February 21, 2025 • 26 mins
In this episode of The Authentic Life, we’re diving into self-worth—the foundation of how you show up, what you accept, and the standards you set for yourself.
💡 So many of us pour into others but hesitate to claim our own value. We talk about self-love, but do we truly move like we know our worth? This episode breaks down the key differences between self-love and self-worth, the signs that you might be undervaluing yourself, and practical ways to stand firm in your value every single day.
🔥 Tune in as we cover:
✨ What self-worth really means and how it differs from self-love
🚫 Signs you may be settling for less than you deserve
✅ Actionable steps to strengthen your self-worth in everyday life
💭 Reflection questions to help you assess where you may be undervaluing yourself
💛 Your worth isn’t up for negotiation—it’s yours to own. Let’s talk about how to live like you truly believe it.
🎧 Listen now and step into your worth!
#TheAuthenticLife #SelfWorth #KnowYourValue #LiveUnapologetically
This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only and does not constitute professional advice, coaching, or therapy. Always seek the guidance of a qualified mental health or coaching professional for your specific needs.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together, we'll dive into realstories, practical insights and
steps you can take to embraceyour truth and show up as your
most authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me, let's get started.
Glad that you are here with me,let's get started.
(00:25):
Hello, hello, hello and welcomeback to the Authentic Life
Podcast, where we embrace thepower of living fully, living
freely and, most importantly,living unapologetically as
yourself.
I'm Keisha, I'm your host andif you're new here, welcome to
the space where we talk aboutwhat it truly means to show up
(00:46):
for yourself and live inalignment with who you are.
Last episode, we talked abouthashtag the self-love life, what
it means to pour into yourself,show yourself grace and love
yourself deeply.
But self-love is just thebeginning, because loving
yourself is one thing, but trulyknowing your worth and moving
(01:06):
like you know it, that'sdifferent.
That is what shifts everything.
And let me be real with y'all.
I know firsthand the battlebetween self-love and self-worth
.
You can love yourself, do allthe self-care, journal and set
intentions, but if, deep down,you still accept less than you
deserve, if you over-explainyourself or if you just struggle
(01:30):
to say no, that's not aself-love issue, that's a
self-worth issue.
Self-worth is about knowing nothoping, not wishing, not
waiting for someone else tovalidate you, but knowing with
certainty that you deserverespect, love, peace and
reciprocity in every space youenter.
And when you know your worth,you move different.
(01:52):
You stop explaining why youneed rest, you stop accepting
breadcrumbs when you deserve thefull meal, you stop shrinking
to make others feel comfortable,you stop staying in spaces that
drain you instead of pouringinto you.
Because here's the truthSelf-worth isn't about being
perfect or having it alltogether.
It's about making the consciousdecision every single day to
(02:17):
stand firm in who you are, evenwhen it's hard, even when it
means letting go, even when itrequires you to walk away from
things that no longer serve you.
So I want you to start todaywith a moment of reflection.
Ask yourself where in my lifeam I settling?
Where am I playing myself small, accepting less or hesitating
(02:42):
to ask for what I truly want?
Hold on to that answer, becauseby the end of this episode,
we're going to talk about how tochange that.
So let's get into hashtag theself-worth life.
So let's start here.
Self-love and self-worth are notthe same thing.
(03:04):
Self-love is about how youtreat yourself, how you nurture
yourself, how you show up foryourself in kindness and in care
.
It's the way you pour intoyourself emotionally, physically
and spiritually.
But self-worth that's how youallow others to treat you.
(03:24):
It's the internal belief thatyou are enough as you are and
that you deserve to be valued,respected and reciprocated in
every space you occupy.
So we're going to talk aboutthe difference between self-love
and self-worth.
I think one of the biggestmisconceptions people have is
thinking that self-loveautomatically equals self-worth.
(03:45):
But here's the truth.
You can love yourself and stillsettle for less than you
deserve.
Think about it.
You might take care of yourself, go to therapy, set intentions,
practice self-care, but stillaccept treatment from others
that contradicts the love youshow yourself.
You might encourage yourfriends to know their worth, but
(04:06):
when it comes to your ownrelationships or job, you
hesitate to stand firm in yours.
You might say you deserve more,but deep down, you fear that
asking for more will push peopleaway or cause conflict.
That's the difference betweenself-love and self-worth.
Conflict.
(04:27):
That's the difference betweenself-love and self-worth.
Self-love is saying I deserveto be treated well.
Self-worth is making sure thatthe treatment is actually
happening.
So it's possible to loveyourself and still not fully
believe in your worth.
Because self-worth isn't justabout how you feel about
yourself.
It's about what you requirefrom the world around you.
About how you feel aboutyourself, it's about what you
(04:47):
require from the world aroundyou.
So why do we struggle withself-worth and why is it so hard
for so many of us to stand inour self-worth?
The first thing I come up withis conditioning and upbringing
right.
Many of us were raised tobelieve that our value is tied
to achievement, people pleasingor how much we can endure.
(05:09):
Maybe you grew up in ahousehold where love had to be
earned.
Maybe you were taught thatbeing low maintenance made you
easier to love.
These early experiences shapeour beliefs and if we aren't
careful, we carry them into ouradulthood.
The next thing is really aroundfear and rejection.
(05:29):
Sometimes we lower ourstandards because we're afraid
that if we ask for more, peoplewon't give it.
We may worry that if we stoptolerating certain behaviors,
we'll lose relationships,opportunities or acceptance.
But here's the truth the rightpeople, the right jobs and the
right situations will rise tomeet your worth, not make you
(05:51):
shrink to fit into them.
The third thing is, sometimeswe just don't want to be
difficult.
We've been conditioned,especially as women and people
of color, to be accommodating,agreeable and not too much.
But self-worth requires you totake up space to say no without
guilt and to stop adjustingyourself just to make others
(06:13):
feel comfortable.
And lastly, sometimes we justhave that fear starting over.
Knowing your worth sometimesmeans making hard decisions,
leaving relationships thataren't fulfilling.
Knowing your worth sometimesmeans making hard decisions,
leaving relationships thataren't fulfilling, quitting a
job that underpays you ordistancing yourself from
friendships that drain you andthat can feel scary because,
(06:34):
even when you know you deservebetter, the unknown feels
riskier than the familiar.
But here's what I want you totake away from this Self-worth
is not about being fearless.
It's about being courageousenough to choose yourself anyway
.
Now, a good way to check inwith yourself is to ask are my
actions aligning with what Ivalue?
(06:56):
So if you say you deserverespect but you constantly
tolerate disrespect, there's agap in self-worth.
If you say you want reciprocityin relationships but you keep
overgiving and making excusesfor why others don't show up for
you, that's a gap in self-worth.
(07:17):
If you say you want a betterjob but you keep settling for
less because you don't believeyou'll find something else.
That's a gap in self-worth.
True self-worth is walking awayfrom what contradicts what you
claim you deserve.
I want you to take a moment andreflect.
(07:38):
Where in your life do youractions and your self-worth not
align?
What's one area when you needto reinforce your values?
Now that we've talked aboutwhat self-worth is, I want to
(08:02):
next dive into how it shapes, orhow it shows up in everyday
life, and the signs that youmight be undervaluing yourself.
Okay, so, real quick, before wedive into the signs that you
might be undervaluing yourself,I want to take a moment to break
something down real quick,because I think sometimes this
is a battle we may haveinternally, and that's the
difference between self-worthand self-esteem.
A lot of people think they'rethe same thing, but they're not.
(08:27):
Self-esteem is how you feelabout yourself, and it can
fluctuate.
Some days you feel confidentand capable, other days not so
much.
So it's influenced by what'shappening around you, your
achievements, how people treatyou or even just how you're
feeling that day.
But self-worth, that's deeper.
(08:49):
It's the constant, thefoundation.
It's the unshakable belief thatyou are valuable, regardless of
what happens, what others thinkor what mistakes you've made.
Self-esteem says I feel goodabout myself today.
Self-worth says even on myworst days, I still have value.
Cerf says even on my worst days, I still have value.
(09:12):
And here's where it gets tricky.
You can have high self-esteemin certain areas of your life
and still struggle withself-worth overall.
You might feel confident atwork but still accept unhealthy
relationships.
You might believe in yourintelligence but still tolerate
(09:34):
friendships where you feelunseen.
That's why self-worth is soimportant, because it determines
the standards you set foryourself across every area of
your life.
So now let's talk about how thisshows up in real time.
How do you know if you'reundervaluing yourself?
(09:54):
What are the signs that, deepdown, you're not fully standing
in your worth?
Let's get into it, ok.
So I want to pause here and askyou a question Are you really
showing up like you know yourworth, not just in theory, but
in action?
(10:14):
Because self-worth isn't aboutwhat you say, it's about what
you accept.
It's easy to believe thatknowing your worth is just about
confidence, but it's deeperthan that.
It shows up in the choices youmake, the boundaries you hold
and the way you allow people toengage with you.
(10:35):
So let's get real.
If you say you know your worth,are you truly living like you
did?
Here are a few signs that youmight actually be undervaluing
yourself.
The first one is youover-explain yourself.
Pay attention to how often youjustify your choices.
(10:57):
Do you feel the need to explainwhy you're setting a boundary,
why you're taking a break or whyyou need time for yourself?
Over-explaining can be a signthat you don't fully believe you
deserve to stand firm in yourdecisions.
You're seeking approval.
You want people to understandbefore you allow yourself to
(11:18):
take action.
But here's the truth.
You don't owe anyone anexplanation for prioritizing
yourself.
If something isn't working foryou, if you need rest, if you're
making a decision for your ownwell-being, that's your business
.
Not everyone will agree, andthe thing is, they don't have to
(11:39):
Challenge yourself to say whatyou need to say and leave it at
that.
No, that doesn't work for me.
I need rest.
Today.
I am not available for thatPeriod.
No long-winded explanationsrequired.
The second one is you acceptless than what you give.
(12:02):
When was the last time youtruly felt poured into If you're
constantly the one givingemotionally, physically,
financially but you're rarelyreceiving that same energy in
return.
It's time to ask yourself whyam I allowing the imbalance?
(12:22):
Maybe you're the friend whoalways checks in, the partner
who always compromises, or theemployee who always goes the
extra mile, but when you needthat same level of care and
effort, the energy isn'treciprocated.
Self-worth means recognizingthat your love, your support and
(12:43):
your effort are valuable, andanything valuable should be
exchanged, not just given awayfreely with no return.
This doesn't mean you shouldgive with expectations, but it
does mean you deserverelationships and environments
where your giving is mutual andnot one-sided.
(13:04):
The next one is you juststruggle to say no.
If the thought of saying nomakes you anxious, it's time to
reflect.
We need to understand that nois not just rejection.
A lot of times, no isprotection.
Think about this how often doyou say yes just to keep the
(13:27):
peace?
How many times have you agreedto something when you knew deep
down you didn't want to?
Struggling to say no is oftentied to people pleasing and the
fear of disappointing others,but saying yes to things that
don't align with you meansyou're saying no to yourself.
(13:49):
Saying no doesn't make youselfish.
It makes you clear, and whenyou truly know your worth, you
don't feel guilty for protectingyour time, your energy and your
peace.
The last one you stay inunfulfilling situations.
Now, this one requires somedeep self-reflection, because
(14:11):
staying in something, whetherit's a relationship, a job or a
situation, doesn't necessarilyor automatically mean that you
lack self-love or self-worth.
It depends on why you'restaying and how you're showing
up for yourself in the process.
So if you're staying because italigns with your values, growth
(14:34):
and needs, that can actually bean act of self-love.
Maybe you're working throughchallenges, finding new ways to
engage or holding space forchange.
But if you're staying out offear, obligation or because you
don't feel like you deservebetter, then it may be worth
asking yourself is this servingmy self-worth or is it
(14:54):
diminishing it?
Wanting to make something work,even when you know you deserve
better, doesn't automaticallymean that you lack again
self-love or self-worth.
Sometimes it's a reflection ofhope, commitment and investment.
You see potential, and that'snot a bad thing.
However, it's a reflection ofhope, commitment and investment.
You see potential, and that'snot a bad thing.
(15:14):
However, it becomes a problemwhen you're constantly
sacrificing your peace, joy andneeds to make it work.
You're the only one putting ineffort, while the other person
or situation isn't meeting youhalfway.
You're staying out of fear,whether it's fear of being alone
(15:34):
, fear of starting over or fearof what's next.
Trying doesn't mean you don'tlove yourself.
It means you believe in thepossibility.
But you see, self-worth isrecognizing when your effort
isn't being reciprocated andbeing willing to walk away even
if things don't change.
So the real question is are youtrying because you truly
(15:58):
believe there's a path forwardor because you're afraid to let
go of something that no longeraligns with you?
Sit with that, becausesometimes the hardest decision
isn't walking away, it'sadmitting that you deserve more.
Now I want you to do aself-worth check-in.
I want you to think about onearea in your life where you've
(16:19):
been settling.
What's one thing you keepallowing that you know isn't
aligned with your highest self?
Maybe it's a relationship whereyou're not truly happy.
Maybe it's a job where you'rebeing undervalued.
Maybe it's a friendship whereyou're always giving and never
receiving.
Write it down, sit with it.
(16:40):
Ask yourself why am I allowingthis?
Because in the next segment,we're going to talk about how to
change.
Okay, so now that we've talkedabout the signs of undervaluing
yourself, let's focus onsolutions, because recognizing
the problem is only the firststep Changing how you move is
(17:04):
the real work.
So here's the thing Self-worthisn't just something you have,
it's something you build.
It's a muscle and, like anymuscle, if you don't actively
work on strengthening it, itweakens over time.
So if you've been operatingfrom a place of fear, insecurity
or settling, this next part isfor you.
(17:26):
So here are five ways tostrengthen your self-worth.
The first one is identify theroot of your self-worth
struggles.
If you struggle with self-worth, it's not because you're broken
.
It's because somewhere alongthe line, you learned that your
value was conditional.
Maybe it started in childhood,being praised only when you
(17:48):
achieve something, or feelinglike you had to earn love.
Maybe it came fromrelationships where you were
told you were too much or notenough.
Whatever the case, self-worthissues don't just appear out of
nowhere.
They're learned patterns, whichmeans they can also be
unlearned by asking yourselfwhen did I first start
(18:11):
questioning my worth?
What experiences shape the wayI see myself today?
Whose voice am I still carrying?
That tells me I have to provemyself.
Once you know where thesebeliefs come from, you can start
dismantling them and replacingthem with the truth.
(18:32):
Number two treat yourself likeyou would treat anyone else.
Treat yourself like someone youdeeply respect.
We often give others grace,understanding and kindness, but
struggle to extend the samecourtesy to ourselves.
Think about someone you admire.
(18:54):
How would you treat them?
How would you speak to them?
Would you let them settle forless?
If the answer is no, then askyourself why am I not holding
myself to the same standard?
Start showing up for yourselfthe way you would for someone
you deeply love and respect.
Speak to yourself, kindly,advocate for yourself and refuse
(19:22):
to accept anything less thanyou deserve.
Number three start saying nowithout justifying it.
Many of us were raised tobelieve that saying no makes us
selfish, difficult orinconsiderate.
But let's be real.
No is a boundary, not anapology.
Saying no doesn't mean you'rerejecting someone.
It means you're protecting yourenergy.
(19:43):
And the truth is, people whorespect you won't be offended by
your boundaries.
They are.
Honor them.
So try this the next timeyou're about to say no.
Stop yourself from overexplaining.
Just say I'm not available forthat or that doesn't work for me
, period, and watch howempowering it feels to stand in
(20:05):
your decision without feelingthe need to defend it.
Number four surround yourselfwith people who reflect your
worth back to you.
Your environment plays a majorrole in how you see yourself.
If you are constantly aroundpeople who take advantage of you
, dismiss your needs or make youquestion your value, that will
(20:29):
slowly chip away at yourself-worth.
Pay attention to how you feelafter spending time with certain
people.
Do you feel energized ordrained?
Do you feel seen or invisible?
The people in your life shouldreinforce your self-worth, not
make you doubt it.
(20:50):
And number five affirm yourselfdaily and back it up with action
.
Words are powerful and what youtell yourself every day becomes
your reality.
But affirmations alone are notenough.
You have to actually live them.
So, instead of just saying I'mworthy, ask yourself how would a
(21:14):
person who believes they areworthy show up today?
Would they hesitate to ask forwhat they need?
Would they accept half-heartedlove?
Would they put themselves last?
Probably not Every morning.
Try this.
We're doing that mirror work,remember.
Stand in front of the mirrorand say I am worthy of love,
(21:36):
respect and reciprocity.
My presence is valuable.
I do not have to shrink to beaccepted and then, throughout
the day, make choices that alignwith that truth.
So here's a way that you canbegin to take action with
self-worth practice.
(21:58):
Strengthening your self-worthisn't just about what you
believe.
It's about what you do.
You know I've said that already, so let's put this into action.
I want you to take out a pieceof paper or open the notes app
on your phone and write downthree things.
I want you to write down onebelief about yourself that no
longer serves you.
An example is I have to worktwice as hard to be valued.
(22:21):
Second, I want you to write oneway you will reinforce your
self-worth this week.
So an example of that is I willsay no to something that
doesn't align with me withoutexplaining.
And the third thing is I wantyou to find one person or
situation you need to distanceyourself from because it's not
(22:44):
honoring your worth.
Then sit with these, reflect onthem and then do something
about them, because, at the endof the day, self-worth isn't
just a mindset, it's a movement.
You don't just think it, youhave to live it.
Well, wonderful people, we arecoming to a close and I want to
(23:11):
leave you with this your worthis not something you have to
prove, it's something that youhave to own.
For too long, many of us havebeen conditioned to believe that
our value is tied to how muchwe do, how much we give or how
well we fit into other people'sexpectations.
But true self-worth isn't aboutwhat you bring to the table.
(23:36):
It's about knowing that you arethe table table.
As I've said so many times, Iam a work in progress and I
truly believe that I growpersonally with each episode I
release, because it's a reminderof the areas where I still need
growth, or it's just areflection of what I've come out
(23:57):
of, and this episode inparticular is one of those
reminders.
It's a reminder that I, too,can improve in certain
relationships and thatself-worth isn't just about
knowing that I'm worthy.
It's about demonstratingthrough action that I am worthy.
(24:18):
Because when you fully embraceyour self-worth, you stop
negotiating it, you stopexplaining why you deserve
respect, you stop settling forless than what you give and you
stop waiting for someone else tovalidate your value.
Instead, you move withconfidence, you trust yourself,
(24:38):
you choose environments that seeyou, honor you and support your
growth and, most importantly,you stop staying in places that
require you to shrink just to beaccepted.
This week, I challenge you todo something bold.
Make one decision that fullyreflects your worth, whether
(25:01):
it's saying no to something thatdrains you, asking for what you
truly deserve, or simplychoosing to walk away, let go of
those things that no longerserve you, and that's taking one
step that affirms your value.
And if you're still workingthrough what that looks like for
(25:23):
you, that's okay, because thejourney to self-worth isn't
about getting it right all thetime.
It's about choosing yourselfmore often.
If this episode spoke to you,send it to somebody who needs
the reminder, because we're allworks in progress.
Nobody is perfect.
(25:44):
There are no perfect peopleallowed over here.
Right?
We are still trying to learnand grow and, in some cases, go.
So until next time, keepshowing up for yourself, not
because you have to, but becauseyou deserve to Peace.
(26:04):
Blessings from your girl,keisha.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing is just likean instant invite to more fun,
to more inspiration and to moreauthentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
(26:27):
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration.
But whatever you do, let'sspread the joy of the authentic
life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world and no one should evermake you feel like you aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life Peace, love andblessings from your girl, keisha
(26:48):
.
Hi, it's your girl, keisha, and welcome to the
Authentic Life.
Each episode, I'll guide you onthe journey to living fully,
freely and unapologetically.
Together, we'll dive into realstories, practical insights and
steps you can take to embraceyour truth and show up as your
most authentic self.
So guess what?
I am glad that you are herewith me, let's get started.
Glad that you are here with me,let's get started.
(00:25):
Hello, hello, hello and welcomeback to the Authentic Life
Podcast, where we embrace thepower of living fully, living
freely and, most importantly,living unapologetically as
yourself.
I'm Keisha, I'm your host andif you're new here, welcome to
the space where we talk aboutwhat it truly means to show up
(00:46):
for yourself and live inalignment with who you are.
Last episode, we talked abouthashtag the self-love life, what
it means to pour into yourself,show yourself grace and love
yourself deeply.
But self-love is just thebeginning, because loving
yourself is one thing, but trulyknowing your worth and moving
(01:06):
like you know it, that'sdifferent.
That is what shifts everything.
And let me be real with y'all.
I know firsthand the battlebetween self-love and self-worth
.
You can love yourself, do allthe self-care, journal and set
intentions, but if, deep down,you still accept less than you
deserve, if you over-explainyourself or if you just struggle
(01:30):
to say no, that's not aself-love issue, that's a
self-worth issue.
Self-worth is about knowing nothoping, not wishing, not
waiting for someone else tovalidate you, but knowing with
certainty that you deserverespect, love, peace and
reciprocity in every space youenter.
And when you know your worth,you move different.
(01:52):
You stop explaining why youneed rest, you stop accepting
breadcrumbs when you deserve thefull meal, you stop shrinking
to make others feel comfortable,you stop staying in spaces that
drain you instead of pouringinto you.
Because here's the truthSelf-worth isn't about being
perfect or having it alltogether.
It's about making the consciousdecision every single day to
(02:17):
stand firm in who you are, evenwhen it's hard, even when it
means letting go, even when itrequires you to walk away from
things that no longer serve you.
So I want you to start todaywith a moment of reflection.
Ask yourself where in my lifeam I settling?
Where am I playing myself small, accepting less or hesitating
(02:42):
to ask for what I truly want?
Hold on to that answer, becauseby the end of this episode,
we're going to talk about how tochange that.
So let's get into hashtag theself-worth life.
So let's start here.
Self-love and self-worth are notthe same thing.
(03:04):
Self-love is about how youtreat yourself, how you nurture
yourself, how you show up foryourself in kindness and in care
.
It's the way you pour intoyourself emotionally, physically
and spiritually.
But self-worth that's how youallow others to treat you.
(03:24):
It's the internal belief thatyou are enough as you are and
that you deserve to be valued,respected and reciprocated in
every space you occupy.
So we're going to talk aboutthe difference between self-love
and self-worth.
I think one of the biggestmisconceptions people have is
thinking that self-loveautomatically equals self-worth.
(03:45):
But here's the truth.
You can love yourself and stillsettle for less than you
deserve.
Think about it.
You might take care of yourself, go to therapy, set intentions,
practice self-care, but stillaccept treatment from others
that contradicts the love youshow yourself.
You might encourage yourfriends to know their worth, but
(04:06):
when it comes to your ownrelationships or job, you
hesitate to stand firm in yours.
You might say you deserve more,but deep down, you fear that
asking for more will push peopleaway or cause conflict.
That's the difference betweenself-love and self-worth.
Conflict.
(04:27):
That's the difference betweenself-love and self-worth.
Self-love is saying I deserveto be treated well.
Self-worth is making sure thatthe treatment is actually
happening.
So it's possible to loveyourself and still not fully
believe in your worth.
Because self-worth isn't justabout how you feel about
yourself.
It's about what you requirefrom the world around you.
About how you feel aboutyourself, it's about what you
(04:47):
require from the world aroundyou.
So why do we struggle withself-worth and why is it so hard
for so many of us to stand inour self-worth?
The first thing I come up withis conditioning and upbringing
right.
Many of us were raised tobelieve that our value is tied
to achievement, people pleasingor how much we can endure.
(05:09):
Maybe you grew up in ahousehold where love had to be
earned.
Maybe you were taught thatbeing low maintenance made you
easier to love.
These early experiences shapeour beliefs and if we aren't
careful, we carry them into ouradulthood.
The next thing is really aroundfear and rejection.
(05:29):
Sometimes we lower ourstandards because we're afraid
that if we ask for more, peoplewon't give it.
We may worry that if we stoptolerating certain behaviors,
we'll lose relationships,opportunities or acceptance.
But here's the truth the rightpeople, the right jobs and the
right situations will rise tomeet your worth, not make you
(05:51):
shrink to fit into them.
The third thing is, sometimeswe just don't want to be
difficult.
We've been conditioned,especially as women and people
of color, to be accommodating,agreeable and not too much.
But self-worth requires you totake up space to say no without
guilt and to stop adjustingyourself just to make others
(06:13):
feel comfortable.
And lastly, sometimes we justhave that fear starting over.
Knowing your worth sometimesmeans making hard decisions,
leaving relationships thataren't fulfilling.
Knowing your worth sometimesmeans making hard decisions,
leaving relationships thataren't fulfilling, quitting a
job that underpays you ordistancing yourself from
friendships that drain you andthat can feel scary because,
(06:34):
even when you know you deservebetter, the unknown feels
riskier than the familiar.
But here's what I want you totake away from this Self-worth
is not about being fearless.
It's about being courageousenough to choose yourself anyway
.
Now, a good way to check inwith yourself is to ask are my
actions aligning with what Ivalue?
(06:56):
So if you say you deserverespect but you constantly
tolerate disrespect, there's agap in self-worth.
If you say you want reciprocityin relationships but you keep
overgiving and making excusesfor why others don't show up for
you, that's a gap in self-worth.
(07:17):
If you say you want a betterjob but you keep settling for
less because you don't believeyou'll find something else.
That's a gap in self-worth.
True self-worth is walking awayfrom what contradicts what you
claim you deserve.
I want you to take a moment andreflect.
(07:38):
Where in your life do youractions and your self-worth not
align?
What's one area when you needto reinforce your values?
Now that we've talked aboutwhat self-worth is, I want to
(08:02):
next dive into how it shapes, orhow it shows up in everyday
life, and the signs that youmight be undervaluing yourself.
Okay, so, real quick, before wedive into the signs that you
might be undervaluing yourself,I want to take a moment to break
something down real quick,because I think sometimes this
is a battle we may haveinternally, and that's the
difference between self-worthand self-esteem.
A lot of people think they'rethe same thing, but they're not.
(08:27):
Self-esteem is how you feelabout yourself, and it can
fluctuate.
Some days you feel confidentand capable, other days not so
much.
So it's influenced by what'shappening around you, your
achievements, how people treatyou or even just how you're
feeling that day.
But self-worth, that's deeper.
(08:49):
It's the constant, thefoundation.
It's the unshakable belief thatyou are valuable, regardless of
what happens, what others thinkor what mistakes you've made.
Self-esteem says I feel goodabout myself today.
Self-worth says even on myworst days, I still have value.
Cerf says even on my worst days, I still have value.
(09:12):
And here's where it gets tricky.
You can have high self-esteemin certain areas of your life
and still struggle withself-worth overall.
You might feel confident atwork but still accept unhealthy
relationships.
You might believe in yourintelligence but still tolerate
(09:34):
friendships where you feelunseen.
That's why self-worth is soimportant, because it determines
the standards you set foryourself across every area of
your life.
So now let's talk about how thisshows up in real time.
How do you know if you'reundervaluing yourself?
(09:54):
What are the signs that, deepdown, you're not fully standing
in your worth?
Let's get into it, ok.
So I want to pause here and askyou a question Are you really
showing up like you know yourworth, not just in theory, but
in action?
(10:14):
Because self-worth isn't aboutwhat you say, it's about what
you accept.
It's easy to believe thatknowing your worth is just about
confidence, but it's deeperthan that.
It shows up in the choices youmake, the boundaries you hold
and the way you allow people toengage with you.
(10:35):
So let's get real.
If you say you know your worth,are you truly living like you
did?
Here are a few signs that youmight actually be undervaluing
yourself.
The first one is youover-explain yourself.
Pay attention to how often youjustify your choices.
(10:57):
Do you feel the need to explainwhy you're setting a boundary,
why you're taking a break or whyyou need time for yourself?
Over-explaining can be a signthat you don't fully believe you
deserve to stand firm in yourdecisions.
You're seeking approval.
You want people to understandbefore you allow yourself to
(11:18):
take action.
But here's the truth.
You don't owe anyone anexplanation for prioritizing
yourself.
If something isn't working foryou, if you need rest, if you're
making a decision for your ownwell-being, that's your business
.
Not everyone will agree, andthe thing is, they don't have to
(11:39):
Challenge yourself to say whatyou need to say and leave it at
that.
No, that doesn't work for me.
I need rest.
Today.
I am not available for thatPeriod.
No long-winded explanationsrequired.
The second one is you acceptless than what you give.
(12:02):
When was the last time youtruly felt poured into If you're
constantly the one givingemotionally, physically,
financially but you're rarelyreceiving that same energy in
return.
It's time to ask yourself whyam I allowing the imbalance?
(12:22):
Maybe you're the friend whoalways checks in, the partner
who always compromises, or theemployee who always goes the
extra mile, but when you needthat same level of care and
effort, the energy isn'treciprocated.
Self-worth means recognizingthat your love, your support and
(12:43):
your effort are valuable, andanything valuable should be
exchanged, not just given awayfreely with no return.
This doesn't mean you shouldgive with expectations, but it
does mean you deserverelationships and environments
where your giving is mutual andnot one-sided.
(13:04):
The next one is you juststruggle to say no.
If the thought of saying nomakes you anxious, it's time to
reflect.
We need to understand that nois not just rejection.
A lot of times, no isprotection.
Think about this how often doyou say yes just to keep the
(13:27):
peace?
How many times have you agreedto something when you knew deep
down you didn't want to?
Struggling to say no is oftentied to people pleasing and the
fear of disappointing others,but saying yes to things that
don't align with you meansyou're saying no to yourself.
(13:49):
Saying no doesn't make youselfish.
It makes you clear, and whenyou truly know your worth, you
don't feel guilty for protectingyour time, your energy and your
peace.
The last one you stay inunfulfilling situations.
Now, this one requires somedeep self-reflection, because
(14:11):
staying in something, whetherit's a relationship, a job or a
situation, doesn't necessarilyor automatically mean that you
lack self-love or self-worth.
It depends on why you'restaying and how you're showing
up for yourself in the process.
So if you're staying because italigns with your values, growth
(14:34):
and needs, that can actually bean act of self-love.
Maybe you're working throughchallenges, finding new ways to
engage or holding space forchange.
But if you're staying out offear, obligation or because you
don't feel like you deservebetter, then it may be worth
asking yourself is this servingmy self-worth or is it
(14:54):
diminishing it?
Wanting to make something work,even when you know you deserve
better, doesn't automaticallymean that you lack again
self-love or self-worth.
Sometimes it's a reflection ofhope, commitment and investment.
You see potential, and that'snot a bad thing.
However, it's a reflection ofhope, commitment and investment.
You see potential, and that'snot a bad thing.
(15:14):
However, it becomes a problemwhen you're constantly
sacrificing your peace, joy andneeds to make it work.
You're the only one putting ineffort, while the other person
or situation isn't meeting youhalfway.
You're staying out of fear,whether it's fear of being alone
(15:34):
, fear of starting over or fearof what's next.
Trying doesn't mean you don'tlove yourself.
It means you believe in thepossibility.
But you see, self-worth isrecognizing when your effort
isn't being reciprocated andbeing willing to walk away even
if things don't change.
So the real question is are youtrying because you truly
(15:58):
believe there's a path forwardor because you're afraid to let
go of something that no longeraligns with you?
Sit with that, becausesometimes the hardest decision
isn't walking away, it'sadmitting that you deserve more.
Now I want you to do aself-worth check-in.
I want you to think about onearea in your life where you've
(16:19):
been settling.
What's one thing you keepallowing that you know isn't
aligned with your highest self?
Maybe it's a relationship whereyou're not truly happy.
Maybe it's a job where you'rebeing undervalued.
Maybe it's a friendship whereyou're always giving and never
receiving.
Write it down, sit with it.
(16:40):
Ask yourself why am I allowingthis?
Because in the next segment,we're going to talk about how to
change.
Okay, so now that we've talkedabout the signs of undervaluing
yourself, let's focus onsolutions, because recognizing
the problem is only the firststep Changing how you move is
(17:04):
the real work.
So here's the thing Self-worthisn't just something you have,
it's something you build.
It's a muscle and, like anymuscle, if you don't actively
work on strengthening it, itweakens over time.
So if you've been operatingfrom a place of fear, insecurity
or settling, this next part isfor you.
(17:26):
So here are five ways tostrengthen your self-worth.
The first one is identify theroot of your self-worth
struggles.
If you struggle with self-worth, it's not because you're broken
.
It's because somewhere alongthe line, you learned that your
value was conditional.
Maybe it started in childhood,being praised only when you
(17:48):
achieve something, or feelinglike you had to earn love.
Maybe it came fromrelationships where you were
told you were too much or notenough.
Whatever the case, self-worthissues don't just appear out of
nowhere.
They're learned patterns, whichmeans they can also be
unlearned by asking yourselfwhen did I first start
(18:11):
questioning my worth?
What experiences shape the wayI see myself today?
Whose voice am I still carrying?
That tells me I have to provemyself.
Once you know where thesebeliefs come from, you can start
dismantling them and replacingthem with the truth.
(18:32):
Number two treat yourself likeyou would treat anyone else.
Treat yourself like someone youdeeply respect.
We often give others grace,understanding and kindness, but
struggle to extend the samecourtesy to ourselves.
Think about someone you admire.
(18:54):
How would you treat them?
How would you speak to them?
Would you let them settle forless?
If the answer is no, then askyourself why am I not holding
myself to the same standard?
Start showing up for yourselfthe way you would for someone
you deeply love and respect.
Speak to yourself, kindly,advocate for yourself and refuse
(19:22):
to accept anything less thanyou deserve.
Number three start saying nowithout justifying it.
Many of us were raised tobelieve that saying no makes us
selfish, difficult orinconsiderate.
But let's be real.
No is a boundary, not anapology.
Saying no doesn't mean you'rerejecting someone.
It means you're protecting yourenergy.
(19:43):
And the truth is, people whorespect you won't be offended by
your boundaries.
They are.
Honor them.
So try this the next timeyou're about to say no.
Stop yourself from overexplaining.
Just say I'm not available forthat or that doesn't work for me
, period, and watch howempowering it feels to stand in
(20:05):
your decision without feelingthe need to defend it.
Number four surround yourselfwith people who reflect your
worth back to you.
Your environment plays a majorrole in how you see yourself.
If you are constantly aroundpeople who take advantage of you
, dismiss your needs or make youquestion your value, that will
(20:29):
slowly chip away at yourself-worth.
Pay attention to how you feelafter spending time with certain
people.
Do you feel energized ordrained?
Do you feel seen or invisible?
The people in your life shouldreinforce your self-worth, not
make you doubt it.
(20:50):
And number five affirm yourselfdaily and back it up with action
.
Words are powerful and what youtell yourself every day becomes
your reality.
But affirmations alone are notenough.
You have to actually live them.
So, instead of just saying I'mworthy, ask yourself how would a
(21:14):
person who believes they areworthy show up today?
Would they hesitate to ask forwhat they need?
Would they accept half-heartedlove?
Would they put themselves last?
Probably not Every morning.
Try this.
We're doing that mirror work,remember.
Stand in front of the mirrorand say I am worthy of love,
(21:36):
respect and reciprocity.
My presence is valuable.
I do not have to shrink to beaccepted and then, throughout
the day, make choices that alignwith that truth.
So here's a way that you canbegin to take action with
self-worth practice.
(21:58):
Strengthening your self-worthisn't just about what you
believe.
It's about what you do.
You know I've said that already, so let's put this into action.
I want you to take out a pieceof paper or open the notes app
on your phone and write downthree things.
I want you to write down onebelief about yourself that no
longer serves you.
An example is I have to worktwice as hard to be valued.
(22:21):
Second, I want you to write oneway you will reinforce your
self-worth this week.
So an example of that is I willsay no to something that
doesn't align with me withoutexplaining.
And the third thing is I wantyou to find one person or
situation you need to distanceyourself from because it's not
(22:44):
honoring your worth.
Then sit with these, reflect onthem and then do something
about them, because, at the endof the day, self-worth isn't
just a mindset, it's a movement.
You don't just think it, youhave to live it.
Well, wonderful people, we arecoming to a close and I want to
(23:11):
leave you with this your worthis not something you have to
prove, it's something that youhave to own.
For too long, many of us havebeen conditioned to believe that
our value is tied to how muchwe do, how much we give or how
well we fit into other people'sexpectations.
But true self-worth isn't aboutwhat you bring to the table.
(23:36):
It's about knowing that you arethe table table.
As I've said so many times, Iam a work in progress and I
truly believe that I growpersonally with each episode I
release, because it's a reminderof the areas where I still need
growth, or it's just areflection of what I've come out
(23:57):
of, and this episode inparticular is one of those
reminders.
It's a reminder that I, too,can improve in certain
relationships and thatself-worth isn't just about
knowing that I'm worthy.
It's about demonstratingthrough action that I am worthy.
(24:18):
Because when you fully embraceyour self-worth, you stop
negotiating it, you stopexplaining why you deserve
respect, you stop settling forless than what you give and you
stop waiting for someone else tovalidate your value.
Instead, you move withconfidence, you trust yourself,
(24:38):
you choose environments that seeyou, honor you and support your
growth and, most importantly,you stop staying in places that
require you to shrink just to beaccepted.
This week, I challenge you todo something bold.
Make one decision that fullyreflects your worth, whether
(25:01):
it's saying no to something thatdrains you, asking for what you
truly deserve, or simplychoosing to walk away, let go of
those things that no longerserve you, and that's taking one
step that affirms your value.
And if you're still workingthrough what that looks like for
(25:23):
you, that's okay, because thejourney to self-worth isn't
about getting it right all thetime.
It's about choosing yourselfmore often.
If this episode spoke to you,send it to somebody who needs
the reminder, because we're allworks in progress.
Nobody is perfect.
(25:44):
There are no perfect peopleallowed over here.
Right?
We are still trying to learnand grow and, in some cases, go.
So until next time, keepshowing up for yourself, not
because you have to, but becauseyou deserve to Peace.
(26:04):
Blessings from your girl,keisha.
Well, folks, the episode hascome to an end.
Thank you for hanging out withme on the Authentic Life.
If you loved today's episode,don't forget to subscribe,
because subscribing is just likean instant invite to more fun,
to more inspiration and to moreauthentic vibes.
I could also use a review, soleave a review or share this
(26:27):
with someone that you feel needsa little inspiration.
But whatever you do, let'sspread the joy of the authentic
life.
Remember this your authenticself is your greatest gift to
the world and no one should evermake you feel like you aren't.
Until next time, stay true,stay bold and keep living the
authentic life Peace, love andblessings from your girl, keisha
(26:48):
.
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