Episode Transcript
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Michele (00:00):
It's Friday, April 11th
, and this is Today's Kus Word.
It's Friday, baby, and you knowwhat that means: Time to drop
another Friday freedom bomb.
I'm Michele Kus, your spiritualgrowth coach, and this is your
weekly Kus Word to launch youinto your weekend with some
truth, some grace and some holyfire.
(00:24):
Let's get into it.
Hello, happy Friday.
Yes, you heard that right.
We are switching from a Mondaythrough Friday format to a
weekly format.
This show is going to release anew episode every Friday
morning, and the good news is itwill be longer than five
(00:45):
minutes.
So, instead of five minutes aday, five days a week, which was
a little bit much for me tokeep up with, we're going to do
one day a week, on Fridays, butit's going to be as long as it
needs to be.
So there you go.
You won't need to feel behindor like you need to catch up if
(01:08):
you miss a day here or therebecause it's only going to be
releasing once a week, on Friday.
Think of it as your Fridayfreedom bomb.
See what I did there.
It's Kus Word, freedom bomb.
Okay, moving on.
So here is Today's Kus Word.
The real you isn't missing.
It's just waiting to berevealed.
(01:31):
What if the parts of you thatyou're ashamed of aren't
actually failures but survivalinstincts?
What if this false self isn'tsomething that God is angry
about or disappointed about, butit's just something that he
(01:54):
wants to heal?
What if spiritual maturityisn't about becoming someone
else, but it's finally becomingwho you've always been in God's
eyes?
What if the false self isn'tsomething to beat down, but
something to release, so thereal you can shine through?
(02:18):
So, as we have been exploringthe topics of personality and
emotional intelligence, it seemsappropriate to talk about the
false self.
Is this something that you'veheard of?
So today's episode is all aboutunmasking the false self, not
(02:41):
with guilt, but with gentleness.
So we're going to explore howgrace invites us out of our
protective personas and into thefreedom of who we truly are in
Christ.
So you might be asking what isthe false self?
(03:04):
Well, I'm glad you asked.
This is not a topic that wetalk very much about in church,
that's for sure.
So the false self is the versionof you that you created, maybe
without you even realizing it,in order to feel safe or loved
(03:26):
or accepted.
It might be the achiever, itmight be the perfectionist, it
might be the helper, it might bethe peacemaker.
It might be the performer.
It's the you that shows up whenyou're not sure the real you
will be enough.
(03:46):
The false self, as you canprobably guess by the words, is
someone who isn't you.
Think of it as a mask that'scovering up parts of the real
you.
So the false self is an identitythat we have built to feel safe
(04:07):
or seen or in control, and it'snot all bad.
This false self helped you tonavigate real wounds or real or
perceived threats in yourenvironment.
This false self is the part ofus that learn to perform,
(04:28):
protect or please in order tofeel safe, accepted or
significant.
So you didn't invent the falseself to be rebellious; you
invented it to survive.
It's a survival tactic.
Maybe you had to perform orachieve to win parental approval
(04:52):
.
Maybe you had to hide yourlight so as to not stand out too
much.
Maybe you had to please othersbecause you believed a lie
somewhere along the line thatthey wouldn't love you otherwise
.
There are infinite reasons whywe create a false self, and the
(05:14):
problem is that if we don'trecognize these patterns and
heal them, we bring them rightinto our relationship with God
and we think that we have toachieve to win His approval or
please Him, in order to gain Hislove, etc.
We bring the false self rightinto our relationship with God,
(05:37):
and nothing could be furtherfrom the truth.
We don't have to achieve to winHis approval, we don't have to
say or do anything special togain his love, and so these are
things that we want to noticeand address.
And rememberThe false self is not a lie.
(05:58):
It's just not the whole truthabout who we are.
The false self is a version ofyou, but it's not the truest you
.
It's more like a mask, or youcan think of like the fig leaf.
It's like a temporaryprotection, like Adam and Eve in
the garden trying to hide underthose ridiculous fig leaves
(06:23):
because they didn't feel safeanymore.
So here's the grace, though thefalse self formed for a reason.
Maybe it was how you coped, ormaybe it was how you got through
a tough situation when you werea kid.
The false self isn't evil, it'snot even sinful, it's just
(06:46):
adaptive.
The false self is not a villain, it's just a survival strategy.
But it's also exhausting.
Can I get an amen on that?
So you weren't made to live inthat version of yourself forever
(07:06):
.
That's why emotional andspiritual maturity, it doesn't
mean that we beat that falseself into submission or condemn
ourselves for having it.
It just means that we begin torecognize it and, yes, even
thank it for what it tried to dofor us and then release it.
(07:28):
So we are not here to crush thefalse self.
We are here to gently uncoverthe real you that's already
hidden in Christ, andrecognizing our patterns,
without judging them, is a signof emotional intelligence and
(07:48):
emotional maturity.
So these things start withawareness, without shame.
So it's not about fixing thefalse self and beating yourself
up for having one.
It's just about revealing thereal you.
So, instead of judging orcondemning yourself, if you're
(08:09):
realizing oh my gosh, I havethis in my life, which, by the
way, we all do! Instead ofjudging or condemning yourself,
just get curious and askyourself huh, I wonder why I
felt the need to create thisfalse self in order to survive?
(08:31):
Maybe I had some childhoodwounds, maybe I had some trauma,
maybe I had some roles that Ifelt I needed to play.
Whatever it is, it's better tojust be curious about it rather
than beating yourself up aboutit.
So what messages did that falseself believe?
Maybe it believed I'm onlyloved when I succeed, I'm only
(08:54):
praised when I get straight A'sin school, it's safer to stay
small and hidden versus shiningmy light, or it's not safe to
show emotion.
I mean, there are like infinitemessages and lies that could be
the basis for creating a falseself.
So the false self is like a mask.
(09:16):
It's like a mask that we forgotthat we had on.
We get so used to it we don'teven realize it's there anymore,
but it's making it hard tobreathe.
If there's one thing that 2020taught all of us, it's that
masks don't breathe well.
(09:37):
That thing just gets sticky andsweaty and filled with bacteria
and uncomfortable.
And the same is true of ourfalse self.
Well, I'm not sure about thebacteria part, but you get what
I'm saying.
So are there times you've beenperforming or protecting or
(09:58):
pretending?
What part of you feels like aperformance right now and not
the real you?
So emotional and spiritualmaturity means we no longer need
the mask in order to feelsecure with ourselves, with
others or with God.
So the truest thing about youis not what you've done to
(10:21):
survive, but who God says youare.
Paul tells us in Colossians 3:3, For you died.
You died, remember, he dead.
We already talked about that ona previous episode.
(10:41):
And your life is now hiddenwith Christ in God.
Hidden doesn't mean that you'remissing.
Hidden means that you'reprotected.
The real you is already secureand loved and alive.
So the invitation of grace isnot become someone better.
The invitation of grace is comeout of hiding.
(11:03):
You remember the story all theway back in Genesis, when Adam
and Eve were hiding under thoseridiculous fig leaves and God
came looking for them, not inanger but because they weren't
where they belonged.
God's heart was to bring themout of hiding, and that has
(11:26):
always been his heart for us aswell.
And in verse 10, Paul addsthis: Put on your new nature and
be renewed as you learn to knowyour Creator and become like
him.
So this isn't about becomingsomeone else.
It's about returning to whoyou've always been, before the
(11:49):
wounding, before the trauma,before the masks, before the
hustle, before any of that.
And let's take a look at 2Corinthians 3, verse 18, which
Paul says this (12:05):
We all with
unveiled faces are looking, as
in a mirror, at the glory of theLord and are being transformed
into the same image, from gloryto glory.
Healing from the false self isall about unveiling.
(12:26):
You are not trying to becomesomeone new.
You're letting the real yourise to the surface.
You're not becoming someoneelse.
You're becoming more you.
You're becoming the you thatGod dreamed of before the world
began.
So here are a few questions youcan just gently ask yourself:
(12:52):
Where am I performing right nowinstead of resting?
What mask do I wear when I'mnot sure I'm enough?
And what would it look like tolet grace reveal the real me?
So here's the best part (13:10):
You
don't have to manufacture a
better version of yourself.
You don't have to shame thefalse self away or even condemn
yourself for having it.
You can just love it intosurrender, because the Holy
(13:32):
Spirit is already doing the work.
We are just agreeing andcooperating with the work that
he's already doing.
So I'm going to lead you in ashort meditation and we are
going to address this false self.
So I want you to take a deepbreath in and let it out, and
(14:02):
just close your eyes gently andimagine Jesus sitting across
from you in your room.
He's looking right in your eyes.
Now I want you to pictureyourself holding your false self
(14:29):
in your hands, as if it's amask, the mask that you wear to
feel accepted or loved or incontrol.
Look down at that mask withcompassion, even smile at it.
(14:53):
You know that that mask triedto help you.
It worked so hard for you.
As you hold this mask in yourhands, you can hear Jesus say
this to you (15:11):
That version of you
helped you survive, so let's
thank her, let's thank him.
And you can say this (15:20):
Thank you
for helping me survive and
adapt to situations in my past.
You can rest now, though,because I'm safe.
(15:46):
As you hold this mask in yourhands, hear Jesus say this to
you (15:56):
Child, masks don't breathe
well, so let's let that part of
you go.
You both have smiles on yourfaces, and slowly you hand your
mask to Jesus, and he smiles atyou, not because you're finally
(16:22):
fixed, but because he sees theface that he created underneath.
You're face to face with Jesus,eye to eye.
Let him gaze at your unmaskedface with love and celebration.
He is overjoyed in this momentbecause this is the you that he
(16:50):
dreamed up before the foundationof the world.
Now hear Jesus say (16:55):
Welcome
back.
You've always been mine.
God is not trying to shame yourmask off.
He's just gently lifting it,not to expose you but to reveal
(17:19):
you.
Unmasking isn't aboutembarrassment, it's about exhale
.
It's about breathing freelyagain.
It's about coming home to yourGod-created self.
Breathe.
(17:41):
And now you can wiggle yourfingers and toes.
Come back here, open your eyes,welcome back.
You're not becoming someoneelse.
You're becoming more you, theyou hidden with Christ, the you
(18:04):
made in glory, the you that theworld is waiting for.
You see, the false self hides,but Jesus reveals.
The false self performs, butJesus invites and welcomes.
The false self clings, butJesus frees.
(18:44):
The false self fears, but Jesusloves unconditionally and is a
safe place.
The real you isn't missing.
It's just waiting to berevealed.
Maybe this journey of spiritualformation isn't so much about
becoming anything.
Maybe it's more aboutunbecoming everything that isn't
(19:04):
really you, so that you canfreely be the you that you were
meant to be in the first place.
Remember God doesn't love somefuture version of you.
He loves the real you alreadyhidden with Christ, just waiting
(19:29):
to be fully revealed.
All right, that's what I gotfor you today.
I hope you enjoyed today'sepisode and if you did, please
share it with a friend who mightfind it encouraging.
And remember you can come backto this message anytime and
listen to it again whenever youfeel that old, pesky, false self
trying to rear its head.
Remember you don't need itsprotection anymore.
(19:51):
And remember you can send me atext message.
There is a link down in theshow notes that says Text
Michele, just tap on that linkwith your phone and send me a
text message.
Let me know how this is hittingyou.
And remember to follow my otherpodcast called New Creation
Meditations.
(20:12):
That's a podcast where I dropone meditation every Monday
morning and it just helps youget in the right headspace as
you launch into your work week.
So don't miss it.
Just remember Monday meditation.
Thanks so much for joining metoday and I will see you again
next Friday for another Kus Word.
(20:34):
Until then, have a great week.