#101- Stop Ingesting, Start Discerning: Discerning Truth From Within and Doing The Work YOUR Way

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
And you were just different. I loved the way you asked
questions and it was like this invitation to to take
responsibility for your life rather than play the victim.
I have always been quite anxiousattached.
And what I learnt was that a lotof the stuff that was showing up
in relationship was things that I had witnessed, you know,

(00:22):
through my parents or things that had happened in the past.
And the first step in order to do that was to actually realize
that the things coming up with Corey weren't actually probably
what was triggering me. It was something that was stored
in my body, a memory and emotionthat was tied back to when I was

(00:43):
younger. And they you really helped me
like tap into that and give myself compassion.
Ready to ditch the old stories and limiting beliefs and step
into your embodied knowing? I'm Veronica Jane.
You're fierce, fiery and deeply compassionate embodiment,

(01:04):
empowerment and relationships coach and mentor.
And this is This Isn't Me podcast.
Welcome to another episode of This Isn't Me podcast.
I'm Veronica Jane and I'm so excited that you're here because
I haven't had a guest on like mypodcast for a hot minute.
And I have my friend Molly here today.
And so I'm excited for Molly to introduce herself.
Yay. Hi everyone I'm so excited to be

(01:26):
here as well V like literally soexcited.
So my name is Molly, I am 28 years old.
I live in NSW, in country NSW, in a little town called Carcor
and I connected with VI think inOctober 2024.
Is that right? V I'm pretty dry, yeah.

(01:47):
So I. Through the old interwebs the.
Instagrams yes, through Instagram I found V through the
podcast with Ellie, and I signedup for coaching because I was
going through a bit of a stage in my relationship.
And since then, yeah, we've beenon a beautiful, beautiful
journey together. And I've turned from coaching
client into mentoring clients. So I'm actually a breathwork

(02:11):
practitioner. So I'm growing business Clarity
awaits and V is helping me do that as well because I've felt a
little bit stuck with that for awhile.
So that's a little bit about me on that side.
But I guess outside of work and business, I am still finding
myself. I'm learning to love all of me,

(02:33):
as V talks about a lot, and thatmeans finding new hobbies and
things at the moment. But I love being out in nature.
I love hanging out with my friends.
I'm really excited. I'm going to pizza and wine
night tonight with my girlfriends.
Yum. Bring it on.
I have a three-year old Weimarana, Sonny, and he's the
love of my life and. That's a dog for people who are

(02:55):
like, what? Yes, that's not my partner.
My partner Corey is another story.
And recently I've taken up knitting.
So that gives you a little bit of an overview about me.
Oh my God, I love you. I love so many things and there
are things that we've talked about through our time together.
So I'm excited to like pull threads from it.
One of the things that really stood out for me is you talking
about hobbies. Like that's such a common piece

(03:16):
in women that come to work with me.
They've often kind of made this transition and they're at this
new expression of themselves andthey're like, what do I like?
Like I've gotten either so hyperfocused on work or a
relationship or motherhood and I've forgotten joy, fun, play
and what what do I, what do I like?
And creating new hobbies and realizing life is so much bigger
than whatever they're like focushas been specifically on.

(03:38):
So I know that they will pull into that and so many other
things. We'll talk about you as a woman,
as a client, as a business owner, as a spiritual being, as
a human. And I also loved what you
brought in about like the wine and wine and pizza night,
because I know we'll get into that.
So is it OK if I create a littlebit of a linear narrative
pathway for us to start on and then we'll like go and play

(03:58):
wherever we end up? Yeah.
And I'm actually so excited for that as well because I feel like
you're going to ask questions tome that are going to help me
reflect on the whole journey. And it's interesting to hear the
question someone asks you because it's obviously things
they've noticed in you. So I'm really excited for this.
Well, I mean, that's something Ifeel I'm great at, right?
That's part of what I large partof what I do as a coach is just

(04:21):
ask questions for you to look atthings you might not have looked
at within yourself and your lifebefore or in a long time.
So, yeah, cool. All right, so take us back.
So I'm just going to paint a little picture.
I picture Molly and I can never,I don't want to try and say your
last name. Do you want to say your last?
Name it's Molly Sadathwaite. Out of wait I feel like my
tongue gets like if I had bracesit would get stuck in braces
trying to say that name. Yeah, and I don't have a middle

(04:43):
name because my parents, when I was born, they were like, OK,
they're going to have a hard enough time trying to spell that
out to everyone and learn how tospell it themselves so they can
just have their first and last name.
Well, that's funny. That's very kind.
So I'm imagining Molly's saddestrate, like sitting, maybe

(05:03):
scrolling on the gram and being like, oh, what's this podcast?
OK, I'm going to have a listen. And then she's listening and
she's been like, these pictures.Be wise.
What had you? What had you find us?
What had you reach out to me? What had you decide to coach
with me? Like take me on a journey
because I've worked with coaches, I've worked with
teachers, I've worked with a fewdifferent people to help me on

(05:23):
myself. Discovery, personal development,
journey, whatever. What had you find me?
What I felt great with in you todecide.
OK, yeah. I want to learn about myself
through this woman. Yeah.
OK, so going back, I I will paint a little bit of a picture.
So I was in a relationship, I had come into a new relationship

(05:45):
and I was struggling in the way that I was showing up, like
really struggling. I didn't like the person that I
was and I had always followed Ellie since she was on the
Bachelor. And obviously you girls came out
with your podcast and I started listening to that and I was
always like, Oh my God, that's me.
I could relate so much to everything that you said

(06:07):
specifically. And then I, I started following
you on Instagram and started seeing your posts on there.
And it was interesting, right? Because I've had multiple
different coaches, the first onebeing almost seven years ago
when I was struggling with my relationship with food.
Then I had another coach and it was more like spirituality

(06:27):
based. Then I had a male coach and it
was like more sort of getting into like when I wanted to start
my own business. And you were just different
because AI was looking at you from a relationship lens.
And I was listening to everything that you were saying
in regards to relationship. But BI liked your approach and

(06:48):
the way that both you and Ellie spoke on the podcast.
And it was almost like you wouldcall each other out or at the
time, you were sort of coaching Ellie on the podcast.
So it was like, I loved the way you asked questions and it was
like this invitation to to take responsibility for your life
rather than play the victim. And so I actually had a night

(07:09):
away with Corey and we were out drinking and we ended up having
this huge fight. And I did not like the person
that I was in that moment. And I remember we were driving
back and I was looking at your stuff on Instagram and I was
like, I need to submit this form.
Right now. And so I did on that car trip
when I was hungover. Wow.

(07:30):
I love that. I love how you're like.
I'm going to be honest with myself.
I need to take this outside of my head and what the fuck I'm
repeating here and just get an outsider's perspective.
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
And I was at a place in the relationship where I was sort of
thinking, well, I've even got tochange or I've got to leave like
this. There's there's one or the
other. There's no sort of in between
right now. Like it's either change, look at

(07:53):
myself and grow or leave this relationship.
And there was always that part of me that I remember.
You saying that I remember you saying that and I get quite a
few women, especially when I wasreally focusing on relationship
coaching, which I still do. There's a lot of women coming to
me like I'm, I'm scared that in working with you, I'll need to

(08:14):
end my relationship. And I'm always like, let's just
like put the brakes on for a second.
And there's a beautiful element of personal responsibility that
you get to bring in. And more and more what I'm
learning is this element of the system, right?
And so you're 100% of your side of the system that you and
anyone else in relationship withyou create.
And so I help you own your side of the system, but I also help

(08:34):
you see the perspective of theirside of the system and how you
can support both yourself and them through that intricate
system. So yeah, I'd love that.
You also were just like, let's be honest, this is the time.
Let's just do it because I thinkso many people can get stuck in
their head around things or doubt the fact that you just
like took the leap when you werekind of like, all right, this is
a rock bottom me kind of moment.And I remember you saying like,

(08:55):
I love this man so much. He's so great.
And I feel I am the problem. And yet I don't know what to do
different. Yeah.
I don't mean the problem, I meanlike you are your own problem.
The same way he's his own problem.
Like you're each 100% of your own problem.
Yep. And I from at that point in
time, I knew like I had been single for seven years and I had

(09:16):
dated, I had had some shitty like situations and I had done
all the healing and all the growing and all the personal
development through that time ofbeing single.
And then as soon as I got into relationship, after a couple of
months, I noticed all these things coming up and I was like,
holy shit, this is a new ball game.

(09:37):
And I needed someone outside of myself to help me see what was
going on and how I could reframeit because I like, you know, I
had wanted that relationship. I'd wanted a relationship for so
long. And I finally got this amazing
thing. And I was like, it's.
Fucked. Oh my God, there's so much I
want to unpack in that. Like one, good on you for

(10:00):
admitting that. And two, like, people are so
cute, right? I was the same.
I'd done so much personal development work.
I'd done a lot of embodiment andsomatic work.
And then by the time I started my previous relationship it was
like OK I've got my shit together right?
Like adorable little illusion that I created.
And it was beautiful because my ex partner created the most

(10:20):
beautiful mirror. And relationships are where we
do the deepest healing. Like this, this concept that I'm
doing a lot more research into lately of like emotionally
focused therapy and systems therapy or systems theory has
you really looking at like we are evolved as animals, as
mammals, to need someone from the moment we're born to the
moment we die. And so anything else is just
this little illusion, right? Of like, I can do it on my own.

(10:41):
Like Miss Independent, it's likeyou literally couldn't survive
when you were born if you didn'thave love, if you didn't have
people who loved you enough to keep you alive, to shove you up
to their tit, to squeeze some milk in your mouth, you know, to
wipe your ass. You need it.
And then, yeah, we live in this society where I was, I was this
too. It's like I don't need nobody.
Like I'm a miss independent. It's like, girl, you are your
life is subsidized by other people through taxes.

(11:03):
Other people are picking, growing, shipping your food.
Like, like don't pretend like we're so interdependent as
humans and yet we have this little fierce individuality lie.
So I love that we get to like crack that open and recognize
that relationships are going to bring up your core wounds
because they're what are you're using in that moment to reflect
every bond you've ever had, Specifically your primary

(11:26):
attachment bonds from when you were born from conception onward
all the way to, you know, as youwent out into the world as your
own being, which again, never really fully occurs.
So I love that you saw the relationship bringing shit up
for you. And it doesn't matter how much
personal development, spiritual work, whatever somatic stuff you
do when you get in relationship,that's the point.
It's going to bring up stuff andyou get to fracture and repair

(11:49):
over and over and over. So I'd love to hear a little bit
about how that looked in where you were at, in your
perspectives of your relationship, honoring your
partner and what your field is appropriate to share, knowing
he's you are an open book and though whether he wants to be or
not as you respect that line. And then what you worked through
in some of our time together, because this is I, I fucking

(12:11):
loved working with you so much because when my relationship,
when I chose to end that, like I, I got to see my wounds
through him, right? And my perspective of
relationship is it serves you until it doesn't.
And if you have somewhere you want to go and grow, if the
other person is unwilling or unable to go there, it's up to
you if you're ready to let that relationship be the catalyst to
move you forward beyond the relationship, right?

(12:31):
And so most of the viewers and listeners have watched me do
that. And I've learned a lot since
leaving that relationship of howI could have done things
differently. And it has been beautiful to
work with women and support their relationships to assert
that I don't necessarily have tobe in a long term primary
attachment bond to offer so muchsupport to people in
relationship. So share what you've learned, if

(12:51):
you're willing. And in any way that feels great.
Yeah. I love all of that.
And I what I was going to say before we started recording was
that I remember so clearly we started coaching together, I
think in the October. And then I think by November or
December, you had sent me a voice note saying that you and
your partner at the time had split up.
And I actually loved it because I was like, Oh my God, you know,

(13:15):
this is so relatable, you know what I mean?
And it actually, yeah, just mademe realise that you are a human
as well. And exactly what you said, like
I don't think you have to be in a long term partnership in order
to be able to teach about relationship because what I've
learnt. Through our our coaching
together is whether it's romantic or not, we're relating

(13:36):
all the time. We're in a relationship with
ourself. Yeah.
You even said something before, like my relationship with
business or something like that.And I was like, she gets it.
Like to me, everything is relationship.
And so that's it. I'm like, yeah, OK.
I have like the best friend I'veever had in the whole world.
I have a relationship with her, with myself, with my family,
with money, with spirituality. So like that's why I call myself

(13:57):
a relationship coach and always will to some extent.
Like embodiment, empowerment andrelationships are the key
premises of what I coach around.And a lot of it was funny
because I, I remember when I ended that relationship going,
OK, how do I share this so that the humanness is there?
And I know we're going to reallystep into this throughout the
later parts of this episode is like that whole, like you said,
it humanized me. And it's like, Oh yeah, she's

(14:19):
human too. My best friend has been saying
this a lot lately too. She's like, I forget like how
human you are. I'm like, fuck, I do my utmost
to present that through my business and through social
media. And it's interesting how we can
still unconsciously make someonethis, like, majestic thing.
And so like, I love the humanness and that's how I
coach. And I'd love for you to share
that with people so they can seethat like that I'm not out here

(14:39):
being like, I'm fucking nailing it 24/7.
Like, pay me money because I have all the answers.
Like, I do not. I have a lot of skills, tools
and resources to support you, tosupport you through your own
journey. And I'm not claiming that I'm
perfect. Like, that's the beauty of this.
And I think that's part of what we've discovered helps this work
so well. So yeah, wherever you want to
take out from there. Yeah, well, firstly, that's so

(15:01):
fucking relatable about the business thing because right now
with Clarity Awaits, I'm at thispoint where I'm like, you know,
I started Clarity Awaits when I was like years ago, when I first
sort of started going on the mindfulness journey because I
wanted to better myself. And I almost painted myself as
this soft feminine, which I am, but I painted myself as this all
the time. And at the moment, I'm going

(15:22):
through this stage with Clarity Awaits where I'm about to sort
of just change my energy. And I'm so excited for that.
And I wouldn't have been able toget to where I am now without
what we've just sort of been through over the last however
long. But yeah.
So going back to coaching with V, I would say when I started

(15:43):
coaching with V, as as I said earlier, I'm a breathwork
practitioner, so I have an understanding of the nervous
system and how the nervous system works and you know, the
importance of feeling into the body.
Although I wasn't great at that when I started coaching with VI,
would avoid a lot of things. And while I had that, you know,
understanding the embodiment piece wasn't completely there.

(16:05):
And I would say that through coaching with VI, I found quite
a lot that a lot of the things that were coming up with Corey
in relationship and he's also happy for me to share things as
well. He's he's sort of the same as
me. He's such.
A vibe. I'm so, I'm so a fan of him.
I like, I know there's so many messages about him.
I'm like fuck, I love that man. He's literally my biggest

(16:27):
cheerleader, you know, so it's amazing.
And I would say that Corey's a very secure person and I have
always been quite anxious attached.
And what I learnt was that a lotof the stuff that was showing up
in relationship was things that I had witnessed, you know,

(16:48):
through my parents or things that had happened in the past.
And the first step in order to do that was to actually realize
that the things coming up with Corey weren't actually probably
what was triggering me. It was something that was stored
in my body, a memory and emotionthat was tied back to when I was

(17:09):
younger. And they, you really helped me
like, tap into that and give myself compassion and kindness.
Like I remember those first, thefirst couple of calls that we
did together and we went into each emotion like I'd never done
that, you know what I mean? I'd never gone in and actually
spoken out loud things that I had felt or things that I had

(17:31):
experienced. And actually, it's something
that you've said to me in the past that just has stuck with me
for, you know, it'll stick with me forever.
Was something about, you know, like shame only lives in the
darkness. So actually speaking a lot of
things out loud and just like saying the things that you would
never thought you would tell someone.
But so much lightness and like has just completely transformed

(17:54):
my life because I'm not carryinga carrying it around like an
emotional backpack anymore. Literally that shit out.
And I can tell now if something comes up, I can be like, oh, is
this actually happening? Is this from right now or is
this from like a younger sort ofversion of myself?
And of course there's times where I react.
And you're still human. Yeah, exactly.

(18:15):
I'm still here, you know, Jack, a little tanty or whatever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like having that
awareness now that everything issort of, it's like I can see,
it's like everything's like sortof intertwined, you know, it's
like you'll be feeling an emotion, but there's so much
more behind that than just the surface level bullshit.

(18:35):
And I think that's really, really important to like clear
out. And that's what we've we've done
together. And I had that ability through
breath work, but you gave me then the mindset tools and the
mindset shifts to apply it all and just make it this beautiful
package together. Oh, delicious.
Oh so much in that. So I love the backpack analogy.
I talked to one of my clients about that a lot because they

(18:56):
love picking up everyone else's backpacks.
And one of the first pictures I helped her see is that she's
carrying her 17 backpacks that she's decided to carry from like
beliefs and emotions and heavy shit and then her partners and
husbands and her children's and all the and then out suddenly
she's like this like Trek. What are they called that guide
you on those she's? Fucking climbing me out 'cause
the Oscar or something. Yeah, with like 67 different

(19:19):
backpacks and I'm like, we're unlayering these backpacks.
Like some of them she could dropimmediately because they were
never hers. And then some of them were other
her own that she decided to likesuper glue to herself.
And we're like ungluing that andthat element of like, it's so
interesting. I had another client say that
very explicitly the way you verysimilar to how you just said it
was. It's like she didn't realize one
that everything was connected inher nervous system and her cells

(19:41):
and her somatic memory that whenand her partner would be a
certain way that it was actuallygoing immediately all the way
back through every time her nervous system ever felt that
way and linking all the stories together, like the neuro tags
for that specific thing. And so a lot of what I help my
clients with is making sense of intellectually what's actually
occurring for them in any like trigger emotional reaction in

(20:02):
any moment of belief and then reexperiencing some of those core
ones. So they actually get to change
the narrative, feel a different way in their nervous system,
recognize they can respond differently, speak to past
versions of themselves, like from a very family systems
theory perspective of like beingeach component of themself and
adding all of that back togetherand recognizing that life is

(20:23):
about. You know, like being separated
into these parts and then pulling them back together and
realizing like she won. She was like, oh, I didn't.
I never looked at life from other people's perspectives.
I was so self protective and looking at it mine.
And I remember you sharing that a bit too.
You're like, fuck. I never like really held the
complexity of Corey's perspective.
Yeah, absolutely. And that's a huge thing right as

(20:45):
well. Like I think we go about life
playing sometimes playing the victim, you know, we're all
human, playing the victim, beinglike, oh, poor me.
But in the exercises that we did, I put myself in the shoes
of the other people and was ableto clearly see from their
perspective or feel what they were feeling.

(21:05):
And that just makes you realize that everyone is human, not just
you. Everyone has their own, you
know, inner child, their own wounds, their own patterns,
their own things. So it just makes it a little bit
lighter. Fucking toad lighter, like, in
every moment. It's this complexity of like,
OK, I'm activated, so my nervoussystem's gone back to XYZ.

(21:28):
Years old. And some, like, time travel.
Yeah, it does feel like time. The work we do is like time
traveling. Changing your embodied
experience of the past, Right? And be like, oh, shit.
Like, if that younger version ofme had that, this would have
been great. OK, I'm feeling that way now.
I probably need that. How do I meet myself in that?
Compassion, patience, rest, whatever it is, right?
And then continually doing that.And what I love about you and

(21:52):
working with you was seeing thiswork be so transformative is
because you'd already had some tools to learn to feel, but it
was like you still carried that shame piece of like, I shouldn't
feel that way, but I shouldn't. And it was like, I think the two
main things that are most commonin my clients that come to me is
they're carrying a lot of internalized shame and they
believe they're unworthy of loving themself and being loved

(22:13):
the way they truly want. And so those, if I could just
have one session with most women, those would be the two
experiences we would recreate. And what I love too, though, is
there was this element of like, but I shouldn't.
You're so smart too, right? Most of my clients are so smart
that then they like they try to intellectualize their emotion
and they make sense of these things.
And like you said, it's like theembodied.
The word embodied is like livingin their body, feeling it in a

(22:35):
new way, re experiencing in every moment.
And some people come to me and think it's just going to be
like, they see me dancing on Instagram or having vibe and
they're like, it's going to be all happy, fun times.
I'm like, yeah, great. There's going to be some fucking
depths we have to go to first, though.
Like you have to feel the shit to create capacity to feel.
And once you feel the depth of your shame, your unworthiness,
whatever it is that you've been carrying and calling yours,

(22:57):
that's when you'll be able to like spend more of life dancing,
being silly. And there's going to be
explorations of it. Like there's going to be dips of
deep grief for fuck. I've looked at myself and seen
this new way of being, and that is heavy.
And that hurts. Like, had a conversation with a
friend the other day and we weretalking and she's like, oh, I
feel worse now. I'm like, yeah, because you're
looking at a truth within yourself.

(23:19):
And that's the icky, uncomfortable part that most
people avoid. So I'm wondering if you'd be
willing to share into that. Like, was there anything
specifically that you had to face and be like, oh, fuck,
that's why I haven't embodied this or why I haven't let myself
feel joy or why I've carried theshame because I haven't wanted
to stare at this and admit that because you talked about sharing
things you've never spoken aloud.

(23:39):
And so respecting privacy, like what?
Given an experience of that in some way, that feels great.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. I think it's, it's interesting.
Like I think about back to some of the breathwork sessions that
I've done and I let go of a lot.I did let go of so much like,
but I think the part that was missing was that I didn't

(24:01):
actually verbalize it out loud or you know, I went through
those experiences. Or see it the new way.
Yeah. Or see it the new way.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Talked a lot about seeing other
people's perspectives. Yeah.
It's like the words you never spoke, you know?
And like, for me, I like to see it as like, taking a 360°
perspective and stepping into asmany of the different angles of

(24:21):
perspective as you can. And yeah, saying the thing
you've never said, having it witnessed by another, like,
we're. We'll share more near the end of
it the episode, but you and I are collaborating more going
forward because I know that how powerful breath work is as a
modality. And there's that element, like
you said, of like, but are you just having this internal
experience or have it? Is it then spoken and witnessed
by another and met with love andmet with compassion?

(24:43):
And that's part of what we get to do is just love someone in
that. Yeah, absolutely.
And then I guess there's two things are straight away that
come to mind about things that Ihave shared with me that I
haven't necessarily shared with anyone else.
And one of those is something when I was younger, something
that happened and I carried withcarried with me for a long time

(25:04):
and through the work with VI wasable to speak it.
AI was able to say it out loud and talk about it.
And then get these, the word validation comes up actually
like the word being seen by someone else, you know, and
being like, that's not OK that that happened to you.

(25:26):
That's that's not OK. And I'm here for you.
And I have a phrase. That I say a lot in that is like
it wasn't OK then and it all gets to be OK now, but like like
it is, it's the validation outside of you for a moment so
you can internally validate because a lot of times things
have happened and no one's ever said I'm so sorry that happened
to you. Like that wasn't OK and it

(25:48):
wasn't OK then, but it can be OKnow.
And you're loved and you're safeand you're special and you're
beautiful and you're worthy and,you know, so that then you don't
need that external validation anymore.
You go internal and you're like,oh, yeah, it was I am OK.
Oh, fuck. You know, it's like in those
moments, I'm your mom, I'm your dad, so that then you can become
your own mommy and your own daddy in those moments and
validate yourself. Like that's my goal as a coach.

(26:11):
And I watch a lot of people outsource that to coaches and
mentors. And then they keep looking for
the validation outside. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no.
I'm just a mirror into seeing what you can offer yourself.
And then you go off and you holdthat you validate you, you, you
make sense of yourself. You, you know, hold that.
Yeah, absolutely. And I'm seeing a beautiful,
beautiful vision analogy right now as well, going back to that

(26:35):
backpack, the emotional backpack.
So imagine your backpack is completely fucking filled with
rocks. It's fucking heavy.
Like this shit is so heavy. You know, you're you're just
lugging it around and you're like dying, you're sweating.
You're like, this is no fucking hard.
When I told VI took some rocks out of it and she was able to

(26:56):
hold on those hold on to those rocks for me.
And then maybe we'll we were able to dispose of some of them.
And then through sharing this hard, hard time with V, OK, I'm
not gonna lie, after I shared itwith VI, sort of went on this
journey where it was fucked, youknow, like I'd be like, Oh my
God, this is, you know, it's a realization that Oh my God, like

(27:17):
this happened. I and you've unlocked it out of
like some fucking chamber in your brain, you know, And you
know, I did, I went on this, I went on this journey and there
is a couple of times when I would drink alcohol and it would
come up to the surface. And there was one night, it was
on New Year's Eve and I absolutely lost it.
I was at a New Year's Eve party with Corey and his friends, and

(27:39):
I completely lost it. And that night I shared this
thing with Cory. So then he took a few more rocks
out of the backpack and the backbackpack became even lighter.
And he met me with so much love and so much compassion.
And honestly, since then, like I've just been giving myself the
love and compassion. I don't even really think about
this thing now. Like I can talk about it without

(28:01):
that. Yeah, it's without the charge
and that's it, right? It's like it's not in your body
anymore. It's like you take the wisdom
from the experience and I wonder.
And the memory or there's like aPebble, there's a Pebble in the
back backpack, but it's not heavy and it's not hard and
it's. And that's part of what makes
you, you right? Like some of the beauty and what
I get to be as a coach is someone who's fucked up really

(28:23):
big. So I had a lot of rocks, and now
they're just tiny little like things that I just be like, hey,
look, look at this piece of wisdom I get to carry.
It's like a crystal. It's a gemstone down to a little
gemstone. Yeah.
I wonder if it's OK with you if I share a bit about how you were
and how you utilized me as a coach at the beginning versus
how you do now. Oh my God, yes, God, it's been a

(28:43):
transformation. I was thinking about last night
when I was going to sleep. I was like wow, crazy.
Well, that's why I want to bringmore and more clients on to one
for people to be like, Oh my God, I'm like her.
Like, fuck, this work could workwith me.
And then like a lot to also to showcase for you.
Like I was like, this could be like a really beautiful
touchstone for you to see where you were, where you are now and
where you're going. And then also because a lot of

(29:04):
my clients start businesses, I want to showcase their business
and have them network and createnew audience for themselves too.
So I'm like, fuck, yeah. There's just so many wins in
this scenario. But what I remember, and it only
came to me as you were sharing about the New Year's Eve, like
when you came to me, it was almost like, and I experienced
this too, where I was like addicted to my emotions.
So it was like you'd learned howto feel, but then it was like, I

(29:24):
guess I need to feel this big thing all the time.
I feel like shit. And so you'd like, like, one of
the reasons I rarely off, I'll do one off sessions to support
someone. More often than not, I I do a
whole program because of this. Like we are unpacking what has
been stored in your body unconsciously.
So it's in conscious awareness for you to deal with it.
It doesn't it's not ideal for meto allow that to occur and then

(29:48):
to just be like, go off in the world, young woman and hope that
you're well supported. Like I call it a container as in
because I am holding a lot of energy with you and as things
come out of your unconscious mind, I'm there for you to like
get dysregulated and voice message me, call me, text me, be
like, fuck me. What the hell.
So that's why I really prefer todo like a set number of sessions
as well so that when the shit starts coming up, someone's not

(30:10):
like this is too hard. Bye.
Yeah, and I, I think so just to reflect there as well.
I think if, you know, there's obviously different reasons why
people require a one-on-one session, but I think an
invitation for people who, you know, just want to dip their toe
in is I think sometimes we go for a one off session because
we're looking for a fix. We're looking for a quick fix.

(30:33):
And this shit isn't a quick fix,but it gets to be fun, It gets
to be enjoyable and. I there's just so much potential
in the deeper work and going allin because otherwise it's sort
of just touching the surface or avoiding in a sense.
Yeah, dude, I felt like I just paid you to say that, like such
a fairpoint. And that's why I didn't for a

(30:54):
long time. And I recently did with someone
who's in one of my group containers.
So I knew she was around, I could support her.
She wasn't just going to like disappear.
And it was really beautiful to offer her the one off session to
deep dive into some of the core things that came up for her
around some things that I'd shared in a podcast.
And so I was like, OK, I know that I she's well supported and
I can keep supporting her. It's not like some stranger off
the street who's like, yeah, give me the panacea, give me the

(31:16):
medicine, give me the quick. I'm like.
No, give me the magic wand. You're the medicine and you're
the magic. So I need time to show you that.
So I do love supporting people. And if it's like, hey, someone
wants a Band-Aid, if I can be the Band-Aid for a time, if
they're hemorrhaging, I can sew them up for a bit.
Who am I to to deny that? And you're going to get the long
term sustainable impact and effect and new way of seeing

(31:36):
yourself. So you go out not needing me
anymore after if we can work fora longer period?
Of time, yeah. And on that as well, I remember
once, ohh, years and years ago, I was seeing a psychologist or a
therapist or something and they told me this analogy that has
stuck with me forever. And this is exactly what we're
talking about now. You know, if you, if you imagine

(31:59):
like a paddock and it's got really high grass and you've
been taking one path for, you know, up until today, you've
been taking that one path, that one way of being, those
patterns, those behaviours. It doesn't just take one
different route to create a whole new path.
You've got to keep doing that over and over again.
So you flatten the grass just like the other route and it

(32:20):
becomes the new way of being. So I think that's exactly what
we're saying here with the coaching is it's like you need,
well, sometimes it needs to be that deeper, it needs to be that
deeper thing that you keep goingback to.
And there's this intense emotional experience that you
get that like, I think Dispensertalks a lot about this, but
there's like this element of like the maybe it's anyway Gabor

(32:43):
Montes other person that's coming to mind.
But there's this element of likethe more emotive and experience
is the bigger the transformation, whether it's
taking you into trauma or whether it's bringing you out,
right? And so there is a lot that can
be done quickly. And in a sense, then I watch
people go off and then they reroute the old path.
So I use a very similar one. It's like 4 wheel driving.
You've got the ruts, right? And then it's like, and so
you're off on a new path and you're like, fuck, yeah, I feel

(33:04):
free. And there's so much terrain and
like freedom and movability. And then it's easy if you're not
staying aware to end up back in that rut.
So it's like doing that enough times that you create a new path
and then learn the skills to keep creating new paths and
deviate whenever you want. And so why I brought up you
specifically in that is like, you'd come to me and you'd be
like, we'd have a session or whatever and then you'd be like,
V, what the fuck? And you'd send me, like, these

(33:26):
voice messages like, this is fucked.
And I'd be, like, helping you regulate, calming you back down.
And then you'd be like, OK, OK, yeah, you're right.
OK, I'm great. And then it'd be like a couple
of days or weeks again. Then you'd be messaging me, be
like, OK, I know we talked aboutthis, but like, remind me what
the fuck? And then it was like that would
get less and less, hey, what thefuck?
When was the last time I did? That like for ages.
Oh my God, whenever you're noticing it, you noticed it one

(33:48):
day and you're like, I just realized I haven't sent you one
of those. Like, what the fuck's happening?
Like I'm just regulated messagesin a long time.
And I was like, I know. And then the even further you
were like, hey, I was looking for a problem and I couldn't
find 1. So I just wanted to tell you how
great everything is. And then a lot of the messages
that come through now are like, hey, I've just got this little
thing in my awareness. I'd like to work on it in our
next mentoring session or like, oh, hey, things are fucking

(34:10):
great. I just wanted to brag like
here's another awesome thing. I just want to celebrate and I'm
like, that's what's up. And like, that's part of what we
do too, right, is now I start all my one-on-one sessions with
celebrating. So like teach you that so that
your brains like rather than looking for a problem, it's
looking for a solution and looking for fun and looking for
joy and looking for the good shit.
But like, that's again, why I work in these like weekly

(34:31):
sessions or fortnightly sessionsand hold you in that it's like
you're going to learn throughoutthat time to be a new way.
And I'm here. Oh my God, I love.
It I fucking love life. I feel so good.
This is like can we do this? Every morning this is like my
morning coffee. Well, that's OK.
Thank. You.
You're welcome. Well, that's why I fucking.
Like I don't know how like I am what?

(34:51):
I how I am like I don't my, my best friend and roommate often
is just like, I don't know, like, you know, even men I've
gone on a date with or whatever,they're like, man, I just got
swept up in your energy. Like I don't ADHD, call it
whatever the fuck you want. I'm just a hyper, playful,
vibrant woman and like I, I lovelife and I've gotten.
Times in my. Life where all I could focus on

(35:11):
was the sadness, the depth, the pain, the suffering and like it.
It was so tricky for me. And I've done a lot to learn to
clear the trauma and the shame and the negativity from my body.
And only not that long ago, veryrecently, I was in another stint
of, oh, I saw another thing about life that felt so heavy.
And I just let myself look at itand I let myself feel it.

(35:34):
And I let myself be really honest with clients being like,
I'm going through a thing. It's like, it's great, I know,
but right now I just need to be really real with what this is
and then come out the other side.
But the element of why I do a Monday morning weekly podcast is
because most of the time I wake up being like, what the fuck?
How great is life? And like this feels like why
I've named my programs what I have too, right, 'cause when I

(35:54):
was 3456, this is how I was. I remember being like this
little like Just Dance around just being like life's a party.
Like I would apparently at my own birthday parties, like I
would start singing Happy Birthday because I was so
excited. I would plan my own birthday
parties. Like I'd be like making dance
parties. Like I just, I remember always
wanting people to have fun and wanting life to be a party.

(36:15):
And I remember I'd go into roomsand be like, what's going on?
Like, why isn't anyone enjoying themself?
Like I know I'll just say something silly or like I'll do
something weird that'll make people happy.
And like, that could be cool. And now people pay me to do that
for them. Like it's the best job ever.
And I fucking love bringing thisto people because it helps me
stay focused on that too, right?Because I remember different
stints in my life where I'd forgotten where I'd wake up

(36:38):
devastated, where I'd wake up focusing on everything that was
wrong in my relationship. I'd wake up thinking about what
was in my bank account or wasn'tin my bank account.
And I've learned it's like you said, it's like forging the new
grass path, getting off the fourwheel drive path and creating
new neural pathways. And so if I can come into
someone's ears once a week or once a day on social media and
just be like, here's a new way of thinking.

(36:59):
Here's the reality of some of the hard, heavy stuff.
And here's the fucking joy, likeso much of working together.
I'd love to go back to what you shared at the beginning is like
you being like, I'm not letting myself have fun.
I'm judging myself. I don't have any hobbies.
Like, let's talk about that. That good shit that you
discovered. Yeah, fuck me because.
I was literally so Australian. Do you know what I always notice

(37:22):
you go between like your ACT, your Canadian.
It's Canadian, right? Canadian.
Yeah, your Canadian accent. But then sometimes you'll just
have like these words that are so Aussie, like the way that you
say them. And I'm just like, that is so
cute, Ellie. Ellie would froth on that.
It's so funny. But yeah, you're right, I do
like it's part of working with kids for so many years.
Like I learned to say certain words like grass, but it's also

(37:44):
because I like teasing you guys and it's funny to me.
Oh fuck off. Oh fuck me.
Fuck me, yeah. I swear a lot.
I say it's passion. It's passion.
Yeah. Honestly, I was actually just
thinking while you were saying all of that, like one thing.
So it's probably actually since January this year when Cory and
I went on our holiday together. But like ever since we sort of

(38:07):
did start coaching together, it became clear to me that I'd
started to take life very fucking seriously.
And you don't really know how tohave fun anymore.
And yeah, that's something that I'm discovering now.
And for me, OK, this is this is like a relationship that I'm
still working on, but for me forso many years, especially in my
early 20s, going out drinking parties, doing drugs, that was

(38:32):
fun to me. That was how I had my fun.
And so now I'm starting to redefine what fun looks like and
find what fun looks like to me, while also navigating this
relationship that I do have withalcohol.
And that's, that's been a journey in itself.
And something going back to liketalking about perspectives and

(38:53):
other people's perspectives. Being in a relationship with
Corey and seeing the way that heviews alcohol is, is so good for
me because I have one way of viewing alcohol from my past and
what I've seen play out in my life.
And so now I'm in this time in my life where I'm experimenting.
Like tonight I'm going to have acouple of wines with the girls
and I probably will have a couple too many, you know, and

(39:14):
that's OK. And then there's other times
where I don't feel like drinkingis aligned and it's sort of a
dance. I've gone through phases where
I've like done sobriety and thenI've not.
And then I've gone too like too far into not doing it.
And I'm like, oh, so it's like this dance.
But what I'm learning, and Coreyis really helping reflect this
back to me, is that. Fun because like.

(39:37):
When I would hear the word fun, I'd think it was meaning party
or drinking or whatever. So now fun to me is, you know,
getting out in nature, playing with sunny and having a laugh
with Sunny. Fun is going and doing like
something like a new activity. It is going out for like frozen,

(39:57):
frozen yoghurt or frozen ice cream and like getting all the
toppings or you know, like I, I feel like I'm still, I'm still
figuring it out, reading and knitting.
And creating a business product and yes, in a final episode,
yeah, finding new ways to. Have fun and also just take life
a little less seriously and. I I'm wondering for people

(40:19):
listening like you spoke about, like, like you could have too
much sobriety is kind of the picture that I got and why?
Like why I see what I feel like that is.
And I'm curious how you see that.
Like what, why would there ever be too much sobriety or like
that you could be. Isn't that great?
Isn't that disciplined? Isn't that loving yourself?
Isn't that caring for yourself? What did you discover that

(40:39):
helped you realize you could swing the pendulum a different
direction for a while? Yeah.
I. Would say.
I would say with the whole. Sobriety thing I started
ingesting is that the word ingesting information when I
started going on this personal development journey and I would
start seeing all the people talking about sobriety, which is

(41:01):
great if that serves you. But for me, I took it on as
truth that that's the way I had to be and that's that that meant
I was a good person. If I drank, I wasn't a good
person. If I drank, I was bad.
If I drank, I was doing the bad thing.
I was being I was doing something wrong and it was like
this. It's like pointing the finger

(41:22):
energy at myself constantly and also pointing it at other people
who are drinking. That's what I love so.
The word ingesting actually feels fucking perfect because it
was like you just put it in and it you didn't even like
question. It was just you just took it in
and then it was that judgment piece.
I love how much you noticed likegood, bad, right, wrong.
And that's what I saw you in andI was like, bitch, I've been

(41:42):
there. I like recently sent a message
from someone from my past. I mean like, sorry I made you
bad like that. It's so much more nuanced and a
lot of times when we've gone through like some pretty intense
rebellion or hurt others or hurtourselves, it's valuable to use
like a frame of morality of like, OK, what's right, what's
wrong, what's good, what's bad? How am I hurting other people?
And my perspective and what I, Ivery firmly believe is that

(42:04):
there's an it is exploration more nuanced than that.
That's like, fuck off, right andwrong.
Let go of the judgement like thewaggy finger and explore like
what is what's the nuance here? What's the complexity?
Like? How do you it can, is there a
playfulness within this that canbe a little bit or you know,
that can be. Oh, well, let me see how they're
doing it. Like Corey's perspective and

(42:24):
relationship with alcohol was sodifferent.
It didn't actually seem to causehim any negative consequences
even. But for you, it was like, well,
my relationship gets to look like this and this works for me.
And I think it's that big piece of I saw you just judging
yourself and others so much and like trying to figure out what
was right. And I'm like, fuck, I've been
there. Like that's exhausting.

(42:45):
Like what if we strip back rightand wrong and we just go like,
what makes sense in this moment for this person?
Absolutely. And going back again to that
analogy that we were talking about previously about carrying
the backpack and how you start carrying other people's
backpacks. This is the same as all the
information that we ingest on a daily basis, whether it's about
sobriety, whether it's about spirituality, whether it's about

(43:06):
who fucking knows what diet, whatever.
Like honestly, everything that we are ingesting, most of us
then take it on as a backpack and start wearing it.
But then what happens when you have too many backpacks?
They all start conflicting each other.
None of them actually feel right, you just fart.
That's it, right? And so it's this element of,
like, continually choosing your beliefs.

(43:27):
And that's like, well, what serves you right now?
Because at every stage of life, you're going to find a different
belief that serves you and play in it, dance in it.
Like, sobriety was vital for me for a time.
Yeah, Dick detox was vital for me for a time.
And then it's like, OK, can I fool around?
Can I have like last night me and my roommate had, I'll say
it, 3 drinks, Molly, it was crazy girl.
We had a gift, a house warming gift from a friend who was like,

(43:49):
I know neither of you drink really, but I bought you like a
low alcohol Prosecco. And so we not only we day drank
yesterday with a alcohol bottle of Prosecco and then we were
going out to a comedy gig. And so she was like, do you want
to have another drink at the bar?
And we were just like talking. She was like, at one point she's
like, do you want to go dancing?And I was like, I feel like 7:30

(44:10):
will roll around and you won't want that anymore.
But let's just see like 738 o'clock.
We're both like time to jump back on the ferry and head home.
Like it was the perfect night. Like it was so delicious.
Like, and my invitation for clients is like, choose whatever
fucking rules you want. Where are you at?
Like there are clients who I'm like sobriety might serve you
right now changing in relationship for a time to I.

(44:31):
Had to go. There was three months that I
decided I was doing it. I think like this was a while
ago, this was before we started coaching, that I started going
on this journey. And I had to do that.
At the time that I did it, I hadto do it because I was like
going out every weekend, doing drugs, like all this stuff,
hanging out with the wrong people, giving myself to the
wrong people in the bedroom, like, you know, chasing the

(44:53):
wrong. I have no idea what you're
talking about. I never only recently used that
strategy. So I think that was in like.
In 2022 that I decided I'm goingcold Turkey, I'm doing 3 months
and that changed everything for me.
I needed that period of time. But then since after that was
when I was like bad, wrong this,that it sort of sent me on this

(45:14):
journey which I had to go on. You know, I trust that I had to
go on it. Whereas now I'm at this point
where I'm like just exploring what feels good to me and what
doesn't. So let's go into that.
Because I want people to hear how your relationship is too
now. Because I think if I was
listening, I'd be like, well, what, what happened?
And where are they in like, Oh my God, yes.
And then? Also, like let's go into that

(45:34):
because I kind of, I think this episode's going to be called
like the lies of spirituality because you really introduced
that beautifully there. It's like this element of like
people are watching Instagram, they're watching me, whoever the
fuck. Nothing I say has to be true for
you. Like you get to choose.
And I've watched so many people,myself included, blindly take on
and ingest other people's perspectives and beliefs and be
like, Oh well they said it with authority and confidence and a

(45:56):
nice camera so that must be. And I was like what the fuck?
And This is why I value having so many skills of somatics and
like meditation, mindful ishnessstuff because I now like I lost
it only not that long ago I forgot to kind of keep going in
and be like, is this true for menow and so.
In anything. The work that I do, I'm always
with clients. I'm like, you can reject this

(46:16):
like, is this true for you? Like you get to tune into what's
right or wrong and that can change constantly.
I love that. And that's.
Something that I feel like I'm really, I'm really good at with
you is you'll suggest something will not suggest you'll, you'll
present something to me. And I'm very good at saying no,
that's not true for me. And I think that's an invitation
for everyone. If you're listening, it's like

(46:38):
it's OK to reject someone's and like say no, that's not for me.
Like that's OK. We're saying it scares me if
they. Don't like, I often will poke
clients a little bit and say something and then just kind of
wait and be like, is that true for you?
Like really like I'm, I'm kind of checking it in like this is
about you gaining sovereignty here.
Is that really what you want? Is that true for you?
And being someone who left church and different

(46:59):
institutions and organizations and companies that really were
like, this is the way it is. I'm like, is it is that for that
person at that time? Like only you get to decide that
over and over again. And so I wonder like, because,
yeah, these you I've been watching you UN layer like, oh,
OK, maybe alcohol isn't the devil.
Maybe Oh, my partner's actually delightful in this way, Like,
and then, oh, what if I don't need to like look at this

(47:21):
certain way? I'm the soft feminine thing
isn't like spiritual. What if there I don't, there's
sobriety isn't spiritual. What if abstinence isn't
spiritual? What if you just being who you
are is the most spiritual act? I don't know, like, I want to
hear how you see that. Yeah.
What are some of the lies of? Spirituality that you've got to
just be like, no longer me. Well.

(47:44):
Oh my God, there's so much. OK, let's, let's, let's just go
back to my breath work course, for example, and this isn't
necessarily about spiritual spirituality, just spirituality,
but I went to this breath court breath work course and I, I
loved it. It was the best thing, you know,
changed my life. But I fucking pedestaled
everyone in that breathwork course.

(48:06):
You know, I thought I had to eatall organic.
Otherwise I was the best, you know, the worst person in the
world. I thought that I should never
drink alcohol. You know, I started taking on
all these situations. I thought that I always had to
trust and have love and light and you know, everything happens
for a reason. While I do believe that

(48:26):
somewhat, there's fucking shit things that happen in the world
and I still am trying to understand why, you know what I
mean? And I took all of this on as my
own and it's almost like I builtthis fucking layer.
This thick, thick layer and now it's stripping back all of those
things so I can come back to myself.

(48:47):
Well, and both of us went. Through this, and my roommates
going through a little bit of this too, is like there's an
element too when you get spiritual, like if we're talking
about spirituality and like we're all come from this oneness
and this, we're all like interconnected as humans, right?
And the energy that's within oneof us is within all of us from
like a more quantum perspective.So when you look at like this
lie, like when people step into personal or spiritual
development, it's like unconsciously or consciously

(49:10):
suddenly because you're organic or vegan or activated your
Delinis or have all your chakrasaligned, like you're somehow
better than everyone. And as coach, I've watched this
and felt this in myself would belike, holy fuck, was I thinking
I was better than them because Iliving online instead of inhuman
with people I like. And I've watched you do that.
Be like, oh, I just feel like it's fucking bullshit and like

(49:32):
I'm going to step into my coaching journey and add it to
my breath work stuff. But I don't want to fucking be
better than anyone. And it's the stance of how do
you share what you know, hold authority, but also be fucking
human as fuck because that's where the healing comes.
Like that's why I say fuck all the time and talk about Dicks.
And like, I'm like, I'm not a fucking spiritually enlightened
fucking guru. I'm someone who's lived and

(49:52):
learned and has a heat to share and guide you with.
But I'm like fucking human and so are you and you feeling loved
and held by me is what's going to help you grow and heal.
Not me being like let me enlighten you with my
complainees. Yes, this.
Is literally so real for me right now.
And I sent you a voice note on this yesterday and this is what
we were like. Let's talk about this on the

(50:12):
podcast was what I've realized is over the past couple of years
since going on this journey, going on the journey and the
journey, like the fucking every time I say journey, I'm just
like, oh. But it's true.
It's like, it's like this journey.
Is something that like makes youbetter than someone else.
It's like with the sobriety. I.
Started wearing that as a badge around my girlfriends.

(50:34):
Like no, I'm sober you know? Like, no, I don't go to parties.
Actually, like now that I don't do any drugs or drink or like
suck Dick, I'm just like better.I like have Angel wings.
So like, I'm just gonna and thenyou end up fucking hiding at
home by yourself because you're better than everybody.
Yeah. And.
That's the thing I have isolatedmyself over the past few years.

(50:55):
I, I say that I feel lonely. I've done that to my fucking
self. But I know and I trust that, you
know, it all did happen to for areason for me to get now to
where I am. But what I realized is I cut
myself off. I've removed myself from certain
situations. I started bitching about doing
certain things because I was like, Oh, I know what?
That's what's going to happen there.

(51:16):
And it's like. It's just been.
Self sabotage, it's been self sabotage.
And what I'm realizing now is now that I'm like uncovering all
this and uncovering the layers and peeling them back and just
like coming home to me. And you know, like your group
program, like reclaiming all of me and just, you know, loving
all of me. I'm feeling called back to those
beautiful friends that I've had for years and years and years

(51:39):
that I perhaps isolated myself from because I put myself on a
pedestal. And you know, there's part of me
that feels, it feels yucky saying it right now.
It feels fucking shit but. I know that they love me.
For me, and I hate the word journey, but it's all part of
the journey. Like it literally is all part of

(52:00):
the journey. And you know, the girls that I'm
going tonight to have this pizzaand one night with this, they're
some of the girls that I've probably isolated myself from
over the last couple of years. And, you know, I even made new
friendships over the last coupleof years and I started putting
them on pedestals and I thought,oh, you know, they're the type
of person that I want to be like.
And then when I realise they're human, I'm like, ah,

(52:22):
interesting, you know? So lots of learning, lots of
learning happening right now around this.
And just like letting go of these layers of like this
spiritual person that I had thispicture of, it's like, yeah,
that you always have to. Have like sage and Palo Santo at
any of your events and like you have to wear flowy clothes or
like colorful things. Like there's so many different

(52:43):
expressions of lies of spirituality.
And I'm like, if that's where you're at, fucking go off.
Like I'm so grateful for my like, Palo Santo stage and
there's rituals that support my nervous system and my mind that
I still take from all those things.
I'm so grateful for all the likeecstatic dance parties that I
got to go to. I'm also grateful for when I

(53:04):
used to go nightclubbing and like get fucked up.
Like every part of my journey has created who I am.
And it's just the addiction to some of those things, like to
and the pedestaling of that. And like, like you said, it
feels gross to say. Like I can see part of what
didn't support my past relationship was this element of
like, well, I have all these like tools and like, I'm a

(53:24):
coach. So like, I probably see how
you're the problem with like your attachment style and it was
so much more gentle and loving than previously, right?
So if it's like said in nonviolent words and it's like
if you're like fucking regulatedwhen you say it, then it's fine.
But there's an element of like, did I sit in the complexity of
this man's emotional experience with him?

(53:46):
You know, did I see his humanness and let him be like, I
don't feel like enough? Or did I unconsciously separate
myself and to feel like I was better in some way to protect
me? And that's the thing.
All these like spiritual lies, they're just coping strategies.
They're self protective and theymake sense.
Yeah, absolutely. And I.
Can relate to in a sense of like, you know, when you do the
mindset work or in your, your inthe personal development world.

(54:08):
Sometimes like a friend would come to me and I would then try
and fix their problems or I'd try and push new ways of being
on them when actually they just needed me to hold them.
And that's a really beautiful realization as well, because now
I have friends come to me and I'm like, I don't need to fix.
Like if they, if they want my advice, if they want that that
side of me, of course I'm willing to give it.

(54:28):
But I'm not going to push anything on anyone anymore.
And it just reminds me of like when I was.
In the Christian Church, right, It's like, I have people come
and like try to witness to others.
I'm like, all you need to do, ifyou have tools, techniques,
resources, if you have things tooffer, it's just live it.
Just be it, live it, share it with those who want to hear it
and people will come like they can feel it.
And it's the stance, like you said, of like, I probably could

(54:49):
support someone. And there's this, like, when
does someone need you to, like, drop a rope into the pit to help
them out? And when do they just need you
to crawl down in it with them, breathe a few breaths and be
like, hey, you're safe. You ready to step out now?
And they'll be like, oh, yeah, yeah.
You know, And like, we're all fucking human in that.
Yeah. And it's so.

(55:10):
Beautiful. Because you know, since I've had
this realization about letting go of these layers of like the
spiritual, the spiritual bullshit, the personal
development bullshit, like all of that stuff that I think I
should be, I think I have to be.When I've let go of that
judgment on myself, I've let go of the judgment on Corey, I've

(55:31):
let it go on my family, I've letit go on my best friends, and my
relationships are fucking thriving because I'm not.
Judging them because? I'm judging myself.
That was the biggest. Seat piece I saw you unfold in
your intimate relationship with Corey.
I was like, huh? Because you would be like, you
know? He's drinking.
And I was like, OK, tell me about it.

(55:51):
Like really like because this isthe intricacy, right?
And This is why a coach is so valuable.
I'm like, tell me about it. How much does he drink?
What does it look like? What's his behaviour when he's
drinking? How does he speak to you?
How does he speak to others? Like is he, is he drunk driving?
Like and you'd unpack all this stuff and I'm like, so how is
that a problem? And he'd be like, and you'd
actually say it like that. I.
Love it. Well, I don't like it and.
I'm like, great. And we went back and saw like

(56:13):
the younger version of you who was hurt by someone who was
unsafe with alcohol. And so then you'd be like, oh,
so oh, but Corey's actually super loving to me.
And he's commutative and he's present and he's safe even when
he drinks. And I'm like, OK, so is him
drinking a problem? And you were like, I don't, I
don't think it is. And you just started getting

(56:33):
really curious and observing andyou were like, Oh my God, he's
the same man he always is for me, even when he has a couple
beers, like, why am I putting? And it was like, again, it made
sense, It was self protective, it made sense and it's
discerning. And there was an element of like
you over and over being like, holy shit.
And like letting go of your judgement of him and just be
like, I just get to love him andhe just gets to love me.
And I just get to have fun with him and he just gets to have fun

(56:55):
with me. And you'd send me these messages
of like you 2 being kids. Like you're like, we just had
this road trip and we were just like being little kids in the
car. And it was so amazing because no
longer were you his mommy or like his coach, you were just
this human in the humanness together.
And I was like, ah, my heart. Oh, it's so.
Beautiful and actually at the start of this year we went on
this holiday and I will say. Probably from that.

(57:19):
Holiday like at the start of this year, so we've been
together since November 2023, solike 18 months now.
And like for the first year, I was not liking who I was.
And from the start of this year,we went on this holiday together
and it bought up so much to the surface, but in the best way

(57:42):
possible, we had the like. We're both are so in agreeance.
In agreeance. I don't know if that's a word
anywhere. I'm going to use it.
We're both in agreement on this,that we had this conversation
and we both allowed each other to just completely see.
But more so I will say more. So for once I quietened my

(58:03):
bullshit and I actually allowed myself to listen to him and I
was like, just fucking just zip it up for a second, Molly, and
just listen. Just listen to what he has to
say. And our relationship has
completely transformed to the point now where I have no doubt
about the future. Like I know that I want him in
my future. I know that I want to get

(58:23):
married, I want to have kids. And we've made the decision to
move in together later this year.
And it's just so exciting from that one conversation.
Obviously all the other work as well, but that just feels like a
really pivotal moment was when Itook myself off the pedestal and
allowed him to speak and she said that you're like, oh.

(58:43):
Oh fuck, I don't listen. I try to control the outcome of
the conversation of him, what he's going and I'm like bish,
I've been there. Like I remember the first time I
fully sat in listening with someone.
I'm like, oh I haven't ever listened to my whole life.
I've always just been waiting till I could speak or listening
like looking for what I could say to the conversation where I
want to go. I was like, I've never just sat

(59:05):
with this person. This was years ago that I had
that first experience of it and I was like, oh, it's control.
I always it was a safety protective mechanism.
I do. I control where this is going to
go and watching you unlayer control and have so much because
you'd done the somatic work to create safety in your nervous
system. It was like, Oh, now I can let
my brain line up to that too. And just actually, I don't have

(59:25):
to ingest what he's saying and Ican be fully here with it, stand
in his perspective, look at it, and then be like, okay, great.
Do I want to ingest and digest this or not?
And like, you guys have had somepretty nuanced and beautiful
conversations in that time that's just had you be like, Oh
my God, I'm just here with this amazing man and I don't have to
protect myself anymore. Yeah, it's just so beautiful.

(59:46):
Like the other day we were Facetiming and then I hung up
and then I was just thinking, fuck, we've come so.
Far like we. Have genuinely come so far.
So I Facetimed him again and I said, babe, I just want to say I
love you so much. We are just like so good.
I was like, I can't believe how good we are.
Like and he just is exactly the same.
Like our communication. We always said from the start
that communication is key, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.

(01:00:08):
But now we actually see the effects of it and we're just
like holy shit. Like we're just, we can't
believe it. Like we're just like, wow, we've
come so far and so many women with a more.
Anxious attachment style don't see all the ways they're
unconsciously or consciously controlling the dynamic, the
conversation, the home to protect themselves.
And like it makes sense. But then there's this beautiful
man on the other side who feels like a little boy who's always

(01:00:31):
feeling like he's never enough. Like you can't meet your needs.
Like it's when am I going to be in trouble next?
And it's like, then they pull away.
They go and they play video games, they drink, they play
sport, they work, whatever theirthing is.
And I'm like, you can't control him, but you do get to manage
you and the way you respond and the way you listen and the
safety you create and the like warmth, like the amount of women

(01:00:51):
that tell me that like sweet, juicy messages they send their
partners when they I've done this work to be like, Oh my God,
I appreciate you so much. And it's like, it makes sense of
the fact there's a scared littleboy and a scared little girl in
every conversation. I meet both of them like, hold
that this man is a man when you let him be a boy for a minute
and be vulnerable and be like, Ijust never feel like I'm good
enough for you. Like every judgement of your his

(01:01:12):
drinking just had him be like, oh, fuck.
OK. And now he's like, Oh, the
judgements gone. She's safe for me I'm safe for
her. I'm not in trouble.
Like there's just so much connection.
Space now. Yeah, absolutely.
And it's still something that I'm working on, you know, with
the drinking, like I think I'm so much better.
It's still there a little bit, but but that's the difference.
Right. You get to watch the thought,

(01:01:33):
like the amount of times you've been like, oh, I saw that and
then I just went and did this. I focused on that and it was
like, yeah, like of. Course like I.
Still watch thoughts come up. Then I'm like, whoa, if I was,
if I thought I was my thoughts, I would be like, girl, you
fucked up. Like they're just thoughts.
And I just thought that's interesting.
Yeah. And there was also.
There was also another conversation this year which we
had, which was me also stepping into my power as a woman and

(01:01:58):
like calling him forward and drawing boundaries as well and
expectations, expectations. Would you say that's the right
word for that? Like, you know, I was like, this
is what I want. This is what I'm moving forward
to and like calling him forward to meet me in that as well.
And that's been so powerful. So meeting it from the energy of
having that conversation from the energy of like this is where
I'm at. And this is what I'm doing

(01:02:20):
rather than I need you to do this, otherwise it's gonna be
fucked. That's the difference, right?
When you stand in the secure attachment of like, hey, this is
where I wanna be met. It's like that divine feminine
energy or whatever you wanna call it.
It's like the secure attachment of like, hey, I'm going to stand
here. Would you like to meet me here?
You know, and it's just so. And that's the catalyst of a
woman, too. Like men want to know you

(01:02:41):
respect yourself and them enoughto expect things from them and
to be like, hey, what's our standard?
What are our values? Like, what am I holding you to?
Like, I want to invite you to bea man.
How do you want to be a man for me?
Yeah. When you actually.
Set those expectations or you ask for what you want and then
they can deliver it to you. They're like, fuck yeah, like a.

(01:03:01):
Shot of testosterone they love providing and I'm seeing that
you know David's been so fun andexperimenting with that and like
with men that I love in my life in general like how much this
truth of like Allison Armstrong's books are great for
this. I'm loving the Queens.
Card I'm like, it's like men want to provide.
And as I step into dating relationships, every time I make
myself remember that I'm just being like, I have stopped
dating for a while until quite recently and watching again,

(01:03:25):
like, just being like, oh, man, like men just love when they are
like, I'm like, I got to providethis, whether it's a feeling or
a meal or a circumstance or, youknow, a practical thing.
Like. And it's so beautiful as a woman
to trust yourself enough to not have to manipulate and control,
to get that, to just write and allow.
It's like, we're all learning this again and again.

(01:03:45):
And I love your humanness in this of like, it's a practice.
It's all just like, we fuck up, we come back and we fracture.
We repair. We fracture, we repair.
Yeah. Oh.
They I'm literally so grateful for you.
I just, yeah, like reflecting oneverything is just so beautiful.
Like, I think we all need to take time to reflect and see how

(01:04:05):
far we've come and give ourselves that credit.
And yeah, just like part of thistoo.
Yeah, like it's important. To like look at where you were
and where you are now and how far you've come because I, it's
so easy to just get stuck into where you're going and you just
miss everything that you've justsort of achieved.
Well, speak about. Both of those things then to
wrap up over the next few minutes here, like I'd love to

(01:04:27):
hear about like you've spoken about so much where you've come
where you are. I want to hear where you're
going. Because again, what part of what
I love having clients on here who are working with me is we've
got this. Like I wouldn't say it's a
business container, but kind of like it's a lot of people who
are have done the coaching with me or very similar and now are
stepping into like, OK, I'm building something.
And usually it's business, but not always.
And it's this element of like community and women being like

(01:04:50):
sharing ideas and guiding each other and bringing things there
to think out loud. And I'm really excited to hear
what you're building and for youto showcase because you're going
to to go and get some of these tools that I have as well as.
Bringing the tools you already have.
So what are you creating? What's what's next for you in
that and anything else that you want to share?
Yeah, I'm at a really exciting place with Clarity awaits now

(01:05:10):
where it's felt for the past. It's felt like a little bit
stuck, a little bit icky, a little bit like, Oh yeah, the
other day you're like, can. You look at my Instagram and
tell me like what? What's the blah?
And I was like, well, it's very beautiful and light, feminine,
sweet and soft like which is true.
And what about yo sass? And what about your darkness?
And what about your like, like is that?
And you were like, fuck, I feel like that's what it is.

(01:05:32):
Yeah. So.
I moving forwards what I'm moving towards with clarity
awaits is like, you know, the whole energy of this podcast,
right? I want this energy of me, this
me, you know, all of me to be seen on my page and I want to be
able to and I will. I already am.
Inspire women to just like be the fucking best version of

(01:05:52):
themselves. Like be all, be like, you know,
I guess you say your phrase. Is like to come home to
themselves, you say to themselves.
Yeah, to come home to themselvesand like uncover all the layers
that we've just spoken about andjust like come back to them and
realize that they can, you know,my thing at the moment is like
you can squeeze the most out of life and just fucking have fun
and enjoy and play. Yes.
Feel like I've been very much inthe the healing, the growing,

(01:06:15):
the feeling and I'm always goingto be in the feeling, but I'm
also about, OK, well, what do I want to create out of my life
now and how I want to help womendo the same.
And I've been loving in incorporating my breath work
with mindset. And that's what I'm excited
doing moving forwards is having those mindset tools that I can
then come in and help women really shift the way that

(01:06:37):
they're seeing. And my thing is like taking back
the driver's seat of your life. You know, yes, you are in con.
We like the way I like the word control, but you know what I
mean? You know, like you are the
creator of what your your reality essentially.
And something I love about breath work and what I'm keen to
explore with is, and I've only realized this in the last couple

(01:07:02):
couple of days. I've always known it, I've
always felt it. But something I love about the
breath is its ability to give you a euphoric feeling that I
love from doing drugs. Breath is like and breath work
are the. Only trips that go on now and
I'm like, hello, delicious, likeI remember being somewhere and
this gentleman, we're doing him.No, he's like, looks at me.

(01:07:23):
He's like, it's like smoking weed.
I'm like, yeah, babe. And it's like no detriment to
your body. It's like it makes your mind
malleable. And then you just let your
thoughts wander. And it's beautiful.
It's a pure. Clean heart made from your body.
And what I'm keen to explore is how can I make this?
I love music. I love like I love like cool

(01:07:44):
techno fucking music. Like I like festivals.
I still love going to festivals.I wanna create that in my
breathwork journey. And yes, there's always gonna be
breathwork journeys where peopleare feeling and processing like
deeper emotions from past, but Ialso want them to be in the
jarring and creating in the future.
I think I just had a vision. Of like when I create my
immersion and have that I'm like, how do I bring Molly in to

(01:08:04):
do like a couple hour of like a dance party breathwork journey.
That would be so fun. Yeah.
So I'm just. It's that right?
It's that rise. Through the heavy icky shit so
you can clear it out so you can just be up here just being like
life support and slip in more oflife being like oh fuck, there's
the heavy thing Feel it fast. Yeah great.
What did I learn? Go move on now come back to life
support. Life support and that's.

(01:08:25):
Exactly what where Clarity Waitsis going, which is really
exciting. And then more personally moving
forwards, I am going to have more, have more, have more fun.
I'm going to be finding new hobbies.
I'm going to be moving either later this year or earlier,
early in the new year, yeah, to Canberra, which is really
exciting. So creating that new life with
Corey and yeah, just continuing to grow the business with my mom

(01:08:49):
that I'm in as well. And just like having fun,
enjoying my friendships, you know, just like living life to
the fullest. And especially for the next
couple of years before I want tohave kids as well.
Like I just want to like have fun.
I want to travel, I want to do all those things.
So what a great thing to be ableto model.
As a future mother as well. Yes, exactly.

(01:09:10):
I'm so. Excited that with this work, I
know that, you know, we're all going to pass things on to our
kids, of course. But a lot of the shit that I've
carried throughout the generations, it's going to end
with me. And there's going to be a new
pattern. There's going to be a new yeah
yeah yeah new fuckery. Yeah, a new fuckery.
Exactly. All right.

(01:09:30):
Well, like slap yourself. All over so that people can find
you. I want to hear about Clarity
Waits. Talk about the other business
because I know you guys, you andyour mom have a cool business
that people might be interested in, so talk to everyone about
how they can connect with. You you and I are going to be
working together on some Co constructed things, so they'll
find links in my stuff soon too.But tell me about tell them
about you so they can find you. Yes, so you can just find me on
Instagram at clarity awaits. And then the business that I'm

(01:09:52):
in with my mom is my mom's beautiful homewares and fashion
store and it's called Tamale. So it's actually named after my
brother and I. But even if you want to just
follow my mom on Instagram, it'sTamale under score Kark or and
she's so fucking. She's the good vibes, you know?
Weirdo, Yeah. She's, she's just like.
So cute, like she'll come on herstories and like do cool things,

(01:10:14):
but we sell really beautiful products that you know, we have
beautiful teas, we have beautiful candles, we have
beautiful journals, just really nice, beautiful products to make
you feel like inspired in your life.
So that's always fun too. And then I do also, if you've
enjoyed this conversation, I do also have a podcast which is
wrapping up now, but you never know what's going to happen in

(01:10:35):
the future. But if you want to go back and
listen to some episodes that I've been in, it's just held
podcast, so. Yeah, that's there as well.
If you if you like what I speak about.
I love this. I'm so excited to keep watching
your journey, Molly. Like it's been such an honor.
Like I genuinely call you a friend and I'm so excited to Co
construct future things with youand just watch you.
This is the weirdest job ever. Like I'm frothing my life in

(01:10:57):
that I meet the most amazing women and I'm like, we get to
hang out. Like I loved that when you came
to Queensland. We just went and spent a day
together and just like played onthe beach.
And I've had that with other clients come from Interstate.
I'm like, I just, I get to. Love women, I get to help.
Women love themselves and see how amazing life gets to be and
go out and play in life and lovein life and let down the guards
and all the protective control strategies and just fucking

(01:11:20):
thrive in life. That's what I feel for.
Well, thank you for letting me. Witness you in that and
continuing to be involved in that like I just your your wins
are my wins and that makes me sohappy and I yeah, I just, I love
being your friend. Is there anything?
Else you wanted to say to sort of wrap up for yourself in the
episode. Well, I said it before I'm.
Just so grateful for you and allthat we've, you know, worked
through together. But also for anyone listening to

(01:11:42):
the episode that has been thinking about, you know,
coaching with V or working with V in any capacity, like just
fuck, take the leap because yourlife will completely transform.
And I especially love the group containers as well because it's
so beautiful to be able to connect with those other women.
So yeah, I say go for it. You know, dive right in.
Don't just dip the toe. Dive on in.

(01:12:05):
Thanks babe. I'm so I was so honored that you
did that, like you stepped into coaching before we even I think
we're 3 or 4 sessions deep and you're like, this can't end.
What do I do next? And I was like, oh, OK, great.
And it was an edge for me. It was an.
Edge for me at the start to leaninto investing in myself.
And yeah, it was an edge, but I mean, you can't fucking put a
price on your happiness. Like preach.

(01:12:29):
Yeah. Well, thank you so much for
coming on and. Playing and sharing and I'm so
excited for people to find you on social media to watch you
learn and grow and be a part of your journey.
And I like to like feature like,re, what's the word Fast forward
into the future and think about how many women I I saw and then
like to be tuning in a couple ofyears ago and be like, Oh my
God, she has, they're married. Oh my God, she has the baby.
Oh my God, their business is thriving.

(01:12:49):
And just be like, if I was any part of that, like, yeah.
Amazing. Oh, thank you so much for having
me on. And yeah, thanks to everyone
listening. Bye, guys.
Thank you so much for. Being here, if you got value
from today's episode, it would mean the world to me.

(01:13:11):
If you would like it, give it a five star review, share it with
a friend or share it on your socials.
And I would love to connect withyou on my socials at Veronica
Jane under score on Instagram and www.veronicajane.com where
you can access links to all my offers and events.
Remember, we're always unbecoming.
What isn't us to become what is.This isn't me.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

24/7 News: The Latest

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}#101- Stop Ingesting, Start Discerning: Discerning Truth From Within and Doing The Work YOUR Way

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}On Purpose with Jay Shetty

Dateline NBC

24/7 News: The Latest

All Episodes

#101- Stop Ingesting, Start Discerning: Discerning Truth From Within and Doing The Work YOUR Way

On Purpose with Jay Shetty