July 22, 2025 • 29 mins
Jay recounts a reckless driving incident from his youth that resulted in property damage, legal consequences, and important life lessons.
• Jay and his friend went to a dance club where they consumed alcohol
• After leaving, Jay drove recklessly, blowing through stop signs on the way home
• While turning a corner near his grandparents' house, Jay crashed into a neighbor's yard and brick wall
• The pair concocted a story about hitting a deer on the freeway
• Police discovered Jay's license plate at the scene and came to question him
• Jay had to apologize to the property owners, repair the damage, and go to court
• The car, purchased just two months earlier, was totaled due to frame damage
• The experience taught Jay an important lesson about not drinking and driving
If you have an opportunity to review this show, we'd love to hear your stories too.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey, jay, you ever done something really stupid
when you were young that youwould never do when you were old
.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yeah, that's what this story's about.
Perfect, good job, tony.
Okay, so my story begins in2000 and whatever.
Can't remember the year.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
This is the day or the year, I just want to say, it
doesn't really narrow it downat all, though yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Like 2005?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Because I don't remember Like after high school
would have been finished.
I would say yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
And I don't remember those days.
They're very foggy from all thedrinking, but no drugs.
I was a drinker.
I stuck to one thing, becausealcohol's not a drug.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
But carry on.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
So this story starts out with my friend and I looking
for something to do.
Can we give him a name?
No, just call him friend.
God damn it.
He doesn't listen, but whocares?
So we're thinking of somethingto do and we decide to go out to
not a rave, but like a dancebar, like a disco, yeah, kind of
(01:24):
like a disco.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
This is the 60s, 70s, 60s.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
There's dancing there , but trust me, I didn't do much
of it, and if I did I don'tremember.
But basically we drink a bitand then we get the guts to go
out and mingle with girls orjust have fun.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I believe back around that time they call it holler
at some bitches, yeah, yeahdefinitely.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
That's why we go to the bar to get bitches.
Right, this is when I had my uh, white, um, not t-top.
Yeah, white, uh convertibleCavalier.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh, I thought you were going to say PT Cruiser.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
No, no, they didn't even have those.
Then I don't think 2000,whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Custom convertible PT Cruiser.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
So we go to this bar, and I'm pretty sure this was
before I was 20.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Can we keep calling it a nightclub though?
Yeah, let's call it a nightclub.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a dance club.
Dance club.
It has a lot of lights, there'sa big-ass stage for dancing and
there is one bar.
So we are there, we get there,we're there for a couple hours,
then we get into the dance mood,where the alcohol takes over
(02:50):
and you just don't give a shitanymore.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
So that steve's on blue mound.
You went to.
No, it was.
Uh, what was that place?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
it was anyways, god, I love it.
I don't even think it's thereanymore.
No, it's called something else.
Now, it was downtown somewhereanyway, ladybug uh, there's way
more.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I can't think of the name uh, definitely not there
anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Um so, we're dancing, we're, we're getting, we're
getting feeling better, gettingmore, more buzz.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
What kind of dancing are you doing?
More like a mosh pit dancing,or are you doing like some
hip-hop moves?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
no, just definitely not kicking in the middle
there's definitely no hip-hop.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
It's yeah, it's like pop music, I think.
I don't remember really, I justknew we were doing dumb dancing
okay, I, I noticed one dudepissed me off in the middle of
the dance floor so I just stoodthere Because he fucked up the
choreography.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Tell me you were doing bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Tell me you got Justin Timberlake banging
without telling me.
Probably it was probably shitlike that.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Or fucking Flo Rida.
Was he back then?
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Flo.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Rida, flo Rida.
Was he back then?
Flo Rida, flo Rida.
So this guy pissed me off.
So I was standing in the middleof the dance floor with my
middle finger up just staring athim, but he's like what are you
doing, man?
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Broke into a serious dance-off.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Everybody moved aside , made a big circle.
Yeah, they separated us.
I didn't do any dancing, I justflipped them off while he
danced.
Yeah, okay, so that wasbasically.
The night got wasted.
And then, uh, we, we had onechick with us.
I don't remember if she waswith us, we bring her home.
So this is in milwaukee, we'redriving back to my grandparents
house in new berlin, so that'swhat is that?
(04:19):
30 minutes away, okay, and uh,I, I just like talking now about
this kind of like makes youfeel kind of sick, because I
regret every single thing I did.
As the driving went along.
I was blowing through stopsigns.
I was going through streetswhere there was one stop sign
and the other side, other way,goes through, it doesn't have a
(04:40):
stop sign.
I was just blow right through.
You can't even see if carscoming, dude.
I can just blow right through.
You can't even see if a car iscoming, dude.
I could have died 16 timesdifferent times just on the way
home.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I know man, when those Zimas take over.
Zoom Is it Zoom, zima Is it?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Zima the white, the clear, clear.
Yeah, so we're going to go.
Chris is writing down Zima.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Are, so we're.
Uh, chris is right now.
Are you really he is?
You gotta write that down ifthat's not worth writing down.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I don't know what is dude.
Um, so we're driving home.
We're almost home.
I know that they're terrified.
At least the chick is.
I don't think she was drunk, Ithink she was just a little
buzzed, so she's probablyscreaming in the back she just
had that roofie in her buzzed,so she's probably screaming in
the back.
She just had that roofie in her,didn't kick in yet we had to
top down everything.
Dude, we're lucky didn't pullover.
(05:32):
So you know how they sayaccidents happen closer to home
yeah, within a mile of yourhouse.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, usually.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
That's why you never take your seatbelt off before
you stop.
Who would do?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
that I don't get that move I do.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Before I get into the garage, I take my seatbelt off.
For why?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Because, I need a little breathing room.
You need to get up.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You need some breathing room.
Like I jump out of my carbefore I even put it in park
Because I've noticed like youjust ghost ride it right to the
spot.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You steer it from outside the car In your
underground parking garage.
I always hit a couple childrenbefore and I was like fuck, get
out of the way.
You just let the wall gentlystop it.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No, there's one of those metal poles sticking up.
I just bump into that bitch andit stops for me.
No, so, yeah, so I, yeah.
Now I'm confused right now.
Anyway, so we're driving home.
Accidents happen closer to homewe are.
I was coming around on afucking 90 degree turn, going 80
.
So this was a street down fromthe house, my grandparents'
(06:43):
house, where our destination was.
So as we started turning around, this corner couldn't make the
turn.
So then I started to go furtherand further toward the edge of
the driveway or the street andthen finally into the ditch of
someone's house, dropped intothe ditch and then hit a brick
(07:04):
wall into the other neighbor'shouse and then got back onto the
road and kept driving the next50 feet to my grandparents house
.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
So so in you smashed into your grandfather's
neighbor's house.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, three houses down, so it's not necessarily
considered a neighbor okay youcould say they're what
neighborhood?
Yeah, Neighborhood.
They might know them, theymight have seen them walking,
they probably wave while mowinglawns.
So I went down into the.
I destroyed the grass,destroyed the brick, half brick
wall around a tree and got backonto the road.
(07:42):
We stopped in front of mygrandparents house and we
assessed the damage.
So I went outside.
I'm like dude, everything looksfucking great.
I just like I mean whathappened?
This is a car's made of rubber.
We just bounced in and out ofthat shit and this was like I
mean a ditch where you know howthe ditches dive down about like
a culvert yeah, it dived downabout three feet and then right
(08:05):
back up yeah, like it's a rampthe most annoying way, uh,
cutting your grass.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah, the fucking you know, you know, I'm saying
those old school places.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
So, um, assess the damages it was, it looked fine,
it's perfect.
And then, uh, the the chickslike I, I want, I want to go
home, I gotta go home.
So I'm like, fuck, fine, I'lldrive you home.
So I mean, my friend and I weredriving, driving down the road.
We're probably a couple minutes.
I don't think she lived too far, don't remember all the details
(08:35):
, but I remember driving downone road and seeing the trees
that, like, the trees were litup.
I'm like what the fuck's goingon?
Why are all the you know thetop of the trees all lit up?
My, I'm like what the fuck'sgoing on?
Why are all the you know thetop of the trees all lit up?
My uh, front headlights werepointed at the sky Cause, my, my
, when I hit the ditch.
I don't know what it did to thebumper or what, but it bent my
(08:56):
lights upward.
Uh, and they were pointingupward.
They weren't straight at all.
I don't know how it happened.
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I drove like 10 miles , so you're driving a mobile
spotlight.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
And you noticed it as you're going into this next
neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Yes, that's when we know like, hey, buddy, let's
call him Adam.
Actually, that's his fuckingname, shit.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
See, that only works if you don't say that part.
That's okay.
What Actually?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
that's the fucking name.
Shit.
See, that only works if youdon't say that part.
Yeah, that's okay.
What the fuck?
Why Is there a way to switchyour lights from up to down?
Can you angle my?
How does this work?
What's going on?
He's like I don't fucking know.
Anyway, we drop her off and thenwe drive back home, park the
car on the side of the street,my grandparents park the car on
(09:47):
the side of the street by mygrandparents, and then we go to
sleep.
Before we go to sleep, though,because you know, we knew at
this point there's something,maybe something wrong with the
car, because the headlights alittle fucked up we're like we
gotta make up a story.
In case.
You know, my mom and dad arelike why is your car scratched
up, fucked up, dent up?
You know, I don't even.
It didn't look bad, it was darkout, I couldn't see, and we had
to make up a story.
So we made up a story together.
(10:08):
I was on the freeway, deer cameout, hit the deer, hit the
pylon, and we came back home,that's what happened?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
You always call gypsy yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
You always say I hit a gypsy.
Yeah, you always say I hit agypsy.
Hit a gypsy, nobody cares, hita deer, so hit a deer and that's
our story.
Let's stick with it, we're allgood.
This is probably two in themorning.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Finished the story, went to bed, um, and then uh, we
were so, so did adam stay overwas yeah, you have sleep over.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
So you're 30 mac, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a
sleepover.
Did he bring his blanket?
No, he had blankets for him.
Oh nice, so we're walking inyour grandmother's basement.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
We apparently grew up in different tax brackets.
There were no extra blankets inmy house.
Get the fuck out of here, youcan use anything as a blanket
Cardboard Come on, here's yoursleeping towel, wait.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
You can use this not only for showering.
You can wait and let it dry anduse it to sleep with.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
No, the secret is to use the window's shade, the
curtain, because you?
Can pull that off and when thesun's up, it'll be warm enough
and you won't need a blanket.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You can hang it back up.
Yeah, so we're waking up atprobably around six or seven in
the morning.
My dad came upstairs and he'slike what happened?
So what happened last night?
And my friend and I look ateach other like what are you
(11:38):
talking about?
Because we didn't think.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Oh yeah, we hit a deer we forgot, we hit a deer.
Yeah, what do you mean?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
yeah, that, that part just when we had that story
down.
It was pretty, very vague andpretty short, but we had that
down that father was nooski.
Took you guys in separate roomshe's in there telling on you
right now.
That's funny.
You say that, um, because he'slike uh well, uh, you need to
come downstairs both you,because there, because there's a
police at our door.
The cops came by and they would.
(12:10):
They immediately separated us.
I mean, they're smart cops,they weren't dumb Immediately
separated us.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Did you guys give the wink about the deer yeah of?
Speaker 3 (12:18):
course I'm like slapping him on the side.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
He's walking down the stairs, you guys are mouthing
deer to each other withoutsaying any words Deer.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Deer, Tell him deer, Adam remember it was two deer it
was two of them.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
I swerved around the baby and hit the mom.
I saved the baby's life.
I figured you know, fuck it,the baby's got more life left in
front of it.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
So they took Adam first, my buddy first, and I'm
like, fuck yeah, he's got thestore down Because they know
that he didn't do anything, hewas just riding along and
they're like ah, this guy willbe easy to crack.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
He didn't even do shit, We'll just charge him with
a bunch of shit.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
We'll tell me he did a bunch of shit.
No fucking crack, it'll be easy, this guy doesn't.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Is the one without the cut on his forehead.
No, they talked to him first.
Um, I think it.
I felt like it lasted forever.
I was.
I was in my room waiting tofucking get my turn 47 minutes
later comes.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
You know the first thing the cop said was so Jay
was driving right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you guys,they knew by the phone books.
You guys crashed into thathouse, right?
Yeah, motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Here comes the short jokes.
Again Back to the short jokes.
They did have a lot of phonebooks back then, though.
You could really use those, butthen I wouldn't be able to
reach the pedals.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
No, you tie them to the bottom of your feet, just
tie them to the pedal itself.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Put a brick on the pedal.
Yeah, that's probably why youcrashed in the first place.
Yeah, fucking so.
They took him downstairs firstand, like I said, it seemed like
it.
Yeah, fucking so.
They took him downstairs firstand, like I said, it seemed like
it took forever.
But I was like man, we're solid, we got this story down.
I know he knows what he has tosay, because I know what I'm
going to say it's going to bethe same fucking thing.
So after 40 minutes, whateverit is yeah, it wasn't 40 minutes
(14:19):
, but after what it was I hearJay come downstairs.
So I'm coming downstairs,walking downstairs, and I see
fucking Adam in a living roomwith his head in his hand,
looking down.
I'm like, oh fuck, he messedthis story up.
And I see two cops with theirarms crossed looking at me
(14:43):
saying come here, we need totalk to you.
And they told Adam to leave theroom.
And my parents were still he'sa snitch, he's free to go.
You gotta walk home, adam.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
um, and then my parents well, the first snitch
is to be honest, are yourparents who let the dumb cops in
your house?
Yeah, I know well, youshouldn't let the damn cops in
the house what am I gonnainterview outside right my
parents?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
are they abide by the law?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
The law means I don't know they they were cooperating
yeah, you don't have to, butwhen I get more into the story,
you might, you might have to, Idon't know.
So, um, then, uh, okay, so thenI'm, I start talking to the
police officer.
So this is how it goes.
So, hey, were you driving thecar last night, sir?
(15:27):
Whatever he called me jay, Idon't know if I could call.
I was like yeah, there's.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
There's no way a frosted tip.
22 year old jay would call mesir, being called sir by the cop
son.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
How about that?
Yeah so were you driving thecar last night, son and I was
like what car he's like?
I caught the bus, all it's likethe white cavalier, with the
top down convertible and I saidyeah yeah, pretty cool car I can
(16:02):
give you a ride in it later.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
You want a ride in it , or?
Speaker 3 (16:04):
something.
Yeah, I think I was drivingthat car.
Yeah, it had to be me.
Yeah, I drove the car.
I was driving the car, yep,he's like.
So what happened?
And I was like, uh, whoa, thisis where I'm like, should I
fucking tell the truth?
Because I feel like maybe hedidn't tell the story and he
(16:25):
told it.
I fuck it.
I was driving down the freewayand a deer jumped right in front
of me and I rammed into him,hit the pylon, jumped back onto
the freeway and I got myselfhome, even after crashing into
that deer.
Don't worry, officer, I madesure the deer was not in the
road when I killed it I knewwhat to do.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I watched the new fast and furious movie it wasn't
even a thing.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Um, and he's like.
And then he said this is what,this is the best part.
He's like you want to try thatagain.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
He's like okay, let me talk slower for you.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
I was I know right, that's the answer you got to
give.
And I was like oh, do you needme to draw you a picture?
Cop here.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I said I hit a deer.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Do you know what a deer is?
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Your story's so loose you couldn't come up with the
same story twice.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Right, that's why they do that.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
No, trust me, we made details down to nothing.
We didn't want any details.
We knew that we couldn'tremember any of that shit like
we forensically cleaned up allthe blood I was like go look at
my car, just buy bloodstains inthe grill.
No, so, he's like you want totry that again?
It's like, no, not really.
What do you mean?
I, I feel bad, I killed thedeer.
(17:44):
He's like seriously, do youwant I've already talked to your
friend, we're not stupid.
I'm like, uh, fuck, am I seeingmy parents looking at me all
disgraced?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
and I was like fuck, I gotta tell you I could see
that smirk on your dad's faceright now like this is gonna be
his first dui hi welcome to thefamily.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
They can't get you to do.
I after uh the next day, your,your alcohol's going through
your system.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It depends.
I mean, most of the time you'restill drunk in the morning.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yeah but I think if I did blow, it was probably like
six hours later, four hourslater, I think my alcohol
content would have been no, no,that's the trick.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Well, here's what you do If you're ever in.
If you're ever in a littlefender bender or something where
no one's really hurt and it waslike, oh shit, but you had been
drinking you quickly run to thenearest convenience store, buy
a bottle of booze, startdrinking it.
That way, when the cop shows up, they'll say have you been
drinking, sir?
And you can say hell yeah, thatcrash was so traumatic for me.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
I immediately needed a bottle of Jack and I went and
had some.
Where'd you hear that from?
It's just, I don't know.
That sounds like something offof like a TV show or sitcom or
some shit.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Maybe I heard it somewhere, I've never done it,
but it worked.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I've never done it, but it worked.
I was imagining it would work.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Yeah, like dude, it would be perfect.
It would work great.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Just get like a public intoxicant.
But it goes along with your waythat, like they can't get you
the next day, you'd be like wereyou drinking?
Yeah, as soon as I got homefrom hitting that fucking deer,
I got into my dad's bottles ofbooze.
Man, Me and my friend weresleeping over.
I was fucking freaking out.
Man, he's probably hangover too.
He's probably drunk too, isn'the?
He probably told you some crazystory, like I was driving in
(19:29):
his neighbor's house, probably,huh.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Yeah, chris is right.
You can just tell the cop hey,I started drinking when I came
home.
They don't catch you when theyact.
They don't catch you driving,it doesn't whatever.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
That's why you got to go home and bang your wife
after you get done cheating too,cause he'd be like why is your
dick smell like pussy?
I'll be like it's yours, allright, that was a little off
track.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Definitely yours.
So then, uh, after you said,tell me the truth, I told him
the truth.
I, I just you know, I said Itook a turn too fucking, I was
going too fast, took a turn toofast.
He's like where is any alcoholinvolved in this?
It's like fuck, not.
No, it was nothing.
We didn't drink anything wereyou over 21?
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I guess you were at the night club.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I don't think I was 21 yet, but whatever didn't
matter sneaking in the club witha fake ID in the club don't you
want to grow up to be?
Just like Jay.
No, we just knew people.
We're famous man, milwaukeefamous.
Okay, kidding.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Fifth effect Were you performing that night.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
No, not that night.
I did say it was a nightclub.
So he found out the gist of thestory from me and I told him
the truth.
I didn't tell him all the truth, obviously.
I told him to fucking drive toofast.
So what happened?
You?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
didn't actually tell us this time what happened.
I just remember from the lasttime what.
What actually happened.
It wasn't a deer.
Were you listening to anything?
No, I know, I know, but how didthe cops know?
Okay, that's where I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's why you shouldn't have said it, you know
I mean looking back now.
You could have went instead ofI hit a deer on the freeway.
Yeah, you could have said I wasdriving straight and there was
a deer in the road and I swervedaround it and accidentally hit
this neighbor's brick wall.
(21:33):
I was young, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
I'm not that smart, okay, so anyway, the the, the
reason why they knew everythingthey put all the dots and
fucking t's eyes together,you're going to call it was
there were bricks lodged intoyour car.
No, but first off, it was sixhouses down three houses down, I
don't remember and my licenseplate was fucking in the guy's
(21:54):
yard and the guy's dry in the.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Uh, of course, the grass yeah it's the only reason
the state of wisconsin requiresyou to have a front license
plate.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Is that you can?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
catch you when you crash.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Bullshit.
So he's like does this belongto you?
I'm like oh fuck, it did.
Yeah, I don't think I'm goingto get that back on.
So the cop then writes metickets for.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Littering.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
No, he didn't get me a littering ticket, he gave me
reckless driving, yep.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
How does he know?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I guess I admitted.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I was driving fast.
Oh, that was a mistake.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Well, I mean, how else do I drive into someone's
yard and destroy it Accidentally?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
There was a deer.
That's how, when someone asksyou how something happened after
you just told them.
That's how, when someone asksyou how something happened after
you just told them that it wasan accident, you immediately
need to respond.
I told you it was an accident.
It wasn't an intentional move.
I don't know how that happened,and you explained to them what
an accident is.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yeah, well, he he also did say he's like well,
even if you were drinking, Ican't get you with that.
After he's writing all thesetickets.
I saw a couple other onesDamage of someone's home, I
don't know what the name of thatwas.
Did you have to pay restitution?
Well, yeah, I had to go over toboth the houses First off,
(23:22):
apologize.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Okay, that's not even half of it.
I had to apologize to both thefamilies.
I had to re-sod one grass.
Their whole entire.
I was destroyed, their wholefucking meat.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
And how were you supposed to pay for all this on
a Qdoba salary?
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I had to re-brick that whole comes back his whole
front lawn.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
This is cilantro it's the gift that keeps giving
honey gets the cilantro.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
In the front yard.
We're making tacos tonight.
What the fuck?
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
What if someone did grow all?
Speaker 3 (24:09):
grass.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Cilantro grass.
It'd be the most delicious lawnon the block.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Smell like soap.
It'd be awesome Soap.
So I had to fix the grass, andthen I had to fix the brick wall
, which I finally learned how todo, and then I apologized to
fix the grass, and then I had tofix the brick wall, which I
finally learned how to do, andthen I had to apologize to them.
I had to apologize to them, Ihad to go to court and I had to.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Bang their daughter.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I had to go to court and talk to a judge and I think
he didn't draw, I think he tooksome points off or gave me
points back, shit like that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
But if I didn't do the things he wanted me to do,
You're just lucky that Don is anupstanding citizen of his
community at the time and wasable to tell his neighbors to
not go so hard on you, turned mygrandpa.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah, yeah, he understood, though.
He knows what's going on.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
But I do, honestly, you got to.
Yeah, he was.
He understood, though he knowswhat's going on, but I do it.
You gotta remember.
I, I know your.
I met your grandfather, yeah,back in the day I've known him
for a long time.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I don't love the fact that your dad puts you fucking
out there like that.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He shouldn't have let the cops in the house at all.
Dude, that's a crime he should.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
How old were you?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
I guess you were 23 living at your grandparents
house.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
When the cops showed up holding your license plate,
you should have immediately saidhe must have left the keys in
the car and it got stolen.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
No, you don't say shit, you say thanks for
bringing back my shit.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
All right, so that obviously I that wouldn't even
consider doing.
It's just weird, how your mindchanges over 20 years.
That was, I think but the lastthing about the whole the whole
thing was an actuality.
My car was totaled, I don'tknow, and I told my dad how the
fuck did I drive the girl home?
(25:56):
And now, all of a sudden, it'stotaled.
I can't use it.
He's like the whole fuckingframe yeah, the whole fucking
frame's bent.
I'm like well, I drove a girl.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
You can't hit a brick wall and not bend the frame.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
I drove a girl home she lived 10 minutes away, came
back and it was fine.
My front lights just need to bereadjusted.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
The hill driveway's got a stream running out and
it's green and red fluids, butit was totaled.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
I got, I think, a hundred bucks from it for
totaling it.
Someone came and picked it up,yeah.
And then I learned a lesson.
You know, I just bought thatcar probably two months ago
before that happened, and thatis a story I'll never forget.
And I know for a fact that myfriend was listening or is, um,
(26:47):
he knows exactly.
He's probably like hey, youforgot this detail, jay, you
forgot this fucking detail.
Probably did, but that was themoral of the story don't fucking
drink and drive.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
You couldn't have forgot the details.
You couldn't even remember thename of the club yeah, uh, you'd
have to give me a little bit so.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
So my brother got hit yesterday uh within a car yeah,
with a deer, so by a deer.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
No, he was uh was it a brick wall that hit him?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
he was driving straight straight on a pretty
busy street how else else do youdrive Diagonally?
Some chick did the MilwaukeeShuffle around the back of a
semi and T-boned them right intohis driver's explain to me what
that is.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
What's a Milwaukee Shuffle?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Weaving in and out of traffic at high rates of speed
in small residential areas NewYork, la.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I think that's more than just milwaukee, not some
milwaukee shuffle, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
So, uh, she smashed into him and while they were
waiting for the cops, the dude'sboyfriend showed up and uh
immediately started getting intomy brother's face explaining to
him how this was his fault.
And uh, the cops ended upcoming and the boyfriend sat
(28:08):
there and he told the cops he'sseen the whole thing and uh went
through this whole scenario onhow it was my brother's fault
and the cops saying well, Ican't say who's at fault, but
what I can tell you is he'sgetting zero tickets and she's
getting four that's good, yeah,reckless driving okay, so that's
(28:39):
wild man.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
That's our episode of top shelf stories.
A raise tune in next week whilewe have another story.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
If you have an opportunity to review this show,
make sure to mark down on thebottom what your craziest drunk
driving story is and we'll shareit on the air.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get in trouble for this
one, so thanks a lot, guys.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Then it's up.
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey, jay, you ever done something really stupid
when you were young that youwould never do when you were old
.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Yeah, that's what this story's about.
Perfect, good job, tony.
Okay, so my story begins in2000 and whatever.
Can't remember the year.
Speaker 1 (00:40):
This is the day or the year, I just want to say, it
doesn't really narrow it downat all, though yeah, I know.
Speaker 3 (00:45):
Like 2005?
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Because I don't remember Like after high school
would have been finished.
I would say yeah.
Speaker 3 (00:51):
And I don't remember those days.
They're very foggy from all thedrinking, but no drugs.
I was a drinker.
I stuck to one thing, becausealcohol's not a drug.
Speaker 1 (00:59):
But carry on.
Speaker 3 (01:01):
So this story starts out with my friend and I looking
for something to do.
Can we give him a name?
No, just call him friend.
God damn it.
He doesn't listen, but whocares?
So we're thinking of somethingto do and we decide to go out to
not a rave, but like a dancebar, like a disco, yeah, kind of
(01:24):
like a disco.
Speaker 1 (01:25):
This is the 60s, 70s, 60s.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
There's dancing there , but trust me, I didn't do much
of it, and if I did I don'tremember.
But basically we drink a bitand then we get the guts to go
out and mingle with girls orjust have fun.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
I believe back around that time they call it holler
at some bitches, yeah, yeahdefinitely.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
That's why we go to the bar to get bitches.
Right, this is when I had my uh, white, um, not t-top.
Yeah, white, uh convertibleCavalier.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Oh, I thought you were going to say PT Cruiser.
Speaker 3 (02:07):
No, no, they didn't even have those.
Then I don't think 2000,whatever.
Speaker 2 (02:12):
Custom convertible PT Cruiser.
Speaker 3 (02:14):
So we go to this bar, and I'm pretty sure this was
before I was 20.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Can we keep calling it a nightclub though?
Yeah, let's call it a nightclub.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a nightclub.
Let's call it a dance club.
Dance club.
It has a lot of lights, there'sa big-ass stage for dancing and
there is one bar.
So we are there, we get there,we're there for a couple hours,
then we get into the dance mood,where the alcohol takes over
(02:50):
and you just don't give a shitanymore.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
So that steve's on blue mound.
You went to.
No, it was.
Uh, what was that place?
Speaker 3 (02:52):
it was anyways, god, I love it.
I don't even think it's thereanymore.
No, it's called something else.
Now, it was downtown somewhereanyway, ladybug uh, there's way
more.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
I can't think of the name uh, definitely not there
anymore.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
Um so, we're dancing, we're, we're getting, we're
getting feeling better, gettingmore, more buzz.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
What kind of dancing are you doing?
More like a mosh pit dancing,or are you doing like some
hip-hop moves?
Speaker 1 (03:13):
no, just definitely not kicking in the middle
there's definitely no hip-hop.
Speaker 3 (03:18):
It's yeah, it's like pop music, I think.
I don't remember really, I justknew we were doing dumb dancing
okay, I, I noticed one dudepissed me off in the middle of
the dance floor so I just stoodthere Because he fucked up the
choreography.
Speaker 2 (03:31):
Tell me you were doing bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Tell me you got Justin Timberlake banging
without telling me.
Probably it was probably shitlike that.
Speaker 3 (03:40):
Or fucking Flo Rida.
Was he back then?
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Flo.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
Rida, flo Rida.
Was he back then?
Flo Rida, flo Rida.
So this guy pissed me off.
So I was standing in the middleof the dance floor with my
middle finger up just staring athim, but he's like what are you
doing, man?
What are you doing?
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Broke into a serious dance-off.
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Everybody moved aside , made a big circle.
Yeah, they separated us.
I didn't do any dancing, I justflipped them off while he
danced.
Yeah, okay, so that wasbasically.
The night got wasted.
And then, uh, we, we had onechick with us.
I don't remember if she waswith us, we bring her home.
So this is in milwaukee, we'redriving back to my grandparents
house in new berlin, so that'swhat is that?
(04:19):
30 minutes away, okay, and uh,I, I just like talking now about
this kind of like makes youfeel kind of sick, because I
regret every single thing I did.
As the driving went along.
I was blowing through stopsigns.
I was going through streetswhere there was one stop sign
and the other side, other way,goes through, it doesn't have a
(04:40):
stop sign.
I was just blow right through.
You can't even see if carscoming, dude.
I can just blow right through.
You can't even see if a car iscoming, dude.
I could have died 16 timesdifferent times just on the way
home.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
I know man, when those Zimas take over.
Zoom Is it Zoom, zima Is it?
Speaker 3 (04:55):
Zima the white, the clear, clear.
Yeah, so we're going to go.
Chris is writing down Zima.
Speaker 1 (05:08):
Are, so we're.
Uh, chris is right now.
Are you really he is?
You gotta write that down ifthat's not worth writing down.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
I don't know what is dude.
Um, so we're driving home.
We're almost home.
I know that they're terrified.
At least the chick is.
I don't think she was drunk, Ithink she was just a little
buzzed, so she's probablyscreaming in the back she just
had that roofie in her buzzed,so she's probably screaming in
the back.
She just had that roofie in her,didn't kick in yet we had to
top down everything.
Dude, we're lucky didn't pullover.
(05:32):
So you know how they sayaccidents happen closer to home
yeah, within a mile of yourhouse.
Speaker 2 (05:39):
Yeah, usually.
Speaker 3 (05:40):
That's why you never take your seatbelt off before
you stop.
Who would do?
Speaker 1 (05:46):
that I don't get that move I do.
Speaker 3 (05:47):
Before I get into the garage, I take my seatbelt off.
For why?
Speaker 1 (05:50):
Because, I need a little breathing room.
You need to get up.
Speaker 3 (05:53):
You need some breathing room.
Like I jump out of my carbefore I even put it in park
Because I've noticed like youjust ghost ride it right to the
spot.
Speaker 2 (06:04):
You steer it from outside the car In your
underground parking garage.
I always hit a couple childrenbefore and I was like fuck, get
out of the way.
You just let the wall gentlystop it.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No, there's one of those metal poles sticking up.
I just bump into that bitch andit stops for me.
No, so, yeah, so I, yeah.
Now I'm confused right now.
Anyway, so we're driving home.
Accidents happen closer to homewe are.
I was coming around on afucking 90 degree turn, going 80
.
So this was a street down fromthe house, my grandparents'
(06:43):
house, where our destination was.
So as we started turning around, this corner couldn't make the
turn.
So then I started to go furtherand further toward the edge of
the driveway or the street andthen finally into the ditch of
someone's house, dropped intothe ditch and then hit a brick
(07:04):
wall into the other neighbor'shouse and then got back onto the
road and kept driving the next50 feet to my grandparents house
.
Speaker 2 (07:14):
So so in you smashed into your grandfather's
neighbor's house.
Speaker 3 (07:20):
Yeah, three houses down, so it's not necessarily
considered a neighbor okay youcould say they're what
neighborhood?
Yeah, Neighborhood.
They might know them, theymight have seen them walking,
they probably wave while mowinglawns.
So I went down into the.
I destroyed the grass,destroyed the brick, half brick
wall around a tree and got backonto the road.
(07:42):
We stopped in front of mygrandparents house and we
assessed the damage.
So I went outside.
I'm like dude, everything looksfucking great.
I just like I mean whathappened?
This is a car's made of rubber.
We just bounced in and out ofthat shit and this was like I
mean a ditch where you know howthe ditches dive down about like
a culvert yeah, it dived downabout three feet and then right
(08:05):
back up yeah, like it's a rampthe most annoying way, uh,
cutting your grass.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Yeah, the fucking you know, you know, I'm saying
those old school places.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
So, um, assess the damages it was, it looked fine,
it's perfect.
And then, uh, the the chickslike I, I want, I want to go
home, I gotta go home.
So I'm like, fuck, fine, I'lldrive you home.
So I mean, my friend and I weredriving, driving down the road.
We're probably a couple minutes.
I don't think she lived too far, don't remember all the details
(08:35):
, but I remember driving downone road and seeing the trees
that, like, the trees were litup.
I'm like what the fuck's goingon?
Why are all the you know thetop of the trees all lit up?
My, I'm like what the fuck'sgoing on?
Why are all the you know thetop of the trees all lit up?
My uh, front headlights werepointed at the sky Cause, my, my
, when I hit the ditch.
I don't know what it did to thebumper or what, but it bent my
(08:56):
lights upward.
Uh, and they were pointingupward.
They weren't straight at all.
I don't know how it happened.
I have no idea.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
I drove like 10 miles , so you're driving a mobile
spotlight.
Speaker 1 (09:08):
And you noticed it as you're going into this next
neighborhood.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
Yes, that's when we know like, hey, buddy, let's
call him Adam.
Actually, that's his fuckingname, shit.
Speaker 1 (09:21):
See, that only works if you don't say that part.
That's okay.
What Actually?
Speaker 3 (09:23):
that's the fucking name.
Shit.
See, that only works if youdon't say that part.
Yeah, that's okay.
What the fuck?
Why Is there a way to switchyour lights from up to down?
Can you angle my?
How does this work?
What's going on?
He's like I don't fucking know.
Anyway, we drop her off and thenwe drive back home, park the
car on the side of the street,my grandparents park the car on
(09:47):
the side of the street by mygrandparents, and then we go to
sleep.
Before we go to sleep, though,because you know, we knew at
this point there's something,maybe something wrong with the
car, because the headlights alittle fucked up we're like we
gotta make up a story.
In case.
You know, my mom and dad arelike why is your car scratched
up, fucked up, dent up?
You know, I don't even.
It didn't look bad, it was darkout, I couldn't see, and we had
to make up a story.
So we made up a story together.
(10:08):
I was on the freeway, deer cameout, hit the deer, hit the
pylon, and we came back home,that's what happened?
Speaker 2 (10:17):
You always call gypsy yeah.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
You always say I hit a gypsy.
Yeah, you always say I hit agypsy.
Hit a gypsy, nobody cares, hita deer, so hit a deer and that's
our story.
Let's stick with it, we're allgood.
This is probably two in themorning.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Finished the story, went to bed, um, and then uh, we
were so, so did adam stay overwas yeah, you have sleep over.
Speaker 3 (10:39):
So you're 30 mac, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, a
sleepover.
Did he bring his blanket?
No, he had blankets for him.
Oh nice, so we're walking inyour grandmother's basement.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
We apparently grew up in different tax brackets.
There were no extra blankets inmy house.
Get the fuck out of here, youcan use anything as a blanket
Cardboard Come on, here's yoursleeping towel, wait.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
You can use this not only for showering.
You can wait and let it dry anduse it to sleep with.
Speaker 1 (11:11):
No, the secret is to use the window's shade, the
curtain, because you?
Can pull that off and when thesun's up, it'll be warm enough
and you won't need a blanket.
Speaker 3 (11:18):
You can hang it back up.
Yeah, so we're waking up atprobably around six or seven in
the morning.
My dad came upstairs and he'slike what happened?
So what happened last night?
And my friend and I look ateach other like what are you
(11:38):
talking about?
Because we didn't think.
Speaker 1 (11:40):
Oh yeah, we hit a deer we forgot, we hit a deer.
Yeah, what do you mean?
Speaker 3 (11:44):
yeah, that, that part just when we had that story
down.
It was pretty, very vague andpretty short, but we had that
down that father was nooski.
Took you guys in separate roomshe's in there telling on you
right now.
That's funny.
You say that, um, because he'slike uh well, uh, you need to
come downstairs both you,because there, because there's a
police at our door.
The cops came by and they would.
(12:10):
They immediately separated us.
I mean, they're smart cops,they weren't dumb Immediately
separated us.
Speaker 1 (12:15):
Did you guys give the wink about the deer yeah of?
Speaker 3 (12:18):
course I'm like slapping him on the side.
Speaker 2 (12:20):
He's walking down the stairs, you guys are mouthing
deer to each other withoutsaying any words Deer.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Deer, Tell him deer, Adam remember it was two deer it
was two of them.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
I swerved around the baby and hit the mom.
I saved the baby's life.
I figured you know, fuck it,the baby's got more life left in
front of it.
Speaker 3 (12:47):
So they took Adam first, my buddy first, and I'm
like, fuck yeah, he's got thestore down Because they know
that he didn't do anything, hewas just riding along and
they're like ah, this guy willbe easy to crack.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
He didn't even do shit, We'll just charge him with
a bunch of shit.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
We'll tell me he did a bunch of shit.
No fucking crack, it'll be easy, this guy doesn't.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Is the one without the cut on his forehead.
No, they talked to him first.
Um, I think it.
I felt like it lasted forever.
I was.
I was in my room waiting tofucking get my turn 47 minutes
later comes.
Speaker 1 (13:22):
You know the first thing the cop said was so Jay
was driving right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and you guys,they knew by the phone books.
You guys crashed into thathouse, right?
Yeah, motherfucker.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Here comes the short jokes.
Again Back to the short jokes.
They did have a lot of phonebooks back then, though.
You could really use those, butthen I wouldn't be able to
reach the pedals.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
No, you tie them to the bottom of your feet, just
tie them to the pedal itself.
Speaker 3 (13:54):
Put a brick on the pedal.
Yeah, that's probably why youcrashed in the first place.
Yeah, fucking so.
They took him downstairs firstand, like I said, it seemed like
it.
Yeah, fucking so.
They took him downstairs firstand, like I said, it seemed like
it took forever.
But I was like man, we're solid, we got this story down.
I know he knows what he has tosay, because I know what I'm
going to say it's going to bethe same fucking thing.
So after 40 minutes, whateverit is yeah, it wasn't 40 minutes
(14:19):
, but after what it was I hearJay come downstairs.
So I'm coming downstairs,walking downstairs, and I see
fucking Adam in a living roomwith his head in his hand,
looking down.
I'm like, oh fuck, he messedthis story up.
And I see two cops with theirarms crossed looking at me
(14:43):
saying come here, we need totalk to you.
And they told Adam to leave theroom.
And my parents were still he'sa snitch, he's free to go.
You gotta walk home, adam.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
um, and then my parents well, the first snitch
is to be honest, are yourparents who let the dumb cops in
your house?
Yeah, I know well, youshouldn't let the damn cops in
the house what am I gonnainterview outside right my
parents?
Speaker 3 (15:04):
are they abide by the law?
Speaker 1 (15:06):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (15:07):
The law means I don't know they they were cooperating
yeah, you don't have to, butwhen I get more into the story,
you might, you might have to, Idon't know.
So, um, then, uh, okay, so thenI'm, I start talking to the
police officer.
So this is how it goes.
So, hey, were you driving thecar last night, sir?
(15:27):
Whatever he called me jay, Idon't know if I could call.
I was like yeah, there's.
Speaker 2 (15:33):
There's no way a frosted tip.
22 year old jay would call mesir, being called sir by the cop
son.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
How about that?
Yeah so were you driving thecar last night, son and I was
like what car he's like?
I caught the bus, all it's likethe white cavalier, with the
top down convertible and I saidyeah yeah, pretty cool car I can
(16:02):
give you a ride in it later.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
You want a ride in it , or?
Speaker 3 (16:04):
something.
Yeah, I think I was drivingthat car.
Yeah, it had to be me.
Yeah, I drove the car.
I was driving the car, yep,he's like.
So what happened?
And I was like, uh, whoa, thisis where I'm like, should I
fucking tell the truth?
Because I feel like maybe hedidn't tell the story and he
(16:25):
told it.
I fuck it.
I was driving down the freewayand a deer jumped right in front
of me and I rammed into him,hit the pylon, jumped back onto
the freeway and I got myselfhome, even after crashing into
that deer.
Don't worry, officer, I madesure the deer was not in the
road when I killed it I knewwhat to do.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I watched the new fast and furious movie it wasn't
even a thing.
Speaker 3 (16:51):
Um, and he's like.
And then he said this is what,this is the best part.
He's like you want to try thatagain.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
He's like okay, let me talk slower for you.
Speaker 1 (17:01):
I was I know right, that's the answer you got to
give.
And I was like oh, do you needme to draw you a picture?
Cop here.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
I said I hit a deer.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Do you know what a deer is?
Speaker 2 (17:14):
Your story's so loose you couldn't come up with the
same story twice.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Right, that's why they do that.
Speaker 3 (17:21):
No, trust me, we made details down to nothing.
We didn't want any details.
We knew that we couldn'tremember any of that shit like
we forensically cleaned up allthe blood I was like go look at
my car, just buy bloodstains inthe grill.
No, so, he's like you want totry that again?
It's like, no, not really.
What do you mean?
I, I feel bad, I killed thedeer.
(17:44):
He's like seriously, do youwant I've already talked to your
friend, we're not stupid.
I'm like, uh, fuck, am I seeingmy parents looking at me all
disgraced?
Speaker 2 (17:55):
and I was like fuck, I gotta tell you I could see
that smirk on your dad's faceright now like this is gonna be
his first dui hi welcome to thefamily.
Speaker 3 (18:05):
They can't get you to do.
I after uh the next day, your,your alcohol's going through
your system.
Speaker 2 (18:11):
It depends.
I mean, most of the time you'restill drunk in the morning.
Speaker 3 (18:16):
Yeah but I think if I did blow, it was probably like
six hours later, four hourslater, I think my alcohol
content would have been no, no,that's the trick.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Well, here's what you do If you're ever in.
If you're ever in a littlefender bender or something where
no one's really hurt and it waslike, oh shit, but you had been
drinking you quickly run to thenearest convenience store, buy
a bottle of booze, startdrinking it.
That way, when the cop shows up, they'll say have you been
drinking, sir?
And you can say hell yeah, thatcrash was so traumatic for me.
Speaker 3 (18:46):
I immediately needed a bottle of Jack and I went and
had some.
Where'd you hear that from?
It's just, I don't know.
That sounds like something offof like a TV show or sitcom or
some shit.
Speaker 1 (18:58):
Maybe I heard it somewhere, I've never done it,
but it worked.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I've never done it, but it worked.
I was imagining it would work.
Speaker 3 (19:03):
Yeah, like dude, it would be perfect.
It would work great.
Speaker 1 (19:06):
Just get like a public intoxicant.
But it goes along with your waythat, like they can't get you
the next day, you'd be like wereyou drinking?
Yeah, as soon as I got homefrom hitting that fucking deer,
I got into my dad's bottles ofbooze.
Man, Me and my friend weresleeping over.
I was fucking freaking out.
Man, he's probably hangover too.
He's probably drunk too, isn'the?
He probably told you some crazystory, like I was driving in
(19:29):
his neighbor's house, probably,huh.
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Yeah, chris is right.
You can just tell the cop hey,I started drinking when I came
home.
They don't catch you when theyact.
They don't catch you driving,it doesn't whatever.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
That's why you got to go home and bang your wife
after you get done cheating too,cause he'd be like why is your
dick smell like pussy?
I'll be like it's yours, allright, that was a little off
track.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Definitely yours.
So then, uh, after you said,tell me the truth, I told him
the truth.
I, I just you know, I said Itook a turn too fucking, I was
going too fast, took a turn toofast.
He's like where is any alcoholinvolved in this?
It's like fuck, not.
No, it was nothing.
We didn't drink anything wereyou over 21?
Speaker 1 (20:13):
I guess you were at the night club.
Speaker 3 (20:15):
I don't think I was 21 yet, but whatever didn't
matter sneaking in the club witha fake ID in the club don't you
want to grow up to be?
Just like Jay.
No, we just knew people.
We're famous man, milwaukeefamous.
Okay, kidding.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
Fifth effect Were you performing that night.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
No, not that night.
I did say it was a nightclub.
So he found out the gist of thestory from me and I told him
the truth.
I didn't tell him all the truth, obviously.
I told him to fucking drive toofast.
So what happened?
You?
Speaker 1 (20:56):
didn't actually tell us this time what happened.
I just remember from the lasttime what.
What actually happened.
It wasn't a deer.
Were you listening to anything?
No, I know, I know, but how didthe cops know?
Okay, that's where I'm.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
That's why you shouldn't have said it, you know
I mean looking back now.
You could have went instead ofI hit a deer on the freeway.
Yeah, you could have said I wasdriving straight and there was
a deer in the road and I swervedaround it and accidentally hit
this neighbor's brick wall.
(21:33):
I was young, I didn't.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
I'm not that smart, okay, so anyway, the the, the
reason why they knew everythingthey put all the dots and
fucking t's eyes together,you're going to call it was
there were bricks lodged intoyour car.
No, but first off, it was sixhouses down three houses down, I
don't remember and my licenseplate was fucking in the guy's
(21:54):
yard and the guy's dry in the.
Speaker 1 (21:56):
Uh, of course, the grass yeah it's the only reason
the state of wisconsin requiresyou to have a front license
plate.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
Is that you can?
Speaker 1 (22:03):
catch you when you crash.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Bullshit.
So he's like does this belongto you?
I'm like oh fuck, it did.
Yeah, I don't think I'm goingto get that back on.
So the cop then writes metickets for.
Speaker 1 (22:21):
Littering.
Speaker 3 (22:23):
No, he didn't get me a littering ticket, he gave me
reckless driving, yep.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
How does he know?
Speaker 3 (22:30):
I guess I admitted.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
I was driving fast.
Oh, that was a mistake.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
Well, I mean, how else do I drive into someone's
yard and destroy it Accidentally?
Speaker 1 (22:39):
There was a deer.
That's how, when someone asksyou how something happened after
you just told them.
That's how, when someone asksyou how something happened after
you just told them that it wasan accident, you immediately
need to respond.
I told you it was an accident.
It wasn't an intentional move.
I don't know how that happened,and you explained to them what
an accident is.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Yeah, well, he he also did say he's like well,
even if you were drinking, Ican't get you with that.
After he's writing all thesetickets.
I saw a couple other onesDamage of someone's home, I
don't know what the name of thatwas.
Did you have to pay restitution?
Well, yeah, I had to go over toboth the houses First off,
(23:22):
apologize.
Speaker 1 (23:22):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Okay, that's not even half of it.
I had to apologize to both thefamilies.
I had to re-sod one grass.
Their whole entire.
I was destroyed, their wholefucking meat.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
And how were you supposed to pay for all this on
a Qdoba salary?
Speaker 3 (23:44):
I had to re-brick that whole comes back his whole
front lawn.
Speaker 2 (23:47):
This is cilantro it's the gift that keeps giving
honey gets the cilantro.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
In the front yard.
We're making tacos tonight.
What the fuck?
That's funny.
Speaker 2 (24:08):
What if someone did grow all?
Speaker 3 (24:09):
grass.
Speaker 2 (24:11):
Cilantro grass.
It'd be the most delicious lawnon the block.
Speaker 3 (24:15):
Smell like soap.
It'd be awesome Soap.
So I had to fix the grass, andthen I had to fix the brick wall
, which I finally learned how todo, and then I apologized to
fix the grass, and then I had tofix the brick wall, which I
finally learned how to do, andthen I had to apologize to them.
I had to apologize to them, Ihad to go to court and I had to.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
Bang their daughter.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
I had to go to court and talk to a judge and I think
he didn't draw, I think he tooksome points off or gave me
points back, shit like that.
Speaker 1 (24:45):
But if I didn't do the things he wanted me to do,
You're just lucky that Don is anupstanding citizen of his
community at the time and wasable to tell his neighbors to
not go so hard on you, turned mygrandpa.
Speaker 3 (24:57):
Yeah, yeah, he understood, though.
He knows what's going on.
Speaker 1 (25:06):
But I do, honestly, you got to.
Yeah, he was.
He understood, though he knowswhat's going on, but I do it.
You gotta remember.
I, I know your.
I met your grandfather, yeah,back in the day I've known him
for a long time.
Speaker 2 (25:10):
I don't love the fact that your dad puts you fucking
out there like that.
Speaker 1 (25:14):
He shouldn't have let the cops in the house at all.
Dude, that's a crime he should.
Speaker 2 (25:19):
How old were you?
Speaker 1 (25:20):
I guess you were 23 living at your grandparents
house.
Speaker 2 (25:23):
When the cops showed up holding your license plate,
you should have immediately saidhe must have left the keys in
the car and it got stolen.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
No, you don't say shit, you say thanks for
bringing back my shit.
Speaker 3 (25:35):
All right, so that obviously I that wouldn't even
consider doing.
It's just weird, how your mindchanges over 20 years.
That was, I think but the lastthing about the whole the whole
thing was an actuality.
My car was totaled, I don'tknow, and I told my dad how the
fuck did I drive the girl home?
(25:56):
And now, all of a sudden, it'stotaled.
I can't use it.
He's like the whole fuckingframe yeah, the whole fucking
frame's bent.
I'm like well, I drove a girl.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
You can't hit a brick wall and not bend the frame.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
I drove a girl home she lived 10 minutes away, came
back and it was fine.
My front lights just need to bereadjusted.
Speaker 1 (26:17):
The hill driveway's got a stream running out and
it's green and red fluids, butit was totaled.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
I got, I think, a hundred bucks from it for
totaling it.
Someone came and picked it up,yeah.
And then I learned a lesson.
You know, I just bought thatcar probably two months ago
before that happened, and thatis a story I'll never forget.
And I know for a fact that myfriend was listening or is, um,
(26:47):
he knows exactly.
He's probably like hey, youforgot this detail, jay, you
forgot this fucking detail.
Probably did, but that was themoral of the story don't fucking
drink and drive.
Speaker 1 (26:55):
You couldn't have forgot the details.
You couldn't even remember thename of the club yeah, uh, you'd
have to give me a little bit so.
Speaker 2 (27:03):
So my brother got hit yesterday uh within a car yeah,
with a deer, so by a deer.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
No, he was uh was it a brick wall that hit him?
Speaker 2 (27:15):
he was driving straight straight on a pretty
busy street how else else do youdrive Diagonally?
Some chick did the MilwaukeeShuffle around the back of a
semi and T-boned them right intohis driver's explain to me what
that is.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
What's a Milwaukee Shuffle?
Speaker 2 (27:35):
Weaving in and out of traffic at high rates of speed
in small residential areas NewYork, la.
Speaker 3 (27:42):
I think that's more than just milwaukee, not some
milwaukee shuffle, okay.
Speaker 2 (27:46):
So, uh, she smashed into him and while they were
waiting for the cops, the dude'sboyfriend showed up and uh
immediately started getting intomy brother's face explaining to
him how this was his fault.
And uh, the cops ended upcoming and the boyfriend sat
(28:08):
there and he told the cops he'sseen the whole thing and uh went
through this whole scenario onhow it was my brother's fault
and the cops saying well, Ican't say who's at fault, but
what I can tell you is he'sgetting zero tickets and she's
getting four that's good, yeah,reckless driving okay, so that's
(28:39):
wild man.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
That's our episode of top shelf stories.
A raise tune in next week whilewe have another story.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
If you have an opportunity to review this show,
make sure to mark down on thebottom what your craziest drunk
driving story is and we'll shareit on the air.
Speaker 3 (28:53):
I'm pretty sure I'm going to get in trouble for this
one, so thanks a lot, guys.
Speaker 1 (28:59):
Then it's up.
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