September 24, 2024 • 25 mins
Can embracing vulnerability truly transform your life? Join me, Mikita, as I share my personal journey of living wholeheartedly, filled with moments of openness, authenticity, and sometimes, raw discomfort. Through my experiences, both triumphant and challenging, I unpack common misconceptions about wholehearted living and offer practical advice on navigating the discomfort of vulnerability. Learn why taking a step back to reset and recharge is essential, and discover the profound impact of letting go of the invisible chains that hold us back.
In this episode, let’s explore together why wholehearted living isn’t just about being perpetually joyful but about fully experiencing the spectrum of human emotions. I challenge the myth that we must face life’s journey alone and highlight the immense value that comes from building meaningful connections and seeking community support. By leaning into discomfort and allowing ourselves to be seen, we gain the courage to embrace life’s complexities with authenticity and purpose. Join me on this path to live more fearlessly and wholeheartedly, one step at a time.
What To Read
Kristina Neff: Self Compassion The Proven Power Of Being Kind to Yourself
Brene Brown: Daring Greatly
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Mikita (00:00):
So living wholeheartedly is about embracing life with
openness, vulnerability and adeep sense of authenticity.
It's about showing up fully inevery moment, being true to
ourselves and engaging with theworld from a place of love and
courage.
But, like many things, thereare a lot of misconceptions
(00:21):
about what it means to livewholeheartedly.
So let's dive into a few ofthose.
First, because we all have ourdoubts, right.
We're like okay, I want to bemy true self, I want to show up,
I want to live from a place ofwholeheartedness, but you're
talking about vulnerability andI don't like all of that.
(00:41):
I don't want to put myself outthere.
Hey, there, I'm Makita, a smalltown girl with big dreams who
started a podcast with an oldheadset and a laptop at my
kitchen table and made my dreamscome true.
On my podcast, time for Tea withMakita, we chat about living
life unapologetically, on yourterms, from career advice,
(01:02):
entrepreneurship, relationshipsand everything in between.
This is your one-stop shop forreal conversations and
inspiration.
If you're looking forconnection, then you found it
here.
Join me every Tuesday as wedive into those sometimes hard
to have conversations.
So grab your cup of tea orcoffee and get comfy, because
(01:25):
this is time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot.
Ever feel like you need asuperpower, boost of motivation
with exclusive tips and toolswith your goals in mind?
Well, say hello to your newinspiration hotspot the Tuesday
Tea Newsletter, your weeklyinfusion of big thinking energy
that will propel you to chaseyour wildest dreams and never
(01:45):
shy away from using the power ofyour voice.
Sign up for the Tuesday Teanewsletter today at
beautifullyunbalancedcom andelevate your goals to the next
level.
Welcome back, it is time for teaand I'm your host, makita.
I know it's been a minute andI've missed all of you so much.
I am thrilled to be back withpart two of the Letting Go
(02:06):
series for more soul-soothingconversations and tea-sipping
wisdom.
If you're new or you've beenwith me for a while on this
journey, thank you so much forsharing your time, your space
and your amazing energy with metoday.
All right, you guys?
So let's catch up.
All right, because, if youhaven't noticed that, I've been
(02:27):
taking quite a bit of a break,and I'm very happy because life
has been a whirlwind.
It's been filled with highs andlows for all of us and
everything in between.
Now, during this time, I'vebeen doing a lot of reflecting,
a lot of resetting andrecharging and reimagining what
this space means for all of us.
(02:50):
Now, today, I want to share abit about what's been going on
and why I decided to take a stepback.
As some of you know, I've beenon a personal journey.
I've had some loss and I amrediscovering myself and finding
calm in this storm of life andredefining what it means to live
a beautifully unbalanced lifewholeheartedly.
(03:11):
Now.
This break has been crucial forme to practice what I preach,
to slow down, to breathe andtruly find my center, and I
encourage each and every one ofyou to do this too.
At times in your life when youfeel like things are feeling a
little chaotic and you just needa breather, remember it's
(03:33):
always okay to give yourselfpermission to hit that pause
button and reset and recharge inwhatever way feels right for
you whatever way feels right foryou.
Now we're going to circle backaround to that and dive a little
deeper into that when we getstarted on today's conversation,
but first I have some excitingupdates for you.
(03:54):
So, moving forward, time forTea with Makeda will be
releasing new episodes everyother week versus weekly Now.
This is a big change, but it'sall about maintaining quality
and balance.
Now, I don't truly believe inthis idea of perfect balance,
but I do believe that we allhave a sweet, unbalanced life
(04:17):
that works best for us, and Itruly want each episode to be a
little gem of inspiration,filled with insights and stories
that truly resonate with youand inspire you and help you
take it to the next level.
Now, this schedule of releasingepisodes every other week will
allow me to dive deeper intothese topics and ensure that I'm
(04:38):
bringing you the best contentpossible.
Now let's dive into today'sepisode.
Okay, because this is what I'mtalking about.
We're talking about livingwholeheartedly.
What does it mean versus whatwe think it means, and how we
can truly lean into this way ofliving.
Now, if you don't know, when Istarted this year out, my power
(05:03):
word was letting go, because Ifeel like sometimes we have
these invisible chains and everytime, sometimes we go to take a
step forward, we have theselittle things in our mind.
That's like telling us, littlethings that hold us back right.
We all have them, theseself-conscious thoughts.
(05:24):
We can call them gremlins, wecan call them all sorts of
things, but whatever works foryou, but these are things that
every time, we feel like we aremaking a move forward, they stop
us.
And when I was coming up withmy power word, I was like you
know what I'm tired of lettingnegativity or thoughts that are
(05:49):
not even mine move into a spacewhere I'm like, okay, I accept
the fear, but I'm going to do itanyway.
(06:10):
And there are moments in ourlife that we do accept fear.
We're like you know what I'mnervous, I'm scared, but
whatever, I'm going all in.
But we want to sometimes havethat longevity right.
We want to live fearless thewhole time and for me that means
living wholeheartedly, beingopen.
So I want to dive into thatidea of living a wholehearted
(06:36):
life and I want you to thinkabout, as you're listening to
this episode, what would thatlook like for you?
How would it feel to thinkabout, as you're listening to
this episode, what would thatlook like for you?
How would it feel and whatwould you need to do to fully
embrace a life of livingwholeheartedly, of letting go
(06:58):
and being open to thepossibility?
So living wholeheartedly isabout embracing life with
openness, vulnerability and adeep sense of authenticity.
It's about showing up fully inevery moment, being true to
ourselves and engaging with theworld from a place of love and
courage.
But, like many things, there area lot of misconceptions about
(07:21):
what it means to livewholeheartedly.
So let's dive into a few ofthose first, because we all have
our doubts right.
We're like, okay, I want to bemy true self, I want to show up,
I want to live from a place ofwholeheartedness, but you're
talking about vulnerability andI don't like all of that.
(07:41):
I don't want to put myself outthere.
No one truly wants to putthemselves out there.
But in order for us to be open,in order for us to have
connections, we have to putourselves out there.
It's part of life and we arehardwired for connection.
So one of the myths andmisconceptions that I've learned
(08:02):
while on this break is thatliving wholeheartedly is not
about being perfect.
A lot of people believe thatyou have to have all your shit
figured out Like.
You have to have it together.
You have to present thisperfect outside appearance of
being the perfect person thatcan do it all and not have flaws
(08:24):
, and it has to look really goodand you have to show up and you
have to do all these things.
But the truth is no one isperfect.
We're all flawed.
No one has it all together.
If you ever peek behind thecurtain, you will see just like
in the Wizard of Oz there'salways someone else right.
Everything's great, as long asyou don't look behind.
(08:45):
Don't look behind the curtain,because once you do, once you
see everything that's wrong withme.
We think people are going torun the other way.
They're going to be like thisis messy, nevermind.
I thought you were perfect, letme go somewhere else.
But it's not about beingperfect.
That couldn't be further fromthe truth.
(09:06):
Living wholeheartedly is aboutembracing our imperfections and
showing up as we are flaws andall.
One of the things that draws meto people when I meet them is
when they show up and they'relike dropping F-bombs, being
themselves and just saying youknow what?
My life's a mess, I don't haveit all together, but guess what?
I'm here.
Those people are the peoplethat are my people, because I
(09:29):
know what it means and what itfeels like to not have it all
together and be okay.
You know, sometimes we thinkthat we take on the persona that
people are expecting us to haveall the answers, but the truth
is we want to have all theanswers.
But the truth is we want tohave all the answers and we want
to appear that way.
So we're putting on that mantle, that cape.
People just want us to show upand just listen and be there.
(09:52):
They don't want us to have itall figured out.
They're still trying to figureit out.
They're not looking forperfection, but we have this
idea of what we're supposed tobe and who we're supposed to be
and who we're supposed to be.
So we're always trying to showup as that person instead of
just saying this is me, this isit and I'm okay with it.
(10:12):
So, as you move into this nextphase of your life, try to show
up as you, let other people seethat you don't necessarily have
it all together, and when you dothat, you will realize that
there's so many people in yourcorner that are ready and
waiting to be there for you.
Now, another misconception thatI had to come to terms with is
(10:37):
wholehearted living is alwaysjoyful, I know, like always
joyful, really, keita.
Wow, you know, wholeheartedliving does bring a deep sense
of fulfillment and joy.
It means experiencing the fullrange of emotions, so it's about
being open to both the highsand the lows and finding beauty
(10:57):
in it all.
So, yes, there is always joy,because when we embrace that
there's going to be good, thatthere's going to be bad, but we
can find the joy of showing upif we can just open ourselves up
to all the emotions that comewith being human being, a person
.
A lot of the times we onlyrecognize three emotions and
(11:19):
those are mad, sad and happy.
Outside of that, a lot of usdon't even want to dig into the
rest of the emotions the anxiety, the stress, the heartache, the
fear.
We just want to blow thosethings away and we only focus on
those three.
But how can we communicatefully with all the things that
(11:40):
we're feeling if we don'trecognize all the other emotions
that go along with it?
There's such joy in feeling asense of fulfillment, of
contentment, that I never oncerecognized until I was in that
emotion.
We were on a vacation and Ijust felt, my heart felt full, I
(12:02):
felt content, I felt so happyin this moment.
And she would just recognizelike I use so many different
words to use to say joy,happiness, because I felt all of
those things.
And a lot of times we feel morethan one emotion at one time.
We can feel embarrassment, wecan feel resentment, like.
All of those are emotions, butyet we only truly recognize the
(12:25):
three.
So there is joy inunderstanding everything that we
feel, because in that way wecan communicate how we're
feeling to the people that needto know it the most.
All right, the nextmisconception is you have to do
it alone.
No one does anything alone.
(12:46):
I don't care what they say.
You cannot be in this space, inthis place, in this world alone
.
It is a lonely, dark place thatno one wants to be in alone.
It's not a solo journey.
Like I said before, we arehardwired for connection, so
(13:09):
this involves building real,meaningful connections, seeking
support and growing alongsideothers.
It's about building communityand having shared experiences.
We connect in so many differentways, but we have to recognize
that you need someone in yourcorner, you need someone there
(13:33):
to be with you on the journey,and that's why I love what I do,
because you guys are with me onthe journey.
We're doing this thing together.
There is such a sense ofcommunity and there's so many
shared experiences, wherethere's so many moments where
you're like, oh my gosh, I knowwhat you mean.
I may not have had that sameexperience, but I recognize the
(13:56):
emotion that goes into feelingthat way, and that's part of
having a shared experience withsomeone.
We don't always have to gothrough the same thing, but we
know what it feels like to berejected.
We know what it feels like tofeel loved, to find that one
person that means everything tous.
We know what it feels like tofeel alone, to be alone, and we
(14:22):
know what it feels like having acommunity and people in our
corner.
So that's what I mean when Isay you don't have to do it
alone.
It's not about being alone.
Living wholeheartedly is aboutexperiencing everything and
having the courage to do it, andnot saying this is too much.
(14:45):
I'm afraid I'm going to go backhere because I don't want to
feel it.
We're going to feel it, we'regoing to lean into it, we're
going to let ourselves be pulledand stretched into our purpose
and what it means to livewholeheartedly, to live with our
heart, to lead with thestrength of knowing who we are
and what we're built for,because you're built for so much
(15:07):
more.
So, as I said earlier, we haveto lean into living
wholeheartedly.
But what would that even looklike for you?
What would that even mean foryou?
And it may look different foreach of us right, because we're
all different, we all havedifferent experiences, we all
have different backgrounds.
So we're talking about leaninginto.
(15:29):
The discomfort of just sittingin the moment and reflecting on
these emotions is what I mean,because the one thing I learned
is recognizing these emotions.
Understanding them is one thing, but if I reflect and really
give thought to okay, why do Ifeel this way?
(15:50):
Are these truly my thoughts oris this a story?
I'm telling myself what'sreally happening in this moment.
And it doesn't also mean thatyou have to have an answer right
away.
You're not.
You know, you don't have tofigure it out right now.
It's about saying, okay, Idon't have the answer right now,
or this is really uncomfortable.
(16:10):
I think I'm going to take arest and I'll come back to this.
I'm not going to forget it, butmy mind needs to rest so I can
really have some time toreexamine what's really
happening, what's going on, andthat's leaning into it, just
recognizing that something'shappening and then reflecting on
(16:30):
it and then coming to termswith it.
So here are some tips for youas you lean into what that would
mean for you.
The first thing is to embracethe vulnerability.
It's going to be scary, it'sgoing to be messy, it's going to
feel really heavy at times, butit's the key to living
(16:52):
wholeheartedly.
So allow yourself to be seen,to share your true feelings, and
don't be afraid to ask for help.
As I was reading Darren Gritley, one of the quotes said
vulnerability is not winning orlosing, it's having the courage
to show up and be seen when wehave no control over the outcome
(17:14):
.
And I think that's the scariestthing ever is not having
control of the outcome.
I like to control everything.
I like to know what's going tohappen.
So when I'm sitting in asituation and I'm like, oh my
gosh, am I going to be rejectedhere?
Is this a safe space for me?
I don't know, but I'm going togo in here and I'm just going to
(17:34):
show up as me, and it feelslike, you know, this isn't my
space, then that's okay.
I went in, I gave it my all, Ishowed up and I will find my
space.
I will find my place, I willfind my group of people, my
tribe, where I'm supposed to beat.
But if I never show up, I neverknow.
(17:56):
And the same for you If younever show up, you'll never know
.
All right, the next thing youcan do is to practice
self-compassion.
So treat yourself with the samekindness and understanding that
you would offer to a friend, toyour kids, to all the people
that you love.
So acknowledge your strugglesand mistakes without judgment.
(18:18):
And I know this is hard,because sometimes we may not say
out loud our thoughts, but inour head we're saying some crazy
stuff and we say stuff toourselves that we would never
say to the people that we careabout.
Say out loud our thoughts, butin our head we're seeing some
crazy stuff and we say stuff toourselves that we would never
say to the people that we careabout.
There's an author, christinaNiff.
She is a pioneer inself-compassion research and she
(18:47):
really emphasizes thatself-compassion involves
self-kindness, common humanityand mindfulness.
And I don't think I can stressthat more Like self-kindness,
being kind to yourself, havingcommon humanity for yourself and
mindfulness.
Because if you don't have thisstuff for yourself, how do you
have this stuff for other people?
How are you pouring back intoyourself if you are too busy
(19:10):
pouring all of this stuff intosomeone else?
So it's about recognizing thatwe are all imperfect and that's
okay.
But we're going to love onourselves a little bit more.
We're going to be kind toourselves.
We're going to spoil ourselves,and we're going to be okay with
that, because we all need to bespoiled and pampered sometimes.
(19:30):
Now, in Kristin Neff's bookSelf-Compassion, she says that
the proven power of being kindto yourself is a great resource
for learning how to cultivateself-compassion in your daily
life, and I truly agree.
All right, our next tip and howto lean wholeheartedly into what
(19:53):
it means to live and show up asourselves is cultivate
gratitude, and I know you'relike man if someone says
gratitude one more time, but I'mserious, though.
Gratitude really shifts ourfocus from what's lacking to
what's abundant in our lives.
If you just go outside everyday and just sit in nature,
(20:16):
think about all the thingsyou're thankful for and they
don't have to be you know hugemoments.
It's about appreciating thesmall moments and recognizing
the good, even in difficulttimes, and I know that sometimes
life gets really hard.
We lose people that we love,and it's hard to think about how
(20:36):
we can show up and be gratefulwhen we're dealing with such
loss, such heaviness, suchburdens in life.
But when you think about thelittle things and I'm a huge
believer in the glasses halffull and I'm always saying you
know like things could be worse.
Everything could be worse and Iknow sometimes when we're in it
(21:01):
it is the worst thing thatcould happen.
But just recognizing that,that's how you feel in that
moment, is okay.
That's self-compassion, that'show we love on ourselves, is
recognizing it and saying, atthis moment this is the worst
thing that could happen and I amhaving a hard time dealing with
(21:24):
it.
And then it's that nextcomponent to say I don't have to
do it alone, I can get help,whether that's talking to a
friend, whether that's gettingprofessional help, whether
that's journaling, it's whateverfeels right for you and that
helps you move through.
(21:45):
So I love journaling.
I think it's a great way toreflect.
It's a great way to practicegratitude.
You can start slow with justwriting down three things each
day that you're grateful for.
It could be small things.
I got up today, I went outsidetoday, I got in touch with an
(22:07):
old friend and had a greatconversation today, I got my
favorite coffee, I got to workon time today Anything that
makes you grateful and thatshows you how far you've come in
your journey.
That's what it's about.
If you do these small littlethings each day, embrace the
(22:30):
vulnerability, practice theself-compassion, cultivate the
gratitude.
You will watch how ittransforms your perspective on
life and then you will redefinewhat it means to live
wholeheartedly for yourself,because I feel like we all have
our own definition of what thatmeans, but we can't do it
(22:52):
without acknowledging ourfeelings, our fears, our
emotions, our needs, our love.
So you should check out RobertEmmons' book called Thanks how
Practicing Gratitude Can Makeyou Happier.
(23:14):
It has some amazing insights onthe science behind gratitude
and practical ways toincorporate this into your life.
I just want you to rememberliving wholeheartedly is a
journey.
It's not a destination.
I am still on this journey.
I'm still learning and I feellike each decade that I go
(23:34):
through in life I learn a littlebit more.
You know, as I lean deeper intomy purpose, as I explore all
the possibilities, I understandit's about making conscious
choice each and every day toshow up fully, to embrace
everything about who I am, tohave self-compassion, to show up
(23:57):
to be me.
All right, you guys, we're goingto wrap this amazing episode up
, okay, but I want to leave youwith a quote by Reneene Brown.
She says wholehearted living isabout engaging in our lives
from a place of worthiness.
It means cultivating thecourage, compassion and
(24:17):
connection to wake up in themorning and think no matter what
gets done and how much is leftundone, I am enough.
All right, you guys, that isall the tea that I have to spill
today, but I just want to thankyou so much for being here with
me on this amazing journey.
(24:38):
Now, don't forget to leave areview.
Find me on social atmakitasmith underscore.
Let me know what you think.
You can also email me there's alink below and let's chat.
Let's start living lifewholeheartedly together.
Until next time, my friendsnamaste.
So living wholeheartedly is about embracing life with
openness, vulnerability and adeep sense of authenticity.
It's about showing up fully inevery moment, being true to
ourselves and engaging with theworld from a place of love and
courage.
But, like many things, thereare a lot of misconceptions
(00:21):
about what it means to livewholeheartedly.
So let's dive into a few ofthose.
First, because we all have ourdoubts, right.
We're like okay, I want to bemy true self, I want to show up,
I want to live from a place ofwholeheartedness, but you're
talking about vulnerability andI don't like all of that.
(00:41):
I don't want to put myself outthere.
Hey, there, I'm Makita, a smalltown girl with big dreams who
started a podcast with an oldheadset and a laptop at my
kitchen table and made my dreamscome true.
On my podcast, time for Tea withMakita, we chat about living
life unapologetically, on yourterms, from career advice,
(01:02):
entrepreneurship, relationshipsand everything in between.
This is your one-stop shop forreal conversations and
inspiration.
If you're looking forconnection, then you found it
here.
Join me every Tuesday as wedive into those sometimes hard
to have conversations.
So grab your cup of tea orcoffee and get comfy, because
(01:25):
this is time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot.
Ever feel like you need asuperpower, boost of motivation
with exclusive tips and toolswith your goals in mind?
Well, say hello to your newinspiration hotspot the Tuesday
Tea Newsletter, your weeklyinfusion of big thinking energy
that will propel you to chaseyour wildest dreams and never
(01:45):
shy away from using the power ofyour voice.
Sign up for the Tuesday Teanewsletter today at
beautifullyunbalancedcom andelevate your goals to the next
level.
Welcome back, it is time for teaand I'm your host, makita.
I know it's been a minute andI've missed all of you so much.
I am thrilled to be back withpart two of the Letting Go
(02:06):
series for more soul-soothingconversations and tea-sipping
wisdom.
If you're new or you've beenwith me for a while on this
journey, thank you so much forsharing your time, your space
and your amazing energy with metoday.
All right, you guys?
So let's catch up.
All right, because, if youhaven't noticed that, I've been
(02:27):
taking quite a bit of a break,and I'm very happy because life
has been a whirlwind.
It's been filled with highs andlows for all of us and
everything in between.
Now, during this time, I'vebeen doing a lot of reflecting,
a lot of resetting andrecharging and reimagining what
this space means for all of us.
(02:50):
Now, today, I want to share abit about what's been going on
and why I decided to take a stepback.
As some of you know, I've beenon a personal journey.
I've had some loss and I amrediscovering myself and finding
calm in this storm of life andredefining what it means to live
a beautifully unbalanced lifewholeheartedly.
(03:11):
Now.
This break has been crucial forme to practice what I preach,
to slow down, to breathe andtruly find my center, and I
encourage each and every one ofyou to do this too.
At times in your life when youfeel like things are feeling a
little chaotic and you just needa breather, remember it's
(03:33):
always okay to give yourselfpermission to hit that pause
button and reset and recharge inwhatever way feels right for
you whatever way feels right foryou.
Now we're going to circle backaround to that and dive a little
deeper into that when we getstarted on today's conversation,
but first I have some excitingupdates for you.
(03:54):
So, moving forward, time forTea with Makeda will be
releasing new episodes everyother week versus weekly Now.
This is a big change, but it'sall about maintaining quality
and balance.
Now, I don't truly believe inthis idea of perfect balance,
but I do believe that we allhave a sweet, unbalanced life
(04:17):
that works best for us, and Itruly want each episode to be a
little gem of inspiration,filled with insights and stories
that truly resonate with youand inspire you and help you
take it to the next level.
Now, this schedule of releasingepisodes every other week will
allow me to dive deeper intothese topics and ensure that I'm
(04:38):
bringing you the best contentpossible.
Now let's dive into today'sepisode.
Okay, because this is what I'mtalking about.
We're talking about livingwholeheartedly.
What does it mean versus whatwe think it means, and how we
can truly lean into this way ofliving.
Now, if you don't know, when Istarted this year out, my power
(05:03):
word was letting go, because Ifeel like sometimes we have
these invisible chains and everytime, sometimes we go to take a
step forward, we have theselittle things in our mind.
That's like telling us, littlethings that hold us back right.
We all have them, theseself-conscious thoughts.
(05:24):
We can call them gremlins, wecan call them all sorts of
things, but whatever works foryou, but these are things that
every time, we feel like we aremaking a move forward, they stop
us.
And when I was coming up withmy power word, I was like you
know what I'm tired of lettingnegativity or thoughts that are
(05:49):
not even mine move into a spacewhere I'm like, okay, I accept
the fear, but I'm going to do itanyway.
(06:10):
And there are moments in ourlife that we do accept fear.
We're like you know what I'mnervous, I'm scared, but
whatever, I'm going all in.
But we want to sometimes havethat longevity right.
We want to live fearless thewhole time and for me that means
living wholeheartedly, beingopen.
So I want to dive into thatidea of living a wholehearted
(06:36):
life and I want you to thinkabout, as you're listening to
this episode, what would thatlook like for you?
How would it feel to thinkabout, as you're listening to
this episode, what would thatlook like for you?
How would it feel and whatwould you need to do to fully
embrace a life of livingwholeheartedly, of letting go
(06:58):
and being open to thepossibility?
So living wholeheartedly isabout embracing life with
openness, vulnerability and adeep sense of authenticity.
It's about showing up fully inevery moment, being true to
ourselves and engaging with theworld from a place of love and
courage.
But, like many things, there area lot of misconceptions about
(07:21):
what it means to livewholeheartedly.
So let's dive into a few ofthose first, because we all have
our doubts right.
We're like, okay, I want to bemy true self, I want to show up,
I want to live from a place ofwholeheartedness, but you're
talking about vulnerability andI don't like all of that.
(07:41):
I don't want to put myself outthere.
No one truly wants to putthemselves out there.
But in order for us to be open,in order for us to have
connections, we have to putourselves out there.
It's part of life and we arehardwired for connection.
So one of the myths andmisconceptions that I've learned
(08:02):
while on this break is thatliving wholeheartedly is not
about being perfect.
A lot of people believe thatyou have to have all your shit
figured out Like.
You have to have it together.
You have to present thisperfect outside appearance of
being the perfect person thatcan do it all and not have flaws
(08:24):
, and it has to look really goodand you have to show up and you
have to do all these things.
But the truth is no one isperfect.
We're all flawed.
No one has it all together.
If you ever peek behind thecurtain, you will see just like
in the Wizard of Oz there'salways someone else right.
Everything's great, as long asyou don't look behind.
(08:45):
Don't look behind the curtain,because once you do, once you
see everything that's wrong withme.
We think people are going torun the other way.
They're going to be like thisis messy, nevermind.
I thought you were perfect, letme go somewhere else.
But it's not about beingperfect.
That couldn't be further fromthe truth.
(09:06):
Living wholeheartedly is aboutembracing our imperfections and
showing up as we are flaws andall.
One of the things that draws meto people when I meet them is
when they show up and they'relike dropping F-bombs, being
themselves and just saying youknow what?
My life's a mess, I don't haveit all together, but guess what?
I'm here.
Those people are the peoplethat are my people, because I
(09:29):
know what it means and what itfeels like to not have it all
together and be okay.
You know, sometimes we thinkthat we take on the persona that
people are expecting us to haveall the answers, but the truth
is we want to have all theanswers.
But the truth is we want tohave all the answers and we want
to appear that way.
So we're putting on that mantle, that cape.
People just want us to show upand just listen and be there.
(09:52):
They don't want us to have itall figured out.
They're still trying to figureit out.
They're not looking forperfection, but we have this
idea of what we're supposed tobe and who we're supposed to be
and who we're supposed to be.
So we're always trying to showup as that person instead of
just saying this is me, this isit and I'm okay with it.
(10:12):
So, as you move into this nextphase of your life, try to show
up as you, let other people seethat you don't necessarily have
it all together, and when you dothat, you will realize that
there's so many people in yourcorner that are ready and
waiting to be there for you.
Now, another misconception thatI had to come to terms with is
(10:37):
wholehearted living is alwaysjoyful, I know, like always
joyful, really, keita.
Wow, you know, wholeheartedliving does bring a deep sense
of fulfillment and joy.
It means experiencing the fullrange of emotions, so it's about
being open to both the highsand the lows and finding beauty
(10:57):
in it all.
So, yes, there is always joy,because when we embrace that
there's going to be good, thatthere's going to be bad, but we
can find the joy of showing upif we can just open ourselves up
to all the emotions that comewith being human being, a person
.
A lot of the times we onlyrecognize three emotions and
(11:19):
those are mad, sad and happy.
Outside of that, a lot of usdon't even want to dig into the
rest of the emotions the anxiety, the stress, the heartache, the
fear.
We just want to blow thosethings away and we only focus on
those three.
But how can we communicatefully with all the things that
(11:40):
we're feeling if we don'trecognize all the other emotions
that go along with it?
There's such joy in feeling asense of fulfillment, of
contentment, that I never oncerecognized until I was in that
emotion.
We were on a vacation and Ijust felt, my heart felt full, I
(12:02):
felt content, I felt so happyin this moment.
And she would just recognizelike I use so many different
words to use to say joy,happiness, because I felt all of
those things.
And a lot of times we feel morethan one emotion at one time.
We can feel embarrassment, wecan feel resentment, like.
All of those are emotions, butyet we only truly recognize the
(12:25):
three.
So there is joy inunderstanding everything that we
feel, because in that way wecan communicate how we're
feeling to the people that needto know it the most.
All right, the nextmisconception is you have to do
it alone.
No one does anything alone.
(12:46):
I don't care what they say.
You cannot be in this space, inthis place, in this world alone
.
It is a lonely, dark place thatno one wants to be in alone.
It's not a solo journey.
Like I said before, we arehardwired for connection, so
(13:09):
this involves building real,meaningful connections, seeking
support and growing alongsideothers.
It's about building communityand having shared experiences.
We connect in so many differentways, but we have to recognize
that you need someone in yourcorner, you need someone there
(13:33):
to be with you on the journey,and that's why I love what I do,
because you guys are with me onthe journey.
We're doing this thing together.
There is such a sense ofcommunity and there's so many
shared experiences, wherethere's so many moments where
you're like, oh my gosh, I knowwhat you mean.
I may not have had that sameexperience, but I recognize the
(13:56):
emotion that goes into feelingthat way, and that's part of
having a shared experience withsomeone.
We don't always have to gothrough the same thing, but we
know what it feels like to berejected.
We know what it feels like tofeel loved, to find that one
person that means everything tous.
We know what it feels like tofeel alone, to be alone, and we
(14:22):
know what it feels like having acommunity and people in our
corner.
So that's what I mean when Isay you don't have to do it
alone.
It's not about being alone.
Living wholeheartedly is aboutexperiencing everything and
having the courage to do it, andnot saying this is too much.
(14:45):
I'm afraid I'm going to go backhere because I don't want to
feel it.
We're going to feel it, we'regoing to lean into it, we're
going to let ourselves be pulledand stretched into our purpose
and what it means to livewholeheartedly, to live with our
heart, to lead with thestrength of knowing who we are
and what we're built for,because you're built for so much
(15:07):
more.
So, as I said earlier, we haveto lean into living
wholeheartedly.
But what would that even looklike for you?
What would that even mean foryou?
And it may look different foreach of us right, because we're
all different, we all havedifferent experiences, we all
have different backgrounds.
So we're talking about leaninginto.
(15:29):
The discomfort of just sittingin the moment and reflecting on
these emotions is what I mean,because the one thing I learned
is recognizing these emotions.
Understanding them is one thing, but if I reflect and really
give thought to okay, why do Ifeel this way?
(15:50):
Are these truly my thoughts oris this a story?
I'm telling myself what'sreally happening in this moment.
And it doesn't also mean thatyou have to have an answer right
away.
You're not.
You know, you don't have tofigure it out right now.
It's about saying, okay, Idon't have the answer right now,
or this is really uncomfortable.
(16:10):
I think I'm going to take arest and I'll come back to this.
I'm not going to forget it, butmy mind needs to rest so I can
really have some time toreexamine what's really
happening, what's going on, andthat's leaning into it, just
recognizing that something'shappening and then reflecting on
(16:30):
it and then coming to termswith it.
So here are some tips for youas you lean into what that would
mean for you.
The first thing is to embracethe vulnerability.
It's going to be scary, it'sgoing to be messy, it's going to
feel really heavy at times, butit's the key to living
(16:52):
wholeheartedly.
So allow yourself to be seen,to share your true feelings, and
don't be afraid to ask for help.
As I was reading Darren Gritley, one of the quotes said
vulnerability is not winning orlosing, it's having the courage
to show up and be seen when wehave no control over the outcome
(17:14):
.
And I think that's the scariestthing ever is not having
control of the outcome.
I like to control everything.
I like to know what's going tohappen.
So when I'm sitting in asituation and I'm like, oh my
gosh, am I going to be rejectedhere?
Is this a safe space for me?
I don't know, but I'm going togo in here and I'm just going to
(17:34):
show up as me, and it feelslike, you know, this isn't my
space, then that's okay.
I went in, I gave it my all, Ishowed up and I will find my
space.
I will find my place, I willfind my group of people, my
tribe, where I'm supposed to beat.
But if I never show up, I neverknow.
(17:56):
And the same for you If younever show up, you'll never know
.
All right, the next thing youcan do is to practice
self-compassion.
So treat yourself with the samekindness and understanding that
you would offer to a friend, toyour kids, to all the people
that you love.
So acknowledge your strugglesand mistakes without judgment.
(18:18):
And I know this is hard,because sometimes we may not say
out loud our thoughts, but inour head we're saying some crazy
stuff and we say stuff toourselves that we would never
say to the people that we careabout.
Say out loud our thoughts, butin our head we're seeing some
crazy stuff and we say stuff toourselves that we would never
say to the people that we careabout.
There's an author, christinaNiff.
She is a pioneer inself-compassion research and she
(18:47):
really emphasizes thatself-compassion involves
self-kindness, common humanityand mindfulness.
And I don't think I can stressthat more Like self-kindness,
being kind to yourself, havingcommon humanity for yourself and
mindfulness.
Because if you don't have thisstuff for yourself, how do you
have this stuff for other people?
How are you pouring back intoyourself if you are too busy
(19:10):
pouring all of this stuff intosomeone else?
So it's about recognizing thatwe are all imperfect and that's
okay.
But we're going to love onourselves a little bit more.
We're going to be kind toourselves.
We're going to spoil ourselves,and we're going to be okay with
that, because we all need to bespoiled and pampered sometimes.
(19:30):
Now, in Kristin Neff's bookSelf-Compassion, she says that
the proven power of being kindto yourself is a great resource
for learning how to cultivateself-compassion in your daily
life, and I truly agree.
All right, our next tip and howto lean wholeheartedly into what
(19:53):
it means to live and show up asourselves is cultivate
gratitude, and I know you'relike man if someone says
gratitude one more time, but I'mserious, though.
Gratitude really shifts ourfocus from what's lacking to
what's abundant in our lives.
If you just go outside everyday and just sit in nature,
(20:16):
think about all the thingsyou're thankful for and they
don't have to be you know hugemoments.
It's about appreciating thesmall moments and recognizing
the good, even in difficulttimes, and I know that sometimes
life gets really hard.
We lose people that we love,and it's hard to think about how
(20:36):
we can show up and be gratefulwhen we're dealing with such
loss, such heaviness, suchburdens in life.
But when you think about thelittle things and I'm a huge
believer in the glasses halffull and I'm always saying you
know like things could be worse.
Everything could be worse and Iknow sometimes when we're in it
(21:01):
it is the worst thing thatcould happen.
But just recognizing that,that's how you feel in that
moment, is okay.
That's self-compassion, that'show we love on ourselves, is
recognizing it and saying, atthis moment this is the worst
thing that could happen and I amhaving a hard time dealing with
(21:24):
it.
And then it's that nextcomponent to say I don't have to
do it alone, I can get help,whether that's talking to a
friend, whether that's gettingprofessional help, whether
that's journaling, it's whateverfeels right for you and that
helps you move through.
(21:45):
So I love journaling.
I think it's a great way toreflect.
It's a great way to practicegratitude.
You can start slow with justwriting down three things each
day that you're grateful for.
It could be small things.
I got up today, I went outsidetoday, I got in touch with an
(22:07):
old friend and had a greatconversation today, I got my
favorite coffee, I got to workon time today Anything that
makes you grateful and thatshows you how far you've come in
your journey.
That's what it's about.
If you do these small littlethings each day, embrace the
(22:30):
vulnerability, practice theself-compassion, cultivate the
gratitude.
You will watch how ittransforms your perspective on
life and then you will redefinewhat it means to live
wholeheartedly for yourself,because I feel like we all have
our own definition of what thatmeans, but we can't do it
(22:52):
without acknowledging ourfeelings, our fears, our
emotions, our needs, our love.
So you should check out RobertEmmons' book called Thanks how
Practicing Gratitude Can Makeyou Happier.
(23:14):
It has some amazing insights onthe science behind gratitude
and practical ways toincorporate this into your life.
I just want you to rememberliving wholeheartedly is a
journey.
It's not a destination.
I am still on this journey.
I'm still learning and I feellike each decade that I go
(23:34):
through in life I learn a littlebit more.
You know, as I lean deeper intomy purpose, as I explore all
the possibilities, I understandit's about making conscious
choice each and every day toshow up fully, to embrace
everything about who I am, tohave self-compassion, to show up
(23:57):
to be me.
All right, you guys, we're goingto wrap this amazing episode up
, okay, but I want to leave youwith a quote by Reneene Brown.
She says wholehearted living isabout engaging in our lives
from a place of worthiness.
It means cultivating thecourage, compassion and
(24:17):
connection to wake up in themorning and think no matter what
gets done and how much is leftundone, I am enough.
All right, you guys, that isall the tea that I have to spill
today, but I just want to thankyou so much for being here with
me on this amazing journey.
(24:38):
Now, don't forget to leave areview.
Find me on social atmakitasmith underscore.
Let me know what you think.
You can also email me there's alink below and let's chat.
Let's start living lifewholeheartedly together.
Until next time, my friendsnamaste.
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