May 24, 2024 • 29 mins
Ever felt like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders?
Well, they say, you're not alone.
I'm here to guide you through a riveting journey of self-discovery and liberation. Joined by my incredible coach, Tiffany Largie, we tread on the rocky terrain of societal and ancestral burdens that many women, especially those of minority backgrounds, often bear. Listen in and reflect on my personal journey of breaking free from these weights. It's a path that took me from the sunny coasts of Florida to the charming landscapes of North Carolina, all while discovering my identity as a black business owner and learning to prioritize personal contentment over familial expectations.
Ever caught yourself confusing what you want with what you need? Don't worry, many of us have, especially when it comes to self-care. In our enriching discussion, Tiffany and I delve into this intricacy. We talk about the importance of recognizing and fulfilling our desires, and how sometimes, what feels like an indulgence might just be the self-care we need. The journey of self-care is not a selfish one, it's necessary to become our best self. And sometimes, all it takes is a mirror in your home as a tool of recognition and affirmation.
The cherry on top of this enlightening discussion is an engrossing conversation with Cheron Hamner. We discuss the immense potential of social media not just as a tool for connectivity, but also for personal and entrepreneurial growth. As we explore my experiences with my website and social media platforms, remember, the universe rewards those who take action.
Remember, success is all about releasing burdens, aligning wants with needs, and staying focused on the goal.
So gear up, let's begin this journey of self-discovery and liberation together.
Thank you for listening to "This Is Some Crazy Sh*T" with Cheron Hamner.
To connect with Cheron: CLICK HERE
Connect with Cheron on her social platforms:
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Facebook
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I'm super excited about today's episode because I
had the opportunity to sit downwith my coach, tiffany Largi,
and we discussed how so manyopportunities are available to
us as women once we get focusedon our goals and release the
(00:22):
burdens that everyone has placedupon us.
Checked out this episode youare listening to.
This is some crazy shit withSharon Hamner.
This podcast is for you if youare tired of living day to day,
feeling unfulfilled, you arefrustrated and you are doing too
much with no return.
(00:43):
This is for you if you areready to take charge of your
life, if you are ready to let goof managing other people's
insecurities and theirexpectations and live life your
way.
Here we have dope conversationsabout saving yourself, so we
can get off these street cornersand stop waiting for Captain
Saviour Ho.
You ready?
(01:03):
Let's go, because this is somecrazy shit.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
We have so much weight and we don't even realize
it.
You know, as you were talkingand I was listening to you
earlier I was thinking to myselfthe average woman, specifically
a black woman, they're carryingso much weight.
They don't, they have no cluethat they're carrying that
weight, because everyone beforeus just carried weight and it's
(01:28):
the norm, and it's expected, andit's everybody's doing it.
So why would we want, desire ordemand something else?
But the truth is that you carryso much weight and then you,
sometimes you just can't move.
Sharon, is it just me or is itlike the average woman is just
(01:49):
walking around numb and doesn'teven realize it and it's because
of the weight she's carrying?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Absolutely like you said, we don't even know how
much stuff we're carrying.
We carrying our ancestors stuffon our back.
We've got all of our stuff.
We got our mom stuff and a lotof times we are just moving so
slow because we got too muchstuff with us that we keep
(02:17):
dragging and dragging anddragging.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You know, you said something.
I didn't even want to cut youoff, but you said something.
You said your mom stuff that'sreal and you feel like we just
carry this stuff because we'resupposed to carry this stuff, or
you feel like we just carry itbecause we don't know no better
we don't know any better.
I feel like that's it.
We just don't even know nobetter, because none of them
(02:41):
knew any better.
And it's like you know, Iremember so many times we're
just trying to I don't want touse the word get ahead.
I feel like it's like breathe,I feel like it's like get from
underwater so many times tryingto get from underwater and
moving slow.
And then I look to my left, tomy right, and I want to say my
(03:01):
counterparts but I'll just sayother women for the sake of this
and it looks like they'removing so much faster than I am,
and then I found myself gettingfrustrated and feeling less
than, and then I get to a placeof not feeling worthy enough.
And then you have thisperpetual cycle.
You feel like it's possible toactually break the cycle.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
For sure, it's definitely possible.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Did you did?
Did you just develop that likein the last couple of years
thing, or did you go, you go, ohno, for the last 20 years,
because I feel like for me itwas like like 28 days ago.
I'm serious.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I'm serious.
Well, every day is a learningexperience to break the cycle.
I don't think that it can justhappen overnight because, like
it's just years and years ofreprogramming.
That has to happen like withinyour, your, your mind, and then
actually taking action anderasing and rewriting those
(03:56):
programs, just as, like youwould do an upgrade to a
computer you would have to like,get rid of, clear the cache,
the memory, all of that.
You went hardcore on that Waita second.
We're clearing cookies here wegotta clear the cookies, because
we have to tell ourselves adifferent story of what we're
(04:17):
trying to do, but versus whatwe've been told that how, what
we need to do, how we need tobehave and just to keep
everything copa static and justnot ruffle any feathers.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
You know, I was thinking myself as you were
talking.
I feel the number one reasonthat I don't know if it's
minorities I'm not sure whatthat word is, but it's almost
like a guilt that we carry withus for our parents, and it's
something I don't see ineverybody on the planet.
I see it specifically inminority people.
I wanted to say black women,but I tell you I I know that I
(04:55):
can think of Hispanic men, I canthink of other cultures, who
they're every day they wake upand they're in this generation,
at this time they're, they'reliving their life, they're
seeing opportunities, especiallyat this age.
We have access to the internet,you know, at a way that people
could only dream of.
But the weight, the guilt, theresponsibility of our parents is
(05:16):
like a parent, parent,grandmother, whatever you want
to call it, is right in front ofus, but it becomes a stumbling
block for us in ways that wecan't even see.
I know that's it for me.
I was just telling youyesterday how I was selling my
business.
So, back in 2010, I moved fromFlorida to North Carolina to
(05:39):
build an even bigger business.
I had built a multiple sixfigure business in Florida, but
it was really a hustle.
That's the truth.
It was just a big ass hustle.
So I get to North Carolinabecause I hear this low market
share in an industry, but Idon't know that I'm black and I
move there.
I don't have no clue that I'mblack.
I'll tell you.
My ass learned I was black onMarch 5th of 2010.
I'm going to tell you right now.
(06:00):
And if there was and if there,I wish that I could there was
phones and things for me tocapture my journey.
But inside of this state, Ibuilt a multiple seven figure
business.
It took me four years to reallyrefine.
I own a business and what it isto own a company was a brick
and mortar business.
But I hit about 1.2 million inmy first year and and I was
(06:25):
proud of that.
But 2013 and 14, I needed tostart owning the fact like it
was hard for me.
I would end, I would close thedoor at night, but I would go
home and I would be in tears orit was just hard to be alive,
and I think the the fairest wordis because it was lonely and
because I had all of the culturebehind me and the expectations
(06:47):
and the responsibility.
So in 2014, I got this brightidea that I was going to sell
the company.
Now the truth is, we werepoised to do like 10 more
million dollars.
I had just gone to Xerox, whowas one of my business partners,
just had this big week meetingwith them telling them I was
going to do 10 million dollarsin five years and for me I was
an anomaly, like I was one ofthree black women, I think, in
(07:11):
the North America continent andI remember when I went to sell
my business, when I startedtalking about it, my whole
family extended family was likewhat are you doing?
And me saying I'm not happy.
They were like who cares?
You know?
Like suck this shit up.
Like nobody cared about thefact that I was not happy,
(07:33):
fulfilled, you want to be filled.
Like what are you talking about?
You have an opportunity to makemoney.
You need to sit down and dothis.
We have invested in you and sowe are expecting XYZ now.
I don't want to paint a pictureand say that they only invested
in me so I can give them areturn.
That's not fair.
But I remember feeling like theonly reason why I wouldn't make
(07:53):
the move was to make all theother people happy.
Isn't that the story of ourlives.
Yes, I totally get that.
Like I wouldn't make the move, Iwouldn't do the thing, I
wouldn't move forward, Iwouldn't move my physical state,
like I wouldn't move from NorthCarolina to the next place
because I need to keep everybodyhappy, so I'm going to suffer
while everybody else is okay.
(08:14):
Why is that?
I?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
don't know, but that is so weird that we do that, and
sometimes we don't really knowit because the voices are,
they're just silent.
Whispers in our ears that um no, you don't need to do that.
You need to stay right here andbe safe.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Is it safe or like just make everybody keep, like
keep the peace.
I think um keeping the peace.
I think it's keeping the peace.
I think safe is like second,but I think it's keeping the
peace, because you're like Ijust can't be bothered.
Exactly I think it's keeping thepeace.
So when I saw my business, Iget all of the biggest backlash
on the planet.
(08:54):
You know, people hate me.
I think that everybody's goingto be happy for me.
Um, I didn't sell my businessat this huge profit.
I wasn't, you know, on thefront cover, for it was nothing
like that actually but I sell mybusiness.
I have 15 employees at the timeand it is very painful for me
to do so, but I knew that I wasdying inside and I wasn't dying
cause I was burned out.
It was just dying for whateverreason.
(09:14):
Fast forward, I remember thefirst time that I made a
decision to choose me, like I,like at some point we have to
choose ourselves.
You know, like at some point wehave to choose us.
Like we all can't drown, and Icarried the guilt of feeling
like I had let everybody down,but it was like I'm either going
(09:34):
to let everybody down or I'mjust going to die in these
streets.
Uh, you know, one of thereasons why I wanted to even
talk to you and be a part ofwhat you were doing was
specifically for this.
I read the intro.
I was listening to the intro ofyour podcast and I was like
holy mother of Johnson, I wrotethis down so I get this right.
Let me clear my throat for this.
(09:58):
Here we have dope conversationsabout saving yourself so we can
get off these street cornersand stop waiting for Captain
Saviho.
You know, when I heard that, Iwas like, oh my gosh, this woman
gets it Cause the truth is thatwe are always waiting for
someone else to come and give usthe answer.
(10:19):
That was it.
When I saw the company, I waslike no one's coming to save me.
I'm going to die right here inthese streets trying to make
everybody else happy and at somepoint you have to say it's
either you or me.
I feel like that's the thingthat black women don't do.
I feel like that's the thingthat women don't do, but I feel
like that's the thing that blackwomen don't do.
They don't go.
It's you or me.
(10:39):
Right, because it's you or meto everybody, your children your
spouse.
I know I said a word and I knowsomeone out there is like I
can't believe.
She said it's her, her children, it's you or you we're not both
going to be saved.
And it's extended family.
It's church oh God, is itchurch?
(11:00):
It's church and the pastor andeverybody living in usherland.
It's children, it's spouses,it's people we're dating and
it's like at some point you haveto make a choice.
How did you make that choice?
I always get curious, because Iknow that you've accomplished
some of the coolest things onthe planet and you never even
talk about it, and that's why Ilove you so much.
I told you I always tell youabout that Facebook picture that
(11:24):
I'm like I just I haven't savedon my own phone.
I want you to know that.
Oh my God, what Y'all don'tknow about this bodybuilder in
our indie streets, what?
Listen, once I saw that, I waslike At some point we have to
choose one or two and I'm gonnachoose number one, but my
question to you is how, how?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
well, choosing myself didn't start with bodybuilding,
but it started making smalldecisions, as, for instance, I
remember a time where I would goto the store with my my
daughter, and I was specificallyLooking for something for
myself.
And of course she would be like, oh well, can I get this and
(12:07):
can I get that?
And I would get to the, to thecash register With nothing for
her, but for everything that.
I came in the store and I wouldstart having conversations with
myself Saying, oh, sharon, youdeserve this, you need this for
you and you have to do thingsfor yourself.
Yes, and you can't always do,you know, for your daughter, you
(12:30):
have to do things for yourself.
And I had to give myselfpermission To buy that shirt
that I needed to wear to work.
And then I started training herthat, yeah, every time we go to
the store, we're not here foryou.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
We're not here for you.
Yeah, my life don't revolvearound you exactly.
No, you're a part of my life.
Yeah, that part, mm-hmm, you'rea part of my life.
Let me ask you something.
You said the word that I Needed.
Is it fair to say that it couldalso be like that you wanted?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
No, I would buy out of need and Recently I'm
learning how to get myselfpermission to get things out of
want tell me what's thedifference for you between
needing and wanting for a woman.
For a woman is is Needing it, islike you.
(13:24):
You have to have it in orderfor something else to happen,
and that's basically forsomebody else, and and and
wanting it is for selfgratification, and that's
(13:44):
definitely a skill that we haveto learn, because we are taught
to give ourselves away To otherpeople versus satisfying
ourselves, and that goes fromclothes, cars, how you, how you
feel about your body, mm-hmm andeverything.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Personal development.
Yes, you know, um, let me, I,you know, I feel like I, you and
I don't know how you're gonnafeel about this, but I feel like
there is a very fine line forme between need and want.
I do, and I didn't start outlike this, mmm, but In this idea
(14:28):
of me serving myself, I Realizethat my wants were tied to my
needs.
Stay with me, because If Icrave or want the thing, then
that's the thing I need.
I get that and that need isgoing to help me be stronger.
And so, as, even as I waslistening to, I'm like, yes,
(14:48):
you're right, there are twodifferent categories, but a lot
of my wants and my desires,though they might be selfish,
are the things that this personneeds, this soul needs, this
vessel needs in order to be herutmost self, so that she can do
all the other things.
So they become actually like aneed, mm-hmm, you know, and it's
like, if I Like, I feel like mynumber one problem before was
(15:16):
just lacking want and lackingdesire, mm-hmm, and and in going
, okay, well, if I just make$3,000 a month and I'm gonna be
good, I take care of all mybills and I do, but it doesn't
allow me to take care of mywants, and without me taking
care of my wants, I still feellike I'm left out, I'm less than
and I'm not serving myself.
Yeah, for example, I, for me, mynails need to be done, like
(15:40):
they need to be done all thetime, and I say that even like
right now.
If you can see, I don't have mynails painted, but my nails are
done and these are my actual,real nails.
In the last two weeks I havegone to have my nails repaired.
I pay $6 for someone else'snails.
I pay $6 for someone to gluepowder, dip right, because when
(16:02):
I tear them and I'm breakingthem, I know it sounds crazy,
but, but, but that for me, is aWant, that's a need.
I want to have nails that looklike this.
I Don't need to have nails.
I want to have nails, but Ineed them because of the role
that I play, which is TiffanyLarky.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
That makes sense, that makes total sense.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
So it's like yes, I know we shouldn't be spending
the money I hear you and all thethings but I need to have my
nails repaired.
Six times three nails.
It was $18.
Yes, you get what I'm saying,though that was almost a full
set.
That was almost a full set.
I feel like if more women wereto lean into their wants and
their desires and accept thefact that they're actually their
(16:53):
needs.
I feel like that's the thingthat holds us back, because if
we spend this whole time in thiswhole life just taking care of
our needs, then eventually wewill live a life where we've
paid all the bills, we're out ofdebt, right Right.
(17:15):
We have two beautiful shoes, orfour beautiful shoes and two
purses, like.
One of the things that I adoremost about you is that you're a
woman to be desired.
Every time I look at you,you're beautiful, thank you.
But you also have dope hair allthe time.
Your nails are always on deck.
(17:36):
They're not just nice likeeverybody else's, they're not
just a set like everybody else's.
It's always the kind of stuffthat I'm like how the hell did
she do that?
Does anybody know how she didthis?
Does anybody have anybody know?
And the truth is that it makesme want to lean more in for
myself.
How do we lean more in forourselves?
(18:01):
Where does taking care of ouroutside, paying attention to our
inside, play a role in justleaning into ourselves?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Well, I feel like you have to make yourself a
priority being behind a chair.
I get a lot of people who maycome in for hair services just
for a special occasion they'regoing on vacation.
They got a wedding to go to,but meanwhile, during their day
(18:34):
to day, they're looking a messand I have to wonder-.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
So I repeat that they are looking a mess.
I put a period after thatPeriod and let's just sit here.
They're looking a mess.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
What is that about?
I don't know, because my thingis I want to know how many
mirrors do you have in yourhouse?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
You know what you know.
A few people were not ready forChiron.
Chiron said you don't havemirrors in your house, the hell
kind of house you live in.
She's like you all, littleListen.
They walk out there like theygot dressed in the dark Right,
like you don't see what you looklike.
What the hell wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I know that's right.
I know that's right.
She's like y'all don't have nomirrors in your house and you
have the nerve to come into myshop looking like that and you
want me to fix it.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Man, listen, and they do want me to fix it, and they
want me to create miracles uponmiracles, like a magician.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yes, and you're like you're crazy.
You are crazy.
Yes, yeah, you know this mightbe my favorite, my favorite
conversation of the month.
I think it's disrespectful tolook a mess during the day.
I, like you, talk about a petpeeve of mine.
The truth is getting dressedalready for the wedding, for the
(19:54):
funeral, for the specialoccasion, the six days, four
days out of the year, and thenyou're looking like a mess the
rest of the year.
That's more than a problem.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
It is a problem.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
It's half of the reason why you don't have the
relationship, why you're notmaking the money you want, why
you don't have the friends youwant to have, why you don't get
opportunities, what people arepassing you by because you
passed yourself by.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
How am I going to see you if you can't even see
yourself?
Shiran says I'm looking for thequote.
That's like where the hell areyour?
How many mirrors you have inyour house?
You know what.
You know what that should belike a shirt or something.
How many mirrors do you have?
Right, I'm sure you're right.
This idea that we can be caredfor, that we can get to the next
(20:41):
level just because it's there,without the effort or the work,
I feel is ridiculous.
It is, it's absolutely absurd.
Tell me when you think of, likethe three or four things that
have to be in place for a womanto get to the next level, like
starting today.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
The conversation that you are having with yourself
has got to be one where you areyour biggest cheerleader, where
you're big up in yourself everysingle day Did you guys hear
that word.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
She said Hold on wait , y'all heard that word.
You, big up, y'all are not evenready for this word.
Let's rewind.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
That's a big girl word I love this, having some
type of affirmation for yourselfand to cheer yourself on before
you even get out of the bed andencouraging yourself say,
shirine, you got this, you areincredible, you were made for
this, whatever that is for you,before you even tend to somebody
(21:48):
else's needs.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Like serve yourself first.
I get that Number two.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Have goals and write them down.
That's very important Because alot of times, as women, we can
overthink things and think thatthings are not possible.
When I am out here on socialmedia and I see the things that
(22:25):
are gaining attention, I'm likeanything is possible.
Anything is possible.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah, anything is possible.
You remember me talking aboutthe woman who was selling farts.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
No.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh my gosh, I have to show you this article.
Women is making 160,000 dollarsa year selling farts.
I'm dead serious when you saythat she took her looks and
decided woman.
I have to look it up right nowso that I can tell you the exact
number.
No joke.
So EL is the one who broughtthis to my attention.
He literally was like anythingis possible.
(23:02):
Here is a picture of the woman.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Okay, beautiful.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
She sells farts in a jar and then people buy them.
I want you to really understandfor the woman who's like.
I'm not confident.
I don't know if people like me,I don't know if she makes
200,000 dollars, she made200,000.
(23:30):
Stop that's ridiculous.
You see, take a moment.
Take a moment to get this inyour system and we're messing
around going.
I don't know if I can.
Yeah, I don't know if I'm worthanything.
I'm not sure if I think aboutthat and that's what like a six
ounce jar.
I hate you for that.
That's a six ounce glass jar.
I despise you for quantifyingit.
(23:53):
I despise you for that.
Adult content creator and 90day fiance star, stephanie Mato,
was so committed to thebusiness she sent herself to the
ER, but she did it.
200,000 dollars farting in jars.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
So do we get a video with this jar?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
You know what?
I cannot fool with you.
We are not old enough for thisconversation, but my purpose in
showing you this was literallyto highlight anything is
possible.
We look at the situation we'rein and we're like, okay, how do
I get out of it?
We think that it's a strategy,it's acquiring something, it's
(24:39):
going to church and actuallyit's all just us.
Right, like it's us.
It's dealing with ourselves.
Yes, you said number one,number two, number three.
What's number three?
Next thing that she needs to do, number three, after she writes
it down.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
After she writes it down Make one move.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Make a move.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Make one move.
Sometimes we stay stuck in notmaking a move because we've got
this big grand picture inprocrastination.
I know for me I deal withprocrastination sometimes
because I want to get everythingdone at one time.
(25:27):
But if you make one move, thenext move will come and makes
everything easier if you justmake the one move.
It just has to be one smallmove to get you to the next step
.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
One small move.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
So it's almost like if you could just make one small
move a day.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
One small move a day.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
At the end of a year we'd have 365.
But if you broke it down tolike every Sunday.
So I have this book that I justput out called 52 ways to build
money now, and the logic andidea was I've seen so many
people over the last couple ofyears dive into something and
(26:11):
they're like I'm going to do itall in 30 days.
And I'm not saying it's notpossible, but for whatever
reason, this avatar, they wait,they paste the floor, they're
trying to wait for it to beperfect and they throw money,
big dollars, at trying to makefurther moves, but it doesn't
really happen for them.
So I said a lot of how I'vebuilt my life.
(26:33):
At every season I feel likeit's taking a Sunday, a Friday
night, and hunkering down fortwo to six hours and building
something, doing something.
So the idea is that if onething that gets done every week,
at the end of the year, youhave 52 things, big things that
you've done, and you're anotherperson.
(26:53):
The responsibility that I feellike we have, that most people
suck at, is evolving, evolving,becoming new, evolving and
growing into the full of theirpotential.
Whatever that is For me, if Ihad to bet or if I had to better
(27:15):
gamble on something I'm goingto better gamble on myself, you
know, yeah, if you had to giveme your last and final thought
of the thing after she takes theaction, like, what's the last
thing that you're like?
This is a must.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Don't deter from that mission.
Stick with it.
Stick with the mission and stayfocused on that one thing.
The people are going to come tohelp support you and they may
not look like you.
They may not look like you.
(27:56):
The next move that you have tomake is going to come and you
know, sometimes people just talka good game and I believe that
the universe wants to see whatyou're going to do and then it
rewards action takers.
So just stay focused and itseems like every time you're
(28:23):
like getting closer to the go,here come a whole bunch of stuff
coming to throw you off yourgame.
But you got to stay the coursebecause the universe wants to
see are you really really real?
Do you really want it?
Are you serious?
So just stay focused and havethat conversation, that positive
(28:44):
conversation with yourselfEvery single day.
Be your best cheerleader.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
I love this so good.
Sharon, thank you for allowingme this time with you.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Thank you.
This has been delicious.
This has been delicious, thankyou.
Hey sis, you have beenlistening to.
This Is Some Crazy Shit.
I am Sharon Hamner.
Make sure you like andsubscribe to hear more dope
conversations on this podcast.
You can check me out on mywebsite at wwwSharonHamnercom or
(29:24):
on all of my social mediaplatforms.
I look forward to seeing you inthese social media streets.
I'm super excited about today's episode because I
had the opportunity to sit downwith my coach, tiffany Largi,
and we discussed how so manyopportunities are available to
us as women once we get focusedon our goals and release the
(00:22):
burdens that everyone has placedupon us.
Checked out this episode youare listening to.
This is some crazy shit withSharon Hamner.
This podcast is for you if youare tired of living day to day,
feeling unfulfilled, you arefrustrated and you are doing too
much with no return.
(00:43):
This is for you if you areready to take charge of your
life, if you are ready to let goof managing other people's
insecurities and theirexpectations and live life your
way.
Here we have dope conversationsabout saving yourself, so we
can get off these street cornersand stop waiting for Captain
Saviour Ho.
You ready?
(01:03):
Let's go, because this is somecrazy shit.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
We have so much weight and we don't even realize
it.
You know, as you were talkingand I was listening to you
earlier I was thinking to myselfthe average woman, specifically
a black woman, they're carryingso much weight.
They don't, they have no cluethat they're carrying that
weight, because everyone beforeus just carried weight and it's
(01:28):
the norm, and it's expected, andit's everybody's doing it.
So why would we want, desire ordemand something else?
But the truth is that you carryso much weight and then you,
sometimes you just can't move.
Sharon, is it just me or is itlike the average woman is just
(01:49):
walking around numb and doesn'teven realize it and it's because
of the weight she's carrying?
Speaker 1 (01:56):
Absolutely like you said, we don't even know how
much stuff we're carrying.
We carrying our ancestors stuffon our back.
We've got all of our stuff.
We got our mom stuff and a lotof times we are just moving so
slow because we got too muchstuff with us that we keep
(02:17):
dragging and dragging anddragging.
Speaker 2 (02:20):
You know, you said something.
I didn't even want to cut youoff, but you said something.
You said your mom stuff that'sreal and you feel like we just
carry this stuff because we'resupposed to carry this stuff, or
you feel like we just carry itbecause we don't know no better
we don't know any better.
I feel like that's it.
We just don't even know nobetter, because none of them
(02:41):
knew any better.
And it's like you know, Iremember so many times we're
just trying to I don't want touse the word get ahead.
I feel like it's like breathe,I feel like it's like get from
underwater so many times tryingto get from underwater and
moving slow.
And then I look to my left, tomy right, and I want to say my
(03:01):
counterparts but I'll just sayother women for the sake of this
and it looks like they'removing so much faster than I am,
and then I found myself gettingfrustrated and feeling less
than, and then I get to a placeof not feeling worthy enough.
And then you have thisperpetual cycle.
You feel like it's possible toactually break the cycle.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
For sure, it's definitely possible.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
Did you did?
Did you just develop that likein the last couple of years
thing, or did you go, you go, ohno, for the last 20 years,
because I feel like for me itwas like like 28 days ago.
I'm serious.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
I'm serious.
Well, every day is a learningexperience to break the cycle.
I don't think that it can justhappen overnight because, like
it's just years and years ofreprogramming.
That has to happen like withinyour, your, your mind, and then
actually taking action anderasing and rewriting those
(03:56):
programs, just as, like youwould do an upgrade to a
computer you would have to like,get rid of, clear the cache,
the memory, all of that.
You went hardcore on that Waita second.
We're clearing cookies here wegotta clear the cookies, because
we have to tell ourselves adifferent story of what we're
(04:17):
trying to do, but versus whatwe've been told that how, what
we need to do, how we need tobehave and just to keep
everything copa static and justnot ruffle any feathers.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
You know, I was thinking myself as you were
talking.
I feel the number one reasonthat I don't know if it's
minorities I'm not sure whatthat word is, but it's almost
like a guilt that we carry withus for our parents, and it's
something I don't see ineverybody on the planet.
I see it specifically inminority people.
I wanted to say black women,but I tell you I I know that I
(04:55):
can think of Hispanic men, I canthink of other cultures, who
they're every day they wake upand they're in this generation,
at this time they're, they'reliving their life, they're
seeing opportunities, especiallyat this age.
We have access to the internet,you know, at a way that people
could only dream of.
But the weight, the guilt, theresponsibility of our parents is
(05:16):
like a parent, parent,grandmother, whatever you want
to call it, is right in front ofus, but it becomes a stumbling
block for us in ways that wecan't even see.
I know that's it for me.
I was just telling youyesterday how I was selling my
business.
So, back in 2010, I moved fromFlorida to North Carolina to
(05:39):
build an even bigger business.
I had built a multiple sixfigure business in Florida, but
it was really a hustle.
That's the truth.
It was just a big ass hustle.
So I get to North Carolinabecause I hear this low market
share in an industry, but Idon't know that I'm black and I
move there.
I don't have no clue that I'mblack.
I'll tell you.
My ass learned I was black onMarch 5th of 2010.
I'm going to tell you right now.
(06:00):
And if there was and if there,I wish that I could there was
phones and things for me tocapture my journey.
But inside of this state, Ibuilt a multiple seven figure
business.
It took me four years to reallyrefine.
I own a business and what it isto own a company was a brick
and mortar business.
But I hit about 1.2 million inmy first year and and I was
(06:25):
proud of that.
But 2013 and 14, I needed tostart owning the fact like it
was hard for me.
I would end, I would close thedoor at night, but I would go
home and I would be in tears orit was just hard to be alive,
and I think the the fairest wordis because it was lonely and
because I had all of the culturebehind me and the expectations
(06:47):
and the responsibility.
So in 2014, I got this brightidea that I was going to sell
the company.
Now the truth is, we werepoised to do like 10 more
million dollars.
I had just gone to Xerox, whowas one of my business partners,
just had this big week meetingwith them telling them I was
going to do 10 million dollarsin five years and for me I was
an anomaly, like I was one ofthree black women, I think, in
(07:11):
the North America continent andI remember when I went to sell
my business, when I startedtalking about it, my whole
family extended family was likewhat are you doing?
And me saying I'm not happy.
They were like who cares?
You know?
Like suck this shit up.
Like nobody cared about thefact that I was not happy,
(07:33):
fulfilled, you want to be filled.
Like what are you talking about?
You have an opportunity to makemoney.
You need to sit down and dothis.
We have invested in you and sowe are expecting XYZ now.
I don't want to paint a pictureand say that they only invested
in me so I can give them areturn.
That's not fair.
But I remember feeling like theonly reason why I wouldn't make
(07:53):
the move was to make all theother people happy.
Isn't that the story of ourlives.
Yes, I totally get that.
Like I wouldn't make the move, Iwouldn't do the thing, I
wouldn't move forward, Iwouldn't move my physical state,
like I wouldn't move from NorthCarolina to the next place
because I need to keep everybodyhappy, so I'm going to suffer
while everybody else is okay.
(08:14):
Why is that?
I?
Speaker 1 (08:15):
don't know, but that is so weird that we do that, and
sometimes we don't really knowit because the voices are,
they're just silent.
Whispers in our ears that um no, you don't need to do that.
You need to stay right here andbe safe.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
Is it safe or like just make everybody keep, like
keep the peace.
I think um keeping the peace.
I think it's keeping the peace.
I think safe is like second,but I think it's keeping the
peace, because you're like Ijust can't be bothered.
Exactly I think it's keeping thepeace.
So when I saw my business, Iget all of the biggest backlash
on the planet.
(08:54):
You know, people hate me.
I think that everybody's goingto be happy for me.
Um, I didn't sell my businessat this huge profit.
I wasn't, you know, on thefront cover, for it was nothing
like that actually but I sell mybusiness.
I have 15 employees at the timeand it is very painful for me
to do so, but I knew that I wasdying inside and I wasn't dying
cause I was burned out.
It was just dying for whateverreason.
(09:14):
Fast forward, I remember thefirst time that I made a
decision to choose me, like I,like at some point we have to
choose ourselves.
You know, like at some point wehave to choose us.
Like we all can't drown, and Icarried the guilt of feeling
like I had let everybody down,but it was like I'm either going
(09:34):
to let everybody down or I'mjust going to die in these
streets.
Uh, you know, one of thereasons why I wanted to even
talk to you and be a part ofwhat you were doing was
specifically for this.
I read the intro.
I was listening to the intro ofyour podcast and I was like
holy mother of Johnson, I wrotethis down so I get this right.
Let me clear my throat for this.
(09:58):
Here we have dope conversationsabout saving yourself so we can
get off these street cornersand stop waiting for Captain
Saviho.
You know, when I heard that, Iwas like, oh my gosh, this woman
gets it Cause the truth is thatwe are always waiting for
someone else to come and give usthe answer.
(10:19):
That was it.
When I saw the company, I waslike no one's coming to save me.
I'm going to die right here inthese streets trying to make
everybody else happy and at somepoint you have to say it's
either you or me.
I feel like that's the thingthat black women don't do.
I feel like that's the thingthat women don't do, but I feel
like that's the thing that blackwomen don't do.
They don't go.
It's you or me.
(10:39):
Right, because it's you or meto everybody, your children your
spouse.
I know I said a word and I knowsomeone out there is like I
can't believe.
She said it's her, her children, it's you or you we're not both
going to be saved.
And it's extended family.
It's church oh God, is itchurch?
(11:00):
It's church and the pastor andeverybody living in usherland.
It's children, it's spouses,it's people we're dating and
it's like at some point you haveto make a choice.
How did you make that choice?
I always get curious, because Iknow that you've accomplished
some of the coolest things onthe planet and you never even
talk about it, and that's why Ilove you so much.
I told you I always tell youabout that Facebook picture that
(11:24):
I'm like I just I haven't savedon my own phone.
I want you to know that.
Oh my God, what Y'all don'tknow about this bodybuilder in
our indie streets, what?
Listen, once I saw that, I waslike At some point we have to
choose one or two and I'm gonnachoose number one, but my
question to you is how, how?
Speaker 1 (11:45):
well, choosing myself didn't start with bodybuilding,
but it started making smalldecisions, as, for instance, I
remember a time where I would goto the store with my my
daughter, and I was specificallyLooking for something for
myself.
And of course she would be like, oh well, can I get this and
(12:07):
can I get that?
And I would get to the, to thecash register With nothing for
her, but for everything that.
I came in the store and I wouldstart having conversations with
myself Saying, oh, sharon, youdeserve this, you need this for
you and you have to do thingsfor yourself.
Yes, and you can't always do,you know, for your daughter, you
(12:30):
have to do things for yourself.
And I had to give myselfpermission To buy that shirt
that I needed to wear to work.
And then I started training herthat, yeah, every time we go to
the store, we're not here foryou.
Speaker 2 (12:44):
We're not here for you.
Yeah, my life don't revolvearound you exactly.
No, you're a part of my life.
Yeah, that part, mm-hmm, you'rea part of my life.
Let me ask you something.
You said the word that I Needed.
Is it fair to say that it couldalso be like that you wanted?
Speaker 1 (13:02):
No, I would buy out of need and Recently I'm
learning how to get myselfpermission to get things out of
want tell me what's thedifference for you between
needing and wanting for a woman.
For a woman is is Needing it, islike you.
(13:24):
You have to have it in orderfor something else to happen,
and that's basically forsomebody else, and and and
wanting it is for selfgratification, and that's
(13:44):
definitely a skill that we haveto learn, because we are taught
to give ourselves away To otherpeople versus satisfying
ourselves, and that goes fromclothes, cars, how you, how you
feel about your body, mm-hmm andeverything.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
Personal development.
Yes, you know, um, let me, I,you know, I feel like I, you and
I don't know how you're gonnafeel about this, but I feel like
there is a very fine line forme between need and want.
I do, and I didn't start outlike this, mmm, but In this idea
(14:28):
of me serving myself, I Realizethat my wants were tied to my
needs.
Stay with me, because If Icrave or want the thing, then
that's the thing I need.
I get that and that need isgoing to help me be stronger.
And so, as, even as I waslistening to, I'm like, yes,
(14:48):
you're right, there are twodifferent categories, but a lot
of my wants and my desires,though they might be selfish,
are the things that this personneeds, this soul needs, this
vessel needs in order to be herutmost self, so that she can do
all the other things.
So they become actually like aneed, mm-hmm, you know, and it's
like, if I Like, I feel like mynumber one problem before was
(15:16):
just lacking want and lackingdesire, mm-hmm, and and in going
, okay, well, if I just make$3,000 a month and I'm gonna be
good, I take care of all mybills and I do, but it doesn't
allow me to take care of mywants, and without me taking
care of my wants, I still feellike I'm left out, I'm less than
and I'm not serving myself.
Yeah, for example, I, for me, mynails need to be done, like
(15:40):
they need to be done all thetime, and I say that even like
right now.
If you can see, I don't have mynails painted, but my nails are
done and these are my actual,real nails.
In the last two weeks I havegone to have my nails repaired.
I pay $6 for someone else'snails.
I pay $6 for someone to gluepowder, dip right, because when
(16:02):
I tear them and I'm breakingthem, I know it sounds crazy,
but, but, but that for me, is aWant, that's a need.
I want to have nails that looklike this.
I Don't need to have nails.
I want to have nails, but Ineed them because of the role
that I play, which is TiffanyLarky.
Speaker 1 (16:25):
That makes sense, that makes total sense.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
So it's like yes, I know we shouldn't be spending
the money I hear you and all thethings but I need to have my
nails repaired.
Six times three nails.
It was $18.
Yes, you get what I'm saying,though that was almost a full
set.
That was almost a full set.
I feel like if more women wereto lean into their wants and
their desires and accept thefact that they're actually their
(16:53):
needs.
I feel like that's the thingthat holds us back, because if
we spend this whole time in thiswhole life just taking care of
our needs, then eventually wewill live a life where we've
paid all the bills, we're out ofdebt, right Right.
(17:15):
We have two beautiful shoes, orfour beautiful shoes and two
purses, like.
One of the things that I adoremost about you is that you're a
woman to be desired.
Every time I look at you,you're beautiful, thank you.
But you also have dope hair allthe time.
Your nails are always on deck.
(17:36):
They're not just nice likeeverybody else's, they're not
just a set like everybody else's.
It's always the kind of stuffthat I'm like how the hell did
she do that?
Does anybody know how she didthis?
Does anybody have anybody know?
And the truth is that it makesme want to lean more in for
myself.
How do we lean more in forourselves?
(18:01):
Where does taking care of ouroutside, paying attention to our
inside, play a role in justleaning into ourselves?
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Well, I feel like you have to make yourself a
priority being behind a chair.
I get a lot of people who maycome in for hair services just
for a special occasion they'regoing on vacation.
They got a wedding to go to,but meanwhile, during their day
(18:34):
to day, they're looking a messand I have to wonder-.
Speaker 2 (18:38):
So I repeat that they are looking a mess.
I put a period after thatPeriod and let's just sit here.
They're looking a mess.
Speaker 1 (18:45):
What is that about?
I don't know, because my thingis I want to know how many
mirrors do you have in yourhouse?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
You know what you know.
A few people were not ready forChiron.
Chiron said you don't havemirrors in your house, the hell
kind of house you live in.
She's like you all, littleListen.
They walk out there like theygot dressed in the dark Right,
like you don't see what you looklike.
What the hell wrong with you?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
I know that's right.
I know that's right.
She's like y'all don't have nomirrors in your house and you
have the nerve to come into myshop looking like that and you
want me to fix it.
Speaker 1 (19:20):
Man, listen, and they do want me to fix it, and they
want me to create miracles uponmiracles, like a magician.
Speaker 2 (19:28):
Yes, and you're like you're crazy.
You are crazy.
Yes, yeah, you know this mightbe my favorite, my favorite
conversation of the month.
I think it's disrespectful tolook a mess during the day.
I, like you, talk about a petpeeve of mine.
The truth is getting dressedalready for the wedding, for the
(19:54):
funeral, for the specialoccasion, the six days, four
days out of the year, and thenyou're looking like a mess the
rest of the year.
That's more than a problem.
Speaker 1 (20:04):
It is a problem.
Speaker 2 (20:05):
It's half of the reason why you don't have the
relationship, why you're notmaking the money you want, why
you don't have the friends youwant to have, why you don't get
opportunities, what people arepassing you by because you
passed yourself by.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (20:21):
How am I going to see you if you can't even see
yourself?
Shiran says I'm looking for thequote.
That's like where the hell areyour?
How many mirrors you have inyour house?
You know what.
You know what that should belike a shirt or something.
How many mirrors do you have?
Right, I'm sure you're right.
This idea that we can be caredfor, that we can get to the next
(20:41):
level just because it's there,without the effort or the work,
I feel is ridiculous.
It is, it's absolutely absurd.
Tell me when you think of, likethe three or four things that
have to be in place for a womanto get to the next level, like
starting today.
Speaker 1 (21:02):
The conversation that you are having with yourself
has got to be one where you areyour biggest cheerleader, where
you're big up in yourself everysingle day Did you guys hear
that word.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
She said Hold on wait , y'all heard that word.
You, big up, y'all are not evenready for this word.
Let's rewind.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
That's a big girl word I love this, having some
type of affirmation for yourselfand to cheer yourself on before
you even get out of the bed andencouraging yourself say,
shirine, you got this, you areincredible, you were made for
this, whatever that is for you,before you even tend to somebody
(21:48):
else's needs.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
Like serve yourself first.
I get that Number two.
Speaker 1 (22:04):
Have goals and write them down.
That's very important Because alot of times, as women, we can
overthink things and think thatthings are not possible.
When I am out here on socialmedia and I see the things that
(22:25):
are gaining attention, I'm likeanything is possible.
Anything is possible.
Speaker 2 (22:30):
Yeah, anything is possible.
You remember me talking aboutthe woman who was selling farts.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
No.
Speaker 2 (22:41):
Oh my gosh, I have to show you this article.
Women is making 160,000 dollarsa year selling farts.
I'm dead serious when you saythat she took her looks and
decided woman.
I have to look it up right nowso that I can tell you the exact
number.
No joke.
So EL is the one who broughtthis to my attention.
He literally was like anythingis possible.
(23:02):
Here is a picture of the woman.
Speaker 1 (23:07):
Okay, beautiful.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
She sells farts in a jar and then people buy them.
I want you to really understandfor the woman who's like.
I'm not confident.
I don't know if people like me,I don't know if she makes
200,000 dollars, she made200,000.
(23:30):
Stop that's ridiculous.
You see, take a moment.
Take a moment to get this inyour system and we're messing
around going.
I don't know if I can.
Yeah, I don't know if I'm worthanything.
I'm not sure if I think aboutthat and that's what like a six
ounce jar.
I hate you for that.
That's a six ounce glass jar.
I despise you for quantifyingit.
(23:53):
I despise you for that.
Adult content creator and 90day fiance star, stephanie Mato,
was so committed to thebusiness she sent herself to the
ER, but she did it.
200,000 dollars farting in jars.
Speaker 1 (24:14):
So do we get a video with this jar?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
You know what?
I cannot fool with you.
We are not old enough for thisconversation, but my purpose in
showing you this was literallyto highlight anything is
possible.
We look at the situation we'rein and we're like, okay, how do
I get out of it?
We think that it's a strategy,it's acquiring something, it's
(24:39):
going to church and actuallyit's all just us.
Right, like it's us.
It's dealing with ourselves.
Yes, you said number one,number two, number three.
What's number three?
Next thing that she needs to do, number three, after she writes
it down.
Speaker 1 (24:58):
After she writes it down Make one move.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Make a move.
Speaker 1 (25:05):
Make one move.
Sometimes we stay stuck in notmaking a move because we've got
this big grand picture inprocrastination.
I know for me I deal withprocrastination sometimes
because I want to get everythingdone at one time.
(25:27):
But if you make one move, thenext move will come and makes
everything easier if you justmake the one move.
It just has to be one smallmove to get you to the next step
.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
One small move.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
Yes.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
So it's almost like if you could just make one small
move a day.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
One small move a day.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
At the end of a year we'd have 365.
But if you broke it down tolike every Sunday.
So I have this book that I justput out called 52 ways to build
money now, and the logic andidea was I've seen so many
people over the last couple ofyears dive into something and
(26:11):
they're like I'm going to do itall in 30 days.
And I'm not saying it's notpossible, but for whatever
reason, this avatar, they wait,they paste the floor, they're
trying to wait for it to beperfect and they throw money,
big dollars, at trying to makefurther moves, but it doesn't
really happen for them.
So I said a lot of how I'vebuilt my life.
(26:33):
At every season I feel likeit's taking a Sunday, a Friday
night, and hunkering down fortwo to six hours and building
something, doing something.
So the idea is that if onething that gets done every week,
at the end of the year, youhave 52 things, big things that
you've done, and you're anotherperson.
(26:53):
The responsibility that I feellike we have, that most people
suck at, is evolving, evolving,becoming new, evolving and
growing into the full of theirpotential.
Whatever that is For me, if Ihad to bet or if I had to better
(27:15):
gamble on something I'm goingto better gamble on myself, you
know, yeah, if you had to giveme your last and final thought
of the thing after she takes theaction, like, what's the last
thing that you're like?
This is a must.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
Don't deter from that mission.
Stick with it.
Stick with the mission and stayfocused on that one thing.
The people are going to come tohelp support you and they may
not look like you.
They may not look like you.
(27:56):
The next move that you have tomake is going to come and you
know, sometimes people just talka good game and I believe that
the universe wants to see whatyou're going to do and then it
rewards action takers.
So just stay focused and itseems like every time you're
(28:23):
like getting closer to the go,here come a whole bunch of stuff
coming to throw you off yourgame.
But you got to stay the coursebecause the universe wants to
see are you really really real?
Do you really want it?
Are you serious?
So just stay focused and havethat conversation, that positive
(28:44):
conversation with yourselfEvery single day.
Be your best cheerleader.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
I love this so good.
Sharon, thank you for allowingme this time with you.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Thank you.
This has been delicious.
This has been delicious, thankyou.
Hey sis, you have beenlistening to.
This Is Some Crazy Shit.
I am Sharon Hamner.
Make sure you like andsubscribe to hear more dope
conversations on this podcast.
You can check me out on mywebsite at wwwSharonHamnercom or
(29:24):
on all of my social mediaplatforms.
I look forward to seeing you inthese social media streets.
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