26. National Holiday Remodels & Mr Phillis Masseuse Master

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Prepare for absolute chaos as James and Dylan set the podcast on fire with their most frenetic, sweat-soaked episode yet. What begins as a simple challenge to create stories from three random words quickly spirals into a masterclass of improvised madness spanning gladiators, genies, and holiday reimaginings.

The journey kicks off with nostalgic reminiscing about the 90s TV phenomenon Gladiators, complete with character names from both UK and South African versions. Dylan shares his thoughts on the new Lilo and Stitch movie before the hosts dive into their main challenge: selecting locations where they might find genies, generating three random words, and crafting stories from them.

James takes us on an unexpected educational expedition to "Papua New Genie" (his deliberately misspelled version of Papua New Guinea), revealing fascinating facts about this island nation with 840 languages. His deep dive into online reviews for a small lodge becomes an absurdist commentary on internet rating culture, as he questions why people giving five-star written reviews would only award three stars.

Meanwhile, Dylan explores how holidays could be improved, proposing that Valentine's Day should be split into two celebrations: a traditional one for couples and "V-Day" for singles looking to connect. His holiday "remodels" extend to combining Groundhog Day with April Fool's, creating a system where a groundhog's behavior determines when people can pull pranks, making the day unpredictable and fresh.

The rising temperature in the studio becomes a character itself as both hosts repeatedly mention how they're "sweating their twats off" in the heat. This physical discomfort adds another layer to the already chaotic energy, culminating in James role-playing phone calls to Dylan's fictional "Big D's University" with increasingly ridiculous course inquiries.

Subscribe now to hear next week's equally unhinged adventure as the hosts search for entrances to underground civilizations. Trust us – you won't find another podcast that combines educational tidbits, holiday reformation, and sweaty improv quite like Three Word Story.

Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!

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• TikTok: @Threewordstory
• X: @_threewordstory

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Three Word Story.
I'm James.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm Dylan.

Speaker 1 (00:03):
And this is the podcast where we take three
words from the app.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
What three words.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
And improv the shit out of a story.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
Today on Three Word Story Welcome back to Dylan's
Soldier.
Guys, strap yourself in for atwo-hour episode.

Speaker 1 (00:22):
So what in South Africa?
You would call someone atoboggan.
So what in South Africa?
You would call someone atoboggan?
Don't want a little freakingspaghetti picture of you?
I just want to smash a TV in.

Speaker 2 (00:31):
I think you're fine.

Speaker 3 (00:33):
I think you're fine.
It's a Mr Philistinesgladiators ready.

Speaker 1 (00:45):
Three word story are you ready?

Speaker 2 (00:51):
we are ready, james, you're ready there, dylan.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
So you've ready today for a three word story, the
wonderful podcast where we takethree random words from a
location and improv the shit outof a story yeah, I think my
neighbors will be very glad forthat introduction just being

(01:17):
like listen, fuck off, it's asunday.
Well, dylan it's good to see you.
It's been a whole day sinceI've seen you, which is a whole
day.
I've missed you endlessly, everso endlessly.
And um, quick question forthose.
I mean, that was gladiators, bythe way.
Uh, for those who didn't knowout there, uh, gladiators was a
wonderful show that used to beon tv.

(01:38):
I just, I think they brought itback where a group of insane
looking athletes would take onthe general public, uh, along
assault courses and whatnot.
Right, yeah, did you have SouthAfrican gladiators?

Speaker 2 (01:49):
and what were their names?
Uh, yes, we did.
This was a good while back,Like I'm.
If I had to guess, I think thelast one, Ed, maybe like 20
years ago, like it stopped whenI was like you haven't had the
reboot then no, we haven't hadthe reboot um, but back then, um
, it was granite, like it wasthis yeah, yeah, granite, and uh

(02:11):
, I think his name is an oldlady, it's granny.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
It's coming to the.

Speaker 2 (02:17):
No, it was probably it was this, this uh bold white
man, but fuck, that guy was bigand like.
He was like the celebrity forme growing up was like granite.
I think it was like granite andI think it was something like
titan and um and like well wehad.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Uh, we had like jet, I think was one of the women.
One we had, wolf.
Wolf was crazy looking thatlong haired bastard.
I'm pretty sure he was likeinvolved in some some drugs or
something like that.
I don don't know.
Allegedly, he was allegedly, soplease don't double.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Kill me, wolf please leave me alone.
How old do you reckon Wolf isnow?
Oh, is this part of the reboot?
No, he's not part of the reboot.
I think the reboot.

Speaker 1 (02:54):
Guys are a bit cleaner looking.
They're a little bit more mean.
You know these look like guyswho would honestly kick the fuck
out of you and then sell yousteroids in the locker room.
Right, they were.
They were rough old people backin the day.
But gladiators was gladiatorswas great.
I'm glad south africa hadgladiators, but they haven't had
their room reboot no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (03:14):
Um, I don't know why normally we try and steal from
you.
Got the world's strongest mannow right.

Speaker 1 (03:19):
So that would be a great place to start for
gladiators.
Imagine you're coming upagainst the world's strongest
man and you have to I don't knowfucking wrestle a ball with him
, or something.

Speaker 2 (03:29):
Yeah, well, I know they.
They used to be kind of thisgauntlet thing where you just
have to run past him and theyhave to kind of shove you away
with this, uh like foam yeah,the double batting thing and I
can just imagine this guy beinglike you ain't getting past me.
Yeah, if you don't have thespeed, the world's strongest
smack in the face would be sick.

Speaker 1 (03:48):
That would be a great reform.
So if we ever do setting up abusiness in africa, then you can
bring back gladiators and wecan.
We can push that.
Uh, well, dylan, uh, we wentoff piece we just went pieced
off massively.
Uh dylan, how are you and why?

Speaker 2 (04:05):
just rework it back all the way from there.
It's like no hold on.
We start off the path and thenwe'll bring it back.

Speaker 1 (04:12):
Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm picking up on the path, but
I haven't seen you for a day, soI assume that crazy things may
or may not have happened to you,like before we get to the point
where, yes, we talk about,where we, the locations we've
picked, so we can find ourrandom three words, so then we
can generate our wonderfulstories.
Dylan, for the listeners andfor me, and for me, your dear
friend James, how are you?

(04:33):
How is why?

Speaker 2 (04:35):
You know what, james, since yesterday?
Yeah, haven't been too bad 24hours.
In that 24 hours I've been tothe movies, right.

Speaker 1 (04:50):
Okay, I don't know why that cuts off at the end.
That's very annoying, but we'llsee.
It's our producer Again.
What was his name?

Speaker 2 (04:57):
Why did I want to say Alan?

Speaker 1 (04:58):
No, alan's my car and AI assistant, but Tom, tom Tom.

Speaker 2 (05:03):
What's your name, Tom ?
Was that Tom?
Yeah, it was.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Tom, it is you win.

Speaker 2 (05:06):
Probably why he's such a bad producer because we
can't remember his name.
Yeah, I know we are awful tothis producer.

Speaker 1 (05:11):
So, dylan, you went to the movies and what happened?
And why?
What did you watch?
Yeah, lilo and Stitch keen eye,dylan, and I've been thinking
is it just the cartoon, but withreal people in it?
And was the stitch a realstitch?
Was it really live action like?
Was this stitch just a ferretwith, uh, some makeup on and

(05:33):
they just made it act?
What?

Speaker 2 (05:34):
happened.
No, yeah again, I don't knowthe exact definition of live
action, but no, stitch wasreally computer generated.
Oh, really computer?
No, but it was.
It was well done.
Like, listen I, I don't, Idon't care what other people say
, I really enjoyed the movie.

Speaker 1 (05:52):
I love it.
You got ahead of that, yeah,like, hey, anyone you guys in
the room here with us, I knowwhat you're looking at and and
fuck you, okay, and you knowwhat.
Your t-shirt your lilo andstitch t-shirt is adorable,
dylan, I like it.
So, out of five Ds, how wouldyou give the child's movie Lilo
and Stitch how many Ds would you?

Speaker 2 (06:09):
give it.
I think I'd give the child'smovie five Ds Great Four and a
half.

Speaker 1 (06:12):
Four and a half Ds.
Okay, your highlight of Liloand Stitch would be.

Speaker 2 (06:44):
Did?
Yes, very much so, and I thinkthat because I really because I
appreciated that so much I thinkthat's why I'm giving it such a
high score is because it reallykind of tapped into that and
they added one or two littlecute moments where it really
kind of elevated some of themovie.
Don't get me wrong, some of thecharacters weren't there, which
I think half of the peoplewould miss.
Anyway, I was a staunch, theyweren't.
What did they do?
Um, like no, sound like thisguy from comic-con just asking
these these intense questions.
But no, like, uh, like, uh,captain gantu was not in this
one, as opposed to the what'swrong with captain gantu Gang 2?

Speaker 1 (07:03):
I don't remember or don't know of Captain Gang 2.
Is he not 2025?
Is that what?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
we're saying no, it's not the sense of him not being
2025.
It's in the original one, JambaJokiba, the creator of Lilo of
Stedge.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
This is why I'm asking you questions, because I
know you'll know the answers,and that's what I love about.
That's what our listeners want.
They want the deep dive on liloand stick so please carry on
anyway.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
in the original as, or at least as I have it, they
um like he kind of they show abit more um like you humanity
towards stitch, as opposed tothis new one where he's actually
the bad guy and he stays thebad guy when Dr Chupacabra Okay,

(07:56):
thank you, needless to say it'sa very sweet movie.
I really enjoyed it.
Comedy is good, original voiceovers.
So yeah, very happy, originalvoiceovers.
They just took the audio fromthe first film.
No, no, no, meaning like it'sthe same actors and like Stitch
is still Stitch 20 years laterand who voices?
Stitch.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
Steve someone, steve someone, just a guy who's just
like this the whole time wow andhe does, and he does a great
job at it.

Speaker 2 (08:26):
Well, good for him well done, steve.

Speaker 1 (08:29):
What a great guy you win.
Why does that cut off?
That's really annoying.
Well, I mean one less buttonfor you.
Yeah, I know, I'm only down tothree and only one of them is a
fucking telephone, so that's notgonna help us.
So we're down to two.
Right, dylan going to help her,so we're down to two right
dylan.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
Let the ceremonies begin, all right and that's the
other button.

Speaker 1 (08:47):
Dylan is you know how many times I can pull that
fucking thing out?
hopefully just not so often, sonow I'm gonna have to change my
story to ceremony based banter.
Uh, dylan, what's up for ourstories?
Okay, way back when we decidedthat we were going to find a
location on this humble planetearth where we think we would

(09:07):
find a genie, we were then goingto locate that place.
That place, using what threewords, would give us three
unique words, and then we wouldobviously make a story out of
them, dylan, but the caveat wasthat we were going to have, uh,
what our three wishes were aswell, located to this place, and
and judging by your face, Iknow you know that and you are
fully prepared for today'sthree-word story.

(09:31):
So, dylan, Let the ceremoniesbegin.

Speaker 3 (09:36):
Drop it down low with three-word story.
What?

Speaker 1 (09:42):
Do you think you would find a genie, and why?

Speaker 2 (09:49):
You know what.
I'm just going to ignore thewhy and just tell you where,
because this is one of those athought popped up and I just ran
with it and I don't know why.
But I was like, yeah, thatmakes sense and I'm not going to
question what I was thinking.
So I said you know whatstarbucks?

Speaker 1 (10:11):
that's where.
That's where you'll find.
Right, that's where you'll find.
You do remind me of a whitemillennial girl with her pumpkin
spice latte, so that does makesense to me okay, double double
bump.
Okay, so you have I assume outof 250 000 starbucks in the
world, or however many there are.
Yes, um, you went.
Where did you go?
And why so we?
For the sake of the podcast,dylan, can you please humor me
on the.
Why could we not just go?

Speaker 2 (10:31):
and I think starbucks moving on, yeah, starbucks
al-sif, al-sif al-sif rightright next to dubai creek, so
you can kind of, uh, wrap a bitof history into that.
But it really gives us old townfeel or kind of Arabic kind of
style layout and old town feelright next to Dubai Creek, which

(10:55):
has a bit of history to it.
So, yeah, it's a Starbucks.
That's obviously a very modernidea, but at the same time it's
a very old area.
So I figured you know what,let's kind of blend the two have
a genie pop up there somewhereand maybe I just thought, oh,
you call it a lamp though, right, yeah you stroke and caress the

(11:20):
lamp and then the genie popsout right, so it's a lamp.

Speaker 1 (11:23):
I guess you would call it Dylan.
This is your sweet, sweet.

Speaker 2 (11:27):
Well, either way, no.
So I think I just automaticallythought of okay, it looks like
a kettle, not like a lamp, andmaybe I thought starbucks coffee
and coffee and I was like yeah,look, you can get those like
kettles that have like the long,slender spout, which looks like
something a genie would.
Yes, pop outie would yeah solet's call it, let's call the

(11:47):
story of uh, I'll see ifstarbucks there's, there's a
lamp or a long, long schlongkettle a long schlong kettle.

Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yeah, famous, yeah, because what?

Speaker 2 (11:58):
did you just say what ?
What do you call the, uh, thelonger part of it?

Speaker 1 (12:01):
I don't know why I put that ch.
I spout spout on your catcher.

Speaker 2 (12:05):
Yeah, so it's a spout .

Speaker 1 (12:07):
So long schlongy spout.

Speaker 2 (12:09):
Yeah, so we'll call that the uh, uh, the legendary
story of al-sif okay and so youmean al-sif, the, uh, the new
old place, right, the new old,the new old place.
So it's not actually old, it'smade to look old yes it, it's a
real fake place, but it is alsoold in terms of location.

Speaker 1 (12:27):
Yes, yes, yes, but it's like one big movie set that
you just don't know.
Is it real, is it not real, isit fake?
Is it?

Speaker 2 (12:32):
not fake.
Yeah it's like old, new, old,new, old, it's old, new.
Okay, dylan.
So, and does this place relateto your story in any way, or did
you just go?
No, considering last week'sstory, I figured let me steer

(12:53):
clear of that, because I'm notso sure if, if last week's story
worked out well, but yeah, thisone will probably not either.

Speaker 1 (12:55):
So, okay, right, and now dylan because I know you are
phenomenally prepared for this.
What are your three wishes andwhy?
let the ceremonies begin I havevery limited use for this one,
so prepare to uh that one tocome on every now and then.
Right, hit me three wishes.
Right you're, you're in alcife,you've just got your coca mocha

(13:15):
latte from starbucks, right,and they're like hey, big d
dylan d yells above, struck thiskettle, rub my kettle.
This man's looking at you inthe eyes and he's going hey, you
rub my kettle.
And you're like I'm a bituncomfortable.
He's like, hey, lock the doors.
You rub my kettle.
Right, you have no choice.

(13:35):
You rub the kettle.
Alakazam, hello eyes, I'm thegenie.
How can I grant your threewishes today?
I don't know what this is, butwe're rolling with it.

Speaker 3 (13:50):
I am a genie, I have an undescript accent.

Speaker 1 (13:53):
Where am I from?
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
And you answer your own questions.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yeah, so Dylan, what is your three wishes?
And why.
To learn what is your threewishes.

Speaker 2 (14:10):
and why Off the cuff?
Because, genie, you know that Iam very great at improv.

Speaker 3 (14:15):
Oh, yes, you are on that amazing three-word story.
Improv podcast.

Speaker 2 (14:22):
So I would like to be yes, reborn, reborn.

Speaker 3 (14:29):
Has.

Speaker 2 (14:32):
Reborn yes, I want to be reborn, yes.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
You want to be reborn , so it's basically a way to say
I want to die.

Speaker 2 (14:44):
I want to be reborn as a monarch every century.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
Every century.
Okay, delightful.
So let's say we go back, we goback.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
Oh, actually hold on, Hold on, no take it back.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
Okay, all right.
So I wish for an unbreakableDeLorean like it appears in Back
to the Future.
Okay, so time travel, okay,right.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
I'm scrapping the genie voice because I don't
really know where the fuck I wasgoing, so I'm just going to use
my voice.
Right, I'm going to use myvoice.
So, the unbreakable DeLorean.
Now is this just the car, theDeLorean, or do you?
Indeed?

Speaker 2 (15:21):
want to time travel.
I indeed want to time travel.

Speaker 1 (15:23):
Okay, first thing you do right, You're time
travelling.
Where are you?

Speaker 2 (15:26):
going For some reason I would like to go back to
let's call it, let's go backpre-Civil.

Speaker 1 (15:39):
War.

Speaker 2 (15:42):
That's where we want to go, that's where we want to
go.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
Okay, so you're gonna , you're just gonna bounce
around time, so to say time zone, uh, and having a a way old
time.
So that's wish number one,dylan.
Wish number two hit me what yougot um after time travel.

Speaker 2 (15:57):
Uh, I would.
I would definitely wish youknow, I wish for an island.
Sure, why not An island?
Yeah, a property habitableisland?
Yeah, okay, a properlyhabitable one, yeah, maybe
something off like the Caymans,yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:17):
Okay, right, so you've got time travel and
you've got island.

Speaker 2 (16:20):
Third wish I guess I have to have stacks of cash to
back that up, right?
I would assume so yeah.

Speaker 1 (16:28):
Okay, Cash Island, DeLorean Time Travelling.
You happy with that?

Speaker 2 (16:32):
Yeah, I could go deep into you know what really makes
my soul churn, but I figuredlet's keep it by talking what's?

Speaker 3 (16:39):
that what makes?

Speaker 2 (16:40):
my soul churn.
I didn't know what else he is.

Speaker 3 (16:42):
Do I want?

Speaker 1 (16:42):
to know what makes your soul churn.
Welcome back to Dylan's soulchurning.
Okay, so we're going to juststick it.
We're going to keep it light.
Yeah, delorean, some timetravel.
We're going to have mountainsof cash and an Island.
Yeah, happy with it.
Double kill, okay, dylan.
So the three words I gave youwere remodels, doing holiday oh,

(17:08):
alright, okay, that kind ofthat leads itself to a story.
Quite well, it's like holdingyour hand to the story.
It's like, hey, here's thesethree random words, but let me
guide you towards the story.

Speaker 2 (17:19):
that's what they've done.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I alsodon't like the thought of that,
because that then insinuates mystory would be good.
Okay, yeah, that's true, and Idon't like that.

Speaker 1 (17:28):
You've slipped your hand out of the grip of the
three words and you've run away,you naughty little rapscallion,
and you've done your own thing,I'm sure, right, dylan.
So I've looked at the globe,the map, and I have scaled every
square kilometer of it wow, notjust deciding on the starbucks.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
Yeah, you went 10 kilometers down the road.

Speaker 1 (17:53):
Where's my nearest starbucks?
Okay, it's out to you.
It looks old, that's nice, andI'll think of my three witches
on the spot.
No, dylan, I have.
I've scaled the world, the map.
I have gone from new countriesto old countries, to
commonwealth, to outside ofcommonwealth, I've been to you
know where disney would claim agenie to be, and everywhere.
But and I have actually foundexactly where the daddy genie

(18:18):
would come from, the genie, okay, the new, the daddy, genie.

Speaker 2 (18:24):
Okay, the new daddy, so the genie we know as the
genie, so, and then he's daddy.

Speaker 1 (18:29):
He's like the top, the peak, the mega one.
Okay, so, like the boss genie,the big old boss, all right.
And as I was scaling Earth, Icame across a place and I was
like huh, let me look into thisplace.
And I realized the name of thecountry was actually miss spelt

(18:51):
dylan so miss spelt, miss,that's what we had known for a
country yeah, it was just nextto suriname and uh, basically,
dylan, this country where thefather, the new father of all
genies was found has beenmistakenly named papa new guinea

(19:12):
, when obviously it should becalled papa new genie.
So that is where you would finda genie, dylan, right now.
I went to papa new guinea tofind where, specifically,
specifically, this Papua NewGuinea would be found and
unfortunately, dylan, I musttell you, I went off on a bit of

(19:35):
a tangent.
Okay, so when you go into whatthree words?
Okay, and you search Papua NewGuinea, it puts you bam right in
the fucking middle of it.
Now, if you don't know too muchabout papua new guinea, let me
educate you a little bit.
Thank you, okay.
Papua new genie, okay, as itwill now be called, is the third

(19:56):
largest island on earth.
Okay, it was once owned,unfortunately, by north germans,
south owned, unfortunately, byNorth Germans, south British.
It was then seceded to theAustralians and then, in the
early 1900s, was given itsindependence, like rightfully
should.
So Papua New Guinea now standswith a population anywhere

(20:18):
between 7 and 11 million.
They do not know how many ofthem, because over 80% of the
population do not live in urbanareas.
They live in what we will callthe BF, but fuck of nowhere.
Okay, papua New Guinea has 840official languages 840.

(20:39):
So you can take your 11languages, rainbow Nation, and
go over to the other side of theroom, because there's nothing
to be impressed when Papua Newmotherfucking genie is bringing
you 840 official languages.
I'll say that again 840official languages.
So this is truly a majesticcountry full of indigenous

(21:02):
people that we do not understand.

Speaker 2 (21:04):
This is one of the last, because you don't speak
one of the languages right, yougo there and you speak, okay,
I'll learn one.

Speaker 1 (21:11):
You just cross the tree line and bam, it's like
going from german to french andit's gone from french to chinese
and and whatever else.
But these are languages wedon't even understand, dylan, we
don't even understand them.
Okay, there's things aboutpapua new guinea, genie, that we
may never understand, dylan.
So here's where my tangent went.
First of all, I was enamored byhow fucking treescaped this

(21:33):
country was.
Smothered with trees.
Okay, you're looking at whatyou think is a town, but all you
can see is what looks like aGen Z's head, just broccoli
topped, and you cannot actuallysee what's within it.
It is just sensationallynaturistic, dylan.
Now, when you go and searchPapua New Guinea, right dead in
the center, it basically showsyou a lodge.

(21:56):
Okay, now, this particularlodge there is no reviews for it
doesn't exist.
Okay, but if you search thelodge again on Google, it will
give you the same name lodge,but slightly different.
So it is Stay Well, lodgedBiala is what comes up when you
search Papua New Guinea on themaps.
But if you search it, it thengives you the correct lodge.

(22:18):
So I thought, hey, if I'm goingto go to Papua New Guinea, a
genie, a Papua New genie, mightwant to stay in a lovely and
fantastic lodge.
Ok, so I thought let me checkthis lodge out, right?
So this lodge is is close tothe coastline and it has 34
reviews.
Okay, so I thought let's checkthese 34 reviews out, right?

(22:39):
I want to make sure, before Igo check this genie out, that
I'm going to go and make surehe's in comfortable lodgings.
Okay, now let me tell you,dylan, this hotel has a star
rating of 3.5.

Speaker 3 (22:51):
Okay, you'd say you'd shrug your shoulders.
These are Google reviews.
34 Google reviews.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
Okay, so I've gone to Papua New Guinea.
I've learned there's 840languages.
Okay, it was half German, halfBritish.
Now they have theirindependence.
That's right, was half German,half British, and now they have
their independence, asrightfully just.
And now I found myself in BialaStaywell Lodge, deep into the
reviews of Biala Staywell Lodge,and one of my wishes because

(23:17):
this completely derailed me,dylan, this completely derailed
me is one of my wishes for PapuaNew Guinea is to understand
what a fucking star rating means.
Okay, let me tell youaffordable accommodation with
adequate parking space, parkingspace in the third largest
island in the world that has 11million people.

(23:38):
Right, he's, this guy isfocused on parking space.
Food is okay, but not michinquality.
This person, dylan, this personhas gone to Papua New Guinea.
It's an island that has up to11 million people who speak 840

(23:59):
different languages that wedon't understand, and Nick
Soeaton, two years ago, iscomplaining that they don't have
Michelin quality food, idealconference room with spacious,
air-conditioned rooms, three outof five.
Fuck you, nixon.
Fuck you for going to Papua NewGuinea and thinking that you
deserve Michelin quality food.

Speaker 2 (24:16):
Where do you?

Speaker 1 (24:17):
reckon he's from Nixon Eaton.
He's probably British.
To be honest, I'm going to goout in there and say, I'm going
to say that we could this is notMichelin starved food.

Speaker 3 (24:27):
I've come to Papua New Guinea and I deserve the
best conference room there isand the most Michelin food there
is on earth Succulent Chinesemeal.

Speaker 2 (24:36):
I deserve a succulent .

Speaker 1 (24:37):
Chinese meal.
So no, dylan, right?
So that's number one.
Yeah, number one.
Guy pissed me off, I pissed meoff.
I'm thinking this the bealastay well, lodge.
It's in papua new guinea.
It's trying, it's a developingcountry, leave them alone.

(24:58):
Lemuel wimban said rooms areokay food needs more imagination
.

Speaker 2 (25:00):
Who the fuck are these people?

Speaker 3 (25:01):
imagination imagine you're eating bit of food there
you go close your eyes andimagine it for a small space.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
The ground and parking again is a big thing in
papua new guinea and security isokay.

Speaker 2 (25:11):
Three out of five well, how do you say security is
okay?
Does that mean you only gotrobbed with your phone and your
wallet?

Speaker 1 (25:19):
it's like no, my yeah it's just just the one that's
it that's it, you know you'rejust the one thing biala, stay
well, lodge.
This is from oscar robert.
Okay, biala, stay well.
Lodge is our most beautifulplace in biala.
What stars would you give thatright, if you're oscar robert

(25:40):
and you think it is the mostbeautiful place in?

Speaker 2 (25:44):
biala what you're giving.
Giving it In Biala?
Yeah, and it's the only lodge.
Well, not the only lodge, butit's the most.
He used the word most.
I would give it a five.

Speaker 1 (25:52):
You'd give it a five right.
Well, oscar Robert thought hewould wander along and give him
a one out of five.
Fuck you, robert, fuck you okay, the most beautiful one.
But do you know who thinks thatthis place is more stars than
Oscar Robert Rister Dickery.
Do you know what Rister Dickerysaid?
Dickery by name, dickery bynature.
He said did not like the rooms.

(26:13):
Do you know how many stars hegave it?

Speaker 2 (26:15):
I guess five.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
No two, Damn it, set me up there.

Speaker 1 (26:21):
Yeah, I'm freaking knocked you out the park.
Damien had a great time.
Three, Abel, best ever place tostay.
Abel, it was the best, the bestever.
He's not giving context, isn't?
He no Is that in PNG.

Speaker 2 (26:38):
No, no, no, is that in the town.

Speaker 1 (26:39):
Is that further?
But he says it's the best ever.

Speaker 2 (26:41):
Dylan, how many stars Now I'm going to say three.
Then yeah, stars now I'm gonnasay three, then yeah.
Well, you nailed it with three.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
But maybe you're friends with this guy.
Maybe you'd both sit next weekgo.
This is the best place I'veever been in my life give it two
and a half, let's round up andgive it a three show like my
goodness, okay.
So I got to desmond, okay, andI got to desmond mondo vag hello
, seems like a nice guy thisseems like a nice guy.
I went to his facebook profileso two days ago this was so.

(27:13):
This is wow.
This is recent.
Um desmond told us that it isthe biggest accommodation
facility in biala town of eastnakania.
Local level government, llg,area West New Britain, png
Brilliantly factual Letting usknow what it is.

Speaker 2 (27:34):
How many stars would you?

Speaker 1 (27:35):
give it up.
Yeah, three, no, two, no, no,no, two, two, nothing else.
He's just going to tell us whatit is.
He's just going to fuck fivestars in there.
So I thought you know what?

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Enough is enough.
Enough, I'm fed up.
Right did you?
Did you write a review?

Speaker 1 (27:49):
I'll tell you what we can do.
We can formula wait late oneand put one great.
I wanted just to play a littlegame of what would desmond rate?
Okay, so I've gone intodesmond's profile, okay.
So, as I said, I'm going to puta bit of a tangent, okay, and I
want you to give me what wouldhe rate?
Okay, based on that, he's veryfactual.
What would he rate?
So if I said to you, if I saidto you, it is the biggest

(28:13):
accommodation, oh, no, same one,I'm not going to say it right.
Okay, one of the big shoppingshop in Kimbe, west New Britain,
papua New Guinea.
One of the big shopping shop inKimbe?
How many?

Speaker 2 (28:25):
stars.
It's the biggest shopping shopin Kimbae.
How many stars?
It's a bigger shopping shop andyou'd like nothing more than to
shop in the bigger shoppingshop it's a shopping shop.
So yeah, I'll give it a four.

Speaker 1 (28:34):
Then no three, wrong it's the best shopping shop that
deserves three stars.
Okay, so if I'm Desmond and I'mthinking, kimbae Market is the
best market infrastructure inNew Guinea Islands, if not Papua
New Guinea Very clean, hygienicand orderly.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
All right.
So I think I'm starting to readinto Desmond's kind of psyche
over here.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
Yeah, in his brain right now, so he does not give
higher than three stars.
Yeah, okay, right.

Speaker 2 (29:02):
So that must be his real kind of.
So I'm going to say, okay, justkind of help me out.
Yet, okay, does he give points?

Speaker 3 (29:13):
like, point like three points.

Speaker 1 (29:13):
Something is it only whole stars whole?

Speaker 2 (29:15):
stars.
Okay, fine, let's stick tothree.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
Then you're sticking to three, well desmond's giving
you a double kill because he'sgiven that five.

Speaker 2 (29:29):
Should have known you were too enthusiastic, being
like yes, yes, yes, you're goingto get it wrong.

Speaker 1 (29:34):
You walked down this road.
What about the hotel?
Location is away from allactivities of the urban area.
It is quiet, with outdoorbarbecue facility.
The restaurant serves biggermeals and great pizzas in town.
What starts you giving youthink you're in desmond's mind?

Speaker 2 (29:51):
he's giving five, he's giving ones.

Speaker 1 (29:53):
Where is he?

Speaker 2 (29:54):
no, he's gonna.
He's gonna go for, uh, he'sgonna go for three yeah, you
nailed it right, I think.

Speaker 1 (29:59):
I think you think you're getting desmond now, um,
and that was a game of whatwould desmond rate?
Okay, um, but you know, youknow what, as we're here, as
we're off on this tangent, we'rehalf an hour in.

Speaker 2 (30:12):
Can I just say, as you were going, this you started
off with gladiators just beforethe show and I was like, oh,
okay, I kind of get the gist ofit.
Now you go down this tangentand I'm like, listen, you are
making like the pitter patter ofwhatever you have made up from
what we lost last week so thatyou can add to this week.

Speaker 4 (30:32):
So, guys, strap yourself in for a two hour
episode with my good friendJames, and myself, Dylan.

Speaker 2 (30:40):
Oh yeah, Double kill All right.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Right so if we're going to leave a review, then
let's look I can edit it out.
There's some things I alreadyneed to edit out, but we'll know
, people will never know, so sowhat are we saying about biala?
Stay well, lodge based on whatwe've heard so far, okay, so I'm
gonna start with such a largeaccommodation, okay, um, and

(31:03):
I've put uh four h's on suchokay, so it's like such a large
accommodation, okay, I thinkthat is uh what people are
trying to say.
Um, I'm already giving it fivestars.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Right, I already want to boost to be our lodger, but
I'm not going any three, okay,so I'm not working on stars,
it's just a matter of kind ofcompiling what what people are
going on.

Speaker 1 (31:26):
So I'm going to put great views of toboggan.
Ok, so we're just going to saythat there is a toboggan there,
ok, well, we're not going totell people why.

Speaker 2 (31:38):
Is that not code for shit house Like what does
toboggan mean?

Speaker 1 (31:41):
Toboggan is like a shit.
It's in it like a boat.
Or is it like a boat or is itlike a?
You know, when you a bobsleighman, is it not like that, a
toboggan?

Speaker 2 (31:52):
it might be.
I think it is right, we've gottime.

Speaker 3 (31:55):
So we've got time, we've got two hours now that
Dylan put it out there, tobogganyeah, it's like it's an open
sleigh okay, so I wasn't wrong,because you can use it as a shit
ass, um, but so what?

Speaker 1 (32:07):
in south africa, you would call someone a toboggan no
, I'm just like, I'm just wherehave you heard anyone get.
Someone called you a tobogganand you've just taken a shit
house I I honestly haven't heardthe word that much.

Speaker 2 (32:18):
It just sounds like it might be the slang word for
where do you, where you go to gotake a shit oh right, oh right,
oh no, there's not a shit.

Speaker 1 (32:27):
Oh, you mean shithouses in a house to shit in
.
In England we call people ashithouse.
You're a shithouse, mate.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Oh.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
Oh well, this is very confusing.
Off the word toboggan.
We've gone here, there andeverywhere.
So such a large accommodation,great views of the toboggan,

(32:55):
dylan, um, dylan gives excellentmassages.
And then put plus nine, one,five, you're not going to put
that and there we go.
So such large accommodation,great views of the toboggan,
dylan gives excellent massages.
That is going to be publiclyposted on biala.
Stay well, could you pleasehost?

Speaker 2 (33:07):
did you remove the x's after the massagers message?
No, no, it's still that.
It's still that great massages,xxxx, winky face, winky face
winky face so well.

Speaker 1 (33:18):
I think that we've uh we've helped the community of
biala by giving, rightfully, thestars that they deserve,
because these people are fuckinglunatics to say it's the best
place they've ever stayed.
Three stars makes no sense.
So my wishes are one png, papanew genie, figure out their star
system, okay.
Two, I wish oscar and hisfriends all over here understand

(33:41):
what it means to a businessabout rating a business properly
.
Three, this guy here I respectgreatly and I wish him all the
best.
It's a man posing next to a gunin biala.
What a very lovely man.
I wish him the best.
David gomi, you rock man.

Speaker 3 (33:59):
Good for you let the ceremonies begin drop it down
low with three word story.

Speaker 1 (34:08):
So, dylan, that was an absolute fucking whirlwind of
emotion.
There I am sweating my twat offin your apartment and I just
purely think it's because ofexcitement and excitement alone,
thank you.
So you had a gorgeous set ofwords to deal with, dylan, and I
would love to know about yourstory.

Speaker 2 (34:32):
What is your story and why so?
We go back to the words yes,remodels, doing holiday, okay,
but what I first thought was,hmm, remodels, I was like models
.
I knew you were.

Speaker 1 (34:43):
I knew.
I knew that's where you weregoing, okay, but I was like
models, I knew you were.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
I knew that's where you were going, okay, but I was
like it's re.
So I'm like huh, so what are wedoing?
So I wanted to tell a story ofpast ex-models doing a holiday,
and then I thought that would befucking stupid, so I reworked

(35:07):
my story like right now asyou've been talking I was like
you know I'm not gonna getaround to that story, but um, no
, uh, we obviously have some uh,some holiday traditions
throughout the world and they'reall not perfect.

(35:30):
I really tried I'm not trying,I didn't try that hard in all
honesty but I figured let mestick to the holidays I know and
which I assume we know, kind ofbeing like from the West, okay.
So I didn't want to delve toodeep into anything else, okay.

(35:50):
But I was like okay, that's fine, we take holidays.
However, we have a chat and wehave kind of like a panel
discussion between the two of usof how we can make it better,
okay, okay, and what we kind ofchange.
So, in essence, we'll kind ofdiscuss the holiday yes, in
brief, okay and then we'll saywe want more of and less of okay

(36:12):
, great, this kind of plays wellinto the whole rating thing
that we've just been talkingabout, so we kind of you know,
it's like we're kind ofreviewing these places of what
we'd want more of.

Speaker 1 (36:21):
Wow, it's like we plan this, and obviously anyone
listening to whatever the fuckthis has been so far will know
absolutely hand on heart thatnone of this is planned
whatsoever.
But I like it when this happens, okay.
Dylan let's go, tell me, whatbreeds have you got?

Speaker 2 (36:35):
Right.
Well, we'll start with thefirst one.

Speaker 1 (36:40):
That's what I always say yeah, start with the first
one.
You always say that, dylan.
That's what I like about you.

Speaker 2 (36:45):
That's how I grew to you in the mornings.
Yeah, let's start with thefirst one.
V-day Valentine's Day.

Speaker 1 (36:51):
Ooh, and do you call it V-Day to the ladies, because
that sounds terrifying.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Hey, listen.

Speaker 1 (36:59):
I like the shock factor.
Happy V-Day, yeah, happy V-Day.

Speaker 2 (37:02):
Okay, so V-Day, yeah, yeah, we're talking v-day, so
historically it hasn't been theuh most funnest day for me, and
this and as you'll kind of seeas we progress with with this uh
, quick little discussion isthis is actually just a way of
me of uh, of airing out all mydirty laundry and I don't think
I want your dirty laundry onv-day.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
My friends'm not going to come on this shit.

Speaker 3 (37:30):
It's only the socks.

Speaker 2 (37:31):
Arsehole, dylan.
Why are your socks standing?

Speaker 3 (37:35):
up straight.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
Why do googly eyes stuck on?

Speaker 3 (37:39):
them.

Speaker 2 (37:43):
Alright, yeah, so a sweet celebration of love and a
combination of overpriced rosesand, uh, what else?

Speaker 1 (37:55):
wow, you threw that over quickly.
I really I don't that potatowas burning.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
I just didn't want to , because, again, this is like
the, the.
I can tell you, james, like Ihave and it's not for lack of
trying I've actually tried to dothings on Valentine's Day okay
yeah and I was like you knowwhat, dylan?
Maybe make eye contact, maybespeak to someone a bit more,
maybe ask them how their day islike, maybe, maybe, do like an

(38:28):
wait until leaving it to thelast second yeah, don't get me
wrong.

Speaker 1 (38:31):
Maybe that's where I was going wrong you're leaving
it to v-day and then you'replanning to get a v-day on v-day
.
Yeah, because I figured maybe Ican't be the only desperate one
here, surely well?

Speaker 2 (38:43):
that's kind of yeah, I figured a lot of people might
be and I was like you know what?
Maybe she's open to having likean insta insta date type kind
of thing.

Speaker 1 (38:54):
Okay, right, okay.
So we're onto something.

Speaker 2 (38:56):
Maybe I'm romanticizing the, the thought
of it but okay.

Speaker 1 (38:59):
Well, here's the thing, right.

Speaker 4 (39:00):
So v-day I don't know what let's just call it v-day
for now, because I like it, okay.

Speaker 1 (39:05):
So let's say for couples, it's valentine's day,
okay, you are chucking rosepetals on the bed, you're, you
know, sticking penises in holesor whatever, and you're having
some home-cooked meal or you'reeating out or whatever, right?
The typical blah, blah, rosesand flowers, right, yeah, so
let's say v-day v-day forsingles like you.
Okay, you're the guy who'strying to get a date on V-Day.

(39:28):
So why don't we have a slightrebrand Valentine's Day for
couples and we're going to haveV-Day for hot singles in your
area.

Speaker 3 (39:37):
Just like you.

Speaker 1 (39:39):
So I'm thinking right in an area, in a, let's just
say, down there, there's a bigopen space.
Right, we erect a tent.
Okay, big emphasis on the erect.
Okay, we're going to, we'regoing to V the shit out of this
thing, okay, and we invite allthe singles in your area, okay,
and I'll tell you what we can do.
We can put ads online, okay, sowe can say to people uh, so

(40:02):
this is, I think, going to bethe best way to get the right
kind of people.
So on websites where there'smovies and stuff like that, you
can have a picture of a nicelady and it says hot singles in
your area, come to this erecttent on this day, on the 14th of
whatever.

Speaker 2 (40:17):
I think I know where you're going with this.
No, what do you mean?
What do you mean?
Did you genuinely mean you aregoing to rework that and be like
this is how to attract theright kind of people?
For for for your v-day.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
No, no, but please no , no.

Speaker 2 (40:33):
Hey, dylan, I'm sure I've seen you know me I've seen
the adverts yeah, you know meI'm being deadly serious all
right

Speaker 1 (40:39):
okay.
So when we put our advertsonline like this okay, hot
singles in your area, you go tothe tent.
Okay.
So I assume advertising thisway, we are going to get a
healthy mix of men and womenright, because you know it's
it's a nice, innocent approach.
You know you could have like apicture of an old lady, for
example, something that's justnice and innocent.
You know it could be like a warmroom because she has so much

(41:01):
heating to pay for, so it couldjust be like hot, single ladies
in your area for example so theneveryone turns up to the, to
the tent on v-day, okay, so it'sall just a big group of singles
, okay, and we like, we pump thethe room full of like hot, hot
heating, right, because we wantto make sure that everyone is
warm enough.
Right, so everyone is superwarm enough.
So we kind of suggest forpeople that you, you, you come

(41:24):
there and you just don't weartoo much, because obviously you
don't want to overheat there.
We want everyone to feelcomfortable.
And then all these hot, hotsingles go into a hot, hot tent
and they all meet each other.
What do you say?

Speaker 2 (41:35):
oh okay, so that was genuinely the idea, because I
thought you know what if youstart posting some ads online
being like hot, hot singles?
Right, I know all the 50 plusyear old gentlemen with the
creepy fucking they might justsing up, yeah, I reckon
what you think.
I reckon a bunch of creepswould pop out there, and then I
thought, oh, james, I know whereyou're going with this.

(41:57):
Okay, you are going to distractthem this side, and then, at
the same time, all the peoplethat don't show up right go to
the run club instead, and then,uh, bing bong boom okay, so we.

Speaker 1 (42:08):
So what you're saying is we keep all the creeps off
of v-day somewhere.

Speaker 2 (42:12):
Yeah, yes, okay, okay , so, okay, so, kind of just to.
To try and wrap this upvalentine's day, right, we have
valentine's day and we havev-day.
Yes, maybe we should havesomething like a boxing day.
Is to kind of christmas right,where it's the day after and
only single people allowed out,like valentine's is their day,
that's christmas day and thenthe next boxing day boxing day

(42:34):
is v-day for hot, hot singles inyour area yeah, okay, but I do
feel, just to just to not makeit confusing for anyone, like
anyone else, stay indoors yeah,like okay so you know?
are you gonna say children, yes,like couples and children and

(42:57):
animals.

Speaker 3 (42:57):
Yeah, all them, yeah inside, and then fucking outside
everywhere, singles only.

Speaker 1 (43:06):
Okay, right, all right, so, okay.
So we've sorted valentine's dayout quite well, all right.

Speaker 2 (43:11):
So more okay.
So more relationship, love onv-day, yeah on valentine's day.
On valentine's day, v-day forsingles to find their
valentine's for next year okay,and then?

Speaker 1 (43:24):
like we can.
We can do events for v-day,like because the valentines can
be all red and lovely and fluffy, and then v-day is, like you
know, black, just freaking darklights, seedy, hot single city
where it's just like absolutedebaucherous filth, like we have
gladiator events there as well,just smacking people off
podiums.
I was naked, covered in babyoil, okay so, uh, less, less of

(43:47):
that.
I would say oh okay, yeah, yeah, okay, all right.
So you're on the less side ofthat.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
Oh okay, all right, okay, we'll strike a balance,
but I like the way that we arekind of reworking it.
I mean, it's in workshop, we'regetting there, yeah, yeah, I
guess there's.
There's not much you can sayabout mother's day and father's
day.

Speaker 1 (44:07):
Right.

Speaker 2 (44:11):
I'm thinking of V day , no, so.
So mother's day is is kind oflike spas and pampering and
maybe champagne, and thennormally father's day seems to
be like, okay, you get him, uh,some some sort of power tool and
socks, like I feel that's.

Speaker 1 (44:24):
That's normally what a beer and a Thai massage you
know depends what relationshipyou have with your father.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
If the if.
Listen, if my son gets me that,I think we've got a good good
relationship and just foreveryone at home.

Speaker 1 (44:38):
Dylan doesn't have children.
So don't worry, don't worry,don't worry, we will educate him
on on fair, uh, parental childrelationships later on in life.
So don't you worry, you knowthat'll be fine.
You win, you win, oh shit, okay.
So yeah, mother's Day, father'sDay.
What can you do, I guess, forthat?

Speaker 3 (44:56):
You get all the normal nonsense.

Speaker 1 (44:58):
I mean they get a lot of crap.
Maybe there could just be anisland, somewhere where mothers
and fathers can go, where theycan just get away from their
parental duties.
Okay, just like just an islandwhere they can go.
They can switch their phonesoff, kids can't bother them,
spouses can't bother them andthey can just go rage somewhere.

(45:20):
They could just go smash a TV,you know a rage room or
something like that.

Speaker 2 (45:23):
That's actually good, yeah, kind of really get to air
out, yeah, yeah, like I'mfucking fed up with your
children, your stupid face.

Speaker 1 (45:30):
I don't want a massage.
I don't want a little freakinguh spaghetti picture of you.
I just want to smash a tv in.

Speaker 2 (45:36):
Fuck you, you know and for those listening, james
also james has kids.
Uh, he hasn't seen them forfour years um, this one, I
thought, and, and this one kindof popped up onto the list and I
might didn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 (45:54):
So groundhog day uh, is that the day that just
repeats over and over again?
Is that the film?

Speaker 2 (46:01):
I didn't know but it is a day that's where they wait
for I don't know the groundhog.
Wow, no way the groundhog andthis is in the States or North
America to pop out of the groundto see if it can see its own
shadow.
Apparently, if it can't, itgoes back into the ground, which

(46:23):
means there's six more weeks ofwinter and if it actually stays
out, apparently it's turningspring.
What the fuck right.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
Is this meant to be the most developed nation on
earth?
What?
What are you talking about that?

Speaker 2 (46:34):
is a day and apparently, like they actually
use this right on a calendaryear to determine, like, when
it's kind of switching over umto to spring then but it's wrong
like 40 percent of the time.
Yeah well, these guys still usethe fucking imperial system.

Speaker 1 (46:54):
So we got.

Speaker 2 (46:54):
They're obviously going to be using crown hogs to
do their whatever fuckingmeasurements yeah, so, and again
, I mean, some american uhlistener can kind of pop in
being like no, but uh, it'stradition, you need to
understand.
It's the Germans that got it.
Yeah, okay, fair enough, butwhen, when the Germans were
fucking around the Germans arereally freaking.

Speaker 1 (47:14):
They're good at engineering, they're freaking
accurate down to the millimeter.
The Germans are coming andgoing.
Ah, wouldn't it be funny to say, to pop out the groundhog
whilst having idea?
There's no way that the germanswould think that that was a
good idea, other than, for alaugh, to take the piss out of
americans that's yeah, so I justthought that was pretty
interesting.

Speaker 2 (47:32):
I don't think I've got much to say with it.
Okay, so more, more, moreweather science.

Speaker 1 (47:36):
Unless actually fucking, unless actually you,
just okay, so it's groundhogscome out the ground and if they
right and you're saying if thegroundhogs see their own shadow
or if someone sees their shadow,I guess sees their shadow, so
it's to do with it's thegroundhog.

Speaker 2 (47:53):
But apparently if the groundhog kind of stays out,
then he reckons it's all good.
Um, it's, it's turning spring.

Speaker 1 (48:00):
If it climbs back into the ground, then it's so
I'm imagining like there's just,there's just a field, and then
they've set up like temporarystands all around it, 100%.
Everyone's just kind of staringat the ground and then one guy
pops up and then it's like a,but the fact that this is a
thing, though, james.
And then it's like there's acountdown Five, four, three, two

(48:24):
, and it stays, and then justfireworks.

Speaker 2 (48:31):
And the groundhog gets scared, then goes back into
the oh, we're gonna keep it thesame season.

Speaker 1 (48:35):
Okay, well, they can keep that one.
Yeah, they can keep that one.

Speaker 2 (48:39):
Um, uh, april fools.
I thought this.
I thought the idea of whoever,and I didn't read up on the
history of this, but I thoughtapril fools.
I can just imagine somebodylying or bullshitting about
something and then kind oftrying to justify it, being like
oh no, april fools, this was mystory, yeah yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:59):
So like um, they, they pulled out someone's chair
like it's a kind of joke, yeah,and the person fell back and
absolutely smashed their headand like cracked their neck and
paralyzed from the neck down.
And everyone's like kenneth,what are you doing, kenneth,
what have you?
And he's like april 4th and thefirst time it's done just kills
people.
Every everyone is pissing onthe floor.
The guy's just kind of can'tmove his arms and legs.

(49:20):
Even he's chuckling, being likekenneth.
That is fucking hilarious.
That is gonna going to catch on.
Kenneth, you are a dog.
And he was like, and everyonewho saw that work.
And then obviously, ever sincethen, people have been trying to
capture that same belief ofbeing able to do something
heinous and get away with it.
And maybe some people do, butmaybe the original guy who just
pulled out that chair paralyzed,that guy just got away with it

(49:42):
more than anyone else.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
I just feel like it should be like, if you're gonna
do it, do it properly, right?
Not pull out the chair and belike dylan death.
Is that what we said?
I would, I would like that.

Speaker 1 (49:53):
There was um similar to how, in islamic year, there's
like a moon sighting to dictateuh, what happens when, right?
So things change every singleyear based on the moon cycles
and whatnot.
Okay, right, I would like thereto be a similar kind of
committee who focuses ongroundhogs, right?
They'd like, well, let's justsay it's the groundhogs guy, and

(50:15):
then so, let's say, a groundhogcomes out and, I know,
scratches his ass against a log,right?
That then dictates that that iswhatever fool's day.
Okay, so, that is whateverFool's Day.

Speaker 2 (50:27):
Okay, so not everyone is in the know, or you have to
really stay on it to know whenthe Fool's Day is Okay 100%.

Speaker 1 (50:31):
Because April Fool's comes along right.
And then all these companies popout going, oh, we're
discontinuing these crispflavors or whatever.
And it's like, yes, we get toApril Fool's Snoresville, right.
But let's say, the committeesee that the Groundhog scratches
her ass against a log, okay, sothey put a tweet out.
So not everyone sees it, okay,and they just start up a new
account, they tweet it out, andthen a few people see it right

(50:52):
and then all of a sudden you'rea crisp brand and you're like,
ha, discontinuing our crisps,and people like what the fuck?
No man.
And then at the end of the dayyou're like, haha, great,
groundhog, anus is fool's day,motherfucker.
And then bam.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
I actually like that idea because, yes, knowing that
today is the first of april,people run for it like I see
that as companies using it as afucking pr stunt.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
It's all it is and it's so lazy right, I want to
see it on a random day, andpeople have to stay alive to it,
and it's not immediatelyobvious that it is the day that
has been dictated by thegroundhogs.
That it was going to be afool's day, right?
So that can be a form ofgroundhog day.
So let's get rid of groundhogday as it is so okay, so let's
so we scratch that we scratch inits, in its essence now, and we

(51:37):
re-badge april fool's day asgroundhog's day, and groundhog's
day is dictated by thegroundhog of when fool's day is
okay because the people arelooking at the groundhog now for
their seasonal advice are foolsokay.
So it's a play on them beingfools looking at groundhogs to
tell them when winter's over.
And then the groundhogs I meanthey're sick, right, so they
should dictate when.

(51:57):
Uh, when this falls day isbecause people are fucking
stupid, so that is when wedictate when, uh, not april
falls, but groundhog falls daygreat, okay.

Speaker 2 (52:08):
Second to last one uh , because I probably have to
wrap this up then.
What a chaotic combination andI we've touched on this subject
before like we haven't had that.
It's only recently become athing, probably the last 10
years, maybe 15 years.
Back home, halloween, like acombination of where you let

(52:31):
your kids go out and kind oftake candy and sweets and treats
from strangers and kind oftrying to be out and about and
what trick, trick, trick and ortreating yes, yeah, that's how I
understand it and then, at thesame time, um, and I, I'm I'm

(52:53):
not ungrateful for this, butyeah, then, um, it gives an
opportunity for for heinouspeople to come along and be
heinous.
Yeah, the the people in theevening, whatever um outfits
they decide to wear, um, I don'tknow, it turns into a slutty
nurse or a slutty oh, here we go, and this is where the models
came around.

(53:13):
And then well, yeah, either wayit's.
Yeah, it's a pot, it's a partyfor the people in the evening
and earlier that evening I guessit's something for the children
, I don't know yeah, it's forthe children or, as you said,
people who are wearingaring lessclothes.

Speaker 1 (53:26):
Well, why don't we Make Halloween serious?
Okay, so, less Kids fuckingaround and being silly and
throwing toilet paper On thingsand less People being relieving
and showing off everything.
Right, everyone is assigned A.
A.
They either are Dressing up forHalloween or not.
Okay, so, 50% of the populationget one card.

(53:48):
Right, you are the halloweeners, right?
Okay, so you are dressing upand you have to be good.
Right, like good at dressing up.
And then the other half are thehalloweenies.
Right, so these are the peoplethat have to stay indoors and
have their doors knocked on,okay, okay, then the
halloweeners are given a trickor treat.
Okay, so they are either outfor treats or they are out to do

(54:09):
tricks.
Okay, so it could be.
Just, it's randomized.
Okay, so one year, you could bestuck in your house and waiting
for people to either come andask for treats or come and throw
an egg in your face.
Okay, so there is a firm linebetween what you should do and
what you shouldn't do, okay,okay.
Makes sense so then everyone'sin on board with it.
It doesn't mean you have todress up every single year,

(54:29):
because people just do the samething over and over again and I
just don't think treats arereally or sorry tricks are
really used that much right?

Speaker 2 (54:37):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:38):
So, like you could just have, you know, you open
the door and you just punchsomeone in the face and you're
like sorry man, I've got the,I've got the trick card just
sock you in the face, sock youin the fucking mouth, and that's
that you know.
So maybe we could just make abit more serious, okay that's
yeah right.

Speaker 2 (54:52):
Halloween, then, um new year's eve, new year's new
year's eve.
So, um, it's normally a hugeparty, or at least, uh, for us
or in my family, a huge party,almost so big that you don't
actually make the countdownitself.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
That is sad.

Speaker 2 (55:16):
Yeah, so big party, everybody kind of makes promises
and resolutions if that's whatthey're called Resolutions,
resolutions, and yeah, two weeksinto the year nobody sticks to
them anymore.
So I don't know, maybe a bitmore gratitude before the party,
and obviously that's maybe onpaper how it's supposed to be,

(55:41):
so maybe it's me fucking up thepractice of it.
But yeah, I think, a bit moregratefulness and probably a bit
less alcohol.

Speaker 1 (55:52):
So maybe this is what I'm thinking right In the
morning and everything you sleepin, right, because you need to
get rest for this.
So I'm thinking that a NewYear's party starts at 6 pm and
between 6 and 12, it's all aboutthe year that was, and
gratitude and being grateful forokay.
So you're saying I did this.

(56:13):
I went on holiday here.
Uh, I went to one of thosev-day tents.
It was super fucking weird.
Uh, I went to papua new guineaand stayed in the the best, uh
the best place that there was inpapua new guinea and gave it
five stars, or two stars, or onestar, who the fuck knows?
And you, you share some ha,ha's and who who's.
Maybe there's some bad thingshappen.
You, just you do, you leavethem in the year.

(56:33):
And then 10, 9, 8, 7, 4, 3, 2,1.
Happy new year happens, bam,you leave it there.
So then the next six hours from12 till 6 am is all about
planning for the new year,looking forward, bringing in
some gratitude of what is tocome, um, and then you start the
year with a bang.
That one wasn't funny, that wastoo serious.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
Maybe a good idea, um , but you know what I mean yeah,
but I guess it ends on a bitmore of a positive note, um or
maybe, maybe it starts at 9 pmto 12 and then 12 to3 yeah, I
think we're dragging out sixhours of being grateful for that
.

Speaker 1 (57:08):
You just be like you do quarter an hour.

Speaker 2 (57:10):
Yeah, can I be next year already?

Speaker 1 (57:11):
you know I'm gonna go to benidorm and, um, I'm gonna
wank less.
And then what?
Then you've got five hours and45 minutes of uh free time, yeah
, and then what are you gonna do?

Speaker 2 (57:25):
all right, okay, I think we put the world to rights
there.
Yeah, I think let's kind of endit there, let's please, okay,
fine, last one If you had to doa quick fire international day
holiday, right, obviously itdoesn't have to be religious

(57:46):
what would you reckon?
What?

Speaker 1 (57:48):
do you think the world needs?
It needs, it's very simple, veryquick, very easy, happens once
a week, every week without fail.
Primus okay, so we have a merryprimus.
So this is how we do the weekand I and look for everyone at
home.
Okay, you're thinking, wow,that was quick.
Well, no, this is not completegobbledygook and tomfoolery.
This is something that Ibelieve deeply in and I'm quite
surprised that dylan wasn'tleading me down this path,

(58:10):
judging by the surprise on hisface.
Or maybe he wasn't.
He's twitching or winking, I'mnot sure.
So this is what I propose.
The week starts tuesday.
Okay, tuesday is the new monday, right t.
Tuesday is the day of nothing,the day where we go.
It's Tuesday and I hate it.

(58:32):
Just one day Starts TuesdayWednesday, hump day.
We get over the hump Up to 12o'clock.
We're not having a great timeAfter 12 o'clock.
We're like I'm halfway throughthe day, I'm smashing it.
The week is basically over.
I'm over hump day.
Merry hump day.
Okay, we just talk about how afantastic everything is.

(58:54):
Maybe we hump each other, maybenot, who knows, but hump day is
a good day.
Thursday we scrap Thursday.
Thursday is Friday Eve, the Eveof Friday Okay, very much.
How.
We have a Christmas Eve, whichis very exciting because it's
the day before Christmas, wehave Friday Eve, friday
rebranded Frimus.
We wish you a Merry Frimus anda happy new weekend.

(59:16):
Okay, it's not got anything todo with Jesus.
Sorry, jesus, you're out ofthis one.
This is about everyone.
Everyone's included on Frimus,no matter what your age, height,
colour, creed Everyone is amember of Frimus.
We celebrate together, wefinish work early, we go to our
local constabularies and wecelebrate as communities once

(59:37):
and for all.
Then, dylan, what comes next?
The weekend?
Saturday, we have a very merrytime.
We then follow with a Sundayfun day the funnest of fun days.
Sunday fun day.
Funnest of fun days.
Sunday fun day.
We're having a great time.
What follows a sunday fun day?
A monday fun day?
Easy to brand it merch is greatto just you just change one
letter, easy peasy, 11, squeezy,and then you're back to uh,

(01:00:01):
tuesday.
And then guess what?
Hump day.
Hump day is great, it's shit.
Till 12 after 12 o'clock you'rehaving a
great time, maybe you hump eachother.

Speaker 2 (01:00:10):
Maybe you don't thursday.

Speaker 1 (01:00:11):
We've got rid of it, it's friday.
My god, we're nearly at friday.
Next, what comes next?

Speaker 2 (01:00:16):
mary frimas, everybody, and so on and so
forth so that is what I believeI think with that very, very
explanation.
I've heard enough.

Speaker 3 (01:00:26):
Let the ceremonies begin.

Speaker 2 (01:00:27):
How does it go again?

Speaker 3 (01:00:34):
Drop it down low with three words of the story.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
Tell me your story.

Speaker 1 (01:00:39):
Fuck me, is it hot in here we're?

Speaker 3 (01:00:41):
an hour in as well.
What?

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
have we done, I think , yeah, yeah, the fact that the
door's open doesn't help, ohfucking hell, I'm sweating,
wasn't it like?

Speaker 1 (01:00:49):
50 degrees yesterday, so fuck knows what it is today.
The air con is not on you,psychopath, and we are sweating
our balls on.
At least you're protecting theplanet, dylan.
Thank you On behalf of theworld.
Fuck you.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
I think the amount of plastic bottles.
I use.
I am not saving.
I thought you were making araft to be honest, why were you
fucking saving that?

Speaker 1 (01:01:10):
Okay, dylan, all right, this is going to be a
very delirious end to this one.
I'm really just thinking couldI edit half?

Speaker 3 (01:01:19):
your story as my story.

Speaker 1 (01:01:20):
Sure, maybe, right, you know what.
That's how we package it.
We're going to zoom throughthis one, right?
So for my three words, okay, soI went deep into papua new
guinea possibly too deep, okay,and you haven't actually said
your words no, I haven't Ihaven't in the delivery.

Speaker 2 (01:01:34):
I am so sorry.
Yeah, I'm so sorry, I didn'task you, it's okay, don't worry
about it james, what are yourthree words and why?

Speaker 3 (01:01:43):
I don't think you've ever said that before no.

Speaker 1 (01:01:45):
I don't think so.
Yeah, that's it Right.
So, dylan, who had perked me upafter using the catchphrase,
the three-word story catchphrase, Mine was universities phoned
dubiously.

Speaker 2 (01:02:02):
Yeah, you got me with the last one.
Okay, dubiously, is that fun?

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
No, dubiously.
Something that's dubious wouldbe a, let's say, a dubious
decision would be something thatcould have gone either way,
okay.
So let's say, um, there's along jumper and let's say this
is before technology, okay, andthere they step on the pad and
someone calls it that theystepped on the line right and

(01:02:28):
it's like minuscule, with allone millimeter.
They would say, oh, that was adubious decision, not so short,
so dubiously would basically begoing hmm, maybe, maybe not, not
certain.
Okay, so for my story villain,my very interactive story,
thankfully is basically, it'sbased on real world events.

(01:02:49):
Ok, so, at the moment, for goodor for bad, for good or for bad
, I don't know, we're not, we'renot a politics podcast.
I'm not going to say whetherthis is a good or bad thing or
not.
Right, in the United Statesright now, universities, some of
them, are being defunded.
Ok, they're starting to have topay federal tax, which didn't
do before, which means they aregoing to have to find money

(01:03:11):
elsewhere.
Okay, they're going to have tothink outside the box a little
bit.
Okay, anyone else can makedecision, whatever that is, but
that's the reality of the worldthat we sit in right now.
Okay, so I'm thinking how canthey think outside the box?
How can they appeal to morepeople to come to their
university and study?

Speaker 2 (01:03:27):
okay, does that make sense?
Yes, good singles day singlesevery day.

Speaker 1 (01:03:32):
So I'm thinking, dylan, right, you are going to
be one of the universityspokespeople, okay, you are
going to be someone who, uh, isgoing to wrangle people in into
the university and you are goingto arrange courses as and when.
Right, because at the moment,you've got physics, you've got
your maths, you've got yourwhatever right, but we need to

(01:03:52):
appeal to more people now,because these people may be
going to a different country,okay, so I'm going to be phoning
you, okay, and I'm going togive you some, some things of
you know what I might like, whatI'm like, you know who I am as
a person or whatever it may be,and you are going to find a
course, you are going to createa course and you're going to
sell it to me okay, are you sureyou want to go down this?

(01:04:14):
road.
I mean, this is where we look.
We'll see where it goes.

Speaker 2 (01:04:17):
We'll see where it goes, and then we might just
edit it out.

Speaker 1 (01:04:20):
Yeah, I mean we are at one hour.
One hour and three minutesstarting this story that that
takes a bit of pressure off.

Speaker 2 (01:04:27):
That means I can stick, stick.
Well, I can keep this twominutes.

Speaker 1 (01:04:31):
I don't know my testicles are swampy right now,
so I don't know what is left andright and up and down.
Okay, so I'm gonna use yourgenuine uh knowledge, your real
world knowledge, for this.
Okay, so, don't worry, you'regonna have to be thinking too
far, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna,I'm gonna try and hone in on
your skills, okay, what you knowas a person, and then you can

(01:04:52):
create a course what the, what,the core subjects would be, and
maybe you can educate me on thephone and I will tell you if I'm
subscribing to your university,big d's university.
That's what we're going for.
So, phone's ringing, pick it up.

Speaker 2 (01:05:08):
Pick it up, dylan.
Hello, hello, sorry, my name'snot Dylan.

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
My name's not Dylan.
Wait, am I?

Speaker 2 (01:05:17):
calling you.

Speaker 1 (01:05:18):
No, I called you.
Is this university, big D'suniversity, big D's university.

Speaker 2 (01:05:22):
So why did you say Dylan?

Speaker 1 (01:05:23):
hello, my name's not Dylan, my name's Dylan.
Oh, not Dylan, my name's Dylan.
Oh, hi, dylan, you're the DylanBig Dylan's.

Speaker 2 (01:05:30):
University.
It's a one-stop shop.
We try and keep it asflow-effective as possible.

Speaker 1 (01:05:41):
Wow, I mean, this sounds like a really good
university for being soflow-effective.
Well, mr Dylan, I'm phoning youbecause I've seen that your
university, specifically, isreally catering towards their
students and what they mightneed.
Ok, so I'm I'm interested inlearning about fighting.
Ok, so I want to.

(01:06:02):
I want to do some fighting, Iwant to rock them, I want to
suck them, you know, and I wantto freaking want to do some
fighting.
I want to rock them, I want tosock them, you know, and I want
to freaking beat down, but Ialso want to know the history of
the fight that I'm I'munderstanding right.
Do you have any courses likethat big d's university?
Or, you know, will I goelsewhere, like something stupid
like harvard?

Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
no, uh, so I actually know the instructors at Harvard
and what they have as likeextracurriculars we have as a
full time subject, martial artsin general.
So you have different facets ofthe sport and then we'll help
you with each one of those,whether it be ground game,

(01:06:44):
standing up ground and pound.

Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
It sounds like a V-Day that I went to pretty
recently, you know what.

Speaker 2 (01:06:51):
It might just be one of the same.

Speaker 1 (01:06:54):
Okay, so I'm going to be joining this course.
Okay, what would be your bestmartial art that you could give
me?
What would you wrestle andtussle with me?

Speaker 2 (01:07:03):
with as a base.
I think a stand-up game wouldbe great okay and what's a
stand-up game stand-up game yeah, um, it's always helpful
getting you out of a situationbeing able to, because again
play we.

Speaker 1 (01:07:17):
It's a we.
We is a stand-up game, right,but we sports, you know you do
bowling and tennis.
Is that a stand-up game?

Speaker 2 (01:07:23):
I would not call that a stand-up game.
Okay, okay, but humor is a veryimportant part, and being able
to speak, because you know whatthe best battles are won without
fighting.
So if you can talk some shityes, and we use the word shit if
you can spew some shit, getyourself out of the situation,
then that's number one.
Goal number one.
Number two if it comes to analtercation, then, yes, we one

(01:07:49):
goal, number one.
Number two if it comes to analtercation, then yes, we would
have to to.
Then, uh, kind of switch it up,but, yeah, stand-up game.
I was actually referring to um,a martial arts style where you
are on your feet and you workmore towards strikes and kicks,
and um then and I know, I'm notexactly sure what everybody
else's stats are on this, butthey are like listen, 60, 70% of

(01:08:14):
the fights end up on the ground.
So you'll need to have a goodground game as well.
But those are our three facetsof the course.

Speaker 1 (01:08:23):
So the first facet I'm talking toboggan to people
right Toboggan, tobog'm talkingtoboggan to people, right?

Speaker 2 (01:08:28):
so I'm talking.
So, yes, being able to getyourself out of or de-escalate.
Okay, then to stand up.
Game three uh, a ground game,and actually, uh, I just forgot,
gregory reminded me the escapegame.

Speaker 1 (01:08:42):
Yes, the escape game?
Yes, okay, is that like one ofthose rooms where, like you,
find keys and codes under thing.

Speaker 2 (01:08:48):
I wish it was, but no , unfortunately.
Uh, some of these situationsyou just bit.

Speaker 1 (01:08:54):
You just need to escape with your life and,
hopefully, your phone and yourwallet you're saying right, so
I'm gonna turn up, because I'llgo to a bar after this and try
this.
So I'm gonna go talk sometoboggan to someone, chat some
shit to someone, and then I thenI'm going to stand up to them.
I'm going to stand up with themand play a game, so maybe like
Street Fighter, mortal Kombat,like a stand-up game like that,

(01:09:15):
and then we're going to justground and pound each other.
So I'm going to pound the guyon the floor and then I'll go to
an escape room and try and getout.

Speaker 2 (01:09:27):
I guess usually within 60 minutes, is that
correct?
The majority of these would bereactive and not proactive.
So no, you can't go out andlook for shit, just for the sake
of looking for shit okay well,how does?

Speaker 1 (01:09:35):
it work.
So, uh, let me, let me get theshit so in this course.
Then I'm just sat there waitingfor something to happen at any
one time.

Speaker 2 (01:09:42):
No, in real life, you are waiting, waiting or are
ready, more so for something tohappen, um, in case it does
happen, but other than that, no,hopefully don't don't go out
looking for trouble, because youmight just find it okay, and
and out the standing games.

Speaker 1 (01:09:58):
What would you recommend?
So pac-man is a favorite ofmine, and then, I think, mortal
kombat.
I mean it's technicallyfighting as well, and obviously
you can finish them, which Iguess relates to the ground up.

Speaker 2 (01:10:09):
Yeah, you can finish.
Actually, I would recommendTekken above Mortal Kombat.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Okay, Hadouken Any particular reason.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
Yeah, but more realistic what?
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:10:22):
Wait, you're telling me, so hang on a minute.

Speaker 2 (01:10:24):
So you're telling me A jaguar and a person can be the
same.
Yeah, yeah, well, I'm talkingabout yeah, yeah, yeah, so so
that's okay, right?

Speaker 1 (01:10:32):
so you're telling me, in mortal combat, when you
break several of theirvertebraes in slow motion and
their teeth, spit out theirmouth, and then you impale them
through the heart and they keepon fighting afterwards, that's
not realistic.
No, no, I don't think I want todo your course then.
Thank you very much, goodbye,thank you, bye-bye.
Well, well done, dylan.
Okay, well, I'm not so much.
Well done.

Speaker 2 (01:10:52):
You've just lost potential Because, well, that
guy was a weirdo anyway, so it'sfine.

Speaker 1 (01:10:56):
Yeah, we'll see what the next guy's about, okay.

Speaker 2 (01:11:02):
Okay, Big D's University.
This is Gregory.

Speaker 1 (01:11:09):
Hi, gregory.
How are you today?
Are you doing well, gregory,gregory.

Speaker 2 (01:11:26):
Mrs Phyllis.

Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
Ah, yes.
I think I'll find it, mrPhyllis, there sir.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
I'm sorry about the voice.

Speaker 1 (01:11:38):
Oh, I'm not a lady there, Mr Gregory.
How would you like it if Icalled you a Mrs Now, my fine
sir, Now are you the universityas really kaisering to your
students, am I correct?

Speaker 2 (01:11:56):
Yes, that is correct.
I do my best to either helpmyself or then to show you to
the departments that be able tohelp.

Speaker 1 (01:12:06):
Oh well, that I do say is excellent.
Mr Gregory, now I have somespecial talents that I'm
wondering if you could help meget a certain degree into.
Now I am quite the nimblemasseuse.
I do declare that I am.

(01:12:28):
So I'm wondering if you do saysome masseuse therapy diplomas
over there?

Speaker 2 (01:12:36):
We sure do.
We offer shorter courses, andthen we have year and two-year
courses.

Speaker 1 (01:12:43):
So are the shorter courses done on midgets, say, or
little people, or are wetalking about the time span?

Speaker 2 (01:12:51):
no, we cater to everyone, but we aren't talking
to time span.

Speaker 1 (01:12:53):
Yes, we're talking to time span, so I would say there
is no different technique ifyou are doing on a little person
, say to a six foot nine nbaplayer, it would be in
proportion.

Speaker 2 (01:13:08):
So, yes, if you look at the length of and you where
you might have moved twocentimeters up on four
centimeters on the nba player,it would now be two centimeters
on the uh, the slightly uh,vertically challenged person I

(01:13:30):
see, because my issue now,gregory, that I must tell you
when I'm masseusing, pleasedon't is, I do tend to close my
eyes when I'm masseusing.

Speaker 1 (01:13:44):
So the difficulty is, if it's uh, let's say, a large
fellow, I do need to know thesizes that I'm dealing with,
because obviously, if I'mmassaging an NBA player, say, in
a sports fashion, I could be atthe back of his knee and then
maybe on someone else, I couldbe above their head, you know,
and that would not make a greatmasseuse and I obviously want to

(01:14:07):
have the highest degree ofmasseusing.
And now, mr gregory, what kindsof massages do you teach over
there?
fuck, it's getting hot in here Iwas saying sorry, talking about

(01:14:29):
massage is one body.
It does make it awfully hot inhere, so what most people, my
most conscious, it's not quitefull body.

Speaker 2 (01:14:38):
Okay, just to be clear.
Yes, we don't specialize onglutes and certain private areas
.

Speaker 1 (01:14:47):
Well, I, must say, Mr Gregory, that the glutes are
most rootness, tootness,tightness of areas.
So I'm not sure about yourfacilities if you're not
massaging one of the biggestmuscles there are on the body.

Speaker 2 (01:15:05):
So we actually have specialized machines for that,
um, and we leave that to tothose, whereas I thought you
were just referring to to thespecial uh, I'm gonna say it
handwork class that we have.

(01:15:25):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:15:33):
And now what would be ?

Speaker 2 (01:15:33):
included in the handwork department?
Well, everything besides theglutes and the other private
areas.

Speaker 1 (01:15:42):
The private areas.

Speaker 2 (01:15:43):
Yeah, now what would that be?

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Fuck off.
Okay, if you can't come to theuniversity.
It's fine.

Speaker 2 (01:15:51):
Take your money and leave.

Speaker 1 (01:15:53):
Now I have heard on the grapevine that you do have a
pediatrician massage section.

Speaker 3 (01:16:04):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
no.

Speaker 2 (01:16:11):
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You know what, mr Phyllis, Iexpected this from you, right.

Speaker 1 (01:16:20):
What I mean is, you know, Is it a pediatrician with
the To do with the feet like apodiatrist?
Is that a pediatrician?
Or with the feet Like a?

Speaker 4 (01:16:29):
podiatrist.
Is that a pediatrician?
Or have I got my works mixed up?

Speaker 1 (01:16:32):
What I mean is like a podiatrist that deals with your
feet.
I hope you didn't think.
I meant anything else of thesort.
You know what I'm saying there,Mr Gregory.
I get them switched up I getthem switched up, I I probably

(01:16:53):
I'll let you do your researchthere, gregory, and you could
probably you could probably lookat the clever word play that I
have really worked in there yesyes, yes so yeah, we offer you
do specialize.

Speaker 2 (01:17:11):
We do everything and anything uh, animals, people, um
children, uh feet, uh certainfood, um we, we are.
We actually experiment.
We've got a great experimentalprogram.
Uh, don't worry, it's allconsensual, we do that as well.
So, whatever question, yes,we've got it.

(01:17:32):
And if you ask, and if you hada certain budget in mind, yes,
we will do it at that budget aswell.
And yeah, anything you mightneed, please send us an email,
as my airtime is running low.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:17:50):
Well, I'll send you an email from my email, mr
phyllis long dong, silver 69 atgmailcom.
Thank you very much for yourtime, thank you, mr Phillips,
bye oh fuck, I'm sweating mytwat off in here.

(01:18:15):
Oh my god, this is going to besuch a ball ache to edit.
I am so sorry, even if thismakes a right day, like we have
a pretty good system going on,and then the heat has destroyed

(01:18:36):
this one 50 degrees.
Ladies, gentlemen in here, um,I am dehydrated, uh, I am.
I am absolutely fuckingdismayed right now.
Oh shit, right, okay.
Well, dylan, where are?

Speaker 2 (01:18:55):
we going to find our next three words next time?
Yeah, okay, all that I have infront of me is a pedantry,
because I couldn't fucking spellPedantry, but that's a
completely different story.

Speaker 1 (01:19:07):
We'll stay away from that next.
Where are we going to stay nexttime?
Right, where would be?
Let's find somewhere where we'dfind an underground
civilization, somewhere wherethe entrance to an underground
civilization would be and whatthat civilization might fucking
look like.
Alright, okay, and let'scompletely look at ourselves in
the mirror and think what thefuck went on on this episode of

(01:19:29):
Three Word Story.
Let the ceremonies begin.

Speaker 3 (01:19:36):
Drop it down low with Three Word Story.