March 7, 2025 • 38 mins
Why do we sometimes become our own biggest obstacle? In this episode of The Authentic Life, we’re diving into the sneaky ways self-sabotage shows up—procrastination, overthinking, perfectionism, and even fear of success. We unpack how unhealed wounds, limiting beliefs, and past failures can keep us from stepping fully into our power.
But here’s the truth: You are already enough. You already have what it takes. The key is recognizing when you're getting in your own way and making the choice to move forward anyway.
Join me as we explore how to break free from self-sabotage, step into confidence, and own the life you’re meant for. Plus, I’ll share powerful affirmations to help you rewrite the story and walk boldly in your purpose.
✨ No more waiting. No more shrinking. It’s time to stop blocking your blessings.
🔗 Listen now and start living #TheAuthenticLife. 💛
Let me know if you want to add anything!
This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, coaching, or therapy. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health or coaching professional for your specific needs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together.
We'll dive into real stories,practical insights and steps you
can take to embrace your truthand show up as your most
authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me, let's get started.
Glad that you are here with me,let's get started.
(00:26):
Hello, hello, hello, andwelcome back to the Authentic
Life where we talk about thereal, the raw and the reflective
.
If you're new here, I'm Keisha,I'm your host and I'm so glad
that you decided to be here withme today.
Now, if you were here for thelast episode, you know we talked
(00:47):
about hashtag the self-worthlife, what it means to truly
know your worth, how to stopsettling and why self-worth
isn't just a feeling, it's anactual practice.
And if you haven't listened tothat episode yet, please go back
and check it out, becausetoday's conversation is going to
connect to that in a big way.
Because what happens when wedon't believe we're worthy?
(01:08):
We begin to self-sabotage, andwhen we self-sabotage, we chip
away at our self-worth, ourself-esteem and even our ability
to practice self-love.
So let's take a second todefine these three things.
Self-worth, that is, this deepinternal belief that you are
valuable, deserving andinherently enough.
(01:29):
It's not about what you doachieve or produce.
It's about knowing that you areworthy just as you are.
Self-esteem now, this is yourconfidence in your own abilities
and how you see yourself inrelation to others.
Self-esteem can fluctuate basedon your life circumstances, but
self-worth should remain steadyat all times.
(01:50):
And then self-love this is thepractice of treating yourself
with kindness, respect and care.
It's how you show up foryourself, the choices you make
and the way you allow others totreat you.
Now, here's the connection whenwe self-sabotage, we aren't
just blocking opportunities, weare actively eroding these three
(02:12):
things.
Every time, we avoid takingaction out of fear, letting
imposter syndrome win orsettling for less than what we
deserve.
We tell ourselves I am notenough.
I want to get real with you alltoday, because self-sabotage is
something that we all havebattled with and it's something
(02:32):
that I see so many peoplestruggling with, and at times,
myself, especially highachieving women, people who are
stepping into new levels andfolks who have been conditioned
to doubt their own power.
So let's break it all the waydown.
What does self-sabotageactually look like.
Why do we do it and, mostimportantly, how do we stop it?
(02:53):
Now, if you're ready to startthis journey with me on the
hashtag, the self-sabotage life,get your drink, get your coffee
, get your tea, whatever thecase may be, grab that thing and
join me now.
Okay, so this is where it getsa little deep.
We're going to talk about howself-sabotage destroys
(03:15):
self-worth and self-love.
Self-sabotage isn't just aboutmissing out on opportunities.
It's about how we see ourselves.
It's about the stories we tellourselves, the way we limit our
own potential and the slowerosion of self-trust that
happens every time we stand inour own way.
Now let me put it plainlySelf-sabotage it chips away at
(03:36):
our self-worth and self-lovelittle by little, until we no
longer believe we deserve more.
So how does it erode self-worth?
Every time you self-sabotage,you send a message to yourself
that says I'm not good enough,and over time, that message gets
embedded deep into your mindset.
(03:57):
So think about this when youconstantly procrastinate on your
goals, you start believing thatyou're incapable of success.
You tell yourself that you'llstart that business, you'll
apply for that job, I'll make acareer move Just not yet.
But the more you delay, themore you reinforce the idea that
(04:18):
you're not ready or you're notcapable, and when you see other
people doing the very thing thatyou wanted to do, you convince
yourself.
Do you convince yourself that,hey, they must have had
something that I didn't?
But the truth is, the onlydifference is they didn't let
fear stop them from movingforward.
What about this one?
When you stay in a relationshipthat doesn't serve you, you
(04:41):
reinforce the idea that maybeyou don't deserve better serve
you.
You reinforce the idea thatmaybe you don't deserve better.
Listen, your girl has beenthere, staying in relationships
whether they're romantic,professional or even friendships
where I knew I wasn't valued,but I stayed anyway.
I made excuses.
Keisha, maybe you overreacting,you know you impatient, so
(05:05):
maybe you need to be a littlebit more patient.
Hey, this just might be how itis, girl.
You know you probably askingfor too much, but look deep down
.
What I was really saying tomyself was maybe this is all I
deserve and, trust me, that's adangerous place to be.
(05:28):
What about when you holdyourself back from opportunities
?
You begin to convince yourselfthat you're not worthy of
success.
How many times have you lookedat an opportunity and thought
now, that looked pretty amazing,but yeah, that's not for me,
whether it's a leadership role,a speaking opportunity or even
something as simple asnetworking with people who could
(05:50):
elevate you.
If you let self-doubt talk youout of it, you're actively
reinforcing the idea that you'renot worthy of that space.
So what is the result of all ofthat?
One, you begin doubting yourown abilities.
Two, you stop taking risks andstart playing it small.
(06:10):
Three, you begin to settle intothat comfort of what's familiar
, even when you know it is sounhealthy.
And eventually you stopdreaming big altogether because
you don't even believe in yourability to make those dreams
happen.
That is how self-sabotage andself-worth are directly
(06:32):
connected.
So how does self-sabotage blockself-love?
Self-love is about how we treatourselves.
It's in the choices we make,the way we prioritize ourselves
and how we honor our needs.
But when self-sabotage creepsin, it directly contradicts the
practice of self-love.
Think about it.
(06:53):
Self-love is setting boundaries.
Self-sabotage is letting peoplewalk all over you because
you're afraid to enforce thoseboundaries.
You tell yourself that beingnice and accommodating is just
who you are.
But deep down you know you justallowing people to drain your
energy because you don't want torisk losing them.
That's not love.
That's fear disguised askindness.
(07:16):
Self-love is believing in yourability to succeed.
Self-sabotage is talkingyourself out of opportunities
before you even try.
You get invited to an eventwhere you could network, but you
decide not to go because youconvince yourself no one will
care what you have to say.
You see a job posting and youthink I'm not qualified, even
when you check eight out of theten requirements.
(07:37):
That's self-sabotage in action.
Self-love is taking care of yourbody, mind and soul.
Self-sabotage is neglectingyour needs because you feel like
you don't have time.
Skipping meals, ignoring yourneed for rest over committing to
things that don't serve you.
These are all ways we sabotageourselves, while convincing
(07:59):
ourselves that we're just toobusy.
But self-love meansprioritizing yourself, not just
your obligations.
Self-love is forgiving yourself.
Self-sabotage is holding on topast mistakes and using them as
an excuse to stay stuck.
Trust me, we all have mademistakes.
We've all had moments where wedidn't show up as our best
(08:20):
selves.
But if you're constantlyreplaying those failures in your
head and letting them dictateyour future, you're
self-sabotaging.
Growth requires grace,especially for yourself.
So here's a quick personalmoment for me my own battle with
self-sabotage and self-love.
There was a time when I didn'tfully show up for my own dreams.
(08:43):
I was afraid of being seen orbeing judged People specifically
when it comes to my business.
Really, I didn't want people atmy full-time job knowing what I
was doing and questioning whatI was doing outside of work.
So I downplayed my business.
I wouldn't market myself theway I should have, I didn't talk
about my services and I reallyconvinced myself that I really
(09:05):
just needed to stay in my laneand not make any waves.
But let's be real, your girlwas dimming her light.
I was keeping myself smallbecause stepping into my power
meant that I'd have to own it,and owning it meant that people
would have opinions and peoplewould be in my business and I
don't like people in my business.
But what I eventually realizedwas this the longer I hid, the
(09:29):
more I reinforced the idea thatmy business wasn't going to be a
success.
The more I played it small, themore I convinced myself that
hey, maybe this is not what I'msupposed to be doing.
And the more I sabotaged my ownvisibility, the more I
struggled with believing that Iwas going to be doing.
And the more I sabotage my ownvisibility, the more I struggled
with believing that I was goingto be able to get the business,
even though I had all the otherstuff going on.
(09:51):
So I was starving my ownself-worth while thinking I was
protecting myself.
So when I talk aboutself-sabotage, self-worth,
self-love, I'm not just pullingthese things out my head or just
pulling this from research.
I'm speaking from experienceand I know I'm not alone in some
of those things.
So what's the science behind it?
(10:13):
A study in psychologicalscience found that people with
higher self-worth aresignificantly more likely to
take risks in their careers andrelationships, while those with
lower self-worth are more likelyto self-sabotage out of fear or
rejection or failure.
Another study in the Journal ofBehavior and Decision Making
(10:34):
found that people who strugglewith self-sabotage are more
likely to engage in negativeself-talk, which directly
impacts self-esteem and decisionmaking.
And the Harvard Business Reviewreport stated that women in
particular tend to downplaytheir achievements and second
guess themselves, leading tomissed promotions and career
(10:55):
stagnation.
The bottom line the way we thinkabout ourselves shapes the way
we show up in this world.
So let me ask you this In whatways are you currently
sabotaging your own success?
What story are you tellingyourself about what you're
capable of?
How would your life change ifyou started acting like the
(11:17):
version of yourself who trulybelieved in you.
Because that's the work, y'all.
Self-sabotage is a habit, so isself-belief, and today you get
to choose which one you're goingto reinforce now.
Next, we're going to talk aboutwhy we self-sabotage, because
knowing the root cause is thefirst step in breaking the cycle
(11:40):
.
So stay with me, because thisnext part is going to change the
way you see yourself.
Okay, now that we've broken downwhat self-sabotage is and how
it impacts our self-worth andour self-love, let's talk about
the real question why do we dothis?
Because nobody wakes up in themorning and says you know what,
(12:01):
today I'm going to make my lifea little bit harder.
Morning and says you know what?
Today I'm going to make my lifea little bit harder.
But that's exactly whatself-sabotage does.
It creates obstacles thatwouldn't exist if we simply just
got out of our own way.
The truth is, self-sabotage isoften rooted in something deeper
.
It's a response to fear, doubtor beliefs that we've picked up
along the way, and if we don'tunderstand the why behind it, we
(12:25):
just keep repeating the samepatterns over and over.
So let's break down some of thereasons we sabotage ourselves,
and I'm going to do this byproviding some personal examples
.
So the first is not always fearof failure or success.
Sometimes it's the chase itself.
A lot of conversations aboutself-sabotage focus on fear of
(12:47):
failure or fear of success, andfor many people that's a real
thing.
But for me, that's never my,that has never really been my
problem.
When it comes to workspecifically, I don't run from
success or failure.
I actually chase it.
I thrive in it.
I thrive in the challenges, Itake on ambitious projects and
ambitious things and I pushmyself to be excellent.
(13:10):
But here's where myself-sabotage shows up.
I have conditioned myself tobelieve that I always needed to
be pushing towards something,that if I wasn't chasing,
striving or proving myself, thenI really wasn't doing enough.
And in the moments where thingswere like settled, good, stable
, where I could have leaned intosome stability, where I could
(13:32):
have sat back and just trulyenjoyed the fruits of my labor,
I would immediately startlooking for the next challenge,
the next battle, the next level.
This wasn't about fear.
It was about not knowing how tojust be, how to just exist.
I had equated my work withproductivity, with striving,
(13:54):
with always having a goal infront of me, and the moment
things felt too steady, too easy.
I'd shake things up,subconsciously, creating
obstacles that would force meback into the chase.
The lesson sometimesself-sabotage isn't about fear.
It's about not knowing what todo when you're not struggling.
(14:15):
What happens when you don'thave to prove yourself anymore?
Do you let yourself enjoy it ordo you create a new hurdle to
jump over it?
Number two imposter syndrome.
The need for more beforefeeling qualified.
If self-sabotage had a bestfriend, it would be imposter
syndrome, that little voice inyour head that whispers.
(14:38):
Who do you think you are?
But here's the thing I neverdoubted my own abilities.
I know exactly what I'm capableof and when it came to starting
my business, I knew I wascapable of doing the things that
I wanted to do.
I knew I had the expertise, theknowledge and the skill set to
(14:59):
make the type of impact that Ireally wanted to make.
But would everyone else seethat In the very, very, very
early days of my business, Iconvinced myself that I needed
to be a paper chaser.
And if you know me and youheard me talk about this I don't
mean dollars and cents.
What I mean is that I neededmore credentials, more
(15:22):
certifications, more degrees,more external validation that I
could really put myself outthere, because I kept thinking,
well, if I just get this onemore certification, then people
would really take me seriously,or if I just complete this one
program, then I'll really beready to stand alongside these
(15:43):
other experts that do the samething I do, or if I go get that
doctorate degree, that'll giveme some more oomph, right, and
not to knock a doctorate, let mebe clear.
But that was what was in myhead Meanwhile.
Minus all of that, I was alreadyfully capable to do the things
that I wanted to do, but insteadof moving forward boldly, I
(16:05):
spent time collecting proof thatI was enough to do what I
already knew that I could do,even though I had already done
the work, even though peoplecalled on me to do the work all
the time.
And what did that do?
All it did was slow me down.
It kept me from taking up thespace that I needed to take up
space when I knew I was morethan ready for it.
(16:28):
And then the thing that really,really hurts is it delayed the
impact that I could have hadsooner on the lives of the
people that I've touched,because if you know me, you know
I like to pour into people.
So if I delay my gift, then I'mdelaying the impact that I can
have on somebody else's life.
So the truth is I don't needone more certification to be
(16:50):
qualified.
I didn't need one more degreeto prove my expertise.
I did not need to wait untileverything was perfect before
stepping forward.
But that's what impostersyndrome does.
That's the imposter syndrometopic, not the reality of what's
going on.
And the more I delayed, themore I was self-sabotaging,
(17:11):
right by convincing myself Iwasn't already the person that I
needed to be to do the thingsthat I wanted to do.
The lesson here stop waiting forsomeone to hand you permission.
Stop thinking you need moreproof before you can own your
expertise.
If you know what you're doing,move like it.
Number three holding on toolong, the fear of letting go.
(17:33):
You know that.
Learn, grow, go.
Whoo your girl, your girl,struggle.
Then let go.
Part that gift of goodbye, part.
For some people, self-sabotagelooks like, hey, I'm gonna run
away from this thing, or run toosoon, I'm gonna cut this off
before they even have a chanceto do something.
Or you have a chance to grow,or you're avoiding deep
connections with people, oryou're pulling away at the
(17:55):
moment that things getuncomfortable.
But for your girl, keisha, mysabotage shows up in the
opposite way.
I didn't push.
I don't push nobody away.
Now, when I do push you away,you gone forever, but it take me
a good little minute to get tothat place.
You see, I've stayed insituations where, deep down,
(18:16):
your girl knew she had outgrownthose places or she just didn't
need to be there.
I've held on to relationships,friendships and even
professional opportunities waypast their expiration date.
And why?
Because I just didn't want towalk away.
I didn't want to feel like Ihad given up on someone or
something.
(18:36):
I didn't want to be the one whosaid this isn't working for me
anymore.
So instead I would stay, Iwould make excuses, I would
extend myself, I wouldoverextend myself to fix things
that weren't mine to fix, and indoing so I was sabotaging my
own peace, my own time, my ownhappiness and my own ability to
step into spaces that wereactually aligned with who I was.
(19:00):
So how this shows up inself-sabotage Staying in jobs
that no longer serve you out ofloyalty or obligation, holding
on to friendships that havebecome one-sided, draining or
toxic, giving people one morechance, but it's over and over,
even when they keep showing youwho they are.
And here's the harsh truthSometimes self-sabotage is
(19:24):
knowing you need to let go butchoosing to hold on anyway.
I had a professionalrelationship that I knew wasn't
working.
It was draining, it wasfrustrating.
I knew.
I knew it was time to step away, but I kept finding reasons to
stay, maybe to get better, maybeI just need to adjust my
expectations a little bit.
(19:44):
Maybe a girl being a little bitcritical because she can be
critical.
But the thing was I wasn'tbeing too critical.
I was avoiding the reality thatI had outgrown the situation.
And the longer I stayed, themore I was sabotaging myself by
choosing comfort over clarity.
And that's the thing.
Sometimes the biggest act ofself-care is being honest with
(20:06):
yourself about when something nolonger fits.
So the lesson is letting go isnot quitting, it's choosing
yourself.
Walking away isn't failure,it's alignment.
The longer you stay in thewrong place, the longer you
delay the right one.
So, before we move on to thenext segment, I want you to take
a moment to reflect.
Are you always to the nextsegment?
I want you to take a moment toreflect.
Are you always chasing the nextchallenge instead of letting
(20:27):
yourself enjoy what you'vealready built?
Are you delaying action becauseyou think you need more to be
qualified?
Are you holding on to somethingor someone that, deep down, you
know you should have let go along time ago?
Because here's the truthAwareness is the first step to
breaking the cycle.
(20:52):
So in the next segment we'regoing to talk about how to break
free from self-sabotage,because once you recognize it,
the next step is doing somethingabout it, and I promise you
it's possible.
So we've talked about theobvious ways we self-sabotage,
the patterns we can recognize,the decisions we make and the
way we hold ourselves back.
But what if I told you thatsome of the biggest acts of
self-sabotage happen without youeven realizing it?
(21:14):
What if some of the ways youkeep yourself stuck aren't
things you consciously choose,but things that were programmed
into you a long time ago?
So enter your subconscious mind.
Your subconscious mind is like ahard drive, storing all the
beliefs, experiences andmessages you've picked up over
time.
And unlike your conscious mind,which is logical and rational,
(21:38):
your subconscious operates onautopilot.
It doesn't question whether abelief is true or false, it just
follows the program and it hasreceived.
It doesn't care if the thoughtis helpful or harmful.
It just reinforces what it haslearned.
This means that a lot of yourself-sabotage isn't happening
(22:00):
because you want to ruinopportunities.
It's happening because yoursubconscious is running an old
script that tells you to playsmall, stay safe or avoid change
.
So how does your subconsciouscontrol your behavior?
Think about this have you everfelt like every time you start
to make progress, somethinghappens that knocks you back?
(22:22):
Have you ever found yourselfprocrastinating for no logical
reason, even when you know youneed to take action?
Have you ever had a gutreaction of discomfort when
something good happens to you,like it feels too good to be
true?
That's not just random.
That's your subconsciousprogramming in action.
Your brain is designed to keepyou safe, and safe doesn't
(22:47):
always mean happy.
Sometimes it just meansfamiliar.
So let's break this down with afew real life examples.
So the first one is thefinancial glass ceiling, money,
mindset and self-sabotage.
So let's talk about money for asecond, because this is one of
the biggest places wheresubconscious self-sabotage shows
(23:07):
up.
If you grew up in anenvironment where money was
always tight and struggle wasthe norm, you heard things like
people like us don't make thatkind of money.
You saw family members workhard but never truly get ahead,
then deep in your subconscious,you might have associated
financial success with struggleor believe that wealth wasn't
(23:29):
meant for you.
So what happens?
You start making more money inyour business and suddenly you
start overspending,undercharging or avoid looking
at your finances altogether.
You get a raise at work, butyou immediately feel guilty,
like you don't deserve it.
Most of us don't feel that way,no matter where we came from.
You want financial abundance,but every time you get close to
(23:51):
a breakthrough, yousubconsciously find a way to
bring yourself back to whatfeels normal.
This is why some lotterywinners end up broke within a
few years, because their mindsetwas never conditioned for
wealth.
They had money, but theirsubconscious identity never
shifted to align with it.
The subconscious lesson here isif you were taught that
(24:13):
struggle equals normal, thensuccess equals uncomfortable.
Second example is the fear ofbeing seen, visibility and
self-sabotage.
Another way your subconsciousholds you back is the fear of
being seen.
If you grew up in anenvironment where you were
criticized or judged forspeaking up, you were taught to
be humble and not brag aboutyour accomplishments.
(24:34):
You had experiences where beingin the spotlight led to a
negative attention, then yoursubconscious may have learned
that visibility equals danger.
So what happens?
You hesitate to market yourbusiness or share your wins
online.
You turn down leadershipopportunities, even when you're
qualified.
You avoid putting yourself outthere because some part of you
(24:55):
believes that being too seenmight lead to criticism or
rejection.
The subconscious lesson here is, if you were conditioned to
believe that visibility equalsrisk, you would subconsciously
keep yourself hidden, small andoverlooked.
Third example relationshippatterns.
Why we stay too long or pushpeople away.
(25:16):
Remember I said this is myproblem.
Let's get real aboutrelationships for a second,
because self-sabotage doesn'tshow up in career, only in
careers, and money shows up inlove too.
So if you grew up in anenvironment where love was
inconsistent, sometimes present,sometimes withdrawn, you saw
people stay in relationshipsthat weren't healthy because
(25:36):
they didn't believe they coulddo better.
You were taught that leaving isselfish or that you should
always try harder.
Then your subconscious may havelearned that staying, even when
it's not good for you, is theright thing to do.
So what happens?
You stay in relationships thatlong after you've outgrown them.
You make excuses for people'sbad behavior, you feel guilty at
(25:59):
the thought of walking away,even when it's what's best for
you, and this is something, likeI said.
This is something I personallywork through.
I don't run from relationships.
I don't cut people off too soon.
My self-sabotage showed up inthe opposite way.
I hold on too long.
I've convinced myself thatletting go was quitting, that if
I just tried a little harder Icould fix things.
(26:19):
But what I had to realize wasthat staying in something that
no longer served me isn'tloyalty, it's self-sabotage.
One of my real good friendstold me one time that, keisha,
your greatest strength is yourloyalty to the people that you
love, but it's also yourgreatest weakness, and you know.
The more I sit and reflect onthat, you know they a point.
(26:42):
So the subconscious lesson hereis if you were taught that love
requires sacrifice, you mightsubconsciously hold on to things
that are draining instead offulfilling.
So how do you recognizesubconscious self-sabotage?
How do you know when yoursubconscious is running the show
?
Your body reacts before yourmind?
(27:03):
Does you feel an immediatesense of discomfort when
something good happens?
You get anxious about taking abig step forward, or your gut
reaction is to find a reason todelay or avoid change?
You keep repeating the samecycle.
Even when you know better.
You keep undercharging for yourservices, even though,
logically, you know your worth.
You keep attracting the sametypes of relationships, even
(27:25):
though you swore you'd never gothrough that again.
You keep holding back in yourcareer, even though you know
you're more than qualified to dothe things.
You feel resistance.
When it's time to level up.
You say you won't change, butwhen the opportunity comes you
hesitate.
You find yourselfprocrastinating, overanaly
(27:46):
analyzing or looking for reasonsto wait.
So now that we understand howdeep self-sabotage can run, the
next step is breaking free.
In the next segment, we're goingto talk about how to stop
self-sabotaging in real time andrewire your subconscious mind
for success.
Because here's the truth youdon't have to be a victim of
(28:07):
your old programming.
You can rewire your mind forsomething better.
So stay with me, because thisnext part is going to change the
way you show up in your life.
Okay, so now that we'veuncovered why self-sabotage
happens, both consciously andsubconsciously, let's get into
the real work breaking the cycle.
Because here's the truthRecognizing self-sabotage isn't
(28:30):
enough.
You can know your patternsinside and out, but if you don't
actively work to change them,you'll stay stuck in the same
loops.
So let's talk about real,practical ways to move forward,
ways you can start taking actiontoday to stop sabotaging
yourself and step into the lifeyou're actually meant to live.
First, catch yourself in the act.
Self-sabotage thrives in theshadows.
(28:52):
The moment you bring awarenessto it, you weaken its power.
How many times have youconvinced yourself that you were
being realistic when really youwere just afraid?
How many times have you delayedsomething you knew you needed
to do, telling yourself I justneed more time, when deep down,
you were just avoiding thediscomfort of stepping up?
So here are practical steps tocatch it.
(29:16):
Pause and ask yourself am Iprotecting myself or am I
preventing myself?
Protection looks like healthyboundaries, informed decision
making and self-care.
Prevention looks likehesitation, avoidance and the
excuses that keep you stuck.
Audit your habits.
Do you delay taking action onbig opportunities?
Do you talk yourself out ofthings you want, or do you keep
(29:39):
yourself?
Or do you keep telling yourselfyou're not ready, even when you
know you are?
Keep a self-sabotage journalEvery time you catch yourself
procrastinating, making excusesor overthinking.
Write it down.
Track the pattern.
If you see it happening againand again, it's time to disrupt
the cycle.
The first step to changing yourbehavior is seeing it in real
(30:01):
time.
If you can name it, you canstop it.
The second one is reframe thefear.
Fear isn't always a bad thing.
The problem is we often letfear paralyze us instead of
using it as fuel.
And the way to stopself-sabotage is to shift the
way you interpret fear in thefirst place.
So reframing fear in yourmindset.
(30:22):
Instead of what if I fail, askyourself what if I succeed
Instead of I'm scared to to beseen.
Shift to I'm ready to berecognized instead of what if
I'm not ready.
Tell yourself I am learning asI go.
For the longest time, I washesitant again to market my
business boldly.
I knew I had the knowledge andthe experience, but I convinced
(30:45):
myself that, hey, I needed to doall the things right.
I needed the one morecertification, the one more
certificate, all the things, anddeep down.
I wasn't afraid of failing.
I was just afraid of peoplequestioning whether or not I was
qualified to be in a room inthe back of my head.
But one day I just had to stopand ask myself Keisha, do you
(31:05):
believe that you're qualified?
And I did so.
Why was I waiting forvalidation?
Why was I assuming other peopleneeded more proof than what I
already knew to be true.
That's when I flipped thequestion.
Instead of asking what ifpeople don't see my value, I
started saying what if they do?
What if I show up fully and theright people recognize exactly
(31:29):
what I bring to the table?
And several years later, that'swhat happened.
So how do you reframe your fear?
You write down your biggestwhat if fear Like for me, what
if I fail in my business?
Flip it into a success-drivenway of statement, what if my
(31:50):
business takes off and changesmy life?
And then say that out louddaily.
The more you affirm successinstead of fear, the more your
subconscious begins to believeit.
Number three start small andtake imperfect action.
Self-sabotage lovesperfectionism.
It convinces you that you haveto have everything in order
(32:13):
before you can start, that youneed more degrees, more training
, more preparation.
But let me tell you somethingyou will never feel 100% ready
and if you wait for that feeling, you'll wait forever.
The key to breakingself-sabotage is starting now
Starting messy, imperfect anduncomfortable.
So how do you start takingaction today?
(32:33):
Commit to one small movetowards your goal.
If you're holding back onlaunching something, post about
it today.
If you've been avoiding aconversation, you need to have.
Schedule it today If you'vebeen procrastinating on applying
for a new job or doing aproject.
On applying for a new job ordoing a project, submit one
(32:54):
application today or kick offthe project.
Set a five-minute rule.
If something feels overwhelming, commit to just five minutes of
action, five minutes of writing, five minutes of brainstorming,
five minutes of organizing.
Most of the time, once youstart, you'll keep going.
Let go of the idea thateverything has to be perfect.
Action beats perfection everytime.
(33:15):
Nobody is looking forperfection.
They're looking for consistency, authenticity and effort.
When I first started mybusiness, I thought everything
needed to be perfect.
I needed the perfect website,the perfect branding, the
perfect testimonials before Icould really start putting
myself out there.
But you know what changedeverything?
The first client, the firstperson who said yes, I want to
(33:37):
work with you.
And guess what?
They didn't ask for a website.
They didn't ask for a long listof credentials.
They hired me because of who Iwas and the value that they knew
I could bring.
That moment taught me thatsometimes you don't have to have
everything figured out, youjust need to start.
Number four build self-trust bykeeping small promises to
yourself.
Self-sabotage is often areflection of a deeper issue a
(34:01):
lack of trust in yourself.
If you don't trust yourself tofollow through, you'll hesitate
to start.
If you don't trust yourself tohandle success, you'll
subconsciously resist it.
If you don't trust yourself tohandle success, you'll
subconsciously resist it.
If you don't trust yourself tomake good decisions, you'll stay
stuck in cycles of overthinkingthe way to fix this.
Start keeping small promises toyourself.
So how do you build trust in 30days?
(34:22):
Pick one small habit thataligns with your goals Daily
journaling, 10-minute morningroutine, sending networking
email, one email per week,whatever the case may be, stick
to it no matter what, notbecause of the habit itself, but
because it teaches you to trustyourself and then celebrate
every small win.
(34:42):
The more you follow through,the more confident you become.
So what's one way you'll stopsabotaging today, or
self-sabotaging today?
Before we wrap up, I want you tothink about one thing what is
one way you've been standing inyour own way?
What's one action step you cantake today to move past it?
Because here's the truth youdon't break self-sabotage by
(35:06):
waiting.
You break it by taking one stepforward at a time.
All right, we are at a close,we are ending, and guess what we
are not carrying self-sabotageinto the rest of 2025.
We're done letting old fears,outdated beliefs and
subconscious patterns keep ussmall.
(35:26):
We are stepping fully into ourpower, into our worth, into the
life we are meant to live.
We are not waiting.
So no more waiting, no moresecond guessing, no more playing
.
It's small.
This isn't about a one timeshift.
This is about a lifelongcommitment to choosing yourself.
Choosing to believe in yourskills, your values and your
ability to handle whatever comesyour way.
(35:47):
Choosing to trust that you areready, even if it feels
uncomfortable.
Choosing to trust that you areready even if it feels
uncomfortable.
Choosing to stop overthinkingand start taking action.
Choosing to release what nolonger serves you so you can
make room for what does so.
Here's what I want you to takefrom today's episode.
Self-sabotage is sneaky.
It disguises itself as logic,protection or perfectionism, but
(36:09):
in reality, it's just fear inanother outfit.
Two, your subconscious mindplays a major role.
If you don't reprogram the oldstories you've been telling
yourself, you'll keep repeatingthe same cycles, even when you
know better.
Breaking the cycle starts withsmall, intentional action.
You don't have to overhaul yourentire life overnight.
(36:31):
You just need to start.
Lastly, you do not need morepermission, more degrees or more
validation.
You are already qualified.
You are already enough, so actlike it.
Now I want you to declare thisout loud with me I am worthy of
the life I desire.
(36:51):
I refuse to stand in my own way.
I trust myself, I believe inmyself and I am taking action.
Now let's hold each otheraccountable.
Dm me, comment on my socialmedia pages, on LinkedIn, and
let me know what's one wayyou're choosing to break the
self-sabotage cycle today,because we're not just talking
(37:12):
about this, we're doing the work.
Until next time.
Peace, love and blessings fromyour girl, keisha.
Live your life authentic, liveit unapologetically.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
(37:32):
because subscribing it's justlike an instant invite to more
fun, to more inspiration and tomore authentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration.
But whatever you do, let'sspread the joy of the Authentic
Life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
(37:53):
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life Peace, love andblessings from your girl, keisha
.
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together.
We'll dive into real stories,practical insights and steps you
can take to embrace your truthand show up as your most
authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me, let's get started.
Glad that you are here with me,let's get started.
(00:26):
Hello, hello, hello, andwelcome back to the Authentic
Life where we talk about thereal, the raw and the reflective
.
If you're new here, I'm Keisha,I'm your host and I'm so glad
that you decided to be here withme today.
Now, if you were here for thelast episode, you know we talked
(00:47):
about hashtag the self-worthlife, what it means to truly
know your worth, how to stopsettling and why self-worth
isn't just a feeling, it's anactual practice.
And if you haven't listened tothat episode yet, please go back
and check it out, becausetoday's conversation is going to
connect to that in a big way.
Because what happens when wedon't believe we're worthy?
(01:08):
We begin to self-sabotage, andwhen we self-sabotage, we chip
away at our self-worth, ourself-esteem and even our ability
to practice self-love.
So let's take a second todefine these three things.
Self-worth, that is, this deepinternal belief that you are
valuable, deserving andinherently enough.
(01:29):
It's not about what you doachieve or produce.
It's about knowing that you areworthy just as you are.
Self-esteem now, this is yourconfidence in your own abilities
and how you see yourself inrelation to others.
Self-esteem can fluctuate basedon your life circumstances, but
self-worth should remain steadyat all times.
(01:50):
And then self-love this is thepractice of treating yourself
with kindness, respect and care.
It's how you show up foryourself, the choices you make
and the way you allow others totreat you.
Now, here's the connection whenwe self-sabotage, we aren't
just blocking opportunities, weare actively eroding these three
(02:12):
things.
Every time, we avoid takingaction out of fear, letting
imposter syndrome win orsettling for less than what we
deserve.
We tell ourselves I am notenough.
I want to get real with you alltoday, because self-sabotage is
something that we all havebattled with and it's something
(02:32):
that I see so many peoplestruggling with, and at times,
myself, especially highachieving women, people who are
stepping into new levels andfolks who have been conditioned
to doubt their own power.
So let's break it all the waydown.
What does self-sabotageactually look like.
Why do we do it and, mostimportantly, how do we stop it?
(02:53):
Now, if you're ready to startthis journey with me on the
hashtag, the self-sabotage life,get your drink, get your coffee
, get your tea, whatever thecase may be, grab that thing and
join me now.
Okay, so this is where it getsa little deep.
We're going to talk about howself-sabotage destroys
(03:15):
self-worth and self-love.
Self-sabotage isn't just aboutmissing out on opportunities.
It's about how we see ourselves.
It's about the stories we tellourselves, the way we limit our
own potential and the slowerosion of self-trust that
happens every time we stand inour own way.
Now let me put it plainlySelf-sabotage it chips away at
(03:36):
our self-worth and self-lovelittle by little, until we no
longer believe we deserve more.
So how does it erode self-worth?
Every time you self-sabotage,you send a message to yourself
that says I'm not good enough,and over time, that message gets
embedded deep into your mindset.
(03:57):
So think about this when youconstantly procrastinate on your
goals, you start believing thatyou're incapable of success.
You tell yourself that you'llstart that business, you'll
apply for that job, I'll make acareer move Just not yet.
But the more you delay, themore you reinforce the idea that
(04:18):
you're not ready or you're notcapable, and when you see other
people doing the very thing thatyou wanted to do, you convince
yourself.
Do you convince yourself that,hey, they must have had
something that I didn't?
But the truth is, the onlydifference is they didn't let
fear stop them from movingforward.
What about this one?
When you stay in a relationshipthat doesn't serve you, you
(04:41):
reinforce the idea that maybeyou don't deserve better serve
you.
You reinforce the idea thatmaybe you don't deserve better.
Listen, your girl has beenthere, staying in relationships
whether they're romantic,professional or even friendships
where I knew I wasn't valued,but I stayed anyway.
I made excuses.
Keisha, maybe you overreacting,you know you impatient, so
(05:05):
maybe you need to be a littlebit more patient.
Hey, this just might be how itis, girl.
You know you probably askingfor too much, but look deep down
.
What I was really saying tomyself was maybe this is all I
deserve and, trust me, that's adangerous place to be.
(05:28):
What about when you holdyourself back from opportunities
?
You begin to convince yourselfthat you're not worthy of
success.
How many times have you lookedat an opportunity and thought
now, that looked pretty amazing,but yeah, that's not for me,
whether it's a leadership role,a speaking opportunity or even
something as simple asnetworking with people who could
(05:50):
elevate you.
If you let self-doubt talk youout of it, you're actively
reinforcing the idea that you'renot worthy of that space.
So what is the result of all ofthat?
One, you begin doubting yourown abilities.
Two, you stop taking risks andstart playing it small.
(06:10):
Three, you begin to settle intothat comfort of what's familiar
, even when you know it is sounhealthy.
And eventually you stopdreaming big altogether because
you don't even believe in yourability to make those dreams
happen.
That is how self-sabotage andself-worth are directly
(06:32):
connected.
So how does self-sabotage blockself-love?
Self-love is about how we treatourselves.
It's in the choices we make,the way we prioritize ourselves
and how we honor our needs.
But when self-sabotage creepsin, it directly contradicts the
practice of self-love.
Think about it.
(06:53):
Self-love is setting boundaries.
Self-sabotage is letting peoplewalk all over you because
you're afraid to enforce thoseboundaries.
You tell yourself that beingnice and accommodating is just
who you are.
But deep down you know you justallowing people to drain your
energy because you don't want torisk losing them.
That's not love.
That's fear disguised askindness.
(07:16):
Self-love is believing in yourability to succeed.
Self-sabotage is talkingyourself out of opportunities
before you even try.
You get invited to an eventwhere you could network, but you
decide not to go because youconvince yourself no one will
care what you have to say.
You see a job posting and youthink I'm not qualified, even
when you check eight out of theten requirements.
(07:37):
That's self-sabotage in action.
Self-love is taking care of yourbody, mind and soul.
Self-sabotage is neglectingyour needs because you feel like
you don't have time.
Skipping meals, ignoring yourneed for rest over committing to
things that don't serve you.
These are all ways we sabotageourselves, while convincing
(07:59):
ourselves that we're just toobusy.
But self-love meansprioritizing yourself, not just
your obligations.
Self-love is forgiving yourself.
Self-sabotage is holding on topast mistakes and using them as
an excuse to stay stuck.
Trust me, we all have mademistakes.
We've all had moments where wedidn't show up as our best
(08:20):
selves.
But if you're constantlyreplaying those failures in your
head and letting them dictateyour future, you're
self-sabotaging.
Growth requires grace,especially for yourself.
So here's a quick personalmoment for me my own battle with
self-sabotage and self-love.
There was a time when I didn'tfully show up for my own dreams.
(08:43):
I was afraid of being seen orbeing judged People specifically
when it comes to my business.
Really, I didn't want people atmy full-time job knowing what I
was doing and questioning whatI was doing outside of work.
So I downplayed my business.
I wouldn't market myself theway I should have, I didn't talk
about my services and I reallyconvinced myself that I really
(09:05):
just needed to stay in my laneand not make any waves.
But let's be real, your girlwas dimming her light.
I was keeping myself smallbecause stepping into my power
meant that I'd have to own it,and owning it meant that people
would have opinions and peoplewould be in my business and I
don't like people in my business.
But what I eventually realizedwas this the longer I hid, the
(09:29):
more I reinforced the idea thatmy business wasn't going to be a
success.
The more I played it small, themore I convinced myself that
hey, maybe this is not what I'msupposed to be doing.
And the more I sabotaged my ownvisibility, the more I
struggled with believing that Iwas going to be doing.
And the more I sabotage my ownvisibility, the more I struggled
with believing that I was goingto be able to get the business,
even though I had all the otherstuff going on.
(09:51):
So I was starving my ownself-worth while thinking I was
protecting myself.
So when I talk aboutself-sabotage, self-worth,
self-love, I'm not just pullingthese things out my head or just
pulling this from research.
I'm speaking from experienceand I know I'm not alone in some
of those things.
So what's the science behind it?
(10:13):
A study in psychologicalscience found that people with
higher self-worth aresignificantly more likely to
take risks in their careers andrelationships, while those with
lower self-worth are more likelyto self-sabotage out of fear or
rejection or failure.
Another study in the Journal ofBehavior and Decision Making
(10:34):
found that people who strugglewith self-sabotage are more
likely to engage in negativeself-talk, which directly
impacts self-esteem and decisionmaking.
And the Harvard Business Reviewreport stated that women in
particular tend to downplaytheir achievements and second
guess themselves, leading tomissed promotions and career
(10:55):
stagnation.
The bottom line the way we thinkabout ourselves shapes the way
we show up in this world.
So let me ask you this In whatways are you currently
sabotaging your own success?
What story are you tellingyourself about what you're
capable of?
How would your life change ifyou started acting like the
(11:17):
version of yourself who trulybelieved in you.
Because that's the work, y'all.
Self-sabotage is a habit, so isself-belief, and today you get
to choose which one you're goingto reinforce now.
Next, we're going to talk aboutwhy we self-sabotage, because
knowing the root cause is thefirst step in breaking the cycle
(11:40):
.
So stay with me, because thisnext part is going to change the
way you see yourself.
Okay, now that we've broken downwhat self-sabotage is and how
it impacts our self-worth andour self-love, let's talk about
the real question why do we dothis?
Because nobody wakes up in themorning and says you know what,
(12:01):
today I'm going to make my lifea little bit harder.
Morning and says you know what?
Today I'm going to make my lifea little bit harder.
But that's exactly whatself-sabotage does.
It creates obstacles thatwouldn't exist if we simply just
got out of our own way.
The truth is, self-sabotage isoften rooted in something deeper
.
It's a response to fear, doubtor beliefs that we've picked up
along the way, and if we don'tunderstand the why behind it, we
(12:25):
just keep repeating the samepatterns over and over.
So let's break down some of thereasons we sabotage ourselves,
and I'm going to do this byproviding some personal examples
.
So the first is not always fearof failure or success.
Sometimes it's the chase itself.
A lot of conversations aboutself-sabotage focus on fear of
(12:47):
failure or fear of success, andfor many people that's a real
thing.
But for me, that's never my,that has never really been my
problem.
When it comes to workspecifically, I don't run from
success or failure.
I actually chase it.
I thrive in it.
I thrive in the challenges, Itake on ambitious projects and
ambitious things and I pushmyself to be excellent.
(13:10):
But here's where myself-sabotage shows up.
I have conditioned myself tobelieve that I always needed to
be pushing towards something,that if I wasn't chasing,
striving or proving myself, thenI really wasn't doing enough.
And in the moments where thingswere like settled, good, stable
, where I could have leaned intosome stability, where I could
(13:32):
have sat back and just trulyenjoyed the fruits of my labor,
I would immediately startlooking for the next challenge,
the next battle, the next level.
This wasn't about fear.
It was about not knowing how tojust be, how to just exist.
I had equated my work withproductivity, with striving,
(13:54):
with always having a goal infront of me, and the moment
things felt too steady, too easy.
I'd shake things up,subconsciously, creating
obstacles that would force meback into the chase.
The lesson sometimesself-sabotage isn't about fear.
It's about not knowing what todo when you're not struggling.
(14:15):
What happens when you don'thave to prove yourself anymore?
Do you let yourself enjoy it ordo you create a new hurdle to
jump over it?
Number two imposter syndrome.
The need for more beforefeeling qualified.
If self-sabotage had a bestfriend, it would be imposter
syndrome, that little voice inyour head that whispers.
(14:38):
Who do you think you are?
But here's the thing I neverdoubted my own abilities.
I know exactly what I'm capableof and when it came to starting
my business, I knew I wascapable of doing the things that
I wanted to do.
I knew I had the expertise, theknowledge and the skill set to
(14:59):
make the type of impact that Ireally wanted to make.
But would everyone else seethat In the very, very, very
early days of my business, Iconvinced myself that I needed
to be a paper chaser.
And if you know me and youheard me talk about this I don't
mean dollars and cents.
What I mean is that I neededmore credentials, more
(15:22):
certifications, more degrees,more external validation that I
could really put myself outthere, because I kept thinking,
well, if I just get this onemore certification, then people
would really take me seriously,or if I just complete this one
program, then I'll really beready to stand alongside these
(15:43):
other experts that do the samething I do, or if I go get that
doctorate degree, that'll giveme some more oomph, right, and
not to knock a doctorate, let mebe clear.
But that was what was in myhead Meanwhile.
Minus all of that, I was alreadyfully capable to do the things
that I wanted to do, but insteadof moving forward boldly, I
(16:05):
spent time collecting proof thatI was enough to do what I
already knew that I could do,even though I had already done
the work, even though peoplecalled on me to do the work all
the time.
And what did that do?
All it did was slow me down.
It kept me from taking up thespace that I needed to take up
space when I knew I was morethan ready for it.
(16:28):
And then the thing that really,really hurts is it delayed the
impact that I could have hadsooner on the lives of the
people that I've touched,because if you know me, you know
I like to pour into people.
So if I delay my gift, then I'mdelaying the impact that I can
have on somebody else's life.
So the truth is I don't needone more certification to be
(16:50):
qualified.
I didn't need one more degreeto prove my expertise.
I did not need to wait untileverything was perfect before
stepping forward.
But that's what impostersyndrome does.
That's the imposter syndrometopic, not the reality of what's
going on.
And the more I delayed, themore I was self-sabotaging,
(17:11):
right by convincing myself Iwasn't already the person that I
needed to be to do the thingsthat I wanted to do.
The lesson here stop waiting forsomeone to hand you permission.
Stop thinking you need moreproof before you can own your
expertise.
If you know what you're doing,move like it.
Number three holding on toolong, the fear of letting go.
(17:33):
You know that.
Learn, grow, go.
Whoo your girl, your girl,struggle.
Then let go.
Part that gift of goodbye, part.
For some people, self-sabotagelooks like, hey, I'm gonna run
away from this thing, or run toosoon, I'm gonna cut this off
before they even have a chanceto do something.
Or you have a chance to grow,or you're avoiding deep
connections with people, oryou're pulling away at the
(17:55):
moment that things getuncomfortable.
But for your girl, keisha, mysabotage shows up in the
opposite way.
I didn't push.
I don't push nobody away.
Now, when I do push you away,you gone forever, but it take me
a good little minute to get tothat place.
You see, I've stayed insituations where, deep down,
(18:16):
your girl knew she had outgrownthose places or she just didn't
need to be there.
I've held on to relationships,friendships and even
professional opportunities waypast their expiration date.
And why?
Because I just didn't want towalk away.
I didn't want to feel like Ihad given up on someone or
something.
(18:36):
I didn't want to be the one whosaid this isn't working for me
anymore.
So instead I would stay, Iwould make excuses, I would
extend myself, I wouldoverextend myself to fix things
that weren't mine to fix, and indoing so I was sabotaging my
own peace, my own time, my ownhappiness and my own ability to
step into spaces that wereactually aligned with who I was.
(19:00):
So how this shows up inself-sabotage Staying in jobs
that no longer serve you out ofloyalty or obligation, holding
on to friendships that havebecome one-sided, draining or
toxic, giving people one morechance, but it's over and over,
even when they keep showing youwho they are.
And here's the harsh truthSometimes self-sabotage is
(19:24):
knowing you need to let go butchoosing to hold on anyway.
I had a professionalrelationship that I knew wasn't
working.
It was draining, it wasfrustrating.
I knew.
I knew it was time to step away, but I kept finding reasons to
stay, maybe to get better, maybeI just need to adjust my
expectations a little bit.
(19:44):
Maybe a girl being a little bitcritical because she can be
critical.
But the thing was I wasn'tbeing too critical.
I was avoiding the reality thatI had outgrown the situation.
And the longer I stayed, themore I was sabotaging myself by
choosing comfort over clarity.
And that's the thing.
Sometimes the biggest act ofself-care is being honest with
(20:06):
yourself about when something nolonger fits.
So the lesson is letting go isnot quitting, it's choosing
yourself.
Walking away isn't failure,it's alignment.
The longer you stay in thewrong place, the longer you
delay the right one.
So, before we move on to thenext segment, I want you to take
a moment to reflect.
Are you always to the nextsegment?
I want you to take a moment toreflect.
Are you always chasing the nextchallenge instead of letting
(20:27):
yourself enjoy what you'vealready built?
Are you delaying action becauseyou think you need more to be
qualified?
Are you holding on to somethingor someone that, deep down, you
know you should have let go along time ago?
Because here's the truthAwareness is the first step to
breaking the cycle.
(20:52):
So in the next segment we'regoing to talk about how to break
free from self-sabotage,because once you recognize it,
the next step is doing somethingabout it, and I promise you
it's possible.
So we've talked about theobvious ways we self-sabotage,
the patterns we can recognize,the decisions we make and the
way we hold ourselves back.
But what if I told you thatsome of the biggest acts of
self-sabotage happen without youeven realizing it?
(21:14):
What if some of the ways youkeep yourself stuck aren't
things you consciously choose,but things that were programmed
into you a long time ago?
So enter your subconscious mind.
Your subconscious mind is like ahard drive, storing all the
beliefs, experiences andmessages you've picked up over
time.
And unlike your conscious mind,which is logical and rational,
(21:38):
your subconscious operates onautopilot.
It doesn't question whether abelief is true or false, it just
follows the program and it hasreceived.
It doesn't care if the thoughtis helpful or harmful.
It just reinforces what it haslearned.
This means that a lot of yourself-sabotage isn't happening
(22:00):
because you want to ruinopportunities.
It's happening because yoursubconscious is running an old
script that tells you to playsmall, stay safe or avoid change
.
So how does your subconsciouscontrol your behavior?
Think about this have you everfelt like every time you start
to make progress, somethinghappens that knocks you back?
(22:22):
Have you ever found yourselfprocrastinating for no logical
reason, even when you know youneed to take action?
Have you ever had a gutreaction of discomfort when
something good happens to you,like it feels too good to be
true?
That's not just random.
That's your subconsciousprogramming in action.
Your brain is designed to keepyou safe, and safe doesn't
(22:47):
always mean happy.
Sometimes it just meansfamiliar.
So let's break this down with afew real life examples.
So the first one is thefinancial glass ceiling, money,
mindset and self-sabotage.
So let's talk about money for asecond, because this is one of
the biggest places wheresubconscious self-sabotage shows
(23:07):
up.
If you grew up in anenvironment where money was
always tight and struggle wasthe norm, you heard things like
people like us don't make thatkind of money.
You saw family members workhard but never truly get ahead,
then deep in your subconscious,you might have associated
financial success with struggleor believe that wealth wasn't
(23:29):
meant for you.
So what happens?
You start making more money inyour business and suddenly you
start overspending,undercharging or avoid looking
at your finances altogether.
You get a raise at work, butyou immediately feel guilty,
like you don't deserve it.
Most of us don't feel that way,no matter where we came from.
You want financial abundance,but every time you get close to
(23:51):
a breakthrough, yousubconsciously find a way to
bring yourself back to whatfeels normal.
This is why some lotterywinners end up broke within a
few years, because their mindsetwas never conditioned for
wealth.
They had money, but theirsubconscious identity never
shifted to align with it.
The subconscious lesson here isif you were taught that
(24:13):
struggle equals normal, thensuccess equals uncomfortable.
Second example is the fear ofbeing seen, visibility and
self-sabotage.
Another way your subconsciousholds you back is the fear of
being seen.
If you grew up in anenvironment where you were
criticized or judged forspeaking up, you were taught to
be humble and not brag aboutyour accomplishments.
(24:34):
You had experiences where beingin the spotlight led to a
negative attention, then yoursubconscious may have learned
that visibility equals danger.
So what happens?
You hesitate to market yourbusiness or share your wins
online.
You turn down leadershipopportunities, even when you're
qualified.
You avoid putting yourself outthere because some part of you
(24:55):
believes that being too seenmight lead to criticism or
rejection.
The subconscious lesson here is, if you were conditioned to
believe that visibility equalsrisk, you would subconsciously
keep yourself hidden, small andoverlooked.
Third example relationshippatterns.
Why we stay too long or pushpeople away.
(25:16):
Remember I said this is myproblem.
Let's get real aboutrelationships for a second,
because self-sabotage doesn'tshow up in career, only in
careers, and money shows up inlove too.
So if you grew up in anenvironment where love was
inconsistent, sometimes present,sometimes withdrawn, you saw
people stay in relationshipsthat weren't healthy because
(25:36):
they didn't believe they coulddo better.
You were taught that leaving isselfish or that you should
always try harder.
Then your subconscious may havelearned that staying, even when
it's not good for you, is theright thing to do.
So what happens?
You stay in relationships thatlong after you've outgrown them.
You make excuses for people'sbad behavior, you feel guilty at
(25:59):
the thought of walking away,even when it's what's best for
you, and this is something, likeI said.
This is something I personallywork through.
I don't run from relationships.
I don't cut people off too soon.
My self-sabotage showed up inthe opposite way.
I hold on too long.
I've convinced myself thatletting go was quitting, that if
I just tried a little harder Icould fix things.
(26:19):
But what I had to realize wasthat staying in something that
no longer served me isn'tloyalty, it's self-sabotage.
One of my real good friendstold me one time that, keisha,
your greatest strength is yourloyalty to the people that you
love, but it's also yourgreatest weakness, and you know.
The more I sit and reflect onthat, you know they a point.
(26:42):
So the subconscious lesson hereis if you were taught that love
requires sacrifice, you mightsubconsciously hold on to things
that are draining instead offulfilling.
So how do you recognizesubconscious self-sabotage?
How do you know when yoursubconscious is running the show
?
Your body reacts before yourmind?
(27:03):
Does you feel an immediatesense of discomfort when
something good happens?
You get anxious about taking abig step forward, or your gut
reaction is to find a reason todelay or avoid change?
You keep repeating the samecycle.
Even when you know better.
You keep undercharging for yourservices, even though,
logically, you know your worth.
You keep attracting the sametypes of relationships, even
(27:25):
though you swore you'd never gothrough that again.
You keep holding back in yourcareer, even though you know
you're more than qualified to dothe things.
You feel resistance.
When it's time to level up.
You say you won't change, butwhen the opportunity comes you
hesitate.
You find yourselfprocrastinating, overanaly
(27:46):
analyzing or looking for reasonsto wait.
So now that we understand howdeep self-sabotage can run, the
next step is breaking free.
In the next segment, we're goingto talk about how to stop
self-sabotaging in real time andrewire your subconscious mind
for success.
Because here's the truth youdon't have to be a victim of
(28:07):
your old programming.
You can rewire your mind forsomething better.
So stay with me, because thisnext part is going to change the
way you show up in your life.
Okay, so now that we'veuncovered why self-sabotage
happens, both consciously andsubconsciously, let's get into
the real work breaking the cycle.
Because here's the truthRecognizing self-sabotage isn't
(28:30):
enough.
You can know your patternsinside and out, but if you don't
actively work to change them,you'll stay stuck in the same
loops.
So let's talk about real,practical ways to move forward,
ways you can start taking actiontoday to stop sabotaging
yourself and step into the lifeyou're actually meant to live.
First, catch yourself in the act.
Self-sabotage thrives in theshadows.
(28:52):
The moment you bring awarenessto it, you weaken its power.
How many times have youconvinced yourself that you were
being realistic when really youwere just afraid?
How many times have you delayedsomething you knew you needed
to do, telling yourself I justneed more time, when deep down,
you were just avoiding thediscomfort of stepping up?
So here are practical steps tocatch it.
(29:16):
Pause and ask yourself am Iprotecting myself or am I
preventing myself?
Protection looks like healthyboundaries, informed decision
making and self-care.
Prevention looks likehesitation, avoidance and the
excuses that keep you stuck.
Audit your habits.
Do you delay taking action onbig opportunities?
Do you talk yourself out ofthings you want, or do you keep
(29:39):
yourself?
Or do you keep telling yourselfyou're not ready, even when you
know you are?
Keep a self-sabotage journalEvery time you catch yourself
procrastinating, making excusesor overthinking.
Write it down.
Track the pattern.
If you see it happening againand again, it's time to disrupt
the cycle.
The first step to changing yourbehavior is seeing it in real
(30:01):
time.
If you can name it, you canstop it.
The second one is reframe thefear.
Fear isn't always a bad thing.
The problem is we often letfear paralyze us instead of
using it as fuel.
And the way to stopself-sabotage is to shift the
way you interpret fear in thefirst place.
So reframing fear in yourmindset.
(30:22):
Instead of what if I fail, askyourself what if I succeed
Instead of I'm scared to to beseen.
Shift to I'm ready to berecognized instead of what if
I'm not ready.
Tell yourself I am learning asI go.
For the longest time, I washesitant again to market my
business boldly.
I knew I had the knowledge andthe experience, but I convinced
(30:45):
myself that, hey, I needed to doall the things right.
I needed the one morecertification, the one more
certificate, all the things, anddeep down.
I wasn't afraid of failing.
I was just afraid of peoplequestioning whether or not I was
qualified to be in a room inthe back of my head.
But one day I just had to stopand ask myself Keisha, do you
(31:05):
believe that you're qualified?
And I did so.
Why was I waiting forvalidation?
Why was I assuming other peopleneeded more proof than what I
already knew to be true.
That's when I flipped thequestion.
Instead of asking what ifpeople don't see my value, I
started saying what if they do?
What if I show up fully and theright people recognize exactly
(31:29):
what I bring to the table?
And several years later, that'swhat happened.
So how do you reframe your fear?
You write down your biggestwhat if fear Like for me, what
if I fail in my business?
Flip it into a success-drivenway of statement, what if my
(31:50):
business takes off and changesmy life?
And then say that out louddaily.
The more you affirm successinstead of fear, the more your
subconscious begins to believeit.
Number three start small andtake imperfect action.
Self-sabotage lovesperfectionism.
It convinces you that you haveto have everything in order
(32:13):
before you can start, that youneed more degrees, more training
, more preparation.
But let me tell you somethingyou will never feel 100% ready
and if you wait for that feeling, you'll wait forever.
The key to breakingself-sabotage is starting now
Starting messy, imperfect anduncomfortable.
So how do you start takingaction today?
(32:33):
Commit to one small movetowards your goal.
If you're holding back onlaunching something, post about
it today.
If you've been avoiding aconversation, you need to have.
Schedule it today If you'vebeen procrastinating on applying
for a new job or doing aproject.
On applying for a new job ordoing a project, submit one
(32:54):
application today or kick offthe project.
Set a five-minute rule.
If something feels overwhelming, commit to just five minutes of
action, five minutes of writing, five minutes of brainstorming,
five minutes of organizing.
Most of the time, once youstart, you'll keep going.
Let go of the idea thateverything has to be perfect.
Action beats perfection everytime.
(33:15):
Nobody is looking forperfection.
They're looking for consistency, authenticity and effort.
When I first started mybusiness, I thought everything
needed to be perfect.
I needed the perfect website,the perfect branding, the
perfect testimonials before Icould really start putting
myself out there.
But you know what changedeverything?
The first client, the firstperson who said yes, I want to
(33:37):
work with you.
And guess what?
They didn't ask for a website.
They didn't ask for a long listof credentials.
They hired me because of who Iwas and the value that they knew
I could bring.
That moment taught me thatsometimes you don't have to have
everything figured out, youjust need to start.
Number four build self-trust bykeeping small promises to
yourself.
Self-sabotage is often areflection of a deeper issue a
(34:01):
lack of trust in yourself.
If you don't trust yourself tofollow through, you'll hesitate
to start.
If you don't trust yourself tohandle success, you'll
subconsciously resist it.
If you don't trust yourself tohandle success, you'll
subconsciously resist it.
If you don't trust yourself tomake good decisions, you'll stay
stuck in cycles of overthinkingthe way to fix this.
Start keeping small promises toyourself.
So how do you build trust in 30days?
(34:22):
Pick one small habit thataligns with your goals Daily
journaling, 10-minute morningroutine, sending networking
email, one email per week,whatever the case may be, stick
to it no matter what, notbecause of the habit itself, but
because it teaches you to trustyourself and then celebrate
every small win.
(34:42):
The more you follow through,the more confident you become.
So what's one way you'll stopsabotaging today, or
self-sabotaging today?
Before we wrap up, I want you tothink about one thing what is
one way you've been standing inyour own way?
What's one action step you cantake today to move past it?
Because here's the truth youdon't break self-sabotage by
(35:06):
waiting.
You break it by taking one stepforward at a time.
All right, we are at a close,we are ending, and guess what we
are not carrying self-sabotageinto the rest of 2025.
We're done letting old fears,outdated beliefs and
subconscious patterns keep ussmall.
(35:26):
We are stepping fully into ourpower, into our worth, into the
life we are meant to live.
We are not waiting.
So no more waiting, no moresecond guessing, no more playing
.
It's small.
This isn't about a one timeshift.
This is about a lifelongcommitment to choosing yourself.
Choosing to believe in yourskills, your values and your
ability to handle whatever comesyour way.
(35:47):
Choosing to trust that you areready, even if it feels
uncomfortable.
Choosing to trust that you areready even if it feels
uncomfortable.
Choosing to stop overthinkingand start taking action.
Choosing to release what nolonger serves you so you can
make room for what does so.
Here's what I want you to takefrom today's episode.
Self-sabotage is sneaky.
It disguises itself as logic,protection or perfectionism, but
(36:09):
in reality, it's just fear inanother outfit.
Two, your subconscious mindplays a major role.
If you don't reprogram the oldstories you've been telling
yourself, you'll keep repeatingthe same cycles, even when you
know better.
Breaking the cycle starts withsmall, intentional action.
You don't have to overhaul yourentire life overnight.
(36:31):
You just need to start.
Lastly, you do not need morepermission, more degrees or more
validation.
You are already qualified.
You are already enough, so actlike it.
Now I want you to declare thisout loud with me I am worthy of
the life I desire.
(36:51):
I refuse to stand in my own way.
I trust myself, I believe inmyself and I am taking action.
Now let's hold each otheraccountable.
Dm me, comment on my socialmedia pages, on LinkedIn, and
let me know what's one wayyou're choosing to break the
self-sabotage cycle today,because we're not just talking
(37:12):
about this, we're doing the work.
Until next time.
Peace, love and blessings fromyour girl, keisha.
Live your life authentic, liveit unapologetically.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
(37:32):
because subscribing it's justlike an instant invite to more
fun, to more inspiration and tomore authentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration.
But whatever you do, let'sspread the joy of the Authentic
Life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
(37:53):
the world, and no one shouldever make you feel like you
aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life Peace, love andblessings from your girl, keisha
.
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