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April 27, 2025 14 mins

How do you get out of that judgment TRAP!?

Oh honey, judgment is sneaky!

If you're breathing, you've probably fallen into its trap more than once.

How do we tenderly shift away from self-criticism and shame spirals? You know, in those "Why am I like this?" or "Why do I always do that!?" moments.

It’s time to swap judgment for curiosity, embrace radical self-compassion, and utilise some of those inner "family" members who can serve to model more love for you!

Using the powerful lens of Inner Child Work or Internal Family Systems (IFS), let's explore how you can learn to love every part of yourself — yes, even the messy, awkward, “beautiful mess" parts!

Finding more ways to remember, you are not broken, you are beautifully complex! And sis? You’re doing way better than you think you are x

Time to learn more self compassion and curiosity? What might happen if you booked a call? (H⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ere⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠)⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

You can always connect with me on my website: ⁠⁠⁠⁠www.veronicajayne.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ and on Instagram ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@veronicajayne_⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Did you know you can also watch episodes of This Isn't Me podcast on YouTube? ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠@veronicajayne⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

~ In love and learning, Veronica Jayne

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Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Sis, you're doing the best you can.
Yeah, you're actually doing friggin great.
Like, props to you. This is a new way of being.
You're learning. You're moving through this new
awareness and learning to be a new way.
Can you like, give yourself someslack?

(00:22):
Hi, I'm Veronica Jane, embodiment empowerment and
relationship coach, and this is This Isn't Me podcast.
I wonder if you've ever found yourself in a moment where you.
Look at your life and realize. This isn't me and you're ready
for the next version of yourself.
That's. What This Isn't Me podcast is
all about. Letting go of the past and

(00:42):
stepping into the. Future you desire and deserve.
This isn't me anymore. Hello, welcome to another
episode of This Isn't Me podcast.
I'm Veronica Jane, and I'm so grateful that you're here.
I'm so excited to talk about today's topic, which is this
judgement trap. And I know you all been out

(01:03):
there judging yourself. Mm hmm.
And to be honest, me too. I'm really great at being right
with reality and being honest when I'm dealing with stuff.
And this is something that I still deal with and perhaps
every human does. And this is our whole job to
learn to let go of maybe. So let's explore this topic
together and let's bring a wholebunch of curiosity as we dive

(01:24):
into this. OK, All right, so this judgment
trap is what I'm calling it, this trap that humans seem to be
getting themselves stuck in of continually judging themselves.
Let's look at some examples. Judging yourself for smoking.
Judging yourself for not eating well enough, for spending too
much money for not saving. Judging yourself for not

(01:45):
exercising enough, for working too much for working not enough
for not doing your laundry, for being too fat, being too skinny,
eating that thing when you shouldn't have, not eating that
thing when you shouldn't, when you should have.
Like human judgement spans a whole spectrum, the whole
gambit, doesn't it? The things that I, throughout my

(02:06):
life have been able to judge myself for, man, that could fill
a stadium. And I wonder if you're the same.
I wonder if there's things that you catch yourself judging
yourself for. And I wonder how you've been
dealing with that. Let's look at judgement and see,
does it actually serve a purpose?
What if instead of judgement, ohwait, did you answer that

(02:28):
question for yourself? Does judgement truly serve a
purpose for you? For some of you, it might feel
like it does. Because for some of us, at
points in our life, that judgement that we bring has us
get so frustrated with ourselves, so angry that we
eventually make a change. And yet I wonder if that change

(02:48):
is usually sustainable and if it's driven from a place of
love. Like, I never see judgement come
from love. I never see it as sustainable.
I never see it as allowing someone to be open and present
with themselves. It usually leads them to
dissociating, numbing out or going into freeze mode.
Even if they stop doing the thing that they were judging
themselves for, it ends up causing its own ramifications,

(03:12):
its own repercussions. Yeah.
And then they judge themselves for that, for the new coping
strategy that they're using instead of the thing they
stopped doing that they were judging themselves for.
Y'all with me. OK.
So OK, you're identifying. You're judging yourself, right?
If you're anything like me, you can watch your internal dialogue
or just sort of see how you feeland recognize, oh, that's coming

(03:34):
from a place of judgement. But let's say you don't.
Let's start there. Yeah.
Let's say that you're looking atyour life and you just see
yourself feeling irritable when you don't do something you know
you should do. Well, can you start getting
curious about that and recognizethat that's probably coming from
a place of judgement? Can you start tuning into your

(03:55):
internal dialogue and see whose voice is in there judging you?
Maybe it's your mom or your dad or a teacher or a friend or a
neighbor, someone from your pastwho told you you shouldn't do
the thing. If you're using words like
should have to, need to, must, that's a sign of judgement.
Yeah. It's like you're measuring
yourself against the someone else's standard, or even if it

(04:16):
is your own. Now, it's this place of it's a
place of measuring yourself, judging yourself for being less
than, not enough, too much. And so as you start getting
aware of your judgement, where you're shooting, where your need
to, where you have to, where you're not enough, where you're
too much, those are terms of judgement.

(04:36):
So instead of judgement when that comes up, what if we
learned to bring curiosity? What if we could learn to be
compassionate? Yeah.
Now, this is a frame of that canbe really helpful when you look
at family systems or when you look at, you know, child work
where you learn to compact, comeat yourself as a different

(05:00):
identity, as like the nurturing mother, the caring father or the
big sister, whoever is you can use as a representation for
someone who would love you in that moment when you're being
hard on yourself because sometimes you can so identify as
yourself, right. I do like I get lost in this
Veronicaness and this identity that I'm currently being is the

(05:22):
one that's bringing the judgment.
So if I bring in an external representation, an external
figure like imaginary dad, an imaginary mom, an imaginary
friend, imaginary lover, they might speak to me differently
than what I'm doing in my internal world now.
Yeah. So what would that look like for
you is when you're seeing the judgement, if instead you could

(05:44):
get curious and you could imagine, what would this other
person say to me in this moment,this best friend, this lover,
this parent, What would they seein me right now?
How would they speak to me? And I get it.
Some of you haven't had great representations of love.
So even that person's judge mental.
So then bring in someone else, an imaginary figure, bring in

(06:07):
someone who has a tonality of ofme when I'm at my best maybe or
your therapist or your great grandma, like whoever is an
imaginary, like Mr. Rogers came to mind.
An imaginary character who you know would be curious and
compassionate with you and just imagine them looking at you,
talking to you. And you can imagine them both
standing on a stage in front of you.

(06:28):
You could imagine watching them on the TV, having the
conversation, or maybe you want to look through your own eyes at
that person speaking to you and explore how would they speak to
you? What energy would they bring
towards you? How would they look at you,
touch you in those moments? What would it be like to be held
by them in that? And I don't just mean
physically, although that could be a part of it.

(06:48):
There might be some affection. What would it be like to be
emotionally or maybe energetically held by them in
that time of judgement? Can you imagine how they would
look at you, how they would speak to you, how they would
laugh or joke with you, the levity that they would bring?
And can you see how in that you make space for acceptance?

(07:13):
Because judgement is about something deeper, something
unhealed, some wound, some belief about yourself that it's
hard to feel. And The thing is, you judge
yourself and ignore it. Nothing could change.
Whereas sometimes the judgment'sthe first sign.
There's something there that gets to change.

(07:36):
Yeah, sometimes judgment's an indicator of, oh, I'm out of
integrity with myself. I'm out of alignment.
I'm no longer doing this thing. That's the new version of me.
This doesn't have to be me anymore.
And rather than judging it, can you get right with the reality
of it? Can you stare it in the eye and
love it? This expression of you, this
coping mechanism, this way of being that's come into place for

(07:59):
a reason? Can you get curious about it?
Can you offer yourself compassion?
And can you meet yourself in acceptance?
Not acceptance, like keep doing the thing.
Acceptance like this is what's really happening.
And this is the belief I must beholding about myself to keep
doing this. Or this is sad that I learned

(08:20):
this or this is scary that this is my best way of handling this.
And can you be with the emotion of that?
That's the acceptance that there's a younger version of you
that learnt that, that learnt, adopted that as a coping
strategy, that explored that as a way to get through it.
And can you just get curious? Can you offer yourself

(08:41):
compassion? And maybe it will look like
talking in the voice of that person, right?
So if it's your parent that's loving or a grandparent or lover
or friend, can you use their voice to speak to yourself with
love and kindness? Like babe, girl, sis.
And like, some of my clients endup saying, my voice comes to
them where I'm like, sis, you'redoing the best you can.

(09:01):
Yeah. You're actually doing friggin
great. Like, props to you.
This is a new way of being. You're learning.
You're moving through this new awareness and learning to be a
new way. Can you, like, give yourself
some slack? Yeah.
Can you laugh? Can you recognize, fuck, this is
real? And now that it's in my

(09:22):
awareness, I can change it and like, yay, that I'm honest with
myself enough to look at this. And that's the acceptance piece.
Yeah, really look at it, really hold the complexity of it,
whether it's the food you eat, the way you spend your money,
the numbing strategies. Like, can you just be honest
with yourself that they're thereand can you look at them and can

(09:47):
you meet this younger version ofyou that has been exiled and
that's been using this strategy?And can you meet them?
Can you hold them? Can you love them?
Can you accept them? And can you stop judging
yourself? And from that place, can you
elicit the change? You know, I had a client reach

(10:09):
out recently talking to me aboutshe realized she was creating.
She's going to love this becauseshe's always really good at
identifying when I'm talking about her, at creating movement
from like fear and anger. And I might not be getting this
exactly right, but basically from this lack.
And now she's like, oh, I want to do it from like abundance and
possibility. And then she's judging herself

(10:31):
for that. And I'm like, OK, babe,
sometimes like, let's get real here.
People are hungry and they're going to steal because they
don't have food to eat. And if we look at this from like
a psychological frame of like Maslow's hierarchy of needs,
when you have a base level need to be met, girl, you're going to
source it however the fuck you need to.
If it's from lack because you starving, go get food, get

(10:54):
sustained. Yeah, get sustenance.
Build that hierarchy. If you haven't looked it up,
Naslow's hierarchy of needs. And if you're not meeting your
own needs from that framework, sis, go please love yourself
enough to get curious about whatyou need biologically before you
can do this like self actualization work.
And this is cyclical over and over.
Like I'm always exploring what do I need at this base level?
And then from there she was looking at like, OK, OK, cool.

(11:17):
Yeah, makes sense. Like I didn't have money.
I'm I'm looking to create this next thing so I can have money
or I didn't have connection. And so there was manipulation
that occurred to get the connection.
How can I now do it from this place of curiosity and
compassion and love and possibility?
And so even when we're looking to grow and self actualize, we

(11:38):
can judge ourselves from where we were doing it from.
Yeah. And so a lot of the work that I
do is to help bring levity and lightness and, and laughter to
like, oh, shit. Like we're always doing the best
that we can until we learn something new.
And we're always doing the best that we can until we have a new
strategy, a new resource, a new technique.
We're always doing the best thatwe can until we discover and can

(12:00):
learn a new way of being. And when you judge yourself for
seeing that you've been doing something that's no longer
working, it's going to hold you in, that it's going to keep you
in the past, trapped. So instead, can you allow
yourself to just get curious andoffer compassion and recognize
that adding judgement is just a way of doubling down?

(12:21):
Shame will keep you stuck. Yeah.
Can you meet the reality of where you're at and get
playfully curious? Can you express the emotions
that had you choose that strategy or way of being?
Can you witness them and love them and allow yourself to move
from there? So next time you reach for the

(12:43):
Oreos or skip the gym or pick upthe vape, can you meet that,
that version of you? I learnt that that would make
them feel good for a SEC. Yeah.
When you reach for, I don't know, like pornhub.com or the
next empty relationship, that one night stand, can you realize

(13:04):
there's a version of you that's seeking something?
Yeah, that's desiring to be connected with, to be held.
And can you meet that younger version of you in that?
And can you see what you know and have and feel now that'll
allow you to do it different in the future, that little you back

(13:25):
there? They need to be met first,
honored and held and witnessed, and then the forward movement in
a consistent, sustainable and healthy way can happen from
there. So babe, can you let go of the
judgement trap once you see the doors can be opened and you can
step forward with compassion, acceptance and curiosity at all

(13:49):
changes? Thanks for joining me for
another episode. If you got value.
From what you heard today, I would love for you to like it.
To give it. A five star review Share it with
a friend or share it on. Your socials.
And I would love to connect withyou on my socials.
You can find me at Veronica Janeunder score on Instagram where

(14:12):
you can access links to all my upcoming offers and events.
Remember, now is always a great time to.
Decide this. Isn't me.
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