29. Krampus Talks Business & Finding Sobriety Through Ayahuasca

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What happens when Christmas Krampus decides to become an entrepreneur? Or when a fictional character embarks on an ayahuasca journey to confront his vices through celebrity roasts? Find out in this wildly imaginative return episode of Three Word Story.

After a brief hiatus, James and Dylan reconnect with their trademark improvisational energy, swapping tales of broken locks and penguin encounters before diving into their creative premise. Using the What3Words app as inspiration, they craft two distinct narratives that showcase their comedic chemistry and willingness to embrace the absurd.

The first story transports listeners to a startup event in Poznan, Poland, where Christmas Krampus—traditionally known for punishing naughty children—pitches unconventional business ideas. His "naughty toys for naughty boys" concept features video games that control children rather than vice versa, and a Tamagotchi that physically affects its owner. The negotiation for "100,000 fingernails" in exchange for equity heightens the surreal humor that defines the show.

The second narrative follows Timmy's journey to sobriety through an ayahuasca ceremony in Panama City. Under the guidance of a shaman, Timmy confronts manifestations of his addictions—alcohol (Johnny Depp), cocaine (Conor McGregor), and marijuana (Snoop Dogg)—by delivering increasingly creative insults. This segment brilliantly balances comedy with an underlying message about confronting personal demons.

What makes this episode particularly special is how it seamlessly blends outlandish scenarios with surprising moments of wisdom, culminating in the shaman's profound observation that "Cool isn't a blunt, a blender or a bar fight. Cool is being okay with being uncool." Join us for this uniquely entertaining return to form, and subscribe to hear what three words will inspire our next improvisational adventure.

Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Three Word Story.
I'm James, I'm Dylan, and thisis the podcast where we take
three words from the app whatthree words?
And improv the shit out of astory.
Today, on Three Word Story, Iwanted to go with a different
accent, but I'll stick to this.
One A hundred thousandfingernails, and not one less

(00:21):
for 33% of my company.
Now to all.
Sinister being like don't be anaughty boy.
69 days till Christmas.
Nails, and not one less for 33%of my company.
Not you all.
Sinister being like don't be anaughty boy.
69 days till Christmas.
Ja ja ja, his thing.
I don't know, he was a, not hispenis.
You're nervous?
It's been a while.
Why are you nervous?
I don't know.
It's been a while.
It's been a while.

(00:43):
Hey, look, hey, hey, the crowdis welcoming you back, dylan.
I don't know what that word was.
Now, fuck that up.
That was a for the start of theepisode, but the crowd is
joyous.
The crowd is so happy for threewords story, james and dylan to
be back in the house.

(01:03):
Yeah, yeah, that's how we do it.
The horn is back.
So, dylan, as we famously say,it has indeed been a while, been
a minute, been a minute.
So, before we get to our threewords.
Using the map service What3Wordsto find three words to make a
random ass story.
What have you been up to?

(01:25):
Have we been mia recently?
What magical and wonderful,splendiferous things have
happened in our lives?
Dilanosaurus rex, tell me, youknow what's funny.
You can, you can put me on thespot with many things.
But, uh, finding somethinginteresting that's happening in
my life, right?
Yeah, give you three randomwords and have to make up a

(01:45):
really freaking, long-windedstory.
Fine, finding somethinginteresting in our lives
Difficult, no, no, I can justrevert back.
It's just that feedback loop.
So I can just go back to theprevious episode and then
explain that, and then I justlive.
Episode two episode.
Oh well, you've put your pantson the wrong way.
I've actually done it every daysince, no, but I, so my lock

(02:07):
was broken.
Okay, to your pants.
You're not wearing a chastitybelt, no, my master's took the
key and I've not been able toget my penis out for two weeks,
three weeks, and that's whereI've been Just waist deep in
shit and piss because you didn'tgive me the key back, right?

(02:28):
So sorry, dylan, I've gone inhard there, right?
We're excited to be back.
Three word story back in action.
Right, so your lock's beenbroken.
So have you been stuck insidefor three weeks?
I wonder where you've been.
No, well, I mean, this was lastweek, somewhere where I called
you the one morning to be like jJames, could you please can
open?
Come open my door.
And I was like, oh, princeDylan, all of a sudden Not

(02:51):
wanting to open his own fuckingdoor.
Yeah, I was locked inside myown apartment, yeah, so, uh, the
spring uh between the locks, um, like on the one end uh ended
up breaking or was bent.
So, yeah, that was quite aninteresting one.
So, for a few nights, becausethe the building management took
some time uh, coming out.

(03:13):
So, yeah, for a few nights Islept with my door not only
unlocked but technically openand all that kind of held shut.
The door was like a waterbottle, and they're big, do you
mean like a small one?
So it was like one and a halflitre.
Yeah, yeah, one and a halflitre, and that's enough for
people to be like is somethinggoing on there?

(03:35):
Should I be worried?
Am I being baited in by somecreep?
Well, I mean, the door isclosed, but I mean the fact that
it's not close.
Closed?
Yes, might still be somebody'scuriosity like is someone okay,
do they want to be found?
What's this horrible stankcoming from this property?
Have you got your aircon fixedyet?
Um, I got a aircon, but Ihaven't got the aircon fixed yet

(03:58):
, and please explain what thefuck that means.
I have, I have a aircon, soI've got a separate air con unit
now within the apartment, right.
However, it's not coming fromthe air ducts, okay, so it's
circulating the horrible stankyair already within your
apartment.
Why do you naturally seethere's a stankiness in the

(04:18):
apartment?
Because I've been there.
I've been there with the doorclosed and no air con.
It is foul.
It can get to that degree.
It is an aged building, right.
So you're circulating yourstank all around and you're
shooting out a small gap in yourfront door to just allow your
neighbours to feel it.
Is that the case?
Yeah, that's not actively mycase, but yes, it seems to be a

(04:43):
bit more stanky than, uh, thanyou know.
You know, I would like to admitokay, um, but no, I, I just
thought that's where I was goingwith.
The story is.
Um, yeah, it's prettyinteresting, it's.
I felt pretty vulnerable, likesleeping.
I don't know why I'm laughing.

(05:05):
I mean, let's get serious,we'll get serious.
To be like, okay, that's fine,like this is dubai, it's safe,
it should be safe.
But you can't help but wonder,oh shit, like if I close my eyes
and I don't know, maybe, beingfrom south africa, you always
have this thing at the back ofyour head, being like, oh shit,
like safety, safety's an issue,yeah, yeah, so, um, I think most

(05:26):
places in the world having yourdoor open, you know, there's a
big old question mark on that,right, like maybe an opportunist
, uh man lover wants to roam onin and he sees you start bollock
at an angle on your bed andthought, well, this guy's been
offering him with a liter and ahalf bottle.
By the way, he could have justgone after my electronics, but
no, no, he's like, hey, I couldget a cd player anyway.
By the way, who has a fuckingcd player?

(05:54):
Cd player.
So, um, I'm hoping that youwere fine, right?
No one, no one wandered in andyou're no one wandered in, um,
but yeah, yeah, I'm a bitconcerned.
I gave you the advice to justlike cram some like paper into
your the keep of your lock, andthen you could have closed the
door and it wouldn't have locked, but you chose.
You chose the way I wanted.

(06:16):
Yeah, yeah, maybe the ladiesfrom next door just wander in by
accident, but it never happened.
I did mention that my door wasalways open, so I just wanted to
stick to that, okay.
So it's creepy, really creepy,and were you just peering
through the gap of the door?
Just, uh, it's always open,it's always a hundred percent.
Okay, that's the only way to doit.
Okay, so has that been the truehighlight of your two to three

(06:40):
weeks, or however long it's been?
Um, I wouldn't say that it'sthe highlight, but it has been.
It did make me feel morevulnerable.
Um, okay, and you and we'refixed.
Now we're all good for thewatchers and listeners at home.
Their opportunity has beenmissed, gone.
Yes, door has closed.
I don't have a door closed, soyou just can't have to give it

(07:00):
up.
There we go.
So, uh, dylan's safe, that'sgood news, dylan's safe.
Well, um, I think I was sick oneweek, but yeah, that's not that
.
I was saying that my door notbeing working was the reason why
you didn't do the podcast, butI don't know, I just I just had
to guard your things.
For two weeks, sat home justnursing your cd player, your

(07:28):
tamagotchi, all your mid-90s toearly 2000, goods that you hold
so dear to your heart.
Okay, well, I'm glad you'reback and I'm glad your goods at
home are safe.
Uh, I myself, dylan, just beenworking.
I didn't ask you, I assumedthat you would actually.
No, sorry, I assumed youfucking wouldn't and we would
have just moved on and I wouldhave been sat here.

(07:51):
Go fuck yourself.
Um, no, dylan, they are notthose words.
We'll get to those very shortly.
Uh, the highlight of my previousthree weeks for ali's birthday,
we went to ski dub Dubai.
For the previous year, for mybirthday, which I think was just
before or just after the veryfirst episode of three word

(08:12):
story, we did sky Dubai.
Now, this time, dropped aletter, added an eye, we went
ski Dubai, dylan, ski Dubai.
Now, for anyone who's going tovisit Dubai, highly recommend
ski Dubai.
Not for anyone who's going tovisit Dubai, highly recommend
ski Dubai.
Not only can you ski, you canfreaking, freaking hug and love.

(08:32):
I'm not sure we're going withthis.
I didn't either.
There are penguins involved andyou just want to.
No, dylan, you can fall in loveand you can hug, and not in a,
in a loving, kind in a fuckingfairy tale way.
Dylan, don't give me that.
Look, don't give me right foreveryone at home that would be
watching this on YouTube.
I've been vulnerable wait, Iforgot the camera exactly, and

(08:56):
the way you're holding thecoffee mug and you kind of mouth
a gape of being like James, youlove a penguin.
Now, no, dylan, it was I can'tremember their names, to be
honest, similar to one nightstand.
I guess it's probably yoko, oh,no, no, neither of those.
Dylan, no, no, no.
These were maybe like sally orjulie or one of the what,
something along those lines.
But anyway, one thing I wouldsay about penguins the emperor

(09:19):
penguin, the grandest penguin inall the lands, right in a
documentary.
You look at those fuckerssitting on the eggs and you
think, man, they're big, right,they've got to be at least waist
high.
When I'm watching them I'mthinking these are big emperor
penguins.
Yeah, they look rather imposingIn real life, dylan, knee high
at best.
Pretty puny your knee height,yeah, but very yeah, no, it's

(09:41):
not like a chick.
No, it's not your knee height,that's just the egg.
But no, when they're fullygrown, dylan, it goes to my knee
height, um, but in ski dubaiit's the knee height inside the
egg.
Yeah, that's you, that's you allthe way down there, right, but
if you get on with thesepenguins in ski dubai, they will

(10:02):
let you hug them, which isprobably one of the best
experience you can have in life,and it's not like they're just
trained to stand there.
It will literally like backinto you, like when you're like
tickling a little like a yellowbit on its neck, and it'll just
like let me be like and freaking, love its life.
But if it doesn't like you, itbasically turns its nose up to
you.
So me and ali, we got the wholeshebang.

(10:22):
We got pictures with it,cuddles with it, we got the lot.
But there was a couple ofpeople in there it didn't like,
it didn't want anything to dowith it.
That's nice, like I'm like.
Obviously it's not great forthe other people, but knowing
that it actually doesn't kind ofcrawl up to everyone or snuggle
up, yeah I think it's prettynice.
It's like look, we connectedwith this penguin.
Now you could argue the penguinsare racist.

(10:46):
Right, because the, the penguinleaned one way more than the
other.
Now, that's not me, I am.
I'm for everyone, everyone, nomatter where you're from, who
you are.
I believe everyone is equal.
This penguin on the other halfthe limb clearly did not.
Now it may have been because acouple of people there you were
told explicitly do not put yourhand out to this penguin,

(11:07):
because when it's kind of liketotting around because you'll
think that you're about to feedit and then when you don't feed
it it'll be like fucking dudebro.
You put out your hand likeyou're gonna feed me and where's
my kipper, motherfucker, andyou're not giving it to them, so
then it'll immediately not likeyou.
So they stick their hand out toand then the guy said no, no,
no, no.
And then the penguins pissedoff.
So it's either racist or it wasjust pissed off, or both, who

(11:29):
knows?
So that was basically penguins.
Penguins might be racist.
Well, I don't know.
Yeah, drop it down low withthree word story Dylan, four
Dylan for our three words thistime.
So usually I mean it's been awhile, so maybe someone's going
to stumble across this and belike what the fuck are these
guys talking about?

(11:49):
We select a location and we goon a map service like Google
Maps called what Three Words?
We pick a location and thenthat location gives us three
words.
It could be our childhood home,it could be a nice pub
somewhere, it could be aspecific place, and then that
gives us three words.
Now you, you little clever clogs, said that this time why don't

(12:10):
we choose the three words?
And that will give us thelocation and we can weave that
together.
Yeah, how did that go for you,dylan, and why?
I'll be honest, uh, I kind ofcheated a little bit because,
like the words, and obviouslythere's I don't know trillions

(12:30):
or billions of combination ofwords that you could then, but
do you think, like those threewords would match up to any
location in the world?
But no, it didn't necessarily.
So you put in three words, butthey didn't have them in that
order.
I have the same struggle, whichmakes sense.
So it's funny that we saythere's billions and trillions
combination.
We've both picked a combination, so maybe hundreds, who knows?

(12:52):
Yeah.
So I kind of looked at thingsthat I could link to those words
, right?
So?
Or at least I thought of mystory, right, because you kind
of have, I figured, let me startwith the end in mind, have the
story and link the words, thenOkay, however, which might be an
issue, if you already kind ofmade up your story and then you

(13:16):
try.
So you did the whole story.
You thought, hey, there'strillions of combinations on
this, it's 100% going to be.
And then one thank you, ma'am,it wasn't okay, it turns out not
to be.
So I then just looked fordifferent words that would then
kind of slot into completelyfucking cheated.
It was your premise and youwere like, nah, I'm not gonna do

(13:36):
this, okay, so all right.
So the three words that youmanaged to manipulate into the
story that you wanted to arewhat?
And they might not even link tomy story that well, this is
very on brand, very on brand,nice job.

(14:02):
Actually, now that I think ofit, yeah, I'm reading this, and
yeah, this is not.
I thought it said white.
Nice job, actually.
Thanks, did I think of it?
Yeah, I'm reading this, and uh,yeah, anything, so this is not.
I thought it said white, butnow it says white.
Um, so white.
Okay, is that a huge difference?
Yeah, it's huge, okay, huge,huge here.
Uh, lines, white lines, yeah,giggle, giggle.

(14:22):
So I really didn't mean to dothat, but hey, that was a little
soundboard nugget for you.
And where did that take you inthe world?
So that took me to Panama City,guess where?
Nigeria, oh, okay, okay, nearly, panama City.
Panama.
To a bargain store.
To a bargain store name yeah,bargain store.

(14:45):
To a bargain store Name Bargainstore, okay, no, I'm not going
to butcher that one.
Okay, you're going to leavethat one.
God Save for the bonus episode,for Dylan's actual joke.
It's mini, super ideal, mini,super ego, mini, super ideal,
Okay.
And so did you manage toshoehorn Panamaama into your

(15:06):
story in any way, shape or form?
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that'sthe uh location the character
wanders into.
So okay, I thought you weregonna say wanders out from.
So, just fresh from a flightfrom panama, the character.
Okay, well, fair enough, dylan.
So we've gone to panama and youfound three words.
Now, let me, let me talk youthrough the journey that I've
been on, okay, okay.
So initially I came up withthree words.

(15:28):
These three words gave me aplace in America.
Then these three words, Ichanged the combination, which
gave me six different places inAmerica, and I came up with a
whole competition, came up withsongs, everything.
Then I ran out of time, so, 45minutes to spare, I scra,
scrapped everything, becausethat's what you naturally do

(15:48):
when you don't have time, is youjust scratch ideas and stick it
into the bin of things to dolater, which the bin is getting
very full now.
There's lots of things thatwe've said in this podcast so
far and we've done none of themso, other than maybe just add
some soundtracks in it, buteverything else is there's
stored somewhere.
Episode 98, 99, when we'rereally fucked for ideas.
Ok, so this is.

(16:10):
This is the journey that I wenton.
So I thought what easier way togo to get three words is in our
very title of our podcast, weget three words and we are three
word story.
So I thought, fuck, this isobvious, right, there are
trillions of combinations inthis gosh darn world.

(16:30):
Let's, let's boil it down tobillions, billions or maybe even
millions or even thousands inthis right, because I went three
word story, I was like, oh,where this may take us?
Maybe back to pyongyang, it'sgood, you know, it's a good idea
.
Maybe the the barrier reefsomewhere, or somewhere in
australia or somewhere in south,all the places we've been, but
it doesn't exist.
So if you are there, if you arewatching, uh, anyone at three

(16:54):
word story, please select alittle square somewhere in this
world for me and dearest dylan,a three word story, and devote a
square to us?
Where would to us?
Where would you want thatsquare to be?
I've put you on the spotmassively now, but if we were
going to pick somewhere, wherewould you be?
So I'll go to Rimrom and thenI'll, that's right.

(17:16):
No, not where I live.
We're not making that samemistake.
Take it back to episode one,where we told you where our
parents live precisely.
Take it back to episode onewhere we told you where our
parents live precisely.
No, dylan, where would you go?
Right?
So what is going to representus?
I was thinking it could be likea little joke.
We could go to, uh, like ascrapyard and just put us right
in the middle of there, becauseit's largely junk, which is what
we do.
You know, maybe a Hooters.

(17:37):
I've never been to a Hooters,but you could stick it in a
Hooters, maybe.
Yeah, like that all kind ofseems fitting where it's kind of
like okay, well, maybesomething that represents both
of us.
And that's why I kind ofautomatically thought, okay,
maybe something in dubai, maybesomeplace we went out to it's a
good memory over there maybesomething a bit more outlandish,
like uh, like, maybe not pyong,pyong, pyong, pyong.

(18:01):
Yeah, I mean, we could go topyong, young, it's our favorite
place, you know.
We could be at a Pyongyang Zooor the Boo Building in Pyongyang
, yeah, maybe the BaboonEnclosure at Pyongyang, ah, okay
.
So what three words?
Please put our square in theBaboon Enclosure in Pyongyang,
north Korea.
That would be great.
I think that represents usreally.
Maria, if you are listening,then I mean the Berlin enclosure

(18:23):
, which I'm sure they are.
Dylan, did you know that theyhave just released a?
Well, they've opened a brandnew holiday resort, styled of
the premium hotel resorts inBenidorm, spain.
Did you know that?
I did not.
Now, as you are a South Africanman and I'm a British man, it
might not be as apparent to you.
Now, benidormorm to the britishis like a pilgrimage for people

(18:48):
that just want to go getcompletely shit-faced and
completely ruin a beautifulspanish island and make all
locals lives miserable.
Go to all-inclusive holidayresorts and basically ruin it
for everyone.
And now north korea?
Yeah, basically that, but forolder people, right, so you go,
for you go from ibiza older.

(19:10):
Are we talking?
We're talking.
I reckon you go to ibiza maybeuntil you're 30 to 35.
Then, post 30 to 35, you are inbenidorm till the day you die,
so you could be anywhere from.
You know 40 year old kind ofman up until Zimmer frame, up
until deathbed, in Benidorm.
That's what it is to Britishpeople.
So King Jong-un or Il-ho one ofthem decided that what better

(19:34):
place to style this futuristicand modern holiday place than
Benidorm?
So that's what they have goingfor now.
So maybe, maybe in North Korea,in North korea.
In north korea they decidedthey started to accept guests
there.
There's some russian guestshave gone already.
Um, so I'm thinking okay,another pledge, what three words
?
If you want some sponsorship,if you want some some

(19:56):
advertisement, stick our squarein that place and pay for us to
go.
That is an awful idea I don'twant to do.
That woman will definitely bedead.
We'll beff.
Now I don't want the square, Idon't want the square in north
korea.
Let's stay away from that.
Let's put it in benidorm aswell, where I will now get my
head kicked in for insinuatingthat it's maybe a bit of a
shithole because of the british,not the spanish, because of the
british.
Anyway, that was a, that was aneeded little side note, wasn't

(20:18):
it?
So where were we going right?
So I don't know, we wentcompletely off-piste.
So three-word story.
I was looking for three-wordstory yeah, doesn't exist.
Story award three no, no, no,no.
So it went German.
Now I don't know if maybe I'vegot VPN on, but I didn't know.
Some of these words went German.
So the closest I could get istier, like tier T-I-e-r-e, so no

(20:54):
, uh, wogue or rogue and story,so tier vogue story.
It's as close as I could get.
So tier is german for animal orsome like tiger, tiger, like
multiple tigers, if you liketiger in afrikaans, it's
multiple tigers.
Yeah, it's like plural tigers.
Yeah, so you'd be like yeah,okay, yeah, just on time, um, so

(21:17):
, and then vogue, which is agerman noun meaning wave, um,
often referring to powerful waveor a surge, right, so I'm
thinking I've got very littletime to go.
I really cannot be fuckingaround here, so I'm going to
have to go out on a limb hereand do some digging and some
research, as I usually do.
Now, yeah, vög is a German nounmeaning wave, often referred to

(21:39):
a large, powerful wave or surge.
It can also be usedfiguratively to describe a surge
of emotion or feeling.
Right and okay, limited time togo.
That's quite.
That's quite broad, for noreason whatsoever, and I thanks
Google for this.
Just, I gave me a littlefreaking nugget of gold there,

(22:01):
something for me to latch ontoimmediately, immediately after
this, because whenever you'relooking for any words in german,
I want this to be the contextthat they refer to.
So, in the context of the tvshow, grim, woke refers to the
transformation between human andwestern form, a supernatural

(22:21):
creature.
I didn't ask for that, didn't?
I just wanted to know.
This is really up your alley.
It really is.
Um, not not that alley, not mywife alley, but this is, she's
got nothing to do with this.
She wouldn't want anything todo with this.
Um, so this I was like okay,fantastic.
Well, let's dig deep into theepisode of grim.
Have you ever watched grim?
I have not.
So grim is an american crimeseries, crime kind of like

(22:46):
solving mysteries.
You know, usually it's like ohshit, a bank robber, oh a
murderer.
No, this is a bit moresupernatural.
Yeah, so this has the extrazhuzh on it, right where they
will chase a criminal.
But they wog from just standardman, let's say r, and they will
turn into a super naturalcreature.

(23:08):
Now, guess who pops up in?
Jessica Alba.
That would be fantastic, butshe doesn't.
In season three, episode eight.
That's very specific.
I can't believe you don't knowthis.
I can't believe you don't knowthis.
I can't believe you don't knowthis.
I don't know.

(23:28):
It's German themed.
I don't know, heidi Klum, Idon't know.
In season 3, episode 8, theKrampus hunts naughty children
and adolescents, admonishingthem for their bad behaviour
before beating them with awooden switch and stuffing them
into a large sack, leaving alarge lump of coal behind at the

(23:53):
abduction site.
The coal is natively found in amine on the highest arctic
reach near the north pole.
Upon upon abducting thechildren, krampus hangs them
from baskets like ornaments inthe tallest tree in the tallest
spot of the land, with theintention of devouring them on
the night of the winter solstice.
By now, I do think you must bea Krampus connoisseur.

(24:19):
Yeah, let me go into the nextpart, and I'm actually quite
concerned I may be the wokeversion of the Krampus.
So, as Krampus exists for onlythree weeks out of the year and
his human self is completelyunaware of his Wesson self,

(24:42):
krampus has no culture of hisown and is thought to be a
mythical even by other Wessons.
I don't know what Wessons are,the relationship between the
Wesson I don't know what thatmeans and human form is
described as a jackal andhide-like relationship, with the
human side unaware of its truenature, and the Wesson side

(25:03):
acting completely on its ownaccord.
Now, for those who have notheard previous episodes we have
had a Christmas Krampus here.
I've never seen him.
I've only heard from therecords and from yourself that
he has indeed graced this studioand or bedroom and he has been
here, but I've never seen this.

(25:23):
So I'm I'm a bit scared, I'm abit worried.
Maybe I am a wesson I'm fromwesson super mayor, after after
all, so maybe this is all linkedto it.
I am potentially the jackal tothe christmas krampus.
Hi.
Also, isn't he somehow relatedto, like santa claus, like I'm
almost sure there's, there'ssome lineage.

(25:43):
So well, from what I from fromlistening to previous episodes
where he's been here and Ihaven't, um, he works for, uh,
santa claus, uh, and then he waslike the kind of thing but hey,
I'm sure there's, I'm surethere's going to be lots to
learn over the episodes, overthe many years of three-word
stories.
So, okay now, dylan, becauseI'm a stickler for the rules, I

(26:06):
thought how the devil egg can Ilink this to my story?
So, basically, please do thatagain To my story.
Nice job, thanks, tom.
So, um, basically, I pointeddown for everyone listening at
home, uh, in a really cool hipfashion.
So it took me to Poznan, poland,okay, famous to be the fifth

(26:30):
largest city in all of Poland,okay, and I thought I probably
now, at this point, got 20minutes before your arrival.
I'm thinking, well, let's justfind out what is happening in
posnan today, like right now.
Right now, today, there is astartup intro, so there is going
to be basically people that aretrying to get some investment

(26:51):
for their, for their upstarts inpoznan today.
So that's where we're going togo.
All, right for my story.
Okay, okay, happy with that.
Should I just roll into it,dylan?
Why not?
We're already there.
Thank you everybody.
Thank you, thank you.
Drop it down low.
Three word story.
I thought you thought you weregoing to say you know what?

(27:13):
We've got a live web stream andwe are just going to watch some
people fish.
I mean, that would track for mycharacter.
Obviously, the people at homedon't know what I do at work,
which is pretend to work whilstwatching live streams of people
all around the world.
He's extremely good at it.
Not just watching, butpretending to work.
Yeah, I'm very good at that.

(27:35):
If anyone from work is watching, that is obviously a lie and
this is a comedy podcast.
So we say we tell jokes, dylan,we tell jokes.
So, dylan, I'm going to needyou for this one.
I'm going to need someimprovisation.
We need to improv the shit outof this story.
Okay, improvisation, we need toimprov the shit out of this
story.
Okay, so you are going to be,basically, you're going to be

(27:56):
interviewing me for this, uh,startup.
Okay, and apparently I don'tknow I've not seen him, to be
honest but apparently thechristmas krampus is going to be
here for this and he has gotsome business to pitch.
Right, he, he is.
He wants some investment.
Um, I saw it in the wall inthere, written in blood.
I don't know, I don't knowwhere it came from.

(28:17):
Um, I was like, why am I handsred?
But bizarre.
So, but the Christmas Krampusis going to be here.
Um, I don't know when, I don'tknow why, but it said in the
blood message on the wall, um,that he required you to be
interviewer.
Right, look into the businessesa little bit more.
Maybe talk to him.
You've been an interviewerbefore, dylan, I know, I know I
don't need to tell you aboutthis.

(28:38):
No, you do, james, but thankyou.
Okay, so I need to ask openquestions, right, so that makes
sense.
Okay, so I think the audienceis we're going to go through the
curtains.
It's going to be like we're sat, like this, on a stage and, you
know, like in a, in a comfychair, similar to like a product
launch here in Dubai, wherepeople just talk on a stage and
no one else listens, and that'swhat it's going to be like Cool,

(28:59):
cool, oh, hi there, everybody.
It's lovely to be here.
Alles klar, alles klar.
It is Christmas, krampus.

(29:19):
All the way in July.
You must be surprised it's notChristmas, but you know I'm
active for three weeks out ofthe year.
I like to spread the days outevery now and then.
Welcome, welcome.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you for having me, andyour name is.
My name is Mr Krampus.
I wanted to go with a differentaccent, but I'll stick to this

(29:41):
one.
Now.
I normally decide which accentsI want to go for beforehand, so
this is normally me.
I've got a selection of four,so let me not do that again.
Hi, mr Crumbus, how are youdoing?
I'm Dylan, pleased to meet you.
Oh, hi, dylan, you must need aglass of water or something,

(30:05):
because there must have beensomething in your throat,
because you sounded completelydifferent in your first virtual
set.
In all honesty, I'm not surewhat that was.
I'm not sure what that was.
I'm not sure what it is either.
Oh, you silly, silly goose.
What does the producer say ofthis Nice job?
Yeah, he liked it, he liked it.
The producer must just knowthat I was nervous enough asking

(30:27):
questions by myself now to doit by yourself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, notpredetermined.
The safety wheels 100.
The safety wheels are offeverybody.
And what do you meanpredetermined?
Because, as I know, thispodcast is completely improvised
at all time, don't you know?
Thank you everybody, thank youall.

(30:49):
Right, fantastic, let's getback to the point.
Oh, yes, please, right, so youhave a couple of business ideas
to pitch.
Am I correct in saying that?
Ja, ja, ja, ja, I have indeed.
So, as you know, I am aChristmas Krampus and the main
part of my job and you know Ilike and loathe it sometimes is

(31:11):
to look after naughty boys andgirls at christmas.
Okay, and I thought to myselfas a crampus.
How can I monetize this?
I know we are all here, greedylittle piggies.
I've seen you all here beforenaughty boys on christmas trying
to steal some money.
How can we maximize this forchristmas?
Now, typically, dylan a naughtyboy or naughty girl for

(31:36):
christmas, they get nothing forchristmas, and what does that
mean?
No money spent for the naughtyboy or naughty girl.
What I'm thinking for mybusiness why I'm trying to get
equity today is naughty toys fornaughty boys, where, if you
have a naughty boy or naughtygirl, you go out to the market

(31:58):
and you buy these specific toysfor the naughty boys.
Does that make sense, aliceClark?
So explain that to me.
I as investor Ja, ryan, ja,naughty toys for naughty boys,
and I want to make this veryclear.
I as investor Ja, ryan, ja,naughty toys for naughty boys,
for naughty boys, and I want tomake this very clear.
And it's and girls and girls.

(32:20):
This is completely ageappropriate.
Okay, it is not naughty, withlike devil horns and a bit weird
, nothing like that at all.
We are taking a take, ja, we aretaking a take on a classic
child's toy and we are going tomake it Specifically for naughty
boys and naughty girls.
Because the issue is Withnaughty boys and naughty girls
they cost us money.
They cost me money At Christmasbecause the parents aren't

(32:42):
going out and buying the gifts.
Santa Claus is not generatingmoney From taking money from the
parents and making gifts.
Do you see what I mean, mrDylan?
Do you see what I mean?
Right, we can't just keep themcold.
Oh no, dylan, from the parentsand making gifts.
Do you see what I mean, mrDylan?
Do you see what I mean?
Right, we can't just keep themcold.
Oh no, dylan, dylan.
This is what I'm thinking.
This is what I'm thinking,right, oh yes, imagine this the
naughty boy goes tinkle-tinkledown the stairs in the morning

(33:05):
Father Clausmas, he believes,has been and he unwraps, let's
say, a nintendo switch or a v Idon't know what is in in fashion
these days but the consolewhere you have the controllers
and you use your body, blah,blah, blah, blah.
Now imagine this he plugs inthe console, he's like oh, I've
been such a naughty, naughty boybut I managed to get myself a

(33:26):
console.
And he puts in, say v sports,yessports, yes, vsports.
You know what I mean?
Vsports.
He puts in Vsports, okay, andlet's say he puts in Vsports,
tennis, and he's like hmm, thesecontrollers, they don't seem to
be controlling the person onthe screen and then the person
on the screen starts playing andis controlling the naughty boy.

(33:48):
The naughty boy is turning left, he's turning right, he's
swinging, he's practicing aserve and he cannot control a
simple thing.
So the little boy is notcontrolling the V, the V is
controlling the little boy.
So I hear what you're sayingInstead of taking or spending
that capital on the naughtychildren, right, we are actually

(34:13):
trying to convert that.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm not sure how we get theweed to control the naughty boys
and naughty girls, but if youcan have that that general um
target market to work for you asthe krumpus, why not?
That dial is dialing, so thething is here okay, we are
fundraising.

(34:33):
People fundraise for Bitcoinall the time and no one knows
what the fuck that even means.
So all I'm saying to you, dylan, is simply this you have a V
for the good boy.
The good boy gets to play the Vand he gets to control his
little V characters all over thelittle V, straightforward.
But the naughty boy has the Vthat controls him and he has the

(34:56):
controllers in his hand andhe's being put left and he's put
right and he's jumping and he'slike ah, marja Faja, please
help.
This is not what I expected andthey go.
Little Damien, or whatever hisname is, you should have been a
good boy and stopped and wipedyour bottom properly and been a
good boy at school, and now forthe next 12 months you'll be
flitted around on your V.

(35:17):
Does that make sense?
Dylan, of course it does so.
With that being said, just giveme the amount of equity you're
willing to give away for theamount of price.
Like well, what's theinvestment?
100,000 fingernails and not oneless for 33 of my company.
I can be a third owner in inthat.
Okay, whoa, hold on fingernails.

(35:39):
How many?
How many did you say?
I believe I said a hundredthousand.
I kind of just said it on thespot, so I did not expect you to
allow me to recall such afigure.
Um, but let's just call itaround hundred thousand
fingernails and not a fingernailless.
Okay, no, that's fair.
I think we'll open that up tothe crowd whilst we move on to

(36:00):
the next idea, becauseapparently you had, I have, I
have.
This is just one business.
I'm a christmas, christmascampus.
Okay, and exactly.
And you know, allegedly,allegedly, allegedly maybe this
whole idea only came up roughlyan hour ago or so, so you could
say this is on the fly, butthankfully the camera over there
or the crowd, I should saycould not see my screen, which

(36:22):
has very, very little on it.
Okay, wonderful.
Now next one, the next thing,I'm thinking Mr Thailand,
something of the same ilk.
Okay, very simple, very simple,a Tamagotchi.
A Tamagotchi, a little egg.
It's got a little 8-bitcharacter on it.
It's like a little chick in alittle screen.

(36:43):
It's going the naughty boys,and remember, this is a naughty
toy.
As soon as they start playingit, they feed the little toy,
they go.
Oh, I think I feel like a lumpin my stomach.
I believe I've just been fed.
Oh, how strange.
And they make the littlecharacter on their little thing

(37:04):
go to the toilet and they go.
Oh shit, I've shized myself.
What are the odds of thishappening?
I think you're getting thepicture now.
If they do not look after theirlittle tamagotchi, dylan, they
will perish, just like thetamagotchi.
And I'm thinking that this oneis very easy, it's very easy to
make.
It's only a little eight bitpiece of shit from japan.

(37:25):
So you know, we just added alittle sprinkle of evil and we
could monetize this.
What do you think, dylan, Ithink that's fair, but why so?
Just to help me understand whobuys this for their children,
for them.
So okay, here's what I'mthinking.
Ja, is you have the parents?
Ja, they think you know what myboy, my little girl, is

(37:50):
actually quite naughty and Iwould like to teach them some
responsibility.
So then, are they kind of theideal buyers to say, you know,
let's buy this Tamagotchi?
That's actually linked to mychild, to what?
Teach them responsibility,exactly Because they have to
look after themselves.
Look, dylan, you bless yourlittle soul.
The thing is about Christmas.

(38:10):
This is how Christmas works,and I understand you don't have
little tinker winkles yet.
But the parents, they stay uplate and that's why they drink.
And they drink to keep them upso they can visit, be visited by
either the santa claus or thechristmas crampus.
When one of us walks throughthe door, they, alas, has my boy

(38:31):
been good or naughty?
Now, usually, now, usuallyChristmas, father Christmas,
what the fuck his name is hewalks in and he goes oh, oh, oh,
oh, and everyone's happy oh,yeah, yeah, my boy's been so
good.
And they hand over their moneyto Santa Claus, right, and
obviously got the rain beard.
And if they don't have enoughmoney, they fucking charge him.

(38:52):
You know how it is, dylan?
He's just basically one biggangster and no one says
anything.
Dylan, where the ChristmasKrampus comes in, just has a
little fucking piece of coal.
Or I have to abduct thechildren.
I don't Do you know what theeffort to abduct a child.
They're freaking cake and theyscream and they need to be fed
and I have to put them inhanging baskets on freaking

(39:12):
branches.
You know what?
I don't want to do this anymore.
I do not want to do thisanymore, dalen.
So my suggestion is theChristmas Krampus comes in with
these products they're like ananti-Christmas present and I go
ah, yeah, if you want your childTo learn a lesson, buy my evil
Tamagotchi or Togoloki orwhatever you want to call it.
Can't even propose asubscription model.

(39:33):
Oh, there we go.
The Christmas Krampus appBrilliant, you can have a little
widget, and it's kind of melooking at you all sinister,
being like don't be a naughtyboy.
69 days till Christmas.
Ja, ja, ja, yeah.
Fully clothed, of course, fullyclothed, no, nothing weird.
As we said, this is naughty,not in an inappropriate way.
This is completely appropriateat all, then.

(39:53):
So for this I will take 80,000fingernails and not a fingernail
less.
All right.
And in terms of percentage,also a third, ah, 69.
For this we'll go 69%.
There's nothing weird about it,it's just the Christmas
Krampus' number.
I actually think this is abetter idea.
Okay, you want a Tamagotchi?
We'll call it the Togalocki.

(40:13):
Yes, ja, ja, ja, good callback.
Thank you, you've done sometravelling.
Go back to episode 28 or 27 or26.
I'm not quite sure, I don'treally remember, but this is
episode 29, I hear All right, mrKrampus, I know you are on a
tight schedule.
Do you have one more to?

(40:34):
No, unfortunately, dylan, I'monly around for three weeks out
of the year, so I like to takemy time appropriately.
And at the moment I believethat I've got to get on work on
my little tinkering of all theselittle gifts.
And after I've now managed toget over 100,000 fingernails for
my company, I'll be happy.
And I'll now managed to getover a hundred thousand
fingernails for my company, I'llbe happy and I'll be able to

(40:54):
feast like Julia Krampus does onfungerdelscom Fungerdels, right
.
So so everybody heard that youcan do your research, alice
Clark, fungerdelscom.
Hands together for mr Krampus,thank you, thank you.
Thank you, mrkrampus, all thebest.

(41:16):
So, hi, dylan, right, so what,joyce?
You just snapped awake.
What do you mean?
Yeah, I don't know what do youmean.
Literally, we were just talkingabout the blood message that I
saw in the bathroom, and thennow we're talking about this.
Yeah, because the blood messagewasn't that weird to start off
with.
No, I did think it was a bitweird.
And why there was blood on myhands, I thought was a bit weird
because I didn't write themessage there was because it was

(41:37):
from the christmas crampers andI am not exactly you know.
Um, so, but when I stoppedscreaming I would then came out
of the room and decided to dothe podcast.
So, um, yeah, well, uh, youknow well, hopefully we get to
see the Christmas crampers onetime or another.
I guess One day Drop it downlow with a three-word story.

(42:01):
Oh, dylan, it's a story that youmade and then found three words
randomly in Pananima City, andwhy Try and link them up
together?
So this is a story of Timmy,timmy, timmy, okay.
So Timmy in search of himself,his friends, his thing.

(42:23):
I don't know, he was a, not hispenis.
Just before, you know what'sfunny, brian is the group of
friends that I not only havehere, but back home, the fact
that I have to try and get aheadof any potential joke that
might follow.
Brian, that's what I'm doing.

(42:43):
It must be like sleeping withthe door open constantly for you
.
Constantly, that door is openand as soon as you say, find
this thing, I'm charging for it,I'm straight into that freaking
apartment right there.
I just need to shut that.
And as soon as you say, findhis thing, I'm charging for it,
I'm straight into that freakingapartment right there.
Shut that door as soon aspossible.
Not talking about Timmy's penis, right, okay, so he's finding
his thing, his character, hischaracter, but in this process

(43:04):
he gets tangled up in some badhabits that he just can't seem
to shake, and we're not talkingabout his penis.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

(43:29):
no, no, no.
White, okay, cocaine, lines ofcocaine and giggle, giggle,
laughing gas.
There we go.
I'll have one giggle of cocaine, please.
I will do a gaggle for tendollars, so okay.

(43:49):
So are these devices or are youjust going to go left field and
give me something else?
No, so one of them.
Yes, cocaine, cocaine.
Right, cocaine was one.
And then giggle, it's not quitelaughing gas Gas.
Oh, dylan, it's not quitelaughing gas.

(44:10):
That's the English side comingout.
Let us take left turn, dylanJacob's here.
Oh, tally ho, I'm quitenauseous After that, john, but I
have to say Nauseous, gas,garsly thing.
So, wow, that was your EnglishTruly coming out of you, gars.

(44:32):
I know you like to Paintyourself as an.
You know what it is, I think so.
My, my dad was always Prettylike.
He was always made a thing ofnot me saying like, like apple,
apple or basketball or like theway americans, kind of.
So you end up.
So, all of a sudden, when itcomes to gas, it's said normally

(44:55):
like gas and not gas Gas.
So I don't know that.
I think that just seemed to bestatic.
Wow, the pronunciation wasincredible, anyway.
So no, it was alcohol.
One more time Alcohol, alcohol,alcohol, alcohol.
You're really making up for itnow.
So you've got gas too Alcohol,alcohol, alcohol.

(45:17):
You're really making up for itnow.
So you've got gauze too Alcohol, alcohol.
Okay, all right, let's go withthe story, sure, okay.
And then the last one was forGiggle was actually supposed to
be weed.
So the ganja man, the ganja man, okay, all right.

(45:39):
So he's lost himself and hedoesn't know how to shake these
bad habits, which is thenalcohol, cocaine and weed.
So he spoke to some people onhis road back to sobriety, or at
least tempted to.
Somebody mentioned, you knowwhat he knows.
He knows a shaman, right?

(46:00):
So it does this whole ayahuascaceremony to kind of dig deeper,
to attempt to find yourself andto find the answers that you
are looking for.
So, to get off drugs, he went togo take drugs.
To go take drugs, man, that'sclever, that's really clever.
I, more people should do this.
It's kind of flipping theswitch on what you think, right,

(46:21):
but it's actually leaning intothe issues, exactly Doing more,
doing more, when you forgetthey're an issue anymore, right,
because people say shit like domore to do less, yeah.
Or to do less to do more, yeahto do more.
Whatever makes sense in thisparticular podcast, yeah, nice.
Well, hey, if we want asobriety meetings or AA meetings

(46:41):
with Dylan, they're great.
You just get shit faced, youjust get shot until you don't
want to drink anymore.
So, okay, right, it's okay.
So he's gone to do drugs to getoff drugs.
Yeah, by the way, sorry, justbefore we get demoneytized on
YouTube, I'd just like to take aquick message as a three-word
story do not condone drug taking.
We think that it's silly andnincompoopery.

(47:04):
We would highlight anyone, ifthey have a drug problem, to go
do an ayahuasca.
Ayahuasca If it helps them,yeah, yeah.
And instead of taking drugs, golisten to our podcast and think
, fucking hell, these people dothis without drugs.
So maybe I should stop takingthem and sort my fucking life
out so I don't end up like theseidiots.
Nice job, nice job, wonderful,sorry, I just thought I did.

(47:27):
Now we're going to getdemonetized because we've put a
message of no drugs, kids, nodrugs, otherwise the Krampus
will get you.
Okay, dylan, right.
So he got a number off of arelatively affordable shaman
who's based just behind thebargain store in Panama City.
His name is Tupa, okay, andpeople can't seem to remember

(47:55):
that name, so we'll just callhim Josh, okay, all right For
our Western audience out there.
Or Longhorn, for not ourWestern audience out there.
Or Pibbles from the strip clubpeople, okay, yeah, okay, that's
also what he's known by, okay.
So if you would please?

(48:22):
Not sure what that was, is thata candle?
What I blew my finger out?
It's just magical.
So if obviously anyone watchingfrom home they'll be like, wow,
what a magical finger that guyhas.
Peculiar, actually, pause, okay, are we saying a scene?
Yeah, yeah, I'd rather sit theseat because we just went into
it.
We just went into a randomdidgeridoo bit.
Then that was a bit bizarre.

(48:42):
I mean, anyone at home, they'rein the car and they're thinking
, oh my God, have I just takenayahuasca?
Am I actually in the story?
Have I broken the third and orfourth wall?
Am I Timmy?
You're not Timmy.
Okay, damn, I'll bother you inmy next one.
What we got Timmy makes his tripto the bargain store, meets up

(49:05):
with Tooper and Tooper nowspeaks to Timmy.
So Timmy, timmy, wake up.

(49:37):
I thought it was Timmy.
Okay, yeah, there.
Um, I'm mr tuber.
Sorry, I uh, I'm not not surewhat to do, but I've been
struggling with these, withthese issues, and, uh, I've kind
of explained that alcohol is abit of an issue, wake and bake
is a bit of an issue.
And then the um, wake, it's notwake and shake, wake and bake.

(49:58):
And then he had the shoe andhorse, of course, the shoe and
horse, and then the snow, thewhite stuff, the lines I'm
trying to make up, new words now, truly spoken to by a guy who's
never done it before, which isgood.
It gives a very good story.

(50:19):
Don't believe in trouble.
Yeah, so I was actually justlooking for you to help me.
Yes, timmy, I understand.
I will speak slow as I think ofwords to say, and I have a
special set of skills.
You will never find them, butbasically, what we look to do is

(50:47):
we look to address core issuesdeep inside you, and each one of
these are represented withinyour mind by someone, and each
one of these representatives inyour mind you will have to visit

(51:08):
Now.
I will administer thisayahuasca tea and you will drift
off.
Do not worry, I am your guideand you will drift off.
I will hold your hand and wewill face each one of these
visions or representativestogether.

(51:31):
But you need to tell each ofthese representatives off.
You need to roast them.
You need to tell each of theserepresentatives off.
You need to roast them, youneed to be angry at them and if
this cuts deep enough, you shallbe freed from this vice.
Understood?

(51:52):
Yeah, I think so.
I think so.
Right, here we go, timmy, andso then Johnny Depp.
It's the representation ofalcohol, allegedly, oh shit,
yeah, allegedly Allegedly, andalso just on a side note of me,

(52:18):
speaking as me and I don't wantto make this too long is, if any
of these people ever listen tothis podcast, this is purely
storytelling.
And this is all allegedlybecause I actually actually yeah
, sure, I'd grab a beer or a rumwith Johnny Jep, johnny Jep or

(52:40):
Johnny Jep.
If there's a team, anythingthat sounds anything remotely
dylan's up for it.
Um, but I think what you'retrying to say and I know you're
now getting excited at thethought that maybe johnny depp
might be watching you right nowand you may be getting yourself
a hot, hot beer date with himthat doesn't mean anything
horrible.
In fact, he adores you.
There are videos out there ofhim being captain jack sparrow,

(53:04):
uh, which I'm sure we can leakone day to the internet, uh,
when need be, and and that's howmuch he loves you.
And don't look into that, don'tthink it's weird.
Don't think it's weird.
He has posters of you.
Don't think it's weird.
He's got a weird Captain Jackaction figure that is really
weirdly sticky in some places,but anyway, we'll get back to
the story.
So just to give you the setting, on a half-sunken pirate ship

(53:29):
Know me too well, james CaptainJack or Johnny Depp, whoever,
trying to open a wine bottle forthe typewriter.
That's the setting.
And, timmy, you are now beforeMr Depp.
Roast him as hard as youpossibly can.

(53:57):
I don't really feel comfortable, but sure, let me go.
I hope he hurts his elbow afteropening a bottle of rum with
his mood ring.
Timmy, that was terrible.

(54:19):
Think deeper, deeper.
Well, he dresses like hiscloset is haunted Every time I
see you, your 12 scarves, your12 scarves, away from casting a

(54:42):
curse on your ex.
No, timmy, that was not good.
One more Think Johnny, johnny.
Johnny, you're not even deep,you're a divorced man with
eyeliner and a ukulele.
You look like a ton burdencharacter who got lost at

(55:06):
Burning man.
Ooooh, boom, jimmy, that wasgood.
Boom, roasted and gone.
Mr Depp vanishes, that was good.
Boom, roasted and gone.
Mr Depp vanishes into smoke andall you see is scarves.

(55:27):
Right, oh, my goodness.
Next one, what would you liketo guess?
Next one cocaine.
Robert Downey Jr.
That would have been a good one, though allegedly allegedly, I
think he actually was arrestedfor that.
But anyway, sick guy, awesome, Iwould love to go out with him,

(55:47):
right?
So I'll give the setting andthen you can maybe comment the
setting.
This man is shirtless, on topof a sports car, yelling into a
protein shaker.
Andrew Tate, not quite, but inthat line, dan Boulzerian,

(56:10):
whatever his name is, but it'snone other than Conor McGregor.
So in that cluster of cunts,basically, you know that little
gaggle of dickheads and, by theway, I don't want to go for a
beer with any of them.
And look, they definitely don'twant to go for a beer with me.
I get that.
But Johnny Depp, 100%, go for abeer ski with him.

(56:32):
Robert Downey Junior, 100%.
Those gentlemen can suck a dickInstead of a beer, which I'm
sure they would.
I'm sure they would, in theirlittle man circle, doing
whatever they need to do.
So anyway, allegedly Jimmy,you're now in front of Connor.

(56:54):
I wonder if I should do anaccent.
100%.
I was disappointed that therewas no Johnny Depp.
I really thought you were goingto wander him in so you could
crack out a freaking JackSparrow, maybe one day.
Alright, we'll put that in thebasket.
Coming soon To a podcast nearyou.
Alright, I think that's goingto be terrible.

(57:16):
Okay, oi, nope, why did you?
Who the fuck are you, nope?
Who the fuck are you?
Nope?
That sounds Scottish.
You've gone too northern there.
Who the fuck are you?
Nope?
Oh, I know, I don't know.
Oh yeah, all right, you canhave to stick with it now.

(57:36):
Shut your mouth.
Hi, hi, hi, to northern there,the fuck are you?
Oh, oh yeah, alright, well,look, you can have to stick with
it now.
You're committed.
Shut your mouth, alright,alright, go on, just go with it,
be free, like Timmy needs to be, to break his vices.
Timmy, timmy, let the cat outthere.

(57:56):
We go.
Wow, that was like a.
That was like a go.
Wow, that was like a.
That was like a metaphor, forthat was like.
That was the, the alcohol, thatwas the alcohol, meowing and
being like get me the fuck out.
And then, and now we've let himgo.
So this is now the next one.
So your best impression of ConorMcGregor why don't you shut
your mouth?
No, just stick with it, just gofor it.

(58:19):
Go for it.
It's all part of theentertainment, it's all part of
the joy.
The three word story what doyou mean?
Go for it?
Like, try it again or go for it?
Just do the script in thatvoice.
Let's just smash it out eitherway.
Right to me.
You now need to roast MrMcGregor, connor, mr McGregor, I

(58:49):
hope you spill pre-workout inyour eyes.
Roasted no, timmy, not goodenough.
Mr McGregor, you talk.
You talk like a TED talk onfast forward.

(59:09):
You fight like your bankaccount depends on it.
Because it does boom, timmy,that was terrible.
Deeper.
Because it does Boom, boom,burn.
No, timmy, that was terrible.
Deeper.
Mr McGregor, you're not afighter, you're a roid rage
leprechaun with a Wi-Fi passwordtattooed on your chest.

(59:33):
Oh, you wear $3,000 suits andstill move like a guy who's
trying to find a vape shop.
Oh, shit, boom, roasted.
Wowee, that was good and I feltlike the previous one.
You did like Johnny Depp, soyou weren't quite soft.

(59:54):
But yeah, yeah, that was good,I felt better.
You told him.
You told him I wouldn't besurprised after this goes out,
that that guy changes his tuneafter that one in depth.
So you weren't quite soft.
But yeah, yeah, that was good,I felt.
That felt.
Yeah, better.
You told him.
You told him I wouldn't besurprised, after this goes out,
that that guy changes his tuneafter that one.
He's gonna have a good look inthe mirror and go be like if
dylan doesn't like me, thenmaybe I'm a piece of shit piece,
yeah, yeah, piece of shit,right, so we've, we've banished,
we've banished cocaína,cocaaina, gone.

(01:00:18):
Okay, what's our last vice?
What's Timmy got to Weed?
Who are we going for?
It's gotta be Snoop Dogg,surely Snop Dogg.
It's gotta be Snop Dogg Himself, yeah, yeah so, suspended In
mid air In a lotus pose,surrounded by Doritos and smoke,

(01:00:40):
none other.
Oh, wow, what an image Then.
Snop Dog himself, snop Doghimself.
That's a callback to a previousepisode, by the way.
Go back to God knows when.
Snop Dog, do I have a Snoop Dogin me?
Let's hope so.
Snoop Dogg in me?
Let's hope so.

(01:01:04):
Yo, yo, yo, you must be Timmy.
I think I'm going to stop itthere, but you know what?
You know what.
I was happy with that, then,for your career, for your future
, for everything, for yourfreedom.
I thought this could go Awfullywrong, but that was.
That was not half bad, that was.

(01:01:24):
Hats off.
We'll quit while we're ahead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you must beTimmy.
Yes, mr Snoop Dogg.
Um, so I am here to roast you.
Here I go.
I hope your lighter runs outRight before the last puff.
Here I go.
I hope your lighter runs outright before the last puff.

(01:01:47):
Timmy, that was not that You'vebeen in chill mode for so long.
I'm not sure if you're just highor just in sleep mode.
Boo, boo, boo.

(01:02:07):
Well, you know what Mr SnoopDogg Like you've?
You've built an empire of notgiving a damn, and now your
legacy is hot pockets andpassive income.
Well, you know what fuck you,your biggest accomplishment

(01:02:28):
these days is having a nap nextto martha stewart.
Oh shit, I don't have any more.
Oh shit, I mean, I don't wantto roast him.
Okay, I don't want to roast him.
Do you want to try and roasthim?
Man, I fucking love that dude.
He's really.
Um, yeah, you just sit backwatching coronation street doing

(01:02:50):
just eat commercials, whichkind of tracks for your
character, which is also prettycool because it's kind of like
you can take the piss outyourself a little bit and you
know a kind of weed is beinglegalized in a lot of places, so
maybe it's not actually thatbad, as long as you can keep
control of it and you don'tsmoke too much and your music's
pretty cool and you manage tostay away from the whole weird
like kind of other creepyrappers, nonsense, actually,

(01:03:11):
maybe out of all the characters,you're pretty decent and I
don't think he's ever killedanyone.
I don't think so.
I think the shaman should.
You are right, james, I'minvolved.
No need to roast Mr Dog, snopDoggius, but for the sake of the

(01:03:33):
story, boom Roasted.
Oh, so, before I let you out,timmy and now James.
Yay, I'm here.
Yay, a wannabe Depp with nocareer, a budget McGregor with

(01:03:56):
no abs and a fake Snoop withzero hustle.
That is not cool.
Turns out cool.
Actually, this is what I wantedto say.
I copied two of these.
Cool isn't a blunt, a blenderor a bar fight.

(01:04:16):
Cool is okay with being uncool.
Timmy, remember that.
Wow, and you will go places farbeyond the horizon.
It's beautiful.
It's beautiful.
What a lesson for Timmy.

(01:04:38):
What a journey we've been on.
I don't know.
I'm glad I was there.
At the end.
I really felt I was like part ofit.
I was like, yeah, go to me someof the shit that I write down.
I was like I can't read it.
Point number one why are youwriting in mandarin?
Then you fucking idiot, changeyour Arabic keyboard.

(01:04:58):
That's why my German isn't asgood as I am.
My German accent is also notthere.
So, yeah, yeah, yeah, if youpress the button in the bottom
left, it will then turn it fromArabic back into English, so
then you could write that out.
That might help you as well.
But hey, it was good.
I feel like we tackled some vvices, some hard-hitting

(01:05:19):
categories, that sure it reallywas, but also kind of on the
back end of it, like the backburner wasn't directly trying to
make it.
Okay, this is too emotional,too deep.
It was kind of like, yeah, okay, so we, we put these three into
those characters allegedly,allegedly, allegedly, is what
they call it in English, and isit allegedly in Afrikaans?

(01:05:42):
In any language?
You always ask that questionand then I also have to say no,
because the people at home willget you that's not Afrikaans.
You boos, okay, well, yeah,yeah, yeah, right, okay, yeah,
well, that was.
I feel like we've learnedsomething today.
I feel like we've learnedsomething today.
I feel like we've learned thatafter three weeks we're pretty

(01:06:02):
rusty on this and uh, hey, wecan only get better, or actually
we could also get worse or staythe same Any one of the three
we could possibly do, but that'sokay.
But I tell you what we're goingto do next episode sooner
rather than later.
So we're going to be warm goinginto it, right?
And I believe for the nextepisode we are going to find a

(01:06:23):
pub or bar with a name or astory or something about it in
the world and that is going togive us our three words.
I already have a couple ofideas personally.
But we could go in and youcould go back home, you could go
to the UK, you could just finda pub, a little bit of backstory
on it, that will find us threewords off, what three words?

(01:06:44):
And we will improv the shit outof a story, drop it down low.
Three word story.