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November 30, 2020 73 min
Support Topic Lords on Patreon and get episodes a week early! ( Lords: * Elena is on the Topic Lords discord * Tyriq is FourbitFriday everywhere * Topics: * What's the youngest age at which you can become the kind of old person you want to be * Reborrowings: * *" * I made pork katsu for dinner and Winston pronounced it "pork costume" and I'm pretty sure that's it, that's peak dad experience and it's all downhill from here * Stephen asks "Textual dialects. Range of timbre and tools available in punctuation, capitalization, emphasis and emojis. Apparently periods come off as assertive/rude to younger folks." * The tone deafness test * Microtopics: * Whether complice is the opposite of accomplice. * Intending to clean the fridge. * A short but sweet plug that you manage to drag out of your guest. * Thinking an early access game is dead when the developer is right there in your kitchen streaming making breakfast. * Feeling too young to just go around handing out Werther's Originals. * Whether at some age all your teeth fall out or whether they just decided once, in the 1950s maybe, that it's time to pull everyone's teeth. * Whether the lady with twenty cats accrued the cats over the course of your life or just adopted twenty cats at once. * Learning to regrow your teeth so you can change your teeth style every few months, like you can your hair. * Transhuman augmentation of the teeth. * Being sure that a pop culture concept doesn't exist in Japan because you didn't see it in that one Yakuza game you played. * Sharpening your teeth to look like a cat. * The world record for most permanent transformations to look like an animal. * Whether dead people can still be the fastest person in the world. * The world record for most permanent transformations to look like something other than an animal. * How Stalking Cat decided to become a cat. * Wanting to be more like a tiger and having your ears transplanted to the top of your head. * Getting a job as a programmer to fund your body modification plans so you can be the old person you dream about being. * Running plastic tubes from the fake ears on top of your head down to the place your ears used to be. * The major themes of Stalking Cat's LiveJournal. * Seeing someone's LiveJournal post saying just "I start shooting today" and wondering if you should be worried. * Getting back to being old. * Cultivating the witchy vibe when you're not really a witch. * Not having any enormous flowing skirts any more because you moved across the country and they all caught the wind and flew out of the back of the car. * Making a skirt out of chainmail and refusing to twirl it because a four year old lives in your house. * Asking the manufacturer of your favorite towel whether they make bathrobes and they send back a one word email saying "no." * Wanting to look like a dapper old man but hating fashion norms. * Appropriating the parts of fashion that you like while subverting the idea that you're participating in the fashion hierarchy. * Wanting to eventually look like a dapper old man and starting by buying one dapper sock. * Codpieces. * Wearing full plate armor to church or to court. * Stalking Cat's profile page on * The Romans enslaving so many Slavs that Slav becomes their word for it. * All the different times that nature has evolved a tree. * Palm trees not really being trees and just being weird grass. * A plant deciding to get tall where the sun is and reinventing wood. * Languages borrowing words from other languages and then giving them back after completely changing the meaning. * Whether Italy has any Pizza Huts. * Trying to cover a song by a singer with a weird accent and discovering that you need that weird accent for the song to work and deciding if you're willing to adopt the weird accent for your cover. * English poetry that is too old. * A two year old pronouncing pork katsu as "pork costume." * Dressing your two year old in pork for Halloween like the tiny ham he is. * Really giving somebody the pork costume. * Realizing your best work is behind you when you haven't done anything notable. * An entirely sideways mouth that has fallen off your face. * Chekov's Book. * A throne but you can poop in it. * Hiding a piece of matzo somewhere in your house on Passover and eventually your house fills up with matzo. * Yelling at your coworker for only using the "slight smile" emoji because they weren't happy enough. * Image searching for the Unicode character "slight smile" and seeing a field of smiley faces that are just the classic yellow smiley, but then there's one that's this smirking douchebag. * How autocorrect ought to be able to code switch based on who you're talking to and what you're talking about. * Walking around the house and discovering that you can't use the word "okay" in the kitchen. * Putting the sparkles on top of the brain. * Trying to talk about bringing your head below something and autocorrect is like "did you mean: fucking" * Youtube's automatic captioning now censoring swear words. * Censoring swear words by replacing the word "shit" with a picture of shit. * Whether the eggplant emoji would ejaculate from the stem end or the bulb end. * Squeezing mayonnaise out of the stem end of an eggplant emoji squeeze bottle. * The tone deaf and the tone hearing. * Being surprised to meet people who can't sing at all, even though you just met someone like that a couple days ago. * Hearing a pitch and having no idea whether it's higher or lower than what you're singing. * Not letting anyone into your painting club who can't distinguish red and green. * Greyie Pie. * Applying a deuteranopic filter to a My Little Pony episode and instantly being incredibly depressed. * Not knowing the right answer but the person in your head heckling you does.
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