional.
(06:47):
Let me say that again being agood person doesn't mean you're
incapable of hurting people.
It means you're committed tomaking things right when you do.
And here's when it gets realwhen you become so attached to
that good person resume that youlose the ability to reflect, to
(07:09):
listen and to receive.
We begin to confuse being goodwith being above accountability.
So let me ask you something, andI want you to really think
about this when was the lasttime you received feedback and
your first instinct was to listall of the reasons why that
thing couldn't be true about you?
Maybe it was your partnersaying you weren't listening.
(07:32):
Maybe it was your coworker whosaid your tone felt sharp.
Maybe it was your friend whosaid you hadn't shown up the way
they needed.
What did you do?
I want you to lean into thatmoment.
Or did you lean into thatresume of yours, right?
So here's a little reflectionfor you.
This is where self-work beginswhen we shift from.
(07:55):
That's not who I am to tell memore about how that felt to you.
That's the move from image tointegrity.
So when you're thinking aboutstrategy, I want you to turn
your resume into a mirror.
So I'm going to make thispractical for you.
Write your good resume out forreal, like nodding your head.
Write it out for real.
(08:15):
List the qualities you believethat define your goodness.
Then ask do I still show uplike this when I feel challenged
, when I feel triggered or whenI feel misunderstood?
When do people experience me?
Oh, I'm sorry, how do peopleexperience me when I'm under
pressure?
Does my resume reflect who I amor who I want to be?
(08:40):
Then take it one step further.
Ask a trusted person.
When I get feedback, how do Iusually respond?
And then here's the hard partJust listen, don't explain,
don't defend, just receive.
So this week I want you to stopreciting your goodness and start
(09:03):
reflecting it, especially inhard moments, because your
resume might tell the world whoyou are, but your behavior tells
people what it's like to be inrelationship with you.
Okay, so now we're going totalk about when good becomes a
shield and that shield blocksthe growth.
Okay, so we just spent timenaming our good person resume,
(09:26):
those internal checklists wepull out when someone challenges
us or when we feel like ourintentions are being questioned.
Now we're about to go a littledeeper.
Let's talk about how that samegoodness can become a shield.
Because for many of us, being agood person doesn't just live
in our values, it lives in ouridentity.
And when our identity is rootedin always being good, always
(09:50):
being kind, always being thebigger person, we start using
that identity as protection fromreflection.
Let me explain so.
Several years ago if you know me, I do coaching Haven't really
done a lot of individualcoaching in a while.
I'm shifting back into doing alittle bit of that.
I've had some people reach outand want some one-on-one
(10:11):
coaching, so I've kind of pickedthat up, but not as much.
But several years ago I had aclient we are going to call her
April because it is April and Iwas born in April, april 3rd,
but anyway who came to mefeeling stuck.
She said Keisha, you know whatI don't get it.
I always show up for people.
I'm never the one to startstuff and somehow I'm always the
(10:33):
one person who has everybodygot a problem with.
So we started unpacking herrecent conflict and every time I
asked a question about theother person's experience she
would say things like theymisunderstood me.
I was only trying to help.
I didn't say it with anattitude they must have been
projecting.
And listen.
I'm not saying she didn't havegood intentions.
(10:55):
I fully believe she did.
But what she didn't realize wasthat she was using her goodness
as a deflection tool.
Using her goodness as adeflection tool Every time we
got close to reflection she'dshield herself with.
But that's not who I am andthat right there.
That's the moment growth getsblocked.
Here's a little reflection.
You see, here's the thing whenyour identity is wrapped in
(11:19):
being a good person, it becomesreally hard to admit when you
get it wrong, because getting itwrong feels like being wrong
and being wrong feels like youridentity is under attack.
So what do we do?
We shield ourselves.
We say things like they're justbeing sensitive.
I'm always the one who getsblamed.
(11:40):
No one ever sees how hard I try.
You focus only on the badthings, not the good things.
Right, what we're really doingis prioritizing perception over
connection, and I will tell you,someone's perception is their
reality.
So we'd rather protect ourimage than do the work to repair
(12:02):
the relationship.
But that shield doesn't keeppeople from being hurt.
It just keeps you from beingaccountable.
So if your need to be a goodperson makes you emotionally
unavailable when someone tellsyou.
They're hurting.
That's not goodness.
That's not goodness, baby,that's ego in a glass box.
(12:30):
Trust me, we're gonna have anepisode called hashtag the ego
life, and it's gonna be a goodone.
You're so busy trying not tocrack that you don't even
realize you stop letting peoplein.
So y'all had a strategy in thefirst part.
Strategy two replace protectionwith presence.
So how do we shift?
The next time someone gives youfeedback, resist the urge to
(12:52):
protect your identity Instead ofsaying that's not who I am.
Try saying that wasn't myintention, but I hear you and I
want to understand more.
Notice that shift.
You're not abandoning yourcharacter.
You're expanding your awareness.
Create a pause, practice whenyou feel the urge to defend your
goodness.
(13:12):
Use that as a cue to breatheand get curious instead of
guarded.
Ask yourself what part of thisam I uncomfortable hearing?
Is this a moment to be right oris this a moment to be real?
Can I be present with thisperson, even if I don't agree
with everything they're saying?
Because that's the shift fromgoodness as identity to goodness
(13:37):
as emotional maturity.
And let's be real, good peopleget it wrong too.
The difference isn't whetheryou mess up.
It's whether you're willing torepair without turning the
moment into a courtroom whereyou're trying to prove your
innocence.
You don't need to protect yourcharacter like it's on trial.
You need to practice presence,like your integrity depends on
(14:00):
it Because it does.
Okay, so Now we're going totalk about when ego wears the
mask of goodness, and I told youI'm going to have a whole
episode called hashtag the egolife.
Me and my therapist talk aboutego all the time.
Okay, so so far we've talkedabout how being a good person
(14:22):
can turn into a shield, but nowwe're about to go a little bit
deeper, into something a littlesneakier.
What happens when that shieldis really just ego disguised as
goodness?
And listen, I'm not talkingabout the loud, the arrogant.
I know everything ego.
I'm talking about theemotionally intelligent ego, the
polished one, the well-spokenone, the socially aware one, the
(14:46):
one that knows that all theright things to say leads with
inclusion and affirmations, thatencourages others, uplifts the
room, but still quietly refusesto be seen as wrong.
This ego doesn't yell, itactually performs.
It blends in with our characterand hides behind.
(15:08):
I meant well, it's the part ofus that says I'm a good person,
so this feedback must be amisunderstanding.
Now, a few years ago I wasmentoring someone early in their
leadership journey.
We had a one-on-oneconversation and I gave some
feedback.
I genuinely thought I was beingthoughtful, encouraging and
(15:32):
supportive, pointing out whereshe was doing really, really
well, but also talking aboutwhere she needed to grow and
potentials where she could shine.
About a week later shecontacted me and she was like
Keisha, I really appreciate yourtime and your mentorship, but
the last time we met I walkedaway from our conversation not
(15:53):
feeling the best.
I left questioning whether Ieven really belong in this space
, and let me tell you that hitme hard.
I mean real hard.
Now here's where the ego steppedin, because in my mind I had
been gentled.
I had poured into her the verything that I feel like I was put
on this earth to do.
I even gave her resources and Ifollowed up.
(16:16):
So I immediately startedscrolling through my mental good
person resume like.
But I supported her, I believedin her.
I would never try to tearsomeone down.
And then I realized this wasn'tabout what I did in my mind.
It was about how sheexperienced me in real time.
What hurt her didn't cancel myintentions, but my ego wanted to
(16:39):
use my intentions to cancel herexperience.
And that was the moment I knewI need to work on some things
and talk about that ego.
So that's why, for years withmy therapist, I talk about the
ego Hashtag, the ego life.
I can't wait to do the episode.
But anyway, you see, the ego istricky.
It doesn't always show up loud.
(16:59):
Sometimes that thing come inreal smooth and real calm.
Sometimes it says all the rightthings but it does everything
it can to avoid feeling wrong.
This is the ego that doesn'tthrow tantrums, it just throws
credentials.
It says I couldn't have donethat.
I'm the person who uplifts allwomen.
(17:20):
I don't need to be corrected, Ido this work.
But here's the truth.
Ego tells you to protect yourimage.
Growth tells you to lean intothe moment and really listen,
and that conversation with her,that was a mirror.
Not because I'm a bad person,but because even good people
need to grow.
So if someone shares theirexperience and your first
(17:44):
instinct is to say let me remindyou who I am instead of let me
understand how that landed foryou, then it's probably not your
goodness talking, it's your ego.
And ego is loud, but growthwhispers.
You don't have to be perfect,you just have to be present.
So strategy three let ego be asignal, not a driver.
(18:06):
Check your internal response.
When you feel the need toexplain or defend, ask yourself
am I protecting my identity oram I prioritizing this
relationship?
Is this thing about being rightor is it about being real and
practice reflective humility?
Instead of saying that's notwho I am, try saying I didn't
(18:28):
realize that.
Thank you for sharing it withme.
I'm gonna sit with that for aminute.
I didn't realize that.
Thank you for sharing it withme.
I'm gonna sit with that for aminute and then make your ego a
checkpoint, not a destination.
Let it alert you that somethingfeels hard to hear, but don't
let it be the voice that decideshow you respond.
Here's what I'm learning youdon't have to prove your
(18:50):
goodness to protect it, and whenyour ego leaves the moment,
your integrity actually takes aback seat.
So the next time you'retriggered, before you defend
your resume, pause and askyourself what am I trying to
protect right now?
My heart or my image?
Because the realist version ofyou, she's not afraid of
(19:11):
feedback.
She just, she just focused ongrowing and changing.
Okay Now, intent doesn't eraseimpact.
(19:31):
All right, let's breathetogether for a moment In breathe
out, because this next partit's a little tender.
It's the part that catches somany good-hearted people off
guard, the part where the phrasethat wasn't my intention
becomes both a comfort blanketand a barrier.
Let's get into it.
Your intentions do not eraseyour impact.
(19:52):
Let me say it louder for thefolks in the back and for my own
spirit your intentions do noterase your impact.
They help explain it, they givecontext, but they do not cancel
out the hurt that may have beencaused by what you said.
So story time In one of myworkshops, a woman stood up
(20:15):
after a session and said I justfeel like I shouldn't have to
apologize if I didn't mean tohurt someone.
I'm a good person, my heart isnever in the wrong place.
And you could feel the roomshift a little bit, not because
people didn't understand whereshe was coming from, but because
so many of us have been there.
We all have had those momentswhere we think why are they
upset?
I didn't mean it like that,that's not what I said, that's
(20:38):
not what I was trying to do.
But here's the truth.
Impact lives in the experienceof the other person, not your
explanation of it.
Think of it this way If I stepon your foot, even by accident,
it still hurts, and if my firstresponse is but I didn't mean to
, instead of are you okay, I'vecentered my innocence over your
(21:01):
pain and in that moment, eventhough I didn't mean harm, my
reaction keeps the harm going.
So we have to stop acting likenot meaning to do something is
the same as not doing it,because for the person on the
receiving end, the pain is stillreal.
And here's the kicker whensomeone brings something to your
attention, especially when theydo it gently or courageously,
(21:25):
your response is the reflectionof your emotional intelligence,
not your resume.
Do you get defensive and startlisting all your good intentions
, or do you get curious and askhow did that feel for you?
I'll give you another example.
This is an example I'll usewith my boo.
All the time we talk aboutintent and impact.
Hey, bae, if you push me down,we walking, we walking side by
(21:46):
side and we walking down thesteps.
You bump into me and I falldown the steps.
Now when you get thatop, bloop,bloop, bloop I fall down the
steps.
Now when you get that, when yourun down to the steps, you're
like hey, hey, are you going tofocus on?
You ain't mean to do that.
Are you going to focus on thefact that I done fell down these
steps, I done broke a foot, aleg.
I'm all messed up.
What we going to focus?
Focus on the fact that I felldown these steps and I'm hurting
(22:09):
right now Not that you didn'tmean to do that thing, because
I'm pretty sure you didn't meanto knock me down the stairs.
Right now, I'm down the stairsand I'm hurting.
Can we focus on that thing andnot the fact that that ain't
what you meant to do?
That's that intent and impact.
That's how you got to break itdown, when you're always trying
to defend, right?
I want you to think about amoment where someone was hurt by
something you said or did andyour first instinct was to say
(22:31):
but that wasn't my intention.
Now ask yourself did I ever askthem how they felt?
Did I make space for theirexperience or just did I try to
clear my name?
Did I listen for understandingor wait for my turn to defend
myself?
Because let me tell yousomething I had to learn you can
mean well and still do harm.
You can love someone and stillneed to apologize.
(22:54):
You can be kind hearted andstill be responsible for your
words.
So strategy number four is leadwith repair, not reputation.
When someone says that they'rehurt, your first move should not
be to explain.
It should be to hold space.
So try saying I hear you, Ididn't realize that.
Thank you for trusting meenough to share it.
(23:14):
Don't rush to justify, sit withthat discomfort.
We don't like to beuncomfortable.
Sometimes the most powerfulthing you can do is stay present
in the tension without tryingto fix it immediately.
Like we don't like to beuncomfortable.
So our first thing is hey, howcan I solve this thing?
How can we shut this down?
I don't want to talk about this.
It's making me uncomfortable.
Then you ask for clarity.
(23:35):
Say would you be open tohelping me understand more about
what brought what that broughtup for you?
And let the conversation beabout the connection, not the
correction.
And when it's time to apologize, make it simple, not I'm sorry
that you feel that way.
Say I'm sorry I hurt you, I'lldo better and then do better.
(23:55):
Let's normalize this thing,y'all.
Accountability is not an attack.
You have to be accountable foryourself and what you do.
It's an invitation to be thekind of person you say you are,
remember you, a good person,right?
So the next time you're temptedto leave with that wasn't my
intention pause and ask is myneed to be understood getting in
(24:16):
the way of truly understandingthis person?
Because that's the differencebetween being right and being in
relationship.
All right, now we get thisthing rolling.
So now we're about to go intoredefining good as teachable,
not perfect.
So now that we've looked at egomy favorite thing to talk about
(24:37):
at intention versus impact andhow being a good person can get
in the way of real reflection,let's go one step further.
Let's talk about redefiningwhat good really means.
Because if you're anything likeme, you probably were raised to
believe that good meant beingpolite, being helpful, staying
out of trouble, getting goodgrades, being the strong one,
(24:59):
not talking back, saying theright thing even when your truth
stayed silent.
You were taught that good meantbeing agreeable, quiet, kind,
but not necessarily whole, nothonest, not human.
Somewhere along the way, manyof us absorb this belief that
being a good person means nevermaking mistakes, never
(25:20):
disappointing anyone and neverbeing perceived as anything less
than admirable.
But what I want to shift inthat belief is because being a
good person is not about beingperfect.
It's about being teachable.
It's about being someone whocan be held accountable without
falling apart.
It's about someone who can hearthe hard thing and choose to
(25:42):
grow from it instead of fightingit.
I had someone say to me not longago Keisha, I always feel like
I have to come correct aroundyou, like I can't say the wrong
thing, and I was like huh,thinking in my head.
That was never my intention,but it made me think Was my
presence polished or was itpressuring?
(26:04):
Was my confidence creatingconnection or something else?
I had to ask myself am Icreating space for people to be
real or just be careful?
And that's one of the reasonswhy I do this hashtag the
authentic life.
That's why y'all are gettingKeisha Jones, y'all not getting
Vice President Jones, y'all notgetting none of that like super
(26:25):
professional, polished Keishathat many people know me to be,
especially in my professionalsetting.
Y'all are getting the full me,the real me, because I don't
want people to feel like theycan't be themselves, because
people do look at me as someoneis super confident, well,
polished, and you know thatspace.
(26:47):
So I really have tried to thinkabout that and really be
conscious of what that lookslike.
So I really have tried to thinkabout that and really be
conscious of what that lookslike.
So that conversation reminded methat even when we lead with
love, even when we hold highstandards, we still need to
leave room for people, includingourselves, to be unfinished.
And y'all see the unfinishedversion of me in hashtag the
(27:07):
authentic life.
Y'all hear about all my stuffand all my problems.
A lot of stuff I talk to mytherapist about.
The authentic life.
Y'all hear about all my stuffand all my problems, hats a lot
of stuff I talk to my therapistabout.
But because the truth is, I'vespent years learning how to show
up well, but sometimes thatwell becomes tight.
It becomes rigid and if youknow me, I don't like to be
tight and I don't like to berigid.
I want anybody feel like theycan come to me and they can talk
to me, and when you're that way, there's no growth in the room
(27:31):
where you can't breathe Ifyou're always tight and rigid.
You know people.
If you know me, know me, youknow I can't stand for no
uptight person.
Right, loosen up, come on now.
Everything all right.
So here's the new definition Iwant you to try on being a good
person means being safe to growaround.
That includes how othersexperience you and how you
(27:54):
experience yourself.
So ask yourself do people feelsafe giving me feedback?
Do I leave room for nuance ordo I need things to be?
Either I'm right or they'rewrong?
Do I treat growth like aprocess or like a test?
I can fail, because growthdoesn't live in people pleasing.
It lives in being present withthe process of becoming.
(28:17):
You don't have to be thekindest, most polished, most
morally correct version ofyourself every single moment of
every single day.
You just need to be somebodywho's willing to stop, reflect
and shift, to say dang.
I didn't even realize that, butI do now.
And then do something with thatknowing.
(28:37):
Strategy number five let growthbe your definition of good.
Start your day with thisintention Today.
I want to leave people feelingheard, safe and respected, even
when I don't get it right thefirst time.
Here's a journal prompt you canuse at the end of the day Did
my presence today reflect thekind of good I want to be known
for?
Was I committed to beingpolished or to being present?
(28:59):
And then build your new goodresume version 2.0.
One that includes, I admit.
When I miss it, I know how toapologize well.
I ask for feedback withoutfalling apart.
I listen to understand, not tojust respond or defend.
I prioritize impact overintention.
I grow out loud.
(29:20):
That's the kind of good thatheals people, that builds trust,
that creates legacy.
So let's be real beingteachable will take you further
than being right ever could.
So, instead of clinging to theneed to be good, choose to
practice good every day, inevery space, with every breath,
(29:40):
because good character isn'tabout being untouchable.
It's about being someone whotouches lives and lets others
touch your heart too.
Okay, so before we close out,I'm going to Start adding a
challenge.
So this week's challenge foryou, as you go into your weekend
and begin the next week and upuntil the next episode on, I
(30:03):
want you to start putting inthis hashtag I'm a good person,
life audit, right?
So everybody, take a deepbreath with me, breathe in,
breathe out.
This episode has been a lot,but a good kind of a lot, but a
lot nonetheless.
We've unpacked what it reallymeans to be a good person.
(30:23):
We've gotten honest about ourego, impact, feedback and how
identity can actually block ourgrowth.
Now let's take all of that andmove it from your ears to your
everyday living and youreveryday life, because hashtag
the authentic life isn't justabout listening, it's about
living.
This week, I'm inviting youinto your hashtag I'm a good
(30:46):
person life audit.
This isn't about judgment, it'sabout gentle self-examination,
it's about truth, it's aboutgrowth and it's about showing up
in ways that reflect who youreally want to be.
Now, first step in thischallenge is to write out your
real good person resume.
You've heard me say it allthrough the episodes your good
person resume is that mentallist of reasons you believe
(31:08):
you're a kind, caring, moral orthoughtful human being.
Right, and you probably are.
Nobody's saying you aren't, butI want you to write it down.
Take your journal, your notesapp, a piece of scrap paper,
whatever works for you and writeI'm a good person because.
And then let it flow, list outthe traits, the habits, the
experiences and the beliefs thatform your self-perception.
(31:30):
After you make that list, Iwant you to ask yourself now, do
I show up this way when I feelchallenged, uncomfortable,
called out or called in?
Because your real goodnessisn't just who you are when it's
easy, it's who you choose to bewhen it's hard.
Now, number two for thechallenge is to reflect on a
moment you got defensive.
(31:51):
Now I want you to go back inyour mind to a moment when
someone gave you feedback oreven just says something that
didn't sit right with you, andyou got defensive.
Maybe you said that's not whatI meant, maybe you shut down,
maybe you spiraled inside, maybeyou crashed out.
Maybe you told that personyou're just being sensitive,
whatever it was.
(32:12):
I want you to go back and Iwant you to sit in that thing
for a minute.
Then I want you to ask yourselfwas I listening or was I
preparing my defense when thatthing was going on?
When I was having thatconversation, did I give them
space to express what theyneeded or did I center how I
felt every time they saidsomething?
(32:32):
So what I mean by that?
Just for clarity's sake, forthose that may be a little
confused somebody telling youhow you made them feel, and then
you, you trying to centeryourself in that and how that
wasn't your intent.
You ain't mean to do that.
All of those, it becomes.
It becomes about you and notabout how they felt.
So now, how they, based off ofwhat you saying, now you
(32:55):
basically telling them how theyfeel is wrong, cause that's not
what you meant.
How many of how many of youhave done that?
How many of you haveexperienced that?
I have experienced that.
I may have done that, I can'trecall, but I definitely have
recalled talking to somebody,telling them how I feel, and
then, by the time I finishedwith that con, that conversation
, I'm like, damn, I feel bad forfeeling how I feel.
(33:19):
Maybe I should feel like this,maybe I shouldn't feel like this
.
Then I'm over here justself-reflecting and checking
myself.
Then I'm like girl bye,absolutely not.
Yeah, I want you to think haveyou ever done that to somebody?
Yeah, that was a good example.
Did I lead with empathy or didI lead with my ego?
Did you let your ego in thedriver's seat?
(33:39):
Again, it became about you andnot them.
Write about it, talk about itwith somebody or just reflect on
it honestly, because those arethe moments that stretch us.
Be transparent and honest withyourself.
If you can't be transparent andhonest with anybody else, you
have to be transparent andhonest about yourself.
And that's why I wanted to dothis episode, because we make
(34:02):
being a good person so much ofour identity and who we are that
we cannot stretch ourselves.
We cannot believe you feel likethat because I'm a good person.
Okay, you are a good person.
You just made me feel like shit, though.
All right, number three make arepair if you're ready.
Now, this one is an optional oneand it got to be spirit led.
(34:25):
So if you feel it in the spiritto do this, you go and do this,
keisha, not telling you to gotalk to nobody, have no
conversations with nobody,because I don't need nobody
crashing out on you.
I don't need you crashing outon them and then coming back and
saying it's my fault that outon them and then coming back and
saying it's my fault, that'snot what I'm saying.
This is optional, so this isspirit led.
If you feel like this issomething that will be a
positive thing and will work out, you go forth and you do great
work.
If you don't think so, don't dothis.
(34:48):
If there's someone in your lifethat you may have hurt, even
unintentionally, and now you seehow your goodness got in the
way of accountability or empathy, and you feel safe enough to
reach out, do it and saysomething like this.
I've been reflecting.
I listened to Keisha's hashtagthe Authentic Life, last episode
(35:08):
about being a good person, andit really put me in a reflection
mode and I realized I may havemissed something in our last
conversation and I really wantto apologize and I'm actually
open to hearing how that feltfor you.
If you're open to sharing thatand then have the conversation.
It don't have to be deep anddramatic.
We like to get all dramatic andmake everything so deep.
(35:30):
It don't need to be all of that, it just needs to be real.
And sometimes what peoplereally need isn't an apology,
it's to know that you werelistening, even after the moment
passed.
So even if that moment youmessed up, and then you take
that time to do some reflectionand then you circle back to that
person and then you, like youknow what, I realized I wasn't
(35:52):
really listening and I probablymade you feel bad in that
situation.
I really want to talk to youabout that.
You know that may rectify thatrelationship right, because it's
taking accountability thatthing we don't like to do.
I need to do an episode calledhashtag the accountability life,
lord knows I knew.
Number four ask for feedback.
That grows you.
(36:12):
This is the big one.
I want you to invite feedbackthis week.
We don't like feedback becausewe think we good people and we
walk around and we need theselittle perfect people and we
don't do nothing wrong and so wedon't want to ask nobody.
Nothing right.
Go to someone who knows you welland say hey, what's something
about the way I show up that Imight not see but can grow from?
(36:32):
Is there a moment where youdidn't feel seen or heard by me,
but you never said anything?
And then just listen, be quiet,say less, okay, you're not.
This is not for you to give anyexplanations, no clarifications
, no justifications.
You just need to be present andlisten, to hear and understand
(36:58):
what they're saying, becausethat is what authentic,
emotionally mature goodnesssounds like.
Ok, at the end of the day,you're a good person.
Nobody is saying that you'renot a good person.
But again, like I said, thereason why I did this episode is
because so many people getwrapped up in that they're a
(37:19):
good person that they can't.
They feel like they don't do nowrong, right, but you can't let
that stop you from growing.
Let it be the reason you grow.
Let this week be less aboutbeing right and more about being
real, less about being seen asa kind person and more about
doing the hard work of showingup in kindness, even when your
(37:44):
ego wants to tap out.
Okay, think about that.
Think about what you uncoverthis week.
What surprises you, whatchanges?
Because your reflection doesn'tjust free you.
It creates space for the restof us to grow too, when we
interact and engage with you.
Okay, if you're still with me,take a breath.
(38:07):
You just done some real hardwork, sitting with the truth
that being a good person doesn'tmean you're above
accountability.
It doesn't mean you're beyondmaking mistakes and it
definitely doesn't mean you getto opt out of growth.
It doesn't mean you're beyondmaking mistakes and it
definitely doesn't mean you getto opt out of growth.
It means you're a human being,it means you're becoming, and
that's where the power is.
(38:28):
And as we continue to live,hashtag the authentic life,
we're going to keep peeling backthose layers.
Okay, we got to, because upnext, we're diving into
something just as personal, justas reflective and, honestly,
just as transformational.
Right, the next episode dropsMay 9th and it's called hashtag
(38:48):
the love versus like life, andI'm going to ask you a question
that might catch you off guardDo you truly love the people in
your life or do you just likethe comfort they bring?
Because some of us are out herecalling things love that are
really just habit.
We've confused consistency withintimacy and we've convinced
(39:08):
ourselves that closeness equalsconnection, even when the
relationship no longer reflectswho we are or where we're going.
So in that episode, we're goingto unpack what real, rooted,
soul, stretching love looks andfeels like.
How to identify when you'restanding in a relationship out
of fear, comfort or familiar,how somebody can love you but
(39:30):
not like you, and how to loveothers without losing yourself.
So, whether it's romantic,platonic or even family, we're
putting some things on the table.
So if you ever ask is thisrelationship feeding me or just
filling time?
Do I feel deeply loved or justdeeply needed?
Am I growing or just staying?
Then hashtag the love versuslike.
(39:54):
Life is going to speak to yoursoul, but it's time for me to
say goodbye.
So here's what I want to leaveyou with today.
You are a good person, butthat's not the finish line.
It's the starting point,because your goodness isn't
about how well you perform.
It's about how willing you areto pause, reflect and repair the
(40:15):
real flex, owning your impact,letting go of your image,
choosing growth over being right.
If this episode stretched you,sit with it, journal through it,
talk about it with your circleand, if you're ready, share your
takeaway with me.
Send me a message on LinkedIn.
On Instagram, you can gopodcasting with Keisha and use
(40:39):
hashtag I'm a good person, life,so I can walk through this
journey with you.
And hey, if no one's told youtoday, I see you, I'm proud of
you and I'm so glad you're doingthe work, not for likes, not
for approval, but for the peacethat comes with living honestly.
So, until next time, keepreflecting, keep growing and
keep living the life that's full, free and unapologetically
(41:02):
yours Peace, love and blessingsfrom your girl, keisha.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you love today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing is just likean instant invite to more fun,
to more inspiration and to moreauthentic vibes.
(41:23):
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration, but
whatever you do, let's spreadthe joy of the authentic life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
(41:44):
authentic life Peace, love andblessings from your girl, keisha
.
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