May 8, 2025 • 52 mins
Discover the real side of modern motherhood in this raw, unfiltered episode featuring Hannah—a 36-year-old military mom balancing five children across an extraordinary age span. From newborn care to teen driving lessons, she shares her signature “straddling” parenting style that resonates with every multitasking parent.
- Military Family Moves & Co-Parenting: After relocating from South Carolina to Mississippi for her husband’s career, Hannah opens up about split custody challenges and maintaining strong bonds despite months apart.
- Birth Stories & Childbirth Experiences: Journey through five unique deliveries—from a teenage first birth with delayed attachment to a fifth unmedicated labor requiring a manual placenta removal—and learn how each shaped her understanding of maternal resilience.
- Mental Health in Motherhood: Gain insight into managing bipolar disorder, anxiety, and postpartum depression while leading your family. Hannah’s honesty on patience struggles and past crises offers hope for parents seeking authentic mental health conversations.
- Raising Resilient Kids: Explore her philosophy of teaching kindness, setting boundaries, and knowing which battles to pick. Whether you’re in a blended family or facing military deployments, Hannah’s story reminds us to practice grace amid the beautiful chaos.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theelders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
My doctor was not real happy that I got pregnant
again as quick as I did.
But I said you know what?
We thought it was going to beat least six months and then it
was a month.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
When mommy was a little girl and mommy left her
dad, and when daddy was a boy,he got bullied really bad.
When mommy met daddy, they feltsomething neither had.
Then mommy became a mommy anddad became a dad.
Now you're screaming at yourbrother in his Lego underfoot.
We're trying to do the best wecan, but it's not very good.
Daddy's really sorry.
He didn't mean to shout.
We all get a little touchdown.
We all get a little.
(00:50):
We all get a little.
We all get a little touchdown.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Okay, today we have Hannah.
Hannah has five kids, two fromher first marriage and three
from her current marriage.
Sorry, I didn't get yourlocation.
Whereabouts are you from,Hannah?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Well, I'm actually from South Carolina in the US,
but in the last month my familyhas moved to Mississippi.
Awesome, Because my husband isactive duty army.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Okay, cool, so you will be my third guest with
active duty husband my thirdguest with uh active duty
husband.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Well, this is this is .
He was previously a schoolteacher.
Um, and I don't know how muchyou know about the education
system in the us, but teachersdon't get paid very much yeah,
it's essentially active duty inamerica anyway, isn't it?
yes, it is so.
He has switched jobs.
So this is the first time we'vemoved and it's an adjustment,
because I split custody of myoldest two with my ex-husband
(01:52):
and they actually are going tobe living with him for the
school year, which means I'mgoing to be going months without
seeing them, so that's hard.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
We will definitely get into the hardships that
that's going to present.
First of all, thank you forcoming on the podcast today.
I really appreciate your timeand yeah, so why don't we start
off with telling the audience alittle bit about yourself and a
little bit about your family?
All right?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
So I am 36.
I think you and I are the sameage?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
We certainly are, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Um, I have.
I'm married to my husband, matt.
He is, like I said, active dutyarmy.
I have a 16 year old daughterand a 14 year old son from my
first marriage, and then we havea four year old daughter, a two
year old daughter and a ninemonth old daughter.
So it was funny.
(02:44):
I just finished listening toyour episode with your wife
earlier and I'm like, okay, wemet the same year, we met the
same way.
We have kids that are roughlythe same age, as we got married
within six months of each other.
So it was just interesting tohear all the similarities.
One of the big things to knowabout me is I am diagnosed
bipolar.
I also have generalized anxietydisorder and a major depressive
(03:07):
disorder, so medicated and intherapy for all of them.
Um, I'm a stay at home mom.
I was a working mom with myolder two when they were younger
, so I've done both.
They're both hard, um, both veryhard, Um, it's just different
hard, um, and just kind ofnavigating, um what the term
(03:31):
that I've heard is straddleparenting, when you have a set
of kids and then you have a bigage gap and then you have
another set of kids, um, so,like I have, my oldest is
getting ready to start driving,um, and my youngest is still
getting a bottle when she goesto bed.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, massive, massive age gap.
Was the three from your currentmarriage planned all three, or
were they oopsies?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
The oldest was.
The oldest was we had beentrying for six months, weren't
married, but we had been tryingfor six months when we got
pregnant with her.
Actually, we got married when Iwas 19 weeks pregnant with her.
Our second one we assumed itwas going to take about the same
amount of time to get pregnantHappened the first month, so she
(04:25):
came a lot closer to her oldersister than we thought she was
going to.
And the last one was a completesurprise because I was on birth
control.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
oh, no miracle baby yes, she was.
She was very determined to be athing yeah and uh planning on
any more or well and truly doneuh, no, I think I think we're
pretty much done.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
um, there was, and probably still is, a little part
of me that's like I would loveto have a little boy with my
current husband, because we onlyhave one son and we have four
daughters, um, but obviouslythere's no guarantee that we
wouldn't get another little girl, um, and with each subsequent
recovery for me has gotten moredifficult, definitely the last
(05:08):
one being over 35 and having her.
It was taxing and I still cantell that I'm not anywhere near
back to, I guess, what I wouldcall normal for me.
So, yeah, I think we're done,which is why we had my husband
go get a vasectomy.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Oh, he got the snip.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
He did.
He went when I was, when I waspregnant with the last one, just
to make sure.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah, I've, uh, I've gotten the the nod from my wife
to go get the snip.
Um, and now the ball's in mycourt and I've made like five
different doctor's appointmentsand each time I just don't go.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Well, it was funny, like he went to the consultation
and then we're like I'm onbirth control, like there's not
anything that we really need toworry about, but then I got
pregnant again.
So then we're like, okay, um,apparently we need to get him
taken care of, cause that wasour second failed birth control.
The reason our two-year-old wasborn is I had an IUD that
(06:10):
basically decided it wanted out,and then we just never went
back on birth control anddecided to try to have another
one then.
But he went about a year and afew months after the
consultation for the actualprocedure and they gave him
Valium for beforehand at myrequest, um, so he was loopy and
(06:32):
just hilarious on the way inthere, um, but it definitely
needed to happen, becauseapparently my body doesn't like
medically being told what to do.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, and I think, after all of the sacrifices and
all of the all of the changesand pain that you put your body
through, as mums out there, theleast we can do is get our balls
cut open a little bit, gothrough a little bit of the pain
that you guys have to deal with.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I agree.
We have family members thatdon't feel that way and I am
just mind boggled at it that the, I guess the old school
thinking that it somehow makeshim less of a man.
I'm like why does being able tohave more children determine
your manliness?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Yeah, yeah, it's a.
It's still very much a man'sworld, isn't it, when it comes
to a lot of those types ofideologies and ways of thinking.
Uh, quite silly really,considering that it's completely
reversible surgery exactly andI mean to put it completely and
utterly bluntly what's lessmanly about not having to pull
(07:38):
out and not getting pregnant?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
exactly, it makes things just easier.
We'll go with easier.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I think, I think men have a really cartoonish way of
thinking about vasectomies.
It's like the whole sayingshooting dust, I think.
I think that they literallythink that's what happens.
It's like that there'll benothing that comes out, and I
think that scares them a littlebit, because that is a test of
manliness, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
It just and a lot of people don't know like that
pretty much everything staysbasically the same afterwards.
But a lot of people aren'taware.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, the fluid remains, but the living things
inside the fluid do not, exactlyOkay, anyways, that's a
different topic for a differentpodcast.
I think Awesome.
So why don't you run me through?
You said that the lastpregnancy was particularly hard
on your body.
Why don't you run me throughthe births of your five kids?
(08:37):
All right, particularly thehardships.
Obviously, everyone likes tohear the dirt.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yes, so, like I said earlier, I just finished
listening to you and your wifetalking about the birth of your
three children and I realizedhow different every birth is.
And you would think, afterhaving five kids I would know
that.
So my oldest, I was 19.
For the majority of mypregnancy with her.
(09:04):
I had her nine days after my20th birthday.
So I like to say I was astatistic.
Up until the very end.
I was a teen pregnancy.
Um, she was an induction.
Um, everything went fine untilit was time for me to push, and
I pushed for over two hours andI give birth to very big headed
children.
(09:24):
And she I just couldn't pushher underneath my pubic bone and
out, so she was a vacuumextraction which, in case
anybody listening doesn't know,they basically take a little
suction cup and attach it to thetop of the baby's head and
while you're pushing, the doctorpulls on the cord that's
attached to it, which soundsyou're pushing, the doctor poles
(09:46):
on the cord that's attached toit, which sounds absolutely
barbaric.
Um, but it worked fine.
They have.
They said we have three shotsat this and if that doesn't work
you're gonna have to go for ac-section.
Um, and they got her out on thefirst try.
She was my biggest baby.
She was um eight pounds eightounces, which is not a huge baby
, but for your first is prettydecent size, and she had a giant
head.
So so that was.
That was not the easiest thing.
(10:07):
And I remember everybody talksabout the magical moment when
they put your baby on your chestand you just instantly fall in
love.
And I remember sitting therethinking something was wrong
with me because they put her onmy chest, and I remember looking
at her and feeling absolutelynothing.
I remember thinking I'm tired,this hurts, and that was pretty
(10:29):
much it, and I thought there wassomething wrong with me.
And then the first night wecouldn't get her to feed and the
lactation consultant had tocome in.
It was just a disaster andobviously those feelings changed
.
I love my daughter to death,but it was just.
It was scary because I thoughtthat I had done something wrong
or that there was somethingwrong with me.
Um, I was never diagnosed withit but looking back, I had
(10:52):
pretty severe postpartumdepression with her Um.
Thankfully it didn't go intopsychosis, which we have a
family history of Um, but itjust it wasn't the magical
moment that I had been expectingthat I had wanted for so long.
I have, um, siblings that are alot younger than me, so my
youngest sibling is only fiveyears older than her.
So I helped raise them whenthey were little.
(11:13):
So I kind of knew the beginningstages of being a mom and I
knew what I thought, I expectedand it just wasn't what happened
.
Um, and then with my son, um, wehad moved cross country and
we're in a completely differentstate and I had a OBGYN that had
been a midwife in New Zealandfor well over a decade and had a
(11:34):
very different mentality.
We still ended up doing aninduction because I was verging
on preeclampsia, went in fourhours from start of meds to when
I delivered him.
He comes out, everything's fine.
The family had been there allmorning.
They were hungry, so they wentto the cafeteria to get
something to eat and my doctorcan't get my placenta out.
(11:57):
Where's the bottle?
It is?
It's probably next to the chairdownstairs.
Which chair?
There's one in the dishwasher,okay.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Okay, Hi husband.
I love that very sweet littlewhisper like where's the bottle.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
He's great.
They couldn't get my placentato come out.
And for those that don't know,the placenta has to come out for
your uterus to clamp down likeit's supposed to so that you can
stop bleeding.
So I'm bleeding everywhere.
All of a sudden I go, I'm goingto throw up and then I'm going
to pass out.
And it's just me the nurse andthe doctor and I almost passed
(12:37):
out.
They kept me awake, finally,got the placenta out and I'm
resting.
And then a few hours later,after you have an epidural I had
epidurals with four of my fivekids they want you to get up and
go to the bathroom and makesure you can walk, that kind of
thing.
And I remember turning aroundand nobody had thought to clean
the blood up off the floor.
So I turn around and there'sjust this huge huddle underneath
(13:05):
the bed and I remember thenurse grabbing me because I just
looked at it and startedgetting really woozy.
And then it turns out the nextday I ended up having a blood
transfusion and after thateverything was fine.
The only thing he wascircumcised and they don't
really explain to you what it'sgoing to look like after they do
it.
So I got home after they didhis circumcision and went to
(13:27):
open his diaper and I'm like, ohmy gosh, that was not what I
was expecting it to look likeand it was fairly brutal,
looking A bit confronting.
Yes, but he's perfect.
They're both giant children.
He was normal size, I think hewas seven pounds ten ounces, and
(13:49):
then there was a decade betweenthat baby and the next one cool
.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So just before we get into the, the next decade, I've
got a few questions.
Circumcision was that, uh,religious choice or personal
choice, or do you mind goinginto?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
the decision.
Personal choice.
Yeah, Um kind of went with whata lot of people do, which is
went with what dad was at thetime.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Um, and Did you get any pushback from friends,
family?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
We didn't Um, thankfully, I think it was still
.
We were in uh rural Montana,which is Northern Western half
of the U?
S.
Um rural montana, which isnorthern western half of the us,
um, so I think it was stillpretty standard in the community
there, um, but I'm not sure Iwould make the same decision now
.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Didn't have to worry about that that was going to be
my next question.
Was there any?
Uh, just uh, not regret, but ifyou could have a do-over, would
you do it again?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
um, for him, probably just because it it would have
negated any conversation of whydoes dad look different than I
do?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
yeah, um that was the only reason we had um when it
came to my son, but ultimately,yeah, we decided against it, and
I'm not judging you in any way,shape or form.
Every family's different andyou're free to do what you wish
um exactly I mean, yeah, thatwas the decision that we made
and the kind of only pro was sohe could be like his dad.
(15:12):
Yeah, um, and you know, I haveno memory of of having it done
as a kid, so it's it's notreally a big deal, but yeah, I
know that it is a very, very uh,hot button topic in today's
society it is yep, and mycurrent husband and I went over
that a lot.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Um then didn't end up having to make that decision,
but I don't think we had evencome to an agreement on it
before we knew that they wereall girls very good, okay, so
skip to the next decade.
Baby number three, all rightnext decade, so I was 22 when, I
(15:53):
had my son.
I was 32 when I had my seconddaughter Perfect pregnancy, no
issues.
Getting towards the end whereyou feel like you're going to be
pregnant forever and it's sofunny because I post it on
Facebook and I laugh every yearwhen I see it On March 31st I'm
going to be pregnant forever.
And I remember being in thekitchen all day, batch, cooking
the free stuff before the babycame, and just feeling gross,
(16:15):
like just not feeling good.
But I hadn't felt good for days, so it wasn't really any
different than what I had beenexperiencing.
Um, we went to bed at like 11o'clock that night and I woke up
at one the next morning.
Um, and went why am I wet?
And so went to the bathroom.
I'm like did I, did I peemyself?
I didn't think I did, but wentand got cleaned up, went and
(16:37):
laid back down, and then ithappened again A few minutes
later.
I'm like nope, nope, I.
I think that that is fluid.
So went and did the mom thing,let the dog out, cause I knew
that if we went to the hospitalhe was going to be in his crate
all day called the doctor'sservice, cause it was one in the
morning.
They're like well, the reallythe only way we can tell is if
you come in and we test it andsee if it's fluid.
(16:58):
So woke my husband up, got inthe car we didn't have the older
two.
They were with their dad thatweek and I remember sitting in
the car on the way to thehospital and I looked at my
husband and I said it's April1st and he's like, yeah, I'm
like nobody's going to believethat I'm actually in labor.
So we get to the hospital, theyput me in a bed, they test it.
They're like, yes, it's fluid,you're in labor, but I wasn't
(17:21):
contracting contracting and theywould come in every 30 minutes.
Are you having contractions?
No, are you having contractions?
No, so I think at 10 o'clockthey're like okay, you've your
water's broken.
You know at some point it'sgoing to start being a risk of
infection, something like thatlater on.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
So let's get this party started.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
So they put me on Pitocin to start contractions,
um, and came in shortlythereafter and did my epidural
and it was great.
And then I remember the onething that was different than
with the older two is the babywas still really high up.
So they had like this thing itlooks like a yoga ball you had
squished in the middle.
It was shaped like a peanut.
They're like we're going to putthis between your knees to open
up your pelvis so the baby candrop down.
(18:02):
And we did that for I don'tknow 45 minutes, 30, 45 minutes.
So like, okay, she came down,we're going to go ahead and have
you push, and I think it wasthree pushes and she was out and
she was fine and everythingwent great with her.
Her only thing was that shecame out so fast that it didn't
(18:25):
give her enough time for all ofthe fluid to be squished out of
her lungs, which I guess is abig part of what normally
happens when they're comingthrough the birth canal.
She was in there for such ashort period of time that it was
still in her system, so she wasa little spiddly for the first
day and it sounds awful whenthey're gagging.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Did they have to suction her?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
They did a little bit like gagging, Did they?
Did they have to suction her?
They did a little bit.
A lot of it was a little bitfurther down and had to work its
way up, which meant that I wasjust watching her constantly for
the first 24 hours.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
It's scary though.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And then she was fine .
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yeah, as you said, you'd listened to the podcast
with me and my wife.
So yeah, we're very, very awareof the dusky episodes and the
fluid retention in her lungs andstuff.
It sucked.
It just sounds like they'redying.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I know I heard that.
I'm like it was the oppositeproblem, but basically the same
thing.
She was in too long and hadstuff in her system and was not
long enough and still did.
I'm like darned if you do,darned if you don't.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
So was she born April 1st or April 2nd?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
April 1st or April 2nd.
April 1st she was born at 2.22in the afternoon.
Ah, damn it, I'm April 2nd, wehave multiple friends that are
April 2nd and I was hoping thatshe would go to that day.
But I have a former friend thatI'm not friends with anymore
that had her birthday that day,so I'm kind of glad that she has
her own day.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
My wife went into labor on my birthday with
Hendrix, my oldest.
I know I saw that, yeah, butshe wasn't born until five days
later.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Your wife is an absolute beast.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
A warrior, absolute warrior.
She is amazing.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yes.
And then with the next one, mydoctor was not real happy that I
got pregnant again as quick asI did.
But I said you know what?
We thought it was going to beat least six months, and then it
was a month, yeah.
So we found out, ourfour-year-old turned one on the
first the next year, and then wefound out we were pregnant on
(20:20):
the 23rd I think, and that was2020.
So I was pregnant during all ofwell, we lived in the southern
US, so lockdown was kind of ajoke.
Lockdown was kind of a joke, um.
(20:40):
But through all of that, all um, my husband came to, I think,
two doctor's appointments andthey were both ones where we did
ultrasounds, um.
Other than that, I was bymyself.
Um, I did have.
I almost forgot Um.
So we were grocery shopping andI'm like I have to go to the
bathroom.
And this was when I was aboutweeks pregnant.
I went to the bathroom at thegrocery store and I looked down
and I'm bleeding.
So I come out.
(21:00):
I'm relatively calm considering, and I told my husband.
I said I think I'm miscarrying.
He's like, well, do we justleave?
I'm like, well, no, we needgroceries regardless.
Nobody's going to be able tostop it if I am.
So we got done with our groceryshopping, we called the doctor's
office and like, yeah, itsounds like you're miscarrying.
Go to the emergency room.
(21:22):
So we went to the emergencyroom.
It was the height of COVID sohe couldn't come in with me.
So I'm sitting there, I'm inlike these paper pants that they
gave me, in these like the bigmesh underwear, because that's
what they had available thatthey give you after you give
birth.
They gave me some of those andthey said you know, we're going
to take you back for anultrasound.
(21:42):
And I remember laying in thereand I don't know if it's the
same over there, but in the USultrasound texts aren't supposed
to tell you anything.
You usually have to wait forthe doctor to go over everything
with you when you're done.
And I remember this absoluteangel of an ultrasound tech.
She goes.
I still see a heartbeat and sheturned the screen towards me
and you could see it.
And basically what had happened?
(22:02):
It's called a subchorionichemorrhage and what'll happen is
sometimes, where the sackimplants in the wall of the
uterus, it'll pull away a littlebit and it starts bleeding and
then the blood gets stuck inbetween the two things.
And so you'll bleed a lot atfirst and then you'll continue
to bleed off and on over thenext few weeks.
Um, but that was that was scarybecause it was still early on.
(22:27):
There wasn't anything we coulddo about it.
There wasn't a guarantee thatit wouldn't completely separate,
which means obviously we wouldhave lost the baby.
Um, thankfully we didn't.
Um, and it comes to December.
Um, I was supposed to be in mybest friend's wedding.
That day rolls around.
I think I'm in labor.
So I call her and tell her I'mlike I I'm sorry, but I you're
(22:48):
three hours away.
I can't come up there if I'mpossibly in labor and then not
be able to get home and end uphaving to have a baby in another
hospital with another doctor,ended up being six days later.
But I remember I again wascooking all day.
I cooked two dinners because Ihad stuff I had to use up and I
(23:08):
went to lay down that night.
I'm like huh, that feels kindof like a contraction, having
never had any on my own before.
I wasn't real sure Because bothmy oldest two were inductions
and my third I never contractedon my own until they gave me
drugs.
So I pulled up my little appand started timing it.
I'm like yeah, I think I'mhaving contractions.
(23:29):
And I told my husband.
He's like why didn't you tellme that before?
I took sleep medication?
So I called the doctor's officeand she's like go into the
hospital.
So I went in.
They monitored me.
They're like yep, you're inlabor.
Got me in a room, labored inthere for a while.
I remember having a few reallygood contractions.
My husband's passed out on thecouch because he took sleep meds
(23:50):
A few really good contractions.
Anesthesiologist comes in, doesmy epidural.
Um, I continue to progress.
They're like do you want us tobreak your water?
Yeah, that's fine.
Um, because it just wasn'tbreaking on its own.
None of mine ever did.
Um, I think I have the samething as your wife where I have
really tough waters.
Um, and early morning comesaround.
(24:14):
They're like you're, you'recompletely dilated, let's go
ahead and push.
And it was the same as hersister.
She had a smaller.
She, I think, was my smallestheaded baby, so she comes out
really quickly.
Again.
I ended up having the sameproblem where it didn't expel
all the fluid from her lungs,but the funniest thing with her
delivery was after I got myepidural.
(24:35):
They're trying to get my feetup into these stirrups on the
bed and I'm like, oh, here I'llhelp, except I can't feel my
legs.
So my leg goes flying up andkicks the nurse right in the
face.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I'm so sorry.
And then the baby comes out andhas one of the raunchiest,
nastiest smell and farts ever assoon as she comes out and
literally everybody in the roomstarts gagging.
I'm like that is a sign ofthings to come.
We're all in trouble.
But she was she.
Everybody was like she's got somuch hair and all I remember
(25:09):
thinking is I don't care, justget her out.
But she did.
She was my full head of hair,baby Um and we I think we're
there both with both myfour-year-old, my two-year-old.
We were in the hospital for aday and then they let us go home
, um.
And then then we come to mybaby Um.
(25:30):
I was 39 weeks pregnant.
I did an elective induction, um,just because obviously
induction doesn't work well foreverybody.
But my body seems to do wellwith Pitocin.
It actually jumpstarts mebetter than my own body hormones
do, apparently.
So we were supposed to be thereat six in the morning.
(25:51):
I woke up at four.
There was a message from thehospital Give us a call.
I called them.
They're like we don't have anybeds.
There was a bunch of peoplethat came in the night before
because it was a full moon.
Call us back at eight.
Okay, I called them back ateight.
Call us back at 11.
You understand that I'msupposed to come in and have a
baby today and I'm superpregnant and you keep telling me
no, this is going to get to bea problem.
(26:12):
Finally, call at 11.
They're like come in at one.
So I did.
I'm cranky because I haven'teaten anything, because I don't
know what's going to go on, andthey knew that they didn't want
me to eat prior to when I wascoming in at six.
Um, we get there.
They still don't have a roomfor us.
They're cleaning it right now.
Okay, fine, um, we finally getinto a room.
(26:32):
At about two in the afternoonthey come in and, as I'm sure
you know, when you're beinginduced, they ask you every
medical question under the sun.
It takes like an hour to answerall of the questions so they
can make sure that all theirbases are covered.
This great nurse who had been anurse for like 50 years she
comes in.
One of the other nurses comesin.
(26:53):
They run my IV, get all thatstarted, start giving me fluids.
Um, I also was group B streppositive for this pregnancy,
which, um, isn't an issue formoms but can be an issue for
baby um if it's not treated.
So they start you on IVantibiotics, um, once they start
your, your IV fluids, um, andso we started that.
(27:17):
They're like we need four hoursof it to infuse, um, while
you're on the Pitocin and whileyou're laboring.
It should, you'll be fine,it'll be plenty of time, um.
So they start me on the Pitocinat about three in the afternoon
and we're waiting.
I'm watching home reno shows onthe tv, my husband's reading a
book and they're like we'rehaving contractions, a couple
(27:38):
like nothing really big um.
So they come in.
At what time is it?
It was at 6 15.
It's my doctor's not on calltoday.
It's the hospital's ob staff,so it's a resident, which is I
don't know if it works the samein australia.
They are, they are a fullfledged doctor, but they work
underneath the head doctor.
(28:01):
She comes in with my nurse.
They're like do you want tobreak your water?
You're not really progressing.
We can either break your waterand call for the epidural, or
give you the epidural and thenbreak your water, or just wait
and see how things go.
Well, I'd always had my waterbroken first and then gotten the
epidural, so I went that route.
So she breaks my water, theyall leave.
It's getting ready to be shiftchange, which anybody who's gone
(28:22):
through this knows nothing.
Nothing gets done at shiftchange, um, because everybody's
trying to finish up all theirstuff and I'm sitting there and,
literally within two minutes ofthem breaking my water, I am
just walloped by back-to-backcontractions.
I can't talk.
I'm writhing on the bed.
All I can do is moan.
My husband's like I don't knowwhat's going on.
(28:44):
We hit the call button, nobodycomes.
So he runs out into the hallwayand he's got one of those
voices that when he wants toyell, the bellowing dad voice,
yes, gets attention of everyone,so they come back down.
The head nurse comes down andshe just peeks in and she looks
at me.
She goes can I get my nurse andthe resident back down here now
?
And they come in and it's beenfive minutes at this point and
(29:07):
I'm not sure how she managed it.
But she checks my cervix again.
I'd been four centimetersdilated for a month.
It'd been five minutes.
I was seven centimeters.
Now they're like um, okay, uh,we're still gonna try to get
your epidural.
And my nurse and the head nursestart fighting because I haven't
had all the fluids I wassupposed to have before.
I can do that and and there'sjust all this going on.
(29:28):
Meanwhile I'm just trying tofocus on getting through each of
these mondo contractions thatare like off the chart, on the
little piece of paper that I'mlooking at.
And then they're like turningme, trying to get things to slow
down so they can get theanesthesiologist in there.
And I remember looking at mynurse like going, I'm not going
to make it, am I?
And she goes no, you're not,but it's going to be okay, this
(29:51):
is going to go really fast andyou're going to be fine.
And then I remember yelling oh,my God, she's coming.
And it was so embarrassing evenin the moment, cause normally
I'm really quiet, like I'mfocused, I'm quiet during
delivery and I am at this pointscreaming.
So they check me again and I'm10 centimeters.
They're like you can go aheadand push on the next contraction
(30:12):
.
So I push, and I push and she'sout, which is great, she, she's
out, everything's fine, she'sfine.
It hurt.
But it's weird because whencontractions are that bad,
pushing actually lessens thepain.
So you are focused on thatinstead of on the pain that
comes from, you know, expellinga human being.
(30:32):
Yeah, so they get her out.
They take her over to thelittle warmer, start working on
her yeah, so they're like wehave to get it out.
(30:55):
So they give me I.
I have no epidural, so I feeleverything.
So they give me the shot ofsomething into my leg and
they're like okay, oh, it wasdilaudid, which didn't lessen
the pain, it just made my headfoggy.
So then the head doctor finallycame in.
She goes I have to get yourplacenta out.
I said okay, and all of asudden I'm basically a human
(31:17):
puppet because somebody has herhand up inside me getting the
placenta out, scooping it outwhich.
Yep, which, with no pain meds,was probably the worst thing I
have ever experienced in my life.
And I'm trying not to kick thiswoman in the face, but it is so
hard because I just want her tostop.
And then, meanwhile, thenursery nurse is trying to shove
(31:39):
the baby into my arms because,you know, skin to skin contact
is the big thing, and I'm like Ican't.
I am in so much pain right now.
If you give me this child, I'mgoing to drop her on the floor.
And so, finally, my husband gotfed up with this woman.
He looks at her, he's like giveme the fucking baby.
And she's like no, I got no.
Hand me my fucking child.
(31:59):
Yeah.
And so he grabbed her, um, andhe, he's all proud.
Now he's like I, I got to holdher first.
Yes, you did.
Um, they finally get me takencare of.
Um, thankfully, I didn't bleedas much this time, didn't end up
having to get a transfusion.
Um, I will say, recovery whenyou haven't had an epidural is a
(32:20):
lot more quicker initially thanit is when you have one Cause.
Um, um.
I ended up with a spinalheadache with our four-year-old,
which was absolutelydebilitating.
Um, and then, uh, everythingwent fine with the other ones,
but, uh, it was just like Icould get up, I could walk
around, I didn't have to.
I mean, they made me go in awheelchair to the other room,
(32:41):
but I didn't need to be in awheelchair.
Um, the only thing was is itwas only three hours from when
they started my antibiotics towhen she was born, so it didn't
have enough time for the group Bstrep antibiotics to fully go
through my system.
So we ended up being in thehospital for an extra day for
them to monitor her, and then weran into a discrepancy on her
(33:04):
birth weight.
So she was monitored a lot moreclosely because it looks like
she lost a ton of weight frombirth to when we left the
hospital.
But my husband and I are bothof the mind that that same uh
nursery nurse that was trying toshove her into my arms uh,
misrecorded her weight becauseit was right before her shift
was going to end and she wantedto get out of there.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
So, um, they were all very different those those
hospital staff, hey, god blessthem for the work they do, but
sometimes they just they need tounderstand when they're burned
out and they need to take sometime off.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
And it's the same as every other part of life.
You're going to have peoplethat are great.
You're going to have peoplethat are awful.
Most people go somewhere in themiddle, but you're going to run
across all of them at somepoint.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's.
The one thing that I can sayabout hospital staff is that
sometimes they just need to takea step outside of what they're
doing and remember that we'repeople and we're not cattle, and
it's not just a number.
This is life-changing stuffwe're going through and it's not
(34:09):
just a case of like get them in, get them out, get them dealt
with Like we're not cattle.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Yeah, it's us Exactly .
Speaker 1 (34:14):
We had just to make this story about me for one
second.
We had a breastfeedingconsultant come into our room I
think it was with Hendrix, offthe top of my head.
Her name was Jo J-O-H.
I don't know why I rememberthat, but we call her Jo to this
(34:34):
day.
And Jo comes in and says I'm abreastfeeding consultant, is
there anything I can do to help?
And my wife's like no, I thinkwe're going okay, she's having a
bit of trouble latching, butshe's had her dusky episodes.
And Jo, dear Jo, just out ofnowhere decided to walk up
beside my wife, pull her breastout of her top, grab baby's head
(34:58):
and just whack it straight onthere Like no consent, no
previous questions.
And then once baby latched, shewas like cool, well, my job's
done and left.
And both of us were just likedoes she even fucking work here?
I think this lady's justwalking around, she's just
coming from the street and she'slike I'm going to see how many
tits I can grab today.
And it's still a running joke.
(35:18):
It's just like we weren't evenpeople.
We weren't people to her.
She was just like this is myjob, you're just a part of my
job, I don't care about you as aperson, but your breast is what
I'm here to do exactly this iswhat I'm focused on.
It was absolutely wild that isinsane.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Um, I will say, from the older two to the younger
three, when it comes to thelactation consultants in the
hospital, they, they definitelyhave gotten less militant about
you must breastfeed and moreabout is baby fed?
How are you feeding them?
Is it going okay?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yeah, that age-old breast is best and fed is best
kind of deal.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I think so.
For our first two we had in thesame hospital, and then the
third was a different hospitaland the third they were very,
very much fed as best yes,centric Whereas the first
hospital I believe they wereleaning more towards breast as
best.
But with Hendrix, because shehad jaundice and had to go in
(36:25):
the humicrib for 24, 48 hours orwhatever, I was just giving her
like top up bottles and theysupported that anyway.
But yeah, a lot of it comesdown to like a lot of doctors
and nurses and pediatricians andstuff.
They really like to interjecttheir own personal opinions
instead of their educatedopinions, which angers me to no
(36:46):
end opinions, which angers me tono end, I had with my oldest.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
I ended up stuck with an OB.
That was this 75 year old man,yes and he.
I was so young and I didn'tknow any better and at that age
you don't really advocate foryourself very well, and his
nurse was.
She was a bitch I mean there'sno real other way to say it and
I had um really bad morningsickness with her um ended up
having to get zofran just tofunction during the day.
(37:16):
Um, and I remember calling andasking for a refill and nobody
ever really got back to me.
So then my husband called laterand she calls me back on my, on
my phone from the other roomwhile he's still on the phone
with the office and startsberating me for not telling her
how serious it was.
And I just remember hanging upthe phone and like chucking it
(37:37):
across the room and crying andfrom that point on I said I
don't want her to help me.
If that means I have to switchdoctors, that's fine.
I didn't actually, actually,they just had the other doctors
nurse help me when I came in.
But I'm like people are attheir most vulnerable,
especially with their firstpregnancy, when you've never
done this before and you don'tknow what's going on and you're
gonna come out a problem likethat, like I have personally
(38:00):
wronged you.
What is the matter?
Speaker 1 (38:02):
yeah, I think, um with with client facing like
that, especially like in themedical industry, I think
employees should have mandatorytherapy to ensure that their own
personal shit stays their ownpersonal shit and it doesn't
bleed over into their clients,because it can really make or
(38:22):
break something as alreadyhectic as pregnancy and birth
and delivery and you know likewe've got enough shit to worry
about.
We don't have to, we shouldn'thave to worry about your shit on
top of that and how that'simpacting us Exactly.
Like fuck man.
So yeah, I mean five verydifferent but also quite similar
pregnancies and births.
(38:43):
So I do want to talk about youand your mental health and how
kind of your past,pre-parenthood has shaped you as
a person, as a mother, as apartner.
What things have youimplemented into your parenting
life that were kind ofcontradictory to how you were
(39:05):
brought up?
How are you parenting intoday's society?
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Okay, so just real quick history.
First diagnosed with depressionwhen I was 16, got put on a
medication that shortlythereafter came out was actually
terrible.
Put teens on and actuallyincreased suicidal ideation
instead of decreasing it.
Ended up in a psych ward with asuicide attempt at 16.
(39:31):
Then was on and off meds basedon insurance, because that's how
it works here over the next fewyears.
Then I was diagnosed withgeneralized anxiety disorder in
my early 20s.
Same thing on and off medsbased on insurance and what all
that looked like.
Um.
(39:51):
And then got divorced and lostmy insurance and was not medded
at all Um for a long time andjust kind of muddled my way
through.
Um, kids were always paramounteven at that point.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Um so were you primary caregiver after divorce.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
So we have always shared custody equally, just
because we went into ourmarriage from families of
divorce both of us and made ittantamount to us that the kids
were not to be used asbargaining chips, that what was
best for them is what we woulddo, regardless of what we
thought.
So at that point was strugglingmentally didn't really realize
(40:32):
it in the moment, but because Iwas struggling financially, I
was struggling in every way youpossibly could.
So that unfortunately took aback burner.
Look back on a lot of thedecisions and behaviors I had at
the time.
I'm like, yeah, that was badand that was things going on
that I didn't know about at thetime had my four-year-old and
(40:52):
then, when she was three monthsold, had another suicide attempt
and that was when I got mybipolar diagnosis and everything
made sense.
And I've been on medication andin therapy ever since then.
Medications have changed, so Ithink we have it pretty dialed
(41:13):
in at this point and I am nowlooking for a new therapist
because in the States a lot oftherapists are only certified or
credited or licensed inspecific states, so I have to
find one to work with.
Where I am now, parenting haschanged as I've aged, probably
more than as I've been diagnosedwith more things, but my
(41:35):
diagnoses definitely play intomy parenting.
I'm not nearly as patient as Iwould like to be with any of my
children I never have been andwith my older two because we
were struggling financially evenwhen I was married and I worked
full time.
Um, it was, it was more aboutjust taking the time that I did
(41:55):
have with them, because I was atwork all day um, and making the
most of the time that I havewith them and trying to give
them the kind of life that Iwanted them to have with the
resources that I had at mydisposal.
Um, they're both really goodkids of life that I wanted them
to have with the resources thatI had at my disposal.
They're both really good kidswe didn't have a whole lot of.
(42:17):
We had little two-year-old andthree-year-old snippets, things
like that, but no big behavioralissues out of either one of
them.
I just I feel like I missed alot of their childhood because I
was having to work full time tomake sure that we could provide
for them and it just it's sohard because you're like I'm
working to pay somebody else tospend more time with my children
(42:38):
than I do, and it's justfrustrating.
And then I got divorced and, Ithink, got even more lax in my
parenting because I felt guiltyfor getting divorced and I also
had a lot of people around methat were a part of their lives,
that were not the greatestpeople, as it turns out, and
probably had more of a hand inbeing part of their lives than I
(43:01):
should have let them.
So I think that they've turnedout great.
I love they're both greatteenagers.
They're not overly attitude-y.
My oldest is probably a littlemore naive than she probably
needs to be at this age, but asfar as I'm aware, I know
teenagers tend to be secretive.
No drug exploration yet nosexual activity.
(43:26):
We've talked about that a lotand I said just tell me so that
I know, so we can make sure youhave what you need, because I
don't want you to come to meafter the fact to be like I'm
pregnant or I got somebodypregnant and now we have to
figure out what to do about itwhen I'm still a teenager, um,
which is ironic coming from me,um, but they, uh, they help a
(43:48):
lot with their young.
Well, until we moved here.
Help a lot with their young,well until we moved here, helped
a lot with their youngersiblings, um, out of their
choice, and I always made surethat it was their choice to do
that.
Because I didn't have thatchoice growing up, I was
required to watch my youngersiblings so that my mom and my
stepdad could work and mainly mymom, because my stepdad was not
(44:08):
a parent, so if she wasn't homeI was the parent.
I'm the one that took care ofthem, I'm the one that fed them
and I didn't want my kids tohave to deal with that.
If you want to help with themor if you don't mind helping mom
, that's great, but if you don'twant to, that's fine too, was
(44:29):
really my number one thing whenwe when my current husband and I
started having kids, I saidthey are not going to be
required to watch these kids,and that was one of the reasons
why I quit working, is it?
It took that off the table.
I I was home all the time wewere able when it was just three
kids for us to get by on um histeaching salary that he had at
the time, but then obviously,more kids, he needed more money.
(44:52):
So I think and I've always givenmy mom a hard time about this,
about how she was easier goingwith my younger siblings than
she was with me.
But I see that in myself tooand I think that that may just
be age.
You realize what you need tofreak what you need, what you
need to freak out over or whatyou need to focus on.
Um, as you get older, asopposed to, you're gonna be very
(45:16):
rigid and the kids are gonna dothis and they're gonna do that
and you're like, hey, just justlet them play for a little bit
longer, it's not gonna hurtanybody if they go to bed 20
minutes late.
Yeah, um, and it's so funnybecause obviously the baby is,
her personality is stilldeveloping, but the older two
are just night and day differentpersonality wise.
Our four-year-old is the mostloving, you know, kind hearted,
(45:40):
pretty chill child and ourtwo-year-old is absolutely
bonkers.
She is.
She would be on wrestlemania ifthey allowed two-year-olds on
wrestlemania.
She just runs around and if I'mnot careful she's too rough
with her little sister and Iwill count down from five for my
four-year-old and she stopsdoing whatever she's doing.
I count down from five with mytwo-year-old and she just stares
(46:03):
at me.
She's like what, what are yougonna do, you're not gonna do
anything, which is not true.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Those emerging personalities are so incredible,
yes, but also so frustrating towatch unfold, aren't they?
I'm excited for the next stage,yes, and I do take solace in
knowing that it's not just us.
There's a lot of people outthere that have gone through
that.
I just never expected it to beso hectic, so so hectic it is so
(46:31):
full disclosure ourfour-year-old.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
We're fighting right now to get her off her passy,
which is she's four.
She should have been off itwell over a year ago.
But then she has a littlesister that has one, and now she
has two little sisters thathave one, and I have explained
it away forever and so finallyI'm like we just we have to be
done with it.
But she also sleeps in bed withus because she got sick once
and was in bed with us while shewas sick and then just never
(46:53):
left.
Now we're trying to figure outhow to do that.
Yes, potty training, pottytraining, uh, was a hard thing.
That didn't happen until justbefore four years old, um, but
it's.
It's.
The same thing like this wouldhave freaked me out when I was
younger, and maybe it's becauseI'm medicated and in therapy now
, I don't know um probably alittle bit, um, but at this
(47:18):
point I'm like, okay, we have todo it now, but it just, it
hasn't bothered me.
I'm like she'll, we'll get there, like not a huge, a huge deal.
But everybody's like, how didyou get pregnant with another
baby when she sleeps in betweenyou?
And I'm like you find ways, um,but yeah, it's a hard.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
It's a hard thing really is.
So I mean, thank you forsharing your birth stories and
thank you for sharing your pastand your mental health journey
with everyone.
I really do appreciate that.
So, from then till now, we'llbring it to the current day and
age How's mental health going?
Are there any worries, concerns?
(48:02):
Is there any big moves that arehappening in life at the moment
or anything that you personallywant to share with the world?
Speaker 2 (48:10):
I think I mean right now we're just still getting
settled into the new location,the new house, the new dynamic,
with older kids being gone a lotmore than they have been.
The little ones don't reallyunderstand obviously.
They just know that they're nothere right now and they want
them here.
I think mental health for meright now is good.
I've had amazing therapists.
(48:31):
I mean there is a little bit ofconcern about finding one that
I click with.
I know you've talked about thatquite a bit in the past is
having a therapist is great, buthaving a therapist that you
actually connect with is huge,because otherwise you just feel
like you're talking to somerandom person and you really
don't get into the depth of alot of stuff like you would hope
.
Speaker 1 (48:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
I think the big thing that I have learned through age
and through therapy anddiagnosis and everything is
everybody has a story.
You don't know everybody'sstory, so just always know that
there is probably somethinggoing on that you know nothing
about and give them a little bitof grace, like I am.
(49:11):
It actually probably is my owndetriment, but I forgive people
almost all the time just becauseeverybody has been the villain
in somebody's story.
Um, everybody has done thingsto wrong other people and to sit
there and judge somebody elsefor doing basically the same
thing that you've done justseems the height of hypocrisy.
(49:32):
And I just be understanding bekind.
That is like my number one rulewith our kids is always be kind
.
Defend yourself if need be, butalways be kind.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
So be kind until you need to not be kind.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (49:49):
Possess empathy, not sympathy.
All really important stuff,awesome.
Well, it sounds like you'redoing a great job amidst all of
the changes and the dynamicshifts and everything like that,
so I reckon we'll wrap it upthere.
Is there any last minute thingsthat you want to throw out into
the world?
Speaker 2 (50:05):
I don't think so.
I think that was the majorityof it Good good.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
Well, thank you very much, hannah, for your time
today and thank you for yourhusband for dealing with bottle
bath and bedtime tonight, so youdid have the chance to come on,
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
You're more than welcome, mate.
You enjoy the rest of yourevening.
Speaker 3 (50:25):
You too.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
Bye.
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theelders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
My doctor was not real happy that I got pregnant
again as quick as I did.
But I said you know what?
We thought it was going to beat least six months and then it
was a month.
Speaker 3 (00:30):
When mommy was a little girl and mommy left her
dad, and when daddy was a boy,he got bullied really bad.
When mommy met daddy, they feltsomething neither had.
Then mommy became a mommy anddad became a dad.
Now you're screaming at yourbrother in his Lego underfoot.
We're trying to do the best wecan, but it's not very good.
Daddy's really sorry.
He didn't mean to shout.
We all get a little touchdown.
We all get a little.
(00:50):
We all get a little.
We all get a little touchdown.
Speaker 1 (00:56):
Okay, today we have Hannah.
Hannah has five kids, two fromher first marriage and three
from her current marriage.
Sorry, I didn't get yourlocation.
Whereabouts are you from,Hannah?
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Well, I'm actually from South Carolina in the US,
but in the last month my familyhas moved to Mississippi.
Awesome, Because my husband isactive duty army.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Okay, cool, so you will be my third guest with
active duty husband my thirdguest with uh active duty
husband.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Well, this is this is .
He was previously a schoolteacher.
Um, and I don't know how muchyou know about the education
system in the us, but teachersdon't get paid very much yeah,
it's essentially active duty inamerica anyway, isn't it?
yes, it is so.
He has switched jobs.
So this is the first time we'vemoved and it's an adjustment,
because I split custody of myoldest two with my ex-husband
(01:52):
and they actually are going tobe living with him for the
school year, which means I'mgoing to be going months without
seeing them, so that's hard.
Speaker 1 (02:01):
We will definitely get into the hardships that
that's going to present.
First of all, thank you forcoming on the podcast today.
I really appreciate your timeand yeah, so why don't we start
off with telling the audience alittle bit about yourself and a
little bit about your family?
All right?
Speaker 2 (02:17):
So I am 36.
I think you and I are the sameage?
Speaker 1 (02:21):
We certainly are, yeah.
Speaker 2 (02:23):
Um, I have.
I'm married to my husband, matt.
He is, like I said, active dutyarmy.
I have a 16 year old daughterand a 14 year old son from my
first marriage, and then we havea four year old daughter, a two
year old daughter and a ninemonth old daughter.
So it was funny.
(02:44):
I just finished listening toyour episode with your wife
earlier and I'm like, okay, wemet the same year, we met the
same way.
We have kids that are roughlythe same age, as we got married
within six months of each other.
So it was just interesting tohear all the similarities.
One of the big things to knowabout me is I am diagnosed
bipolar.
I also have generalized anxietydisorder and a major depressive
(03:07):
disorder, so medicated and intherapy for all of them.
Um, I'm a stay at home mom.
I was a working mom with myolder two when they were younger
, so I've done both.
They're both hard, um, both veryhard, Um, it's just different
hard, um, and just kind ofnavigating, um what the term
(03:31):
that I've heard is straddleparenting, when you have a set
of kids and then you have a bigage gap and then you have
another set of kids, um, so,like I have, my oldest is
getting ready to start driving,um, and my youngest is still
getting a bottle when she goesto bed.
Speaker 1 (03:48):
Yeah, massive, massive age gap.
Was the three from your currentmarriage planned all three, or
were they oopsies?
Speaker 2 (04:00):
The oldest was.
The oldest was we had beentrying for six months, weren't
married, but we had been tryingfor six months when we got
pregnant with her.
Actually, we got married when Iwas 19 weeks pregnant with her.
Our second one we assumed itwas going to take about the same
amount of time to get pregnantHappened the first month, so she
(04:25):
came a lot closer to her oldersister than we thought she was
going to.
And the last one was a completesurprise because I was on birth
control.
Speaker 1 (04:30):
oh, no miracle baby yes, she was.
She was very determined to be athing yeah and uh planning on
any more or well and truly doneuh, no, I think I think we're
pretty much done.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
um, there was, and probably still is, a little part
of me that's like I would loveto have a little boy with my
current husband, because we onlyhave one son and we have four
daughters, um, but obviouslythere's no guarantee that we
wouldn't get another little girl, um, and with each subsequent
recovery for me has gotten moredifficult, definitely the last
(05:08):
one being over 35 and having her.
It was taxing and I still cantell that I'm not anywhere near
back to, I guess, what I wouldcall normal for me.
So, yeah, I think we're done,which is why we had my husband
go get a vasectomy.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
Oh, he got the snip.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
He did.
He went when I was, when I waspregnant with the last one, just
to make sure.
Speaker 1 (05:35):
Yeah, I've, uh, I've gotten the the nod from my wife
to go get the snip.
Um, and now the ball's in mycourt and I've made like five
different doctor's appointmentsand each time I just don't go.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Well, it was funny, like he went to the consultation
and then we're like I'm onbirth control, like there's not
anything that we really need toworry about, but then I got
pregnant again.
So then we're like, okay, um,apparently we need to get him
taken care of, cause that wasour second failed birth control.
The reason our two-year-old wasborn is I had an IUD that
(06:10):
basically decided it wanted out,and then we just never went
back on birth control anddecided to try to have another
one then.
But he went about a year and afew months after the
consultation for the actualprocedure and they gave him
Valium for beforehand at myrequest, um, so he was loopy and
(06:32):
just hilarious on the way inthere, um, but it definitely
needed to happen, becauseapparently my body doesn't like
medically being told what to do.
Speaker 1 (06:41):
Yeah, and I think, after all of the sacrifices and
all of the all of the changesand pain that you put your body
through, as mums out there, theleast we can do is get our balls
cut open a little bit, gothrough a little bit of the pain
that you guys have to deal with.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
I agree.
We have family members thatdon't feel that way and I am
just mind boggled at it that the, I guess the old school
thinking that it somehow makeshim less of a man.
I'm like why does being able tohave more children determine
your manliness?
Speaker 1 (07:16):
Yeah, yeah, it's a.
It's still very much a man'sworld, isn't it, when it comes
to a lot of those types ofideologies and ways of thinking.
Uh, quite silly really,considering that it's completely
reversible surgery exactly andI mean to put it completely and
utterly bluntly what's lessmanly about not having to pull
(07:38):
out and not getting pregnant?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
exactly, it makes things just easier.
We'll go with easier.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
I think, I think men have a really cartoonish way of
thinking about vasectomies.
It's like the whole sayingshooting dust, I think.
I think that they literallythink that's what happens.
It's like that there'll benothing that comes out, and I
think that scares them a littlebit, because that is a test of
manliness, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (08:06):
It just and a lot of people don't know like that
pretty much everything staysbasically the same afterwards.
But a lot of people aren'taware.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
Yeah, the fluid remains, but the living things
inside the fluid do not, exactlyOkay, anyways, that's a
different topic for a differentpodcast.
I think Awesome.
So why don't you run me through?
You said that the lastpregnancy was particularly hard
on your body.
Why don't you run me throughthe births of your five kids?
(08:37):
All right, particularly thehardships.
Obviously, everyone likes tohear the dirt.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yes, so, like I said earlier, I just finished
listening to you and your wifetalking about the birth of your
three children and I realizedhow different every birth is.
And you would think, afterhaving five kids I would know
that.
So my oldest, I was 19.
For the majority of mypregnancy with her.
(09:04):
I had her nine days after my20th birthday.
So I like to say I was astatistic.
Up until the very end.
I was a teen pregnancy.
Um, she was an induction.
Um, everything went fine untilit was time for me to push, and
I pushed for over two hours andI give birth to very big headed
children.
(09:24):
And she I just couldn't pushher underneath my pubic bone and
out, so she was a vacuumextraction which, in case
anybody listening doesn't know,they basically take a little
suction cup and attach it to thetop of the baby's head and
while you're pushing, the doctorpulls on the cord that's
attached to it, which soundsyou're pushing, the doctor poles
(09:46):
on the cord that's attached toit, which sounds absolutely
barbaric.
Um, but it worked fine.
They have.
They said we have three shotsat this and if that doesn't work
you're gonna have to go for ac-section.
Um, and they got her out on thefirst try.
She was my biggest baby.
She was um eight pounds eightounces, which is not a huge baby
, but for your first is prettydecent size, and she had a giant
head.
So so that was.
That was not the easiest thing.
(10:07):
And I remember everybody talksabout the magical moment when
they put your baby on your chestand you just instantly fall in
love.
And I remember sitting therethinking something was wrong
with me because they put her onmy chest, and I remember looking
at her and feeling absolutelynothing.
I remember thinking I'm tired,this hurts, and that was pretty
(10:29):
much it, and I thought there wassomething wrong with me.
And then the first night wecouldn't get her to feed and the
lactation consultant had tocome in.
It was just a disaster andobviously those feelings changed
.
I love my daughter to death,but it was just.
It was scary because I thoughtthat I had done something wrong
or that there was somethingwrong with me.
Um, I was never diagnosed withit but looking back, I had
(10:52):
pretty severe postpartumdepression with her Um.
Thankfully it didn't go intopsychosis, which we have a
family history of Um, but itjust it wasn't the magical
moment that I had been expectingthat I had wanted for so long.
I have, um, siblings that are alot younger than me, so my
youngest sibling is only fiveyears older than her.
So I helped raise them whenthey were little.
(11:13):
So I kind of knew the beginningstages of being a mom and I
knew what I thought, I expectedand it just wasn't what happened
.
Um, and then with my son, um, wehad moved cross country and
we're in a completely differentstate and I had a OBGYN that had
been a midwife in New Zealandfor well over a decade and had a
(11:34):
very different mentality.
We still ended up doing aninduction because I was verging
on preeclampsia, went in fourhours from start of meds to when
I delivered him.
He comes out, everything's fine.
The family had been there allmorning.
They were hungry, so they wentto the cafeteria to get
something to eat and my doctorcan't get my placenta out.
(11:57):
Where's the bottle?
It is?
It's probably next to the chairdownstairs.
Which chair?
There's one in the dishwasher,okay.
Speaker 1 (12:06):
Okay, Hi husband.
I love that very sweet littlewhisper like where's the bottle.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
He's great.
They couldn't get my placentato come out.
And for those that don't know,the placenta has to come out for
your uterus to clamp down likeit's supposed to so that you can
stop bleeding.
So I'm bleeding everywhere.
All of a sudden I go, I'm goingto throw up and then I'm going
to pass out.
And it's just me the nurse andthe doctor and I almost passed
(12:37):
out.
They kept me awake, finally,got the placenta out and I'm
resting.
And then a few hours later,after you have an epidural I had
epidurals with four of my fivekids they want you to get up and
go to the bathroom and makesure you can walk, that kind of
thing.
And I remember turning aroundand nobody had thought to clean
the blood up off the floor.
So I turn around and there'sjust this huge huddle underneath
(13:05):
the bed and I remember thenurse grabbing me because I just
looked at it and startedgetting really woozy.
And then it turns out the nextday I ended up having a blood
transfusion and after thateverything was fine.
The only thing he wascircumcised and they don't
really explain to you what it'sgoing to look like after they do
it.
So I got home after they didhis circumcision and went to
(13:27):
open his diaper and I'm like, ohmy gosh, that was not what I
was expecting it to look likeand it was fairly brutal,
looking A bit confronting.
Yes, but he's perfect.
They're both giant children.
He was normal size, I think hewas seven pounds ten ounces, and
(13:49):
then there was a decade betweenthat baby and the next one cool
.
Speaker 1 (13:52):
So just before we get into the, the next decade, I've
got a few questions.
Circumcision was that, uh,religious choice or personal
choice, or do you mind goinginto?
Speaker 2 (14:03):
the decision.
Personal choice.
Yeah, Um kind of went with whata lot of people do, which is
went with what dad was at thetime.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
Um, and Did you get any pushback from friends,
family?
Speaker 2 (14:16):
We didn't Um, thankfully, I think it was still
.
We were in uh rural Montana,which is Northern Western half
of the U?
S.
Um rural montana, which isnorthern western half of the us,
um, so I think it was stillpretty standard in the community
there, um, but I'm not sure Iwould make the same decision now
.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Didn't have to worry about that that was going to be
my next question.
Was there any?
Uh, just uh, not regret, but ifyou could have a do-over, would
you do it again?
Speaker 2 (14:41):
um, for him, probably just because it it would have
negated any conversation of whydoes dad look different than I
do?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
yeah, um that was the only reason we had um when it
came to my son, but ultimately,yeah, we decided against it, and
I'm not judging you in any way,shape or form.
Every family's different andyou're free to do what you wish
um exactly I mean, yeah, thatwas the decision that we made
and the kind of only pro was sohe could be like his dad.
(15:12):
Yeah, um, and you know, I haveno memory of of having it done
as a kid, so it's it's notreally a big deal, but yeah, I
know that it is a very, very uh,hot button topic in today's
society it is yep, and mycurrent husband and I went over
that a lot.
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Um then didn't end up having to make that decision,
but I don't think we had evencome to an agreement on it
before we knew that they wereall girls very good, okay, so
skip to the next decade.
Baby number three, all rightnext decade, so I was 22 when, I
(15:53):
had my son.
I was 32 when I had my seconddaughter Perfect pregnancy, no
issues.
Getting towards the end whereyou feel like you're going to be
pregnant forever and it's sofunny because I post it on
Facebook and I laugh every yearwhen I see it On March 31st I'm
going to be pregnant forever.
And I remember being in thekitchen all day, batch, cooking
the free stuff before the babycame, and just feeling gross,
(16:15):
like just not feeling good.
But I hadn't felt good for days, so it wasn't really any
different than what I had beenexperiencing.
Um, we went to bed at like 11o'clock that night and I woke up
at one the next morning.
Um, and went why am I wet?
And so went to the bathroom.
I'm like did I, did I peemyself?
I didn't think I did, but wentand got cleaned up, went and
(16:37):
laid back down, and then ithappened again A few minutes
later.
I'm like nope, nope, I.
I think that that is fluid.
So went and did the mom thing,let the dog out, cause I knew
that if we went to the hospitalhe was going to be in his crate
all day called the doctor'sservice, cause it was one in the
morning.
They're like well, the reallythe only way we can tell is if
you come in and we test it andsee if it's fluid.
(16:58):
So woke my husband up, got inthe car we didn't have the older
two.
They were with their dad thatweek and I remember sitting in
the car on the way to thehospital and I looked at my
husband and I said it's April1st and he's like, yeah, I'm
like nobody's going to believethat I'm actually in labor.
So we get to the hospital, theyput me in a bed, they test it.
They're like, yes, it's fluid,you're in labor, but I wasn't
(17:21):
contracting contracting and theywould come in every 30 minutes.
Are you having contractions?
No, are you having contractions?
No, so I think at 10 o'clockthey're like okay, you've your
water's broken.
You know at some point it'sgoing to start being a risk of
infection, something like thatlater on.
Speaker 3 (17:40):
So let's get this party started.
Speaker 2 (17:41):
So they put me on Pitocin to start contractions,
um, and came in shortlythereafter and did my epidural
and it was great.
And then I remember the onething that was different than
with the older two is the babywas still really high up.
So they had like this thing itlooks like a yoga ball you had
squished in the middle.
It was shaped like a peanut.
They're like we're going to putthis between your knees to open
up your pelvis so the baby candrop down.
(18:02):
And we did that for I don'tknow 45 minutes, 30, 45 minutes.
So like, okay, she came down,we're going to go ahead and have
you push, and I think it wasthree pushes and she was out and
she was fine and everythingwent great with her.
Her only thing was that shecame out so fast that it didn't
(18:25):
give her enough time for all ofthe fluid to be squished out of
her lungs, which I guess is abig part of what normally
happens when they're comingthrough the birth canal.
She was in there for such ashort period of time that it was
still in her system, so she wasa little spiddly for the first
day and it sounds awful whenthey're gagging.
Speaker 1 (18:42):
Did they have to suction her?
Speaker 2 (18:43):
They did a little bit like gagging, Did they?
Did they have to suction her?
They did a little bit.
A lot of it was a little bitfurther down and had to work its
way up, which meant that I wasjust watching her constantly for
the first 24 hours.
Speaker 1 (18:51):
It's scary though.
Speaker 2 (18:53):
And then she was fine .
Speaker 1 (18:54):
Yeah, as you said, you'd listened to the podcast
with me and my wife.
So yeah, we're very, very awareof the dusky episodes and the
fluid retention in her lungs andstuff.
It sucked.
It just sounds like they'redying.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
I know I heard that.
I'm like it was the oppositeproblem, but basically the same
thing.
She was in too long and hadstuff in her system and was not
long enough and still did.
I'm like darned if you do,darned if you don't.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
So was she born April 1st or April 2nd?
Speaker 2 (19:22):
April 1st or April 2nd.
April 1st she was born at 2.22in the afternoon.
Ah, damn it, I'm April 2nd, wehave multiple friends that are
April 2nd and I was hoping thatshe would go to that day.
But I have a former friend thatI'm not friends with anymore
that had her birthday that day,so I'm kind of glad that she has
her own day.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
My wife went into labor on my birthday with
Hendrix, my oldest.
I know I saw that, yeah, butshe wasn't born until five days
later.
Speaker 2 (19:51):
Your wife is an absolute beast.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
A warrior, absolute warrior.
She is amazing.
Speaker 2 (19:57):
Yes.
And then with the next one, mydoctor was not real happy that I
got pregnant again as quick asI did.
But I said you know what?
We thought it was going to beat least six months, and then it
was a month, yeah.
So we found out, ourfour-year-old turned one on the
first the next year, and then wefound out we were pregnant on
(20:20):
the 23rd I think, and that was2020.
So I was pregnant during all ofwell, we lived in the southern
US, so lockdown was kind of ajoke.
Lockdown was kind of a joke, um.
(20:40):
But through all of that, all um, my husband came to, I think,
two doctor's appointments andthey were both ones where we did
ultrasounds, um.
Other than that, I was bymyself.
Um, I did have.
I almost forgot Um.
So we were grocery shopping andI'm like I have to go to the
bathroom.
And this was when I was aboutweeks pregnant.
I went to the bathroom at thegrocery store and I looked down
and I'm bleeding.
So I come out.
(21:00):
I'm relatively calm considering, and I told my husband.
I said I think I'm miscarrying.
He's like, well, do we justleave?
I'm like, well, no, we needgroceries regardless.
Nobody's going to be able tostop it if I am.
So we got done with our groceryshopping, we called the doctor's
office and like, yeah, itsounds like you're miscarrying.
Go to the emergency room.
(21:22):
So we went to the emergencyroom.
It was the height of COVID sohe couldn't come in with me.
So I'm sitting there, I'm inlike these paper pants that they
gave me, in these like the bigmesh underwear, because that's
what they had available thatthey give you after you give
birth.
They gave me some of those andthey said you know, we're going
to take you back for anultrasound.
(21:42):
And I remember laying in thereand I don't know if it's the
same over there, but in the USultrasound texts aren't supposed
to tell you anything.
You usually have to wait forthe doctor to go over everything
with you when you're done.
And I remember this absoluteangel of an ultrasound tech.
She goes.
I still see a heartbeat and sheturned the screen towards me
and you could see it.
And basically what had happened?
(22:02):
It's called a subchorionichemorrhage and what'll happen is
sometimes, where the sackimplants in the wall of the
uterus, it'll pull away a littlebit and it starts bleeding and
then the blood gets stuck inbetween the two things.
And so you'll bleed a lot atfirst and then you'll continue
to bleed off and on over thenext few weeks.
Um, but that was that was scarybecause it was still early on.
(22:27):
There wasn't anything we coulddo about it.
There wasn't a guarantee thatit wouldn't completely separate,
which means obviously we wouldhave lost the baby.
Um, thankfully we didn't.
Um, and it comes to December.
Um, I was supposed to be in mybest friend's wedding.
That day rolls around.
I think I'm in labor.
So I call her and tell her I'mlike I I'm sorry, but I you're
(22:48):
three hours away.
I can't come up there if I'mpossibly in labor and then not
be able to get home and end uphaving to have a baby in another
hospital with another doctor,ended up being six days later.
But I remember I again wascooking all day.
I cooked two dinners because Ihad stuff I had to use up and I
(23:08):
went to lay down that night.
I'm like huh, that feels kindof like a contraction, having
never had any on my own before.
I wasn't real sure Because bothmy oldest two were inductions
and my third I never contractedon my own until they gave me
drugs.
So I pulled up my little appand started timing it.
I'm like yeah, I think I'mhaving contractions.
(23:29):
And I told my husband.
He's like why didn't you tellme that before?
I took sleep medication?
So I called the doctor's officeand she's like go into the
hospital.
So I went in.
They monitored me.
They're like yep, you're inlabor.
Got me in a room, labored inthere for a while.
I remember having a few reallygood contractions.
My husband's passed out on thecouch because he took sleep meds
(23:50):
A few really good contractions.
Anesthesiologist comes in, doesmy epidural.
Um, I continue to progress.
They're like do you want us tobreak your water?
Yeah, that's fine.
Um, because it just wasn'tbreaking on its own.
None of mine ever did.
Um, I think I have the samething as your wife where I have
really tough waters.
Um, and early morning comesaround.
(24:14):
They're like you're, you'recompletely dilated, let's go
ahead and push.
And it was the same as hersister.
She had a smaller.
She, I think, was my smallestheaded baby, so she comes out
really quickly.
Again.
I ended up having the sameproblem where it didn't expel
all the fluid from her lungs,but the funniest thing with her
delivery was after I got myepidural.
(24:35):
They're trying to get my feetup into these stirrups on the
bed and I'm like, oh, here I'llhelp, except I can't feel my
legs.
So my leg goes flying up andkicks the nurse right in the
face.
Speaker 1 (24:46):
Oh no.
Speaker 2 (24:47):
I'm so sorry.
And then the baby comes out andhas one of the raunchiest,
nastiest smell and farts ever assoon as she comes out and
literally everybody in the roomstarts gagging.
I'm like that is a sign ofthings to come.
We're all in trouble.
But she was she.
Everybody was like she's got somuch hair and all I remember
(25:09):
thinking is I don't care, justget her out.
But she did.
She was my full head of hair,baby Um and we I think we're
there both with both myfour-year-old, my two-year-old.
We were in the hospital for aday and then they let us go home
, um.
And then then we come to mybaby Um.
(25:30):
I was 39 weeks pregnant.
I did an elective induction, um,just because obviously
induction doesn't work well foreverybody.
But my body seems to do wellwith Pitocin.
It actually jumpstarts mebetter than my own body hormones
do, apparently.
So we were supposed to be thereat six in the morning.
(25:51):
I woke up at four.
There was a message from thehospital Give us a call.
I called them.
They're like we don't have anybeds.
There was a bunch of peoplethat came in the night before
because it was a full moon.
Call us back at eight.
Okay, I called them back ateight.
Call us back at 11.
You understand that I'msupposed to come in and have a
baby today and I'm superpregnant and you keep telling me
no, this is going to get to bea problem.
(26:12):
Finally, call at 11.
They're like come in at one.
So I did.
I'm cranky because I haven'teaten anything, because I don't
know what's going to go on, andthey knew that they didn't want
me to eat prior to when I wascoming in at six.
Um, we get there.
They still don't have a roomfor us.
They're cleaning it right now.
Okay, fine, um, we finally getinto a room.
(26:32):
At about two in the afternoonthey come in and, as I'm sure
you know, when you're beinginduced, they ask you every
medical question under the sun.
It takes like an hour to answerall of the questions so they
can make sure that all theirbases are covered.
This great nurse who had been anurse for like 50 years she
comes in.
One of the other nurses comesin.
(26:53):
They run my IV, get all thatstarted, start giving me fluids.
Um, I also was group B streppositive for this pregnancy,
which, um, isn't an issue formoms but can be an issue for
baby um if it's not treated.
So they start you on IVantibiotics, um, once they start
your, your IV fluids, um, andso we started that.
(27:17):
They're like we need four hoursof it to infuse, um, while
you're on the Pitocin and whileyou're laboring.
It should, you'll be fine,it'll be plenty of time, um.
So they start me on the Pitocinat about three in the afternoon
and we're waiting.
I'm watching home reno shows onthe tv, my husband's reading a
book and they're like we'rehaving contractions, a couple
(27:38):
like nothing really big um.
So they come in.
At what time is it?
It was at 6 15.
It's my doctor's not on calltoday.
It's the hospital's ob staff,so it's a resident, which is I
don't know if it works the samein australia.
They are, they are a fullfledged doctor, but they work
underneath the head doctor.
(28:01):
She comes in with my nurse.
They're like do you want tobreak your water?
You're not really progressing.
We can either break your waterand call for the epidural, or
give you the epidural and thenbreak your water, or just wait
and see how things go.
Well, I'd always had my waterbroken first and then gotten the
epidural, so I went that route.
So she breaks my water, theyall leave.
It's getting ready to be shiftchange, which anybody who's gone
(28:22):
through this knows nothing.
Nothing gets done at shiftchange, um, because everybody's
trying to finish up all theirstuff and I'm sitting there and,
literally within two minutes ofthem breaking my water, I am
just walloped by back-to-backcontractions.
I can't talk.
I'm writhing on the bed.
All I can do is moan.
My husband's like I don't knowwhat's going on.
(28:44):
We hit the call button, nobodycomes.
So he runs out into the hallwayand he's got one of those
voices that when he wants toyell, the bellowing dad voice,
yes, gets attention of everyone,so they come back down.
The head nurse comes down andshe just peeks in and she looks
at me.
She goes can I get my nurse andthe resident back down here now
?
And they come in and it's beenfive minutes at this point and
(29:07):
I'm not sure how she managed it.
But she checks my cervix again.
I'd been four centimetersdilated for a month.
It'd been five minutes.
I was seven centimeters.
Now they're like um, okay, uh,we're still gonna try to get
your epidural.
And my nurse and the head nursestart fighting because I haven't
had all the fluids I wassupposed to have before.
I can do that and and there'sjust all this going on.
(29:28):
Meanwhile I'm just trying tofocus on getting through each of
these mondo contractions thatare like off the chart, on the
little piece of paper that I'mlooking at.
And then they're like turningme, trying to get things to slow
down so they can get theanesthesiologist in there.
And I remember looking at mynurse like going, I'm not going
to make it, am I?
And she goes no, you're not,but it's going to be okay, this
(29:51):
is going to go really fast andyou're going to be fine.
And then I remember yelling oh,my God, she's coming.
And it was so embarrassing evenin the moment, cause normally
I'm really quiet, like I'mfocused, I'm quiet during
delivery and I am at this pointscreaming.
So they check me again and I'm10 centimeters.
They're like you can go aheadand push on the next contraction
(30:12):
.
So I push, and I push and she'sout, which is great, she, she's
out, everything's fine, she'sfine.
It hurt.
But it's weird because whencontractions are that bad,
pushing actually lessens thepain.
So you are focused on thatinstead of on the pain that
comes from, you know, expellinga human being.
(30:32):
Yeah, so they get her out.
They take her over to thelittle warmer, start working on
her yeah, so they're like wehave to get it out.
(30:55):
So they give me I.
I have no epidural, so I feeleverything.
So they give me the shot ofsomething into my leg and
they're like okay, oh, it wasdilaudid, which didn't lessen
the pain, it just made my headfoggy.
So then the head doctor finallycame in.
She goes I have to get yourplacenta out.
I said okay, and all of asudden I'm basically a human
(31:17):
puppet because somebody has herhand up inside me getting the
placenta out, scooping it outwhich.
Yep, which, with no pain meds,was probably the worst thing I
have ever experienced in my life.
And I'm trying not to kick thiswoman in the face, but it is so
hard because I just want her tostop.
And then, meanwhile, thenursery nurse is trying to shove
(31:39):
the baby into my arms because,you know, skin to skin contact
is the big thing, and I'm like Ican't.
I am in so much pain right now.
If you give me this child, I'mgoing to drop her on the floor.
And so, finally, my husband gotfed up with this woman.
He looks at her, he's like giveme the fucking baby.
And she's like no, I got no.
Hand me my fucking child.
(31:59):
Yeah.
And so he grabbed her, um, andhe, he's all proud.
Now he's like I, I got to holdher first.
Yes, you did.
Um, they finally get me takencare of.
Um, thankfully, I didn't bleedas much this time, didn't end up
having to get a transfusion.
Um, I will say, recovery whenyou haven't had an epidural is a
(32:20):
lot more quicker initially thanit is when you have one Cause.
Um, um.
I ended up with a spinalheadache with our four-year-old,
which was absolutelydebilitating.
Um, and then, uh, everythingwent fine with the other ones,
but, uh, it was just like Icould get up, I could walk
around, I didn't have to.
I mean, they made me go in awheelchair to the other room,
(32:41):
but I didn't need to be in awheelchair.
Um, the only thing was is itwas only three hours from when
they started my antibiotics towhen she was born, so it didn't
have enough time for the group Bstrep antibiotics to fully go
through my system.
So we ended up being in thehospital for an extra day for
them to monitor her, and then weran into a discrepancy on her
(33:04):
birth weight.
So she was monitored a lot moreclosely because it looks like
she lost a ton of weight frombirth to when we left the
hospital.
But my husband and I are bothof the mind that that same uh
nursery nurse that was trying toshove her into my arms uh,
misrecorded her weight becauseit was right before her shift
was going to end and she wantedto get out of there.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
So, um, they were all very different those those
hospital staff, hey, god blessthem for the work they do, but
sometimes they just they need tounderstand when they're burned
out and they need to take sometime off.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (33:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:38):
And it's the same as every other part of life.
You're going to have peoplethat are great.
You're going to have peoplethat are awful.
Most people go somewhere in themiddle, but you're going to run
across all of them at somepoint.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah, yeah, it's.
The one thing that I can sayabout hospital staff is that
sometimes they just need to takea step outside of what they're
doing and remember that we'repeople and we're not cattle, and
it's not just a number.
This is life-changing stuffwe're going through and it's not
(34:09):
just a case of like get them in, get them out, get them dealt
with Like we're not cattle.
Speaker 2 (34:12):
Yeah, it's us Exactly .
Speaker 1 (34:14):
We had just to make this story about me for one
second.
We had a breastfeedingconsultant come into our room I
think it was with Hendrix, offthe top of my head.
Her name was Jo J-O-H.
I don't know why I rememberthat, but we call her Jo to this
(34:34):
day.
And Jo comes in and says I'm abreastfeeding consultant, is
there anything I can do to help?
And my wife's like no, I thinkwe're going okay, she's having a
bit of trouble latching, butshe's had her dusky episodes.
And Jo, dear Jo, just out ofnowhere decided to walk up
beside my wife, pull her breastout of her top, grab baby's head
(34:58):
and just whack it straight onthere Like no consent, no
previous questions.
And then once baby latched, shewas like cool, well, my job's
done and left.
And both of us were just likedoes she even fucking work here?
I think this lady's justwalking around, she's just
coming from the street and she'slike I'm going to see how many
tits I can grab today.
And it's still a running joke.
(35:18):
It's just like we weren't evenpeople.
We weren't people to her.
She was just like this is myjob, you're just a part of my
job, I don't care about you as aperson, but your breast is what
I'm here to do exactly this iswhat I'm focused on.
It was absolutely wild that isinsane.
Speaker 2 (35:39):
Um, I will say, from the older two to the younger
three, when it comes to thelactation consultants in the
hospital, they, they definitelyhave gotten less militant about
you must breastfeed and moreabout is baby fed?
How are you feeding them?
Is it going okay?
Speaker 1 (35:56):
Yeah, that age-old breast is best and fed is best
kind of deal.
Speaker 2 (36:01):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (36:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:02):
Yes, yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I think so.
For our first two we had in thesame hospital, and then the
third was a different hospitaland the third they were very,
very much fed as best yes,centric Whereas the first
hospital I believe they wereleaning more towards breast as
best.
But with Hendrix, because shehad jaundice and had to go in
(36:25):
the humicrib for 24, 48 hours orwhatever, I was just giving her
like top up bottles and theysupported that anyway.
But yeah, a lot of it comesdown to like a lot of doctors
and nurses and pediatricians andstuff.
They really like to interjecttheir own personal opinions
instead of their educatedopinions, which angers me to no
(36:46):
end opinions, which angers me tono end, I had with my oldest.
Speaker 2 (36:54):
I ended up stuck with an OB.
That was this 75 year old man,yes and he.
I was so young and I didn'tknow any better and at that age
you don't really advocate foryourself very well, and his
nurse was.
She was a bitch I mean there'sno real other way to say it and
I had um really bad morningsickness with her um ended up
having to get zofran just tofunction during the day.
(37:16):
Um, and I remember calling andasking for a refill and nobody
ever really got back to me.
So then my husband called laterand she calls me back on my, on
my phone from the other roomwhile he's still on the phone
with the office and startsberating me for not telling her
how serious it was.
And I just remember hanging upthe phone and like chucking it
(37:37):
across the room and crying andfrom that point on I said I
don't want her to help me.
If that means I have to switchdoctors, that's fine.
I didn't actually, actually,they just had the other doctors
nurse help me when I came in.
But I'm like people are attheir most vulnerable,
especially with their firstpregnancy, when you've never
done this before and you don'tknow what's going on and you're
gonna come out a problem likethat, like I have personally
(38:00):
wronged you.
What is the matter?
Speaker 1 (38:02):
yeah, I think, um with with client facing like
that, especially like in themedical industry, I think
employees should have mandatorytherapy to ensure that their own
personal shit stays their ownpersonal shit and it doesn't
bleed over into their clients,because it can really make or
(38:22):
break something as alreadyhectic as pregnancy and birth
and delivery and you know likewe've got enough shit to worry
about.
We don't have to, we shouldn'thave to worry about your shit on
top of that and how that'simpacting us Exactly.
Like fuck man.
So yeah, I mean five verydifferent but also quite similar
pregnancies and births.
(38:43):
So I do want to talk about youand your mental health and how
kind of your past,pre-parenthood has shaped you as
a person, as a mother, as apartner.
What things have youimplemented into your parenting
life that were kind ofcontradictory to how you were
(39:05):
brought up?
How are you parenting intoday's society?
Speaker 2 (39:10):
Okay, so just real quick history.
First diagnosed with depressionwhen I was 16, got put on a
medication that shortlythereafter came out was actually
terrible.
Put teens on and actuallyincreased suicidal ideation
instead of decreasing it.
Ended up in a psych ward with asuicide attempt at 16.
(39:31):
Then was on and off meds basedon insurance, because that's how
it works here over the next fewyears.
Then I was diagnosed withgeneralized anxiety disorder in
my early 20s.
Same thing on and off medsbased on insurance and what all
that looked like.
Um.
(39:51):
And then got divorced and lostmy insurance and was not medded
at all Um for a long time andjust kind of muddled my way
through.
Um, kids were always paramounteven at that point.
Speaker 1 (40:05):
Um so were you primary caregiver after divorce.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
So we have always shared custody equally, just
because we went into ourmarriage from families of
divorce both of us and made ittantamount to us that the kids
were not to be used asbargaining chips, that what was
best for them is what we woulddo, regardless of what we
thought.
So at that point was strugglingmentally didn't really realize
(40:32):
it in the moment, but because Iwas struggling financially, I
was struggling in every way youpossibly could.
So that unfortunately took aback burner.
Look back on a lot of thedecisions and behaviors I had at
the time.
I'm like, yeah, that was badand that was things going on
that I didn't know about at thetime had my four-year-old and
(40:52):
then, when she was three monthsold, had another suicide attempt
and that was when I got mybipolar diagnosis and everything
made sense.
And I've been on medication andin therapy ever since then.
Medications have changed, so Ithink we have it pretty dialed
(41:13):
in at this point and I am nowlooking for a new therapist
because in the States a lot oftherapists are only certified or
credited or licensed inspecific states, so I have to
find one to work with.
Where I am now, parenting haschanged as I've aged, probably
more than as I've been diagnosedwith more things, but my
(41:35):
diagnoses definitely play intomy parenting.
I'm not nearly as patient as Iwould like to be with any of my
children I never have been andwith my older two because we
were struggling financially evenwhen I was married and I worked
full time.
Um, it was, it was more aboutjust taking the time that I did
(41:55):
have with them, because I was atwork all day um, and making the
most of the time that I havewith them and trying to give
them the kind of life that Iwanted them to have with the
resources that I had at mydisposal.
Um, they're both really goodkids of life that I wanted them
to have with the resources thatI had at my disposal.
They're both really good kidswe didn't have a whole lot of.
(42:17):
We had little two-year-old andthree-year-old snippets, things
like that, but no big behavioralissues out of either one of
them.
I just I feel like I missed alot of their childhood because I
was having to work full time tomake sure that we could provide
for them and it just it's sohard because you're like I'm
working to pay somebody else tospend more time with my children
(42:38):
than I do, and it's justfrustrating.
And then I got divorced and, Ithink, got even more lax in my
parenting because I felt guiltyfor getting divorced and I also
had a lot of people around methat were a part of their lives,
that were not the greatestpeople, as it turns out, and
probably had more of a hand inbeing part of their lives than I
(43:01):
should have let them.
So I think that they've turnedout great.
I love they're both greatteenagers.
They're not overly attitude-y.
My oldest is probably a littlemore naive than she probably
needs to be at this age, but asfar as I'm aware, I know
teenagers tend to be secretive.
No drug exploration yet nosexual activity.
(43:26):
We've talked about that a lotand I said just tell me so that
I know, so we can make sure youhave what you need, because I
don't want you to come to meafter the fact to be like I'm
pregnant or I got somebodypregnant and now we have to
figure out what to do about itwhen I'm still a teenager, um,
which is ironic coming from me,um, but they, uh, they help a
(43:48):
lot with their young.
Well, until we moved here.
Help a lot with their young,well until we moved here, helped
a lot with their youngersiblings, um, out of their
choice, and I always made surethat it was their choice to do
that.
Because I didn't have thatchoice growing up, I was
required to watch my youngersiblings so that my mom and my
stepdad could work and mainly mymom, because my stepdad was not
(44:08):
a parent, so if she wasn't homeI was the parent.
I'm the one that took care ofthem, I'm the one that fed them
and I didn't want my kids tohave to deal with that.
If you want to help with themor if you don't mind helping mom
, that's great, but if you don'twant to, that's fine too, was
(44:29):
really my number one thing whenwe when my current husband and I
started having kids, I saidthey are not going to be
required to watch these kids,and that was one of the reasons
why I quit working, is it?
It took that off the table.
I I was home all the time wewere able when it was just three
kids for us to get by on um histeaching salary that he had at
the time, but then obviously,more kids, he needed more money.
(44:52):
So I think and I've always givenmy mom a hard time about this,
about how she was easier goingwith my younger siblings than
she was with me.
But I see that in myself tooand I think that that may just
be age.
You realize what you need tofreak what you need, what you
need to freak out over or whatyou need to focus on.
Um, as you get older, asopposed to, you're gonna be very
(45:16):
rigid and the kids are gonna dothis and they're gonna do that
and you're like, hey, just justlet them play for a little bit
longer, it's not gonna hurtanybody if they go to bed 20
minutes late.
Yeah, um, and it's so funnybecause obviously the baby is,
her personality is stilldeveloping, but the older two
are just night and day differentpersonality wise.
Our four-year-old is the mostloving, you know, kind hearted,
(45:40):
pretty chill child and ourtwo-year-old is absolutely
bonkers.
She is.
She would be on wrestlemania ifthey allowed two-year-olds on
wrestlemania.
She just runs around and if I'mnot careful she's too rough
with her little sister and Iwill count down from five for my
four-year-old and she stopsdoing whatever she's doing.
I count down from five with mytwo-year-old and she just stares
(46:03):
at me.
She's like what, what are yougonna do, you're not gonna do
anything, which is not true.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
Those emerging personalities are so incredible,
yes, but also so frustrating towatch unfold, aren't they?
I'm excited for the next stage,yes, and I do take solace in
knowing that it's not just us.
There's a lot of people outthere that have gone through
that.
I just never expected it to beso hectic, so so hectic it is so
(46:31):
full disclosure ourfour-year-old.
Speaker 2 (46:33):
We're fighting right now to get her off her passy,
which is she's four.
She should have been off itwell over a year ago.
But then she has a littlesister that has one, and now she
has two little sisters thathave one, and I have explained
it away forever and so finallyI'm like we just we have to be
done with it.
But she also sleeps in bed withus because she got sick once
and was in bed with us while shewas sick and then just never
(46:53):
left.
Now we're trying to figure outhow to do that.
Yes, potty training, pottytraining, uh, was a hard thing.
That didn't happen until justbefore four years old, um, but
it's.
It's.
The same thing like this wouldhave freaked me out when I was
younger, and maybe it's becauseI'm medicated and in therapy now
, I don't know um probably alittle bit, um, but at this
(47:18):
point I'm like, okay, we have todo it now, but it just, it
hasn't bothered me.
I'm like she'll, we'll get there, like not a huge, a huge deal.
But everybody's like, how didyou get pregnant with another
baby when she sleeps in betweenyou?
And I'm like you find ways, um,but yeah, it's a hard.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
It's a hard thing really is.
So I mean, thank you forsharing your birth stories and
thank you for sharing your pastand your mental health journey
with everyone.
I really do appreciate that.
So, from then till now, we'llbring it to the current day and
age How's mental health going?
Are there any worries, concerns?
(48:02):
Is there any big moves that arehappening in life at the moment
or anything that you personallywant to share with the world?
Speaker 2 (48:10):
I think I mean right now we're just still getting
settled into the new location,the new house, the new dynamic,
with older kids being gone a lotmore than they have been.
The little ones don't reallyunderstand obviously.
They just know that they're nothere right now and they want
them here.
I think mental health for meright now is good.
I've had amazing therapists.
(48:31):
I mean there is a little bit ofconcern about finding one that
I click with.
I know you've talked about thatquite a bit in the past is
having a therapist is great, buthaving a therapist that you
actually connect with is huge,because otherwise you just feel
like you're talking to somerandom person and you really
don't get into the depth of alot of stuff like you would hope
.
Speaker 1 (48:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:50):
I think the big thing that I have learned through age
and through therapy anddiagnosis and everything is
everybody has a story.
You don't know everybody'sstory, so just always know that
there is probably somethinggoing on that you know nothing
about and give them a little bitof grace, like I am.
(49:11):
It actually probably is my owndetriment, but I forgive people
almost all the time just becauseeverybody has been the villain
in somebody's story.
Um, everybody has done thingsto wrong other people and to sit
there and judge somebody elsefor doing basically the same
thing that you've done justseems the height of hypocrisy.
(49:32):
And I just be understanding bekind.
That is like my number one rulewith our kids is always be kind
.
Defend yourself if need be, butalways be kind.
Speaker 1 (49:45):
So be kind until you need to not be kind.
Speaker 2 (49:48):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (49:49):
Possess empathy, not sympathy.
All really important stuff,awesome.
Well, it sounds like you'redoing a great job amidst all of
the changes and the dynamicshifts and everything like that,
so I reckon we'll wrap it upthere.
Is there any last minute thingsthat you want to throw out into
the world?
Speaker 2 (50:05):
I don't think so.
I think that was the majorityof it Good good.
Speaker 1 (50:09):
Well, thank you very much, hannah, for your time
today and thank you for yourhusband for dealing with bottle
bath and bedtime tonight, so youdid have the chance to come on,
absolutely.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (50:22):
You're more than welcome, mate.
You enjoy the rest of yourevening.
Speaker 3 (50:25):
You too.
Speaker 1 (50:25):
Bye.
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