April 20, 2025 • 55 mins
Ever had a medical professional completely shatter your self-image? James kicks off this episode by sharing his "double kill" of health revelations when what should have been routine appointments became existential crises. His dentist casually informed him he needs "a whole new mouth" to the tune of 57,000 dirhams, while a podiatrist declared he's been walking incorrectly his entire life and should simply "stop running." As James laments, he was happily "on the way to being a toothless, freaking, spazzy, walking human being" before these professionals ruined his blissful ignorance.
The signature improvisation begins when Dylan selects an Icelandic volcano as the location where the world's strongest people originate – those mighty strongmen competitors "forged by the volcano" who "breathe different air." His location yields the words "provider," "curveballs," and "righteously," which he transforms into a story about Gregory, the cosmic middle manager responsible for throwing life's curveballs at humans. James finds himself cast as a job applicant interviewing to replace Gregory, facing increasingly absurd scenarios from adoption interviews with inappropriate ringtones to wrongly delivered funeral cakes at children's birthday parties.
James counters with a selection from the remote Inuit territories of northern Canada, celebrating these people who have survived in extreme conditions for 5,000 years as truly the world's strongest. His words – "crafts," "progresses," and "inflation" – become a tale of Dylan visiting the eccentric Mr. Phyllis's craft shop to create homemade gifts when inflation has made regular presents unaffordable. Through origami caskets and Play-Doh wedding gifts, their stories intertwine with callbacks and running jokes that showcase their natural chemistry and quick wit.
What makes your daily problems seem insignificant? Listen as these two friends transform random words into absurd narratives while finding humor in life's unexpected diagnoses. Share your own three words at The3wordstory@gmail.com for a chance to be featured in an upcoming episode!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Three Word Story.
I'm James.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Dylan, and this is the podcast where we take three
words from the app what?
Speaker 3 (00:06):
three words.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
And improv the shit out of a story.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Today on Three Word Story.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Dylan misspeaks, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Dylan is a man of quite so many talents.
Kentucky Fried Seal you.
You any talents there?
He is.
Kentucky right seal you.
You, salty boy, are the one.
That's funny.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Your name was my name is Mr Phyllis, mr Phyllis hey,
hey, dylan, ooh, ah, I wannaknow.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Oh, if you're was your part of if you hang on uh
three word story, I wanna knowif you have a three word story.
Yeah, double kill yeah, how areyou, dylan, in that seamless,
professional and rehearsedopening that we just did?
(01:12):
How are you today, on thissaturday, pre-sunday?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
saturday is on normally free sunday yeah yeah,
thank you for pointing that out.
Yeah, james, I'm good, uh,happy, happy, it's saturday,
which you just pointed out.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I had to think about that one again, we just
mentioned it as well and yousaid happy and it sounded like
you were saying sad today and Iwas like I thought it was gonna
be a no, not quite.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
No, I'm happy.
Uh had a good week at work.
It was a long week at work andbut no other than that I'm
trying to think if anythinginteresting happened.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
No, I didn't crash, I didn't do that.
Yeah, it's all good, that isfantastic.
Podcast patter.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Well, historically, James, I haven't been really
good at podcast patter.
Dylan, how have you been?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
yeah, I'm good, james .
Why do you think then we get tothis point and and for the
whole build-up, to you doingthat you're doing, even doing
your story, doing your notes andeverything at not one point.
Do you think?
How am I?
What the fuck?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
what have I been doing?
Nobody like.
It's one of those questionslike how are you?
And I guess we should makeconversation like that.
It's just yeah.
Sometimes I'm like, yeah, I'mgood and how about you?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
and now I go off on a tangent about how I've been,
yes, well, dylan, uh,unfortunately, when it comes to
my health so good and that's itthe end.
Uh, unfortunately, dylan, uh,I've had a bit of a double kill,
oh shit, when it comes to myhealth over the past two weeks.
(02:50):
Now this is going out.
We have one to edit.
I haven't done that because Ihaven't, and now this one will
go straight out afterwards.
It's been a couple of weekssince we've done the last one
and within those two weeks,dylan, I decided to go to the
dentist.
Now, as I'm truly british andas all cartoons will allow you
to dictate, our teeth are awful.
(03:11):
Um, so we just don't go to thedentist.
I didn't go to the dentist backhome because the the cues to
actually get into a dentist wasnear impossible.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Uh, it's a big issue that's ironic, though, right
right, like I don't know,because I mean just based off of
what you were saying was likeokay, like according to cartoons
and whatnot, they've got badteeth, even though everybody
stands in the queue.
To what?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
not fix them, but not fix them, apparently, or you
can't get into a dentist, orbecause it's like the nhs,
everything is free.
Usually doctors and dentistswant to do as little as possible
, not in a nasty way, but in away of we've got so many people
to look after because everyfucker comes in for everything,
so okay, it's not like here, forexample, where everything's
insurance and they'll pileeverything on you to to get,
(03:55):
obviously, extract as much moneyfrom the insurance.
So it's a bit different thatsense.
So you just tend to not go.
And now at the front, my teethlook okay.
They're not like wonky, they'renot necessarily that like.
They look fine, right, yeah,now ali went to the dentist the
the week before and she went toget invisalign and it was 15 000
dirhams, right, fine, areasonable amount of money.
And I go just to be like well,just have a checkup, maybe get
(04:18):
them a bit whitened, you know,maybe a bit of invisalign for a
couple of months just tostraighten them up a little bit
and see what sticks.
The guy opened my mouth and wentoh damn, you need a whole new
mouth To the tune of 57,000dirhams instead of the 15,000
(04:38):
dirhams.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yeah, that is quite the expensive tune.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I was not expecting it, so it's not necessarily
about the way they look, it'severy single part of the
functionality does not work.
Apparently I don't have a bite,or my teeth are ground down.
Because I grind down my teeth,my teeth are small, which made
me feel small as a human being.
It's such a, it's such a astrange insult to be thrown at.
It's not something you expect.
(05:05):
Right, people will say otherthings to you as a human being
to put you down, like, yeah, youknow what a sweaty bitch you
are, for example, okay, but then, yet again, this is also the
dentist like like I'm prettysure he doesn't sit there and be
like, oh, I'm gonna roast thisshit out of this guy.
Yeah, you're a small teeth bitchyou're not a very nice dentist
(05:26):
so there, he didn't roast me,but he pointed out a lot of
things.
Uh, and I do get a lot of jawpain, uh, not from sucking dick,
but just from, uh, grinding myteeth at night.
And he explained why my bite'swrong.
I have an underbite, basicallyfucked.
So that was the first one.
So I thought, okay, fine, nowI'm gonna have to have whole new
(05:47):
, brand new teeth, and that's inprocess.
Whoopsie, do so.
Then today I go to thepodiatrist now as a rugby,
ex-rugby player, uh, a couple ofmy toes and toenails are a
florally fucked right, I've beenstamped on, they're ruined and
they look like a bit of a gnarlymess.
So I go in just say all Iwanted, dylan, all I wanted was
this Take them off, put fakeones on, slap me on the ass as I
(06:10):
go out the door and just saygoodbye.
That's all I wanted, dylan.
What I didn't want is for a manto tell me that I walk wrong
and I've developedinconsistently throughout my
life.
But guess what I got?
I got exactly that, and I gothim telling me look, that you
(06:30):
didn't develop properly as achild.
Your feet now still turninwards, you turn outwards,
which then leads to your kneesbeing wrong.
And now your thighs are superbig and powerful.
He didn't say powerful, but Itook that yeah, it's like that
can't be.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I mean, it's not one or the other.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Like they are big because they are, they are so
powerful and vice versa, they'reso powerful because they're so
big blah, blah, blah and he saidlook, I can, I can shave the
toenails down, I'll sort themout for you, but for some reason
I'm going to give you all theinformation to tell you how
fucked you are, and also don'trun.
Yeah, and don't run.
So basically, if a ghoul.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
That's a very specific Spinario scenario.
Spinario Dylan Misspeaks oh wow, I haven't heard that one
before.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
That's our new little part of the show of Dylan
Misspeaks.
Yeah, so that's been my doublekill of illnesses and Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
So then what?
That racks you up to 120,000dirhamshams.
Well, I've had nothing.
I've had no, quite probably.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
And it's 57 000 dirhams and, uh, my brother is a
dentist.
I said that to you earlier.
That was funny.
Um, uh, so, yes, that'sbasically that's me, dylan, and
uh, like you, it's been a longold week of work, thinking um of
how broken I am in many ways,and but before these two weeks I
felt fine.
I felt fine as a person, youknow.
I didn't look in the mirror andthink, oh, my teeth are small
(07:49):
and disgusting.
I didn't love them, but Ididn't hate them, and I didn't
look at the way I walked or ranand thought, man, you you're
doing it wrong, you know,walking like yeah you're doing
it wrong and you've been doingit for 30 years wrong, wrong,
wrong.
Stop running.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
I don't know, like you said, you thought they were
kind of cosmetic issues, more so, and then they obviously go
deeper than that.
But again, yeah, I guessbecause you didn't expect it,
you don't ask questions youdon't want answers to, but then
again you did want some answers.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
It just weren't the answers you were expecting.
No, and I guess, oh, I guess, Iwas on the way to being a
toothless, freaking, spazzy,walking human being.
And do you know what?
I was ignorantly wandering thatway, having a good time, you
know I would have happily boughta farm somewhere just to go and
walk in our cock.
Funny, but no, now I have tohave a new fucking mouth and new
(08:48):
legs and new legs and beconscious that whatever I do, he
didn't look.
I'm probably going on a bit toolong on this, but he didn't tell
me how I could run, or maybethat there's a solution out of
this.
He just said don't run, don'trun, not, like you can not even
try to sell me anything, not youcan have these insults, or we
could do this gate training,don't, james?
(09:09):
Don't fucking do it, mate.
Like can we get your littletubby ass over there and just
have your ice cream and justjust wake up to the fact there
ain't no running for you, boy,uh.
So thank you, uh, dr.
I can't remember his name.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
he's a nice guy he's a nice guy, he's a nice guy he's
a name, he's a nice guy.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
He's a nice guy, he's a nice guy, he's a nice guy.
Drop it down low.
Three word story.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So Dylan Alright.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yes sir, yes sir.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
We are the podcast of Three Word Story, as you well
know, and in Three Word Story weselect a location on what?
Three words, which gives usthree random words, and we make
a god darn story out of it.
Dylan dylan, where did youdecide that we should try and
find a place relating to?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
do you remember it was a couple of weeks ago, to be
fair well, as far as I rememberit was uh, it was very on the
cuff on, on the cuff, is thathow you say it?
On the cuff Off, the cuff Off,the cuff.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
On the cuff would have been extremely rehearsed.
We had it written down beforeand it would have been fully on
the cuff In that case.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
we go off the cuff.
You went fully Off the cuff andI went off the cuff.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
New segment Off the cuff with Dylan.
Off the cuff with Dylan Right.
So please, dylan, tony off thecuff.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
What were you saying?
Yeah, in retrospect.
Actually, just after I said it,I wasn't sure where I was going
with it.
But then again, ready fire aim.
That's what I went with.
So, yes, I picked the locationof where we think the strongest
men would come from.
Where would they originate from?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Was it strongest men, was it?
I didn't pick up on that.
I said strongest people Maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I'm too woke.
I think what it was when I hadthat in mind.
Okay, fine, I'll explain it,hang on.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
New segment.
Dylan Explains.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Growing up.
Okay, fine, I'll explain it.
Yes, um, hang on.
New segment dylan explainsgrowing up.
Uh, I always used to watchthese strongman competitions and
that's that's kind of where Iwas going with it and I was like
, oh shit, yeah, I wonder wherenow.
But yeah, obviously it's notthat interesting right favorite
strongman growing up.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Then who's your guy?
A?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Polish guy called Mariusz Puszczanowski.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Puszczanowski, puszczanowski, no but his name
is not Puszczanowski.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
The guy who does bench press and shit like that
is not called.
Puszczanowski.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That sounds like an 80s villain.
Also it sounds made up if Iactually just pause.
Yeah, mariusz Puszynowski.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And this is my cousin Diego Pikazovskow.
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
So yeah, that's, I'm legitimately serious.
That was.
He's actually the strong manthat still up until today.
I think he passed away a coupleof years ago, but he was like a
six-time title holder.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Six-time, yeah, yeah, I mean for me growing up I was
a Brian Shaw guy, you know.
I still see him on social media.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, I do what an absolute ginormous human being.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It's scary how large that man is, multiple-time
world's strongest man.
Yeah, and you can't even walk.
I know walk, I'm a multiple,multiple cack walker.
I can't even fucking eatproperly or chew properly, and
this guy is enormous and he'soverall seems like quite a nice
(12:35):
guy.
He does.
I can't even fucking do thebasics, right.
So thanks for that, dylan.
Dylan roasts me.
Yeah, good one, right.
So, dylan, all right, um right,so you put out there to the
world, um, that we wanted tofind a location.
Dylan roasts me.
Good one, right so Dylan Allright.
So you put out there to theworld that we wanted to find a
location based on where theworld's strongest people come
from.
Yes, where did you choose?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
and why, I don't know .
I think I went a bit typical, Idon't know.
You can probably go around thewhole world, but I think you
normally think Vikings or likeHighlanders, like, for some
reason, I think, that region ofthe world you might find pretty
fucking strong people.
So, yeah, I went Iceland andIceland small population,
(13:18):
however, in terms of just sheernumber of strong men, winners,
like world's strongest manwinners, they produce the most
and, um, yeah, so I went icelandand I went, uh, specifically
for the volcano, because Ifigured you know what this guy
was probably born he was forgedby the volcano.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I was like, yeah, he probably grew up in higher
altitudes, he breathesdifferently.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
He breathes a different air.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Strong man air.
Strong man air, he's so strong,he barely needs oxygen.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
So I'm going to attempt to announce the name.
So it was nope, it's probably asilent H.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
So it's Vanadol Shnuknukur Vanadol Shnuknukur,
vanadal shnuknukur so that is isthat the place or a person?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
no, that's, that's the place.
And then that particular placegave me the words provider
curveballs oh, that was one, andrighteously oh, righteously,
ever so righteously.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
That was a curveball, okay, these are.
Those are great words and didyou go around the whole of
iceland trying to find the bestthree words until you've landed
in the volcano, or you just wentbam straight into the volcano?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
uh no, if I went straight into the volcano, sorry
, let me just was that the samenaughty volcano that erupted and
and like ceased all airplaneslike a good couple of years ago.
Was it like 2012 or something,I think.
So yeah, it might have been.
I think it might have been,yeah, no actually no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, it was not no.
I think this one last eruptedin 1873 I love that I think in
(15:07):
this specific specific time.
Um, no, the.
Actually I can tell you becauseI normally stick to my, my
three box little thing.
Uh, the first one was thingconcentric disturbance in the uh
, um, volcano itself.
Okay, in the book, yeah, okay,so that's what you believe that
(15:29):
icelandic strongmen are forged,yes, and they breathe different
air.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Yes, like so in your like in your fantasy that
there's just like just stopright there, and it's just risen
out of the of the and he's nota child, he's actually a fully
forged man at this point andhe's just like shoulder pressing
his way out of it.
And then he's got like a bigboulder on a chain attached to
him.
So then he has to do whateverthat boulder lift is in world's
(15:55):
strongest man and hoik it overthe volcano and then and then he
does a pretend deadlift, yeahyeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Well, I mean, yeah, I'm sure there's a disney movie
there somewhere, like with whatyou just I'm sure there's some
kind of movie yeah dylanproduces films dylan is a man of
quite so many talents there heis.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Um, look, you did call it dylan.
You did say that that might beoverused by me when I announced
that that was one of the sounds,and you were right.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Dylan was correct.
Um, yeah, we'll be using thatone Anyway.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
James.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Right so.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
What's up, tell me Right.
So I went a slightly differentelectric avenue on this one to
you.
You went uh, you were thinkingworld's strongest men at the
time, I get it.
You were thinking world'sstrongest men at the time, I get
it.
That's what you like.
You like your men muscly.
You like them oiled up.
You like them lifting heavythings.
You like them swaddling you,cuddling you.
You like them large.
I like that about you, dylan,that you like your men that way.
I went for sorry, grandma, no,it's not in a in a respect for
(17:00):
as a man of course, yeah, southafricans.
Back home they watch rugby.
Who's playing rugby?
A bunch of men, right.
You're watching men rubbing upagainst each other in a scrum.
You're literally having men'sheads in between men's thighs
rubbing up and down, that is.
That is nothing but manly andstraight and straight so grandma
(17:21):
jacobs um, then, or the theother side, I don't know.
I mean and straight, andstraight man, so grandma Jacobs
then.
Or the other side, I don't know.
I mean James gets it wrong, butit's masculine and I wasn't
saying anything different otherthan that you know yeah.
And sometimes they need to beoiled up right, because it's
good for the cameras, it's goodfor the profits.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Oh, that's what it is .
It's like good for the profits.
Oh, that's what it is.
It's like good for the.
Yes, yeah, yeah, anyway, dylan,anyway, gems, yes, I'm
listening.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Dylan, I know you keep trying to throw curveballs
in there, as you were your perthree words, but I went for a
slightly different angle on thisone, as I usually do as a
contrarian piece of shit that Iam.
I went for the way I believethe world's strongest people
were, and not necessarily strongas in lifting a log off a floor
(18:10):
or a, a ball or a rock onto apodium I meant strong willed, oh
, as in the will to live andsurvive out in the wilderness.
All right, yeah okay so I wentfor one of the bases or one of
the capitals of a territory ofthe famous inuit people okay, so
(18:31):
, um, pre-known as eskimos, butI don't think that's okay to say
anymore, I don't think it'slike a really horrible thing to
say.
But I don't think it's a slow,but no you know they would,
that's what they were, but thatI think that was wrong.
I think that's like you know,when westerners just make up
their own name and whatever.
But I have gone for the Inuitpeople.
Now they're not really in oneplace, they are basically based
(18:52):
around all the areas where youwould not want to live and I
would not want to live, and theyhave been for about 5,000 years
.
Okay, so for 5,000 yearsthey've lived in Alaska, miami.
It so for 5,000 years they'velived in Alaska, miami, it's
just a little offshoot of Inuitand all of northern Canadian
territories and into the realtrue BF of nowhere.
(19:15):
So they have a couple ofcapitals in their territories.
So I've based mine off thecapital of Inuvik.
Okay, and it is a small town,it looks nicely put together, I
think it's only it's not even ahundred years old and it's
basically and this is the sadpart of it, when colonialism
(19:36):
comes around, apologies, and wecome in and we make people kind
of live by certain rule andwhatever.
So these guys have had to havethis town, so it's their kind of
administrative point.
But there are still people wholive out in the wilderness,
which is amazing, you know, theylive out into minus ridiculous
conditions.
They go out into the ice, theydrill down and they hunt eels,
and not eels, seals, that's iteels with an S James Misfit.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
That's actually how they kill the eels.
Uh, the seals man why use?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
the eels to kill the seals?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
yeah, strangle them okay let's make a deal and just
stop this.
A deal on seals, about eels,yeah that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
So, uh, yeah, I've gone for these people because
they are strong-willed, they arethe mighty inuit people and I
want to show you, okay, wherethis town is located in the
greater span, okay.
So, um, I haven't got a micstand, so I'm gonna have to kind
of put my mic down and I justwant to zoom out and I want you
to describe to the people athome how remote this town is.
All right now, bear in mind,but this town has, this town has
(20:34):
, like a kfc, uh, it has acouple of.
It's obviously not that remotethen as you would think, yeah,
as you would so think.
But there is um, you know, k kKentucky Fried Chicken has made
his way up there, so let me showyou Kentucky.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Fried Seal.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
So it's a fair-sized town.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Okay.
So what I'm seeing is stillzooming out.
I'm still waiting for some sortof indication of how, of any
goodness, yeah, no, yeah, thankyou.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Uh, I'm goodness okay , but but but surely some cities
would have popped up by now,just kind of yeah, no yeah,
that's literally the, the otherclusters around them are like
two or three houses at a timeyou are seeing there.
So it's right, in the northernnorthwest territories of canada,
nearish the border of alaska,as you can see, there is
(21:34):
absolutely nowhere built upanywhere around that and they
live like that and they havedone for 5 000 years, and which
is incredible.
Right, we need heating, we needair con, we need tampons, we
need, we need shirts, we needheadphones, uh, we need quilts.
And these guys, for 5 000 years, have been living up in the bf
(21:55):
of nowhere uh, surviving, nay,thriving yeah, again comes down
to.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
It.
Comes down to yeah, we probablydon't need any of the shit.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
We don't man this look at us, dylan gets
philosophical.
So, yeah, we probably don'tneed the shit, because these
guys have done it and and youknow what, we've actually gone
in a couple of those places,we've brought our stupid alcohol
and actually we've we fucked acouple of these places.
So you know, all respect tothem, the inuit people, I raise
my glass to you, um, for yourhard work and strength as people
(22:31):
and the words that that gave medylan.
Yes, in the city or town ortownship or hamlet or village of
inuvik, crafts, as in crafts,oh, okay, yeah, yeah, sorry, I
said crafts and it didn't makesense.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Uh, progresses okay, okay, cross progresses, okay.
This is kind of in line, though, like if you were, it's very in
line with the third word intoday's news inflation.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Okay, and inflation, as we know, is a bit at the
moment.
But hey, that's okay.
Now for the first story.
Dylan, as I've rambled on outof my stupid broken mouth for
too long, I'm going to say yougo first.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Oh thank you very much, and for no particular
reason other than the just whynot?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
you know, and then you do your story, I do my story
, and you know, and then you doyour story, I do my story and
that makes it a double kill.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Boom, drop it down low.
Three word story right.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
So getting down to the words, provider curveballs
righteously oh yeah, now I knowwhat you're thinking.
You aren't provider ofcurveballs.
That was that, staring me rightin the face.
Yes, almost almost put togetherlike, uh, like a sentence yeah,
(23:53):
thank fuck for you.
Yeah, thank you yeah, sowithout getting too
philosophical, not again.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
You've already done that today, right.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
So some people I mean they believe in the divine or
somebody higher power pullingsome strings, right, so, whether
that be God, the universe,karma, luck, murphy, even right,
there is actually somebody inmiddle level management over
(24:27):
there, okay, right, yeah, andhe's the provider of curveballs,
okay, right, right.
So that's basically his job,and this man's name is gregory.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I know because I've spoken to him through my dreams
okay, so you've had someresearch on this, uh, so have
you what the uh with thefictional story of the man in
the sky?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
called gregory I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
If we're you know we're kind of reading between
the lines in this one.
If we're, you know this is abit of we're looking behind the
wall and I don't know.
Yeah I don't know, maybe maybeyou'll bring in some reality, I
don't know tell me your threeword story right.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So uh, he's sitting there and uh he's, it's almost
time for him to retire.
Like top level management, thebig guy, whoever he might be, um
says listen, gregory.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Um sorry, just just one second.
So we're not sure who theperson at the top is, but you're
certain that it's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Okay, right now, let's go on right then, sitting
mid-level gregory's on his wayout and they need to replace him
james.
Okay, right, he kind of, uh, hemight have received a couple of
curveballs himself.
And uh, yeah, it's just timefor him to retire.
(25:50):
He's a bit older, he's a bitmore negative, kind of stuck in
his ways.
And uh, james, you are now theuh, the candidate, oh shit, to
replace, um, mr gregory.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
So wow, and, by the way, great use of the, the
curveball there.
Yeah, nice, okay, so I'minvolved.
I genuinely didn't know thiswas gonna happen okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
so he, um gregory, at the the latter part of his
career wasn't too righteous withhis curveballs, because, again,
life throws curveballs at you.
But you know what?
There is some humor involved,or he actually probably enjoyed
(26:40):
his job a bit more, because alot of these moments happen to
these people kind of on earthand kind of he sees everybody
and he just thinks you know what, I'm going to throw a funny one
in there.
Okay so he lost a bit ofrighteousness.
So you, they've got arighteousness meter, okay.
So they don't expect you to beperfect, however.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
50 percent hit ratio I guess if you're too righteous
it's then a bit unbelievable andeveryone's expecting everything
too unrighteous.
It's just constant disaster notvery nice okay, so there's a
mid-level of the righteous ometer that we need to achieve.
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Okay, all right so, um, I'm going to give you a
couple of scenarios this is nowyour interview, james.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Okay, don't stress too much, okay, hi, uh, so am I,
james, am I myself.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
You are your self, whatever I said there okay, um,
hi, um, uh, higher power.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I guess I like you're the higher power person.
Um, you could just call medylan dylan.
Hi, dylan, uh, nice to meet you.
Uh, I've um, thank you forhaving me today for this
interview.
I did the medical uh, like youradmin admin said, there we go.
I hope it's not a problem aboutthe whole mouth and the feet
issues, uh, and almost certainlythe organs as well, but I hope
that's okay.
But thank you for having me.
(27:55):
I really, I really appreciatetime you know what?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
not a problem, james.
Um, you know, I'll be quitehonest.
Um, as soon as your cv crossedmy desk, I was unsure because,
um, you seem like the personthat would be ideal in throwing
comedic curveballs, and normallywe actually like fairly timid,
(28:21):
quiet person to handle this role.
However, you are very creative,and thus we thought, hmm, maybe
let's give him a shot.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
I appreciate that.
And I've seen, I love your work, love all your work and what
your team does here.
You know I've seen the tsunamis, the volcanoes.
You know the, the, the knowI've seen the tsunamis, the
volcanoes, um, you know the, theoccasional missing plane.
You know the occasional seeingjesus in toast and I love all
that stuff, you know.
So I I love your work so far.
I'm hoping that I can, that Ican help out and chuck some
stuff in there that's fair.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
All right, so we aren't going to start with the
big things.
We first have to walk before werun.
I'm going to start with acouple of small.
Sorry, that's going to be a bitof an issue for me that was
good, I said that as other dylannot as a 10 points.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
There we go right, so so sorry.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Yeah comes to pivotal decisions within this right.
The curveball is there and youare kind of will have to react
to that curveball, and that canthen either be righteous or not.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
OK so scenario.
Yes, let's look, you chuck mein there and I'll see if I can
manage it.
So I'm, I'm, I'm making it moreor less righteous, or it
depends your choice, ok, yourchoice.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
So I'm providing the scaffolding.
You run with it.
However, you are the personrunning with each of these okay
scenarios and stories.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Okay, um right, uh, look, I'm sorry to interrupt you
and I know you're like, youknow the almighty power and
everything, but, uh, I have readyour inclusivity um guidelines
over there.
Uh, and as someone who is uhmedically unable to run, could
we use either cycle or handstandwalk if that's okay.
(30:05):
Otherwise, it's just going tothrow me off my guard because as
part of this job, I know I cando it, I know I can be there,
but either if it's handstandwalking or cycling, okay.
Pain in the ass All right, I'mready, I'm on my hands.
I'm ready, I'm on my hands.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I'm ready, right.
So, best man, best man, gardenwedding Open bar.
You, you, soulja Boy, are theone.
That's funny.
You are the one now giving thespeech, right.
Everyone is kind of ready forit.
And then you have a confessionon the mic at a wedding.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
There you go okay, so I'm the best man and I have a
confession to make.
Yes, okay, so I am the best man.
I'm telling some jokes, I'mwhipping them out, I'm telling
them how it is right.
I'm just, you know, you knowthe the mom-in-law is having a
little giggle.
You know a couple of innuendos.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Yeah, she always.
Oh sorry, why don't I try itanyway?
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Hey, you know, mr Almighty, thank you very much
for getting involved.
I really appreciate that.
It also gives me time, as thebest man, to think about what I
would do in that situation and,um, I think if I had a
confession to make there.
And then, first of all, we'vealready gone past the point of,
uh, if you have anything to say,say it now and then skip, so
(31:30):
it's already.
Yeah, for me this isn't goingto be something that is going to
be, uh, marriage ending.
Okay, it's not going to besomething that is going to be.
You know, we're going to,because that's your best sale.
Yeah, yeah I mean, if it wasgoing to be to that degree, then
it's it's not going to be fun,all right.
So I think if I was going tohave a confession to make, it
would be about something thathappened on the stag.
Do you know something that youknow between the lads that we
(31:53):
wanted to keep it?
Okay, what happened at the?
Speaker 2 (31:55):
stag do so.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
This is what I'm thinking, this is what I'm
thinking, right for the best man, big reveal.
We want it to be memorable foreveryone, okay.
So at the stag do kenneth,whose wedding it is.
Kenneth fell asleep, okay, andwe put like makeup all over his
face and made him lookcompletely stupid, right, and we
put like a big sock on his noseand everything, so he just
(32:17):
looked like an elephant.
Right, he would look like anelephant.
Uh, we like shoved stuff aroundhis face and we took a picture.
Kenneth had no idea, right?
So I'm thinking for the bestman in this sense, for the
curveball we go, and you know wehave something embarrassing
from kenneth, from the, the stagdude, best man drops trow,
drops trousers in front ofeveryone on his boxer shorts.
He has the picture printed andhis penis is in a sock, just
(32:42):
like drooping down, which iswhere they put the nose on
kenneth.
On the picture of the stag do,everyone goes wild, everything's
just hilarity.
The stepmother's, you know,slapping thighs, going.
You know everyone's killingthemselves.
Kenneth, you know he's goingred in the face.
The bride is, she's, honestly,she's a little bit uptight,
(33:03):
she's a little bit pissed off byit.
Kenneth's a bit embarrassed.
All the other lads are having agreat time.
Everyone the guys at the barworking there they cannot
believe what they've seen.
They've never seen anythinglike this before.
Right, and it does steal theshow a little bit but it really
starts the night off to tophilarities.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
You know, all right, there's my curveball, curveball,
and hey, it's a good time, it,it?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
adds to the evening.
I like I like the way you wentwith it.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Um, scenario two on to the next unexpected package.
Right, so two days before this,uh, this lady, uh, she flies to
Bali to marry her fiance.
Okay, a lot of marriageinvolved in this Nice Right,
very holy, makes sense.
What I thought kind of waspivotal moments.
(33:47):
Okay, and then I was like okay,but anyway an unmarked package
shows up at her door.
At first she thinks, hmm, maybeI should chuck it away.
It looks like shit.
However, curiosity wins.
At first she thinks, hmm, maybeI should chuck it away.
It looks like shit.
However, curiosity Wins what?
Then she opens the package.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
What did she find?
Okay so.
So she's getting married, right?
Okay, so she, she's Up untilthis point.
It's a long flight, right.
So she is Flown over there,separate from her husband, you
know, because they're reallylike splitting the distance
apart.
They want it to be a reallyspecial day.
They they go for a couple ofdays before they actually do the
whole wedding thing to reallyto really show like being like
(34:30):
bam, there's your bride, youknow.
So they've split apart forthese few days.
She's having some doubts, okay,she's having some worries.
She's speaking to her hens afellow hens on the on the thing
and they're like oh last penisyou're ever going to have.
You know, they, they, theycackle, they do cackle.
You know it's a, you knowsaying that.
(34:51):
You know you're basicallybabies.
You know that's it, you, youare his wife and she starts to
doubt herself somewhat.
She starts to feel where's myindividuality gone?
Who am I as a person?
You know?
Am I?
Am I not clarissa anymore?
You know?
Am I just?
You know?
Am I just horatio's wife?
(35:12):
Am I not clarissa?
You know, I want to be clarissa.
Now, all through thisrelationship so far they've been
a close couple.
Horatio is a is a intuitive guy.
He, he, you know, he knowswhat's going on and he can see
before that his wife is.
She's a fierce individual.
Okay, she's someone who'd liketo, and he, he understands that
(35:34):
maybe the things that she'sgoing through, and he has sent
this package to her to open upwhen she gets there, because he
knows, you know, the cacklingwitches will be there.
So she opens this package andthis package on the inside,
dylan is quite simply a mirrorand a note, just a mirror and a
note.
That's all there is.
She opens up the package.
She looks at herself in themirror, surprise, doesn't know
(35:58):
who it's come from, and sheopens up the note and from
horatio, it says that the mostimportant person to you is in
this mirror, and the person youare is also in this mirror and I
am so happy to marry you.
And that is, my goodness, myrighteous answer to that one.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
That's a righteous card, paul boom so that was
horatio.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
That wasn't very funny, but it's uh, I think.
As, as this is an interview andI'm very fiercely competitive
person, I wanted to make surethat I get both sides of the
meter.
I've gone one side of the meterfor the, the, the kind of
picture on the boxes but Iwanted to go for a righteous way
.
You know we're talking marriage.
You didn't want it all to beall silly and shenanigans, and
this one was pre-marriagesomeone going to make sure that
we went forward in a holymatrimony and wanted everything
(36:44):
to go swimmingly.
I hope you like that onealmighty one I actually didn't.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Now the next one's a bit more quick fire, okay, okay,
yeah, quick fire, don't worry,it's not a long answer, right?
Um again, pivotal momentmid-adoption interview.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
This is a nice light-hearted one.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Everything goes well.
Sorry, I don't know, for somereason it got hot in here, right
, don't worry, everything goeswell.
Okay, the phone rings right.
The the phone rings.
What's the ringtone?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
sex bomb sex bomb you're my sex bomb.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
You can give it to me when I need to come along
you're my sex bomb and baby.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
you can turn on, and I guess in the turn on part
that's when they get rejectedfor adoption, or the adoption
officer is a straight up Tom'sJones fan which, let's face it,
who isn't?
And they go.
I like this guy.
He's got a sick ass oldringtone.
I'll give you a baby.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
And then that's how it works.
It's like my milkshakes bringsall the boys to the yard.
It's like a couple that wecould probably squeeze in.
There would be terrible.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
It's the most inappropriate medley ringtone.
It just keeps on addingMilkshake brings all the boys to
the yard.
I'm sure there's other horriblewords.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
We're not going to get down there.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
There's insane clown posse that you can put on there,
which is go stop.
Wookie, wookie wookie, and thenyou get rejected, right?
Okay, thank you the quickfire.
I hope that was the answer youwanted.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Yeah, sure Actually.
And then All right, birthdaycake.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
All right, four year old's birthday, magic show then
the cake comes on and it doesn'tsay what it's supposed to say
oh, um, uh, it's a funeral cake,famous, famous, that you get at
funerals.
Um, and it is just.
It just says rip, uh, it's noteven her.
(39:05):
And it just turns out to bethat it's.
Uh, it's a, it's a classicfuneral cake, um, and then when,
like, you cut through it, it'sgot like a raspberry sauce in it
and it just bleeds outeverywhere.
It's pretty dark, to be honest.
It's.
It's pretty dark to have one.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
It, the ethel, was a fun, loving kind of gal and
that's why she would have madethat joke, I'm assuming yeah
well, I don't want to say joke,but um, why would there be
raspberry?
Uh liquids?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
and because like this because they're sinking into it
and there's blood everywhere.
Ethel was a laugh.
The thing is about ethel.
She said in her words toeveryone that she wanted her
funeral, I quote, to be a rightknees up, OK.
So she wanted everything to bea bit of, you know, a bit on
edge, you know so.
Everyone's mourning, everyone'sin their black and then, all of
a sudden, a big old funeralcake comes out.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I like, I like the message, I like where you were
going, but also that arrives atthe four year old's birthday.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
It's even weirder when the funeral gets a
four-year-old's birthday cake.
So they really think what thefuck?
What the fuck, ethel.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
That's really weird.
Why doesn't it say happy fourthbirthday, Isabella?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
That's strange All right.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
You know what?
I think we've heard enough, orat least from my side, I've
heard enough.
Thank you for your time, james.
Um, uh, I will, we'll let youknow.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
We'll be in touch okay, thank you very much, and,
uh, and, and thank you for allthat you do.
That's me, everyone on earthdrop it down low with three word
story, all right james well,well, I mean, that was, uh, that
was a curveball, to say thevery least, of a righteous
variety, and whatever your otherword was, so Dylan.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Dilfey, I'm listening , d-bag.
My words were crafts,progressors and inflation,
inflation, okay, now, uh, verymuch like your story, which was,
uh, heavily relying onimprovisation, I've gone the
exact same route and, as you cantell, we haven't done it for a
while.
We couldn't be fucking bothered, and we've just thrown it on
(41:03):
the other one to make it up aswe go along.
So we'll keep that, that.
We'll keep that going right now.
All right.
So you, dylan, you are dylannow.
You know, you're just dylan.
This, just dylan.
Okay, not any another higherpower dylan, you are just dylan,
you know, you're just dylan.
This, just dylan.
Okay, not any another higherpower dylan, you are just dylan
in this one, damn it.
Okay, right now, dylan has a,has an array of events very much
(41:26):
like yours.
Actually, it's funny enough,this ties over right.
There's a couple of events thatare happening and he needs to.
He needs to buy gifts.
Okay, now the issue is becauseof some some little presidente
over in the north.
You know, in the north ofamerica, inflation is rife.
The normal things that youwould get a ring, a watch, a
(41:47):
cinema voucher, all right,prices have skyrocketed, okay.
So you, you need to craftyourself some, some gifts, okay,
and you know this will progressand you will have to put some
things together to make somegifts for the events that I'm
going to give you.
Okay, understood, okay, so youare going to go to a shop, okay,
(42:08):
and there is going to be aattendee that is going to look
after you.
Okay, there's going to beattendee there, um, the, the
manager of the shop, just foryou, villain who's gonna look
after you and he's gonna suggestsome, some items that you could
use to craft for these eventsthat that you need to do.
Uh-huh, okay, does that makesense?
That makes sense, I'm ready.
So, um, you're basically gonnawalk in, okay, and you're gonna
(42:31):
into Mr Phyllis's craft shop.
Okay, all right, hi there, sir,how can I help you in my craft
shop today?
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Hi, you said your name was.
My name is Mr Phyllis, mrPhyllis, mr Phyllis, you dois,
mr phyllis.
You do have quite, quite the uh, um, quite the accent on you.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
But hi, good to meet you.
Yeah, dylan.
Why thank you, mr dylan?
And uh, I must say it'spleasure, uh, to have you in my
store today.
I've just got back from a, froma lovely session in a karate
dojo.
I hope you like my lovelydressing gown that I'm wearing
for you today, 100%.
Now I can see in front of you,mr Dillon, is a group of cards
(43:26):
there, so I can see that clearlythere is some events coming up
in your life and I'm guessing,because of President, president,
trump, everything's got a bitexpensive, so I'm guessing that
you're going to want to craftyourself some presents for these
groups, am I correct?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
that is correct.
Uh, I I'm not sure if I shouldgo for for kind of unisex toys
and kind of craft gifts, becauseI'm not exactly sure who I'm
building this for, but I'm sureyou'll help me out.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Okay, I'll go show.
I'll do that for you, MrDillard.
It's my specialty as Mr Ferris,it's getting things getting
crafty, as I say.
As I say to everyone in thearea.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
You should probably stop.
That's not.
That doesn't land as well.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
I just like getting crafty, mr Dillon.
I'm just a crafty little so andso.
So I can see there that you aregoing to a baby shower and the
baby is is not even born yet.
So, and as I can see, it justsays the baby shower for just
baby, so there's not even agender there.
(44:40):
Now, that is a pickle for you,mr dylan.
Now, uh, let me get some thingstogether for you.
I have, uh, some, some tissuepaper here.
Okay, let me just put thetissue paper in front of you.
I have some ribbonsbons for youhere as well, and some acrylic
paints as well, and some wire.
(45:02):
Okay.
So what do you think you couldcraft yourself up here?
You could maybe wrinkle thepaper up.
What do you think a baby wouldwant?
You're going to get real craftynow, mr.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Dillon, you know you get real crafty.
Now, mr Dylan, you're going toget real crafty.
You know Well, mr it was MrPhyllis.
Mr Phyllis, you know what I'mthinking is baby.
No, no, no no, no, I'm notmaking any advances.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
I didn't think there for a second, I thought you may
have slipped into the seminalclassic from justin bieber one
of my favorite artists of babycakes so I'm pretty practical
when it comes to gifts, right,however, historically not a very
(45:58):
good gift giver.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
So, you know what I do.
My default is a ball.
Is it A ball?
A ball, a ball, a ball Okay, aball Okay.
So what kind?
Speaker 1 (46:09):
of ball, yeah.
So I figured we crinkle wrinkle, crinkle wr.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Yeah what kind of ball?
Speaker 2 (46:13):
Yeah, so I figured we crinkle, wrinkle, crinkle,
wrinkle, we whatever.
What the fuck?
How do I, how do I?
Speaker 1 (46:23):
I just make a ball out of paper, yeah look, I say,
Mr Dillon, as a crafty, craftyman, you could, of course, get
your tissue paper and roll itall into a ball, roll that into
a ball right, large enough sothat the baby wouldn't put the
ball in its mouth and mightchoke on the ball.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Oh no, Dylan, you don't want anyone to choke, so
we make the ball big enough, andthen we use the ribbons to add
ears, okay, okay.
And then we'll add just a tinylittle button of a nose and some
(47:08):
eyes.
They don't need to know thatit's not even a real animal, it
just needs to be safe andvisually pleasant.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Okay, Mr Dillon.
Well, that's a fine, fineinvention that you've put
together.
It almost sounds like a bunnyrabbit for the baby.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
But just the head, just the head.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Yeah, it's a bit maniacal if you think about it
just giving a rabbit's head, butI guess if it can't choke on it
then you won't have any issuesof a double kill, which is the
best for everybody at a babyshower.
Now I see on this other cardthat you have here is for a
funeral of a mrs ethel nice.
(47:49):
I remember ethel.
She was a fun, loving gal.
She had a right old sense ofhumor she did.
Now I'm going to say I havesome origami paper here.
I know origami paper, as youknow, is for folding.
Now how would you fold thisorigami paper into something
(48:12):
that the funeral would find theworld fun in, if you know what I
mean uh, that's actually funny.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
You mentioned that I am actually uh sensei in um in
origami you don't sigh, well asI live and breathe.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Guggen tag, my sensei , it's a pleasure to have you
here.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
So I will.
I can actually get realcreative with this particular
piece of paper.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
I don't know how I feel about the way you said real
creative.
You got me all flustered overhere, I must say so we craft the
box.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I we craft the box Okay.
Yeah, I can fold the box withpaper, and as soon as that.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Wow, you are mighty skilled if you can make a box
out of paper.
Yeah, if you can make a box butbut.
I'm just stuck on swans, butyou can look at the box.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
However, as soon as this box opens, Let me say it's
actually not a box.
It was supposed to be a fuckingcasket.
That's what it was supposed tobe.
It's a box.
It's a wooden box.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That's what people are buried in.
Oh, so you've made a body box.
Yes, okay, a body box, it's awooden box.
That's what people are buriedin.
Oh, so you've made a body box.
Yes, okay, I'm a bowdy box.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
It's a box, it's a box, and then as soon as this,
this casket box opens, it thenjust pops out the the paper kind
of paper mache.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
I guess Let me tell you, I have some glue here.
You can make yourself somepaper mache if you want to.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
That's fair.
And also let me just Googlewhat the fuck paper mache is.
Speaker 3 (50:11):
I've heard that word before.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
I guess you don't speak much French, I guess it's
where you get some glue and somenewspaper and you make a little
mould out of it and it driesthat way.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
Well, in that case it's also not papier-mâché.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
Oh, great, well, let me take that glue back, mr
Dillon.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
No, and then I'll basically just fold a little
sign that pops out of the casketsaying Enjoy.
Speaker 1 (50:46):
What a good.
There was lots of dots on thatpiece of paper.
What a great message.
Yes, Okay.
Well, I'm sure Ethel's familywill love the origami.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
I'm not so sure they will, though.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
They will love the origami.
And now, the final present Ican see on your card is a lovely
wedding gift for Kenneth andhis wife, who just lives down
the street.
I just heard that they had themost wonderful bachelor party,
don't you know?
(51:18):
I heard some shenanigans wenton there, if you know what I
mean, mr Dillon.
Now for this present here Iactually have a big blob of
Play-Doh.
I don't know if you knowPlay-Doh.
It comes in many colors and Ihave some googly eyes for you as
well, and, because I know youwill be a fan, it's some
(51:42):
pom-poms to go on there.
So I've got you the googly eyes, I've got you some Play-Doh and
I've got you some pom-poms.
Now, what do you think you canmake?
The wedding people?
Speaker 2 (51:55):
hear Right.
So, kenneth Kennetheth, what aman, right.
I think we'll um or we'll gofor something sock like okay,
out of play-doh.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Okay, though, with that maxine.
Yeah, yeah, I heard he's hunglike an elephant, as they say.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
So, whatever he would like to do with that, that's up
to Kenneth, right?
And then with regards to, wasit Marie?
Speaker 1 (52:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
I believe so.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
She's a bit stuck up, I don't really speak to her.
I see her every now and then atthe dojo but I don't really
speak to her.
She can tell she doesn't havetime for Mr Phyllis.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
I think we.
She was a cheerleader in anycase, so we'll hand her the
pom-poms to ooh, actually noSecond thought.
We'll go for the Play-Doh.
However, I've heard she gotthis great mirror from Kenneth
(53:01):
oh, I see very nice.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
It would be difficult to make a mirror out of
play-doh.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
No, yes, however it would be a mirror frame with
nice little patterns on it, withnice little heart patterns kind
of edged along the edge of themirror.
Speaker 1 (53:21):
Well, you better make sure you get them the right way
around, otherwise they'll looklike tiny little ball bags
around the frame.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
Mr Dillon, you know when I heard she's kind of a bit
of a freak as well.
Speaker 1 (53:33):
Oh, mr Dillon, I must say getting freaky.
Oh, mr Dillon, I must saygetting freaky.
Well, I hope that satisfies allyour gift needs today.
Thank you for coming to PhilPhyllis' craft shop and more,
and I hope one day we can have alittle roll around the dojo sir
, we most certainly won't.
(53:54):
Thank you, mr Phyllis.
Unseen and scene.
Well, there we go dylan.
Speaker 2 (53:59):
Wow, wow, what a fucking rough, rough time that
was for me, and that it was achallenging one.
Speaker 1 (54:05):
It was a challenging one, but I liked how we brought
stuff from your story through tothis story.
There was some continuity thatwe don't I don't think we've
ever had before.
Um, it was not, it was kind ofstraight through.
I liked it.
You could say it was a bit of adouble kill, double kill, new
double kill.
So, dylan, for next week ormonth or whenever we may record
(54:26):
the next episode, what are wegoing to focus on?
Where are we going to put ourwords?
Where are we going to find ourthree word story?
Speaker 2 (54:37):
you know what, james?
I think you had something inmind.
I think you had something inthe pipe.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
I wrote something down, but I forgot it, so I tell
you what I'm going to make up.
Instead.
You need to find the best parkin the world that's it.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
I can stick with that it could be theme park, could
be like a grassy park you needto find, but don't just go.
Central park, right, let's go,let's go out of a oh I know like
why.
Speaker 2 (55:05):
Why would you assume I go that basic?
Speaker 1 (55:07):
it's just because it's literally, um, I can see a
corner of it on the window, onthe wallpaper of my laptop, and
that's the reason I thought ofpark.
So we need to find and we needto defend, right I'm, I want to
find a better park than you.
Okay, you want to find a betterpark game?
On, we got it we're gonna findthe park.
We're gonna battle it out onnext week's three word story bye
(55:32):
dylan, drop it down low.
Speaker 3 (55:36):
Three word story.
Speaker 1 (55:42):
Thank you for listening to this week's Three
word story.
If you would like to get intouch with James and Dylan, then
please email us atThe3wordstory at gmailcom.
Send your reviews, negative orpositive, or even your three
words, and we'll read them outon air.
See you next week.
Welcome to Three Word Story.
I'm James.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Dylan, and this is the podcast where we take three
words from the app what?
Speaker 3 (00:06):
three words.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
And improv the shit out of a story.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
Today on Three Word Story.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
Dylan misspeaks, oh wow.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
Dylan is a man of quite so many talents.
Kentucky Fried Seal you.
You any talents there?
He is.
Kentucky right seal you.
You, salty boy, are the one.
That's funny.
Speaker 3 (00:33):
Your name was my name is Mr Phyllis, mr Phyllis hey,
hey, dylan, ooh, ah, I wannaknow.
Speaker 1 (00:50):
Oh, if you're was your part of if you hang on uh
three word story, I wanna knowif you have a three word story.
Yeah, double kill yeah, how areyou, dylan, in that seamless,
professional and rehearsedopening that we just did?
(01:12):
How are you today, on thissaturday, pre-sunday?
Speaker 2 (01:17):
saturday is on normally free sunday yeah yeah,
thank you for pointing that out.
Yeah, james, I'm good, uh,happy, happy, it's saturday,
which you just pointed out.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
I had to think about that one again, we just
mentioned it as well and yousaid happy and it sounded like
you were saying sad today and Iwas like I thought it was gonna
be a no, not quite.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
No, I'm happy.
Uh had a good week at work.
It was a long week at work andbut no other than that I'm
trying to think if anythinginteresting happened.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
No, I didn't crash, I didn't do that.
Yeah, it's all good, that isfantastic.
Podcast patter.
Speaker 2 (01:59):
Well, historically, James, I haven't been really
good at podcast patter.
Dylan, how have you been?
Speaker 1 (02:05):
yeah, I'm good, james .
Why do you think then we get tothis point and and for the
whole build-up, to you doingthat you're doing, even doing
your story, doing your notes andeverything at not one point.
Do you think?
How am I?
What the fuck?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
what have I been doing?
Nobody like.
It's one of those questionslike how are you?
And I guess we should makeconversation like that.
It's just yeah.
Sometimes I'm like, yeah, I'mgood and how about you?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
and now I go off on a tangent about how I've been,
yes, well, dylan, uh,unfortunately, when it comes to
my health so good and that's itthe end.
Uh, unfortunately, dylan, uh,I've had a bit of a double kill,
oh shit, when it comes to myhealth over the past two weeks.
(02:50):
Now this is going out.
We have one to edit.
I haven't done that because Ihaven't, and now this one will
go straight out afterwards.
It's been a couple of weekssince we've done the last one
and within those two weeks,dylan, I decided to go to the
dentist.
Now, as I'm truly british andas all cartoons will allow you
to dictate, our teeth are awful.
(03:11):
Um, so we just don't go to thedentist.
I didn't go to the dentist backhome because the the cues to
actually get into a dentist wasnear impossible.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
Uh, it's a big issue that's ironic, though, right
right, like I don't know,because I mean just based off of
what you were saying was likeokay, like according to cartoons
and whatnot, they've got badteeth, even though everybody
stands in the queue.
To what?
Speaker 1 (03:34):
not fix them, but not fix them, apparently, or you
can't get into a dentist, orbecause it's like the nhs,
everything is free.
Usually doctors and dentistswant to do as little as possible
, not in a nasty way, but in away of we've got so many people
to look after because everyfucker comes in for everything,
so okay, it's not like here, forexample, where everything's
insurance and they'll pileeverything on you to to get,
(03:55):
obviously, extract as much moneyfrom the insurance.
So it's a bit different thatsense.
So you just tend to not go.
And now at the front, my teethlook okay.
They're not like wonky, they'renot necessarily that like.
They look fine, right, yeah,now ali went to the dentist the
the week before and she went toget invisalign and it was 15 000
dirhams, right, fine, areasonable amount of money.
And I go just to be like well,just have a checkup, maybe get
(04:18):
them a bit whitened, you know,maybe a bit of invisalign for a
couple of months just tostraighten them up a little bit
and see what sticks.
The guy opened my mouth and wentoh damn, you need a whole new
mouth To the tune of 57,000dirhams instead of the 15,000
(04:38):
dirhams.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Yeah, that is quite the expensive tune.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
I was not expecting it, so it's not necessarily
about the way they look, it'severy single part of the
functionality does not work.
Apparently I don't have a bite,or my teeth are ground down.
Because I grind down my teeth,my teeth are small, which made
me feel small as a human being.
It's such a, it's such a astrange insult to be thrown at.
It's not something you expect.
(05:05):
Right, people will say otherthings to you as a human being
to put you down, like, yeah, youknow what a sweaty bitch you
are, for example, okay, but then, yet again, this is also the
dentist like like I'm prettysure he doesn't sit there and be
like, oh, I'm gonna roast thisshit out of this guy.
Yeah, you're a small teeth bitchyou're not a very nice dentist
(05:26):
so there, he didn't roast me,but he pointed out a lot of
things.
Uh, and I do get a lot of jawpain, uh, not from sucking dick,
but just from, uh, grinding myteeth at night.
And he explained why my bite'swrong.
I have an underbite, basicallyfucked.
So that was the first one.
So I thought, okay, fine, nowI'm gonna have to have whole new
(05:47):
, brand new teeth, and that's inprocess.
Whoopsie, do so.
Then today I go to thepodiatrist now as a rugby,
ex-rugby player, uh, a couple ofmy toes and toenails are a
florally fucked right, I've beenstamped on, they're ruined and
they look like a bit of a gnarlymess.
So I go in just say all Iwanted, dylan, all I wanted was
this Take them off, put fakeones on, slap me on the ass as I
(06:10):
go out the door and just saygoodbye.
That's all I wanted, dylan.
What I didn't want is for a manto tell me that I walk wrong
and I've developedinconsistently throughout my
life.
But guess what I got?
I got exactly that, and I gothim telling me look, that you
(06:30):
didn't develop properly as achild.
Your feet now still turninwards, you turn outwards,
which then leads to your kneesbeing wrong.
And now your thighs are superbig and powerful.
He didn't say powerful, but Itook that yeah, it's like that
can't be.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I mean, it's not one or the other.
Speaker 1 (06:40):
Like they are big because they are, they are so
powerful and vice versa, they'reso powerful because they're so
big blah, blah, blah and he saidlook, I can, I can shave the
toenails down, I'll sort themout for you, but for some reason
I'm going to give you all theinformation to tell you how
fucked you are, and also don'trun.
Yeah, and don't run.
So basically, if a ghoul.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
That's a very specific Spinario scenario.
Spinario Dylan Misspeaks oh wow, I haven't heard that one
before.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
That's our new little part of the show of Dylan
Misspeaks.
Yeah, so that's been my doublekill of illnesses and Okay.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
So then what?
That racks you up to 120,000dirhamshams.
Well, I've had nothing.
I've had no, quite probably.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
And it's 57 000 dirhams and, uh, my brother is a
dentist.
I said that to you earlier.
That was funny.
Um, uh, so, yes, that'sbasically that's me, dylan, and
uh, like you, it's been a longold week of work, thinking um of
how broken I am in many ways,and but before these two weeks I
felt fine.
I felt fine as a person, youknow.
I didn't look in the mirror andthink, oh, my teeth are small
(07:49):
and disgusting.
I didn't love them, but Ididn't hate them, and I didn't
look at the way I walked or ranand thought, man, you you're
doing it wrong, you know,walking like yeah you're doing
it wrong and you've been doingit for 30 years wrong, wrong,
wrong.
Stop running.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
I don't know, like you said, you thought they were
kind of cosmetic issues, more so, and then they obviously go
deeper than that.
But again, yeah, I guessbecause you didn't expect it,
you don't ask questions youdon't want answers to, but then
again you did want some answers.
Speaker 1 (08:25):
It just weren't the answers you were expecting.
No, and I guess, oh, I guess, Iwas on the way to being a
toothless, freaking, spazzy,walking human being.
And do you know what?
I was ignorantly wandering thatway, having a good time, you
know I would have happily boughta farm somewhere just to go and
walk in our cock.
Funny, but no, now I have tohave a new fucking mouth and new
(08:48):
legs and new legs and beconscious that whatever I do, he
didn't look.
I'm probably going on a bit toolong on this, but he didn't tell
me how I could run, or maybethat there's a solution out of
this.
He just said don't run, don'trun, not, like you can not even
try to sell me anything, not youcan have these insults, or we
could do this gate training,don't, james?
(09:09):
Don't fucking do it, mate.
Like can we get your littletubby ass over there and just
have your ice cream and justjust wake up to the fact there
ain't no running for you, boy,uh.
So thank you, uh, dr.
I can't remember his name.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
he's a nice guy he's a nice guy, he's a nice guy he's
a name, he's a nice guy.
Speaker 3 (09:25):
He's a nice guy, he's a nice guy, he's a nice guy.
Drop it down low.
Three word story.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So Dylan Alright.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yes sir, yes sir.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
We are the podcast of Three Word Story, as you well
know, and in Three Word Story weselect a location on what?
Three words, which gives usthree random words, and we make
a god darn story out of it.
Dylan dylan, where did youdecide that we should try and
find a place relating to?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
do you remember it was a couple of weeks ago, to be
fair well, as far as I rememberit was uh, it was very on the
cuff on, on the cuff, is thathow you say it?
On the cuff Off, the cuff Off,the cuff.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
On the cuff would have been extremely rehearsed.
We had it written down beforeand it would have been fully on
the cuff In that case.
Speaker 2 (10:13):
we go off the cuff.
You went fully Off the cuff andI went off the cuff.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
New segment Off the cuff with Dylan.
Off the cuff with Dylan Right.
So please, dylan, tony off thecuff.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
What were you saying?
Yeah, in retrospect.
Actually, just after I said it,I wasn't sure where I was going
with it.
But then again, ready fire aim.
That's what I went with.
So, yes, I picked the locationof where we think the strongest
men would come from.
Where would they originate from?
Speaker 1 (10:47):
Was it strongest men, was it?
I didn't pick up on that.
I said strongest people Maybe.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
I'm too woke.
I think what it was when I hadthat in mind.
Okay, fine, I'll explain it,hang on.
Speaker 1 (11:04):
New segment.
Dylan Explains.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
Growing up.
Okay, fine, I'll explain it.
Yes, um, hang on.
New segment dylan explainsgrowing up.
Uh, I always used to watchthese strongman competitions and
that's that's kind of where Iwas going with it and I was like
, oh shit, yeah, I wonder wherenow.
But yeah, obviously it's notthat interesting right favorite
strongman growing up.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
Then who's your guy?
A?
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Polish guy called Mariusz Puszczanowski.
Speaker 1 (11:26):
Puszczanowski, puszczanowski, no but his name
is not Puszczanowski.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
The guy who does bench press and shit like that
is not called.
Puszczanowski.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
That sounds like an 80s villain.
Also it sounds made up if Iactually just pause.
Yeah, mariusz Puszynowski.
Speaker 1 (11:47):
And this is my cousin Diego Pikazovskow.
Yeah, right.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
So yeah, that's, I'm legitimately serious.
That was.
He's actually the strong manthat still up until today.
I think he passed away a coupleof years ago, but he was like a
six-time title holder.
Speaker 1 (12:05):
Six-time, yeah, yeah, I mean for me growing up I was
a Brian Shaw guy, you know.
I still see him on social media.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Yeah, I do what an absolute ginormous human being.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
It's scary how large that man is, multiple-time
world's strongest man.
Yeah, and you can't even walk.
I know walk, I'm a multiple,multiple cack walker.
I can't even fucking eatproperly or chew properly, and
this guy is enormous and he'soverall seems like quite a nice
(12:35):
guy.
He does.
I can't even fucking do thebasics, right.
So thanks for that, dylan.
Dylan roasts me.
Yeah, good one, right.
So, dylan, all right, um right,so you put out there to the
world, um, that we wanted tofind a location.
Dylan roasts me.
Good one, right so Dylan Allright.
So you put out there to theworld that we wanted to find a
location based on where theworld's strongest people come
from.
Yes, where did you choose?
Speaker 2 (12:55):
and why, I don't know .
I think I went a bit typical, Idon't know.
You can probably go around thewhole world, but I think you
normally think Vikings or likeHighlanders, like, for some
reason, I think, that region ofthe world you might find pretty
fucking strong people.
So, yeah, I went Iceland andIceland small population,
(13:18):
however, in terms of just sheernumber of strong men, winners,
like world's strongest manwinners, they produce the most
and, um, yeah, so I went icelandand I went, uh, specifically
for the volcano, because Ifigured you know what this guy
was probably born he was forgedby the volcano.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:42):
I was like, yeah, he probably grew up in higher
altitudes, he breathesdifferently.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
He breathes a different air.
Speaker 1 (13:50):
Strong man air.
Strong man air, he's so strong,he barely needs oxygen.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
So I'm going to attempt to announce the name.
So it was nope, it's probably asilent H.
Speaker 1 (14:01):
So it's Vanadol Shnuknukur Vanadol Shnuknukur,
vanadal shnuknukur so that is isthat the place or a person?
Speaker 2 (14:14):
no, that's, that's the place.
And then that particular placegave me the words provider
curveballs oh, that was one, andrighteously oh, righteously,
ever so righteously.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
That was a curveball, okay, these are.
Those are great words and didyou go around the whole of
iceland trying to find the bestthree words until you've landed
in the volcano, or you just wentbam straight into the volcano?
Speaker 2 (14:38):
uh no, if I went straight into the volcano, sorry
, let me just was that the samenaughty volcano that erupted and
and like ceased all airplaneslike a good couple of years ago.
Was it like 2012 or something,I think.
So yeah, it might have been.
I think it might have been,yeah, no actually no, no, no, no
, no, no, no, it was not no.
I think this one last eruptedin 1873 I love that I think in
(15:07):
this specific specific time.
Um, no, the.
Actually I can tell you becauseI normally stick to my, my
three box little thing.
Uh, the first one was thingconcentric disturbance in the uh
, um, volcano itself.
Okay, in the book, yeah, okay,so that's what you believe that
(15:29):
icelandic strongmen are forged,yes, and they breathe different
air.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
Yes, like so in your like in your fantasy that
there's just like just stopright there, and it's just risen
out of the of the and he's nota child, he's actually a fully
forged man at this point andhe's just like shoulder pressing
his way out of it.
And then he's got like a bigboulder on a chain attached to
him.
So then he has to do whateverthat boulder lift is in world's
(15:55):
strongest man and hoik it overthe volcano and then and then he
does a pretend deadlift, yeahyeah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 2 (16:02):
Well, I mean, yeah, I'm sure there's a disney movie
there somewhere, like with whatyou just I'm sure there's some
kind of movie yeah dylanproduces films dylan is a man of
quite so many talents there heis.
Speaker 1 (16:20):
Um, look, you did call it dylan.
You did say that that might beoverused by me when I announced
that that was one of the sounds,and you were right.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
Dylan was correct.
Um, yeah, we'll be using thatone Anyway.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
James.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
Right so.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
What's up, tell me Right.
So I went a slightly differentelectric avenue on this one to
you.
You went uh, you were thinkingworld's strongest men at the
time, I get it.
You were thinking world'sstrongest men at the time, I get
it.
That's what you like.
You like your men muscly.
You like them oiled up.
You like them lifting heavythings.
You like them swaddling you,cuddling you.
You like them large.
I like that about you, dylan,that you like your men that way.
I went for sorry, grandma, no,it's not in a in a respect for
(17:00):
as a man of course, yeah, southafricans.
Back home they watch rugby.
Who's playing rugby?
A bunch of men, right.
You're watching men rubbing upagainst each other in a scrum.
You're literally having men'sheads in between men's thighs
rubbing up and down, that is.
That is nothing but manly andstraight and straight so grandma
(17:21):
jacobs um, then, or the theother side, I don't know.
I mean and straight, andstraight man, so grandma Jacobs
then.
Or the other side, I don't know.
I mean James gets it wrong, butit's masculine and I wasn't
saying anything different otherthan that you know yeah.
And sometimes they need to beoiled up right, because it's
good for the cameras, it's goodfor the profits.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Oh, that's what it is .
It's like good for the profits.
Oh, that's what it is.
It's like good for the.
Yes, yeah, yeah, anyway, dylan,anyway, gems, yes, I'm
listening.
Speaker 1 (17:49):
Dylan, I know you keep trying to throw curveballs
in there, as you were your perthree words, but I went for a
slightly different angle on thisone, as I usually do as a
contrarian piece of shit that Iam.
I went for the way I believethe world's strongest people
were, and not necessarily strongas in lifting a log off a floor
(18:10):
or a, a ball or a rock onto apodium I meant strong willed, oh
, as in the will to live andsurvive out in the wilderness.
All right, yeah okay so I wentfor one of the bases or one of
the capitals of a territory ofthe famous inuit people okay, so
(18:31):
, um, pre-known as eskimos, butI don't think that's okay to say
anymore, I don't think it'slike a really horrible thing to
say.
But I don't think it's a slow,but no you know they would,
that's what they were, but thatI think that was wrong.
I think that's like you know,when westerners just make up
their own name and whatever.
But I have gone for the Inuitpeople.
Now they're not really in oneplace, they are basically based
(18:52):
around all the areas where youwould not want to live and I
would not want to live, and theyhave been for about 5,000 years
.
Okay, so for 5,000 yearsthey've lived in Alaska, miami.
It so for 5,000 years they'velived in Alaska, miami, it's
just a little offshoot of Inuitand all of northern Canadian
territories and into the realtrue BF of nowhere.
(19:15):
So they have a couple ofcapitals in their territories.
So I've based mine off thecapital of Inuvik.
Okay, and it is a small town,it looks nicely put together, I
think it's only it's not even ahundred years old and it's
basically and this is the sadpart of it, when colonialism
(19:36):
comes around, apologies, and wecome in and we make people kind
of live by certain rule andwhatever.
So these guys have had to havethis town, so it's their kind of
administrative point.
But there are still people wholive out in the wilderness,
which is amazing, you know, theylive out into minus ridiculous
conditions.
They go out into the ice, theydrill down and they hunt eels,
and not eels, seals, that's iteels with an S James Misfit.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
That's actually how they kill the eels.
Uh, the seals man why use?
Speaker 1 (20:03):
the eels to kill the seals?
Speaker 2 (20:05):
yeah, strangle them okay let's make a deal and just
stop this.
A deal on seals, about eels,yeah that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (20:12):
So, uh, yeah, I've gone for these people because
they are strong-willed, they arethe mighty inuit people and I
want to show you, okay, wherethis town is located in the
greater span, okay.
So, um, I haven't got a micstand, so I'm gonna have to kind
of put my mic down and I justwant to zoom out and I want you
to describe to the people athome how remote this town is.
All right now, bear in mind,but this town has, this town has
(20:34):
, like a kfc, uh, it has acouple of.
It's obviously not that remotethen as you would think, yeah,
as you would so think.
But there is um, you know, k kKentucky Fried Chicken has made
his way up there, so let me showyou Kentucky.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
Fried Seal.
Speaker 3 (20:52):
So it's a fair-sized town.
Speaker 2 (20:58):
Okay.
So what I'm seeing is stillzooming out.
I'm still waiting for some sortof indication of how, of any
goodness, yeah, no, yeah, thankyou.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
Uh, I'm goodness okay , but but but surely some cities
would have popped up by now,just kind of yeah, no yeah,
that's literally the, the otherclusters around them are like
two or three houses at a timeyou are seeing there.
So it's right, in the northernnorthwest territories of canada,
nearish the border of alaska,as you can see, there is
(21:34):
absolutely nowhere built upanywhere around that and they
live like that and they havedone for 5 000 years, and which
is incredible.
Right, we need heating, we needair con, we need tampons, we
need, we need shirts, we needheadphones, uh, we need quilts.
And these guys, for 5 000 years, have been living up in the bf
(21:55):
of nowhere uh, surviving, nay,thriving yeah, again comes down
to.
Speaker 2 (22:02):
It.
Comes down to yeah, we probablydon't need any of the shit.
Speaker 1 (22:07):
We don't man this look at us, dylan gets
philosophical.
So, yeah, we probably don'tneed the shit, because these
guys have done it and and youknow what, we've actually gone
in a couple of those places,we've brought our stupid alcohol
and actually we've we fucked acouple of these places.
So you know, all respect tothem, the inuit people, I raise
my glass to you, um, for yourhard work and strength as people
(22:31):
and the words that that gave medylan.
Yes, in the city or town ortownship or hamlet or village of
inuvik, crafts, as in crafts,oh, okay, yeah, yeah, sorry, I
said crafts and it didn't makesense.
Speaker 2 (22:46):
Uh, progresses okay, okay, cross progresses, okay.
This is kind of in line, though, like if you were, it's very in
line with the third word intoday's news inflation.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
Okay, and inflation, as we know, is a bit at the
moment.
But hey, that's okay.
Now for the first story.
Dylan, as I've rambled on outof my stupid broken mouth for
too long, I'm going to say yougo first.
Speaker 2 (23:15):
Oh thank you very much, and for no particular
reason other than the just whynot?
Speaker 1 (23:20):
you know, and then you do your story, I do my story
, and you know, and then you doyour story, I do my story and
that makes it a double kill.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Boom, drop it down low.
Three word story right.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
So getting down to the words, provider curveballs
righteously oh yeah, now I knowwhat you're thinking.
You aren't provider ofcurveballs.
That was that, staring me rightin the face.
Yes, almost almost put togetherlike, uh, like a sentence yeah,
(23:53):
thank fuck for you.
Yeah, thank you yeah, sowithout getting too
philosophical, not again.
Speaker 1 (24:01):
You've already done that today, right.
Speaker 2 (24:03):
So some people I mean they believe in the divine or
somebody higher power pullingsome strings, right, so, whether
that be God, the universe,karma, luck, murphy, even right,
there is actually somebody inmiddle level management over
(24:27):
there, okay, right, yeah, andhe's the provider of curveballs,
okay, right, right.
So that's basically his job,and this man's name is gregory.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
I know because I've spoken to him through my dreams
okay, so you've had someresearch on this, uh, so have
you what the uh with thefictional story of the man in
the sky?
Speaker 3 (24:51):
called gregory I don't know.
Speaker 1 (24:53):
If we're you know we're kind of reading between
the lines in this one.
If we're, you know this is abit of we're looking behind the
wall and I don't know.
Yeah I don't know, maybe maybeyou'll bring in some reality, I
don't know tell me your threeword story right.
Speaker 2 (25:08):
So uh, he's sitting there and uh he's, it's almost
time for him to retire.
Like top level management, thebig guy, whoever he might be, um
says listen, gregory.
Speaker 1 (25:24):
Um sorry, just just one second.
So we're not sure who theperson at the top is, but you're
certain that it's okay.
Speaker 2 (25:30):
Okay, right now, let's go on right then, sitting
mid-level gregory's on his wayout and they need to replace him
james.
Okay, right, he kind of, uh, hemight have received a couple of
curveballs himself.
And uh, yeah, it's just timefor him to retire.
(25:50):
He's a bit older, he's a bitmore negative, kind of stuck in
his ways.
And uh, james, you are now theuh, the candidate, oh shit, to
replace, um, mr gregory.
Speaker 1 (26:03):
So wow, and, by the way, great use of the, the
curveball there.
Yeah, nice, okay, so I'minvolved.
I genuinely didn't know thiswas gonna happen okay, okay.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
so he, um gregory, at the the latter part of his
career wasn't too righteous withhis curveballs, because, again,
life throws curveballs at you.
But you know what?
There is some humor involved,or he actually probably enjoyed
(26:40):
his job a bit more, because alot of these moments happen to
these people kind of on earthand kind of he sees everybody
and he just thinks you know what, I'm going to throw a funny one
in there.
Okay so he lost a bit ofrighteousness.
So you, they've got arighteousness meter, okay.
So they don't expect you to beperfect, however.
Speaker 1 (27:01):
50 percent hit ratio I guess if you're too righteous
it's then a bit unbelievable andeveryone's expecting everything
too unrighteous.
It's just constant disaster notvery nice okay, so there's a
mid-level of the righteous ometer that we need to achieve.
That makes sense.
Speaker 2 (27:16):
Okay, all right so, um, I'm going to give you a
couple of scenarios this is nowyour interview, james.
Speaker 1 (27:23):
Okay, don't stress too much, okay, hi, uh, so am I,
james, am I myself.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
You are your self, whatever I said there okay, um,
hi, um, uh, higher power.
Speaker 1 (27:34):
I guess I like you're the higher power person.
Um, you could just call medylan dylan.
Hi, dylan, uh, nice to meet you.
Uh, I've um, thank you forhaving me today for this
interview.
I did the medical uh, like youradmin admin said, there we go.
I hope it's not a problem aboutthe whole mouth and the feet
issues, uh, and almost certainlythe organs as well, but I hope
that's okay.
But thank you for having me.
(27:55):
I really, I really appreciatetime you know what?
Speaker 2 (27:58):
not a problem, james.
Um, you know, I'll be quitehonest.
Um, as soon as your cv crossedmy desk, I was unsure because,
um, you seem like the personthat would be ideal in throwing
comedic curveballs, and normallywe actually like fairly timid,
(28:21):
quiet person to handle this role.
However, you are very creative,and thus we thought, hmm, maybe
let's give him a shot.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
I appreciate that.
And I've seen, I love your work, love all your work and what
your team does here.
You know I've seen the tsunamis, the volcanoes.
You know the, the, the knowI've seen the tsunamis, the
volcanoes, um, you know the, theoccasional missing plane.
You know the occasional seeingjesus in toast and I love all
that stuff, you know.
So I I love your work so far.
I'm hoping that I can, that Ican help out and chuck some
stuff in there that's fair.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
All right, so we aren't going to start with the
big things.
We first have to walk before werun.
I'm going to start with acouple of small.
Sorry, that's going to be a bitof an issue for me that was
good, I said that as other dylannot as a 10 points.
Speaker 1 (29:08):
There we go right, so so sorry.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Yeah comes to pivotal decisions within this right.
The curveball is there and youare kind of will have to react
to that curveball, and that canthen either be righteous or not.
Speaker 1 (29:25):
OK so scenario.
Yes, let's look, you chuck mein there and I'll see if I can
manage it.
So I'm, I'm, I'm making it moreor less righteous, or it
depends your choice, ok, yourchoice.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
So I'm providing the scaffolding.
You run with it.
However, you are the personrunning with each of these okay
scenarios and stories.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Okay, um right, uh, look, I'm sorry to interrupt you
and I know you're like, youknow the almighty power and
everything, but, uh, I have readyour inclusivity um guidelines
over there.
Uh, and as someone who is uhmedically unable to run, could
we use either cycle or handstandwalk if that's okay.
(30:05):
Otherwise, it's just going tothrow me off my guard because as
part of this job, I know I cando it, I know I can be there,
but either if it's handstandwalking or cycling, okay.
Pain in the ass All right, I'mready, I'm on my hands.
I'm ready, I'm on my hands.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
I'm ready, right.
So, best man, best man, gardenwedding Open bar.
You, you, soulja Boy, are theone.
That's funny.
You are the one now giving thespeech, right.
Everyone is kind of ready forit.
And then you have a confessionon the mic at a wedding.
Speaker 1 (30:45):
There you go okay, so I'm the best man and I have a
confession to make.
Yes, okay, so I am the best man.
I'm telling some jokes, I'mwhipping them out, I'm telling
them how it is right.
I'm just, you know, you knowthe the mom-in-law is having a
little giggle.
You know a couple of innuendos.
Speaker 2 (31:04):
Yeah, she always.
Oh sorry, why don't I try itanyway?
Speaker 1 (31:08):
Hey, you know, mr Almighty, thank you very much
for getting involved.
I really appreciate that.
It also gives me time, as thebest man, to think about what I
would do in that situation and,um, I think if I had a
confession to make there.
And then, first of all, we'vealready gone past the point of,
uh, if you have anything to say,say it now and then skip, so
(31:30):
it's already.
Yeah, for me this isn't goingto be something that is going to
be, uh, marriage ending.
Okay, it's not going to besomething that is going to be.
You know, we're going to,because that's your best sale.
Yeah, yeah I mean, if it wasgoing to be to that degree, then
it's it's not going to be fun,all right.
So I think if I was going tohave a confession to make, it
would be about something thathappened on the stag.
Do you know something that youknow between the lads that we
(31:53):
wanted to keep it?
Okay, what happened at the?
Speaker 2 (31:55):
stag do so.
Speaker 1 (31:55):
This is what I'm thinking, this is what I'm
thinking, right for the best man, big reveal.
We want it to be memorable foreveryone, okay.
So at the stag do kenneth,whose wedding it is.
Kenneth fell asleep, okay, andwe put like makeup all over his
face and made him lookcompletely stupid, right, and we
put like a big sock on his noseand everything, so he just
(32:17):
looked like an elephant.
Right, he would look like anelephant.
Uh, we like shoved stuff aroundhis face and we took a picture.
Kenneth had no idea, right?
So I'm thinking for the bestman in this sense, for the
curveball we go, and you know wehave something embarrassing
from kenneth, from the, the stagdude, best man drops trow,
drops trousers in front ofeveryone on his boxer shorts.
He has the picture printed andhis penis is in a sock, just
(32:42):
like drooping down, which iswhere they put the nose on
kenneth.
On the picture of the stag do,everyone goes wild, everything's
just hilarity.
The stepmother's, you know,slapping thighs, going.
You know everyone's killingthemselves.
Kenneth, you know he's goingred in the face.
The bride is, she's, honestly,she's a little bit uptight,
(33:03):
she's a little bit pissed off byit.
Kenneth's a bit embarrassed.
All the other lads are having agreat time.
Everyone the guys at the barworking there they cannot
believe what they've seen.
They've never seen anythinglike this before.
Right, and it does steal theshow a little bit but it really
starts the night off to tophilarities.
Speaker 2 (33:23):
You know, all right, there's my curveball, curveball,
and hey, it's a good time, it,it?
Speaker 1 (33:25):
adds to the evening.
I like I like the way you wentwith it.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Um, scenario two on to the next unexpected package.
Right, so two days before this,uh, this lady, uh, she flies to
Bali to marry her fiance.
Okay, a lot of marriageinvolved in this Nice Right,
very holy, makes sense.
What I thought kind of waspivotal moments.
(33:47):
Okay, and then I was like okay,but anyway an unmarked package
shows up at her door.
At first she thinks, hmm, maybeI should chuck it away.
It looks like shit.
However, curiosity wins.
At first she thinks, hmm, maybeI should chuck it away.
It looks like shit.
However, curiosity Wins what?
Then she opens the package.
Speaker 1 (34:07):
What did she find?
Okay so.
So she's getting married, right?
Okay, so she, she's Up untilthis point.
It's a long flight, right.
So she is Flown over there,separate from her husband, you
know, because they're reallylike splitting the distance
apart.
They want it to be a reallyspecial day.
They they go for a couple ofdays before they actually do the
whole wedding thing to reallyto really show like being like
(34:30):
bam, there's your bride, youknow.
So they've split apart forthese few days.
She's having some doubts, okay,she's having some worries.
She's speaking to her hens afellow hens on the on the thing
and they're like oh last penisyou're ever going to have.
You know, they, they, theycackle, they do cackle.
You know it's a, you knowsaying that.
(34:51):
You know you're basicallybabies.
You know that's it, you, youare his wife and she starts to
doubt herself somewhat.
She starts to feel where's myindividuality gone?
Who am I as a person?
You know?
Am I?
Am I not clarissa anymore?
You know?
Am I just?
You know?
Am I just horatio's wife?
(35:12):
Am I not clarissa?
You know, I want to be clarissa.
Now, all through thisrelationship so far they've been
a close couple.
Horatio is a is a intuitive guy.
He, he, you know, he knowswhat's going on and he can see
before that his wife is.
She's a fierce individual.
Okay, she's someone who'd liketo, and he, he understands that
(35:34):
maybe the things that she'sgoing through, and he has sent
this package to her to open upwhen she gets there, because he
knows, you know, the cacklingwitches will be there.
So she opens this package andthis package on the inside,
dylan is quite simply a mirrorand a note, just a mirror and a
note.
That's all there is.
She opens up the package.
She looks at herself in themirror, surprise, doesn't know
(35:58):
who it's come from, and sheopens up the note and from
horatio, it says that the mostimportant person to you is in
this mirror, and the person youare is also in this mirror and I
am so happy to marry you.
And that is, my goodness, myrighteous answer to that one.
Speaker 3 (36:17):
That's a righteous card, paul boom so that was
horatio.
Speaker 1 (36:21):
That wasn't very funny, but it's uh, I think.
As, as this is an interview andI'm very fiercely competitive
person, I wanted to make surethat I get both sides of the
meter.
I've gone one side of the meterfor the, the, the kind of
picture on the boxes but Iwanted to go for a righteous way
.
You know we're talking marriage.
You didn't want it all to beall silly and shenanigans, and
this one was pre-marriagesomeone going to make sure that
we went forward in a holymatrimony and wanted everything
(36:44):
to go swimmingly.
I hope you like that onealmighty one I actually didn't.
Speaker 2 (36:47):
Now the next one's a bit more quick fire, okay, okay,
yeah, quick fire, don't worry,it's not a long answer, right?
Um again, pivotal momentmid-adoption interview.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
This is a nice light-hearted one.
Speaker 2 (37:08):
Everything goes well.
Sorry, I don't know, for somereason it got hot in here, right
, don't worry, everything goeswell.
Okay, the phone rings right.
The the phone rings.
What's the ringtone?
Speaker 1 (37:26):
sex bomb sex bomb you're my sex bomb.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
You can give it to me when I need to come along
you're my sex bomb and baby.
Speaker 1 (37:37):
you can turn on, and I guess in the turn on part
that's when they get rejectedfor adoption, or the adoption
officer is a straight up Tom'sJones fan which, let's face it,
who isn't?
And they go.
I like this guy.
He's got a sick ass oldringtone.
I'll give you a baby.
Speaker 2 (37:56):
And then that's how it works.
It's like my milkshakes bringsall the boys to the yard.
It's like a couple that wecould probably squeeze in.
There would be terrible.
Speaker 1 (38:06):
It's the most inappropriate medley ringtone.
It just keeps on addingMilkshake brings all the boys to
the yard.
I'm sure there's other horriblewords.
Speaker 2 (38:17):
We're not going to get down there.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
There's insane clown posse that you can put on there,
which is go stop.
Wookie, wookie wookie, and thenyou get rejected, right?
Okay, thank you the quickfire.
I hope that was the answer youwanted.
Speaker 2 (38:29):
Yeah, sure Actually.
And then All right, birthdaycake.
Speaker 1 (38:38):
All right, four year old's birthday, magic show then
the cake comes on and it doesn'tsay what it's supposed to say
oh, um, uh, it's a funeral cake,famous, famous, that you get at
funerals.
Um, and it is just.
It just says rip, uh, it's noteven her.
(39:05):
And it just turns out to bethat it's.
Uh, it's a, it's a classicfuneral cake, um, and then when,
like, you cut through it, it'sgot like a raspberry sauce in it
and it just bleeds outeverywhere.
It's pretty dark, to be honest.
It's.
It's pretty dark to have one.
Speaker 2 (39:20):
It, the ethel, was a fun, loving kind of gal and
that's why she would have madethat joke, I'm assuming yeah
well, I don't want to say joke,but um, why would there be
raspberry?
Uh liquids?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
and because like this because they're sinking into it
and there's blood everywhere.
Ethel was a laugh.
The thing is about ethel.
She said in her words toeveryone that she wanted her
funeral, I quote, to be a rightknees up, OK.
So she wanted everything to bea bit of, you know, a bit on
edge, you know so.
Everyone's mourning, everyone'sin their black and then, all of
a sudden, a big old funeralcake comes out.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
I like, I like the message, I like where you were
going, but also that arrives atthe four year old's birthday.
Speaker 1 (40:02):
It's even weirder when the funeral gets a
four-year-old's birthday cake.
So they really think what thefuck?
What the fuck, ethel.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
That's really weird.
Why doesn't it say happy fourthbirthday, Isabella?
Speaker 1 (40:10):
That's strange All right.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
You know what?
I think we've heard enough, orat least from my side, I've
heard enough.
Thank you for your time, james.
Um, uh, I will, we'll let youknow.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
We'll be in touch okay, thank you very much, and,
uh, and, and thank you for allthat you do.
That's me, everyone on earthdrop it down low with three word
story, all right james well,well, I mean, that was, uh, that
was a curveball, to say thevery least, of a righteous
variety, and whatever your otherword was, so Dylan.
Speaker 2 (40:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
Dilfey, I'm listening , d-bag.
My words were crafts,progressors and inflation,
inflation, okay, now, uh, verymuch like your story, which was,
uh, heavily relying onimprovisation, I've gone the
exact same route and, as you cantell, we haven't done it for a
while.
We couldn't be fucking bothered, and we've just thrown it on
(41:03):
the other one to make it up aswe go along.
So we'll keep that, that.
We'll keep that going right now.
All right.
So you, dylan, you are dylannow.
You know, you're just dylan.
This, just dylan.
Okay, not any another higherpower dylan, you are just dylan,
you know, you're just dylan.
This, just dylan.
Okay, not any another higherpower dylan, you are just dylan
in this one, damn it.
Okay, right now, dylan has a,has an array of events very much
(41:26):
like yours.
Actually, it's funny enough,this ties over right.
There's a couple of events thatare happening and he needs to.
He needs to buy gifts.
Okay, now the issue is becauseof some some little presidente
over in the north.
You know, in the north ofamerica, inflation is rife.
The normal things that youwould get a ring, a watch, a
(41:47):
cinema voucher, all right,prices have skyrocketed, okay.
So you, you need to craftyourself some, some gifts, okay,
and you know this will progressand you will have to put some
things together to make somegifts for the events that I'm
going to give you.
Okay, understood, okay, so youare going to go to a shop, okay,
(42:08):
and there is going to be aattendee that is going to look
after you.
Okay, there's going to beattendee there, um, the, the
manager of the shop, just foryou, villain who's gonna look
after you and he's gonna suggestsome, some items that you could
use to craft for these eventsthat that you need to do.
Uh-huh, okay, does that makesense?
That makes sense, I'm ready.
So, um, you're basically gonnawalk in, okay, and you're gonna
(42:31):
into Mr Phyllis's craft shop.
Okay, all right, hi there, sir,how can I help you in my craft
shop today?
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Hi, you said your name was.
My name is Mr Phyllis, mrPhyllis, mr Phyllis, you dois,
mr phyllis.
You do have quite, quite the uh, um, quite the accent on you.
Speaker 1 (43:04):
But hi, good to meet you.
Yeah, dylan.
Why thank you, mr dylan?
And uh, I must say it'spleasure, uh, to have you in my
store today.
I've just got back from a, froma lovely session in a karate
dojo.
I hope you like my lovelydressing gown that I'm wearing
for you today, 100%.
Now I can see in front of you,mr Dillon, is a group of cards
(43:26):
there, so I can see that clearlythere is some events coming up
in your life and I'm guessing,because of President, president,
trump, everything's got a bitexpensive, so I'm guessing that
you're going to want to craftyourself some presents for these
groups, am I correct?
Speaker 2 (43:47):
that is correct.
Uh, I I'm not sure if I shouldgo for for kind of unisex toys
and kind of craft gifts, becauseI'm not exactly sure who I'm
building this for, but I'm sureyou'll help me out.
Speaker 1 (44:03):
Okay, I'll go show.
I'll do that for you, MrDillard.
It's my specialty as Mr Ferris,it's getting things getting
crafty, as I say.
As I say to everyone in thearea.
Speaker 2 (44:16):
You should probably stop.
That's not.
That doesn't land as well.
Speaker 1 (44:19):
I just like getting crafty, mr Dillon.
I'm just a crafty little so andso.
So I can see there that you aregoing to a baby shower and the
baby is is not even born yet.
So, and as I can see, it justsays the baby shower for just
baby, so there's not even agender there.
(44:40):
Now, that is a pickle for you,mr dylan.
Now, uh, let me get some thingstogether for you.
I have, uh, some, some tissuepaper here.
Okay, let me just put thetissue paper in front of you.
I have some ribbonsbons for youhere as well, and some acrylic
paints as well, and some wire.
(45:02):
Okay.
So what do you think you couldcraft yourself up here?
You could maybe wrinkle thepaper up.
What do you think a baby wouldwant?
You're going to get real craftynow, mr.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Dillon, you know you get real crafty.
Now, mr Dylan, you're going toget real crafty.
You know Well, mr it was MrPhyllis.
Mr Phyllis, you know what I'mthinking is baby.
No, no, no no, no, I'm notmaking any advances.
Speaker 1 (45:38):
I didn't think there for a second, I thought you may
have slipped into the seminalclassic from justin bieber one
of my favorite artists of babycakes so I'm pretty practical
when it comes to gifts, right,however, historically not a very
(45:58):
good gift giver.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
So, you know what I do.
My default is a ball.
Is it A ball?
A ball, a ball, a ball Okay, aball Okay.
So what kind?
Speaker 1 (46:09):
of ball, yeah.
So I figured we crinkle wrinkle, crinkle wr.
Speaker 3 (46:11):
Yeah what kind of ball?
Speaker 2 (46:13):
Yeah, so I figured we crinkle, wrinkle, crinkle,
wrinkle, we whatever.
What the fuck?
How do I, how do I?
Speaker 1 (46:23):
I just make a ball out of paper, yeah look, I say,
Mr Dillon, as a crafty, craftyman, you could, of course, get
your tissue paper and roll itall into a ball, roll that into
a ball right, large enough sothat the baby wouldn't put the
ball in its mouth and mightchoke on the ball.
Speaker 2 (46:45):
Oh no, Dylan, you don't want anyone to choke, so
we make the ball big enough, andthen we use the ribbons to add
ears, okay, okay.
And then we'll add just a tinylittle button of a nose and some
(47:08):
eyes.
They don't need to know thatit's not even a real animal, it
just needs to be safe andvisually pleasant.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Okay, Mr Dillon.
Well, that's a fine, fineinvention that you've put
together.
It almost sounds like a bunnyrabbit for the baby.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
But just the head, just the head.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Yeah, it's a bit maniacal if you think about it
just giving a rabbit's head, butI guess if it can't choke on it
then you won't have any issuesof a double kill, which is the
best for everybody at a babyshower.
Now I see on this other cardthat you have here is for a
funeral of a mrs ethel nice.
(47:49):
I remember ethel.
She was a fun, loving gal.
She had a right old sense ofhumor she did.
Now I'm going to say I havesome origami paper here.
I know origami paper, as youknow, is for folding.
Now how would you fold thisorigami paper into something
(48:12):
that the funeral would find theworld fun in, if you know what I
mean uh, that's actually funny.
Speaker 2 (48:20):
You mentioned that I am actually uh sensei in um in
origami you don't sigh, well asI live and breathe.
Speaker 1 (48:32):
Guggen tag, my sensei , it's a pleasure to have you
here.
Speaker 2 (48:36):
So I will.
I can actually get realcreative with this particular
piece of paper.
Speaker 1 (48:44):
I don't know how I feel about the way you said real
creative.
You got me all flustered overhere, I must say so we craft the
box.
Speaker 2 (48:55):
Okay, yeah, yeah, I we craft the box Okay.
Yeah, I can fold the box withpaper, and as soon as that.
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (49:04):
Wow, you are mighty skilled if you can make a box
out of paper.
Yeah, if you can make a box butbut.
I'm just stuck on swans, butyou can look at the box.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
However, as soon as this box opens, Let me say it's
actually not a box.
It was supposed to be a fuckingcasket.
That's what it was supposed tobe.
It's a box.
It's a wooden box.
Speaker 1 (49:33):
That's what people are buried in.
Oh, so you've made a body box.
Yes, okay, a body box, it's awooden box.
That's what people are buriedin.
Oh, so you've made a body box.
Yes, okay, I'm a bowdy box.
Speaker 2 (49:38):
It's a box, it's a box, and then as soon as this,
this casket box opens, it thenjust pops out the the paper kind
of paper mache.
Speaker 1 (49:59):
I guess Let me tell you, I have some glue here.
You can make yourself somepaper mache if you want to.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
That's fair.
And also let me just Googlewhat the fuck paper mache is.
Speaker 3 (50:11):
I've heard that word before.
Speaker 1 (50:13):
I guess you don't speak much French, I guess it's
where you get some glue and somenewspaper and you make a little
mould out of it and it driesthat way.
Speaker 2 (50:23):
Well, in that case it's also not papier-mâché.
Speaker 1 (50:26):
Oh, great, well, let me take that glue back, mr
Dillon.
Speaker 2 (50:30):
No, and then I'll basically just fold a little
sign that pops out of the casketsaying Enjoy.
Speaker 1 (50:46):
What a good.
There was lots of dots on thatpiece of paper.
What a great message.
Yes, Okay.
Well, I'm sure Ethel's familywill love the origami.
Speaker 2 (50:56):
I'm not so sure they will, though.
Speaker 1 (50:58):
They will love the origami.
And now, the final present Ican see on your card is a lovely
wedding gift for Kenneth andhis wife, who just lives down
the street.
I just heard that they had themost wonderful bachelor party,
don't you know?
(51:18):
I heard some shenanigans wenton there, if you know what I
mean, mr Dillon.
Now for this present here Iactually have a big blob of
Play-Doh.
I don't know if you knowPlay-Doh.
It comes in many colors and Ihave some googly eyes for you as
well, and, because I know youwill be a fan, it's some
(51:42):
pom-poms to go on there.
So I've got you the googly eyes, I've got you some Play-Doh and
I've got you some pom-poms.
Now, what do you think you canmake?
The wedding people?
Speaker 2 (51:55):
hear Right.
So, kenneth Kennetheth, what aman, right.
I think we'll um or we'll gofor something sock like okay,
out of play-doh.
Speaker 1 (52:11):
Okay, though, with that maxine.
Yeah, yeah, I heard he's hunglike an elephant, as they say.
Speaker 2 (52:15):
So, whatever he would like to do with that, that's up
to Kenneth, right?
And then with regards to, wasit Marie?
Speaker 1 (52:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (52:26):
I believe so.
Speaker 1 (52:28):
She's a bit stuck up, I don't really speak to her.
I see her every now and then atthe dojo but I don't really
speak to her.
She can tell she doesn't havetime for Mr Phyllis.
Speaker 2 (52:40):
I think we.
She was a cheerleader in anycase, so we'll hand her the
pom-poms to ooh, actually noSecond thought.
We'll go for the Play-Doh.
However, I've heard she gotthis great mirror from Kenneth
(53:01):
oh, I see very nice.
Speaker 1 (53:04):
It would be difficult to make a mirror out of
play-doh.
Speaker 2 (53:06):
No, yes, however it would be a mirror frame with
nice little patterns on it, withnice little heart patterns kind
of edged along the edge of themirror.
Speaker 1 (53:21):
Well, you better make sure you get them the right way
around, otherwise they'll looklike tiny little ball bags
around the frame.
Speaker 2 (53:27):
Mr Dillon, you know when I heard she's kind of a bit
of a freak as well.
Speaker 1 (53:33):
Oh, mr Dillon, I must say getting freaky.
Oh, mr Dillon, I must saygetting freaky.
Well, I hope that satisfies allyour gift needs today.
Thank you for coming to PhilPhyllis' craft shop and more,
and I hope one day we can have alittle roll around the dojo sir
, we most certainly won't.
(53:54):
Thank you, mr Phyllis.
Unseen and scene.
Well, there we go dylan.
Speaker 2 (53:59):
Wow, wow, what a fucking rough, rough time that
was for me, and that it was achallenging one.
Speaker 1 (54:05):
It was a challenging one, but I liked how we brought
stuff from your story through tothis story.
There was some continuity thatwe don't I don't think we've
ever had before.
Um, it was not, it was kind ofstraight through.
I liked it.
You could say it was a bit of adouble kill, double kill, new
double kill.
So, dylan, for next week ormonth or whenever we may record
(54:26):
the next episode, what are wegoing to focus on?
Where are we going to put ourwords?
Where are we going to find ourthree word story?
Speaker 2 (54:37):
you know what, james?
I think you had something inmind.
I think you had something inthe pipe.
Speaker 1 (54:42):
I wrote something down, but I forgot it, so I tell
you what I'm going to make up.
Instead.
You need to find the best parkin the world that's it.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
Yeah, that's fair.
Speaker 1 (54:54):
I can stick with that it could be theme park, could
be like a grassy park you needto find, but don't just go.
Central park, right, let's go,let's go out of a oh I know like
why.
Speaker 2 (55:05):
Why would you assume I go that basic?
Speaker 1 (55:07):
it's just because it's literally, um, I can see a
corner of it on the window, onthe wallpaper of my laptop, and
that's the reason I thought ofpark.
So we need to find and we needto defend, right I'm, I want to
find a better park than you.
Okay, you want to find a betterpark game?
On, we got it we're gonna findthe park.
We're gonna battle it out onnext week's three word story bye
(55:32):
dylan, drop it down low.
Speaker 3 (55:36):
Three word story.
Speaker 1 (55:42):
Thank you for listening to this week's Three
word story.
If you would like to get intouch with James and Dylan, then
please email us atThe3wordstory at gmailcom.
Send your reviews, negative orpositive, or even your three
words, and we'll read them outon air.
See you next week.
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