Returning Home to Your True Self | The Essential Grace Series, Pt. 4

Text Michele

Tired of pretending to be who others expect you to be? That exhaustion isn’t just emotional — it’s neurological. Your brain literally burns out trying to manage a false self. But here’s the good news: your true self — the one God dreamed up before the foundation of the world — isn’t something you have to earn or achieve. It’s already in you, waiting to be remembered and rediscovered. 

In this episode, we’re fusing neuroscience with soul-deep truth. Discover how authenticity lights up your brain’s default mode network, reduces stress, and strengthens emotional bonds. When you live from your true self, you’re not just happier, you’re healthier! No more performing. No more people-pleasing. Just grace, identity, and a return home to the real you: God’s beloved. Let’s go there together. 

Today’s Reflection Questions: 

• When do you feel most like yourself? 
• What spaces let you exhale and stop performing? 
• What relationships or friendships or rhythms bring you back to center? 
• Where do you feel safe enough to be honest, unedited, and fully present? 

Need some help basking in your beloved-ness? Listen to the very first episode of this podcast, called You Are His Beloved. 

Support the show

Welcome to Today’s Kus Word — where life coaching meets spiritual formation! Join musician, life coach, and spiritual formation prof Michele Kus, as she serves up short, powerful teachings, immersive meditations, bold declarations, and holy f(reedom)-bombs that are based solidly in scripture, grace theology, and positive psychology. Whether you’re seeking calm, clarity, courage, healing, deeper self-awareness, or just a fresh Kingdom perspective, throw on your headphones and tune into your next breakthrough. #TodaysKusWord

*There is no actual cussing on Today's Kus Word. We keep it squeaky clean!

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Episode Transcript

Michele (00:00):
It's Fri-yay, May 16th, and this is Today's Kus Word.
Welcome to Today's Kus Wordwhere this week we are launching
into a fresh new series calledEssential Grace.
We're going to be exploringsome big life coaching topics
this week, like uncovering yourvalues, clarifying your purpose,

(00:20):
designing an intentional life,juicy stuff like that.
I'm Michele Kus, your spiritualgrowth coach.
Let's get into it.
Happy Friday, my friend, andcongrats! You made it to the end
of the week and we're going tojump right back into our
Essential Grace teaching seriesthat we started on Monday with
part one, which was, What MakesYou Come Alive?

(00:43):
We talked about getting intouch with what lights you up
inside.
And then part two, we talkedabout Your Sacred
Non-Negotiables, those valuesand rhythms and people that are
not up for debate.
These are the things that yoursoul comes back to over and over

(01:04):
again because they give youlife.
And then part three yesterday Itossed you a curveball, which I
enjoy doing from time to time.
Just an immersive spoken wordmeditation, a different kind of
Kus Word, if you will, just togive your imagination another

(01:24):
perspective on Proverbs 4, verse23, which says, Above all else,
guard your heart, foreverything you do flows from it.
And if you are the kind ofperson who likes listening to
music or spoken word, I am goingto notate those with different

(01:45):
podcast art.
You'll see headphones on thepodcast artwork for those
episodes, and usually it'll havesome kind of heading like
Meditative Spoken Word.
I'm actually going to throwsome dance music as well on this
podcast.
That'll be coming up.
So if you like those, look forthe podcast art with the

(02:07):
headphones, and if you don'tlike those kind of episodes,
then just skip the ones with theheadphones on the artwork.
Cool?
And today, for part four, weare talking about something that
is as freeing as it isfoundational and that is
returning to your true self.

(02:28):
Not the version of you thatlearned how to please others.
Not the version of you that wasshaped by pressure or pain or
trauma or any other survivaltactics, but this is the
original you, the you that Goddreamed into being before the

(02:49):
foundation of the world.
So this isn't about striving tobecome something new.
This is all about rememberingwho you already are, who God
made you to be.

And Today's Kus Word is this (03:00):
I am God's beloved and I live
from grace, not performance.
I'll give it to you one moretime: I am God's beloved and I
live from grace, not performance.

(03:21):
I love that word beloved.
I actually have a tattoo on myforearm that says beloved, just
to remind me who I am, no matterwhat kind of day I'm having,
whether it's a good day, bad dayor an ugly day.
It's just a reminder that I canalways see of who I actually am

(03:41):
, which is God's beloved.
But if you actually lookclosely at the tattoo, there's a
little space in between the beand the loved, a little tiny
space there to remind me that myjob, my primary job, is to be
loved and that's your primaryjob.
It's just to be loved by theFather.

(04:04):
So today we're unpacking how torecognize your true self and
what it means to live fully you,not the version others expect
of you.
And if you've been followingthe show, you know that about a
month ago, back in April, I didan episode called Unmasking the
False Self, where we talkedabout how our true selves can

(04:26):
actually become buried underlayers of expectations or
disappointment or trauma or justsurvival tactics, and that
episode actually got a lot ofdownloads.
I think it really resonatedwith a lot of people.
So today I actually want todive deeper into the flip side,
which is your true self.

(04:47):
So let's talk about thedifference there.
So the false self learns how toperform.
It hustles for validation andit fears being too much and or
not enough.
So some people feel likethey're too much all the time,
just very extra.
Some people feel not enough allthe time and some people feel

(05:07):
both like I'm too much but I'mnot enough.
Let me know if that resonateswith you.
I have definitely felt that inmy life.
The false self is always goingto scan the room and conform to
whatever the expectation is.
It's kind of a chameleon.
It's trying to earn love thatwas always meant to just be

(05:29):
freely received.
So, on the flip side, what'sthe true self?
So the true self is obviouslythe opposite of all of that.
But mainly, the true self isgoing to flow from union with
the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
That is our true place and it'sgrounded in grace.

(05:51):
It's not striving.
The true self is confident,without comparing oneself to
other people.
The true self feels whole,without having to prove anything
.
So this is about you cominghome to your true self, who God
created you to be.
Let's talk a minute about whatactually happens inside of your

(06:12):
brain.
I thought this was reallyinteresting.
I did a deep dive researchbecause, as LulaBanana12 can
tell you, she does a lot ofresearch.
I love research.
What happens in your brain andbody when you live from your
false self versus your true selfand neuroscience has actually,
there's been a lot of studies inneuroscience on this topic.

(06:35):
I was surprised how many.
I found at least a dozen.
But neuroscience will confirmwhat our souls kind of already
know intuitively, and that isthat living authentically true
to who you really are does notjust feel better, it actually
changes your brain and your bodyfor the better.

(06:57):
So when you're living and beingyour true self, the brain's
default mode network associatedwith self-awareness and
reflection actually justnaturally lights up.
But when you present a falseself by performing or pleasing
or pretending, your brain has towork overtime.

(07:18):
It takes a lot of psychologicalenergy to do that.
So it uses your prefrontalcortex, that front part of your
brain, to manage the mask thatyou are wearing, and this
triggers stress responses likeelevated cortisol and a fight or
flight activation.

(07:38):
So walking around in a falseself is psychologically
exhausting, as well asemotionally exhausting.
So living authentically true toyourself calms your nervous
system.
It improves your mood.
It boosts resilience, and thatincludes resilience to

(07:58):
infections, and it deepensrelationships.
So people who live in alignmentwith their true self actually
experience lower anxiety, lessdepression, and they have
stronger emotional and socialbonds.
This is true even in clinicalsettings where you've got people

(08:21):
who have social anxiety, traumarecovery, every kind of mental
health issue going on.
That practicing authenticityhelps restore emotional balance.
So being real doesn't justbring peace of mind, it actually
rewires your brain for freedomand connection and more joy.

(08:45):
So in the language of grace,your truest self is also your
healthiest self.
But when you live from yourfalse self, your brain has to
work overtime and kind of livesin the state of exile.
And scripture, right?
We've always known this.
In Psalm 139, verse 14, itsays, I praise you because I am

(09:10):
fearfully and wonderfully made.
David didn't just say that hewas wonderful, he also said I
know it full well.
That is identity that's rootedin knowing who you are, that you

(09:30):
are the beloved.
It's a holy kind ofself-awareness that is not
flowing from ego or pride.
It is flowing from a sense ofbelonging and belovedness.
And you might be thinking, Well, that was King David, Michele,
I'm just me! Yes, but if youlook at King David's life, yeah,

(09:55):
you know where I'm going withthis.
This man was not a perfect man,and you don't have to be
perfect to be able to say, I amfearfully and wonderfully made
and I know it full well.
Because our identity is notwrapped up in what we do.

(10:15):
It is entirely about who we areand whose we are.
I feel like some of you need tohear that again.
Your identity is not wrapped upin what you do.
It is entirely about who youare, who God made you to be and

(10:38):
whose you are.
You are his beloved, period.
End of conversation.
It doesn't matter what you'vedone.
It doesn't matter the mistakesyou've made or even the
deliberates that you've done onpurpose.
His love for you does notchange based on what you've done

(11:01):
in your life.
His love for you is constant.
You will always be the beloved.
Whether you like it or not,whether you know it or not, you
will always be the beloved, andit's not your fault.
He's just that good.
Okay, take a deep breath.
I have a few reflectionquestions for you as we wrap up,

and the first one is this (11:25):
When do you feel most like yourself?
What spaces let you exhale andstop performing?

(11:46):
What relationships orfriendships or rhythms bring you
back to center?

And the last one (11:56):
Where do you feel safe enough to be honest
and unedited and fully present?
So I'll put those reflectionquestions down in the Show Notes

(12:19):
as well if you would like torefer back to them and think
about those this week.
Those are just some sacredclues.
Your true self is not going toshout, it will whisper and it
shows up in these moments ofpeace and clarity and freedom to

(12:41):
be unedited.
I have to share a funny storywith you.
When one of my kids was younger, she used to get into these
giggle moments and she wouldlaugh herself so silly, she
would end up on the floor andlaugh and just roll around on
the floor laughing herself,like, laughing up a storm.

(13:04):
And it was such a picture ofsomebody who's totally
themselves, totally unedited,and totally at home with who
they truly are in the moment.
And it created so much joy, notonly in her, but in all the
people in the room around her,like, it was so contagious, her
joy.

(13:24):
So that's just a picture ofwhat it looks like to be fully
yourself and unedited.
So, whatever thoughts you havein response to those questions,
write those down and, as I close, let me pray for us.
God of all wholeness, thank youfor the grace to return to

(13:47):
ourselves.
Thank you for the mercy thatmeets us even when we're not
perfect, and unravel in useverything that's false.
Call us back to the holy groundof our true self, which is
always in You.
And remind us that we are neverlost.

(14:08):
We are always held.
We are not broken.
We are just becoming more ofwho you've always created us to
be.
Breathe on every buried partand let us live, not from
striving but from surrender.

(14:30):
And remind us that in You, weare already and always enough.
In the beautiful name of Jesus,I pray.
Amen.
And that, my friend, is whatI've got for you today.

(14:51):
I hope you loved it, and if youdid, make sure you share it
with a friend who needs to alsohear that they are enough.
And if you loved this episode,send me a text message.
If you're in the US or Canada,you can send me a one way text
message and let me know how thisis hitting you or what is your
biggest takeaway.

(15:12):
I would love to hear it! And inthe next episode of the
Essential Grace series, we willstart to talk about your core
values and your internal compass, how you make decisions, how
you set boundaries, how youshape the rhythms in your life.
I think you're going to love it! Until then, have an awesome

(15:34):
day and an awesome weekend.