November 29, 2024 • 43 mins
Welcome to the Season 2 finale of Touched Out!
On today's episode My wife George and I chat about our year in review. A year that was very much Survive and not Thrive.
We discuss our highs, lows, wins & fails along with some pretty awesome news.
We finish the episode by reading a few parenting reddit stories.
I hope you enjoy!
Thanks for listening to Touched Out: A Mental Health and Parenting Support Podcast.
If you enjoyed this episode, please like, subscribe, share, and leave a rating and review. Your support helps others discover their new favorite parenting and mental health podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
George (00:01):
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theelders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
Carter (00:18):
Warning this podcast contains explicit language and
discusses sensitive topicsrelated to mental health
childhood trauma, birth trauma,abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you find these subjectsdistressing or triggering, we
recommend taking caution andconsidering whether to proceed
with listening.
If you or someone you know isstruggling, please reach out to
(00:40):
a mental health professional ora trusted individual for support
.
Your wellbeing is our priority.
Take some time.
George (00:50):
It's alright, you'll be fine After the touch of a cat.
(01:12):
Take all night, you'll be fine,it's alright.
After the touch of a cat, it'salright.
The Touched Out Podcast.
Carter (01:29):
Alright, so this is the Season 2 finale of Touched Out.
I yet again, like I did for theSeason 1 finale, have my
incredible wife, george with me.
How you going, babe?
George (01:41):
I'm good.
Thanks, babe.
How are you?
Carter (01:43):
I'm really good, thank you.
It is what?
Thursday night at 9.30 pm andwe're going to have a few beers
and have a little chat.
So what's been happening?
What's going on in your world?
George (01:58):
Everything.
I feel like I haven't seen youin a few weeks.
We've both been very busy and Iknocked off work not too long
ago, so I had a quick shower andget this done before work
tomorrow.
Carter (02:10):
Yeah, yeah, you've been flat out.
When am I not?
When are you not?
Indeed, why don't you telleveryone how your year's been,
what's been happening, what'sthe goss?
George (02:23):
I'm not sure if there's any goss, but to be quite frank,
it hasn't been a great yearthat hasn't has it.
No, no, didn't kick many goalsin 2024.
I've had a few health issues,personal issues, um, I'm just
very run down, but I think it'sself-inflicted pain at this
(02:43):
point, because I'm the one thatchooses to go to school and work
two jobs and but very, verybusy person by choice.
Carter (02:52):
Yeah, by choice, yeah you.
Uh, you and I, we quite oftenlaugh.
We've both got ADHD.
But I've got the good kind yeah, you got the good kind where
you get shit done, and I've gotthe shit kind where I'm like,
well, my brain's too much and Ijust want to lay in bed.
George (03:10):
Yeah, it's not always the good kind, though, because
when you can't sleep because youknow that there's dishes to be
washed or laundry to be done, oryou know when I went through my
woodworking phase you can'texactly use a circular saw at
11pm instead of sleeping.
Carter (03:27):
You've had some good phases this year, though.
I've seen your creativityflourish, which is awesome.
George (03:32):
Yeah, I don't want to call them phases.
I think I spent this year sortof discovering who I am as a
geriatric woman.
I spent my teen years justbeing a dirtbag and now I'm
getting to discover that I'mactually pretty good at a lot of
things not to suck my own dickbut I'm enjoying having hobbies
(03:53):
and learning new things, like Istarted making gothic macrame
plant holders yeah, you did.
I love them so much as a way tofacilitate room for more plants,
because my indoor plant hobbyis absolutely thriving yeah, so
much, so much plants.
Carter (04:14):
It's awesome.
I love it.
I love looking at them everymorning and I love your little
macrame I shouldn't say little,that somehow diminishes it I
mean it's a four level macrameplant holder.
George (04:24):
So yeah, let's not call it little.
I learnt a lot of knots forthose you did, you did.
Carter (04:29):
No, I love it.
And then so you started offwith your plants, and then you
went to your macrame, and thenyou went so hard on woodworking
and you built some like plantertables and you built a work
table for all of your tools, andthen you decided to one woman
(04:51):
one, wheelbarrow it andcompletely landscape our entire
backyard by yourself, which isjust a feat that I am still
incredibly amazed by.
George (05:02):
I'm glad, but back it up a little bit.
Why did I do the backyardremodel?
What did I have to put in there?
We had always wanted to do mudkitchen for the kids, but it
couldn't just be a mud kitchen.
Unfortunately, I ended upmaking an L-shaped kitchen that
is about three square meters.
It's big and it's got cupboardsand it's got a double steel
(05:28):
sink with a working tap and Imade a little dugout for that
and I used sleepers to edge itoff and it's got a shade sail
above it and I painted it.
And yeah, considering I mean, Istill have absolutely no idea
what I'm doing.
Carter (05:45):
You've done pretty well.
I think I have done pretty well.
Considering the mud kitchen wasmy idea and I started off and
you were like, so what's yourplan with it?
I'm like I don't know, mate,I'm just raw dogging it and
you're like, hmm, I'm like youcan take over, babe, I know you
want to Just go hard.
George (06:09):
And go hard, you did, I did, but I mean I I let it sit
there for two weeks.
I wanted to see what you did.
I started it.
Yeah, yeah, you did, babe.
Good job, thanks babe.
Yeah, you did well.
And then, yeah, the split levelbackyard, because you've always
said that you wanted it leveland I thought, from where I was
looking, it looked like an easyjob.
It looked like I'd be diggingout maybe three inches of dirt
and it ended up being about twofoot yep yeah, so I had to find
(06:33):
somewhere to put all that dirt.
Carter (06:36):
So not the recycling bin , not the sorry the green bin.
Yeah, what two weeks.
Two weeks of the garbos beinglike no, can't even lift it yeah
, the fogo bin.
George (06:45):
Don't make it sound like I was putting straight dirt in
there.
I was putting weeds with alittle bit of dirt.
But turns out, in australia ourwheelie bins are weight limited
and I thought, because I couldget it out the front of my house
that it wasn't over 80 kilos,but we learned that it was
probably about 160.
So, whoops, sorry.
Carter (07:06):
It was pretty heavy.
Yeah, getting that down theside was rough.
So, look, we can sit here andsay that it's been a pretty
shitty year in terms of a lot ofthings, but the year's been
pretty good to us.
At the same time, with somethings, you've gotten a lot
accomplished working two jobsand going to school with three
(07:26):
kids.
George (07:28):
There's definitely some pluses.
Carter (07:30):
Well, let's get on to the highs of this year.
So we went to Sydney last week.
Do you want to tell them whatwe went to Sydney for?
George (07:38):
We went to the Australian Podcasting Awards.
Carter (07:41):
Yeah, we did.
George (07:42):
Yeah, we went to the Darling Harbour, sofitel, for
the awards ceremony.
Carter (07:47):
Yeah, and your husband was nominated for two awards Yep
Parenting Podcast of the Yearand Editor's Choice Specialised
Podcast and I won the ParentingPodcast of the Year.
So listeners who have been withme from the start less than two
(08:08):
years ago, just a regular olddad recording a podcast in his
kid's playroom, with noknowledge of podcasting, with no
training in audio engineeringor social media or graphic
design or anything, or socialmedia or graphic design or
anything less than two yearslater, I am the Australian
(08:33):
Parenting Podcast of the Yearand if I didn't have photos and
if I didn't have the trophysitting in front of me, I would
believe it was a fever dream.
I'm very proud.
You should be.
I'm very, very proud.
George (08:45):
Yeah, you were up against quite big contenders.
I wasn't expecting the bulk ofthem to be SBS and ABC, and you
know actual journalists, Likenetworks, yeah, like
professionals that have been inthe industry for a long time.
Carter (09:03):
It was, yeah, it was an incredible experience and yeah,
literally lost for words.
So, yeah, that's pretty fuckingcool.
I'm pretty chuffed.
Apart from that, how aboutHeise as a parent?
George (09:19):
We toilet trained Roman.
Carter (09:20):
We toilet trained Roman.
He is what.
Four and a bit Four years,three months, I think.
Yeah.
George (09:28):
Something like that.
Carter (09:28):
We were stressed, we were worried that old May
wouldn't be able to go to school.
We were worried about all of it.
We went to an OT, we went to abehavior specialist, we went to
several other therapists andthen we went to a toilet
training specialist and all ittook.
(09:49):
None of that stuck all of it.
All that it took was your dadbeing like just fucking, don't
put him in nappies anymore juststop giving him nappies and he
resisted for a day and then thenhe realized Mom's not backing
down yeah, pa was serious.
Mom's not backing down.
(10:10):
Dad's on board.
And that was like what threeweeks ago.
George (10:14):
Least, I'd say it's probably been a month.
Yeah, no significant accidents.
It's not something that he evershowed an interest in.
That's why I wasn't sure if itwas going to happen.
He was ready, he just neededthat push, needed the push.
Carter (10:30):
Yeah.
Yeah, I was expecting likeevery day, just shitty underwear
, but I think there's only beenone or two.
He pretty much doesn't have anyaccidents at daycare or kinder.
So, yeah, I'm very proud of thelittle guy.
She doesn't have any accidentsat daycare or kinder, so, yeah,
I'm very proud of the little guyApart from that we've got.
George (10:52):
Hendrix is just about to finish her first year of prep.
It's wild to think about howquickly that's gone.
I think she's flourishing atschool.
We know that there's certainareas that she needs a little
bit more support, know thatthere's certain areas that she
needs a little bit more support,but she is so in her element
being surrounded by people herage, curious people, because
(11:12):
she'll, on average I'd say, askme about 410 questions per day.
She loves to learn, so I'm gladthat she's there.
There was talks of maybe doinganother year of kinder because
her and I both went to schoolearly and we both ended up
struggling in high school.
But her kinder teacher said ifyou wanted to hold it back, you
(11:33):
would have to get her a tutorfive days a week.
Carter (11:35):
She was so ready.
We'll cross that bridge when wecome to it, when she's 17 and
all of our friends are 18, goingto schoolies and she can't go.
George (11:45):
She can do what I did for schoolies.
What fake ID Go to Epilock.
Carter (11:50):
Go to Lake Epilock.
George (11:52):
Country Victoria.
Carter (11:55):
And what's the other one , salem?
Yeah, that one.
I get her and Hendrix mixed up.
George (12:01):
I'm surprised you'd forget that one.
Carter (12:03):
Yeah.
Why don't you tell us about her?
George (12:07):
The way I describe her is she is not a horse you could
lead to order, let alone make itdrink.
She is very firm in what shewants and when she wants it, and
usually she wants it 10 minutesago.
I take full responsibility forSalem.
That one is 110% me, so she'sjust she can be mean.
Carter (12:35):
She can be pretty mean.
George (12:36):
She can be a pretty mean little girl and I know that
people are going to say thatshe's too young, she's not
capable of that, but this kid issmart.
She is smart.
I was putting her to bed theother night and I put up three
fingers on one hand and I askedher how many.
She said three.
And then I put up two more andshe said five.
And I said how the fuck do youknow that?
Carter (12:58):
For a two-year-old and she recognizes numbers.
Every day we've got Christmascountdown blocks and every day
We've got a Christmas countdownblocks and every day we say can
you change the block from aneight to a seven or a seven to a
six or whatever have you?
And she does it, no issues.
George (13:16):
No, and I think that's why she struggles so much and
gets so frustrated.
Because she's so articulate,like that kid probably speaks
better than us at this point,like she can manage 20-word
sentences and we're just outhere flogging a dead horse
trying to get the same six wordsout doing our best.
Carter (13:37):
This is me walking around saying bing bong all day.
It's quite incredible to see,and she can articulate her
feelings and emotions as well.
George (13:46):
Very emotionally intelligent and she will let you
know when you've upset her.
Carter (13:51):
Oh, she'll let you know when I've upset her.
Yeah, daddy, made me sad.
George (13:56):
Yeah, that was one of her first 18-word sentences that
you made her sad because youhit her in the eyebrow.
Carter (14:05):
That's right.
Yeah, I didn't hit her in theeyebrow, I took her.
George (14:09):
I mean, it's what she's going to tell people, so it's a
slippery slope from here.
Dad punched me in the face.
Carter (14:15):
I can't wait for her to start lying.
It's going to be great fun.
So that's our kids in anutshell.
They're all very, very excitedfor Christmas.
Every day, hendrix and Romanare like, is it Christmas today?
And Salem's like no dummies,it's 27 more days.
Read the blocks, god damn it.
So, apart from that, that's thekids and that's our highs of
(14:37):
the year.
Let's talk about some lows.
So you were diagnosed withsomething called PMDD.
George (14:49):
Yep, tell us about it.
Yeah, so PMDD is not somethingthat I really knew about until I
was already in the thick of it.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorderand if I get that wrong, please
someone feel free to correct me.
I started to notice a patternafter I had Salem and every
month, two weeks before I wouldget my period, I would get very
(15:12):
dark to the point where I becamesuicidal.
And I'm not a suicidal person.
I have no plans, no intentions.
I love my life, I love myfamily, but each month I would
just go to a very dark place andit took quite a bit to get me
(15:32):
out of that dark place.
And I also started strugglingwith adult hormonal acne, which
was an absolute vibe.
It's not something that I'veever experienced before.
Shouldn't complain because Igot through my teen years
without it but it all just sortof pointed to some hormonal
(15:55):
issues.
Carter (15:56):
It's been a ride.
Yeah, it's not fun seeingsomeone that I love so much just
turn from happy to so so dark,very dark, so quick Every month,
yeah, yeah.
But now that we know that it'sa thing, we work through it.
So do you know of any sort oftreatment for anyone out there
(16:20):
with PMDD?
George (16:28):
I don't, and if anyone would like to let me know, that
would be fantastic, because Iactually went to one of the
local doctors and, being a smallcountry town, I don't expect
greatness.
However, when I went to go seethe doctor, he sort of wiped his
hands of it and he said I'm amale doctor.
I'll be honest, I don't have agreat understanding of this and
he sat there and he got on WebMD.
Carter (16:46):
What's a period?
George (16:47):
Yeah, so he prescribed me with contraception because I
asked for it, because I said,hey, this thing will stop the
period and it will stop the badthoughts, will stop the period
and it will stop the badthoughts.
So, other than that, I think,especially in the new year, I
just need to stop treating mybody like a piece of shit.
We need to look after ourselvesa bit better.
(17:08):
We can't use the excuse ofhaving a newborn anymore.
Carter (17:10):
Yeah, we do.
We need to quit smoking.
We need to quit drinking alittle bit.
Maybe I don't think it's thecigarettes that I love anymore
it used to be, definitely butit's the respite for a few
minutes outside.
Yeah, just getting outside andgetting away from the constant
(17:31):
noise.
What other lows have we had?
Let's talk about us.
Let's talk about what's beengoing on in that space.
George (17:44):
Yeah.
Carter (17:47):
So you guys will notice that I have been off social
media for a number of months now.
A few months ago, my TikTokblew up and I had a couple of
viral videos and all of a suddenI was kind of thrust into this
popularity world that I hadnever really experienced before
(18:07):
and my focus shifted entirely tocontent creation.
And I was.
There was not a minute of theday that I was not on my phone
and I just, yeah, I dropped theball really, really bad and it
really fucked my mental healthbadly and I was just not being
(18:29):
responsible.
None of the shit that I neededto get done was getting done.
I was irritable, I wasn'tsleeping properly and, yeah, we
kind of just got into a reallybad place.
We stopped communicatingbecause you were just kind of
fed up with my shit.
George (18:47):
I wouldn't say that I was fed up.
You can look back in retrospectnow and say that all of these
things happened, but at the timeyou didn't have an issue.
You loved it.
You were going viral, you wereloving the attention, you were
having such a good time with itand I could see that you were
flourishing and I will give youthat.
(19:08):
But it became so all-consumingthat there's only so many times
where your kids can say yourname right in front of you and
you don't hear it because you'reso busy on your phone.
You stopped being a dad for thesake of being a dad and you
(19:32):
started parenting for contentcreation Things like making
pancakes with the kids in themorning.
You weren't doing that to enjoytime with them.
You were doing it because youknew that you had this ability
to make a viral video, whichisn't a bad thing.
It was a lesson that I think alot of people needed to learn
and you had to learn that.
Carter (19:55):
Yeah, it was pretty shit .
Very articulate babe.
Yeah, it was pretty shit, andin very articulate babe and in
the moment yeah, you're rightlike, oh, it was just.
Yeah, because of the autism andwhatnot, I was so hyper fixated
on it.
It's because, like you know,I've never been a part of
anything apart from the podcastwhich, like, is not viral by any
(20:16):
standard at tiktok is just it'sfucking internet heroin.
It's a different beast.
That for sure I was.
So I was so locked in and, yeah, like it took this kind of
breaking point where you're like, hey, cut this shit out yeah
and I realized, oh yep, that'sfair enough.
(20:36):
And yeah, you, you suffered, thekids suffered.
Yeah, yeah, I did.
I stopped being a dad for a bitand that makes the podcast and
everything so inauthentic.
Yeah, because you and the kidsare my absolute be all and end
all.
So it's something that's hardto talk about and something that
(20:58):
I'm pretty ashamed of, but but,yeah, that's why the social
media is gone, and now that it'sbeen gone for a few months, I'm
you know, I get messages frommates every now and then asking
if I'm coming back, and now thatit's gone, I don't want it back
.
I'm scared.
I'm scared that I will slipback into that, because to me,
(21:18):
everything was good.
All, all engines were firing,but it could not have been much
further of the further from thetruth yeah, that was a very hard
pill for you to swallow because, yeah, you were loving it.
I mean, yeah, and like I alsokind of exited all of that realm
when I was starting to get likeoffers from advertising and
(21:41):
sponsorship money and stuff likethat, and I just walked away
from all of it because you know,my family, at the end of the
day, is worth far more than acouple hundred bucks to be like
you should download this app.
It's really good.
So, yeah, that's where I'm at.
I might be back on socials oneday, but I probably won't be.
(22:04):
I've still got the, the youtube, which, over the next couple of
months, while I'm taking abreak from the podcast, I'll be
trying to revamp and releasesome of the episodes as video
instead of just audio.
But as far as next year goes,season three is shaping up to
(22:28):
already look pretty fucking cool.
I've got some guests lined upthat are going to be awesome.
You guys will remember anepisode with Ben.
He sang us his beautiful songwith his angelic voice.
So there will be a little bitmore of Ben next season in ways
you will be surprised at.
(22:48):
I'm excited for that.
But, yeah, just going to keepon keeping on, keep on focusing
on the podcast.
I've got a couple of otherprojects slash podcasts in
beginning stages.
I'm still trying to get thebook published, but it'll all
happen.
What do you reckon about somemilestones this year?
George (23:11):
Yeah, for us, for the kids.
Carter (23:14):
So for us, we celebrated our five-year anniversary
marriage anniversary.
Yeah, thank you.
Five years married.
Five years married Yep.
How does that feel for you?
George (23:25):
No different to four.
No, unfortunately I don't placea massive importance on dates.
I remember them, but you know Idon't need to show you that I
love you more on that day thanany other day, because I should
treat you that way every day.
Carter (23:41):
Yeah.
George (23:42):
Doesn't really make a difference.
Exactly, I mean, it's five down, probably 10 more to go 10 more
do you reckon?
If you make it that long.
Carter (23:51):
That's a big bet, that's a bold move.
Yeah, so you're saying 10 moreyears till divorce, or 10 more
years till I'm dead Again, soyou're saying 10 more years till
divorce or 10 more years tillI'm dead?
We'll?
George (24:00):
see, we'll see which come first.
His sleep apnea is gettingreally bad.
Carter (24:03):
What else, what else, babe, what else do you want to
talk about?
You had New Year's resolutions.
What do?
George (24:13):
you reckon yeah, I don't know if I want to do them,
because I don't think we'veachieved any that we set last
year We've achieved none.
Yeah, Maybe we could reflect asto why we didn't achieve them.
But I mean, I don't want tohave to set that specific date
and you know, first of Jan, stopdoing this, stop doing that,
(24:36):
Because it takes work,especially when you're
neurodivergent.
It's not as easy as that's thedate, let's do it.
Carter (24:45):
Yeah.
George (24:46):
It's especially hard for you to form habits.
Carter (24:50):
Yeah, this year's just been.
It's a write-off.
This year's been rough.
Yeah, I mean, apart fromeverything that we've discussed,
I was made redundant and I wasout of work for the first five
months of the year, which was anincredibly dark time.
It was really sucky.
George (25:10):
What a lifetime ago.
Yeah, yep, yeah, this year'scomplete write-off.
Yeah, this year's completewrite-off.
I think we had all these greatplans to save money and lose
weight and get fit and do allthe typical things, but I mean
the bottom line we still have aroof above our kids heads,
(25:34):
barely.
We're still alive.
We still have our health,barely yeah, it was.
Carter (25:43):
It was a year of survive , not thrive.
Yeah, that's fine.
Look at the end of the day.
So at least we survived.
At least we survived.
Yeah, that's all I can say.
All right, so before we headoff for the night because it is
10 o'clock, you've workedtonight and we're tired.
(26:05):
I also had a ct scan today.
Also had a ct scan todaybecause you've got the insides
of a 60 year old I do.
George (26:13):
I'm rotting from the inside.
Carter (26:15):
We are going to read some Reddit posts from Beyond
the Bump and Parenting, so Iwill start off with this one
Postpartum struggle.
It's 1.30 in the morning and Ican't sleep Again.
I'm five months postpartum withmy third child.
My first two children, I didn'thave any struggle with
(26:35):
postpartum.
This one is kicking my ass.
The first two children, Ididn't have any struggle with
postpartum.
This one is kicking my ass.
The first two months I wasconstantly having panic attacks
that my baby was going to die.
I was having scary out-of-bodyexperiences and dissociating a
lot.
I went to my doctor when Istarted having visions of
purposely crashing my car andshe started me on a really
low-dose antidepressant.
(26:56):
Things started looking up.
I felt better, felt like my oldself.
Then, at four months, I got myfirst period and now I'm all out
of whack again.
I'm just sad and angry all thetime.
I literally don't have theenergy to do anything, but then
can't sleep.
I don't want anyone to talk tome, I want to just sit in a dark
room all by myself forever.
(27:17):
There's logically no reason whyI feel this way.
I have a good life, healthykids, a good husband who busts
his ass so I can stay home withthe kids, a home, bills are paid
, we have what we need, and yetall I feel is anger and bitter
and resentful.
I live in New York, so now it'scold and dark 99% of the time,
and I'm wondering if I'mstruggling with seasonal
(27:38):
depression on top of PPD.
I don't know.
All I know is I don't feel good.
When does this go away?
When does this get better?
What do you reckon?
George (27:49):
I think the first thing that she needs to back it up on
is saying that there's nological reason, because mental
health doesn't come down tologic.
It doesn't discriminate.
Mental health doesn't care ifyou are poor or if you have
money, it just happens.
So I think everything iscompletely valid.
But that's what a lot ofpostpartum is.
(28:10):
It's just trying to survive,and every postpartum is so
wildly different from the next,especially third time around.
Carter (28:19):
Yeah.
George (28:20):
Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that.
I think I experienced a lot ofthe same things.
But yeah, you just need to havethe ability to talk about it
and see a doctor and maybe lookdown the route of postpartum
psychosis.
I think maybe that's not justdepression.
Carter (28:40):
Especially if you're dissociating and you're kind of
envisioning crashing your carand stuff like that, that's,
yeah, pretty gnarly.
George (28:48):
Yeah, but obviously we're not here to give any
medical or professional advice,but seasoned parents.
At this point I think thereneeds to be a lot of grace taken
with yourself in postpartum.
You really need to cut yourselfa break.
She shouldn't be so hard onherself.
(29:09):
I guess I get it.
Carter (29:11):
But you also need to think that you're not alone in
these experiences, and that's alot of what this podcast is
about, is, you know, there'speople out there that have gone
through those similar strugglesand had those similar thoughts
and shit ain't easy, I knowpersonally.
The jump from two to three kidsfor us was really hard, that's
(29:34):
you know.
That's when I had my fullmeltdowns and ended up with the
diagnosis because I was justlike I don't want to be touched,
seen, heard.
I want to just fade intooblivion and find peace there
are you sure that you weren'tdiagnosed after hendrix?
fuck, I don't know, I can'tremember.
(29:55):
Eight weeks, okay weeks, oh no,that was with PPD.
I'm talking about the autismdiagnosis.
Ah, okay, wasn't that?
After Salem was born, roman wastoo.
George (30:05):
Yeah.
Carter (30:06):
Yeah.
George (30:07):
It's so hard to keep track of when we were diagnosed
with what.
Carter (30:10):
Very, very true.
We need to start a logbook,yeah.
George (30:20):
So, overall, cut yourself some slack and I hope
you're doing better.
But I do understand if it isperhaps postpartum psychosis.
There is still such a massivestigma surrounding that because
you might not have intentions toharm anyone or to do anything
but to vocalize those thoughts.
Everyone immediately wouldthink things like
institutionalize her, she'sgoing to hurt her baby take her
(30:42):
baby away from yeah, so that'swhy so many people are afraid to
talk about it.
Carter (30:48):
I think a lot of that stigma needs to be removed by
talking about it yeah, well, ifyou go back to, I can't even
remember what episode it wouldhave been, but there was a guest
that we had on that had talkedabout envisioning putting a
pillow over her face just tostop crying, not to hurt her,
(31:09):
and that was so brave of her toshare that.
You know those types of thingsare not easy thoughts to have,
nor are they easy conversationsto have, because it's a scary
thing to say something like thatand be so vulnerable and so
honest when a lot of the worldwould judge you for merely
(31:31):
having those thoughts.
George (31:33):
Yeah, but you don't know how many people around you are
also having those same thoughtsuntil we start to talk about it
Exactly right.
Carter (31:41):
It's kind of like standing in a dark room alone,
feeling just helpless andworthless, until you start
talking about your problems andrealize you know the light goes
on and that room's not empty.
You've got a whole room full ofother people being like, hey, I
feel the same, all right, nextone.
I just needed someone to tellme what I'm feeling is.
(32:06):
Okay, ourthree-and-a-half-year-old it is
yes, ourthree-and-a-half-year-old slept
alone in her own bed from eightweeks until September 19th.
Since then, she's been in ourbed every night.
I'm a homemaker and, with herand her four month, 14 month old
sister all day, bedtime was myone solace.
It's really getting to me.
She is on me all the time andit makes me cringe.
(32:26):
I have no reprieve from her.
I hate when she touches me.
Now I feel like I have no timeto myself without having someone
touch me and it's driving meinsane.
George (32:37):
Yeah, you know what that is.
Carter (32:38):
Being touched out.
That's touched out.
Being touched out, sister thatbank is empty.
Yeah.
George (32:45):
Yeah, that's completely understandable.
Carter (32:47):
Totally yeah, especially if she was in her own bed and
now all of a sudden she's notand there's no reprieve.
Yeah, yep, I mean.
Yeah, we've talked about thisstuff on the podcast so much
that I don't need to really sayanything more about that.
But you are not alone.
Next one my partner Boundaries.
(33:08):
Yeah, goddamn, get off me, justlingerers.
My partner thinks I do nothingand it infuriates me.
This is going to be a decentone to talk about.
I spend the entire day Sundaycooking, cleaning and prepping
for the week, as well as keepingour toddler busy while he built
the deck out the back, whileher husband built the deck out
(33:30):
the back, I'm guessing.
Not the toddler, no, not thetoddler.
We are both high functioningand keep busy.
I work four days a week incorporate plus, have a side
business.
He has his own business and wejust moved into a house we spent
the last year building.
I feel like I do everything Ihumanly can to keep up with his
expectations, but it's neverenough.
(33:51):
Monday I went to work and he hadhis day at home with our son.
He was so overwhelmed becausethe floors weren't clean and the
box I was unpacking hadn't yetbeen organized into the craft
drawers I bought on Sunday.
Admittedly, their house was alittle untidy, but I do
everything I can to keep itclean.
He totally blew up sayingthings like I need to step up, I
(34:13):
never finish tasks, I don'tknow what it's like to work hard
for what I have and that Ithink around the house.
All of this is completelyuntrue and I really don't know
if he even believes it or ifhe's just projecting from some
other reason, like sexualfrustration or plain overwhelm.
It's confusing for me.
I feel that nothing is everenough for him, no matter how
(34:36):
hard I try and genuinely I dotry.
Where's the red flag guy?
George (34:41):
That's a lot to unpack.
Carter (34:47):
Thoughts, feelings, comments.
George (34:50):
I don't know.
I can see both sides of thisbecause I've been on both sides
Many times.
I've asked you for more helpand we've had discussions about
that and you say I am doingeverything I can, but you just
don't see it.
So you feel underappreciated inthat sense.
(35:12):
But in saying that, I'm alsothe one that goes to work and
lifts heavy things and workslong hours and builds the deck
outside and mows the lawn andthat is the easy job.
Seven days out of the week,that is the easy job.
What you got?
To go outside and be in the sun, have a couple beers and hammer
(35:34):
some wood, like come on.
That compared to looking aftera toddler alone.
Being a homemaker, she doesn'tneed to do any more than what
she already does.
She could go to work full-timeI agree make him stay home.
I agree completely.
So many parents that aren't theprimary parent have one day
(35:56):
looking after the kids and theyhave a complete mental break
seeing what the other half doesyeah, yeah, it's a lot.
Carter (36:04):
It's a lot of work.
I um.
What I found funny with thisone is is the fact that he
actually had the balls to saysomething.
Something as well.
You need to step up.
But I think you know you are,for the most part, the primary
parent.
You do the bulk of the cleaningand there's some times where
(36:30):
you'll leave little messesaround and I look at them and
I'm like that's of annoying.
I would never in a millionyears bring it up to you.
No, because, like you know, nomatter what messes you leave, I
leave more.
George (36:43):
Yeah, I might clean up 99 and leave one.
You're really going to complainabout that one.
Carter (36:48):
Exactly, exactly, yeah, and I think he needs to chill
the fuck out.
George (36:53):
I think it needs to stop being this massive divide
between a mother's job and adad's job.
It's a partnership.
If more needs to be done, domore.
Yeah, she's already said thatshe's at capacity doing
everything that she can do, andthere's not a whole lot you can
do with kids at home yeah, youknow, you know you can do.
(37:17):
You can go outside and build adeck because your wife's inside
looking after the kids.
Try building that deck with thekids outside.
Carter (37:25):
Yeah that's exactly right.
Summed up pretty well, I reckon, all right.
Last one Unsolicited advicefrom old ladies, and I reckon
we'll have a story to shareabout this as well.
We had our daughter a month agoand every single time I've gone
out alone and used publictransport, I've had unsolicited
(37:46):
advice from old ladies.
Your baby needs a hat on, youneed to hold the baby's neck.
This is your first baby, right?
When the baby was crying on thebus, I tried to use slash
scrunch, a paper bag to get herattention whilst stroking her
face, mainly because nothing Iwas doing was working and old
ladies told me I shouldn't usethe paper as she was too young
and it might be why she's crying.
(38:07):
I just thanked, thanked themfor the advice and shrugged it
off.
However, is this now what willhappen forever?
It felt a little judgy.
Is this now my life?
George (38:16):
yes, yes yeah, 110, that is your life, and it's not just
going to be from elderly women.
It can come in so many forms.
People you know and love givingunsolicited advice remember the
time.
Carter (38:34):
At what was it coles?
Yes, with the dummy.
What was that about?
George (38:39):
Yeah, I remember we used to live in Poppers Crossing,
yeah, so a suburb, you know,with CBD, essentially Much
larger town than what we're innow, much larger population.
Didn't know anyone there and Ihad gone.
(38:59):
We had gone grocery shoppingwith Hendrix and at this point I
think she was about five weeksold and Hendrix had spat the
dummy out and it fell down onthe ground and an old lady
picked it up and grabbed it andwiped it off with her hands and
put it in Hendrix's mouth withher hands and put it in
Hendrix's mouth, which look, nota massive issue, but at this
(39:21):
point we're three months off,covid.
Carter (39:26):
I was so glad that I didn't see it.
I would have flipped out.
George (39:29):
Yeah, it's almost like people have this sense of
entitlement to your baby.
If they've had kids, they cantell you how to parent or what
to do.
You know?
Just hey, don't fucking touchmy kid.
Don't touch my kid's dummy don'twipe my kid's dummy off with
your grotty hands and put itback in her mouth look, I think
(39:52):
that her intentions wereprobably great, but I don't know
you, and you don't know thatHendrix hasn't had her
vaccinations, which, again, ifyou want to get into the realm
of unsolicited advice, that'squite a trigger point
vaccinations.
Carter (40:09):
but we won't go into that.
George (40:11):
No, that's not my argument to have.
My kids are autistic anyway.
But yeah, it'll always happen.
It'll come from friends, fromfamily, from co-workers.
There's another way you shouldbe doing it, or I did it this
way.
Carter (40:30):
Everyone thinks their way is the right way.
George (40:33):
Not us, way not us, I think.
I think we can admit that we'reall still trying to figure it
out.
Yeah, we're not experts and Iwould never tell someone to do
something the way that we did it.
I just tell them, hey, does itwork for you?
Carter (40:51):
and if it does, great, and if it doesn't, then we can
talk yeah, under I thinkunsolicited by unsolicited
advice needs to be met with justjust just smile and wave boys.
Smile and wave, yeah like.
George (41:05):
Ignore it as much as you possibly can, because it won't
stop and it's not worth takingup the real estate no, and it's
not worth starting an argumentif your kid needs a beanie or
not, because they used to tellus to smoke while we were
pregnant.
Carter (41:21):
All right, well, thanks very much for joining me my love
on the season two finale of theparenting podcast of the year.
George (41:31):
Thank you very much for having me in our dining room at
our own house.
Carter (41:36):
Let's go the fuck to bed and watch some yellowstone.
Can't wait.
All right until next year.
Everyone, I hope your yearswere better than ours and I hope
next year is awesome for all ofyou.
Cheers.
We would like to acknowledge the traditional
custodians of this land.
We pay our respects to theelders past, present and
emerging, for they hold thememories, the traditions and the
culture of the Aboriginal andTorres Strait Islander people
across the nation.
Carter (00:18):
Warning this podcast contains explicit language and
discusses sensitive topicsrelated to mental health
childhood trauma, birth trauma,abuse, miscarriage and suicide.
Listener discretion is advised.
If you find these subjectsdistressing or triggering, we
recommend taking caution andconsidering whether to proceed
with listening.
If you or someone you know isstruggling, please reach out to
(00:40):
a mental health professional ora trusted individual for support
.
Your wellbeing is our priority.
Take some time.
George (00:50):
It's alright, you'll be fine After the touch of a cat.
(01:12):
Take all night, you'll be fine,it's alright.
After the touch of a cat, it'salright.
The Touched Out Podcast.
Carter (01:29):
Alright, so this is the Season 2 finale of Touched Out.
I yet again, like I did for theSeason 1 finale, have my
incredible wife, george with me.
How you going, babe?
George (01:41):
I'm good.
Thanks, babe.
How are you?
Carter (01:43):
I'm really good, thank you.
It is what?
Thursday night at 9.30 pm andwe're going to have a few beers
and have a little chat.
So what's been happening?
What's going on in your world?
George (01:58):
Everything.
I feel like I haven't seen youin a few weeks.
We've both been very busy and Iknocked off work not too long
ago, so I had a quick shower andget this done before work
tomorrow.
Carter (02:10):
Yeah, yeah, you've been flat out.
When am I not?
When are you not?
Indeed, why don't you telleveryone how your year's been,
what's been happening, what'sthe goss?
George (02:23):
I'm not sure if there's any goss, but to be quite frank,
it hasn't been a great yearthat hasn't has it.
No, no, didn't kick many goalsin 2024.
I've had a few health issues,personal issues, um, I'm just
very run down, but I think it'sself-inflicted pain at this
(02:43):
point, because I'm the one thatchooses to go to school and work
two jobs and but very, verybusy person by choice.
Carter (02:52):
Yeah, by choice, yeah you.
Uh, you and I, we quite oftenlaugh.
We've both got ADHD.
But I've got the good kind yeah, you got the good kind where
you get shit done, and I've gotthe shit kind where I'm like,
well, my brain's too much and Ijust want to lay in bed.
George (03:10):
Yeah, it's not always the good kind, though, because
when you can't sleep because youknow that there's dishes to be
washed or laundry to be done, oryou know when I went through my
woodworking phase you can'texactly use a circular saw at
11pm instead of sleeping.
Carter (03:27):
You've had some good phases this year, though.
I've seen your creativityflourish, which is awesome.
George (03:32):
Yeah, I don't want to call them phases.
I think I spent this year sortof discovering who I am as a
geriatric woman.
I spent my teen years justbeing a dirtbag and now I'm
getting to discover that I'mactually pretty good at a lot of
things not to suck my own dickbut I'm enjoying having hobbies
(03:53):
and learning new things, like Istarted making gothic macrame
plant holders yeah, you did.
I love them so much as a way tofacilitate room for more plants,
because my indoor plant hobbyis absolutely thriving yeah, so
much, so much plants.
Carter (04:14):
It's awesome.
I love it.
I love looking at them everymorning and I love your little
macrame I shouldn't say little,that somehow diminishes it I
mean it's a four level macrameplant holder.
George (04:24):
So yeah, let's not call it little.
I learnt a lot of knots forthose you did, you did.
Carter (04:29):
No, I love it.
And then so you started offwith your plants, and then you
went to your macrame, and thenyou went so hard on woodworking
and you built some like plantertables and you built a work
table for all of your tools, andthen you decided to one woman
(04:51):
one, wheelbarrow it andcompletely landscape our entire
backyard by yourself, which isjust a feat that I am still
incredibly amazed by.
George (05:02):
I'm glad, but back it up a little bit.
Why did I do the backyardremodel?
What did I have to put in there?
We had always wanted to do mudkitchen for the kids, but it
couldn't just be a mud kitchen.
Unfortunately, I ended upmaking an L-shaped kitchen that
is about three square meters.
It's big and it's got cupboardsand it's got a double steel
(05:28):
sink with a working tap and Imade a little dugout for that
and I used sleepers to edge itoff and it's got a shade sail
above it and I painted it.
And yeah, considering I mean, Istill have absolutely no idea
what I'm doing.
Carter (05:45):
You've done pretty well.
I think I have done pretty well.
Considering the mud kitchen wasmy idea and I started off and
you were like, so what's yourplan with it?
I'm like I don't know, mate,I'm just raw dogging it and
you're like, hmm, I'm like youcan take over, babe, I know you
want to Just go hard.
George (06:09):
And go hard, you did, I did, but I mean I I let it sit
there for two weeks.
I wanted to see what you did.
I started it.
Yeah, yeah, you did, babe.
Good job, thanks babe.
Yeah, you did well.
And then, yeah, the split levelbackyard, because you've always
said that you wanted it leveland I thought, from where I was
looking, it looked like an easyjob.
It looked like I'd be diggingout maybe three inches of dirt
and it ended up being about twofoot yep yeah, so I had to find
(06:33):
somewhere to put all that dirt.
Carter (06:36):
So not the recycling bin , not the sorry the green bin.
Yeah, what two weeks.
Two weeks of the garbos beinglike no, can't even lift it yeah
, the fogo bin.
George (06:45):
Don't make it sound like I was putting straight dirt in
there.
I was putting weeds with alittle bit of dirt.
But turns out, in australia ourwheelie bins are weight limited
and I thought, because I couldget it out the front of my house
that it wasn't over 80 kilos,but we learned that it was
probably about 160.
So, whoops, sorry.
Carter (07:06):
It was pretty heavy.
Yeah, getting that down theside was rough.
So, look, we can sit here andsay that it's been a pretty
shitty year in terms of a lot ofthings, but the year's been
pretty good to us.
At the same time, with somethings, you've gotten a lot
accomplished working two jobsand going to school with three
(07:26):
kids.
George (07:28):
There's definitely some pluses.
Carter (07:30):
Well, let's get on to the highs of this year.
So we went to Sydney last week.
Do you want to tell them whatwe went to Sydney for?
George (07:38):
We went to the Australian Podcasting Awards.
Carter (07:41):
Yeah, we did.
George (07:42):
Yeah, we went to the Darling Harbour, sofitel, for
the awards ceremony.
Carter (07:47):
Yeah, and your husband was nominated for two awards Yep
Parenting Podcast of the Yearand Editor's Choice Specialised
Podcast and I won the ParentingPodcast of the Year.
So listeners who have been withme from the start less than two
(08:08):
years ago, just a regular olddad recording a podcast in his
kid's playroom, with noknowledge of podcasting, with no
training in audio engineeringor social media or graphic
design or anything, or socialmedia or graphic design or
anything less than two yearslater, I am the Australian
(08:33):
Parenting Podcast of the Yearand if I didn't have photos and
if I didn't have the trophysitting in front of me, I would
believe it was a fever dream.
I'm very proud.
You should be.
I'm very, very proud.
George (08:45):
Yeah, you were up against quite big contenders.
I wasn't expecting the bulk ofthem to be SBS and ABC, and you
know actual journalists, Likenetworks, yeah, like
professionals that have been inthe industry for a long time.
Carter (09:03):
It was, yeah, it was an incredible experience and yeah,
literally lost for words.
So, yeah, that's pretty fuckingcool.
I'm pretty chuffed.
Apart from that, how aboutHeise as a parent?
George (09:19):
We toilet trained Roman.
Carter (09:20):
We toilet trained Roman.
He is what.
Four and a bit Four years,three months, I think.
Yeah.
George (09:28):
Something like that.
Carter (09:28):
We were stressed, we were worried that old May
wouldn't be able to go to school.
We were worried about all of it.
We went to an OT, we went to abehavior specialist, we went to
several other therapists andthen we went to a toilet
training specialist and all ittook.
(09:49):
None of that stuck all of it.
All that it took was your dadbeing like just fucking, don't
put him in nappies anymore juststop giving him nappies and he
resisted for a day and then thenhe realized Mom's not backing
down yeah, pa was serious.
Mom's not backing down.
(10:10):
Dad's on board.
And that was like what threeweeks ago.
George (10:14):
Least, I'd say it's probably been a month.
Yeah, no significant accidents.
It's not something that he evershowed an interest in.
That's why I wasn't sure if itwas going to happen.
He was ready, he just neededthat push, needed the push.
Carter (10:30):
Yeah.
Yeah, I was expecting likeevery day, just shitty underwear
, but I think there's only beenone or two.
He pretty much doesn't have anyaccidents at daycare or kinder.
So, yeah, I'm very proud of thelittle guy.
She doesn't have any accidentsat daycare or kinder, so, yeah,
I'm very proud of the little guyApart from that we've got.
George (10:52):
Hendrix is just about to finish her first year of prep.
It's wild to think about howquickly that's gone.
I think she's flourishing atschool.
We know that there's certainareas that she needs a little
bit more support, know thatthere's certain areas that she
needs a little bit more support,but she is so in her element
being surrounded by people herage, curious people, because
(11:12):
she'll, on average I'd say, askme about 410 questions per day.
She loves to learn, so I'm gladthat she's there.
There was talks of maybe doinganother year of kinder because
her and I both went to schoolearly and we both ended up
struggling in high school.
But her kinder teacher said ifyou wanted to hold it back, you
(11:33):
would have to get her a tutorfive days a week.
Carter (11:35):
She was so ready.
We'll cross that bridge when wecome to it, when she's 17 and
all of our friends are 18, goingto schoolies and she can't go.
George (11:45):
She can do what I did for schoolies.
What fake ID Go to Epilock.
Carter (11:50):
Go to Lake Epilock.
George (11:52):
Country Victoria.
Carter (11:55):
And what's the other one , salem?
Yeah, that one.
I get her and Hendrix mixed up.
George (12:01):
I'm surprised you'd forget that one.
Carter (12:03):
Yeah.
Why don't you tell us about her?
George (12:07):
The way I describe her is she is not a horse you could
lead to order, let alone make itdrink.
She is very firm in what shewants and when she wants it, and
usually she wants it 10 minutesago.
I take full responsibility forSalem.
That one is 110% me, so she'sjust she can be mean.
Carter (12:35):
She can be pretty mean.
George (12:36):
She can be a pretty mean little girl and I know that
people are going to say thatshe's too young, she's not
capable of that, but this kid issmart.
She is smart.
I was putting her to bed theother night and I put up three
fingers on one hand and I askedher how many.
She said three.
And then I put up two more andshe said five.
And I said how the fuck do youknow that?
Carter (12:58):
For a two-year-old and she recognizes numbers.
Every day we've got Christmascountdown blocks and every day
We've got a Christmas countdownblocks and every day we say can
you change the block from aneight to a seven or a seven to a
six or whatever have you?
And she does it, no issues.
George (13:16):
No, and I think that's why she struggles so much and
gets so frustrated.
Because she's so articulate,like that kid probably speaks
better than us at this point,like she can manage 20-word
sentences and we're just outhere flogging a dead horse
trying to get the same six wordsout doing our best.
Carter (13:37):
This is me walking around saying bing bong all day.
It's quite incredible to see,and she can articulate her
feelings and emotions as well.
George (13:46):
Very emotionally intelligent and she will let you
know when you've upset her.
Carter (13:51):
Oh, she'll let you know when I've upset her.
Yeah, daddy, made me sad.
George (13:56):
Yeah, that was one of her first 18-word sentences that
you made her sad because youhit her in the eyebrow.
Carter (14:05):
That's right.
Yeah, I didn't hit her in theeyebrow, I took her.
George (14:09):
I mean, it's what she's going to tell people, so it's a
slippery slope from here.
Dad punched me in the face.
Carter (14:15):
I can't wait for her to start lying.
It's going to be great fun.
So that's our kids in anutshell.
They're all very, very excitedfor Christmas.
Every day, hendrix and Romanare like, is it Christmas today?
And Salem's like no dummies,it's 27 more days.
Read the blocks, god damn it.
So, apart from that, that's thekids and that's our highs of
(14:37):
the year.
Let's talk about some lows.
So you were diagnosed withsomething called PMDD.
George (14:49):
Yep, tell us about it.
Yeah, so PMDD is not somethingthat I really knew about until I
was already in the thick of it.
Premenstrual dysphoric disorderand if I get that wrong, please
someone feel free to correct me.
I started to notice a patternafter I had Salem and every
month, two weeks before I wouldget my period, I would get very
(15:12):
dark to the point where I becamesuicidal.
And I'm not a suicidal person.
I have no plans, no intentions.
I love my life, I love myfamily, but each month I would
just go to a very dark place andit took quite a bit to get me
(15:32):
out of that dark place.
And I also started strugglingwith adult hormonal acne, which
was an absolute vibe.
It's not something that I'veever experienced before.
Shouldn't complain because Igot through my teen years
without it but it all just sortof pointed to some hormonal
(15:55):
issues.
Carter (15:56):
It's been a ride.
Yeah, it's not fun seeingsomeone that I love so much just
turn from happy to so so dark,very dark, so quick Every month,
yeah, yeah.
But now that we know that it'sa thing, we work through it.
So do you know of any sort oftreatment for anyone out there
(16:20):
with PMDD?
George (16:28):
I don't, and if anyone would like to let me know, that
would be fantastic, because Iactually went to one of the
local doctors and, being a smallcountry town, I don't expect
greatness.
However, when I went to go seethe doctor, he sort of wiped his
hands of it and he said I'm amale doctor.
I'll be honest, I don't have agreat understanding of this and
he sat there and he got on WebMD.
Carter (16:46):
What's a period?
George (16:47):
Yeah, so he prescribed me with contraception because I
asked for it, because I said,hey, this thing will stop the
period and it will stop the badthoughts, will stop the period
and it will stop the badthoughts.
So, other than that, I think,especially in the new year, I
just need to stop treating mybody like a piece of shit.
We need to look after ourselvesa bit better.
(17:08):
We can't use the excuse ofhaving a newborn anymore.
Carter (17:10):
Yeah, we do.
We need to quit smoking.
We need to quit drinking alittle bit.
Maybe I don't think it's thecigarettes that I love anymore
it used to be, definitely butit's the respite for a few
minutes outside.
Yeah, just getting outside andgetting away from the constant
(17:31):
noise.
What other lows have we had?
Let's talk about us.
Let's talk about what's beengoing on in that space.
George (17:44):
Yeah.
Carter (17:47):
So you guys will notice that I have been off social
media for a number of months now.
A few months ago, my TikTokblew up and I had a couple of
viral videos and all of a suddenI was kind of thrust into this
popularity world that I hadnever really experienced before
(18:07):
and my focus shifted entirely tocontent creation.
And I was.
There was not a minute of theday that I was not on my phone
and I just, yeah, I dropped theball really, really bad and it
really fucked my mental healthbadly and I was just not being
(18:29):
responsible.
None of the shit that I neededto get done was getting done.
I was irritable, I wasn'tsleeping properly and, yeah, we
kind of just got into a reallybad place.
We stopped communicatingbecause you were just kind of
fed up with my shit.
George (18:47):
I wouldn't say that I was fed up.
You can look back in retrospectnow and say that all of these
things happened, but at the timeyou didn't have an issue.
You loved it.
You were going viral, you wereloving the attention, you were
having such a good time with itand I could see that you were
flourishing and I will give youthat.
(19:08):
But it became so all-consumingthat there's only so many times
where your kids can say yourname right in front of you and
you don't hear it because you'reso busy on your phone.
You stopped being a dad for thesake of being a dad and you
(19:32):
started parenting for contentcreation Things like making
pancakes with the kids in themorning.
You weren't doing that to enjoytime with them.
You were doing it because youknew that you had this ability
to make a viral video, whichisn't a bad thing.
It was a lesson that I think alot of people needed to learn
and you had to learn that.
Carter (19:55):
Yeah, it was pretty shit .
Very articulate babe.
Yeah, it was pretty shit, andin very articulate babe and in
the moment yeah, you're rightlike, oh, it was just.
Yeah, because of the autism andwhatnot, I was so hyper fixated
on it.
It's because, like you know,I've never been a part of
anything apart from the podcastwhich, like, is not viral by any
(20:16):
standard at tiktok is just it'sfucking internet heroin.
It's a different beast.
That for sure I was.
So I was so locked in and, yeah, like it took this kind of
breaking point where you're like, hey, cut this shit out yeah
and I realized, oh yep, that'sfair enough.
(20:36):
And yeah, you, you suffered, thekids suffered.
Yeah, yeah, I did.
I stopped being a dad for a bitand that makes the podcast and
everything so inauthentic.
Yeah, because you and the kidsare my absolute be all and end
all.
So it's something that's hardto talk about and something that
(20:58):
I'm pretty ashamed of, but but,yeah, that's why the social
media is gone, and now that it'sbeen gone for a few months, I'm
you know, I get messages frommates every now and then asking
if I'm coming back, and now thatit's gone, I don't want it back
.
I'm scared.
I'm scared that I will slipback into that, because to me,
(21:18):
everything was good.
All, all engines were firing,but it could not have been much
further of the further from thetruth yeah, that was a very hard
pill for you to swallow because, yeah, you were loving it.
I mean, yeah, and like I alsokind of exited all of that realm
when I was starting to get likeoffers from advertising and
(21:41):
sponsorship money and stuff likethat, and I just walked away
from all of it because you know,my family, at the end of the
day, is worth far more than acouple hundred bucks to be like
you should download this app.
It's really good.
So, yeah, that's where I'm at.
I might be back on socials oneday, but I probably won't be.
(22:04):
I've still got the, the youtube, which, over the next couple of
months, while I'm taking abreak from the podcast, I'll be
trying to revamp and releasesome of the episodes as video
instead of just audio.
But as far as next year goes,season three is shaping up to
(22:28):
already look pretty fucking cool.
I've got some guests lined upthat are going to be awesome.
You guys will remember anepisode with Ben.
He sang us his beautiful songwith his angelic voice.
So there will be a little bitmore of Ben next season in ways
you will be surprised at.
(22:48):
I'm excited for that.
But, yeah, just going to keepon keeping on, keep on focusing
on the podcast.
I've got a couple of otherprojects slash podcasts in
beginning stages.
I'm still trying to get thebook published, but it'll all
happen.
What do you reckon about somemilestones this year?
George (23:11):
Yeah, for us, for the kids.
Carter (23:14):
So for us, we celebrated our five-year anniversary
marriage anniversary.
Yeah, thank you.
Five years married.
Five years married Yep.
How does that feel for you?
George (23:25):
No different to four.
No, unfortunately I don't placea massive importance on dates.
I remember them, but you know Idon't need to show you that I
love you more on that day thanany other day, because I should
treat you that way every day.
Carter (23:41):
Yeah.
George (23:42):
Doesn't really make a difference.
Exactly, I mean, it's five down, probably 10 more to go 10 more
do you reckon?
If you make it that long.
Carter (23:51):
That's a big bet, that's a bold move.
Yeah, so you're saying 10 moreyears till divorce, or 10 more
years till I'm dead Again, soyou're saying 10 more years till
divorce or 10 more years tillI'm dead?
We'll?
George (24:00):
see, we'll see which come first.
His sleep apnea is gettingreally bad.
Carter (24:03):
What else, what else, babe, what else do you want to
talk about?
You had New Year's resolutions.
What do?
George (24:13):
you reckon yeah, I don't know if I want to do them,
because I don't think we'veachieved any that we set last
year We've achieved none.
Yeah, Maybe we could reflect asto why we didn't achieve them.
But I mean, I don't want tohave to set that specific date
and you know, first of Jan, stopdoing this, stop doing that,
(24:36):
Because it takes work,especially when you're
neurodivergent.
It's not as easy as that's thedate, let's do it.
Carter (24:45):
Yeah.
George (24:46):
It's especially hard for you to form habits.
Carter (24:50):
Yeah, this year's just been.
It's a write-off.
This year's been rough.
Yeah, I mean, apart fromeverything that we've discussed,
I was made redundant and I wasout of work for the first five
months of the year, which was anincredibly dark time.
It was really sucky.
George (25:10):
What a lifetime ago.
Yeah, yep, yeah, this year'scomplete write-off.
Yeah, this year's completewrite-off.
I think we had all these greatplans to save money and lose
weight and get fit and do allthe typical things, but I mean
the bottom line we still have aroof above our kids heads,
(25:34):
barely.
We're still alive.
We still have our health,barely yeah, it was.
Carter (25:43):
It was a year of survive , not thrive.
Yeah, that's fine.
Look at the end of the day.
So at least we survived.
At least we survived.
Yeah, that's all I can say.
All right, so before we headoff for the night because it is
10 o'clock, you've workedtonight and we're tired.
(26:05):
I also had a ct scan today.
Also had a ct scan todaybecause you've got the insides
of a 60 year old I do.
George (26:13):
I'm rotting from the inside.
Carter (26:15):
We are going to read some Reddit posts from Beyond
the Bump and Parenting, so Iwill start off with this one
Postpartum struggle.
It's 1.30 in the morning and Ican't sleep Again.
I'm five months postpartum withmy third child.
My first two children, I didn'thave any struggle with
(26:35):
postpartum.
This one is kicking my ass.
The first two children, Ididn't have any struggle with
postpartum.
This one is kicking my ass.
The first two months I wasconstantly having panic attacks
that my baby was going to die.
I was having scary out-of-bodyexperiences and dissociating a
lot.
I went to my doctor when Istarted having visions of
purposely crashing my car andshe started me on a really
low-dose antidepressant.
(26:56):
Things started looking up.
I felt better, felt like my oldself.
Then, at four months, I got myfirst period and now I'm all out
of whack again.
I'm just sad and angry all thetime.
I literally don't have theenergy to do anything, but then
can't sleep.
I don't want anyone to talk tome, I want to just sit in a dark
room all by myself forever.
(27:17):
There's logically no reason whyI feel this way.
I have a good life, healthykids, a good husband who busts
his ass so I can stay home withthe kids, a home, bills are paid
, we have what we need, and yetall I feel is anger and bitter
and resentful.
I live in New York, so now it'scold and dark 99% of the time,
and I'm wondering if I'mstruggling with seasonal
(27:38):
depression on top of PPD.
I don't know.
All I know is I don't feel good.
When does this go away?
When does this get better?
What do you reckon?
George (27:49):
I think the first thing that she needs to back it up on
is saying that there's nological reason, because mental
health doesn't come down tologic.
It doesn't discriminate.
Mental health doesn't care ifyou are poor or if you have
money, it just happens.
So I think everything iscompletely valid.
But that's what a lot ofpostpartum is.
(28:10):
It's just trying to survive,and every postpartum is so
wildly different from the next,especially third time around.
Carter (28:19):
Yeah.
George (28:20):
Yeah, I can definitely vouch for that.
I think I experienced a lot ofthe same things.
But yeah, you just need to havethe ability to talk about it
and see a doctor and maybe lookdown the route of postpartum
psychosis.
I think maybe that's not justdepression.
Carter (28:40):
Especially if you're dissociating and you're kind of
envisioning crashing your carand stuff like that, that's,
yeah, pretty gnarly.
George (28:48):
Yeah, but obviously we're not here to give any
medical or professional advice,but seasoned parents.
At this point I think thereneeds to be a lot of grace taken
with yourself in postpartum.
You really need to cut yourselfa break.
She shouldn't be so hard onherself.
(29:09):
I guess I get it.
Carter (29:11):
But you also need to think that you're not alone in
these experiences, and that's alot of what this podcast is
about, is, you know, there'speople out there that have gone
through those similar strugglesand had those similar thoughts
and shit ain't easy, I knowpersonally.
The jump from two to three kidsfor us was really hard, that's
(29:34):
you know.
That's when I had my fullmeltdowns and ended up with the
diagnosis because I was justlike I don't want to be touched,
seen, heard.
I want to just fade intooblivion and find peace there
are you sure that you weren'tdiagnosed after hendrix?
fuck, I don't know, I can'tremember.
(29:55):
Eight weeks, okay weeks, oh no,that was with PPD.
I'm talking about the autismdiagnosis.
Ah, okay, wasn't that?
After Salem was born, roman wastoo.
George (30:05):
Yeah.
Carter (30:06):
Yeah.
George (30:07):
It's so hard to keep track of when we were diagnosed
with what.
Carter (30:10):
Very, very true.
We need to start a logbook,yeah.
George (30:20):
So, overall, cut yourself some slack and I hope
you're doing better.
But I do understand if it isperhaps postpartum psychosis.
There is still such a massivestigma surrounding that because
you might not have intentions toharm anyone or to do anything
but to vocalize those thoughts.
Everyone immediately wouldthink things like
institutionalize her, she'sgoing to hurt her baby take her
(30:42):
baby away from yeah, so that'swhy so many people are afraid to
talk about it.
Carter (30:48):
I think a lot of that stigma needs to be removed by
talking about it yeah, well, ifyou go back to, I can't even
remember what episode it wouldhave been, but there was a guest
that we had on that had talkedabout envisioning putting a
pillow over her face just tostop crying, not to hurt her,
(31:09):
and that was so brave of her toshare that.
You know those types of thingsare not easy thoughts to have,
nor are they easy conversationsto have, because it's a scary
thing to say something like thatand be so vulnerable and so
honest when a lot of the worldwould judge you for merely
(31:31):
having those thoughts.
George (31:33):
Yeah, but you don't know how many people around you are
also having those same thoughtsuntil we start to talk about it
Exactly right.
Carter (31:41):
It's kind of like standing in a dark room alone,
feeling just helpless andworthless, until you start
talking about your problems andrealize you know the light goes
on and that room's not empty.
You've got a whole room full ofother people being like, hey, I
feel the same, all right, nextone.
I just needed someone to tellme what I'm feeling is.
(32:06):
Okay, ourthree-and-a-half-year-old it is
yes, ourthree-and-a-half-year-old slept
alone in her own bed from eightweeks until September 19th.
Since then, she's been in ourbed every night.
I'm a homemaker and, with herand her four month, 14 month old
sister all day, bedtime was myone solace.
It's really getting to me.
She is on me all the time andit makes me cringe.
(32:26):
I have no reprieve from her.
I hate when she touches me.
Now I feel like I have no timeto myself without having someone
touch me and it's driving meinsane.
George (32:37):
Yeah, you know what that is.
Carter (32:38):
Being touched out.
That's touched out.
Being touched out, sister thatbank is empty.
Yeah.
George (32:45):
Yeah, that's completely understandable.
Carter (32:47):
Totally yeah, especially if she was in her own bed and
now all of a sudden she's notand there's no reprieve.
Yeah, yep, I mean.
Yeah, we've talked about thisstuff on the podcast so much
that I don't need to really sayanything more about that.
But you are not alone.
Next one my partner Boundaries.
(33:08):
Yeah, goddamn, get off me, justlingerers.
My partner thinks I do nothingand it infuriates me.
This is going to be a decentone to talk about.
I spend the entire day Sundaycooking, cleaning and prepping
for the week, as well as keepingour toddler busy while he built
the deck out the back, whileher husband built the deck out
(33:30):
the back, I'm guessing.
Not the toddler, no, not thetoddler.
We are both high functioningand keep busy.
I work four days a week incorporate plus, have a side
business.
He has his own business and wejust moved into a house we spent
the last year building.
I feel like I do everything Ihumanly can to keep up with his
expectations, but it's neverenough.
(33:51):
Monday I went to work and he hadhis day at home with our son.
He was so overwhelmed becausethe floors weren't clean and the
box I was unpacking hadn't yetbeen organized into the craft
drawers I bought on Sunday.
Admittedly, their house was alittle untidy, but I do
everything I can to keep itclean.
He totally blew up sayingthings like I need to step up, I
(34:13):
never finish tasks, I don'tknow what it's like to work hard
for what I have and that Ithink around the house.
All of this is completelyuntrue and I really don't know
if he even believes it or ifhe's just projecting from some
other reason, like sexualfrustration or plain overwhelm.
It's confusing for me.
I feel that nothing is everenough for him, no matter how
(34:36):
hard I try and genuinely I dotry.
Where's the red flag guy?
George (34:41):
That's a lot to unpack.
Carter (34:47):
Thoughts, feelings, comments.
George (34:50):
I don't know.
I can see both sides of thisbecause I've been on both sides
Many times.
I've asked you for more helpand we've had discussions about
that and you say I am doingeverything I can, but you just
don't see it.
So you feel underappreciated inthat sense.
(35:12):
But in saying that, I'm alsothe one that goes to work and
lifts heavy things and workslong hours and builds the deck
outside and mows the lawn andthat is the easy job.
Seven days out of the week,that is the easy job.
What you got?
To go outside and be in the sun, have a couple beers and hammer
(35:34):
some wood, like come on.
That compared to looking aftera toddler alone.
Being a homemaker, she doesn'tneed to do any more than what
she already does.
She could go to work full-timeI agree make him stay home.
I agree completely.
So many parents that aren't theprimary parent have one day
(35:56):
looking after the kids and theyhave a complete mental break
seeing what the other half doesyeah, yeah, it's a lot.
Carter (36:04):
It's a lot of work.
I um.
What I found funny with thisone is is the fact that he
actually had the balls to saysomething.
Something as well.
You need to step up.
But I think you know you are,for the most part, the primary
parent.
You do the bulk of the cleaningand there's some times where
(36:30):
you'll leave little messesaround and I look at them and
I'm like that's of annoying.
I would never in a millionyears bring it up to you.
No, because, like you know, nomatter what messes you leave, I
leave more.
George (36:43):
Yeah, I might clean up 99 and leave one.
You're really going to complainabout that one.
Carter (36:48):
Exactly, exactly, yeah, and I think he needs to chill
the fuck out.
George (36:53):
I think it needs to stop being this massive divide
between a mother's job and adad's job.
It's a partnership.
If more needs to be done, domore.
Yeah, she's already said thatshe's at capacity doing
everything that she can do, andthere's not a whole lot you can
do with kids at home yeah, youknow, you know you can do.
(37:17):
You can go outside and build adeck because your wife's inside
looking after the kids.
Try building that deck with thekids outside.
Carter (37:25):
Yeah that's exactly right.
Summed up pretty well, I reckon, all right.
Last one Unsolicited advicefrom old ladies, and I reckon
we'll have a story to shareabout this as well.
We had our daughter a month agoand every single time I've gone
out alone and used publictransport, I've had unsolicited
(37:46):
advice from old ladies.
Your baby needs a hat on, youneed to hold the baby's neck.
This is your first baby, right?
When the baby was crying on thebus, I tried to use slash
scrunch, a paper bag to get herattention whilst stroking her
face, mainly because nothing Iwas doing was working and old
ladies told me I shouldn't usethe paper as she was too young
and it might be why she's crying.
(38:07):
I just thanked, thanked themfor the advice and shrugged it
off.
However, is this now what willhappen forever?
It felt a little judgy.
Is this now my life?
George (38:16):
yes, yes yeah, 110, that is your life, and it's not just
going to be from elderly women.
It can come in so many forms.
People you know and love givingunsolicited advice remember the
time.
Carter (38:34):
At what was it coles?
Yes, with the dummy.
What was that about?
George (38:39):
Yeah, I remember we used to live in Poppers Crossing,
yeah, so a suburb, you know,with CBD, essentially Much
larger town than what we're innow, much larger population.
Didn't know anyone there and Ihad gone.
(38:59):
We had gone grocery shoppingwith Hendrix and at this point I
think she was about five weeksold and Hendrix had spat the
dummy out and it fell down onthe ground and an old lady
picked it up and grabbed it andwiped it off with her hands and
put it in Hendrix's mouth withher hands and put it in
Hendrix's mouth, which look, nota massive issue, but at this
(39:21):
point we're three months off,covid.
Carter (39:26):
I was so glad that I didn't see it.
I would have flipped out.
George (39:29):
Yeah, it's almost like people have this sense of
entitlement to your baby.
If they've had kids, they cantell you how to parent or what
to do.
You know?
Just hey, don't fucking touchmy kid.
Don't touch my kid's dummy don'twipe my kid's dummy off with
your grotty hands and put itback in her mouth look, I think
(39:52):
that her intentions wereprobably great, but I don't know
you, and you don't know thatHendrix hasn't had her
vaccinations, which, again, ifyou want to get into the realm
of unsolicited advice, that'squite a trigger point
vaccinations.
Carter (40:09):
but we won't go into that.
George (40:11):
No, that's not my argument to have.
My kids are autistic anyway.
But yeah, it'll always happen.
It'll come from friends, fromfamily, from co-workers.
There's another way you shouldbe doing it, or I did it this
way.
Carter (40:30):
Everyone thinks their way is the right way.
George (40:33):
Not us, way not us, I think.
I think we can admit that we'reall still trying to figure it
out.
Yeah, we're not experts and Iwould never tell someone to do
something the way that we did it.
I just tell them, hey, does itwork for you?
Carter (40:51):
and if it does, great, and if it doesn't, then we can
talk yeah, under I thinkunsolicited by unsolicited
advice needs to be met with justjust just smile and wave boys.
Smile and wave, yeah like.
George (41:05):
Ignore it as much as you possibly can, because it won't
stop and it's not worth takingup the real estate no, and it's
not worth starting an argumentif your kid needs a beanie or
not, because they used to tellus to smoke while we were
pregnant.
Carter (41:21):
All right, well, thanks very much for joining me my love
on the season two finale of theparenting podcast of the year.
George (41:31):
Thank you very much for having me in our dining room at
our own house.
Carter (41:36):
Let's go the fuck to bed and watch some yellowstone.
Can't wait.
All right until next year.
Everyone, I hope your yearswere better than ours and I hope
next year is awesome for all ofyou.
Cheers.
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