November 5, 2024 • 42 mins
In this powerful episode, I’m joined by Samantha, a life coach and mom, who shares her story of resilience as she overcame trauma and broke free from generational cycles of abuse. Together, we dive into the "messy middle" of personal transformation, discussing the challenges and rewards of self-discovery, setting boundaries, and finding peace.
Show Notes:
- Samantha’s journey: overcoming trauma, breaking generational patterns, and setting boundaries
- The "messy middle": navigating transformation with resilience and self-awareness
- Embracing self-discovery in your thirties and moving past the uncertainties of the twenties
- The role of therapy and self-reflection in understanding emotions and building resilience
- Balancing the demands of being a primary parent while prioritizing self-worth
- Tips on integrating wellness practices: exercise, meditation, and nutrition
- Vision boards and the power of small steps toward personal growth
- Modeling wellness for future generations and fostering a balanced, fulfilling lifestyle
#selfdevelopment #Wellness
#thym4teawithmikita #manifest #purposefulliving #liveunapplogectically #freedom #podcast #womeninpodcast #podcastlife #empoweringwomen
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I needed to kind of separate myself from the crazy
chaotic life that I was livingand educate myself more so that
I could have a peaceful one.
And I think that my spiritualawakening really kind of started
with me realizing that I wasdirecting my son in similar ways
, that I was raised, and beingable to acknowledge that and
(00:22):
like waking up one day andsaying I made a couple of
mistakes here.
But one thing I do know is I'mnot going to let history repeat
itself.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Hey there, I'm Makita , a small town girl with big
dreams who started a podcastwith an old headset and a laptop
at my kitchen table and made mydreams come true.
On my podcast, time for Teawith Makita, we chat about
living life unapologetically, onyour terms, from career advice,
entrepreneurship, relationshipsand everything in between.
(00:54):
This is your one-stop shop forreal conversations and
inspiration.
If you're looking forconnection, then you found it
here.
Join me every Tuesday as wedive into those sometimes hard
to have conversations.
So grab your cup of tea orcoffee and get comfy, because
this is time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot.
(01:16):
Ever feel like you need asuperpower boost of motivation
with exclusive tips and toolswith your goals in mind?
Well, say hello to your newinspiration hotspot the Tuesday
Tea Newsletter, your weeklyinfusion of big thinking energy
that'll propel you to chase yourwildest dreams and never shy
away from using the power ofyour voice.
Sign up for the Tuesday TeaNewsletter today at
(01:38):
beautifullyunbalancedcom andelevate your goals to the next
level.
Welcome back.
It is definitely time for sometea.
I am Makita.
I just want to thank you somuch for sharing your time, your
space and, of course, youramazing energy with me today.
I am super excited, you guys,as I always am, when I have an
amazing guest.
(01:58):
In today's episode, I am goingto introduce Samantha.
She is a life coach, personaltrainer, whose journey through
personal traumas has led her toprofound life transformation.
And as someone who has embracedtheir own spiritual awakening,
I understand that Samantha'sstory is a testament to the
power of self-discovery andresilience.
(02:19):
In her words, transformation isnot just about changing your
life.
It's about changing yournarrative about life.
So join me as I welcomeSamantha to the podcast, am
(02:47):
really excited about not justyou sharing your journey, but
sharing tips and just havingthis real raw conversation,
because sometimes we don't talkabout the journey itself.
You know, we see people beforethey, you know, get on their
journey, but we never see themessy middle.
We then we see thetransformation and we're like,
oh, they're so lucky.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, I agree.
So that's why I was so excitedto actually come on the podcast
with you and have thisconversation, because when you
first contacted me, we had likeour consultation.
Um, that was something hugethat stuck out to me and why I
kind of wanted to work with you.
Because the most important partfor me is people seeing the
middle of the start of thattransformation to the end.
Because, like you said, peoplethink that you know they see you
(03:28):
one day and you're a certainway, and then they see you a
year later and you're like this,like amazing person.
You're so transformed and peoplethink to themselves I would
never be able to do that, or howdid she do that?
Or, and they don't understandlike the work that went into the
in-between and how many daysthat I have to pick myself off
at the floor and I wipe my owntears and ask God for help and
(03:50):
strength to carry on and justit's a struggle and you know I
tell people all the time youknow that you can do this,
you're so strong, but it's likereally taking a look at myself
at the end of the day and reallydoing the same thing for myself
, but people don't see that, sothey're not with you every day.
They're not with you day andnight, so they don't understand
the amount of work that actuallygoes into the transformation.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, and I think sometimes when people hear the
word strong, they think thatmeans they have to endure
everything and everything'salways gonna be tough.
And they don't see that strongdoesn't necessarily mean you
have to self-sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
You know there's a lot of resilience in being
strong and I think too, like wehad talked about, is one of
those things is trauma.
So right, like I do that, likeI'm constantly self-sacrificing
and I'm constantly, I will anddefinitely like in the beginning
(04:52):
, I'm willing to cross my ownboundaries to appease other
people, because that's a traumaresponse.
That's something that, like I'mjust now learning as an adult
is to set boundaries, to holdthem, to keep them, because I'm
worth it and because I have toset standards for myself in
order to maintain thistransformational journey that I
put myself on.
And I wouldn't be able tocontinue on with that if I
didn't set boundaries.
I would fall right back intothe same patterns, I would fall
(05:12):
right back into the same habitsand I would continue to allow
people to treat me ways that Idon't deserve to be treated.
So it's huge.
You have to understand thatyou're worth so much more than
that and that sacrificingyourself will never help you to
continue on a transformationaljourney.
You'll fall right back into thesame patterns and the same
(05:33):
habits, and people won'tunderstand how they're supposed
to treat you.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I'm glad that you brung up the trauma.
So let's take people back to alittle bit the beginning of your
journey.
Let's share a little backgroundstory so they know a little bit
about your journey and your ownawakening and transformation.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah, so I try to keep it super brief, but I so I
was raised in a very, very roughenvironment.
I filled with a lot of abusethat trickled down from
generation.
So like I don't and I thinkpart of the transformation is
forgiveness and likeunderstanding.
So I don't put blame on any oneperson or any situation.
It really just kind of is whatit is.
But my family, from generations, comes from a long line of
(06:19):
abuse and that unfortunatelytook place for me and my
siblings and we carried thatwith us throughout our childhood
, our adolescence and intoadulthood.
And I didn't know why I reactedto things the way that I did.
I didn't know why I had anxietyor why I was like such a
nervous wreck all the time and Iwasn't able to really handle
(06:40):
things in the best ways all thetime because I was never taught
coping skills.
So a lot of times like I wouldjust hide, I would isolate, I
would cry, I didn't reallyunderstand my emotions, I didn't
understand the differencebetween being afraid or being
angry, or being overwhelmed andfrustrated, and I also didn't
(07:01):
know to ask for help, becausepart of our traumas is that I
did ask for help.
As a kid I asked for help a lotand I didn't get it.
So after a certain period oftime, you stop doing that and
you just revert inward andduring my transformation and my
awakening, I realized that I wasasking the wrong people and
(07:22):
that the people that I wasasking for help couldn't help me
because they didn't understandand they didn't even understand
enough to know what I just saidto you.
So it's like if someone came tome today and said I need help
with this, this and that and Iknew that those were areas that
I couldn't help with them with Iwould, at the very least, help
them with resources.
(07:42):
Like you know what?
I'm not a medical provider, I'mnot a doctor, but I can help
you contact your insurancecompany and I can help you get a
healthcare provider Somethingalong those lines, pointing them
in the right directions.
The people that I was askingfor help didn't even have the
education to do that.
So as an adult, I realized thatI was struggling a lot and that
(08:04):
I didn't have to be.
My life was super hard andsuper chaotic and it was
affecting my own personal life,and that's what made me have a
change was that I had a son ofmy own and I had a family that I
was raising and it wasn't goingwell.
But I knew that I was a superstrong person and that I could
figure it out, but that I neededa break.
I needed to kind of separatemyself from the crazy chaotic
(08:27):
life that I was living andeducate myself more so that I
could have a peaceful one.
And I think that my spiritualawakening really kind of started
with me realizing that I wasdirecting my son in similar ways
, that I was raised, and beingable to acknowledge that and
(08:49):
like waking up one day andsaying I made a couple of
mistakes here, but one thing Ido know is I'm not going to let
history repeat itself.
So I started finding the rightpeople to help me and realizing
that the people that I wasreverting to in the past weren't
the right people that I shouldhave been asking for help.
So I started going to therapy,I started reaching out to my
doctor, I started contactingother people in my life and
(09:13):
utilizing resources that I hadto point me in different
directions, and it started towork.
Things started to fall intoplace.
I got help from my son.
I reached out to his dad andhis family and made sure that
they were involved and I went.
I started going to therapy.
I started like askingprofessionals for help and it
changed my life Talking aboutthings and having people explain
(09:38):
to me why I am the way I am andwhy I do the things that I do
and how I can change it, andthen explaining to you, too,
that you're on a path that canbe redirected at any point in
time, whenever you choose.
I think that that's somethingthat a lot of us don't
understand is, like, our choicesright, because this is
something that I'm stilllearning right now is that I
(09:59):
have so many more choices than Ithink that I do, because you
think like, oh well, I'm on thispath, I have to continue down
this path.
I already started here.
No, at any point in time, I canjump off this path and jump
right into the ocean and I'm ona new path and guess what?
This is what it is now and likethat's my journey.
If I want my journey to have 17different paths and sometimes
you have to do that right, sothat you can find out, like,
what it is that you really loveand wherever it is that you
(10:22):
really want to be.
And I think it's pretty coolbecause I like life experiences.
So like people will say, ohwell, you were on this path for
so long and you were doing sogreat.
And I'm like yeah, well, I gotbored with that.
So I went down this way now and, as far as I'm concerned, like
I'm just experiencing all thesethings Like I don't, I don't
really care about like longevityof a lot of things if I'm not
happy doing it.
And I think that's a beautifulpart too, about like growing up
(10:46):
and like being mature, because Iknow a lot of people are like
well, you know, I loved it.
I had so much fun Like in mytwenties I didn't.
I think my thirties have beenthe best years of my life.
I've learned so much Like I'mjust like so much more carefree
and I don't know, just willingto just like be myself and like
and just like not care aboutwhat other people have to say
and really just like find thingsthat I like to do and things
(11:09):
that I love so much.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I'm glad that you brung up like being in your
happiest zone at an age that yougot to know yourself, because,
even though I look back on somecertain areas, like of my
twenties yeah, there were somefun moments, but I didn't know
who I was.
I was so lost.
I feel like I wasted so muchtime.
(11:32):
And you're right, we take allthese generational traumas with
us into every situation and theygo into our work situations.
And it was amazing because I'mreading this book called
Emotional Detox Seven Steps toCleanse.
Yeah, and it's such a good bookbecause it's really making me
look inward instead of outwardat other people's what I'm
(11:54):
thinking.
People are thinking I overthinkand analyze everything, so
really getting out of my headand then just focusing on me and
not worrying about what thisperson is thinking or feeling,
as long as I understand what I'mthinking and feeling.
And it was funny because I wasin a situation where I was
trying to do it all, because Iwas used to having to find the
(12:16):
solution, be the one who figuredit out all the time that I
never asked for help, because Ican do it, I can do it myself, I
can do it, and I don't know whoto turn to.
So I'm just going to work itout and figure it out.
And it was so funny when youtalked about therapy, because I
was like I went to therapy andmy first day I just got in there
and I was just blabbing andtalking and I was like I don't
(12:38):
know if this is nervous energy,if I'm just saying this, but I
get in my car and I talk tomyself just like this.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
You talk to yourself in your car too.
Yeah, I love that so much.
I love that for us.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yes, I even picture myself sometimes like accepting
awards and like I have thiswhole speech, I do it all the
time, yeah, no shame, yeah.
But it was so amazing.
And for her to tell me like youknow, um, that's how you cope,
this is how you deal with thingslike and just having this whole
(13:13):
discovery, because therapywasn't about just getting over
the trauma.
It was about understanding whoI am and how I process my
emotions and where I get some ofthese thoughts from, and to
recognize the patterns beforethey start triggering and
getting things out of control.
I'm interested in what was thepivotal moment for you when you
(13:36):
were like I got to make a changeand I know you mentioned
something about noticing yourson and you were heading toward
the same thing.
Was it one specific thing orwas it like a just multiple
things?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So it was multiple things, but my biggest, the
biggest part of it, was my like,being overstimulated because,
like you had just said, I, myentire life I lived in survival
mode and, like I, I didn'treally have anyone to help me
and, like the people that werearound me that I did ask for
help would, either I would bringthem a problem and I would say,
like I need, I need help withthis, and they would bring me
(14:12):
back another problem and I wouldleave and I would have two
problems and then I would fight,fight, fight, fight, dig myself
out of this hole and findmyself with another problem.
Right Cause, that's just likelife, like we're constantly
evolving, we're going to runinto things.
That's just kind of what it is,but at no point was I ever able
to take the time to smooththings out and create a process
(14:34):
for my problems.
How am I going to get from A toZ and have this make sense
without killing myself?
I'm just now doing that for thefirst time, at 33, because my
entire life was survival mode,um, and I was constantly
overstimulated.
So with my son, I was alonewith him, so I was, I was, he
(14:57):
has a dad and his dad isinvolved.
But I was very much like theprimary parent and I.
I grew up in a very toxicenvironment, um, and I realized
that the way that I was raisingmy son was not going to benefit
him in the future.
If anything I was, I was doinga little bit of enabling and
(15:20):
kind of sheltering him, becausethe only way that I knew that I
could keep him safe was to keephim close was to keep him next
to me was so that I could seehim.
If I could see him, nobody elsecould hurt him.
But that's not the way that itworks and if anything, I was
doing him an injustice and hisdad just being like a masculine
just period.
(15:40):
He doesn't have that sameperiod, he doesn't have that
same anxiety that I have.
And I knew that he would beable to help if I could get him
to really understand that thingsweren't going well here and
that I knew why.
But I needed time to myself sothat I could fix it.
Then he would be more on board.
But the pivotal moment for mewas waking up every day in
(16:05):
constant fear that something wasgoing to happen to my son, that
I wasn't going to be able tocontrol the situation that I
wasn't going to be able toprotect him and then keeping him
inside because of it.
It's not right.
I enjoy life experiences.
That's how I learn things.
That's how I've learned thingsmy entire life is.
I go out and I find resourcesand I have experiences and I
either like it or I don't.
And I don't and I wasn't givinghim the option to do that
(16:29):
because I was so fearful thatsomething was going to happen
and that I was the only oneresponsible and I didn't know
yet how to set really strongboundaries and allow him
independence.
And I was hurt a lot as a kid myentire childhood.
I was hurt a lot, a real lot,like my entire childhood.
Like I was hurt a lot, like areal lot.
And, of course, those traumasright.
So, like, every time he goesoutside, I'm racing my mind's,
(16:53):
racing the entire time, like,okay, like you know, these
things happen to me.
So like, maybe it might not bethe exactly the same, but then
these things could happen to himand I would allow him to like
go out and like hang out withhis friends.
But from the time that he leftthe house until the time that he
got back into the house, Iwould be spiraling the entire
time and he would be having ablast.
He's having a ton of fun, likehe's like can't wait to get away
(17:15):
from me.
He's like out there just like,doing whatever he wants, and
like I'm at the house crying onthe couch, scared to death,
thinking that like he's in theback of somebody's truck, and
like those.
But that was my trauma, um, andthat's when I knew like I
definitely needed help, like Ineeded I needed somebody to like
walk me through the thoughtsthat I was having and like these
(17:36):
like fears that I wasprojecting onto everyone.
Um, but you don't know thatthat's happening, right, like,
especially when, like no one'slike explaining it to you and
like the only thing you know isyou have a job to do.
And that's how I kind of lookat everything is like I have a
job to do, like this is myresponsibility.
If my name is attached to this,I'm responsible for it.
Like I'm a very accountableperson, I like to hold myself
(17:58):
accountable for things and itmeans a lot to me.
Um, so really, it was likelooking at it like a job, like
my job is to keep him safe, myjob is to protect him at all
times, and I can't do that if Ican't see him.
Now that I understand what Iunderstand, I can do that
because if I teach himeverything I know and I teach
(18:19):
him everything I learned, that'sa new form of protection.
Um, and my therapist.
I'm not supposed to talk aboutthe past, but God, I wish if I
had known what I know now, then,like, I would have been
protecting him the entire time,you know, using my words
differently, making sure that hewas super educated and that he
understood situations so thatwhen he was outside he could
protect himself.
(18:40):
But I was never taught toprotect myself, so I didn't know
to teach him that.
But I think that we all learnthings when we're supposed to,
and I think that there's areason that, um, I had to
struggle through life a littlebit and then I had to learn the
things that I learned, the waythat I learned them, because if
I didn't, I wouldn't be able toteach it to other people and I
wouldn't be able to have thesevulnerable conversations and say
(19:03):
that I went through a lot ofstuff and it was because I
wasn't educated enough to knowbetter, so that other people
don't feel shamed and they don'tfeel embarrassed about it.
Like people will say like, oh myGod, I can't believe you said
that Really.
Well, guess what?
I didn't know and I'm like Idon't care, like I think that
it's important, like otherpeople need to know that, that
know that like they're notthey're not alone.
(19:23):
And like they're not they'renot alone and like sometimes
we're not raised in the best ofenvironments, we're not raised
with super educated parents thatknow to teach us like
self-respect and respect andprotection, and maybe they don't
know enough to teach you that,but it's out there and you can
find it.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, I think me and my siblings had that same
conversation not too long agoand we was just like just being
at a point that we're gratefulfor what you know our parents
could teach us, butunderstanding that they couldn't
teach us what they don't know.
And when someone else has theirown trauma that they've never
healed from, they can't help youheal or see the trauma
(20:00):
themselves if they've neverfaced it.
Some people just don't want toface the trauma and when you
actually come to them especiallyif it's generational in the
family when you come to themwith the problem, they don't
want to look in at themselves.
It's hard to look at yourselffor something that you have
pushed out of your mind and justdon't want to recognize.
And now have someone in yourface and saying, hey, our family
(20:24):
has a problem, we need toconfront this, we have to deal
with it so the next generationis not cursed by it.
And you just having the courageto say and I think as parents
we always are scared, Like Imean, when my kids were young,
like I was we moved toCalifornia and it was like a
child abduction oh my gosh, itwas several times a day.
Production oh my gosh, it wasseveral times a day like Amber
(20:46):
Alerts, and I was just like, andthen my mom called and she said
and my mom is always a littleparanoid and she said I was
telling her how we walked to thelibrary every day.
And she said, well, you mightwant to change up your time.
Someone could be watching.
Never thought about it before,didn't leave the house for two
weeks because I was like couldsomeone be watching?
Like I don't know, I'm, you know, my husband's at work.
(21:09):
I am with a four-year-old and asix-month-old baby.
Like what am I going to do?
Could I fight?
Do I have?
I don't have anything.
Like I'm going to beat him witha bottle, like I don't know.
So it was just like that momentand don't know so.
It was just like that moment.
And in her defense she was justtrying to, like, make sure that
(21:34):
I was cautious.
But the way she said it made melike it terrified me, like it
scared me, because you have somuch happening, um, so it was
crazy.
But I understand thatovercoming, you know, personal
child, um, personal traumas canhelp shape your approach to
health and wellness too.
So how has that shaped yourapproach when it comes to your
coaching and how you approachyour health?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
It gives me more understanding of people.
I've never been a judgmentalperson anyway.
I truly believe that people arewho they are and like I'll
accept them for whoever.
Like it doesn't matter to me aslong as they're happy.
Like I just have like a strongbelief in like other people's
success and other people justlike being happy however they
see fit.
But it gives you a betterunderstanding of like somebody
(22:21):
coming to you and being superfrazzled and being able to say,
like you know what, I've seenthis before or I've been through
this.
So let's take a step back andlike look at the big picture,
somebody that's never exercisedbefore, because they were never
taught exercise Again.
Let's look at the big picture.
Like these are habits that youwere never taught, these are
things that you've never seenbefore.
(22:42):
So introducing things like in avery gentle way, but then also
pushing people and keeping themaccountable I think
accountability is one of mygreatest strengths and it's
something that I can teachpeople, regardless of where
they've come from, what theirbackground is, what their
expertise is.
Because holding yourselfaccountable is one of the best
(23:04):
things that you can do for yourentire life, because it's
something that you're going toneed forever and if you ever
need a self check-in, you don'tneed to look to anybody to
validate you.
You don't need to look toanybody to remind you like.
You have your littleaccountability checklist and it
saved my life, so I can onlyimagine that it can really do
the same thing for other peopleand I know everybody doesn't
(23:28):
take responsibility superserious, but it's like if you
can truly understand what itmeans to be accountable, truly
understand that you're notreaching your potential and
you're not getting to your goalsbecause you're not holding
yourself accountable, then itmight change your perspective on
what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I like the fact that you said accountable, because
you have to have some type ofaccountability, even if it's to
yourself.
You have to look in the mirrorand say you know, like am I
going to be accountable for myown actions?
Because that is a source ofresponsibility.
And when you talk about, youknow, health and wellness and
helping other people andwellness and helping other
(24:08):
people with, what I found outthrough my own journey is that
the more I've learned how totake care of my emotional needs,
I was it also transferred into,you know, movement and breath
exercises and just doing thingsthat made me take care of myself
in all different ways.
But it was more like of my, notjust my physical wellness, but
my spiritual self.
(24:28):
You know physical being likemental, like all of those things
encompass the whole person, andI found that to be like super,
super, like transformational.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah, it's beautiful when you can take care of your
mind, body and soul.
It's absolutely beautiful.
And then it helps you too tonot only just coach people, but
when you understand yourself,you understand situations that I
feel like a lot of people don'tunderstand.
Because you're so aware of mysurroundings sometimes that I've
(25:06):
noticed too that like I can'tbe around more than like six or
seven people at a time, like Iwouldn't do a coaching group of
more than 10 ever, because myattention is on all 10 people at
the same time, and like I thinkthat, like I'm so aware
sometimes that I now understand,like that was part of my
overstimulation is that I wasstretching myself far too thin.
(25:27):
And like being able to say thatlike I I'm an extrovert in
small groups and like really,like you said, like really
knowing myself and puttingmyself in the situations where I
belong and taking myself out ofthe situations that I don't um
and the second that I don't feelcomfortable I'm out of there.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, sometimes you just got to read the room and
recognize like, do like a bodyscan, like, am I clenching?
Is my stomach clenched, youknow?
Like you know, is my jawgetting tight?
Like, where do you hold yourmost tension in your body at?
When you recognize that incertain situations these things
happen, it's like okay, this isnot the best situation, this is
(26:08):
too much, I'm taking on a littlebit more than I should.
And you know there is a healthymedium that also gives you the
time, because you know you wantto be able to individualize and
help people.
So, yeah, and it's a lot ofemotions, like I think coaching
people like it's you take on alot of emotions because you're
(26:31):
meeting them where they're atand it looks different for each
person.
And I'm just curious in yourjourney, have you found that
there's like such thing asbalance between being the
physical training and thenurturing of the spiritual
growth?
Like, do you feel like there'sa holistic nature when it comes
(26:51):
to that aspect?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Absolutely, because when you do better, you feel
better.
So I would suggest that toeverybody.
I'll work out for the rest ofmy life.
It's changed my mentality like60 percent of it.
I would say maybe even 70, like70-30.
So 70 has been physical fitness, 30 a bit nutrition.
But that's because I find thatworking out and being able to
(27:22):
meditate while I run and movingmy body has done amazing things
for me.
It stimulates my mind at thesame time, because I like to do
more than one thing at a time.
So I can be on the treadmilland I'm manifesting, I'm running
, running, running, manifesting.
I'm down south running, I haveall my dogs, I got my chickens
in the yard, I'm planning, andthen I can bring that back to
(27:47):
other people and say you know,this is how this worked for me.
Hopefully it'll work for you.
And then just recently I, um, Itook a flexology course and I'm
starting to understand, like,what stretching can really do
for the body and how stretchingis absolutely amazing and it can
do so many more things thanjust stretch your muscles.
Stretching can help you, um,really like, stretch your brain
(28:10):
waves.
It can help you.
Stretch um with like when itcomes to, like, anxiety.
It can help you stretch.
Um, I mean, it can help youwith, like anxiety, like really
just being able to kind ofstretch and release.
So stretching yourself canrelease all types of stress.
It can help you release yourcortisone levels.
(28:32):
It can help you like realizebreath work, cause when you're
stretching you're typically likein a calm state.
So it's really like changed thegame for me.
So, between physical activityand stretching, moving my body,
letting out those endorphins,and really releasing a lot of
that tension and stress.
It lets on for new things, likeit lets you be open to new
(28:59):
possibilities and it gives youroom for growth, because when
you get rid of the old, then youmake room for the new.
And I think that that's themost important part, right, is
you can't continue to move on tothe phases of your life If
you're going to continue to holdon to everything that's old.
So it's like really releasingthat stuff and I've released
that through working out, Ireleased that through stretching
(29:20):
, I released that through havingthese conversations and really
just like talking about it,right, because it's like it's in
and it's out.
So it does.
It transforms you spiritually,it transforms you physically, it
transforms you mentally, andthen you can put it all together
.
So you're working out, you'rereleasing all those stresses,
(29:41):
you're getting rid of, you'rereally like de-stressing through
your stretching and yourphysical activity.
Then you're going home and nowyou're nourishing your body.
Well, so now it's like yourbrain is super happy, your body
is super happy, your soul isgoing to start to feel better
once you start sleeping betterand when they all interconnect
and they're all working as theunit, like you have this
(30:04):
perfectly oiled machine and nowyou can just continue to grow.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Yeah, I remember when I first started my own journey,
I think the biggest thing thatI started doing first was
sleeping, having making surethat I'm getting enough sleep so
that my body can reset,decompress, and in the next day
I could wake up and be preparedto get my mind in the right
(30:30):
state of you know, just reallyconnect with myself without all
of yesterday's thoughts andworries.
You know being the first thing,because when you don't get
enough sleep, you know the bodydoesn't reset like it's supposed
to.
So I'm just interested inunderstanding how do you guide
someone who's at the beginningof their own journey?
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah.
So I mean I would say somethingas simple as, like affirmations
.
So a lot of things that Irecommend are very simple and
don't even entail exercise atfirst.
Um so, light meditations.
So I started with reading abook it was um mind control by
Dr De Silva, and it's availableon audible and really he teaches
(31:10):
you how to how to just do fiveto 10 minute meditations and
then it's affirmation work.
So, like I am affirmations, Ihave affirmations, I love
affirmations, and a lot of it isreally just about loving
yourself first.
And then what does that looklike to you?
(31:32):
Like I, samantha, I, samanthaMazzola, love myself, and I love
myself because I'm a kind,gentle person.
I, samantha Mazzola, lovemyself because I know that I'm
worth it.
And then really just kind ofmanifesting what does a future
life look for you and how do yousee that, and just taking like
a solid 30 to 60 days to reallyjust do your affirmations, work
on light meditations, try to getinto really good sleeping
(31:53):
patterns, and then incorporatingall of the things and all of
the manifestations that youthought and that you considered
for yourself and then trying tomake a plan with it that you
considered for yourself and thentrying to make a plan with it.
And I think stability is hugebecause as long as you're stable
and you're in a stableenvironment, you should be able
(32:14):
to create all of those things.
So I think that sometimes wefind ourselves in super
stressful situations and then wetry to do our transformations
at the same time.
That can be a lot, so Iwouldn't suggest that to anybody
.
So, finding your stability andthen slowly working towards
those goals and slowly justincorporating, like I said, the
meditations, the affirmations,healthy sleeping patterns and
(32:37):
what does a healthy lifestylelook like for you?
And then, if you need help withthose visions, reaching out to
someone talking to a coach, likewhat are some different options
of a healthy lifestyle and howcan I kind of see myself fitting
into this and getting ideasfrom other people.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
You gave you dropped like so many good gems on just
helping people get started at astarting point.
Do you have any like what aboutpeople that feel stuck and
they're like I see you've doneit.
I understand you went through,you know, like all this trauma.
I get it, but I don't know,like if I could do it.
(33:14):
I'm so uncertain about my ownpath in life, like how do I get
unstuck?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
so I would say that's .
There's so many different waysthat you could really start, but
I'm just the simplest.
I think I would say what's withself-love is really looking at
yourself and saying, like, howmuch do I love myself?
And when I say that, it meanslike, what am I willing to put
up with?
What is it that I'm lacking, orwhat do I feel like I'm lacking
(33:43):
?
So really just like looking inthe mirror and trying to
understand where it is thatyou're struggling, cause that's
how I started, right as I look,right.
I'm way too hard on myself,though, but like so I I.
One day I got up, I looked inthe mirror and I was like a lot
of this needs to change, likeI'm not doing well and I need to
know why.
Writing it down what is it thatneeds to change?
Like why is it that I'm unhappy?
(34:04):
Because you have to understandthe areas of error that you can
fix them.
You have to understand ifyou're truly flawed or if it's
something that you're beingsuppressed from your past, like.
You need to know the difference, but you also need to know what
your future looks like.
You need to have a goodunderstanding of what it is that
you want.
But all of that starts withloving yourself first loving
(34:28):
yourself enough to make thosechanges.
So I would say, if somebody wasjust starting out and they were
super, super stuck and theydidn't know where to start, I
would start with I loveaffirmations before going to bed
and when they first wake up, Ilove myself.
And then why and I would dothat for a solid 15 days and I
would put it on the calendar andon day 15, I would wake up and
(34:49):
I would set a new goal.
I would continue with the Ilove myself affirmations and why
I love myself, and then I wouldtake the next 15 days to decide
where it is that I want overthe next 60 to 90 day period.
I love myself because and thisis what I deserve, this is what
(35:09):
I want.
And picturing that, I startedwith a vision board.
So I created a vision board andI posted it in my bedroom and I
put it right in front of my bed.
So every day when I woke up, itwas the first thing I seen.
Every night before I went tosleep, it was the first thing I
seen and it was just likesomething simple.
It was like a picture that hadthis sign with a sleep.
It was the first thing I seenand it was just like something
(35:30):
simple, like it was like apicture that had like this sign
with, like a heart.
It was a woman.
She was like meditating by thebeach, she was doing yoga.
It was the favorite car thatI've always wanted.
There was two of them amotorcycle, a picture of dogs, a
picture of chickens and it wasjust all things that I loved.
It was a picture of a classroomfilled with kids and they were
all learning, they were allreading books.
A picture I think there was,like there was a workout picture
(35:52):
on there, just like thesimplest of things that brought
me a lot of joy and things thatI wanted to incorporate into my
life.
You don't need to know howyou're going to do it, you don't
need to know, like, all of theplanning of it, but it's like
something as simple asvisualizing, because once you
see it and you continue to seeit like your brain is going,
your subconscious is there, likeit's seeing.
It's seeing what you're puttingout there, and so is the
(36:14):
universe.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
So continue to put it out there and let things fall
into place.
Well, what I'm hearing is thefirst thing you need to do is
start with self-love, and thebest way to start that is to
start a practice that's going tobe dedicated to giving back and
understanding why you loveyourself, because sometimes we
don't love ourselves the way weshould love ourselves and love
on ourselves.
So, waking up in the morningsaying, committing yourself to
(36:43):
15 days of affirmations ofsaying I love you, I love myself
and why.
And then I like the fact thatyou said on day 15, you get up
and then you start not justsaying it but you add something
else on to that I love myself,why this is the future I deserve
, this is the life I deserve andthis is what I want to see.
(37:06):
Me and my youngest daughter, wedo vision boards at least twice
a year.
Twice during the year we do avision board.
This is the first year I've gotmy oldest daughter to do a
vision board and she just brungthe stuff over and she was like,
oh, I came over to do a visionboard and I was just like, and
(37:27):
then she was like mommy, do yougot a journal?
Because I keep like all thesejournals.
And I was just like and thenshe was like mommy, do you got a
journal?
Cause I keep like all thesejournals?
And I was like, yes, I have ajournal, are you going to start
journaling?
And she was like I think I wouldhave so much more peace and I
can be able to reflect.
And I'm like, who is this child?
But it's so beautiful.
You can teach people or share,you know.
(37:47):
But I think it was just herseeing me do it and not just
talking about it, but constantlysaying it and doing it and then
showing her how you can do it.
It doesn't have to be, like yousaid, big steps, but the little
things, the small steps, inchby inch.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
And my son.
So my son is 14 and like I'llsay to him, like he understands
manifestation because I talkabout it all the time and like
one day we were in the car and Iwas like you're going to
manifest the rest of your notthe rest of your life, but like
you're going to manifest as muchas you can manifest for your
future right now.
He was like well, what doesthat mean?
That you want to drive thecareer that you want to have,
and I don't care if it's a rockstar, like if you, if you
(38:29):
picture yourself sitting on themoon, that's where you're going
to talk about.
You're going to say it out loud.
He went off, I, we.
It was like 35 minutes of likehe described the car that he
wanted down to a T, the housethat he was going to live in.
Um, he was like at a concert,he was performing on stage and
like it was amazing and like hefelt so good afterwards and like
even just getting them to likeuse words and then cause like
(38:52):
once they start talking about it, then they can start visioning
it and then putting that onto avision board.
So it's like it can start withsomething as simple as a
conversation.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
And you just got to keep seeing it.
It doesn't matter if it doesn'thappen within that year.
You just keep seeing it and youwill definitely get there.
Just keep picturing it.
It will come into fruitation,absolutely yes.
So before we wrap things up, Ido have to ask you, when it
comes to your own personalpractice, is there anything that
you use or that you do on adaily basis that is helping you
(39:24):
redefine what self-care lookslike for you and showing up for
yourself on a daily?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
I would say journaling and meditation.
So I try to journal every day.
Of course I'm not perfect, so Idon't end up doing that every
day, but I do find that when Ican journal three days out of
the week, I always feel so muchbetter Putting those thoughts on
a piece of paper and thenmeditating anywhere from five to
10 minutes, even if you're justsitting in your car before you
go inside People I think theyoverthink it Sometimes.
(39:52):
You can do it anywhere.
You can meditate in your car,you can meditate in the bathroom
, you know, if you have kids andyou're never left alone.
Just standing in the bathroomfor five minutes and giving
yourself five minutes of justrest, of just like relaxing,
just giving your brain fiveminutes to just recuperate
itself, those are like my twoquick and easy go-tos.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I love that you said.
Meditation is like you said.
It's quick If all you're doingis taking a few breaths and
people don't realize thatthey're doing it without really
knowing that they're doing it.
Anytime you pull up in front ofyour house and you don't get
out right away and you're justsitting in silence in the car.
You may not realize it, but youare meditating, my friend.
That's what you're doing,because you are resetting your
(40:35):
mind, preparing yourself to walkinto the house and to show up
as a version of you that youwant for your family and
yourself.
Absolutely yes.
So tell people where they canconnect with you and learn more
about how you can guide themthrough reaching their own
wellness journey.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Yeah, absolutely.
So you can find me on mywebsite, which is
coachingintotransformationcom.
You can find me on Instagramwith training with Sam, so it's
training W Sam.
I also have a TikTok, which isalso training with Sam.
I just recently put out acookbook which I'm super excited
about.
Yeah, so that can be found onthe TikTok shop, it can be found
(41:14):
on Amazon and it can bepurchased on my website again,
which iscoachingintotransformationcom.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Awesome.
And don't worry you guys, I'mgoing to have all that
information for you in the shownotes so you can connect with
Samantha, get that cookbook andyou know, just start the journey
.
Start where you're at, meetyourself where you are All right
, samantha, thank you so muchfor adjusting.
It's so amazing and sharing,you know, not just your journey
but all the tips, and tricks andtools that you've used that
(41:44):
have helped others.
So thank, you?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
Thank you so much for having meon.
This was so wonderful, you'rewelcome.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
All right, you guys.
That is all the tea that wehave to spill today, but guess
what?
You get to join me next weekfor more delicious hot tea.
Until next time, my friends,namaste.
I needed to kind of separate myself from the crazy
chaotic life that I was livingand educate myself more so that
I could have a peaceful one.
And I think that my spiritualawakening really kind of started
with me realizing that I wasdirecting my son in similar ways
, that I was raised, and beingable to acknowledge that and
(00:22):
like waking up one day andsaying I made a couple of
mistakes here.
But one thing I do know is I'mnot going to let history repeat
itself.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
Hey there, I'm Makita , a small town girl with big
dreams who started a podcastwith an old headset and a laptop
at my kitchen table and made mydreams come true.
On my podcast, time for Teawith Makita, we chat about
living life unapologetically, onyour terms, from career advice,
entrepreneurship, relationshipsand everything in between.
(00:54):
This is your one-stop shop forreal conversations and
inspiration.
If you're looking forconnection, then you found it
here.
Join me every Tuesday as wedive into those sometimes hard
to have conversations.
So grab your cup of tea orcoffee and get comfy, because
this is time for Tea with Makita, and the tea is definitely hot.
(01:16):
Ever feel like you need asuperpower boost of motivation
with exclusive tips and toolswith your goals in mind?
Well, say hello to your newinspiration hotspot the Tuesday
Tea Newsletter, your weeklyinfusion of big thinking energy
that'll propel you to chase yourwildest dreams and never shy
away from using the power ofyour voice.
Sign up for the Tuesday TeaNewsletter today at
(01:38):
beautifullyunbalancedcom andelevate your goals to the next
level.
Welcome back.
It is definitely time for sometea.
I am Makita.
I just want to thank you somuch for sharing your time, your
space and, of course, youramazing energy with me today.
I am super excited, you guys,as I always am, when I have an
amazing guest.
(01:58):
In today's episode, I am goingto introduce Samantha.
She is a life coach, personaltrainer, whose journey through
personal traumas has led her toprofound life transformation.
And as someone who has embracedtheir own spiritual awakening,
I understand that Samantha'sstory is a testament to the
power of self-discovery andresilience.
(02:19):
In her words, transformation isnot just about changing your
life.
It's about changing yournarrative about life.
So join me as I welcomeSamantha to the podcast, am
(02:47):
really excited about not justyou sharing your journey, but
sharing tips and just havingthis real raw conversation,
because sometimes we don't talkabout the journey itself.
You know, we see people beforethey, you know, get on their
journey, but we never see themessy middle.
We then we see thetransformation and we're like,
oh, they're so lucky.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yeah, I agree.
So that's why I was so excitedto actually come on the podcast
with you and have thisconversation, because when you
first contacted me, we had likeour consultation.
Um, that was something hugethat stuck out to me and why I
kind of wanted to work with you.
Because the most important partfor me is people seeing the
middle of the start of thattransformation to the end.
Because, like you said, peoplethink that you know they see you
(03:28):
one day and you're a certainway, and then they see you a
year later and you're like this,like amazing person.
You're so transformed and peoplethink to themselves I would
never be able to do that, or howdid she do that?
Or, and they don't understandlike the work that went into the
in-between and how many daysthat I have to pick myself off
at the floor and I wipe my owntears and ask God for help and
(03:50):
strength to carry on and justit's a struggle and you know I
tell people all the time youknow that you can do this,
you're so strong, but it's likereally taking a look at myself
at the end of the day and reallydoing the same thing for myself
, but people don't see that, sothey're not with you every day.
They're not with you day andnight, so they don't understand
the amount of work that actuallygoes into the transformation.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
Yeah, and I think sometimes when people hear the
word strong, they think thatmeans they have to endure
everything and everything'salways gonna be tough.
And they don't see that strongdoesn't necessarily mean you
have to self-sacrifice.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
You know there's a lot of resilience in being
strong and I think too, like wehad talked about, is one of
those things is trauma.
So right, like I do that, likeI'm constantly self-sacrificing
and I'm constantly, I will anddefinitely like in the beginning
(04:52):
, I'm willing to cross my ownboundaries to appease other
people, because that's a traumaresponse.
That's something that, like I'mjust now learning as an adult
is to set boundaries, to holdthem, to keep them, because I'm
worth it and because I have toset standards for myself in
order to maintain thistransformational journey that I
put myself on.
And I wouldn't be able tocontinue on with that if I
didn't set boundaries.
I would fall right back intothe same patterns, I would fall
(05:12):
right back into the same habitsand I would continue to allow
people to treat me ways that Idon't deserve to be treated.
So it's huge.
You have to understand thatyou're worth so much more than
that and that sacrificingyourself will never help you to
continue on a transformationaljourney.
You'll fall right back into thesame patterns and the same
(05:33):
habits, and people won'tunderstand how they're supposed
to treat you.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
I'm glad that you brung up the trauma.
So let's take people back to alittle bit the beginning of your
journey.
Let's share a little backgroundstory so they know a little bit
about your journey and your ownawakening and transformation.
Speaker 1 (05:54):
Yeah, so I try to keep it super brief, but I so I
was raised in a very, very roughenvironment.
I filled with a lot of abusethat trickled down from
generation.
So like I don't and I thinkpart of the transformation is
forgiveness and likeunderstanding.
So I don't put blame on any oneperson or any situation.
It really just kind of is whatit is.
But my family, from generations, comes from a long line of
(06:19):
abuse and that unfortunatelytook place for me and my
siblings and we carried thatwith us throughout our childhood
, our adolescence and intoadulthood.
And I didn't know why I reactedto things the way that I did.
I didn't know why I had anxietyor why I was like such a
nervous wreck all the time and Iwasn't able to really handle
(06:40):
things in the best ways all thetime because I was never taught
coping skills.
So a lot of times like I wouldjust hide, I would isolate, I
would cry, I didn't reallyunderstand my emotions, I didn't
understand the differencebetween being afraid or being
angry, or being overwhelmed andfrustrated, and I also didn't
(07:01):
know to ask for help, becausepart of our traumas is that I
did ask for help.
As a kid I asked for help a lotand I didn't get it.
So after a certain period oftime, you stop doing that and
you just revert inward andduring my transformation and my
awakening, I realized that I wasasking the wrong people and
(07:22):
that the people that I wasasking for help couldn't help me
because they didn't understandand they didn't even understand
enough to know what I just saidto you.
So it's like if someone came tome today and said I need help
with this, this and that and Iknew that those were areas that
I couldn't help with them with Iwould, at the very least, help
them with resources.
(07:42):
Like you know what?
I'm not a medical provider, I'mnot a doctor, but I can help
you contact your insurancecompany and I can help you get a
healthcare provider Somethingalong those lines, pointing them
in the right directions.
The people that I was askingfor help didn't even have the
education to do that.
So as an adult, I realized thatI was struggling a lot and that
(08:04):
I didn't have to be.
My life was super hard andsuper chaotic and it was
affecting my own personal life,and that's what made me have a
change was that I had a son ofmy own and I had a family that I
was raising and it wasn't goingwell.
But I knew that I was a superstrong person and that I could
figure it out, but that I neededa break.
I needed to kind of separatemyself from the crazy chaotic
(08:27):
life that I was living andeducate myself more so that I
could have a peaceful one.
And I think that my spiritualawakening really kind of started
with me realizing that I wasdirecting my son in similar ways
, that I was raised, and beingable to acknowledge that and
(08:49):
like waking up one day andsaying I made a couple of
mistakes here, but one thing Ido know is I'm not going to let
history repeat itself.
So I started finding the rightpeople to help me and realizing
that the people that I wasreverting to in the past weren't
the right people that I shouldhave been asking for help.
So I started going to therapy,I started reaching out to my
doctor, I started contactingother people in my life and
(09:13):
utilizing resources that I hadto point me in different
directions, and it started towork.
Things started to fall intoplace.
I got help from my son.
I reached out to his dad andhis family and made sure that
they were involved and I went.
I started going to therapy.
I started like askingprofessionals for help and it
changed my life Talking aboutthings and having people explain
(09:38):
to me why I am the way I am andwhy I do the things that I do
and how I can change it, andthen explaining to you, too,
that you're on a path that canbe redirected at any point in
time, whenever you choose.
I think that that's somethingthat a lot of us don't
understand is, like, our choicesright, because this is
something that I'm stilllearning right now is that I
(09:59):
have so many more choices than Ithink that I do, because you
think like, oh well, I'm on thispath, I have to continue down
this path.
I already started here.
No, at any point in time, I canjump off this path and jump
right into the ocean and I'm ona new path and guess what?
This is what it is now and likethat's my journey.
If I want my journey to have 17different paths and sometimes
you have to do that right, sothat you can find out, like,
what it is that you really loveand wherever it is that you
(10:22):
really want to be.
And I think it's pretty coolbecause I like life experiences.
So like people will say, ohwell, you were on this path for
so long and you were doing sogreat.
And I'm like yeah, well, I gotbored with that.
So I went down this way now and, as far as I'm concerned, like
I'm just experiencing all thesethings Like I don't, I don't
really care about like longevityof a lot of things if I'm not
happy doing it.
And I think that's a beautifulpart too, about like growing up
(10:46):
and like being mature, because Iknow a lot of people are like
well, you know, I loved it.
I had so much fun Like in mytwenties I didn't.
I think my thirties have beenthe best years of my life.
I've learned so much Like I'mjust like so much more carefree
and I don't know, just willingto just like be myself and like
and just like not care aboutwhat other people have to say
and really just like find thingsthat I like to do and things
(11:09):
that I love so much.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
I'm glad that you brung up like being in your
happiest zone at an age that yougot to know yourself, because,
even though I look back on somecertain areas, like of my
twenties yeah, there were somefun moments, but I didn't know
who I was.
I was so lost.
I feel like I wasted so muchtime.
(11:32):
And you're right, we take allthese generational traumas with
us into every situation and theygo into our work situations.
And it was amazing because I'mreading this book called
Emotional Detox Seven Steps toCleanse.
Yeah, and it's such a good bookbecause it's really making me
look inward instead of outwardat other people's what I'm
(11:54):
thinking.
People are thinking I overthinkand analyze everything, so
really getting out of my headand then just focusing on me and
not worrying about what thisperson is thinking or feeling,
as long as I understand what I'mthinking and feeling.
And it was funny because I wasin a situation where I was
trying to do it all, because Iwas used to having to find the
(12:16):
solution, be the one who figuredit out all the time that I
never asked for help, because Ican do it, I can do it myself, I
can do it, and I don't know whoto turn to.
So I'm just going to work itout and figure it out.
And it was so funny when youtalked about therapy, because I
was like I went to therapy andmy first day I just got in there
and I was just blabbing andtalking and I was like I don't
(12:38):
know if this is nervous energy,if I'm just saying this, but I
get in my car and I talk tomyself just like this.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
You talk to yourself in your car too.
Yeah, I love that so much.
I love that for us.
Speaker 2 (12:51):
Yes, I even picture myself sometimes like accepting
awards and like I have thiswhole speech, I do it all the
time, yeah, no shame, yeah.
But it was so amazing.
And for her to tell me like youknow, um, that's how you cope,
this is how you deal with thingslike and just having this whole
(13:13):
discovery, because therapywasn't about just getting over
the trauma.
It was about understanding whoI am and how I process my
emotions and where I get some ofthese thoughts from, and to
recognize the patterns beforethey start triggering and
getting things out of control.
I'm interested in what was thepivotal moment for you when you
(13:36):
were like I got to make a changeand I know you mentioned
something about noticing yourson and you were heading toward
the same thing.
Was it one specific thing orwas it like a just multiple
things?
Speaker 1 (13:50):
So it was multiple things, but my biggest, the
biggest part of it, was my like,being overstimulated because,
like you had just said, I, myentire life I lived in survival
mode and, like I, I didn'treally have anyone to help me
and, like the people that werearound me that I did ask for
help would, either I would bringthem a problem and I would say,
like I need, I need help withthis, and they would bring me
(14:12):
back another problem and I wouldleave and I would have two
problems and then I would fight,fight, fight, fight, dig myself
out of this hole and findmyself with another problem.
Right Cause, that's just likelife, like we're constantly
evolving, we're going to runinto things.
That's just kind of what it is,but at no point was I ever able
to take the time to smooththings out and create a process
(14:34):
for my problems.
How am I going to get from A toZ and have this make sense
without killing myself?
I'm just now doing that for thefirst time, at 33, because my
entire life was survival mode,um, and I was constantly
overstimulated.
So with my son, I was alonewith him, so I was, I was, he
(14:57):
has a dad and his dad isinvolved.
But I was very much like theprimary parent and I.
I grew up in a very toxicenvironment, um, and I realized
that the way that I was raisingmy son was not going to benefit
him in the future.
If anything I was, I was doinga little bit of enabling and
(15:20):
kind of sheltering him, becausethe only way that I knew that I
could keep him safe was to keephim close was to keep him next
to me was so that I could seehim.
If I could see him, nobody elsecould hurt him.
But that's not the way that itworks and if anything, I was
doing him an injustice and hisdad just being like a masculine
just period.
(15:40):
He doesn't have that sameperiod, he doesn't have that
same anxiety that I have.
And I knew that he would beable to help if I could get him
to really understand that thingsweren't going well here and
that I knew why.
But I needed time to myself sothat I could fix it.
Then he would be more on board.
But the pivotal moment for mewas waking up every day in
(16:05):
constant fear that something wasgoing to happen to my son, that
I wasn't going to be able tocontrol the situation that I
wasn't going to be able toprotect him and then keeping him
inside because of it.
It's not right.
I enjoy life experiences.
That's how I learn things.
That's how I've learned thingsmy entire life is.
I go out and I find resourcesand I have experiences and I
either like it or I don't.
And I don't and I wasn't givinghim the option to do that
(16:29):
because I was so fearful thatsomething was going to happen
and that I was the only oneresponsible and I didn't know
yet how to set really strongboundaries and allow him
independence.
And I was hurt a lot as a kid myentire childhood.
I was hurt a lot, a real lot,like my entire childhood.
Like I was hurt a lot, like areal lot.
And, of course, those traumasright.
So, like, every time he goesoutside, I'm racing my mind's,
(16:53):
racing the entire time, like,okay, like you know, these
things happen to me.
So like, maybe it might not bethe exactly the same, but then
these things could happen to himand I would allow him to like
go out and like hang out withhis friends.
But from the time that he leftthe house until the time that he
got back into the house, Iwould be spiraling the entire
time and he would be having ablast.
He's having a ton of fun, likehe's like can't wait to get away
(17:15):
from me.
He's like out there just like,doing whatever he wants, and
like I'm at the house crying onthe couch, scared to death,
thinking that like he's in theback of somebody's truck, and
like those.
But that was my trauma, um, andthat's when I knew like I
definitely needed help, like Ineeded I needed somebody to like
walk me through the thoughtsthat I was having and like these
(17:36):
like fears that I wasprojecting onto everyone.
Um, but you don't know thatthat's happening, right, like,
especially when, like no one'slike explaining it to you and
like the only thing you know isyou have a job to do.
And that's how I kind of lookat everything is like I have a
job to do, like this is myresponsibility.
If my name is attached to this,I'm responsible for it.
Like I'm a very accountableperson, I like to hold myself
(17:58):
accountable for things and itmeans a lot to me.
Um, so really, it was likelooking at it like a job, like
my job is to keep him safe, myjob is to protect him at all
times, and I can't do that if Ican't see him.
Now that I understand what Iunderstand, I can do that
because if I teach himeverything I know and I teach
(18:19):
him everything I learned, that'sa new form of protection.
Um, and my therapist.
I'm not supposed to talk aboutthe past, but God, I wish if I
had known what I know now, then,like, I would have been
protecting him the entire time,you know, using my words
differently, making sure that hewas super educated and that he
understood situations so thatwhen he was outside he could
protect himself.
(18:40):
But I was never taught toprotect myself, so I didn't know
to teach him that.
But I think that we all learnthings when we're supposed to,
and I think that there's areason that, um, I had to
struggle through life a littlebit and then I had to learn the
things that I learned, the waythat I learned them, because if
I didn't, I wouldn't be able toteach it to other people and I
wouldn't be able to have thesevulnerable conversations and say
(19:03):
that I went through a lot ofstuff and it was because I
wasn't educated enough to knowbetter, so that other people
don't feel shamed and they don'tfeel embarrassed about it.
Like people will say like, oh myGod, I can't believe you said
that Really.
Well, guess what?
I didn't know and I'm like Idon't care, like I think that
it's important, like otherpeople need to know that, that
know that like they're notthey're not alone.
(19:23):
And like they're not they'renot alone and like sometimes
we're not raised in the best ofenvironments, we're not raised
with super educated parents thatknow to teach us like
self-respect and respect andprotection, and maybe they don't
know enough to teach you that,but it's out there and you can
find it.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
Yeah, I think me and my siblings had that same
conversation not too long agoand we was just like just being
at a point that we're gratefulfor what you know our parents
could teach us, butunderstanding that they couldn't
teach us what they don't know.
And when someone else has theirown trauma that they've never
healed from, they can't help youheal or see the trauma
(20:00):
themselves if they've neverfaced it.
Some people just don't want toface the trauma and when you
actually come to them especiallyif it's generational in the
family when you come to themwith the problem, they don't
want to look in at themselves.
It's hard to look at yourselffor something that you have
pushed out of your mind and justdon't want to recognize.
And now have someone in yourface and saying, hey, our family
(20:24):
has a problem, we need toconfront this, we have to deal
with it so the next generationis not cursed by it.
And you just having the courageto say and I think as parents
we always are scared, Like Imean, when my kids were young,
like I was we moved toCalifornia and it was like a
child abduction oh my gosh, itwas several times a day.
Production oh my gosh, it wasseveral times a day like Amber
(20:46):
Alerts, and I was just like, andthen my mom called and she said
and my mom is always a littleparanoid and she said I was
telling her how we walked to thelibrary every day.
And she said, well, you mightwant to change up your time.
Someone could be watching.
Never thought about it before,didn't leave the house for two
weeks because I was like couldsomeone be watching?
Like I don't know, I'm, you know, my husband's at work.
(21:09):
I am with a four-year-old and asix-month-old baby.
Like what am I going to do?
Could I fight?
Do I have?
I don't have anything.
Like I'm going to beat him witha bottle, like I don't know.
So it was just like that momentand don't know so.
It was just like that moment.
And in her defense she was justtrying to, like, make sure that
(21:34):
I was cautious.
But the way she said it made melike it terrified me, like it
scared me, because you have somuch happening, um, so it was
crazy.
But I understand thatovercoming, you know, personal
child, um, personal traumas canhelp shape your approach to
health and wellness too.
So how has that shaped yourapproach when it comes to your
coaching and how you approachyour health?
Speaker 1 (21:58):
It gives me more understanding of people.
I've never been a judgmentalperson anyway.
I truly believe that people arewho they are and like I'll
accept them for whoever.
Like it doesn't matter to me aslong as they're happy.
Like I just have like a strongbelief in like other people's
success and other people justlike being happy however they
see fit.
But it gives you a betterunderstanding of like somebody
(22:21):
coming to you and being superfrazzled and being able to say,
like you know what, I've seenthis before or I've been through
this.
So let's take a step back andlike look at the big picture,
somebody that's never exercisedbefore, because they were never
taught exercise Again.
Let's look at the big picture.
Like these are habits that youwere never taught, these are
things that you've never seenbefore.
(22:42):
So introducing things like in avery gentle way, but then also
pushing people and keeping themaccountable I think
accountability is one of mygreatest strengths and it's
something that I can teachpeople, regardless of where
they've come from, what theirbackground is, what their
expertise is.
Because holding yourselfaccountable is one of the best
(23:04):
things that you can do for yourentire life, because it's
something that you're going toneed forever and if you ever
need a self check-in, you don'tneed to look to anybody to
validate you.
You don't need to look toanybody to remind you like.
You have your littleaccountability checklist and it
saved my life, so I can onlyimagine that it can really do
the same thing for other peopleand I know everybody doesn't
(23:28):
take responsibility superserious, but it's like if you
can truly understand what itmeans to be accountable, truly
understand that you're notreaching your potential and
you're not getting to your goalsbecause you're not holding
yourself accountable, then itmight change your perspective on
what you're doing.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
I like the fact that you said accountable, because
you have to have some type ofaccountability, even if it's to
yourself.
You have to look in the mirrorand say you know, like am I
going to be accountable for myown actions?
Because that is a source ofresponsibility.
And when you talk about, youknow, health and wellness and
helping other people andwellness and helping other
(24:08):
people with, what I found outthrough my own journey is that
the more I've learned how totake care of my emotional needs,
I was it also transferred into,you know, movement and breath
exercises and just doing thingsthat made me take care of myself
in all different ways.
But it was more like of my, notjust my physical wellness, but
my spiritual self.
(24:28):
You know physical being likemental, like all of those things
encompass the whole person, andI found that to be like super,
super, like transformational.
Speaker 1 (24:41):
Yeah, it's beautiful when you can take care of your
mind, body and soul.
It's absolutely beautiful.
And then it helps you too tonot only just coach people, but
when you understand yourself,you understand situations that I
feel like a lot of people don'tunderstand.
Because you're so aware of mysurroundings sometimes that I've
(25:06):
noticed too that like I can'tbe around more than like six or
seven people at a time, like Iwouldn't do a coaching group of
more than 10 ever, because myattention is on all 10 people at
the same time, and like I thinkthat, like I'm so aware
sometimes that I now understand,like that was part of my
overstimulation is that I wasstretching myself far too thin.
(25:27):
And like being able to say thatlike I I'm an extrovert in
small groups and like really,like you said, like really
knowing myself and puttingmyself in the situations where I
belong and taking myself out ofthe situations that I don't um
and the second that I don't feelcomfortable I'm out of there.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yeah, sometimes you just got to read the room and
recognize like, do like a bodyscan, like, am I clenching?
Is my stomach clenched, youknow?
Like you know, is my jawgetting tight?
Like, where do you hold yourmost tension in your body at?
When you recognize that incertain situations these things
happen, it's like okay, this isnot the best situation, this is
(26:08):
too much, I'm taking on a littlebit more than I should.
And you know there is a healthymedium that also gives you the
time, because you know you wantto be able to individualize and
help people.
So, yeah, and it's a lot ofemotions, like I think coaching
people like it's you take on alot of emotions because you're
(26:31):
meeting them where they're atand it looks different for each
person.
And I'm just curious in yourjourney, have you found that
there's like such thing asbalance between being the
physical training and thenurturing of the spiritual
growth?
Like, do you feel like there'sa holistic nature when it comes
(26:51):
to that aspect?
Speaker 1 (26:54):
Absolutely, because when you do better, you feel
better.
So I would suggest that toeverybody.
I'll work out for the rest ofmy life.
It's changed my mentality like60 percent of it.
I would say maybe even 70, like70-30.
So 70 has been physical fitness, 30 a bit nutrition.
But that's because I find thatworking out and being able to
(27:22):
meditate while I run and movingmy body has done amazing things
for me.
It stimulates my mind at thesame time, because I like to do
more than one thing at a time.
So I can be on the treadmilland I'm manifesting, I'm running
, running, running, manifesting.
I'm down south running, I haveall my dogs, I got my chickens
in the yard, I'm planning, andthen I can bring that back to
(27:47):
other people and say you know,this is how this worked for me.
Hopefully it'll work for you.
And then just recently I, um, Itook a flexology course and I'm
starting to understand, like,what stretching can really do
for the body and how stretchingis absolutely amazing and it can
do so many more things thanjust stretch your muscles.
Stretching can help you, um,really like, stretch your brain
(28:10):
waves.
It can help you.
Stretch um with like when itcomes to, like, anxiety.
It can help you stretch.
Um, I mean, it can help youwith, like anxiety, like really
just being able to kind ofstretch and release.
So stretching yourself canrelease all types of stress.
It can help you release yourcortisone levels.
(28:32):
It can help you like realizebreath work, cause when you're
stretching you're typically likein a calm state.
So it's really like changed thegame for me.
So, between physical activityand stretching, moving my body,
letting out those endorphins,and really releasing a lot of
that tension and stress.
It lets on for new things, likeit lets you be open to new
(28:59):
possibilities and it gives youroom for growth, because when
you get rid of the old, then youmake room for the new.
And I think that that's themost important part, right, is
you can't continue to move on tothe phases of your life If
you're going to continue to holdon to everything that's old.
So it's like really releasingthat stuff and I've released
that through working out, Ireleased that through stretching
(29:20):
, I released that through havingthese conversations and really
just like talking about it,right, because it's like it's in
and it's out.
So it does.
It transforms you spiritually,it transforms you physically, it
transforms you mentally, andthen you can put it all together
.
So you're working out, you'rereleasing all those stresses,
(29:41):
you're getting rid of, you'rereally like de-stressing through
your stretching and yourphysical activity.
Then you're going home and nowyou're nourishing your body.
Well, so now it's like yourbrain is super happy, your body
is super happy, your soul isgoing to start to feel better
once you start sleeping betterand when they all interconnect
and they're all working as theunit, like you have this
(30:04):
perfectly oiled machine and nowyou can just continue to grow.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Yeah, I remember when I first started my own journey,
I think the biggest thing thatI started doing first was
sleeping, having making surethat I'm getting enough sleep so
that my body can reset,decompress, and in the next day
I could wake up and be preparedto get my mind in the right
(30:30):
state of you know, just reallyconnect with myself without all
of yesterday's thoughts andworries.
You know being the first thing,because when you don't get
enough sleep, you know the bodydoesn't reset like it's supposed
to.
So I'm just interested inunderstanding how do you guide
someone who's at the beginningof their own journey?
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah.
So I mean I would say somethingas simple as, like affirmations
.
So a lot of things that Irecommend are very simple and
don't even entail exercise atfirst.
Um so, light meditations.
So I started with reading abook it was um mind control by
Dr De Silva, and it's availableon audible and really he teaches
(31:10):
you how to how to just do fiveto 10 minute meditations and
then it's affirmation work.
So, like I am affirmations, Ihave affirmations, I love
affirmations, and a lot of it isreally just about loving
yourself first.
And then what does that looklike to you?
(31:32):
Like I, samantha, I, samanthaMazzola, love myself, and I love
myself because I'm a kind,gentle person.
I, samantha Mazzola, lovemyself because I know that I'm
worth it.
And then really just kind ofmanifesting what does a future
life look for you and how do yousee that, and just taking like
a solid 30 to 60 days to reallyjust do your affirmations, work
on light meditations, try to getinto really good sleeping
(31:53):
patterns, and then incorporatingall of the things and all of
the manifestations that youthought and that you considered
for yourself and then trying tomake a plan with it that you
considered for yourself and thentrying to make a plan with it.
And I think stability is hugebecause as long as you're stable
and you're in a stableenvironment, you should be able
(32:14):
to create all of those things.
So I think that sometimes wefind ourselves in super
stressful situations and then wetry to do our transformations
at the same time.
That can be a lot, so Iwouldn't suggest that to anybody
.
So, finding your stability andthen slowly working towards
those goals and slowly justincorporating, like I said, the
meditations, the affirmations,healthy sleeping patterns and
(32:37):
what does a healthy lifestylelook like for you?
And then, if you need help withthose visions, reaching out to
someone talking to a coach, likewhat are some different options
of a healthy lifestyle and howcan I kind of see myself fitting
into this and getting ideasfrom other people.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
You gave you dropped like so many good gems on just
helping people get started at astarting point.
Do you have any like what aboutpeople that feel stuck and
they're like I see you've doneit.
I understand you went through,you know, like all this trauma.
I get it, but I don't know,like if I could do it.
(33:14):
I'm so uncertain about my ownpath in life, like how do I get
unstuck?
Speaker 1 (33:20):
so I would say that's .
There's so many different waysthat you could really start, but
I'm just the simplest.
I think I would say what's withself-love is really looking at
yourself and saying, like, howmuch do I love myself?
And when I say that, it meanslike, what am I willing to put
up with?
What is it that I'm lacking, orwhat do I feel like I'm lacking
(33:43):
?
So really just like looking inthe mirror and trying to
understand where it is thatyou're struggling, cause that's
how I started, right as I look,right.
I'm way too hard on myself,though, but like so I I.
One day I got up, I looked inthe mirror and I was like a lot
of this needs to change, likeI'm not doing well and I need to
know why.
Writing it down what is it thatneeds to change?
Like why is it that I'm unhappy?
(34:04):
Because you have to understandthe areas of error that you can
fix them.
You have to understand ifyou're truly flawed or if it's
something that you're beingsuppressed from your past, like.
You need to know the difference, but you also need to know what
your future looks like.
You need to have a goodunderstanding of what it is that
you want.
But all of that starts withloving yourself first loving
(34:28):
yourself enough to make thosechanges.
So I would say, if somebody wasjust starting out and they were
super, super stuck and theydidn't know where to start, I
would start with I loveaffirmations before going to bed
and when they first wake up, Ilove myself.
And then why and I would dothat for a solid 15 days and I
would put it on the calendar andon day 15, I would wake up and
(34:49):
I would set a new goal.
I would continue with the Ilove myself affirmations and why
I love myself, and then I wouldtake the next 15 days to decide
where it is that I want overthe next 60 to 90 day period.
I love myself because and thisis what I deserve, this is what
(35:09):
I want.
And picturing that, I startedwith a vision board.
So I created a vision board andI posted it in my bedroom and I
put it right in front of my bed.
So every day when I woke up, itwas the first thing I seen.
Every night before I went tosleep, it was the first thing I
seen and it was just likesomething simple.
It was like a picture that hadthis sign with a sleep.
It was the first thing I seenand it was just like something
(35:30):
simple, like it was like apicture that had like this sign
with, like a heart.
It was a woman.
She was like meditating by thebeach, she was doing yoga.
It was the favorite car thatI've always wanted.
There was two of them amotorcycle, a picture of dogs, a
picture of chickens and it wasjust all things that I loved.
It was a picture of a classroomfilled with kids and they were
all learning, they were allreading books.
A picture I think there was,like there was a workout picture
(35:52):
on there, just like thesimplest of things that brought
me a lot of joy and things thatI wanted to incorporate into my
life.
You don't need to know howyou're going to do it, you don't
need to know, like, all of theplanning of it, but it's like
something as simple asvisualizing, because once you
see it and you continue to seeit like your brain is going,
your subconscious is there, likeit's seeing.
It's seeing what you're puttingout there, and so is the
(36:14):
universe.
Speaker 2 (36:21):
So continue to put it out there and let things fall
into place.
Well, what I'm hearing is thefirst thing you need to do is
start with self-love, and thebest way to start that is to
start a practice that's going tobe dedicated to giving back and
understanding why you loveyourself, because sometimes we
don't love ourselves the way weshould love ourselves and love
on ourselves.
So, waking up in the morningsaying, committing yourself to
(36:43):
15 days of affirmations ofsaying I love you, I love myself
and why.
And then I like the fact thatyou said on day 15, you get up
and then you start not justsaying it but you add something
else on to that I love myself,why this is the future I deserve
, this is the life I deserve andthis is what I want to see.
(37:06):
Me and my youngest daughter, wedo vision boards at least twice
a year.
Twice during the year we do avision board.
This is the first year I've gotmy oldest daughter to do a
vision board and she just brungthe stuff over and she was like,
oh, I came over to do a visionboard and I was just like, and
(37:27):
then she was like mommy, do yougot a journal?
Because I keep like all thesejournals.
And I was just like and thenshe was like mommy, do you got a
journal?
Cause I keep like all thesejournals?
And I was like, yes, I have ajournal, are you going to start
journaling?
And she was like I think I wouldhave so much more peace and I
can be able to reflect.
And I'm like, who is this child?
But it's so beautiful.
You can teach people or share,you know.
(37:47):
But I think it was just herseeing me do it and not just
talking about it, but constantlysaying it and doing it and then
showing her how you can do it.
It doesn't have to be, like yousaid, big steps, but the little
things, the small steps, inchby inch.
Speaker 1 (38:07):
And my son.
So my son is 14 and like I'llsay to him, like he understands
manifestation because I talkabout it all the time and like
one day we were in the car and Iwas like you're going to
manifest the rest of your notthe rest of your life, but like
you're going to manifest as muchas you can manifest for your
future right now.
He was like well, what doesthat mean?
That you want to drive thecareer that you want to have,
and I don't care if it's a rockstar, like if you, if you
(38:29):
picture yourself sitting on themoon, that's where you're going
to talk about.
You're going to say it out loud.
He went off, I, we.
It was like 35 minutes of likehe described the car that he
wanted down to a T, the housethat he was going to live in.
Um, he was like at a concert,he was performing on stage and
like it was amazing and like hefelt so good afterwards and like
even just getting them to likeuse words and then cause like
(38:52):
once they start talking about it, then they can start visioning
it and then putting that onto avision board.
So it's like it can start withsomething as simple as a
conversation.
Speaker 2 (39:02):
And you just got to keep seeing it.
It doesn't matter if it doesn'thappen within that year.
You just keep seeing it and youwill definitely get there.
Just keep picturing it.
It will come into fruitation,absolutely yes.
So before we wrap things up, Ido have to ask you, when it
comes to your own personalpractice, is there anything that
you use or that you do on adaily basis that is helping you
(39:24):
redefine what self-care lookslike for you and showing up for
yourself on a daily?
Speaker 1 (39:30):
I would say journaling and meditation.
So I try to journal every day.
Of course I'm not perfect, so Idon't end up doing that every
day, but I do find that when Ican journal three days out of
the week, I always feel so muchbetter Putting those thoughts on
a piece of paper and thenmeditating anywhere from five to
10 minutes, even if you're justsitting in your car before you
go inside People I think theyoverthink it Sometimes.
(39:52):
You can do it anywhere.
You can meditate in your car,you can meditate in the bathroom
, you know, if you have kids andyou're never left alone.
Just standing in the bathroomfor five minutes and giving
yourself five minutes of justrest, of just like relaxing,
just giving your brain fiveminutes to just recuperate
itself, those are like my twoquick and easy go-tos.
Speaker 2 (40:14):
I love that you said.
Meditation is like you said.
It's quick If all you're doingis taking a few breaths and
people don't realize thatthey're doing it without really
knowing that they're doing it.
Anytime you pull up in front ofyour house and you don't get
out right away and you're justsitting in silence in the car.
You may not realize it, but youare meditating, my friend.
That's what you're doing,because you are resetting your
(40:35):
mind, preparing yourself to walkinto the house and to show up
as a version of you that youwant for your family and
yourself.
Absolutely yes.
So tell people where they canconnect with you and learn more
about how you can guide themthrough reaching their own
wellness journey.
Speaker 1 (40:54):
Yeah, absolutely.
So you can find me on mywebsite, which is
coachingintotransformationcom.
You can find me on Instagramwith training with Sam, so it's
training W Sam.
I also have a TikTok, which isalso training with Sam.
I just recently put out acookbook which I'm super excited
about.
Yeah, so that can be found onthe TikTok shop, it can be found
(41:14):
on Amazon and it can bepurchased on my website again,
which iscoachingintotransformationcom.
Speaker 2 (41:22):
Awesome.
And don't worry you guys, I'mgoing to have all that
information for you in the shownotes so you can connect with
Samantha, get that cookbook andyou know, just start the journey
.
Start where you're at, meetyourself where you are All right
, samantha, thank you so muchfor adjusting.
It's so amazing and sharing,you know, not just your journey
but all the tips, and tricks andtools that you've used that
(41:44):
have helped others.
So thank, you?
Speaker 1 (41:47):
Yeah, absolutely.
Thank you so much for having meon.
This was so wonderful, you'rewelcome.
Speaker 2 (41:51):
All right, you guys.
That is all the tea that wehave to spill today, but guess
what?
You get to join me next weekfor more delicious hot tea.
Until next time, my friends,namaste.
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