November 8, 2025 • 34 mins
What if the empty rooms in your home are an invitation to a bigger, richer life? In this inspiring episode, best-selling author and performer Troy Horne joins us to explore how to redesign your future after 40 by tapping into your greatest asset—your experience. From Broadway breakthroughs as Tom Collins in RENT to co-authoring a mindset book with his son, Troy demonstrates how creativity, courage, and compassion can flourish alongside family priorities—and how to move forward when your heart calls.
We delve into the arc of real change: the initial decision to start, the honeymoon phase where momentum builds, and the “are-you-sure” resistance that often follows. Troy introduces “scar power,” the idea that past setbacks deepen judgment and accelerate learning—proof that late bloomers like Julia Child and Martha Stewart show timing is a feature, not a bug.
Highlights & Key Takeaways:
- The “preview” stage of empty nesting and shifting home energy.
- Permission to start again after 40—your second act is possible now.
- Transform scars and setbacks into resilience and confidence.
- The honeymoon and "are-you-sure" phases of change—expect resistance and growth.
- The mantra: No day but today—action over hesitation.
Ready to trade hesitation for momentum? Join Troy Horn as he shares stories—and practical strategies—to help you design the life you’re meant for.
Troy Horne Bio
Troy Horne is a three-time best-selling author, Star Search contestant, NBC’s the Sing Off competitor, opening act for Steve Miller and Gov’t Mule band, and has portrayed Tom Collins on Broadway in RENT on Broadway. A father of three, Troy is published author who has sold over 287,800 copies of his non-fiction books. His mission is to help people over 40 live their dream.
Find Troy Online: Instagram, LinkedIn
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_03 (00:00):
This happened multiple times in looking back
at life.
And also with the people that Iresearched, they they made a
decision, oftentimes from aplace of pain or a place of
wanting the place of wanting tochange at 40, 45, 50, 60, 65,
they were like, I want to dosomething else.
(00:21):
And as soon as they made thatdecision and took action, they
said everything starts to fallinto place.
SPEAKER_00 (00:28):
Welcome to this empty nest life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leads youon a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the empty nestcoach, Jay Ramsden.
SPEAKER_04 (00:47):
Hey there, my emptiness friends.
Do you find yourself saying, Ijust can't start something new
now that the kids are grown andflown?
Perhaps you feel stuck, unsureof what's next, and can't quite
wrap your head around how toeven get started.
If so, then hold on to yourhats, as today I'm joined in the
studio by Troy Horn.
Troy is a best-selling author.
He's appeared on Star Search andNBC's The Sing-Off competition,
(01:12):
and he even played the role ofTom Collins in Rent on Broadway.
A father of three, his missionis to help people over 40 live
their dream.
And his book, Middle Management,does just that.
Troy, welcome to this empty nestlife.
SPEAKER_03 (01:25):
Thank you so much.
This has been really cool, Jake.
I'm really excited.
This will be fun.
SPEAKER_04 (01:29):
Yeah, and when we were talking a little bit
before, you're like, I'm in thepreview stage of empty nesting.
Yeah.
So tell me what that means.
When you said preview stage, Iwas like, I don't even know what
you mean by preview stage.
SPEAKER_03 (01:40):
So when when you see, oh, wait a minute, I've got
high schoolers and they want togo off and go do things with
their friends.
And then I have a kid in collegewho's already gone, and you
start this go, wait a minute,this is gonna be quite
interesting here in about a yearor two when there's no one in
the other bedrooms or whateverelse.
What are we gonna do?
Because I mean, you spent youknow this, you spend so much
(02:02):
time focused on did someone makeit a practice?
Did they do their homework?
How are their grades going?
And all of a sudden you're like,I won't have to do that anymore.
This is gonna be wild.
SPEAKER_04 (02:12):
Yeah.
So it's one in college and twoat home.
Yes, yes.
Okay, yeah, okay.
Yeah, it is a little bit wild,especially when you are used to
all those check-ins and makingsure people got to from point A
to point B and done X and Y.
And then the energy in the housechanges and it shifts, and
you're kind of like, you'll see,you'll wait, it'll come.
You'll be like, Oh crap, what doI what do I do now?
SPEAKER_03 (02:34):
Which is, you know, yeah, good.
We're we're we're thinking abouthow do we maybe go see some of
the world.
That's I love that.
SPEAKER_04 (02:42):
Yeah.
So visit a couple places hereand there for a few months at a
time.
Yes.
I love it.
I love it.
That's good.
There are lots of people who dothat, and it's kind of an
interesting component.
And for folks who are listening,sometimes they get stuck, right?
Their mind goes, I can't figureout that next thing.
I'm not sure what to do.
(03:02):
Your life has been full ofcreative endeavors, clearly,
right?
With uh the sing off competitionand Star Search and on Broadway,
playing Tom Collins in rent.
But I'm curious where itconnects to your mission to help
people over 40, because I wouldimagine some of that happened
before you got to be 40.
So tell me about the connectionand let's see where this
(03:24):
conversation takes us.
SPEAKER_03 (03:26):
Yeah.
So in that preview, you start togo, well, wait a minute, what do
I want to do?
You know, around for me, it wasaround like 45, 46.
I was like, what do I want to dofor the rest of my life?
And then you start, for me,anyways, it was like, well, part
of me, I don't know.
Do I want to do what I didbefore?
Well, no, I don't really want todo that, but I have a passion
for this, or I have a passionfor that.
(03:47):
And then you go into this thing,am I like, am I too old to do
that?
Is that is that responsible?
Is that realistic?
And so in my own discovery ofthat whole journey, it's been
like, it is an actually inwriting the book and doing
research for that and goingthrough the steps that I suggest
(04:07):
in there, anyways, you find thatyou're actually more capable
than you were when you were 20.
It's like when you were 20, youthought you knew what you
actually know now.
SPEAKER_04 (04:19):
So okay.
I like the way you frame that.
Yeah, yeah.
And you you might have the meansto do things.
Exactly.
Yes.
Folks, I'm not saying you haveto have money to do anything
magical in your emptiness life,but just the idea of, oh, we do
have this available.
But what you hit on somethingvery important there, Troy, is
you're like, oh, can we?
Is it allowed?
(04:42):
Is it allowed for us to go offon adventures?
What if somebody needs us backhere?
SPEAKER_03 (04:48):
Yes, yes, yes.
All those things, definitely.
That's the biggest one.
Am I allowed?
And find and actually, you know,having that moment where you're
like, wait a minute.
I'm like, uh I'm the captainnow.
I can tell, I can give myselfpermission to do whatever I want
to give my.
(05:08):
It's like there is no otherperson out there saying, No, you
can't.
It's you.
And so that has been a reallycool realization as well.
SPEAKER_04 (05:16):
Yeah, I think that's where a lot of people get stuck
is yeah, you're allowed to giveyourself permission to do.
Yeah.
Right.
And you you can be bothavailable to your kids.
Of course.
SPEAKER_03 (05:26):
And go do things.
You mean the kids that, youknow, sometimes sing in the
voicemail or don't respond.
SPEAKER_04 (05:32):
Yeah, the ones who don't like it takes them a week
to respond to attacks or yeah.
You wonder so many people getstuck on oh, I check life 360.
That's my new job.
SPEAKER_02 (05:45):
Yes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:47):
I saw you went to the grocery store.
They're like, Mom, dad, come on.
Did you buy anything good?
SPEAKER_02 (05:53):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (05:56):
So good.
I love it.
I love it.
So, but tell me about the lifeafter like helping people go for
life after 40.
Like, how did that become yourmission?
SPEAKER_03 (06:05):
Yeah, because you know, all throughout the whole
time of either writing, which Istarted writing after 40.
I wrote a book actually with myfor my son about mindset.
And uh that was at 45, and I wasreally looking to help him.
And using that knowledge that Ithought was just stuff that I
learned from self-help orwhatever, ended up helping,
(06:26):
like, we like helped over 200and something thousand families
with this information.
And that was the first time Iwas like, wait a minute.
What I actually have taken forgranted for like common
knowledge is stuff that youngerpeople don't know.
The things that I, you know,take as take for granted, like
everybody knows how to do this,they don't.
(06:47):
And I and we kind of have anobligation, I think, to share
that wisdom and that experienceand that stuff with people
through whatever means we wantor thing we want to share.
SPEAKER_04 (07:00):
Interesting.
So tell me more about that.
You wrote a book for your sonabout mindset.
Right.
How did that come to be?
SPEAKER_03 (07:07):
So he was really he was playing basketball, and he's
still playing basketball.
I'm really excited for him.
He's getting ready to go on tohis next little journey.
But, anyways, he was like 10, 11years old, and that's when they
start going from playing ret tolike playing competitive, you
know.
That's we get serious about, youknow, something like okay.
But anyway, but anyway, so sothe energy just shifted in the
(07:31):
room, and the kid that used tobe super excited and dance on
the I mean, guys would beshooting free throws, and my son
Moes would be like dancing onthe side, just like because he
was so happy to be playing, youknow.
I saw that go away.
And so I'm big into self-help,and so I was trying to give him
the ideas of like visualizationand meditation, all this stuff,
(07:54):
and all the books were from anadult point of view.
So I was like, Well, I can'tfind one that really relates to
him that he can, you know, kindof resonate with.
So you wrote it with him.
Did you write it with him?
I love that.
Is this what you think?
Is this how you feel?
You know, is this and and twoover almost 300,000 people have
not read that book, which isreally cool.
(08:15):
And I'm really but that was likean eye-opening of like all of us
have this information and thisknowledge that can help so many
people, you know.
SPEAKER_04 (08:24):
So yeah, and I love that it's focused.
It was it's more focused at kidsthat who are like 10, 11,
because it is around that time.
I was in education for a longtime, and that's when it is.
Like when they leave fifthgrade, you know, they go into
middle school.
That's when it starts, like thatage group, like 11, 12, they
start to lose that joy of whatthey used to do.
Yeah, my wife was an elementaryschool teacher, my daughter's an
(08:47):
elementary school teacher now.
Yeah, and you you just see thejoy in kids, but when it gets to
be serious, serious, right?
SPEAKER_02 (08:56):
Serious seventh grade.
SPEAKER_04 (08:57):
Yeah, then it's oh, what happens?
But I think you're right, that'sperfect that you wrote a book
there where the mindset kicksin.
Okay.
Yeah, you did that there, andthen now you have middle
management out for people laterin life.
Yes, what was the impetus there?
SPEAKER_03 (09:14):
Um, again, it was my own struggle of what do I want
to do now?
What you know, it's like do Iwant to do music?
Can I do this?
Is it too old?
Am I too old to do this?
And for me, it was like, can Igive myself permission, like we
talked about earlier, to dosomething new?
And for me, it was like I didresearching people who have done
(09:35):
it in the past.
And then for me, that was like,oh, yeah, well, this person did
it and this person did it, andit was so much, you know, it was
so much more difficult.
They didn't have the internet,they didn't have all these ways
to reach people all over theworld.
Why am I telling myself thatit's gonna be more difficult for
me than Julia Child or or oh mygosh, George Foreman or Martha
(09:56):
Stewart or like any why is itthey don't they didn't have any
of this stuff when they started?
So, you know.
SPEAKER_04 (10:02):
Yeah, I think you're right.
Like at the time to do things,to be an entrepreneur, to really
explore.
I mean, obviously, now with AI,you can ask AI anything, right?
It's like just go you can go ona journey without even leaving
your home.
But yeah, the idea of like I cangive myself permission to do
what's next best for me.
Yeah, I think that's wherepeople get stuck.
(10:23):
And it's exciting that you didit and you wrote a book about
it.
So the band, I didn't evenmention that in the intro.
Is that what you're doing now,or is that like a moment in
time?
Tell me more about that piece.
SPEAKER_03 (10:36):
Yeah, so music was what I did in, like I say, in
the first half, and I loved it.
And I actually my my new thingthat I'm doing now, well, and
I'm not necessarily new becauseI guess I've been doing it for
the last five, six years, but iswriting books.
I love reading books, and evenwith the expiration of uh doing
the one with my son, I learnedthat there are just voices and
(10:59):
ideas that I want to be a partof bringing to the world because
I couldn't find the ones that Iwanted, and then when I did it,
it resonated with so much somany people.
So I'm like, I feel like the tieof music and uh being of service
through writing is where I wantto be.
The band thing that you askedabout before, that was that was
(11:21):
that was really fun.
Yeah, we toured with Levi's andopened for Steve Miller and
Government Mule and those guys,man.
That was an eye-openingexperience.
SPEAKER_04 (11:32):
I bet.
I bet I love just the journey.
Yeah, I I love the journey thatyou've been on because I think
it's no, but it shows peoplelike you don't have to just oh,
I'm choosing this next thing.
Yeah, right.
Well, there's always a nextthing and a next thing, and
that's like you don't have tojust be like, oh, what am I
gonna do now?
Like, okay, what now and thenwhat's next?
(11:52):
I'm a big believer in that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:54):
Yes, yeah, yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (11:56):
So what are you doing?
Like the writing right now iswhat you're doing.
SPEAKER_03 (11:58):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to I want to write morebooks that kind of give a
different perspective on lifeand opportunity and
possibilities.
And honestly, it took me, and asI talk about in the thing, it
took me about a year or so togive myself permission to to do
that because I was like, Well,can you do that?
(12:20):
And my wife was like, What areyou talking about?
You've already written a book,it's already sold.
What are you talking about?
Can you?
So I I really identify with thegiving yourself permission part,
you know.
So um had to do it again.
SPEAKER_04 (12:34):
You had to give it your self permission again.
SPEAKER_03 (12:37):
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:39):
And when you get older, I don't know about
everyone else, but for me, it'slike you have the knowledge, but
you also have all the the memoryof things that when they didn't
work.
And so you're thinking, is thisgonna be the time that it
doesn't work?
And do I have time to you knowpick myself up if it doesn't?
And and what I've found in thisjourney is you have so much
(13:05):
knowledge and so much abilitythat all those things that you
failed at before are really yourI call it your your scar power
because you you oh yeah, that'sgood.
SPEAKER_04 (13:19):
Scar power.
Well, let's talk about that.
SPEAKER_03 (13:22):
Yeah, it's like you like when people like what they
say, Walt Disney went to ahundred banks before he got
funding for Disneyland orwhatever, Disney World or
whatever.
You better believe that 100,101, 102 were cake.
Because he's like, I've alreadydone this a hundred 99 times.
(13:42):
I know exactly what you're gonnasay, I know exactly how to work
around that objection orwhatever.
And it's we're at that spacewhere we've done all the things
that don't work.
So now doing the things that wewant to do are gonna be
ridiculously easy.
I love it.
SPEAKER_04 (13:59):
So you should trademark that scar power if you
haven't already.
Oh, hey, and then write a andthen write a book about it.
We call scar power, yeah.
Scar power.
Because that people will, Ithink that's I think a lot of
people who are listening arelike, oh, I get like that that
resonates with me.
Scar power.
I've had so many things happenin my life, which is what keeps
(14:20):
people from moving forward.
It's the fear of getting scarredagain.
SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (14:26):
Yeah.
So what was tell me someone'slike, is there anything in your
past like that scarred you thatit took you a little bit of a
hurdle to get over?
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
Let's see.
Shall I go down the list?
SPEAKER_03 (14:38):
So many.
I mean, one I uh I went startingreally young.
I went to college on a Fulbrightscholarship, had a high school
sweetheart, and I stayed, I wassupposed to go to LSU, but I I
didn't.
I went to Sam Houston, which wascloser because I live in
Houston, Texas, to stay close tomy high school sweetheart
freshman year, I think the endof second semester, she breaks
(15:02):
up with me, and uh I don't studyfor finals and lose my
scholarship.
And so that was like one of manythings.
Uh when I was a when I was newlymarried, I lost my job and ended
up getting my car repossessed.
I mean, there's so many.
There's so many.
SPEAKER_04 (15:21):
So many, yeah.
So then what keeps youmotivated?
Let's go there.
What keeps you motivated to keeptrying?
SPEAKER_03 (15:28):
Hmm.
What keeps me motivated?
You know, honestly, looking backat my life, most of the times it
was either a moment of intensepain, or I was like, I don't
want to do this anymore.
Or back up against the wallthat's like, you have to go.
Were the two moments that werekind of like motivating for me
(15:50):
in the in that moment.
Either an intense pain.
Like for instance, when I wasdoing uh an audition for
Broadway, I was doing what Iwanted to do, which was working
as a musician, and I was doingit at Anaheim, and I was going
to Disney every day to kind ofdo a singing musician thing.
But I didn't see my kid at all.
(16:12):
And I was like, I want to see mykid more because he was like two
years old, and I would only seehim sometimes on the weekends.
And uh so I see this audition inbackstage.
And I tell my wife, if I go tothis audition, I just feel like
I'm going to get this.
I went to this audition.
It was one of those really, Iguess, serendipitous moments.
I didn't know from rent.
(16:32):
I'd never been on a Broadwayshow.
I just saw that it sat downsomewhere, and so I could be
home, you know, more often wasmy idea.
And she goes, What are youtalking about?
I go, I I just feel like if I goto this audition, I'm gonna get
this part.
Would you be willing to move toNew York?
And she goes, Yeah, sure.
And I go, no, no, no.
I feel like I'm gonna get this.
Would you be willing to move?
(16:53):
And she goes, sure.
So I go to this audition, Ithink it was like the same day.
I walk in, and there are likefive people in the audition
room, which is rare ever.
I'm like, and the lady asks me,Well, can you go in like a few
minutes?
I'm blown away because I'mthinking this is an audition for
a Broadway show.
(17:14):
I'm gonna have an hour or two togo and get some tea and relax
and warm up.
Long story short, I go to mycar, warm up, like in the last
next 10 minutes, come in, go tothe audition room, do the
audition, all that stuff.
They take my number and youknow, life goes on.
(17:35):
A week later, they call me andthey offer me the tour.
And I'm like, Well, I don't wantto do the tour because I'm gonna
be away from my kid.
And I came because I wanted todo you know something that sits
down.
And she says, the only thingthat sits down is a Broadway
show.
And I go, Well, if that happens,then I'd love to do that.
And she's like, Okay.
I'll never forget it.
She was like, Okay, you know,what are you talking about?
(17:57):
You're turning down the tour.
It's like, okay.
A month later, she calls me andgoes, Producers would like to
see you in New York.
And two months after that, I'mstanding on a Broadway stage in
my first role as Tom Collins.
So, I mean, that's like a youknow, a big but it was from a
point of pain of I want to seemy family more.
(18:19):
I don't know how it's gonnawork, but I gotta do something
different than this.
SPEAKER_04 (18:23):
Yeah, I gotta do something different.
I think that's where some peopleget stuck in their emptiness
life is they're like, but Iloved being a parent, I loved
being a mom, I love being a dad.
Yeah, of course, it's amazing.
And then they think that's allthere is, especially if you were
the primary caregiver.
Yes.
That's all there is.
(18:44):
I don't see anything else.
But you clearly saw, you sawthat ad, and you clearly saw,
I'm gonna get this role.
Yeah, so what was it, right?
About that.
You were younger, you weren't,you know, but you still you had
a child, they were they wereyoung, you wanted to be more
connected to them.
But what was it about it thatyou were like, no, I'm gonna,
(19:06):
I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna getit, and it's gonna be different
for me.
SPEAKER_03 (19:09):
You know, honestly, the thing that I've learned over
time is that we have that power,all of us do, you know, and it's
it's it's whether or not we'regonna give ourselves permission
to go after it, because it'shappened multiple times in
looking back at life, and alsowith the people that I
researched, they they made adecision, oftentimes from a
(19:30):
place of pain or a place ofwanting the place of wanting to
change at 40, 45, 50, 60, 65,they were like, I want to do
something else.
And as soon as they made thatdecision and took action, they
said everything starts to fallinto place.
Now, the thing that uh I alsolike to share tell people about
(19:53):
is everything falls into placebecause we have the honeymoon
stage where everything's goinggreat.
After the honeymoon stage alwayscomes the are you sure, you
know, stage where the you wherethe universe goes, I'm gonna
throw this little thing in yourway, and I'm gonna throw that in
the way, and it's gonna getreally hard.
Are you still sure you want it?
(20:14):
And I find if we can make itthrough the are you sure period,
it's downhill sledding, as theysay.
It's but that's the toughestpart.
SPEAKER_04 (20:24):
Yeah, and I love the two like the this is building on
itself.
Scar power to are you sure?
Yeah.
What comes after that?
Like, think about it.
Scar power, are you sure?
What comes next?
SPEAKER_03 (20:39):
Yeah, yeah.
For me, what comes next is allthe the that's when like the
whole thing, the heavens open upand the magic happens.
It's kind of like one of myfavorite speakers, Zig Ziggler,
he talks about he goes, Yougotta put something in here
before you get something outthere.
You know, he's like, you'vegotta pour water into the pump
(21:02):
to prime it, and then you've gotto pump really hard for a long
time.
And he said, if you stoppumping, the water goes all the
way back down.
So it's like if you keep pumpingthough, the water comes up and
he goes after that, you justit's really easy to get a lot of
water out of the well.
And after that tough period iswhen it gets really easy to get
(21:23):
the water out of the well.
SPEAKER_04 (21:24):
I think that almost ties to parenting, right?
It's like, right, you spend alot of time priming the pump and
getting yourself to be there,and then it drops back because
they enter a new stage, and thenit drops back again and they
enter another new stage.
So you're always continuing toprime the pump.
And I make that point, folks,because you know how to do it.
(21:45):
Oh my gosh.
You know how to prime the pump,you just need to apply it to
something else.
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:51):
And it's funny because you end up parenting
yourself, and it's like it'sfunny, it's like as I get older,
you go, wait a minute, whatwould I tell my kid if he or she
came to me with this concernthat I can't do it because what
would I tell them?
You know?
Exactly.
(22:11):
That's exactly what I should betelling myself because they're
listening to me, and it's likethat that that information or
that suggestion or that adviceis still valid, and it's even
more valid for myself.
unknown (22:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (22:25):
I love that.
Yeah, the the validity of it isso powerful.
That's right.
If you're gonna tell your kids,give them advice.
I saw something the other daythat popped up on my social
feed.
It was like the true gift ofbeing a parent is you know, just
giving that one piece when youhave another 40 pieces of advice
(22:45):
to give in the moment.
So it's ooh, what's the onepiece of advice you would give
yourself about moving forwardfrom scar power to are you sure
you want it?
to ooh, here's this next piece,and what does that look like?
SPEAKER_03 (23:01):
Yeah.
If your kid came up to you, andthat's I've had that moment a
couple of times with mine.
It's if your kid comes up to youand goes, you know, dad, I don't
know if I can do whatever, wouldyou say, Yeah, you probably
shouldn't?
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_04 (23:14):
Yeah, kick it to the curb.
Not gonna happen for you.
Don't try that.
Don't try that.
Yeah, that happened where mywife and I used to work in a
school when the kids went there.
You know, we were long-timeeducators, the kids went through
the school, and then my daughterbecame an educator and then a
position opened.
She's like, Do you think Ishould apply?
It's like, why wouldn't you?
(23:36):
I mean, come on.
Why wouldn't you do it?
Right, and that's I think thequestion that empty nessers need
to ask them, ask themselves islike, why wouldn't you do it?
SPEAKER_03 (23:47):
Yes, why wouldn't you write the book?
What exactly?
Exactly.
I think the thing that gets alot of us is like you said, the
one giving ourselves permissionand then also thinking that all
these people are watching andjudging, and they're not.
SPEAKER_04 (24:05):
You know, yes, yeah.
That's a big one.
Go stand in front of the mirror.
It's the only time you'll seethe person who's judging you.
SPEAKER_03 (24:13):
100%.
That's the only person that'spaying attention to.
I always tell my kids, I waslike, because they could they
used to come to me in highschool when they were, you know,
worried about stuff.
I go, Well, what's your bestfriend's name?
And they would say, I don'tknow, Sarah, Damien, whatever.
I'm like, okay, what were theywearing yesterday?
I don't know.
(24:33):
Exactly.
That's how much they're payingattention to you.
You can't even tell me what yourbest friend was wearing
yesterday.
So the idea that all thesepeople are paying attention to
every move you make is crazybecause you're not even paying
attention to your best friendyesterday.
So, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (24:53):
Yeah, yeah.
It's such a great point.
It's such a great point.
What is the next book you havegoing?
SPEAKER_03 (24:59):
You know, I don't know.
Honestly, I'm gonna be honest,like this one has been I'm
writing an album with this onebecause I want to tie my music
in with this.
This is the one that has been mybig passion project for this
step.
I think the next step is reallymaking sure that it reaches more
people.
And then I don't know what thenext one is.
SPEAKER_04 (25:21):
I mean, other than Scar Power.
That's clearly the next that'sclearly the next one after that.
SPEAKER_03 (25:25):
Yes, definitely.
Definitely.
You know, the next one, my wifewas saying, you know, when she
read it, she was like, I feelmotivated.
Um, and maybe, you know, that'swhere that can come in.
It's just I need for more, morelike how to.
And so maybe it's part two thatkind of breaks down some of the
steps that you can actuallyapply to your life.
Because this one kind of goesinto how to get clear on what
(25:48):
the next steps would be, someexamples of people who have done
it, and kind of get you in themode of, okay, now I'm gonna go
out there and try some of thesethings and really get clear on
what my mission's going to befor the second half, or what are
my missions for the second half.
Okay.
So maybe book number two can bea how-to.
SPEAKER_04 (26:06):
More how-to, more practical tips.
What things have worked for youin your second chapter?
SPEAKER_03 (26:12):
Well, the first thing that was really huge for
me and really hard,surprisingly, aside from giving
myself permission, was turningeverything off.
Like a walking meditation.
By that I mean we're old enoughto remember when we'd be in the
car and there was no phone, andthere was no, you know, if you
(26:32):
turn the radio off and drove, itwas like why like you rolled
down the window because some ofus had AC and some of us didn't.
And it was like you and yourthoughts.
That was one of the biggestthings that I was talking about,
like just being quiet and beingstill, turning off the radio,
turning off, you know, whenyou're at home, turning off
(26:54):
phones and dings, and justallowing yourself to hear your
own voice and your own thoughts.
SPEAKER_04 (27:02):
That's so good.
Have you ever read Stillness isthe key, Ryan Halliday?
I haven't back here.
Yeah.
Stillness is the key.
So good.
I have it.
I have it.
It's it's a reminder of whatyou're talking about.
And he gives plenty of examplesof how it goes.
And this is it's a must read tojust with everything we have
(27:24):
going on, access to so muchinformation.
It's like, how do we just becomestill?
That's how you figure out what'snext.
SPEAKER_03 (27:31):
Yeah, yeah.
Because so many people are somany people, intentionally or
unintentionally, are feelingyour mind with thoughts and
ideas and so much so that youforget to hear your own.
And it's like the real truestillness and everything is in
your own thoughts.
That's that's where the answersare.
(27:52):
We just never really often, I'mnot gonna say never, but often
never get quiet enough to hearthem.
unknown (27:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:59):
Yeah, that's so true.
That's so true.
As someone who's an author, youyou spend a lot of time thinking
about books and you've written acouple.
What's one thing you've learnedabout yourself in the process of
writing books?
SPEAKER_03 (28:13):
One thing I've learned about myself is uh the
more you do, the better youbecome at doing something, the
more you do anything, the youknow, the better you become at
doing that.
And then also, I've learned thateveryone, not just myself, but I
think everyone should learn totrust that quiet voice that they
hear, that quiet whisper.
(28:34):
It's right 99.9% of the time.
unknown (28:38):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (28:38):
That quiet voice.
SPEAKER_04 (28:39):
Yeah, the quiet voice.
See, there's another book.
Scarp and a quiet voice.
I'm I'm just gonna throw ideasout if you're gonna be able to
do it.
SPEAKER_02 (28:49):
Definitely.
SPEAKER_04 (28:50):
You keep taking them, you keep taking them.
What's something you've alwayswanted to do?
You've done a ton in your life,right?
What's the one thing you'vealways wanted to do, but you
haven't done yet?
SPEAKER_03 (29:01):
It's funny because the the cover is covered.
I want to go to Ghana.
I've never been to the Africancontinent, and I want to go.
I've been to, you know, Europe,I've been to Hawaii, I've been
to Asia, I've been to Japan.
And I want to go, I want to gosee Ghana is like one thing that
(29:24):
I want to do.
Okay.
Why Ghana specifically?
I just have never been to theAfrican continent.
And it's like I feel like I wantto it's funny because I think,
you know, when you go to a placewhere it could be your ancestral
hair uh origin, it's just adifferent grounding effect, you
(29:44):
know, of of your life to likestep out and see, you know, oh,
like I remember my wife was shewas like, she went to Scotland
and she was like, um all thepeople there look like my
brother.
Imagine like how crazy that mustbe to like, you know, to step
off and like, oh She looks likemy mom, or she looks like my
aunt, or she looks like mysister, and they're just like
(30:05):
everywhere.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04 (30:06):
The connection, yeah, the connectedness, if you
will.
Yeah.
It's an I've never been toGhana, I've have been to the
African continent.
It's like amazing the energy youfeel different there.
You know, it is there's agrounding to it for sure.
So it's yeah.
Where'd you go?
(30:28):
So I was fortunate enough toclimb Kilimanjaro in Tanzania,
and then go on safari in Kenyaas well.
And just being connected topeople who have just a different
way of thinking and differentlifestyle and different view on
life and how important natureis.
unknown (30:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (30:51):
Right.
Yeah.
So what was the mountain like?
Well, we've reflipped you're nowinterviewing me.
SPEAKER_02 (30:57):
We've we flipped the script.
SPEAKER_04 (31:00):
It was incredible.
It's the only place where youcan go and get all four types of
climates in one climb.
Yeah.
So you start off in a rainforestwith heat and humidity, and then
you move into Moorland, and thenthe Arctic desert, and then the
Arctic.
Those are the four.
(31:22):
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
If you haven't done it, you canyou know, you don't have to be a
hiker, it's very accessible todo.
So I throw that out there.
Then you can write a book aboutthat.
SPEAKER_02 (31:33):
Oh yes.
Oh my gosh.
Definitely, definitely have todo that.
Yeah.
That is amazing.
That sounds awesome.
SPEAKER_04 (31:40):
It wasn't, it was it was amazing.
But it I I just want to be anexample of what's possible for
people.
Yes.
Just like you're saying what'spossible after 40.
SPEAKER_01 (31:49):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (31:51):
Don't sit around and wait.
Yeah.
Don't wait to be involved inyour kids' lives.
Get involved in your own life.
SPEAKER_03 (31:57):
Yes.
Yes.
And you know what's funny aboutthat is they will learn from you
doing it for yourself.
It's like they often what you'rewhat you're doing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (32:08):
Yeah.
Have any of your kids started towrite a book?
SPEAKER_03 (32:12):
No, no.
No.
I think my middle son mightlater on in life, because he
started reading, and my daughtermay.
My older son might too.
Because I mean he was the one wewrote it together, so maybe you
know he'll go into his his ownthing.
But it's it's funny to see themrepeating many things from youth
in their journeys, you know.
(32:33):
And so I'm like, if they'redoing that now, imagine what
they're gonna do when they'relater and they see what I've
done, you know, later.
SPEAKER_04 (32:39):
Oh, repeating, I see what you're saying, repeating
what you've done in their youth.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (32:44):
Got it.
Yeah.
You hear yourself from I'm sureyou do this, you hear yourself
coming out of their mouths allthe time.
SPEAKER_04 (32:50):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And it's it's also wise not toremind them that it sounds like
you.
So that they that's where yourun into trouble.
Yes, yes.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So god, I've loved everythingthat we've talked about today.
Like so many takeaways of goingfrom the again, mentioned again
(33:10):
the scar power and are you sureyou want this?
But before I let you go, Troy,what's your life motto right
now?
SPEAKER_03 (33:20):
You know what's funny?
As soon as you said that, Ithink that popped in my head was
the song from Rent, and that isNo Day But Today.
No day but today.
It's a great song.
You know, could can we worryabout what happened in the past?
Can we worry about how whathappened in the future?
We can, but it is always, asEckhart Tolley says, it is
(33:43):
always right now.
It's never in the few past, it'snever in the future, it is
always right now.
So if you can right now, you canalways do what anything,
anything that you want to do,give yourself permission and and
take that step because now isall we have.
Yeah, now we always have.
SPEAKER_04 (34:04):
I yeah, I love that.
It is such a powerful way toclose the show and a good
reminder to folks like nope, nowis the time.
SPEAKER_01 (34:10):
Now is the time.
SPEAKER_04 (34:11):
Now is the time.
So good.
Joy Horn, thank you so much forbeing here on this empty nest
life.
I enjoyed our conversation, andI look forward to seeing what
comes next from you.
SPEAKER_03 (34:21):
Well, thank you.
Yeah, it's been so much so muchfun.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
So much fun.
Thank you.
Are you ready to start livingand enjoying your empty nest
years?
If so, head over tojasonramsden.com and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC, all rights reserved.
This happened multiple times in looking back
at life.
And also with the people that Iresearched, they they made a
decision, oftentimes from aplace of pain or a place of
wanting the place of wanting tochange at 40, 45, 50, 60, 65,
they were like, I want to dosomething else.
(00:21):
And as soon as they made thatdecision and took action, they
said everything starts to fallinto place.
SPEAKER_00 (00:28):
Welcome to this empty nest life.
Join Jay Ramsden as he leads youon a transformative journey
through the uncharted seas ofmidlife and empty nesting.
If you're ready to embark onthis new adventure and redefine
your future, you're in the rightplace.
Here's your host, the empty nestcoach, Jay Ramsden.
SPEAKER_04 (00:47):
Hey there, my emptiness friends.
Do you find yourself saying, Ijust can't start something new
now that the kids are grown andflown?
Perhaps you feel stuck, unsureof what's next, and can't quite
wrap your head around how toeven get started.
If so, then hold on to yourhats, as today I'm joined in the
studio by Troy Horn.
Troy is a best-selling author.
He's appeared on Star Search andNBC's The Sing-Off competition,
(01:12):
and he even played the role ofTom Collins in Rent on Broadway.
A father of three, his missionis to help people over 40 live
their dream.
And his book, Middle Management,does just that.
Troy, welcome to this empty nestlife.
SPEAKER_03 (01:25):
Thank you so much.
This has been really cool, Jake.
I'm really excited.
This will be fun.
SPEAKER_04 (01:29):
Yeah, and when we were talking a little bit
before, you're like, I'm in thepreview stage of empty nesting.
Yeah.
So tell me what that means.
When you said preview stage, Iwas like, I don't even know what
you mean by preview stage.
SPEAKER_03 (01:40):
So when when you see, oh, wait a minute, I've got
high schoolers and they want togo off and go do things with
their friends.
And then I have a kid in collegewho's already gone, and you
start this go, wait a minute,this is gonna be quite
interesting here in about a yearor two when there's no one in
the other bedrooms or whateverelse.
What are we gonna do?
Because I mean, you spent youknow this, you spend so much
(02:02):
time focused on did someone makeit a practice?
Did they do their homework?
How are their grades going?
And all of a sudden you're like,I won't have to do that anymore.
This is gonna be wild.
SPEAKER_04 (02:12):
Yeah.
So it's one in college and twoat home.
Yes, yes.
Okay, yeah, okay.
Yeah, it is a little bit wild,especially when you are used to
all those check-ins and makingsure people got to from point A
to point B and done X and Y.
And then the energy in the housechanges and it shifts, and
you're kind of like, you'll see,you'll wait, it'll come.
You'll be like, Oh crap, what doI what do I do now?
SPEAKER_03 (02:34):
Which is, you know, yeah, good.
We're we're we're thinking abouthow do we maybe go see some of
the world.
That's I love that.
SPEAKER_04 (02:42):
Yeah.
So visit a couple places hereand there for a few months at a
time.
Yes.
I love it.
I love it.
That's good.
There are lots of people who dothat, and it's kind of an
interesting component.
And for folks who are listening,sometimes they get stuck, right?
Their mind goes, I can't figureout that next thing.
I'm not sure what to do.
(03:02):
Your life has been full ofcreative endeavors, clearly,
right?
With uh the sing off competitionand Star Search and on Broadway,
playing Tom Collins in rent.
But I'm curious where itconnects to your mission to help
people over 40, because I wouldimagine some of that happened
before you got to be 40.
So tell me about the connectionand let's see where this
(03:24):
conversation takes us.
SPEAKER_03 (03:26):
Yeah.
So in that preview, you start togo, well, wait a minute, what do
I want to do?
You know, around for me, it wasaround like 45, 46.
I was like, what do I want to dofor the rest of my life?
And then you start, for me,anyways, it was like, well, part
of me, I don't know.
Do I want to do what I didbefore?
Well, no, I don't really want todo that, but I have a passion
for this, or I have a passionfor that.
(03:47):
And then you go into this thing,am I like, am I too old to do
that?
Is that is that responsible?
Is that realistic?
And so in my own discovery ofthat whole journey, it's been
like, it is an actually inwriting the book and doing
research for that and goingthrough the steps that I suggest
(04:07):
in there, anyways, you find thatyou're actually more capable
than you were when you were 20.
It's like when you were 20, youthought you knew what you
actually know now.
SPEAKER_04 (04:19):
So okay.
I like the way you frame that.
Yeah, yeah.
And you you might have the meansto do things.
Exactly.
Yes.
Folks, I'm not saying you haveto have money to do anything
magical in your emptiness life,but just the idea of, oh, we do
have this available.
But what you hit on somethingvery important there, Troy, is
you're like, oh, can we?
Is it allowed?
(04:42):
Is it allowed for us to go offon adventures?
What if somebody needs us backhere?
SPEAKER_03 (04:48):
Yes, yes, yes.
All those things, definitely.
That's the biggest one.
Am I allowed?
And find and actually, you know,having that moment where you're
like, wait a minute.
I'm like, uh I'm the captainnow.
I can tell, I can give myselfpermission to do whatever I want
to give my.
(05:08):
It's like there is no otherperson out there saying, No, you
can't.
It's you.
And so that has been a reallycool realization as well.
SPEAKER_04 (05:16):
Yeah, I think that's where a lot of people get stuck
is yeah, you're allowed to giveyourself permission to do.
Yeah.
Right.
And you you can be bothavailable to your kids.
Of course.
SPEAKER_03 (05:26):
And go do things.
You mean the kids that, youknow, sometimes sing in the
voicemail or don't respond.
SPEAKER_04 (05:32):
Yeah, the ones who don't like it takes them a week
to respond to attacks or yeah.
You wonder so many people getstuck on oh, I check life 360.
That's my new job.
SPEAKER_02 (05:45):
Yes.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (05:47):
I saw you went to the grocery store.
They're like, Mom, dad, come on.
Did you buy anything good?
SPEAKER_02 (05:53):
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (05:56):
So good.
I love it.
I love it.
So, but tell me about the lifeafter like helping people go for
life after 40.
Like, how did that become yourmission?
SPEAKER_03 (06:05):
Yeah, because you know, all throughout the whole
time of either writing, which Istarted writing after 40.
I wrote a book actually with myfor my son about mindset.
And uh that was at 45, and I wasreally looking to help him.
And using that knowledge that Ithought was just stuff that I
learned from self-help orwhatever, ended up helping,
(06:26):
like, we like helped over 200and something thousand families
with this information.
And that was the first time Iwas like, wait a minute.
What I actually have taken forgranted for like common
knowledge is stuff that youngerpeople don't know.
The things that I, you know,take as take for granted, like
everybody knows how to do this,they don't.
(06:47):
And I and we kind of have anobligation, I think, to share
that wisdom and that experienceand that stuff with people
through whatever means we wantor thing we want to share.
SPEAKER_04 (07:00):
Interesting.
So tell me more about that.
You wrote a book for your sonabout mindset.
Right.
How did that come to be?
SPEAKER_03 (07:07):
So he was really he was playing basketball, and he's
still playing basketball.
I'm really excited for him.
He's getting ready to go on tohis next little journey.
But, anyways, he was like 10, 11years old, and that's when they
start going from playing ret tolike playing competitive, you
know.
That's we get serious about, youknow, something like okay.
But anyway, but anyway, so sothe energy just shifted in the
(07:31):
room, and the kid that used tobe super excited and dance on
the I mean, guys would beshooting free throws, and my son
Moes would be like dancing onthe side, just like because he
was so happy to be playing, youknow.
I saw that go away.
And so I'm big into self-help,and so I was trying to give him
the ideas of like visualizationand meditation, all this stuff,
(07:54):
and all the books were from anadult point of view.
So I was like, Well, I can'tfind one that really relates to
him that he can, you know, kindof resonate with.
So you wrote it with him.
Did you write it with him?
I love that.
Is this what you think?
Is this how you feel?
You know, is this and and twoover almost 300,000 people have
not read that book, which isreally cool.
(08:15):
And I'm really but that was likean eye-opening of like all of us
have this information and thisknowledge that can help so many
people, you know.
SPEAKER_04 (08:24):
So yeah, and I love that it's focused.
It was it's more focused at kidsthat who are like 10, 11,
because it is around that time.
I was in education for a longtime, and that's when it is.
Like when they leave fifthgrade, you know, they go into
middle school.
That's when it starts, like thatage group, like 11, 12, they
start to lose that joy of whatthey used to do.
Yeah, my wife was an elementaryschool teacher, my daughter's an
(08:47):
elementary school teacher now.
Yeah, and you you just see thejoy in kids, but when it gets to
be serious, serious, right?
SPEAKER_02 (08:56):
Serious seventh grade.
SPEAKER_04 (08:57):
Yeah, then it's oh, what happens?
But I think you're right, that'sperfect that you wrote a book
there where the mindset kicksin.
Okay.
Yeah, you did that there, andthen now you have middle
management out for people laterin life.
Yes, what was the impetus there?
SPEAKER_03 (09:14):
Um, again, it was my own struggle of what do I want
to do now?
What you know, it's like do Iwant to do music?
Can I do this?
Is it too old?
Am I too old to do this?
And for me, it was like, can Igive myself permission, like we
talked about earlier, to dosomething new?
And for me, it was like I didresearching people who have done
(09:35):
it in the past.
And then for me, that was like,oh, yeah, well, this person did
it and this person did it, andit was so much, you know, it was
so much more difficult.
They didn't have the internet,they didn't have all these ways
to reach people all over theworld.
Why am I telling myself thatit's gonna be more difficult for
me than Julia Child or or oh mygosh, George Foreman or Martha
(09:56):
Stewart or like any why is itthey don't they didn't have any
of this stuff when they started?
So, you know.
SPEAKER_04 (10:02):
Yeah, I think you're right.
Like at the time to do things,to be an entrepreneur, to really
explore.
I mean, obviously, now with AI,you can ask AI anything, right?
It's like just go you can go ona journey without even leaving
your home.
But yeah, the idea of like I cangive myself permission to do
what's next best for me.
Yeah, I think that's wherepeople get stuck.
(10:23):
And it's exciting that you didit and you wrote a book about
it.
So the band, I didn't evenmention that in the intro.
Is that what you're doing now,or is that like a moment in
time?
Tell me more about that piece.
SPEAKER_03 (10:36):
Yeah, so music was what I did in, like I say, in
the first half, and I loved it.
And I actually my my new thingthat I'm doing now, well, and
I'm not necessarily new becauseI guess I've been doing it for
the last five, six years, but iswriting books.
I love reading books, and evenwith the expiration of uh doing
the one with my son, I learnedthat there are just voices and
(10:59):
ideas that I want to be a partof bringing to the world because
I couldn't find the ones that Iwanted, and then when I did it,
it resonated with so much somany people.
So I'm like, I feel like the tieof music and uh being of service
through writing is where I wantto be.
The band thing that you askedabout before, that was that was
(11:21):
that was really fun.
Yeah, we toured with Levi's andopened for Steve Miller and
Government Mule and those guys,man.
That was an eye-openingexperience.
SPEAKER_04 (11:32):
I bet.
I bet I love just the journey.
Yeah, I I love the journey thatyou've been on because I think
it's no, but it shows peoplelike you don't have to just oh,
I'm choosing this next thing.
Yeah, right.
Well, there's always a nextthing and a next thing, and
that's like you don't have tojust be like, oh, what am I
gonna do now?
Like, okay, what now and thenwhat's next?
(11:52):
I'm a big believer in that.
SPEAKER_01 (11:54):
Yes, yeah, yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (11:56):
So what are you doing?
Like the writing right now iswhat you're doing.
SPEAKER_03 (11:58):
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
I want to I want to write morebooks that kind of give a
different perspective on lifeand opportunity and
possibilities.
And honestly, it took me, and asI talk about in the thing, it
took me about a year or so togive myself permission to to do
that because I was like, Well,can you do that?
(12:20):
And my wife was like, What areyou talking about?
You've already written a book,it's already sold.
What are you talking about?
Can you?
So I I really identify with thegiving yourself permission part,
you know.
So um had to do it again.
SPEAKER_04 (12:34):
You had to give it your self permission again.
SPEAKER_03 (12:37):
I love that.
SPEAKER_01 (12:38):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (12:39):
And when you get older, I don't know about
everyone else, but for me, it'slike you have the knowledge, but
you also have all the the memoryof things that when they didn't
work.
And so you're thinking, is thisgonna be the time that it
doesn't work?
And do I have time to you knowpick myself up if it doesn't?
And and what I've found in thisjourney is you have so much
(13:05):
knowledge and so much abilitythat all those things that you
failed at before are really yourI call it your your scar power
because you you oh yeah, that'sgood.
SPEAKER_04 (13:19):
Scar power.
Well, let's talk about that.
SPEAKER_03 (13:22):
Yeah, it's like you like when people like what they
say, Walt Disney went to ahundred banks before he got
funding for Disneyland orwhatever, Disney World or
whatever.
You better believe that 100,101, 102 were cake.
Because he's like, I've alreadydone this a hundred 99 times.
(13:42):
I know exactly what you're gonnasay, I know exactly how to work
around that objection orwhatever.
And it's we're at that spacewhere we've done all the things
that don't work.
So now doing the things that wewant to do are gonna be
ridiculously easy.
I love it.
SPEAKER_04 (13:59):
So you should trademark that scar power if you
haven't already.
Oh, hey, and then write a andthen write a book about it.
We call scar power, yeah.
Scar power.
Because that people will, Ithink that's I think a lot of
people who are listening arelike, oh, I get like that that
resonates with me.
Scar power.
I've had so many things happenin my life, which is what keeps
(14:20):
people from moving forward.
It's the fear of getting scarredagain.
SPEAKER_01 (14:24):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (14:26):
Yeah.
So what was tell me someone'slike, is there anything in your
past like that scarred you thatit took you a little bit of a
hurdle to get over?
SPEAKER_01 (14:34):
Let's see.
Shall I go down the list?
SPEAKER_03 (14:38):
So many.
I mean, one I uh I went startingreally young.
I went to college on a Fulbrightscholarship, had a high school
sweetheart, and I stayed, I wassupposed to go to LSU, but I I
didn't.
I went to Sam Houston, which wascloser because I live in
Houston, Texas, to stay close tomy high school sweetheart
freshman year, I think the endof second semester, she breaks
(15:02):
up with me, and uh I don't studyfor finals and lose my
scholarship.
And so that was like one of manythings.
Uh when I was a when I was newlymarried, I lost my job and ended
up getting my car repossessed.
I mean, there's so many.
There's so many.
SPEAKER_04 (15:21):
So many, yeah.
So then what keeps youmotivated?
Let's go there.
What keeps you motivated to keeptrying?
SPEAKER_03 (15:28):
Hmm.
What keeps me motivated?
You know, honestly, looking backat my life, most of the times it
was either a moment of intensepain, or I was like, I don't
want to do this anymore.
Or back up against the wallthat's like, you have to go.
Were the two moments that werekind of like motivating for me
(15:50):
in the in that moment.
Either an intense pain.
Like for instance, when I wasdoing uh an audition for
Broadway, I was doing what Iwanted to do, which was working
as a musician, and I was doingit at Anaheim, and I was going
to Disney every day to kind ofdo a singing musician thing.
But I didn't see my kid at all.
(16:12):
And I was like, I want to see mykid more because he was like two
years old, and I would only seehim sometimes on the weekends.
And uh so I see this audition inbackstage.
And I tell my wife, if I go tothis audition, I just feel like
I'm going to get this.
I went to this audition.
It was one of those really, Iguess, serendipitous moments.
I didn't know from rent.
(16:32):
I'd never been on a Broadwayshow.
I just saw that it sat downsomewhere, and so I could be
home, you know, more often wasmy idea.
And she goes, What are youtalking about?
I go, I I just feel like if I goto this audition, I'm gonna get
this part.
Would you be willing to move toNew York?
And she goes, Yeah, sure.
And I go, no, no, no.
I feel like I'm gonna get this.
Would you be willing to move?
(16:53):
And she goes, sure.
So I go to this audition, Ithink it was like the same day.
I walk in, and there are likefive people in the audition
room, which is rare ever.
I'm like, and the lady asks me,Well, can you go in like a few
minutes?
I'm blown away because I'mthinking this is an audition for
a Broadway show.
(17:14):
I'm gonna have an hour or two togo and get some tea and relax
and warm up.
Long story short, I go to mycar, warm up, like in the last
next 10 minutes, come in, go tothe audition room, do the
audition, all that stuff.
They take my number and youknow, life goes on.
(17:35):
A week later, they call me andthey offer me the tour.
And I'm like, Well, I don't wantto do the tour because I'm gonna
be away from my kid.
And I came because I wanted todo you know something that sits
down.
And she says, the only thingthat sits down is a Broadway
show.
And I go, Well, if that happens,then I'd love to do that.
And she's like, Okay.
I'll never forget it.
She was like, Okay, you know,what are you talking about?
(17:57):
You're turning down the tour.
It's like, okay.
A month later, she calls me andgoes, Producers would like to
see you in New York.
And two months after that, I'mstanding on a Broadway stage in
my first role as Tom Collins.
So, I mean, that's like a youknow, a big but it was from a
point of pain of I want to seemy family more.
(18:19):
I don't know how it's gonnawork, but I gotta do something
different than this.
SPEAKER_04 (18:23):
Yeah, I gotta do something different.
I think that's where some peopleget stuck in their emptiness
life is they're like, but Iloved being a parent, I loved
being a mom, I love being a dad.
Yeah, of course, it's amazing.
And then they think that's allthere is, especially if you were
the primary caregiver.
Yes.
That's all there is.
(18:44):
I don't see anything else.
But you clearly saw, you sawthat ad, and you clearly saw,
I'm gonna get this role.
Yeah, so what was it, right?
About that.
You were younger, you weren't,you know, but you still you had
a child, they were they wereyoung, you wanted to be more
connected to them.
But what was it about it thatyou were like, no, I'm gonna,
(19:06):
I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna getit, and it's gonna be different
for me.
SPEAKER_03 (19:09):
You know, honestly, the thing that I've learned over
time is that we have that power,all of us do, you know, and it's
it's it's whether or not we'regonna give ourselves permission
to go after it, because it'shappened multiple times in
looking back at life, and alsowith the people that I
researched, they they made adecision, oftentimes from a
(19:30):
place of pain or a place ofwanting the place of wanting to
change at 40, 45, 50, 60, 65,they were like, I want to do
something else.
And as soon as they made thatdecision and took action, they
said everything starts to fallinto place.
Now, the thing that uh I alsolike to share tell people about
(19:53):
is everything falls into placebecause we have the honeymoon
stage where everything's goinggreat.
After the honeymoon stage alwayscomes the are you sure, you
know, stage where the you wherethe universe goes, I'm gonna
throw this little thing in yourway, and I'm gonna throw that in
the way, and it's gonna getreally hard.
Are you still sure you want it?
(20:14):
And I find if we can make itthrough the are you sure period,
it's downhill sledding, as theysay.
It's but that's the toughestpart.
SPEAKER_04 (20:24):
Yeah, and I love the two like the this is building on
itself.
Scar power to are you sure?
Yeah.
What comes after that?
Like, think about it.
Scar power, are you sure?
What comes next?
SPEAKER_03 (20:39):
Yeah, yeah.
For me, what comes next is allthe the that's when like the
whole thing, the heavens open upand the magic happens.
It's kind of like one of myfavorite speakers, Zig Ziggler,
he talks about he goes, Yougotta put something in here
before you get something outthere.
You know, he's like, you'vegotta pour water into the pump
(21:02):
to prime it, and then you've gotto pump really hard for a long
time.
And he said, if you stoppumping, the water goes all the
way back down.
So it's like if you keep pumpingthough, the water comes up and
he goes after that, you justit's really easy to get a lot of
water out of the well.
And after that tough period iswhen it gets really easy to get
(21:23):
the water out of the well.
SPEAKER_04 (21:24):
I think that almost ties to parenting, right?
It's like, right, you spend alot of time priming the pump and
getting yourself to be there,and then it drops back because
they enter a new stage, and thenit drops back again and they
enter another new stage.
So you're always continuing toprime the pump.
And I make that point, folks,because you know how to do it.
(21:45):
Oh my gosh.
You know how to prime the pump,you just need to apply it to
something else.
SPEAKER_01 (21:50):
Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03 (21:51):
And it's funny because you end up parenting
yourself, and it's like it'sfunny, it's like as I get older,
you go, wait a minute, whatwould I tell my kid if he or she
came to me with this concernthat I can't do it because what
would I tell them?
You know?
Exactly.
(22:11):
That's exactly what I should betelling myself because they're
listening to me, and it's likethat that that information or
that suggestion or that adviceis still valid, and it's even
more valid for myself.
unknown (22:24):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (22:25):
I love that.
Yeah, the the validity of it isso powerful.
That's right.
If you're gonna tell your kids,give them advice.
I saw something the other daythat popped up on my social
feed.
It was like the true gift ofbeing a parent is you know, just
giving that one piece when youhave another 40 pieces of advice
(22:45):
to give in the moment.
So it's ooh, what's the onepiece of advice you would give
yourself about moving forwardfrom scar power to are you sure
you want it?
to ooh, here's this next piece,and what does that look like?
SPEAKER_03 (23:01):
Yeah.
If your kid came up to you, andthat's I've had that moment a
couple of times with mine.
It's if your kid comes up to youand goes, you know, dad, I don't
know if I can do whatever, wouldyou say, Yeah, you probably
shouldn't?
SPEAKER_01 (23:12):
Absolutely not.
SPEAKER_04 (23:14):
Yeah, kick it to the curb.
Not gonna happen for you.
Don't try that.
Don't try that.
Yeah, that happened where mywife and I used to work in a
school when the kids went there.
You know, we were long-timeeducators, the kids went through
the school, and then my daughterbecame an educator and then a
position opened.
She's like, Do you think Ishould apply?
It's like, why wouldn't you?
(23:36):
I mean, come on.
Why wouldn't you do it?
Right, and that's I think thequestion that empty nessers need
to ask them, ask themselves islike, why wouldn't you do it?
SPEAKER_03 (23:47):
Yes, why wouldn't you write the book?
What exactly?
Exactly.
I think the thing that gets alot of us is like you said, the
one giving ourselves permissionand then also thinking that all
these people are watching andjudging, and they're not.
SPEAKER_04 (24:05):
You know, yes, yeah.
That's a big one.
Go stand in front of the mirror.
It's the only time you'll seethe person who's judging you.
SPEAKER_03 (24:13):
100%.
That's the only person that'spaying attention to.
I always tell my kids, I waslike, because they could they
used to come to me in highschool when they were, you know,
worried about stuff.
I go, Well, what's your bestfriend's name?
And they would say, I don'tknow, Sarah, Damien, whatever.
I'm like, okay, what were theywearing yesterday?
I don't know.
(24:33):
Exactly.
That's how much they're payingattention to you.
You can't even tell me what yourbest friend was wearing
yesterday.
So the idea that all thesepeople are paying attention to
every move you make is crazybecause you're not even paying
attention to your best friendyesterday.
So, yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (24:53):
Yeah, yeah.
It's such a great point.
It's such a great point.
What is the next book you havegoing?
SPEAKER_03 (24:59):
You know, I don't know.
Honestly, I'm gonna be honest,like this one has been I'm
writing an album with this onebecause I want to tie my music
in with this.
This is the one that has been mybig passion project for this
step.
I think the next step is reallymaking sure that it reaches more
people.
And then I don't know what thenext one is.
SPEAKER_04 (25:21):
I mean, other than Scar Power.
That's clearly the next that'sclearly the next one after that.
SPEAKER_03 (25:25):
Yes, definitely.
Definitely.
You know, the next one, my wifewas saying, you know, when she
read it, she was like, I feelmotivated.
Um, and maybe, you know, that'swhere that can come in.
It's just I need for more, morelike how to.
And so maybe it's part two thatkind of breaks down some of the
steps that you can actuallyapply to your life.
Because this one kind of goesinto how to get clear on what
(25:48):
the next steps would be, someexamples of people who have done
it, and kind of get you in themode of, okay, now I'm gonna go
out there and try some of thesethings and really get clear on
what my mission's going to befor the second half, or what are
my missions for the second half.
Okay.
So maybe book number two can bea how-to.
SPEAKER_04 (26:06):
More how-to, more practical tips.
What things have worked for youin your second chapter?
SPEAKER_03 (26:12):
Well, the first thing that was really huge for
me and really hard,surprisingly, aside from giving
myself permission, was turningeverything off.
Like a walking meditation.
By that I mean we're old enoughto remember when we'd be in the
car and there was no phone, andthere was no, you know, if you
(26:32):
turn the radio off and drove, itwas like why like you rolled
down the window because some ofus had AC and some of us didn't.
And it was like you and yourthoughts.
That was one of the biggestthings that I was talking about,
like just being quiet and beingstill, turning off the radio,
turning off, you know, whenyou're at home, turning off
(26:54):
phones and dings, and justallowing yourself to hear your
own voice and your own thoughts.
SPEAKER_04 (27:02):
That's so good.
Have you ever read Stillness isthe key, Ryan Halliday?
I haven't back here.
Yeah.
Stillness is the key.
So good.
I have it.
I have it.
It's it's a reminder of whatyou're talking about.
And he gives plenty of examplesof how it goes.
And this is it's a must read tojust with everything we have
(27:24):
going on, access to so muchinformation.
It's like, how do we just becomestill?
That's how you figure out what'snext.
SPEAKER_03 (27:31):
Yeah, yeah.
Because so many people are somany people, intentionally or
unintentionally, are feelingyour mind with thoughts and
ideas and so much so that youforget to hear your own.
And it's like the real truestillness and everything is in
your own thoughts.
That's that's where the answersare.
(27:52):
We just never really often, I'mnot gonna say never, but often
never get quiet enough to hearthem.
unknown (27:58):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (27:59):
Yeah, that's so true.
That's so true.
As someone who's an author, youyou spend a lot of time thinking
about books and you've written acouple.
What's one thing you've learnedabout yourself in the process of
writing books?
SPEAKER_03 (28:13):
One thing I've learned about myself is uh the
more you do, the better youbecome at doing something, the
more you do anything, the youknow, the better you become at
doing that.
And then also, I've learned thateveryone, not just myself, but I
think everyone should learn totrust that quiet voice that they
hear, that quiet whisper.
(28:34):
It's right 99.9% of the time.
unknown (28:38):
Okay.
SPEAKER_03 (28:38):
That quiet voice.
SPEAKER_04 (28:39):
Yeah, the quiet voice.
See, there's another book.
Scarp and a quiet voice.
I'm I'm just gonna throw ideasout if you're gonna be able to
do it.
SPEAKER_02 (28:49):
Definitely.
SPEAKER_04 (28:50):
You keep taking them, you keep taking them.
What's something you've alwayswanted to do?
You've done a ton in your life,right?
What's the one thing you'vealways wanted to do, but you
haven't done yet?
SPEAKER_03 (29:01):
It's funny because the the cover is covered.
I want to go to Ghana.
I've never been to the Africancontinent, and I want to go.
I've been to, you know, Europe,I've been to Hawaii, I've been
to Asia, I've been to Japan.
And I want to go, I want to gosee Ghana is like one thing that
(29:24):
I want to do.
Okay.
Why Ghana specifically?
I just have never been to theAfrican continent.
And it's like I feel like I wantto it's funny because I think,
you know, when you go to a placewhere it could be your ancestral
hair uh origin, it's just adifferent grounding effect, you
(29:44):
know, of of your life to likestep out and see, you know, oh,
like I remember my wife was shewas like, she went to Scotland
and she was like, um all thepeople there look like my
brother.
Imagine like how crazy that mustbe to like, you know, to step
off and like, oh She looks likemy mom, or she looks like my
aunt, or she looks like mysister, and they're just like
(30:05):
everywhere.
You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_04 (30:06):
The connection, yeah, the connectedness, if you
will.
Yeah.
It's an I've never been toGhana, I've have been to the
African continent.
It's like amazing the energy youfeel different there.
You know, it is there's agrounding to it for sure.
So it's yeah.
Where'd you go?
(30:28):
So I was fortunate enough toclimb Kilimanjaro in Tanzania,
and then go on safari in Kenyaas well.
And just being connected topeople who have just a different
way of thinking and differentlifestyle and different view on
life and how important natureis.
unknown (30:50):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (30:51):
Right.
Yeah.
So what was the mountain like?
Well, we've reflipped you're nowinterviewing me.
SPEAKER_02 (30:57):
We've we flipped the script.
SPEAKER_04 (31:00):
It was incredible.
It's the only place where youcan go and get all four types of
climates in one climb.
Yeah.
So you start off in a rainforestwith heat and humidity, and then
you move into Moorland, and thenthe Arctic desert, and then the
Arctic.
Those are the four.
(31:22):
Oh my gosh.
Yeah.
If you haven't done it, you canyou know, you don't have to be a
hiker, it's very accessible todo.
So I throw that out there.
Then you can write a book aboutthat.
SPEAKER_02 (31:33):
Oh yes.
Oh my gosh.
Definitely, definitely have todo that.
Yeah.
That is amazing.
That sounds awesome.
SPEAKER_04 (31:40):
It wasn't, it was it was amazing.
But it I I just want to be anexample of what's possible for
people.
Yes.
Just like you're saying what'spossible after 40.
SPEAKER_01 (31:49):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (31:51):
Don't sit around and wait.
Yeah.
Don't wait to be involved inyour kids' lives.
Get involved in your own life.
SPEAKER_03 (31:57):
Yes.
Yes.
And you know what's funny aboutthat is they will learn from you
doing it for yourself.
It's like they often what you'rewhat you're doing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_04 (32:08):
Yeah.
Have any of your kids started towrite a book?
SPEAKER_03 (32:12):
No, no.
No.
I think my middle son mightlater on in life, because he
started reading, and my daughtermay.
My older son might too.
Because I mean he was the one wewrote it together, so maybe you
know he'll go into his his ownthing.
But it's it's funny to see themrepeating many things from youth
in their journeys, you know.
(32:33):
And so I'm like, if they'redoing that now, imagine what
they're gonna do when they'relater and they see what I've
done, you know, later.
SPEAKER_04 (32:39):
Oh, repeating, I see what you're saying, repeating
what you've done in their youth.
Yes.
SPEAKER_03 (32:44):
Got it.
Yeah.
You hear yourself from I'm sureyou do this, you hear yourself
coming out of their mouths allthe time.
SPEAKER_04 (32:50):
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
And it's it's also wise not toremind them that it sounds like
you.
So that they that's where yourun into trouble.
Yes, yes.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So god, I've loved everythingthat we've talked about today.
Like so many takeaways of goingfrom the again, mentioned again
(33:10):
the scar power and are you sureyou want this?
But before I let you go, Troy,what's your life motto right
now?
SPEAKER_03 (33:20):
You know what's funny?
As soon as you said that, Ithink that popped in my head was
the song from Rent, and that isNo Day But Today.
No day but today.
It's a great song.
You know, could can we worryabout what happened in the past?
Can we worry about how whathappened in the future?
We can, but it is always, asEckhart Tolley says, it is
(33:43):
always right now.
It's never in the few past, it'snever in the future, it is
always right now.
So if you can right now, you canalways do what anything,
anything that you want to do,give yourself permission and and
take that step because now isall we have.
Yeah, now we always have.
SPEAKER_04 (34:04):
I yeah, I love that.
It is such a powerful way toclose the show and a good
reminder to folks like nope, nowis the time.
SPEAKER_01 (34:10):
Now is the time.
SPEAKER_04 (34:11):
Now is the time.
So good.
Joy Horn, thank you so much forbeing here on this empty nest
life.
I enjoyed our conversation, andI look forward to seeing what
comes next from you.
SPEAKER_03 (34:21):
Well, thank you.
Yeah, it's been so much so muchfun.
SPEAKER_00 (34:24):
So much fun.
Thank you.
Are you ready to start livingand enjoying your empty nest
years?
If so, head over tojasonramsden.com and click work
with me to get the conversationstarted.
This Empty Nest Life is aproduction of Impact One Media
LLC, all rights reserved.
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