All Episodes

October 26, 2020 63 min
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! (https://www.patreon.com/topiclords) Lords: * Danny is @dannyBstyle on Twitter and plugs vaping. * Alex is @adlleong on Twitter and plugs the Ian Knot shoelace tying method. https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ianknot.htm Topics: * Invisible walls in games * BluBlockers * Bees take their lives into their hands every time they get thirsty * Nick Asks "♪ God only knows what I’d pee without poo ♪" * My wife is afraid of dogs that wear people clothes * Every response to "thank you" is rude * The multivarious ways being a child genius can screw you Microtopics: * The good content. * Some kind of invisible wall. * What we already know about Blaseball. * A fantastic way to keep the player inbounds. * Manically trying to explore this island while on the run from the military. * Cops being the yetis of life. * Blizzard blowing up your best party spot by shipping the final Ironforge Airfield. * Whether Microsoft will ruin Bethesda games by making them fix all those fun bugs before launching. * Fixing all the bugs in your game by applying The Cloud to it. * Playing the Turok remaster and they ruined it by removing all the fog. * Going to Canadian Tire because you live in Canada now. * The most technologically advanced sunglasses you can buy. * A Geordi Laforge type of deal. * Dipping your whole head in the black film you use to watch solar eclipses so you can get a good night's sleep. * How to get back from Canada. * Canada being so polite they even let the smoke in. * Still not being able to do a Canadian accent after two years. * Moving to Vancouver expecting a frozen wasteland. * Thrill-seeking bees refusing to wear their masks. * Being stung by one of those wasps that look like bees and being scared of bees for decades. * Whether insects have the capacity for complex emotions such as vengeance. * Why Danny isn't doing better if unbridled anger is such an evolutionary advantage. * Replacing creative workers with AI that you can pay in exposure. * Whether "brown area" is a less racist term than "gray area." * Seeing the most enormous dog butthole and screaming inside your heart. * Trimming back the hair around your dog's butthole to make it look bigger. * A poster with a dog butthole in it saying "Have you seen this butthole? Now you have." * Doing AI upscaling on the picture of the dog butthole that looks like Jesus so we can see the true face of God. * Assholes being okay until the poop comes out. * A human proportioned body with a dog head. * A therapy session by proxy. * Why dog clothes only cover the butt in Canada. * Dogs wearing ties on PBS. * Saying "my uncanny valley is just really wide" to your partner every night before bed instead of "I love you." * Moving to Canada expecting everyone to be polite but they're just rude with an "eh" after it. * A full-throated "hey." * The most terrifying thing about being in Canada. * Whether anyone has checked on the Canadian bacon. * Writing to Tim Horton and demanding that in Canada Canadian bacon just be called "here bacon." * A new credit card payment device where you need to punch in your zip code with your nose. * Enacting publicly-funded health care so that everyone can afford to grow a moustache and use StachePay. * Leveraging your raw intelligence to do your school assignments, rather than learning the material, and eventually hitting a brick wall because you've never actually learned anything. * Getting along better with your teachers than with other kids, because you want to talk about what Gorbachev is up to. * Getting through school and several jobs without ever learning how to work. * Thriving when given instructions to follow. * The shame of discovering that just because the school system worked for you, that doesn't mean it'll work for everyone. * Walking around wearing a t-shirt saying "ask me about the pledge of allegiance" and leaving a trail of horrified Canadians in your wake. * Taking your four year old to protests because now they have tear gas made out of Pedialyte. * Being $300 deep into the Dark Souls series but still not liking any of them. * Replaying old video games because playing new ones is too stressful. * Revisiting old media you've liked not because of the story but because it puts you in a place or mood. * Deciding to play a game because of its aesthetics and then having to find out what the game is like moment to moment and whether you want to do that with your life. * How Animal Crossing New Horizons probably saved the human species. * Only having so many button presses before your joints start to hurt. * Whether in Japan, every time you enter or leave a room, you have to politely listen to someone recite a prepared speech at you for 30 seconds, like in Animal Crossing.
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