July 29, 2025 • 38 mins
Three friends reminisce about their first cars and the freedom, breakdowns, and bizarre incidents that came with teenage car ownership in the 1990s.
• Jay's "Red Wolf" - a maroon Ford Taurus that cost $500 and lasted only a week before breaking down
• Chris's 1977 gold Pontiac Catalina with bench seating that received an unintentional tattoo imprint during a romantic encounter
• Tony's Plymouth Reliant with a DIY "dookie brown" paint job that survived repeated abuse but eventually caught fire
• Firefighters using Tony's burning car as an impromptu training exercise, putting axe holes in every body panel
• The origin story of Tony's car being sold by a father who caught his son planning to drink and drive
• Discussion about the future of automobiles, including predictions about self-driving cars and flying vehicles
Share your first car stories in the comments below! What was your first ride, when did you get it, and how long did it last before it died?
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey everyone, thanks for joining us today.
Today we're going to take alittle stroll down memory lane.
We are going to talk about thatone thing you couldn't wait to
get when you were in youryounger years your first
automobile.
So everybody in this room hashad a first car, correct?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I remember mine quite well.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I actually named mine .
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Really yeah.
Now we're talking first car youever owned First car that you
ever owned.
Not your parents, not the firstcar you ever drove.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Not your parents' car that you crashed when you were
16.
I'm talking about 16 and a half.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
My brother's your first car.
My brother sold me this firstcar.
It was a piece of shit.
He needed money to go to avacation in Florida and he went
to go to Florida.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
He needed the money to get a cool neck tat yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
He sold me a piece of shit that I used for a week and
a half and it broke down.
I was driving up a hill and itbroke down.
I called it the Red Wolf.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
The Red.
Wolf, it was a maroon, which isweird, because weren't you bird
?
Yeah, weren't you bird, man I?
Am not bird man, so so you'retelling me the bird was in the
belly of the wolf?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
motherfucker, that's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
You are like you are a comedian so for two weeks you
drove this pos.
Yep, what happened with?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
it.
I don't know, I just like okay.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So first off if I, if I know the way you operate, I'm
guessing it broke down.
You open the door and startedwalking to your destination, and
that car is still sitting onthe shoulder of New Berlin
somewhere it's got trees growingaround it now.
I could just see you fullyabandoning a car I did to get
(02:10):
home.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
No, I was driving up a hill.
I didn't even have it, didn'teven have a radio.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I had a boom box, one of those big ass boom boxes
with giant batteries that's howyou became the lead singer from
all the, from all the singing inthat car.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I probably took six rides with it.
It broke down up a steep hilland I had to leave it there
until I got rid of it.
I didn't need it anymore.
I paid $500 for it.
It was a Ford, Maroon Ford.
What was the name of it?
Taurus?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Escort.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I think it was a tour .
It was either taurus or nescowas it the real little one.
No, it was a fat ugly lookingcar.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
That's a taurus yeah, it was a taurus, the clitoris
you had a clitoris, I did and ituh, I felt free.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
I felt, for I was 16.
I was 16 years old so's crazy.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
This car must have meant nothing to you, because
you don't remember any of thedetails.
You don't remember the year,the make, the model.
You just remember it was a redcar that you abandoned in New
Berlin.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Let me ask you I bet you there's some things he
remembered.
It probably had an ashtrayright.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Oh yeah, definitely it had a fucking lighter in
there and all that shit.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Did it have power windows?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
No, maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I don't even know if it worked.
Did it have a CD player?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh no, it didn't have a radio, yeah, the radio.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It didn't have a CD player.
It was just in the back seatand he had to reach over the
seat and press play on hiscassette tape.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I had that big ass boom box right on the fucking
front window.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I couldn't see anything.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Cop pulls me over.
He's like you can't have agiant boom box in your.
No, I didn't care about it,You're right.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah.
So, Chris, how did your firstcar meet its demise?
No because nobody buys theirfirst car and then also sells
that car.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I might have gotten something for it.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
If it's low class enough for you to be able to
afford, as a teenager, it startsout as a piece of shit $400.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
$400.
Mine was $500.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
So yeah, we're right in the wrong place 1977 Pontiac
Catalina, catalina, yeah was 500.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So yeah, we're right in the middle.
1977.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Pontiac Catalina, catalina.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah, dude, this thing was great Double bench
seating, all gold, gold interior, gold trim, gold steering wheel
.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Was this when you were starting your rap?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
career Gold, everything the car was gold.
There was like no rust on thething.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
This was in the year of 1998 or so I, uh, I didn't
get my license right away when Iwas 16.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
It took me a little while because I had to get my uh
enough to pay for six months ofinsurance.
So my dad wouldn't let me getmy license makes sense.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
You had to sell some of your pepsi stock, so whatever
it was don't get insurance, sojust run from the scene I had
the car for a while.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
It was pretty badass dude.
And then I was driving too fast, hitting the gas too hard and
turning at the same time andapparently that this particular
model of car.
There was something where ifyou had the wheel fully turned
and fully accelerated, they likemessed up with the transmission
.
So the transmission startedgetting all fucked up.
(05:30):
So I had to like manually steerthrough the low third and drive
to get going.
Then it would like only go inreverse sometimes and not go in
reverse and so I had to get ittowed somewhere.
My uncle got it.
He was like working at atransmission shop at the time
and he's like I'll fucking takeit.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I don't know what I might have got for it so, in
other words, you sold it, but itshouldn't have been sold.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, probably not.
He probably didn't even.
He probably just threw somefucking fluid in it in some way
and threw it for sale down onthe north side or something.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yeah, I had to pay, he sold it he sold it for money
I had to pay.
Maybe it was seven hundreddollars.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
My car too to get rid of.
I drove it for a while, thoughI nearly died in it in a rainy
day.
The brake is locked up and Ispun a bunch of times and ended
up like facing back into trafficon a one lane going one way,
one lane going the other waytype road where it was like for
some reason we were all stoppingand no one knew why, kind of
(06:32):
thing uh yeah and I had anothergood part of that there.
I had, uh, relations with awoman in the car one night.
She had just gotten a tattoo onher back like a tramp stamp
with the butterfly thing, or atarget, as some people call it,
and uh, yeah, so that wasstained into the back seat of
(06:56):
the car wait what?
Because she was leaning upagainst the car with the fresh
ink oh, and so it's like thetattoo was stained just got it.
It's stained into the car'sseat.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
It's pretty legit, so you're banging her while she
still has a vaseline andcellophane yes yeah, like that's
how she paid for her ride homefrom the tattoo parlor again.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I want to.
We should start each of theseepisodes with the disclaimer
that this this podcast.
Let me just record it hereseven minute 40 seconds.
This podcast is forentertainment purposes only any
stories told on top self.
Stories are subject tovalidation, verification and are
we in no way incriminateourselves by speaking in a
(07:43):
certain manner during thisentertainment enjoy.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Good, yeah, I need a better disclaimer, get a better
disclaimer.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
But yeah, I like that idea so yeah, first car, I
loved it.
I'll never forget it.
If I could buy another one, Iwould right now I would pay
probably not if it ran and droveand I could like take it to
work.
I would pay probably $2,000 fora 77 Pontiac Catalina in almost
(08:12):
any condition, as long as Icould drive it to work, even if
I can only drive it to work onlike nice days like a motorcycle
, so a Windows working is noteven a requirement.
Nothing's really just like itstarts and runs and I could go
to work and back on a nice day.
But yeah, so what?
(08:34):
What prompts you here?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
this is great so my first car ever was a 1986
Plymouth Reliant.
No, I do not.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I know what that is.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
So for everybody listening at home, I'll give you
just a second.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
What year again?
1986.
Actually, it's the year I betyou it was purple or brown tan.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Oh, let me get it.
So let's go through the storyof how I acquired this car.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
This also went by the name like a Dodge Acclaim or
something too right.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
This car Well that was similar but that had a
little bit more style.
Okay, that had kind of like atilted trunk and a tilted front.
Mine was just so.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
What a Plymouth Reliant is is so if your name is
bad, when did they stop making?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
those in 86 now ask me when they started making them
85 um rely, it's so reliable,reliable, so so, basically, what
a plymouthmouth Reliant is isif you handed a 10-year-old with
no artistic ability a crayon.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Yeah, this is exactly the car, and said can you
please draw a car?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
It's exactly the car they would draw a.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Plymouth Reliant.
It's exactly the car I thought.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
I think the Acclaim was just the two-door Reliant.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, wow.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
So the nickname for this car was the whole hauler so
google that if you're listeningto, to get uh an idea of what
he's speaking of.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
But this thing's not, I mean this is much fancier and
compact and stylish than the1977 that I had.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I don't know, man, it's just a weird looking box
yeah, this is no it's hideous.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
So let me tell you how I got it.
So my whole family's kind of inthe cars, buying, selling,
painting, whatever, just in thecars.
And I was about to turn 16 andmy uncle came to me and he said
hey, Hold on Time out.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I got many-year reliance here, but go on.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Verifying dates.
Verifying your lies.
I heard the new 2024 reliancegoing to be electric.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Okay, Did you have?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
the K?
No, because that was.
Oh, that's the two-door, it wasa loaded, yeah oh that's the
two doors to load it up that'sthe two-door then, right, okay,
that's not a bad looking car.
Um, I'm sorry I got you off oh,let me see it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, it is about, let me see it once no, no, no,
look that looks.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
It looks like a matchbox you're talking this car
as I said it was purple, yeah,or or tan that's like this it
was tan, oh please was it tan.
So that looks like hold on, letme get sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Sorry, his pant color is the same so my uncle comes
to me and says hey, one of mybuddies from work is selling a
great starter car for you.
It runs and drives great, itneeds nothing needs nothing.
I said all right, that soundslike yeah he said it looks
hideous, but it needs nothing.
(11:57):
It'll be the perfect, safe carfor you to drive it runs and
it's reliable runs and drivesfucking name speaks for itself.
And uh, I'm like, okay, howmuch?
Because obviously I can'tafford a mechanically sound,
reliable car.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
And he goes, he's selling it for he just bought it
by the name.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
You can't afford the actual liability he's selling it
for two hundred dollars and god, and I said two hundred dollars
, what year?
Give me two of them.
Yeah, what year?
What year?
It's a 1980?
No, no, no, what year?
It's a 1986 and I bought it in1996.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So it's 10 years old dude.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
That's a new car, that's fucking you know how old
I had to be until I got a carthat was less than 10 years old.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Dude, I didn't get a car that was less than 10 years
old for $200.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Never bought a car less than 10 years old so it was
silver originally, but it had.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
It had a red fender, red hood and red door.
Oh my god, so obviously thiscar's been through some shit
different colored stuff yep soit was a multi-colored plymouth
reliant.
So I buy this thing for 200bucks from this lovely man named
dennis what's the last name?
(13:16):
I know I'm it, I don't know.
So he comes into the story alittle bit later.
Sounds like but uh, so I'm 16years old, I buy this car and,
uh, my uncle goes.
Hey, you know, I've beenpainting cars for a long time.
I have all these little likequarter gallon of paint.
He's like what do you say?
(13:36):
We mix them all together andspray this thing out and I'm
like anything's got to be betterthan silver and bright red,
right?
Oh my?
god so we spend a weekend, wemix it off, we mix everything
together and uh turns out, whenyou mix like 11 colors together,
it gives you this dookie brown.
(13:57):
Oh, yeah, right, yeah, mudbrown so it was the most hideous
color of brown you've ever seen, but all one color, so I was
good did you leave?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
it have to leave?
Do you have like a mixed bag ofvarnish and clear coat for?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
you too, or what?
No, we just use.
We just used one clear coat.
I actually had to buy that.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
That was like 60 bucks you should have kept it
matte.
Finish man those even thatwasn't in style back then, even
in shit brown, it probablylooked cool.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, no, it would have looked cool if it was all
matte, but that wasn't a thingback then.
Nobody did that I, I want amatte, so I drove the shit out
of this thing.
For about a year and a half Idelivered pizzas in it, that's
awesome dude, you got themoney's only thing I ever had to
do was put like 18 in gas in it, and I feel like I drove that
(14:51):
thing around the planet well,dude, what was the cheapest
you've ever paid for gas?
that uh, remember yeah, when Iwas 16 there was some kind of
gas wars girl going.
I actually I no, I wasn't inthe reliant, I was in a
different car, but we went toiowa and gas was 99 cents.
Yeah, I remember one timepremium.
(15:13):
I remember paying for fuckingpremium.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
chris, I don't know what I put in there, but it was
only 97 cents and I was like wow, it's less than a dollar.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
This is insane.
My car is a high-performancevehicle.
It's only filled with premium.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, in Iowa it was 99 cents, in probably 1997.
So this thing wasindestructible, this thing could
not break.
So, you're trying to break it,yeah, so trying, trying to break
this thing became a pastime andit couldn't be done he tried so
(15:53):
fucking hard.
This card did not have a weaklink on it.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So when you speak of trying to break, you were just
running into shit.
You weren't doing neutral drops, no we did thousands of neutral
drops.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It was the only way we could get the front tire to
go.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
It wouldn't break, though, skrrt.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
But this thing wouldn't break.
I don't know.
Maybe this is why plymouth wentout of business, because they
built their cars like fuckingarmy tanks you could not break
them.
Division of dodge corporationthat's pretty crazy, but they're
you know, maybe it was maybe itwas like they're all right
we're gonna build this one line?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
we're not gonna.
We're gonna call it thediscount line, but it's just
gonna run forever.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, millions and millions americans are gonna be
in our plymouth cars I, Iguarantee you, in the time I had
it, I did not change the oil.
I did, I did not do anything tothis car.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
I did not do.
You said a year and a half,year and a half, so you don't
need to change.
I don't change my oil for three, four years.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So I was going to talk shit about your car, but
then I remembered I'm talkingabout a 1986 Plymouth Reliant,
so never mind my car doesn'thave emotions.
So the house I lived in at thetime with my mom had an alley,
(17:19):
like a lot of blocks do in thecity.
But this particular alley hadanother alley that came off of
it in the middle, so it had a T?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh my God, you have a dangerous alley T alleys are
bad dude Criminals love T alleysbecause you don't get caught up
in there.
If someone pulls up on you inan alley, you got to drive
backwards or at them, unlessthere's a T.
Then you can go on the T.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
So this T was where the city plowed all the snow
from the alley in the streets.
They ran it all into this teeand I spent a good amount of my
childhood climbing this snowmountain that they that they put
on there.
We, you know, nobody ever gothurt in it, it was always fun.
(18:09):
We used to dig out igloos andall kinds of shit into it and it
was probably 15 feet tall, true, and, uh, I had a circle, but
yeah.
So me and my brother one day,uh, we were a little bit old to
go out there with shovels anddig tunnels through it and make
the uh igloo we had in yearspast.
So we decided it was going tobe fun to try to build an igloo
(18:34):
the shape of a plymouth threelion.
And I did that by reversing,drive bam, reverse, drive bam,
and I just ran that car into thesnow mountain for 20 minutes
just packing the snow justpacking it deeper and deeper and
I almost got up to thewindshield wiper.
(18:56):
So I made a nice alcove for thekids, you wrecked it well, we
were trying to.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
For a long time they were made of steel back then.
Could you imagine if you didthat with?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
the car now do you imagine?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
could you fucking imagine?
No, you accidentally hit a curbin your fucking front I
rear-ended a lady's.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I rear-ended a lady's jeep going zero miles an hour
and blew up like a balloon anddestroyed her tailgate, the
whole tailgate.
But uh, so I ran this thingback and forth and when we
finally realized it's notpacking in any further, we got a
nice little alcove here.
We're just gonna pack ourlosses, drive around back
(19:38):
through the alley, park it outin front.
Well, I overheated that bitchbadly by packing snow into the
radiators, probably.
I thought you said reversed it.
Yeah, I got out of the thing I.
I drove it around to the frontof the house and parked it no, I
okay, never mind and uh, all Iremember of this time is me and
(20:01):
my brother getting out of thecar laughing and this thing is
fucking smoking.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
It's so overheated, it's just billowing smoke and I
still don't get why you'retrying to destroy your own car.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I don't know, dude, because I was 16 and I don't
know, I didn't pay anything forthe car really and it just
didn't mean anything to me.
I always kept it really clean.
I I, you know, took care of itaesthetically, kept that dookie
brown shining I got two wordsfor you, chris west alice no, I
(20:37):
didn't live in west alice, I wassouth side bitch.
But uh, we park it out in frontand this thing's smoking.
I'm like, uh, me and my brotherare laughing about better, let
this bitch cool down for aminute.
And uh, we're walking in and welived on a second second story
duplex and I remember my mombeing on the porch screaming
(20:59):
your car's on fire, your car'son fire.
And I'm like at that point,like I didn't even care.
I felt like I was in a movie.
It's like I kept walking,didn't even look back at it in
slow motion, walked all the way,got all the way up in the place
.
My mom had already called thefire department there's flames,
(21:21):
there were flames, it was.
It was a full-on automobilefire.
Wow, good work so the firetrucks pull up.
You did what you came and uh,they're training new guys.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Okay it's like nobody's car fire.
It's outside, yep so like liketwo journeymen.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Firefighters come to the scene and they have a couple
of apprentices with them.
I don't know, they might havejust been ride-alongs, I don't
know, but uh, they go well.
When a car's on fire, this iswhat you got to do.
The fire could be inside of thebody panels, so they take out
an ax and they ax my frontfenders.
(22:03):
They put fucking huge holes init.
Why?
Because they said that you gotto open them up to see if
there's fire.
That's so dumb.
At this point I'm yelling atthem.
I'm like are you guys fuckingserious?
You guys are axing my car rightnow.
And he goes, yeah.
And then they hand the axes tothe new guys and they say give
(22:24):
it a whack, do every body panelon this car.
So these kids went aroundAround the backside of the car.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
My trunk, my doors, your car is on fire.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
No, they probably put out the fire first, but then
they had to make sure I'm prettysure the fire was out by the
time they got there.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It was just smoldering at that point.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
But still, I mean after it being on fire at all
how much is salvageable?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
All of it, All of it.
You change the rubber parts andyou fucking move on.
It's steel man Recycleable.
It's steel man, for recyclable,it's steel.
It's not driving anymore, so Ifucking watch these young
firemen just have the time oftheir life.
They're probably on theirpodcast telling the same story
(23:13):
right now.
That's crazy.
I mean, they put dozens of axholes in the side.
So ridiculous.
You know what?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
roof.
Tony, you know everything.
You know.
You probably started the uh,the, the start of people that uh
make this, uh, this place whereyou can go places and destroy
things.
They, those are the people thatinvented that, the panic rooms
or whatever they're called.
No, you go places yeah, yousmash it, just take out
(23:43):
aggression.
Yeah, you started that withthose those people, they thought
of it, yeah so uh, this carwould look so great setting up.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
So now in front of my house for like a week sat a car
with dozens of ax holes in it.
I didn't know what to do withit.
Right, I'm not paying to getrid of it.
So, uh, somebody in my familyrecommended that I called there
(24:13):
was a thing called uh, the boysranch.
Oh okay, that they would buy anycar, regardless of the shape,
and the kids would fix them upand they would sell them, and
this was a way for thisorganization, yeah, so to make
money.
So I call them and I say I gota car up for sale, you guys
(24:33):
interested?
And they go, what is it?
I'm like it's 1986 plymouthreliant and they're like wait, I
thought it was a give you don't.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
You don't sell that to them.
They actually, you actuallyjust give it to them.
I mean, you take a tax, yeah,yeah, tax deduction from it and
they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah,we'll take it, you know.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
And they come to pick it up and they're like what
happened to this thing?
And I'm like, oh the fire.
The firefighters had to makesure that there was no fire in
the body panels.
The guys looking at me likewhat the fuck are you talking
about?
He pops open the hood and Imean all the rubbers melted,
(25:12):
anything that's plastic on hiscar is melted.
All the hoses yeah everythinginside the hood is just there
wasn't a lot of that shit inthem cars and uh.
But uh, the guy's like dude, Idon't know if I can take this,
I'm like you can definitely takeit.
So they ended up taking itright.
So after that I uh I thenborrowed my mom's car for a
(25:37):
while because I couldn't afforda new car for like six months
and I got a new car.
So a couple years later now I'mlike 18 years old and I start
working for the same companythat my uncle got me this car
from the.
The company he works for, hisco-worker his co-worker ends up
(25:58):
being my mentor.
The guy bought this from and Ihadn't met him at this time.
My uncle my uncle locked in thesale.
If I know my uncle, he got thecar for a hundred, sold it to me
for two, you know and uh, uh,this dennis, and he was this old
chunky dude big beard beforebig beards were a thing, sure,
(26:20):
just hillbilly.
And uh, he knew that he hadsold me this car.
But you know, four yearsearlier, but you didn't know
okay.
And uh, he starts talking abouthis first car ever and and he's
like, hey, kid, you got a firstcar story.
And I'm like, oh, you ain'tgoing to believe this shit.
(26:42):
And I tell him this story andhe goes, you know, that was my
kid's car.
And I'm like, excuse me.
He's like, yeah, I'm the onewho sold that car to your Uncle,
mike.
And I'm like, oh, no way.
I said, why did you sell it?
And I'm like, oh, no way.
I said why, why did you sell it?
I'm like that thing ran like achampion until I started it on
fire.
And uh, he goes.
(27:04):
Well, he goes.
My kid, my kid, had a deal.
He goes, I bought that kid thatcar.
He is like I paid like athousand bucks for that car.
And uh, he goes that car.
And uh, he goes.
(27:24):
We had a deal that if he evergot caught drinking while he was
driving the car, I bought him.
I was, uh, I was taking it awayand I was selling it.
And he goes.
And the kid tested me.
And he is like, you don't testme.
He goes, I took that car fromhim.
I made him sign the the titleover to me.
And he's like, and I sold thatthing to your uncle for 200
(27:44):
bucks and uh, I'm like, oh, you,you caught because I ended up
becoming friends with this guy.
I'm like you sold you soldandy's car for drinking and
driving.
He's like, well, he didn't evendrink and drive yet.
He's like I went to the parkwhere he was sitting with his
friends getting drunk and hiscar was the only way for them to
(28:08):
get home he went up and grabbedit and he's like so I drove his
car home, left him kids at thepark and, uh, sold his car to
your uncle so you could have afirst car.
And he's like that's how youtreated it.
He's like don't.
He's like don't tell andy whatyou did to his car.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
He loved that car but to be honest, you really didn't
do too bad.
I mean, the fire departmentreally raped your car, to be
honest.
Well, he was crashing, I mightstill be driving he's crashing
into us I mean if I were toreplace some rubber hoses, I may
still be driving that car today, had I not started it on fire,
(28:52):
you have to take the wholefucking engine apart there's not
much to that engine I don'tknow about cars.
It was about as big as a laundrybasket I just feel like there's
a lot of things that could melt, little tiny things that you
have to replace.
No, not in the older car.
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
I can't even change.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I've never changed the oil in my car, but I had so
many great times in that car,though that was such a good car.
Okay, did you have do?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
you have sex in it?
No, I didn't.
Well, that's not that cool thenwhat did you do?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
masturbating it yeah, a lot okay those are the great
times yeah, we did mainly whileI was driving we took that, that
the car I had the first car.
We took it to drive-ins.
It would fit like fucking nine,ten people in it.
Yeah, like ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
And could you fit that many people in it?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, Like ridiculous , could you fit that many people
in that car?
Speaker 3 (29:44):
So I put subs in the trunk.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Sub sandwiches.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Yeah, sub sandwiches, subway actually.
I was so confident that thatcar was unbreakable.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
I threw the spare tire away to fit the subs in.
Oh my gosh, so you uh was it.
It was loud, and what rap?
What do you?
What kind of music?
Jay-z blueprint album.
You're pounding that shit inthere yeah so you spent more
money.
The poorly installed windows.
You spent more money onsubwoofers.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, to set on the fire, I spent more money here I
spent more money on the amp thanI did that whole car okay, and
did you?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
those went on fire or did the axes?
No, they weren't anywhere nearthe fire, I know, but the axes I
heard were everywhere axe marks.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, they did axe the trunk 15 times, but uh, the
subs made it into the next caroh, you took them out.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Okay, well then you, you lucked out there otherwise
uh, recently.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So I recently bought a car from my childhood, um,
that my grandpa used to own well, not his car exactly just the
same kind of car.
And, uh, after I got that, Igot even more nostalgic and I
started.
I started hunting the nationfor a 1986 reliant k car and I.
(31:10):
I was dating my wife during thetime I had that car and uh, uh
well you did.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
You guys did start dating right outside the womb,
right you?
Guys pretty much holding hands,holding hands, 17 minutes into
birth.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Holding hands into the, yeah, into this world, yeah
, um.
And she?
She warned me that there wouldbe no reliant K cars in our
family.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
No sex in the champagne room after Not reliant
.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
So that car is not red sex Okay, All right.
So what do you miss it Verymuch.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Very much.
There was a brief moment intime where a cat lived in it.
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Yeah, is this before or after it got burnt and
chopped apart by?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
firemen During yeah, that's how my first cat got
cremated while it was alive.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
So that was weird.
He was already like 10,whatever.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Everything burned for a few years in that use it as a
fire pit.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Let's get in.
Let's get in tony's car andstart the engine on fire.
It's so warm in there there'sno heat.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
We used to do a lot of stupid shit in our cars, man
back in the day the only thingis is I know that my kid's first
car is not going to be like theterrible piece of shit.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Just find my first car was my kid's first car is
going to be self-driving I setthis premonition probably will
be when she was born, one of thefirst things I remembered
thinking and saying to others islike I'm so glad I'm not going
to have to teach her to drive,Okay.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Chris, because there are going to be self-driving
cars by the time she's driving.
But her first car.
She won't even need her licensethen, no.
So how old is she again?
Yeah, it's called the bus.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
She's eight.
She's eight now, when do youstart?
Eight years.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
Eight years, you think is going to be a ton of
self-driving cars, Onlyself-driving cars.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
What.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Never happened.
You think the whole Okay.
You think the majority of carsin eight years are going to be
self-driving.
Imagine a world, Imagine.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Look, I'm doing this hand thing.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Imagine, imagine a world.
Yeah, you're doing jazz hands,I get it.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Where all of the cars are run by carbureted motors
and then, someone's like, by1987 they're all going to be
fuel injected by then and I waslike you're crazy old man,
that's foo foo science well,this is the next one.
I think it's a big jump fromfuel injection to carburetor,
Carburetor motors to fuelinjection was a pretty giant
(34:01):
leap in automotive.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
You know the first year Chevy introduced the fuel
injected motor Probably like 84,86 inside the Reliant 1976.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Okay, yeah, well, at some point someone was like I
don't know the fuck you guyseven talking about then?
What about?
There'll be a time.
What about you?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
we have a calculator in your pocket, yeah, yeah, well
, look at us now no, actuallyyou can say yeah but the thing,
is is you can still go buy anold school calculator, so they
still they still have, so theydid this cash for clunkers thing
.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
They're just going to do the same thing for automated
cars like here.
Take this automated car pass,where they just pick you up in
the car wherever, whenever.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
However, so you're saying that you just give us
this and we'll give you 10 yearsfree rides anywhere so there's
gonna be no driver for ubers no,it'll all be automated okay, I
don't think we're more than Imean.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, eight years apparently.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
AI.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Uber?
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
I don't think it'll happen that fast.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
but I do not think I'll have to teach my kid to
drive.
She probably will need to betaught, but I don't think she'll
have to you know, what I'msaying.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
All right, I mean, I don't dismiss your enthusiasm
for technology and the ultimateuprising of AI, because I love
robots and computers and shit, Iwant a robot.
I want my own robot.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
There's nothing I hate more in this world.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I fucking hate, the fact that.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
I'm talking into an electronic right now, my wife
says the same thing.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
She's terrified of robots or just freaks her out.
I think it's amazing.
It's the coolest thing ever.
I feel like I'm going to bedead before I even see.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
No, you're going to see.
You already are seeing shit,dude.
Not enough, though.
I don't like it.
They said in 2000 and whatever.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
2020, 2020, there are going to be flying cars
everywhere.
Yeah, I ain't seeing onemotherfucking flying car.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
If it is, it's on fire and flying off a ramp it's
funny you said that becauseboeing, the airplane
manufacturer, said they'rethey're starting processing and
put a year out that they'regoing to have flying cars.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
But how do you another?
Speaker 1 (36:14):
where do you put?
Speaker 3 (36:14):
the.
You know traffic.
How do traffic-nize?
If that's a word, gps dude,flying car GPS?
I know, but how do you havelanes, how do you have paths?
Gps?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
In the air.
There are no lanes.
I'm just saying yeah, but youcan definitely drive into a
house.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
They're doing it with airplanes.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
now Boeing aims to bring flying cars to Asia by
2030.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Yeah, they said that 30 years ago.
Well, they didn't say it likethat, but they said that it's
going to be.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
I mean, it seems like it should have been happening
already.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
All right, Tony it does.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
It seems like we should have, like Jay said,
fucking me George Jetson or inthe back of the future movies.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
You're like fuck, dude, that's gonna be a thing.
The hovercraft hoverboards, afucking hover skateboard you can
just no wheels.
I ain't seen that shit.
I've seen fucking one of thosedrones that you can fly around,
but those are shit and they'revery hard to fly.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
You just crash them.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
They're actually super easy.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
No, they are not.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Well, next time.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
You want to race hover.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Okay, all right, everybody, that's my first car
story.
First car.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Beautiful story, Tony .
I appreciate it.
Follow us on your choice ofsocial media yeah, and listen up
.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Jay wants you to tell us about your first car story.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Yes, I do.
I want to hear your first carstory.
What car was it, when was itand how long did it last before
it died?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
I do it all in separate comments.
Down below.
Down below, with the pointyemoji Outro music, I don't know,
subscribe or whatever kids donowadays.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
I don't know Whatever .
Thanks for listening.
I'm giving time for the outromusic.
We'll be right back.
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Hey everyone, thanks for joining us today.
Today we're going to take alittle stroll down memory lane.
We are going to talk about thatone thing you couldn't wait to
get when you were in youryounger years your first
automobile.
So everybody in this room hashad a first car, correct?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
I remember mine quite well.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
I actually named mine .
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Really yeah.
Now we're talking first car youever owned First car that you
ever owned.
Not your parents, not the firstcar you ever drove.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Not your parents' car that you crashed when you were
16.
I'm talking about 16 and a half.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
My brother's your first car.
My brother sold me this firstcar.
It was a piece of shit.
He needed money to go to avacation in Florida and he went
to go to Florida.
Speaker 2 (01:07):
He needed the money to get a cool neck tat yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
He sold me a piece of shit that I used for a week and
a half and it broke down.
I was driving up a hill and itbroke down.
I called it the Red Wolf.
Speaker 2 (01:20):
The Red.
Wolf, it was a maroon, which isweird, because weren't you bird
?
Yeah, weren't you bird, man I?
Am not bird man, so so you'retelling me the bird was in the
belly of the wolf?
Speaker 3 (01:36):
motherfucker, that's pretty good.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
You are like you are a comedian so for two weeks you
drove this pos.
Yep, what happened with?
Speaker 3 (01:45):
it.
I don't know, I just like okay.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
So first off if I, if I know the way you operate, I'm
guessing it broke down.
You open the door and startedwalking to your destination, and
that car is still sitting onthe shoulder of New Berlin
somewhere it's got trees growingaround it now.
I could just see you fullyabandoning a car I did to get
(02:10):
home.
Speaker 3 (02:11):
No, I was driving up a hill.
I didn't even have it, didn'teven have a radio.
Speaker 2 (02:15):
I had a boom box, one of those big ass boom boxes
with giant batteries that's howyou became the lead singer from
all the, from all the singing inthat car.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
I probably took six rides with it.
It broke down up a steep hilland I had to leave it there
until I got rid of it.
I didn't need it anymore.
I paid $500 for it.
It was a Ford, Maroon Ford.
What was the name of it?
Taurus?
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Escort.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
I think it was a tour .
It was either taurus or nescowas it the real little one.
No, it was a fat ugly lookingcar.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
That's a taurus yeah, it was a taurus, the clitoris
you had a clitoris, I did and ituh, I felt free.
Speaker 3 (02:59):
I felt, for I was 16.
I was 16 years old so's crazy.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
This car must have meant nothing to you, because
you don't remember any of thedetails.
You don't remember the year,the make, the model.
You just remember it was a redcar that you abandoned in New
Berlin.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
Let me ask you I bet you there's some things he
remembered.
It probably had an ashtrayright.
Speaker 3 (03:19):
Oh yeah, definitely it had a fucking lighter in
there and all that shit.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Did it have power windows?
Speaker 3 (03:25):
No, maybe I don't know.
Speaker 1 (03:29):
I don't even know if it worked.
Did it have a CD player?
Speaker 3 (03:31):
Oh no, it didn't have a radio, yeah, the radio.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It didn't have a CD player.
It was just in the back seatand he had to reach over the
seat and press play on hiscassette tape.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I had that big ass boom box right on the fucking
front window.
Speaker 1 (03:45):
I couldn't see anything.
Speaker 3 (03:46):
Cop pulls me over.
He's like you can't have agiant boom box in your.
No, I didn't care about it,You're right.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah.
So, Chris, how did your firstcar meet its demise?
No because nobody buys theirfirst car and then also sells
that car.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
I might have gotten something for it.
Speaker 2 (04:08):
If it's low class enough for you to be able to
afford, as a teenager, it startsout as a piece of shit $400.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
$400.
Mine was $500.
Speaker 3 (04:22):
So yeah, we're right in the wrong place 1977 Pontiac
Catalina, catalina, yeah was 500.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
So yeah, we're right in the middle.
1977.
Speaker 3 (04:27):
Pontiac Catalina, catalina.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
Yeah, dude, this thing was great Double bench
seating, all gold, gold interior, gold trim, gold steering wheel
.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
Was this when you were starting your rap?
Speaker 1 (04:39):
career Gold, everything the car was gold.
There was like no rust on thething.
Speaker 3 (04:44):
This was in the year of 1998 or so I, uh, I didn't
get my license right away when Iwas 16.
Speaker 1 (04:53):
It took me a little while because I had to get my uh
enough to pay for six months ofinsurance.
So my dad wouldn't let me getmy license makes sense.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
You had to sell some of your pepsi stock, so whatever
it was don't get insurance, sojust run from the scene I had
the car for a while.
Speaker 1 (05:09):
It was pretty badass dude.
And then I was driving too fast, hitting the gas too hard and
turning at the same time andapparently that this particular
model of car.
There was something where ifyou had the wheel fully turned
and fully accelerated, they likemessed up with the transmission
.
So the transmission startedgetting all fucked up.
(05:30):
So I had to like manually steerthrough the low third and drive
to get going.
Then it would like only go inreverse sometimes and not go in
reverse and so I had to get ittowed somewhere.
My uncle got it.
He was like working at atransmission shop at the time
and he's like I'll fucking takeit.
Speaker 2 (05:51):
I don't know what I might have got for it so, in
other words, you sold it, but itshouldn't have been sold.
Speaker 1 (05:57):
Yeah, probably not.
He probably didn't even.
He probably just threw somefucking fluid in it in some way
and threw it for sale down onthe north side or something.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
Yeah, I had to pay, he sold it he sold it for money
I had to pay.
Maybe it was seven hundreddollars.
Speaker 1 (06:11):
My car too to get rid of.
I drove it for a while, thoughI nearly died in it in a rainy
day.
The brake is locked up and Ispun a bunch of times and ended
up like facing back into trafficon a one lane going one way,
one lane going the other waytype road where it was like for
some reason we were all stoppingand no one knew why, kind of
(06:32):
thing uh yeah and I had anothergood part of that there.
I had, uh, relations with awoman in the car one night.
She had just gotten a tattoo onher back like a tramp stamp
with the butterfly thing, or atarget, as some people call it,
and uh, yeah, so that wasstained into the back seat of
(06:56):
the car wait what?
Because she was leaning upagainst the car with the fresh
ink oh, and so it's like thetattoo was stained just got it.
It's stained into the car'sseat.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
It's pretty legit, so you're banging her while she
still has a vaseline andcellophane yes yeah, like that's
how she paid for her ride homefrom the tattoo parlor again.
Speaker 1 (07:21):
I want to.
We should start each of theseepisodes with the disclaimer
that this this podcast.
Let me just record it hereseven minute 40 seconds.
This podcast is forentertainment purposes only any
stories told on top self.
Stories are subject tovalidation, verification and are
we in no way incriminateourselves by speaking in a
(07:43):
certain manner during thisentertainment enjoy.
Speaker 3 (07:46):
Good, yeah, I need a better disclaimer, get a better
disclaimer.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
But yeah, I like that idea so yeah, first car, I
loved it.
I'll never forget it.
If I could buy another one, Iwould right now I would pay
probably not if it ran and droveand I could like take it to
work.
I would pay probably $2,000 fora 77 Pontiac Catalina in almost
(08:12):
any condition, as long as Icould drive it to work, even if
I can only drive it to work onlike nice days like a motorcycle
, so a Windows working is noteven a requirement.
Nothing's really just like itstarts and runs and I could go
to work and back on a nice day.
But yeah, so what?
(08:34):
What prompts you here?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
this is great so my first car ever was a 1986
Plymouth Reliant.
No, I do not.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
I know what that is.
Speaker 2 (08:47):
So for everybody listening at home, I'll give you
just a second.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
What year again?
1986.
Actually, it's the year I betyou it was purple or brown tan.
Speaker 2 (08:59):
Oh, let me get it.
So let's go through the storyof how I acquired this car.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
This also went by the name like a Dodge Acclaim or
something too right.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
This car Well that was similar but that had a
little bit more style.
Okay, that had kind of like atilted trunk and a tilted front.
Mine was just so.
Speaker 3 (09:23):
What a Plymouth Reliant is is so if your name is
bad, when did they stop making?
Speaker 2 (09:30):
those in 86 now ask me when they started making them
85 um rely, it's so reliable,reliable, so so, basically, what
a plymouthmouth Reliant is isif you handed a 10-year-old with
no artistic ability a crayon.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Yeah, this is exactly the car, and said can you
please draw a car?
Speaker 2 (09:54):
It's exactly the car they would draw a.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Plymouth Reliant.
It's exactly the car I thought.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 1 (10:01):
I think the Acclaim was just the two-door Reliant.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Yeah, wow.
Speaker 3 (10:07):
So the nickname for this car was the whole hauler so
google that if you're listeningto, to get uh an idea of what
he's speaking of.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
But this thing's not, I mean this is much fancier and
compact and stylish than the1977 that I had.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
I don't know, man, it's just a weird looking box
yeah, this is no it's hideous.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
So let me tell you how I got it.
So my whole family's kind of inthe cars, buying, selling,
painting, whatever, just in thecars.
And I was about to turn 16 andmy uncle came to me and he said
hey, Hold on Time out.
Speaker 1 (10:48):
I got many-year reliance here, but go on.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Verifying dates.
Verifying your lies.
I heard the new 2024 reliancegoing to be electric.
Speaker 3 (10:59):
Okay, Did you have?
Speaker 1 (11:04):
the K?
No, because that was.
Oh, that's the two-door, it wasa loaded, yeah oh that's the
two doors to load it up that'sthe two-door then, right, okay,
that's not a bad looking car.
Um, I'm sorry I got you off oh,let me see it.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah, it is about, let me see it once no, no, no,
look that looks.
Speaker 3 (11:19):
It looks like a matchbox you're talking this car
as I said it was purple, yeah,or or tan that's like this it
was tan, oh please was it tan.
So that looks like hold on, letme get sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:36):
Sorry, his pant color is the same so my uncle comes
to me and says hey, one of mybuddies from work is selling a
great starter car for you.
It runs and drives great, itneeds nothing needs nothing.
I said all right, that soundslike yeah he said it looks
hideous, but it needs nothing.
(11:57):
It'll be the perfect, safe carfor you to drive it runs and
it's reliable runs and drivesfucking name speaks for itself.
And uh, I'm like, okay, howmuch?
Because obviously I can'tafford a mechanically sound,
reliable car.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
And he goes, he's selling it for he just bought it
by the name.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
You can't afford the actual liability he's selling it
for two hundred dollars and god, and I said two hundred dollars
, what year?
Give me two of them.
Yeah, what year?
What year?
It's a 1980?
No, no, no, what year?
It's a 1986 and I bought it in1996.
Speaker 1 (12:34):
So it's 10 years old dude.
Speaker 3 (12:36):
That's a new car, that's fucking you know how old
I had to be until I got a carthat was less than 10 years old.
Speaker 1 (12:42):
Dude, I didn't get a car that was less than 10 years
old for $200.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
Never bought a car less than 10 years old so it was
silver originally, but it had.
Speaker 2 (12:56):
It had a red fender, red hood and red door.
Oh my god, so obviously thiscar's been through some shit
different colored stuff yep soit was a multi-colored plymouth
reliant.
So I buy this thing for 200bucks from this lovely man named
dennis what's the last name?
(13:16):
I know I'm it, I don't know.
So he comes into the story alittle bit later.
Sounds like but uh, so I'm 16years old, I buy this car and,
uh, my uncle goes.
Hey, you know, I've beenpainting cars for a long time.
I have all these little likequarter gallon of paint.
He's like what do you say?
(13:36):
We mix them all together andspray this thing out and I'm
like anything's got to be betterthan silver and bright red,
right?
Oh my?
god so we spend a weekend, wemix it off, we mix everything
together and uh turns out, whenyou mix like 11 colors together,
it gives you this dookie brown.
(13:57):
Oh, yeah, right, yeah, mudbrown so it was the most hideous
color of brown you've ever seen, but all one color, so I was
good did you leave?
Speaker 1 (14:06):
it have to leave?
Do you have like a mixed bag ofvarnish and clear coat for?
Speaker 2 (14:12):
you too, or what?
No, we just use.
We just used one clear coat.
I actually had to buy that.
Speaker 3 (14:18):
That was like 60 bucks you should have kept it
matte.
Finish man those even thatwasn't in style back then, even
in shit brown, it probablylooked cool.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
Yeah, no, it would have looked cool if it was all
matte, but that wasn't a thingback then.
Nobody did that I, I want amatte, so I drove the shit out
of this thing.
For about a year and a half Idelivered pizzas in it, that's
awesome dude, you got themoney's only thing I ever had to
do was put like 18 in gas in it, and I feel like I drove that
(14:51):
thing around the planet well,dude, what was the cheapest
you've ever paid for gas?
that uh, remember yeah, when Iwas 16 there was some kind of
gas wars girl going.
I actually I no, I wasn't inthe reliant, I was in a
different car, but we went toiowa and gas was 99 cents.
Yeah, I remember one timepremium.
(15:13):
I remember paying for fuckingpremium.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
chris, I don't know what I put in there, but it was
only 97 cents and I was like wow, it's less than a dollar.
Speaker 3 (15:21):
This is insane.
My car is a high-performancevehicle.
It's only filled with premium.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Yeah, in Iowa it was 99 cents, in probably 1997.
So this thing wasindestructible, this thing could
not break.
So, you're trying to break it,yeah, so trying, trying to break
this thing became a pastime andit couldn't be done he tried so
(15:53):
fucking hard.
This card did not have a weaklink on it.
Speaker 3 (15:58):
So when you speak of trying to break, you were just
running into shit.
You weren't doing neutral drops, no we did thousands of neutral
drops.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
It was the only way we could get the front tire to
go.
Speaker 1 (16:12):
It wouldn't break, though, skrrt.
Speaker 2 (16:16):
But this thing wouldn't break.
I don't know.
Maybe this is why plymouth wentout of business, because they
built their cars like fuckingarmy tanks you could not break
them.
Division of dodge corporationthat's pretty crazy, but they're
you know, maybe it was maybe itwas like they're all right
we're gonna build this one line?
Speaker 1 (16:34):
we're not gonna.
We're gonna call it thediscount line, but it's just
gonna run forever.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, millions and millions americans are gonna be
in our plymouth cars I, Iguarantee you, in the time I had
it, I did not change the oil.
I did, I did not do anything tothis car.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
I did not do.
You said a year and a half,year and a half, so you don't
need to change.
I don't change my oil for three, four years.
Speaker 2 (16:58):
So I was going to talk shit about your car, but
then I remembered I'm talkingabout a 1986 Plymouth Reliant,
so never mind my car doesn'thave emotions.
So the house I lived in at thetime with my mom had an alley,
(17:19):
like a lot of blocks do in thecity.
But this particular alley hadanother alley that came off of
it in the middle, so it had a T?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
Oh my God, you have a dangerous alley T alleys are
bad dude Criminals love T alleysbecause you don't get caught up
in there.
If someone pulls up on you inan alley, you got to drive
backwards or at them, unlessthere's a T.
Then you can go on the T.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
So this T was where the city plowed all the snow
from the alley in the streets.
They ran it all into this teeand I spent a good amount of my
childhood climbing this snowmountain that they that they put
on there.
We, you know, nobody ever gothurt in it, it was always fun.
(18:09):
We used to dig out igloos andall kinds of shit into it and it
was probably 15 feet tall, true, and, uh, I had a circle, but
yeah.
So me and my brother one day,uh, we were a little bit old to
go out there with shovels anddig tunnels through it and make
the uh igloo we had in yearspast.
So we decided it was going tobe fun to try to build an igloo
(18:34):
the shape of a plymouth threelion.
And I did that by reversing,drive bam, reverse, drive bam,
and I just ran that car into thesnow mountain for 20 minutes
just packing the snow justpacking it deeper and deeper and
I almost got up to thewindshield wiper.
(18:56):
So I made a nice alcove for thekids, you wrecked it well, we
were trying to.
Speaker 1 (19:02):
For a long time they were made of steel back then.
Could you imagine if you didthat with?
Speaker 2 (19:05):
the car now do you imagine?
Speaker 1 (19:08):
could you fucking imagine?
No, you accidentally hit a curbin your fucking front I
rear-ended a lady's.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
I rear-ended a lady's jeep going zero miles an hour
and blew up like a balloon anddestroyed her tailgate, the
whole tailgate.
But uh, so I ran this thingback and forth and when we
finally realized it's notpacking in any further, we got a
nice little alcove here.
We're just gonna pack ourlosses, drive around back
(19:38):
through the alley, park it outin front.
Well, I overheated that bitchbadly by packing snow into the
radiators, probably.
I thought you said reversed it.
Yeah, I got out of the thing I.
I drove it around to the frontof the house and parked it no, I
okay, never mind and uh, all Iremember of this time is me and
(20:01):
my brother getting out of thecar laughing and this thing is
fucking smoking.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
It's so overheated, it's just billowing smoke and I
still don't get why you'retrying to destroy your own car.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
I don't know, dude, because I was 16 and I don't
know, I didn't pay anything forthe car really and it just
didn't mean anything to me.
I always kept it really clean.
I I, you know, took care of itaesthetically, kept that dookie
brown shining I got two wordsfor you, chris west alice no, I
(20:37):
didn't live in west alice, I wassouth side bitch.
But uh, we park it out in frontand this thing's smoking.
I'm like, uh, me and my brotherare laughing about better, let
this bitch cool down for aminute.
And uh, we're walking in and welived on a second second story
duplex and I remember my mombeing on the porch screaming
(20:59):
your car's on fire, your car'son fire.
And I'm like at that point,like I didn't even care.
I felt like I was in a movie.
It's like I kept walking,didn't even look back at it in
slow motion, walked all the way,got all the way up in the place
.
My mom had already called thefire department there's flames,
(21:21):
there were flames, it was.
It was a full-on automobilefire.
Wow, good work so the firetrucks pull up.
You did what you came and uh,they're training new guys.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Okay it's like nobody's car fire.
It's outside, yep so like liketwo journeymen.
Speaker 2 (21:42):
Firefighters come to the scene and they have a couple
of apprentices with them.
I don't know, they might havejust been ride-alongs, I don't
know, but uh, they go well.
When a car's on fire, this iswhat you got to do.
The fire could be inside of thebody panels, so they take out
an ax and they ax my frontfenders.
(22:03):
They put fucking huge holes init.
Why?
Because they said that you gotto open them up to see if
there's fire.
That's so dumb.
At this point I'm yelling atthem.
I'm like are you guys fuckingserious?
You guys are axing my car rightnow.
And he goes, yeah.
And then they hand the axes tothe new guys and they say give
(22:24):
it a whack, do every body panelon this car.
So these kids went aroundAround the backside of the car.
Speaker 3 (22:34):
My trunk, my doors, your car is on fire.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
No, they probably put out the fire first, but then
they had to make sure I'm prettysure the fire was out by the
time they got there.
Speaker 2 (22:43):
It was just smoldering at that point.
Speaker 3 (22:45):
But still, I mean after it being on fire at all
how much is salvageable?
Speaker 2 (22:51):
All of it, All of it.
You change the rubber parts andyou fucking move on.
It's steel man Recycleable.
It's steel man, for recyclable,it's steel.
It's not driving anymore, so Ifucking watch these young
firemen just have the time oftheir life.
They're probably on theirpodcast telling the same story
(23:13):
right now.
That's crazy.
I mean, they put dozens of axholes in the side.
So ridiculous.
You know what?
Speaker 3 (23:23):
roof.
Tony, you know everything.
You know.
You probably started the uh,the, the start of people that uh
make this, uh, this place whereyou can go places and destroy
things.
They, those are the people thatinvented that, the panic rooms
or whatever they're called.
No, you go places yeah, yousmash it, just take out
(23:43):
aggression.
Yeah, you started that withthose those people, they thought
of it, yeah so uh, this carwould look so great setting up.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
So now in front of my house for like a week sat a car
with dozens of ax holes in it.
I didn't know what to do withit.
Right, I'm not paying to getrid of it.
So, uh, somebody in my familyrecommended that I called there
(24:13):
was a thing called uh, the boysranch.
Oh okay, that they would buy anycar, regardless of the shape,
and the kids would fix them upand they would sell them, and
this was a way for thisorganization, yeah, so to make
money.
So I call them and I say I gota car up for sale, you guys
(24:33):
interested?
And they go, what is it?
I'm like it's 1986 plymouthreliant and they're like wait, I
thought it was a give you don't.
Speaker 3 (24:40):
You don't sell that to them.
They actually, you actuallyjust give it to them.
I mean, you take a tax, yeah,yeah, tax deduction from it and
they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah,we'll take it, you know.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
And they come to pick it up and they're like what
happened to this thing?
And I'm like, oh the fire.
The firefighters had to makesure that there was no fire in
the body panels.
The guys looking at me likewhat the fuck are you talking
about?
He pops open the hood and Imean all the rubbers melted,
(25:12):
anything that's plastic on hiscar is melted.
All the hoses yeah everythinginside the hood is just there
wasn't a lot of that shit inthem cars and uh.
But uh, the guy's like dude, Idon't know if I can take this,
I'm like you can definitely takeit.
So they ended up taking itright.
So after that I uh I thenborrowed my mom's car for a
(25:37):
while because I couldn't afforda new car for like six months
and I got a new car.
So a couple years later now I'mlike 18 years old and I start
working for the same companythat my uncle got me this car
from the.
The company he works for, hisco-worker his co-worker ends up
(25:58):
being my mentor.
The guy bought this from and Ihadn't met him at this time.
My uncle my uncle locked in thesale.
If I know my uncle, he got thecar for a hundred, sold it to me
for two, you know and uh, uh,this dennis, and he was this old
chunky dude big beard beforebig beards were a thing, sure,
(26:20):
just hillbilly.
And uh, he knew that he hadsold me this car.
But you know, four yearsearlier, but you didn't know
okay.
And uh, he starts talking abouthis first car ever and and he's
like, hey, kid, you got a firstcar story.
And I'm like, oh, you ain'tgoing to believe this shit.
(26:42):
And I tell him this story andhe goes, you know, that was my
kid's car.
And I'm like, excuse me.
He's like, yeah, I'm the onewho sold that car to your Uncle,
mike.
And I'm like, oh, no way.
I said, why did you sell it?
And I'm like, oh, no way.
I said why, why did you sell it?
I'm like that thing ran like achampion until I started it on
fire.
And uh, he goes.
(27:04):
Well, he goes.
My kid, my kid, had a deal.
He goes, I bought that kid thatcar.
He is like I paid like athousand bucks for that car.
And uh, he goes that car.
And uh, he goes.
(27:24):
We had a deal that if he evergot caught drinking while he was
driving the car, I bought him.
I was, uh, I was taking it awayand I was selling it.
And he goes.
And the kid tested me.
And he is like, you don't testme.
He goes, I took that car fromhim.
I made him sign the the titleover to me.
And he's like, and I sold thatthing to your uncle for 200
(27:44):
bucks and uh, I'm like, oh, you,you caught because I ended up
becoming friends with this guy.
I'm like you sold you soldandy's car for drinking and
driving.
He's like, well, he didn't evendrink and drive yet.
He's like I went to the parkwhere he was sitting with his
friends getting drunk and hiscar was the only way for them to
(28:08):
get home he went up and grabbedit and he's like so I drove his
car home, left him kids at thepark and, uh, sold his car to
your uncle so you could have afirst car.
And he's like that's how youtreated it.
He's like don't.
He's like don't tell andy whatyou did to his car.
Speaker 3 (28:28):
He loved that car but to be honest, you really didn't
do too bad.
I mean, the fire departmentreally raped your car, to be
honest.
Well, he was crashing, I mightstill be driving he's crashing
into us I mean if I were toreplace some rubber hoses, I may
still be driving that car today, had I not started it on fire,
(28:52):
you have to take the wholefucking engine apart there's not
much to that engine I don'tknow about cars.
It was about as big as a laundrybasket I just feel like there's
a lot of things that could melt, little tiny things that you
have to replace.
No, not in the older car.
No, I don't know.
I don't know.
I can't even change.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
I've never changed the oil in my car, but I had so
many great times in that car,though that was such a good car.
Okay, did you have do?
Speaker 3 (29:17):
you have sex in it?
No, I didn't.
Well, that's not that cool thenwhat did you do?
Speaker 1 (29:23):
masturbating it yeah, a lot okay those are the great
times yeah, we did mainly whileI was driving we took that, that
the car I had the first car.
We took it to drive-ins.
It would fit like fucking nine,ten people in it.
Yeah, like ridiculous.
Speaker 3 (29:38):
And could you fit that many people in it?
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Yeah, Like ridiculous , could you fit that many people
in that car?
Speaker 3 (29:44):
So I put subs in the trunk.
Speaker 1 (29:44):
Sub sandwiches.
Speaker 2 (29:45):
Yeah, sub sandwiches, subway actually.
I was so confident that thatcar was unbreakable.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
I threw the spare tire away to fit the subs in.
Oh my gosh, so you uh was it.
It was loud, and what rap?
What do you?
What kind of music?
Jay-z blueprint album.
You're pounding that shit inthere yeah so you spent more
money.
The poorly installed windows.
You spent more money onsubwoofers.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Yeah, to set on the fire, I spent more money here I
spent more money on the amp thanI did that whole car okay, and
did you?
Speaker 3 (30:25):
those went on fire or did the axes?
No, they weren't anywhere nearthe fire, I know, but the axes I
heard were everywhere axe marks.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Yeah, they did axe the trunk 15 times, but uh, the
subs made it into the next caroh, you took them out.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Okay, well then you, you lucked out there otherwise
uh, recently.
Speaker 2 (30:48):
So I recently bought a car from my childhood, um,
that my grandpa used to own well, not his car exactly just the
same kind of car.
And, uh, after I got that, Igot even more nostalgic and I
started.
I started hunting the nationfor a 1986 reliant k car and I.
(31:10):
I was dating my wife during thetime I had that car and uh, uh
well you did.
Speaker 1 (31:18):
You guys did start dating right outside the womb,
right you?
Guys pretty much holding hands,holding hands, 17 minutes into
birth.
Speaker 2 (31:27):
Holding hands into the, yeah, into this world, yeah
, um.
And she?
She warned me that there wouldbe no reliant K cars in our
family.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
No sex in the champagne room after Not reliant
.
Speaker 3 (31:47):
So that car is not red sex Okay, All right.
So what do you miss it Verymuch.
Speaker 2 (31:56):
Very much.
There was a brief moment intime where a cat lived in it.
Oh my God.
Speaker 3 (32:01):
Yeah, is this before or after it got burnt and
chopped apart by?
Speaker 2 (32:05):
firemen During yeah, that's how my first cat got
cremated while it was alive.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
So that was weird.
He was already like 10,whatever.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
Everything burned for a few years in that use it as a
fire pit.
Speaker 3 (32:23):
Let's get in.
Let's get in tony's car andstart the engine on fire.
It's so warm in there there'sno heat.
Speaker 2 (32:31):
We used to do a lot of stupid shit in our cars, man
back in the day the only thingis is I know that my kid's first
car is not going to be like theterrible piece of shit.
Speaker 1 (32:47):
Just find my first car was my kid's first car is
going to be self-driving I setthis premonition probably will
be when she was born, one of thefirst things I remembered
thinking and saying to others islike I'm so glad I'm not going
to have to teach her to drive,Okay.
Speaker 3 (33:01):
Chris, because there are going to be self-driving
cars by the time she's driving.
But her first car.
She won't even need her licensethen, no.
So how old is she again?
Yeah, it's called the bus.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
She's eight.
She's eight now, when do youstart?
Eight years.
Speaker 3 (33:14):
Eight years, you think is going to be a ton of
self-driving cars, Onlyself-driving cars.
Speaker 2 (33:19):
What.
Speaker 3 (33:21):
Never happened.
You think the whole Okay.
You think the majority of carsin eight years are going to be
self-driving.
Imagine a world, Imagine.
Speaker 1 (33:31):
Look, I'm doing this hand thing.
Speaker 2 (33:32):
Imagine, imagine a world.
Yeah, you're doing jazz hands,I get it.
Speaker 1 (33:39):
Where all of the cars are run by carbureted motors
and then, someone's like, by1987 they're all going to be
fuel injected by then and I waslike you're crazy old man,
that's foo foo science well,this is the next one.
I think it's a big jump fromfuel injection to carburetor,
Carburetor motors to fuelinjection was a pretty giant
(34:01):
leap in automotive.
Speaker 2 (34:02):
You know the first year Chevy introduced the fuel
injected motor Probably like 84,86 inside the Reliant 1976.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
Okay, yeah, well, at some point someone was like I
don't know the fuck you guyseven talking about then?
What about?
There'll be a time.
What about you?
Speaker 2 (34:24):
we have a calculator in your pocket, yeah, yeah, well
, look at us now no, actuallyyou can say yeah but the thing,
is is you can still go buy anold school calculator, so they
still they still have, so theydid this cash for clunkers thing
.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
They're just going to do the same thing for automated
cars like here.
Take this automated car pass,where they just pick you up in
the car wherever, whenever.
Speaker 3 (34:46):
However, so you're saying that you just give us
this and we'll give you 10 yearsfree rides anywhere so there's
gonna be no driver for ubers no,it'll all be automated okay, I
don't think we're more than Imean.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
Yeah, eight years apparently.
Speaker 3 (35:00):
AI.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
Uber?
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (35:03):
I don't think it'll happen that fast.
Speaker 1 (35:04):
but I do not think I'll have to teach my kid to
drive.
She probably will need to betaught, but I don't think she'll
have to you know, what I'msaying.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
All right, I mean, I don't dismiss your enthusiasm
for technology and the ultimateuprising of AI, because I love
robots and computers and shit, Iwant a robot.
I want my own robot.
Speaker 2 (35:28):
There's nothing I hate more in this world.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
I fucking hate, the fact that.
Speaker 2 (35:35):
I'm talking into an electronic right now, my wife
says the same thing.
Speaker 3 (35:38):
She's terrified of robots or just freaks her out.
I think it's amazing.
It's the coolest thing ever.
I feel like I'm going to bedead before I even see.
Speaker 1 (35:48):
No, you're going to see.
You already are seeing shit,dude.
Not enough, though.
I don't like it.
They said in 2000 and whatever.
Speaker 3 (35:55):
2020, 2020, there are going to be flying cars
everywhere.
Yeah, I ain't seeing onemotherfucking flying car.
Speaker 1 (36:02):
If it is, it's on fire and flying off a ramp it's
funny you said that becauseboeing, the airplane
manufacturer, said they'rethey're starting processing and
put a year out that they'regoing to have flying cars.
Speaker 3 (36:13):
But how do you another?
Speaker 1 (36:14):
where do you put?
Speaker 3 (36:14):
the.
You know traffic.
How do traffic-nize?
If that's a word, gps dude,flying car GPS?
I know, but how do you havelanes, how do you have paths?
Gps?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
In the air.
There are no lanes.
I'm just saying yeah, but youcan definitely drive into a
house.
Speaker 3 (36:32):
They're doing it with airplanes.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
now Boeing aims to bring flying cars to Asia by
2030.
Speaker 3 (36:39):
Yeah, they said that 30 years ago.
Well, they didn't say it likethat, but they said that it's
going to be.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
I mean, it seems like it should have been happening
already.
Speaker 3 (36:52):
All right, Tony it does.
Speaker 1 (36:55):
It seems like we should have, like Jay said,
fucking me George Jetson or inthe back of the future movies.
Speaker 3 (37:02):
You're like fuck, dude, that's gonna be a thing.
The hovercraft hoverboards, afucking hover skateboard you can
just no wheels.
I ain't seen that shit.
I've seen fucking one of thosedrones that you can fly around,
but those are shit and they'revery hard to fly.
Speaker 2 (37:20):
You just crash them.
Speaker 1 (37:21):
They're actually super easy.
Speaker 3 (37:22):
No, they are not.
Speaker 1 (37:25):
Well, next time.
Speaker 3 (37:27):
You want to race hover.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Okay, all right, everybody, that's my first car
story.
First car.
Speaker 3 (37:34):
Beautiful story, Tony .
I appreciate it.
Follow us on your choice ofsocial media yeah, and listen up
.
Speaker 2 (37:41):
Jay wants you to tell us about your first car story.
Speaker 3 (37:44):
Yes, I do.
I want to hear your first carstory.
What car was it, when was itand how long did it last before
it died?
Speaker 2 (37:49):
I do it all in separate comments.
Down below.
Down below, with the pointyemoji Outro music, I don't know,
subscribe or whatever kids donowadays.
Speaker 3 (38:01):
I don't know Whatever .
Thanks for listening.
I'm giving time for the outromusic.
We'll be right back.
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