AA-Ish Meetings & The Murder Mystery at Vegetable City

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James and Dylan weave together two wildly different improvised stories based on random three-word locations.

• Dylan creates a bizarre support group at Victoria Falls featuring Skinny, Geek, and Bonkers - three awkward characters with unusual problems
• James crafts a vegetable murder mystery featuring a famous carrot influencer who glows in the dark
• Dylan shares a cringeworthy gym encounter where his attempted flirtation went horribly wrong
• James reminisces about Dunster Castle, complete with cultural attractions and a swearing parrot in the local pub
• Detective Dylan interrogates vegetable suspects including a stoned mushroom, a sweet potato with dark secrets, and a constantly crying onion
• The murder mystery culminates with a surprise twist revealing the true culprits

Next week, the hosts will improvise a story about starting a business in South America. Email [e-mail] with your reviews or three-word suggestions.

Thank's for listening, Tune in next week for another episode!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Three Word Story.
I'm James.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm Dylan.

Speaker 1 (00:03):
And this is the podcast where we take three
words from the app.

Speaker 2 (00:06):
What three words.

Speaker 1 (00:07):
And improv the shit out of a story.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
Today on Three.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Word Story.
You went from natural apex tosexual predator.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
I can't walk, walk past the spoon.

Speaker 4 (00:21):
Sorry, I think that's wanky in the comments.

Speaker 2 (00:26):
Hi, I'm bonkers.
Murder mystery.

Speaker 5 (00:32):
Oh.

Speaker 4 (00:34):
I ain't shown my spuds to anyone.
I think you're fine.

Speaker 2 (00:37):
Have you considered threesomes?

Speaker 5 (00:40):
Oh, god, no, sir, no, no.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
Hey Dilanosaurus Rex.

Speaker 4 (00:54):
Dilanosaurus Rex.

Speaker 1 (01:01):
Happy to be a Rex, a Rex or a Rex, you're happy to be
a Rex.
Or specifically, yeah, rex or arex, you're happy to be a rex
or a rex.
Okay, we'll just go for rexokay, so we're going for a rex.
So you're happy to be adilanosaurus rex?

Speaker 2 (01:13):
rex.
Yeah, as as as, as opposed toit, that's gonna sound too as
opposed to a tops or a dactyl orokay, whatever.

Speaker 1 (01:22):
So if a rex so I do you think that I went for
dylanosaurus rex because Ithought of you as a ferocious
apex predator?
Or do you think I thought of itas someone uh, it would be
hilarious if you had short armsand you were angry and trying to
bite people all the timedefinitely an apex predator.

(01:43):
As a vested dylan right now,you definitely look like a like
an apex predator with thoseabsolute guns out today with the
guns double kill.
Indeed, dylan dylan, how areyou and why?
Before we get to our three-wordstory today, hey buddy.

Speaker 2 (02:02):
Yeah, I'm good, happy the week is, I don't want to
say, done, but yeah, it was abusy week.
Had a couple of things in therethat were quite interesting.
For instance.
Yeah, we kind of touched on ityesterday, but I went to the gym

(02:23):
.

Speaker 1 (02:23):
Okay, well, that sounds like a reasonable thing
to do.
Dylan, yes, what happened atthe gym?

Speaker 2 (02:27):
And why I am not so happy.
You asked no, you know whenagain, certain people make eye
contact and I don't know.
In a gym it's a weird placeanyway.
But now this particular ladywho is lady talking?
lady lady and she is, uh, she'squite attractive, she, I do have

(02:48):
to say.
But now she looked at me.
I kind of caught her eye andthen, however, in that moment, I
looked away and I was likedylan, why are you looking away?
This is a lost opportunity.

(03:09):
So I look back within thatwithin that, that half a second
and then no, just within thathalf a second and, like I
thought, I think she thoughtthat was awkward, but I didn't

(03:30):
want to break it becausesomebody just double take
glancing back and then stickingto my guns, being like no, no,
I'm not looking away and she'salso not looking away.
So I felt awkward in that moment.
So what did I do, james?

Speaker 1 (03:49):
I winked for a double kill the double glance and
straight straight into the winkand if you had to like, imagine
yourself right, you're lookingat yourself how would you rate
your wink?
One to five winks.

(04:09):
Do you think it was a quality,kind of michael kane-esque?
You know that looked like ahandsome thing or, uh, like
sexual predator in a library.

Speaker 2 (04:18):
What we're saying I probably would be leaning
towards the latter because Idon't know, um, maybe, maybe it
was a natural sexual predatorwink, because it did, it did.
This is me saying that I, Iconfess, I confess to multiple

(04:43):
uh crimes, you just ratedyourself yeah.
The natural you know what.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
You went from natural .

Speaker 4 (05:00):
I'm a sexual predator .

Speaker 1 (05:17):
All right, okay, so it was a it's fun yeah I don't I
I don't know, it was very tedbondy-esque of me to do?
I don't know I think that's.
That's what happened.
I don't know this.
Uh, hey, a lot of women foundit handsome before.
It was the whole murderingthing, the w thing.

Speaker 2 (05:24):
Part of that.
Yeah, the wink I felt wassmooth enough.
However, the situation I feeldid not call for the wink and
thus yes, it was.
It was pretty, uh pretty weird.

Speaker 1 (05:37):
I guess that's fair enough I mean fair play for you
for shooting your shot like.
I have max respect for you asas once, being a single man, I
wasn't shooting those shotsright.
I wasn't giving it thatopportunity.
I would be the one who wouldlook away and stay looking away,
hi, while sweating nervouslylike yeah, but saying hi to the
weights and said like hi,weights please don't break my

(05:58):
heart so you know what dylan toyou for for actually killing her
no, for not, ted.
Bundying her just doing the winkand just keeping it keeping it
not Ted Bundying, her fuck sake.
This derailed quickly 5 minutesand 30.

Speaker 4 (06:26):
I'm hoping you didn't naturally sexual predator
anyone else today or this week.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
You just kept it no more winks, you just kept it all
cool yeah.

Speaker 2 (06:37):
I kept my eyes closed .

Speaker 1 (06:39):
I wonder why you're bumping into everything in the
office all day oh well, I meanfor me, dylan, it was compared
to that very tame, so that isgood.
Uh, it's for me.
I feel like I've been verycorporate this week, so I'm
hoping that my story will allowme to get some creativity out.
Uh, yesterday we, you know, wewere in a meeting together,
dylan, we, we pod together, wework together, we commute

(07:02):
together.
My goodness, we even gym nottogether, we just gym at the
same time because, if you'redoing that shit anywhere near
you drop it down low.
Three word story right dylan.
So for this threeword storythere was a bit of conflict

(07:26):
because two episodes ago I said,and for whatever reason,
because I thought that maybe wecould pre-plan.
We announced that we were goingto do somewhere where the
strongest person in the worldwould come from, and I also
announced that the episode afterthat we would do somewhere
where we'd build a castle.
Then the following episodecompletely fucking forgot about
that and decided to do where thebest park in the world was.

(07:49):
So we could basically combineit right.
We agreed that, after thatsilliness and stupidity from
myself, that we could just findsomewhere where we'd build a
castle or whatever else.
Keep it loose, find yourselfthree words on what three words?
And create a story.
So, dylan, where did you choosefor your castle and or park?

Speaker 2 (08:09):
and why I kind of it was a toss up between.
So let me start by saying right, just cancel whatever.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
I don't have that on the saturday I used to have a
reverse, so we'll just go funkyreverse with dylan why are you
speaking Russian anyway?

Speaker 2 (08:29):
so, europe, all around Europe, great castles,
quite a few of them.
However, africa is not knownfor castles, that's, that's fair
.
That's fair right, especially,um, kind of the, the southern
hemisphere right, not known forcastles.
So I figured it would need one.
But I didn't want to go theobvious route, going back home

(08:52):
to South Africa.

Speaker 1 (08:53):
You do like to do that.
You are a man of comfort, ofcomfort.

Speaker 2 (08:58):
Of knowing what I know and kind of working within
that.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Realistically for the hide and seek episode.
I probably just should havefound your childhood home from
the first episode.
I think we did that from thefirst episode, right, yeah?
And then, just, you would havehid there and played with your
swords instead.
So, uh, not, probably not goneto pyongyang.
So go back to that episode ifyou don't know what we're
talking about.
So, yeah, dylan sorry, yes,where did you go?

Speaker 2 (09:20):
so it was a toss-up between a blind river canyon in
mapumalanga, south africa, whichI said no, because it is in
south africa, okay.
So I figured um, why not?
Um, victoria falls right, so onthe zambesi river and, uh,

(09:41):
we're getting geographical,geographical, on the border
between Zambia and Zimbabwe.
It's a beautiful waterfallamongst Africa's wildlife and
then I figured, yeah, it wouldbe the ideal kind of setting for
, for a castle.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
OK so you're thinking idyllic, angelic, right, you're
thinking what a lovely tranquilplace.
So who like?
Is this your residence?
Are you thinking this castle isfor you?
King dylan, in this area, likewhat?
What is this castle for?

Speaker 2 (10:13):
well, if, no, I think .
Why not share it?
Why would it be just for me?
So, yeah, I think we can openit up, maybe some sort of hotel,
however not-profit, maybelimiting the amount of people
coming in and out, maybe makingit ultra exclusive, I don't know
.
But nature comes first.
We don't just deforest whatever.

(10:35):
Okay, the idea is to to kind ofintegrate with what is already
there and, yeah, just just havepeople witness, uh, this is this
beautiful, yeah, this beautifulscenery, um aesthetics, what
we're saying.

Speaker 1 (10:49):
So you've said like, yeah, a lot of european castles?
Of course there are.
We'd love to castle back in theday you're going to the mud
castle?

Speaker 2 (10:58):
um, no, aesthetically wise, no, I don't know.
Some fancy architect willprobably look at a tree and say
you know what, let's, let's,let's take the aesthetics of
this tree, the boabab tree, andthen we'll, we'll work around
that, or whatever and if youlooked at the tree, you would

(11:19):
look away and look back againand wink at it, shh yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
And then you would do that and put your finger on the
tree's lid.

Speaker 2 (11:30):
Does this smell like chloroform?

Speaker 1 (11:32):
I know I'm going to make you into a castle, Okay so
you're going to make it out of atree.
It could be a treehouse castle.
It's your imagination, Dylan.
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Well, let's cover that, fuck it.

Speaker 2 (11:46):
Right move on to the next one, let's use James's
imagination.

Speaker 1 (11:49):
Okay, well, all right On to my imagination, because
funnily enough for my one, Iused none Zero.
Zilch Nada, I didn't use anyimagination for my castle
because I thought I would go toa ready-made, effing castle so
near where I used to live.
So now I'm going back to myroots and remember that, by the
way, and I'm going to go to myhome county, to Dunster.

(12:15):
Okay, dunster had a castle andbasically you would drive up and
you would park at the bottom ofthe town or village, so you
would have village, then thecastle wall, big open gate.
You would walk in through thecastle up a steep hill and then
through another gate and thenbam, you're into the main manor

(12:38):
house.
This shit is fortified, right,they knew what they were doing.
Build the castle on top of thehill, have the village for the
people at the bottom.
Yeah, they had it sorted.
So why make my own castle whensome made it a long time ago?
And you could see right outinto the bristol channel, you
could see if anyone's going tocome and attack you from a long,
long way.
Easy peasy, lemon squeezy.

(12:58):
Okay.
Now other reasons why I wouldchoose this castle the.
The gardens are tranquil andbeautiful.
Dylan, there was an old, Idon't know aristocrat that used
to live there and they collectedplants and trees from all
around the world, as the Britishdid and claimed it for their
own and planted trees and plantsfrom all around the world in

(13:19):
this beautiful garden.
So you see Japanese, you seeAfrican plants, you can see
North American plants.
It is a nice place to be.
So when you've absorbed all ofthis lovely culture and you've
gone through the house andyou've seen some lovely mahogany
and you've seen some lovelypaintings of people in dresses,
you can then make your way downto the village and sample some

(13:41):
of their many bars, in which Ihave done so.
I used to go get the bus tothere from my oh, I lived in a
town called taunton at the time.
Get the bus there, take 45minutes or so because you didn't
want to drive, because you wantto go there and get shit faced.
You take some culture, you walkdown and then there was a pub
and in the pub was parrot.
Was, what a parrot?
Oh, a parrot, just a parrot.

(14:02):
Just you.
You're classic run-of-the-millpirate style parrot right blue,
back, yellow bellied, whitefaced, black beak.
Great, you know standard ifyou're going to dress up as a
pirate.

Speaker 2 (14:13):
You want that.

Speaker 1 (14:14):
You're going to hire that bird right, we walk in and
we're getting a nice fresh pintof thatcher's cider, as is the
county drink and you just hearfrock off, frock off and the the
person behind the bar justgoing.
I'm frightfully sorry about thebird, but it does tend to swear
the locals just.
And what more could you want?
Right, you've just had somelovely culture and some lovely

(14:37):
fragrant gardens.
Now you're gonna get drunk nextto a bird chatting shit to you.
Yeah, what more could you wantfrom a castle and surrounding
lands?
What more could you want?
Tell me, dylan, tell me, whatmore could you want?

Speaker 2 (14:49):
no, you know what, james?
I've had a.
I've had a long think aboutwhat ideally I would want, and
you know what?
It was taking a 45 minute busdrive from taunton yes, the, uh,
the town, uh to dunster castle,and then just thinking, you
know what I want a fuckingparrot shouting at me whilst I

(15:10):
get drunk on this historic site.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
Yes, james, that's exactly what I would do, and
next time I go to the UK maybewe should go to the UK together.
We'll go on a three word storytour and we'll make our way to
Dunster and we'll

Speaker 2 (15:21):
go meet that parrot tickets out to the live show 29
and we'll make our way toDunster and we'll go meet that
parrot.

Speaker 1 (15:24):
Tickets out to the live show out in 2029, 2029 and
we'll make our way to Dunster,to their local palladium, and we
will sell it out of 100 to 200tickets and we'll give it away
for free.
We'll be massively in debt.
But my god, will there belaughter and it will be very
jiggy and we'll have a horn.
Incredible Jiggy and we'll havea Horn.

(15:47):
Stop winking at me, RightDarren For your place.
What three words did it giveyou and why?

Speaker 2 (15:56):
So if you type in Victoria Falls, I did not square
skip.

Speaker 1 (16:02):
So you typed in again .
For anyone listening new.
You go on What3Words, which isan easy-to-use map service.
You search in as if it's GoogleMaps and it takes you to a
small square and there's threeunique words for that square.
So you went Victoria Falls, andsometimes we cheat a little bit
.
We go one or two out from thereto make the words a little bit
better, but you are going directwith this one on victoria falls

(16:31):
.

Speaker 2 (16:31):
Yes, sir, and what three words did it give you?
Skinny oh, geek, oh yeah, andbonkers, wow bonkers bonkers
also.
Maybe I should have googled theword before I created the story
.
Now that I think about it.
But bonkers, like crazy, yeah,you're crazy, right, yeah, you
haven't heard dizzy rascals.
Wonderful tune bonkers bonkersyeah, yeah, I wake up every day

(16:54):
like a daydream.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
Everything in my life isn't what it seems.
I wake up just to go back tosleep and I act real shallow.
But I'm in too deep and all Icare about is sex and violence
and a heavy bass line is my eyecontact is crazy, though, just
for people watching.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
That was actually such a smart comment.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
YouTube anyway.
Right, so those are somesensational three words.
Well, I went to dunster castleand I typed in dunster castle
and I did skip one square over,okay a multitude of squares had
good words and it kind of threwme off a little bit.
So I had a choice, yeah, and Inearly went for uh, three word

(17:44):
story, second ever six wordstory, and I thought, nay, james
, no, don't do it within thefirst 23 episodes, that's too
soon.
Save it for the 100th or thetour to dunster, you know, we'll
save it for a rainy day.
Um, so I know, for example, Ididn't write them down, but
there's other three good wordsaround dunster castle for when
we tour there.
All right, the three words thatI got that were one square away
from Dunster Castle isvegetable hurt online.

(18:12):
So it just flows right, likeinstantly.
There's stories popping off inmy head and we reached my story
Now today.
Dylan, we ain't doing anyching-chong-chow, or we're not
doing any rock paper scissors,we're just going to let you do
your story because yourbattery's flat and you only have
one plug, so we're just goingto go in for a double kill.

Speaker 2 (18:38):
Drop it down low with three-word story, right?
So Skinny Geek Bonkers oh, I amexcited.
Uh.
Skinny geek bonkers, oh I am.
Now I know you're probablythinking, listen, this is a
skinny geek going bonkers.
No, oh no, okay, all right, allright.
Skinny geek and bonkers arenames of the archetypes that are

(19:05):
now going to some sort ofAA-like meeting to vent their
issues of either being skinny ageek or bonkers.

Speaker 1 (19:19):
Okay, I didn't see that coming Okay right.
So that is their personalities.
Is what you're saying Basically, something of that coming, okay
, right.
So that is their personalities,is what you're saying Basically
.

Speaker 2 (19:25):
Something of that sort.
Okay, I hope it lands and Ihope I don't offend.

Speaker 4 (19:30):
Personally, I hope it doesn't, it's much funnier if
it doesn't land, right?
Okay, dylan, take it away Ernie, all right.

Speaker 2 (19:39):
Okay all right, all right.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
I'm clear with that, okay, all right.
All right, I'm clear.
Clear with that, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 (19:48):
Okay, so setting the scene, please.
We're all gathered around andwe are now about to vent some of
the issues that each of themare struggling with.
And yeah, so, right guys, howare you guys doing you guys?

(20:09):
Okay so skinny, um, yeah,please, please share.
Hi guys, I'm skinny, um, I'vebeen winds, windswept since
birth and um, yeah, uh, I kindof just want to want to mention
a couple of things, uh, thatI've been struggling with and,
uh, it's something called mirrormadness and, um, basically, I

(20:33):
can't walk, walk past the spoon,or uh, or uh, urinal, urinal
pipe, um, or any reflection ofmyself, without uh kind of uh
checking for my bicep.

Speaker 1 (20:47):
Yeah, and I'm sorry, sorry, just um, I'm, I'm, I'm
another one of the the addictshere.
Um, I'm just, I'm addicted toscratching my scrotum, just so
you know here.
Um, so, sorry, what was yourname?
Again, skinny, skinny, skinny.
Uh, you're quite big for beingskinny, so that's interesting.
So, um, so, the two, the two,the two examples of the things,

(21:07):
the things that you walk past ona regular basis in a in a body
so our spoons, it's in your body, it's.

Speaker 2 (21:15):
It's a place of non-judgment no, no sorry sorry,
I'm just it's a safe spacesupposed to be greg.
Who's this guy?
I'm just scratching my scrotumover here it's just I, I see I'm
yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'm just saying I want to give my support and say
well done, skinny, for avoidingthe massive mirrors in public
toilets where the urinals are,but it's just a shame to be
caught out by the reflection onthe pipes so I sorry, but I just
sorry greg, I just wanted topoint that out.
I'm proud of skinny and, uh, myscrotum's very itchy.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
That's all I wanted to say right, thanks, thanks,
scrotes, uh, appreciate that.
Um so, yeah then.
Um, another thing that a lot ofpeople might not know is I wear
extra, extra small, uh T-shirts, uh so tight that they squeak

(22:08):
when when I breathe.
Um, but it's not because offashion choices, it's, it's.
It's not that fashionable.
I just want to show people Iown a muscle.
Yeah, yeah, so that's one.
And uh, um, yeah, I can't visitChicago.
I can't the Windy City.
Yeah, I got blown down a drainpipe and I hope it wasn't

(22:32):
reflective skinny, becauseotherwise another pipe has got
you again.
I had to cling on to a rat as Iwas going down the storm drain.
And then, yeah, another thingthat I struggle with and some
people might find this funny,but uh, I assure you it's not is
um is being very mindful of whoI take pictures with and next

(22:56):
to um.
Yeah, you never, you neverstand next to a larger human and
you avoid taking uh, pictureson 0.5 zoom.
You always go for two zoom andthen you just stand like further
back okay, that's, that'ssomething.

Speaker 1 (23:14):
So is that why outside with you and fat joe?
Uh, you were like stood waybehind.

Speaker 6 (23:18):
Why are you calling him fat joe?

Speaker 2 (23:20):
wait, that's not fat joe, that's it, it's just joe oh
, oh shit oh, he's not even partof the circle.

Speaker 5 (23:27):
I'm so sorry, it's just a random guy, joe I'm so
sorry, man.

Speaker 1 (23:33):
Man, I'm so sorry.
You look great, by the way, joe, you look fantastic.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Sorry, skinny yeah, so, um, yeah, that, that that's
my story and that's what I Ijust wanted to bend um.
Yeah, right, thank you verymuch for sharing um.
So up, up, up, and that's whatI just wanted to vent.
Yeah, ryan, thank you very muchfor sharing.
So up next.

Speaker 1 (23:48):
That's an applause sorry that sounded like a knock
on the door.

Speaker 4 (23:52):
Yeah, hi is that a job coming in?
Sorry, I think that's wanky whyare you laughing, greg?

Speaker 2 (24:03):
keep your shit together.
Sorry, geek would you like.

Speaker 1 (24:04):
Why are you laughing, greg?

Speaker 2 (24:05):
keep your shit together um sorry, all right,
yeah, um geek, would you like touh?
Would you like to share?

Speaker 4 (24:13):
hi, dylan, I thought you put voices on hi, I'm geek.

Speaker 2 (24:22):
Um, I brought my own dice in case things get
dangerous.
So yeah, I just wanted to kindof shine some light on the Geek
community.
Yeah, we get made fun of a lot,but you don't understand.

(24:51):
It's actually a verycompetitive group, I would say,
because it's within our group ofpeople.
If you're not good at what youdo, then kind of what's the
point.
You're not good at what you do,then kind of what's the point?
So we like, if you don't nailyour your golem impression from

(25:12):
lord of the rings.

Speaker 1 (25:12):
Yeah, it's um, it's that.
That's okay, great.
Just just want to chime inagain, and I think, because it's
very competitive sorry, myscrotum is really itchy um, I
just want.
I just would love to hear umgeek's impression of Gollum
right now, just so we can givehim some positive reinforcement
of that.
Maybe his group of geeks don'tgive him to him, so I'd love to

(25:33):
hear that.

Speaker 2 (25:34):
Yeah, so this was actually why I was hospitalized
because people, people, made funof me too much, because it was
such a terrible impression.

Speaker 1 (25:41):
Oh, that's such a shame.
Well, this is a safe space,right he?
Said yes, he said yes, yes, hesaid yes.
So so I now is, now is the time.
Fuck you, greg, my precious.

Speaker 2 (26:00):
That was that Was that.
That Was that that.

Speaker 6 (26:03):
Is that it?

Speaker 1 (26:04):
I uh yeah, I was um oh man I wish we were recording
this.

Speaker 6 (26:12):
Yeah, I don't know what your neck just did, I don't
know.
It was kind of like turtle Iwas trying to get up the double
chin.

Speaker 1 (26:18):
Anyway, all right, thanks.
Thanks again.

Speaker 2 (26:20):
That was great yeah yeah, um, then another thing is
uh, cape maintenance, like youhaven't lived, if you you
haven't spent some time tryingto clean your, your dr.
Strange cape in the bathtub.
I thought you said capemaintenance, no capes capes, um
yeah, and the, the white, thewhite marks don't come out that

(26:42):
easily.

Speaker 1 (26:42):
Anyway, sorry, greg, just one more time.
Um, obviously, as a guy who hasvery, a very itchy scrotum, all
the time I get through a lot of, get a lot of maintenance
issues with my, my pants, slashtrousers.
So, uh, what, greg?
What are the white stains onyour cape, by the way?
Just?

Speaker 2 (26:58):
maybe I can help you.
So well you know what I brushmy teeth a lot oh, that's good.
Yeah, that's good, that'sfantastic, and uh, very
vigorously, sometimes with myleft hand and, um, yeah, that's
what it is, uh, scrotes okay, soyou just maybe get a bit in
your cape.
That makes sense, I could seethat for you.

Speaker 1 (27:16):
I really could.

Speaker 2 (27:16):
Yeah, so um besides that I don't know like people
make fun of me for my actionfigures, especially children,
because they, like I feel theydon't understand.
And then another issue isprobably if, um, I have to
replace my gaming controller alot um so sometimes I have to

(27:39):
have to sell some of mycollectible uh pokemon uh oh,
that's such a shame.

Speaker 1 (27:46):
And then just a question geek to replace.
Actually I've heard this storyin real life, like in in real
real life, and there was aninstance in my school where it
was a guy a couple of yearsabove me, he had a girlfriend,
he was a bit dorky and she was abit so he was above you and his
girlfriend was no.
No, next to you no, no, in acouple of years like he was.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
He was older.

Speaker 1 (28:08):
He was a bit older and um, he, apparently,
according to her, and she toldeveryone that he used one of his
star wars figurines, uh, as a,as a, as a, as a sex toy, so
they, they got a bit and then Ithink he got like mace window or
something convolved inside hervagina and apparently it was uh
luke I am your father.

(28:30):
So just so I know geek, just um, because this has happened in
real life, in real real life,and would you, would you ever do
something like that, geek?

Speaker 2 (28:41):
no, no, I haven't.
I haven't seen a female inquite some time oh yeah, I'm too
.
Yeah, so it's a rough life,especially online.
People bully and like I can'ttake the yo mama jokes or um,
yeah, when I lose 1v1 battlesonline.
But yeah, that's, that's kindof just me.

Speaker 1 (29:01):
Thanks, guys, thanks for listening okay, well, thank
you very much, geek.

Speaker 2 (29:04):
Thank you, masturbator, stop it um, right,
so I guess that leaves us with,uh, with bonkers, we're bonkers
okay, oh, I can't wait to seethis guy.

Speaker 1 (29:15):
What a weird meeting this is.
What an eclectic array ofpeople that we have.
It's truly fantastic.
So well, let's come in bonkershi, I'm bonkers okay, sorry, get

(29:37):
out here, uh, freaking shitjoke.
Uh right, let's introducebonkers.
Bonkers.
Are we saying?

Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, you're saying Bonkers no, don't worry, I don't
need to wear a hat anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
So, yeah, I just wanted to saythat, yeah, I can't eat oranges
in public anymore, becauseapparently you're not supposed
to eat it with the peel.

(30:07):
But what can I say?
I just like the texture.
Yeah, I think that's good.
Then let me think somethingelse that I can Alcohol.
Yeah, I can't do alcohol, soit's like an AA within this
meeting, I guess.
But yeah, I can.

(30:28):
Uh, can't drink alcohol because, uh, I've proposed to a traffic
cone before and um, and how didthey take it?

Speaker 1 (30:36):
did they say yes?
No, I got rejected by a trafficcone, but thank you for
bringing it up, james, yeah,yeah, yeah, they're very caution
, so they're probably not likelyto go through with something
like that.

Speaker 2 (30:45):
Yeah, so I don't really want to do that.
So that's kind of the other one.
And then something else aboutmyself is I ask myself questions
out loud and then I answer them.
But I guess the weirder part isuh, I, I do, I ask myself
questions in a British accentand then I answer myself in an

(31:07):
Australian accent, just to justto keep things interesting.

Speaker 1 (31:10):
Yeah, that's weird.
How can you see?
I mean, it's good that hasn'thappened so far, I guess, and
then it'd be interesting to seeif it does happen.
No, no, no, no, no, just goingto leave that there.
Greg shut up.

Speaker 2 (31:23):
Double, kill great shut up.
Yeah, so, and then, um, oh,something that I also do is, uh,
I've once spent uh eating uhpop rocks, um, probably about
two cases of pop rocks, um, justto.
And what's a pop rock?
Pop rock like the candy thatthat goes tingly in your mouth

(31:43):
like Pop.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Rocks Right For the longest time, bonkers, I as a
kid was so sure that they werebouncing around in my mouth that
they weren't popping right.
I can't remember what packet Ihad, but it was something like
meteorites or something likethat.
So in my mind they were likebouncing in the inside of my
mouth and I'm like why aren'tthey hitting my tongue?

(32:05):
Like what?
I'm moving my tongue around andyou can't, and none of them are
hitting my tongue.
Like what a fucking idiot I was.
Man, I want to come up to thissmall me and go.
They're popping you, fuckingidiot.
What a dumbass sorry nojudgment, no judgment.

Speaker 2 (32:24):
So, um, yeah, so what ?
What I kind of attempted to dois I ate 12 of these cases of
pop rocks with the, with theattempt to uh, uh or in
combination with uh, watchingback to the future on loop to
see if I can open a portal totry and travel and were you

(32:45):
bonkers before this Pop Rockincident?

Speaker 1 (32:48):
Oh yeah.
Oh okay all right it wasn'tlike we should put a warning on
this and say you can eat 12packets of Pop Rocks then you
are fucked.

Speaker 2 (32:56):
No, not quite, cocaine does nothing to me, by
the way.
And then I guess I use my pethamster as no.
No, let me finish the sentenceas a therapist as a therapist
don't get me wrong, I think hejudges me with those eyes, but I

(33:16):
think at least he listens.
So yeah, thanks guys.
Thanks for listening thank you.

Speaker 1 (33:26):
I don't have applause anymore, uh, we weren't
laughing, we weren't laughingyou?
No, no, it's fine, thank you.

Speaker 2 (33:30):
Thank you guys appreciate that all right and ah
goodness, look who just walkedin sabotage suzy, the middle
child why did she have two names?
I don't know it wasn't um.

Speaker 1 (33:51):
It wasn't geek gary or uh okay, fine, let's go back.

Speaker 2 (33:56):
It was uh billy bonkers.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
It was uh gerald geek you weren't happy with that one
, and then it no, I wasn't.

Speaker 2 (34:03):
And then it was skinny Tim.

Speaker 1 (34:05):
Skinny Tim.
Okay, see the alliteration youjust went right out the door,
skinny Tim.
What a meeting that was.

Speaker 2 (34:11):
Oh yeah, and then sabotage Susie.
Oh actually not.
We fucking off sabotage Susie.
We can talk about it.
Oh, I'm interested.

Speaker 1 (34:22):
Why did she come in?
I mean, I assume to sabotage.
That's what she does, right.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
That means I need to do the voice.
Hi, Susie, how are you doing?
Hi?
Sorry I'm late.

Speaker 6 (34:40):
Yeah, sorry I'm late Again.
I was too busy being forgotten.
So yeah, I just wanted to kindof talk as some of my issues.
As a middle child.
I get forgotten quite often.
Statistically, I'm supposed tobe in jail right now, or most

(35:03):
likely to be in jail right nowor most likely to be in jail
right now.

Speaker 4 (35:07):
Double kill.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Are you Dylan's brothers?
Are you his sisters?

Speaker 1 (35:12):
I feel like this is just Dylan living through a
girl's fault.

Speaker 6 (35:16):
Shut up, James.
So basically, yeah, KevinMcAllister has got nothing on a
middle child.
Actually, the Home Alone moviewas loosely based on me.

Speaker 1 (35:32):
Hence the sabotage.
I guess there's a lot ofsabotaging going on against
those girls and adults.

Speaker 6 (35:37):
Yeah, I'm quite stubborn.
I went on a couple-a-day hungerstrike.
I actually was hospitalized.

Speaker 1 (35:46):
Is that where you know Skinny Tim from?

Speaker 6 (35:47):
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
Me and Tim go back.

Speaker 6 (35:50):
Yeah, yeah, because I wanted the TV slot on
Wednesdays to watch Teen Wolfand my parents wouldn't let me,
so yeah, Dylan, this isdefinitely you.
Could you shut up, James?
Let me just do my thing.
Yeah, and then yeah.

(36:12):
So my sister, she once got ahaircut.
I thought it looked beautiful,so I set it alight.
I set it alight and then yeah,with regards to yeah, with
regards to me seeking attention,because I don't get it, I kind

(36:34):
of have to fight for it.
So anytime anyone has abirthday, I announce that I
normally get left alone and I'mneglected, and then I wait in
the corner to see who comesspeak to me.

Speaker 1 (36:48):
Sorry, sorry, sorry, I meant no.
No, there's none.
I'm sorry, Susie, I just havenone.
I have nothing on the boardthat can say how sad that is.

Speaker 2 (36:58):
Yeah, so no, it's well.
Thank you for sharing.
Susie.
Thank you, Susie.

Speaker 1 (37:03):
Yeah, Wanky thank you , shut up wanky Scroats or
whatever.
No, I'm Scroats, you're Sc.
I just thought that was itchy.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Yeah, so basically that was them, james.
They had an interesting groupdynamic.
Geek was pretty sure thatBonkers was a mutant, and then
also, geek envies Skinny forbeing able to wear comic

(37:31):
T-shirts that don't stretch out.
Um, and then, uh, bonkers keepshouting about the uh, shouting
at the pigeon saying that's uhand it's a government drone.
And then, um, I guess that'sthat okay.

Speaker 1 (37:43):
So that was just.
Uh, it sounded like a day atthe jacobs household to be
honest.

Speaker 2 (37:48):
hey, hey, welcome to the jaco, and now my sister.

Speaker 1 (37:54):
Drop it down low with three word story, so Dylan we
definitely should probably tryand discuss kind of what stories
we're going to try and do,because now I'm going to do a
hell of a lot of stupid voicesand if this is the first episode
that anyone listens to they'regoing to go.
There's something wrong withthese two people and I never

(38:18):
want to listen to this everagain.
So it is.
It seems like now for a whilethat our stories tend to kind of
follow some kind of pattern orso, and it probably sounds a
little bit suspicious, but it iscompletely.
Uh, we get three random words,we don't talk about it at all,
and then we turn up and we wespeak some nonsense and bullshit
.
So we have the manypersonalities of DJ Rex himself,
and now and now Dylan.

(38:39):
Now it's James' turn For mymultiple personalities.
We, we, we, dylan, we, dylanfor Vegetable Hurt Online are
going gonna go to a murdermystery.
Oh, dylan, I'm going to take youon a journey.

(39:00):
Today, dj Dylan Rex becomesDetective Jacobs.
You are gonna solve the mysteryof the famous carrot influencer
, mr carrot.
He died in suspiciouscircumstances whilst online

(39:21):
filming for his famous youtubechannel.
You, mr dylan, detective dylan,will have to question the key
suspects.
They will be Mr Mushroom, msSweet Potato, mr Swede, ms

(39:43):
Onions and Mr Squash.
Don't worry, it'll become veryclear, don't you fret.
There'll be clues, there'll bestories and, of course, in a
murder mystery, there will belies, dylan, and it's for you,
as the detective, to readbetween the lines and find the
murderer.
Before they get away with Missthe carrot's murder, are you

(40:04):
ready?

Speaker 2 (40:05):
yes, good was no an option.
Yeah, that was the end of theepisode otherwise.
So I'm really glad, I'm reallyglad, I'm really glad you said
yes.

Speaker 1 (40:14):
So, dylan, yes, we're gonna have to, we're gonna.
We're gonna have to paint somescenes.
Okay, we're gonna have to giveyou the whole picture, right,
this is a bit like a netflixdocumentary, so now, this music
is just a bit of ambience in thebackground, okay?
Now dylan, as I, as I said,famous Mr Carrot.

Speaker 2 (40:32):
Mr.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
C In Vegetable City, there is a ray of characters, an
array of people, and they areindeed vegetables with
personalities.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
Did you just say car-a-tors?

Speaker 1 (40:43):
Carrot.
Yeah, they're characters inVegetable City.
Oh, car-a-tors.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
That is confusing.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
No, not car-a-tors, I wasn't trying to throw some
magical English towards you.
That would confuse you.
No, dylan.
No, unfortunately, mr Karenperished whilst live on YouTube
and I have the transcript herefor you, okay, so you can
understand the moment that hedied.
This was the excerpt of MrKaren.

Speaker 5 (41:14):
Hi guys, it's Karen here talking to you about what
it's like to be able to see inthe dark.
Sorry if I'm a bit spaced outtoday or if you see my eyes
watering a lot, but I'm going tobe my work.
Oh, hey, what are you doinghere?
Oh, what have you got there?
Wait, wait, what are you doinghere?
Oh, what have you got there?

(41:35):
Wait, wait, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 (41:37):
no, no ah, that was the last we saw of mr carrot.
Now dylan.
At the scene, the investigatorsInvestigators found a vegetable
peeler, tissues and residue ofvegetable oil, and they're

(41:58):
confused.
Who would do something to sucha famous guy, millions of
subscribers, famous aroundVegetable City.
Who would do such a thing?
So they have brought in theworld-famous Detective Jacobs to
figure this out.
You now will interrogate eachof the lead suspects.

(42:19):
You need to find out who killedMr Carrot, double kill.
So first up Dylan, first up up.
We have Mr Mushroom.
Mr Mushroom is gonna come in.
He's gonna sit down Exactlywhere I am and you're gonna
interrogate him.
You need to find out when hewas, what he was doing, what his

(42:42):
motives may or may not havebeen.
Come in, mr Mushroom.
Hey bro, how are you today?

Speaker 2 (42:59):
Oh man, oh, mr Mushroom, oh, it's good to be
here.
What's going on?
What's up man?
Um, listen, it looks like you.
Uh, you had a good time justbefore you got here, yeah, man,
I'm mr mushroom man.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
I man, I'm seeing colors all day.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
Oh man Daylight's looking purple.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Oh man, I don't really know what's going on, man
.
This all seems pretty good.
What's the deal, man?
I don't even know what I'mdoing here, man.

Speaker 2 (43:26):
So unfortunately, I'm not sure if you're aware of the
YouTube sensation, Mr Carrot.

Speaker 4 (43:37):
Oh yeah, man, I'm in my bedroom all day.
I'm watching a bit of Mr Carrot.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
That guy can see in the dark man.

Speaker 4 (43:46):
That's fucking cool man.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
All right, so you aren't just aware of him.
Do you know Mr Carrotpersonally?

Speaker 1 (43:51):
I wouldn't say I know him personally.
I, mr carroll, personally I, Iwouldn't say no, personally.
I sit in my sit in my bedroomall day long looking at shapes
and colors and and I've got neonall over my wall.
Man, I'm just, I'm justfreaking, enjoying myself.
I think we actually, I think weactually live in the same
building, I think.
But I don't really go out much,man, I'm just looking at the

(44:12):
colors on my wall thinking, whoaman, they're just coming at me
all the time man.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
Okay, that's good to know.
So no personal connection to MrCarrot.

Speaker 1 (44:23):
No, man, I just follow that dude.
He's so cool, his orange,really freaking pops out of me.

Speaker 2 (44:30):
Man, he's just so colorful orange really freaking,
pops out of me.
Man, it's just so colorful.
Do are you?
Do you normally have the havethe munchies.

Speaker 1 (44:39):
Uh, at some particular point, man, I'm
always hungry man, and the food,when I eat it, it's popping out
of me and oh, the sensation ofthe taste, man, oh, just just
out of curiosity.

Speaker 2 (44:51):
What do you normally have for lunch?

Speaker 1 (44:53):
For lunch that's a very good question, detective
I'm having some Cheetos andanything else that is not
vegetable based, because that'scannibalism, dude, and I ain't
all about that.

Speaker 2 (45:06):
I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out,
alright.
Alright, mr Carrot.
Mr Carrot I was not finishedwith my sentence.
Mr carrot is dead and um, yeah,look, I'll be honest.
You are a suspect.
I just wanted to kind of bringyou in.
Don't worry, don't be alarmed.

(45:28):
Uh, it's just.
You came up on my radar.
I need to ask the questions.
It's a formality for now.
Thank you very much for yourtime.

Speaker 1 (45:37):
Thank you, man Appreciate it.
Next up we have Ms Sweet Potatocoming in.

Speaker 5 (45:47):
Hi there, I'm Ms Sweet Potato.
How can I help you today?

Speaker 2 (45:52):
Hi, did you say Miss or Mrs, miss, miss, miss.
Yes, where's your husband.

Speaker 5 (45:58):
Oh, unfortunately he passed away a few years ago, so
it's a miss for now.
I'm a father of three mycondolences.

Speaker 2 (46:07):
How did he pass?
If you don't mind me asking, oh, it's a mystery.

Speaker 5 (46:09):
You see, he just vanished one day, I think.
Maybe he maybe ran away withmiss celery oh, long legs over
there and uh, she was minussweet.
But uh, I never saw him againand I'm just, I'm just a
frightful widower or lonely allby myself, I guess so.

(46:30):
But anyway, how can I help youtoday?

Speaker 2 (46:34):
Do you know, mr Carrot?

Speaker 5 (46:37):
Yeah, in fact I actually met Mr Carrot not long
after my father sorry, Freudianslip.

Speaker 1 (46:47):
My partner left me or passed away.

Speaker 5 (46:51):
But yeah, carrot reached out to me.
I have a little bit of socialfollow with Carrot reached out
to me.
I have a little bit of socialfollow with myself and he
reached out to me when I waslonely.
And yeah, we've been friendsever since.
He's a great guy.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Okay, you've got a bit of a social following.
What do you do?
Well, I'm just.
I show my potatoes online.

Speaker 5 (47:10):
I'm sorry, sir.

Speaker 2 (47:11):
I am showing my potatoes.

Speaker 5 (47:12):
I'm sorry sir, I am showing my potatoes.
I think you're fine.
I ain't showing my spuds toanyone.
I think you're fine.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
No, I'm just general sweet, I'm all about, you know,
a good potato being at home fortheir partner.

Speaker 5 (47:28):
And you know, and I hang around with me and Mrs
Onions is where we hang aroundwith me, and Mrs Onions as well.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
We hang around together and yeah, so basically
that's me.

Speaker 2 (47:38):
And how do you know, mrs Onion?

Speaker 5 (47:40):
Mrs Onion.
We actually just met recently.
She's, you know, as a sweetperson myself.
She's quite mighty upset allthe time, so I thought that I
would look after her.
She lives in the same buildingas me, just across the road here
, and yeah, we just hang outfrom time to time.

Speaker 2 (47:56):
Hang out from time to time and her husband like is
fine with that, you guys aregood friends.

Speaker 5 (48:01):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's fine with that.
He's mighty upset himself, justalways in tears.

Speaker 2 (48:05):
Well, let me ask you so.
Unfortunately, mr Carrad hasbeen found dead.
I'm not sure if you are awareof the news, my gosh, oh.
Do you know of anyone thatmight have wished him harm?

Speaker 1 (48:26):
No, Mr Carrad, he's a wonderful person.
He provides light in everyone'slife, even at night, as he says
.
As he said, I guess.

Speaker 5 (48:35):
But last night me and Mrs Onions, we were out and we
were at the tossed salad.
You know the restaurant downthe road.

Speaker 6 (48:43):
We were at the tossed salad together.
Yeah, had a couple ofmargaritas.

Speaker 1 (48:46):
Yeah but you know as, us ladies does, but I don't
know anyone who would, who wouldput harm on mr carrot.
He truly is, truly, was a sweetguy thank you, mrs potatoes,
thank you I appreciate your timethank you.
So detective villain next up,detective Dillon Next up, we

(49:10):
have Mr Swede.
Mr Swede, you know, and we knowthis, mr Swede, and we know
that actually he was stayinglodging with Mr Carrot at the
time.
He's going to come in now.

Speaker 4 (49:30):
Here we're there, Detective Dillon.
Here we're here to the year mrswede yes, I'm mr swede you know
what it's.

Speaker 2 (49:41):
It's quite funny.
I wanted to ask james, what ismr swede?
And then you came in oh, I'm mrswede Sweet.

Speaker 1 (49:50):
I'm a kind of potato-ish kind of thing.
I guess you would say it's whatit was.

Speaker 2 (49:57):
Do you have any Canadian friends?

Speaker 1 (50:00):
No, I'm a Swedish, you're me, I'm a Swedish.

Speaker 4 (50:03):
Kind of the same hemisphere there.
All right.

Speaker 2 (50:05):
So, mr Sweet, yes, all right.
So let me explain why you arehere.
Why you are here we are justkind of interviewing a couple of
people that were in thevicinity because, unfortunately,
I'm not sure if you are awareof the YouTube sensation.

Speaker 5 (50:24):
Mr Carrot, yes, I've actually been staying with him.

Speaker 1 (50:28):
The past couple of years I've actually been
traveling myself.
I'm a travelerller on socialmedia and Mr Currit kindly
offered him a room to me, andI've noticed today that I've
gone to see Mr Currit and I'venot been able to get into his
apartment.
Are you a?

Speaker 2 (50:44):
cannibalist.

Speaker 5 (50:45):
No, no, Of course not .
No Detective, why would you say?

Speaker 2 (50:51):
we're such a dear.
No particular reason.
It just popped up and I justwanted to see how you, how you
reacted.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
No, mr detective, what was your material guy?
I'm a perfect swede.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Swede over here, sweet sweet, um, all right, and,
and because you are a socialmedia traveler, he obviously is
very into the social media scenehimself.
How long have you known, mr?
Mr Carrot.

Speaker 5 (51:20):
Mr Carrot, you see, we've been feeling each other
probably for a year or so.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
You don't know if Mr Carrot was married.

Speaker 1 (51:29):
No, there was no lady there at all, right Understood,
no, I just wanted to confirm.

Speaker 2 (51:31):
Yeah, there was no lady there at all, right
understood.
No, I just wanted to confirm.
Also, I honestly don't knowwhere I was going with that,
okay any more questions fromhere motive, you wouldn't happen
to know who would benefit fromMr Carrot's death.

(51:51):
Hmm, let me see here to knowwho would benefit from Mr
Carrot's death.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
Hmm, let me see here.
Well, I guess he's got a loadof followers, so maybe if you
get into his account, maybe hecould benefit that way.

Speaker 4 (52:06):
But other than there, then I would say he's just a
mighty nice guy.

Speaker 2 (52:10):
Mighty nice guy, alright, and you think no
secrets, there's nothing offthat, you think.
Just that guy can glow in thedark like no other.
Okay, understood.
Thank you for your time.

Speaker 4 (52:25):
Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
So now, detective Dylan James, by the way, what
was the three things found atthe scene?
The three things found at thescene.
The three things found at thescene, Dillon, besides, what's
Vegetable?
Vegetable, what?

Speaker 1 (52:39):
Vegetable Peeler, peeler Tissues and residue of
vegetable oil.
The three things found.
So we have our penultimatesuspect, mrs Onions, coming in
Suspect.

Speaker 4 (52:54):
Mrs Onion's coming in , Hi Detective.

Speaker 2 (52:59):
That's ironic.

Speaker 4 (53:03):
Sorry, I've just got tears in my eyes.
I just spoke to my friend outthere, the sweet potato, and she
just told me the news.
I'm quite an emotional kind ofperson, detective.
I'm always crying and we'rejust.
We just can't help ourselves,you know.
So what can I do for you today?

(53:23):
I want to know why you are soupset I'm just just an emotional
person, detective, I just anylittle thing sets me off.
It's just like.
It's just like this constantvapor in my eyes and I just
can't stop crying.

Speaker 2 (53:42):
What did you?
And you said you spoke to Mrs,Miss, Miss Potato.

Speaker 4 (53:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:48):
And what did she tell you?

Speaker 4 (53:58):
Why are you here?
She said that our good friendMr Garrett has passed and he's
no longer with us is what hesaid.

Speaker 2 (54:05):
Okay, and you are obviously saddened by that, of
course, or is this your defaultsetting?
By that, of course, or is thisyour default setting?

Speaker 4 (54:12):
Generally.
I am quite sad that thisparticularly has really really
got to me today, detective.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
Did you have any love interests with Mr Carrot?
Oh God, no I don't know.

Speaker 4 (54:28):
I'm very loyal to my husband.
I'm in fact a very, very loyalperson, detective, very loyal
indeed.
So I would never do such athing like that Anything else.

Speaker 2 (54:47):
Have you considered threesomes?

Speaker 4 (54:50):
Oh god, no, no, sir, are you coming on to me
detective.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
No, that's not where I was going.

Speaker 4 (54:58):
No, no, no, no no, I'm fully monogamous on you over
here.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
What am I doing?
All right, okay, understood.
How did you guys become friendsagain?
Please remind me.

Speaker 4 (55:17):
So a nun, Miss Sweet Potato, saw me one day and I was
just a bit teary it was notthat long ago actually and she
came over to me and she was somightily sweet and she said that
she knew a great guy, mr carrot, who was full of life and he
kind of just glows up your life,and said that maybe, maybe,

(55:40):
that he could be the type ofperson that helps you know, that
kind of friendship that justglows up your life.
You know what I mean I guess itdoes.

Speaker 2 (55:47):
And when you say glows up, what do you mean?

Speaker 4 (55:51):
Well, you know he could see in the dark, you know
his skin was luminous, you know,and I guess If anyone was, you
know, kind of scared of the darkor you know, anyone who Just
has a bit of fear or is a bitupset in life Could probably
really benefit from a guy likethat.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
Alright, understood, well, look, if anything pops up,
all right, understood.
Well, look, if anything pops up, we'll let you know.
Please just wait outside, as Imight just have to bring you in
a bit later.

Speaker 4 (56:24):
Gosh.
Okay.
Well, I guess that's not aproblem at all.

Speaker 1 (56:28):
Thank you, right, sir Dylan.
Detective Dylan, you have onemore.
You have one more person tocome in, okay, and then you will
not have long To question thesesuspects, because under
vegetable law there's a limitedamount of time that you can keep
people in Before they wilt.
So your last person.

Speaker 4 (56:44):
Is.

Speaker 1 (56:46):
Mr Squash, come in, mr Squash.
What is this?
All about?
Huh.
I've been waiting out there Fortwo hours, hours.
I'm just my mad now.
I'm mad that I've been waitingout there for what.
What's going on, detective?
You tell me now what's going on, huh quite an interesting

(57:07):
accent you've got.

Speaker 2 (57:08):
Thanks very much.
Well, I'm a squash.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
You see, your squash is a kind of hard nuts over here
.

Speaker 2 (57:14):
All right, mr Hard Nuts, mr Squash, I just wanted
to say well, how do you know, mrCarrot?

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Mr Show-Off.
Mr, look at me, glow in thedark, give me a break.
That guy sucks.
He sucks in college and hesucks today.
I wouldn't want anything to dowith that guy sucks.
He sucks in college and hesucks today.
I wouldn't want anything to dowith that guy all right, so you
went to college with him yeah,god, mr, show off mr.
You know he's always in thesports teams that us vegetables

(57:43):
play.
You know why would I want to beanywhere near that guy?

Speaker 2 (57:47):
all right.
So you'd say there's a fairlevel of?
We'll call it jealousyresentment.
Yeah, I'd say there's a fairlevel of we'll call it jealousy
resentment.

Speaker 1 (57:55):
Yeah, I'd say that I don't like the guy.
I'd say straight up to yourface I'm a straight up kind of
guy.

Speaker 2 (58:01):
And have you recently told him that, or when last did
you see Mr Carrot?

Speaker 1 (58:05):
No, I don't see the guy.
I mean, we live in the samebuilding but I never see the guy
.
It's quite a small world.
You know, there's only so manyvegetables in the world, you
know detective, that's fair, allright.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
Um, and you were aware of his, or you are aware
of his huge social mediafollowing yeah, of course I like
to tell him on his videos whata jerk he is all right and um
what?
How would you react if I toldyou that Mr Carrot has been
found dead?

Speaker 1 (58:36):
Well, I'd say good riddance.
I'd say, probably make a goodsoup.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
Do you know how to cook?

Speaker 1 (58:46):
Yeah, of course I do.
I'm a squash, you know.

Speaker 2 (58:50):
Okay, but back to the future.
You know Okay.
Back to the future.
All right, and tell me, do youknow a Mrs Potato?
Mrs Potato, no Miss.

Speaker 1 (59:07):
Potato.
No, Mrs Potato is a patentowned by Disney.
So, no, it's got nothing to dowith that.
In fact, I believe it's MissPotato.

Speaker 2 (59:14):
Miss Potato and Mrs Onion.

Speaker 1 (59:16):
Yeah, I see them in the lobby every now and then.
They're all like busybodies,but I don't want anything to do
with them.
You know, I don't want anythingto do with that.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
All right, and what do you do for a living, Mr
Squash?

Speaker 1 (59:27):
I work in construction fucking
construction that's rightactually deconstruction.

Speaker 5 (59:33):
I squash things.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
You know what I'm saying okay, understood, all
right um, thank you.

Speaker 1 (59:39):
Thank you for your time, mr squash you're welcome,
detective, had a good day and,as I said, good riddance the one
good day.
So, detective dylan, I hopeyou've got enough information,
uh, from you're going to getsome clue from the investigation
.
Oh, so the DNA has come backfrom the scene.

(01:00:02):
All we know is that the killerand the victim share a family
and or type.
That is all we know from theDNA taker.
Now, detective, you only have alimited time left, as time is
wilting, as they say in thevegetable world.
You only have one question toask each of the suspects and

(01:00:25):
then you must make your decision.
Who killed Mr Carrot?
Double kill, drop it down lowwith three word story yeah, he's

(01:00:52):
a Swede.

Speaker 2 (01:00:52):
What the fuck's a Swede?

Speaker 1 (01:00:54):
It's like a potato-y kind of vegetable, you know I
knew A Swede is a vegetable.

Speaker 2 (01:01:02):
You see, this is literal, lost in translation.

Speaker 1 (01:01:05):
I thought he was just a Swede.
No, no, he's a vegetable.
I need to Google this.

Speaker 2 (01:01:09):
Okay, we're sure, bring in contestant number one.

Speaker 1 (01:01:13):
Okay, mr Mushroom.
Hey bro, bro, how you doing?
Hi man, god, this table is sofluffy.
Man, is it hot?
I don't know.
Man, oh man, mr detective, whatcan I do for you today?

Speaker 2 (01:01:30):
all right, mr mush, mr mushroom, mr Marsh, mr
Mushroom, did you kill Mr Carrot?

Speaker 1 (01:01:42):
No, man, no, I ain't no killer, I just like to.
I just like to look at mypictures all glowing and moving
towards me, man.
But I know vegetable law and Ibelieve that's the last question
you got from me, man.

Speaker 4 (01:01:57):
But I can tell you one thing I didn't do.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
No man, thank you, mr .

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
McConaughey.

Speaker 5 (01:02:06):
Hi, hi, it's me Sweet Potato Scat.
Oh God, I'm just not over suchterrible news.
What can I do for you,detective?

Speaker 2 (01:02:19):
Mrs Potato yeah would you suspect Mr Swede of being
the killer?

Speaker 5 (01:02:35):
I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:02:37):
I only met the guy a couple of times but he was
staying with him and I I don'tknow.
I he had a lot of followers andI know between influence and
stuff there's a lot of, a lot ofbeef and uh, but I can't, I
couldn't say thank you, thankyou, but I couldn't say Thank

(01:02:58):
you.

Speaker 4 (01:03:00):
Thank you, hey, there detective how can I help you
right?

Speaker 5 (01:03:07):
now Mr Speed.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
Yes, who has had, let me ask, had, who has the most
followers on all social mediaplatforms, like, who would you
say is more popular, you or MrCarrot?

Speaker 1 (01:03:29):
Oh, I would say Mr Carrot has a lot.
His unique selling point is thehookler and the dirtster for
geese.

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
So you know, I guess he would be the mighty one who
has all the followers thank you,Mr Sweden hi detective, it's
Mrs Onions, if you didn't knowthank you for reminding me, Mrs
Onions, while you are obviouslyin front of Mrs Onions, while

(01:04:02):
you are obviously in front of me, Mrs Onion, point number one I
wanted to apologize for theobvious advance I made earlier.

Speaker 4 (01:04:18):
Secondly, are you sure you don't want to take me
up on that?
Oh God, no sir, no sir, I wouldnever do something like that to
my husband.
All right, I am a loyal, loyalwife and I am an even more loyal
friend.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 (01:04:33):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:04:34):
Hey, what do you want now, detective?
I'm going to watch my shows athome.
You know, I got a wife to lookafter.
I got kids to look after, youknow.

Speaker 2 (01:04:50):
I got a construction slash deconstruction company to
maintain over here.
Mr Squash, yeah, yeah, squash,yeah.
Given a chance would you, nomatter how small, how big would
you?
Would you try and level theplaying field or get back

(01:05:12):
somehow at mr carrot for your,your days in, uh, in college?

Speaker 1 (01:05:16):
no man, I, I'm just a blue-collar car and a vegetable
over here.
You think if I wanted to killthe guy I wouldn't have gone
over there with a hammer or adrill or a screwdriver by now
and shot that in his stupidcarrot face.
Give me a break, man.
I've got kids to look after.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
All right, no problem .
Thank you for your time.
Thank you very much Yep.

Speaker 1 (01:05:39):
So, dylan, you've had your one question of the rest
of them.
And there is one more clueremaining clue before you make
your decision and it comes froman anonymous tip.
It's come in the mail, it'scome through the news and it
simply says this the killer useda bulb to help with the murder

(01:06:05):
and the murderer is certainlynot a fun guy, Detective Dillon
what are your thoughts?
What are you thinking?
What are you?

Speaker 2 (01:06:16):
feeling.
Just quickly say somethingabout the bulb again.
What's that the killer?

Speaker 1 (01:06:23):
used a bulb.
A bulb A bulb.
Fuck.
What's that?
Bulb Bulb To help the murder.
There may be people at homescreaming now going.
They know they get the clue.
Oh, but that's it, that's allit says.

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
Well, what I'm thinking is you highlighted and
this is where I think it'sprobably comedic is I can't
place them together, butobviously you keep on
highlighting the fact that he'sglow in the dark and then bulb
and light and shit, um, and thenbulb and light and shit, and

(01:07:03):
then, uh, he probably wouldn'tgo for the obvious choice, um,
of the person that do actuallywanted to wish him harm.
It's about kind of motive, anddoesn't seem like too many other
people had too much to gainbesides Mr Swede, considering
that's maybe a family linkedkind of clue.

(01:07:23):
However, I don't know how abulb might fit in there.
But, yeah, sure, let's saylet's stick with Mr Swede,
you're sticking to Mr Swede.
Yeah, I thought there might besomething weird.
I don't know why.
Maybe it's because of the.

Speaker 1 (01:07:41):
So you are saying Mr Sweet committed the Double kill?
Yes, Okay, Well, DetectiveDylan, oh shit, you accused Mr
Sweet of a murder.
He's been locked up in prison.
The justice sent him away asyou are the world's best

(01:08:02):
vegetable detective.
Since then, a Netflixdocumentary documentarian has
been questioning and reprobingthe suspects.
Was it indeed a hapless Swedeout to gain more followers, or
was there something else awry?
Did you check the alibis ofeach of the vegetables, Dylan?

Speaker 2 (01:08:28):
No, because I figured it would be uh, how long is a
piece of string?
Because I couldn't actuallyconfirm where they would be at a
certain point.

Speaker 5 (01:08:39):
True Dylan true, but if you ask some questions.

Speaker 1 (01:08:40):
Maybe you would have found that Mr Swede that night
was actually at Colander Heightstaking some pictures and some
videos for his blog Interesting,do you know who else was there
that day?
Huh, well, mr Squash had had arough day in the construction
site and he loves nothing moreto go see some ducks and see

(01:09:01):
some lovely wildlife around.
I know, weird.
No, no one thought that.
Right, no one thought that.
And he actually saw mr swedethere that day.
He didn't want to speak to him.
He doesn't like people from notwhere, from.
He's around.
Now that more checks with thischaracter, as you would probably
agree.
Now, if you asked mrs onionswhere she was that day, she
would have said that her andsweet potato had spent the night

(01:09:22):
out at the tossed salad.
And if you had asked actuallywhere miss sweet potato had been
, she would have also told youthat she was at the same place.
But if you had asked her whereshe was, she would have told you
that she was out with a friendbecause she's afraid of the dark

(01:09:43):
.
Now then, if you are afraid ofthe dark, what may you want to
help you with such fear?
Maybe you would take yourfriend Mr Carrot and you would
heal him senselessly.
With the help of your hapless,emotional friend, ingest the

(01:10:06):
carrot and then nay be able tosee in the dark, then solving
your fears of being able to seein the dark.

Speaker 2 (01:10:18):
And then the followers would come.
Nightlights aren't the thing?
No, not in the vegetable world,there's no electricity you
moron, but for some reasonthere's social media.

Speaker 1 (01:10:27):
And the clues.
You may go back to the clues.
The DNA type Detective Dillon,the killer and the victim share
family.
Slash type the sweet potato anda carrot are both root
vegetables.
Both root vegetables.
They share the same family.
It's a sweet potato.

Speaker 2 (01:10:45):
It's a sweet potato.
I thought you were justreferring to she's.
Like she's fine.

Speaker 4 (01:10:53):
Just a random, more fucking weird.

Speaker 5 (01:10:56):
Or a random, weird, freaking human.

Speaker 1 (01:10:59):
It's like Jessica Rabbit, just a weird, fucking
sexy person involved.
No, dylan.
And if you look at the clues,so they shared a family time.
They were both root vegetablesand the clue the killer used a
bulb to help the murder.
An onion Is a bulb vegetable.
Help the murder.
An onion is a bulb vegetable.
Oh, and they are certainly nota fun guy, and a mushroom, as we

(01:11:25):
know, is a fun guy.
So there we go.
You would have found out that MrSwede's alibi corroborated the
alibi of mr squash and that, ifyou probed a little bit further,
that miss sweet potato wasscared of the dark and, as we

(01:11:46):
know, mr carrot could havehelped with that issue.
Bah, murder mystery number one.
You've been fooled.
And for the audience at home,we played a game of Wolf, which
you basically have to find outif people are lying or not, and
you have to find out who thekiller was.
And Dylan was exceptionallygood at it.
But the murder mystery hastricked him, duped him.
I say he didn't find out whothe double kill was about.

(01:12:10):
It indeed was a double killBecause, as you know, mrs Onions
was a loyal, loyal friend.
She would have never snitchedon her friend dylan.
Come on, it's all connectingtogether.
Now the dots have formed whatdo you say?

Speaker 2 (01:12:23):
yeah, james, in retrospect, yeah, it's quite
easy to connect the dots now.
Um, so I, I always, always, orlet me say I had the inkling of,
um, those two maybe being incahoots with each other.
Um, but I thought, I alsothought maybe I don't know why

(01:12:47):
maybe because of the, uh, theconversation what are you gonna
say with a wink?
With a conversation we hadearlier I don't know like even
pre, pre-podcast recording likeyeah, um, I thought they might
have something going on theresexually.

(01:13:09):
Whatever vegetables then do?

Speaker 1 (01:13:12):
that's ironic yeah, just going.
It's just a carrot going up toa swede or a freaking miss sweet
potato so, yeah, the theobvious one was okay, I'm fine,
mr swede has something to.

Speaker 2 (01:13:23):
And, uh, what's it like?
A?
Uh, it's not a rhubarb likethere's.
There's a, uh, a rutabag, nowell, there's another.
There's another word for thisswede okay, okay, vegetable Okay
, and I was also almost prettysure it connects to like the
family of a carrot.
But I obviously went wrongthere.

(01:13:43):
I missed the whole bulb thingwith the onion.
So yeah, in retrospect, james,yes, the quality of my questions
could have been better, andthus I have been duped.

Speaker 1 (01:13:57):
Yeah, and so is Mr Swede, rotting away, wilting
away in jail, that's right.
Wow, well, remember that fornext time.
Find out those alibis Dylan,detective Dylan, and if anyone
at home figured out who thekiller was the3wordstory at
gmailcom Let us know.
Laugh at Dylan, record yourselflaughing at him and I'll play
it to him and watch him cry andI'll wink at you.
I don't know, dylan.

(01:14:18):
Next three words when are wegoing to find them and why?

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
Let's go with, let's stick to a continent this time.
Oh, okay, so we're going to.
Yeah, so we're going to limitourselves within the continent
South America.
South America, south America,that's fine, oh puppy Right.
So we'll stick to South Americaand then we'll go for where you

(01:14:55):
would start a business andlisten, I know what you might be
thinking right Obviously alogistics company.
But no, no, where you wouldstart a business and why you
would place it over there,whether it's legal or not legal.
I love it.
I love it.

Speaker 1 (01:15:13):
Dylan, I love you pulled that out of my hat.
So we're going South America,oi papi, and we're gonna find a
business on what we are gonna do.
Thank you for listening totoday's three word story.
We've seen Dylan's multiplepersonalities coming out in an
AA meeting full of peoplescratching their scrotums geeks,
skinny people and whoever theother guy was and we have found

(01:15:34):
that Detective Dylan has beenthwarted by the murder mystery
and that actually sweet, sweetMrs Potato and Mrs Onion
committed the murder of theglow-in-the-dark influencer that
is Mr Carrot.
Join in next week to find outwhat South American company that
we bring out.
Have you got anything to say tothe audience, Dylan?

Speaker 2 (01:15:54):
No, bye, bye.

Speaker 3 (01:15:57):
Catch you next week.
Drop it down low with ThreeWord Story.

Speaker 1 (01:16:08):
Thank you for listening to this week's Three
Word Story.
If you would like to get intouch with James and Dylan, then
please email us atthethreewordstory at gmailcom.
Send your reviews, negative orpositive, or even your three
words, and we'll read them outon air.
See you next week.