March 18, 2025 • 39 mins
This episode explores the humorous differences between being a boy dad and a girl dad, showcasing the unique challenges and experiences each face. Through lighthearted anecdotes and serious reflections, we discuss parenting strategies, responsibility, and the chaos of raising children.
• Comparison and humor in the dynamics of boy dads vs. girl dads
• The physical and chaotic nature of raising boys
• Experiences during playdates and sleepovers
• Importance of teaching kids about responsibility
• Utilizing perception of choice in parenting
• Balancing strictness and flexibility as a parent
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Chris (00:00):
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Jay (00:22):
Welcome everyone.
Top Shelf Stories with Jay,Tony and Chris.
I would like to say that out ofus three, we have one gentleman
that is a father to a daughter.
The other two are boy parents,Parents, boys, Boys, parents how
(00:44):
do you say that?
Is that right?
Tony (00:47):
uh boy dad, okay, I believe, is technical boy.
Jay (00:51):
That's the technical boy.
Dad would be like you're a boyand then you're a dad.
Chris (00:56):
No, that's the only way my son's pediatrician calls me
okay, the only way to be a dadis to be a boy, though, too, so
like that doesn't really narrowanything down, true that?
True that?
Jay (01:07):
all right.
Am I right?
Unless you're a um binaryunbinary?
Tony (01:14):
yeah, the pediatrician does say that I'm a he, him dad.
The physician says this yeah,he doesn't want to he doesn't
want to assume.
Chris (01:24):
Your physician says this you need to get a new physician,
does he know about the human?
Tony (01:30):
anatomy.
He doesn't want to assume thatmy son is a male.
Chris (01:34):
He's a physician, does he ?
Doesn't he make him turn andcough?
I don't know.
I found him on, because if he,does that he'll know if he's a
male or a female or not?
Jay (01:47):
well you know, in nowadays you don't really know if you're
a male or female he's had hisballs in his hands I have
watched so much shit aboutpeople in gender, whatever you
call it.
Why defecation of male orfemale, like what is a woman, is
(02:07):
like the biggest fucking we areas americans cannot define a
woman, makes us look re yeah, doeither of you guys subscribe to
daily?
Wire.
Oh fuck, yeah, dude, I haveit's like 20 a month or
something, right?
Yeah, I watch them all.
Yeah, can I, is it?
Tony (02:23):
can I get your login credentials?
No, just so I want to watchwhat is a woman.
It's amazing it is so goodyou're not gonna let me log in
on it I don't have it anymore.
Jay (02:33):
Actually, I canceled it.
I watched that and it was likeI didn't watch anything else.
Everything else was kind oflike yeah, I just want to watch
what is a woman anyway, okay, sochris, she's, he's got one
daughter, she's, uh, eight ornine, right?
yep she'll be nine soon, okay,so there's a huge difference
between a?
(02:53):
Um father of a daughter thanthere is, uh, fathers of of boy
boys, and I'll tell you what.
One one thing is defense.
As a boy dad, you need defensewhenever you come home, whenever
you are away, come back home,like literally I'm getting
(03:14):
attacked by my kids.
Tony (03:19):
It sounds like you're just raising them fucked up.
Yeah, are you raising Walkerand Texas texas ranger from
talladega nights, all hopped upon mountain dews?
Chris (03:29):
I'll come at you like a spider monkey what you're trying
to do is you're trying to saythat being a girl dad is easy
and then, but while saying that,having zero experience of it
true, I think, I think that'strue that's a fair statement,
though I feel like it is easier,sure you?
Sure can.
Jay (03:48):
Yeah, you're definitely uh no, you are right, though we we
don't.
We have no idea what it is tobe a girl, because you're your
guys, right, right, you guys areboys.
Chris (04:01):
Could I he him, you or?
You well, I have been at onetime in my life so until you
took those hormones I rememberwhen I was a boy and then have a
daughter, and then you didn'ttell me that there's something
easier than like that.
Jay (04:18):
That's easy when you found out, first of all, if you were
having a daughter, what was yourfirst um inkling?
I mean, I don't know.
No, like like the balloon pops,it's pink, were you?
Tony (04:32):
just disappointed.
He was immediately like well,I'm on a plane to go see this
band.
I'll check in a little bitwe'll talk about this on Sunday
night when I get home, there'sno.
Jay (04:44):
FaceTime at that point.
So he's on the phone with hiswife saying what color is the
balloon?
Tony (04:49):
He's at a payphone.
What?
Jay (04:53):
color was the balloon I only got six minutes.
So we joke around with Chris.
He's an avid concert seeker.
He goes out of town forweekends and that's fine,
nothing wrong with it, but hedoes it without his wife, which
Tony and I mainly.
I think it's kind of crazy thatyou can actually get away from
(05:14):
your wife for more than workdays or something to do with
your children, do you need asafe place?
Chris (05:26):
I need a safe house.
House, okay, that's the thing.
Okay.
So I got married and I plan onliving till like I don't know,
at least 80.
Jay (05:35):
I mean, that's a bad expectation, my friend at least
80.
Well, you should be at least 95, and then I also expect that
she can live at least 80 right.
Tony (05:45):
So then I got 15 years after your dad.
Chris (05:47):
So we got married 10 years ago.
So I got like 30 more years andeventually there's gonna be no
kid in the house.
The dog will die, there'll beno dog in the house and it'll
just be me and we'll have nofriends anymore, because half of
them will have died or movedaway.
Here's the, and then it's justme and her.
And then I got 20 years of that.
Tony (06:08):
You can only fuck so many times in a day.
Chris (06:10):
Right, especially when you're fucking 60.
Right.
Jay (06:14):
Now here's the expectation for dads with boys your daughter
will leave because usuallythey're more grown up earlier.
They have more expectations intheir life.
Boy dads, they're fucking.
They're living at home untilthey're 40.
Nowadays, living at home untilthey're 40.
(06:35):
Oh no, my kids can't wait toget out.
Trust me, they're still goingto be there because you have the
West Wing.
They basically live in Iran.
Chris (06:42):
They live in Iran playing war games on their computer
games.
Tony (06:46):
No just complete dictatorship.
Oh, at your house they don'thave a say in anything.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I got to explain to my11-year-old constantly.
11-year-olds don't get to makechoices about their life.
Chris (07:00):
It's pretty true.
It's very true, not unless If Ileave my kid to his own devices
.
Jay (07:08):
He will eat three meals a day of fucking the telebiscuits
I was gonna say isn't thatnormal, the frozen ones in the
freezer?
Breakfast, lunch and dinner theones in the freezer that you
have to warm up.
Tony (07:21):
no, they're.
They're like fucking cookies,but instead of like no, but they
put them in the freezer.
No, not my kids, because theyeat them so fast.
They don't have to save them,they just eat them at the same
time.
Jay (07:32):
All right.
So let me ask you this, chriswhen your daughter has a play
date I guess that's what theycall it nowadays when her friend
comes over how rambunctious,how much noise how much danger
do they cause coming into yourhome?
Chris (07:53):
Uh, plenty.
Jay (07:54):
Plenty, but like on a scale from one to 10, 10 being the
worst.
Chris (08:01):
Well, we will have no ruckamuckas in the house, like I
mean.
What do you mean?
Jay (08:05):
dude all right, so this is what we're gonna do I'll bring
over my child, okay, actually,wait, wait, I have three you're
gonna have to give me like threeweeks.
Tony (08:13):
No, you pick your favorite one and bring it over.
Jay (08:15):
You don't bring all three of them things all for like
three weeks, though just justone, and actually I'm not gonna
bring my favorite and the kidhas to be under the impression
that he's stuck with me forever.
Chris (08:25):
Okay, I like this idea.
So three weeks I need a bootcamp.
Chepulski house, yeah.
Jay (08:31):
And then we're going to see your ideals.
Chris (08:36):
So what are you saying?
Your kids just destroy shit,all the time Screaming.
Jay (08:40):
Punching?
Why do you have Kicking,scratching?
Chris (08:43):
Does this happen at your home?
Jay (08:44):
all the time.
Tony (08:45):
No.
Chris (08:46):
Yeah.
Tony (08:48):
I don't think it's a boy-girl thing, only when we go
into stores.
Jay (08:50):
Now listen here.
Chris (08:51):
There are terrible girl kids.
Jay (08:53):
I agree, Not terrible but you get what I'm saying.
The percentage is so low.
Chris (08:59):
Is it?
Jay (08:59):
I remember.
Chris (09:00):
Tony's stories about kids .
Have you spoken to teachers andshit?
Jay (09:05):
I'll bet you a teacher you have a teacher as a wife, I'm
gonna have to ask her.
Chris (09:08):
I'll bet that the boys do cause a little more trouble,
though I will, but I would agreelike I.
Jay (09:14):
I mostly concur so I remember tony's story about his
child dangling what, what?
Am I back on?
Yes, you are, check, check,dangling from the chandelier,
yeah, that did happen.
Tony (09:29):
Would a girl ever do that?
Chris (09:31):
yes, a girl child, yeah, why not?
Jay (09:34):
I don't think they can or will.
They don't have the lower legstrength a boy does to get to
that height.
Chris (09:41):
You're crazy you're, you're delirious if you think
that a nine-year-old, I thinkbetween at least the age of like
probably three newborn to nine.
The physique of a child, as faras their physical ability to do
shit, is pretty much the same.
Like women, my kids have womenremain wiener getting in their
(10:04):
way women are in trouble runningwomen and then in turn, girls
do have a smaller frame a bit,but like no, but you are right,
though, that girls develop, and,and it's a kid get high, they
get taller faster.
If you want to put it in a weird, well, it's a context it's a
(10:24):
kid like so my kid can jump on achandelier at six just as much
as your kid has your kid ever.
Tony (10:31):
No, my kid doesn't hang on chandeliers.
No, this kid has home training.
Chris (10:35):
I don't own chandeliers.
Jay (10:36):
She doesn't have home training.
She's a girl, she just doesn'tdo that.
Tony (10:45):
I don't have chandeliers.
She's in the fucking.
Jay (10:47):
You have crystal doorknobs.
Does she hang from crystaldoorknobs?
I mean, yeah, dude, she doesnot hang from crystal doorknobs.
Chris (10:50):
Yep all the time.
She swings from the fuckingdrapes like Tarzan.
Jay (10:54):
I'll give you one example.
I coach a soccer team all boysokay and they're in a Well,
you're assuming?
Chris (11:03):
I don't even like the jokes about it.
Jay (11:08):
It's kind of funny.
Well, they are boys now, but wejust wait a couple of years, we
don't know.
So I got a whole gaggle of boyson my soccer team and I'm in a
field of 10 other fields of boysand girls.
I look around during my soccerpractice.
(11:30):
Every fucking team of girls arestanding there looking at the
coach and listening.
And then I look around and seethe boys.
They're fucking dry, humpingthe grass, fucking pumping their
fists in the air.
I think this is just kickingthe fucking ground these are
your boys.
Chris (11:51):
All the other boys as well.
All the other boys teams arehumping the ground and the two
girls teams are just fuckingkicking the ball to each other
between having tea, jay, I thinkthis is just a testament to
your leadership abilities, Imean.
Are you telling the?
Tony (12:09):
kids go fuck the grass.
Jay (12:13):
Yeah, when they misbehave, I tell them, go public, thrust
that fucking dry ass grass, thathard grass.
Just go in there and give itsome.
No, but the serious thing isabout it.
I don't really I don't knowbecause I don't have a daughter,
but I feel like this is thetruth, that having boys at a
(12:35):
younger age is so much harder,but when the girls get older, I
feel like then that's when thegirls get harder and the boys
get easier.
Chris (12:47):
So here's my feeling on it, yeah 16-year-old boy,
16-year-old girl, which one youwant?
Boy, oh shit, like by a hugemargin, Mile Miles.
Tony (12:55):
I think Fuck off Kilometers.
So I think young ladies areinherently more helpful and
better listeners.
I would agree.
Yeah, totally, and boys try totest you a little bit more than
(13:16):
a girl will.
I would agree.
You should write that in afucking Bible.
If you lay down the groundworkas a parent, you will not be
tested on a daily basis.
You will be tested once.
Jay (13:28):
No, you're going to be tested every day, See the
problem too.
Tony (13:30):
No, not every day.
Chris (13:31):
Here's what with a girl right If she wants to be.
It seems like in general, youcould make.
I would say, and this is one ofmy fears is that when she
chooses to be disobedient, it'llbe conniving yeah, quiet behind
the scenes well calculated andeffective and it'll probably
work and I'll catch it after ithappens and a boy probably wants
(13:55):
to do some fucking.
Yeah, he'll break out of thosewindow with a hammer and try to
sneak out of the house.
Mine will fucking plan for likethree weeks on who's going to
call who, if Bethany's mom'sgoing to call Stevie's mom and
the whole fucking biscuit dude.
Jay (14:09):
Before I came here my kid said oh, what are you doing?
Going to the podcast.
Dad Runs out of the bathroomhe's saying this in the bathroom
Runs out of the bathroom buttnaked and shakes his dick in the
air and says go, have fun.
Chris (14:21):
Yeah, see that.
Jay (14:27):
I don't think a girl would do that.
Well, no, but that's not even ajoke.
I don't think I did that.
Oh, you did.
I mean, with that big schlong,I mean what?
Tony (14:33):
kind of fucking house you live in where a 17 year old kid
rubs out of the bathroom.
Chris (14:38):
Well, he's teaching him to shit with no, no pants on.
He's probably teaching them.
Tony (14:43):
And if you would have taught your kid how to wipe his
own ass at an appropriate age,he wouldn't be coming out asking
you to wipe him anymore.
So here's the funny thing.
Find that wrong.
Jay (14:52):
Here's the funny thing Tony is talking about a 17-year-old.
I have a 17-year-old child.
I also have a fucking8-year-old.
Tony (15:00):
This is why he makes it funny.
Jay (15:02):
Because he thinks I'm talking about the same thing,
slinging his dick around saying,dad, you going to the podcast?
What the hell You're not goingto stay home with mom and dad?
And grandpa.
Tony (15:19):
But see, the thing is, I'm sure that actually happened.
Jay (15:20):
I highly doubt your life I'm never going to tape it and
show you, but it did.
Tony (15:23):
Let me ask you this as a parent give me your honest
reaction to it.
Yeah, what, what did you do?
Jay (15:33):
he runs out oh, what did you?
Tony (15:35):
swinging in there.
You're saying what?
Okay?
Yeah, what'd you do?
Did you laugh or did you getpissed and correct him?
I laughed and walked away.
See you later I love you son.
So that's why this shit happensin your house okay, what would
you do?
Jay (15:47):
throw a fucking ball in his dick and say, hey, next time
think about taking your dick mykid immediately probably grab it
with the fucking mid of my handI'd grab that dick and I'd say
kid, don't be swinging thisfucking thing around, or?
Chris (16:01):
someone's going to grab it and squeeze it and yell at
you Fucking get dressed.
Jay (16:05):
He was 10 feet away, so I could not have grabbed it.
Chris (16:09):
I could with a kid of mine.
He'd be 10 foot long.
He is not LeBron James child.
Jay (16:17):
And in your house, house 10 feet's a lot of steps.
Tony (16:18):
For you, it's half a quarter kilometer uh, no, my, my
kid would have been.
If I mean, if he was in myreach, he would have been
grabbed by his ear drug back inthe bathroom okay, our
conversation is fucking closed.
Jay (16:31):
Back on like a civilized human being but our
conversations go into crazy shitlike this right, like sometimes
okay, now would you be mad thathe grew up and acted like you
do now because you're I meanlike literally, that's not that
okay, it's not like he went outin the public stop touching the
(16:55):
cord.
Tony (16:55):
I didn't touch the cord, you did.
I saw you.
No, when it went out, I went toreadjust it.
Okay, go ahead.
Uh, that, I guess that is thepot calling the kettle black,
because I do do that to hismother often, exactly now his
the kid, wait what?
Jay (17:13):
it really anybody's mother except mine, okay as long as
he's not doing in public, he'sdoing it in the confines of your
home.
I think there's not.
Chris (17:23):
I mean yeah, but you can be like, okay, do this every
time, does no, no no, no, thisis this is really random.
Jay (17:30):
What he usually what he'll do to get a rise out of everyone
in the in the house is run outwith his underwear jacked up his
ass, basically like he has athong, and he'll just dance
around with his butt hanging out.
Tony (17:42):
He learns that that's a learned behavior.
I don't do that.
I'm sure you've done that.
His grandpa does.
Who's the other adult in thehouse?
Jay (17:51):
His grandpa.
Tony (17:53):
Yeah.
Jay (17:53):
Trust me.
Tony (17:55):
You really think Grandpa Tim's dancing?
Jay (17:57):
anymore.
No, he walks around with athong up his ass, because when
he's sitting down all day,that's what happens to your
underwear.
Tony (18:04):
It goes up your ass.
It's disintegrate.
Chris (18:09):
So what are you trying to say?
That my kid does not like to benude in the house, particularly
.
I definitely do not, but shehas done something similar to
that, where she'll like be likehey dad, and she'll run like you
know.
Jay (18:25):
Run around naked.
Chris (18:26):
Yeah, and then run back upstairs like oh, I got you.
Jay (18:29):
She's in your house.
No one else is there.
Tony (18:36):
I feel like that's fine if you're out in public, obviously
I would say something, Iwouldn't just let it go.
Chris (18:39):
But you're exactly when that happens at the bathroom, at
the walmart then you got aproblem then you're gonna have
to explain why your child doesthat to many different people
but you're explaining it to melike that's a bad reason or not
a bad, but like that's how boysact wild, that a girl won't.
Jay (18:55):
But I would say, yeah, that's, that's not a good
example unless that kid doesthat every time anyone comes in
the house every fucking time allhopped up on mountain dew, all
right.
Well, let's give anotherexample, tony.
Chris (19:06):
Um, when the kids have a sleepover, okay, like the boys
are louder, they stink more they, they like, make more ruckus,
they're way more active.
Yeah, I'm like I'm not arguingthat, okay.
Jay (19:16):
So like the boys are louder , they stink more, they, they
like, make more ruckus, they'reway more active yeah, I'm like,
I'm not arguing that okay sowhen the boys have a sleepover,
let me, let me, let me put thisinto context and then you tell
me your example.
When your daughter has asleepover, my kids have a
sleepover, my kids get I haven'thad any kids sleep over at my
house really no I guess she'sonly eight.
So yeah, yeah, makes sense.
Well then, let's just leave itout there.
(19:38):
Let's just throw it out thereanyway.
I have kids that havesleepovers.
No I guess we did have one ortwo actually, so yeah, yeah,
it's like my kids all of asudden snorted two fucking big
bags of Doritos and like fundips.
Chris (19:58):
Come at your fun dip.
Jay (20:00):
My kids are 100% not allowed to have caffeine and
they cannot have sugar.
Well, they can have sugar, butthey cannot have soda that has
sugar.
Fair enough, fair enough.
I have kids that sleep over andall of a sudden they fucking
flip a switch.
It's like from hey Dad, youknow I'm kind of bored.
They get wild Playing videogames and then all of a sudden
like giggling, like littlefucking girls Fucking, throwing
(20:23):
shit around, and then you cantell them a hundred times to
stop and they continue to do thesame exact thing and you could
threaten them.
You're never having to sleepover again, you know.
You're not going to let them,they know.
Chris (20:37):
Do you ever turn off the internet router?
Jay (20:39):
No, because I need it.
I'm watching TV.
That's how I get my TV.
I got YouTube.
Chris (20:44):
TV.
Sacrifices need to be made whenyou want behavior correction.
Jay (20:50):
I'll tell you what.
I'm the first person to tellyou I'm not a great example.
Chris (20:54):
Every time you kids sleep over and you act up, I'm going
to unplug the router and thenI'm not going to let you call
your moms to go home becauseyou're bored and you're just
going to sit on the couch andlike I'll bring out checkers or
something for you.
Tony (21:11):
And then the next time they come over and you start
getting loud, they'll stop.
So there's a rule that whenother kids come to my house that
they can do whatever they want.
They can make as big a mess asthey want like the kid here.
Jay (21:20):
Your kid has to clean it it's chase's responsibility,
you're making him feel you'remaking him seem like he's a dick
because he's gonna tell hisfriends stop making a mess
because I gotta clean that shitup.
Yeah, so that's not right.
He knows that it's 100.
Tony (21:33):
So that's not right.
He knows that it's 100% hisresponsibility.
Jay (21:37):
No, that's not right.
Tony (21:38):
Listen to make sure that the things get put back away.
I don't agree with that at all.
I don't agree with that at all.
So he makes the choice on thelevel of trash they trash the
house, on whether or not hemakes his friend or cousin or
who's ever over Clean up afterthemselves.
Help himself.
Jay (21:54):
So basically you're saying I invite a homeless person over
to my house.
They fuck up everything shit onthe floor, eat all my food and
then I'm supposed to clean it up.
Chris (22:05):
You invited them.
Yeah, or make them clean up.
Jay (22:11):
But still there's a child.
Tony (22:12):
Who cleans up after your father-in-law?
No one.
That's your wife's guest.
Is she the one walking aroundcleaning up after him?
Jay (22:22):
oh, you got me there, but hey, I don't like your argument.
No, seriously, though, I thinkthat puts too much pressure on
your, your child, and then itmakes him look like an asshole
because his friends come overand they're like every time I go
over, so my kids supposed tohave his friends over.
Tony (22:39):
They trash my house.
They leave and then I clean itup.
Listen, no, I clean up withgarbage bags.
My kids know that.
Jay (22:46):
Every time I go to Tony's house, tony or every time I go
to Tony's dad or what the fuck'shis name again Chase Chase's
dad's house.
Chase yells at me for eventouching his toys, because I had
to put it back immediately,otherwise he has to, that's
between Chase and his friend.
I don't that still like makeshim look bad.
Tony (23:04):
Chase can make the conscious choice to let
everybody trash the house.
Jay (23:11):
And then he spends his time cleaning it.
Are you saying that Chaseshould be the one to tell his
friend?
If you make a mess, you got toclean it.
Like a dad I don't have to saya word Like a dad.
Chris (23:19):
Yeah, no, I don't like that.
Your friend's going home atfive?
No, because here's what it is.
Is that kid's not going toteach the other kid?
Bro, in my house we clean upafter ourselves.
Fucking help me.
Jay (23:29):
Okay, but Tony has to say that not Chase Not.
Tony (23:34):
Chase, I said it once.
Chris (23:37):
You got to raise a kid that's going to tell his friends
to not smoke cigarettes.
Jay (23:41):
Okay, that's true, but they're only eight.
That's what that kid's doing Tonot run out of the bathroom and
show his dick to everyone.
So you're saying making a messis an underlying achievement to
doing something more likesmoking cigarettes achievement
to doing something more likesmoking cigarettes.
Chris (23:55):
Well, what it is is that it's, in this instance, chase
showing by example to his kidhow to fucking that you have to
clean up after yourself.
Jay (24:05):
Just because you're not on vacation at my house.
We're just here because I gotfucking good chicken tenders and
a new Vindio.
He shouldn't have to learn thatfrom his friend's dad or son he
doesn't have to from the dad.
Chris (24:15):
He should learn that from his friend's dad or son.
Jay (24:16):
He doesn't have to from the dad.
He should learn that from hisparents.
Chris (24:17):
Well, that doesn't happen a lot.
Jay (24:18):
Okay, so that's what he should learn that from, but
here's what happens then.
I like that.
Chris (24:21):
Chase is like fuck that kid Jimmy.
He never cleans up.
I got to clean up after hisbitch ass.
I'm not going to be friendswith Jimmy.
Tony (24:28):
And then to me as a in my alley smoking cigarettes.
Chris (24:32):
Good shit, my kid don't hang out with that kid because
he didn't clean up after himselfwhen he was fucking eight.
Jay (24:37):
That was a good argument.
I like that argument.
Chris (24:39):
That's why you got to rule with the fucking iron fist
you got to.
It's not even ruling with aniron fist.
Tony (24:45):
It's saying hey look, they're your toys, your friend's
over.
You're responsible for the messI pay.
I pay all the fucking bills.
I prepare the meals, I makesure you have fucking cool
clothes when you go to schooland I'm sure your toys are your
fucking responsibility.
Well, yeah, at 11, that's whenthat shit starts kicking in.
Chris (25:05):
Yeah, my kids starting.
I'm sure that there are timeswhere you're like all right,
kids, I'll clean up your fuckingvideo games and Dorito bowls,
go play basketball.
You got a half hour tillJimmy's mom gets here.
I'm sure there's shit like thatthat comes down, but most of
the time it's like yeah, youfucking cleaned it up.
Jay (25:25):
My kid cleans up after herself at my house.
I definitely don't think Tonyever cleans up after his child.
Tony (25:27):
I do not clean up after my kid.
There are times when I do that.
Look at him, but that's becauseI want to give you a fucking
chance.
Jay (25:35):
One of my tricks.
That's why I call this kidchance.
One of my what's his name againOne of my parenting tricks.
I'm just kidding, it's chase.
Tony (25:45):
I know fruit flies are fucking pissing off.
Chris (25:47):
So one of my tricks parent tips yeah, let's hear it,
let's hear it.
Provide a perception of choice,prov, let's hear.
Provide a perception of choice.
Provide a perception of choice.
Hey, kid, it's late.
We normally go to bed at 7, 30,it's almost 8 and I think to
myself I want to read to her andI want to do what she likes to
(26:11):
do is called goofing for bed.
So I say, hey, claire, whichone do you want to do first?
Do you want to read or goof?
And then she picks, and then Ido that, and then I'm like dang,
we don't have time for theother one, because all along I
was only going to do one of thetwo.
But if you say we only get todo one read or goof around which
(26:36):
do you want to do?
Jay (26:40):
okay, I get that.
Chris (26:41):
No, it's like why can't we do the other one?
But if you perceive this choiceof picking witches, no, I was
kind of a bad example.
Tony (26:49):
No, no, I get, I got that totally the perception of choice
that's that's modern daytrickery, if you don't want your
kid to eat.
Jay (26:55):
It's I mean yeah, modern, see what?
Tony (26:59):
do you think we are fucking sorcerers?
Chris (27:02):
I mean, it sounds like it absolutely, because then it
makes you're not being a fuckingasshole by not doing something
you just ran out of time so Iyou picked the one you wanted.
Tony (27:12):
I have people come clean my house every two weeks, that's
probably a good choice.
Jay (27:17):
That's bullshit.
Tony (27:17):
It's like every three days so it's a west east south thing
.
Jay (27:24):
Now it's coming at me.
Tony (27:25):
Every 14 days in rotation.
They have to make sure alltheir shit is put away, no
matter what.
I don't hound these kids toclean up every fucking item at
the end of every day, right.
But if I go upstairs and itstarts looking even remotely out
of control, everybody'sstopping what they're doing,
(27:48):
because it's not a joke.
Dad cleans up with garbage bagsand as soon as I tell them I'll
go clean it up, they go no,don't, no.
Then they start fuckingscreaming Sure.
So when they have their friendsover and they do two weeks of
damage in two hours to theirplay area, it is nobody's
(28:15):
responsibility but their own.
It's their responsibility everyday to keep their own shit in
order.
It's nobody else's.
They don't get to make the messand somebody cleans up after
them.
That's setting a bad examplefor your kid.
Jay (28:33):
That's not preparing them for life.
Okay, you have a younger childthat is four, five, five, five.
Do you treat him the same way?
You do Exactly the same.
Tony (28:40):
Okay, so obviously he doesn't have.
Actually, I treat him betterbecause I do make the 11 year
old help the five-year-old cleanup messes that he's made
because obviously you don't, hedoesn't have sleepovers and
friends over.
Really, I mean, maybe he's not,he's not allowed to have
friends until he's a teenager.
Jay (29:01):
Okay I don't need the.
So if you treat him the sameway without friends coming over,
how does that teach himsomething when he sees his
brother with friends come over?
I'm trying to get.
Tony (29:18):
No, the five-year-olds have friends come over, which is
really awkward because theparents stay.
Chris (29:23):
Yeah.
Tony (29:24):
I never, liked that.
So when the parents come overwhich is really awkward because
the parents stay, yeah, I neverliked that shit.
So when the parents come over,you got to tell them to clean up
.
I always made those thirdlocational visits.
I don't know the parents wellenough to be like hey, it's 11
o'clock on a Saturday.
You want an old-fashioned Right?
I mean you can, or if I should,leave a Bible out on the table.
Chris (29:42):
I don't know where these other people are, if you guys
make a fucking mess clean it up.
Tony (29:47):
I always made Jay, I don't have to talk at my kids like
that.
Jay (29:50):
No, I'm talking like when the five-year-old's parents come
over.
This is what I'm talking about.
If you leave a fork on thetable, motherfucker, you better
wash it off or put it in adishwasher.
Tony (30:01):
Yeah, well, somebody, if somebody else is, I don't know.
I mean, I think it'd just becommon sense.
And sometimes my, my kids,decide that they're just going
to clean up after the other kidsbecause they didn't make that
big of a mess.
And sometimes, you know, thekids do to leave at five o'clock
and 4 30 rolls around andthey're like all right, man,
let's clean up for a little biteveryone has their own
(30:22):
strictness.
Jay (30:23):
If that is a word, and I have I'm going to tell you this.
Tony (30:28):
I know lots of other parents and I can guarantee you
that I'm not even a strictparent man.
You sound like a fuckingno-wire hanger parent.
No man, I know strict parentsand they look at us like we're
fucking Wild men yeah.
Chris (30:44):
Why do you let your kid do?
Jay (30:45):
that I feel like I'm way under your level.
Oh, I guarantee it.
Yeah, like if someone comesover and fucks something up, I'm
like damn dude, don't do thatagain when you come over next
time.
I'll fix it, I'll make sureeverything's okay.
Tony (31:01):
Oh like, if the kids are playing around and they break
something.
I don't give a fuck about that,as long as it wasn't malicious.
Jay (31:07):
Wait, you wouldn't blow.
Tony (31:08):
No, not at all.
Oh fucking no.
If they break something playing, I could give two fucking shits
, but that's an accident ofplaying, so that's not being
irresponsible.
Jay (31:22):
Let me put something in like let me get a little eye
view.
So there's the handle breaksoff a door and then next to the
door there's a little Nerfbullet gun or a Nerf bullet for
a gun, no, not intentional.
So you'd be like who the fuckleft the Nerf bullet on the
(31:43):
ground.
That's okay.
If you touched, you broke thehandle off the door.
I can't get into the basementfor next.
Whatever, who the fuck leftthat?
Tony (31:51):
Nerf bullet.
First off, a broken handlewouldn't keep me from getting
into a door.
No, I'm saying Because I'm afucking adult man, you can't get
in anymore.
Chris (31:59):
No, I'm saying I'll never be able to poop again.
Tony (32:02):
Well, this room's fucked.
Chris (32:04):
That was fun.
Now our house is only 845square feet.
Tony (32:12):
We go to sell it, all right.
So there's been somealterations from the last
assessment.
The house lost 312 square feetBroken door handle.
Chris (32:24):
What are?
You going to do?
Oh, yeah, right.
Jay (32:25):
There's a closet with a broken door handle.
What are you going to do?
Oh yeah, right, there's acloset with a broken door handle
as well.
Chris (32:29):
Everyone's sleeping in the same bed.
Who?
Tony (32:31):
needs a closet in the hallway.
My kids break shit all the time.
They're kids Like you know.
If they break a door handlebecause they pulled on it too
hard, big fucking deal.
I'm just saying If they brokethe door handle and there's a
hammer laying on the ground andit's in 11 pieces, then we got
fucking problems, then you get,didn't you have different
(32:51):
aspects of cleanliness, socleanliness is more important
than uh destruction or have youseen this guy's hair man that's
true, this guy stayed tight.
Jay (33:03):
That's a solid point high and tight, like I can, fucking,
I can, I can do a, I can put asquare on his head, I think what
it is is that it'll be straight.
Chris (33:13):
The kids just.
They know how to clean up, sothey just do it.
Tony (33:18):
I don't think you're yelling I don't prevent them
from being children.
I prevent them from beingfucking pieces of shit later in
society well, if they'rebreaking door handles all the
time, I mean that's prettyshitty and not fixing that
that's a lesson for me to stopbuying such low quality door
(33:38):
handles shopping at menardsagain it's about look, not
quality, man, you get a divingdoor handle.
Jay (33:45):
I don't give a shit.
It's put together with fuckingwooden screws.
Tony (33:49):
It still looks cool.
Chris is still trying to findpieces for his door handle.
Chris (33:54):
I actually do still need a door handle.
Jay (33:58):
Alright, so this topic got way off being a boy dad or girl
dad.
Chris (34:04):
I think the thing is that you're outnumbered bro three
kids oh, number two, adults.
Yeah, okay, that's what you'retalking about, and now three
cats which apparently we learnedabout last week, and I don't
remember yeah, well, you knowbut, and so you're outnumbered.
That's the problem.
You have three kids, two adults, that's.
(34:25):
But I I never understood thatI'm super not strict at all.
Jay (34:29):
I I let so much go because I've been strict or I was
growing up not being able to doso much.
So, by the way, and anyway, letus go blah, blah.
Yeah, see, that means like inmy language.
Tony (34:44):
So so you just decided.
You just decided because yougrew up in an overly strict
household.
Yeah, to be the exact oppositewhy?
Jay (34:54):
why did I do that?
Tony (34:55):
yes, exactly bandit yeah well, everybody wants better for
their own children.
But do you think being raisedstrict is bad?
I?
Jay (35:03):
don't think being strict is bad at all.
Tony (35:05):
No, because I mean there are so you got, you got raised
religious strict, which is adifferent kind of strict do you
know how many more tickets youwould have got if you went in a
strict house?
Jay (35:17):
now, I agree with you about being strict is something that
has to be.
Well, there's at leastmaintained at a certain level.
A certain level, I mean it'snot even about being strict is
something that has to be atleast maintained at a certain
level.
Tony (35:27):
A certain level, I mean, it's not even about being strict
.
Jay (35:29):
It's about having parameters for your that's what
I said a certain level ofstrictness you gotta build up
kids.
Chris (35:36):
You gotta build the kids so that they return the fucking
cart to the cart corral no,you're right.
Yeah, that's the goal and theywait for others to get off
before they get on.
Tony (35:45):
Those are my two things.
And I mean we, we totallythat's it.
Chris (35:50):
If they do that, they probably will do all the other
things you need done so Itotally referenced this earlier.
Tony (35:55):
But very recently me and my 11 year old sat and watched
from start to finish talladeganights, and really I mean ricky
bobby cal there's a lot.
Chris (36:07):
They're amazing in that movie.
Jay (36:09):
They're amazing but the stars of the show are you gonna
come to my wedding, our walkerand texas ranger.
Tony (36:18):
I mean they start out as being the world's worst kids and
being supported the worst theyare and then when a grandma
takes them over, they turn intolike productive members of
society and it was just atestament to what you're talking
(36:38):
about.
Like your kids having noparameters to your kids having
parameters.
You have to give your kid somekind.
Eventually dude, they have togo out into the real world and
if they don't know how tofucking act, they're going to
have a really fucking tough timeIf they never have to clean up
(36:59):
after themselves if they don'thave to take their plate to the
sink when they're done eatingdinner.
Jay (37:06):
You can't tell a child how to act.
Chris (37:08):
You can only, you can only give them that's like your
only responsibility as a parentis to tell these fucking new
bodies how to act as old bodiesyou can only give them the path
of a path.
Jay (37:24):
I'm not saying tell your child how to you give them a
path to follow that path has tobe uphill sometimes.
Yeah.
Tony (37:31):
It can't all be a fucking toboggan ride down a fucking
hill.
Jay (37:35):
Well, sometimes it can be.
It can be, yeah, but uphill,yeah, certainly.
I have uphill toboggan rides.
I have downhill toboggan rides.
I have downhill toboggan rides,I have more downhill fucking
riding the.
Tony (37:50):
I mean it sounds like your kid walking out shaking his
dick.
Your soccer team fucking thedirt.
I mean, it sounds like you needto put some real parameters on
these kids.
Jay (38:03):
Wow, you just summed up my life in 10 seconds.
Tony (38:10):
I mean, for fuck's sake, man, teach these kids how to
ride a bike.
Jay (38:13):
Seriously, though, and don't tell them great job losing
out there.
I do over-exaggerate aboutcertain things, but sometimes
sometimes you know like I don'treally care that makes that I
don't know.
Well, you know this was topshelf stories about.
(38:35):
It was about child dads withgirls and boys, but now it
turned into I don't know.
Chris (38:44):
I think we're going to call this one Walker and Texas
Ranger.
Jay (38:52):
So thank you for tuning in.
We'll see you next week.
Have a good night.
Chris (38:56):
Word, we'll be right back .
Top Shelf Stories with Jay, chris and Tony.
Jay (00:22):
Welcome everyone.
Top Shelf Stories with Jay,Tony and Chris.
I would like to say that out ofus three, we have one gentleman
that is a father to a daughter.
The other two are boy parents,Parents, boys, Boys, parents how
(00:44):
do you say that?
Is that right?
Tony (00:47):
uh boy dad, okay, I believe, is technical boy.
Jay (00:51):
That's the technical boy.
Dad would be like you're a boyand then you're a dad.
Chris (00:56):
No, that's the only way my son's pediatrician calls me
okay, the only way to be a dadis to be a boy, though, too, so
like that doesn't really narrowanything down, true that?
True that?
Jay (01:07):
all right.
Am I right?
Unless you're a um binaryunbinary?
Tony (01:14):
yeah, the pediatrician does say that I'm a he, him dad.
The physician says this yeah,he doesn't want to he doesn't
want to assume.
Chris (01:24):
Your physician says this you need to get a new physician,
does he know about the human?
Tony (01:30):
anatomy.
He doesn't want to assume thatmy son is a male.
Chris (01:34):
He's a physician, does he ?
Doesn't he make him turn andcough?
I don't know.
I found him on, because if he,does that he'll know if he's a
male or a female or not?
Jay (01:47):
well you know, in nowadays you don't really know if you're
a male or female he's had hisballs in his hands I have
watched so much shit aboutpeople in gender, whatever you
call it.
Why defecation of male orfemale, like what is a woman, is
(02:07):
like the biggest fucking we areas americans cannot define a
woman, makes us look re yeah, doeither of you guys subscribe to
daily?
Wire.
Oh fuck, yeah, dude, I haveit's like 20 a month or
something, right?
Yeah, I watch them all.
Yeah, can I, is it?
Tony (02:23):
can I get your login credentials?
No, just so I want to watchwhat is a woman.
It's amazing it is so goodyou're not gonna let me log in
on it I don't have it anymore.
Jay (02:33):
Actually, I canceled it.
I watched that and it was likeI didn't watch anything else.
Everything else was kind oflike yeah, I just want to watch
what is a woman anyway, okay, sochris, she's, he's got one
daughter, she's, uh, eight ornine, right?
yep she'll be nine soon, okay,so there's a huge difference
between a?
(02:53):
Um father of a daughter thanthere is, uh, fathers of of boy
boys, and I'll tell you what.
One one thing is defense.
As a boy dad, you need defensewhenever you come home, whenever
you are away, come back home,like literally I'm getting
(03:14):
attacked by my kids.
Tony (03:19):
It sounds like you're just raising them fucked up.
Yeah, are you raising Walkerand Texas texas ranger from
talladega nights, all hopped upon mountain dews?
Chris (03:29):
I'll come at you like a spider monkey what you're trying
to do is you're trying to saythat being a girl dad is easy
and then, but while saying that,having zero experience of it
true, I think, I think that'strue that's a fair statement,
though I feel like it is easier,sure you?
Sure can.
Jay (03:48):
Yeah, you're definitely uh no, you are right, though we we
don't.
We have no idea what it is tobe a girl, because you're your
guys, right, right, you guys areboys.
Chris (04:01):
Could I he him, you or?
You well, I have been at onetime in my life so until you
took those hormones I rememberwhen I was a boy and then have a
daughter, and then you didn'ttell me that there's something
easier than like that.
Jay (04:18):
That's easy when you found out, first of all, if you were
having a daughter, what was yourfirst um inkling?
I mean, I don't know.
No, like like the balloon pops,it's pink, were you?
Tony (04:32):
just disappointed.
He was immediately like well,I'm on a plane to go see this
band.
I'll check in a little bitwe'll talk about this on Sunday
night when I get home, there'sno.
Jay (04:44):
FaceTime at that point.
So he's on the phone with hiswife saying what color is the
balloon?
Tony (04:49):
He's at a payphone.
What?
Jay (04:53):
color was the balloon I only got six minutes.
So we joke around with Chris.
He's an avid concert seeker.
He goes out of town forweekends and that's fine,
nothing wrong with it, but hedoes it without his wife, which
Tony and I mainly.
I think it's kind of crazy thatyou can actually get away from
(05:14):
your wife for more than workdays or something to do with
your children, do you need asafe place?
Chris (05:26):
I need a safe house.
House, okay, that's the thing.
Okay.
So I got married and I plan onliving till like I don't know,
at least 80.
Jay (05:35):
I mean, that's a bad expectation, my friend at least
80.
Well, you should be at least 95, and then I also expect that
she can live at least 80 right.
Tony (05:45):
So then I got 15 years after your dad.
Chris (05:47):
So we got married 10 years ago.
So I got like 30 more years andeventually there's gonna be no
kid in the house.
The dog will die, there'll beno dog in the house and it'll
just be me and we'll have nofriends anymore, because half of
them will have died or movedaway.
Here's the, and then it's justme and her.
And then I got 20 years of that.
Tony (06:08):
You can only fuck so many times in a day.
Chris (06:10):
Right, especially when you're fucking 60.
Right.
Jay (06:14):
Now here's the expectation for dads with boys your daughter
will leave because usuallythey're more grown up earlier.
They have more expectations intheir life.
Boy dads, they're fucking.
They're living at home untilthey're 40.
Nowadays, living at home untilthey're 40.
(06:35):
Oh no, my kids can't wait toget out.
Trust me, they're still goingto be there because you have the
West Wing.
They basically live in Iran.
Chris (06:42):
They live in Iran playing war games on their computer
games.
Tony (06:46):
No just complete dictatorship.
Oh, at your house they don'thave a say in anything.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
I got to explain to my11-year-old constantly.
11-year-olds don't get to makechoices about their life.
Chris (07:00):
It's pretty true.
It's very true, not unless If Ileave my kid to his own devices
.
Jay (07:08):
He will eat three meals a day of fucking the telebiscuits
I was gonna say isn't thatnormal, the frozen ones in the
freezer?
Breakfast, lunch and dinner theones in the freezer that you
have to warm up.
Tony (07:21):
no, they're.
They're like fucking cookies,but instead of like no, but they
put them in the freezer.
No, not my kids, because theyeat them so fast.
They don't have to save them,they just eat them at the same
time.
Jay (07:32):
All right.
So let me ask you this, chriswhen your daughter has a play
date I guess that's what theycall it nowadays when her friend
comes over how rambunctious,how much noise how much danger
do they cause coming into yourhome?
Chris (07:53):
Uh, plenty.
Jay (07:54):
Plenty, but like on a scale from one to 10, 10 being the
worst.
Chris (08:01):
Well, we will have no ruckamuckas in the house, like I
mean.
What do you mean?
Jay (08:05):
dude all right, so this is what we're gonna do I'll bring
over my child, okay, actually,wait, wait, I have three you're
gonna have to give me like threeweeks.
Tony (08:13):
No, you pick your favorite one and bring it over.
Jay (08:15):
You don't bring all three of them things all for like
three weeks, though just justone, and actually I'm not gonna
bring my favorite and the kidhas to be under the impression
that he's stuck with me forever.
Chris (08:25):
Okay, I like this idea.
So three weeks I need a bootcamp.
Chepulski house, yeah.
Jay (08:31):
And then we're going to see your ideals.
Chris (08:36):
So what are you saying?
Your kids just destroy shit,all the time Screaming.
Jay (08:40):
Punching?
Why do you have Kicking,scratching?
Chris (08:43):
Does this happen at your home?
Jay (08:44):
all the time.
Tony (08:45):
No.
Chris (08:46):
Yeah.
Tony (08:48):
I don't think it's a boy-girl thing, only when we go
into stores.
Jay (08:50):
Now listen here.
Chris (08:51):
There are terrible girl kids.
Jay (08:53):
I agree, Not terrible but you get what I'm saying.
The percentage is so low.
Chris (08:59):
Is it?
Jay (08:59):
I remember.
Chris (09:00):
Tony's stories about kids .
Have you spoken to teachers andshit?
Jay (09:05):
I'll bet you a teacher you have a teacher as a wife, I'm
gonna have to ask her.
Chris (09:08):
I'll bet that the boys do cause a little more trouble,
though I will, but I would agreelike I.
Jay (09:14):
I mostly concur so I remember tony's story about his
child dangling what, what?
Am I back on?
Yes, you are, check, check,dangling from the chandelier,
yeah, that did happen.
Tony (09:29):
Would a girl ever do that?
Chris (09:31):
yes, a girl child, yeah, why not?
Jay (09:34):
I don't think they can or will.
They don't have the lower legstrength a boy does to get to
that height.
Chris (09:41):
You're crazy you're, you're delirious if you think
that a nine-year-old, I thinkbetween at least the age of like
probably three newborn to nine.
The physique of a child, as faras their physical ability to do
shit, is pretty much the same.
Like women, my kids have womenremain wiener getting in their
(10:04):
way women are in trouble runningwomen and then in turn, girls
do have a smaller frame a bit,but like no, but you are right,
though, that girls develop, and,and it's a kid get high, they
get taller faster.
If you want to put it in a weird, well, it's a context it's a
(10:24):
kid like so my kid can jump on achandelier at six just as much
as your kid has your kid ever.
Tony (10:31):
No, my kid doesn't hang on chandeliers.
No, this kid has home training.
Chris (10:35):
I don't own chandeliers.
Jay (10:36):
She doesn't have home training.
She's a girl, she just doesn'tdo that.
Tony (10:45):
I don't have chandeliers.
She's in the fucking.
Jay (10:47):
You have crystal doorknobs.
Does she hang from crystaldoorknobs?
I mean, yeah, dude, she doesnot hang from crystal doorknobs.
Chris (10:50):
Yep all the time.
She swings from the fuckingdrapes like Tarzan.
Jay (10:54):
I'll give you one example.
I coach a soccer team all boysokay and they're in a Well,
you're assuming?
Chris (11:03):
I don't even like the jokes about it.
Jay (11:08):
It's kind of funny.
Well, they are boys now, but wejust wait a couple of years, we
don't know.
So I got a whole gaggle of boyson my soccer team and I'm in a
field of 10 other fields of boysand girls.
I look around during my soccerpractice.
(11:30):
Every fucking team of girls arestanding there looking at the
coach and listening.
And then I look around and seethe boys.
They're fucking dry, humpingthe grass, fucking pumping their
fists in the air.
I think this is just kickingthe fucking ground these are
your boys.
Chris (11:51):
All the other boys as well.
All the other boys teams arehumping the ground and the two
girls teams are just fuckingkicking the ball to each other
between having tea, jay, I thinkthis is just a testament to
your leadership abilities, Imean.
Are you telling the?
Tony (12:09):
kids go fuck the grass.
Jay (12:13):
Yeah, when they misbehave, I tell them, go public, thrust
that fucking dry ass grass, thathard grass.
Just go in there and give itsome.
No, but the serious thing isabout it.
I don't really I don't knowbecause I don't have a daughter,
but I feel like this is thetruth, that having boys at a
(12:35):
younger age is so much harder,but when the girls get older, I
feel like then that's when thegirls get harder and the boys
get easier.
Chris (12:47):
So here's my feeling on it, yeah 16-year-old boy,
16-year-old girl, which one youwant?
Boy, oh shit, like by a hugemargin, Mile Miles.
Tony (12:55):
I think Fuck off Kilometers.
So I think young ladies areinherently more helpful and
better listeners.
I would agree.
Yeah, totally, and boys try totest you a little bit more than
(13:16):
a girl will.
I would agree.
You should write that in afucking Bible.
If you lay down the groundworkas a parent, you will not be
tested on a daily basis.
You will be tested once.
Jay (13:28):
No, you're going to be tested every day, See the
problem too.
Tony (13:30):
No, not every day.
Chris (13:31):
Here's what with a girl right If she wants to be.
It seems like in general, youcould make.
I would say, and this is one ofmy fears is that when she
chooses to be disobedient, it'llbe conniving yeah, quiet behind
the scenes well calculated andeffective and it'll probably
work and I'll catch it after ithappens and a boy probably wants
(13:55):
to do some fucking.
Yeah, he'll break out of thosewindow with a hammer and try to
sneak out of the house.
Mine will fucking plan for likethree weeks on who's going to
call who, if Bethany's mom'sgoing to call Stevie's mom and
the whole fucking biscuit dude.
Jay (14:09):
Before I came here my kid said oh, what are you doing?
Going to the podcast.
Dad Runs out of the bathroomhe's saying this in the bathroom
Runs out of the bathroom buttnaked and shakes his dick in the
air and says go, have fun.
Chris (14:21):
Yeah, see that.
Jay (14:27):
I don't think a girl would do that.
Well, no, but that's not even ajoke.
I don't think I did that.
Oh, you did.
I mean, with that big schlong,I mean what?
Tony (14:33):
kind of fucking house you live in where a 17 year old kid
rubs out of the bathroom.
Chris (14:38):
Well, he's teaching him to shit with no, no pants on.
He's probably teaching them.
Tony (14:43):
And if you would have taught your kid how to wipe his
own ass at an appropriate age,he wouldn't be coming out asking
you to wipe him anymore.
So here's the funny thing.
Find that wrong.
Jay (14:52):
Here's the funny thing Tony is talking about a 17-year-old.
I have a 17-year-old child.
I also have a fucking8-year-old.
Tony (15:00):
This is why he makes it funny.
Jay (15:02):
Because he thinks I'm talking about the same thing,
slinging his dick around saying,dad, you going to the podcast?
What the hell You're not goingto stay home with mom and dad?
And grandpa.
Tony (15:19):
But see, the thing is, I'm sure that actually happened.
Jay (15:20):
I highly doubt your life I'm never going to tape it and
show you, but it did.
Tony (15:23):
Let me ask you this as a parent give me your honest
reaction to it.
Yeah, what, what did you do?
Jay (15:33):
he runs out oh, what did you?
Tony (15:35):
swinging in there.
You're saying what?
Okay?
Yeah, what'd you do?
Did you laugh or did you getpissed and correct him?
I laughed and walked away.
See you later I love you son.
So that's why this shit happensin your house okay, what would
you do?
Jay (15:47):
throw a fucking ball in his dick and say, hey, next time
think about taking your dick mykid immediately probably grab it
with the fucking mid of my handI'd grab that dick and I'd say
kid, don't be swinging thisfucking thing around, or?
Chris (16:01):
someone's going to grab it and squeeze it and yell at
you Fucking get dressed.
Jay (16:05):
He was 10 feet away, so I could not have grabbed it.
Chris (16:09):
I could with a kid of mine.
He'd be 10 foot long.
He is not LeBron James child.
Jay (16:17):
And in your house, house 10 feet's a lot of steps.
Tony (16:18):
For you, it's half a quarter kilometer uh, no, my, my
kid would have been.
If I mean, if he was in myreach, he would have been
grabbed by his ear drug back inthe bathroom okay, our
conversation is fucking closed.
Jay (16:31):
Back on like a civilized human being but our
conversations go into crazy shitlike this right, like sometimes
okay, now would you be mad thathe grew up and acted like you
do now because you're I meanlike literally, that's not that
okay, it's not like he went outin the public stop touching the
(16:55):
cord.
Tony (16:55):
I didn't touch the cord, you did.
I saw you.
No, when it went out, I went toreadjust it.
Okay, go ahead.
Uh, that, I guess that is thepot calling the kettle black,
because I do do that to hismother often, exactly now his
the kid, wait what?
Jay (17:13):
it really anybody's mother except mine, okay as long as
he's not doing in public, he'sdoing it in the confines of your
home.
I think there's not.
Chris (17:23):
I mean yeah, but you can be like, okay, do this every
time, does no, no no, no, thisis this is really random.
Jay (17:30):
What he usually what he'll do to get a rise out of everyone
in the in the house is run outwith his underwear jacked up his
ass, basically like he has athong, and he'll just dance
around with his butt hanging out.
Tony (17:42):
He learns that that's a learned behavior.
I don't do that.
I'm sure you've done that.
His grandpa does.
Who's the other adult in thehouse?
Jay (17:51):
His grandpa.
Tony (17:53):
Yeah.
Jay (17:53):
Trust me.
Tony (17:55):
You really think Grandpa Tim's dancing?
Jay (17:57):
anymore.
No, he walks around with athong up his ass, because when
he's sitting down all day,that's what happens to your
underwear.
Tony (18:04):
It goes up your ass.
It's disintegrate.
Chris (18:09):
So what are you trying to say?
That my kid does not like to benude in the house, particularly
.
I definitely do not, but shehas done something similar to
that, where she'll like be likehey dad, and she'll run like you
know.
Jay (18:25):
Run around naked.
Chris (18:26):
Yeah, and then run back upstairs like oh, I got you.
Jay (18:29):
She's in your house.
No one else is there.
Tony (18:36):
I feel like that's fine if you're out in public, obviously
I would say something, Iwouldn't just let it go.
Chris (18:39):
But you're exactly when that happens at the bathroom, at
the walmart then you got aproblem then you're gonna have
to explain why your child doesthat to many different people
but you're explaining it to melike that's a bad reason or not
a bad, but like that's how boysact wild, that a girl won't.
Jay (18:55):
But I would say, yeah, that's, that's not a good
example unless that kid doesthat every time anyone comes in
the house every fucking time allhopped up on mountain dew, all
right.
Well, let's give anotherexample, tony.
Chris (19:06):
Um, when the kids have a sleepover, okay, like the boys
are louder, they stink more they, they like, make more ruckus,
they're way more active.
Yeah, I'm like I'm not arguingthat, okay.
Jay (19:16):
So like the boys are louder , they stink more, they, they
like, make more ruckus, they'reway more active yeah, I'm like,
I'm not arguing that okay sowhen the boys have a sleepover,
let me, let me, let me put thisinto context and then you tell
me your example.
When your daughter has asleepover, my kids have a
sleepover, my kids get I haven'thad any kids sleep over at my
house really no I guess she'sonly eight.
So yeah, yeah, makes sense.
Well then, let's just leave itout there.
(19:38):
Let's just throw it out thereanyway.
I have kids that havesleepovers.
No I guess we did have one ortwo actually, so yeah, yeah,
it's like my kids all of asudden snorted two fucking big
bags of Doritos and like fundips.
Chris (19:58):
Come at your fun dip.
Jay (20:00):
My kids are 100% not allowed to have caffeine and
they cannot have sugar.
Well, they can have sugar, butthey cannot have soda that has
sugar.
Fair enough, fair enough.
I have kids that sleep over andall of a sudden they fucking
flip a switch.
It's like from hey Dad, youknow I'm kind of bored.
They get wild Playing videogames and then all of a sudden
like giggling, like littlefucking girls Fucking, throwing
(20:23):
shit around, and then you cantell them a hundred times to
stop and they continue to do thesame exact thing and you could
threaten them.
You're never having to sleepover again, you know.
You're not going to let them,they know.
Chris (20:37):
Do you ever turn off the internet router?
Jay (20:39):
No, because I need it.
I'm watching TV.
That's how I get my TV.
I got YouTube.
Chris (20:44):
TV.
Sacrifices need to be made whenyou want behavior correction.
Jay (20:50):
I'll tell you what.
I'm the first person to tellyou I'm not a great example.
Chris (20:54):
Every time you kids sleep over and you act up, I'm going
to unplug the router and thenI'm not going to let you call
your moms to go home becauseyou're bored and you're just
going to sit on the couch andlike I'll bring out checkers or
something for you.
Tony (21:11):
And then the next time they come over and you start
getting loud, they'll stop.
So there's a rule that whenother kids come to my house that
they can do whatever they want.
They can make as big a mess asthey want like the kid here.
Jay (21:20):
Your kid has to clean it it's chase's responsibility,
you're making him feel you'remaking him seem like he's a dick
because he's gonna tell hisfriends stop making a mess
because I gotta clean that shitup.
Yeah, so that's not right.
He knows that it's 100.
Tony (21:33):
So that's not right.
He knows that it's 100% hisresponsibility.
Jay (21:37):
No, that's not right.
Tony (21:38):
Listen to make sure that the things get put back away.
I don't agree with that at all.
I don't agree with that at all.
So he makes the choice on thelevel of trash they trash the
house, on whether or not hemakes his friend or cousin or
who's ever over Clean up afterthemselves.
Help himself.
Jay (21:54):
So basically you're saying I invite a homeless person over
to my house.
They fuck up everything shit onthe floor, eat all my food and
then I'm supposed to clean it up.
Chris (22:05):
You invited them.
Yeah, or make them clean up.
Jay (22:11):
But still there's a child.
Tony (22:12):
Who cleans up after your father-in-law?
No one.
That's your wife's guest.
Is she the one walking aroundcleaning up after him?
Jay (22:22):
oh, you got me there, but hey, I don't like your argument.
No, seriously, though, I thinkthat puts too much pressure on
your, your child, and then itmakes him look like an asshole
because his friends come overand they're like every time I go
over, so my kids supposed tohave his friends over.
Tony (22:39):
They trash my house.
They leave and then I clean itup.
Listen, no, I clean up withgarbage bags.
My kids know that.
Jay (22:46):
Every time I go to Tony's house, tony or every time I go
to Tony's dad or what the fuck'shis name again Chase Chase's
dad's house.
Chase yells at me for eventouching his toys, because I had
to put it back immediately,otherwise he has to, that's
between Chase and his friend.
I don't that still like makeshim look bad.
Tony (23:04):
Chase can make the conscious choice to let
everybody trash the house.
Jay (23:11):
And then he spends his time cleaning it.
Are you saying that Chaseshould be the one to tell his
friend?
If you make a mess, you got toclean it.
Like a dad I don't have to saya word Like a dad.
Chris (23:19):
Yeah, no, I don't like that.
Your friend's going home atfive?
No, because here's what it is.
Is that kid's not going toteach the other kid?
Bro, in my house we clean upafter ourselves.
Fucking help me.
Jay (23:29):
Okay, but Tony has to say that not Chase Not.
Tony (23:34):
Chase, I said it once.
Chris (23:37):
You got to raise a kid that's going to tell his friends
to not smoke cigarettes.
Jay (23:41):
Okay, that's true, but they're only eight.
That's what that kid's doing Tonot run out of the bathroom and
show his dick to everyone.
So you're saying making a messis an underlying achievement to
doing something more likesmoking cigarettes achievement
to doing something more likesmoking cigarettes.
Chris (23:55):
Well, what it is is that it's, in this instance, chase
showing by example to his kidhow to fucking that you have to
clean up after yourself.
Jay (24:05):
Just because you're not on vacation at my house.
We're just here because I gotfucking good chicken tenders and
a new Vindio.
He shouldn't have to learn thatfrom his friend's dad or son he
doesn't have to from the dad.
Chris (24:15):
He should learn that from his friend's dad or son.
Jay (24:16):
He doesn't have to from the dad.
He should learn that from hisparents.
Chris (24:17):
Well, that doesn't happen a lot.
Jay (24:18):
Okay, so that's what he should learn that from, but
here's what happens then.
I like that.
Chris (24:21):
Chase is like fuck that kid Jimmy.
He never cleans up.
I got to clean up after hisbitch ass.
I'm not going to be friendswith Jimmy.
Tony (24:28):
And then to me as a in my alley smoking cigarettes.
Chris (24:32):
Good shit, my kid don't hang out with that kid because
he didn't clean up after himselfwhen he was fucking eight.
Jay (24:37):
That was a good argument.
I like that argument.
Chris (24:39):
That's why you got to rule with the fucking iron fist
you got to.
It's not even ruling with aniron fist.
Tony (24:45):
It's saying hey look, they're your toys, your friend's
over.
You're responsible for the messI pay.
I pay all the fucking bills.
I prepare the meals, I makesure you have fucking cool
clothes when you go to schooland I'm sure your toys are your
fucking responsibility.
Well, yeah, at 11, that's whenthat shit starts kicking in.
Chris (25:05):
Yeah, my kids starting.
I'm sure that there are timeswhere you're like all right,
kids, I'll clean up your fuckingvideo games and Dorito bowls,
go play basketball.
You got a half hour tillJimmy's mom gets here.
I'm sure there's shit like thatthat comes down, but most of
the time it's like yeah, youfucking cleaned it up.
Jay (25:25):
My kid cleans up after herself at my house.
I definitely don't think Tonyever cleans up after his child.
Tony (25:27):
I do not clean up after my kid.
There are times when I do that.
Look at him, but that's becauseI want to give you a fucking
chance.
Jay (25:35):
One of my tricks.
That's why I call this kidchance.
One of my what's his name againOne of my parenting tricks.
I'm just kidding, it's chase.
Tony (25:45):
I know fruit flies are fucking pissing off.
Chris (25:47):
So one of my tricks parent tips yeah, let's hear it,
let's hear it.
Provide a perception of choice,prov, let's hear.
Provide a perception of choice.
Provide a perception of choice.
Hey, kid, it's late.
We normally go to bed at 7, 30,it's almost 8 and I think to
myself I want to read to her andI want to do what she likes to
(26:11):
do is called goofing for bed.
So I say, hey, claire, whichone do you want to do first?
Do you want to read or goof?
And then she picks, and then Ido that, and then I'm like dang,
we don't have time for theother one, because all along I
was only going to do one of thetwo.
But if you say we only get todo one read or goof around which
(26:36):
do you want to do?
Jay (26:40):
okay, I get that.
Chris (26:41):
No, it's like why can't we do the other one?
But if you perceive this choiceof picking witches, no, I was
kind of a bad example.
Tony (26:49):
No, no, I get, I got that totally the perception of choice
that's that's modern daytrickery, if you don't want your
kid to eat.
Jay (26:55):
It's I mean yeah, modern, see what?
Tony (26:59):
do you think we are fucking sorcerers?
Chris (27:02):
I mean, it sounds like it absolutely, because then it
makes you're not being a fuckingasshole by not doing something
you just ran out of time so Iyou picked the one you wanted.
Tony (27:12):
I have people come clean my house every two weeks, that's
probably a good choice.
Jay (27:17):
That's bullshit.
Tony (27:17):
It's like every three days so it's a west east south thing
.
Jay (27:24):
Now it's coming at me.
Tony (27:25):
Every 14 days in rotation.
They have to make sure alltheir shit is put away, no
matter what.
I don't hound these kids toclean up every fucking item at
the end of every day, right.
But if I go upstairs and itstarts looking even remotely out
of control, everybody'sstopping what they're doing,
(27:48):
because it's not a joke.
Dad cleans up with garbage bagsand as soon as I tell them I'll
go clean it up, they go no,don't, no.
Then they start fuckingscreaming Sure.
So when they have their friendsover and they do two weeks of
damage in two hours to theirplay area, it is nobody's
(28:15):
responsibility but their own.
It's their responsibility everyday to keep their own shit in
order.
It's nobody else's.
They don't get to make the messand somebody cleans up after
them.
That's setting a bad examplefor your kid.
Jay (28:33):
That's not preparing them for life.
Okay, you have a younger childthat is four, five, five, five.
Do you treat him the same way?
You do Exactly the same.
Tony (28:40):
Okay, so obviously he doesn't have.
Actually, I treat him betterbecause I do make the 11 year
old help the five-year-old cleanup messes that he's made
because obviously you don't, hedoesn't have sleepovers and
friends over.
Really, I mean, maybe he's not,he's not allowed to have
friends until he's a teenager.
Jay (29:01):
Okay I don't need the.
So if you treat him the sameway without friends coming over,
how does that teach himsomething when he sees his
brother with friends come over?
I'm trying to get.
Tony (29:18):
No, the five-year-olds have friends come over, which is
really awkward because theparents stay.
Chris (29:23):
Yeah.
Tony (29:24):
I never, liked that.
So when the parents come overwhich is really awkward because
the parents stay, yeah, I neverliked that shit.
So when the parents come over,you got to tell them to clean up
.
I always made those thirdlocational visits.
I don't know the parents wellenough to be like hey, it's 11
o'clock on a Saturday.
You want an old-fashioned Right?
I mean you can, or if I should,leave a Bible out on the table.
Chris (29:42):
I don't know where these other people are, if you guys
make a fucking mess clean it up.
Tony (29:47):
I always made Jay, I don't have to talk at my kids like
that.
Jay (29:50):
No, I'm talking like when the five-year-old's parents come
over.
This is what I'm talking about.
If you leave a fork on thetable, motherfucker, you better
wash it off or put it in adishwasher.
Tony (30:01):
Yeah, well, somebody, if somebody else is, I don't know.
I mean, I think it'd just becommon sense.
And sometimes my, my kids,decide that they're just going
to clean up after the other kidsbecause they didn't make that
big of a mess.
And sometimes, you know, thekids do to leave at five o'clock
and 4 30 rolls around andthey're like all right, man,
let's clean up for a little biteveryone has their own
(30:22):
strictness.
Jay (30:23):
If that is a word, and I have I'm going to tell you this.
Tony (30:28):
I know lots of other parents and I can guarantee you
that I'm not even a strictparent man.
You sound like a fuckingno-wire hanger parent.
No man, I know strict parentsand they look at us like we're
fucking Wild men yeah.
Chris (30:44):
Why do you let your kid do?
Jay (30:45):
that I feel like I'm way under your level.
Oh, I guarantee it.
Yeah, like if someone comesover and fucks something up, I'm
like damn dude, don't do thatagain when you come over next
time.
I'll fix it, I'll make sureeverything's okay.
Tony (31:01):
Oh like, if the kids are playing around and they break
something.
I don't give a fuck about that,as long as it wasn't malicious.
Jay (31:07):
Wait, you wouldn't blow.
Tony (31:08):
No, not at all.
Oh fucking no.
If they break something playing, I could give two fucking shits
, but that's an accident ofplaying, so that's not being
irresponsible.
Jay (31:22):
Let me put something in like let me get a little eye
view.
So there's the handle breaksoff a door and then next to the
door there's a little Nerfbullet gun or a Nerf bullet for
a gun, no, not intentional.
So you'd be like who the fuckleft the Nerf bullet on the
(31:43):
ground.
That's okay.
If you touched, you broke thehandle off the door.
I can't get into the basementfor next.
Whatever, who the fuck leftthat?
Tony (31:51):
Nerf bullet.
First off, a broken handlewouldn't keep me from getting
into a door.
No, I'm saying Because I'm afucking adult man, you can't get
in anymore.
Chris (31:59):
No, I'm saying I'll never be able to poop again.
Tony (32:02):
Well, this room's fucked.
Chris (32:04):
That was fun.
Now our house is only 845square feet.
Tony (32:12):
We go to sell it, all right.
So there's been somealterations from the last
assessment.
The house lost 312 square feetBroken door handle.
Chris (32:24):
What are?
You going to do?
Oh, yeah, right.
Jay (32:25):
There's a closet with a broken door handle.
What are you going to do?
Oh yeah, right, there's acloset with a broken door handle
as well.
Chris (32:29):
Everyone's sleeping in the same bed.
Who?
Tony (32:31):
needs a closet in the hallway.
My kids break shit all the time.
They're kids Like you know.
If they break a door handlebecause they pulled on it too
hard, big fucking deal.
I'm just saying If they brokethe door handle and there's a
hammer laying on the ground andit's in 11 pieces, then we got
fucking problems, then you get,didn't you have different
(32:51):
aspects of cleanliness, socleanliness is more important
than uh destruction or have youseen this guy's hair man that's
true, this guy stayed tight.
Jay (33:03):
That's a solid point high and tight, like I can, fucking,
I can, I can do a, I can put asquare on his head, I think what
it is is that it'll be straight.
Chris (33:13):
The kids just.
They know how to clean up, sothey just do it.
Tony (33:18):
I don't think you're yelling I don't prevent them
from being children.
I prevent them from beingfucking pieces of shit later in
society well, if they'rebreaking door handles all the
time, I mean that's prettyshitty and not fixing that
that's a lesson for me to stopbuying such low quality door
(33:38):
handles shopping at menardsagain it's about look, not
quality, man, you get a divingdoor handle.
Jay (33:45):
I don't give a shit.
It's put together with fuckingwooden screws.
Tony (33:49):
It still looks cool.
Chris is still trying to findpieces for his door handle.
Chris (33:54):
I actually do still need a door handle.
Jay (33:58):
Alright, so this topic got way off being a boy dad or girl
dad.
Chris (34:04):
I think the thing is that you're outnumbered bro three
kids oh, number two, adults.
Yeah, okay, that's what you'retalking about, and now three
cats which apparently we learnedabout last week, and I don't
remember yeah, well, you knowbut, and so you're outnumbered.
That's the problem.
You have three kids, two adults, that's.
(34:25):
But I I never understood thatI'm super not strict at all.
Jay (34:29):
I I let so much go because I've been strict or I was
growing up not being able to doso much.
So, by the way, and anyway, letus go blah, blah.
Yeah, see, that means like inmy language.
Tony (34:44):
So so you just decided.
You just decided because yougrew up in an overly strict
household.
Yeah, to be the exact oppositewhy?
Jay (34:54):
why did I do that?
Tony (34:55):
yes, exactly bandit yeah well, everybody wants better for
their own children.
But do you think being raisedstrict is bad?
I?
Jay (35:03):
don't think being strict is bad at all.
Tony (35:05):
No, because I mean there are so you got, you got raised
religious strict, which is adifferent kind of strict do you
know how many more tickets youwould have got if you went in a
strict house?
Jay (35:17):
now, I agree with you about being strict is something that
has to be.
Well, there's at leastmaintained at a certain level.
A certain level, I mean it'snot even about being strict is
something that has to be atleast maintained at a certain
level.
Tony (35:27):
A certain level, I mean, it's not even about being strict
.
Jay (35:29):
It's about having parameters for your that's what
I said a certain level ofstrictness you gotta build up
kids.
Chris (35:36):
You gotta build the kids so that they return the fucking
cart to the cart corral no,you're right.
Yeah, that's the goal and theywait for others to get off
before they get on.
Tony (35:45):
Those are my two things.
And I mean we, we totallythat's it.
Chris (35:50):
If they do that, they probably will do all the other
things you need done so Itotally referenced this earlier.
Tony (35:55):
But very recently me and my 11 year old sat and watched
from start to finish talladeganights, and really I mean ricky
bobby cal there's a lot.
Chris (36:07):
They're amazing in that movie.
Jay (36:09):
They're amazing but the stars of the show are you gonna
come to my wedding, our walkerand texas ranger.
Tony (36:18):
I mean they start out as being the world's worst kids and
being supported the worst theyare and then when a grandma
takes them over, they turn intolike productive members of
society and it was just atestament to what you're talking
(36:38):
about.
Like your kids having noparameters to your kids having
parameters.
You have to give your kid somekind.
Eventually dude, they have togo out into the real world and
if they don't know how tofucking act, they're going to
have a really fucking tough timeIf they never have to clean up
(36:59):
after themselves if they don'thave to take their plate to the
sink when they're done eatingdinner.
Jay (37:06):
You can't tell a child how to act.
Chris (37:08):
You can only, you can only give them that's like your
only responsibility as a parentis to tell these fucking new
bodies how to act as old bodiesyou can only give them the path
of a path.
Jay (37:24):
I'm not saying tell your child how to you give them a
path to follow that path has tobe uphill sometimes.
Yeah.
Tony (37:31):
It can't all be a fucking toboggan ride down a fucking
hill.
Jay (37:35):
Well, sometimes it can be.
It can be, yeah, but uphill,yeah, certainly.
I have uphill toboggan rides.
I have downhill toboggan rides.
I have downhill toboggan rides,I have more downhill fucking
riding the.
Tony (37:50):
I mean it sounds like your kid walking out shaking his
dick.
Your soccer team fucking thedirt.
I mean, it sounds like you needto put some real parameters on
these kids.
Jay (38:03):
Wow, you just summed up my life in 10 seconds.
Tony (38:10):
I mean, for fuck's sake, man, teach these kids how to
ride a bike.
Jay (38:13):
Seriously, though, and don't tell them great job losing
out there.
I do over-exaggerate aboutcertain things, but sometimes
sometimes you know like I don'treally care that makes that I
don't know.
Well, you know this was topshelf stories about.
(38:35):
It was about child dads withgirls and boys, but now it
turned into I don't know.
Chris (38:44):
I think we're going to call this one Walker and Texas
Ranger.
Jay (38:52):
So thank you for tuning in.
We'll see you next week.
Have a good night.
Chris (38:56):
Word, we'll be right back .
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.