Today’s Lucky Winner
“Life may not be fair, but the afterlife tries to be.” That’s the motto of the DMV. (The Department of Mishaps and Violence). When Dawn Menendez finds out that she’s met her untimely demise in a freak curling iron/fire sprinkler accident, she’s met with a posthumous opportunity. She was the 777th soul reaped by the department that day. She now has the opportunity to go back to earth for an entire year, chaperoned by the Reaper who took her soul. The only hitch? Before she’s sent back to earth, she learns that her cosmic scale has been found wanting. Her soul weighs just enough to get sent to a hell dimension. What could she have possibly done? All she did was play MMO’s and go to work. Her first night on earth, her reaper suggests that her accidental demise may have been murder. If she can prove she was murdered, she gets to be reincarnated, and avoid going to hell. Now, Dawn has a year to prove she was murdered and balance the cosmic scales in her favor.Things would be a lot easier if her Reaper would stop getting high and help her.
Episodes
Dawn dies! We swear it's not a spoiler. It's kind of the impetus for the whole story. Now she's entered the posthumous bureaucracy of the Department of Mishaps and Violence. Lucky her, she won a prize! She gets one more year on earth, which she has to spend with the pill popping Reaper who took her soul.
Cast:
Narrator - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn - Emma Fuentes @og_emmakid
Kyl...
We’ve been searching all day to find the Wikihow on what to do if your grim reaper swallows a bunch of pills that are evidence in a murder case. We couldn’t find one. Maybe Dawn can figure it out on her own? I don’t know. How did people handle this before the internet? Also, Dawn and Rita take a field trip to the morgue. And there’s nudity. How did we fit nudity into an audio medium? Listen and find out!
Dawn, Rita, and Sunny save the entire city of Dallas. No joke. They manage to do it without ever leaving Dawn’s apartment. They barely even leave the living room! I swear! How did they do it? Well, I’m not going to tell you in the episode description. Listen to the dang show.
Cast:
Narrator - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn - Emma Fuentes @og_emmakid
Kyle, Senator Owens - Kyle Coughlin @kale...
The gals enter the DREAMSCAPE. They meet a new old timey friend...maybe a friend? Still not clear on that. Rita workshops some ideas with an iconic film and dance legend. Dawn shows us the treasure she’s been hiding in her garage. There’s a thrilling rescue mission for a butthole bear.
Cast:
Narrator, Crawford - Sean Turner @seanwkturner
Dawn - Emma Fuentes @og_emmakid
Greylance, Gene, Chris - K...
In this episode, it’s the heist of the century! Not this century, but maybe a century where there wasn’t a lot going on. Definitely one of the centuries without indoor plumbing. Just a pretty chill century where there wasn’t a lot of cool stuff to heist. Also: There’s a heart to heart? Do we do that? Do we have earnest emotional moments on this show now? IDK! Listen to the episode and find out.
P.S. Hey. Hey...
Dawn and Rita have some down time before their mysterious full moon rendezvous. Rita verbally threatens someone at a sample kiosk. The gals take a trip, in more ways than one. Rita meets and old friend. Like, a REALLY old friend. The girls share their tips on making the most delectable, garlic butter roasted artichokes you’ve ever had. (Pssst...the secret ingredient is drugs.)
P.S. Hey. Hey, you. Are you new...
The gals finally have their full moon appointment. Dawn meets an old friend, which is weird, given that her only friends are Rita and Sunny. Flashback to the turn of the century, where the Fruitopia flowed like water.
P.S. Hey. Hey, you. Are you new here? Is this your first time listening? What are you doing at episode 7? This is a serial. Go back to the first episode. Go on, GIT!
A special t...
Rita is forced to actually do her dang job, when Dawn decides to be a badass and take on a building full of vampires. Wasn’t this nerd supposed to be easy to chaperone? We really got the impression she’d stay out of trouble. But now, she does acid in the woods and shoots vampires? It’s like the ending of Grease, without the misogyny and flying car.
P.S. Hey. Hey, you. Are you new here? Is this your first ti...
Dawn goes back to 1955 to make sure her parents bang, or she won’t exist...hold on. Wait, that’s a different time travel story. In our story, the gals go back to 1968, where a very human Sunny has accidentally joined a vampire cult. Can they stop her from getting turned? SHOULD they? We don’t quite remember the movie The Butterfly Effect, but I think the lesson was that it’s all chill, so long as no butterflies are h...
The girls are still back in 1968. Do they “edit” the timeline? That’s our nice way of asking if they say “Let’s screw with it and make another, much hotter timeline! Who gives a flying fart? Like this timeline is very good anyways? Heck that shart!” (We’re still not sure if we can cuss in these descriptions.)
What will their new future look like? Is there going to be weird sex stuff at this vampire ce...
The Oxford Dictionary defines the cloaca as “ A common cavity at the end of the digestive tract for the release of both excretory and genital products in vertebrates (except most mammals) and certain invertebrates. Specifically, the cloaca is present in birds, reptiles, amphibians, most fish, and monotremes.”
Now that we have the important stuff out of the way: The gals are back in the 21st century! Wh...
Diane, It’s 11:30 PM in Rita’s Dreamscape. The gals are entering the town of Twink Peaks. They see an old misogynist get an ass whoopin’, some dude’s butthole, and we take a brief detour to Australia. Rita begins a new business venture. Will she become a #girlboss? Dawn follows up on a dead witch lead, crossing paths with the Warlofia. Hold on, Warlofia? Like the Warlock Mafia? They do NOT call it that.
In this episode, a sexy misunderstanding leads to a knockoff Boyz II Men, evisceration, and Furbies. Dawn has some questions for an impossibly sexy Warlock. Rita eats a bunch of snacks. We know that happens every episode, but that’s really the highlight of the adventure for her. Carmilla and Crawford discuss early 00’s films and the ramifications of cyber bullying.
Oh, and a giant demoness is summoned direct...
In this episode, Dawn gets an offer she might refuse. She and Rita have a heart-to-heart over a stolen wallet. Rita does drugs. We understand that could be literally any episode, we just want you to know she does drugs in this one. Sunny and Rita do some SMOOCHIN’. We flashback to hell, where Rita teaches a demon about film history. Carmilla has a press conference. There are no drugs or smooching at the press confere...
In this episode, Dawn tells Rita a story rife with nudity. We learn about a rare, congenital poop disease. The gals take a road trip, and Rita eats her body weight in pretzels. We hear about the incredible gifts that our local public radio station is offering in their membership drive. Remember, their programming is made possible by listeners like you. The ladies meet a donkey! (Trust us, it’s more important that it ...
The Donkey Lady Bridge of San Antonio is a pretty messed up urban legend. The gals cut through the misinformation, and get the story straight from the horse’s...well, donkey’s mouth. We meet a trio of ghost hunters. Rita meets a celebrity. Dawn resurrects an old special interest in the name of detective work.
...
In this episode, Sunny conducts a science experiment so sexy, Bill Nye is SHOOK. Rita and Sunny make us wonder if they ever went through an improv group phase in college. Dawn, on the other hand, shows us that she’s not great at “Yes, and,” but she MIGHT speak Finnish. Rita reminisces with a guy named Russell, who has definitely met her before. Crawford raises his voice to his mom, who is not acting like her usual ...
This episode, Dawn is kicking sensory overload in the taint, and doing some real badass detective stuff at the VoyR Convention. Rita harasses white people who culturally appropriate, and summarily mess up, foods from other cultures. Dawn is forced to do some pest control. Sunny learns about emojis and gains a new admirer. We learn that if an energy vampire ever invites you to a party, maybe you should turn down thei...
Well jeez, last we saw Sunny, she found herself in quite the tempting predicament, huh? Perhaps this episode provides a resolution to the cliffhanger we left you on last time, or maybe it doesn’t, because life isn’t fair. (Just kidding! It does. We love you. We wouldn’t leave you hanging.)
See what the stars have in store for you this week. It can’t be as bad as getting your face peeled off. Carmilla befrien...
In this episode: Sunny gets not fast enough, and terribly furious, while driving the ice cream truck. Rita does the impossible! Well, the fact that she does it means it’s not impossible, but she does the highly improbable. There’s smooth jazz! We learn that the litmus test for whether or not someone is irredeemably evil lies in asking them their thoughts about the 1999 film, The Mummy. Kyle asks to speak to the manag...
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