Episode Transcript
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Speaker 2 (00:00):
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony what's up
(00:30):
everybody yo what's going onthis is another episode of top
shelf stories, and today I wantto talk about.
As some of you who listen mayknow, I spend every weekend at
what some would call a camper,but I just call it my weekend
(00:50):
house, um I've been there.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's a house.
I'm jealous I'm jealous.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
It's definitely a house jealous, but uh, we've
been battling flies this yearwhat?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
kind of flies been battling flies this year.
What kind of flies?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
black ones like your typical house fly they surround
food and picnics.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Often they have been.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
They don't really bite, but they're a bother.
They have fucking beeneverywhere.
Did anyone ever teach you howto flush the toilet properly?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
absolutely yeah that that'd be my first guess.
That's where the flies mightshow up.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yeah, around poo yeah , so we're, we're got out of
control is, uh, we went fishingand we did, we did really well
and I was filleting fish outsidethere you go we had been
battling these fucking flies allyear, but when I started
filleting these fish, thousandsof them showed up now is this
(01:46):
makes something that you'reexperiencing near and around
your site, your area of sites orcampground.
Campground I mean my otherfront sites.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
We go on.
They're fucking everywhere.
You see these sticky thingshanging from people's windows
now and like the little sweettraps with the soda bottle
upside down and stuff like thatyeah, so.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So I went to my local menards and I bought these
little plastic bags that say flytrap on them.
Oh man, and you pop the top upand you fill this bag halfway up
with water and there's somelittle pouch that dissolves
inside of it and, uh, itattracts the flies.
(02:29):
They go in, they can't get out,you know.
And it says this thing lastsfor six weeks.
So I put it up on a saturdayafternoon, we leave sunday and
there's hundreds of flies inthere.
Wow, and it says.
It says this bag holds 20 000flies.
(02:52):
Wow, before it needs to bechanged.
And I'm like, holy shit, whocounted that?
It's probably a baby, yeahwho's?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
the it's like the fly counting guy.
Is the uh worm counting guy'scousin or something different?
Factory right next to eachother.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
It says it lasts six weeks, so we get back the
following friday.
So now you know, five days havegone by since it's been up and,
uh, uh, the bag is full, full,full.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
20 000 flies like flies are flying in it to fly
past dead flies it's bulging.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
It's so full of flies once you get one, once you get
one person to the concert, youknow everyone else comes
everyone wants to go and and Igo to take this bag off and go
discard it in the campgroundsgarbage facility and I have to
shoo away hundreds of flies in aline to get into this thing.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I can't imagine.
I can't imagine the maggotsthat are around fucking smell of
this thing was horrendous.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It's got to be the riverbed or something I'm sure
it's something I don't know likesome fish, got in the river
during a flood and then all diedin the riverbed and just became
this mush of probably.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I mean, you're probably not wrong but even just
schmutza from the lake, so Ihung up another one.
I'm like, okay, I got the bulkof them I'm gonna hang up I'm
gonna hang up how many square?
Miles is this campground I'mgonna hang up another one a
bunch of them guys and thisone's gonna last the six weeks
before it gets full.
Right, so the next week.
(04:34):
This thing is so fucking fullit is bulging at the seams, and
is it?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
like a translucent bag.
You can see into all these dead.
You can see them all the deadgray matter towards the bottom
the fucking maggots crawling upthe side oh man, oh my god, it's
fucking disgusting.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Wow, you just keep the flies flying, so we're,
we're sitting around attractingthem in a stomach.
We're sitting around talkingabout how bad this trap smells,
oh, and make it worse, and itmade me think of a story of the
worst smell I've ever smelled inmy life.
(05:17):
What's that?
And it was the only thing I'veever smelled that was worse than
this fly, these fly traps,after only one week of their six
week lifespan, but we're bothintrigued so about eight, eight
(05:38):
or nine years ago my wife wasdriving around this big,
beautiful Chevy Tahoe and it wasa very, very nice car and we
took it everywhere.
It was the family car, it wasthe nice car out of the two, it
was the one that we always took,and my wife doesn't necessarily
(06:03):
pick up her trash like mostpeople would you know.
She has a kid in the back allthe time.
He's leaving shit everywhere.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It's not just your wife, if my wife does this too.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, there's just always shit in there.
There's never shit in my car.
I always clean up after myselfI have water bottles, but she
always, you know, there's alwayslike fucking papers receipts,
fucking water bottles, you know,empty, uh, happy meal fucking
(06:40):
you know just shit sure.
So we're.
We're leaving to go somewhereand her car's starting to
fucking stink.
I tell her I'm like, hey, yougotta clean this shit up.
Something's starting to fuckingsmell.
There's probably some fuckinghalf-eaten cheeseburger under
the kid's car seat or something.
I'm like you just need to gothrough and clean this up.
(07:04):
It was a mcflurry, I bet andfrosty and, uh, she's like, all
right, I'll, I'll, I'll get thatdone.
A couple days later, I go backin the car with her.
I'm like it's starting tofucking stink worse.
Didn't she notice it?
I'm like I'm like here, I'mgonna make you a deal.
I'm like we are going you aregoing to pick up all your shit
(07:25):
and I am going to detail thiscar.
I'm going to shampoo thecarpets, I'm going to fucking
clean all your panels, I'm goingto move the seats up, I'm going
to take your floor mats out,I'm going to wash them, I'm
going to get this thing lookingspotless, but I'm not picking up
your shit to do it.
You're going to clean up yourshit and I'm gonna fucking seems
like a really good day.
(07:46):
I'm gonna spend a whole dayfucking cleaning this thing to
factory new and she goes allright.
So she's like I'll do thattomorrow.
So another week goes by, I getin her car and then I get right,
the fuck out.
I take my kid out of it.
I put it, I put the kid in mycar and I'm like we're taking my
(08:08):
car and she's like what's theproblem?
I'm like I don't understand ifyou're just too close to it,
like you're in it, you're inthis car too much.
She is.
You don't fucking understandwhat this car smells like.
It is the worst fucking thingI've ever smelled in my life and
she's like, she's like.
(08:29):
No, I smell it, she's like.
And I looked all over by ourseats and stuff and I can't find
anything that that that couldpossibly smell like this.
Well, it's there, take thetrash out.
And uh, I said, did you look inthe back of the?
town there's something in thereand she goes yeah, I looked in
the back I didn't see anything.
So the tahoe has a rather largecargo area, so I open it up and
(08:55):
I'm like it's definitely backhere you can do gymnastics like
it is those things.
It is fucking back heresomewhere.
So we start emptying all theshit out.
You know all the fucking likebags of this, you know totes of
this, all the, all the stuffthat's back there, and I'm like
we have to find this and Ifinally get to where the the
(09:19):
back seat meets the cargo area.
There's like a little drop downthere and chicken nugget dude,
I wish I find a fucking bag ofpotatoes like a five pound bag
(09:40):
we're going up north, let'sbring a bag of potatoes.
How do those get lost?
Well, they've been back thereso long.
My wife's like I don't.
She's like I remember hersaying it.
She's like those are russets.
I don't buy russets.
That means your mom or my dadgave them to us and I don't
remember that ever happening.
(10:00):
You know how fucking longpotatoes have to be back to to
really start smelling how longwere the fucking things growing
out of them?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
in the hot, sunned car with the air conditioner
back on the hot sun car with theair conditioner back down.
I mean that can.
I mean that can accelerate thedegradation of organic material.
But yeah, potatoes take quite awhile to stink real bad.
They do get soft and nasty.
(10:33):
I've definitely left them andlike smelted in a kitchen and
had to go through the coverageand you're like, oh, there it is
, that's the tater, it's likegreeny mashed out.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
I never had a potato smell.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Bro, leave one in the sun, like in an inconspicuous
really bot and you'll smell itsoon, guaranteed I mean it's
it's definitely weeks before itgets bad, but I would imagine
this this was over the course oftwo months, and so the bag
(11:08):
obviously fell back there, likein this little like cubby area.
So now I had to get it out andI I go to pick it up, and what
do you use for that?
I picked it up with my hand fromthe little twisted up part in
front and then I I cuppedunderneath it to grab it, and
(11:31):
they were put on dishwashinggloves or something oh and uh,
fucking potatoes were all liquidand and I, I swear to god, I
fucking cleaned that thing fortwo straight days and could not
(11:51):
get the fucking smell what didyou do with the sack of potatoes
?
I chucked them in my life and Imean Really potatoes.
(12:12):
Potatoes is the worst smell theworst even out of shit, out of
fucking shit.
So I got I've got deer before.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
That doesn't smell bad, unless it was brown, smells
very bad.
Does it?
It does?
Oh, because you cut into theirfucking stomach and yeah, and
everything, everything I thoughtyou're supposed to avoid that
and not pierce that there wasoff the meat.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
There was a time when I so one time my garage spelt
smelt really, really fuckingrancid and I was out really
really fucking rancid and I waspositive.
A family of raccoons died in thewall, yeah, and it got to the
(13:02):
point where my dog wouldn't gointo the garage anymore.
It fucking stunk and I'm likethat's it.
I emptied every single thingout of my garage and I'm like I
have to find where this iscoming from.
So I put all the shit outsideand now I'm going to walk around
(13:24):
and try finding, likepinpointing where this is, and
I'm ripping the fucking walldown.
It was that bad.
And when I'm taking everythingout, I picked up a little
tailgating grill and I was likethis is the smell.
So I opened it up and it'sfilled with meat.
(13:48):
So this, this was in like july.
Did you take it home from abrewers game?
so just sit what happened is ismy brother and I took this grill
hunting back in november and hefilled it up full of the meat
because it was cold enough whereit was going to stay
(14:11):
refrigerated and we were goingto cook all our meals on that
grill.
And then it didn't work out.
We ended up going torestaurants and we never used
any of the meat and I forgot itwas in there.
And when we got back fromhunting I threw it in the garage
and then it started, you know,thawing out march, and then
april, it started itsdecomposition and then, and then
(14:35):
May, it started fuckingstinking a little.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Burgers and brats and steaks and eggs, rice Bacon.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
And then come the end of June, it was fucking
unbearably bad.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
There's no way potatoes smell worse than that.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
And these potatoes, I assure you there's something in
them then Smelt worse, worsethan that.
And these potatoes, I assure,you.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
There's something in them, then Smelt.
Worse, what kind of fuckingpotatoes you buy?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I think potatoes would be pretty bad Dude no way.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I gotta know what happened to the flies, though.
Do you oh nothing.
I'm still catching them thisFriday I'll go take the trap
down.
I'm putting out a new trapevery week.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Why Catching 20,000 at a time?
The campground should be doingthis shit and hanging them like
lanterns on every corner.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But you know what, since I started putting them out
, the flies don't come by us forany reason.
They're not by our food anymore, because they just want this
other thing.
They just want whatever thefuck is decomposing in this trap
.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Okay, I mean, that's something so you're basically
attracting every fucking fly inthe whole campground in four
miles.
So you are not doing any goodthing but helping your neighbors
.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Every animal getting hit on the highway within 20
miles is still whole Sitting onthe side because there's no
flies.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
What's that smell?
What's that smell?
I smell something.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
We're actually noticing changes in the
ecosystem.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's disgusting.
That's absolutely disgusting.
What do you do with the bagafter it fills up?
Do I go throw it, burn it?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
No, I go throw it in the campgrounds garbage facility
and let that be a treat foreverybody else more flies in
your old campground bro, I'mtaking you, I'm bringing them
from everywhere.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
You need one of these things.
That's like a kid's swimmingpool with a hot air
balloon-sized bag to fill themup.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
They need to hold 25 billion flies.
It still wouldn't be enough,probably.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Every week I'm catching over 20,000 flies.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's insanity.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
These things are bursting at the seams, Dude that
is insanity.
And they're literally trying topile in into the trap.
Stop, and there's no room forthem to get in.
Just stop, because the last onethat got in was the last one
that could fit in and they allgot to sit on the top of the
(17:07):
trap and wait for the ones atthe bottom to decompose to make
more room for them.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
So when you take the trap down to tie it up to it
away do they?
Swarm around you like a fuckingfocus.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I am the fly king.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
I do whatever I can to not spill that oh my gosh
tony's coming out of hiscampground or out of his fucking
place with the fucking torch orfucking flamethrower?
You should get fuckingflamethrower.
You should get a flamethrower.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Bro, there's no way.
There's no way I would considerdoing anything to that trap.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
No, I'm talking about the ones that fly out and try
to kill you.
Smell, intensify, that's crazyand the smoke from your campfire
doesn't deter them at all.
Not enough.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I cannot remember something that stands out that
pugnantly in my brain.
No, I mean.
No, I mean I have had the.
You know, a mouse or a coon orsomething must have died, and
for like two weeks it smellslike death and then it goes away
.
I've had like basement fridgeshit and basement freezer shit
(18:19):
that you know like it dies andyou didn't know it for four days
and there's shit in there,whatever I've had that happen a
bunch um I cleaned out myparents recyclable bin for this
party this weekend that we'rehaving that that's pretty gross
yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And there was some dog poop in there and it was
fucking hairy Not hairy from thedog's ass, hairy from fucking.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Decomposition.
Yes, yeah, cleaning out.
The trash bin is up there and Icouldn't breathe for six
minutes.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
God, you're such a pussy.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I wanted to die, but yeah, the smell of old dog shit,
my dad's like shut the fuck upit poured in the bag.
The smell of throw up gets mepretty bad.
I can't really do throw up.
That doesn't bother me, shitbothers me Someone.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Human shit, yeah, especially woman shit.
For some reason it smells worsethan man.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I literally can't take the smell of your shit.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It's terrible yeah dude, I, uh, I couldn't figure
out why the the circuit poppedfor my freezer in my garage.
Oh, you lost all your meat.
I did I.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I've lost it three times so that's why it's like
why in the last like six yearsjesus, you need a backup system.
Don't you have a home, wholehome, generator?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
bro, it's.
It's never that.
It's always something stupid.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Well, this time we lost everything oh, the device
itself fails on you yeah, wellit.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
It fucking stunk real bad and we opened up the
freezer and we're like, oh shit,the freezer's off, everything's
fucking mush in here oh my god,I would have died and uh, I'm
like, okay, well, I guess Igotta clean it out.
So I clean it out, I bleach thething, get everything already
back up.
It won't start back up, itwon't turn back on.
(20:15):
I'm like what the fuck is?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
going on with throw it away.
Throw it away with the fuckingrotten meat.
Yeah, I know, jay, buy a newone tape it to the back of jay,
it is done.
I don't care if you just boughtit, it's done.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Thousands of dollars, yes, it's done but uh, I'm
trying to figure out what thefuck is going on with this thing
and I I kind of dismiss it fora day.
I don't really fuck with it.
The next day the fridge is allbleached out, it doesn't matter
did it help with the smell?
Yeah, but then it startedgetting stinkier and it started
(20:52):
really fucking stinking and Idon't have nothing in it.
Yeah, it's been bleached out.
It's I'm like what?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
the fuck is this.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
It's just like.
So I'm like obviouslysomething's fucked up with the
outlet.
We have a side by side, likethey're like sub-zero
refrigerator and freezer next toeach other, so they're like big
commercial units and, uh, thethe refrigerator and the freezer
are plugged into the sameoutlet and I'm like, well, why
(21:21):
is one working and one not?
What the fuck is going on withthis?
So I pull the freezer out tofigure out what happened.
You know like, did the cord getfucked up or what's the deal?
Did it short out?
I pull it out and in the littlecubby there's like access to
get to the motor.
It's like just like a littlecut out in the sheet metal.
(21:44):
In the back there was a fullfucking adult raccoon that had
chewed through the power cord.
Was he dead, electrocutedhimself?
He was dead there.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, oh, wow.
So that one, so not all, so youclean the smell out, but the
raccoon smell was the smell thatcontinued so so I ran to god
damn I ran to ace hardwarebecause, like I'm a fucking man
dude, I'll try I'll touch, I'lltouch anything like things don't
really creep me out so you grabthat raccoon, that raccoon body
(22:18):
with your bare hands fuckingraccoon.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
That thing freaked me out a little bit so I ran to
ace hardware and got a grabberstick one of the old people and
I fucking pulled him out by hisfucking jaw and pulled him out
and I threw him in my neighbor'sbushes also nice I grow good
tomatoes in them, bushes yeah,oh my god, disgusting I just I
(22:44):
just threw that one in the woodsbehind my house do you think
I'm like?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
do you think like it attracted?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
yeah, the coyote came and ate that fucking thing.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Speaking of coons, they were in our campsite we
were camping last weekend overfourth of july.
It was late at night.
It's just sitting around a fire, but far enough away from the
fire, that fucking thing.
Speaking of coons, they were inour campsite.
We were camping last weekendover 4th of July.
It was late at night and it'sjust sitting around a fire, but
far enough away from the fire.
It's not giving you any heat,but just enough kind of light.
So we were like in the shadowareas and this coon comes
walking by and it looks likeit's carrying another, like baby
coon in its mouth and we flasha light on it.
(23:15):
It's coon in its mouth and weflash a light on it.
It's just three of us at thetime, or maybe even just two of
us left flash a light on it andit scurries off, but I'm like it
left its baby there in thepuddle.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yeah, dude, it's baby , it left it yeah, don't you
ever ride in airplanes where ittells you save yourself first.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
It was a mask it wasn't baby, it was a full loaf
of bread.
It was carrying its bone thatit had found somewhere inside of
the campground that it wasscurrying past us with.
But the side of it was likecountry hearth or something and
it looked like two eyes to me inthe reflection of my drunken
(23:53):
eyes.
Yeah, the Coons are wild, man,they'll get into anything.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
You know, we smoked a bunch of chickens and we put
all the bones in the garbage andit was like 5 pm and we left
for a little bit and came backand the raccoons had knocked
over the garbage and took allthe fucking bones.
Yeah, they're nuts, dude, andthis was just fucking dirty Half
(24:20):
of the day.
It wasn't even nighttime yet,what the marrow.
So we took that, we picked upall the shit that they didn't
take and took the garbage up tothe dumpster, put it by the fly
trap I put in there a couplehours earlier and come back to
the campsite and there's afucking 25-pound raccoon.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Just sitting there waiting, just sitting there
waiting, Thinking food's goingto come again because there was
food before Broad daylight andhe's just staring at us.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah yeah the daylight ones are the ones that
have the rabies did you pull outyour uh strap?
No, dude I I fucking.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
The little neighbor girl was on the golf cart, it
was all.
There's like eight of us andwe're all standing there and, uh
, the fucking, just like I thinkshe's like 11 she's standing
there.
She's like what are we gonna doabout this raccoon?
And she picked up her her waterto take a drink and I grabbed
the water out of her hand and Ifucking whipped it at the
(25:21):
raccoon and fucking hit it inthe face.
It ran away yeah yeah, why'dyou just?
run it over with your fucking uhdude, it was over by, like my
well, you don't remember what mycampsite looks like, but it was
over by like my grills andstuff like I can't just drive
over, it couldn't get this uh mygun was all the way in my car
(25:42):
this guy, that would you haveshot it, though, if you had the
gun.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Yeah, this guy we go camping with.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
He normally has in his camping gear a pellet pistol
to shoot them.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Can you shoot like would you get in trouble?
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I would immediately get ejected from the park
indefinitely.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Oh, so then you wouldn't be fucking shooting
that thing, then I wouldcontemplate it.
You wouldn't do it, I don'tthink you would do it.
I would go on the defense ofbeing that places your fucking
second life I would be using thedefense of.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
I was fearing for my life.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
Daytime raccoons means definite rabies.
So you're saying you're goingto give it the it charged me.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's coming right for me.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
He's saving the park, just like he is with the flies.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
I had little children in my car.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I had to defend myself Speaking of flies, why
aren't you putting like five ofthese things on your site?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
when you're not there , oh man 100,000 flies 0.1
million flies.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Chris, every fucking fly would come there.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
He would be the fly king.
Yeah, so I'm thinking there'sno point of putting them up when
you're not there well, I can'ttake them down we're talking
about.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Oh, once you set it up, yeah why would I take it?
Speaker 1 (26:57):
down so you don't have a fucking shit bag full of
them to take away.
No dude, it's become fun I wasjust gonna say you're having fun
with this yeah, friday's, upfor the flies.
I pour myself a bourbon andhandle the fly, you're gonna
have like a, a fly tub where youcut it down into the tub
instead of a bag to carry to thetrash I gotta find out what the
(27:18):
concoction is.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Just make your own draws in miles worth of flies
every week.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
So you got this.
You got the smell of potatoes,the smell of rotten meat and now
you have the smell of fucking aweekend full of flies, or a
whole week, because you don't gothere every week, right?
I mean, you go there weekends,but you don't go there during
the week.
No, so there's a whole week ofrotten flies, just fucking
barricading themselves.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Oh yeah, just boiling in the sun.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yes, my God.
How does that?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
not kill you, Dude.
It's the best.
I love it.
I wouldn't trade it foranything.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah, but I'm going to tell you what.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Between the smell of the flies, you know the rotten
meat, the dead raccoon, thefucking brats and burgers in the
grill for seven months, knowall that shit.
It just it is what it is.
But the the fucking smell ofthe potatoes, it's etched into
my brain.
I can't believe, like I canclose my eyes I can close my
(28:19):
eyes and and almost taste thesmell let me think about this
for a second.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
What is in a potato starch?
I know so, but like what makesit so rotten.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That would smell worse than meat think about
potatoes are so rotten they growthemselves out of themselves.
I I get that.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
That's why I thought like how big were the fucking
stems growing out of it.
But you said it was just liquidit was just mush, but why does
it smell worse than meat?
I don't know.
I don't understand that.
It makes no fucking sense.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Let's think back to the old meat.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
I think it's a combination of the heat, the bag
being in a bag.
It was a sealed bag, but itshould have had holes if they're
all liquid.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
They got holes in them, so kids don't suffer.
So when?
Speaker 3 (29:04):
you picked that fucking liquid shit up.
They dripped out of the holes.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Yeah, so when you picked that fucking liquid shit
up, they dripped out of theholes.
Yeah, oh, my God, the potatoesactually oozed between my
fingers.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Did you do it with bare hands?
Yeah, I didn't think it wasgoing to be an issue like that,
fucking Christ.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
You had to be dripping it in the car.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Yeah, two days of cleaning that car oh gross.
We ended up having to start iton fire.
That's so bad, we drove it intothe lake, next to the fucking,
so the only the only goodnicholas cage movie ever made
face off was a movie called lordof war.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Oh, that was a great movie.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, I like it, I did and if you remember he
smuggled all his weapons and putin shipping containers that the
door half was filled withrotten potatoes because he even
said in there that they smell sobad.
Customs will not dare checkthat fucking container.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
I don't remember that .
Yeah, that's a good movie,though Anyone want to see a good
movie Lord of War or somethingLord of War?
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Isn't that a true story too?
Yes, it was.
Nicolas Cage supplied guns toboth sides in real life.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Nicolas Cage is such a badass.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
I don't like him.
I don't really like him either,either, but that was a good
movie.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
All right, cue the music.
That's another one.
Tell us on the internet about asmell you've smelled.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yeah, reach out to us , send us a text, send me a dm
can you?
Speaker 2 (30:46):
can you smell of the time you found rotten potatoes?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
We are hiring at Top Shelf Stories.
The pay is zero, but we willsay your name on every podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
We need a new tech guy.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
We need somebody to do advertising for us.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
And we'll give you a free t-shirt we got t-shirts A
free stick Every time we do thepodcast, we get dinner.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I'll buy dinner every time, or Tony will buy it one
of the two of us.
It's like we do.
It's just be ordered an extrafive or six wings.
That's all you need.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
That's all you need.
That's all you need, because Idon't eat, never, never, will
Never have.
Thank you and good night.
Top Shelf Stories with J, chris and Tony what's up
(00:30):
everybody yo what's going onthis is another episode of top
shelf stories, and today I wantto talk about.
As some of you who listen mayknow, I spend every weekend at
what some would call a camper,but I just call it my weekend
(00:50):
house, um I've been there.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
It's a house.
I'm jealous I'm jealous.
Speaker 2 (00:56):
It's definitely a house jealous, but uh, we've
been battling flies this yearwhat?
Speaker 1 (01:04):
kind of flies been battling flies this year.
What kind of flies?
Speaker 2 (01:11):
black ones like your typical house fly they surround
food and picnics.
Speaker 1 (01:13):
Often they have been.
Speaker 3 (01:13):
They don't really bite, but they're a bother.
They have fucking beeneverywhere.
Did anyone ever teach you howto flush the toilet properly?
Speaker 1 (01:20):
absolutely yeah that that'd be my first guess.
That's where the flies mightshow up.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Yeah, around poo yeah , so we're, we're got out of
control is, uh, we went fishingand we did, we did really well
and I was filleting fish outsidethere you go we had been
battling these fucking flies allyear, but when I started
filleting these fish, thousandsof them showed up now is this
(01:46):
makes something that you'reexperiencing near and around
your site, your area of sites orcampground.
Campground I mean my otherfront sites.
Speaker 1 (01:58):
We go on.
They're fucking everywhere.
You see these sticky thingshanging from people's windows
now and like the little sweettraps with the soda bottle
upside down and stuff like thatyeah, so.
Speaker 2 (02:08):
So I went to my local menards and I bought these
little plastic bags that say flytrap on them.
Oh man, and you pop the top upand you fill this bag halfway up
with water and there's somelittle pouch that dissolves
inside of it and, uh, itattracts the flies.
(02:29):
They go in, they can't get out,you know.
And it says this thing lastsfor six weeks.
So I put it up on a saturdayafternoon, we leave sunday and
there's hundreds of flies inthere.
Wow, and it says.
It says this bag holds 20 000flies.
(02:52):
Wow, before it needs to bechanged.
And I'm like, holy shit, whocounted that?
It's probably a baby, yeahwho's?
Speaker 1 (02:58):
the it's like the fly counting guy.
Is the uh worm counting guy'scousin or something different?
Factory right next to eachother.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
It says it lasts six weeks, so we get back the
following friday.
So now you know, five days havegone by since it's been up and,
uh, uh, the bag is full, full,full.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
20 000 flies like flies are flying in it to fly
past dead flies it's bulging.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
It's so full of flies once you get one, once you get
one person to the concert, youknow everyone else comes
everyone wants to go and and Igo to take this bag off and go
discard it in the campgroundsgarbage facility and I have to
shoo away hundreds of flies in aline to get into this thing.
Speaker 3 (03:52):
I can't imagine.
I can't imagine the maggotsthat are around fucking smell of
this thing was horrendous.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
It's got to be the riverbed or something I'm sure
it's something I don't know likesome fish, got in the river
during a flood and then all diedin the riverbed and just became
this mush of probably.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
I mean, you're probably not wrong but even just
schmutza from the lake, so Ihung up another one.
I'm like, okay, I got the bulkof them I'm gonna hang up I'm
gonna hang up how many square?
Miles is this campground I'mgonna hang up another one a
bunch of them guys and thisone's gonna last the six weeks
before it gets full.
Right, so the next week.
(04:34):
This thing is so fucking fullit is bulging at the seams, and
is it?
Speaker 1 (04:42):
like a translucent bag.
You can see into all these dead.
You can see them all the deadgray matter towards the bottom
the fucking maggots crawling upthe side oh man, oh my god, it's
fucking disgusting.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Wow, you just keep the flies flying, so we're,
we're sitting around attractingthem in a stomach.
We're sitting around talkingabout how bad this trap smells,
oh, and make it worse, and itmade me think of a story of the
worst smell I've ever smelled inmy life.
(05:17):
What's that?
And it was the only thing I'veever smelled that was worse than
this fly, these fly traps,after only one week of their six
week lifespan, but we're bothintrigued so about eight, eight
(05:38):
or nine years ago my wife wasdriving around this big,
beautiful Chevy Tahoe and it wasa very, very nice car and we
took it everywhere.
It was the family car, it wasthe nice car out of the two, it
was the one that we always took,and my wife doesn't necessarily
(06:03):
pick up her trash like mostpeople would you know.
She has a kid in the back allthe time.
He's leaving shit everywhere.
Speaker 1 (06:15):
It's not just your wife, if my wife does this too.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
Yeah, there's just always shit in there.
There's never shit in my car.
I always clean up after myselfI have water bottles, but she
always, you know, there's alwayslike fucking papers receipts,
fucking water bottles, you know,empty, uh, happy meal fucking
(06:40):
you know just shit sure.
So we're.
We're leaving to go somewhereand her car's starting to
fucking stink.
I tell her I'm like, hey, yougotta clean this shit up.
Something's starting to fuckingsmell.
There's probably some fuckinghalf-eaten cheeseburger under
the kid's car seat or something.
I'm like you just need to gothrough and clean this up.
(07:04):
It was a mcflurry, I bet andfrosty and, uh, she's like, all
right, I'll, I'll, I'll get thatdone.
A couple days later, I go backin the car with her.
I'm like it's starting tofucking stink worse.
Didn't she notice it?
I'm like I'm like here, I'mgonna make you a deal.
I'm like we are going you aregoing to pick up all your shit
(07:25):
and I am going to detail thiscar.
I'm going to shampoo thecarpets, I'm going to fucking
clean all your panels, I'm goingto move the seats up, I'm going
to take your floor mats out,I'm going to wash them, I'm
going to get this thing lookingspotless, but I'm not picking up
your shit to do it.
You're going to clean up yourshit and I'm gonna fucking seems
like a really good day.
(07:46):
I'm gonna spend a whole dayfucking cleaning this thing to
factory new and she goes allright.
So she's like I'll do thattomorrow.
So another week goes by, I getin her car and then I get right,
the fuck out.
I take my kid out of it.
I put it, I put the kid in mycar and I'm like we're taking my
(08:08):
car and she's like what's theproblem?
I'm like I don't understand ifyou're just too close to it,
like you're in it, you're inthis car too much.
She is.
You don't fucking understandwhat this car smells like.
It is the worst fucking thingI've ever smelled in my life and
she's like, she's like.
(08:29):
No, I smell it, she's like.
And I looked all over by ourseats and stuff and I can't find
anything that that that couldpossibly smell like this.
Well, it's there, take thetrash out.
And uh, I said, did you look inthe back of the?
town there's something in thereand she goes yeah, I looked in
the back I didn't see anything.
So the tahoe has a rather largecargo area, so I open it up and
(08:55):
I'm like it's definitely backhere you can do gymnastics like
it is those things.
It is fucking back heresomewhere.
So we start emptying all theshit out.
You know all the fucking likebags of this, you know totes of
this, all the, all the stuffthat's back there, and I'm like
we have to find this and Ifinally get to where the the
(09:19):
back seat meets the cargo area.
There's like a little drop downthere and chicken nugget dude,
I wish I find a fucking bag ofpotatoes like a five pound bag
(09:40):
we're going up north, let'sbring a bag of potatoes.
How do those get lost?
Well, they've been back thereso long.
My wife's like I don't.
She's like I remember hersaying it.
She's like those are russets.
I don't buy russets.
That means your mom or my dadgave them to us and I don't
remember that ever happening.
(10:00):
You know how fucking longpotatoes have to be back to to
really start smelling how longwere the fucking things growing
out of them?
Speaker 1 (10:12):
in the hot, sunned car with the air conditioner
back on the hot sun car with theair conditioner back down.
I mean that can.
I mean that can accelerate thedegradation of organic material.
But yeah, potatoes take quite awhile to stink real bad.
They do get soft and nasty.
(10:33):
I've definitely left them andlike smelted in a kitchen and
had to go through the coverageand you're like, oh, there it is
, that's the tater, it's likegreeny mashed out.
Speaker 3 (10:42):
I never had a potato smell.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Bro, leave one in the sun, like in an inconspicuous
really bot and you'll smell itsoon, guaranteed I mean it's
it's definitely weeks before itgets bad, but I would imagine
this this was over the course oftwo months, and so the bag
(11:08):
obviously fell back there, likein this little like cubby area.
So now I had to get it out andI I go to pick it up, and what
do you use for that?
I picked it up with my hand fromthe little twisted up part in
front and then I I cuppedunderneath it to grab it, and
(11:31):
they were put on dishwashinggloves or something oh and uh,
fucking potatoes were all liquidand and I, I swear to god, I
fucking cleaned that thing fortwo straight days and could not
(11:51):
get the fucking smell what didyou do with the sack of potatoes
?
I chucked them in my life and Imean Really potatoes.
(12:12):
Potatoes is the worst smell theworst even out of shit, out of
fucking shit.
So I got I've got deer before.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
That doesn't smell bad, unless it was brown, smells
very bad.
Does it?
It does?
Oh, because you cut into theirfucking stomach and yeah, and
everything, everything I thoughtyou're supposed to avoid that
and not pierce that there wasoff the meat.
Speaker 2 (12:41):
There was a time when I so one time my garage spelt
smelt really, really fuckingrancid and I was out really
really fucking rancid and I waspositive.
A family of raccoons died in thewall, yeah, and it got to the
(13:02):
point where my dog wouldn't gointo the garage anymore.
It fucking stunk and I'm likethat's it.
I emptied every single thingout of my garage and I'm like I
have to find where this iscoming from.
So I put all the shit outsideand now I'm going to walk around
(13:24):
and try finding, likepinpointing where this is, and
I'm ripping the fucking walldown.
It was that bad.
And when I'm taking everythingout, I picked up a little
tailgating grill and I was likethis is the smell.
So I opened it up and it'sfilled with meat.
(13:48):
So this, this was in like july.
Did you take it home from abrewers game?
so just sit what happened is ismy brother and I took this grill
hunting back in november and hefilled it up full of the meat
because it was cold enough whereit was going to stay
(14:11):
refrigerated and we were goingto cook all our meals on that
grill.
And then it didn't work out.
We ended up going torestaurants and we never used
any of the meat and I forgot itwas in there.
And when we got back fromhunting I threw it in the garage
and then it started, you know,thawing out march, and then
april, it started itsdecomposition and then, and then
(14:35):
May, it started fuckingstinking a little.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
Burgers and brats and steaks and eggs, rice Bacon.
Speaker 2 (14:45):
And then come the end of June, it was fucking
unbearably bad.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
There's no way potatoes smell worse than that.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
And these potatoes, I assure you there's something in
them then Smelt worse, worsethan that.
And these potatoes, I assure,you.
Speaker 3 (14:58):
There's something in them, then Smelt.
Worse, what kind of fuckingpotatoes you buy?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
I think potatoes would be pretty bad Dude no way.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
I gotta know what happened to the flies, though.
Do you oh nothing.
I'm still catching them thisFriday I'll go take the trap
down.
I'm putting out a new trapevery week.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
Why Catching 20,000 at a time?
The campground should be doingthis shit and hanging them like
lanterns on every corner.
Speaker 2 (15:22):
But you know what, since I started putting them out
, the flies don't come by us forany reason.
They're not by our food anymore, because they just want this
other thing.
They just want whatever thefuck is decomposing in this trap
.
Speaker 3 (15:38):
Okay, I mean, that's something so you're basically
attracting every fucking fly inthe whole campground in four
miles.
So you are not doing any goodthing but helping your neighbors
.
Speaker 1 (15:51):
Every animal getting hit on the highway within 20
miles is still whole Sitting onthe side because there's no
flies.
Speaker 3 (15:57):
What's that smell?
What's that smell?
I smell something.
Speaker 2 (16:01):
We're actually noticing changes in the
ecosystem.
Speaker 3 (16:07):
That's disgusting.
That's absolutely disgusting.
What do you do with the bagafter it fills up?
Do I go throw it, burn it?
Speaker 2 (16:13):
No, I go throw it in the campgrounds garbage facility
and let that be a treat foreverybody else more flies in
your old campground bro, I'mtaking you, I'm bringing them
from everywhere.
Speaker 1 (16:28):
You need one of these things.
That's like a kid's swimmingpool with a hot air
balloon-sized bag to fill themup.
Speaker 3 (16:36):
They need to hold 25 billion flies.
It still wouldn't be enough,probably.
Speaker 2 (16:42):
Every week I'm catching over 20,000 flies.
Speaker 1 (16:45):
That's insanity.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
These things are bursting at the seams, Dude that
is insanity.
And they're literally trying topile in into the trap.
Stop, and there's no room forthem to get in.
Just stop, because the last onethat got in was the last one
that could fit in and they allgot to sit on the top of the
(17:07):
trap and wait for the ones atthe bottom to decompose to make
more room for them.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
So when you take the trap down to tie it up to it
away do they?
Swarm around you like a fuckingfocus.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
I am the fly king.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
I do whatever I can to not spill that oh my gosh
tony's coming out of hiscampground or out of his fucking
place with the fucking torch orfucking flamethrower?
You should get fuckingflamethrower.
You should get a flamethrower.
Speaker 2 (17:36):
Bro, there's no way.
There's no way I would considerdoing anything to that trap.
Speaker 3 (17:42):
No, I'm talking about the ones that fly out and try
to kill you.
Smell, intensify, that's crazyand the smoke from your campfire
doesn't deter them at all.
Not enough.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
I cannot remember something that stands out that
pugnantly in my brain.
No, I mean.
No, I mean I have had the.
You know, a mouse or a coon orsomething must have died, and
for like two weeks it smellslike death and then it goes away
.
I've had like basement fridgeshit and basement freezer shit
(18:19):
that you know like it dies andyou didn't know it for four days
and there's shit in there,whatever I've had that happen a
bunch um I cleaned out myparents recyclable bin for this
party this weekend that we'rehaving that that's pretty gross
yeah.
Speaker 3 (18:35):
And there was some dog poop in there and it was
fucking hairy Not hairy from thedog's ass, hairy from fucking.
Speaker 1 (18:44):
Decomposition.
Yes, yeah, cleaning out.
The trash bin is up there and Icouldn't breathe for six
minutes.
Speaker 3 (18:49):
God, you're such a pussy.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
I wanted to die, but yeah, the smell of old dog shit,
my dad's like shut the fuck upit poured in the bag.
The smell of throw up gets mepretty bad.
I can't really do throw up.
That doesn't bother me, shitbothers me Someone.
Speaker 3 (19:05):
Human shit, yeah, especially woman shit.
For some reason it smells worsethan man.
Speaker 1 (19:12):
I literally can't take the smell of your shit.
Speaker 2 (19:15):
It's terrible yeah dude, I, uh, I couldn't figure
out why the the circuit poppedfor my freezer in my garage.
Oh, you lost all your meat.
I did I.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
I've lost it three times so that's why it's like
why in the last like six yearsjesus, you need a backup system.
Don't you have a home, wholehome, generator?
Speaker 2 (19:45):
bro, it's.
It's never that.
It's always something stupid.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
Well, this time we lost everything oh, the device
itself fails on you yeah, wellit.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
It fucking stunk real bad and we opened up the
freezer and we're like, oh shit,the freezer's off, everything's
fucking mush in here oh my god,I would have died and uh, I'm
like, okay, well, I guess Igotta clean it out.
So I clean it out, I bleach thething, get everything already
back up.
It won't start back up, itwon't turn back on.
(20:15):
I'm like what the fuck is?
Speaker 3 (20:16):
going on with throw it away.
Throw it away with the fuckingrotten meat.
Yeah, I know, jay, buy a newone tape it to the back of jay,
it is done.
I don't care if you just boughtit, it's done.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
Thousands of dollars, yes, it's done but uh, I'm
trying to figure out what thefuck is going on with this thing
and I I kind of dismiss it fora day.
I don't really fuck with it.
The next day the fridge is allbleached out, it doesn't matter
did it help with the smell?
Yeah, but then it startedgetting stinkier and it started
(20:52):
really fucking stinking and Idon't have nothing in it.
Yeah, it's been bleached out.
It's I'm like what?
Speaker 1 (20:58):
the fuck is this.
Speaker 2 (20:59):
It's just like.
So I'm like obviouslysomething's fucked up with the
outlet.
We have a side by side, likethey're like sub-zero
refrigerator and freezer next toeach other, so they're like big
commercial units and, uh, thethe refrigerator and the freezer
are plugged into the sameoutlet and I'm like, well, why
(21:21):
is one working and one not?
What the fuck is going on withthis?
So I pull the freezer out tofigure out what happened.
You know like, did the cord getfucked up or what's the deal?
Did it short out?
I pull it out and in the littlecubby there's like access to
get to the motor.
It's like just like a littlecut out in the sheet metal.
(21:44):
In the back there was a fullfucking adult raccoon that had
chewed through the power cord.
Was he dead, electrocutedhimself?
He was dead there.
Speaker 3 (21:56):
Yeah, oh, wow.
So that one, so not all, so youclean the smell out, but the
raccoon smell was the smell thatcontinued so so I ran to god
damn I ran to ace hardwarebecause, like I'm a fucking man
dude, I'll try I'll touch, I'lltouch anything like things don't
really creep me out so you grabthat raccoon, that raccoon body
(22:18):
with your bare hands fuckingraccoon.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
That thing freaked me out a little bit so I ran to
ace hardware and got a grabberstick one of the old people and
I fucking pulled him out by hisfucking jaw and pulled him out
and I threw him in my neighbor'sbushes also nice I grow good
tomatoes in them, bushes yeah,oh my god, disgusting I just I
(22:44):
just threw that one in the woodsbehind my house do you think
I'm like?
Speaker 3 (22:48):
do you think like it attracted?
Speaker 2 (22:49):
yeah, the coyote came and ate that fucking thing.
Speaker 1 (22:51):
Speaking of coons, they were in our campsite we
were camping last weekend overfourth of july.
It was late at night.
It's just sitting around a fire, but far enough away from the
fire, that fucking thing.
Speaking of coons, they were inour campsite.
We were camping last weekendover 4th of July.
It was late at night and it'sjust sitting around a fire, but
far enough away from the fire.
It's not giving you any heat,but just enough kind of light.
So we were like in the shadowareas and this coon comes
walking by and it looks likeit's carrying another, like baby
coon in its mouth and we flasha light on it.
(23:15):
It's coon in its mouth and weflash a light on it.
It's just three of us at thetime, or maybe even just two of
us left flash a light on it andit scurries off, but I'm like it
left its baby there in thepuddle.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
Yeah, dude, it's baby , it left it yeah, don't you
ever ride in airplanes where ittells you save yourself first.
Speaker 1 (23:32):
It was a mask it wasn't baby, it was a full loaf
of bread.
It was carrying its bone thatit had found somewhere inside of
the campground that it wasscurrying past us with.
But the side of it was likecountry hearth or something and
it looked like two eyes to me inthe reflection of my drunken
(23:53):
eyes.
Yeah, the Coons are wild, man,they'll get into anything.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
You know, we smoked a bunch of chickens and we put
all the bones in the garbage andit was like 5 pm and we left
for a little bit and came backand the raccoons had knocked
over the garbage and took allthe fucking bones.
Yeah, they're nuts, dude, andthis was just fucking dirty Half
(24:20):
of the day.
It wasn't even nighttime yet,what the marrow.
So we took that, we picked upall the shit that they didn't
take and took the garbage up tothe dumpster, put it by the fly
trap I put in there a couplehours earlier and come back to
the campsite and there's afucking 25-pound raccoon.
Speaker 1 (24:43):
Just sitting there waiting, just sitting there
waiting, Thinking food's goingto come again because there was
food before Broad daylight andhe's just staring at us.
Speaker 3 (24:50):
Yeah yeah the daylight ones are the ones that
have the rabies did you pull outyour uh strap?
No, dude I I fucking.
Speaker 2 (24:58):
The little neighbor girl was on the golf cart, it
was all.
There's like eight of us andwe're all standing there and, uh
, the fucking, just like I thinkshe's like 11 she's standing
there.
She's like what are we gonna doabout this raccoon?
And she picked up her her waterto take a drink and I grabbed
the water out of her hand and Ifucking whipped it at the
(25:21):
raccoon and fucking hit it inthe face.
It ran away yeah yeah, why'dyou just?
run it over with your fucking uhdude, it was over by, like my
well, you don't remember what mycampsite looks like, but it was
over by like my grills andstuff like I can't just drive
over, it couldn't get this uh mygun was all the way in my car
(25:42):
this guy, that would you haveshot it, though, if you had the
gun.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
Yeah, this guy we go camping with.
Speaker 1 (25:47):
He normally has in his camping gear a pellet pistol
to shoot them.
Speaker 3 (25:52):
Can you shoot like would you get in trouble?
Yes, yes.
Speaker 2 (25:55):
I would immediately get ejected from the park
indefinitely.
Speaker 3 (25:57):
Oh, so then you wouldn't be fucking shooting
that thing, then I wouldcontemplate it.
You wouldn't do it, I don'tthink you would do it.
I would go on the defense ofbeing that places your fucking
second life I would be using thedefense of.
Speaker 2 (26:11):
I was fearing for my life.
Speaker 3 (26:13):
Daytime raccoons means definite rabies.
So you're saying you're goingto give it the it charged me.
Speaker 2 (26:22):
It's coming right for me.
Speaker 1 (26:23):
He's saving the park, just like he is with the flies.
Speaker 3 (26:27):
I had little children in my car.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
I had to defend myself Speaking of flies, why
aren't you putting like five ofthese things on your site?
Speaker 2 (26:35):
when you're not there , oh man 100,000 flies 0.1
million flies.
Speaker 3 (26:42):
Chris, every fucking fly would come there.
Speaker 1 (26:45):
He would be the fly king.
Yeah, so I'm thinking there'sno point of putting them up when
you're not there well, I can'ttake them down we're talking
about.
Speaker 3 (26:55):
Oh, once you set it up, yeah why would I take it?
Speaker 1 (26:57):
down so you don't have a fucking shit bag full of
them to take away.
No dude, it's become fun I wasjust gonna say you're having fun
with this yeah, friday's, upfor the flies.
I pour myself a bourbon andhandle the fly, you're gonna
have like a, a fly tub where youcut it down into the tub
instead of a bag to carry to thetrash I gotta find out what the
(27:18):
concoction is.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Just make your own draws in miles worth of flies
every week.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
So you got this.
You got the smell of potatoes,the smell of rotten meat and now
you have the smell of fucking aweekend full of flies, or a
whole week, because you don't gothere every week, right?
I mean, you go there weekends,but you don't go there during
the week.
No, so there's a whole week ofrotten flies, just fucking
barricading themselves.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Oh yeah, just boiling in the sun.
Speaker 3 (27:45):
Yes, my God.
How does that?
Speaker 2 (27:50):
not kill you, Dude.
It's the best.
I love it.
I wouldn't trade it foranything.
Speaker 1 (27:56):
Yeah, but I'm going to tell you what.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
Between the smell of the flies, you know the rotten
meat, the dead raccoon, thefucking brats and burgers in the
grill for seven months, knowall that shit.
It just it is what it is.
But the the fucking smell ofthe potatoes, it's etched into
my brain.
I can't believe, like I canclose my eyes I can close my
(28:19):
eyes and and almost taste thesmell let me think about this
for a second.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
What is in a potato starch?
I know so, but like what makesit so rotten.
Speaker 1 (28:33):
That would smell worse than meat think about
potatoes are so rotten they growthemselves out of themselves.
I I get that.
Speaker 3 (28:40):
That's why I thought like how big were the fucking
stems growing out of it.
But you said it was just liquidit was just mush, but why does
it smell worse than meat?
I don't know.
I don't understand that.
It makes no fucking sense.
Speaker 2 (28:53):
Let's think back to the old meat.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
I think it's a combination of the heat, the bag
being in a bag.
It was a sealed bag, but itshould have had holes if they're
all liquid.
Speaker 2 (29:02):
They got holes in them, so kids don't suffer.
So when?
Speaker 3 (29:04):
you picked that fucking liquid shit up.
They dripped out of the holes.
Speaker 2 (29:10):
Yeah, so when you picked that fucking liquid shit
up, they dripped out of theholes.
Yeah, oh, my God, the potatoesactually oozed between my
fingers.
Speaker 3 (29:14):
Oh, my God.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
Did you do it with bare hands?
Yeah, I didn't think it wasgoing to be an issue like that,
fucking Christ.
Speaker 3 (29:23):
You had to be dripping it in the car.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Yeah, two days of cleaning that car oh gross.
We ended up having to start iton fire.
That's so bad, we drove it intothe lake, next to the fucking,
so the only the only goodnicholas cage movie ever made
face off was a movie called lordof war.
Speaker 3 (29:45):
Oh, that was a great movie.
Speaker 2 (29:47):
Yeah, I like it, I did and if you remember he
smuggled all his weapons and putin shipping containers that the
door half was filled withrotten potatoes because he even
said in there that they smell sobad.
Customs will not dare checkthat fucking container.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
I don't remember that .
Yeah, that's a good movie,though Anyone want to see a good
movie Lord of War or somethingLord of War?
Speaker 2 (30:19):
Isn't that a true story too?
Yes, it was.
Nicolas Cage supplied guns toboth sides in real life.
Speaker 1 (30:26):
Nicolas Cage is such a badass.
Speaker 3 (30:28):
I don't like him.
I don't really like him either,either, but that was a good
movie.
Speaker 2 (30:34):
All right, cue the music.
That's another one.
Tell us on the internet about asmell you've smelled.
Speaker 1 (30:40):
Yeah, reach out to us , send us a text, send me a dm
can you?
Speaker 2 (30:46):
can you smell of the time you found rotten potatoes?
Speaker 1 (30:50):
We are hiring at Top Shelf Stories.
The pay is zero, but we willsay your name on every podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:56):
We need a new tech guy.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
We need somebody to do advertising for us.
Speaker 3 (31:01):
And we'll give you a free t-shirt we got t-shirts A
free stick Every time we do thepodcast, we get dinner.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
I'll buy dinner every time, or Tony will buy it one
of the two of us.
It's like we do.
It's just be ordered an extrafive or six wings.
That's all you need.
Speaker 3 (31:21):
That's all you need.
That's all you need, because Idon't eat, never, never, will
Never have.
Thank you and good night.
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