February 18, 2025 • 22 mins
The latest Top Shelf Stories episode explores identity, vulnerability, and the complex nature of fights—both physical and metaphorical. Through personal anecdotes and humorous exchanges, the hosts examine how perceptions of size and strength influence relationships and the narratives we create around our experiences.
• Discussing the feelings associated with baldness and identity
• Examining personal experiences with fights and confrontations
• Telling a story of being jumped and its lasting effects
• Exploring the role of graffiti as a form of expression
• Connecting vulnerability and self-acceptance in personal narratives
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chris (00:00):
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony.
Jay (00:22):
You, being bald like I, feel like that would make you
feel inferior.
Chris (00:27):
Have you ever shaved your head bald?
Jay (00:29):
Yeah, okay, no, you feel like, hey, I'm losing a little
bit of hair, let's just shave it, because now people won't fuck
with me, because I'm six footone and a half and people are
afraid of bald guys I don't lookat myself as a big dude.
You are a big fucking dude.
Tony (00:47):
I'm told I'm a big dude all the time, but I don't.
Chris (00:52):
it doesn't compute to me, You're not that much bigger
than me, you are, but not thatmuch I don't.
Tony (00:57):
it doesn't compute in my head that I'm bigger than
anybody.
Jay (01:00):
Dog is way bigger than you.
Tony (01:02):
Like when me and you are together, I feel like we're
equal in size until we walk,that's ridiculous, for real what
do you got?
You know, I had, I had a reallygood friend rest your arm on
his fucking head standing nextto him.
I had a really good friend, uh,about 20 years ago, that I used
(01:25):
to work with.
That was much smaller than jay.
It was jay when he was younger.
He was no, his name was jason.
Ironically, we just call himjason w stop it stop it.
But no, I I had a really goodfriend who was much smaller than
jay and I never, I never, feltlike I was a fucking inch bigger
(01:51):
or a pound heavier than him.
And then one day we werewalking, we were in a strip club
and we're walking by the bigwall of mirrors and I looked at
us and I'm like we areridiculous together like we
should not be in fucking publictogether.
I look like your father andyou're six months older than me
(02:12):
why don't you have that?
Jay (02:13):
that's wild, I look I look like I just gave birth to you
out of my birth canal, like I'mliterally carrying you as a baby
, but you're walking, walking.
It's fucking weird yeah.
Tony (02:26):
No, like when you look at other people.
Do you look at other peoplelike, wow, they're so much
bigger than me.
Yeah, for real, yeah.
Chris (02:36):
Of course he does, yeah.
Jay (02:39):
Especially when I get really close.
He's got to lay down on theback of his neck for looking up
at everyone all day long.
Tony (02:47):
It's kind of funny.
Your brother actually mentionedthat today.
What did he say?
We were talking about fightingand I was talking about the fact
that he's shorter than you.
Yeah, I was talking about thefact that I've never been in a
real fight.
Yeah, I've been in scuffles.
(03:07):
I broke a cousin, a couple ofmy cousin's ribs one time.
I also that same cousin.
Chris (03:15):
What makes a real?
Tony (03:16):
fight a knife?
Yeah, like there was no threatof being stabbed.
No, it was just one sided.
Like I don't know, maybe it wasasided, like I don't know,
maybe it was a fight, I don'tknow.
Looking back at it, you justbeat the fucking guys up.
I've definitely been in twofights you just beat people up.
Chris (03:34):
Let's do the example of a fight a fight in a fight
because you won, because you'rebigger than them a fight is
someone finishes and the otherone is down on the ground
gurgling.
Tony (03:44):
No, no, so like my picking them up.
Chris (03:48):
You better get out of here.
The cops are coming.
Tony (03:51):
No, my, my right shoulder, did not touch the other
person's right shoulder, andthen we walked in a circle.
I think that's how fights start.
I don't know about that.
Back in the day.
Jay (04:03):
Yeah, I think I call the push fight.
Yeah, I, you keep pushing eachother until someone that
happened, like you stop pushingme, you stop pushing me
something happened and Idefended it and that was it.
Tony (04:15):
But it wasn't a like.
We didn't start throwingpunches at each other.
The it was the same dude twiceI want.
Chris (04:22):
Once I just choked him.
I want to hear any other.
Tony (04:25):
I pushed him against the wall.
I want to hear while my handswere still on him, and my hand
went through three of his ribs Iwant to hear what you were
talking about with my brother umwell, I said something about
I'd never really been in a fightand he said well, it's probably
because you're so big thatnormal-sized people would be
(04:51):
afraid to start shit with youDon't, you notice it when you
get on a boat that it fuckingmoves, and then when your kid
gets on, it fucking doesn't.
Jay (05:00):
No, I like how that Chris brings something into the
conversation that has nothing todo with the conversation.
Chris (05:11):
Well, the size he gets on .
Jay (05:11):
No, I'm just saying your aspect of of reference was
amazing.
Tony (05:18):
No, I mean, I I don't find myself having to do things that
I think, like when I seesomebody that's really big and
they gotta like duck to getthrough a door, like I don't
have to do any of that shit.
That's true, I feel like you'renot enormous.
I'm six foot two.
I'm about 235 237, depending onwhere I eat for lunch.
That day.
Jay (05:38):
Okay, what my brother was telling you is that the fact
that you're bigger, people arenot afraid, okay, intimidated
they're not interested, it's acalculation Nine out of ten
people cannot fight or neverbeen in a fight, and that's like
a proven fact.
Chris (05:58):
Not that I know.
Jay (05:59):
Maybe seven out of ten.
Maybe seven out of ten, I don'tfucking know.
Tony (06:02):
I believe that more people have not been in a fight than
in an actual fight and maybe,maybe, when I picture a fight in
my head, I'm picturing like themovie version of a like seven
minutes I was in one of thoseand I remember what it was like
when I woke up the next day andmy face was looked like I was
fucking allergic to the worldI'm I'm picturing.
(06:25):
When I think of a fight, Ipicture the front lawn on the
movie step brothers, like no,that you're looking like a gang
fight, like nine people fightingnine different people.
Jay (06:35):
No, the movie step brothers you know, will ferrell digging
a fucking hole or rolling arounduntil they can't breathe and
fall asleep.
Is that what you're talkingabout, kind of, and then they
could wait, wait.
Or the one you're talking aboutwhere they're fighting in the
front when they both hit eachother in the head.
Tony (06:55):
And the mom's screaming what the fuck, fuck.
And you know Will Ferrell'sscreaming he's trying to rape me
like he's like I'm so now araper.
You know, I I just I have apicture in my head like like I
feel like a fight, like you'reat a bar and some dude's like,
(07:16):
did you just fucking look at mygirl?
And I'm like, fuck you bitchyeah and then he pushes me and
then I jump.
I jump over two bar stools andthree women to like, punch him
in his face.
And then somebody breaks abottle on the edge of the bar
and they're fucking stabbing itat me and I take a pool stick
and I hit him right in the dicklike, okay, now this is a fight
(07:37):
to me, gotta go out more dude ifyou want to get in those type
of altercations.
Chris (07:41):
But, I don't want to.
Jay (07:42):
No, I think that your thoughts and your like.
What you're thinking about islike not practical, like not
practical at all.
Tony (07:53):
You're telling me all these years of me saying I've
never been in a fight.
I've been in two legitimatefights, just not the fights I
imagined in my head.
Jay (08:03):
I'll tell you what about.
I'll tell you a fight inwhatever it is a fight in a bar,
fight on the street, whateverit is.
It's 10 seconds or less, yes,but feels like a minute or five,
and then it's like someone getshurt and then another person
runs away.
Basically, that's a fuckingfight.
Chris (08:22):
Oh dude, I didn't know the cops come.
Tony (08:24):
Not at bars, maybe with family.
Jay (08:26):
Someone gives up.
Someone gives up and runs awaybecause they just like, oh, I
don't want to get hurt, no more.
Chris (08:31):
They run away or a wife intervenes and is like God damn
it.
Jay (08:35):
Johnny, Get out of the fucking shit, Just leave sleep
alone.
Fights are so brief likeunbelievably brief that you
can't even comprehend it.
Chris (08:47):
Even a boxing match is only a three-minute round,
two-minute round, five rounds attwo minutes.
It's a ten-minute fight withbreaks.
Dude, you can't fight for thatlong in real life.
Jay (08:59):
You tried to describe a fight and it feels like you're
describing a whole marathon oflike spartans killing each other
, but literally it's like twoseconds of you punching someone
and like, oh, I don't like that,and then another guy running
away.
Chris (09:15):
Yeah, pretty much that's that's a fight or some girl gets
in the middle of it.
Jay (09:21):
Yeah, or a girl gets in the middle of it or someone really
gets really hurt and then thefucking guy that hurt really
hurt you.
Tony (09:28):
It feels bad alright, man, time out, time out, sorry man,
no, okay, I think it would bemore fair to say that I've been
in fights but I've never beenpunched, okay.
So Wait a minute.
That's not true either.
(09:49):
I got jumped one time in analley.
Jay (09:52):
I got punched a lot of times.
Where did they punch you Allover the entire?
Tony (09:55):
body.
Jay (09:56):
Or was it the head?
Because the head makes I gothit in the head.
Tony (10:00):
I got I'm pretty sure I got hit in the head.
I got I'm pretty sure I got hitin the foot.
Okay, so I think these threedudes just laid out everything
they had on me.
They each took a section andjust went to town for like so
there's seconds, there'sdifferent parts of your body.
Jay (10:12):
That makes a huge difference.
And how much pain or a debility, debilitybility.
Tony (10:21):
There was padding.
They put a backpack over myhead while they beat the shit
out of me Wild.
Chris (10:27):
Yeah.
Jay (10:28):
I'm talking about, like kidney shots they didn't want
you to see who they were or what?
Tony (10:32):
No, I knew who they were.
They walked up to me, they puta fucking backpack over my head
and just went to town on me.
What did they want from you?
Nothing.
So they're like hey, this guylooks a little too suspicious.
Jay (10:47):
I don't like him.
No, let's beat the fuck out ofhim.
Wait what I knew?
Them Now start over, becausethis story is getting too
compelling.
Tony (10:55):
All right.
So so early in high school,like freshman year-ish, I was
like I was involved in normalstreet graffiti, just like
everybody.
Chris (11:15):
Fucking graffiti.
Tony (11:16):
Hey, Tony, you are a good artist and I was a part of a
crew you are a great artist.
I've seen your work and arivaling crew who just a year
before, when we weren't in thesecrews, we were friends, but now
we're sworn enemies.
So when they see my cruise tags, they put an X through it and
(11:38):
they write their crew's namenext to it Makes sense.
And one of them Fucking 80s.
One of them wasn't actually inthat crew, but he out with them,
but he also hung out with us.
That's trouble.
And I seen him and he saidwhat's up to me?
(12:01):
I said what's up back and thenthey started walking up to me
and I I knew right away thistrouble and it was right behind
my garage.
So I was almost on my property.
I could have jet for the door,but instead I just stood there
by myself and they put abackpack over my head and beat
(12:25):
the shit out of me.
I'm sorry For a brief amount oftime was fine, pretty ridiculous
, so sorry so.
And there was.
There was no like real gangbehind this, but we were all
just tagging crews and my bestfriend whose house I was walking
(12:46):
from home um, he, he was mybest friend and he was a dj and
the rest of my tagging crew myfriend who's the dj, and then
all his I, I, I don't know whatyou want to call them, but kind
(13:06):
of gangbanger friends werehanging out in his, as some
would say, beat laboratory thathe had a big studio in his attic
where we all sat around in highschool and got drunk and smoked
cigarettes and, uh, you know,tried to bring girls over that
never, worked, at least for me.
(13:29):
I mean, I'm sure somebody gotlaid up there, but I was the fat
kid, I wasn't getting any pussy, but uh I ran, instead of
running back home and puttingice on my fucking face.
I run back to my buddy's houseand then they fucking just
cockroached the wholeneighborhood.
They just fucking spread out togo find these guys and uh, I
(13:55):
don't know whatever happened.
I don't know if they got caught.
I didn't go back over to myfriend's house to find out the
end results of the fucking fightdeal, but, uh, those guys never
fucked with me anymore.
This just got hopped once so Idon't know.
Yeah, I don't know, that wasthat I don't know if they were,
if the, if this was like anexperimental jumping to see if
(14:17):
they like jumping people and Iwas an easy target because I was
a slow fat kid, did you haveanything of value with you that
they took?
Jay (14:25):
no, did they grab your titties when they were beating
your ass?
Tony (14:30):
I did get a couple titty twisters.
Jay (14:32):
Maybe they kind of had sexual deviant problems that
they wanted to declare.
I don't know.
Tony (14:40):
Maybe that's why they put the bag over my head.
Maybe I was a double bagger?
Oh, maybe you just opened myeyes to the fact that I might
have been they might have beentrying to rape me.
Jay (14:53):
You almost been raped, fuck that's okay.
Tony (14:57):
Now, if I ever see matt breed in the street, I'm gonna
ask him did you try raping methat day, is that?
Chris (15:03):
what that was.
No, they probably had to,because you like tagged over
their shit and they're likelet's go get that fucker.
Tony (15:08):
And that one guy who you thought was your friend wasn't
well, there's a very goodpossibility I might have tagged
over his shit.
Yeah, that'll do it andsometimes they don't like that
yeah fucking so gang violence.
So now, now looking back on itand and what I was involved in,
it sounds, I mean, kind of likeI had it coming.
Jay (15:31):
Yep.
So basically you were wearingsomething tight, your titties
are showing and he has somethingcoming.
Bro, this is 1994.
Tony (15:43):
Ad 94.
I'm listening to exclusivelyWu-Tang Clan TLC Wearing Jankos
Because you can fit spray cansin your socks.
Chris (15:58):
And they were in your favorite college.
Jay (16:01):
I'm wearing Football teams jacket.
Tony (16:05):
No, no, I'm wearing a black hoodie Because I love.
Jay (16:08):
Wolverine.
Tony (16:09):
That has my tagging crew's name on across the back.
That doesn't seem like a verygood idea In white old English
letters.
Jay (16:19):
All right, so you're fat, you can't run, you're wearing
fucking gang.
Chris (16:23):
Oh, it's all in English letters so no one can read it.
I mean I wasn't.
Jay (16:25):
You're wearing gang signs.
Tony (16:27):
What the fuck do you't?
I wasn't that fat.
I was exactly the same weight Iam now you?
Jay (16:33):
what do you think's gonna happen to you?
You can't run fast.
Tony (16:36):
You're wearing fucking gang signs on your jacket and
matt breed was tall and thin,that guy could run like the wind
, so explain to me what yourthought was I'm about to get
fucked up, so let let me ask youwhen you got jumped, did you
fight back?
No, I had a bag over my head,bro.
You kind of lose your sense ofwhere you are.
(16:57):
I might have threw some airswings, I don't know.
Wait, is this a pick and savebag, or is this a?
Jay (17:05):
Walmart bag.
I can't get out of it.
Tony (17:09):
And the funny thing is is I can remember the smell of the
backpack to this day.
Yeah, because, because itsmelled, was it a jan sport,
more than likely probably smelllike I grew up in a pretty poor
neighborhood.
Yeah, it smelled like shittyweed and spray paint.
Jay (17:33):
Well, I can do that for you right now in the bag, and then
make you feel that traumatizingvent again I'm about to be 44,
and I still fucking love spraypainting.
Wow, you're old yeah you'regood at it, I love it too.
Oh yeah, tony.
Hey, any artist I've ever metin my life, you are the best one
.
Stop it seriously, though.
Chris (17:56):
Another one he is oriental, very amazing, been to
jail if you can find a wall andI'll show you this pork stuff
and you paint pork thing, I canget 15,000 eyes on your shit
what's the pork?
I asked to see the pork thingit's the pink pepe.
Jay (18:15):
Why can't you get 15 000 eyes on our podcast?
Because it's not pork.
What was making pork?
Chris (18:22):
that's the fucking crypto .
Jay (18:27):
How about this?
You bring your friend in thatis from a different country,
that wants me to eat a fuckinghead.
That's a pork and I'll do itbecause I lost.
You do have to still do that.
Chris (18:37):
Yeah, then tell him to bring it in.
He's got to do Tony's air firstbefore he does it.
Tony (18:42):
Well, he's got to do my furnace.
Yeah, all right, fine Furnace,then pork head.
Don't you fucking dare say abad word about douche call.
Jay (18:52):
I don't know who he is.
Chris (18:52):
That's the pork.
I don't know who he is.
He's a Pepe pink with a fork.
Jay (19:06):
Tony will not describe it.
Tony (19:09):
Tony tony will not describe it.
Tony, it looks like.
It looks like what I imagineevery pussy in a retirement home
.
Chris (19:18):
Looks like it's pretty rough.
Jay (19:19):
Is it smiling?
Tony (19:19):
at you.
This is a hold on a minute herenearly all of my net worth is
in that hold on, you investedreal money nearly all my net
worth is in that meme.
Hold on.
You invested real money.
Nearly all my net worth is inthat meme and there's something
with this graphic.
Let me see it again.
Jay (19:38):
Oh God, I can't get up.
Chris (19:41):
Yeah, jay's over here laying on the couch.
He forgot that.
Tony told us that he has sex onthat couch all the time.
God, that looks like a weirdvagina.
Jay (19:49):
Got him Dude like a weird vagina Got it.
Tony (19:53):
Dude, this is so fucked.
Chris (19:55):
No, but for real, you're painting your art in general,
your graffiti styling.
It's good stuff.
I do like it.
Jay (20:02):
I'll tell you what though I mean.
I do.
Tony (20:06):
Tony.
So I have about 30 cans ofgraffiti spray paint in back and
I have a sheet cans of graffitispray paint in back and I have
a sheet of plywood that Ipainted black for specific
graffiti reasons.
We can go back and drop thatbomb right now.
Jay (20:19):
Listen to me, though.
What'd you do, Tony?
Listen to me.
Tony (20:22):
I think I have to Tony listen to me right now.
Jay (20:26):
What is that going to prove ?
Tony (20:28):
Well, it's going to make me happy why?
Jay (20:30):
is it going to make you happy?
Tony (20:31):
And since I didn't get to go to the casino tonight, I
might as well do something.
You could have went I know Icould have Two hours ago.
I am an adult, I can make myown decisions.
Jay (20:42):
Yeah, but why did you not?
Tony (20:45):
Jay, I chose you.
Does that make you feel good?
It sounds like a movie, I know.
Didn't that make you feel?
Jay (20:53):
good though.
Yeah, sometimes like I like you, sometimes I hate you, you're
like.
Tony (20:58):
But now I kind of like you , he fucking chose me.
Jay (21:01):
Yeah, right now I like you, but like 67% of the time.
Tony (21:07):
That can all change.
Jay (21:08):
Almost immediately.
Tony (21:12):
I don't like you, I don't want to hurt you, but you're
bigger than see.
The thing is is I wouldn't evenfight back, so you might as
well, you might as well, go getan empty backpack, toss that
bitch over my eyes and go towork.
Tony's got like carpets galorehere, so I'm laying out the path
(21:35):
to victory and you're laughing.
All I have you could be winning.
Jay (21:38):
Right now, all I have to do is find a carpet, put it over
his head.
Tony (21:43):
Start punching him in his kidney yeah, give me a good
old-fashioned blanket party.
Jay (21:53):
So here's the thing what the fuck did.
What was this episode?
What was it about?
I don't know.
Tony (22:00):
You started.
It Did I Talking about I don'tknow when did it start, tony got
jumped, tony got jumped.
Jay (22:08):
I don't think that wasn't the way it started, though.
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony.
Jay (00:22):
You, being bald like I, feel like that would make you
feel inferior.
Chris (00:27):
Have you ever shaved your head bald?
Jay (00:29):
Yeah, okay, no, you feel like, hey, I'm losing a little
bit of hair, let's just shave it, because now people won't fuck
with me, because I'm six footone and a half and people are
afraid of bald guys I don't lookat myself as a big dude.
You are a big fucking dude.
Tony (00:47):
I'm told I'm a big dude all the time, but I don't.
Chris (00:52):
it doesn't compute to me, You're not that much bigger
than me, you are, but not thatmuch I don't.
Tony (00:57):
it doesn't compute in my head that I'm bigger than
anybody.
Jay (01:00):
Dog is way bigger than you.
Tony (01:02):
Like when me and you are together, I feel like we're
equal in size until we walk,that's ridiculous, for real what
do you got?
You know, I had, I had a reallygood friend rest your arm on
his fucking head standing nextto him.
I had a really good friend, uh,about 20 years ago, that I used
(01:25):
to work with.
That was much smaller than jay.
It was jay when he was younger.
He was no, his name was jason.
Ironically, we just call himjason w stop it stop it.
But no, I I had a really goodfriend who was much smaller than
jay and I never, I never, feltlike I was a fucking inch bigger
(01:51):
or a pound heavier than him.
And then one day we werewalking, we were in a strip club
and we're walking by the bigwall of mirrors and I looked at
us and I'm like we areridiculous together like we
should not be in fucking publictogether.
I look like your father andyou're six months older than me
(02:12):
why don't you have that?
Jay (02:13):
that's wild, I look I look like I just gave birth to you
out of my birth canal, like I'mliterally carrying you as a baby
, but you're walking, walking.
It's fucking weird yeah.
Tony (02:26):
No, like when you look at other people.
Do you look at other peoplelike, wow, they're so much
bigger than me.
Yeah, for real, yeah.
Chris (02:36):
Of course he does, yeah.
Jay (02:39):
Especially when I get really close.
He's got to lay down on theback of his neck for looking up
at everyone all day long.
Tony (02:47):
It's kind of funny.
Your brother actually mentionedthat today.
What did he say?
We were talking about fightingand I was talking about the fact
that he's shorter than you.
Yeah, I was talking about thefact that I've never been in a
real fight.
Yeah, I've been in scuffles.
(03:07):
I broke a cousin, a couple ofmy cousin's ribs one time.
I also that same cousin.
Chris (03:15):
What makes a real?
Tony (03:16):
fight a knife?
Yeah, like there was no threatof being stabbed.
No, it was just one sided.
Like I don't know, maybe it wasasided, like I don't know,
maybe it was a fight, I don'tknow.
Looking back at it, you justbeat the fucking guys up.
I've definitely been in twofights you just beat people up.
Chris (03:34):
Let's do the example of a fight a fight in a fight
because you won, because you'rebigger than them a fight is
someone finishes and the otherone is down on the ground
gurgling.
Tony (03:44):
No, no, so like my picking them up.
Chris (03:48):
You better get out of here.
The cops are coming.
Tony (03:51):
No, my, my right shoulder, did not touch the other
person's right shoulder, andthen we walked in a circle.
I think that's how fights start.
I don't know about that.
Back in the day.
Jay (04:03):
Yeah, I think I call the push fight.
Yeah, I, you keep pushing eachother until someone that
happened, like you stop pushingme, you stop pushing me
something happened and Idefended it and that was it.
Tony (04:15):
But it wasn't a like.
We didn't start throwingpunches at each other.
The it was the same dude twiceI want.
Chris (04:22):
Once I just choked him.
I want to hear any other.
Tony (04:25):
I pushed him against the wall.
I want to hear while my handswere still on him, and my hand
went through three of his ribs Iwant to hear what you were
talking about with my brother umwell, I said something about
I'd never really been in a fightand he said well, it's probably
because you're so big thatnormal-sized people would be
(04:51):
afraid to start shit with youDon't, you notice it when you
get on a boat that it fuckingmoves, and then when your kid
gets on, it fucking doesn't.
Jay (05:00):
No, I like how that Chris brings something into the
conversation that has nothing todo with the conversation.
Chris (05:11):
Well, the size he gets on .
Jay (05:11):
No, I'm just saying your aspect of of reference was
amazing.
Tony (05:18):
No, I mean, I I don't find myself having to do things that
I think, like when I seesomebody that's really big and
they gotta like duck to getthrough a door, like I don't
have to do any of that shit.
That's true, I feel like you'renot enormous.
I'm six foot two.
I'm about 235 237, depending onwhere I eat for lunch.
That day.
Jay (05:38):
Okay, what my brother was telling you is that the fact
that you're bigger, people arenot afraid, okay, intimidated
they're not interested, it's acalculation Nine out of ten
people cannot fight or neverbeen in a fight, and that's like
a proven fact.
Chris (05:58):
Not that I know.
Jay (05:59):
Maybe seven out of ten.
Maybe seven out of ten, I don'tfucking know.
Tony (06:02):
I believe that more people have not been in a fight than
in an actual fight and maybe,maybe, when I picture a fight in
my head, I'm picturing like themovie version of a like seven
minutes I was in one of thoseand I remember what it was like
when I woke up the next day andmy face was looked like I was
fucking allergic to the worldI'm I'm picturing.
(06:25):
When I think of a fight, Ipicture the front lawn on the
movie step brothers, like no,that you're looking like a gang
fight, like nine people fightingnine different people.
Jay (06:35):
No, the movie step brothers you know, will ferrell digging
a fucking hole or rolling arounduntil they can't breathe and
fall asleep.
Is that what you're talkingabout, kind of, and then they
could wait, wait.
Or the one you're talking aboutwhere they're fighting in the
front when they both hit eachother in the head.
Tony (06:55):
And the mom's screaming what the fuck, fuck.
And you know Will Ferrell'sscreaming he's trying to rape me
like he's like I'm so now araper.
You know, I I just I have apicture in my head like like I
feel like a fight, like you'reat a bar and some dude's like,
(07:16):
did you just fucking look at mygirl?
And I'm like, fuck you bitchyeah and then he pushes me and
then I jump.
I jump over two bar stools andthree women to like, punch him
in his face.
And then somebody breaks abottle on the edge of the bar
and they're fucking stabbing itat me and I take a pool stick
and I hit him right in the dicklike, okay, now this is a fight
(07:37):
to me, gotta go out more dude ifyou want to get in those type
of altercations.
Chris (07:41):
But, I don't want to.
Jay (07:42):
No, I think that your thoughts and your like.
What you're thinking about islike not practical, like not
practical at all.
Tony (07:53):
You're telling me all these years of me saying I've
never been in a fight.
I've been in two legitimatefights, just not the fights I
imagined in my head.
Jay (08:03):
I'll tell you what about.
I'll tell you a fight inwhatever it is a fight in a bar,
fight on the street, whateverit is.
It's 10 seconds or less, yes,but feels like a minute or five,
and then it's like someone getshurt and then another person
runs away.
Basically, that's a fuckingfight.
Chris (08:22):
Oh dude, I didn't know the cops come.
Tony (08:24):
Not at bars, maybe with family.
Jay (08:26):
Someone gives up.
Someone gives up and runs awaybecause they just like, oh, I
don't want to get hurt, no more.
Chris (08:31):
They run away or a wife intervenes and is like God damn
it.
Jay (08:35):
Johnny, Get out of the fucking shit, Just leave sleep
alone.
Fights are so brief likeunbelievably brief that you
can't even comprehend it.
Chris (08:47):
Even a boxing match is only a three-minute round,
two-minute round, five rounds attwo minutes.
It's a ten-minute fight withbreaks.
Dude, you can't fight for thatlong in real life.
Jay (08:59):
You tried to describe a fight and it feels like you're
describing a whole marathon oflike spartans killing each other
, but literally it's like twoseconds of you punching someone
and like, oh, I don't like that,and then another guy running
away.
Chris (09:15):
Yeah, pretty much that's that's a fight or some girl gets
in the middle of it.
Jay (09:21):
Yeah, or a girl gets in the middle of it or someone really
gets really hurt and then thefucking guy that hurt really
hurt you.
Tony (09:28):
It feels bad alright, man, time out, time out, sorry man,
no, okay, I think it would bemore fair to say that I've been
in fights but I've never beenpunched, okay.
So Wait a minute.
That's not true either.
(09:49):
I got jumped one time in analley.
Jay (09:52):
I got punched a lot of times.
Where did they punch you Allover the entire?
Tony (09:55):
body.
Jay (09:56):
Or was it the head?
Because the head makes I gothit in the head.
Tony (10:00):
I got I'm pretty sure I got hit in the head.
I got I'm pretty sure I got hitin the foot.
Okay, so I think these threedudes just laid out everything
they had on me.
They each took a section andjust went to town for like so
there's seconds, there'sdifferent parts of your body.
Jay (10:12):
That makes a huge difference.
And how much pain or a debility, debilitybility.
Tony (10:21):
There was padding.
They put a backpack over myhead while they beat the shit
out of me Wild.
Chris (10:27):
Yeah.
Jay (10:28):
I'm talking about, like kidney shots they didn't want
you to see who they were or what?
Tony (10:32):
No, I knew who they were.
They walked up to me, they puta fucking backpack over my head
and just went to town on me.
What did they want from you?
Nothing.
So they're like hey, this guylooks a little too suspicious.
Jay (10:47):
I don't like him.
No, let's beat the fuck out ofhim.
Wait what I knew?
Them Now start over, becausethis story is getting too
compelling.
Tony (10:55):
All right.
So so early in high school,like freshman year-ish, I was
like I was involved in normalstreet graffiti, just like
everybody.
Chris (11:15):
Fucking graffiti.
Tony (11:16):
Hey, Tony, you are a good artist and I was a part of a
crew you are a great artist.
I've seen your work and arivaling crew who just a year
before, when we weren't in thesecrews, we were friends, but now
we're sworn enemies.
So when they see my cruise tags, they put an X through it and
(11:38):
they write their crew's namenext to it Makes sense.
And one of them Fucking 80s.
One of them wasn't actually inthat crew, but he out with them,
but he also hung out with us.
That's trouble.
And I seen him and he saidwhat's up to me?
(12:01):
I said what's up back and thenthey started walking up to me
and I I knew right away thistrouble and it was right behind
my garage.
So I was almost on my property.
I could have jet for the door,but instead I just stood there
by myself and they put abackpack over my head and beat
(12:25):
the shit out of me.
I'm sorry For a brief amount oftime was fine, pretty ridiculous
, so sorry so.
And there was.
There was no like real gangbehind this, but we were all
just tagging crews and my bestfriend whose house I was walking
(12:46):
from home um, he, he was mybest friend and he was a dj and
the rest of my tagging crew myfriend who's the dj, and then
all his I, I, I don't know whatyou want to call them, but kind
(13:06):
of gangbanger friends werehanging out in his, as some
would say, beat laboratory thathe had a big studio in his attic
where we all sat around in highschool and got drunk and smoked
cigarettes and, uh, you know,tried to bring girls over that
never, worked, at least for me.
(13:29):
I mean, I'm sure somebody gotlaid up there, but I was the fat
kid, I wasn't getting any pussy, but uh I ran, instead of
running back home and puttingice on my fucking face.
I run back to my buddy's houseand then they fucking just
cockroached the wholeneighborhood.
They just fucking spread out togo find these guys and uh, I
(13:55):
don't know whatever happened.
I don't know if they got caught.
I didn't go back over to myfriend's house to find out the
end results of the fucking fightdeal, but, uh, those guys never
fucked with me anymore.
This just got hopped once so Idon't know.
Yeah, I don't know, that wasthat I don't know if they were,
if the, if this was like anexperimental jumping to see if
(14:17):
they like jumping people and Iwas an easy target because I was
a slow fat kid, did you haveanything of value with you that
they took?
Jay (14:25):
no, did they grab your titties when they were beating
your ass?
Tony (14:30):
I did get a couple titty twisters.
Jay (14:32):
Maybe they kind of had sexual deviant problems that
they wanted to declare.
I don't know.
Tony (14:40):
Maybe that's why they put the bag over my head.
Maybe I was a double bagger?
Oh, maybe you just opened myeyes to the fact that I might
have been they might have beentrying to rape me.
Jay (14:53):
You almost been raped, fuck that's okay.
Tony (14:57):
Now, if I ever see matt breed in the street, I'm gonna
ask him did you try raping methat day, is that?
Chris (15:03):
what that was.
No, they probably had to,because you like tagged over
their shit and they're likelet's go get that fucker.
Tony (15:08):
And that one guy who you thought was your friend wasn't
well, there's a very goodpossibility I might have tagged
over his shit.
Yeah, that'll do it andsometimes they don't like that
yeah fucking so gang violence.
So now, now looking back on itand and what I was involved in,
it sounds, I mean, kind of likeI had it coming.
Jay (15:31):
Yep.
So basically you were wearingsomething tight, your titties
are showing and he has somethingcoming.
Bro, this is 1994.
Tony (15:43):
Ad 94.
I'm listening to exclusivelyWu-Tang Clan TLC Wearing Jankos
Because you can fit spray cansin your socks.
Chris (15:58):
And they were in your favorite college.
Jay (16:01):
I'm wearing Football teams jacket.
Tony (16:05):
No, no, I'm wearing a black hoodie Because I love.
Jay (16:08):
Wolverine.
Tony (16:09):
That has my tagging crew's name on across the back.
That doesn't seem like a verygood idea In white old English
letters.
Jay (16:19):
All right, so you're fat, you can't run, you're wearing
fucking gang.
Chris (16:23):
Oh, it's all in English letters so no one can read it.
I mean I wasn't.
Jay (16:25):
You're wearing gang signs.
Tony (16:27):
What the fuck do you't?
I wasn't that fat.
I was exactly the same weight Iam now you?
Jay (16:33):
what do you think's gonna happen to you?
You can't run fast.
Tony (16:36):
You're wearing fucking gang signs on your jacket and
matt breed was tall and thin,that guy could run like the wind
, so explain to me what yourthought was I'm about to get
fucked up, so let let me ask youwhen you got jumped, did you
fight back?
No, I had a bag over my head,bro.
You kind of lose your sense ofwhere you are.
(16:57):
I might have threw some airswings, I don't know.
Wait, is this a pick and savebag, or is this a?
Jay (17:05):
Walmart bag.
I can't get out of it.
Tony (17:09):
And the funny thing is is I can remember the smell of the
backpack to this day.
Yeah, because, because itsmelled, was it a jan sport,
more than likely probably smelllike I grew up in a pretty poor
neighborhood.
Yeah, it smelled like shittyweed and spray paint.
Jay (17:33):
Well, I can do that for you right now in the bag, and then
make you feel that traumatizingvent again I'm about to be 44,
and I still fucking love spraypainting.
Wow, you're old yeah you'regood at it, I love it too.
Oh yeah, tony.
Hey, any artist I've ever metin my life, you are the best one
.
Stop it seriously, though.
Chris (17:56):
Another one he is oriental, very amazing, been to
jail if you can find a wall andI'll show you this pork stuff
and you paint pork thing, I canget 15,000 eyes on your shit
what's the pork?
I asked to see the pork thingit's the pink pepe.
Jay (18:15):
Why can't you get 15 000 eyes on our podcast?
Because it's not pork.
What was making pork?
Chris (18:22):
that's the fucking crypto .
Jay (18:27):
How about this?
You bring your friend in thatis from a different country,
that wants me to eat a fuckinghead.
That's a pork and I'll do itbecause I lost.
You do have to still do that.
Chris (18:37):
Yeah, then tell him to bring it in.
He's got to do Tony's air firstbefore he does it.
Tony (18:42):
Well, he's got to do my furnace.
Yeah, all right, fine Furnace,then pork head.
Don't you fucking dare say abad word about douche call.
Jay (18:52):
I don't know who he is.
Chris (18:52):
That's the pork.
I don't know who he is.
He's a Pepe pink with a fork.
Jay (19:06):
Tony will not describe it.
Tony (19:09):
Tony tony will not describe it.
Tony, it looks like.
It looks like what I imagineevery pussy in a retirement home
.
Chris (19:18):
Looks like it's pretty rough.
Jay (19:19):
Is it smiling?
Tony (19:19):
at you.
This is a hold on a minute herenearly all of my net worth is
in that hold on, you investedreal money nearly all my net
worth is in that meme.
Hold on.
You invested real money.
Nearly all my net worth is inthat meme and there's something
with this graphic.
Let me see it again.
Jay (19:38):
Oh God, I can't get up.
Chris (19:41):
Yeah, jay's over here laying on the couch.
He forgot that.
Tony told us that he has sex onthat couch all the time.
God, that looks like a weirdvagina.
Jay (19:49):
Got him Dude like a weird vagina Got it.
Tony (19:53):
Dude, this is so fucked.
Chris (19:55):
No, but for real, you're painting your art in general,
your graffiti styling.
It's good stuff.
I do like it.
Jay (20:02):
I'll tell you what though I mean.
I do.
Tony (20:06):
Tony.
So I have about 30 cans ofgraffiti spray paint in back and
I have a sheet cans of graffitispray paint in back and I have
a sheet of plywood that Ipainted black for specific
graffiti reasons.
We can go back and drop thatbomb right now.
Jay (20:19):
Listen to me, though.
What'd you do, Tony?
Listen to me.
Tony (20:22):
I think I have to Tony listen to me right now.
Jay (20:26):
What is that going to prove ?
Tony (20:28):
Well, it's going to make me happy why?
Jay (20:30):
is it going to make you happy?
Tony (20:31):
And since I didn't get to go to the casino tonight, I
might as well do something.
You could have went I know Icould have Two hours ago.
I am an adult, I can make myown decisions.
Jay (20:42):
Yeah, but why did you not?
Tony (20:45):
Jay, I chose you.
Does that make you feel good?
It sounds like a movie, I know.
Didn't that make you feel?
Jay (20:53):
good though.
Yeah, sometimes like I like you, sometimes I hate you, you're
like.
Tony (20:58):
But now I kind of like you , he fucking chose me.
Jay (21:01):
Yeah, right now I like you, but like 67% of the time.
Tony (21:07):
That can all change.
Jay (21:08):
Almost immediately.
Tony (21:12):
I don't like you, I don't want to hurt you, but you're
bigger than see.
The thing is is I wouldn't evenfight back, so you might as
well, you might as well, go getan empty backpack, toss that
bitch over my eyes and go towork.
Tony's got like carpets galorehere, so I'm laying out the path
(21:35):
to victory and you're laughing.
All I have you could be winning.
Jay (21:38):
Right now, all I have to do is find a carpet, put it over
his head.
Tony (21:43):
Start punching him in his kidney yeah, give me a good
old-fashioned blanket party.
Jay (21:53):
So here's the thing what the fuck did.
What was this episode?
What was it about?
I don't know.
Tony (22:00):
You started.
It Did I Talking about I don'tknow when did it start, tony got
jumped, tony got jumped.
Jay (22:08):
I don't think that wasn't the way it started, though.
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