January 30, 2025 • 56 mins
Have you ever found yourself comparing your journey to someone else’s? Scrolling through social media, questioning if you’re doing enough, feeling like you need to fit into a mold that was never meant for you?
💡 Here’s the truth: You were never meant to be a copy—you are One of One.
In this episode, we’re breaking free from comparison culture and stepping fully into our authenticity. It’s time to own your voice, stop shrinking, and walk confidently in the path designed just for you.
🎧 In This Episode, We Cover:
✔️ The dangers of comparison and how it steals your joy
✔️ How to shift your mindset from measuring up to standing out
✔️ The three core truths of living your One of One life
✔️ Practical steps to stop shrinking and start showing up fully
This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, coaching, or therapy. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health or coaching professional for your specific needs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together, we'll dive into realstories, practical insights and
steps you can take to embraceyour truth and show up as your
most authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me.
Let's get started.
Hello, hello, hello and welcometo the Authentic Life, a space
(00:32):
where we explore what it reallymeans to live fully, to live
freely and, most importantly, tolive unapologetically as your
true self.
If you're new here, I'm Keisha,I'm your host, I'm your guide
and, by the end of this, I mightjust be your accountability
partner on this journey.
So, whether you're tuning infrom your car, the gym, your
(00:53):
office or your favorite cozycorner at home, your girl is
just glad that you decided to behere with her today.
Now, you know I like to givesome thank yous and some shout
outs and all the things.
So, before we dive in, I justwant to again take a moment to
thank every single person whohas embraced hashtag the
authentic life and the journeyof hashtag the authentic life
(01:16):
with me.
So, whether you have downloadedthe podcast, shared it with
your friends or you just turnedtuned in to listen.
You have been incredible and Iam so grateful and I am so
thankful.
Now the special shout out goesto those individuals who have
taken it a step further and theyhave purchased hashtag the
(01:38):
authentic life merch.
Seeing you wear and share themessage of living authentically
fills me with so much gratitudeand so much joy, because what
it's telling me is that you'renot just listening, you are
actually embracing this thingand you are living hashtag the
authentic life.
So thank you for showing up foryourself and for this community
(01:59):
.
Remember, this wasn't just thelaunch of the authentic life.
It was the launch of somethingthat might just change your life
, right.
So that's that Now we're goingto talk about what we're going
to talk about today.
Last time, we explained thepower of embracing life's
lessons in the hashtag the learn, grow, go life, and what I will
(02:19):
say about that episode is thatI have gotten so much positive
feedback from so many peopleabout that particular episode,
like I thought I was gettinggood feedback from the other two
episodes, but this one musthave really touched some hearts
and some souls and people isreally going through these
different phases, and so I am soappreciative of the phone calls
and the text messages and theDMs and all the things telling
(02:43):
me how the episode specificallythese, this episode touched you
and how you know it really madeyou think about some things.
And in that episode we talkedabout how it's important to
learn from our experiences, growthrough our challenges and then
ultimately know when we need tomove forward from a thing, when
we need to let a thing go, whenwe need to go ahead and go on
(03:04):
about our business.
And, as I said in that episode,sometimes that is probably the
hardest part.
We can grow through things, wecan learn things, but when it is
time to let something go, Ipromise you it can take a lot to
get to that place, but itallows us to do that.
When we do that, it allows usto move forward, because that's
(03:26):
essential to livingauthentically.
And then, before that, wetalked about the boundary life
right, how boundaries are notjust about saying no but about
saying yes to what truly alignswith us.
And of course, we started thisjourney with what is hashtag the
authentic life.
So at this point I think we'vehad some good stepping stones to
(03:47):
get to a place of nowtransitioning in to our next
episode, and that is hashtag,the one on one life.
I first heard this phrase in amessage from Devon Franklin and
the moment I did, I knew it wassomething that I needed to hold
on to right.
One of one.
(04:08):
Think about that a second.
What does that mean to you?
When you hear someone say youare one of one, what does it
mean to you?
How does that stick with you?
How does that stand out?
Right, you are the one and theonly one of you.
There are no duplicates.
There are no second versions.
(04:28):
There are no carbon copies.
You were created uniquely andwith purpose that only you can
fulfill.
Do we find ourselves measuringour worth by comparison, by
external evaluation or byunrealistic standards set by
(04:50):
society?
How often do we put ourselvesup against our friends, our
colleagues, our partners?
How often do we put our worthinto somebody else when there's
not another Keisha out there?
There's not another me.
I promise you, I will tell youright now, today, they only made
(05:16):
one of me.
I don't even think y'all candeal with two of me out here in
these streets.
So how can we begin to embracethe one-of-one life, right?
How can we begin to embracethat there are no duplicates.
There are no second versions.
There are no carbon copies ofus.
That who we were uniquelycreated for a purpose and we
(05:41):
should be living in that,validating that, not what
society says.
So that's what we're going totalk about today.
We're going to talk abouthashtag.
The one-on-one life is whattoday's episode is titled,
because when you're thinkingabout living authentically, it
is so important for you tounderstand that who you are and
(06:01):
how you show up in this world isokay.
Right, of course, we all gotthings that we need to work on.
We all got things that we needto work on.
So that ain't what I'm saying,but what I am saying is it's
only one of you, so you need toembrace that.
You need to be okay with that.
When you look in the mirror andyou see you, you need to be
(06:22):
okay with what you see lookingback, and if you're not, you
need to figure out why.
What's going on?
Start doing that self-awareness, start doing that
self-reflection, start doingthose things and start doing
that work.
Start doing some self-love.
Right At the end of thisepisode, I'm going to talk about
a self-love challenge and I'mgoing to begin on February 1st,
because we all need to begin toembrace us and love us.
(06:46):
Sometimes we love other peoplemore than we love ourselves
sometimes, and we don't evenrecognize it.
So that's what we're talkingabout today.
So we're going to kick thisthing off with understanding the
power of being one of one.
We're going to explore whyfully embracing our
individuality is such achallenge and how comparison
(07:07):
culture is at the root of somuch of the self-doubt that we
have.
This isn't just aboutself-esteem.
It's about recognizing the wayswe've been conditioned to
measure ourselves against othersand how we can break free from
that mindset.
So let's talk about it.
Why do we struggle so much toaccept that we are enough as we
(07:30):
are?
Why do we feel the need to fitinto boxes that were never meant
for us to fit in to begin with?
And, most importantly, how canwe begin celebrating the fact
that we are truly one of one?
How can we begin to giveourselves grace for just being
(07:52):
us Flaws and all the good, thebad, the ugly, the powerful, the
strong, all the things?
How do we begin to be OK withthat and stop feeling the need
to shrink ourselves, becauseonce you embrace that you are
one-on-one, that there is nobodyelse on this earth like you
(08:14):
that can do things the way thatyou do things, that can express
themselves the way that youexpress themselves, even with
the good and the bad pieces ofyou, because we all got again
work to do.
But why do we struggle so muchwith embracing ourselves?
Why are we always eithercomparing ourselves to others or
(08:37):
feeling like we can't fully beourselves in all that comes with
us out of fear of loss ofaccess to someone?
In the last couple of monthsmaybe three to four months I
have really like thought aboutthat and like have really like
dug into a place of just likeyou just got to get me at 100
(08:59):
proof, and if you can't take meat 100 proof, then go about your
business.
It's not that I'm gonna dismissyou, it's not that I'm gonna
let you go, or it's not that thethat I'm gonna do all these
things.
It's just gonna be, I'm justgonna be me, I'm just gonna do
me, and then, however you feellike you can fit into, that is
(09:20):
how you fit into that.
Now, it's not about beingdisrespectful, it's not about
being mean or any of thosethings.
It's really just saying, hey,if you can't handle me, all of
me and what I bring to the table.
I'm not getting up from thetable.
You just got to get up from thetable.
(09:42):
And if you decide that you'renot going to get up from the
table and you just got to get upfrom the table and if you
decide that you're not going toget up from the table and you're
just going to sit here, thenwe're just going to sit here and
we're going to look at eachother, but what I'm going to
stop doing is feeling like, whenyou can't handle it, I got to
remove myself, I got to changeme.
Is something wrong with me?
Yeah, we're not doing that.
Because why?
Because I'm one of one.
(10:04):
There is nobody else like meand the mere fact that you, that
we are even interacting andengagement, engaging with each
other, is powerful and it's notdismissing you and who you are,
because the fact that I'minteracting and engaging with
you is a powerful thing.
We come into people's lives fora reason and a season, so I'm
never going to take away fromthat.
(10:24):
But what I am going to do inthe midst of that is stop making
myself feel like I can't be me,that I can't say what I need to
say.
I can't do what I need to dobecause you don't know how to
respond to it, you don't knowhow to take it, all of those
things.
So, when you're thinking aboutembracing yourself and embracing
the one of you is acceptingthat you are enough as you are
(10:48):
and stop trying to shift andstop trying to change.
So the first thing that I talkedabout was problem with
comparison culture.
Right, we scroll throughInstagram and then somebody just
engaged, got engaged.
We in our feelings, oh my God,she got engaged and he ain't
(11:10):
even really asked me to move inyet.
Then we start comparingourselves to well, you know well
, what did he do?
Why did he want to marry her?
Or what does she do?
What do I need to change?
You're on LinkedIn and you findout that somebody landed their
dream job, the job you alwayswanted.
Then you start well, looking upwell, what did they do?
(11:34):
What's their education?
What was their experience like?
Do I need to start beginning?
Do I need to start shifting?
You're on some other socialmedia site and a friend of yours
is yet on another vacation,living their best life.
You can't get time off, or youdon't want to take time off to
go on a vacation.
So you, big man, or you feelinglike, okay, what I need to do,
(11:57):
what I need to do.
We're always comparing ourselvesto other people and comparing
ourselves to other people'sjourneys.
And I don't know if you allhave seen the meme on social
media where we got to understandthat their chapter 72 is not
our chapter two.
It may be our chapter two,right, we get so stuck in that
(12:20):
they are already at chapter 72.
We don't know what they did inchapters one through 71 to get
to 72.
We need to be okay that we justat chapter two.
We ain't got there yet.
We might get there, we mightnot get there, but stop
comparing yourself to what otherpeople are doing.
And then suddenly, what we endup doing without even realizing
(12:40):
is we start asking ourselves allthese questions why am I not
where they are?
Why don't I have what they have?
Am I behind in life?
Then we start, then we becomepaper chasers and we out here
getting these certificates andthese degrees, and we're
changing ourselves and we'redoing all these things so that
people will accept us andsomebody will marry us, somebody
(13:03):
will hire us and give us adream job, I'll have more money
to go on that vacation.
But then you're doing andshifting and you're becoming a
representative at the end of theday, because this is my thing.
Let's take the marriage thing.
Okay, you, your home girl, gothomeboy, got marriage and
engaged to get married andyou've been dating your boo for
(13:27):
three years and he hasn't askedyou.
Then you start doing all thesethings because he hasn't asked
you and you feel like, hey, theywere only together for a year
and we've been together forthree years and you've already
done this and you've alreadydone that.
This is, let me tell you,something that I learned.
I've been being, I have been, Ihave been being taught this.
(13:49):
I think in the past six monthsand maybe longer, I just haven't
recognized it.
Rejection is protection, thatstuff that don't work out in the
time that we feel like thingsare supposed to work out.
Something's not happening forus right now, but it's happening
for other people.
It's because it's their timeRight now.
(14:11):
It just ain't your time.
But we can never be okay withthat because we're always
comparing ourselves to otherpeople.
We are never really getting toa place of being okay with where
we are and understanding thatmaybe he ain't asked you to
marry you yet, because that'snot where y'all at.
Y'all may not even supposed tobe together, but you so consumed
(14:35):
by the fact that you just seensomebody else get a ring on
social media, now you're tryingto figure out how you can get a
ring, and ain't even yourhusband or your wife, whatever
the case may be.
So get out of that space.
The second thing that we reallyneed to do when we're thinking
about understanding the power ofone-on-one is really around
(14:55):
embracing our unique journeysand that we all have different
journeys, that we are not on thesame journey, that we are not
on the same journey, that myjourney is never going to be
your journey, because I am oneon one and I have a purpose that
I am supposed to fulfill and Iam doing things in a way to
fulfill that purpose that youare never going to do Like I
(15:18):
would tell people all the time.
I think I said this before I amthe epitome of doing the most
when it comes to, like workstuff I mean work stuff,
personal stuff, whatever thecase Doing the absolute most.
Like I told you in previouspodcasts, you will see my
picture in the dictionary.
(15:39):
If they had a phrase doing theabsolute most and they needed to
compare something, my picturewould be there I do the absolute
most.
And they needed to comparesomething.
My picture would be there I dothe absolute most.
And when I think about work, I'mable to manage and juggle a
whole bunch without gettingstressed out, without getting
overwhelmed, all the things.
But what I have come to learnis that there ain't nobody else
(16:01):
out there like me, that I can'thire people with the mindset
that they gonna work like I work, that they gonna do things how
I do things, that they're gonnabe able to manage the type of
load that I manage.
I tell people all the timedon't ever look at me and think
it's easy, because I make itlook easy a lot of the time.
(16:21):
But I also understand and inmost things that I do, I'm doing
this, I'm doing the duty, thejob, the whatever of probably
five people, and it's not thatI'm being used in that capacity,
it's just the way that Ifunction and operate.
So I am embracing my uniquenessand my unique journey and
(16:43):
understanding that my journey isnever going to look like your
journey.
What I'm supposed to go throughin life, my trials, my
tribulations, my lessons, mygrowing phases, all of those
things those are things that Ineed to learn to be able to
ultimately grow to fulfill mypurpose at the end of the day.
(17:05):
So the more I think about that,the more I embrace the fact
that I'm unique and my journeyis going to be unique because
it's only one of me.
I'm one of one and I have apurpose.
I'm supposed to be doing athing and nobody is, nobody else
is supposed to do that thing.
(17:26):
Like when you think about peoplethat start businesses and do
things like that, it's alwaysthis phase where you and
somebody else have the same typeof business and you begin
comparing yourselves and it'salmost like we become hoarders
of information in those spacesbecause we don't want nobody to
outshine us.
I'm not going to share theknowledge.
(17:46):
I'm not going to share theinformation because we do the
same thing, we have the sametopic, we have the same this, we
have the same that.
So if I share with you, you maypop before I pop.
So what, what difference doesit make?
Like when I did this podcast?
If you go into apple music andyou look up the authentic life
(18:09):
there are about 50 podcasts outthere titled the authentic life
you think I care, absolutely not.
I wish you well and all thebest with your podcast, because,
at the end of the day, you overthere and me over here we two
different people, because yougot a purpose for your podcast
(18:30):
and I have a purpose for mineand it's never going to be the
same.
So we can talk about the sametopic.
We ain't going to ever talkabout it the same way.
Never will happen that way.
So the more we embrace that wehave a unique journey, that we
are very different from eachperson and that, even if I am
doing the exact same job as youand we're doing the exact same
(18:52):
thing, I'm trying to start theexact same business it's never
going to be the same because Iam one of one and you are one of
one.
There's nobody else that thinkslike you, acts like you, talks
like you none of the things.
There's nobody else that thinkslike you, acts like you, talks
like you None of the things.
So, by the pure nature of allof that, it's going to be
(19:16):
different.
So why we get so caught up init?
And then we tie our self-worthto that, and then we tie our
progression to that and we tiewhere we are in our lives to
that.
And we should stop doing thatbecause at the end of the day,
we're one of one.
There is nobody else like you,right?
So when you're thinking aboutthat one-on-one life, remember
(19:38):
when we talked about theboundary life to help us
recognize the importance ofprotecting our peace.
A major way to protect yourpeace is to set internal
boundaries against unnecessaryself-comparison.
Boundaries ain't always aboutother people.
Sometimes them boundaries aboutyou and stuff that you need to
(19:58):
check you on In the Learn, grow,go life.
That reminded us that we evolveover time.
We're not we're not perfectpeople.
So instead of measuringyourself against somebody else,
measure yourself against who youwere six months ago, a year ago
, five years ago.
(20:18):
I tell anybody in a like aromantic relationship, keisha
Jones probably 10 years ago andKeisha Jones today in a romantic
relationship are two verydifferent people.
We are not the same Now.
(20:39):
Everybody's journey isdifferent and everybody got
stuff.
But at the end of the day Iwill tell anybody oh, you got a
better version of me right nowbecause I've learned a lot, I've
grown a lot and I've let go ofthings that I needed to let go
and I've learned the lessonsthat I needed to learn from
those things.
And then I set internalboundaries against that
(21:03):
unnecessary self-comparison thatI do, right?
So I know I evolve over time.
You become a better person overtime, and so when you're
thinking about being one-on-one,that's all it is at the end of
the day.
Okay, so now that we'veunpacked the dangers of
comparison and the importance ofembracing our unique paths, now
(21:26):
I want to talk about what itactually means to live as
one-of-one.
I want to share threefundamental truths that I think
will help you to begin to shiftyour mindset from feeling like
you have to measure up to otherpeople and ultimately be able to
stand confidently in the factthat no one else can do what you
(21:47):
do in the way that you do it.
So the first thing is you arenot in competition with anybody
but yourself.
I don't know if you've everseen that meme on social media
where it says the only personI'm in competition with is me,
and that's something I believethat I stand strong in Ten toes
(22:07):
down is that if I'm incompetition, it's with me.
If you competing with me, youcompeting you in competition by
yourself.
I'm not doing that.
When you're thinking about twopeople right, or multiple people
, I'm not doing that.
I'm always trying to be abetter version of me.
I'm not trying to be a betterversion of you, no matter what
you put in my face, no matterwhat somebody else has to say,
(22:30):
because I know I'm not going toever be you.
I'm not going to ever operatelike you.
I'm never going to do it in theway that you do it.
So there's no point in me beingin competition with you,
because it just isn't going tohappen.
So the only person you shouldbe competing with is you.
Forget about what other peopleare doing and focus on improving
yourself.
Focus and pay attention.
(22:50):
Remember, in the very firstepisode, what are your five
strengths?
What are your five weaknesses?
What are the things that youvalue?
What are your triggers?
Remember I had you do thatactivity.
Now, what are the things thatyou can begin to improve on?
Do some self-reflection, dosome self-awareness activities,
right.
Ask other people how you showup in spaces right.
Let that be the the competition.
(23:13):
The competition should be thatI'm gonna be a better version of
myself than I was before.
So, like a lot of people ask me,you know what are your new
year's resolutions?
I don't have none.
My only thing is to be a betterversion of Keisha in 2025 than
I was in any year before 2025.
(23:33):
And then identify those thingsthat I was working on that I
still need to work on and whatnew things have arisen that I
need to work on.
But at the end of the day, I'min competition with me.
I'm not competing with nobody,because it's a waste of my time.
So, even if you do that insmall ways, you should be doing
(23:54):
that every day, like, okay, howcan I be a better version of
myself today than I wasyesterday?
Right, success isn't aboutcomparison.
We always compare our successto other people's success, but
that's not what success is.
Success is about progress.
So ask yourself not whatsuccess is.
Success is about progress.
So ask yourself am I betterthan I was last year, last month
(24:14):
, last week?
And then, someone else'ssuccess doesn't take away from
your success.
That's where that competitivemindset like.
I got an episode called hashtagthe ego life and I can't wait to
talk about that, because somuch of this comes from a place
of having your ego sitting inthe driver's seat.
(24:35):
I promise you, but at the endof the day, stop comparing your
success to someone else's.
Remember, in the first episode,I told you define what success
means for you?
What's your standard of success?
There's room for every singleperson to thrive, and
celebrating other people doesnot diminish your own
(24:57):
achievements.
So clap loud for the peoplethat are around you.
Support other people, pour intoother people, share other
people's stuff, even if it's thesame thing that you do, Because
, again, if you sit on the seatof I'm one on one, just because
we do the same thing, we don'tdo the same thing.
It's never going to be the same.
(25:20):
So celebrate other people'sachievements, because it doesn't
diminish yours.
The second the second one isthat authenticity requires
courage.
So to live hashtag theauthentic life that means that
you are committing to having alevel of courageousness in the
(25:42):
things that you do and how youmove.
Being yourself is brave in aworld that is constantly
pressuring us to conform.
So it takes confidence to ownyour quirks, your values and
your unique qualities right.
It takes time and someconfidence for you to be like
(26:06):
hey, these are the things thatare really good about me and I
am like the greatest, I'm thegoat, the best, all of the
things of these things.
But these are some areas likethey not red flags, but they
weaknesses, they some thingsthat I really need to work on
and own it.
(26:26):
Remember I told you you can'tchange what you don't
acknowledge.
And sometimes we don't taketime to acknowledge things and
sit in the acknowledgement ofthose things and embrace and be
okay with the good pieces of usand the bad pieces of us, but we
are so worried about hiding thebad pieces of us that we don't
embrace them.
So when other people bring themup, we get defensive, we get in
(26:49):
our feelings, we begin toquestion our worth, we begin to
question our worth, we begin toquestion our self-love and all
of those things, whereas whenyou to begin to embrace your
quirks, your values, your uniquequalities, all the things that
make you you, when other peoplecall them out, it's like okay, I
knew that already, though Iknow I need to work on that.
I'm a work in progress.
We all are.
I got it, though.
(27:10):
I appreciate you reminding me,because sometimes we need a
reminder, and it's not beingdismissive, but it's not
allowing that thing to shift andchange your emotions and your
mood and all the things.
Not everybody is going tounderstand or support your
authenticity, and that's okay.
The right people will find youwhen you stay true to yourself,
(27:31):
and what I mean by that is I'vebeen on this journey of
self-reflection so many things.
(27:53):
I'm on so many journeys as longas I'm professional.
I have empathy in myconversations that if you don't
like all the things that I say,because you may not embrace the
things that I just said, I'm notgoing to not say them Now.
I know how to read the room andwhen to say, when to say less.
(28:16):
Trust me, I know those things.
However, that journey I talkedabout is sometimes I find myself
being like okay, you know what,I am not even going to say that
, because then this is going tohappen, this is going to happen,
this is going to happen andthis is going to happen.
And then this how they're goingto gonna happen, and then this,
(28:36):
how they gonna feel, and thenthis is the conversation that's
gonna go.
So you go through your, you goin your mind down this whole
rabbit hole about if I say thisthing, how I really feel, how
it's gonna make you feel.
If I say that, what is not evenhow it's gonna make you feel,
but where the conversation gonnago when I say that thing, then
I decide not to say I'm notembracing authenticity.
So I've been coming to theplace of.
I'm not about to give you peaceand I'm over here in confusion
(28:57):
and chaos because I'm trying tomaintain peace for you.
No, we need to have peace foreverybody up in this place.
So everybody not going tosupport you being authentic?
When you show up as your trueself, you inspire other people
to do the same.
Your authenticity can bepermission for somebody else who
needs to live fully, and thatis why I do this podcast.
(29:21):
That is why I try very hard indifferent aspects of my life, to
live hashtag the authentic life, because I know other people
are watching.
Now, I have said many times sofor those people that know me
and I have conversations with Iknow my areas of growth that I
have.
I am not a perfect person, noneof the things but one of the
things I can stand in is that Ialso know that I have to be as
(29:48):
much of me as I can in certainplaces and spaces because other
people need permission to do thesame thing, especially as a
woman of color, especially as awoman of color that's in senior
leadership, especially as awoman of color that operates in
predominantly white spaces wherea lot of times we feel like we
have to shrink ourselves and wecan't be our authentic self.
(30:10):
There are other black womenlooking at me, wanting and
needing me to be me in thosespaces.
So I feel like I have a job anda duty to do that, and so when
you remember that, remember it'snot.
Sometimes it's not just aboutyou you embracing you and
showing up fully as you can behelping somebody else.
(30:31):
You and showing up fully as youcan be helping somebody else.
Now the last one is we werecreated with intent.
Baby, you not random, you areintentional.
Everything about you isintentional, from your talents
to your personality.
All of it serves a purpose.
(30:52):
Don't you forever get that.
You not random.
And if anybody ever make youfeel like you random, let them
know.
Uh-uh, baby, I'm not randomover here.
I was intentional.
Everything about me serves apurpose.
You have something to offerthat the world I'm sorry.
(31:17):
You have something to offer tothe world that nobody else does.
That's that one-on-one and ohyeah, I'm going to make mistakes
that I'm not going to re record.
That was one of them.
But you are one-on-one.
(31:37):
Your perspective, theexperiences that you've had,
your passion that your love, youas a person, you are valuable
and you.
You got that that nobody elsegot that.
Don't nobody love like I love.
There's a lot of people thatlove hard, but don't nobody love
like I love.
Don't nobody pour into peoplelike I pour into people.
(31:58):
Nobody's had my experiencesthat they had to learn through,
grow through to be able to bewhere they at.
Nobody got the passion that Igot for the things that I do,
even if you do the same thingthat I do, because I'm not
random, I'm intentional, I servea purpose.
(32:20):
Everything about me serves apurpose.
So when you're thinking aboutaffirmations and you're thinking
about embracing yourself, oneof your affirmations is I am not
random.
Period Number two everythingabout me serves a purpose.
Period there is no one else inthis world that can do what I do
(32:47):
.
Period Now, your worth is notdependent on external validation
, and that's where I feel likewe struggle when we think about
self-worth.
You don't need approval fromother people to be enough.
Your pure existence indicatesthat you are already enough, but
(33:09):
that's not the seat that we sitin.
But that's not the seat that wesit in.
Our worth, all too frequently,is attached to a person, a job,
a place, a thing.
When, at the end of the day, bypure nature of our existence.
(33:33):
That's an indicator that we areenough and we are worthy.
So I don't need externalvalidation to tell me that I'm
worthy.
So how do we begin to embracethat self-worth?
And the more you embrace thatyou are not random, that you are
intentionally made, thateverything about you serves a
(33:53):
purpose, that your perspectives,your experiences, your passions
, your love are valuable and youhave something to offer the
world that no one else does, youwill begin to understand that
your worth is not dependent onexternal validation.
It is not dependent on whetheror not people love you.
It is not dependent on whetheror not people embrace you.
(34:18):
It is not dependent on whetheror not you get that promotion.
It is not dependent uponwhether or not you're able to
buy the big house that you wantor not the big house that you
want or not.
It's not dependent upon thethings that you're able to buy
and the things that you're ableto have.
(34:40):
Stop attaching your self-worthto external things and start
attaching your self-worth tobeing one of one, that there is
nobody else like you, that youare unique and not random and
that you serve a purpose.
Everything about you serves apurpose.
So those three core truths ofthe hashtag, the one of one life
(35:04):
are you are not in competitionwith anybody but yourself, and
anytime you get into a placethat you feel like you are, you
need to do, you need to checkyou.
Who gonna check?
To check me?
Boo, it need to be you Checkyourself.
The second one is authenticity.
Authenticity is going torequire that you have some
courage, that you get braveenough to embrace who you are
(35:28):
and show up in all them spacesas who you are.
You are and show up in all themspaces as who you are.
And then, lastly, you werecreated with intent.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is not one thing that wascreated about you that's wrong.
I don't care what nobody say.
(35:49):
You can have somebody tellingyou every day there's something
wrong with you.
The fact that they telling youthere's something wrong with you
is an indicator that somethingis wrong with them.
Again, I will say this over andover we all got work to do.
We all got places where we needto improve, but at the end of
the day, I ain't in competitionwith nobody.
I'm gonna have courage to liveauthentically and I'm always
remember that I was created withintent, while I have places
(36:11):
where I need to improve.
That's where that learn, grow,go concept comes into play.
Okay, so we've talked about themindset shift.
Now let's get into somepractical steps to embrace your
one-on-one life, because it'sone thing to understand that
you're one-on-one, it's anotherthing to actually begin to live
(36:33):
like it right?
So you know, I'm always giveyou some, I'm gonna give you a
good little word and then I'mgonna give you some strategy to
implement, because this isn'tjust about me getting on here
talking and saying a bunch ofnice, warm and fuzzy stuff.
It is also about helping us allgrow and begin to embrace some
(36:53):
of the things that we're talkingabout.
So the first thing I want you todo in thinking about your
strategy is audit yourcomparisons.
Notice when you're comparingyourself to this thing.
(37:15):
Why am I consumed with whateverthe thing is right?
What trigger?
Because, remember, I told youwhat your triggers are.
Triggers.
Ask you what your triggers are.
What was triggered in me thatmade me feel like I need to
compare myself to that?
So first you're going to do alike, a little, you're doing an
(37:40):
audit.
So this is where thatself-awareness comes into play.
When you're noticing, whenyou're beginning to.
You see something on socialmedia and you begin to compare
yourself.
The next thing and this comesfrom somebody that stay on her
phone.
Limit your time on social mediaif it's making you feel
inadequate.
Like, um, I've been dealingwith some stuff and so I feel
(38:01):
like social media listens toyour well, we already know this
like it listens to yourconversations and then
everything you talked about showup in your feed.
Well, I said today, I askedsomebody how do you change your
algorithm on social media?
Because I'm tired of seeingwhat I see.
I want to see something else.
I need positive vibes, positiveenergy, all the things.
(38:22):
So when you think about, whenyou get to a comparison, are you
dealing with some stuff?
Limit yourself your socialmedia time if you're beginning
to feel a particular way.
And then my favorite thing isstart journaling about your own
accomplishments instead offocusing on what other people
are doing.
Stop worrying about otherpeople.
What they do don't pay you, sowhy are you so consumed with
(38:46):
what they're doing?
Don't worry about what somebodyelse has compared to what you
have.
Don't worry about what somebodyelse has compared to what you
have.
Don't focus on that.
So begin to do an audit of yourcomparisons and where you're
comparing yourself.
Next, we've already talkedabout this Lean into your
strengths.
Identify what makes you uniqueand start embracing that stuff.
(39:09):
What about you is amazing, isgreat, is wonderful, is
beautiful.
Embrace that stuff.
We focus on the things that wedon't have.
We focus on the things thataren't working.
We focus on what's broken in usor what we have identified as
(39:32):
being broken in us, and werarely spend time on I'll pop
over here for this.
Oh yeah, I'll pop.
I do good over here.
We rarely spend timecelebrating that stuff.
So, really begin to identify,like, what makes you you, what
is unique about you, and embracethat stuff.
And those are quirks, too.
Like, don't focus on, like, thereally good things that
(39:54):
everybody loves.
What are those quirks about youthat you love?
What are the pieces of you thatyou love and what are the
pieces of you that are quirksthat you don't love that you
should be loving Right.
Stop minimizing your talents ordownplaying compliments.
Own your gifts.
I think that's one that I'mguilty of, because a lot of
(40:14):
times, like with my job and Iget you know recognition and
things like that, in my mind, Ijust be doing.
I'm just doing what I'msupposed to do.
That's my job, that's what I'msupposed to do, you know,
instead of like, reallycelebrating.
But this is what I have come tolearn about why I do that.
Right, because you always gotto think about when you do
(40:36):
something, when you'reminimizing yourself or
minimizing your talents oryou're downplaying things, you
always got to do a self-check aswhy do you do that?
So my self-check with the why Ido that was really what came
from.
That was I celebrated me.
That was really what came from.
(40:58):
That was I celebrated me.
But sometimes the people in mylife did not celebrate me and so
I didn't want to outshinesomebody else, right?
So somebody asked me one day awhile ago do you get excited
about, like you know, youraccomplishments and the things
that you get excited?
I'm like, yeah, and they waslike, well, I've never like seen
you like get super excitedabout like this happened and
(41:19):
that happened.
And I've never seen and I saidyou, I, I celebrate with myself,
like I get excited myself, likewhen I released my podcast, I
took myself out to eat, I boughtme a drink, I bought me a, a
push gift for my podcast, allthe things.
So, when it comes to likeinternal and personally I
celebrate.
I said outwardly I don't, oh,I'm not my biggest external
(41:42):
cheerleader, because sometimespeople can't handle that, but
then that's me shrinking myself,right.
So I had to do a self-check.
So do a self self-check, don'tjust stop doing those things.
If you are doing those things,ask yourself why do you do them
in the spaces in which you dothem?
So I had to do like an audit,so to speak, of the people
(42:03):
around me to figure out, hey,why you don't feel comfortable
celebrating yourself in thosespaces.
Something has happened thatmade you feel like you can't
celebrate you and your gifts andyour accolades in that space.
Then make a list of the thingsyou're proud of and revisit it
when you begin to haveself-doubt, like, keep a list at
(42:25):
the end of the day.
The next one is speak life overyourself.
I am I think I said this in oneof the episodes I'm a sticky
note girl.
So I have a lot of sticky notesall over the place, in my
office, in my house, because Igot to remind myself that I'm
the all right.
(42:45):
I got to remind myself becausesometimes I get in spaces and
places where I have someself-doubt about certain things
or I'm just going through somethings, not right now, just in
general.
I'm going through some thingsand I need a boost and I may not
have another person to give aboost.
I got to be able to give myselfa boost.
I can't always depend on otherpeople.
(43:06):
So affirmations and things likethat are extremely important to
me.
I mean, they're so important tome.
I share that with my son and Itell a story all the time about.
I shared some affirmation cardswith my son and he took to them
and in the bathroom that was byhis room he put on the mirror.
(43:28):
He wrote a whole bunch ofpositive affirmations about
himself and he put them on themirror in the bathroom.
He read them to himself everytime he went into that bathroom.
He did that.
My son is 24.
I think he did that when he was18 or 19.
Those things are still on mywindow, I mean on my mirror in
my bathroom, because he was home.
(43:51):
I was an empty nester.
I mean he went off to home, Iwas an empty nester.
I mean he went off to college.
I was an empty nester for awhile and rent is high out here
in these streets, I hear.
And so he back in my house, buteven when he left I never took
them down, because I know howmuch self-talk impacts the
psyche and how we have to havepositive self-talk, and that was
(44:16):
something that I shared withhim, that he embraced.
So replace self-doubt withaffirmations.
Say things like I am enough,just as I am.
My uniqueness is my power.
I am not meant to be a copy ofanybody else and get you some
affirmations and say thoseaffirmations on a regular basis
to yourself until you begin tobelieve those in your
(44:37):
subconscious begins to believethose.
Right, because a lot of timeswhen we operate from a place of
self-doubt and question ourworth and our self-love, it
sometimes it's very conscious,but a lot of times it can be
subconscious because we haven'treally thought about our traumas
that produce triggers, thatimpact, how we trust people over
time.
(44:57):
Right, all the things I said inthe first episode.
The next one is probably myfavorite Take up space, take up
all the space.
Stop shrinking yourself to makeother people feel comfortable,
like if I had to teach myself alesson over time.
That's the lesson.
Stop shrinking yourself to makeother people feel comfortable
(45:20):
Because, at the end of the day,if you cannot take me at a
hundred proof, I really need toquestion whether I need to be in
that space or not.
So if I didn't get the jobbecause I got blonde hair, I'm a
black female, whatever the case.
If I can't get the job becauseI got blonde hair, I'm a black
female, whatever the case.
If I can't be, if I can'tprogress because of those things
, then I'm not supposed to be inthat space.
I'm not supposed to do thatthing right.
(45:43):
So stop shrinking yourself tomake other people comfortable to
be able to exist in their space.
Don't do that.
Step into rooms with confidenceand own your presence.
You know, one of the thingspeople tell me when I speak is
that I have a certain presencewhen I walk in the room, that I
(46:04):
have this level of confidencethat just is like okay, there
she go.
They like there she go, go.
You know there she go, go.
You know I already said I can'tsing, but nonetheless, step
into rooms of confidence and ownwho you are.
Be okay with who you are.
But see, the thing is with that, in order for you to be okay
with who you are, you got tounderstand who you are.
(46:25):
You got to take time to reflecton your strengths, your
weaknesses, your opportunities,your threats, all the good, the
bad, the ugly, the beautiful,the powerful, all those things.
So until you do that thing, younever going to really walk into
that room with those shouldersback and that head raised high
(46:45):
with confidence, because untilyou embrace you, they ain't
going to ever embrace you.
You got to embrace you firstand then, when you take enough
space, say what you mean, shareyour ideas and trust that your
voice matters in thoseconversations.
Stop silencing yourself out offear of what somebody gonna say.
(47:08):
This is what I told somebodytoday we care, care too much,
and I always try to cautionmyself when I say that because I
don't want people to feel likeI'm saying you shouldn't care
what nobody think, how they feel, any of the things.
That is not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is youshouldn't care to the point that
(47:34):
it's causing you harm, it'scausing you hardship, it's
causing you stress.
You can't care more aboutsomebody else and their feelings
and all of the things than youcare about you.
I gave the analogy in one of theprevious episodes when you
(47:55):
think about a plane and thestewardess is giving the
directions of if the plane goesdown, do this.
The first thing they alwaystell you is if you gonna help
somebody, I'm gonna need you toput your mask on first before
you try to help them, becausewhat's gonna end up happening is
they gonna survive and you noton first before you try to help
them, because what's going toend up happening is they're
going to survive and you're not.
Why can't we take that samesimple principle that they teach
(48:19):
every time you get on a flightand apply it to our lives?
If I don't take care of me, Icannot take care of anybody else
.
I cannot take care of anybodyelse.
If I don't pour into me, I'mnever going to adequately pour
into somebody else.
If I don't love me, nobody isever really going to fully love
(48:50):
me the way I deserve to be loved.
So why don't we ever feel likewe can take up that kind of
space?
Why do we feel like I have toshrink myself because you can't
handle me at a hundred proof?
That's not my problem, as longas I'm being respectful, I'm
talking with empathy andunderstanding what you're saying
(49:14):
that if I say something to youand you can't handle what I say,
that's not.
That's not a me problem, that'sa you problem.
So all that self-reflection andself-awareness that I'm doing
for me, you might need to bedoing it for you, because it's a
reason why, when I say what Isay, it impacts you the way it
impacts you, cause we all gotstuff, we all dealing with
(49:35):
things, we all got trauma.
We all had experiences that areimpacting the way that we
function and operate, especiallyin our childhood, and how we
function and operate as adults.
So why do I feel like I had?
I can't step into a room withconfidence because it's going to
make you uncomfortable.
No, that's not what we doing.
(49:59):
We not doing that.
Not when we want to want, notwhen we know who we are, not
when we know what we bring tothe table, not when we know
we're not random, not when weknow that we serve a purpose
that our very existence alreadytells me I'm supposed to be here
(50:21):
.
That's not what we doing.
All right, folks, I have givenyou a lot of information.
I have shared some nuggets andsome things with you all.
Given you a lot of information,I've shared some nuggets and
some things with you all.
What I want you to remember ishashtag the one of one life is
about embracing every part ofwho you are and knowing that you
are already enough just as youare.
(50:41):
There's absolutely no need foryou to fit into anyone else's
mold.
You want to know why?
Because you were never meant toso.
This week, I challenge you tostand tall in your uniqueness.
Let go of comparison.
Embrace your individuality andwalk boldly in your purpose.
You don't need permission to bewho you were created to be.
(51:04):
You don't need validation towalk into your calling and you
certainly do not need to play itsmall to make other people feel
comfortable.
Why?
Because you are one of one andI need you to own that.
This week and every week afternow, as usual, before we work,
(51:28):
we wrap up.
You know I want to hear fromyou, so let me know what's one
thing that makes you one of one.
You can tag me on any of mysocial media pages.
They are all linked in the shownotes.
I'd love to see how this episoderesonates with you, or any of
the other episodes.
So don't be shy because,remember, we are not shrinking
(51:48):
ourselves.
We are embracing who we are.
So there's no question thatcan't be asked.
So drop a comment or send me amessage, or even share a story
about what makes you unique.
And, of course, please don'tforget.
If this episode resonated withyou, please, please, share it
with someone who needs thereminder.
Let's spread the message ofauthenticity together, because
(52:11):
the movement isn't just about me, it's about us.
Now, before I let you go, I haveabout four updates I want to
share with you real quick.
So the first thing is reallyabout shifting our episode
release dates, and so, right now, I release an episode.
I try to release an episodeevery th.
Well, we're moving that toFriday, so I call those
(52:34):
Thursdays hashtag authenticThursdays.
Well, now they're going to behashtag authentic Fridays.
This gives us the perfectenergy boost heading into the
weekend and a great opportunityto begin to reflect on how we
can show up more authenticallyin our daily lives.
I like to think about Sunday asthe day that I prep for the
upcoming week.
So if I'm releasing thisepisode on Friday and you listen
(52:56):
to it, maybe Saturday or Sunday, it puts you in a space of okay
, how am I going to prepare formy week?
At least, that's my hope.
The second thing I mentioned atthe beginning of this episode
February 1st, I will be kickingoff my 30 days of self-love
challenge.
This is a daily challengefocused on loving yourself,
showing up for yourself andbuilding self-care habits that
(53:16):
affirm your worth and all thethings.
So you can follow along on allof my social media pages.
That's where I'm gonna besharing the 30 days of self-love
.
So the links again to my socialmedia pages are in the show
notes.
This challenge is all aboutintentionally choosing yourself
(53:37):
every day, and so I love formany of as many of you as
possible to be a part of thisjourney.
Next is I'm going to beintroducing something new that,
starting with this particularepisode and what we're going to
call that is hashtag authenticminutes, and these are many
episodes where I'll share apowerful quote and three
(53:59):
affirmations for you to carryinto your week.
These will be short, impactfuland easy to return to whenever
you need a quick dose ofinspiration.
So I really want to add a layerto this, and so that's the
layer that I'm adding and thatwill be added with this episode.
So, after really want to add alayer to this, and so that's the
layer that I'm adding and thatwill be added with this episode.
So, after you listen to thisepisode, go listen to the first
authentic minutes.
Then the last thing is, I'mexcited to announce that I will
(54:23):
begin releasing subscriber onlycontent the week of February 17.
So if you haven't subscribedyet, that's okay, now's the time
.
It's $5 a month and it givesyou access to exclusive content
deeper dives into topics, somebehind the scenes moments, some
workbooks, some worksheets to goalong with the topics that
(54:43):
we're talking about, and it'sjust an opportunity for us to
build together and stayconnected and do some things
together and, you know, reallybuild a community with this.
And so that comes with Facebookgroup and a couple of other
things, but I'll share some moreabout that later on my social
media platform.
(55:04):
So lots of exciting thingscoming your way and I cannot
wait to continue growing withyou all.
Get you some merch.
If you haven't gotten you somemerch, get you some merch.
Hashtag the authentic life.
Merch.
Until next time, keep standingin your truth, keep honoring
your journey and, as always,keep living.
Hashtag the authentic life.
Peace, love and blessings fromyour girl, keisha.
(55:25):
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing it's justlike an instant invite to more
fun, to more inspiration and tomore authentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration.
(55:48):
But whatever you do, let'sspread the joy of the Authentic
life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life.
Peace, love and blessings fromyour girl, keisha.
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together, we'll dive into realstories, practical insights and
steps you can take to embraceyour truth and show up as your
most authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me.
Let's get started.
Hello, hello, hello and welcometo the Authentic Life, a space
(00:32):
where we explore what it reallymeans to live fully, to live
freely and, most importantly, tolive unapologetically as your
true self.
If you're new here, I'm Keisha,I'm your host, I'm your guide
and, by the end of this, I mightjust be your accountability
partner on this journey.
So, whether you're tuning infrom your car, the gym, your
(00:53):
office or your favorite cozycorner at home, your girl is
just glad that you decided to behere with her today.
Now, you know I like to givesome thank yous and some shout
outs and all the things.
So, before we dive in, I justwant to again take a moment to
thank every single person whohas embraced hashtag the
authentic life and the journeyof hashtag the authentic life
(01:16):
with me.
So, whether you have downloadedthe podcast, shared it with
your friends or you just turnedtuned in to listen.
You have been incredible and Iam so grateful and I am so
thankful.
Now the special shout out goesto those individuals who have
taken it a step further and theyhave purchased hashtag the
(01:38):
authentic life merch.
Seeing you wear and share themessage of living authentically
fills me with so much gratitudeand so much joy, because what
it's telling me is that you'renot just listening, you are
actually embracing this thingand you are living hashtag the
authentic life.
So thank you for showing up foryourself and for this community
(01:59):
.
Remember, this wasn't just thelaunch of the authentic life.
It was the launch of somethingthat might just change your life
, right.
So that's that Now we're goingto talk about what we're going
to talk about today.
Last time, we explained thepower of embracing life's
lessons in the hashtag the learn, grow, go life, and what I will
(02:19):
say about that episode is thatI have gotten so much positive
feedback from so many peopleabout that particular episode,
like I thought I was gettinggood feedback from the other two
episodes, but this one musthave really touched some hearts
and some souls and people isreally going through these
different phases, and so I am soappreciative of the phone calls
and the text messages and theDMs and all the things telling
(02:43):
me how the episode specificallythese, this episode touched you
and how you know it really madeyou think about some things.
And in that episode we talkedabout how it's important to
learn from our experiences, growthrough our challenges and then
ultimately know when we need tomove forward from a thing, when
we need to let a thing go, whenwe need to go ahead and go on
(03:04):
about our business.
And, as I said in that episode,sometimes that is probably the
hardest part.
We can grow through things, wecan learn things, but when it is
time to let something go, Ipromise you it can take a lot to
get to that place, but itallows us to do that.
When we do that, it allows usto move forward, because that's
(03:26):
essential to livingauthentically.
And then, before that, wetalked about the boundary life
right, how boundaries are notjust about saying no but about
saying yes to what truly alignswith us.
And of course, we started thisjourney with what is hashtag the
authentic life.
So at this point I think we'vehad some good stepping stones to
(03:47):
get to a place of nowtransitioning in to our next
episode, and that is hashtag,the one on one life.
I first heard this phrase in amessage from Devon Franklin and
the moment I did, I knew it wassomething that I needed to hold
on to right.
One of one.
(04:08):
Think about that a second.
What does that mean to you?
When you hear someone say youare one of one, what does it
mean to you?
How does that stick with you?
How does that stand out?
Right, you are the one and theonly one of you.
There are no duplicates.
There are no second versions.
(04:28):
There are no carbon copies.
You were created uniquely andwith purpose that only you can
fulfill.
Do we find ourselves measuringour worth by comparison, by
external evaluation or byunrealistic standards set by
(04:50):
society?
How often do we put ourselvesup against our friends, our
colleagues, our partners?
How often do we put our worthinto somebody else when there's
not another Keisha out there?
There's not another me.
I promise you, I will tell youright now, today, they only made
(05:16):
one of me.
I don't even think y'all candeal with two of me out here in
these streets.
So how can we begin to embracethe one-of-one life, right?
How can we begin to embracethat there are no duplicates.
There are no second versions.
There are no carbon copies ofus.
That who we were uniquelycreated for a purpose and we
(05:41):
should be living in that,validating that, not what
society says.
So that's what we're going totalk about today.
We're going to talk abouthashtag.
The one-on-one life is whattoday's episode is titled,
because when you're thinkingabout living authentically, it
is so important for you tounderstand that who you are and
(06:01):
how you show up in this world isokay.
Right, of course, we all gotthings that we need to work on.
We all got things that we needto work on.
So that ain't what I'm saying,but what I am saying is it's
only one of you, so you need toembrace that.
You need to be okay with that.
When you look in the mirror andyou see you, you need to be
(06:22):
okay with what you see lookingback, and if you're not, you
need to figure out why.
What's going on?
Start doing that self-awareness, start doing that
self-reflection, start doingthose things and start doing
that work.
Start doing some self-love.
Right At the end of thisepisode, I'm going to talk about
a self-love challenge and I'mgoing to begin on February 1st,
because we all need to begin toembrace us and love us.
(06:46):
Sometimes we love other peoplemore than we love ourselves
sometimes, and we don't evenrecognize it.
So that's what we're talkingabout today.
So we're going to kick thisthing off with understanding the
power of being one of one.
We're going to explore whyfully embracing our
individuality is such achallenge and how comparison
(07:07):
culture is at the root of somuch of the self-doubt that we
have.
This isn't just aboutself-esteem.
It's about recognizing the wayswe've been conditioned to
measure ourselves against othersand how we can break free from
that mindset.
So let's talk about it.
Why do we struggle so much toaccept that we are enough as we
(07:30):
are?
Why do we feel the need to fitinto boxes that were never meant
for us to fit in to begin with?
And, most importantly, how canwe begin celebrating the fact
that we are truly one of one?
How can we begin to giveourselves grace for just being
(07:52):
us Flaws and all the good, thebad, the ugly, the powerful, the
strong, all the things?
How do we begin to be OK withthat and stop feeling the need
to shrink ourselves, becauseonce you embrace that you are
one-on-one, that there is nobodyelse on this earth like you
(08:14):
that can do things the way thatyou do things, that can express
themselves the way that youexpress themselves, even with
the good and the bad pieces ofyou, because we all got again
work to do.
But why do we struggle so muchwith embracing ourselves?
Why are we always eithercomparing ourselves to others or
(08:37):
feeling like we can't fully beourselves in all that comes with
us out of fear of loss ofaccess to someone?
In the last couple of monthsmaybe three to four months I
have really like thought aboutthat and like have really like
dug into a place of just likeyou just got to get me at 100
(08:59):
proof, and if you can't take meat 100 proof, then go about your
business.
It's not that I'm gonna dismissyou, it's not that I'm gonna
let you go, or it's not that thethat I'm gonna do all these
things.
It's just gonna be, I'm justgonna be me, I'm just gonna do
me, and then, however you feellike you can fit into, that is
(09:20):
how you fit into that.
Now, it's not about beingdisrespectful, it's not about
being mean or any of thosethings.
It's really just saying, hey,if you can't handle me, all of
me and what I bring to the table.
I'm not getting up from thetable.
You just got to get up from thetable.
(09:42):
And if you decide that you'renot going to get up from the
table and you just got to get upfrom the table and if you
decide that you're not going toget up from the table and you're
just going to sit here, thenwe're just going to sit here and
we're going to look at eachother, but what I'm going to
stop doing is feeling like, whenyou can't handle it, I got to
remove myself, I got to changeme.
Is something wrong with me?
Yeah, we're not doing that.
Because why?
Because I'm one of one.
(10:04):
There is nobody else like meand the mere fact that you, that
we are even interacting andengagement, engaging with each
other, is powerful and it's notdismissing you and who you are,
because the fact that I'minteracting and engaging with
you is a powerful thing.
We come into people's lives fora reason and a season, so I'm
never going to take away fromthat.
(10:24):
But what I am going to do inthe midst of that is stop making
myself feel like I can't be me,that I can't say what I need to
say.
I can't do what I need to dobecause you don't know how to
respond to it, you don't knowhow to take it, all of those
things.
So, when you're thinking aboutembracing yourself and embracing
the one of you is acceptingthat you are enough as you are
(10:48):
and stop trying to shift andstop trying to change.
So the first thing that I talkedabout was problem with
comparison culture.
Right, we scroll throughInstagram and then somebody just
engaged, got engaged.
We in our feelings, oh my God,she got engaged and he ain't
(11:10):
even really asked me to move inyet.
Then we start comparingourselves to well, you know well
, what did he do?
Why did he want to marry her?
Or what does she do?
What do I need to change?
You're on LinkedIn and you findout that somebody landed their
dream job, the job you alwayswanted.
Then you start well, looking upwell, what did they do?
(11:34):
What's their education?
What was their experience like?
Do I need to start beginning?
Do I need to start shifting?
You're on some other socialmedia site and a friend of yours
is yet on another vacation,living their best life.
You can't get time off, or youdon't want to take time off to
go on a vacation.
So you, big man, or you feelinglike, okay, what I need to do,
(11:57):
what I need to do.
We're always comparing ourselvesto other people and comparing
ourselves to other people'sjourneys.
And I don't know if you allhave seen the meme on social
media where we got to understandthat their chapter 72 is not
our chapter two.
It may be our chapter two,right, we get so stuck in that
(12:20):
they are already at chapter 72.
We don't know what they did inchapters one through 71 to get
to 72.
We need to be okay that we justat chapter two.
We ain't got there yet.
We might get there, we mightnot get there, but stop
comparing yourself to what otherpeople are doing.
And then suddenly, what we endup doing without even realizing
(12:40):
is we start asking ourselves allthese questions why am I not
where they are?
Why don't I have what they have?
Am I behind in life?
Then we start, then we becomepaper chasers and we out here
getting these certificates andthese degrees, and we're
changing ourselves and we'redoing all these things so that
people will accept us andsomebody will marry us, somebody
(13:03):
will hire us and give us adream job, I'll have more money
to go on that vacation.
But then you're doing andshifting and you're becoming a
representative at the end of theday, because this is my thing.
Let's take the marriage thing.
Okay, you, your home girl, gothomeboy, got marriage and
engaged to get married andyou've been dating your boo for
(13:27):
three years and he hasn't askedyou.
Then you start doing all thesethings because he hasn't asked
you and you feel like, hey, theywere only together for a year
and we've been together forthree years and you've already
done this and you've alreadydone that.
This is, let me tell you,something that I learned.
I've been being, I have been, Ihave been being taught this.
(13:49):
I think in the past six monthsand maybe longer, I just haven't
recognized it.
Rejection is protection, thatstuff that don't work out in the
time that we feel like thingsare supposed to work out.
Something's not happening forus right now, but it's happening
for other people.
It's because it's their timeRight now.
(14:11):
It just ain't your time.
But we can never be okay withthat because we're always
comparing ourselves to otherpeople.
We are never really getting toa place of being okay with where
we are and understanding thatmaybe he ain't asked you to
marry you yet, because that'snot where y'all at.
Y'all may not even supposed tobe together, but you so consumed
(14:35):
by the fact that you just seensomebody else get a ring on
social media, now you're tryingto figure out how you can get a
ring, and ain't even yourhusband or your wife, whatever
the case may be.
So get out of that space.
The second thing that we reallyneed to do when we're thinking
about understanding the power ofone-on-one is really around
(14:55):
embracing our unique journeysand that we all have different
journeys, that we are not on thesame journey, that we are not
on the same journey, that myjourney is never going to be
your journey, because I am oneon one and I have a purpose that
I am supposed to fulfill and Iam doing things in a way to
fulfill that purpose that youare never going to do Like I
(15:18):
would tell people all the time.
I think I said this before I amthe epitome of doing the most
when it comes to, like workstuff I mean work stuff,
personal stuff, whatever thecase Doing the absolute most.
Like I told you in previouspodcasts, you will see my
picture in the dictionary.
(15:39):
If they had a phrase doing theabsolute most and they needed to
compare something, my picturewould be there I do the absolute
most.
And they needed to comparesomething.
My picture would be there I dothe absolute most.
And when I think about work, I'mable to manage and juggle a
whole bunch without gettingstressed out, without getting
overwhelmed, all the things.
But what I have come to learnis that there ain't nobody else
(16:01):
out there like me, that I can'thire people with the mindset
that they gonna work like I work, that they gonna do things how
I do things, that they're gonnabe able to manage the type of
load that I manage.
I tell people all the timedon't ever look at me and think
it's easy, because I make itlook easy a lot of the time.
(16:21):
But I also understand and inmost things that I do, I'm doing
this, I'm doing the duty, thejob, the whatever of probably
five people, and it's not thatI'm being used in that capacity,
it's just the way that Ifunction and operate.
So I am embracing my uniquenessand my unique journey and
(16:43):
understanding that my journey isnever going to look like your
journey.
What I'm supposed to go throughin life, my trials, my
tribulations, my lessons, mygrowing phases, all of those
things those are things that Ineed to learn to be able to
ultimately grow to fulfill mypurpose at the end of the day.
(17:05):
So the more I think about that,the more I embrace the fact
that I'm unique and my journeyis going to be unique because
it's only one of me.
I'm one of one and I have apurpose.
I'm supposed to be doing athing and nobody is, nobody else
is supposed to do that thing.
(17:26):
Like when you think about peoplethat start businesses and do
things like that, it's alwaysthis phase where you and
somebody else have the same typeof business and you begin
comparing yourselves and it'salmost like we become hoarders
of information in those spacesbecause we don't want nobody to
outshine us.
I'm not going to share theknowledge.
(17:46):
I'm not going to share theinformation because we do the
same thing, we have the sametopic, we have the same this, we
have the same that.
So if I share with you, you maypop before I pop.
So what, what difference doesit make?
Like when I did this podcast?
If you go into apple music andyou look up the authentic life
(18:09):
there are about 50 podcasts outthere titled the authentic life
you think I care, absolutely not.
I wish you well and all thebest with your podcast, because,
at the end of the day, you overthere and me over here we two
different people, because yougot a purpose for your podcast
(18:30):
and I have a purpose for mineand it's never going to be the
same.
So we can talk about the sametopic.
We ain't going to ever talkabout it the same way.
Never will happen that way.
So the more we embrace that wehave a unique journey, that we
are very different from eachperson and that, even if I am
doing the exact same job as youand we're doing the exact same
(18:52):
thing, I'm trying to start theexact same business it's never
going to be the same because Iam one of one and you are one of
one.
There's nobody else that thinkslike you, acts like you, talks
like you none of the things.
There's nobody else that thinkslike you, acts like you, talks
like you None of the things.
So, by the pure nature of allof that, it's going to be
(19:16):
different.
So why we get so caught up init?
And then we tie our self-worthto that, and then we tie our
progression to that and we tiewhere we are in our lives to
that.
And we should stop doing thatbecause at the end of the day,
we're one of one.
There is nobody else like you,right?
So when you're thinking aboutthat one-on-one life, remember
(19:38):
when we talked about theboundary life to help us
recognize the importance ofprotecting our peace.
A major way to protect yourpeace is to set internal
boundaries against unnecessaryself-comparison.
Boundaries ain't always aboutother people.
Sometimes them boundaries aboutyou and stuff that you need to
(19:58):
check you on In the Learn, grow,go life.
That reminded us that we evolveover time.
We're not we're not perfectpeople.
So instead of measuringyourself against somebody else,
measure yourself against who youwere six months ago, a year ago
, five years ago.
(20:18):
I tell anybody in a like aromantic relationship, keisha
Jones probably 10 years ago andKeisha Jones today in a romantic
relationship are two verydifferent people.
We are not the same Now.
(20:39):
Everybody's journey isdifferent and everybody got
stuff.
But at the end of the day Iwill tell anybody oh, you got a
better version of me right nowbecause I've learned a lot, I've
grown a lot and I've let go ofthings that I needed to let go
and I've learned the lessonsthat I needed to learn from
those things.
And then I set internalboundaries against that
(21:03):
unnecessary self-comparison thatI do, right?
So I know I evolve over time.
You become a better person overtime, and so when you're
thinking about being one-on-one,that's all it is at the end of
the day.
Okay, so now that we'veunpacked the dangers of
comparison and the importance ofembracing our unique paths, now
(21:26):
I want to talk about what itactually means to live as
one-of-one.
I want to share threefundamental truths that I think
will help you to begin to shiftyour mindset from feeling like
you have to measure up to otherpeople and ultimately be able to
stand confidently in the factthat no one else can do what you
(21:47):
do in the way that you do it.
So the first thing is you arenot in competition with anybody
but yourself.
I don't know if you've everseen that meme on social media
where it says the only personI'm in competition with is me,
and that's something I believethat I stand strong in Ten toes
(22:07):
down is that if I'm incompetition, it's with me.
If you competing with me, youcompeting you in competition by
yourself.
I'm not doing that.
When you're thinking about twopeople right, or multiple people
, I'm not doing that.
I'm always trying to be abetter version of me.
I'm not trying to be a betterversion of you, no matter what
you put in my face, no matterwhat somebody else has to say,
(22:30):
because I know I'm not going toever be you.
I'm not going to ever operatelike you.
I'm never going to do it in theway that you do it.
So there's no point in me beingin competition with you,
because it just isn't going tohappen.
So the only person you shouldbe competing with is you.
Forget about what other peopleare doing and focus on improving
yourself.
Focus and pay attention.
(22:50):
Remember, in the very firstepisode, what are your five
strengths?
What are your five weaknesses?
What are the things that youvalue?
What are your triggers?
Remember I had you do thatactivity.
Now, what are the things thatyou can begin to improve on?
Do some self-reflection, dosome self-awareness activities,
right.
Ask other people how you showup in spaces right.
Let that be the the competition.
(23:13):
The competition should be thatI'm gonna be a better version of
myself than I was before.
So, like a lot of people ask me,you know what are your new
year's resolutions?
I don't have none.
My only thing is to be a betterversion of Keisha in 2025 than
I was in any year before 2025.
(23:33):
And then identify those thingsthat I was working on that I
still need to work on and whatnew things have arisen that I
need to work on.
But at the end of the day, I'min competition with me.
I'm not competing with nobody,because it's a waste of my time.
So, even if you do that insmall ways, you should be doing
(23:54):
that every day, like, okay, howcan I be a better version of
myself today than I wasyesterday?
Right, success isn't aboutcomparison.
We always compare our successto other people's success, but
that's not what success is.
Success is about progress.
So ask yourself not whatsuccess is.
Success is about progress.
So ask yourself am I betterthan I was last year, last month
(24:14):
, last week?
And then, someone else'ssuccess doesn't take away from
your success.
That's where that competitivemindset like.
I got an episode called hashtagthe ego life and I can't wait to
talk about that, because somuch of this comes from a place
of having your ego sitting inthe driver's seat.
(24:35):
I promise you, but at the endof the day, stop comparing your
success to someone else's.
Remember, in the first episode,I told you define what success
means for you?
What's your standard of success?
There's room for every singleperson to thrive, and
celebrating other people doesnot diminish your own
(24:57):
achievements.
So clap loud for the peoplethat are around you.
Support other people, pour intoother people, share other
people's stuff, even if it's thesame thing that you do, Because
, again, if you sit on the seatof I'm one on one, just because
we do the same thing, we don'tdo the same thing.
It's never going to be the same.
(25:20):
So celebrate other people'sachievements, because it doesn't
diminish yours.
The second the second one isthat authenticity requires
courage.
So to live hashtag theauthentic life that means that
you are committing to having alevel of courageousness in the
(25:42):
things that you do and how youmove.
Being yourself is brave in aworld that is constantly
pressuring us to conform.
So it takes confidence to ownyour quirks, your values and
your unique qualities right.
It takes time and someconfidence for you to be like
(26:06):
hey, these are the things thatare really good about me and I
am like the greatest, I'm thegoat, the best, all of the
things of these things.
But these are some areas likethey not red flags, but they
weaknesses, they some thingsthat I really need to work on
and own it.
(26:26):
Remember I told you you can'tchange what you don't
acknowledge.
And sometimes we don't taketime to acknowledge things and
sit in the acknowledgement ofthose things and embrace and be
okay with the good pieces of usand the bad pieces of us, but we
are so worried about hiding thebad pieces of us that we don't
embrace them.
So when other people bring themup, we get defensive, we get in
(26:49):
our feelings, we begin toquestion our worth, we begin to
question our worth, we begin toquestion our self-love and all
of those things, whereas whenyou to begin to embrace your
quirks, your values, your uniquequalities, all the things that
make you you, when other peoplecall them out, it's like okay, I
knew that already, though Iknow I need to work on that.
I'm a work in progress.
We all are.
I got it, though.
(27:10):
I appreciate you reminding me,because sometimes we need a
reminder, and it's not beingdismissive, but it's not
allowing that thing to shift andchange your emotions and your
mood and all the things.
Not everybody is going tounderstand or support your
authenticity, and that's okay.
The right people will find youwhen you stay true to yourself,
(27:31):
and what I mean by that is I'vebeen on this journey of
self-reflection so many things.
(27:53):
I'm on so many journeys as longas I'm professional.
I have empathy in myconversations that if you don't
like all the things that I say,because you may not embrace the
things that I just said, I'm notgoing to not say them Now.
I know how to read the room andwhen to say, when to say less.
(28:16):
Trust me, I know those things.
However, that journey I talkedabout is sometimes I find myself
being like okay, you know what,I am not even going to say that
, because then this is going tohappen, this is going to happen,
this is going to happen andthis is going to happen.
And then this how they're goingto gonna happen, and then this,
(28:36):
how they gonna feel, and thenthis is the conversation that's
gonna go.
So you go through your, you goin your mind down this whole
rabbit hole about if I say thisthing, how I really feel, how
it's gonna make you feel.
If I say that, what is not evenhow it's gonna make you feel,
but where the conversation gonnago when I say that thing, then
I decide not to say I'm notembracing authenticity.
So I've been coming to theplace of.
I'm not about to give you peaceand I'm over here in confusion
(28:57):
and chaos because I'm trying tomaintain peace for you.
No, we need to have peace foreverybody up in this place.
So everybody not going tosupport you being authentic?
When you show up as your trueself, you inspire other people
to do the same.
Your authenticity can bepermission for somebody else who
needs to live fully, and thatis why I do this podcast.
(29:21):
That is why I try very hard indifferent aspects of my life, to
live hashtag the authentic life, because I know other people
are watching.
Now, I have said many times sofor those people that know me
and I have conversations with Iknow my areas of growth that I
have.
I am not a perfect person, noneof the things but one of the
things I can stand in is that Ialso know that I have to be as
(29:48):
much of me as I can in certainplaces and spaces because other
people need permission to do thesame thing, especially as a
woman of color, especially as awoman of color that's in senior
leadership, especially as awoman of color that operates in
predominantly white spaces wherea lot of times we feel like we
have to shrink ourselves and wecan't be our authentic self.
(30:10):
There are other black womenlooking at me, wanting and
needing me to be me in thosespaces.
So I feel like I have a job anda duty to do that, and so when
you remember that, remember it'snot.
Sometimes it's not just aboutyou you embracing you and
showing up fully as you can behelping somebody else.
(30:31):
You and showing up fully as youcan be helping somebody else.
Now the last one is we werecreated with intent.
Baby, you not random, you areintentional.
Everything about you isintentional, from your talents
to your personality.
All of it serves a purpose.
(30:52):
Don't you forever get that.
You not random.
And if anybody ever make youfeel like you random, let them
know.
Uh-uh, baby, I'm not randomover here.
I was intentional.
Everything about me serves apurpose.
You have something to offerthat the world I'm sorry.
(31:17):
You have something to offer tothe world that nobody else does.
That's that one-on-one and ohyeah, I'm going to make mistakes
that I'm not going to re record.
That was one of them.
But you are one-on-one.
(31:37):
Your perspective, theexperiences that you've had,
your passion that your love, youas a person, you are valuable
and you.
You got that that nobody elsegot that.
Don't nobody love like I love.
There's a lot of people thatlove hard, but don't nobody love
like I love.
Don't nobody pour into peoplelike I pour into people.
(31:58):
Nobody's had my experiencesthat they had to learn through,
grow through to be able to bewhere they at.
Nobody got the passion that Igot for the things that I do,
even if you do the same thingthat I do, because I'm not
random, I'm intentional, I servea purpose.
(32:20):
Everything about me serves apurpose.
So when you're thinking aboutaffirmations and you're thinking
about embracing yourself, oneof your affirmations is I am not
random.
Period Number two everythingabout me serves a purpose.
Period there is no one else inthis world that can do what I do
(32:47):
.
Period Now, your worth is notdependent on external validation
, and that's where I feel likewe struggle when we think about
self-worth.
You don't need approval fromother people to be enough.
Your pure existence indicatesthat you are already enough, but
(33:09):
that's not the seat that we sitin.
But that's not the seat that wesit in.
Our worth, all too frequently,is attached to a person, a job,
a place, a thing.
When, at the end of the day, bypure nature of our existence.
(33:33):
That's an indicator that we areenough and we are worthy.
So I don't need externalvalidation to tell me that I'm
worthy.
So how do we begin to embracethat self-worth?
And the more you embrace thatyou are not random, that you are
intentionally made, thateverything about you serves a
(33:53):
purpose, that your perspectives,your experiences, your passions
, your love are valuable and youhave something to offer the
world that no one else does, youwill begin to understand that
your worth is not dependent onexternal validation.
It is not dependent on whetheror not people love you.
It is not dependent on whetheror not people embrace you.
(34:18):
It is not dependent on whetheror not you get that promotion.
It is not dependent uponwhether or not you're able to
buy the big house that you wantor not the big house that you
want or not.
It's not dependent upon thethings that you're able to buy
and the things that you're ableto have.
(34:40):
Stop attaching your self-worthto external things and start
attaching your self-worth tobeing one of one, that there is
nobody else like you, that youare unique and not random and
that you serve a purpose.
Everything about you serves apurpose.
So those three core truths ofthe hashtag, the one of one life
(35:04):
are you are not in competitionwith anybody but yourself, and
anytime you get into a placethat you feel like you are, you
need to do, you need to checkyou.
Who gonna check?
To check me?
Boo, it need to be you Checkyourself.
The second one is authenticity.
Authenticity is going torequire that you have some
courage, that you get braveenough to embrace who you are
(35:28):
and show up in all them spacesas who you are.
You are and show up in all themspaces as who you are.
And then, lastly, you werecreated with intent.
There is nothing wrong with you.
There is not one thing that wascreated about you that's wrong.
I don't care what nobody say.
(35:49):
You can have somebody tellingyou every day there's something
wrong with you.
The fact that they telling youthere's something wrong with you
is an indicator that somethingis wrong with them.
Again, I will say this over andover we all got work to do.
We all got places where we needto improve, but at the end of
the day, I ain't in competitionwith nobody.
I'm gonna have courage to liveauthentically and I'm always
remember that I was created withintent, while I have places
(36:11):
where I need to improve.
That's where that learn, grow,go concept comes into play.
Okay, so we've talked about themindset shift.
Now let's get into somepractical steps to embrace your
one-on-one life, because it'sone thing to understand that
you're one-on-one, it's anotherthing to actually begin to live
(36:33):
like it right?
So you know, I'm always giveyou some, I'm gonna give you a
good little word and then I'mgonna give you some strategy to
implement, because this isn'tjust about me getting on here
talking and saying a bunch ofnice, warm and fuzzy stuff.
It is also about helping us allgrow and begin to embrace some
(36:53):
of the things that we're talkingabout.
So the first thing I want you todo in thinking about your
strategy is audit yourcomparisons.
Notice when you're comparingyourself to this thing.
(37:15):
Why am I consumed with whateverthe thing is right?
What trigger?
Because, remember, I told youwhat your triggers are.
Triggers.
Ask you what your triggers are.
What was triggered in me thatmade me feel like I need to
compare myself to that?
So first you're going to do alike, a little, you're doing an
(37:40):
audit.
So this is where thatself-awareness comes into play.
When you're noticing, whenyou're beginning to.
You see something on socialmedia and you begin to compare
yourself.
The next thing and this comesfrom somebody that stay on her
phone.
Limit your time on social mediaif it's making you feel
inadequate.
Like, um, I've been dealingwith some stuff and so I feel
(38:01):
like social media listens toyour well, we already know this
like it listens to yourconversations and then
everything you talked about showup in your feed.
Well, I said today, I askedsomebody how do you change your
algorithm on social media?
Because I'm tired of seeingwhat I see.
I want to see something else.
I need positive vibes, positiveenergy, all the things.
(38:22):
So when you think about, whenyou get to a comparison, are you
dealing with some stuff?
Limit yourself your socialmedia time if you're beginning
to feel a particular way.
And then my favorite thing isstart journaling about your own
accomplishments instead offocusing on what other people
are doing.
Stop worrying about otherpeople.
What they do don't pay you, sowhy are you so consumed with
(38:46):
what they're doing?
Don't worry about what somebodyelse has compared to what you
have.
Don't worry about what somebodyelse has compared to what you
have.
Don't focus on that.
So begin to do an audit of yourcomparisons and where you're
comparing yourself.
Next, we've already talkedabout this Lean into your
strengths.
Identify what makes you uniqueand start embracing that stuff.
(39:09):
What about you is amazing, isgreat, is wonderful, is
beautiful.
Embrace that stuff.
We focus on the things that wedon't have.
We focus on the things thataren't working.
We focus on what's broken in usor what we have identified as
(39:32):
being broken in us, and werarely spend time on I'll pop
over here for this.
Oh yeah, I'll pop.
I do good over here.
We rarely spend timecelebrating that stuff.
So, really begin to identify,like, what makes you you, what
is unique about you, and embracethat stuff.
And those are quirks, too.
Like, don't focus on, like, thereally good things that
(39:54):
everybody loves.
What are those quirks about youthat you love?
What are the pieces of you thatyou love and what are the
pieces of you that are quirksthat you don't love that you
should be loving Right.
Stop minimizing your talents ordownplaying compliments.
Own your gifts.
I think that's one that I'mguilty of, because a lot of
(40:14):
times, like with my job and Iget you know recognition and
things like that, in my mind, Ijust be doing.
I'm just doing what I'msupposed to do.
That's my job, that's what I'msupposed to do, you know,
instead of like, reallycelebrating.
But this is what I have come tolearn about why I do that.
Right, because you always gotto think about when you do
(40:36):
something, when you'reminimizing yourself or
minimizing your talents oryou're downplaying things, you
always got to do a self-check aswhy do you do that?
So my self-check with the why Ido that was really what came
from.
That was I celebrated me.
That was really what came from.
(40:58):
That was I celebrated me.
But sometimes the people in mylife did not celebrate me and so
I didn't want to outshinesomebody else, right?
So somebody asked me one day awhile ago do you get excited
about, like you know, youraccomplishments and the things
that you get excited?
I'm like, yeah, and they waslike, well, I've never like seen
you like get super excitedabout like this happened and
(41:19):
that happened.
And I've never seen and I saidyou, I, I celebrate with myself,
like I get excited myself, likewhen I released my podcast, I
took myself out to eat, I boughtme a drink, I bought me a, a
push gift for my podcast, allthe things.
So, when it comes to likeinternal and personally I
celebrate.
I said outwardly I don't, oh,I'm not my biggest external
(41:42):
cheerleader, because sometimespeople can't handle that, but
then that's me shrinking myself,right.
So I had to do a self-check.
So do a self self-check, don'tjust stop doing those things.
If you are doing those things,ask yourself why do you do them
in the spaces in which you dothem?
So I had to do like an audit,so to speak, of the people
(42:03):
around me to figure out, hey,why you don't feel comfortable
celebrating yourself in thosespaces.
Something has happened thatmade you feel like you can't
celebrate you and your gifts andyour accolades in that space.
Then make a list of the thingsyou're proud of and revisit it
when you begin to haveself-doubt, like, keep a list at
(42:25):
the end of the day.
The next one is speak life overyourself.
I am I think I said this in oneof the episodes I'm a sticky
note girl.
So I have a lot of sticky notesall over the place, in my
office, in my house, because Igot to remind myself that I'm
the all right.
(42:45):
I got to remind myself becausesometimes I get in spaces and
places where I have someself-doubt about certain things
or I'm just going through somethings, not right now, just in
general.
I'm going through some thingsand I need a boost and I may not
have another person to give aboost.
I got to be able to give myselfa boost.
I can't always depend on otherpeople.
(43:06):
So affirmations and things likethat are extremely important to
me.
I mean, they're so important tome.
I share that with my son and Itell a story all the time about.
I shared some affirmation cardswith my son and he took to them
and in the bathroom that was byhis room he put on the mirror.
(43:28):
He wrote a whole bunch ofpositive affirmations about
himself and he put them on themirror in the bathroom.
He read them to himself everytime he went into that bathroom.
He did that.
My son is 24.
I think he did that when he was18 or 19.
Those things are still on mywindow, I mean on my mirror in
my bathroom, because he was home.
(43:51):
I was an empty nester.
I mean he went off to home, Iwas an empty nester.
I mean he went off to college.
I was an empty nester for awhile and rent is high out here
in these streets, I hear.
And so he back in my house, buteven when he left I never took
them down, because I know howmuch self-talk impacts the
psyche and how we have to havepositive self-talk, and that was
(44:16):
something that I shared withhim, that he embraced.
So replace self-doubt withaffirmations.
Say things like I am enough,just as I am.
My uniqueness is my power.
I am not meant to be a copy ofanybody else and get you some
affirmations and say thoseaffirmations on a regular basis
to yourself until you begin tobelieve those in your
(44:37):
subconscious begins to believethose.
Right, because a lot of timeswhen we operate from a place of
self-doubt and question ourworth and our self-love, it
sometimes it's very conscious,but a lot of times it can be
subconscious because we haven'treally thought about our traumas
that produce triggers, thatimpact, how we trust people over
time.
(44:57):
Right, all the things I said inthe first episode.
The next one is probably myfavorite Take up space, take up
all the space.
Stop shrinking yourself to makeother people feel comfortable,
like if I had to teach myself alesson over time.
That's the lesson.
Stop shrinking yourself to makeother people feel comfortable
(45:20):
Because, at the end of the day,if you cannot take me at a
hundred proof, I really need toquestion whether I need to be in
that space or not.
So if I didn't get the jobbecause I got blonde hair, I'm a
black female, whatever the case.
If I can't get the job becauseI got blonde hair, I'm a black
female, whatever the case.
If I can't be, if I can'tprogress because of those things
, then I'm not supposed to be inthat space.
I'm not supposed to do thatthing right.
(45:43):
So stop shrinking yourself tomake other people comfortable to
be able to exist in their space.
Don't do that.
Step into rooms with confidenceand own your presence.
You know, one of the thingspeople tell me when I speak is
that I have a certain presencewhen I walk in the room, that I
(46:04):
have this level of confidencethat just is like okay, there
she go.
They like there she go, go.
You know there she go, go.
You know I already said I can'tsing, but nonetheless, step
into rooms of confidence and ownwho you are.
Be okay with who you are.
But see, the thing is with that, in order for you to be okay
with who you are, you got tounderstand who you are.
(46:25):
You got to take time to reflecton your strengths, your
weaknesses, your opportunities,your threats, all the good, the
bad, the ugly, the beautiful,the powerful, all those things.
So until you do that thing, younever going to really walk into
that room with those shouldersback and that head raised high
(46:45):
with confidence, because untilyou embrace you, they ain't
going to ever embrace you.
You got to embrace you firstand then, when you take enough
space, say what you mean, shareyour ideas and trust that your
voice matters in thoseconversations.
Stop silencing yourself out offear of what somebody gonna say.
(47:08):
This is what I told somebodytoday we care, care too much,
and I always try to cautionmyself when I say that because I
don't want people to feel likeI'm saying you shouldn't care
what nobody think, how they feel, any of the things.
That is not what I'm saying.
What I'm saying is youshouldn't care to the point that
(47:34):
it's causing you harm, it'scausing you hardship, it's
causing you stress.
You can't care more aboutsomebody else and their feelings
and all of the things than youcare about you.
I gave the analogy in one of theprevious episodes when you
(47:55):
think about a plane and thestewardess is giving the
directions of if the plane goesdown, do this.
The first thing they alwaystell you is if you gonna help
somebody, I'm gonna need you toput your mask on first before
you try to help them, becausewhat's gonna end up happening is
they gonna survive and you noton first before you try to help
them, because what's going toend up happening is they're
going to survive and you're not.
Why can't we take that samesimple principle that they teach
(48:19):
every time you get on a flightand apply it to our lives?
If I don't take care of me, Icannot take care of anybody else
.
I cannot take care of anybodyelse.
If I don't pour into me, I'mnever going to adequately pour
into somebody else.
If I don't love me, nobody isever really going to fully love
(48:50):
me the way I deserve to be loved.
So why don't we ever feel likewe can take up that kind of
space?
Why do we feel like I have toshrink myself because you can't
handle me at a hundred proof?
That's not my problem, as longas I'm being respectful, I'm
talking with empathy andunderstanding what you're saying
(49:14):
that if I say something to youand you can't handle what I say,
that's not.
That's not a me problem, that'sa you problem.
So all that self-reflection andself-awareness that I'm doing
for me, you might need to bedoing it for you, because it's a
reason why, when I say what Isay, it impacts you the way it
impacts you, cause we all gotstuff, we all dealing with
(49:35):
things, we all got trauma.
We all had experiences that areimpacting the way that we
function and operate, especiallyin our childhood, and how we
function and operate as adults.
So why do I feel like I had?
I can't step into a room withconfidence because it's going to
make you uncomfortable.
No, that's not what we doing.
(49:59):
We not doing that.
Not when we want to want, notwhen we know who we are, not
when we know what we bring tothe table, not when we know
we're not random, not when weknow that we serve a purpose
that our very existence alreadytells me I'm supposed to be here
(50:21):
.
That's not what we doing.
All right, folks, I have givenyou a lot of information.
I have shared some nuggets andsome things with you all.
Given you a lot of information,I've shared some nuggets and
some things with you all.
What I want you to remember ishashtag the one of one life is
about embracing every part ofwho you are and knowing that you
are already enough just as youare.
(50:41):
There's absolutely no need foryou to fit into anyone else's
mold.
You want to know why?
Because you were never meant toso.
This week, I challenge you tostand tall in your uniqueness.
Let go of comparison.
Embrace your individuality andwalk boldly in your purpose.
You don't need permission to bewho you were created to be.
(51:04):
You don't need validation towalk into your calling and you
certainly do not need to play itsmall to make other people feel
comfortable.
Why?
Because you are one of one andI need you to own that.
This week and every week afternow, as usual, before we work,
(51:28):
we wrap up.
You know I want to hear fromyou, so let me know what's one
thing that makes you one of one.
You can tag me on any of mysocial media pages.
They are all linked in the shownotes.
I'd love to see how this episoderesonates with you, or any of
the other episodes.
So don't be shy because,remember, we are not shrinking
(51:48):
ourselves.
We are embracing who we are.
So there's no question thatcan't be asked.
So drop a comment or send me amessage, or even share a story
about what makes you unique.
And, of course, please don'tforget.
If this episode resonated withyou, please, please, share it
with someone who needs thereminder.
Let's spread the message ofauthenticity together, because
(52:11):
the movement isn't just about me, it's about us.
Now, before I let you go, I haveabout four updates I want to
share with you real quick.
So the first thing is reallyabout shifting our episode
release dates, and so, right now, I release an episode.
I try to release an episodeevery th.
Well, we're moving that toFriday, so I call those
(52:34):
Thursdays hashtag authenticThursdays.
Well, now they're going to behashtag authentic Fridays.
This gives us the perfectenergy boost heading into the
weekend and a great opportunityto begin to reflect on how we
can show up more authenticallyin our daily lives.
I like to think about Sunday asthe day that I prep for the
upcoming week.
So if I'm releasing thisepisode on Friday and you listen
(52:56):
to it, maybe Saturday or Sunday, it puts you in a space of okay
, how am I going to prepare formy week?
At least, that's my hope.
The second thing I mentioned atthe beginning of this episode
February 1st, I will be kickingoff my 30 days of self-love
challenge.
This is a daily challengefocused on loving yourself,
showing up for yourself andbuilding self-care habits that
(53:16):
affirm your worth and all thethings.
So you can follow along on allof my social media pages.
That's where I'm gonna besharing the 30 days of self-love
.
So the links again to my socialmedia pages are in the show
notes.
This challenge is all aboutintentionally choosing yourself
(53:37):
every day, and so I love formany of as many of you as
possible to be a part of thisjourney.
Next is I'm going to beintroducing something new that,
starting with this particularepisode and what we're going to
call that is hashtag authenticminutes, and these are many
episodes where I'll share apowerful quote and three
(53:59):
affirmations for you to carryinto your week.
These will be short, impactfuland easy to return to whenever
you need a quick dose ofinspiration.
So I really want to add a layerto this, and so that's the
layer that I'm adding and thatwill be added with this episode.
So, after really want to add alayer to this, and so that's the
layer that I'm adding and thatwill be added with this episode.
So, after you listen to thisepisode, go listen to the first
authentic minutes.
Then the last thing is, I'mexcited to announce that I will
(54:23):
begin releasing subscriber onlycontent the week of February 17.
So if you haven't subscribedyet, that's okay, now's the time
.
It's $5 a month and it givesyou access to exclusive content
deeper dives into topics, somebehind the scenes moments, some
workbooks, some worksheets to goalong with the topics that
(54:43):
we're talking about, and it'sjust an opportunity for us to
build together and stayconnected and do some things
together and, you know, reallybuild a community with this.
And so that comes with Facebookgroup and a couple of other
things, but I'll share some moreabout that later on my social
media platform.
(55:04):
So lots of exciting thingscoming your way and I cannot
wait to continue growing withyou all.
Get you some merch.
If you haven't gotten you somemerch, get you some merch.
Hashtag the authentic life.
Merch.
Until next time, keep standingin your truth, keep honoring
your journey and, as always,keep living.
Hashtag the authentic life.
Peace, love and blessings fromyour girl, keisha.
(55:25):
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing it's justlike an instant invite to more
fun, to more inspiration and tomore authentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration.
(55:48):
But whatever you do, let'sspread the joy of the Authentic
life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life.
Peace, love and blessings fromyour girl, keisha.
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